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iamyoursinblog · 4 years

Text

Find you

Pairing: Park Jinyoung x Reader x Im Jaebeom

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 3,1 k

LIST

Part: [ 1] [ 2] [ 3 ] [ 3.5 ] [ 4 ] [ ]

_____________________________

POV Jinyoung

"Run to the library quickly. You've got three seconds!" he hissed into the tube and passed out. He hid behind the book row, looking out the side of the window.

He went to the library to give the book away. Turning to the exit, girl in a red sweater catch his attention, who sitting on a table near the window. He didn't immediately believe his eyes. But it was definitely you! It was their chance with Jaebeom to meet you. So he's acting like he's in a spy movie right now. He got amused because he was acting like a teenager. A minute later, Jaebeom appeared in the doorway, breathing heavily. He ran to the door and grabbed Jaebeom for jacket dragged to the place where he was hiding before.

"What a jerk? What are you doing? Why such urgency?" Jaebeom wanted to keep talking, but Jinyoung covered his mouth with his hand.

"Shut up already!" whispered Jinyoung

He pointed with his finger on the window where you was sitting. Jaebeom turned his head and froze when he saw you. He almost laughed with Jaebeom's reaction. You really act on them just as much. He turned his eyes to you. You sat and read the book. You were wearing reading glasses, and your fingers were playing with strands of your hair. How can someone look so depraved just by reading a book in a library. He rested his forehead in Jaebeom's shoulder. How can he handle it?

"She definitely loves red," Jaebeom said, looking at you.

"Was she also in red when you first saw her? When I met her she was wearing a red dress." he replied

"When I met her, she was wearing a red suit, " said Jaebeom

"We have to approach her," he said, though he lacked the courage to do so.

"Yes, come on," Jaebeom replied. But a few minutes passed, and none of them budged. They looked at each other and giggled. They were arguing over who should go first, turning their heads, they saw that your place was empty. They ran out into the middle of the hall looking around.

"Damn, it's all your fault" Jinyoung slammed Jaebeom on the shoulder.

They ran out into the hallway. "There" Jinyoung pointed to the end of the corridor where you turned the corner. They ran there. Turning the corner, Jaebeom abruptly stopped. Jinyoung crashed into Jaebeom, causing them to fall.

"Why the hell did you stop so abruptly?" Jinyoung said shoving Jaebeom. But Jaebeom did not react at all, looking at the wall. He turned his head and sat down again on the floor, losing his balance. You stood near the wall with your arms folded on your chest, and you watched them on top of your glasses. You squatted, looking at them.

"So that's who was staring at me in the library. I think I've seen you before." "And you too" you pointed your finger at Jaebeom. "Too many coincidences to be an accident," you said before getting up.

"We liked your coffee shop. So we decided to meet each other," said Jaebeom, and got to his feet, giving Jinyoung's hand.

"And you go by promo of 1+1. Meet one, the other as a gift?" you chuckled.

"Yes, and you are against it? I think the offer is very profitable." replied Jinyoung.

"I'm sure you won't regret it" added Jaebeom

"Sorry, but we have to go, miss" the guy in the black suit appeared next to you.

"Yes, let's go," you told to the guy. "It was nice to meet them, 1+1" you looked at them from head to toe, before turning and going to the exit.

"I think we just screwed up," he laughed as he continued to look at you. He looked out the window watching you get in the car before getting out of sight. He turned and saw that Jaebeom was still looking out the window.

"But she remembered us, even though we came separately," Jaebeom turned his eyes to him. "So there's a chance."

"You don't think we've been playing in 'good guys' for too long..." he said, moving away from the window, "Come on, Mark is waiting for us."

They went to the restaurant where Mark was waiting for them. They said hello and made an order.

"Mark, remember that coffee shop you told me to go to?" asked Jaebeom.

"Yes, I thought you'd like it there, they've got a lot of interesting books." answered Mark

"Books are the only reason why you told me to go there." asked Jinyoung

"Yes, and what? You can't just get there. Nobody knows about them, only those who have been told about this by a person who has already been there can come there."

"Do you know the girl in red who works there in the second hall?" asked Jinyoung.

"I know" laughed Mark "But only she is not an employee, she is the owner."

"Tell us about her" asked Jinyoung

"Forget about it. She's not in our league. I'm even afraid to turn to her once again when she's at the bar. I've never met anyone like her. I heard that if you post on the Internet about this coffee shop, it's gone in a minute. She seems to have too much power. Even the two guys who work there, they're not bartenders, they're security guards."

"I've only seen one guy," Jaebeom said

'Me too' confirmed Jinyoung

"The second guy is on sick leave. One of the new customers recently got drunk and threw a glass in her direction, but the bartender stood in front of her and the glass crashed against his head. Usually in such cases there is began a panic, even me feel uncomfortable, but she looked like she saw it every day. A minute later, the customer was entered by security, and she calmly pulled shards of glass from his wound until an ambulance arrived." Mark shook his head "I have to go, see you later" he said, looking at his watch.

"Yes, see you" replied Jaebeom

'She's really something,' he thought to himself. And how do they deal with that. If he had the idea of hiring someone to find out more about her, now he realizes that it could be dangerous.

"Can we hire someone to find out who she is?" asked Jaebeom when Mark left.

"I've thought about it too, but now I'm not sure it's a good idea. Judging by what Mark said about her, she learns that she is being watched for 5 minutes, and in next five will know who exactly do it".

"Why don't we go to the coffee shop tomorrow?" asked Jaebeom.

"She certainly won't communicate with us there. It seems that she often visits the library, it is necessary to meet with her in neutral territory"

"It feels like we're discussing a takeover of a company, not an acquaintance with a girl." laughed Jaebeom

They came home with the hope that they could meet you again.

POV You

You were sitting in your office, the day was too busy. You smiled remembering those two guys outside the library. They seemed too innocent. You picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"My goodness. I never thought I'd be able to hear your beautiful voice again." answered male voice

"Too much sarcasm, from someone like you" you answered

"I just thought you were on the side of the angels now. Although it's safer for them if you're on their side."

"You've forgotten, I'm always on my side" you grinned.

"Closer to the point, baby. I don't think you called to find out how I was doing. Who should be found?"

"I sent pictures to your mail." You selected some screenshots from the surveillance camera in the coffee shops and clicked send.

"Ok. Will you come to see me sometime?"

"Have you forgotten? I'm kind of on the side of the angels," you said, and hung up.

A few days later you were sitting in a car looking at the pictures. 'They're really 1+1,' you thought. Always together, live together, even their families are friends. You read the name of the companies that their families own, they seemed too familiar. You took out your phone and opened your mother's letter, which had blind dating candidates. After scrolling through the list, you found two familiar names. 'Best in everything' you grinned. You kept looking at the photo, from home, from the car, from the workout, from the restaurants. You stopped at the last photo "This is more interesting" you said and laughed. You put the last photo in the envelope and put it in your bag. "Get rid of it" you passed the rest of the photos to the driver.

"Yes, Miss"

"I'll be on my own for a few days. I want to check something."

"Okay, miss. I'll be in the coffee shop. Drive your car from home?"

"My father didn't burn it after I refused to be part of the family business?"

He smiled, "He's probably still hoping that in a few years you'll change your mind. As far as I know there were no restrictions on your account"

"A couple of years? Hmm, maybe I'll change my mind" you got out of the car and went towards the library.

You've never been in a crowded place, unnecessarily. You felt like someone was looking at you all the time. When you went out and turned the corner, you heard quick steps in your direction. You wondered who might have been chasing you, so you decided to stop and see. But you didn't expect it to be your clients. You barely kept a smile when they fell in front of you. It's been a long time since you've been entertained. You've decided to see what'll happens.

You went into the library and sat down at your favorite place by the big window. You opened the book and started reading, it always calmed you down. It was a little escape to a made-up world. That's why you opened this coffee shop for those who wanted a break from the outside world.

"Excuse me, can I meet with you?" You looked away from the book and turned to the sound source. There was a nice guy in his 20s, standing in front of you, with a bright smile, holding out a drink for you. Apparently your look was too dissatisfied because you were distract from reading. That's why the guy apologized a few times and putting the drink next to you disappeared from view. You looked closely at the drink before you went back to your book. You heard laughter at the next table. Turned your head you saw two students who giggled and whispered, looking in your direction. Apparently today you will not be allowed to read quietly. You took a deep breath trying not to kill these girls mentally. You were too annoyed by the people who were discussing you behind your back, you could have seen us differently before. But as you were reminded recently, you're on the side of the angels. 'Devil pretends an angel' you laughed at the thought. After looking at the hall, you made sure that those you wanted to see were not here. You got up from your seat and went between the book rows to get the book back in place. You turned on your heels and headed for the exit. When you went into the library, you noticed a coffee shop, you decided to wait for your car there. You were hoping there wouldn't be too many people there at that time. When you got to the place, you went inside, and was happy because only a few tables were occupied. You sit on a table by the window from which you can see the parking lot, and you made an order. You feeling the vibration and picked up the phone.

"Your car will be in half an hour"

You smiled that your wait wouldn't last long.

POV Jaebeom

He was reaching the entrance to the library when he saw Jinyoung standing in front of the entrance.

"Well, what went in search?" said Jinyoung, when Jaebeom came closer.

"People already think we live in the library," he laughed. They were walking past the coffee shop when the red clothes in the window caught his attention. He didn't believe his eyes right away. You were wearing a red smock ruffle blouse and short black shorts that were naked on your beautiful legs. He stopped, but Jinyoung continued to walk towards the library. Grabbing Jinyoung by the collar he drew to himself.

"Hey, what are you doing?" said Jinyoung, stepping back.

"I think our plans have changed. Let's go and take some coffee."

"What? What coffee? Aren't we..." Jinyoung didn’t finish when he saw you in the window. "Coffee? Great idea, I really want to drink a coffee"

They went inside and quickly made an order. The hall was half empty, you were sitting on the couch at a table near the window and something looked at on the phone, with not very happy look. But then she smiled broadly, and from your smile a wave of trembling passed through his body. I think it's the first time he's seen your sincere smile. They took their order and went to your table.

"Is it not occupied?" he asked, and without waiting for an answer, they sat down on the couch opposite you.

You looked up from the phone and first looked at Jaebeom and then at Jinyoung. "You really are 1+1! But usually people wait for the answer to the question they asked before you take further action." you raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure it's not occupied here," Jinyoung said.

"Then absolutely loses the meaning of your question, if you were sure that the place is free" you turned your eyes again to your phone.

He just loved what you said. I always left the last word behind me. He laughed.

"I think we started the wrong way," he said with a smile. "Hi. How are you?"

"Great" you answered without even looking at them.

"Isn't it customary to ask in response 'how are you' from the interlocutor" said Jinyoung, taking a sip of coffee

"Even if I'm not really interested?" you asked, finally looking at them.

"Even if you're not interested", Jaebeom smiled.

"How are you?" You fake smiled for a second

"We're great too, thank you for asking," Jinyoung replied, smiling broadly.

"We not introduced each other last time," Jaebeom said.

"Are you talking about the time when you both were lying at my feet" you grinned

"Yes, about that time" replied Jinyoung

"I know yours names"

"You know?" asked Jaebeom

"Yes, I do. 1+1!" You sent a stinging smile to them, and goosebumps ran over his skin. 'What a cute devil' he thought to himself.

Jinyoung laughed loudly, "If you like it, you can call us like that. But for help my name is Jinyoung, and this is my best friend Jaebeom"

"What's your name?" asked Jaebeom

"Why are you trying so hard to meet me?" you asked, taking the phone in your bag and completely switching your attention to them.

"We like you, " calmly replied Jinyoung

"Do you like me? Are you two?"

"Yes. Did you forget, after all, you called us 1 + 1" smiled Jaebeom

"Very interesting couple" you said your thought in loud. You looked intently first at him and then at Jinyoung.

Every time you looked at him with that glance, he seemed to fall in love more and more. "In that case, I have a couple of questions."

"Of course, ask everything you're interested in," Jinyoung replied.

"Are you gay?"

"No" they answered at the same time, and you chuckled. "We like girls. And now we like you," Jaebeom added.

"Are you bisexual?"

"No" they answered and looked at each other

"This time the answer was less confident. Perhaps you yourself do not know the exact answer to it." you said carefully watching their every move. "Have you kissed?" you asked, pointing your finger at them

"No" they answered again together. He heard the vibration of your phone before you took it out of your bag. You picked up the phone, but you didn't produce a word, you just looked out the window and nodded. He looked out the window, too, and saw a guy in a black suit, the same guy they saw in the library hallway.

"Then the last question. Did you want to kiss each other?" your view has changed, now he would have called it piercing through.

"No" they almost responded together, and he was glad that his answer coincided with Jinyoung's response.

You smirked and got out of your seat. So without saying anything, you're gone.

"See you " said Jinyoung to you after

For a few minutes they sat in silence, watching you leave the window. He still felt a tremor in his body from your gaze. Each time your presence caused indescribable emotions. He turned his eyes to Jinyoung and saw all the same emotions on his face as he was experiencing himself.

"I wonder if it's progress?" he said, "She spoke to us, but we still not knew her name."

Jinyoung laughed at his words. "I think it can definitely be called progress"

They had coffee and headed for the exit.

"Sorry" to them spoke the girl behind the bar. "Before going out, the girl you were sitting with asked to pass it on to you" she held out a white envelope and he took it

"Thank you" smiled Jinyoung

He turned the envelope over and saw the inscription in beautiful handwriting:

"Are you sure the answer to the last question is 'no'?"

He opened the envelope and the cold walked through his veins, chaining his whole body in a tight knot when he saw a photograph. It was a screenshot from a surveillance camera. In the pictures, he pressed Jinyoung against a wall in a dark corridor, and their faces were only a few centimetres apart.

"We seem to be in trouble," he said, handing over an envelope with a photo of Jinyoung.

'It's time to stop playing honestly,' he thought. He glanced again at the photograph which jinyoung held with trembling hands, and his face was an unreadable mask.

"Let's go" he put his arms around Jinyoung's shoulders, and headed for the exit. "I think we've been at the club in a long time ago"

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LIST

Part: [ 1] [ 2] [ 3 ] [ 3.5 ] [ 4 ] [ ]

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animalcrossingtownlore · 6 years

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Trial Captain Headcanons

ah. fuckin hell. i made this a few days ago but my dad walked in and said he needed to use my computer and i freaked the fuck out so i had to delete my history in 0000.1 seconds. um. not sure how seconds work.

llima:

- THIS boi is rich af. but sometimes he forces his parents to donate some of their money to some random charity at least every few weeks because he wants to have a good reputation. he is a trial captain, after all.

- is kind of a clean freak, and hates germs. so whenever he comes into the classroom, and a bunch of tiny germy disgusting toddlers crowd around his legs trying to get his attention he cringes deeply. never says anything tho.

- in the anime, its canon that he has fangirls. that should be canon in every version of llima tbh. but!!! consider this!!!! a GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY and PROUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD llima!!!

- its canon that he’s been to kalos before, so i imagine that llima fucking LOVES kalos. like, he really REALLY loves kalos. he feels emotionally connected to that place. that’s the region he’s moving to when he gets older. no exceptions

- visits all of the different islands of alola to check in on everybody. he tries to be nice like that. llima is a good neighbor. but let me tell you---

- surprise surprise children. llima. he makes mistakes too. and whenever he does make a mistake he cringes again.

- honestly? i like to think that llima tries his best to act nice and shit, but really he’s hiding a more rude interior inside him. do u even know who llima is? hes a little sassy. but also a little TOO perfect. i think he’s hiding something tbh.

Lana:

- is super best friends with mallow. they live in konikoni city together, so they’ve been friends since they were toddlers. and i mean. best best friends! they have sleepovers literally almost every day.

- lana is the second shortest trial captain. she used to feel a little insecure about being short.... until she saw wittle babby sophocles.

- so in ultra pokemon sun/moon, there were wishiwashi... but instead a shitty araquanid came out of nowhere. what if lana had actually no idea that would even happen. it just happened randomly. and she went with it. wow. that’s lana for you!

- LET’S BE HONEST. LANA IS THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT EVER. SHE IS THE MOST CLEVER AND CUNNING BITCH. LANA KNOWS ALL OF THE TRICKS/PRANKS. IF FACT, SHE HAS PRANKED ALL OF THE TRIAL CAPTAINS, THE KAHUNAS, AND RANDOM TOURISTS IN ALOLA. NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE PRANKSTER IS. THERE IS A FUCKING WANTED WARRANT FOR THE PRANKSTER. THIS GIRL IS WANTED AND SHE FUCKING LOVES IT---

-even so, lana is the best big sister. her little twin sisters, harper and sarah, love her. for good reason, too. she takes care of them all the time and takes them everywhere.

- so in the english anime she has a super soft and sweet voice. ummmmm.... no bitches. lana has a kinda deep/somewhat dead inside voice that’s somehow calming. punch me. i won’t stop talking about this.

- takes morning swims, evening swims, mid-afternoon swims, midnight swims, has days where she just swims and fishes and that’s all she does.

Kiawe:

- In the anime kiawe has a little sister. And he IS protective of her. He IS a good brother. Omg. imagine kiawe seeing his little sister play with one of his fire-type pokemon, and he’s low-key scared the pokemon will burn her to ashes. Poor bby

- prefers dancing over any exercise ever, that’s a fact! but!!!! Kiawe plays “just dance” and he gets a perfect score ever gotdamn time i swear he does and he gets the best workout from it.

- What if kiawe is somewhat scared of lana because of her awesome as shit water types. Oh no. he knows he could never win-

- Y’know the hiker bitch??? Yeah him and kiawe are good friends. I can see them hanging out together. Like what if hiker bitch is lonely and kiawe is lonely too. So they are best friends. (but guys, you notice how lana and mallow live in one city? But kiawe is just in paniola town alone? There’s probs not many people in paniola town tbh)

- Kiawe is a dork and uses thousands of hair gel bottles to get his hair lookin so good.

- So you see those teeth on his necklace? they’re teeth from charizard. a charizard willingly gave kiawe some teeth so he could have a badass af necklace. Kiawe is good with pokemon especially big and dangerous ones

- Really loves those moments where he hangs out with the other trial captains, he loves the meetings. He has gone to every. Single. Meeting. Not even shitting you right now he has. It’s also because he’s responsible and shit

Mallow:

- DID YOU GUYS SEE THE ALOLAN BROCK EPISODE. I HAVE. MALLOW LOVES HER BROTHER BUT AT THE SAME TIME WISHES THAT HE WOULD GET A FUCKING LIFE ALREADY. AT LEAST IN HER MIND

- So! I feel like mallow really likes both the pokemon tsareena and the pokemon lurantis. She loves them both. I know in the anime she has a steenee, and in the games she gets a tsareena, so yeah its canon i guess. But you know what??? She loves lurantis as well, she knows it’s badass and she likes it as the totem pokemon.

- Loves trying all different hairstyles and she has a new hairstyle every day. Idfk if we never see it in the anime or the games or anywhere else. If i canon it its true bitches im a the fucking god of pokemon u assholes

- Has always had a taste for exotic flavors. As even a smol babby, she didn’t like “normal” food. It was bland to her. All of it was bland. So she made her picky tastes into food!!!

- …. Not everybody likes her food though. Right now she hasn’t learned to actually take criticism. She blocks it out whenever someone tries to criticize her food. She’ll learn when she’s older.

- Is kind of indecisive. She has trouble making decisions sometimes. “Hhmmm!!! Should i go to today’s meeting or not??? Well, gotta be responsible!!! Oh wait a sec! WHAT IF?? I JUST DIDNT GO? UH-”

- Her most big decision she will never fully decide on? Well, the question that i even ask myself everyday! Are boys cute… or are girls CUTER?! (yeah she will never decide on her sexuality)

Sophocles: (okay but i really like sophocles and i think if he existed me and him would be like best buds tbh)

- Okay, so i saw a headcanon on tumblr talking about how sophocles could possibly be autistic, because he’s extremely smart but can’t talk with people without having some kind of anxiety, and i think that might actually make sense! It’s obvious he has some kind of anxiety disorder or something, but i cant say whether he’s autistic or just anxious, since i haven’t done much research on autism. But! I hear it’s actually a very interesting subject, so maybe after some research i’ll make some headcanons on autistic! sophocles.

- Has always loved video games, and molayne was probably the one who got him into them.

- Not sure how to feel about his body. Like he knows he’s short and pale and he looks like a fucking baby. A lot of rude people have probably pointed it out to them before (most likely on the internet, or even ON FESTIVAL PLAZA THAT PLACE IS NOT FOR CHILDREN) and he hates it, but molayne (the pure man) has told him that being short has a lot of advantages and he actually looks a little cute with his baby face.

- togedemaru (togemaru) helps sophocles with his anxiety by letting sophocles pet him whenever he’s anxious and needs to calm down. Molayne was the one who got sophocles that pokemon in case molayne wasn’t around and sophocles had a panic attack and needed comfort

- He does love his food he’ll admit. (yes i like the anime shut up) he also loves mallow’s food!!! And her restaurant!!! And he goes there all the time. It’s like… his favorite place. Sometimes he stress eats but he tries not to do that ( t r i e s )

- He likes fidget spinners bitches and YOU CANT DO SHIT ABOUT IT

- He has a tumblr account. And nobody knows about but him. He posts memes on there and is shameless about it. kick me in the stomach nothing is changing my mind about this

Acerola:

- So yeah, she’s got parents. But she likes hanging out with uncle nanu more. Why? Because she knows he has too much alone time for himself and she knows it’s not healthy to be alone too much. ALSO SHE LOVES CATS AND NANU HAS PLENTY OF THOSE FURBALLS

- Speaking of uncle nanu, he was the one who taught her how to be such a good pokemon trainer. (she’s in the league for goodness sakes) nanu genuinely loves her. He’s never told her that, but acerola knows she’s charming <3

- Also she loves candles. they are spoopy. She likes spoopy purple candles yep

- Is really good friends with sophocles!! She’s surprisingly good with panic attacks and in their conversations she usually does the talking, much to sophocles relief.

- Can sew like a boss. Yes!!! She made her own dress!!! Well i mean… she doesn’t have many materials to work with. she only uses shitty rags or old clothes but still pulls it off. she is fabulous isn’t she

- The reason why she uses the thrifty megamart as her trial site? So she can steal the plushies they have there. I mean the plushies are old… but acerola isnt picky.

- Has a mimikyu for a pet but never uses it for battle

Mina:

- Has 100% dyed her hair before. Like imagine mina’s hair changing every few days and nobody notices beccause they’re used to it

- Art and pokemon battling aren’t her ONLY hobbies. I mean. Uh. wait lemme rethink this-

- She’s not the sterotypical depressed artist. She��s the sterotypical type of artist who doesn’t like their art most of the time but thinks everybody else’s art is amazing and deserves to be in a museum

- Her and hapu? Friends for life, man. There’s not too many people on poni island. Sometimes it can seem like NOBODY is on that island… like a ghost town tbh. Much less kids. Hapu and mina are most likely the only youngsters on poni island so they had to bond pretty quickly.

- She IS friends with llima tho, since llima likes to visit all the islands on alola they see each other sometimes. they probs dated for a while before llima discovered he was gay.

- Has paint on her clothes, her shoes, her bed, her room in general, her bag, her pokeballs, her pokemon-

- Has only gone to like… one trial captain meeting. Has never been to another one in her life. And she never will.

Dear god. I’ve been working on this for almost a fucking week. Something is wrong with me.

I think

I think i might be tRYING TO MAKE ACTUALLY GOOD HEADCANONS OH NO-

#pokemon #pokemon headcanons #pokemon sun #pokemon moon #pokemon sun and moon #llima #lana #kiawe #mallow #sophocles #acerola #mina

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rootivy-archive · 7 years

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here is my story I couldn’t post a link because the account I made it on was my school account and y’know

An Octive.

Octive Come quick! What happened?! Said Octive in a concerned tone JUST COME! Octive get’s up and follows her sister. Who is that? She whispered “she has to be playing a prank on me!” I don’t know. Should we leave the house? I DON’T KNOW “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING MY GOD” Whispered Octive SHUT UP Said her sister We don’t have time to fight! For God’s sake there's some creep sitting on our couch and we have NO CLUE who it is! We just got to get out of here, Ok? Ok

Chapter 1 Shadow

Let’s go. They heard footsteps. What’s that sound? Oh crap LET’S GO! They run away Meanwhile on the other side of the house.. Annie! Octive! Were home! They turn to look at the couch. They see a shadow for a split second.. But then it disappeared Annie is that you? OCTIVE! ANNIE! Back to Octive and Annie HURRY UP! Let’s go! That thing probably heard us! They hear a quiet chanting of their names “Octive! Annie!” OH MY CRAP THEY KNOW OUR NAMES GO GO GO! They open the door and run out to the tree they always sat at when they were kids. They saw their Mom Pacing outside holding her phone. Annie. Octive said while poking her, Trying to get her attention What? Annie Said Look it’s mom! She looks scared I think they think we got kidnapped Said Octive in a concerned tone Where? I can’t see I forgot my glasses in the house

She’s next to the front door pacing. Oh we should tell her then said Annie

She is holding her phone too, With that added we should really tell her! What if she calls 911! Said Octive sounding paranoid Wait what if it’s a trick?! What if the figure is trying to trick us into thinking it’s our mom but it’s the figure! Said Annie what’s the chance that it’s the “figure” To be honest I just think our eyes were playing tricks on us. It happens alot to Bethany

Who? Said Annie My best friend?.. You seriously don’t know who she is. No clue She comes to our house every other friday To work on homework Octive said while waving her hands. “Homework” Annie said While holding up air quotes Shut up we do do homework! Said Octive.. Sometimes She murmured Back to the parents What should we do Mary? Should we call 911? No I will text her one more time and if she doesn’t respond then we will call the police. Ok? Ok they're your kids. They will be your kids soon too

They walk inside the house Back to Annie and Octive *Beep beep* who is it Octive? Its mom! Reply reply! To Mom: Hey sorry me and Annie are just hanging out at the South tree sorry if we scared you! SEND There I sended it! Said Octive Okay good! Said Annie Happily *Beep Beep* Who is it now?! Its mom again Said Octive Oh ok From Mom: Send me a voice message NOW! Octive sends a voice message Saying: MOM I’m okay I promise! Go check the South tree If you want to know so bad!

Chapter 2 Just a normal day

Should we head back? Asked Annie I don’t know should we? Replied Octive Let’s go They walk back to their house. GIRLS! Their Mom comes running

and gives them a hug. Mom! Stop Octive said in a muffled voice I’m hungry did you make food? Said Annie while squeezing out of her mom’s arms Annie runs to the fridge No annie I’m still making food Said Geo

QUICK EXPLANATION

Annie and Octive’s mom Mary was married to their dad but they ended up getting a divorce because they were “drifting apart” A few years later Mary came out as being lesbian now she’s in a serious relationship with a woman named Geo.

I’ll go make it now hun Said Geo while walking to the kitchen Girls you should go and change into your your pajamas you guys got your first day of school tomorrow. And Octive’s first day of highschool! Said Mary UGH I really don’t want to go! Yelled Octive. It’s not that bad Octive. Says you. You’re the smartest person I know you finish an essay in an hour! LIKE HOW Octive said in a jealous tone Oh stop you’re making me blush Octive rolls her eyes I’m gonna go change she says Did you even signup for your classes Octive Annie yells trying to get her attention CRAP MOM WHAT DO I DO! HAHAHA Annie laughed. I signed you up yesterday don’t worry Said Mary Oh ok good She said while walking to her room be right back. Back In the kitchen It’s done! Bye girls! I got to go work. Love you and don’t go to sleep to late! Ok! Bye mom LOVE YOU TOO! Octive yelled from her room Bye said Annie while texting her.. Crush Cian Ooo How ya texting! Murmured Octive after she ran from her room. No one just Adelyn Annie Murmured in response ah okay.. Girls come eat, spaghetti is done Mmm! okay Geo. In a sec said Annie Is this a boy you’re talking to Geo taunted GEO yelled Annie haha! Geo laughed so it is! IT’S NOT A BOY OKAY! She said while running to her room OH, IM SORRY I-I JUST UH I’M SORRY yelled Geo It’s okay Geo don’t worry Annie gets dramatic at times Said Octive While chewing her Spaghetti Oh okay because I’m still new to this “mom” thing I don’t know what to do.. Oh god why am I talking about this to you Said Geo No no it's okay I can listen to you vent all day I don’t care! As long as you’re happy. Aw shucks said Geo happily Well I’m gonna go to sleep you should to you got a big day tomorrow said Geo while yawning You’re right goodnight

Chapter 3 First

Goodnight! you hear in the background Haha looks like Annie forgives me yeah haha Octive said while laughing again goodnight. nighty night Octive walks over to her room She tucks herself in and the words “Tomorrow’s a big day” and “AnNie YoU’RE SO SmArT YoU CaN WRite aN eSSAy iN oNLY An HoUr” In her head she falls asleep in a panic

The next day She wakes up and thinks OH MY GOD FIRST DAY OF HIGHSCHOOL NO NO NO! HOMEWORK , OH MY GOD OH MY GOD AHHHH NO NO NO Annie walks in the room are you okay? You look like you just got hit with a car.. HELLO Said Annie Oh sorry I-i zoned o- Annie interrupted and Taunted Aw someone scared for her first day of highschool?! SHUT UP Octive screamed. Geez I’m gonna go brush my teeth O-ok replied Octive She changes into some tights and a messy polka dotted shirt And brushed her teeth Octive Come eat I made you some Ceraffles! Announced Mary

QUICK EXPLANATION

Ceraffles is waffles with cereal in it (it's their family recipe)

MMmm Ceraffles Octive thinks before yelling OKAY! COMING! Octive runs to the kitchen and says “YOU BETTER NOT HAVE ATE ALL OF THE CERAFFLES! SERIOUSLY said Octive haha laughed Annie Quickly eat the ceraffles you woke up late OH MY CRAP I DID! Aye! No swearing! Yelled Mary Sorry I-i just can’t be late, Sorry! She runs out MOM ANNIE HURRY UP! Bye Gea! I’ll be back soon! Yelled Mary Come on! Octive said while yelling at Her mom

Mary walks out of the house, And gets into the car.. 15 minutes later BYE MOM! Bye hun! Bye Annie Bye Octive! Octive Stumbles and falls her books fall on the floor CRAP! She thinks and closes her eyes UGH! She murmured Cian comes up to her and helps her pick up her books Hello you must be new to this school Haha Annie looks at Octive “WHAT THE SHIT WHY IS SHE TALKING TO CIAN! WHAT DO I DO!... NOW I'M PANICKING WHAT IF HE LIKES HER!” Annie runs off to her locker panicking back to Octive Haha yeah I’m new is it that obvious! She says while half laughing He smiled No not really you just have that freshman look on your face, Nervous, In a hurry and you dropped your books Said Cian smiling he picks up her books Here don’t fall again Oh by the way I never told you my name I’m Cian He brings out his hand and waits for a handshake Octive Shaked his hand I’m Octive Unique name I like it haha Yeah my parents really wanted a “Unique” kid *DING* That’s the bell gotta go! He smiles and checks her out “oh my god” She thinks while walking to her first class “what the heck is this paper was on my hand” She reads it “Cian: 204-559-221” OH MY GOD She reaches into her bag to grab her phone and types into her notes “2o4-599-221 Cians phone #” And she walks to her first class, Art Hello Class! I see we got new students “NEWBIES” a student yells from the back of the class SHH said Mrs.Chara Today we're going to be sketching each other you all have one other person at your desk so you are going to be doing two sketches of them. One of their face and one full body sketch. OK? Everyone understand? The class all mumbles “Yes” Hey Said Octive so.. I’m drawing your face and body.. Said Octive Awkwardly Yeah I guess Said Caden uh.. Well can I get a picture of you so I can work on this at home please? Sure.. Ok. Octive takes out her phone Caden Poses and smiles *snap!* There I got it aw one more It’s blurry he makes a funny face. HAHA Octive Laughs the other one wasn’t actually blurry was it? Said Caden Half laughing No it wasn’t they both laugh hey here's my number call me if you need a new photo He smiles and hands over a paper saying his number Thanks Said Octive they start sketching 1 hour later *DING* Okay class stop your sketches and it's homework so work on it later today kay said everyone in the class she walks over to the cafeteria and sits down

Chapter 4 Boys

“I have to text Cian I can’t wait” She takes out her phone To Cian: Hello! It’s Octive - “There That wasn’t that bad right.. Right” He texts back From Cian: Oh hey I see you figured out my trick, The handshake number switch haha Haha Yeah that's a cute trick She texted back Annie comes and sits next to Octive hey! Said Annie who are you texting? it's nobody Oh really tell me It’s nobody okay Annie?! Octive yelled Oh okay i'm sorry Annie replied Well I got to go bye.. Annie walks away “She totally likes Cian I saw that it said Cian, And Cian obviously likes her! He gave her his phone number I had to ask his brother for his number!” She thinks while walking away Back to Octive Why was she so curious to know who i’m texting like geez she said to Bethany Well maybe she knows who you’re texting and she is testing you.. Like maybe she likes Cian Said Bethany in response don’t think she likes Cian I think she likes Kyle said Octive Who? Kyle is our next door neighbor Said Octive Oh *DING DING* Is it your boyfriend! Bethany Taunted He isn’t my boyfriend.. Let me check who it is Said Octive From: Cian It's from Cian OoOOoo From: Cian Aw you think I’m cute haha “Shit what do I text” She thought Before saying This is what you texted me she shows Bethany the text What do I do?! I don’t know something cute and sneaky Said Bethany Kay To Cian: Maybe! :3 She texted That's just embarrassing She said while watching her over her shoulder Wow! Beth you’ve had way more relationships than me and you’re the same age as me! She said angrily Hun If you think 1 boyfriend and 1 girlfriend is alot I swear.. All I know is that “maybe! :3” Isn’t scandalous at all; You could have at least put … instead of an exclamation mark What ever I’m an actual fetus got to go She says while picking up her stuff and walking away Bye! Yelled Bethany Hey Bethany Said Henry Hi?.. I’ve been in your glass since grade the middle of grade 7.. He Said Doesn’t ring a belle Are you serious?! Nevermind I got to go.. He walks away thinking “Knew she wouldn’t like me back” He frowns Back To Octive Got a spare block, I’m going to study She thought While walking over to the library

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ghostmaggie · 7 years

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the gilmore girls/the office au no one asked for

it’s two am as i write this and i’m an idiot, but i got it in my head and couldn’t wait. so here you are, 2k of a gilmore girls the office au!

Jess Mariano is not going to be a paper salesman forever. This is a stepping stone, like Walmart; it’s a day job to pay the bills while he struggles, strives, dreams, in the quietest corners of his mind, of writing. The novel is half-finished, always half-finished, but it’s not like he has that much energy left to write at the end of the day, after a 9-to-5 of idiots and drudgery and complete and utter bullshit.

Rory Gilmore always had promise, but that was never actually a good thing. She was smart enough to know affording Harvard was a pipe dream and the stubbornness she inherited from her mother prohibited her from accepting help from anyone—including her snobby and semi-well-meaning grandparents. All the scholarships and part-time jobs she could scrounge just weren’t enough, and the dream got put on hold.

Being a receptionist at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company was never the plan, not really, but Rory pretends she doesn’t see the terrible blend of disappointment and guilt in Lorelai’s eyes and makes it a point to gush about all the experience she’s getting and how the slow hours in the day are great opportunities for her to keep up with the news and write some spec pieces and definitely not waste eons playing spider solitaire and maybe, when she gets a little more saved up, she can start taking some online classes and getting a leg up while she figures out her next move.

(Lorelai can’t help thinking she’s been “figuring out her next move” for three years now.)

Jess’s deskmate, Doyle, can be irritating as anything and a prime target for pranks, but damn if he isn’t good at his job, in his own twisted way. He’s going to be manager someday, Jess knows, and God help them all when that happens, but the company’ll probably make millions.

Equally or more disturbing as coworkers go is Paris from accounting (though she likes to stick her nose in everything). Jess is pretty sure Doyle is sleeping with her, but he himself mostly stays out of her way except for a few specially crafted quips once in a blue moon. Rory has a lot of respect for her, though, as well as the required healthy dose of fear, and it’s not long before a begrudging friendship blooms between the girls.

(“We have to stick together in this male-dominated industry,” Paris says. “Is paper sales really the feminist hill we want to die on?” Rory has to wonder.)

Jess is pretty sure he fell in love with Rory at first sight. He knows, he knows, even he thinks he’s cheesy and ridiculous, but those big blue eyes and bright smile were the first thing he saw when he walked into his first miserable day of a miserable job in a miserable office, and he guesses he imprinted on her, or something, like a baby chicken. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Rory immediately claimed him as a fellow newbie and an ally against the weirdos of Dunder Mifflin, pointing out each of them in turn and revealing any dirt she’s managed to dig up on them.

(“Quite the journalist there, aren’t ya?” he teases, and Rory blushes. “Hardly,” she says, but she looks very pleased.)

From there, it just makes sense to linger at reception whenever he can, to make faces at her during inane meetings in the conference room or throw paperclips at her while he’s bored on the phone. They IM when they don’t want Doyle to know what they’re talking about and coordinate their lunch breaks and shit, shit, shit, Jess is actually seriously falling for a girl probably for the first time ever. He tries, he seriously tries, to keep up the too-cool-for-school, the-world-can-suck-it attitude he’s perfected since grade school, but Rory Gilmore is pretty much kicking his ass and he’s barely two weeks into his job when he’s positive that today is the day he’s going to ask her out.

(That’s the day he meets her fiancé.)

Rory started dating Dean when she was 15. They’ve been engaged since she was 17, since the summer before she thought she would go to college, before her plans crashed and burned. At the time, Lorelai had supported her, but warned her about the dangers of a boy trying to lock you down right before you leave to find yourself. But it turned out she wasn’t leaving, so Dean didn’t really need to lock her down. Maybe that was why they’d been engaged for four years with no end in sight.

Dean had been consistently working construction since he graduated high school and ignored Rory’s encouragement for him to go to college. It was about a month after Jess started working thirty feet from her that he got the job in the warehouse downstairs, but Rory quashed the part of her brain that tried to debate correlation vs. causation in this case. Dean had always been the jealous type, but he had nothing to worry about with Jess. He and Rory were friends. That was it, end of story. She soon got tired of having to repeat that.

She knew, secretly, that her friendship with Jess was more than friendship, or at least more than her other friendships. It’s not like she had a lot of reference points, but he certainly wasn’t like Paris, or Lorelai, and though he had more similarities to Lane than Rory was expecting, but there were still some very strong differences.

One day, sometime after Jess learns about Dean’s existence but before the latter starts working in the warehouse, Jess learns that Rory Gilmore liked reading. And that’s when he’s really gone. He starts stealing her novels from her desk when she goes to the bathroom and returning them with notes scribbled in the margins that make her glare at him with good-natured reproach when she finally gets them back. Soon he starts bringing five or six books to work on a given day instead of two or three, just so he has some options when she inevitably agrees to trade with him. They’ve read enough of the same books that they could fill the rest of their lives just with talk of those, but they’ve both got enough recommendations and knowledge of each other’s taste to push off and intersect those conversations at every turn.

If Jess didn’t think he was in love before, he knows know he has no chance of making it out of this alive. So he goes ahead and tells her all his dreams and passions, because what the fuck else is he going to do at this point.

(Maybe the worst part is that she loves his writing, becomes his number one fan in an instant. And she tells him her story, and he knows that he will probably never be good enough for her.)

From Rory’s perspective, it’s not long before Jess’s presence becomes what makes life at Dunder Mifflin tolerable, and they fall into a pattern that lasts years.

By the time something actually happens, it’s clearly inevitable.

Jess, for all his stony demeanor and witty barbs, can’t help wearing his heart on his sleeve. Everyone who saw him and Rory together knew he was in love with her. And everyone saw that, despite everything, Rory wasn’t leaving Dean. So Jess decides that he gets to be the one who leaves.

He goes to Stamford, when the opportunity crops up, because it’s plausible deniability—a pay raise, a slight title boost. Those are good reasons in and of themselves. It doesn’t have to be about Rory. Nobody has to assume that it’s about Rory. It’s just…a bonus, he guesses, and he tells Rory as much.

(“Aren’t you kind of…giving up, in a way?” the girl herself worries. “You want to write, Jess, not climb the corporate ladder.”)

(He scoffs at her, desperate to hide his bleeding heart under whatever armor he can scrounge up. “Look who’s talking,” he says. “What the hell are you doing, Rory? You could have been anything, anyone, but you were scared, so now you’re here, in a deadend job, a deadend relationship—” He breaks off at the tears in her eyes. “I…” he says, but there’s nothing else to say, so he changes his mind and leaves.)

Three months of something like hell follow, but neither of them want to be the one to admit it.

Paris used to mumble under her breath about how she half expected Mariano to lay one on Gilmore every time he leaned on that stupid reception counter. She’d lost actual money in a bet when Jess left without ever kissing Rory, at least to the best of Paris’ knowledge—which was pretty reliable.

It’s actually Rory, in the end, who kisses Jess first. He gets back from Stamford and she’d had no idea he was coming at all, just bumps into him in the parking lot as she’s leaving late and he’s coming to—well, she doesn’t know why he’s there.

(He’s there to see her, of course. The gesture is there, and noted. She just beats him to the actual punch.)

She doesn’t mean to do it, and she feels like shit afterwards, because she’s not a cheater, she doesn’t want to be a cheater, oh no, is she a cheater? But she does it, she sees him standing there, leaning against her car, always too cool, and she doesn’t even know how to breathe. She walks to him, slowly, and his mouth curves into a nervous smile, just a hint of a sarcastic edge.

(“What are you doing here?” “I came back.” “But…why?” “I just…wanted to.”)

(She kisses him.)

(It’s everything and nothing like he imagined.)

She pulls away in a panic.

(“Don’t say a word!”)

She slips away from him and slips into her car and drives away, leaving him there speechless and alone but he can still feel the warmth of her against him. So he smiles.

Rory, for her part, feels like her heart will burst out of her chest. She’s smiling, but she starts to cry, because it’s going to get really good, her story, but she has to get through the hard part first. She tells Dean that they need to talk, and he knows, of course, that it’s over.

He yells, of course, tries to talk her out of it. Tells her he loves her. She has to remain firm.

(“It’s Mariano, isn’t it?” he demands. “It is,” Rory says, “a little. But mostly it’s you.”)

It is without a doubt the hardest conversation of her life, but Rory gets through it. She goes to her mom’s house to spend the night. Lorelai holds her while she cries and stuffs her with takeout, and she promises her that everything will turn out alright, and that she did the right thing.

Rory takes advantage of the leave she’s accrued over the years and takes a week to stay with her mom and reevaluate her life. By the end of the week, she’s figured things out.

She sits down next to Jess in the first meeting of the day on her first day back, firmly, even though he’s refused to meet her eyes all morning. She takes his right hand in her left one, intertwines their fingers. She feels him stiffen when he registers the lack of a ring, and she smiles. He squeezes her hand, tentative, and chances a glance at her.

(“We should talk later,” she whispers, and he’s embarrassed by the force of his smile.)

Later that day, Rory spends several hours researching online college prep courses. Later that day, Rory makes half a dozen pro-con lists. Later that day, Rory makes her way to her grandparents’ house with a proposal, swallowed pride, and high hopes, and leaves with a somewhat brighter future. Later that day, Rory kisses Jess Mariano again, and tells him that she might just be falling in love with him.

Later that day, Rory and Jess begin their happily-ever-after.

#gilmore girls #gilmore girls fanfic #gilmore girls fic #gilmore girls au #gg fic #rory x jess #jessxrory #the office #i will probably edit/add to this later but i want to post it now becuase i crave validation #pls validate me

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wildlove836 · 7 years

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2017

wow. okay. when I said 2016 fuck me up I didnt mean literally.

but god damn, once again I’ve rung in the new year heartbroken as can be, but wait there’s more. I fell in love with someone. he’s somehow worse than the last guy and hell I love him a thousand times more.

I’ve dealt with so much shit this year. I’m in a relationship with a drug addict. I didnt know it until about 3 months ago. I mean I knew, but I didnt know.

He asked me to marry him literally the 3rd day we spent together. no I didnt say yes, but apparently I did because now hes calling me his fiance n shit. I ‘lost’ my virginity to this guy. It sounds fucked up but it isnt as bad as it seems. or maybe it is and I still have a long way to go before I figure it all out.

I think I really love him. I think he really loves me. But people keep telling me he’s going to love those little crystals more.

I’ve seen some shit. My humdrum life has done a fucking tail spin in the last 6 months. I went from a full tank of gas and watching netflix all day to $1.43 in my bank account and needles hidden in the dresser drawers.

I’ve seen junkies, I’ve had shit stolen. I’ve watched him physically and mentally change without even noticing.

I’ve been choked and pushed and bruised and screamed at. I’ve done the same things back in a rage I didnt know I was capable of.

I’ve heard stories from child hood that make no sense but make perfect sense and I know I cant change the past but I’d very much like to.

I smoked weed and that shit was great at first but now its the only way I cant really talk to you, it seems. you told me that wasnt it but trust me. i’m too afraid to tell you the truth when we’re not...chill.

I’ve cried and screamed and walked away. I’ve waited hours upon hours for you to call. I havent slept and I’ve slept too much. I had a real panic attack for the first time in my life.

I’ve sat in the ER with you for 6+ hours after you crashed your car from being on adderall. I watched you literally mentally and physically break down in the pizza hut parking lot while normal fucking people watched and wondered what the fuck they could do for you and I just sat there next to you counting change from your pockets because you lost the receipts.

im sorry. i lost them somehow. who fucking knows. i’ll take the blame for it though if thats what I have to do.

i walked across train tracks wondering if maybe my foot my get caught while you told me you were addicted to sex and of course I should have already known this but surprise I didnt. its still my fault though.

we missed trick or treat with your daughter because you were on acid.

then the other day you brought her to my house and slept the whole time. you said what does it matter my parents see me taking her out of the house. well what the fuck do you care right. if you’re playing the part of dad. you son of a bitch. i love that girl and I know you do too but you better try harder. you better or you’ll lose faster if you have her.

I’ve seen you coming down down down. with a knife in your hands and the doors locked and the lights off. I’ve watched cops drive by thinking you were already dead.

I’ve had the best sexual experiences with you and only you. I got drunk and gave you a blow job after knowing I’d never have a dick in my precious mouth.

you called me perfectly imperfect for a while, now that i’ve lost my innocence you call me your miracle. these days I feel like a burden. enabler is the word i’m trying not to say because I know its the truth. but i didnt know. i swear i didnt.

and not in the fucking physical sense. i’m not giving him money or anything like that. im stressing him the fuck out. BUT FUCK HE NEVER MAKES ANY SENSE. and im stressed out too. doesnt anybody see that?

everybody knows him like I know him now. a fucking mind fuck. this little twat can turn a sentence around on you so quick you’re wondering what you even said in the first place. this mother fucker can have you so god damn confused you’re rethinking your whole life.

he does it on purpose. I think so he feels more normal on the inside. the only question I have is, was it the meth that brought it out of him or was it destined to come out eventually on its own. the crazy will never subside and I must admit that’s what somehow attracts me to him.

feeling like a complete dumbass after every conversation we have. BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THIS. he’ll say, like I already knew it. and then i’ll realize I did already know it. he was telling me all along, but in his own way. like a secret language. and I cant fucking afford the rosetta stone for crazy talk.

half the relationship i spend KNOWING this shit isnt right for me and here i am thinking i have to do this i have to do this but i still dont know what love is. its breaking the god damn futton i know.

there’s no doubt about what i feel but really is it worth it. will he kill me. will i kill him. ive done things i never thought i would do. ive seen things i never thought i would see. the world is my fucking oyster over here. anything is possible. anything can happen. anything.

regardless, here I am. alone and wondering what hes doing. if he’s okay. a thousand and one fucking questions because he doesnt have a phone for me to call. and somehow now it feels like its my fault. it is my fucking fault and im crying a lot right now because of it. and im alone. so he can calm down. but i cant calm down without him. i need him. i need him. I NEED HIM. and im going insane worrying and wondering and crying and feeling okay for a little while.

now im just mad because hes okay without me. hes okay. and im not okay. it isnt fair. FUCK YOU. it isnt fair. do you even love me? DO YOU EVEN CARE. DO YOU EVEN DO YOU EVEN DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME. duh.

WHY DID I QUIT MY FUCKING JOB. I had what I needed. besides clarity and sanity so fuck, you cant blame me. hes been driving me insane since he spotted me.

but I know he fucking loves me. crazy people dont fuck around with shit like that. if they mean it they mean it. i feel it. I know it. I love it. its the only thing I understand ever. is my love for him. is it true. is it real. who fucking cares. its real and its ever present and its mostly reciprocated in good and bad ways. if i could walk away from it i already would have . i swear. i already would have but i havent so get off my fucking back.

but love is hard they tell me. love is fucking hard as hell and you’ve got to suffer before you can enjoy that shit, otherwise its not worth it. I realize this is too long and i’m not gonna reread it so nobody else is probably going to read it. thats okay. i needed to get it down on ‘paper’ just in case.

god just fucking pray for me or something. every time I feel like something is going to get worse it does okay. I had people burning up spoons in the trailer we were supposed to live in just to shoot up heroin and I was too busy making sure my boyfriend wasnt killing himself in a shed to realize.

old dude (thats what they call people in fairdale) literally over dosed in the bed that was supposed to be mine. in the bedroom that was supposed to be mine but I cant say anything about it? I CANT SAY ONE GOD DAMN WORD ABOUT IT?

nah because bf is too nice to people who ‘care’ to realize what they’re really doing in the big picture. she put her clothes in the closet that was supposed to be mine. mine. FUCKING MINE. but i cant be mad because shes homeless and has cancer. what a fucking lifetime movie. I DIDNT NEED THIS TO KNOW I WAS A SELFISH PERSON. I ALREADY KNEW. I’M GOOD AT HIDING IT. I WANT MY CLOSET SPACE BACK. I see drug abuse and friendship and something strikes me as sketchy. OMG. and dont get me started on the cheating.

he cheats on me. he puts his dick inside his best friend while they’re fucked up on whatever. they tell me she says no everytime he asks but this time she didnt. oh wow. what a perfect picture of a life im stuck in. what a romantic gesture. WHAT A FUCKING ROMANTIC COMEDY OF LIFE. i can keep my perfect pussy to myself and he cant go one fucking day without trying to put his dick in something. I WILL BUY YOU A FUCKING GRAPEFRUIT TO FUCK IF THAT WILL KEEP YOUR DICK OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

he says hes taking a shit when he goes over there but he takes a shit every time and they’re long shits. idk if its to fuck or whatever but its for sure about drugs. drugs that tear people apart and keep the glued together and they’re fucking ripped seams. god this sounds like fucking trash and it is. it literally is. and I know it but I cant do a damn thing about it because I love this trash. hes not trash. but he acts like it.

I know he’s not trash because somehow he has it all figured out. its like his autistic niche is seeing into the future and knowing for god damn sure that something is going to turn out the way it is but he wont fucking tell me. just straight up tell me the truth.

naaaah. that’d be too logical. he’d rather tell me the alternative lie. to keep me safe. HA. OKAY FROM WHAT. my life is so fucked up now.

needless to say 2016 has royally fucked me up. there’s probably a shit ton of stuff I forgot to mention and I should of because this is my collective fuck up recap but oh well. its not the last of it anyway. I know that for damn sure.

I just hope that when we get married or whatever the fuck next big thing happens in our lives. I hope it balances out the bad shit. because the bad shit is getting really hard to deal with. like really hard. like my hands are shaking sometimes hard and i feel like i cant kill myself because even in death i’d be worried about you and its nobodys fault but its our fault.

I know it is. he’s not even supposed to be in a relationship right now and what does this fucker do. he falls in love. true love with an innocent girl who has no idea what shes about to fucking go through. god damn. somebody help me. somebody really help me. I know I will always love him. more than the other mother fuckers I thought I cared about. I will fucking love him.

I FUCKING LOVE HIM. it makes me angry how much i love him. because it hurts me. a lot. but I wont stop. I cant. i wont. i never will. even if he stops loving me. i dont see how. but if he did. i’d still be calling and showing up and waiting outside and peeping in windows like a fucking nutcase. its my fucking ride or die. even if we broke up and i met someone else. god its not gonna be like this. it might be better. it might be a fucking dream. it might be date nights and morning kisses and flowers at work. but it wont be this. it wont be what i have with tey. nothing will ever be like this.and i fucking love that. im obsessed. im entranced. im in deep heartache love.

and ironically he does literally the worst thing he could do. the worst thing. he could. is love me irrevocably. whole heartedly. stubbornly. passionately. intentionally. desperately. in return. a love that i could live with for eternity. without a shadow of a doubt love. til the day we die in each others fucking arms.

its killing him. its killing us. but its keeping us alive.

how sobering is that shit.

#2017 #NewYearNewMe #relatinship #boyfriend #love #writing #spilledink #addiction #drugs #help me #literally #im so lost #and so in love

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