#but not since I spoke to you last

[sleepysigh]

On the Air

I recall disembarking

The last train I'd ever take from London

Snatching newspapers for my nest

From the rows of empty seats

A convenience, a kind gesture

Uncomprehended

Just another confused pigeon

Who wandered in from off the street

You took me home,

I think about it now and then

Fed me pork belly and halloumi

Doubt I'll ever have it again

Snuffling through your kebab boxes

In the morning, by the bins

Just another fox who managed to sneak in

And isn't it your home

Here where I am home, I thought,

How has it sprung up around me,

How did this place come to my feet

And when I go,

Will it be as some visitation

Some strange happening, some vestige

Near forgotten, bittersweet

In the night when I couldn't help myself

I lay snoring in my sleep

Just another man

Who didn't know who he was

And you woke in the teeth of a dream

You looked down at me, screaming,

Striking at my face,

Seeing a nest of worms beside you

And I, ever faithful to a bit

Writhed in surprise

cried for you

When I fled back where I came from

I chattered at your window

My voice so shrill and cracking

Another bastard squirrel

Revealed at last, cornered,

Afraid and attacking

Where I have been

I know I left a wreck,

Or maybe just a bit of mess to sweep away

The path of least resistance

Was not the path of none

But I am a creature, come to see you,

Who neither lost nor won

But battered myself at an open door

And in my panic

bit you to the bone

~

Now in some stranger's driveway

I think of three pound cider

And shame myself,

That drink is all I think to miss

But in truth it's just the safety catch

And unlatched, I remember

Walking tipsy on the pathway

With my arm around your waist

Swaying, up above me,

Like a flagpole where I clung

Hoping to be raised,

You lowered to me for a kiss

How I regret, my darkling lover,

The errors that I held to

Never admitting to you

I was more than I could give

And what you gave me, if you miss it

I hope the hole healed smoothly

Inside me still are jagged edges

For me to cut myself against

But it's an old snare

I have grown around it now

It bites me to the quick,

I don't resent it

Didn't I capture myself in it,

Glad of it, with every squirming gasp?

But when I think of you breathing

Upstairs somewhere, typing,

I hope the line I tied around you

Turned loose so long ago

Or never kept you fettered in its grasp.

It's an unkindness to one of us,

I don't know who,

To hope I fade like insects

In the winter

But all I thought to give,

I gave you as a pest

My famine love,

my trash woven nest,

The clumsy beats of this heart I told myself

Bled only on your thorns

and not my own.

You are a place now where home lived

Breathed around me as I was,

Scraping at my chrysalis with claws of molten bone

I do not miss you;

as you are now

I doubt I will ever know,

But who you were, I wear,

Tagged as a wild raptor,

Everywhere I go.

#poem #poetry #writing #creative writing #over ten years since I met you #but not since I spoke to you last

[bluerosefox]

Of Godsons, Fruitloops, and Lois 'I will drag all secrets out into the sun' Lane

Danny loses his parents due to their own lack of safety in the lab (death? Coma? People finally putting their foot down about the Fenton's endangering their kids? Idk pick). Jazz can't take him in due to being in college and living on its campus (and he didnt want to force her into an apartment just to keep him, he saw the prices and knows she'll have to work to make rent) and Danny fears the only place he can go to is... Vlad. (Sam's parents would never let him live with her and Tucker's place doesn't have the room)

Vlad's been lording it over Danny, smug about it all, after all he IS Danny's godfather and he has the space and money to provide for the boy in his time of need.

Only, when digging into Danny's files, his social worker discovers Vlad isn't Danny's godfather, he was meant to be but the Fenton's forgot to send/sign in the final paperwork (even if those documents were the only contact they had with Vlad over the years before the reunion)

No Danny's godparent, the person to take him should anything happen to the Fenton's is....

Lois Lane.

His mom's childhood friend.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #blue rambles #crossover #writing ideas #random idea #danny phantom dc #dpxdc #Lois gets a call about her godson who she hasnt really seen since he was a toddler #both she and Maddie had gotten busy with their lives and careers but did still talk at time #she does still send things and have talked with Danny over the phone though #though last time they spoke was before his accident #when she see's him alarm bells start ringing #Danny just got out of a fight with Skulker and is kinda curling in on himself as Vlad is towering over him and threatening him #Vlad is trying to use Lois as a 'Tell her you wish to stay with me and I wont have to harm her' threat against Danny #ooooh what if Clark was with her #and hears EVERYTHING Vlad's been saying #normally i do the bats but hey I wanna switch it up a bit #Lois has a new rich target to sic her investigate journalism on #'hmmm yes EXACTLY how did you get so rich so fast again Mr. Masters?'

[rickybaby]

Nate on the ESPN Unlapped podcast: “He’s got that goal, he’s got that hunger back. He’s back in a team that ultimately he feels that is home for him. You know, we talk about Charles and how close he feels to Ferrari and Lewis with Mercedes. I think for Ricciardo, it’s the same with Red Bull. He feels that’s his home.”

#Nate talking about how he’s spent time with Daniel before vegas and how happy and ‘back to his old self’ Daniel is #just yeah …. ​it never gets boring to hear that #I know the moots are currently going off at Zak brown but honestly all I can do is laugh #Daniel never once spoke a bad word about him or his team last year and hasn’t even once taken his name since he’s left that team #and yet he feels the need to constantly put himself in the victim’s role because he fucking knows what he did #every time he goes on one of those podcasts and talk about uwu how hard it was for him #I’m like whine some more you fucking bitch #anyway Daniel’s home now 🫶🏽 #daniel ricciardo #Nate Saunders

[compacflt]

greetings from hollywood

#tom cruise is on the left and I am on the right in case it was not clear. #on our (semester system college girls) annual roadtrip down the California coast to visit our quarter system UC friends #(during which last year I answered my best asks/answers on this entire blog by getting crossfaded to hell and back) #(the late may 2023 drunken/high party era was an all time great era for Tumblr blog compacflt) #will be in San Diego tmr <3 #technically La Jolla (UCSD). but get off my ass. it all pretty much looks the same #im so sorry to everyone who lives in socal. it is so bleak. come north to San Fran to see what's good. #yall need some urban density down here... #forgor to take my glasses off 💔 ignore that #hard at work on my senior thesis (about senior military leadership in literature) (directly inspired by my research for wwgattai) #hope you all are soooo well. #my friends were like: why do you want to hop out of the car for five seconds at exactly 6912 hollywood blvd...? #oh you know. no real reason. #guys I got an airplane tattoo since last we spoke...

[lenievi]

With your headcanon that Jim wouldn't get involved with anyone he's serving a five year mission with, I'd love something where that's the source of the angst--maybe he or Bones has just survived another crisis and the thought of not being together is starting to wear thin, that sort of thing. Maybe I'm too devoted to angst 😂

Tell Me To Go (2,721 words). TOS!mckirk. explicit, approach with caution.

They couldn’t be more than this. They couldn’t have more than this… sometimes thing. Trektober Day 20 - Fraternization

It isn't exactly as the prompt, but it wouldn't be written without it. Jim just... didn't want to hold back? 😂 Headcanons are one thing, fics are another 😂 It's angsty-ish but happy ending-ish. It also references For the World Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky.

#mckirk #jim kirk #leonard mccoy #star trek tos #trektober 2023 #my writing #it was my first time writing something like this (it wasn't planned. it just happened) #might be the first and last time lol #it's almost midnight and i'm posting this a bit early #thank you so much for the prompt! it really spoke to me... even though the end result is different #also since it ended up being rated E - which no one least of all me would expect - i don't expect you to read it #if it isn't something you're comfortable with #anyway yes jim just likes having 'sometimes' things with people lol

[skeletalheartattack]

Hey do you smell something burning

#ask #anon #sorry something about looking for an image to respond with and seeing luigi pointing #it spoke in such volumes to me for some reason that i started laughing really hard #like hes pointing to something just off screen behind you. but like with no sense of urgency #but definitely with surprise #like he doesnt want to say anything to alert you or anyone closeby #momentarily i was gonna reply with the chef from zelda cdi. my cakes will burn #but luigis foreboding but gentle warning was too strong for me to change away from #anyway thank you for the ask anon. i assume this was related to the last ask (since they appeared back to back) #so. sorry if this answer doesnt necessarily relate to that. it just made me laugh really hard

[rhineposting]

saw someone unironically saying "rhinedottir fed nigredo to durin to make nigredo grow better and stronger because durin's stomach is actually nurturing like hummus 😊😊😊" god if you're up there can you revoke this person's rights to speak about rhinedottir, or any morally questionable girlboss for that matter. if you can't accept that a lady had her son swallow her other son whole then just move onto characters who are actually nice instead of rewriting the actually not so good characters to fit your imaginary narrative better.

#rhine rambling tag #rhinedottir #i swear to god no one has it worse than rhinedottir fans we're in the FUCKING TRENCHES #if it's not people claiming rhinedottir is gonna be an eden or black swan or mobius or whatever honkai girl expy #or saying she's a descender because of that one “flower that is not of this world” line WHICH WAS DEBUNKED SINCE 2. FUCKING 3 #its people doing olympics levels of mental gymnastics to convince themselves and everyone else that she's not a horrible person. #SHE IS. THAT'S LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT #god. reminds me of an ex-friend of mine that was 100% convinced scara was a psychopath who would turn evil and sadistic after 3.3 #and downright saying that the “little doll” story should have been deleted because it didn't fit THEIR interpretation of scara #that was based entirely in wishful thinking and poor misconceptions that have been cleared up PATCHES AGO. #but they just COULDN'T accept that scaramouche wasn't this inherently murderous goth sadistic mommy kinda character #and called ME and MY FRIEND *DELUSIONAL* #last time i spoke to them they said that neuvillette would never cry because he uhh didnt understand his emotions??? WHAT #THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS MAYBE IF YOU WERENT BUSY CRANKING IT TO SCARAMOUCHE IN NURSE LINGERIE YOU'D ACTUALLY KNOW WHO THE CHARACTERS **ARE** #aight that was quite the tangent #ok new tag #rhine hating

[shima-draws]

There’s nothing quite like getting a wedding invitation from the guy you used to have a crush on in high school

#Hmm. Feels awful!! #Me to me: Maybe. I'm not quite over this. #IDK IT FEELS WEIRD MAN. I'm very happy for him. But also kinda bummed at the same time. #I think I'm more just dreading showing up and being like aha yeah! Here I am! #I haven't changed at all since we last spoke! Not at all!! #Nothing new or exciting going on with me ever. No accomplishments. No partner I can brag about. NOTHIN #Hey anybody wanna show up as my fake date. Fake dating to lovers AU /j #Idk it just feels wrong to keep hearing from my friends in high school who are all getting married and having kids #Meanwhile me. Who has never dated anybody ever. And has nothing to show from the past five years: #SORRY I'M JUST HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS I GUESS. AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 26. #Me: I've been dealing with my anxiety and depression on the daily for years now and yeah that's it how are you #My friends: I got my dream job and I'm marrying the love of my life and I'm going to buy a house soon!! #I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE. AND DIE. YEAH. THAT SOUNDS GOOD #Sorry I need to sit here and feel pathetic and hate myself for a second. Then I'll get overe it #*over #Shima speaks #Maybe I can lie and say I've been backpacking through Europe for the last five months. LMAO

[deeisace]

..

#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again #and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet #basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um #someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much. #like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols' #they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that #no-pressure museum not-a-date #and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot. #basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person #because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it #tho they are two v different situs #an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes #same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time #but at least i only said ill think about it? #and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted #and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no #weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff #and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um #is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people #i guess #but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha #and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually. #if they ask again #i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff #im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you #(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)

[autoneurotic]

OH MY GOD

#THAYS ME HAYS ME HATS MSNFNSNXNFNDMXN???!? #I LOVE YOU TOO #FUCK #THIS IS THE COOLEST HINGG THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME #things have gotten worse since we last spoke #eric larocca #autoart

[kavehater]

Guys …. Should I ask for her discord

#SORRY MOMENT OF WEAKNESS #HOWEVER #to put it into perspective she didn’t reach out when I offered ppl to give them my new blog #dora daily #she didn’t see it I bet even tho I self reblogged three times #uhhh #she did she’s opening discord in case she deactivates we can reach her #I hate cutting ties #I can’t do this #I FEEL LIKE A SERVANT TO HER ATP like I’m always making things for her and hyping her up etc etc and #stuff #and now I have to reach out first when she didn’t even ask or look for me it’s been actually a long time since we last spoke #I know it’s because she’s busy #but she still talks to some people #esp if they have a hard time #just not me 😀 #and it’s sad that after everything I tried to do to get her to just notice my presence (she does momentarily) #but she just never exerts that level of energy back #if I give her long replies she just doesn’t reply which makes me feel stupid #and if I don’t reply well #she doesn’t notice #but it hurts my head cause she’s really nice and considerate you know ? just not to me #I don’t understand 😭

[magentagalaxies]

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

#again i do not have enough performance experiences to make any definitive claims about who ''aubery's audience'' is #but i find it funny that any time i show my aubrey material one-on-one to a queer gen z person #they're always like ''i love it but straight people will definitely hate it or not get it'' #and i get the inclination to be like. ''i like this thing so people like me will like this thing'' #and cishet society seems so polarized w/r/t queer topics it's like. the assumption makes sense #however. whenever i've done an aubrey performance in front of an audience that's predominantly queer and gen z #i've actually received a primarily negative response!! and somehow straight people have never given me shit for my aubrey material #(''well straight allys don't count'' i told some of my aubrey jokes to a joe rogan dudebro and he enjoyed them) #(which yeah maybe could be a mark against my comedy but i like to think i opened his mind a bit at the very least) #i really want to test my aubrey monologues in front of a primarily gen x/boomer audience #bc so far i only have actual performance experience in front of gen z or millennials #and the older people i've told jokes to individually or shown videos of my stuff have really liked it #luckily paul has said a goal for when i'm in town this summer is to get me to perform my aubrey stuff in as many different places as possib #for both queer audiences and non-queer audiences so i can gauge reactions since i don't want to be confined to one demographic #so i'll get a lot of data points this summer #@ paul get me a performing slot at senior citizen pride lmao these are my people #(shoutout to paul going ''jess stop collecting the old homos!'' last time i was in town) #(and when i imitated him and was like ''old gay men are not your pokemon!'' bellini was like ''ok but they may be your audience'') #also one data point i really want to see the variation on is how my one specific joke plays in these different demographics #bc i have a joke that like. it's literally not even about AIDS and doesn't punch down at all #i literally say ''if you're gay and over the age of 50 you could violate the geneva convention and i'd still be like support our troops'' #like obviously being like ''you have been through hell so i will let you get away with literal war crimes you deserve ultimate immunity'' #BUT. in the line right before the quote i use the phrase ''AIDS generation'' not as a derogatory term but being like. #this horrible thing impacted the entire generation y'know? and bellini and scott and their friends call themselves that it's just the term #but when i said the phrase ''AIDS generation'' in front of my gen z audience i heard gasps and felt like they all hated me #and when i did the same line in front of millennials it wasn't quite as striking but their eyes did widen #like i was suddenly an ''edgy comedian''. but like this is a part of our history and it does inform the story i'm telling #the story i'm telling is comedic but it's grounded in this real world context #and i'm like. @ the audience who was offended: when was the last time any of y'all spoke to a gay man over the age of 50 #bc bellini loves that section of the monologue and was offended that people would even take offense to that phrase

[famewolf]

I'm nearly 60 hours into this playthrough of Inquisition! And I only just finished Here Lies the Abyss.

holy shit that mission is ten times harder to complete after having played the other games. I spent literal days agonizing over who to leave in the Fade.

and despite speculations about who might survive, I still didn't want to leave Hawke. But I did anyway. My Hawke felt like the only one who would make it through between him and Stroud. And the Wardens needed someone who had some sense to help lead them through the fucked up shit that had just happened. It felt like another moment for the Champion of Kirkwall to inevitably succeed against the odds.

but it gutted me to see Varric so sad and a big old punch in the stomach to think about the letter Fenris would receive and how he would react thinking that Hawke had perished in the Fade. ooooughhh I need to write a hurt/comfort fic Right Now

#[static] #wolf plays da #it would be INSANE to just off Hawke like that off screen right? Right?? #I have to believe he made it through and he'll find his way to both Fenris and Varric one day #I super love Varric so it was hard to do that to him but i gave him a big hug (thank the gods they let you) #also I think Fenaril (my Inquisitor) would have listened to Hawke in that moment too since he spoke with sense #my Hawke is a mage as well and it just feels like ... he'd figure a way out and survive #I've been quiet online because I've been spending every waking moment playing dragon age if im not at work lmao #ive managed to put in 40 hours in the last week on top of working lMAO

[prismatoxic]

guy with "scared people will leave me" disease: hmmm this person i'm fond of hasn't spoken to me in several days. what if they hate me and are trying to leave me

#i can try to reason myself down from the anxiety with logic and past experiences to some degree #but historically i won't properly calm down until we talk again and i can confirm they don't hate me #with some people i can stave this off a lot longer (bc we've done this dance many times) #but also if something Unusual occurs in the last time we spoke or since then it resets the counter #people new to my life? i'm gonna be fretting every time. and it's my burden to bear and i do my best to not act out about it #bc 9 times out of 10 people really are just busy. or tired. or they forgot. #but when you have had that 1 out of 10 happen more than once it uh. it does not help the doubts #i'll b real fam bpd sucks a lot and i wouldn't wish it on anybody. i've come a long way but the Demons! in my brain!!!!! are ceaseless!!!!! #sigh. don't worry about me i just need to articulate my thoughts or i'll burst into flames #tox.txt

[mizu-nights]

smth hit me yesterday that i forgot to tell u abt since we met

I ACTUALLY PLAYED ENSEMBLE STARS ONCE‼️‼️

i actually got stuck on the tutorial on how to play so i didn't know the characters' names yet and IM SO MAD

i lowkey want to play ensemble stars one day cause i enjoyed the cutscenes whenever they play

(idk how i remembered this again)

CAT OHHHHH MY GOODNWSS?!?!#,?+?!!!!!! SLR BUT OH MY GAD PLZ LUSTEN TO THE SONGS (undead. listen to undead) ThEYRE SO GOOD!!!!!!!

plz do plau it in the future if u hav time... go insane w me... start writing for enstars so i can flood ur reqs with kaoru hakaze as well... /hj

#★ — only if i have you #★ — catarina's playlist #SLOWLY COMING BACK!!!! WOO!!!! #been forever since we last spoke #missed u sm cat :(

[diazevan]

friendships dying out in adulthood is such a weird feeling. like the idea of "oh that person and I don't get along anymore" feels like something only a kid goes through, but statistically it must happen more when you're older.

I realized my friendship with my best friend was over, the second she brought her friend (without warning) to one of our meet ups. Now that wouldn't have affected me, but it was her friend who she told me she didn't speak to anymore after he spoke to me in a vile & derogatory way, when we were set up. She then called me two days later to complain that I was horrible to him (all I did was choose not to speak to him.)

I feel as if I had every right to leave that friendship but it was actually her who made that decision, because of how blatantly rude I am apparently 🙃

#don't reblog #delete later #setting boundaries should never be the thing that breaks a friendship #i never crossed hers and she constantly crossed mine #anyway i needed to complain somewhere 🙃 #it's been over a year since we last spoke but sometimes i do miss her #this is a psa for people - you can leave friendships at any point in your life