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chainofclovers · 2 years

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dear creator letter - femslash exchange 2022

Hello, dear Femslash Exchange writer!

This exchange is one of my favorite fandom events every year, and I’m so grateful to you for writing a story for me. First and foremost, I hope you feel all the liberty in the world to disregard my prompts (so long as you adhere to my Do Not Wants) and write the story you most want to write. There’s nothing better than diving into a story that only that particular author could have created, so I’m here for all of your niche interests and obsessive characterizations and experiments with a form you’ve always wanted to try.

Overarching Do Not Wants

Non-consensual sex

Substance use leading to impaired decision-making re: sex (I’m completely fine with substance use in a story, and even with sex that isn’t completely sober, but I would strongly prefer to avoid stories in which drunkenness or other drug use leads a character to be unable to consent or to make choices they wouldn’t have made otherwise)

Major character death

This is suuuuuper specific but I’d prefer not to read a story involving nipple clamps?!

Stuff I Love

I’m very into stories with a strong sense of place. I believe a story can take place entirely on a couch and still reveal tons about the characters through their groundedness in their setting. I love stories about travel and stories about home and the search for home and queer time and all that stuff.

I also really love stories that dive into the many ways of being queer that exist! I love narratives that center queerness, even—or especially—when they aren’t just about the question of coming out but about sexual experience or lack thereof, and the way connecting to one’s queerness impacts a character’s relationship with themself and with other people.

I will happily read stories ranging from the very chaste to the absolutely obscene, so no pressure to write more or less sex than you’re inclined to write. I love stories about sex and sexuality and love and lust, but that can take many forms.

Fandom Specifics

A League of Their Own (2022 - present), Esther/Max

Max’s trajectory is my favorite part of the show, and this moment when Esther checks in with her before she gets on the team bus is my favorite scene in the show. I’m just obsessed with all the queer possibility in Max’s life, and with the generous and challenging and erotically-charged yet protective yet competitive yet nurturing way Esther opens up new doors for Max.

No pressure to go with any of these prompts, but I’d be super into a story about the literal “there was only one bed” situation and about what life is like on a traveling team. How does Max stay in touch with Clance and with her Uncle Bertie? How does Max’s relationship to baseball change now that she’s finally part of a team and, for the first time, has what she wanted? Do she and Esther commit to each other, or do one or both of them want their travels to include some wandering? How do they navigate a secret relationship?

Abbott Elementary (2021 - present), Barbara/Melissa

The work wives! I have not read much fic about these two, but this is one of my favorite shows on TV right now and I’m up for reading anything and everything about these characters. Obviously the fact that both characters (especially Barbara) are canonically involved with other relationships is a factor, so let me say that I’d be fine with you handling that any way you prefer. I’m honestly comfortable reading thoughtfully-considered infidelity, or a story about navigating breakups and divorces and coming out, or a story that takes place after all that’s happened, or a story that just handwaves it all and focuses on these delightful ladies.

As always, no pressure to go with the prompts, but I love how Barbara and Melissa always have each other’s backs at school functions and are very clearly the Old Guard of the Philly public school system. They know they’ve earned every shred of respect they get. So what happens if one of their colleagues needs help outside of work? What kind of team do they make if it’s the middle of the night and there’s an emergency? Barbara and Melissa are both understandably wary when Janine shows up in the teacher’s lounge with one of her big ideas, but what happens if one of them ends up with a big idea, too?

Ted Lasso (2020 - present), Keeley/Rebecca

I adore Keeley and Rebecca and their completely lovely mutual admiration society. These characters are sooooo fun to write.

While I’d be okay with a story that takes place during the canon of s1 or s2, there have been a lot of brilliant takes on alternatives to the Liverpool weekend and other canonical scenes already, so I’d be more excited about a post-canon story (I mean, we know s3 won’t be out by the time the exchange happens, haha).

I would prefer NOT to read about infidelity here…would much prefer nothing involving cheating on Roy (or anything that hates on Roy because I love him). Totally good with a post-Keeley/Roy breakup situation, a poly situation, a situation that simply ignores canonical romance by zooming in on the present scene, etc.

Speaking of poly situations, I’ll note that while there’s obviously no pressure to write anything other than Keeley/Rebecca femslash, my ao3 page is evidence of how much I adore the men of Ted Lasso and stories that explore the possibilities for love between all the lead characters on the show. So if anything like that is up your alley, bringing Roy and/or Ted into the mix is more than fine by me. But I’ll also be genuinely happy with pure Keeley/Rebecca.

As far as prompts go, I’m super interested in the way these characters’ backstories influence their present-day sexual experiences. I love the way Keeley’s pattern of dating football himbos who don’t challenge her gets broken by her beautifully challenging relationships with both Roy and Rebecca. I love the way Rebecca’s non-linear healing process from Rupert means we get only glimpses of the experiences she had before her marriage. How might these women navigate their baggage and celebrate their future?

Thank you again for writing this. You’re the best!

Love,

chainofclovers

#femslash exchange #femslash exchange 2022 #a league of their own #ted lasso #hot dork club #abbott elementary

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non-un-topo · 2 years

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Just…just any thoughts on them being the wlw mlm gang of history 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (after typing this out I realize this sounds like a poor Victorian child in media “please any spare thoughts please 🥺” ajjdkflsa)

Oh so many thoughts, friend ;_; (disclaimer: I know we hardly have any canon content of the four of them together and I'm running on 374567 headcanons in a trench coat but I'm trying to stay on the canon track and also. i just love them a lot.)

I've said it before but the fact that they are the oldest couples in the world, and they're all gay..??? It's something about the level of closeness and understanding that they all must have had with each other, it just does things to me. It's no secret that the old guard is a queer story (both in the obvious sense as in there are queer characters, but also in the sense that it queers conventional big-action hero stories). It doesn't shy away from showing us just how isolating immortal life must be. Now, imagining that throughout hundreds to thousands of years... with four queer characters? Two of whom are racialized? We've got different levels of social isolation and oppression.

It's hard to even imagine the impact they collectively had on "social outcasts," so to speak, or people who were othered. And the fact that they were two couples adds another layer of love and trust and commitment to all their work.

It's no secret that queer people have been deliberately erased from history for centuries (and are still erased in media--looking at you, Disney), but the existence of Andy/Quynh and Joe/Nicky (as fictional characters and also as characters within the fiction) just prove all that shit wrong by being old af and explicitly gay.

In a crack-ier vein, I really do think that being queer would have potentially made their bond even stronger. It's like being in their own little in-group all the time (and we're delving into headcanon territory), travelling wherever and whenever but always as a unit, likely apart from most of the people they interacted with. I mean, I imagine spending centuries with the same handful of people would warrant a super tight bond and probably extinguish all modesty, but even moreso if all parties in the group are gay. (I may be thinking about the four of them doing all sorts of taboo shit, like sharing a bedchamber, a bath, helping each other get dressed, cussing in front of the "ladies," or more likely Andy and Quynh swearing like sailors, sparring together, sharing clothes, etc)

Anyway I've gone on a tangent <33 I will stop there!

#no one is going to read all this ghfdsfgh but it was so much fun thank you mary for indulging me ily <3 #the 'taboo' stuff is some of my favourite to write tbh hgfdsfg #like the scene in lionheart where yusuf is in the tub and andy is lying on the bed topless. fun shit.#the old gays

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wangxiandecoded · 4 years

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Episode 10

Previous Episode | Next Episode

(Spoilers for the whole show ahead!)

Going to draw a heart over Wangxian to keep track of every time the camera shows someone third wheeling them from now on.

Wei Ying uses his Binding/Bonding talisman on Xue Yang to show Lan Zhan it’s a dynamic tool that doesn’t deserve to be named “Boring”. Even though there’s a serial killer on the loose, Lan Zhan’s opinions on his inventions matter a lot to him. Standard Wei Ying stuff.

Wangxian’s Mirrors

At this point of the show, I could not believe there was a couple who directly mirrored Wangxian. And surprise! They were two men who dressed in black and white and came together for their common vision exactly like Wangxian did. Wei Ying cannot help but connect the dots and Lan Zhan is already aware of their eminence.

Xue Yang Fancies The Yiling Laozu

Xue Yang’s introduction makes the story take a darker turn but also a gayer one. The homoerotic subtext between him and Wei Ying literally jumps out of the screen.

(This episode had a lot of moments that were just begging for alternate dialogues to be written. I just wanted to have fun with the subtext that’s already present.)

Wei Ying doesn’t want Lan Zhan to waste his precious breath interrogating the bad guy. He protectively steps up (something he does quite a lot) and puts some distance between the both of them.

But he wants Lan Zhan to hold his sword while he does that.. and if that act wasn’t necessarily considered to be intimate or romantic before, it just became that after Lan Zhan refused to do it in front of everyone.

Wei Ying has uttered many conspicuously gay things on the show but most of them are with reference to Lan Zhan. Therefore, this is possibly the gayest dialogue he has ever said in a strictly non-Lan Zhan context.

His tone is all, “Honey, you've been existing for 5 minutes, I'm the queerest person the cultivation world has seen in a millennium. You think frisking a guy is going to make me feel scandalized?” This is nuts to me because Xue Yang is arguably the most blatantly coded gay character on the show.. and here is Wei Ying all but saying he can outgay him. That he shouldn’t come after his job. And Lan Zhan just looks like..

It is curious how Lan Zhan says no to something that would require Wei Ying to go near Xue Yang again.

We get it, Lan Zhan. It was hard to see your guy giving attention to someone who wasn’t you.

When Lan Zhan is unsure what's happening back home, the first person his eyes seek is Wei Ying, his source of strength and reassurance.

SongXiao Help WangXian Fall Deeper In Love

Wei Ying is euphoric to meet another pair of Soulmates™. (The same kind of glee that queer people feel when they meet a celebrity queer couple.) His relationship with Lan Zhan just gained supreme validation and a boost to the power of infinity!

He sees everything he has with Lan Zhan reflected in SongXiao’s relationship. He admires them and is delighted that people like them who aren’t concerned with clan drama can walk the wider path of justice, and also lead successful, honourable lives. He looks to Lan Zhan for confirmation but Lan Zhan doesn’t seem too eager to publicize the super sweet promise they made at the lantern ceremony or the fact that he’s been secretly enjoying Wei Ying’s companionship on this expedition. And let’s be honest, it would’ve been more shocking if Lan Zhan did confirm any of that here.

Cheer up, Wei Ying! Lan Zhan will get plenty more opportunities to prove his love for you and he'll ace every single one of them.

No one asked for this but thank you NHS for declaring your ideal type is beautiful gentlemen who fight crime together and unapologetically go their own way.

The parallels between the two pairs write themselves. More importantly, it is while watching SongXiao leave together that Lan Zhan stumbles onto an epiphany.

This is such an underrated moment in the show. The sorrowful music and slow-motion shot of Lan Zhan looking at Wei Ying with vulnerability all over his face once again drives it home that Wei Ying is The One for him, and he is his. He was already getting tired of denying that Wei Ying is his soulmate in every sense there is, and he feels his pain and sadness in this moment. It is enough for Jiang Cheng to feel sorry for him and move on but not for Lan Zhan who feels all that his soulmate feels.

It is overwhelming and brand new information to Lan Zhan himself that he can feel it because Wei Ying is not in impending danger right now, so this need he feels to protect him and be there for him can only mean that he loves him beyond the shadow of a doubt. Wei Ying seems upset thinking about his mother and Lan Zhan gets it, without Wei Ying having uttered a word the whole time. His face shows a kind of defeat in this scene; he surrenders to everything he has known and felt for some time now : He's in love with Wei Ying and would tear down the universe without a second thought if it means it would rid him of his unhappiness. And he isn't able to do that in this moment. But thanks to Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, he’s found comfort in the truth they have each other at the end of the day, even if they have nothing left in this world. He cannot give back to Wei Ying what he has lost but he can accompany him in his sadness, and it will have to be enough. And it is, because Wei Ying can overcome just about everything as long as Lan Zhan walks by his side.

Wei Ying Says Lan Clan Deserves Rights

Wei Ying has many nice things to say about the Lan clan who he found exhausting a few months ago. Love brings about miraculous changes in a person, y’all.

Wei Ying gravitates towards Lan Zhan as if it's second nature to him and it really is.

Jiang Cheng spends a lot of time trying to get Wei Ying to spill the Top Secrets about the Yin Iron and Wei Ying is like, "Sorry, I’m bound by the Soulmate laws to tell you absolutely nothing."

Wei Ying is already embracing the idea of controlling the Yin Iron and people are rightfully getting offended by his suggestion.

What did you expect, Wei Ying? Not everyone is your lifetime confidant to give you the benefit of the doubt and reciprocate it with compassion, trust and open-mindedness.

Wangxian’s Temporary Separation

What was that, Wei Ying? Did we hear you admit that the Gusu Lan roof is softer than the one in Qinghe? Could this have anything to do with a certain law enforcer in Cloud Recesses you fell in love with at first sword fight?

There is a delicate, bittersweet air to this separation, and even the casual watcher is going to be wondering, “When did I get so invested in Wangxian that WuJi makes me want to cry?”

It's cute how Lan Zhan is like, “Okay, I’ve seen the love of my life for one last time, I’ll quietly take my leave so he doesn’t know I was waiting for him to come back.”

Turns out, "I'll sleep on your roof tonight," is one of the most romantic things we could tell the person we love. Isn't it brilliant that just few seconds ago Wei Ying had said he will take whatever ground he finds as his home for the night, and how utterly beautiful is it to have followed it up with this dialogue? “Lan Zhan, I'll sleep on your roof tonight.” Because the world is big but my home is wherever you are. That’s where I’m happiest, I'll sleep on this rugged roof and walk through thorns if it means I get to be by your side. I won't mind it at all. And how unbelievably romantic is it that Wei Ying makes a philosophical statement about life, which ends up being about Lan Zhan?

Lan Zhan hears the implications in his voice. And he openly yearns to stay behind a little longer and commit to his memory what Wei Ying looks like when he is drunkenly proclaiming his love for him under the moonlight. It is pleasantly surprising that Lan Zhan is willing to express his emotions when he knows he is safe from Wei Ying hearing them, that he doesn't mind telling him goodbye when he thinks Wei Ying won't remember it.

But the audience can hear his voice and we are going to remember it. How, "Wei Ying, I have to go," is uttered in a cadence so sweet we did not know Lan Zhan was capable of before this. And the choice of words do not simply mean that he’s going to leave, but that he has to, and most certainly not because he wants to. And how it really means, “I’m worried about everything, but especially you, and I'm sorry I have to go. I have to trust that we'll both be okay on this path. Please know that I don't wish to leave you, and forgive me for it. Wei Ying, I love you."

Even their temporary separation hurts so good. If they were meant to be best buddies, this scene wouldn't have been shot so poignantly. But we got used to seeing them together and every frame is designed to dig deeper into your heart and instil the fact that these soulmates are parting, and we don’t know when they’ll see each other again. This is the melancholy of a man who does not wish to be away from his lover but is forced to for the sake of the greater good. Anyone can see that.

The rooftop and moonlit night come as a callback to their first meeting, only Lan Zhan no longer wants to point the tip of his sword at Wei Ying, it gives him far greater satisfaction to place Wei Ying behind his sword.

I haven’t counted the number of times people acknowledge Wangxian’s relationship and/or know that they are inseparable, but it’s safe to say almost every character does that at some point. And some even know how to exploit their weakness, that in order to hurt one of them, the surefire way is to simply aim for the other like Wen Chao does here.

To summarize, Episode 10 saw Lan Zhan showing us his true colors : When he isn’t occupied with being the esteemed, intimidating Lan Wangji, he’s busy being a regular, sweet, romantic guy in love. And Wei Ying did that. He single-handedly exposes the soft side of Lan Zhan that nobody sees to the audience now and the world later on.

This episode also gave us this : Two soulmates chilling shoulder to shoulder zero feet apart because they’re falling in love.

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sapphicambitions · 5 years

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Part 2 of My Happy Little Fantasy

First Part is here: “I want to live.”

---

It takes seconds for Eliot to cross the fire. Before Quentin takes his next breath--and it’s a real breath that proves he’s alive--Eliot has him pulled into a massive hug. The older man wraps his arms around him and Quentin sinks into the hug. He hugs Eliot like it’s the only thing holding him to this earth and suddenly he’s crying. Quentin is crying into Eliot’s clothes and he breathes in the familiar scent of his love. He thinks Eliot is crying too, but he’s not sure until Eliot finally pulls away and holds Quentin’s head in his hands.

“You died,” Eliot chokes out, eyes filled with tears.

Quentin can’t help but laugh, and nods. “I died,” He reaches up and takes Eliot’s hands into his own. “But I’m back, and I’m not going anywhere,” He stares up into Eliot’s eyes, just like he did that day in the park, just like he did for fifty years. And then Eliot is kissing him.

It’s as natural as breathing. It’s a kiss they’ve had a thousand times before and yet like they’re kissing for the first time. Quentin wraps his arm around Eliot’s waist and pulls him closer at the same time that Eliot wraps his hand around Quentin’s neck. They kiss like the star-crossed lovers they are, and for a moment Quentin forgets the world around him.

And then he hears Margo throw out a “What the fuck?” And they break apart, both grinning from ear to ear. Quentin turns back to the group, who are all on their feet at this point and staring at him with dropped jaws. Quentin squeezes Eliot’s hand in reassurance before stepping forward to greet the rest of the group.

“Hey, guys,” Quentin grins. “Penny says hello,”

---

Quentin and Eliot take a break. Not from each other, gods no. From the whole “saving the world” thing. After months of being separated by the Monster and after both of them dying one way or the other, they agree to take a step back, together. To take a pause. To take a breath. To take time to heal and to learn to love each other again.

The group wholeheartedly supports their choice. Kady and Penny 23 don’t actually super care, but they promise to check in and say hello every now and then. Alice actually seems a little relieved, and by the looks she’s giving Kady, Quentin knows that she’s going to be just fine. Julia and Margo are thrilled by this, the chance for their best friends to just live. But they agree on one condition: they live somewhere easily accessible so they can visit often and regularly.

Quentin and Eliot move to Upstate New York. They buy an old cabin in the middle of the woods that’s been abandoned for a while. The real estate agent is surprised that they want to take on such a project but it’s in the middle of a clearing and next to a stream and has echoes of the mosaic everywhere. It’s not the same as their home in Fillory. It’s different. Larger, a bit more run down and needing a lot of love to fix it up. There’s plumbing and electricity and air conditioning and internet, which is a blessing. There’s only one sun and their son is not running around the mosaic tiles, but it’s just similar enough to make them both smile.

The cabin is also fifteen minutes away from Brakebills, and the first piece of furniture that goes into their home is the Fillory Clock. Margo can now come and go as she pleases, but they do ask her to at least send a bunny before hand. Julia, who’s accepted a teaching job at Brakebills, is also welcome to come over whenever, but they do ask her to send a text message before hand. But unless either of them are there visiting, it’s just Q & El.

The first few weeks are a quiet time. Eliot is still healing and jumpy at every loud noise. Quentin is still reeling from his suicide attempt and miraculous return. A lot of time is just spent holding each other, whispering confessions and fears and secrets and promises. They make sure to take the time to actually talk through their trauma with each other and with Margo and with Julia and with the resident therapist at Brakebills. Fogg allows them both to see the therapist regularly, free of charge, despite the fact that they’re no longer students. But they begin the process of healing, understanding that it’s going to take time.

One morning, they’re sitting in their kitchen, drinking coffee in a comfortable silence when Quentin remarks that the cabinets would look good painted white. And that the walls would be better as a peach color. Eliot grins in that way he does for Quentin.

“Are you going Bobby Berk on my ass, Coldwater?” Eliot teases. Quentin smiles and for a second he wants to hide it in his mug, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t need to anymore.

Eliot had kind of assumed that he would be doing to bulk work in designing and fixing up the place. And it’s true, he might have a slightly better eye for it that his partner, (his partner) but Quentin enjoys the work. He enjoys quietly puttering around the cabin and mending the broken pieces. He enjoys going with Eliot to the store and giving his opinions on paint colors and curtain patterns. He even surprises Eliot one day by coming back from the store with an armload of small paint cans and brushes, rambling on about how he wants to paint a mosaic on that open wall in their bedroom and why it would be a good idea. Quentin wants to say “I know it’s stupid” but he doesn’t. He says “I want to paint a mosaic pattern on that empty wall in our room,”

Eliot answers with a solid yes and then kisses him.

Communication has become the most important thing they’ve had to work on. If they’re going to be partners (and they agree on the term partners, fully committed to each other, forever and ever amen) they need to be open about what they want and what they fear. On everything, from conversations about commitment and love to deciding that Fillorian rustic boho chic is the look they’re going for in their designs. And it’s hard. And it feels good. Some days it’s easy for Eliot to say “I’ve always been afraid of commitment because of what I saw my parents go through,” and then on the same day it’s hard for him to say “I don’t think that’s a good spot to put the new table,” So it’s a give and take.

Margo comes over for dinner after they’ve completely finished fixing the place up. She’s been over enough times to see the progress as it was happening, but to see it all finished leaves her breathless. Eliot can tell she’s trying not to get choked up from seeing her two best friends genuinely happy with each other and their home when she remarks that they’re giving Chip and Joanna a run for their money. Quentin and Eliot cook dinner for the three of them, and Margo secretly smiles at how the two work together in the kitchen. Like they’re a machine, working together in perfect tandem. She’s always had her bets on these two living happily ever after, and it’s nice to see she was right about it all along.

When Margo leaves and they’re cleaning up the kitchen, Eliot remarks that it feels like this is what would have happened if Jack and Ennis got their happily ever after. Quentin doesn’t know what he’s talking about which makes Eliot’s jaw hit the floor and so they curl up on the couch and watch Brokeback Mountain. Which, Eliot thinks is a great idea until Quentin is sobbing his eyes out and Eliot can only hold him tight. He can only press kisses to the top of his head and rub his back to calm his partner down.

“You know I love you so much, right?” Quentin chokes out through the sobs.

Eliot has to blink away his own tears and tells Quentin yes, he knows, and he loves him back. He loves him to the ends of the Earth and to the ends of Fillory and the ends of the Neitherlands and the ends of the Library and to the ends of Cuba. And he peppers kisses onto Quentin’s face and wipes away his tears. The sex is great that night.

Quentin begins writing a book. Several months after the start of their new life, they both figure they’ve got to do something with their lives eventually, as their money will eventually run down and they’ll need to stop lending money from Fillory or Fogg. And Quentin decides he wants to write a kids book, like Fillory and Further, but better. He’s telling Eliot about it one night over the fire pit in their backyard, about how he wants to write a fantasy series focused on queer characters. And how no matter what those queer characters will go through, they’re going to get a happy ending. Because Quentin wants to give that kind of representation that he never had to young queer kids. And then it’s Eliot’s turn to cry while Quentin rubs his back and peppers him with kisses.

Eliot doesn’t know what he wants to do. He has a hard time admitting it, but he never thought he’d live til his 30s, so he never really had a plan. (It’s hard for Quentin to hear that) But he’s inspired by Quentin and his desire to give back.. So Eliot begins working at a shelter for LGBT youth in New York City. They enchant one of the unused closets in their home to be a doorway to Eliot’s new job (which they both find hysterically ironic) and now he has a job and purpose. Working with queer youth and helping them get back on their feet is really good for Eliot. He can identify with a lot of them who’ve left abusive homes, those who seem to be heading down the dangerous addiction path, those who seem to be struggling to get out of bed. And Eliot shows them that it will take time and work, but it gets better. And he shows a lot of kids that they have a right to exist as themselves in the world. And sometimes he brings Quentin, just to show them that is possible to overcome tragedy and deal with their trauma in a healthy way. To show them that two queer men are allowed to live and have their happily ever after.

“See? Look at my dastardly handsome partner.” He jokes to a room of teens, sending a sly smile to Quentin. Q is looking at him like Eliot hung the moon and he can’t get enough of it. Eliot takes his partner’s hand and kisses his knuckles. “We survived, and so can you,”

#lesbianlaynie #the first time i tried to post it i failed lmao #queliot #the magicians #the magicians fix it fic #fix it fic #im in denial about the finale #queliot fic #queliot fan fic #quentin coldwater #eliot waugh #julia wicker #margo hanson

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thequietoftheroom · 5 years

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Hi. Is this thing on? Lauren Graham said in her new book that we should write more so this is my attempt at that. Oh by the way, I started reading again. I write these for myself so why don’t I just use “we”, but that will probably be weird reading it back. I’ve read Feminasty: The Complicated Woman’s Guide To Surviving The Patriarchy Without Drinking Herself To Death, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice On Love And Life From Dear Sugar, and now I’m almost done with Talking As Fast As I Can: From Gilmore Girls To Gilmore Girls. I’ve gone through several lists to pick out the books I plan on reading in the next few months, at least if I can afford them, but I like to think the books I ultimately bought found me and not the other way around. I have been read cover to cover, my soul pierced, and my mind opened. Of course fiction books have a similar effect but I never thought I would be interested in what people had to say about this grand thing called life and I learned that I cared a whole lot, not because I wanted to model myself after them but because I care about people and reading their explanations on life is like suddenly remembering they’re my best friends and they’re just catching me up on little secrets that come packed with nuggets of wisdom.

I got myself into several situations I never planned on getting myself into even though the red flags were there and even though the people very openly said “Hey, this is exactly who I am”, but you know how your mind works when you have anxiety and depression. You start to convince yourself the puzzle pieces you find yourself assembling are actually part of the picture even though they don’t fit because deep down you’re trying to finish the puzzle of your life and no one is giving you quite the right pieces. In other words, and to quote my friend Allie, I drank a nice glass of “dumb bitch” juice. Which lead me to want to consider joining a dating site sooner than I planned. I know these things take time but it’s been 3 days and I’ve sent 40 likes (I think that’s how okcupid works idk) and practically got 0 back. Here’s why that sucks. On okcupid they focus strongly on your personality and beliefs. So someone not only saw my face and said “yeesh no thanks” they took the time to get to know the information about myself I put on there and were still like “yikes I don’t think so”. So all in all this was an experiment in derailing my self esteem and increasing my depression. What crazy color will I dye my hair to suddenly avoid dealing with my problems? Or maybe I’ll give myself another buzzcut. Stay tuned!

On a serious note, a lot of the stories I’m reading made me SO relieved that at 27 I’m still very much single and have only had 1 relationship which wasn’t that great (it was both of our faults). There were so many stories and anecdotes about young love being messy and about true commitment coming in your 40′s. Honestly, idk if I can wait that long. If NASA and the CIA and the FBI were like “you have been randomly selected to test mating with androids” I’d be like “yes please but can I choose their face”. I mean realistically I’m in the worst position to be in a relationship. For one, I don’t have much money saved because I’m sadly addicted to ordering things online, most of which are either useful to me or to my job (and no I don’t get reimbursed but I think the prospect of waiting for something in the mail to kill time is momentarily greater than the prospect of having more money later). I still live at home. Obviously, that’s a hella yikes and tbf I’m reading to get the fuck out of here but {see A: i have no money} and I have no one to move in with. I keep doing extensive research but I learned that in 2018 everywhere is problematic. So as much as my love for NYC is slowly fading I also realize this is it for me! I’m a city gal who needs to be surrounded by diversity. I can’t do suburbs and I can’t do living near more than 50% white people. I’ll die. I know that’s discriminatory but we are in the dawn of BBQ Beckys so can you blame me when the majority of white people keep voting against my existence. So I’m stuck. Every once in a while I look up “most LGBT friendly places to live” or “least racist places to live” and hope there’s a magical place with both but there isn’t (especially since, hello, twinks are hella racist). But I’ve literally cuddled my body pillow to death: it broke apart and I need a new one. And I learned I can’t fall asleep unless I’m cuddling it because I’m that lonely.

Everything in life is so complicated. I hate not being out at work but at the same time everyone there is ignorant so I wouldn’t be any more comfortable having them walking on eggshells around me. I love the individuals though and sometimes I feel very motherly or big brotherly towards them and they make me REALLY love work. But I want to be me. And I want to get rid of my legal name. Every time someone calls me John I die inside. Sometimes I don’t even respond because I have to be like “oh shit that’s me”. Can I change my name now? Probably, just have to have the money and redo all my paperwork at work? Will i? No because then either a) the individuals will have to learn my new name and their lives are confusing as fuck as it is or b) i keep my current legal name as a nickname but then it will get confusing for paperwork. I don’t like inconveniencing people that much even for something super important to me. I’ll just die inside until I save enough money, do my last few undergrad psyche classes, and then get into grad school. So like in 5 years, knowing me.

I’ve developed some little crushes here and there but most of the time it’s people that live out of reach or are straight or bottoms or any combination of them or I can just tell they will never like me in that way. So honestly, why bother. I miss the days when I didn’t care about this and the only thing plaguing my mind was what show I should marathon while building in minecraft.

Speaking of games, I play a lot with my friend Sal. He’s like my best friend which is weird because he was my boss once on a minecraft server but now I can’t ever think of him that way? He’s more like an older brother now, even though he’s younger than me. We talk a lot and also enjoy a lot of silence, and introduce each other to different games and shows. But mostly games. We’re both obsessed with 7 Days To Die and I check constantly for news about the update (no set dates for Alpha 17 AHHHH). To fill that void we started playing Fortnite, which I know a lot of people make fun of but it’s actually fun. Here’s a fun fact about me: I can’t take serious games serious so if there’s no building element, or fun element, or explosives I can blow things up with, I won’t do it. I have 0 competitive bones in this body. I like to have fun. That’s why Fortnite is perfect because it is a competitive FPS type game but it’s also a parody of that genre and it’s so whimsical. Save The Day is a lot like 7 Days To Die so that’s been fun. Listen, when you play a game with someone and you beat it, especially a survival game, it’s such a relief and you learn so much and it’s like you went on a literal adventure with that person. Did Sal and I actually get stranded on an island full of mutants and cannibals? No but that’s what it actually felt like after finishing The Forest because it was that real for us. My love for Pocket Camp is fading because it’s the same stuff, new textures. I mean the prospect of having a cute camp is fun sometimes (fun enough for me to spend way too much money on it. HELP!) but now it’s like “oh they just stand there and I don’t really do anything”. ALTHOUGH they are saying that now they are adding a LOT more gameplay to the point that you need at least 1gb of space of the game so I’m excited. I’m still obsessed with minecraft so there’s nothing new there.

Here’s something weird. I spent much of my time, when I identified as gay, being annoyed at gay stereotypes and mostly twinks being like “if you don’t do x,y,z you might as well be straight”, so much so that now that I came out as queer those things still bother me and I have to be like “it’s okay that’s not you anymore you literally figured this out which is why you’re this person”. That’s how I should introduce myself tbh “Hi I’m the Q in LGBTQ”. I don’t care about fitting in but because of my lack of in person friends sometimes I worry that maybe I should care, just a little. I’m so tempted to try Tinder just for that but then I think of all the people who have Tinder that live in this building and I’m like God that is a huge mistake. I need a huge life change. I need someone to come in and shake up my life but no one has volunteered. I’m kind of regretting thinking of all those stupid romantic things like “Oh I want my future boyfriend to teach my how to ride a bike :)” “I want my future boyfriend to take me traveling” “I want my future boyfriend to serenade me”. I’ll just become a full on Capricorn and teach myself everything, travel the world alone, and serenade my goddamn self.

Speaking of which again, can my depression like.. not? I was so into learning and practicing chords daily and I just stopped? Like my motivation was like “It’s been a nice 1 week. back to not caring about anything again” I mean I started to try to learn Burn and Satisfied from Hamilton (well, “learn”) so I at least have interest and I still listen to classical music and jazz to light that fire under my ass but still. I’m just going to do what I always do and restart from lesson 1 and hope I make it to 3 although my extensive research of chords has already put me at an advantage for lesson 3, which is chords. Of course I would go and try to learn something in an unstructured manner because I have a problem with routine and authority even when that authority is me.

I should write me. Which reminds me I was going to write about this one dream I had on my regular blog. See ya!

#personal #2018

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

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This tattoo artist reveals exactly why your tattoo doesn't need to have meaning

http://fashion-trendin.com/this-tattoo-artist-reveals-exactly-why-your-tattoo-doesnt-need-to-have-meaning/

This tattoo artist reveals exactly why your tattoo doesn't need to have meaning

Whenever people see my tattoos, they immediately ask what they mean. For the designs on my body that serve no specific purpose or have no other “meaning” besides I think that they look cool (like the skeleton on my ankle), I feel pressure to attach something sentimental to them. But it’s not necessary for tattoos to have a specific interpretation or symbolism in order to be significant to you. And even if it is insignificant to you, all that matters is that you chose to get it because you liked it and wanted it on your body.

After spending time with tattooer Mars Hobrecker in his studio nestled in the back of The Living Gallery, an event space and art gallery in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I now feel more open to getting a tattoo that I didn’t spend months or years planning out, like the deer on the back of my arm that pays homage to a trip I took to Japan with my dad or the hand holding flowers on my inner arm that is a tribute to the women in my family.

Most of Hobrecker’s appointments are based on predrawn designs, which are known as “flash” in the tattoo community. His clients pick from the latest designs he’s drawn that are taped onto the pages of a photography magazine. Flipping through it, I noticed drawings of objects including everyday objects, like chairs and toothbrushes, and medical equipment, like a speculum, as well as people, both clothed and naked. At first, I was closed off to most of them, mostly because I was trying to connect something sentimental to each of them. The lady sitting in the chair didn’t have a vague resemblance to my grandma and the man hoisting a woman in the air didn’t resemble my ideal relationship.

Brooklyn Beckham is being shamed for his tattoos and we’re not here for it

Hobrecker was incredibly patient as I looked through the magazine-turned-flash-book dozens of time trying to pick something for him to ink onto my skin. He tells me what freaks him out the most is when people open the book and almost immediately point to a design they’d like. “I just feel like I could never be that decisive,” Hoebrecker tells me as I spot a Cruella de Vil-like a woman walking a gaggle of Dalmatians, a package of birth control pills, and a circus-performing couple. I find myself gravitating toward the nude sketches of people covered in colorful flowers, or “garden people,” as Hobrecker calls them.

Each design in the flash book demonstrates a striking between Hobrecker’s style and the many delicate flowers and tiny tattoos that flood Instagram feeds, and unlike the slim pin-up girls of traditional tattoo designs, Hobrecker has a refreshing take on representation in his work.

“People have lots of different types of bodies, so I should be drawing lots of different types of bodies,” he states matter-of-factly. “There’s such a huge range of bodies that come through the door to get tattooed, so I feel like my work should reflect that. I don’t want somebody to flip through and think none of these people look like me.”

Like me, most of Hobrecker’s clients take their time selecting what designs they want permanently etched into their bodies. They’ll flag a couple pages and discuss their top three picks with the tattooer, and some even settle on one completely at random. “I feel like that’s actually a great method because even if you pick the one you like less, you immediately know you like the other one more,” he says. “If you have that sink in your stomach, like, ‘Oh I was hoping for the other one,’ then you know that’s the real choice.”

I find way more meaning in taking a moment to sit with my body and think about my relationship with it.

If you ask Hobrecker, determining whether or not the image “means” something to you should be secondary. Instead, he believes a tattoo’s significance could be found in the tattooing process itself. “I find way more meaning in taking a moment to sit with my body, think about my relationship with it, and have that hour or two where you’re really forced to think about yourself and have this very physical sensation associated with that,” he explains. “For me, that holds way more meaning than a rose that you get for your mom.”

Becoming a tattooer

Although Hobrecker set up shop in The Living Gallery in December 2016, he’s unsure of when he officially became a tattooer, mostly because it wasn’t a career goal of his. (Note: Hobrecker never refers to himself as a “tattoo artist,” which stems from feeling like tattooing isn’t an art practice.)

About three years ago, 25-year-old Hobrecker graduated from school for photography but realized he didn’t want to take photos anymore. Selling his camera equipment and buying a tattoo machine became his next option. At the age of 16, giving “horrible” stick and pokes with sewing needles to his friends and friends of friends became one of his regular extracurricular activities. From this, tattooing became less about the art of it to him, but more about helping people assert control over their bodies. As a trans man, this discovery was crucial to Hobrecker.

“When I was younger, I was always very involved in queer and trans communities,” he says. “The people I was surrounding myself with, myself included, didn’t feel super at home in our bodies.”

My first tattoo was a very permanent reminder of the ownership I had over my own body.

“I can’t speak my mind because I’m a black transgender woman,” says Munroe Bergdorf in her most candid interview ever

In Hobrecker’s case, he didn’t feel like he had control over his body when he was younger either, having attended an all-girls Catholic school where he was required to wear a uniform and barred from dyeing his hair. In this controlled environment, all Hobrecker could do was get a tattoo in secret when he was 18. “That was something that couldn’t be taken away from me,” he says. “That was a very permanent reminder for me of the ownership I had over my own body.”

With his background in stick and pokes, Hobrecker figured a machine would be a faster way to tattoo. Once he had one, he taught himself how to tattoo via the Internet, learning about different machines and needles. Typically, this kind of information is accessed through traditional apprenticeships in tattoo shops. Hobrecker mostly circumvented this by tapping Instagram’s “weird” tattoo community, which he declares is “entirely noncompetitive.” In fact, most of Hobrecker’s tattoos, which add up to about 50, are trades from other tattooers.

Hobrecker explains that, oftentimes, tattoo artists share information with each other, too. “It feels really supportive, and I think that’s because a lot us did come into tattooing through nontraditional means,” he explains. “Tattooing has had a lot of gatekeeping in the ways that people are allowed to learn and access to information, but now there’s a wonderful community of people who snuck in through the back door and are really supportive of one another because we all kind of went about it the same way.”

The tattoo community feels really supportive, and I think that’s because a lot of us came into it through nontraditional means.

These delicate finger tattoo designs are perfect for first-timers

Because he doesn’t consider himself an illustrator and doesn’t draw unless it’s for a tattoo design, Hobrecker’s distinct style developed as he learned to tattoo, too. He read that you needed separate needles for lines and shading, and this influx of information was so confusing to him that he decided to skip shading altogether and focus on lines. “That’s why I draw like this,” he says. “It was really an entirely practical decision.”

Sourcing his designs

Somewhere on Pinterest, Hobrecker keeps a board filled with more 200 photos he plans to use as references for drawings. As the earlier mentions of medical paraphernalia might suggest, he gravitates towards medical imagery. “Even the [designs] that don’t look like they were from old medical texts are,” he says. This comes as a surprise when he later tells me he’s had a largely negative experience with medicine, due to “going through transgender help and as someone who has really severe chronic pain — both things that doctors don’t really like to believe people have because they’re not necessarily visual.”

He also draws inspiration extensively from sideshow and circus history. When he sees these pictures from the past, “I look at them and think this looks like me and my friends,” he says. “It was a lot of trans people and a lot of disabled people with nontraditional bodies, so I feel like I relate.” However, he’s very careful about which images he pulls from because of the controversial history of sideshows and circuses. “I don’t need to profit off of someone’s images who has already been used in that way for centuries,” he says.

Due to time restrictions, I wasn’t able to add one of Hobrecker’s flash designs to my tattoo collection. I browsed the book so much while talking to him that I basically memorized it, but once an image of a sitting garden woman called out to me, our interview was coming to an end. (I now know I truly wanted her because I saw on Hobrecker’s Instagram that someone else recently picked her out, and a pang of jealousy hit me.) Talking to Hoebreker nevertheless offered a different type of permanent change for me, though.

Next time I visit Hobrecker’s studio, I’m more likely to select something randomly than when I first went there. This specific part of our conversation will pop in my head when I thumb through his flash book once again: “I think that the image can just be something that’s fun, something that you vibe with. The meaning can be much more in making a commitment to a permanent change to yourself.”

Want more inspiration? Here are our favourite tattoo ideas from Instagram:

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kidsviral-blog · 6 years

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11 Things Everyone Always Assumes About Lesbians

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/11-things-everyone-always-assumes-about-lesbians/

11 Things Everyone Always Assumes About Lesbians

“I don’t know jack squat about sports, plumbing, or how to fix your car.”

We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share assumptions that people make about them based on their sexuality. Here are the things they told us:

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1. That there is such a thing as being “too pretty” to be a lesbian or bisexual woman.

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Fox

“I’ve been told I’m â€˜too pretty to be a lesbian’ and that â€˜I don’t even act like a lesbian.’ How in the hell is a lesbian supposed to act?!” –Submitted by Brittany Fallis (Facebook)

“That I am â€˜too pretty’ to like women. As if I am some lost prize to the male species.” –Submitted by Nicole Pilovsky (Facebook)

“Telling me I am too attractive to be queer.” –Submitted by Katie Knorr (Facebook)

2. That you are part of the super-secret underground lesbian railroad: Everyone knows everyone.

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Showtime

“The assumption that all lesbians know each other. â€˜My cousin works with a girl whose roommate is a lesbian. Do you know her?'” –Submitted by angelaw409cbdcbb

“Another assumption people seem to have is that you and some complete stranger they introduce to you are going to become best friends and/or should date each other because you are both gay. Meanwhile, we could have NOTHING else in common…” –Submitted by Allyson MimiPinkdot Michelle (Facebook)

“That I’m either dating or friends with every lesbian that a person knows.” –Submitted by lilydesmond

“When you’re going out to a party and ask who else is going to be there and the response is, â€˜Oh, my friend Britney is going! She’s a lesbian ;)’ I don’t say, â€˜My friend John is going to be there! He’s a heterosexual ;)'” –Submitted by katea47f60d135

3. That because you’re familiar with the equipment, you must be a complete genius in the bedroom.

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sex-trip.tumblr.com

“â€˜Women just know what other women want, ifyaknowwhatimean…’

NOPE. I was just as clueless as anyone else during my first sexual experience with a lady. I’m pretty sure I said one of the cringeworthiest things EVER immediately after I went down on her, thinking I was being â€˜smooth,’ and I’d prefer not to repeat it due to shame. However, I will say that it sounded like what would end up on Tinder Fails or some equivalent website. I might as well have put on a fedora and tipped it at her vagina.” –Submitted by jlane

“Dear Straight Boys,

Unfortunately I am not a lady whisperer and cannot offer you any magical words of wisdom on how to read women’s minds. It is as much of a mystery to me as it is to you. IF ONLY I were the mermaid vampire oracle of sexuality that some of you think I am.

One day…” –Submitted by Erin Fitzpatrick

4. That you find men ~repulsive~:

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shutyourpieholedora.tumblr.com

“A big assumption that’s made when people find out I’m a lesbian is that I find men completely repulsive. Not true! If a straight girl can appreciate the beauty of Jennifer Lawrence, a gay girl can appreciate the beauty of Bradley Cooper!” –Submitted by jaynee2

“â€˜All lesbians must hate/be grossed out by penises.’ As if straight women all wake up one day, realize they hate vaginas, and so they decide to start dating men. I’m not a lesbian because you assume I’m anti-dick. I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women.

And PS: If lesbians *really* hated penises, would there be such a robust dildo industry? Probably not.” –Submitted by briecamembert

“People automatically assume that because I’m a lesbian I hate men. That’s not true.” –Submitted by kristenk

5. That you’re a super-rugged lumberjane, prepped to fix anything and build anything at a moment’s notice!

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Gramercy Pictures

“Everyone assume that since I’m a butch lesbian, I can fix anything. Car engine busted? Better call the lesbian!” –Submitted by saras428fa9559

“Everybody always assumes I live in Ikea and love to build things. Ikea is a scary maze to me, and NO! I do not want to build your new bookshelf.” –Submitted by ashleyd75

“People, even other lesbians, assume that I love to go camping. I hate it. I’ve always hated it, and I will always hate it. I came out a little later than most (29) and I can’t tell you the number of people who thought that just because I was â€˜gay now,’ I would love camping too. Nope. My idea of camping is staying at an EconoLodge!” –Submitted by Jaimet2

6. And you’re obviously a sports fanatic.

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giphy.com

“1. That I drive a Subaru. 2. That I’m a sports fiend. 3. That I couldn’t possibly be an opera aficionado. 4. That I like cats. Ick.”

–Submitted Cathy Lewis (Facebook)

“I don’t know jack squat about sports, plumbing, or how to fix your car. I get this most from my female friends that assume I know this stuff. Sorry, sugar, I can’t help you fix your flat tire just because I like girls.” –Submitted by Coriem3

7. That if you’re butch, you prefer femmes — and vice versa.

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thewaywardqueen.tumblr.com

“That I can only like either super â€˜fem’ women or super â€˜manly looking’ women. That I can’t like both or that there is no in between.” –Submitted by nichijj

8. That you have the U-Haul company on speed dial because you’re just gunning to settle down.

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purple-rainbows.tumblr.com

“People immediately assume that I’m in a committed relationship because that’s â€˜what lesbians do.’ HELL NO, I’M MARRIED TO MY BED.” –Submitted by reesekatej

9. That something in your past — be it a sexual or personal experience — caused you to be this way.

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giphy.com

“Some dudes assume that you just lack the â€˜right’ sexual experience. That somewhere, between a pair of man-thighs, lies something so incredible and so powerful that it will simply change my mind about the world. About my feelings toward women.” –Submitted by Michelle RJ Rotuno-Johnson (Facebook)

“That I was abused in some way as a child — um, no, were you? When has it ever been OK to ask a casual stranger if they were molested as a child??” –Submitted by Sy Monroe (Facebook)

“The assumption that because I have slept with a man in the past, I am completely incapable of maintaining a serious and/or monogamous relationship with a woman. This is SO pervasive and insulting. Part of it is bi-erasure, part of it might be bitterness if someone in their circle acted badly in the past, but none of it is OK. Getting rejected sucks; facing it repeatedly because of someone’s bizarre and incorrect ideas about what your sexuality means is depressing.” –Submitted by Sonnet Fitzgerald (Facebook)

10. That you are very very very interested in threesomes. All the time.

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minajestyrph.tumblr.com / Via Netflix

“A lot of men assume lesbian couple means â€˜two women to have a threesome with.’ I can’t count how many times I’ve had to clear that up. I really don’t think it should be such a hard concept.” –Submitted by Tessa Gold (Facebook)

“I get asked for a LOT of threesomes.” –Submitted by aliciareneeg

11. That you will sleep with any woman, simply because they are a woman and you have no other standards.

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whatshouldawritercallme.tumblr.com

“After a co-worker found out that I was a lesbian, she asked if I was attracted to her. Then she started going down the list of all females at work to see if I was attracted to them. I told her just because I was queer doesn’t mean I am attracted to all females.” –Submitted by Nancy Parks Seymour (Facebook)

“I know it sounds like a myth, but I really find it’s true that straight women proposition me and seriously expect me to want to sleep with them just because they’re straight but want to try sleeping with a woman.” –Submitted by Jennyiglado

“Other females have assumed that I would be attracted to them because they are women… Not quite, you’re not my type!” –Submitted by hannahm4d7a02301

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tardistache.tumblr.com

If you’d like to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts, follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/you-dont-know-my-life

#community #LGBT #queer women #stereotypes

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