#c:/sgos/gold

[starglowwos]

quick note before i start ranting: last night i started thinking. and then i started ranting in discord. and it got off track. and then i woke up this morning and had a similar thought. so this is just a stream of thoughts from me, really, lmao also, absolutely all of this is from memory, there's a good chance i got some stuff wrong (and i also include a lot of headcanons based off estimates and stuff i don't think would be a stretch), so yeah lmao this is kinda like a thought experiment or something

thinking,, thinking about c!martyn and his birthday

3rd life started 2 weeks after his birthday, last and double life weren't close, rats missed it, pirates has a good chance of missing it, and that's in the future anyway

only limited life included it

martyn… spends the rest of his time in a void, regardless of which route you take, datastream or eyesandears (as we don't know how they connect yet, they're mostly separate? kinda? idk its complicated)

so… what's better: having your birthday in the midst of a death game, in a world that isn't real but feels painfully so, or alone in a void?

in a dark void where you're unconscious most of the time, and when you're not, you're being taunted? or in a green void where you can't so much as sleep like you had to back in the world you were torn from, the world that you only have one actual connection with, your only glimpse of reality being of that who trapped you in this mess and doesn't care enough to get you out already?

martyn's first birthday in the datastream likely would've been limited life, if that's how that would work (again, datastream~eyesandears, complicated)

he's still got another good 7 months until his next one

will he be out of the datastream by then? will doc have finally figured it out?

…why hasn't he yet?

…that's a question for another day. (sure, maybe he's said that dozens of times before, but… now's not the time, is all)

(…besides, it seems like he cares. but…- no, question for another day. whatever a day even is. he only really knows because doc makes him journal for every one that passes, not because it really holds any meaning right now.)

would he rather spend his birthday lonely and paranoid, lonely and paranoid, or lonely and paranoid?

either

in constant fear of death, being able to see just how much time you have left until then, knowing it could skip ahead by an hour or even two at a moment's notice.

people who were supposed to be your friends (and perhaps were in another life) trying to kill you on your birthday, throwing explosives down from the clouds onto your party on the one day you maybe thought you'd be allowed to enjoy yourself.

(and yeah, maybe you were planning on blowing up everyone else, too, but when you're red, can you really be blamed for wanting to spill some blood?)

(…everyone else feels like that, don't they? you're not the only one. you're stupid for thinking you'd be an exception to their bloodlust just because it's your birthday.)

or

in a void where your only waking moments aren't good ones. where you're taunted and berated and ridiculed for your mistakes, where you start to believe what you're told, that you failed your one job despite being given so many chances.

the void in which you last see Them before your only anything between these games abandon you for years?- months on end, only to reappear a game later in hopes of ruining your life. and you're pretty damn scared They succeeded. (you've felt, just, bad, for so long, that you're not sure things can get worse, yet they manage to every time. you're not sure when things got this bad, but it's Their fault, you know it is.)

…you're unconscious most of the time in this void, anyway. you're not sure why it feels like such an eternity every time.

or

in a lime green void, stretching on virtually endlessly (heh, virtually… ah, this is what you've resorted to for entertainment, isn't it?), with access to all you could ever dream of?

sure, maybe not the impossible—that's, well, impossible—and maybe not things that haven't been created yet, maybe some things are locked behind paywalls you can't bypass, or, or need for accounts–

oh, did you mention you can't leave any trace of your existence either? there's quite a few restrictions, actually—no accounts, no anonymous comments, no privacy, no friends, no family, no food, no drink, no sleep, no- no bodily functions, no.. no concrete sense of self, no… fellow(? are you even human anymore?) human interaction…

well, besides doc, but he's… busy. too busy to help you get out of here, too busy to…

to care where you land after pushing you through a portal to an unknown world with little to no warning,

to get… worried, when you stay months in the same game world, because these- these missions are meant to be a, a quick in and out, maybe a week, usually less, not… three whole months, and…

fuck did that hurt, leaving them all, but… the sooner you complete these missions for doc—what even are these missions, anyway? why-—the faster you'll be out of the datastream and.. back to reality. back to.. home… you think.

(why do these missions have such big gaps between them?

why– how is doc presumably fighting CHEST all by himself (well, not all by himself, you are the datastream defender, after all, even if that is just a made up title to make yourself feel better, even if you're barely an asset as opposed to a liability to doc)?

what does global ramifications entail?

why hasn't doc figured out how to get you out of here yet?

why does he not spend any time with you, he's your only real human contact, and even then, it's flakey!?

why does he make you journal every day? to keep you sane? you mean, it's hardly working, but why?

if doc cares, it'd be more than just whatever this is. or–…

…you've had this conversation before. you're just out of touch with social interaction. players and npcs are nothing like real people. you're just… wrong. and doc's right, because doc knows what's going on, and you don't, save for some tiny morsels of information. right. …nevermind.)

this is where i stopped ranting for the night, and i pick it back up on a similar topic this morning ^^

i wonder if, in the datastream lore, rats and pirates are made by the same people or not

if doc would have access to that information, if he would purposefully start avoiding powcreations, or purposefully seek out their game worlds

is martyn spending months in a game world, having fun instead of doing his job, a good thing in any way, in doc's eyes? or is it solely a distraction or vulnerability?

martyn goes to all these game worlds for a reason, he needs to find loot shards so doc can deal with them, but how does doc feel about martyn staying months instead of days? of martyn having fun? growing attached? forming emotional bonds with people who aren't real?

(doc tells martyn they aren't real. martyn has no reason not to believe him on that. (in fact, martyn tells himself they aren't real, because if they were, he's not sure he'd handle that well.) even though players can be awakened, they're still ultimately under an actual human's control—doc's told martyn this. martyn is... a special case. (and if they aren't quick enough, his situation could lose its uniqueness to the enemy. which, if it wasn't clear, isn't a good thing.))

it's ultimately not healthy, martyn knows, but he's been in the datastream a little over a year at this point. the only human interaction he has is doc, who barely seems to have time for him, and CHEST agents (he thinks? they may just be AI), which are actively trying to kill him, whatever that would mean for him. he doesn't like the thought.

so, maybe he's a bit lonely—okay, maybe very lonely—so can you really blame him for wanting to indulge? i mean… even if it isn't really reality, what's stopping it from acting as one? he'll… he'll always have to leave eventually, but… he may as well enjoy himself while he has the chance, right?

so what's to stop him from making friends with oli the trash rat, or oli the pirate? (they're almost eerily similar, all things considered, but martyn guesses that's what happens when you get lazy devs. everything else seems to have so much care put into it, though... why would they put in such little effort to player characters when so much goes into everything else?)

what's to stop him flirting with half the players on the faction isles and being responsible for the nickname "kisstrels"?

what's to stop him having a genuinely good time?

leaving rats was hard. it was the first time he felt he truly belonged somewhere in how long? longer than the datastream, for sure.

he was really starting to struggle at that point with the crushing loneliness and feelings of unreality, if he's honest. rats... rats was nice. rats was probably some of the most fun he's had.

and leaving pirates has every chance to be even harder.

with these new scars appearing (which he would assume to be a design thing if it weren't for the fact that they stayed with him in the datastream itself), and these new feelings occurring without reason or rhyme, he's starting to feel uneasy about being stuck in the datastream again. (he's never not felt uneasy about it. he just… manages to push it to the back of his mind(? does he still have one of those?), sometimes.)

he's spent a lot of his time thinking—a lot about the rats, admittedly—why does scott feel so much more familiar now than he did even after he left rats? so many of the rats always felt familiar, especially jimmy and oli, but why does he miss scott all of a sudden?

weird feelings like that had been beginning to pop up the past few months, along with scars he has no explanation for—i mean, seriously, why does he have at least three scars shaped like a four-pointed star? what would even cause that? he's fairly sure there's more, as well!—and it's been making him uneasy. most of all, it's been making him lonely.

pirates came at a good time, he thinks.

maybe his introduction wasn't the best, what, with doc shoving him through a portal just for him to fall from the sky into the ocean, then immediately getting scammed by scar—

why does scar feel so familiar? why does that seem so in character for him? he hasn't been in another game world which used his assets, has he?

—just to go to this weird corrupted purple island and lose two people along the way—

why does doc always put him in the center of the story? it can get so stressful at times! i mean, rats was stressful enough even before the other rats did stuff like blow up the boiler!

—but... i mean, he made a song for pirates. that's something he'd only previously done for rats (and wow, was that process painful, can you imagine how hard it is to make music while being a rat and staying secretive about your mission? speaking of secrets, he got pretty lucky with the whole pirate thing, for once he can be truthful about some part of why he's here, even if he has to stay vague), and even then, that wasn't really a serious song. this one's a full on song, water made sheet music and everything!

so, evidently, it's not that bad. it's quite the opposite, actually. martyn thinks he's going to have a pretty good time here, as a pirate.

(he's not sure why the pirate aesthetic, and the oceanic/aquatic aesthetic as a whole, actually, feels so familiar. like he's done this sort of thing recently...?

and... scott. scott feels related to that, for some reason. and scott's a heron, martyn fucking hates the herons (he'd never admit it, maybe except to the rats in his boots, but they're actually not that bad. it's more like a sibling rivalry, than anything).

…does this have something to do with martyn randomly missing rat scott the past few months? …does he miss rat scott, or does he miss scott? …these aren't real people, martyn, get it together, it's fine. you're fine. nothing to worry about.)

#itlw #itlwlore #inthelittlewood #eyesandears #martyn rats smp #martyn pirates smp #pirates smp martyn #rats smp martyn #c:/sgos/gold #c:/sgos/talking #cw unreality #cw paranoia

[artstargloww]

illegal arm positions lmao

#new life smp #new life smp fanart #scott smajor #smajor1995 #smajor #smajor fanart #new life smajor #new life scott #new life scott fanart #c:/sgos/creations/art #c:/sgos #c:/sgos/gold

[standardizingliomflags]

hi I found you

you have indeed found me

#c:/sgos #c:/sgos/gold #c:/sgos/asks #gillipopwastaken

[emojistargloww]

planet symbols and stuff :>

#planet symbols #space emoji #space emote #discord emote #emote #discord emoji #emoji #custom emote #custom emoji #c:/sgos/creations/emote #c:/sgos/creations #c:/sgos #c:/sgos/users/gold

[starglowwos]

i drew this in class a bit ago because i found it funny

#itlwart #inthelittlewood #the watchers #c:/sgos/creations/art #c:/sgos/gold #c:/sgos

[starglowwos]

i just got a random idea out of nowhere that makes no sense but i find it very funny regardless

some time after the empires s2 finale, the old sheriff simply reverse ages one day, and now, at least visually, is more or less regular martyn, and jimmy's like. hold on WHAT

jimmy, remembering 3rd through double life, proceeds to have an existential crisis. martyn, remembering absolutely none of that, proceeds to continue on with his life as normal.

#c:/sgos #c:/sgos/gold #c:/sgos/talking #empires s2 #empires jimmy #empires old sheriff #inthelittlewood #i don't know where my brain was going with this

[starglowwos]

we got our cruppy

#c:/sgos/martyn #c:/sgos/gold #cruppy #pirates smp cruppy #scurvyblr #c:/sgos

[starglowwos]

neat, you're alterhuman too? out of curiosity, what're your kintypes? :0

i am yesyes :D i'm not otherkin tho, just alterhuman and extranth :>

uhh so that does complicate things seeing as im like, technically my own species? yeah there's not exactly a widely understood word for what i am lol, like there is with kintypes and stuff. alderns exist and they're fun but i have so many of them so it'd be a lot hahah

luckily! i draw, and i do in fact draw myself, so here's roughly what i look like :>

there are some things that change, like the wings can be bigger or smaller or omitted entirely, the galaxy part of the hair can be more galaxy-y, hair is technically shorter than that but that's just because of how my art style works, etc etc

#c:/sgos/asks #c:/sgos/gold #c:/sgos #c:/sgos/creations/art #haven't posted my ref on here yet #hence the /creations/art tag

[artstargloww]

got commissioned by @lunar-starscape!! im pretty proud of these :DD

#art commissions #commission #commissioned art #constellation crescent #c:/starblobs/commisions #art commisions #digital art commissions #commissions #c:/sgos #c:/sgos/gold #c:/sgos/creations/art #c:/sgos/creations/skins #c:/sgos/creations/commissions

[artstargloww]

so...so...so...so...so...so...so...so spiraling down thy majesty, i beg of thee have mercy on me

#limited life spoilers #limited life fanart #limited life martyn #lyrics are from the mind electric by miracle musical #i'm working on an animatic/amv with it #shhh #limited life smp #limited life #trafficblr #life series #traffic life fanart #c:/sgos #c:/sgos/gold #c:/sgos/creations/art #c:/sgos/projects/the mind electric

[artstargloww]

orbitverse go brr :>

#orbitverse #orbitverse gold/astro #orbitverse gold #orbitverse astro #orbitverse smp #mcyt #mcytumblr #mcytblr #mcyt art #animation meme #everyone is dumb #alight motion #procreate #Youtube #c:/sgos #c:/sgos/creations/animation #c:/sgos/gold

[starglowwos]

is there any actual confirmation that the secret keeper assigns tasks randomly? because i'm not convinced

so—at the very least, the secret keeper knows who a task is being assigned to. we know this because tasks can involve specific other players. skizz needing to stay near gem, tango needing to get scar to talk about star wars, mumbo needing to become etho's best friend. if the secret keeper didn't know who they were giving a task to, someone could get a task involving themselves

but beyond that, the tasks still feel like they're personalized, to me

both grian and mumbo getting pun making tasks, when they're both essentially inseperable

grian needing to move front doors, when stealing them was his whole thing in hermitcraft season 7

martyn, the least confident in his building abilities on the server, getting a building task, and then needing to get it burnt down next session

both of scar's session one tasks being nickname related

mumbo needing to become best friends with etho when mumbo still fanboys over him

skizz needing to stay near specifically gem

bdubs, a builder, getting a task to build something incredibly uncomfortable

joel being the one to get the task to plug the life merch

...like. they just feel personalized. and i don't think it's ever been confirmed that they're randomly assigned. i'm not convinced they are

#trafficblr #secret life smp #secret life spoilers #traffic smp #the life series #c:/sgos/users/gold #slsmp #the secret keeper #slsmp secret keeper #grian #mumbo jumbo #martyn inthelittlewood #gtwscar #ethoslab #skizzleman #bdoubleo100 #joel smallishbeans #c:/sgos

[starglowwos]

i've started to collect screenshots of people spying on you and it's mostly just martyn actually

this is all i have in my head right now

#inthelittlewood #trafficblr #martyn inthelittlewood #martyn itlw #c:/sgos/users/gold #c:/sgos

[starglowwos]

thinking about c!martyn and selfishness

(every name from now on is character unless specified otherwise)

from his perspective, it makes sense. i mean, none of them are real, right? they either aren't real, or they are and they're out to get him. and we don't know if that's true or not, either

and if they're not real, why should he care about morality? just to get an advantage, really. the only reasons he has to be nice to people is if doing so would benefit him. because they don't care, they aren't real. they're just coded to seem as if they do, as if they are. and maybe sometimes it works and it feels painfully real, but they aren't, in the end—they're all just code. it's all a façade, it's all fake, it's not real.

and yet—

graecie: yknow.. maybe.. it's because it matches the energy that you give to it. d'you ever think about that?

graecie: do you ever think about how a little bit of kindness can go a long way, in these seas.

martyn: we've tried that, it doesn't get us anywhere.

gracie: have you? have you tried that? have you tried that, really? have both of you tried that?

martyn: from day dot! first thing that happened when i got here was i got swindled by scar!

martyn: then there was all this factioning business, we saw aimsey literally perish, and everyone was just "ohhh i think we'll listen to the robed figures and we'll just leave"! nobody's tried anything to save one another here, it's just all been selfish, me me me me me, gold gold gold, glory glory glory, HONOUR HONOUR HONOUR!

kuervo: maybe you shouldn't've joined the kestrels if you cared about something that wasn't glory, and money, and selfishness.

—he doesn't like it when others are selfish. because they're supposed to behave like everyone is real. they should be nicer people, they should be better, they don't have an excuse like martyn's.

sausage: wait, what do you think it meant that we have to give up something?

martyn: oh, i don't even know

graecie: i don't know...

martyn: i don't love anything, so good luck finding what i like

(acho, graecie, and sausage laugh,, nervously? sympathetically?)

acho: that's not very good!

martyn: well, it's not good, it's just- i'm doing it for my own protection

acho: that's not something to be proud of!

martyn: i wasn- i wasn't bragging about it, i was just stating a fact!

acho: ah, okay yeah, fair enough, fair enough... ^^"

and he's tired of trusting people without reason, of getting taken advantage of, of being nice just to end up worse off in the end.

and he doesn't get attached to anything or anyone, because there's a very real chance he'll lose it, especially in his circumstances. and feeling any sort of attachment is dangerous.

(apo places lava on graecie and then removes it)

apo: oh, i'm-

graecie: ...

apo: water, water, water-

martyn: why should i?

apo: water, water, water, water, WATER!

martyn: there's plenty of water all around this island!

kuervo: i don't have water. are you gonna be okay?

graecie: yeah. i'll be fine

apo: i'm so...

apo: i'm so sorry.

graecie: are you?

martyn: you can stay with them, apo, if you're gonna be like that.

(martyn goes to and gets on his boat and sails away)

martyn: i don't have to deal with this.

martyn: i've got the stone. i've got a lead. i know cruppy's trigger word now, so if it ever decides to come near me again... can easily get rid of it.

martyn: idiots. all of em.

and he's happily petty and stubborn about things. he happily takes advantage of others' discomfort to get them to do what he wants or at least lower their confidence in doing anything else.

martyn knows how to trigger cruppy, even, and has no problems with utilizing cruppy's triggers (and what is very possibly trauma) to get what he wants.

and as much as cruppy may have done some shit, as much as cruppy is a perfectly reasonable thing to worry about—cruppy doesn't act out of pure unprompted malice, and definitely doesn't deserve to be tortured and triggered over and over again.

and i don't doubt that martyn knows this. he's able to identify trauma responses—both others', and his own:

martyn:

she's dead?

...wait, hold on. what?

when did marnie die?

how did marnie die?

.. was i there when that happened?

.. i don't think i was there when marnie died..

...

oh my god, you're right, yeah- oh, my god, i can't believe i forgot about that

yeah, she was in the hole, wasn't she? she was in the hole and she was a statue in the hole

ohhh, you're right

god, i completely repressed that

that was clearly too much for me, jeez...

—he's able to effectively utilize that knowledge to get what he wants. i think martyn is aware that what he is or at least was doing is wrong.

i just think he doesn't care that it's wrong. because if nobody else is real, if nobody else is actually experiencing any of this, then it isn't wrong, right?

martyn knows he's manipulative, he knows how to gaslight and knows he's good at it, and he's not afraid to utilize that.

martyn is his own top priority. he'll do what he has to to get what he needs. it isn't actually harming anyone, from his perspective. it just looks like it is. they aren't real, it doesn't actually cause harm.

(it's what martyn tells himself, at the very least. it's not like he can concretely tell, it's not like he can confirm. but he'd rather believe they aren't real than are, because if they are... well, he's a bit too deep into this mess to worry about that now, isn't he?)

#inthelittlewood #itlwlore #itlw #scurvyblr #pirate martyn #pirates smp #pirates smp martyn #pirates smp spoilers #into the datastream #c:/sgos/users/gold #c:/sgos/talking #general cw #c:/sgos

[starglowwos]

i really need to talk about my watcher/listener alignment headcanon system don't i? well here we go

so, within eyesandears, we all know grian's a watcher, yeah? and canonically, none of the other players in the life series are watchers or listeners—grian's a special case here.

but there's also pretty popular headcanons, where people like martyn and jimmy are listeners, pearl and bigb are watchers, stuff like that. different people headcanon different things for different characters—those're just the most common ones i've seen

now, i like this idea,, kinda. i like my headcanons to be compatible with canon (and here i'm treating eyesandears as canon). it throws me off when the headcanons contradict canon, so i don't like my headcanons to do that

so, i've come up with a system that's a compromise between those headcanons and canon, which is that players can be watcher/listener aligned, and there's subcategories within those as well :>

first thing i want to note is that just because grian is a watcher doesn't mean he has to be watcher aligned or that he can't be listener aligned. the divide between watchers and listeners is more of a behavior/identity thing afaik, and grian isn't all that watchery socially.

so, i think that, generally speaking, players can be watcher/listener aligned, and then within those, compliant/noncompliant. compliant watcher aligned, noncompliant watcher aligned, compliant listener aligned, noncompliant listener aligned.

watcher aligned

i don't have as much notes on watcher aligned players as i do listener aligned ones and i don't really know why lol, i guess they're just a bit simpler than listener aligned players?

compliant

compliant watcher aligned players tend to play the games most closely to intended. they give the watchers what they want, however unknowingly, and they enjoy it. they enjoy the chaos, they enjoy the destruction, and it's not surprising if they're the catalyst.

noncompliant

noncompliant watcher aligned players more or less play by the rules, but they'll bend them a bit for fun. they'll make illegal kills for the chaos and entertainment, and often go further than they intend to, but they do so anyway because the fun outweighs the guilt.

listener aligned

i like to think that the compliant versus noncompliant categories resemble the listeners' journey as a separate entity from the watchers.

the listeners used to be watchers themselves, and later split off of them, working against them. compliant listener aligned players are most like the listeners at the start of that journey, and noncompliant listener aligned players are more like the listeners today.

compliant

compliant listener aligned players tend to function almost like a tool for the watchers—they listen, they do as they're told, they obey, they comply. they have a hard time disobeying the rules, disobeying the watchers, even if they want to, and this also tends to be out of fear of consequence.

martyn would be a compliant listener aligned player, for example—he's told by the watchers to kill, to betray, to set up things with the intention of destruction. and he follows through, or tries to, because he's scared (at least definitely scared in last life) of the consequences if he doesn't. even when he wasn't consciously aware of the watchers in any capacity interacting with him in limited life, he still did as they wanted.

these players tend to be more of a threat to the server, as they tend to be fairly destructive. so as a result, they're also threatened more themselves as other players know they're a threat and do what they can to protect themselves, so compliant listener aligned players often end up being targeted or considered dangerous.

noncompliant

noncompliant listener aligned players function more like the listeners themselves do in relation to the watchers, i'd say. they only loosely play within the rules, but play along enough to stay alive and enough so that they aren't harshly punished (some comply with them more than others tho)

some play the games out of spite, some play for fun. either way, they don't give the watchers what they want without tainting it in some way is my thought

these players tend to not kill without sufficient reason, and many don't kill much at all. when they kill, it's usually out of necessity, survival, or it's justified—they don't kill for the thrill, they don't kill for the fun of it. they aren't as affected by bloodlust as others either

they have a tendency to not take the games seriously, instead focusing on fun and enjoyment, creating things they enjoy and the like - scott and jimmy, for example, in third life, built cute houses in a flower valley, whereas everyone else built and lived in castles and fortresses lol. scott in particular's priorities always include his base looking nice

the watchers tend to dislike these players, especially the more defiant they are. scott, for example, the watchers hate scott and have since last life

if anyone has anything to add or say please do so i'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this stuff :D

#trafficblr #eyesandears #watcher lore #inthelittlewood #grian #watcher grian #scott smajor #the watchers #the listeners #third life smp #last life smp #double life smp #limited life smp #secret life smp #life series #the life series #c:/sgos/talking #c:/sgos/saved #c:/sgos/users/gold #c:/sgos

[starglowwos]

love how martyn won last season, and then had one literal hell of a time this one. the watchers really went all in on that fall from limited life's ending on a high oh c!martyn, you do so much falling in so many ways

this is literally the worst martyn's ever done (cc!martyn im sorry lmao) and i'm thinking about it so hard

he started off so close yet so far. then was told to do one thing right and got so close just to fail in the end. then was separated from and shunned by nearly everyone before he gave it one last shot and couldn't do anything about his death. then he tried again, and so much history seemed to repeat itself, and then at the end he breaks a cycle and takes the win for himself, even if it wasn't entirely him making the decision.

and then he fell so fucking far. went down and down and down and fell into the void not a second after stepping foot into the end. and jimmy followed. and then jimmy died, and everyone martyn cared about died, and he slowly started to as well.

he wanted to get revenge. he tried. it just didn't work out. nothing he tried worked out. there were blips of success, maybe something finally working, but everyone who was close wasn't close enough. wasn't close enough to the trap. wasn't close enough to death. wasn't close enough with martyn.

so maybe by the end, martyn's sort of given up. and there's this pressure on him, like he's running out of time, eerily reminiscent of last season. everyone and everything is going too slow for his liking and there's something making martyn feel like he's gonna die if he doesn't.. well, die already. however that logic works. (yes this is how i'm making cc!martyn's stress and stuff from the recording situation canon)

so maybe by the end, martyn's getting a bit desperate. maybe if he just dies before this feeling kills him first he can get it all over with. this season's been its own kind of hell anyway.

so maybe by the end, martyn's distracted, and out of it, and falls off a few too many cliffs to chalk up to pure coincidence. and hypervigilant, and jumpy, and stressed, and the thunder and associated memories really only makes it worse. and maybe a bit too reckless for his own good, hoping everyone will turn against him and kill him, climbing up a ladder without armor with an explosive in hand to his inevitable demise.

and maybe, in the end, it gets him killed. but, really, what else is new? martyn always seems to cause his own death. like he's his own worst enemy. he was too loyal, too obedient, too selfish, too bloodthirsty, and now, too reckless.

and now, back he goes, to falling.

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