One thing that I always disliked about how people approach mental illness was to frame it as a grand battle, a battle you can lose to.
Obviously, this type of thinking absolutely gets applied to people who have gone through cancer, but I leave it to people affected by cancer to articulate how they feel about this, because it's absolutely not in my lane to talk about that part of this conversation. I talk about mental health because people (at least where I am at) also apply the logic to mental illness - especially if one has "lost" their battle.
It especially bothers me because in many cases, people conceptualize battle as something wherein both parties are full participants, that one participant can only win. Do you commemorate and respect the people who lose battles? Often not.
I know that many times, people use battle euphemisms in order to preserve dignity and (somehow) imply that the illness isn't their fault, but I just don't personally resonate with the idea that illness is something you "win" or "lose" at, that winning means something Grand, Big, and it's something which good people achieve. In my personal experience, it can feel like a battle, but it's completely different in how it operates as a "battle."
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Got the update on my mother-in-law
Her cancer is back. Bad news.
Good news. Just one area. Easily treatable.
So bad good news. Good bad news? Okay, not as bad as it could have been but it's still frustrating.
Tomorrow is hitting me today and I'm PMSing like a bitch so emotionally I'm here, I'm there, I'm on the moon, I'm in hell.
I'll be in drafts, but quiet otherwise. Here and @starkissedscarsars as well as @walkingthroughfire
If you have it, best way to get to me at the moment is discordian. ( discord )
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back from mammo/ultrasound and….
ALSJAKJDAJJDAKJDK
🎉 I DONT HAVE CANCER 🎉
funny stuff about what I do have under the cut tho bc the doctor was lowkey hilarious lmao
So basically, I have a shiiiiiiiit ton of fibroadenomas. SO many that the doctor said he’s never seen that many in his entire career and that I set a new world record LMFAO
There’s a few complex cysts but literally nothing concerning so I just have go back in 6 months and repeat the process to make sure none of the cysts or fibroadenomas are growing/changing.
Also I didn’t have enough to pay for even the discounted price for uninsured patients (shit was like $800 like P L S 😭) and since the discounted price is only offered on the day of service, I have to pay the full $1600. BUT I can pay it in increments whenever I can. And also I just really give a fuck because??????
I DONT HAVE CANCER AAAAAHHHHHH 😭😭😭🥹🌸
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GOOD MORNING
if you've been here a while you might know what post this is
but guess what day it is??? it's january 20th!!!!! it's january 20th, 2024!!!
which means i've been officially cancer-free
FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS
i am spending the day at disneyIand with five of my favorite humans
and i could not possibly be more excited if i tried
sappy, emotional ramble under the cut.
i am genuinely so happy and so excited and like.... there was definitely a point in time where i wasn't sure if i would make it to this milestone. where one year felt like a fucking miracle and five years felt like a dream and ten years???
it feels really, really good. it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. it feels like i have the same chance of getting cancer again as the average person has of getting cancer (bc i do).
it's a huge, significant milestone and i'm so grateful for having amazing people in my life to celebrate it with me. and some of these people? were literally in the hospital with me when it was happening. i'm so so glad to still have them in my life.
the last decade has been a fucking whirlwind, but i think i'm the happiest i've ever been. and i'm so, so thrilled to be hitting this milestone and to be sharing it with everyone.
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my last chemo treatment ( hopefully for good ) is tomorrow! i'll probably be out of it the next couple of days due to the side effects. if i'm not active i'm most likely resting. sorry i couldn't do much writing here this week. work was exhausting as usual. i'll try to get some writing done this upcoming week when i feel better!
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if it makes you feel better i once shaved my eyebrow off (trying to shave the middle and then just kept going like whoopsie daisy) and to not seem like a complete absolute fool i buzzed my head and also shaved the other eyebrow and went into school the next day and told everyone it was a cancer fundraiser. raised a lot of money for charity. part of my eyebrow still hasn't grown back and it's been 3 years
HELP?!??????
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going to try to get some writing done tonight <3 i have another treatment tomorrow so i'm not sure how active i'll be this weekend.
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If you think a transphobe will differentiate between, for instance, a trans person getting masculinizing top surgery and a cis person getting a mastectomy because of breast cancer, you are fundamentally misunderstanding how transphobia and even misogyny impacts everybody. If you think there is a way to be anti-bodily autonomy toward trans people in a way that won't impact everybody's access to bodily autonomy, you are fundamentally misunderstanding what bodily autonomy means, and what it looks like to have that threatened. This isn't a mere matter of disagreement. This is, again, a fundamental problem.
You can not suppress trans people's access to bodily autonomy in a way that excludes all cis people and includes all trans people.
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27, 16, or 42 :3
42. image based prompt.
"That sad look on your face really doesn't suit you." The observation is frank and to the point; he was never one to hold or still his tongue, after all. As a man of little words, the few words that were spoken were chosen carefully, with little embellishments or frill, and, at this point in his life, after everything he's endured up to this point, he knew it was best to say what needed to be said instead of leaving it unspoken... or saying it when it was too late.
"Heh. It's not that ill - fitting, is it? My shirt, I mean." His iconic crimson red shirt was loose. Far too loose. The undone top buttons at betrayed just how drastically his health had fallen-- how the vibrancy of his skin tone dulled, how much muscle tone he'd lost, how pronounced his collar bones were... a testament to how much time has passed and how his illness claimed more of him every day.
The sand was warm beneath their feet, and the waves that lapped at their feet was welcomed. The sun had begun its descent in the horizon, bathing the sky in radiant reds, saturated blues, and warmed orange.
" ... I apologize. You and I finally reunite after I disappear for years, just for you to find out that I'm living on borrowed time. I know an apology will never make up for the torment I've caused you, but I'm grateful you came out here to meet me." It was a loose end he wanted to tie-- not for his own sake, but theirs as well. A proper means of closure. It was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, cruel. A cruel, cruel kindness.
This was his rightful punishment, after all. Poetically and appropriately reaped for his failure to ask for help, for being too stubborn to want to rely or depend on anyone. It was a burden he didn't want anyone to bear. Not Haruka, not the other children, not Dante.
How can we call this world just when men like you don't get a happy ending? He'd recalled those words said by the proprietor of the Survive Bar.
it was never within reach. Not once. Maybe briefly. Maybe for a short while. But never permanently.
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@leagueofdccm ; negan : i’m afraid of losing you, okay?
meme that can't be found ; meme tag : always accepting.
𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜, she had to try and get him ready for when the inevitable happens, she had to get him to accept it now or he would never find a way to live with himself after she was gone. even without the cancer, there was no guarantees that either of them could and would survive. she needed him to survive. to keep on fighting. to give their daughter a chance that she may not have if they're both gone. she couldn't sit back and pretend like she wasn't dying, the medicine would only last for so long and who knows what might happen to negan and tilly next time they go on another run? lucille knew she had to 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 because the world was just too damn unfair, even before all of this shit and she couldn't keep holding them back.
𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐤, brown eyes meeting his and she gives him a small smile. she knew he was being extremely truthful with her right now, losing her was probably his biggest fear, but the reality of the situation is that she wasn't going to live much longer and he would have to go on without her, " i know. but you also know that whatever happens, i'll always be wtih you, " her other hand finds his, gripping it tight as she looks at him, willing him to come to terms with what was happening. they couldn't keep avoiding the truth, she couldn't keep them stuck here in one place and she knew they had to find some sort of a life out there if it was even possible. it wasn't fair to them, they deserved a chance and she would do 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 to give it to them. it wasn't fair that tilly was going to have to grow up in a world like this, that she would never get a chance at a normal life. it wasn't fair that she wouldn't be there to see how tilly's life would turn out. it wasn't fair that her and negan wouldn't get the chance to grow old together. she just hoped that he would harden up enough to protect tilly, but wouldn't completely lose himself, " you gotta be the strong one. you gotta look out for our girl. you gotta keep fighting, no matter what happens and you don't take shit from anyone, "
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the post chemo body aches are out to get me today
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okie ; just a few small things to note until i get muse infos done asap!!
nick ;
i do not ship nick/ziggy for obvious reasons. therefore, the kiss never happened. sure, he found her interesting and cute but like . . . that's all lol.
he's heavy into witchcraft by 1980.
ferris bueller ;
baseball player for sunnyvale
attended camp nightwing and was there when shit happened. he was holding some shadysiders captive during color war cause ya know . . . that's what they were doing lol it was all fun and games until tommy slater axed people
by 1994, he's an radio host. has his own talk show on the radio. still resides in sunnyvale.
mason lockwood ;
part of the founding families of sunnyvale ; also comes from a very ancient long line of werewolves. the apisi wolf bloodline to be exact.
wolf curse triggered when he was a senior via accidentally pushing a friend too hard and said friend hit his head which killed him.
wolf form is pure black, with yellowish-red eyes.
by 1994 , mason has moved out of sunnyvale but returns when the mall massacre happens at his mother's word.
davina claire ;
shadysider ; elemental witch ( fire )
died in child sacrificial ritual at sixteen ( 1976 ) , resurrected a week later
cheerleader for shadyside
1994 ; davina is a defense attorney who still practices heavy magic such as necromancy.
liz forbes ;
only and i mean only affiliated with my caroline ( @cahroline ) and for world building with her dynamics , etc
deputy of sunnyvale , becomes sheriff though after nick's father's death . but steps down to regular deputy once nick is sworn in and becomes sheriff
finds out about caroline's vamperism a year after care's curse was triggered .
rescued caroline from bill forbes's basement where he was torturing his own daughter and fully accepts that her daughter hasn't changed and that care is still her .
dies in 1985 from cancer . kept it from caroline until one night when she passes out .
bill forbes ;
only and i mean only affiliated with my caroline ( @cahroline ) and for world building with her dynamics , etc
surgeon , divorced liz when caroline was 10 years old . fancy ass fucker who everyone hates . literally .
tortured caroline because she was a vampire. he viewed her as a monster and wanted to change her.
throws fancy parties at his manor .
dies in 1979 from a heartattack . doesn't even apologize to his own daughter for making her hate herself ( i oof )
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BELLUM. so a bitch cracked her laptop screen (it's me, I'm a bitch) and am waiting on my new one. professionals want like $300 to fix it which I might as well buy a new computer at that point, but my uncle's gonna fix it for free (tho I'm still gonna offer money or take him to breakfast if he won't take the money, cuz, DAMN he's saving my ass, I wasn't ready to buy a new computer and transfer all my crap)
using my mom's for now but I don't have access to any of my files or stuff, pretty much all I'm using it for is to reply to emails from friends and use Discord
the second I have my laptop back I have to send Hitomi's presents to Kimimaro in an ask and we're just,,, gonna pretend that his birthday stuff isn't late, ok ? ok- xD
... in the meantime, I also managed to hurt my foot / ankle ? it's been swollen and painful for about a week so I went to urgent care yesterday and they told me it's a soft tissue injury (despite me not remembering injuring it, they think it's either because I'm on my feet a lot at work or my shoes not fitting correctly, or just an injury I don't remember)
so I'm on crutches for a week, not supposed to put weight on it, have to alternate between a compression bandage and icing and elevating it ... so I'm having to miss work for a week as well because I'm not allowed behind the register or on the floor with crutches as it's a safety risk
in the meantime the swelling hasn't seemed to have gone down much yet which is making me paranoid. this is also the worst time for me to have to take a week off bc one of the other managers is taking vacation for a week starting tomorrow.
and did I mention my boss was recently diagnosed with cancer so I was ready to step up and help out more and now I physically can't until I'm off crutches so I also feel like a horrible person ?
blehhhhh. so yeah it's been a rough few weeks but I'm dealing ... as soon as I get back, I want to do some stuff here, so stay tuned ! <3
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Picture not related but I am not feeling too great and uh yeah vent in tags.
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honestly yeah im disappointed. im not gonna go and spam rtvs or hate on them or anything, i do see how a bit like this could be funny, but they built it up so much, and this isn’t entertaining to me. it’s repetitive bits and it’s so hard to know what’s going on without knowing anything about breaking bad. plus i dont like all the cancer jokes there were at the beginning
I don’t agree with hating on rtvs on this, but i also don’t agree with hating on people for being disappointed or not seeing this coming
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