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#cannibalism in real life is very yucky
newvision · 1 year
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I watched the entire first season of Hannibal in less than 48 hours, I think it’s done irreversible damage to my brain
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How The Obey Me Brothers Would Do in a “The Forest” AU
Fandom: Obey me
Pairings: None
Warnings: Swearing, idiocy, mild gore
The Forest was just released for the new Oculus headset, and Levi could NOT pass up this opportunity. However, it’s just his luck he got his hands on a cursed copy of the game, and ended up sucking the House of Lamentation into the game! Here’s how our favorite boys faired in the universe of “The Forest”
Lucifer:
Is pissed.
Bitches about it heavily
Is irritated that he has to find and wrangle a digital son now as well as his siblings. 
Would definitely help everyone else build a little shelter before nightfall, but would be grumbling about how much work he has to do at home and how far behind this would put him. 
Doesn’t let MC lift a finger and is 100% a mother hen the whole time. 
Seems inconvenienced by the whole cannibal thing, until he realizes magic doesn’t exist here and he has to use his melee fighting skills to kill them. Skills that are a little rusty...
Teams up with Beel to be the camp dads and take care of everyone
Super paranoid about the stability of the walls and the house at the beginning
Dies from eating a poisonous berry. He didn’t know he could be affected by poison in this game.
Over all, does his best to keep everyone alive, and feels really bad when someone dies. 
No longer feels bad when he learns that the worst thing that happens is you lose all your stuff and you respawn. 
A solid 7/10 job. Probably dies a few times due to someone else being an idiot, but is a pretty good survivalist when push comes to shove. 
Mammon:
Is also pissed
He was in the middle of counting the grimm from his latest modeling gig when he was sucked into the game.
Bitches and moans with/at Lucifer, but tries to build and maintain a shelter.
Who’s Timmy?
I don’t think crows exist in the game, but seagulls do and they all land on his fingers and he makes friends with them.
Is very upset when one of his brothers kills a bird for food or to simply carry around its head as a trophy. 
Sees cannibals and tries to trade with them with the grimm he has in his pockets.
Dies on sight.
Now when he sees or hears cannibals he screams and cowers behind MC 
When they go away or the screaming stops, he stands up straight and dusts off his jacket “Psh, I wasn’t afraid! I was trying to comfort you from behind! YOU were the one afraid”
After a while in the game, he gets his shit together and honestly kinda kills it. 
This is the avatar of greed, you know he is going to gather and horde so many valuable resources and then guard them with his life. 
“Mammon I’m hurt please stop hissing at me and let me have the medicine bottle”
*hiss* “You can have ONE pill and ONE pill only”
Over all, the definition of “They had us in the first half ngl”
8/10 for managing the group’s food and resource stores so well and only dying a fuck ton of times. 
Levi
...oops?
Feels quite guilty, but is also secretly pumped to immerse himself in the game.
Was extremely skilled at this game IRL and tries to explain how it works to everyone else, but they’re all so pissed and no one’s listening.
“That’s fine, who would want to listen to a yucky otaku like me anyway!” 
Magic doesn’t exist here, but that doesn’t stop Levi from yeeting himself into the ocean and turning into a giant sea monster while his brothers complete the game. 
They don’t want his help? They don’t want to know that the cannibals can’t swim and that they’ll be safer if they build a boat and live in a boathouse on the water? Fine. Then Perish <3
That goes for Timmy too, fuck that kid. 
Doesn’t want MC to suffer tho, so he’ll kill a few sharks and throw them up over the wall with his tail. (I’m assuming that if the game is released for Oculus Rift that they will get their shit together and also make sharks edible)
Is having a grand time taking over the ocean. 
Will sometimes go to shore to visit MC. Everyone is confused as to where he has been and how he is thriving. He just smiles and jumps back in the water.
10/10 strats. Never once dies. Tells everyone what they were doing wrong and how they could have had it easier when they beat the game and are back IRL out of spite.
Satan
Angy
Is throwing things in their spots while building the shelter, but is still helping
Spawns in with the book he was reading in his hand.
That book is eventually stolen from his grasp in the night and used as kindling for the fire.
Lucifer explains that if he didn’t steal his book they all would have died. 
Satan does not give a fuck
“Use the kid’s stupid fucking drawings you dipshit!”
“I can’t they’re story items!”
Goes on a rampage and kills so many deer, effectively feeding the group for a week.  
Sees the cannibals for the first time and thinks “same” 
Pretty good fighter and pretty resourceful when it comes to making armor and weapons. 
Outfits MC with the all of his prototypes and tells them to go run at a tree
“How do you feel, MC?”
“Like I ran at a tree with a deer skin on my chest”
“Interesting”
Very upset at the whole no magic thing, but will work with it.
Over all, 7/10 job. Dies a couple times from cannibals and the other monsters, but makes it to the end.
Asmo
Oh dear. 
Oh dear this sweet summer child. 
“Why are we looking for this child when he’s so ugly?”
Is distraught and so very upset this is happening to him. Cries variations of “woe is me” for the first five hours of game play
Does not help build a shelter
Does not help gather food and resources
Does not help period. Only whines. 
Sees cannibals sprinting and jumping towards the shelter and pushes Lucifer in front of him
“Take him! I’m too pretty to die!”
“HEY!”
What follows after the first three days is a slow decent into madness. 
Ends up butt ass naked for the majority of the game because the clothes he spawned in with were ripped to shreds and “No animal skin clothing in this world is good enough to adorn my perfect body”
Starts speaking to the animals and becomes friends with all of them like a Disney Princess. 
The animals come to his aid when he lets out a specific shriek that calls them to his side.
Spends his time weaving flower crowns for MC, his brothers, and his animal friends. 
Everyone knows he’s snapped when Beel brings back the dead body of a cannibal and Asmo dips his dirty little finger into an open wound and wipes the blood on his lips. 
“I just love this shade! Don’t you?” 
5/10 job. Dies multiple times from trying to befriend hostile animals, but also has an army of woodland creatures at his disposal by the end of the game.
Beel
Bro you know this mans is about to make this game his bitch
Spawns in with a cheeseburger.
Eats the cheeseburger.
“I have a son?”
“I HAVE A SON :D”
“Where is my son?”
Honestly the thought of Beel in this game is so sexy like I’m simping so hard rn 
Grab your water skins and buckle up bc it’s about to get thirsty up in here y’all
A shirt? Beel doesn’t know what those are anymore
He crafts one of those shoulder harnesses out of hide and bone and sticks a bone shiv thing on the forearm 
Don’t mess with this demon when his dinner and his family is on the line.
Is not afraid of anything except the death of his loved ones.
Cannibals? Nah, dinner.
Other monsters? Nah, dinner. 
Full shirtless lumberjack mode with Lucifer, and later Mammon, when cutting down trees in the forest. MC is drooling. 
Definitely makes a game out of how many trees they can all chop down before giving up.
Plays knuckle bones with Belphie and MC using real knuckle bones. 
Doesn’t want to share his food with the others but will if they didn’t get anything to eat that day. 
Chef Beel. That’s it that’s the post. 
10/10 job. Only dies once throwing his body over Belphie’s sleeping one to save him. 
Get’s annoyed when he finds out Belphie was fake sleeping
Very sexy. Would watch. 
Belphie
Nah dude no thanks 
Alexa play “Wake Me Up When September Ends”
Alexa play “Billie Jean”
“And the kid is not my son”
Get’s so fucking pissed when he finds out he can’t sleep without everyone else deciding to sleep too so he just lays down with his eyes closed and hopes for the best.
Doesn’t help with anything unless someone asks him to
Even then he’ll roll his eyes like brat and slowly do it
An actual sloth
No like he clings to MC and Beel like a sleepy sloth 100% of the time
He can’t find any cows and is sad so he settles for the local deer instead. 
Fake sleeps through most of the whole thing, paying monster and cannibals alike absolutely no mind. Beel will take care of it.
Freaks the fuck out when Beel dies on top of him and goes into a rage and kills everything in sight. 
Very sweet reunion when he realizes that they just respawn.
No longer pays death any mind and continues fake sleeping. 
0/10. Virtually useless. 
Masterpost
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