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quothethemenevermore · 3 years

Text

And here's a fic I wrote based on more ideas

Warning: contains fear play and mentions/character thinking they will die (they will not, vore here is completely safe)

Okay, he knew that Bubby said it was going to be fucked up, but he wasn't exactly expecting this. He was supposed to go to the past, wasn't he? If that was the case, this couldn't possibly be right.

He did wind up back in the lobby of Black Mesa, completely put together just like before the cascade, but there was nobody there. No guard at the computer, no scientists running around preparing for the test, nobody. It was eerily quiet, and empty. It left a very uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He really shouldn't be delaying, he had a passport to destroy. "Right, passport… where did I leave that? ...The locker room." Right, the locker room. He needed to get back there. Should be easy, with nobody here.

Especially no security guards bugging him about passports. He tried not to think about Benrey, how they were actively trying to kill everyone, how they had almost lost the fight against them. And now, the possibility they could be waiting for a chance to strike.

"Benrey can't be here, he's back in the.. homeworld." He tried to reassure himself as he continued down the hall. He could only hope that the science team could hold their own with them, though he wasn't too concerned. He had a feeling they'd be fine, he needed to focus on his part. The halls were still empty, still quiet, and he almost let his shoulders drop.

Until Benrey's head popped up through the floor, right in front of him, and he jumped a foot in the air. "Yo!"

"Oh, hey man!" He took a few steps back, trying to create some distance between the two. His breathing picked up as the two stared at each other. "What are you doing?" "Nothing! Just, headed to the test chamber! Got a big test today-" "oh, cool." There was a rattling noise, one he swore came from the alien themselves, and a shiver went down his spine. "Yo, wanna head back to my place and play some video games?"

He really didn't want to, but he also didn't want to piss this eldritch being off while being the only other person here with them. Passport, right. Gotta get to that passport.

"Maybe, after the shift, you know, got a big test.. in the chamber-"

A malicious look overtook the alien's features, and his heart dropped even further. "Yo, you wanna die? Haha."

His nerves got the better of him, breaking into a fit of panicked laughter. With no other way but forward, he chanced racing past their head and down the hall, almost breaking the door's button with how hard he pressed it. His heart was running a marathon in both his chest and his ears, making it almost impossible to hear Benrey behind him. Not that it mattered, because they just kept popping up around him no matter what he did. He tried to round corners and hide off the path, but nothing seemed to deter them, following and toying with him.

He tried shooting at them again, knowing that it wouldn't do much, but he had to do something to throw them off, he had to get to that locker room! He had long since lost track of low long he spent weaving through the halls of the facility, one he swore he was more familiar with. A trickle of doubt seeped into his frantic thoughts.

Was he even going the right way anymore? Did Benrey manage to turn him around? He rounded a corner, almost smacking into the wall, and-

The locker room door! It was at the end of the hall, he just had to make it there. He didn't bother hyping himself up this time, breaking into a dead sprint, one that was only possible due to the adrenaline flooding his system. He was sure he cleared the hallway in record time, skidding to a stop to avoid slamming into the wall. But it was as he was skidding that he realized: in his rush, he forgot one very important detail about his enemy.

Oh, it was almost too easy to scare Gordon here. Unlike in Xen, their body couldn't fit through the tiny halls of Black Mesa. However, with only their head visible through the hall, the human seemed that much more scared. It definitely wouldn't have had the same effect if they had shrunk down. Hell, it seemed that he was mostly scaring himself, all they had to do was follow him. Still, they kept taunting the human, relishing in the fear radiating off of him as he ran away. The game of chase continued for a while as Gordon tried to find his way around and away from them.

Up until the two actually made it to the hall before the locker room, and Benrey remembered why they followed Gordon here.

If he got that passport, they'd be vulnerable to the attacks. They wanted to shrug it off, assume they'd be fine, but.. there was a lingering feeling of dread that maybe, just maybe, without the passports they could be killed for good.

It wasn't a pleasant thing to think about, and it only got worse when they remembered a conversation they had with Tommy before the team went to Xen, about the human he was currently scaring. Making sure they knew that a lot of Gordon's anger was an outlet for his fear, him being scared that he was going to die, because he couldn't come back. They were sure they'd be upset in that situation too.

Suddenly, frightening him didn't feel like such a good plan.

Maybe they should talk things out, like they told Tommy they'd try to do. There was no guarantee Gordon would even listen, or care, but they could try. They'd like to make things right, too. Wanted to try and be friends with him again if he'd let them. But in order to do any of that, they couldn't let him through that door. That was their only option. Coming up with a plan, they clipped out of the building, back into the void, and focused on the human's frantic footfalls down the hall. Right when he started to slow down, they raised their hand directly into his path, blocking the door.

A giant hand clipped through the floor, just in time for Gordon to slide right into it, so out of breath he couldn't even scream. It curled around him as more of the eldritch being rose from the floor, their head now visible too. For a moment, they simply watched him as he tried to get his breath back, gold eyes glowing against the shadow on their face. Their pupils dilated the longer their staredown continued.

"Looks like I caught you." There was a smug note to their words, and Gordon's adrenaline was already so high his reaction was a shrill squeak of laughter. "Yea, now are you gonna let me go? Gotta finish the shift, remember?" His words shook with the fear of his unknown future, which only grew worse at the lip smack in response.

"No, man. Wanna hang out, don't gotta finish the shift to do that." "But there's an important test today! I have to go-" their expression was bored, but their eyes narrowed as the human continued. "Dont gotta do the test, could just hang out here." With that, Gordon finally cut the act. No matter how much he tried to sweet talk Benrey into letting him go, it was obvious that it wasn't gonna happen.

"I don't want to hang out with you, man! You're trying to trick me! You tried to kill me and the science team! You caused this!" He waved his minigun arm at them, ignoring the sparks of pain that shot up his arm from doing so. Their eyes focused intently on the waving gun, very similar to a.. predator tracking its prey. Gordon couldn't help but tremble harder.

"Why not, bro? Can't we just chill here, hug and shit?"

It would probably be uncomfortable for the human to hug with that hev suit on, so they should probably get him out of it. That was another thing he'd been complaining about, right? Maybe he'd appreciate it. They could phase him through it through an opening, but there's only two of those on the suit currently, and they knew Gordon would panic worse if they tried to use his head.

Too quickly for the human to comprehend, Benrey's other hand came up, pinching the minigun between his thumb and index finger.

"Benrey, what the fuck are you doing?" He attempted to shoot the gun, but the barrel was pressed tightly between the two trunk-like fingers, effectively squashing any bullet he could fire. "Gonna do something.." they mumbled, tugging very gently on the gun. His heart stopped for a moment. "C'mon, man, once wasn't enough!? You have to take the gun too!?" He all but wailed, unable to keep what little calm he had. He slipped into a full-blown panic, barely taking any breath in but not daring to move lest he managed to assist his second amputation. He tried not to focus too much on their eyes, laser focused on his arm.

He got more mumbling in response, another tug. Their eyes lit up, and Gordon tensed, trying to brace himself for the inevitable pain again-

And another tug pulled him forwards, feeling significantly lighter than before. A large crash sounded behind him and- yep. That was his fucking H.E.V suit, or at least the armor for it.

Benrey just stripped him of the only protection he had. With that done, the minigun was released, their other hand moving to cup him in their palm instead of simply holding him in a fist. "There. Don't have to deal with the hev suit in the way."

His mind was racing too much to focus on the fact that they said 'hev suit' and not h.e.v. suit.

"For what? Benrey, what the fuck are you going to do to me?"

"Told you, man. We're just gonna vibe here for a bit. Calm down."

"I don't want to calm down, I want to go home!" He squirmed in their hand, which quickly closed around him again.

"Bro, stop moving. Gonna have to restrain you." "You might as well if you think for a goddamn second I'm going to just lay here and let you-" their eyes had narrowed further, pupils nothing but slits, and a frown stretched across their face.

Oh, no.

...Yea, there was no way they could talk to him with all the squirming and panicking he was doing. They couldn't risk keeping him in their hands- if he slipped out of them, they weren't sure they could catch him again before he got that passport. They couldn't really see into the locker room as well as they wished they could, making it hard to clip into said room, so once Gordon got in that room that would be it.

But how else could they restrain him?

They could always shapeshift a pouch to put him in temporarily, it wouldn't take too much work and he wouldn't be able to escape. They risked freaking the human out more, but there wasn't much worse they could do with how scared he already was, right?

Internally, they focused on making a small pouch. Access to air, no acids.. after a brief moment of thought, they also gave it the ability to make sweet voice, knowing they'd likely have to calm him down.

Externally, they had been silent for a few moments, eyes going unfocused. The longer it went on, the more scared Gordon got. Finally, they spoke up, their eyes focusing on him again.

"That sucks, gonna have to put you in the chill-out room, then."

"Chill out room? What the fuck are you talking-" they interrupted him by taking his minigun into their thumb and index again, bringing it close to their face and singing a low note. "What are you doing!?" There wasn't any sweet voice that could actively bring harm, was there?

Right, mini gun arm. Can't have Gordon blowing a bunch of holes in them before they could calm him down. They'd need to jam it, somehow. Delicately, they pinched the gun again, trying to ignore how he tensed at the motion. Making some sticky sweet voice, they covered the gun in it, blocking the barrel and coating it well up to his upper arm. They had to make sure it would stay stuck long enough to calm him down.

Reddish-purple orbs surrounded the gun with a grape-like smell, at first confusing and frightening him further. Upon seeing how sticky they were however, Gordon's eyes widened when he realized what they were doing. Taking away his only other way of defense. He knew it was pointless, but he couldn't just watch it and do nothing! He tried pushing one of the fingers away from the gun, only succeeding in getting the jam sweet voice on his hand. After what felt like an agonizingly long time to Gordon, the gun was released, sticky and useless. He clutched it close to his chest, uncaring about the sweet voice sticking to his bodysuit. "Calm down, just getting you ready for the chill-out room." Gordon narrowed his eyes to the best of his ability, summoning all the anger and bravery he could. "What. Is. A. Chill-out room? Where are you taking me?" He got a smirk as a response. Then their mouth was opening wide in front of him, sharp teeth and dark blue flesh on display.

And it didn't take long before he was pushed closer to that bear trap maw. All the anger from before vanished, and all he felt was fear.

"Wait!" He flailed around, but it didn't stop his captor's plan, and he quickly found himself face first on their tongue, teeth snapping shut behind him.

The first thing he was aware of was how warm it was, which he tried to ignore how nice it felt after dealing with the cold metal of that suit for a week on end. Touch seemed to be his only sense that would be useful here, anyway. There was too much noise around him, breathing and squelching as their tongue moved under him, his own heart still racing in his ears, his eyes rendered useless by the dark.

Their tongue moved up, swiping across his face and knocking his glasses off. Not that they were of any use currently, but he needed them! Blind and panicked, he squirmed around, trying to find them before-

He was pressed up against something hard, the roof of their mouth, if he had to guess. And quickly after, a 'glrk' interrupted the organic white noise around him. He was released afterwards, and he scrambled to try and find the frames, only to realize…

That fucker just swallowed his glasses.

Shit.

There really was no coming back from this point, was there? The only other pair he owned was at home, and unless he somehow managed to kill Benrey blind, he wouldn't get to them. He could get to this pair, but that meant..

Well, Benrey's goal, as it seemed.

Was this really how things were going to go? They came this far, and this was how it was going to end? And on top of that, they weren't even going to be merciful and kill him before they swallowed him?

He bit his tongue, hard, willing the tears that stung his eyes to go away. If this was really how he was going to go, he would face it with what little dignity he had left. And speaking of that..

He lashed out at everything he could, kicking and punching. He doubted it would do much, especially with his gun jammed, but at least it should hurt a little. If he was going down, he was gonna be as inconvenient as possible.

He got a little sense of pride when he was lurched back up, pressed tighter than before to stop his assault. That pride bled back into panic as he heard a high note rumble around him, and he picked up on their plan instantly, squirming against his temporary prison.

"Don't you dare! At least let me have a fighting chance, dammit!" It was almost impossible to keep the warble out of his voice, but he had a feeling he wasn't heard, or was simply ignored regardless. Sure enough, a blue glow filled the space, and as the smell of blue raspberry overpowered his senses, his body went limp.

There was a small, satisfied hum as the note ended, and it took a lot more willpower than before to not cry.

So this really was it? Not even trying to fight back got him anywhere, this was really how it was going to end. He wouldn't get to see the science team again, or Joshua, he'd never get to go home. And it only hurt that much worse that he had kind of hoped that they could get past this. He knew the two of them hadn't really gotten along, but he had thought they were- well, not friends, but he didn’t completely hate the guy and he thought the other felt the same up to the betrayal. Of course the next step to literally amputating him would be to flat out murder him.

His shoulders shook, and he gritted his teeth, trying not to let himself sob.

It seemed that Benrey was growing impatient, as after that he wasn't toyed with any longer. He was released from the tight fit, sliding the opposite way that he wanted to. He couldn't even fight as he felt himself be swallowed, closing his eyes.

It was such a tight fit that he couldn't move if he wanted to. If he had the energy to. The bigger concern to him was being unable to draw in breath. All he could do was wait, hear their breathing get louder around him and their heart beat start from below him, moving to be above him. Or rather, him moving to be below it, the muscles around him relentlessly pushing him further. His lungs started to burn, and he wondered if maybe he could suffocate and still get a merciful end.

Luck was not on his side, as seemed to be a common thread for that day, and he was forced through a tight ring of muscle, finding the ability to draw breath again.

When he landed, he didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to see what was going to be his demise. But seeing as the only other sight he had were those sharp fangs…

He reluctantly opened them.

It was definitely what he imagined a stomach to look like,- what he could see through his blurred vision, that is- dark and slick and warm. The only difference was the blue glow to the muscles around him and the sharply sweet smell.

Like blue raspberries.

Is this where they make their sweet voice?

There didn't seem to be any active at the moment, but he was still affected by the sweet voice from earlier, a fog over his mind and body sluggish. He almost didn't have it in him to panic anymore, not just from the sweet voice but also from resignation.

He didn't have any chance of making it out of this, there was no way he could fight back now, so he might as well accept it. It was with those thoughts that his eyes stung, and he didn't try to hold the tears back anymore.

His shoulders shook as he cried, trying to keep quiet. He didn't know if Benrey could even hear him in here, but he really did not want to talk to them anymore either way.

Unfortunately, he couldn't even get that small mercy.

"You good, bro?"

"Why the fuck would I be good right now? You know what, I don't care. I don't even want to hear you right now, just leave me alone." "No, man. Can't hang out if we don't talk." "I don't want to talk to you! Just let me die in peace." "What?" Of course, Benrey would go right back to their old ways. His hysterical brain must have imagined the concern he thought he heard, with the alien acting like they aren't in the process of murdering him. God, he could almost imagine the head tilt that the alien was doing, and it only infuriated him more. At this point, he might just wind up dying to his blood pressure. "You ate me, Benrey. That's going to kill me." "'M not gonna kill you, man." "Then why the fuck did you eat me!?"

"Needed to chill out. Couldn't let you in that room." "Why? Because my passport's in there? Because it would have been what I needed to finally kill you?"

"Why do you wanna kill me so bad, kinda hurts, man." "Because you're trying to kill me!" He slammed the minigun against the wall he sat against. "You're not gonna die. Just need you to calm down for a minute, so we can talk."

"It's kind of hard to have a conversation when your time is limited." He snipped back, folding his arms over his chest. "Don't you think if I was gonna kill you you'd be gone by now?"

"Unless you're purposely stalling your system. I wouldn't doubt that as an ability." "Maybe you're not even in a stomach at all. Ever consider that?"

No, he hadn't. He was too busy panicking.

And he said as such with another hit to the wall closest to him. "Why would you even do this if you aren't planning on killing me?"

It was quiet for a moment, and he took the chance to try and steady his breathing.

They hadn't considered the fact that he was going to be this scared. Before, they wanted to scare him, yea, but not like this. He was still angry, of course, but he hadn't stopped quivering since they had grabbed him. They could hear the defeat, the tears in his voice.

This wasn't the reaction they had wanted, not anymore. Now, they just wanted to talk to him, try to talk things through. They wanted to apologize.

Hell, that's what they've wanted to do for a while now. They tried to apologize about the ambush before, when he first got the gun on his arm, but then the scientist just kept yelling at them and shooting them and-

Well, they got angry. And after that, Gordon became dead set on killing them, and..

...they really need to get all this sorted out. Before they did anything more that they'd regret. Wish they could say the same for the human, but..

Gordon looked around curiously as the blue glow faded into a multiude of colors, fruit punch overtaking the blue raspberry smell.

"I just wanted to scare you a bit. Didn’t plan on killing you. Didn't really plan on hurting you, either." "Bullshit." He didn't get to say much else before Benrey cut back in. "They weren't supposed to take your arm. They said they were gonna take you to their base outside of Black Mesa, maybe rough you up a bit. They didn't say anything about trying to kill you."

No matter how sincere the alien sounded, he wasn't going to let himself believe it. That's the last thing he needed to do where he was currently residing. "Then why did you bully me about my arm after it got cut off?" Another bout of silence. "Thought it was gonna grow back, wanted to take your mind off it."

That…. Actually made sense. Of course the being who could respawn and regenerate would think the others could too, especially after Coomer and Bubby's show of the same abilities (Not exactly the same, but they always wound up uninjured and alive in the end). Tommy was careful enough that that was never a problem with him. They must have genuinely assumed that he would grow his arm back.

"I… guess that makes sense. But what about all of this?" He swept his arm across the chamber. "This doesn't make any sense, except confirming what we all knew." "Told you guys to go back, didn't listen. Had to contain you somehow, keep you from getting to that room."

Something occurred to the scientist, then. With how serious they were about stopping Gordon from getting the passport, it was almost like… Benrey seemed scared of dying. It was strange, with them dying and coming back so often. He'd think they'd be used to dying at this point. "Why are you so afraid of dying this time?"

".... I dunno if I'm going to come back this time. Or if I'll get to leave Xen if I do."

"....Oh." Was all he could say, taking in the new information. Benrey was scared of dying.

...Just like he'd been, this whole time.

Benrey filled the silence. "Just wanted to be nice. Be friends, get out of Black Mesa together. But you were making me mad, constantly shooting me and hitting me. Wanted to get back at you, make you regret doing that."

That was fair, he supposed. Yea, what Benrey had done was worse, but he couldn't really be excused for his actions either. Even if they couldn't die then, it probably still hurt.

He sighed, looking around.

Benrey wasn't angry anymore, not that he could tell. They just seemed to want to get past all of this, be done with the big fight. And he'd definitely been in here long enough that something should have started happening.

The walls around him shifted colors of oranges, purples, and reds, mimicking what he assumed would be a sunset.

What would sunset rhyme with? It had been as close to an apology as he was expecting. Sorry, remorse, regret…

He could almost hear Tommy's voice putting the rhyme together.

Colors of the sunset means I'm filled with regret.

They were apologizing.

And since he got an apology, it was only fair he gave one back too, especially with his actions. "I'm sorry, Benrey. I was getting aggravated with everything because I wanted to get out of here, put everything here behind me and not have to think of it again. I was stressed, and you were just adding to it. It doesn't make what I did okay."

Yellow joined the colors on the wall. "'S fine. Wanna try again?" "Sure. My passport's in my locker, if you still wanna see it." "Nah, I'd rather just hang out. Can head back to Xen in a little bit."

He had been relaxing steadily since they had started talking, since he learned that he wasn't going to die, but he finally let himself fully relax against the walls around him. Benrey was the only enemy here right now, and he trusted they weren't trying to kill him anymore. And now, with the air cleared between them, the biggest weight of all was pulled off his shoulders.

After all of this they can head back to Xen and get the hell out of Black Mesa for good. Until then, he was fine where he was.

Except for one more thing. He sat up, causing a flash of teal to take over most of the colors on the walls. "You good?" "My glasses. You swallowed my fucking glasses and I need them." He felt around the ground near him, trying to find them. He squinted, trying to at least see slightly better to find them.

He tried to ignore the rumbling laughter around him. "They should still be there, can't really go anywhere else unless I make them."

"And you better not have." He said sharply, his hand touching something that was distinctly not the soft flesh around him. He grabbed the frames, pulling them up to look through them. He wasn't going to put them on right now, no need to, but he needed to make sure they weren't broken. Thankfully, they weren't.

"Found them?" "Found them." He flopped backwards, holding the frames loosely in his hand to keep track of them.

The walls turned to a dark blue, not like the calm down hue. He assumed it was a default color, since there was no fruity smell accompanying the change. He closed his eyes, letting himself relax again.

It was uncomfortable to keep their head and hands clipped through the building, so Benrey let themselves slip further into the void, slowly to not disturb the human napping within. They couldn't help but release the yellow sweet voice that had been building up since the two made up, singing softly. After all of this, they'd be surprised if Gordon woke that easily, but they didn't want to invoke the tired wrath of him regardless. They had time to relax, the warm weight in their abdomen completely taking over their thoughts.

It hadn't gone over exactly how they wanted it to, but Gordon not demanding to be let out after they talked definitely meant more to them than the brunette probably knew. The fact that he trusted them enough to let himself be completely vulnerable, tucked away where nobody could find him. Completely surrounded by Benrey, and not afraid or angry about it (anymore, at least.)

They took a deep breath, feeling more sweet voice welling up in their chest, and released it with a hum, yellows and pinks filling the dark around them.

After all of this, they looked forward to getting to befriend Gordon again, this time not having the threat of being killed lingering over them like a damp, suffocating blanket.

They knew they should be heading back soon, lest the remaining members of the team get themselves in trouble, but for now they simply wanted to enjoy the peace.

Just as a caution, they tried to reach out to the skeletons to have them keep an eye out for them. After that was finished, they simply closer their eyes and let the void carry them for a while.

#hlvoreai #Safe vore #Non fatal vore #Soft vore #Fearplay

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sparklinpixiedust · 3 years

Text

Basic Training

This post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, during which I've come up with a few ways I wanted to write this post. This is what I've come up with.

Basic Training is the episode which made me hate Ben the most. The whole episode consisted him of being a stuck up brat only to be rewarded for it in the end.

This episode was the perfect opportunity to have Kevin in the spotlight and show how skilled and smart he is.

Gwen's presence in this episode was actually fine, there's no change needed for that.

Look, I know the shows named Ben 10 but we have seen Ben be the hero tons of times already.

And Ben being egoistic about his heroism is not something new in the franchise.

There have been episodes on the OS where Ben got a big head, yet I dont ever see anyone complaining about that.

Was is it because he was 10 that we excuse this behaviour? Nope.

15 - 16 is still pretty young and his attitude can be excused at this age as well.

My opinion? It was handled better in the OS.

There were times when Ben wasn't always the main focus.

In Lucky Girl, Ben has his ' who's your hero?' Moment.

They showed Gwen feeling jealous and hurt by the fact she wasn't noticed much.

It was realistic.

Then the epsiode proceeded to focus on Gwen , having Ben being kind of like a sub plot to the story.

Towards the end Ben compliments her.

So yeah Ben got big head, but at the same time they shifted focus so that the audience wouldn't find it annoying.

Gwen was in the spotlight for a bit, giving people a break from Ben.

Secondly , in Be Afraid Of The Dark, Ben again is shown to be slightly stuck up, but towards the end of that episode he learns and acknowledges Gwen and Grandpa for help and understands his crime fighting is more of a team effort.

In Galactic Enforcers, we are shown there are other heros besides Ben as well.

Ben wasn't the sole focus of that episode. Yes it was about him but also about the Galactic Enforcers.

I don't think he was shown to be over confident here , but it was nice to see some other heros in the scene.

The Ben 10,000 episode focuses on how Ben was too focused on his job and the lesson at that was Ben needed to relax and have them Galactic Enforcers take the lead instead.

Again , his attitude towards everything was brought in focus but towards the end he learnt something.

I recently started watching Generator Rex and I can't help but compare Rex's character to Ben's.

Rex is also proud , rushes into things and considers himself to be a hotshot. But they also show him being down ,having trouble with his nanites and actually voice out his insecurities.

He's still the hero, still has things go his way most times but it's not annoying like Ben.

( I've only seen like 7 episodes so far so I don't know if this going to go down hil or not but so far so good)

The issue with the sequels after the OS was that Ben was the focus a bit too much.

We as the audience were rarely ever given a break from him.

Other than a few conversations here and there about his attitude, nothing really was done about it.

Gwen should've been appreciated more for saving Kevin and Kevin should've been appreciated for stopping Aggregor.

But they weren't.

If it had been Ben , they would've made sure to show him getting some sort of recognition or trophy.

Back to the Basic Training episode.

We know he's the legendary Ben Tennyson, we know he's a hero. We didn't need another episode on it.

Instead the plot should've focused on Kevin. His skills, his abilities.

Ben would act the same but Magsiter Hulka should've put some sort of cover so Ben couldn't use the omnitrix.

Ben goes on breaking rules, and having a hard time being a hero without the watch.

Towards the end, it should've been Kevin who cracks the case and saves Hulka. Ben is mad he can't use the omnitrix but instead uses the guns and other weapons he's learnt to use at the academy

He's not amazing at them , but it makes him realise that he is hero , watch or not, something that has been emphasised in the show. Its not impossible for him to function without the watch.

Towards the end, Ben getting a 95 was a stretch. I'm sorry , but the guy wasn't great with using weapons and without the watch I dont think he would've been able to complete that hostage excercise.

I'm thinking more like 89%.

Gwen gets 98, that's fine and Kevin gets a 100.

Hulka comes in and awards the medal (?) to Kevin, suggesting he's becoming more like his father.

( im ignoring the ret con, plus the retcon I'm assuming wasnt thought off at this point by the writers)

Ben is shown to take one of the guns back to earth, because he thinks they're cool and he wants to practice and get better at them.

The whole hostage situation makes him want to get better at making strategies.

Yes he's good at improv, but he needs to learn to properly plan as well.

It doesn't matter if he's never shown to use the gun ever again, and he's back to relying on the omnitrix.

Or maybe some time down the line, he could use the weapon, even if it for a second, to show that he is improving and getting better.

Before you say 'he's already a hero, he doesn't need to learn anything ' sorry but no.

He's 16. He may have saved the world but he still has growing up to do. Different battles are going to arise all the time.

Saying he is perfect at 16 is dumb. Saying he's perfect when he's ben 10k , it'll make some sense. He's been around for a while and is pretty experienced.

The watch is a part of him, but seeing him try to explore other options would've been a fresher idea.

Another scene that made me mad was the court (?) scene in Vreedle, Vreedle.

Ben being a hero shouldn't make him above the law.

Domstol ruling in favor of Ben just because he's the legendry Ben Tennyson was stupid.

After Ben's little monologue , and destroying Domstols desk, the judge should've just informed him that being a hero does not excuse him from following the law.

Kevin could've had his little moment doing some negotiation ( would've been nice to see how he works as con artist) and Ben could've jumped in and helped while making some good points for the argument, showing us he's not stupid.

Then having Domstol rule in their favor would've made sense.

On the way back to earth there could've been a joke about how Ben watches Judge Judy too much which is where he learnt about trials and stuff. Or maybe Gwens dad taught him a thing or two at some point.

All this doesn't mess with Ben's character all that much, he's still the hero of the show, he still has his ego but it makes him more likeable, shifts focus from his attitude, and shows us he's pretty smart and is growing into a good hero.

Ben's not a bad guy. I mean he is the hero of the show. There are tons of scenes which show he's good , like the whole sacrificing thing so the ultimates could live and all.

But little scenes here and there tend to be enough for someone , especially for someone who isn't a super hard-core Ben lover to form negative opinions on him.

Although calling him a psychopath / narc is out of line because I don't find him to be like that. His attitude was magnified by him being in the spotlight too much and writers not having a good balance in writing situations.

Ben being the main character of the show is at risk of becoming hated or less appreciated just because he's the font runner of the show.

Admit it, side characters tend to get more love most times than the main agonist of shows.

I've been watching videos on YouTube on this topic as to why this happens , and what I've come up with is that writers of shows tend to focus too much on main character. Things seem to go their way most times and this tends to get on peoples nerves, consciously or subconsciously because it's not exactly realistic.

Having shows where everything focuses on one person most times tend to backfire.

I don't mind Ben having a big head, I dont mind him making jokes and being so casual.

It's his defense mechanism to protect himself from drowning into the struggles and pressures of being a hero. But always having him be that way isn't good.

The writers should've executed it properly.

( okay this post got really long, more than I thought it would. If you're read the whole things , congratulations on making it here lol.

I'm not going to stop anyone from replying to this because everyone has different opinions and we all have the freedom to express them.

Although I believe I've made my point and I've made sure to keep in mind all the arguments about why bashing Ben is wrong when he's not a bad guy while typing this out.

I don't think I've directed any major hate towards him , its mostly towards the writers for making the situations like that,but if you think I have you can reply to it.

I'm not gonna reply back though , because again I feel I've made my point.

Any agreements / disagreements you have with the post feel free to share because it is your right.

Any disagreements you have with other members, as long as its related to the post you can share it.

Any issues you have personally with other members, please keep them to your selves.

I will not tolerate bullying , harassing, name calling and petty arguments on my post and blog page.

If this happens I will simply delete this post and re-upload it.)

#ben 10 au #ben 10 #kevin levin #ben 10 alien force #ben tennyson #ben 10 reboot #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 analysis #ben 10 series #ben 10 critical #ben 10 classic #my take

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hobidreams · 2 years

Note

hey babe… i was wondering if you had any advice for starting a difficult conversation with a friend? without getting too specific, she has this coping mechanism where yknow, if done in moderation is completely fine. however,,, it’s not really done in moderation and she has expressed multiple times that she doesn’t like doing it or the way it makes her feel. it’s been going on for almost a year now and we’ve been telling her that we’re always here for here and that we’ll always be here for her if she needs us but nothing has changed yknow… and i’m all for respecting other people’s choices and their lifestyle but it’s hurting her at this point….. i just don’t know how to approach her about this whole thing without being too invasive, i guess? hnnnng i just love her so much and seeing her suffer like that while also refusing help from anyone is painful to see.

hi babe!! ahhhh... yeah i feel you. i was in a similar situation a few years ago where my friend and i had to decide whether or not to directly intervene with the behavior of the third friend in our group. we also did the same thing you did, telling her that we were there for her endlessly but it didn't give her the push she needed to change. and it also was hurting us in return bc we kept getting more and more frustrated at the situation. so i think direct intervention is the most effective way since you've been trying other methods for a year.

full answer under the cut!

you say we, so i assume you’re in a group of friends that’s concerned about one in the group? personally, i would send the person she's closest to in to have a one on one chat with her, whether that’s you or not. i think its important not to make her feel like its you all vs. her, so having everyone there might be overwhelming. im not sure if this is a RL friend or online friend but i think its best to do it in person, in a location that they’re comfortable in, if that’s an option. that way a) they feel more relaxed and b) they can't just ignore ur messages (like my friend used to do when she was running away from problems. she used to not reply for weeks even tho she was actively online all the time). obviously dont do it before an event or dinner date or anything.

i would frame it as being ultimately her choice whether or not to change, but that your friendship with her is being negatively impacted by her decisions. i’d emphasize that you’ll continue to be her friend, but that it’s because you care so much about her that you wish to see her in a healthier place. you can maybe suggest working with her to create steps towards change, or guiding her to some resources she might look into, depending on what the mechanism is! overall, i would say just try your best to frame it coming from a place of love, not of judgement. since she already seems to know that its a bad habit for her, i think presenting her with the tangible help she needs might be most effective. for example, if she keeps buying too many things she doesn’t need, you might work together to create a budget, or to go through several steps to rationalize/slow down each purchase before she clicks check out on any shopping sites. or you could help her find a therapist or other professional to help her, depending on the severity of the coping mechanism!!

also i would say... be prepared for her to lash out. when i talked with my friend, it was a suuuuuuper awkward conversation because i didnt want her to feel attacked (she was going through a lot but .. she’s kind of always going through a lot of drama lol...) but i had to keep pushing through. thankfully, my friend took it well. but i think, from your description of the situation, this is a conversation that has to be had. and though she might be upset with you for directly discussing it with her, it will likely help her in the long run. so yeah.

i hope everything goes well for you 💜 i can really feel your care for your friend through your message. if only we were all blessed with such wonderful friends in our lives! 💞 i hope this was able to help a bit <3

#rain reply #dreamers #my two drops worth #pls let me know how it goes if youd like!!

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axemetaphor · 3 years

Text

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

#jdate #john dies at the end #aus #erh. tthe hell do i tag this as #rambles.txt #long post #well let me know if youd wanna hear more or. or something #send an ask. or whatever #yaknow #:jazz hands:

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prettyblfan · 3 years

Text

Coffee Shop Boy

Chapter Two

Just as he thought by the time he had finished his shift and set off for school Sorawit managed to completely forget about his encounter with very mysterious That.

As he walked into his classroom he instantly locked eyes with his best friend Nam. Despite only being in Viangpa Mork for only 3 months him and Nam seemed to connect instantly, she practically took Sorawit under her wing because he was too gullible for his own good. During his first week of school some boys in their class convinced him that the girls toilet was actually the boys toilet, ever since then she's felt very protective over him. However, this was practically the same for Sorawit after all Nam was pretty, popular and funny a complete package so he felt like if was his job to protect from all the shameless creeps that through themselves at her.

Sorawit pulled out his seat next to Nam and smiled,

"Have you done the maths homework" he cheekily asked putting on his sweetest voice. He plan to do it this morning but all the customers decided to pack in all at once so in the end he didn't have any time to finish it.

"No, I though you would do it! that's why I didn't bother" Nam said pulling a pout while she flopped onto the desk in front of her.

"Ahh, why don't you ask one of the multiple guys who have a crush on you" Sorawit responded, despite how calm they both seemed the end result of not handing in homework was quite harsh. They'd get one or two whole weeks of detention. As they went to a very high ranked and respected school it was only natural that standards were set to such a high level, but regardless they couldn't help but think it was stupid.

"No way, they always end up expecting soo much more in return, i can't handle the entitlement." Nam said dryly her voice dripping with disgust.

Sorawit knew exactly what she meant, whenever she'd show the smallest bit of kindest or even ask for a favour they always seemed to think that they deserved something in return. And that something was her body. In alot of situations although Sorawit couldn't fight he'd end up stepping in and trying to protect her.

"Umm, I guess we'll just have to settle for one week of detention then." Sorawit laughed after all his friend's safety was his top priority.

Just as both Nam and Sorawit were prepared to accept their fate one of the girls in their class came in yelling,

"Miss Jane isn't in."

It was this one line that seemed to save their lives, miss Jane was their maths and foreign language teacher as well as a tutor at the school. She was only strict because wanted the best for them but sometimes she could really be too ruthless.

As they no longer had a teacher for two of their lesson both Nam and Sorawit messed about, joking and talking the entire time.

For Sorawit the rest of the day went by without a hitch.

By the end of school Sorawit felt like death, maybe waking up at 3 am wasn't going to work for him. As he almost feel asleep against his bike Nam flicked his head.

"Are you gonna give me a ride home today or not" Nam said impatiently as she hopped onto the back of his bike (Sorawit is too much of a soft boy to be riding round on a motorbike, so he has a bicycle a yellow one at that).

Before Sorawit could respond the most obnoxious sounding voice echoed out.

"Nam!"

Standing at the gate was a couple of boys probably a year older than them. They were all in Sorawit's eyes dressed like gangsters, their pants were unnecessarily low and they all opted for darker colours (yes this is what gangsters look like in Sorawit's mind, maybe mine too). The one that called out to Nam was tall but not that handsome the only thing that stood out about him was the polished black motorcycle next to him.

Sorawit looked at Nam puzzled.

"It's a long story, just ignore them." Nam said urging Sorawit to hurry up.

Sorawit despite being known for not being very quick witted caught on quite fast, this must be one of Nam's countless admirers.

He pulled Nam along on his adorable yellow bike and although others may not not agree with him, Nam in fact said it was too girly. Regardless Sorawit didn't see anything wrong with it. It was just the right amount of cute, the yellow made it stand out and the small daisies dotted about the bike made it even more pefect in Sorawit's eyes.

As they approached the gates they were quickly blocked, just as Sorawit had expected. However, Sorawit knew for a fact they wouldn't try anything as long as they were on school property, but unfortunately he couldn't say the same for when they had left.

"Nam let's hang out today, on me" he said eying her up and down.

"Pong, I remember telling you I was busy when you asked me yesterday." She replied obviously not interested in hanging out with him at all.

"What, busy hanging out with this loser instead." The guy now known as Pong spoke sizing up Sorawit. Eventhough he was tall Sorawit was indeed 100% bone.

"Pong." Nam warned, it was quite clear that she had enough, half because she knew that this would end alot worse for Sorawit than for her. And the other half was tired of guys constantly thinking she was interested in them.

"Nam, what does he have that I dont." Pong paused briefly looking at Sorawit before bring his eyes back to Nam.

"Now don't be stupid."

It was that line that made Sorawit snap.

"Her not wanting to hang out with you isn't being stupid." He said standing tall trying to make himself appear as tough as possible.

"What?" Pong replied before laughing along with the rest of his friends, they all looked completely amused.

Nam quickly sensed things were going to take a turn for the worst if things continued going the way that they were.

"Pong I'm seriously busy today I have a bunch of work to catch up on, I have alot more time on the weekend let's hang out then" she spoke alot softer.

"Huh, fine." Pond said a lot calmer now maybe because Nam was being a lot more docile or because a teacher was approaching.

The whole situation was over rather quickly after that, Pong and his group of friends had left before the teacher arrived and Nam had explained to that said teacher that the whole thing was a misunderstanding.

Sorawit was now sitting in the Pink Lilly attempting to complete his homework as the staff around him began to prepare for the evening shift. He was thinking about the conversation that he had with Nam while he was taking her home.

She said playing along was always the safer options especially with guys like that.

It made him worry to the point he had to convince her not to go and see him on the weekend.

"What's wrong you're pulling a pout." Ploy said squeezing his cheeks with a soft smile.

Ploy was a University student in her 20s that worked at the Pink Lily part time, she was kind and energetic but she was always in other peoples business.

"Umm I'm fine" Sorawit mumbled out before resuming his homework that he had been neglecting for the past half hour.

Before Ploy could prod for more information, Bun had stormed and was clearly in a mood. A way worse one than usual.

"Who does he think he is?" Fuming Bun slammed his hand down on the front counter.

"Why do handsome men think its okay to be so arrogant" Bun continued to rant furiously.

"P'Bun????" Sorawit called utterly confused, who could have made him so angry.

"Bun, what's wrong?" Ploy also questioned after all seeing her boss this angry was rare.

"Huh, what's wrong. You won't believe what happened today!" Bun responded quickly pulling out a seat. Finally seeming to calm down he recited what took place earlier today.

Bun had gone into work for his regular morning shift at 3am hence why he wasn't there to help ease Sorawit into his first shift. But the real trouble began after his long lunch break around 4ish when a young man was rushed in with a bullet wound, Bun was assigned to treat him. So naturally once he heard the man was accompanied by two other men he had quickly gone to question them after all bullet wounds weren't very common in Viangpa Mork. When he had confronted them he was ridiculed and mocked (more so softly teased, but okay Bun. I'll have to make a special chapter about their first meeting after all this is a That x Sorawit centered story) by a tall well dressed handsome man which only pissed him off more. He'd come to know that the arrogantly handsome man was Tan.

In his 3 months in Viangpa Mork he had only heard from other residents that Tan was one of the many sons of a very affluent family that owned multiple business in the city, and he had been doing a lot of work out here recently.

But the icing on the cake for Bun was that everyone loved him, not the police nor a single soul had come to question them or see what was going on. The whole situation was perfectly swept under the rug.

Bun had finished his story with a huff, just retelling it had seemed to annoy him.

"Wow, i mean it is expected after all rumour is that their family does dabble in..." Ploy trailed off unsure if she should finish her sentence. Tan and his family were doing way more for Viangpa Mork than the governor, in the past couple years their investments had gotten them things they never thought they'd see. Like new school buildings and more focus placed on education. They had even gotten Ploy into university through their Helping the Youth fund before that she never thought she would even have the opportunity to go.

"In what?" Sorawit asked, he hadn't been able to catch onto what she was implying like Bun had.

"Never you mind, my shift starts now so I'll see you later" Ploy wore a light smile before returning to work.

Bun had assumed it would have been something like that but he really thought Viangpa Mork was a quite and unproblematic town.

"Ah, Sorawit how was your shift this morning" Bun asked realising that he had been to caught up in himself to ask.

"It was fine but," it was at this moment that Sorawit had remembered his encounter with That.

"But what?" Bun said urging him to continue.

So, for the remainder of the evening shift until the start of the late evening shift Sorawit proceed to tell Bun about the oh so mysterious That. Although he sub consciously left out his heart pains and stomach twists that he felt around the boy, the rest of the story was relayed exactly as it happened.

After he had finished Bun had agreed the boy was strange and that in future he should try to keep his distance.

Sorawit had quickly retired for the night after he had finished talking to Bun feeling completely exhausted.

As he laid in bed,

When he was just about to fall asleep for a split second the very mysterious That flashed across his mind.

Regardless of what Bun had said earlier a part of him couldn't help but hope that just maybe he would see him again.

At last I have done, I hope you like this chapter. Cause i really do.

Oof my hate for men really showed at Nam's part, but do not worry I shall not allow for creepy old men or men at that to get their hands on her.

Any way onto the next chapter! That visiting his favourite coffee boy once again.

Again not proof read cause I live on the edge.

#that x sorn #manner of death #boys love #fanfic #tan x bun #tatsorn #tat x sorawit

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catboymingi · 4 years

Text

and the damsel in distress - veninder chap. 2

navi/masterlist

story masterlist

pairing: mingi x reader

genre: angst, fluff; eventual best friends to lovers

word count: 7.2k

warnings: language, insecurities, past trauma mention, somewhat suicidal thoughts (very briefly, one sentence)

a/n: after ages of exams where i focused on smaller writings i finally am updating... this chapter is a ride but it is the ride i decided to take

yo var det mig / der’ dummet sig? - was it me / that messed up?

when you woke up and unlocked your phone you immediately wished you hadn’t woken up, ever. you had more than a hundred messages from various chats, and while you wished you could just ignore them forever you knew that you’d have to deal with it tomorrow latest, and you’d rather do it without an audience. so you had no choice to reply, opening the private messages first and telling all your friends that you’d reply in the group chat, before you opened that one.

[y/n]: sry for that. forgot my wallet, had no way to get home in time

[y/n]: nothing happened tho

the reply came almost immediately, as if they’d just waited for you to come online.

[saranghoe]: u literally didnt even try 2 call dibs n now ur staying the night?? seems suspicious

[model contract when???]: yeah literally!

[y/n]: as i said, better than sleeping on the street

[model contract when???]: just dont go near them again. ever

[y/n]: fine

[y/n]: deal

you hated the idea, but you knew that if you didn’t agree your life would be a living hell. and that was definitely not something you wanted, knowing how they’d made life hell for other people and knowing that there was no way anyone could protect you from that. so, the next thing you did was click on ‘hyung hate club’, not even bothering to read the messages before leaving the group. you didn’t like this, but it was better this way. as much as you liked the boys, you liked being able to go to uni in peace more, and you knew that would be impossible if you so much as breathed in their direction from now on. you sighed, putting your phone down and laying back onto your bed again, wanting some peace for yourself, but you weren’t granted that. less than a minute after you’d laid down your phone buzzed, once, twice, thrice. knowing that you wouldn’t be able to relax until you knew what was up you sat back up, checking your phone to see messages from an unknown number. curious, you clicked on the notification.

[unknown]: y/n???

[unknown]: im mingi

[unknown]: whats wrong??

you weren’t sure whether to be happy he messaged or scream into your pillow. in some way it was nice he cared, but that also meant it would be harder to avoid the boys. and that meant that, no matter how hard you tried, your friends would have a reason to be upset.

[y/n]: why?

[unknown]: you left the gc?

[unknown]: what happened

[y/n]: nothing dw, im all good

he saw the message but didn’t reply right away, which made you think that maybe he’d accept your reply. but then you saw him typing again, and a message you didn’t expect at all appeared on your screen.

[unknown]: did i mess up

[y/n]: wdym

you genuinely had no idea what he meant, or rather, how he could’ve got the idea that he’d messed up in any way. he’d been nothing but kind to you, there was not a single thing he could possibly have messed up on. but when a new message popped up you knew he was genuinely worrying about it, and you felt bad for not being able to tell him the real reason why you left the group chat, why you had to avoid them.

[unknown]: like did i do something wrong

[y/n]: not at all

[y/n]: its not abt you dw

you hoped he’d leave it be with that, but of course not. he wanted to know what was wrong, he wanted to know why you suddenly didn’t seem to want to talk to him, or any of them for that matter, anymore.

[unknown]: then what is it

and while you were thinking of a good excuse, mingi seemed to have caught on to what exactly the problem was, as was made apparent by his next message.

[unknown]: its your friends isnt it

there was no way you could reply to that decently, so you didn’t, staring at the screen in frustration with your friends and him and mainly yourself. you wanted to say something, you really did, but you had no idea what. tell him you were sorry? tell him to leave you alone? tell him that sometimes life just sucked and you had to deal with it? none of that would’ve been a good reply, and in all honesty you also didn’t want to have to deal with the emotional turmoil it would inevitably bring.

you didn’t notice that you’d spaced out and your phone had locked itself until it buzzed in your hand again, another message from the unknown number you now knew to be mingi. it just read ‘got it’ and you felt awful, scared that you’d hurt or upset one of the only people in forever that had shown genuine care for you. but of course you’d had to mess it up.

the next day came and you still felt bad, somewhat fearful as well. your friend group’s chat had returned to the usual topics, but you still weren’t sure how they’d react to you when they saw you again. you were hellbent on acting as usual, hoping that if you acted like nothing happened they would as well, and it was somewhat successful, getting weird stares every now and then, but no more comments than usual. you wouldn’t let yourself relax just yet, but this was a good sign, at least.

but then came lunch. you tried to act casual, not wanting to let on to the fact that you were horrified that one of the boys would shout out for you at any moment. your eyes darted around aimlessly, mainly looking for a certain giant sporting bright red hair, simply because he was easiest to spot out of the group you’d spent saturday night with. when you still hadn’t spotted him when you sat down to eat with your friends your shoulders relaxed, but it had been a mistake to think that they’d forgotten about you.

you hadn’t noticed that yunho was on his way towards you until he was standing right there, having moved surprisingly inconspicuously for someone his height. but there he was, staring down at you with an expression you couldn’t judge. you tried to avoid his eyes, feeling so incredibly guilty for ignoring him when he and his friends had been your saviour when you needed one, but you couldn’t help it. even now you could feel your friends’ angry stares on you, when you hadn’t even acknowledged the boy’s presence.

“y/n”, yunho suddenly spoke up. you couldn’t help but look up at him at that, knowing it was a mistake, but your head moved by itself. and he noticed, a small smile appearing on his face now. he nodded his head as a sign that he wanted to talk to you with a little more privacy, and you knew that if you didn’t go with him he’d try to sort whatever he wanted to sort here, in front of your friends, which would be way worse than leaving with him for maybe two minutes and returning, convincing them that you told him never to come up to you again. so you got up, but before you could actually go to a more private area he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. you hit his back in a desperate attempt to let you down, but deep down you knew that your punches wouldn’t affect him in any way. so you gave up, hanging like a sack of potatoes, feeling everyone’s curious stares on you.

he first let you down at their table, hongjoong scolding him that a less dramatic approach would’ve done the job as well. wooyoung and yeosang were laughing while the others looked at you curiously, and you were still deciding whether or not to kill yunho right there.

that decision was made for you when mingi spoke up.

“you told me you’d see me at lunch.” you couldn’t quite decipher his tone, whether he was angry or disappointed or hurt, but you knew it wasn’t a positive emotion you heard in his voice. you hated that you were the reason for his upset, but you also hated that your decision about how to deal with the dilemma you were in had been made for you, by people that knew nothing about your situation. you weren’t them, you didn’t have a support system, you didn’t have the option to choose who you were friends with, you didn’t have any of the things that were a given for everyone else. you had to take what you got and make do with it, and they’d just made that significantly harder for you.

“i told you i couldn’t”, you replied, your own voice a mixture of sadness and anger. you wanted to be able to, really, but it wasn’t something you could change. and the fact that he’d seen how your friends had reacted to you doing something they didn’t like and still didn’t stop this, maybe even actively encouraged this, made you angry, even though maybe it shouldn’t. he hadn’t had any ill intentions, but that didn’t really matter to you when you knew he wouldn’t be affected at all by whatever happened as a reaction to this. that he - they - had started a battle you’d have to fight.

no one said anything to that and you thought the conversation was over, that they’d realised that you wouldn’t be able to join their friend group or talk to them at all unless necessary, so you turned around, managing to take a single step before someone grabbed your wrist. you turned around again in surprise and saw that it was seonghwa, whom you’d assumed to be kind and soft-spoken, definitely not the kind to do this. but here you were, being kept from leaving by his hand around your wrist. it was mingi who spoke, though.

“they’re not being nice to you. you deserve better.” and you knew, you knew all that, you knew everything he could tell you to convince you that they weren’t the right friends for you, but that didn’t change anything. and you’d had enough hurt, enough mistreatment in your life to want to avoid it at all costs now. if that meant giving up a bit of your happiness but getting to keep your peace of mind that was a price you were more than willing to pay. but the boy looking at you with softness in his eyes didn’t seem to be willing to have you pay that price.

“sit down.” seonghwa had let go of your arm now, moving a little so that you’d fit next to him. it wasn’t an order, more of a suggestion, but you were too tired, too exhausted to potentially risk a discussion you might not be able to win, so you just complied, resting your head in your palms. and because of that the boys at first didn’t even notice that you didn’t have your food, or any of your things, since it didn’t seem like you wanted to eat anyway.

it was san that noticed, already having finished inhaling his meal when you hadn’t even started yours. the surprise at that was what made him realise that there was no meal for you to finish.

“yunho!”, he suddenly yelled out, making everyone’s heads snap up, even yours. “you forgot y/n’s things when you kidnapped her!” at that realisation, panic made its way onto your face. you had no idea what state your things would be in by the time you’d reach them. your phone, your wallet, all your notes were in your bag, and you’d just left it with your friends that without a doubt were plotting how to ruin your life by now. you jolted up and towards the table they’d been sitting at, but when you saw they’d already left your panic only increased. your bag was still there, carelessly kicked underneath the table when you’d been sitting with the others, but you had no idea what the insides would look like. you probably looked like a maniac all but ripping it open, fumbling with the zipper with shaking hands and ransacking your bag to make sure you still had everything you needed, checking your wallet and phone to see just how fucked you were. everything was still in order, though; it seemed like they’d forgotten about your bag, in part thanks to you having kicked it out of sight thoughtlessly. you almost cried at the relief, and mingi, who’d followed you after your sudden exit to make sure you were okay, wasn’t really sure what to do. he kneeled down next to where you were still crouching on the floor, staring at your bag and its content as if it were the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen, and just looked at you, waiting for you to realise he was there as well.

when after a while (was it seconds? minutes? it felt too long for mingi) you still seemed to not have noticed his presence he carefully tapped your leg, making sure his hand was visible before he actually touched you. you seemed so spaced out that he was pretty certain any sudden touch or noise would scare you to no end. but even though he was so careful not to be too sudden your head still shot up with a force that made him fear you’d break your neck; you’d half expected one of your friends to be the one touching you, so your anxious reaction was at least in part caused by that. but when you saw that it was only him you relaxed a little, though your heartbeat still would not return to normal.

“you okay?”, he asked you once it seemed like you wouldn’t drop dead from shock or kill him if he said anything, worry apparent in his voice, and you could understand him, really - this wasn’t a regular reaction to forgetting your bag with your friends. but you didn’t have regular friends either, so it evened out.

“i guess.” you grabbed your bag and got up, wanting nothing more than to get out of that awkward situation, and the tall boy followed suit.

“wanna join us for the rest of lunch?” he expected you to say no. you knew that you should say no. and a look at where you’d sat at the table confirmed that you didn’t even have anything to eat anymore - they’d probably thrown it away as soon as you left. so there was no reason to go, there was no reason to make yourself even more of a target. but maybe that was why you ended up saying yes. you’d already become a target, so now you might as well spend time with them, you didn’t really have anything to lose anymore. and the smile he gave you when you agreed to join them made you think that it’d maybe be worth it, even.

the others looked at you in surprise when you returned to their table, mingi having a triumphant look on his face. they didn’t say anything, though, scared of putting you off and causing another somewhat-freak out like the one earlier. of course, to them it didn’t make sense, they had no idea just what your friends could do. they’d never been their victim, and they’d never been around to see what their victims had to deal with. but you knew. and the thought of it almost sent you into a panic attack, so you let yourself fall onto the bench (a loud ‘thud’ could be heard, so you really hadn’t been gentle with yourself) and put your head on the table, ignoring how greasy it probably was, your focus being on stopping your breath from speeding up before it was too late. you couldn’t see the looks they gave each other, but you could imagine them. you were a mess, a scared, traumatised mess, and that less than 48 hours after first having met them. you honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they told you to go sit somewhere else, or got up and left themselves. but they were still there when you lifted your head again, looking at you worriedly, but without judgment.

mingi was the first to speak, having put the pieces together by now.

“they’re that bad?” you knew whom he meant. he’d seen the message, he’d been the one to figure out they didn’t want you to talk to them, he’d seen the way you’d rummaged your bag, so it wasn’t hard for him to figure out what, or rather whom, you were scared of. yet he couldn’t imagine why you were that scared of people supposed to be your friends.

“worse.” you tried to mask your fear with a bitter tone, but it didn’t exactly work. the boys didn’t exactly know how to react to that, trying desperately to come up with a way to lighten the mood.

“you have eight bodyguards now.” you weren’t the only one surprised when it was jongho that spoke up, but the others were quick to agree, telling you that the girls had to get past them first. ‘mainly jongho, to be fair’, as wooyoung elaborated. and while you still weren’t feeling good about it, you were feeling better now, the fearful expression replaced by a smile. san, not wanting to waste that chance, asked you if he could re-add you to ‘hyung hate club’, and you couldn’t resist the puppy eyes he gave you, so you agreed. as soon as he did so mingi got his phone out, resending the message he’d sent when he’d brought you home. ‘pyjama party this weekend n y/ns still coming’. your reply was an emoji rolling its eyes, but the smile hadn’t left your face. then you saved his number, asking the others to send a message with their name so you could know who was who.

“they’ll never shut up”, hongjoong informed you casually as he sent his name, and while you knew he was telling you, indirectly, that from this moment on you would never be able to have a moment of peace and quiet and no notifications you were happy about this fact, because it meant that at least you wouldn’t be lonely.

“i have my ways.” you grinned at him as you said that, then you went to save all the numbers in your phone. doing so brought your attention to the time, and you noticed that it was time to leave for class, your happy expression immediately disappearing as you realised that they wouldn’t be around to protect you during class. And class was the place you couldn’t escape from; you needed the credits, and part of you also didn’t want to have to give up on something that always brought you joy just because you had to fear you wouldn’t be left alone.

“i need to go.” your expression didn’t go unnoticed, and seonghwa and yeosang, who had this period off, told you they’d be right there if something happened, you just had to send a message. they also insisted on bringing you to your class, and while you did feel a little like a child that needs their parents to bring them everywhere because they’re scared by themselves you also really appreciated it. so you took off with your two bodyguards, waving at the others as they left for their own classes.

“it’ll be fine”, yeosang said after a couple hundred metres during which neither of you had said anything, and you looked at him with doubt apparent in your eyes.

“it will”, seonghwa stated, a lot more sure about it than you were. “and if not, you know we’ll be right there.” that only did little to reassure you, but you had no choice either way.

you reached your classroom way too fast, and you could feel your breath speed up as soon as you walked towards the door, hesitating. maybe you should just drop out of uni and become a shepherd in a secluded village somewhere in a strange country in europe. maybe that was a better plan. but the choice was made for you as one of your now ex-friends waved towards you, a cheery expression on her face that would have fooled you, had you not seen that same expression on her face countless times before, knowing that it meant nothing but danger. but it was too late to turn around now, so all you could do was pretend you didn’t know what you were about to face.

“hey!” your tone was at least as fake as her expression as you greeted her back. then you went to your seat, and for the first half of class things actually went okay. you were tense, you were stressed, you were scared, but nothing happened. but then the teacher told you that it was time to do group work now, and things went downhill. you were grouped by how you were seating, which included you, one of the girls, and two classmates you barely ever talked to, whose names you didn’t even know, but whom you had nothing against, at least. but they would soon have something against you.

as you were working, one of them had her laptop out to take notes and prepare a presentation, as was the task. and that gave your ex-friend an idea. it was an expensive laptop, and you, as always, had a cup of water on the table, fairly close to the middle so it wouldn’t be able to drop by itself. it wouldn’t have to drop by itself, though. first, the girl next to you dropped her pen and kicked it over to the other two, pretending to have done so in an attempt to retrieve it and be able to pick it up.

“i’m sorry, i dropped my pen! can you maybe pick it up, i can’t reach it.” an apologetic smile was sent their way, as if to say ‘sorry for the hassle’. both girls opposite you ducked at the same time, trying to see where the pen was and who would be able to pick it up more easily. that was what she’d planned, though; as soon as they were no longer able to see you, she spilled your water. over the laptop that was still on the table. and as if that wasn’t enough, she got up, yelling your name loudly, asking you why you’d done that. everyone was looking at you by now, and the girl whose laptop had been sacrificed quickly tried to dry it off with her sleeve, asking for tissues, trying to save it. no use, it seemed like it had broken right away. and everyone thought it was you. that you’d broken the laptop on purpose.

“she was writing her thesis, y/n! i knew you were jealous, but i didn’t think you’d go that far!” you just stared at the scene around you wide-eyed, not even fully realising that this was real. by now even the teacher had come to look at what exactly was going on, and your lack of self defense was a seemingly obvious sign of you actually being the culprit.

“i think you should leave the class now. and you will have to replace the laptop.” all you could do was stare at who used to be your friend, unable to believe that she would do this to you. you hadn’t even actually done anything, and you’d been friends with these girls for almost a year now, yet she’d had no hesitation to ruin not only your reputation but also you financially. she was fully aware that you were barely scraping by. she was fully aware that you would never be able to replace the laptop. she knew all that. and she still did it, just because you’d dared to talk to someone they’d called dibs on. you couldn’t believe it.

you didn’t really remember how you’d left the class, and were surprised to find that you’d remembered to pack all your things back into your bag, that you hadn’t forgotten anything. you’d just left, going who even knew where, dropping on the floor when your legs didn’t want to carry you anymore, and starting to cry. and you stayed there, crying, losing all feeling for how much time had passed. this had been your last class of the day, so you had nowhere to be, and you didn’t want to be anywhere, either. you wanted to vanish. you wanted to die, in all honesty. if it continued like this your only choice was dropping out, basically having wasted the past year and all the work and money you’d put into your studies.

you were so caught up in your crying that you hadn’t noticed your phone buzzing with message after message, first paying attention to it when someone called you. it was seonghwa, who’d been there to pick you up after class only to see that you weren’t there. you didn’t feel like picking up, so you pressed the red button through your tears. he tried again, with the same result, and first when your phone started buzzing continuously with new messages you took a look at the group chat. now you found out why they were calling you - they’d tried to get you after class, but you weren’t there, and now you’d neither read their messages nor picked up their calls, so they all were quite worried at this point. you felt sorry about that, so you decided to send a message saying ‘sorry for worrying you’, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say that you were fine. it seemed like any sign of you being alive was already a success, though, lots of relieved messages flooding the chat. you hoped that maybe they wouldn’t ask what happened, but of course they did.

[hongjoong]: what happened?

[y/n]: i dont want to talk abt it

the chat was quiet after that, no one really knowing what to say. but, again, mingi sent you a private message.

[mingi]: where are you???

you didn’t want to explain anything and you didn’t want to pretend you were fine, so you just sent him your location, his ‘ill be right there’ coming just a few seconds after you’d sent your message. you were somewhat relieved that you wouldn’t have to be alone right now, but you also dreaded having to explain what happened. for now, though, you should probably focus on looking a little more like a person and a little less like you’d just spent the past hour crying. even though you had it didn’t have to be obvious like that, so you tried to clean off the streaks of ruined makeup on your cheeks, using your phone as a makeshift mirror. once you were done you tilted your head to see if there was anything you’d missed, but it was okay. it wasn’t good, but it was the best you could do right now. then, you waited.

you’d put in your headphones after roughly two minutes of waiting, way too nervous at every single sound that surrounded you, but that also made you miss mingi shouting your name once he’d arrived, and the sudden appearance of his large frame in your field of vision did surprise you quite some, flinching visibly before you took out your headphones and looked up at him, trying to smile but failing miserably. and he immediately caught on, sitting down next to where you were sitting on the floor and looking at you silently for a moment.

“do you want a hug?” he didn’t know what else to offer, but he wanted to let you know that he was there for you, and you willingly accepted the offer. he wrapped his arms around you then, pulling you a little closer so you could rest your head on his shoulder, and then you continued to sit in silence. it was strangely comforting, having someone there for you even when they had no idea what you were even upset about, offering you their presence and leaving the choice of whether or not you wanted to tell to you. you didn’t want to have to leave this situation, the safety you felt when embraced by mingi, who was much taller than you and who made you feel like, even just by virtue of his height, he could protect you. but you had to, you knew you did, you couldn’t spend all day wherever you were now.

“we should go home.” mingi hummed in response, removing his arms from where they were wrapped around you, and the two of you got up. he looked at you hesitantly - you could tell he wanted to say or ask something, so you cocked your head, encouraging him this way to tell you whatever was on his mind.

“they’re all worried, so i was wondering… i told them i’m going to meet you, but i think they’d feel better if they could see for themselves that you’re in one piece.” you nodded, both as a sign of understanding and to show that it was fine with you to meet them before you went home. he nodded as well, slowly starting to walk and somewhat unsure if you’d actually follow him, but you did.

you walked in silence until you reached the train station, where he bought the ticket for you again. you looked at him, about to protest, but when he told you it was his treat again you just nodded, not having the energy to argue and also glad that you could save the money seeing how very soon you’d need every single won. after that, you were silent again, sitting next to each other with your head on his shoulder, which you’d have been embarrassed and shy about if you weren’t so exhausted. you were exhausted, though, and it took all your energy to not fall asleep on him - but at least you succeeded with that, your eyes still somewhat open when he told you you had to get off at the next stop. you sat up, then, immediately missing the warmth and comfort of him so close to you. the boys made you feel weirdly safe, and you couldn’t tell why it was - maybe it was just the unusual feeling of having friends that cared about you even when you had nothing to offer, but no matter what it was, it was nice.

another thing that was nice was that mingi didn’t make you talk, didn’t even try. he’d talk, but he didn’t mind if you didn’t reply. he’d just resume his story, letting you know that he wasn’t ignoring you but that he didn’t expect anything from you. and with this behaviour you slowly started to feel better, feeling ready to tell what had happened by the point you reached the boys’ place.

“mingi?” it seemed like they’d been waiting for him to come home, shouting his name as soon as he’d closed the door behind you.

“and y/n!”, he replied, entering the living room with you in tow. you were somewhat surprised to find them all already gathered there, but mingi didn’t seem to be. he just plopped down on the couch, patting the space next to him to signal you to sit down as well. so you did, staring at your hands as soon as you’d sat down, unsure how to start. and they were unsure as well, unsure if they should ask you or wait until you started talking by yourself.

“i…”, you started, but then stopped again. this was hard.

“i’m sorry for not taking your calls”, was how you decided on starting. “i just- i couldn’t. everything was so much.” and even though you hadn’t even started actually explaining yet a small sob already escaped from your lips, and you hid your face in shame. you looked up again though when you felt a hand on your knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze, and looked at the boy attached to the hand - mingi. he looked at you with soft, encouraging eyes, and you took a few slow breaths before you started talking again.

“they hate me. in class, one of them spilled water on my classmate’s laptop and broke it, and then she said it was me, that i did it because i was jealous of that classmate’s good grades.” you tried very hard to stay calm while telling, not wanting to break down crying before you even finished explaining why you’d ignored them, why you’d run away from class without telling anyone where you were.

“and everyone believed her because no one saw and she doesn’t have a reason to do it but the way she framed it i do, and now the girl is so angry because she was writing her thesis and i think it’s gone now and also the laptop is broken and i have to replace it and i just… i can’t afford that and i don’t know what to do and- ouch!” mingi’s hand had remained on your knee while you spoke, but the more you elaborated the tighter his grip got, seemingly without him noticing, because when he heard you yelp he immediately took away his hand and apologised profoundly for having hurt you.

“i’m just so fucking angry that she’d do that”, he explained. “you literally haven’t done anything!” and he wasn’t the only angry one, either, all the boys visibly fuming.

“but i can’t do anything about it”, you said, sounding defeated, “but i’m so scared that i’ll be kicked out of the course because i need it for my degree and if i get kicked out due to gross misbehaviour, even when it wasn’t actually me, i’ll lose my scholarship and then i won’t be able to continue studying and i won’t have a degree either and no one will hire me and i’ll end up homeless and in debt and… and…” you were unable to continue, your sobs having completely taken over at this point. you felt pathetic for breaking down like this, but your entire future was on the line just because you’d chosen to pick your friends yourself rather than waiting for approval. it was unfair, and it was horrible, and it reinforced the belief in you that if you didn’t do what others told you to do, the consequences would be horrible.

mingi wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest - it seemed like out of the eight boys he was the one who’d taken on the role of your protector now, always taking care of you like this, ever since you first met. the others were there as well, of course, but they were more of a silent support as mingi actually pulled you in, and it was okay that way. it worked that way, his deep voice and careful touch being able to calm you down enough that you were able to breathe somewhat regularly again.

“i want to go home now”, you said once the worst was over. you were still sniffling, but you didn’t care. you wanted to go back to your bed, you wanted to hug the teddy bear that you’d owned since you were born, you wanted the comfort of your own home. being here with them was nice, and it had helped you calm down, but your own home, your own bed, was still something different. and it seemed like they could understand that wish to be in a familiar environment, because they just nodded.

“i’ll bring you.” the way he’d said it it didn’t sound like you had a choice, but it was okay. the tall boy had been there for you all afternoon, and he (and the others too, really) would probably feel better if he knew you were home safe and sound. you hummed in response which he correctly interpreted as your okay, because he got up with you and followed you to the door where you stopped to say goodbye and thank them for listening. then you left, the red-haired giant following suit silently.

the train station wasn’t far away, as you knew by now, and the two of you walked next to each other in silence. once there, he paid for your ticket again without a second thought, and while you did feel guilty about it you also were glad he did so. your head rested on his shoulder again during the train ride, something you didn’t even think about anymore; being close to him felt natural, maybe due to the fact that there’d been a lot of good reasons to be close to him in the roughly three days you’d known each other, maybe because he didn’t seem to register it as something noteworthy either.

you didn’t talk during the trip, the first time either of you said anything being when you told him, once you’d gotten off the train, that you were glad he’d brought you, and tried to say goodbye to him unsuccessfully because he told you he’d walk you home unless you’d report him for stalking if he did so. you shook your head, smiling slightly, and started walking. it was once more him who kept the (so far nonexistent) conversation alive, commenting on anything with a child-like wonder in his voice. it sounded like he’d never seen a tree before, or a street, or a house - everything seemed to surprise and somewhat excite him, and in all honesty you thought it was sweet. he managed to distract until you reached your apartment this way, but he noticed the way you tensed up as you unlocked the door. a day ago he’d have thought your fear was an overreaction, and maybe its intensity was, but after what had happened today he was fairly certain it was justified.

“do you want me to go in first?”, he asked as you wouldn’t even fully open the door, obviously scared of what would expect you. you nodded and moved to the side, giving him the option to slip inside. and a couple seconds later he was in front of you again, opening the door widely and telling you that everything was okay. first then did you relax even slightly, entering with careful steps as if you were expecting to jump out of the shadows and murder you. mingi was right, your apartment was fine, but you weren’t. you hated this, hated that you didn’t even feel safe in your own home, and that there was nothing you could do about that.

mingi soon caught on to the fact that even though everything was fine you didn’t seem relaxed at all, looking around like a rabbit expecting the fox to jump out any moment and devour it. and it was your scared expression that made the words leave his mouth before he could stop himself.

“do you want me to stay the night?” you looked at him surprised, both at his words and at the fact that he was still there - you’d forgotten about him in your worry.

“you don’t have to.” you didn’t want to be even more of a bother. you didn’t want him to get annoyed at your scaredy cat-behaviour.

“but do you want me to?”

“you don’t have anything here.” really, you were just trying to come up with excuses for not directly answering his question, because the answer would have been a ‘yes’. yes, you did want him to stay the night, but you didn’t want him to do so because he felt like he had to.

“that’s fine. it’s just a night, and i only have late classes tomorrow. do you want me to?”

you couldn’t stand to look at him as you nodded, feeling weak and vulnerable and like a burden, but he just said ‘okay’, then got out his phone and started typing.

“i’m just letting them know”, he explained when he saw your questioning expression, and you nodded again. you felt slow, tired, and you just wanted to sleep. and yet once more he seemed to know exactly what you were thinking.

“you should go to bed”, he told you softly, “i’ll be right here.”

“you need sleep too!” it was first then you realised that you couldn’t offer him the luxury of choosing his bed for the night, that you couldn’t even offer him the luxury of having anything bigger than a single-person bed. but he didn’t seem to care, nodding.

“just get ready. i’ll wait.” and because you were way too tired to argue about anything at all, you just grabbed your pyjamas from your bed and left for the bathroom to get changed. you got into your pyjamas and wiped the worst stains off your face with a wet washcloth, but didn’t have the energy for anything else. this would have to do for today.

mingi was waiting for you on the floor when you got back, jacket, shirt and shoes huddled together next to him. maybe usually you’d have been a little flushed at him being shirtless, but in this moment all that mattered was getting into bed and sleeping. so you crawled underneath your blanket, moving as close to the wall as possible so he’d be able to still comfortably fit in next to you. he joined, pulling the blanket to cover both of you, and as soon as he’d done so you told him goodnight, him replying with a ‘goodnight’ of his own. he was fairly certain you’d fall asleep right away by how exhausted you seemed, but he found himself surprised when after roughly half an hour you were still tossing and turning.

“you okay?” he didn’t know if this was normal for you or something to be worried about, but he wanted to be sure you weren’t suffering silently just because you didn’t want to bother him.

“tell me something nice”, was what you replied instead of answering his question.

“what do you want to hear?”

“i don’t care. something happy.”

he thought for a moment before he started telling you about his seventh birthday, trying to remember as many details as possible so he’d have something to tell until you’d fallen asleep. his low, calm voice calmed your anxious heartbeat a little, and you stopped shifting so much. you did, however, scoot closer to him subconsciously, your back soon pressed against his chest as you sought out his comforting presence, his warmth. he wasn’t sure if you’d done it on purpose, so he didn’t immediately wrap his arm around you, softly putting his fingertips onto your waist first to wait for your reaction, to see if you’d shy away from his touch. but you did the opposite, grabbing his hand and pressing it close to your chest as if it was a lifeline keeping you from drowning. he just resumed his story, not commenting on it, and you were glad he didn’t. and cuddled up like that his deep, steady voice managed to lull you to sleep.

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the-gay-cryptid · 4 years

Text

Okay, I'm super pissed right now and I dont want to bother my friends with this, theyve got shit of their own, I just need to get the angry out of my system.

I want to shave my head. I want to because it would give me a feeling of control and it's the much safer, less permanent, and less painful of my three options: shave head, get piercing, get tattoo. Since whatever I picked would be self done, I naturally went with shaving my head.

I'm no fucking idiot though, I've done my research. I know that, because of my hair type and my own preferences, I dont want it too short. I would first get a #8 attachment, which it the longest you can get. That's what I would use. I looked up a video of someone comparing the lengths of each attachment when actually used on hair, so I have a better idea of what it would actually look like since I'm not good at visualizing lengths.

I was going to tell my mom all this, show her that this isnt a sudden decision, and that I've actually done research and know what to do/expect. It was still entirely possible she'd say no, but this approach was my best chance to convince her.

I told me dad this morning, "I want to shave my head. I think I'd have to order attachments since your clippers are too short, but its definitely doable." I said it this way because I've never had to prove to my dad that I know what I'm doing, like I'm writing a damn research paper.

He wasnt a fan, because he thinks I'll look like a man. He doesnt want me to look too masculine. That's a problem to revisit at a later time. I pointed out that I already look like a boy when I wear hats, my hair grows out fast, and that how he wants me to look isnt my problem. He conceded to all three points, though he still wasnt a fan. He wouldnt stop me, but we both knew I had to convince mom before I even picked up the clippers.

Mom came in, and we said good morning and so on. Then Dad says "she wants to shave her head." Which was the absolute worst possible way to introduce that to my mother.

To her credit, she handled it well. She said she didnt think it would suit my head shape, but if I wanted to I couldn't but if I did it she wasnt going to pay for my hair appointments anymore, even if I grew my hair out again. I wouldnt really mind paying for my own cuts and colors, it's just that it's kinda expensive and I have 10$ and no income until August assuming we're back on campus next semester. I figured I'd think about it.

I took a shower, did makeup, and finished making some earrings I started last night. Then I went to show my parents, because i was proud and I thought they looked cool.

Dad loved them, mom definitely thought they were tacky, but I'm used to that and she's given up trying to convince me that tacky jewelry is bad.

She was making a face that screamed "not a fan", and I asked her why she was making said face. I expected a comment about how people would judge me, and I was totally emotionally prepared for that and ready to let it roll off. But instead, she says

"This doesn't seem like a good use of your time. I just dont feel like enough work is getting done"

I dont know if any of you know this about me, but I'm very sensitive about my work ethic. I've had problems in the past, but I've worked fucking hard to learn the self discipline and time management I have today. It's not perfect, but I'm better than I was. So when people imply that I'm not doing enough, or I'm lazy, or that I'm wasting my time instead of working, I take it a little harder than most.

I didnt linger, because it wouldnt help anyone. I just left and waited in the kitchen to vent to my dad.

"I just wanted to show her something cool." I said. I kept my voice low, because mom has a habit of walking in when I'm venting about her and then getting overly offended and turning it into me being disrespectful. "And she just ignored it-" at which point my dad cut me off. He doesnt like when I complain about mom. He doesnt like the confrontation that occurs if she over hears, and he doesnt like seeing her upset that her kid is implying shes a bad mom. She isnt, but she's not perfect, and as a grown ass woman who lectures me about the same flaw, she should be able to take criticism.

I'm still a bit pissed, so I just grabbed my laptop and went upstairs to do schoolwork. I dont have much to do, since, contrary to my mother's suggestion, I'm very on top of my work, and even ahead on some of it.

Just now, I went down stairs to take a break and grab my house shoes. I talked to my dad a little bit about some netflix shows. Then, because I thought maybe I could sway him a little, I showed him the video of someone comparing all the attachments and how short they actually cut.

I also pointed out that mom wouldve reacted better if hed let me explain what I wanted. He disagreed, so I told him how I'd present the idea:

"I have something I want to do, and I've done a lot of research, so I understand what to do, what I'd need, and how to do it the way I have in mind. I'd like to shave my head, not super short though. I'd use the longest attachment..." et cetera, et cetera.

Basically I'd just prove to her this wasnt decided on a whim. And then I'd ask her opinion. She'd hate it, but at least she'd probably consider it. Even Dad admitted it might have worked.

I started telling him why I wanted to do it, the whole needing to feel in control thing. But he was putting away clothes and heading his and Moms room, and if mom heard me talking through all this she'd get mad and double down on the "fuck no" stance. So I dropped it for now.

But then my dad thought hed be real fucking funny. I was standing in the bathroom with him, and he turned on his clippers and started to reach for my hair. I grabbed his arm to stop him. I knew he was joking, it was just my knee jerk reaction since his clippers have NO attachment and would actually buzz my head completely.

He then said, very smugly, that that's the reaction of someone who doesn't actually want to shave their head. I told him that wasnt funny, and started to explain that I stopped him because it wouldve been the wrong length.

But mom, being in the bedroom right fucking next to us, got PISSED. She then informed us, mainly me, that I wasnt allowed to shave my head, and that she'd be so furious if I did it. And now i was mad with both of my parents.

Since I couldnt be delicate about it anymore, I told her point blank the whole conversation this morning wouldve gone better if dad hadnt said anything, and that I was going to actually explain myself before telling her I wanted to shave my head.

She listened to my whole explanation. I'll give her that. But when I finished, she just hummed and went back to her work. Which is mom for "fuck no, and this is a stupid idea."

As all conversations with my mother inevitably go, I went to the kitchen to talk to dad. I told him he shouldnt have done any of that, and that now, because of him goofing off, mom wasnt taking anything of said seriously.

He told me he was sorry he did that, but that he didn't want me to do it anyway. I reminded him, in far less polite terms than usual, that I dont care what he thinks and that it's my hair and my choice.

He agreed and apologized again, still just as insincere.

Since I didnt have the patience or calmness to try and talk about it further, I went back upstairs. I heard him calling me a little bit ago, probably to talk again, but I'm still fucking angry.

Because of him not only taking away my ability to bring this up with my mom on my own terms, and then ruining any chances of her taking me seriously, theres no way in hell I'm going to be able to do what I wanted. I know shaving my head isnt that big of a deal, but the amount of bullshit its brought out of them both is infuriating.

If he'd just kept his fucking mouth shut this morning, all this could've gone so much better.

#im just mad #and i dont want to bother my froends #and i cant vent to my parents for obvious reasons #and my brother's at work #so its all fucking pent up with nowhere to go #so im putting it here #my post #ranting #venting

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rosenburg-lia · 4 years

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What Does One Even Do?

WHAT? — Lia has Vanessa over to discuss her situation.

WHEN? — saturday night, april 4th

TRIGGERS? — pregnancy

FEATURING — Vanessa Montgomery ( @thevmontgomery ) mentions of Drew Torres and Tori Santamaria

lia: I cant be a mom, I barely even know how to take care of myself. One of the thoughts that swirled through Lias brain over the last hour. Still sat on the side of the bathtub, the pregnancy test laid on the sink. Her elbow resting on her knee as her focused trained on a specific spot on the floor. Her only move since she had seen the test was to grab her phone and text Vanessa. How the fuck does one even begin to take care of a kid? Taking a deep breath as she stood on shaky legs, collecting the test and her phone as she walked out of the bathroom. She couldnt even grab her usual vices to deal with the anxiety raking her body. Her body felt almost empty, her mind filled to the brim, but as she sat on the couch, wrapping herself in a ball, her hands instinctively fell to her stomach.

Vanessa: It was like her mind got a jump start reading Lia's message. Most of her messages went unnoticed, read, but unnoticed. There wasn't any reason she felt the need to see or speak to everyone all things considering, but Vanessa couldn't leave Lia at a time like this. Vanessa remembered going through all this alone. She remembered staring at the test, having no idea who to call and sitting in a dark room for days by herself. Vanessa wasn't going to let Lia go through that. As soon as she reached Luke and Lia's apartment, she moved straight through the house, finding Lia immediately and wrapping her arms around the girl. Was it for her comfort or the other girl's? It didn't matter, they both needed someone right now.

lia: she allowed herself to be engulfed by vanessa. the tears already falling from her eyes as she felt her arms around her. "I fucked up V," She choked out, "I cant be a mom," She spoke, glancing up to meet her gaze. She was grateful she had Vanessa in her life, even in whatever drama she was going through that made her leave town, she was still there when Lia needed her. But it would take some time for Lia, nothing was processing just feeling like facts floating through the air.

Vanessa: "you didn't fuck up, Lia," vanessa replied softly. it was all flushing back to her remembering this moment for herself. distraught on the floor feeling time collapsing. vanessa rubbed her friend's back, trying to provide whatever comfort she could bring. "we're going to get through this okay? together, i'm not going to let you do this alone."

liaa: "yea i did," She mumbled, her mind flashing through the memories of what shed done. Her night with Drew, telling Tori and subsequently losing her for now, and now this. "I cant let you say that without knowing the whole story," She sighed running her fingers through her hair. "The father is Drew," She spoke softly, "And I dont know what the fuck to do.."

Vanessa: it took everything in vanessa to pull herself together. she took a deep breath, "look, drew is an idiot, but he's gone through this before and i promise you he's going to do the right thing when you tell him, but i'm telling you you're going to have to tell him. you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't." she paused, feeling a little choked up about her own situation. vanessa stood up, and grabbing her friend's hand to sit on the tub rail. "we're going to go to the doctor and confirm how far along you are, but listen no impulsive thinking, no drinking, no smoking, no sleeping around, /nothing/."

liaa: her brows scrunched together at vanessas words, "What do you mean hes been through this before?" A sigh as she listened to her words, "I know, I plan on telling him. I will tell him," She paused before mumbling out, "eventually," Her eyes meeting vanessas as she spoke, nodding with her words, "I know, Im really sad too because I picked up a nice eighth," She chuckled, "Kidding...sort of," She sighed, "Im not sleeping around V, I never really have. Im taking this seriously, gonna read all the books and articles. Figure out my choices,"

liaa: "I dont even want to think about how Ill look pregnant, let alone if I have a kid," She spoke, "But I need to know everything, ya know?"

Vanessa: looked down, knowing she had to tell Lia eventually, after all that was the whole reason she came here. "At the end of Freshman year, I found out I was pregnant. He was there for me like with everything. He drove me to all my doctors appointments, let me stay over his place whenever my father got too much, even went on 2 am runs for me to get chinese and crap. And god, did that boy love my son with all his heart," she paused, her voice growing a little weak, but forcing some strength once she looked back to Lia. "He did right by me and he didn't even have to. With you, he's gonna give you and that baby the world if you let him," Vanessa explained. "We don't have to worry about any of that right now. What we need to worry about is you."

liaa: Her eyes widened, but she stayed silent, her brain did not however. The dots connecting in her head when Drew would disappear at times, realizing it was to go visit vanessa, to support her. A fond smile coming to her face as she thought about the boy, even as a best friend, he had been in dad mode from the jump. A part of her feeling warm knowing he wouldnt shove her away, or at least she hoped. "Im scared. Not worried, or nervous. But scared," She spoke, "Its terrifying to know that this has been growing in me, that someone is in there. Not just my organs anymore. I cant just go buckwild when I want because I want. My whole life is getting twisted V,"

Vanessa: "Come on, Li," Vanessa spoke softly. She wasn't going to let her friend be down on herself. She offered her hand out, "I'm gonna do for you what I wish someone would have done for me." Vanessa walked slowly, leading the girl back towards Lia's room and guiding her towards her bed. "Get in. Right now it's the size of a lima-bean at best. All this worrying is going to hurt you more than worrying will hurt the bean."

liaa: She smiled softly, taking her hand, following her through the apartment to her room. "V, its not my place, but did everyone know about your pregnancy? Or just drew?" She asked, "I dont think I want everybody, even the close ones, knowing," pulling the covers of her bed up, curling into them as she laid in the bed. "Ive grown up on worry, I think I can survive,"

Vanessa: pulled out her phone, her home screen showing a photo of Rocky and Vanessa sitting by a Christmas tree with matching smiles that took up their whole faces. "Drew's the only person who knew he was my son for a really long time, like almost three years now. Everyone else just assumed he was my little brother," she explained. "You only have to tell who you want to. I didn't even tell the father until a few months ago. Everyone isn't entitled to your life," she added. Vanessa laid in bed besides her friend, hoping that she was somehow helping. "You've gotta more than survive now."

liaa: Lia smiled as she saw the photo, "Hes adorable V," Listening as Vanessa spoke, her heart warming at the thought of Drew and Rocky interacting. "Im sure youre a great mom," She spoke softly, "Is Dallas the dad? Or did timelines overlap?" She asked, raising a brow, her tone void of all judgment and just interested in the part of her best friend she didnt know. "Why did it have to be Drew? Why couldnt it be Owen or Luke? Did God just wanna send a big fuck you my way? Want to ruin my relationship with Tori?" She sighed, "Or was it karma for not being honest with T from the gun? About everything.."

Vanessa: 's head dropped. She wasn't going to worry Lia about everything going her tragic motherhood. She wasn't a great mother, but that wasn't something she wanted to get into now. "Overlap," Vanessa said lowly. "Hence, me not telling the father until just a while ago." She knew it was wrong and saying it out loud made it all sound ghetto and fucked up, but that was her life. "Drew is not the worst person to have as your baby's father. Luke and Owen are not promised to step up, Drew will," Vanessa explained. "Have you told Tor he's the father yet?"

liaa: She nodded, "Thats fair, and at least you didnt have to lie to someone and or tell them you were wrong or something," She shrugged, "I didnt say he was, thats the issue. Hes perfect, the type to step up and actually support your decisions," She scoffed lightly, "She didnt even hear me out about sleeping with him, I dont think i can ever tell her im pregnant V," Looking at her friend with sad eyes, "It was like she was looking through me after I said it. I dont ever wanna see that look from her again,"

Vanessa: "I don't really wanna talk about Rocky's father if that's okay with you," Vanessa replied, not going too much into the subject. Her son was a sore spot for Vanessa, but the father situation was a whole different kind of pain. "Lia... You don't have to have this baby, you know that right?" Vanessa replied, her words slow so they could actually sink in. "I'm not on anyone's side! But you did sleep with her ex, you couldn't have expected her to just be calm and take that news like a champ. There's very few exes she cares about and you knew Drew was one of them..."

liaa: "Not a problem," She spoke with a nod. She knew better than to try and push Vanessa to talk about whats going on in her head. Turning towards her, a small smile, "I know. Im planning on looking at all options, even the ones that not everyone agrees with," A small shrug following her words, before she went silent. Listening to V speak, knowing she was more than correct in her words. "Its not that I expected her to be calm, but at least hear me out. She just defensive and harsh, which is fair, but i did expect some conversation about it," A small sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair, "its not like I meant to sleep with him V. I didnt hang out with him that night intending to see what his dick looked like, it just happened," Shaking her head lightly, "And I know its not an excuse, but its the truth. It wasnt planned, it wasnt like we ever intended on doing it. The plan was to be friends. Nothing more, nothing less, and now here we are,

Vanessa: "When have you ever known Tori to be much of a talker?" Vanessa replied playfully, shaking her head. "Okay ew! He's my best friend. I really really don't wanna talk about his dick! Whatever reason you had for hanging out with him is your business, but you've got to know that something was going to come from it. Drew too, but look we're not going to worry about that right now. Right now you need to get some sleep. All this worrying and back and forth isn't going to make this easier on you or really anyone involved."

liaa: "We've always been friends V, chaos comes to both of us, its enjoyable together," She shrugged, "I had never planned on being anything with him /after/ he got with Tori," She spoke, "All I know how to do is worry, especially when everything seems to be falling apart at the seams," It was true, everything she had known, was crumbling around her. Leaving her by herself in the storm, hanging onto Vanessa for dear life. "I just want it to be easier, but it wont be. And I know that,"

Vanessa: "You just gotta give her time, but you've also gotta be okay with the fact that she might never forgive you either," Vanessa explained, as much as she didn't want to think it would happen––Vanessa knew her best friend. "Whatever you decide to do, you know I'm gonna be by your side," Vanessa replied, interlocking her had with Lia's. "I wish I could tell you things are going to be easier, I really wish I could," she added softly. She'd be lying to saying anything about it, Vanessa knew /not/ knowing was always the easiest part. "It won't get better, you'll get better."

liaa: "I know, and I accept that. As much as it hurts, I know that she has that right. I betrayed her trust," She shrugged, "But shes always been there, i hate thinking about her not being here," A smile as she felt Vs hand in hers, "I appreciate you so much. For not judging more, or at least expressing it, and for being here. I know youve gone through something recently, and we dont got to talk about it. But it means something to me that your here right now," She spoke, an honest tone in her voice. "But youd be lying," She nodded, "Ive been told that for a while now. Seems like false hope,"

Vanessa: "Don't beat on yourself too much. We both know our girl can be a little dramatic," Vanessa explained. The last thing she wanted to do was be in the middle of this with all her closest friends involved, but Vanessa knew that everyone would be at each other's throats if she didn't stick her nose in it. "Lia, I got pregnant at 14 and became a teen mom at 15, I'm the last person who is ever going to judge you," Vanessa said softly, brushing a strand of hair out of Lia's face. "You know I'd be here for you baby, *but* if you do this dumb shit with Dallas I will put nair in your shampoo," Vanessa teased, wanting to lighten the situation. "You know I got you, pumpkin," she added, resting besides Lia.

liaa: "We all can be, and thats the real issue," She joked, "we all are dramatic bitches and most of the time it works for us," She knew that calling V automatically put her in the middle. It wasnt her intention, she genuinely just needed the girl. "I hope you know I understand if you decide being a part of all this drama is to much. I wouldnt be mad," She spoke, a small shrug at the end of her words, "Youre a strong person V. I know a lot of people dont tell you that, or praise you on other things. But going through what you did at that age, its tough for me now, i cant imagine three years ago," A small smile at Vanessas touch, "I would never with Dallas, hes like a big brother," She chuckled, "Can I admit something to you?" Her eyes turning to find Vanessa in the small light her side lamp gave off.

Vanessa: "I'm not dramatic! I'm just use to a certain lifestyle and anything outside that will be met with outing and tears," Vanessa joked back. She was going to be involved whether Lia called or not. "If you hadn't had called me, one of them would have." Drew would have called or even Tori. Somehow Vanessa always found out. Her head dropped somewhat, a long breath following before looking back to Lia. She didn't feel all too strong, the compliment falling somewhat on deaf ears. "Yeah, what is it?"

liaa: "Yea, not dramatic at all," She spoke sarcastically shaking her head lightly. "You arent wrong," She shrugged lightly, before her hand came up to play with my necklace. "Remember that guy i was into before tori and drew got together?" She questioned, turning slightly to look at V.

Vanessa: "Luke?" Vanessa asked raising an eyebrow. "Or does this have to do with those nice little Tiffany's necklaces you have for each day of the week?"

liaa: She chuckled lightly, "Ive always been into Luke, but its more of a sexual attraction than romantic i think," A small shrug, "And the necklaces are a whole different story for a different time," She rolled her eyes teasingly, "But seriously, again, youre the first person im admitting this to," She spoke before a deep sigh, "The guy was Drew, I had feelings for Drew. But then he got with Tori, and I distanced myself. Allowing the feelings to leave so they could be happy,"

Vanessa: "Plus Fiona would have your head if you tried anything that resembled a serious relationship," Vanessa teased. Her mouth dropped open wide, shockingly surprised at Lia's confession, though if Vanessa was using all her brain cells she could have known. "Amelia Jane Rosenburg!"

liaa: "Bitch I can take Fiona Coyne, shes not as big and bad as she pretends," She chuckled lightly, but knew that there was truth lingered within her words. No one that ends up with Luke or Fiona will compare to them for each other, and Lia wasnt gonna compete with that. "I know I know! But I did the right thing! I wasnt a bitch about it!"

Vanessa: "She will literally /buy/ you! Shit, I'd let her buy me if it weren't for her brother being the hotter Coyne," Vanessa joked. "Plus you can't fight people like Fiona Coyne, they press charges and then run to their men acting like you beat them or something then Luke's just gonna end up mad at you." She would never understand the girl's desire with the eldest Baker, but then again Vanessa's conquests never made sense either. "Did he know?"

liaa: "Yea yea yea, ive been told," She rolled her eyes, "I want to fight her. Ive wanted to for a while, not even because of whatever the fuck the relationship between me and Luke is. Shes just not a good person to me," She shrugged, "I dont think he did considering he tried to console me when it was brought up one day,"

Vanessa: "You're not fighting anyone," Vanessa replied, rolling her eyes playfully. "Do you want to be with him still? Like forget the bean in your belly and Tori, do you actually want to be with Drew?"

liaa: "I want to fight someone, but i can not right now," She spoke, a small shrug. Her eyes looking at the ceiling a she thought over vanessas question. "Yes," She answered, "Hes amazing V, in every sense. Sure hes made some dumb choices, we all have, but god that kid has a heart of gold," A sense of honesty in her tone as she spoke, "He makes the hard seem easy just by coexisting with me if I need him. Hes always willing to distract me or talk shit out with me. When weve gone out hes fought dudes for me because they cant take no," She chuckled lightly, "I want it V, i really really want it,"

Vanessa: "Then you know what you need to do," Vanessa nodded. She knew this was going to be a ride if they were to actually get together, but if Lia was happy Tori would have to come around at some point right? "My mama use to say everything's going to be okay in the end, if it's not okay.. it's not the end."

liaa: "I need to run to alaska and change my name," She spoke with an affirming head nod. Smiling at her words, "Your mom seems like a smart lady. My mom is a cunt," She shrugged with a small chuckle, "Can we just cuddle and sleep? Im done thinking about this,"

#vanessa.#barbie girl💫 plastics #tw:pregnancy

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dxmedstudent · 5 years

Note

hi dx! im really nervous but what on earth do you talk about while on a date? its on tuesday, and i dont want to seem like an airhead to them 😟

Hey, friend! That’s an excellent question! Fortunately, it’s something I’ve had a bit of experience with recently, so I and medblr can try to help. Is it a first date? I’ll assume so.

Before the date, you’ve usually already clarified what you both do, how old you are, and a little about yourselves like our hobbies and interests, but there’s still a lot you don’t know about each other. So I find that the best thing is to gain an idea of what you have in common before the date. This is partly why I like to message people for a little while before meeting; partly due to my timetable, but also so that when I meet a guy, I already have a good idea that we have lots in common, and there’s more to talk about. Most dating advice tends to tell people to meet quite soon after establishing contact, to avoid wasting too long if it turns out that you lack chemistry. But for me it really paid off to get to know people a bit first. Because that way I just didn’t meet people I felt I had little in common with, or couldn’t keep up a conversation with. This means that even the dates with no chemistry were still fun, even if I didn’t want to date those people again. But don’t worry if you haven’t! You can still get to ask those kinds of question on the date. Things like:

What do you do for a living? What do you love about it? What excites you most about your job right now? If you weren’t doing your current job, what would you have picked? Would you ever change jobs? Anything bothering you? (Try to focus on positives; they might not feel comfortable complaining to a cute stranger). There’s something attractive about someone who asks about your life, and just listens to what you have to say, so don’t underestimate the power of just listening on a date.

They’ll probably in turn ask you about your work or studies, which lets you share things that make you passionate; this could be ranting (I’m guilty as charged) or speaking positively, but it helps if you speak about things you feel strongly, but not bitterly about. People want to have fun on a first date, so gross work stories or ‘yeah, the NHS is busy’ are fine, but spending the entire date speaking negatively are less so.

What hobby are you into right now? What do you like most about it? How would you explain it to someone who’s never done it? People love talking about their interests. Not only is it a little hot to see them do so, but it also makes them feel fuzzy inside. Plus you might get to learn about some interesting hobbies, and it’ll tell you a lot about that person.

Don’t be afraid to share your hobbies or volunteer which interests you have; anyone who dates you needs to respect what you enjoy, so the first date is a perfect time to get that out of the way. They should be keen to find out more about the things you like, but also to accept them. Steer clear of anyone who appears judgemental or scoffs about your interests; they are not the one for you.

What do you both do to unwind or relax?

Favourite foods.

Favourite places; museums, cafes, etc. I even asked for suggestions for these kinds of things in my profile, because I love discovering new places, and I think where somoene loves to hang out can say a lot about them. Plus it gives you an idea of what you can do together.

Sharing memories of interesting places each person has been on holiday, particularly if recent. It gives you an idea of how they like to spend their holiday time, and how they take their fun. Talking about your dream holiday can also teach people a lot about what you like.

Cool things you’ve seen/done/read/watched recently. There’s something really exciting about listening to someone talk about things that interest them.

What you were like as a kid. Surprisingly funny to talk about, under the right circumstances.

Music and films are always a good topic, though having similar tastes doesn’t necessarily translate to similar in other arenas.

Sport, if you like sport. If like me, it’s not a big thing, then you don’t need to dwell on it, though it’s nice to get an idea of whether you have stuff like that in common.

Hopes and dreams for the future; not in a ‘kids and marriage’ way, but things like goals, or stuff that you’d like to do. Talking about things that make you happy, or things you hope to do can bring out the best in you, which is attractive on dates.

Show a sense of humor. Take those chances to make jokes.

Some people say avoid politics or religion, but actually if you’ve already got an idea of their political leanings or religious views (say from a dating site or previous convos), then I say go for it. There’s a high chance that you might both be disappointed, but it’s better to find out now that they are an anti-choice republican fundamentalist Christian sooner rather than later. That said, I often don’t raise these on first dates, though I usually throw in serious hints in my messages (and profile) that I’m very left leaning and not particularly religious. This won’t make it a ‘good’ date, but it can be a chance to cut your losses if you realise they feel very differently about the world.

Topics to avoid:

marriage, kids etc. Most people just aren’t certain about these initially, and certainly don’t have a clue if they want them any time soon with you. And frankly I feel it’s more appropriate to talk about later on, even if it’s explicitly on dating profiles to begin with. Even if my profile says I want both, I would run screaming in the other direction if a guy mentioned these on a first date or really early on in a relationship.

Your usual type. This comes up all the time on programmes like Dinner Date, but really? There’s no good answer. If you’re their type, you feel stereotyped. And if you’re not, you would worry that they don’t normally like people like you. Personally, I don’t really believe in having a type, but even if you do, it can so easily backfire if you talk about it.

How long they have been single. Avoid. Again, no good answer; too long and people are judgemental. Too short and you worry about being a rebound. I’ve had several guys tell me they’ve not dated in ages, or not had much luck on online dating, or just got out of a longterm relationship, and whilst I appreciated the honesty and they weren’t heavyhanded, it always worked better if it was at the end of a first date or after, once you’ve already got to know them a bit. It’s something that’s useful to know so you can tackle problems that arise if you start dating, but at first both of you want to focus on just seeing what you have in common and if there’s a spark.

Exes and previous relationships. No no no no no. When a person talks about his ex on a date, it’s a clear sign they are still processing things and probably need more time alone to get over it. I would not date a person (and have turned them down) for talking about recent exes in such a way that makes it feel that there’s still a lot to work through.

Nightmare online dating experiences. Uh, you don’t really want to imagine your crush seeing other people. And it’s not nice to dwell on negative experiences or each other seeing other people. Save these anecdotes for your friends. I personally find people who complain a lot about the dating process a real turn off. I was out there just trying to be optimistic and meet fun people, and it was always such a buzzkill when men were like ‘women never reply, online dating sucks, I have no luck with women!’. Save that for your friends, and for much later.

Sex. Unless you’re about to have sex, please leave it for when it’s an option. There’s something uncomfortable about people who bring it up really early on without any warning, or write about sex in their dating profile. Make sure that the other person is comfortably reciprocating and as flirty as you before you escalate the flirtation.

Generally being very negative. Life is hard, but you also owe it to anyone you date not to dump all your stuff on them, particularly when you are just starting out. Share a bit of your life, gradually, but leave discussing your major issues with friends or therapists for now.

I like to ask people about their work; what they enjoy, and what they do; I’ve learned a lot of interesting things about people’s jobs on first dates! It’s also quite attractive when you see someone fired up about things they care about. I also like to be honest about my work and my life, too; so much so that I subjected the poor guy I’m currently seeing to talk about death on not only the first date but also a few subsequent ones! It made sense in context, but it just goes to show that topics can be pretty varied. I’m sure you won’t come across as an airhead, but I think sharing the things you enjoy (or find challenging, or interesting anectotes) from work or school are a great way of showing that you’re passionate and switched on and have a rich and exciting life outside of dating. I also carefully introduce the realities of my work - not in my profile, but during the initial messages and/or first few dates (the odd shifts and being busy on weekends/evenings/nights, the exams, the moving around etc) early on; before I meet people, in fact. I didn’t take an apologetic tone; the key is to state it neutrally as a fact of your life and not something terrible, because dating you is a gift, not a terrible thing. It is then up to the other person as to whether they are OK with those things. The person who ends up with you will have to accept your life for what it is, just like you’ll have to decide if their idiosyncrasies and quirks are something you like, can accept, or are straight out dealbreakers for you. Hobbies are also a great topic; if you have any in common then that’s a surefire winner. Maybe most people don’t talk about museums, anime, Terry Pratchett and D&D on a first date, but I do and that worked out great because I’d already established with the guy that we had those interests in common, so we both ended up talking relaxedly about stuff we liked. I find that these topics usually made up the bulk of what I’ve discussed on first dates with people.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself; you’re not meant to be carrying the conversation on your own; the other person also has a responsibility to ask lots of fun questions, too! As long as you talk about things that make you passionate, and that you know stuff about, like your interests and what you do, I’m sure you won’t look like an airhead, because your interest and knowledge will shine through, whatever the topic under discussion. There’s this expectation that a first date is bad if there’s no chemistry, but that really isn’t necessarily true. I’ve had really interesting first dates with zero chemistry, just because the topics were entertaining in themselves and the people were smart and interesting. As long as you’re polite and make an effort to ask considerate and engaging quesitons, you’ll do great! Hope it goes well; let me know how you get on! :DI’m more than happy for others to add dating tips, since it’s always a useful topic for anyone looking to get into it, or back into it

#ask dx #askdx #dxdates #dx dates

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fairycosmos · 5 years

Note

hi Chloe, I have a meeting with my psychologist and a psychiatrist on Friday and I'm pretty sure we're going to discuss possible medication, but I don't know how to tell my parents about this. They already have so much going on and I don't want to burden them with something like this. I'm 20, but I still live at home and I'm not sure I can afford to pay for my potential medication by myself and I will probably need help from them. Do you have any tips on how to bring this up to them? Thank you!

hey angel :) well first of all i’m really proud of you for reaching out in the first place and second of all, i think it’s important that you take the time to process this situation from multiple perspectives. it’s easy to feel guilty and to label yourself as burdensome when you’re depressed/mentally ill, in fact a large part of mental illness is dealing with those emotions. your mind will try its hardest to make this seem like it’s your ‘fault’, but that’s obviously not the case. it’s just a part of the self destructive cycle, and you dont have to lean into it. you didn’t ask for this, and you can’t control it. it’s not on you, i promise. no matter how much it seems like it is. you also have to try to understand on a realistic level that your parents will probably not see this the same way you do. i don’t know what your dynamic is like with them, but at the end of the day, you’re their kid. it’s their job to help you be okay. i get that you don’t want to hurt them monetarily - and that’s a valid concern for a lot of people. but at the same time, it’s important not to jump to conclusions/assume how they feel about it without actually listening to them first. i think you need to sit down with them and have an open/honest conversation about your options. in fact, that’s really the only way to clarify everything and to put a plan in place that you can all agree on. explain it to them the same way you explained it to me, just get it all out there. tell them that you’re struggling and that you think medication will really help to stabilize your moods/your mindset. once you’re aware of the cost of the medication that the psychiatrist recommends, then maybe you and your parents will be able to start putting things in place so that you can all pay for it. there’s nothing wrong with that and you’re not doing anything wrong by asking, okay? your mental health is just as important as your physical health. it’s the same as needing treatment for like, diabetes or meningitis or any other physical ailment. i get that your parents have a lot going on, and that opening up is way easier said than done, but i really think that communicating clearly will save you all from a lot of future heartache. i’m sure they’d prefer you to be honest now, so that you can work on the situation together, instead of allowing your mental health to deteriorate even further. there’s a middle ground here, and i’m sure your parents will help you to find it. if you have to pay them back in the future, or if you have to start being more frugal with your money, then so be it. your mental health is the priority. just talk to them, dude. everythings going to be okay. i’m sending you a lot of love and i hope it all works out well. let me know if you want to talk properly, or if you need a friend.

#anon

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eligrantbooks · 5 years

Text

gotta vent about my day real quick

highlights of the day

> be professional ghostwriter.

Agreed to edit a 25000 word segment of a finished manuscript for a much loved regular client, who said the MC’s dialogue needed to be punched up. Easy enough. I figured it would take a few hours.

Was briefly excited to discover the manuscript was for a concept I had outlined and written several chapters for a few months ago.

Excitement rapidly dwindles as I realize that beloved client has hired another ghostwriter to write the majority of the book. Which would be fine, except this other ghostwriter has no fucking idea what they are doing.

Formatting is a god damn disaster and I spend several hours just getting the document into a workable condition.

You ever open a word doc, look at the navigation pane, and just see a wall of blank links, because someone applied the header formatting somewhere and then just hit enter a million times instead of using a page break like a civilized god damn human being?

in the middle of this forest of blank headers, actual chapter titles are scattered at random, and also they only applied the header to roughly one out of every five chapters or so, you know, just, when they felt like it. when the spirit took them. when the stars aligned. when the feng shui was right.

Also, apparently they like the way first line indenting looks but don’t know how to make word do that (spoiler: its easy as shit and takes like two clicks) so every once in a while they start manually hitting tab before every line, until they get distracted and stop for a while, luring you into a false sense of security before they remember and start doing it again.

Sometimes, when a scene transitions but they dont want to just end the chapter for some reason, they break it up with spaces. Other times, they like to use asterisks. Once or twice, just for flavor, they throw in one of those page width lines that word makes when you type a line of hyphens.

There is random highlighting in places, for no discernible reason.

Once I have the document formatted in a way I can bear to work with, I start actually reading through it. About the first seven chapters were written by the client. They’re cheesy but solid.

Then I get to chapter eight, and the suspicions i had begun to form while putting the formatting through traction (namely that whoever did this was a fuckwit) quickly crystallized into a shining certainty that my beloved client had mistakenly hired An Ass Clown.

Not just An Ass Clown, but An Ass Clown who thought 50 Shades was a beautiful love story, actually.

And they gave This Ass Clown, this literary reprobate, this paste eating remedial english mother fucker, my outline.

let me clarify that i did not expect to have sole control of this story when i produced the outline for beloved client, and I was okay with that. That’s how it works. If I’d been dead set on writing this myself, i wouldn’t have sold the outilne to beloved client. but it really rubs salt in the wound to have spent hours of my life crafting the bones of this story, which i really liked and was excited to see take shape

and then find out it has been put into the pie fondling hands

of An Ass Clown.

first hint that something has gone drastically wrong: the arrival of completely unnecessary and ridiculous fantasy names for things.

“oh we dont drink coffee in this book. it’s kofee. at least until three chapters from now when i forget and it becomes kofe. Oh, and watch out for those thornaby bushes! I’m going to misspell that one literally every time I use it! It’s entirely possible that this isn’t a fantasy name at all and I just have a small seizure whenever I try to type the word thorn bush!”

second omen of my impending anuerism: phonetically written accents which are so comically stereotypical and inaccurate that native speakers of that accent should be entitled to financial compensation, except they can’t even stick to the stereotype accurately, producing gems such as “It’s not safe in that there pen with ‘em swine, young miss.” I don’t even know what accent that’s supposed to represent. To top it off these accent abominations are sprinkled in with all the consistency and reliability of a lactose intolerant cheese enthusiast’s bowel movements.

But this, I tell myself, moving on, is not my problem. I just need to punch up the mcs dialogue. It’ll be fine. I can do this. I just need to take this shit: “A fond idea, but I doubt I have that ability.” I joked. “I can’t imagine living without true sunshine. Even the triplet moons must shine less brightly without their sister sun.” and make it… not like that.

Except, and here’s where I start hitting the real roadblock guys

this book is in first person.

essentially, the entire novel is the MC talking.

So sure I can change the spoken lines, but her internal monologue

which is, i remind you, the entire narrative

her internal monologue is going to keep being maggie gyllenhal’s character from The Secretary if her copy of the script had been swapped with just a binder full of sonnets written by a middle school english class during the Shakespeare unit.

I get to chapter ten around three in the afternoon. I have been working steadily, with an unusual degree of focus thanks to my recent adderal prescription, since ten in the morning.

this is where shit begins to go truly bananas.

this is a YA beauty and the beast type fantasy

that good fun indulgent shit that’s almost as enjoyable to write as it is to read

usually. previously. before i had to endure this traumatic twelve hour experience.

Chapter ten is the first big “dinner” scene. this book isn’t being shy about pulling from the source material, but that’s fine. the beast “apologizes” (heavy quotes there) for having earlier used magic to force the heroine to answer his questions truthfully. They talk and almost seem to making progress for a bit, and then have a fight and storm off. Standard stuff.

Except, uh, the beast’s apology is, essentially “Yeah I shouldn’t have done that.” “so you’re apologizing?” “no but it’s the best you’re going to get so deal with it.”

and the headstrong, independent heroine who wears pants and wrestles pigs and dont need no man

just kinda rolls with this. There’s giggling.

They have their big dramatic fight, exit stage left, much angst and todo.

The next morning heroine wakes up to find the beast has (presumably) snuck into her room while she was sleeping and dumped a bunch of new dresses on her. he has also (apparently) replaced her brain with Bella Swan’s more vapid cousin.

She forgives him instantly. Because pretty dresses. She also starts calling him master, because why not. She has, over night, become the darling submissive Tumblr doms dream of.

This is not a bdsm book. I am eighty percent certain it doesn’t even include soft core smut. I’m telling you this so that you understand this transformation was not a contrivance in order to facilitate kinky sex. I have written a contrived set up to a sex scene or two in my day. This is not that. This is Not what is in the outline. I know, because i wrote the outline. It is My Outline.

No, The Ass Clown just… decided to do this. Apropos of nothing. I’m beginning to think the Ass Clown’s decision making process involves whipping pies at a comically large dartboard. And all the options on the dartboard are just “lol whatever”

By the time I get to chapter eleven, wherein our newly lobotomized heroine is “excited to wear a new frock and please the master!” - direct quote I have given up any pretense of editing dialogue and I am just straight up rewriting shit using the previous garbage as a loose outline.

I have eaten, maybe, three bites of a bowl of oatmeal all day. I have not taken a bathroom break since before noon. I have missed my deadline. Beloved client is concerned. I’m sure I can still do this, I just need a few more hours.

the words sound like truth but my soul knows i am a liar

I frantically restructure scene after scene, deceiving myself each time that it will be the last, and I will be able to get this crazy train back on the rails. But this crazy train has no interest in being on the rails. It’s a direct line no stops right off the edge of the cliffs of insanity.

The beast jumps unpredictably from homicidal rage and threats of violence to jokes and flirting as though he did not just declare her his property and threaten to rip her tongue out a few paragraphs ago. Heroine swoons and sighs and giggles regardless of whether she is dealing with Dr.Jekyll or Christian Gray on PCP.

But I’m still sure I can do this. I’ll just adjust these two full chapters to make her appropriately scared and angry, and then replace this weird conversation here with a heartfelt apology from him and an effort to do better. That will totally work. Unless, you know, it turns out that conversation I want to replace only starts out with them joking and laughing together, and turns into him berating and abusing her mid paragraph of a fuckin montage a page later! But, haha! Why would The Ass Clown ever do that? It would be completely irrational, tonally jarring and out of character! Only a seltzer slinging rainbow suspender-ed peanut butter fumbling son of six fucks would do that.

so of course The Ass Clown did that.

It’s eleven at night. I know when I’m beaten.

I inform beloved client that the Ass Clown has bested me and I can do no more.

She is very understanding.

I send her what I managed and I check the added word count while im at it

i added a full 6,000 words to that manuscript just trying to patch up this sloppy motherfucker’s lopsided prose and gossamer thin understanding of narrative structure

son of a bitch had about as firm a grasp of romance as i currently have on the trembling shreds of my sanity.

their grip on character writing could not be more tenuous if they had first dipped the target brand Hulk Hands which I assume they always have on their person into a barrel of adult-film-grade silicon lubricant and then taken their Leapfrog 2-in-1 Leaptop Touch down a waterslide.

Do you know how much I usually make for 6000 words?

$180.

Do you know how much I made for enduring this ass blasting, which I naively believed I could tackle in a matter of hours?

$100.

You owe me $80 Ass Clown. And I aim to collect.

Also I lost my damn mind for a minute and said the words "i dont know shit about fuck my guy” to my actual father on facebook

so there’s that.

#reposting from my rp blog #i need to get better about not using it as a personal

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mandaloriangf · 6 years

Text

reasons why detroit become human makes no goddamn fucking sense beyond just the shitty allegory (aka i nitpick the fuck out of this game)

captain allen refuses to give connor any information about daniel despite this being a hostage situation and connor is there to diffuse it

also allen says that if connor doesnt take care of it he will and if he could why didnt he??

connor can reconstruct crime scenes with so little information that theres no way he could come to his deduction. for example in the first chapter he figures out that the father was holding something when daniel shot him despite there being NO WAY he could know this

theres segregation despite the fact that androids are servants to humans??? how are androids supposed to work for humans if they’re barred from entering certain places??

TEMPORARY PARKING????????????

unemployment is at 35% yet the economy is booming????

unemployed people blame androids for stealing their jobs despite the fact that androids did not get a choice and were made to do certain jobs. their anger should be directed toward cyberlife

markus shows emotion and has a distinct personality before becoming deviant like why does he even need to become deviant when he clearly already is??

carl’s on the nose monologuing.

carl says lets see where we left off and when markus takes down the tarp theres a finished painting. carl makes like five strokes lol.

he also makes the same “oh my god” no matter what markus paints

PRESS X TO SADNESS

how does todd afford kara and alice when he doesnt have a job

and why does he live on ethan mars’ street

and the biggest issue - ALICE IS AN ANDROID??????????

seriously how do android children work? whats the point???? if people hate androids why would they pay money to take care of one????????????????????

honestly how do they work? because alice can sleep but she doesnt eat????? and shes not gonna age so what happens to child androids? do they just have their memories wiped and get bought by another parent????

and if alice is an android, why does todd say kara needs to help with alice’s homework? she doesnt go to school! its addressed in the same fucking chapter!

and why doesnt alice saying anything to kara like hey stop trying to ask me if i want food i dont eat because im a fucking android

also kara figures out that alice is an android at the very beginning yet just ignores it?? i guess??????

and alice has a picture in her keepsake box of todd, his wife, and his biological daughter?? why???????? kill me

todd leaves his drugs in the laundry detergent, makes kara do the laundry, and then gets mad when she finds the drugs

HE MAKES HIS ROBOT TURN ON HIS ROOMBA LSAKDJFLKSJDFLKJSDF

no one does anything when connor enters a bar that doesnt allow androids

also its never explained in game (i think) why connor does the coin trick. i suppose it can be up to the player (i see it as a nervous habit/fidget device but you could also argue its for recalibration)

no one checks the attic of carlos’ house??? and his android hid up there for THREE WEEKS????????????

connor is designed to work “harmoniously with humans” but they gave him a forensics lab on his tongue so he literally just puts blood in his mouth in a crime scene alsdjflsjflajsdlfjdlj

kara serves alice dinner and alice actually sits there but she wont eat BECAUSE SHES AN ANDROID

the guy that comes on the bus doesnt bat an eye when he sees an android in the human section of the bus (i almost threw up typing that)

leo can survive that????????

carl doesnt try to reason with the cops before they shoot markus

why do deviants self destruct in stressful situations? we dont know. we dont fucking know.

connor can show genuine compassion to carlos’ android but doesnt seem bothered by it????

why is there such an extensive android scrapyard? first of all theres android resale shops (yuck) and parts are probably expensive, plus androids have existed for what? ten years at the most? theres no way cyberlife would just allow perfectly good android parts to be thrown away this makes no fucking sense

MARKUS CAN JUST PULL OFF HIS LED LIKE ITS A STICKER

A STICKER

seriously if its that easy whats the point? they already dress androids a certain way, why have the led except to know what androids are thinking? and if theyre thinking dont they have some level of free will?? (for example kara’s turns red when todd threatens her)

no one recognizes kara despite being a relatively common model like yeah she eventually changes her hair and clothes but she’s still got the same face lkadjfalsjdfljsdlfj

connor is unfazed when he’s shot but looks like he’s in pain when gavin punches him???

connor is able to get a confession from carlos’ android but can’t make small talk asdjflskjdfljdf

the whole chapter where markus finds jericho doesnt like have a lot wrong its just REALLY tedious

though the jump scares are stupid

ra9 is constantly referenced (particuarly in connor’s story) but doesnt go anywhere. at all. unless i missed something. but as far as i know its never explained who ra9 is.

(i think its markus)

the deviant in the pigeon filled apartment is just chilling in the attic? why do androids always stay in the same place instead of escaping????

the androids in jericho are really just hanging out in an abandoned, rusting ship doing nothing. like theyre shutting down bc they dont have blue blood and incompetents but no one thinks to go get any until markus rallies them.

also what is up with lucy? why does she talk like she can see the future

THE ENTIRE ZLATKO CHAPTER HAPPENS AT ALL

no seriously!!!!! you expect me to believe kara would just go to the address given to her by some random garbage collector android in the middle of the night which leads to a creepy house with a creepy guy with BLUE BLOOD ON HIS FINGERS who wants to take kara into the basement alone to remove a tracker she clearly doesnt have??????????????????????? she would’ve just booked it

KARA ACTUALLY GETS IN THE MACHINE AND IS SURPRISED ZLATKO IS GOING TO ERASE HER MEMORY

that android that says “whos the real monster” PLEASE MR CAGE MY NOSE IS SORE

connor just fucking breaks the window and jumps in alflskdjflskjfljsdljfkdsfljldsafskdf

putting hank under cold water sobers him up somehow

the game thinks it needs to spell out for me in actual letters on the screen that hank is suicidal despite the fact that you find him unconscious on the floor with alcohol and a gun AND he says he was playing russian roulette.

connor petting sumo is cute but sumo looks like he’s from a ps2 game

markus magically develops the ability to “convert” androids so to speak.

im telling you, he’s ra9

the whole eden club thing is very...icky

like the androids are literally put in tubes like wtf

the tracis have a relationship despite club policy of wiping memories every two hours

also im pretty sure they have the same face...?? why is this not addressed more

hank hates androids but likes it when connor spares them?

kara, luther, and alice dont just stay in the car for the night

luther brings up that theres something off about alice but gets interrupted. this is not the first time it happens. it happens THREE TIMES in total before the reveal she’s an android

the jerrys break the windows like zombies and then are like “dont shoot we come in peace”

the carousel scene is cute but where did the power come from???

connor starts showing signs of deviancy but doesnt notice it??? and amandas just like “stop it” and does nothing about it saljdflsjdflsjkdf

markus does the fake phone call right in front of the person he’s calling

who brought the box up to the bathroom? was it the deviant that connor can interrogate???? explain pls

pick up the bag. carry the bag. put down the bag. open the bag. kill me.

THEY GET OUT ONTO A WINDOW WASHING LIFT BUT THEN RAPPEL UP?????????????????

a giant screen that says rise as markus and north are going up the building

markus removes his skin for the broadcast (ew) to conceal his identity BUT IT REVEALS HIS SERIAL NUMBER THAT CONNOR LATER SCANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

north straight up wants to murder other androids for android freedom

no one finds simon on the roof unless connor goes up there

no one hears connor and the deviant fighting in the kitchen and no one hears connor calling out for help

rose is literally just 2038 harriet tubman

she compares what is happening to androids to what happened to black people in the past yet david cage expects me to believe this game isn’t about racism

kara believes that they will find refuge in canada because there are no android laws there, however the reason they dont have android laws is because CANADA HATES ANDROIDS JUST AS MUCH AS THE US

she has literally no reason to believe they’ll be able to survive in canada. theyd have to act like the cullens and move around all the time.

ntm if androids and their parts aren’t being manufactured, if anything happens to kara, alice, or luther theyre fucked!

markus had to choose between two very black and white options: violence or pacifism. i have a HUGE problem with how this is done bc being peaceful results in the “good” ending while being violent results in the bad “ending

(and for the record, going with a violent revolution can still result in freedom for androids. its just a LOT harder to keep everyone alive)

basically it completely misunderstands how real life oppression works and assumes that if a marginalized group is peaceful, public opinion will go up

thats not how it fucking works dipshit cage

kamski is literally just a weird combination of oscar isaac in ex machina and jared leto in blade runner 2049

like he’s left so ambiguous that you can’t even come to your own conclusion

connor can remark that chloe is pretty and seems sincere but doesnt question himself????

if you choose not to shoot chloe, you get nothing. you either have to replay the chapter and shoot her or look it up yourself. and im not fucking shooting her.

markus and north become “lovers” during a normal conversation

seriously. when it happened my mom and i were like ???????????????

yet markus can’t romance simon despite having more chemistry

and on that topic why can’t kara romance luther???? they have a lot of chemistry too.

the freedom march. just. ugh.

like markus really leads a bunch of androids down a street shouting “EQUAL RIGHTS” lkjasldfjlakjfjldf

markus evolves to the point where he can just look at androids and convert them like what

north and josh clearly both have a death wish

if i have to hear “we were going to crack the case” one more time i will kill david cage myself. do cops even talk like that?

gavin just straight up tries to murder connor????

THEY START PUTTING ANDROIDS IN CAMPS?????????????????? AS IF THE REST OF THE GAME WASN’T BAD ENOUGH????????????????????????

kara finds out alice is an android and luther has to spell out all her feelings for her??? like why would she stop loving alice skalfsjdlfkjdlfj theyre both androids

the fact that connor even has a machine story line

carl just straight up dies while markus is venting about his oppression asdjfsjflskjflkejiofjeijfoejflkjsflsj

we dont get any kind of resolution to connor going deviant. he just suddenly is. how does he feel about it? who cares!

“ask us something only the real connor would know”

why is that human couple with the baby so upset about not getting out of detroit? theyre human. they’ll be fine. i feel no guilt in taking their tickets.

alice can arguably forgive todd as he explains he just wanted to prove he’s a good dad. boo hoo. he’s still a dick.

connor can suddenly wake up androids too????

markus can really save the androids by kissing north or singing.

that actually

happens

KILL ME

the president looks like hillary clinton but has a “was a celebrity with no political experience” trump like background

#theres probably a lot more but this took forever and i just want to move on ldaskjflsjflskjf

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esotericfaerytumbls · 3 years

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***MISHANDLED WOMANHOOD & RAVISHED INTIMACY***

From Chris Bale I had a male client communicate to me today: “she’s so hard. I want her to be softer. It pisses me off when she is so hard. What do I do? I keep telling her that I need her to be softer and surrendered in her femininity, but nothing is changing.” You NEED her to be? Slow up brother! “Firstly, you being annoyed by her “hardness” as you put it, is only going to support more hardness.” I replied. There is nothing safe in your reactive judgment towards her current state of being. It says far more about you, than her in this moment. But also, I feel your pain! Lets break it down. —— UNDERSTANDING: A man who demands she be somewhere other than where she is at currently, is a man who is steering her further away from her expressive freedom and bliss. This is a man who does not know. He is shutting her down. But, its not his fault. There is not much assistance out in society for us as men, when it comes to relating with women in a healthy/supportive/polarizing/passionate way. A man who DOES know, understands that whatever his woman is experiencing, is just another ingredient in the “making” of love. Through his non-judgmental presence, he assists her in transmuting whatever emotions/trauma are seeking to clear - If he wants to. If he doesn’t want to, its best to leave her alone. Whats important to realize, is that she he is already “soft” by nature. Minus the fear, distrust, trauma patterns and overstimulated nervous-systems, we all are. If she is not willing to be receptive with you, there are parts of your being which she does not fully trust or feel safe with. (OR, she is deep in traumatic projecting, and it has nothing to do with you. She is so dis-regulated from past experiences, that she cannot find safety even within her own body.) An emotionally reactive and unclear man, is felt as a weak & untrustworthy man. Because he is. You don’t have to like it. It simply is what it is. I should know. Before arriving to my own work, I was deeply untrustworthy in my confusion and reactivity. Which led me to be grossly manipulative in my unhappiness. This is a pattern I see collectively though the immature masculine. —— FOR HER VULNERABILITY: You see, even if her mind wants to trust you, her body will never feel safe enough to fully open in your company; if you are unsafe. It will brace in your presence. There will be an energetic cocooning as a form of protection. Not because you are a bad man, but because there are too many parts of you which are unclear, uncertain, distracted and dispersive. This is unsafe for her on every level of love, surrender, and ravished-fuck. Men, you must realize to some degree what it means for her to be in a place of deep softness and receptivity with you. For you, it turns you on. For her, it’s risking life. Many times when I bring this up…men will laugh it up, and claim I am over-exaggerating. This lack of empathetic understanding will be clearly mirrored in his life with women. Deep physical & emotional intimacy calls on her to let go of control, which she has been forced to barricade up around herself, based on her past experiences with immature males - who said one thing, but went and done another. This is what you are asking when you request for her to “surrender” more. You are inviting her into absolute exposure. Based on your intentions and integrity, do you deserve her absolute exposure in this moment? Her absolute vulnerability is a privilege. Any humans vulnerability is a privilege. You are also wanting to literally insert a part of your erect body up inside of hers, in a way which allows you to have full control over how you move inside of her, in the most sensitive & receptive area of her entire physicality. On top of this, there is also the possibility of a new life being created. Which means her entire experience of life changes, and she is essentially tied to you through another human for the remainder of her time here. Is he trustworthy? Can I rely on him? Is he mature enough to be a father? Will he be there for me and our child? Does he have a vision? Will he disappear and leave me? - Just some possible questions which may arise within her experience of being receptive to you. These question may arise upon first laying eyes on you - physical intimacy need not even be involved for these thought patters to begin arising. So many women spend their intimate lives being poked, drilled, pounded, mounted and consumed s€xually - in a disconnected way. Where the man she is with is not actually present in his body with her. He is just doing her, to cum. Again, not because us men are big bad predatory wolves, but because as young boys we were not given intelligent and empowering information around s€x & relating. We were given perverted and shameful information, by a perverted and shameful society. We then went out into the world and seeded this perversion in the wombs & bodies of women. And because her very nature is receptivity, she then has to carry around years of mishandling inside the tissues of her vagina, cervix, womb, breasts and throat. When women come to me for energy sessions, the amount of pain and perversion her body has been subjected to, becomes very apparent, as she opens, vibrates, and unravels. Everything spills out into the room. In many instances it can look like some kind of exorcism. Its as if she’s been held captive inside of a tiny part of her body, afraid to feel or exist within her totality. Why? —— THE FOUNDATION: In a society which champions emotional numbness as “strength”, the only remaining option she has, is to dissociate from the inner aching & shut-down her powerfully intuitive felt-sense; for fear of it being exposed as weakness. Endless bracing. Even in love-making, most women(not all) have learned the importance of bracing; incase he unawarely thrusts at the wrong angle, causing pain. Because of this, she’s never truly being able to exhale and feel the exquisite subtitles which arise from connected & embodied intimacy. …and please, dont get me wrong here. When I speak of embodied intimacy, im not referring to tickling your partner with a feather under the moonlit sky until she “arrives”, followed by a curtsey. Im talking about sweaty, deep, primally driven, passion drenched fuck - but supported by a foundation of deeply attuned sensitivity and care towards the others wellbeing. This foundational safety, allows the intensity of passion, orgasmicness, love & primality - to reach heights never touched upon before; back when distracted disconnection was driving the vehicle. When both people are present; tuned-in to self and other, God gets to enter the room. Life, spirit, eros gets to fill the space. So please do not confuse embodied s€x for some boring-ass flaccid form of un-pleasurable intimacy. Its more physically, energetically, & spiritually orgasmic than anything else we have access to in this life. —— WELCOME HER CHALLENGE. As a man, maybe you are naturally wanting to experience her receptivity towards you. Her willingness, longing & desire to invite you in; for her to bathe in oceans of vulnerability - A vulnerability which has been, many times before you; used against her. Disrespected, judged & dropped. Based on all of this...why on earth would she trust a man who she hasn’t vetted repeatedly? If as a man you would like to be stronger for woman, for yourself, for community; welcome challenge. Welcome HER challenge. Realize that she is pushing up against you, because she actually gives a damn about you. If she didn’t, she would never feel the need to test anything about you. Once you have proven your character(to yourself) through stable consistency, and she has digested you viscerally, a deeper dropping into devotion and union can begin. (To further clarify: A matured man will not feel these behaviours as "tests" or "challenges", as they will be so minuscule on the energetic scale of that which he is used to engaging with. The concept of a women "testing him" is not something which he holds in his awareness. Also, a woman who is around a mature man, wont even waste her time trying to test him, as his solidarity will be very clear from the get-go. The above sharing is more for "middle-ground" stages.) —— BOUNDARIES We really need to see the beauty present in the opportunity to demonstrate our sharpness and strength, in all areas of life. Welcome the challenging of your boundaries, so that you have the opportunity to show-up firm and clear in your sovereignty. One of the greatest gifts a woman can bring to a man, is through exposing the areas of his being which lack stability. A powerful embodied woman really requires your boundaries and self-respect to be existing at the forefront of your being - At the forefront of the relationship. So that she has something stable & reliable to brush up against. She may also require a necessary spanking from time to time, if she really gets out of line. Depending on her general level of “feist” of course. In many cases, the insatiable feminine will purposefully do things to magnetize you into disciplining, activating & transmuting her to completion. This, is a whole other topic of conversation, which we can keep for a later date. But there is profound trust and turn-on which is built through healthy masculine discipline and order. **Dear Internet humans, Im assuming you know the difference between spanking her, and beating her - and how the 1st is conducive to a passionate, playful, polarized relationship, while the latter…is clearly not.** —— The below advice is written with the assumption that you have a deep love for this woman(women collectively), and you would like to know how to love her deeper, as it aligns with your integrity. NOT to get something in return from her. HOW DO WE LOVE HER?: By supporting and empowering her to be EXACTLY that which she has come here to be. Without conditioning, controlling, or imprisoning her. So she can come to understand & ooze her innate service to the planet. - Claiming her, if you are choosing to be with her. - Leading her with love and truth, in every moment it is required. - Protecting her. Both physically, and energetically. - Saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. - Remaining diligent and disciplined in your own relationship to life & your mission. Without compromise. - Calling her out/being real with her - holding her accountable. We love her, by reminding her of the tremendous power she is, in any moment she happens to forget it, or falls victim to the disempowering social narratives of backwards womanhood. To add to that - Making love/penetrating/fucking her as deeply and as profoundly as you can arrive to. Which will unveil & shift her experience of this life. As will her “opening” transform how you experience yours. Learn to love her, especially in her “hardness”. Especially in her anger. Especially in her frustration. Especially in her tension. Especially in all the places she has been mishandled and traumatized. You need not viscerally like it, but through showing up and loving her when she is deep in it, we assist in transmuting the collective pain present in so many women, AND men. If you don’t want to love her, and you have no interest in any of the above; there’s nothing wrong with that - But leave her alone. She doesn’t need another half-assed version of undercooked love. None of us do. If you are going to be there, at least commit to it. ---- Finally, please understand that this is a nuanced process, which has its own flavor for each individual. This sharing is to offer some experiential information which I deem as valuable sign posts. Please note that In everything I share, my individual mission comes through heavy, so I dont expect it to resonate for everybody at all times. Perfection is never the goal, but I believe impeccable integrity ought to be, in whatever we do. However you arrive to your way, is right on time. And it need not look like my or anybody else’s way. Here’s hoping what I have shared today can be of some value as you walk the path of “what the fuck is going on down here?”, and support us all in having to carry around less numbness, and more ALIVENESS. In love & service, Chris Bale

#healing #divine masculine #divine feminine #romance #love

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apricotstone47 · 6 years

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Wontorra Interview with Erik Durm complete

W: Welcome to the Unitymedia digitaltalk. Today with BVB-star Erik Durm. We are very happy that he is here with us today, [turns to Erik] because you were inured for a long time and you had your comeback to the squad this weekend. First question: How are you feeling and what was it like to be back in the squad ?

E:I'm feeling fine and of course I was very happy to be back in the squad. Sadly this was my third long-term injury ,so its even nicer to be finally back again. This counts for me but as well for my family and friends they are all happy that I'm back again. (unimportant stuff) W: As I said, 140 days are a very long time. How did you deal with that, not able to do anything. How did you tackle this challenge and how did you distract yourself or maybe even work off ? E: Well it is more work off than distract myself. But as I said this was my third time and I wanted to be out of Dortmund, so I went to Munich for my reha and that was really good for me. Both physically and mentally. My family and friends often visited me and I was in regular exchange with our other injured players. It was helpful for everyone of us to share their “Misery” with the others. So it was good. W: Now that you are back: What are your personal targets for 2018 ? E: I think I’m saying this ,every year but I want to stay healthy and without any injuries... with everything else I will see what comes. And it would be of course cool if we would reach the Euroleague final. But, and that is something I’ve learned in the past three years: the health is the most important thing. W: Sunday Dortmund played 0-0 against Wolfsburg. It was your first game on the bench. How would you evaluate this match ? E: Yeah... both teams had their problem entering the match. But nethertheless we played forward and we had two to three very good chances. We can live with that point, especially because the other teams played a little bit for us as well. Now it is our turn to beat Berlin on friday and take the three points hime, and then we are good in the table.

W: During your injurytime a lot of things have changed here in Dortmund. Peter Stöger, thats how the new coach is called. Now that you have trained under him and collected first impressions... what is your feeling about him ? E: He is a very pleasant, good coach. He have a lot of fun in the training right now, and I think that is good for all of us. But I want to say that Peter Bosz was also a very nice guy and a very good coach. But sadly it didn’t worked out very well at the end, for whatever reason. - Therefore we are happy that we have Peter Stöger now. By now I can’t tell much about him, for obvious reasons, but I know that it makes a lot of fun to train on the pitch with him. W: The next tasks for the team are Berlin away and then Freiburg at home. What are the targets the team set themselves for this matches ? E: Of course we want to win both of the games to get 6 points, so we can take back the second position behind Bayern again. Thats our big goal and I believe that we have the squad to make this. Especially because more and more injured players are coming back. I’m positiv that we can make this. W: Dortmund’s new player, Manuel Akanji, what is he like ? Did you meet yet ? E: He is a very calm guy, like everybody from Switzerland I think. He is nice, a good boy and the two trainings we had together, he trained well. He seems to be down to earth. That is all I can tell by now. W: During our talks the first questions arrived from the fans. Lets talk a bit about you. What do you like to do here in Dortmund ? E: Oh.. privat... ehm... the obvious stuff... doing much with friends, like playing a small billiard-tournament, I like to stay at home, to relax and to watch a bit netflix. Nothing spectacular. W: Its a big discussion topic, that former football players had a bit more freedom. Because todays players are under more pressure, people expect more from them, in sport way. What are you thinking of this ? E: I believe so. Football got even more professional in recent years, and I am saying this with the hope that i wont hurt anybody. [Nobby Dickel enters the conversation and says to Erik: “ Well now i listen very carefully Erik”] - Yes Nobby, well I think we today are a bit more professional than you back then. [Nobby: I dont believe so] And thats why I think, an I#m speaking for me and my team, we don't really need this going out and drinking and partying. [Nobby: But It ca help sometimes ? To get your head free or to calm down when you are a bit angry?] Yes maybe but for me.... I have to be honest I dont like it.. and I am happy about this. [Nobby: Maybe we two should go out some day ?] W: So if you cant tell us something about the clubs and pubs here in Dortmund, because your are not familiar with then, you can tell us something about the atmosphere in this stadium. We all now, the atmosphere here is unique. The fans want to know how you experience this on the pitch. E:Of course we can hear the fans when we are playing. I mean you are sometimes in like a tunnel, when you have the ball on your foot or when you into the game but i hear them when I run to the side line for a throw in. Or I hear them when the match is paused for a bit. I still get goosebumps, especially when I look at the Südtribüne. It was also a good feeling being back on the bench, and experience this again. - I think for a football player there is nothing more beautiful then coming in our stadium, going onto this pitch. And of course it is even more beautiful if you are able to play for this team. And get the support. W: What were your three Top-Moments here in the Signal Iduna Park ? E: (thinks for a longtime) For me, of course the match were I scored my first Bundesliga goal against Hertha BSC Berlin. To be honest i was a bit shocked that I’ve scored that goal, I wasn't prepared for this and strangely enough I ran away from the Süd.. I ran towards Schmelle because I didn't know where to go and what to do..... And the other two ....Derby wins.Because of the atmosphere....Any my first championsleague home match against Marseille. W: This are really special moment. Now we have the first fan question. Who is your [football] idol ? [laughs] And there is Nobby Dickel waving. But you can be honest Erik. E: After Nobby... my first idol was Luis Figo when I was a little boy... W: [interrupts] Excuse me but I have to tell a personal story here. I met him once in a holiday. He was in the same hotel and I was so excited that i went to him like a groupie and asked for a picture with him.He is really such a big player.... E: I would have done it like this too..... I think. But like I said as a kid i idolized him because he was so good at Real Madrid and I think that was my first jersey wich my dad has bought me. A Real Madrid Figo jersey. Furthermore I was a big FC Kaiserslautern fan back then and of course Miro Klose was a hero for me.. that why it was so special for me to play the world cup with him. Those two..... and Nobby... those three are my big idols W: You brought up the World Cup, maybe you could look back and tell us how you experienced this summer ? E: I still didn't processed all the experiences I`ve made, there was no time for this. It was such an extreme year. I was retrained from striker to right back and right wing, had my first championsleague game, like I told earlier, a year later I was able to go to Brazil and we won there and became World Champions. For me, my family and for my friends it was something like the highlight of a carrier. Many things changed after that. I was world cup winner and everybody knew it, so they measured me on this. It wasn’t easy for me. Also because this year Dortmund didn't play well. I think we were on place 18 back then... again an extreme. It wasn't easy to deal with this positiv and negativ extremes. W: Now in 2018 we have a World cup again. What do you think ? How possible is it for the german national team to become world champion again ?

E: I think we are one of the top-favorites. We have really good players and I believe it will become hard for Löw to pick the right players for Russia. Germany is a tournament team and thats why I think that we are top favorites alongside France and Spain. W: What would be your dream final ?

E: Difficult.... Germany against France with a happy end for us.

W: Who is the best player you’ve ever played with ?

E: First of all I play with so many really really good players together. Though I have to say that Ousmane Dembélé was really special with his technique, speed and his understanding of the game. So I think he is the best Player I’ve ever played with. He made things in training, where I felt.. yeah.. a bit stupid to be honest when I was his opponent. Because he is so good... W: A really nice story. Why BVB and not FSV ?

E: I assume with FSV they mean Mainz. Mainz was my youth club. I was in the A-youth.. and the Coach and the Vice Coach from Wolfsburg, which we played on the weekend, were my first coaches in Mainz. Mainz wanted to keep me back then, but they had a few problems with the headquarters and we couldn't reach the same level, and then Dortmund contacted me. As Kloppo went trough the door, shook my hand and told me that there is also a chance for me playing Bundesliga in Dortmund, I knew that I wanted to play for Dortmund. W: You said you shot your first Bundesliga goal agains Berlin. Maybe you can score your next goal against Hertha next weekend ? Would be a good time. E: Yes the time would be good, but first I have to get in the squad. This is the most important thing for me. The coach has good options and we have a lot of fit players. I will be happy If I’m in the squad and its important for us to take the three points back home. W:And to stay healthy. Thank you very much Erik for this open talk

#Borussia Dortmund #erik durm

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thebarsondaily · 6 years

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Secret Santa Exchange Participants (2017)

Tumblr: khughes830 (x) Favorite Episode: Lessons Learned or December solstice Favorite Barson Moment: Liv and the Barba’s Favorite Barson Trope: Forst kiss in an office What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): I’m not picky Anything else you’d like your Secret Santa to know: the more Barson material that is out there the happier I am.

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Tumblr: the--beautiful--monster (x) Favorite Episode: Wednesdays Child Favorite Barson Moment: When Rafael got upset with Olivia in Undercover Mother, protective Barba. Favorite Barson Trope: I don’t really have one, but I love the fics I read when they’re a family. What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): (please note: this was left blank so I’m assuming this participant will take whatever you want to make)

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Tumblr: roseinutopia (x) Favourite Episode: Hard question. But in the end, Barson-wise I guess it’s Twenty-Five Acts. Favourite Barson Moment: *starts crying in distress* there are so many… every time she called him Rafael or Rafa so far. When Liv told him about Sheila Porter and he jumped into action assuring her that nobody could take Noah away and tries to build her up though he doesn’t know about parenting. All the nods in the courtroom… every time they told each other that they can do something. Favourite Barson Trope: I guess everyone likes when their OTP is being trapped somewhere together for laughs and pushing them together, right 🤗 only me? Okay. Also I love everything Barson family, including the whole Barba family 😊 and maybe the squad as family too. What is your desired present: Fanfic or drabble collection, please 😊 Anything else you’d like your secret santa to know: Hey there. I love fluff and humour, so I would be over the moon if it were something like this. Also if you write family - I love Jesse and Noah being cute. Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ll do in the end!

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Tumblr: r-o-s-e-h-i-p-s (x) Favorite Episode: SO MANY, but right now probably “Collateral Damages.” If we’re talking favorite Barson episodes specifically, either Favorite Barson Moment: I have a lot, but currently it’s that moment at the end of “Betrayal’s Climax” – a perp threatens Benson, and Barba is immediately furious and protective but still intimidated, so he directs his response to the perp’s lawyer (“you need to tell your client to shut his mouth”) – meanwhile Benson is cool as a cucumber and actually eggs the perp on a bit. I love when he forgets that she’s the more badass of the two and gets all puffed up on her behalf and meanwhile she’s like “I got this.” And how much he loves that she’s got this but is also infuriated when she puts herself in danger. This is turning into a whole long thing so I’ll stop now, you get the point. Favorite Barson Trope: Best friends to lovers!!!!!!! What is your desired present: Fic Anything else you’d like your Secret Santa to know: I love hurt/comfort and long to see Barba cry. Because I love him. This makes sense.

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Tumblr: barsonaddict Favorite Episode: December Solstice Favorite Barson Moment: “Rafa” Favorite Barson Trope: Reveal of a long-running secret relationship What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): fanfic Anything else you’d like your Secret Santa to know: I love having Noah and Lucia as part of the story, but it’s certainly not necessary.

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Tumblr: barbaxbenson (x) Favorite Episode: October Surprise Favorite Barson Moment: "Disenchanted?“ from 18x21 Favorite Barson Trope: Deep talks at the bar What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): Anything would be great! But if it helps you with planning this out, I’ll take a fic :) Anything else you’d like your Secret Santa to know: (optional) I picked kind of a fluffy favorite moment, but angst is also great! My other favorite Barson moments are when Rafael finds out about Tucker and when he tells her about Ashtonja.

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Tumblr: raul-e-esparza (x) Favorite Episode: October Surprise and December Solstice Favorite Barson Moment: the “squabbling with you” moment Favorite Barson Trope: When everyone knows they love eachother except them, or the contrary, when nobody knows and they hide it until someone finds out by accident. What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): I love fics, but anything would be nice for me. Anything else you’d like your Secret Santa to know: I havent seen the new season, and i dont know when i will be able to see it. So if I get a fic or soemthing like that, I would prefer if its set before that season.

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Tumblr: Amagicalshipper (x) Favorite Episode: Know It All Favorite Barson Moment: The final scene of Know It All Favorite Barson Trope: Barson Family What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): fanfic! Anything else you’d like your Secret Santa to know: I like happy ending ❤️

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Tumblr: FearlessBenson (x) Favorite Episode: Any where they actually have a conversation with each other 😂 Favorite Barson Moment: Barba standing up for nosh & Liv, back with Johnny D & now. When she calls him Rafi Favorite Barson Trope: Established Barson, Daddy Barba & little Noah What is your desired present: FanFic

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Tumblr: motherbearof03 (x) Favorite Episode: that’s a question? They’re all wonderful. No seriously, I don’t know if I can think of one I don’t like. I am totally taken by these two characters. When I watch reruns, I don’t even pay attention to the plot anymore. I’m too busy watching their expressions, how close they stand to each other, the details in his clothes, the background items in their offices and homes. Well, her home because we’ve never seen his. Ooooooh, there’s an idea! Favorite Barson Moment: um, all of them, but honestly what is stuck in my head recently is when he asks if she’s involved with Tucker and then tells her “We’re done talking”. I feel like she just broke his heart and he wants to lose it on her and will if she doesn’t leave. Sorry, I can’t remember the episode name. Favorite Barson Trope: well I haven’t seen a bed sharing one, so… What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): surprise me! Anything else you’d like your Secret Santa to know: (optional) oh hell idk. I’m totally new to tumblr and sometimes feel like I’m making as ass of myself because my daughters don’t get it (which totally think teenagers should!) my husband certainly doesn’t get it, and my friends IRL don’t get it, but thanks to you all I can do this and not have eyes rolled at me. Oh! You know what I might like to read? Cuz I’d feel a little weird writing myself in a fic, but it would be fun to read one where I met Olivia and we talked mom things. And about Barba of course! We are about the same age, my kids are just way older. (22, 15 and 14)

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Tumblr: notesfrome (x) Favorite Episode: S18E15 Know It All Favorite Barson Moment: The first time Liv called Barba “Rafael” and the hand over heart at the end of Know It All Favorite Barson Trope: Friends becoming lovers :) What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): fanfic, but I’m happy with anything, really. Anything else you’d like your Secret Santa to know: I am not opposed to smut…hahaha

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Tumblr: tribalvipe (x) Favorite Episode: oh god…anything that makes him emotional or vulnerable Favorite Barson Moment: hand over the heart in Know it All and the nickname thing Favorite Barson Trope: friends to lovers? I’m honestly open to all tropes with this couple. What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): fic if possible but I like all types of Barson goodies

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Tumblr: scintillateworld (x) Favorite Episode: 18x15 Favorite Barson Moment: at the end of episode 18x15 where Olivia holds her hand over her heart and Barba looks back at her. Favorite Barson Trope: the looks they share in the courtroom. What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): fanfic

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Tumblr: cool-veggiesword (x) Favorite Episode: “Legitimate Rape” Favorite Barson Moment: Barba confiding in Benson in “Know It All,” the hand on heart scene Favorite Barson Trope: calling each other by name <3 and Barba touching Liv’s shoulder, (non-canon: blushing Barba) What is your desired present (fanfic, drabble sets, graphics, icons, etc.): fanfic or drabble set

13/14 (x) = gift received

#& Secret Santa Exchange #Secret Santa Participants (2017)

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