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nancypullen · 18 days

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A Day Off

Hallelujah! What a perfect day. I worked until six o'clock on Wednesday and practically danced out of the library. I have been rotating between the information desk and the circulation desk and the good citizens of this county have worn me out. The last several days have been a bit wonky. There were ten thousand calls asking if we have free eclipse glasses -we didn't, but could direct you to a place that does and/or provide instructions for making your own viewer out of a cereal box and aluminum foil. There was an event giving away free laptops to qualifying residents that was like the last flight out of Saigon. In the words of an unflappable coworker, "There was chaos in every corner of the building." Don't even get me started about Mercury being in retrograde. Like I said, wonky. Saturday was actually quite nice because it was opening day for Little League and there was a parade down Market Street with plenty of cute kids. When I arrived home on Saturday the Edgewater gang showed up and we celebrated Mr. Pullen's birthday. Jamie and I convinced the fellas to accompany us to a greenhouse to hunt for some plants, a greenhouse that the grandgirl said was "in the middle of nowhere". She wasn't wrong. We came home with lots of lovelies for the gardens, a successful trip! This is my favorite picture snapped over the weekend. Tyler and Jamie in a chess battle on the front porch. Never say it's not exciting around here.

I was back to work on Monday (eclipse day) for three busy days, and now I'm free! We delayed our trip to Lancaster for a day to let the bad weather blow through, so we'll leave in the morning, stay over Friday night, and come home later on Saturday. I'm anticipating some fun. Speaking of fun, here's another photo I loved. I'm pretty sure that I'm allowed to post this because she's masked. No one could ever identify her from this photo (and I've been good for six years). I'll delete if they ask. Anyway, this is our little miss on Monday. Isn't it cute pic?

Fast forward to today and I've shed all of the work nonsense and I'm feeling quite content. I spent the entire morning weeding and preparing flower beds, then planting some of the pretties that I picked up at Ball Greenhouses last week. I know I'm early, but these are hardy girls. If Mother Nature turns fickle I'll just be the crazy lady running around tossing sheets over gardens. Wouldn't be the first time. It's a small price to pay for the happiness of today. Working the dirt and dreaming of the blooms to come was good for my soul. I needed this day. Another little something that has recently delighted me is this stuff.

Because I'm at work for nine hours, I have recently become addicted to sugary, fattening, fancy coffee drinks. I'd zip through Starbucks on my lunch break and pick up an iced caramel macchiato , then I started buying the bottles at the grocery store and filling my big sippy cup (that I normally use for water) in the mornings. I was adding way too many calories to my day. So, I searched for a healthier replacement drink that would still give me the boost - and I found it! I'm not on Atkins or Keto or any of those diets, but I definitely appreciate the low sugar/carb count. This protein shake has the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee, with added protein and fiber. It's a win! I can have this for breakfast and feel no guilt. Getcha' some! This post is sort of all over the place, sorry about that. I don't have a lot to say and I didn't sit down with a plan. I just opened my laptop and wanted to say hi. I do miss having more time to spend being silly here. The older I get the less I care about being silly. Look at these cool sunglasses I bought in a little shop in Chestertown. Silly for a woman my age? Yes. Do I care? Absolutely not.

I just notice that my name tag for work is all jacked up by my seatbelt. Hope I straightened that out once I got there, but I don't remember doing it. Oops. Several of you have asked about whether or not I'm enjoying my job. It's complicated. I've mentioned my lovely coworkers, I've mentioned that I'm having fun doing the displays, there are plenty of positives. I'm trying to focus on what I have gained and not what I have lost. I do miss having time for hobbies, doing more than work, eat, sleep, repeat. Of course, as I type this I'm looking ahead to three days off - wonderful! The 16th will mark three months in my position, so I do feel I've given it a fair shake...and I just don't know. I'm really pouring a lot of energy, creativity, and effort into this job and I do feel that it's appreciated. They are very nice to me and pay me adequately. I'm just undecided if it's a fair trade for my freedom. I mostly talk about the fun parts, the nice parts, but there are also the not-so-fun parts. A surprising number of books are returned with bed bugs. We have two large "stink boxes" that are usually full of books returned that reek of everything from cigarette smoke, pot, or just general funk. They sit in there with charcoal rocks until they're bearable. Lots of people are rude, really rude. I got used to that when I was in the airline industry, but it doesn't make it any more pleasant. I could go on, couldn't we all? No job is ever perfect, and in the past I tolerated the unpleasant aspects because I had no choice. I don't have to do that anymore. I've been asked to take on some summer programming work - fun activities with kids, outreach booths at festivals, that sort of thing. I'm looking forward to that, and it's been a while since I've had things to look forward to. Well, that's not true. I've had loads of fun family stuff that happened and even a trip to Ireland in the last year, but as far as having something that gives me a chance to actually use my brain and any meager talents I have - this is the first chance since we left Tennessee. I just wish it wasn't so exhausting. Is that just me being sixty? It's kind of funny that I'm twenty to thirty years older than nearly everyone I work with, but they're all so tired. I don't want to scare them about getting older, but I feel like I should drop hints like, "I hope you like ibuprofen..." or "Enjoy those cute shoes while you can..." Honestly, I work circles around most of them, and I shouldn't. Where is their energy? I have to admit that when I'm shelving, and for some reason all of our shelves have books at floor level (why??), it is not fun getting up and down. I actually love shelving because the more books I touch the more familiar I am with the collection, but that bottom shelf will be the death of me. I snapped this picture last week when I was processing books. Some were going out to other libraries, some had been requested locally and were going on our hold shelf, some were being checked in and returned to our shelves.

That back wall is my work area. To the left you can see some of the 50+ craft bags that I assembled to go home with our little visitors. I love those. They have all of the supplies and instructions needed to complete a small craft. To the right of the craft bags are a couple of shelves of books pulled for mending or labeling. Under the desk are the infamous stink boxes. I wish they'd let me decorate this work room. It needs color and art. It should be pretty. Pretty isn't very important around here. That's definitely something I miss about the south. I put a little bit of the south into one of my small displays. We have a good collection of cookbooks here, so I grabbed a tablecloth and sign from our house, and voila!

This hardly counts as a display - just two pieces of decor and some books, but it's working - people are checking out cookbooks! I swap them out every couple of days to keep it interesting. Here's another little bit of nothing - just pillow stuffing glued to cardstock for clouds, the raindrops are cardstock and string. Rainy Day Reads!

See what I mean? None of it is great (I have no budget!) but it's the fun part. So much of the rest is exhausting. They're advertising for a couple of new positions, so maybe if they find the right people I could work fewer hours. If that were the case I could do this for a long time. I'm already cooking up some fun ideas for May. I have my book lists ready and one display will definitely be "Once Upon a Crime..." complete with crime scene tape and a chalk body outline on the floor (actually white painters tape). I may do a Sci-Fi display with an alien saying, "Take me to your reader." We have a huge biography section though, so I probably should use those instead. I could make a giant name tag, like the ol' "Hello, my name is______" that we've all had to wear at some point. I could put up a sign that says Meet someone new, try a biography and put out a variety of interesting people - founding fathers to modern musicians, CoCo Chanel to Sally Ride. Anywho, just letting those ideas rattle around in my brain. I'll figure it out. Wow, I've rambled far too long and it's all disjointed and kooky. I guess I was overdue for a visit here. I'm happy today because I'm home. I hope that you're happy too, or at least on your way to being happy. I suppose we all have to figure out what that means for us, and where it is for us. I know it's not on that damn bottom shelf at the library.

The mister is turning off lights and heading for bed, so I guess that's my cue. We'll run off to Lancaster in the morning so I'll be back on Sunday to share a bit of that with you. It may be nothing but Amish buggies in the rain, but I have a feeling we'll find some fun. If you've made it all the way to the end of this snoozefest of a post, give yourself a cookie. You deserve it. Consider yourself hugged. Stay tuned for the Griswolds' adventures in Pennsylvania Dutch country! Until then, stay safe, stay well, and know how very much I've missed you. XOXO, Nancy

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sitp-recs · 1 year

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I posted 4,396 times in 2022

958 posts created (22%)

3,438 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-starryknight

@sitp-recs

@stavromulabetaaa

@lqtraintracks

@ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm

I tagged 3,753 of my posts in 2022

Only 15% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 561 posts

#anon - 336 posts

#drarry recs - 231 posts

#drarry art - 205 posts

#fave - 151 posts

#drarry - 121 posts

#to read - 108 posts

#ask game - 93 posts

#drarrymicrofic - 91 posts

#signal boost - 76 posts

Longest Tag: 116 characters

#interacting with adults at that age could have gone terribly wrong but i was lucky to find good people along the way

My Top Posts in 2022:

Hey! Can you please rec some fics by authors with the most unique, beautiful writing style? I’ve read some works of fandom legends like tepre, aideomai etc, maybe there are writers that are not so widely known but very talented nonetheless? Thanks 💓

Hi anon! We are blessed with so many talented authors in this fandom it blows my mind every time I think about it. As someone who knows very little about writing styles, my opinion here is 100% subjective and largely influenced by the fics that came to my mind when I read your ask. I’ll linked them below, together with the authors’ AO3. Enjoy!

@blamebrampton | AO3 | My rec

@corvuscrowned | AO3 | My rec

@drarrytrash | AO3 | My rec

Frayach | AO3 | My rec

@graymatters | AO3 | My rec

@harryromper | AO3 | My rec

@jackvbriefs | AO3 | My rec

Omi_Ohmy | AO3 | My rec

@potteresque-ire | AO3 | My rec

RurouniHime | AO3 | My rec

Seefin (orphaned their works) | My rec

@shealwaysreads | AO3 | My rec

@tackytigerfic | AO3 | My rec

@the-starryknight | AO3 | My rec

thistle_verse | AO3 | My rec

@vivantesopales | AO3 | My rec

And whoever wrote Emerald in the Sky - are you on this list MA???? Let me love you!

279 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

shit-recs

Fill this out pls

287 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

Did you see the update from GallaPlacidia (her email newsletter) that she’s deleting all her fics and podfics 10/1? I mostly most Good Omens stuff so I doubt my followers have read her stuff. I just want to pass along the word so people could download if they want to save her works. They’re all so good! I’ve always loved your posts and you seem to have a wide audience so figured I’d reach out to you, if you’d like to share the info. And if anyone has suggestions on how to save her podfics that would be helpful! I listen to them on my phone and have no idea how to download them. 🤪

Oh no, that’s heartbreaking news! I don’t receive her newsletter so I had no idea. How sad, I know lots of people love her work and will be truly devastated 😰😰 thanks for reaching out and sharing this, I am definitely saving my favourites and I hope everyone has the chance to do the same. Oh and good question about podfics, I’ve never downloaded any either but maybe my followers have some tips to share? Thanks again for this message, I think I’ll pin it for the time being so more people can see the news. Have a lovely week!

GallaPlacidia’s AO3

The GallaPod

@geesenoises has kindly put an archive of GP’s works together, you can access it HERE!

330 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

Happy New Year! Surprising absolutely no one I wasn’t able to finish this in time for NYE, oops!(And that’s why ‘stop procrastinating’ is on my resolutions list 😂). This post probably has tons of typos still so please bear with me, I promise I’ll be back later to correct them!

Simply put, 2021 was a train wreck - I struggled in many ways and decided to take a step back in some regards, including fandom. It’s been a bumpy road but despite the low amount of recs this blog has survived and there were definitely some things to celebrate, too! Once I stopped making reclists I got more free time to read, and I’m proud to say I’ve read a lot. I haven’t felt very confident about my reccing lately, but as I went through my bookmarks and noticed how much I read last year I thought why not spread a bit of love for these works?

Without further ado here are my favorite reads of 2021 featuring Drarry, rare pairs and some gorgeous artworks. This is not intended to be an ultimate list - the works below were chosen solely based on my personal preferences and they reflect very little of what’s been made last year, and what a year it was! Between brilliant microfics, Tumblr drabbles, top notch quality fests, there’s some amazing and varied content to be explored all around. I hope you guys enjoy these works as much as I did, and don’t forget to leave kudos and comments!

The Drarry fandom gave me so much last year; it was there to mend my heart and help me bounce back when I needed it the most. Even the smaller things can make a huge difference in the big picture, and I’m immensely grateful to those who have somehow been a part of it. I wanna give a special shoutout to my friends for your endless love, patience and support. Here’s to a gentler 2022! See you soon ❤️

Drarry:

Phoenix in the Fire by @fw00shy (Explicit, 1.4k)

Their first time was an accident. "Sex pollen," Draco claims, though everyone knows it was too much Ogden's after Puddlemere beat the Tornados 240-230.

This is truly a masterclass in short form, I think I hadn’t read a short fic so gorgeously written since Still Life. Fwoosh took my breath away with the precise choice of words, the subtle way the scenes blend into each other, the sinful smut full of sharp want, the smooth pacing and fabulous dialogue including delicious dirty talk and beautiful punchlines.

The Long Fall by @tackytigerfic (Mature, 3.6k)

It's supposed to be a simple house renovation, and maybe it's just the paint fumes, but Harry is feeling dizzy around Draco Malfoy. And what's the real meaning of family, anyway?

One of my favorite comfort fics, I’ve reread this more times than I can count. Tacky captures romance, wistful pining and the sense of belonging like no one else, I was moved by this devastatingly realistic portrait of married and parenting life. Sensitive, brutally honest and so very tender, this story hits right in the feels - it’s a pleasure to follow every exciting step of this big adventure Harry and Draco get to share.

Two Starts, One Finish by @lqtraintracks (Explicit, 5.4k)

I feel him before I see him. Nobody stands this close to me while I’m playing, and I’m about to turn to tell him so when he says, “You’re a tough bloke to track down,” and then leans against my baby grand.

When I first read this fic I did it three times in a row. I was so charmed and moved by this particular brand of angst: the gentle wistfulness of Draco’s voice, his yearning for Harry, their quiet domestic life and their intense chemistry made my heart burst. Lqt develops their emotional arc through the passage of time with precision and heart - nothing feels rushed, dragged or unimportant. One of the most romantic fics I’ve read this year.

Inside These Walls by @jackvbriefs (Mature, 5.6k)

The year before Draco moves to Los Angeles, Harry Potter disappears. Draco doesn't mean to find him. He's just doing his job.

This fic has one of my favorite premises ever, so creative! The roller blade magic blew my mind and I was obsessed with the intriguing atmosphere and the tension build up. Delicious eerie vibes mixed with an unusual setting, a dark mystery surrounding Harry’s job and his oh so casual sexy display of power, yes please. This suspense is a feast to the senses and will leave you at the edge of your seat until the last line, craving for more.

heavy by @onbeinganangel (Explicit, 6.5k)

Potter isn’t nearly as slick as he thinks he is, is all Draco can think about through the alcohol haze and the dizzying atmosphere of the club. He really, really isn’t. Potter is across the club, surrounded by his usual entourage, looking at Draco when he thinks Draco isn’t looking back.

There’s something to be said about a BDSM fic featured on this reclist as I rarely read this kind of smut. Trust Mari to turn my world upside down with one of the most touching love stories ever. This conflicted Draco and his devotion to Harry -subverting the D/s dynamics we usually see- caught me off guard and made my heart ache for this hot, tenderly vulnerable and unapologetic kink exploration delight.

The Other Cottage by @corvuscrowned (Teen and Up, 6.5k)

If Pansy wasn’t shagging Ginny Weasley, Draco would never have been dragged to Luna’s ridiculous Halloween party in the first place - meaning he wouldn't be sitting in the corner of the room with Harry Potter all night.

One word: chills! Yet another mind blowing suspense, this fic gave me palpitations - the smooth and clever narrative builds a disturbing atmosphere, the creepy sense of unease looming over our heads while watching a tender romance unfold. Crazy, right? Such skill! Really creative concept and a jaw dropping ending, this one is a banger.

A Grey Shrike Alighted upon my Wishbone by @opalesqueopioid (Explicit, 7k)

Cursed to forget everything about Harry Potter, Draco has to kill if he wants a cure.

Gosh, this stunning fic wrecked my heart and soul with its quiet devastation, gorgeous prose and brilliant execution of a quite unique suds concept. Draco’s sharp personality took my breath away and I was equally undone by Harry’s sweet longing, the back-and-forth banter and the raw, inevitable heartbreak. Here’s a poignant portrait of a collapsing relationship, the best pick for angsty days.

Merlin's Kitchen by @writcraft (Explicit, 12k)

Merlin’s Kitchen is a shit nightclub but having sex with Harry Potter might improve things.

Everything by Writcraft has the heart kick factor for me, as if especially crafted to meet my tastes. This sexy clubbing fic has a delicious lively pub atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re right there, watching a carefree and smooth Harry charm Draco with his openness, and be charmed back. Fabulous characterization and gorgeous dialogue, with a mature tone that gives it a thrilling sense of intimacy and promise.

The Virtues of Hygiene and the Binary of Labour by @piarelei (Explicit, 14k)

See the full post

487 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It’s fascinating how some people dismiss smut as something frivolous, vain, lacking substance and therefore value. To be clear, sex is not (and should never be seen as) mandatory in fic, and I feel heartbroken that some authors think they need to include it in order to have their work read or appreciated.

But in my opinion PWPs can be just as deep, nuanced, evocative and narratively powerful as any other story. In fact, they make for excellent character studies and can get you inside a character’s mind in a very particular way. And smut scenes in long fics can be just as useful as narrative tools, often translating dynamics too complex to be explored otherwise. Plus, they’re great for sad horny nights 😔🙌

1,849 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#hahaha 4 is my forever fave #little bitch form ✌🏼#not that many recs this year I guess #I’ll do better next year #my 2022 tumblr year in review

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kimchokejin · 2 years

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omg okay so i was tagged by the whimsical @wistfulocean, the jellicle (😲) @jiminsproof, and the splendid @seoksao to list 10 of my blorbos (favorite characters) from 10 different fandoms. this was kind of hard (but fun!) for me because i am very on and off when it comes to tv, i haven't read a book with characters in a long time 😬, and i tend not to obsess over movies. so i came up with a list of 10 blorbos that i've had over the years. and we are starting EARLY okay? also i started writing descriptions for these and then i got so embarrassed because i literally don’t remember shit about anything so i’m just gonna not say much lol. and then check marks mean i can safely recommend the show/movie, otherwise...proceed with caution

Stitch from Lilo and Stitch ✅

he might be more of a “scrunkly” actually, represents my inner child?

She-Go from Kim Possible

i was always like she’s way too cool for dr. draco or whatever lmao

Elyon from W.I.T.C.H.

(but from the books i didn’t watch the show as much)

Prince Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender ✅

gotta love a redemption arc! hope the new live action version isn’t bad! 🤞

Eli Goldsworthy from Degrassi

hey shut up

Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds

my baby boy! special shout out to the episodes with him and aubrey plaza's character ahh i wish i could watch those for the first time again

Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn 99

acab ofc i simply wasn’t thinking straight (heh). i bought my first pleather jacket because of her. don’t laugh.

[redacted] ❌

** *** ***** ****, **** ** **** ***

Snufkin from The Moomins! (the 90s version) ✅

the most comforting children’s show you could ever watch tbh. this kid reminds me of one of my neighbors from my childhood and i definitely remember feeling very…moomin-y…around him…one time i chased him down the street because i wanted a hug 😬 whereas now i think i act more like a snufkin but i think moomin is still there deep down? oops now i’m getting too deep lol ummm i also love his philosophy on things (be gay do crime!!!) and i might be dressing like him for halloween

Nam See-hee from Because This Is My First Life ✅

i literally had to look up this dude’s name tbh because my friends and i lovingly refer to him as robot man. this guy...he’s the real deal. THE unattainable standard. if you’re into kdramas i HIGHLY recommend this show which doesn’t mean much coming from me since i haven’t seen a lot of kdramas BUT my friend who has been watching kdramas for over a decade now says it’s the best kdrama they’ve ever seen. so. it’s not a super dramatic one either more of a rom com so i don’t think you would cry if you didn’t want to?

lmao i’m like scared of what this list says about me i think the two prevailing types here are snarky assholes with a heart of gold (alleged) and women who could kill me without remorse or hesitation? and i gravitate towards "lighter” shows because i generally don’t like to feel more than i already do? ummmm i’m still embarrassed idk might delete later. but if you see this and would like to play say i tagged you!

#tag: i’m it!#wistfulocean #jiminsproof #seoksao #can you tell which one i was most embarrassed about #i really am here to embarrass myself and i do it every day but not all embarrassing things are created equal #ummm hope you guys have a lovely start to your week okay monday funday i’m calling it

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violynsolo · 1 year

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seeing some of my arcanetwt friends confused by tumblr so here are 10 tips, hopefully i can explain them in a succinct way that is specifically relevant for you all!

follow blogs and tags to see posts! eventually tumblr will accurately recommend things you like and show them on your for you page/"try these posts" on the explore page but i usually just scroll my dash.

you can sort your dash by most recent or recommended, but unlike twitter you aren't going to see other people's likes or replies on your dash, just posts and reblogs.

people love getting asks! (as long as they're nice!) asks are basically built in curiouscat. you can turn anon off if you want or turn asks off altogether but they can be a good way to spark a conversation/discussion.

people treat tags kinda like qrts! most people will throw their personal opinions about a post in the tags, because unlike hashtags you can use spaces and some punctuation. i rarely put my thoughts in a reblog unless i feel like it adds to the content of the post in some way/continues the discussion. basically if you just want to share your opinions put them in the tags but if you definitely want ppl to see what you're saying put them in a rb (either way people can look through the notes to read all the tags too)

on that topic, once your post has been reblogged it CANNOT BE DELETED! you can delete the original post off your blog but any rb is essentially a copy. it's not gonna disappear like on twitter. you can edit your posts on tumblr, but rbs that happened before the edit will not change. (this is why you'll sometimes see a deactivated blog's addition in the reblogs of a post)

you can private your likes and following list! honestly i recommend doing this, i think a lot of unnecessary twitter drama comes from those features being public but on tumblr no one knows how many followers you have but you and you don't have to share who you follow either. (keep in mind that privating your likes only hides the likes page from your blog, it doesn't hide your like in the notes of a post)

tumblr's tagging system is actually pretty great (whenever the search function decides to work lmao), you can tag a post by #gif, #art, #video, etc. so you can search your blog for it later. unlike twitter tumblr is shit when it comes to searching specific phrases, like it just refuses to work and i have no idea why, so i recommend this!

while tags technically do show up like hashtags in site wide searches, people very commonly come up with tagging systems just for their blog, like ways to reference posts to find them later, this is not really how people use tags on twt but it's common and useful here.

you can queue posts! if you don't want to spam you can schedule a post to be sent out at a certain time, or just leave your queue to post them in intervals throughout the day. people usually come up with a personal tag for their queue (often a pun where the word "queue" is replacing something) so their followers know they aren't actually active and the post was scheduled.

finally, and oops this ended up being long, tumblr posts have a ton of formatting features that make them a lot more like blog posts, feel free to play around! for the people who are really into blog design you can also actually edit the html of your blog's desktop site and fully code the page how you want (or just pick a premade theme)

happy blogging and don't hesitate to ask me any questions!

#this ended up being much less succinct than i intended oops but hopefully it was at least relevant #i feel like a lot of the 'welcome to tumblr' posts i've seen are not actually easy to understand if you haven't been on the site before #n e ways idk how to tag this for arcanetwt to see lemme try uhh #arcane #arcanetwt

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underworldobsessed · 23 days

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Fanfic Writer Questions!

Thanks for tagging me, @optiwashere. I don't think I'm going to tag anyone, but if you see this and want to do it, feel free! Have fun with this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

158, oops. I will say so many of those are Star Wars because I went from barely writing to 'Oh my god I have so much motivation' because of my SW phase. I do owe a lot of my current muse because of that

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

I mean, it's not nearly as much as one would think, only sitting at 326,735, but a lot of my fics on here are drabbles rather than full blooded fics.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So my current main fandom is (obviously) BG3. But I'm still planning fics for Star Wars, Underworld and The Magnus Archives, even if all of those have taken a back seat since BG3 has taken over my brain.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

So here they are. 1. Blood Memories (Underworld) 2. Taking Care of Her (Agent Carter) 3. The More You Try to Hide It (Star Wars) 4. Winds of Change (Underworld) 5. Anger Manifestation (The X-Files) I will say, I'm rather surprised that two of them are Underworld fics. The fandom is quite small, but I'm glad to see that honestly. That's where I spent so much of my time, and those fics were me righting the wrongs that the series did to me (I'm looking at you Blood Wars, and your treatment of Michael). And I'm honestly not surprised about BG3 not being here, I don't pay attention to my kudos much, but I do know I don't see nearly as much attention on them. I love what I write, so that's the important thing.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do my damnedest to remember to reply to comments. I know I don't always succeed, but I try. Often times, the ones I don't reply to are the ones that I see when I'm on the clock at work (checking my emails when I really shouldn't be) and I'll be like "Oh I need to reply to those later" and then I forget for like two weeks, and then I feel so guilty that I forgot that I just... don't.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh shit ummmm... I have a lot of angsty fics in the world. Can't Breathe literally explains Satine's perspective as she dies in canon. Or Even in Death where even as I tried to write it as a hopeful ending for Selene, it was the tragedy of Selene finding Michael's body post Blood Wars, and I was honestly in tears writing it.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'm not sure. I'd love to say my adopting Kurik fic is the happiest ending I've written, but I tinged it with uncertainty. Perhaps Shining Like They Never Did Before, because it gave me a chance to give Nemeia the feeling of truly being comfortable in their body (and to have Shadowheart and Karlach enjoy being with their partner :P )

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I had someone go onto one of my Bo-Katan fics and write a review about how much they hate Bo-Katan, which I just deleted after being so shocked and how brazen they were. Other than that, it's kinda been a while. Perk of not being a huge author I suppose is that I don't get much hate. I did get a massive hateful review when I just started writing fanfics at 12 that almost made me quit writing.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I definitely do, not super frequently, but I do! I've got some vanilla (mostly vanilla if I'm honest), but I definitely have some kinky stuff that's been published (or y'know, planned because there is no way Karlach/Shadowheart/Nemeia are vanilla).

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have something on FFN that's a crossover, but I haven't touched it in a while. I wrote an Underworld/Castle crossover that didn't get very far. I have, however, been planning an Underworld/Star Wars crossover for years but I'm very tentative in writing it for some reason.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah, but I'd be down to talk to people about it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I mean, technically yes? I've taken a roleplay I've done with a friend and (with their permission) turned it into a fic, and a friend of mine is using our rp that we did into a fic. Other than that, I don't think so.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I can't safely answer that because god knows I love so many ships like... Shadowheart/Nemeia/Karlach for BG3, Obitine for Star Wars, Selene/Michael for Underworld. Those are probably my big ships that I love more than anything.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Dark Obitine fic that I started writing that never really got any further. Like... I have up to chapter 5 written in docs, but only two published. I'd love to continue it, but this is the one based on the rp with my friend and I'm worried about hitting the point where we stopped rping. So I stopped writing.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Angst. I'd like to think I'm very good at writing angst. I also love writing dialogue and I'm very talented with grammar and (most of the time) spelling.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Keeping up with updating fics, sometimes I struggle with characterization (though I try my best), and I ramble sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I used to do it fairly frequently. I was trying to learn Mando'a for my Star Wars fics since Mandalorians were my area of love for that series, and I wanted to write more in their language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds was my first fandom. I haven't really written for it in years, but yeah, I started writing for them so long ago now.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Now that is a hard question. If I'm looking in the past year, Give Her Back! is my favorite thing I've written. Writing Nemeia's perspective with Shadowheart being taken by Orin was some of the most fun I've had in a long time! I also love Save Me If I Become My Demons because I got to write two of my favorite things at the time, Star Wars and Vampires.

#Answered Questions #About me!

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zinzinina · 3 years

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Bly

So, I started writing a cutesy WWII-style oneshot about Kix meeting a girl somewhere sweet and sunny, and instead I couldn’t stop thinking about Bly suffering horribly oops. This is barely a fic, it’s just a straight-up angst third-person drabble. But I had to remove it from my brain so I’m posting it here.

Rating - M (no smut, mentions of war, PTSD, trauma, brain injury? I don’t know this is so unpolished and candid watch me delete it later oof)

Word Count: 600

He realises it’s happened again after the sun rises through the barrack windows and he hasn’t still slept, sitting on the edge of his bunk staring at his hands. CC-5052 is losing time.

He’s not sure when it started. His head hurts constantly now; an ice pick headache driving right above his temple. He remembers returning from Felucia, silent in the troop transport. Buckets off, nobody looked at each other. Packed close like this, there was usually jostling and ribbing, relief at the end of a long campaign. There was usually someone there to check over he and his brothers for injuries both physical and unseen, a lilting voice and gentle hands. But thinking about that makes the headache worse, so he doesn’t.

Back in the capital, standing at attention, he finds himself at a general assembly with no memory of how he got there. The entire 327th are around him; standing rigid. He can barely hear the address - registering vaguely that the war is over. This bounces around in his throbbing head without landing. It can’t be true, because if the war were over, why are they all still suited up? Why aren’t they free? He was sure that the end of the war meant something was supposed to happen. He was supposed to go somewhere, with someone. He doesn’t know anymore.

He slips out of time again, finding himself sitting blearily at a table at 79’s. Galle is standing in front of him and all he can do is stare at the way his lips move when he talks. Is that me? he thinks, confused and afraid. Anger spikes for no reason, radiating out from the pain in the side of his head. He doesn’t know why his fists are hitting his brother. He doesn’t know why the sight of his face fills him with rolling nausea.

He sits alone in his bunk for hours, turning his hands back and forth, bewildered. Whose hands are these? he can’t stop thinking. Are they mine? I don’t think they are. Everything is disorienting to him; his razor at the sink is unfamiliar though he knows he’s used it a thousand times. His kit bag is filled with things he has no memory of; spare parts for a weapon he can’t remember, a silver emitter, a tiny focusing crystal. A tiny plasteel jar of nectarsect oil used to moisturise lekku. He doesn’t have lekku. Why would he have this?

It’s only when he’s asleep that he feels like himself. For a moment, he remembers. He has a name again. His lips meeting another’s, soft and warm. Firm, azure skin smooth in his touch. A musical voice, whispering to him in the dark, promising him that soon, soon we’ll be free. Soon they’ll all be free. In the dream, his chest aches and he suffers with terrible knowing. It was him, he gave the order, he fired his blaster. He never even hesitated. But he’d gladly withstand the agony of knowing if it meant he could remember her. His hold on her waist is hard, like he could stop himself from waking if he just held on.

When he wakes, his blacks are soaked with sweat. He doesn’t know why his face is wet. His head hurts. And he definitely doesn’t know why he has a kalikori clutched in his hands, the wooden edges digging rough splinters into his fingers. He tucks it under his bunk, shaking. It’s oh-four hundred. And despite the pieces missing, one thing remains. He’s a good soldier. Pulling on his dark armour, he’s grateful for its newness. He doesn’t have to try to remember this, at least.

Tagging some pals: (feel free to ignore, this is emo bullshit and not my usual smut and I won’t be offended) @bvcketfvcker @fuckyeahbeskar @just-fics-i-read @writeforfandoms @tibbietibbs @justwastelandbabyy @latenightsthoughtsnstuff

#commander bly #the clone wars #star wars fanfiction #drabble #angst #zinzinina

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okruee · 4 years

Photo

sims edit tag!

rules: in this order (left to right) add your favorite edit, most time consuming edit, edit you hate the most, and edit with most notes.

favourite edit: I did this one a while back for that cartoon edit challenge (ed, edd, and eddy) and I remember being really happy with how the edit+sims turned out and I still like it a lot!! most time consuming edit: I also made this one a while ago when i wasnt as time efficient in photoshop yet and so i spent a really long time on it edit I hate the most: edits I hate I usually quietly delete later oops, this one is still up for some reason but i hate how i set up and edited it :/// edit with the most notes: this one is actually the last edit I did!!! Im happy people liked this one it's definitely one of my favourites :)

thank u @whiisker :3c for tagging me and im gonna tag everyone

#sims edit tag #saviourhide

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knightofameris · 4 years

Text

—𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬—

◦ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 ◦ 𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑚𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑎 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝𝑠! ◦ 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑠! ◦ 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑒! ◦ 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑠!! (𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑜𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠!)

𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑠' 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒: blacklist “ameris 500 celebration!” if you don’t want to see any of my posts about this celebration! also if this flops i will cry. jk i won’t but it’ll definitely take a hit on my heart u__u (and if it does flop, you didn’t see this post)

—𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍—

Ahhhh! I’m so amazed that I got to 500 followers despite the fact that I barely?? Post?? And sometimes I just talk about random shit but even then, I still appreciate all of you guys so much? I have a few options on what I have to celebrate and I am so excited heheh. But before I get started I just,,, Have a few more things I’d like to talk about (cus I like to talk LOL). Feel free to skip though!!

content continued below the cut!! (warning; introduction is long because I just have a lot of thoughts I want to share LOL. seriously, feel free to just skip)

I know that I only really started posting Haikyuu!! around my 300 mark, and I feel like the people after my 300 mark are the one’s who are active because of how much I come onto tumblr and then disappear.

If you don’t know this, I’ve actually been writing on Tumblr since 2015/2016. I’ve just changed blogs so many times that it’s like, hey, this is my new blog. Or like, I would write for a few months, disappear, come back but then everyone who followed me was dead so I was like eh I’ll just start again or whatever. And I think this makes me very very soft because out of all the communities I’ve been in, I’ve truly felt more welcome/at home even?? With everyone in Haikyuu? Like yeah there’s shit that goes down every few days or whatever but it’s always so fun to see people interact with each other and though I was hesitant at first (because before this the only writer I’ve ever interacted with was Scout for marvel oop) I’m really glad I reached out to a few of y’all and vice versa.

But despite that, Marvel will always hold a place in my heart and to everyone who followed me from my Marvel days, thank you for supporting me way back when. And even to my Narnia days (AHAHAHA). I don’t think I would’ve continued writing on tumblr without your guys’ support. I know that younger me appreciated you all for reading those old works (even if I hate my old writing now).

And to everyone now, thank you for sending in asks or commenting on my works. I actually think I would’ve disappeared by this time from this blog if you guys didn’t interact. I’m not saying I’m writing for the follows or the notes, if that makes sense. But it’s more like, I feel less of a robot that people expect to churn out works. Idk, it makes me feel like a person? And it just gives me a lot more serotnin than you might think!!

One last thing though, it’s not me saying I expect you guys to always read my work and always comment. It’s more so, I’d actually rather have you guys comment or whatever because you want to and you want to read it. Like on one hand yes it does make me feel appreciated but I also don’t want you to feel obligated or feel guilty of you don’t read my things. No matter what, I will always be writing. It definitely does feel nice tho LOL

I promise in the future, if I ever do intros they won’t be this long lol.

Phew. Anyway.

For this celebration, this is only for Haikyuu!!

—𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐀 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒—

I love love love self ships SO much. So I want to hear about your guys’ self ships!

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬

this will only be open from 12am september 23 — 11:59pm september 25 PST

any requests received before or after will be deleted (may be extended depending on how many requests I get!)

do keep in mind that i’m starting classes soon so it will take me some time to get through this.

send it in through asks or submissions!

send in as many asks as you’d like

if you use an emoji to show who you are, include it on all asks :3c

nothing nsfw for this, thanks!

since this is a follower celebration,,, i do have to ask that you be following me! honestly, i won’t check if you are, thats too much work on my part but it would mean a lot if you’re following me to participate in this celebration! );

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨 [example]

i will be creating two instagram posts with one of them having a comment section (3-4 screenshots)

i might also include a screenshot of your profile and/or your s/o if I can put in more pictures!

chats with your s/o ( heheh (; ) (1-2 screenshots)

chats with your s/o’s team! (1-2 screenshots) (this will possibly be with the entire team or just a select few)

take a look at the example as that’s what i’ve done for a friend of mine!!

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨

send in 1-2 headcanons about you and your s/o

send in a little bit about your personality!!

your pronouns! and a name you’d like to go by!

give me your instagram handle! (not your real one, but what it would be within haikyuu) otherwise, i’ll make a random one based off your name!

what are your ~aesthetics~

what phone nickname would u have for your s/o (or any other people on the team) so it can be more personalized! or if ur like me where everyone is just their name besides a select few

do u have particular texting habits?

what’s your favorite animal? this is what I will be putting as your profile picture! alternatively if you submit all of this through my submissions and give me a piccrew, I will use that!

you could give me the most BASIC description, you don’t need to do all of these points, and i’d be fine with that. It’s up to you how much you want this to be personalized <3

(also this one’s not necessary, it’ll just be more ~fun~ but lmk if u wanna be a manager of the team! or if u have ur own little AU so u might have other certain details u want to throw in. otherwise i’m gonna make it a sorta free for all lol)

𝑒𝑥𝑎𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒: hi! my name’s ameris and i ship myself with suga! my pronouns are she/her/hers and i like to think that suga and i have a sort of childhood friends to lovers trope. i also like to think that we go stargazing at least once a month no matter what! my aesthetic is definitely space heh. i’m a little bit like suga where i’m chaos and baby! i curse a lot and i have way too many interests to count but i always like trying new things! my instagram handle would be ameris_stars (dude idk lMAO) and suga’s name in my phone would be Koushi <3 i make a lot of typos and i like using a mix of emojis and emoticons/occasional kaomojis. my favorite animal is a fox or dog!

this,,, is a lot but i’m okay with that! heheh

to protect you, I won’t publish your ask! I will make separate posts titled w/ your name + s/o + emoji (if you use your emoji). If you do it off anon, I will tag you!

Request List!! If you don’t see your name on here, just submit it again :3c I will not be tagging for the sake of not spamming you guys lol.

—𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔—

I would love love love to get to know you! So tell me about yourself!

what’s your favorite color?

who’re your favorite haikyuu characters?

favorite haikyuu teams?

you got any writers you want to give a shout out to?

maybe a little self promo too?

adsfasdfasdflj i will keep bringing this up but like any,,, spice asks,,, about the haikyuu characters cus like,,, lol

horn knee asks will be tagged with: “ameris needs a drink” which honestly sounds like i need an alcoholic drink and at this point, yeah

please be 18+ if you do send in any spicey asks!!

This can go on for as long as y’all want really, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ll just answer these like normal and spread them out too lol

—𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐄—

I have a few ask games I’ve reblogged before, so I have a few linked for you LOL

intrusive asks 👁👄👁

~space~ asks! (this has a lot more!)

zodiac asks (just about my writing!)

writer’s asks

a little game I got from my friend which I think is absolutely so much fun

this is a version of fuck-marry-kill, but send in THREE characters (this one can be from any mix of my interests!) and I’ll choose which one I’d rather have a fanfic trope with:

“enemies-to-lovers”

“childhood friends-to-lovers”

and “fake dating”

would definitely prefer haikyuu characters

but doing a mix and match from all my interests is a lotta fun

things i used to or am currently into: haikyuu, marvel, bnha, demon slayer, rwby, sailor moon, voltron, dc, overwatch, tales of vesperia, legend of zelda, bungo stray dogs, narnia (lmao), one piece, uhm, i’ll add more if i can think of more, tbh u can even just say random characters and i’ll just google them

As always though, feel free to ask me any other questions!!

this will also go on for as long as whenever, i’ll probably spread out this one!

—𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐒—

AH. It was lookin a little long so here’s the link to the post :3c (will edit post later!!! when I come back from my exam!!!)

to those who got to the end, omg i’m sorry. i talk so much. but thank you for your support and just getting through this block of words hakdfhkasf

#seriously #this is long #ameris 500 celebration!

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beautifulpaxielreads · 4 years

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July Wrap Up

Books completed (ratings out of five stars)

Catching Teller Crow by Ambelin Kwaymullina* and Ezekiel Kwaymullina* (★★★★1/2), begun in June

Thorn (Dauntless Path #1) by Intisar Khanani (★★★), begun in June

Taking Down Evelyn Tait by Poppy Nwosu* (★★★1/2)

This Mortal Coil (This Mortal Coil #1) by Emily Suvada *(★★★★)

Books currently in progress

Dark of the West (Glass Alliance #1) by Joanna Hathaway

Please Don’t Hug Me by Kay Kerr*

Anna and the French Kiss (Anna and the French Kiss #1) by Stephanie Perkins

Woven in Moonlight (Woven in Moonlight #1) by Isabel Ibañez

*Australian author

Challenges, Games, and other Booklr interactions

Completed Racing to Read tag game, tagged by @storytime-reviews (July 26th, link+replies)

Posted photograph for @just0nemorepage‘s JOMP Book Photography Challenge July, Day 22: Colours (July 22nd)

Answered @lizziethereader‘s Weekly Bookish Question #187 (June 28th – July 4th): Do you always rate (and/or review) books, or do you sometimes “just” read them? What determines if you do one or the other? (July 5th)

Reblogged @ceraunos’ question regarding alternatives to Goodreads with my answer (July 1st)

Posted photograph for @thebookbud’s July Book Photography Challenge, Day 1: July Goals (July 1st)

Chatted with @idacippolinni and @thelivebookproject on Tumblr’s PM service

GoodReads/Storygraph 2020 Reading Challenge: 35 books read out of 70. I’ve hit the halfway mark at last! And six books behind…oops. To be honest, though, I’ve started caring less about meeting my target – it’s more important that I enjoy what I’m reading.

Original Posts on Tumblr

Posted photograph of my current reads plus my latest bookshop haul (July 31st)

Posted graphic to celebrate reaching 1K followers (July 24th)

Posted request for book recs (July 16th)

Posted wrap up for June (July 1st)

Reflections on July’s Reading Goals

Reading more books by Indigenous Australians: FAIL!! I did try The Interrogation of Ashala Wolf and Grace Beside Me but neither of them quite clicked with me. I think the latter was written for quite a young audience, so maybe that was why. I still must read Growing Up Aboriginal, although I think with that one it may be the kind of book that you dip into rather than reading it start to finish. I also did buy Top End Girl, a memoir by Indigenous Australian actress Miranda Tapsell, so I’ll get onto that soon. Hopefully, next month will be a better month for this!

I didn’t finish Richard Fidler and Kári Gíslason’s Saga Land, I just couldn’t get into it. I might try it in the future, though. I did finish Intisar Khanani’s Thorn, even though it frustrated the hell out of me. I kept reading despite this because I felt there definitely some important themes and issues Khanani was trying to explore, but I felt something went wrong in conveying it to the reader. I know others have enjoyed it though, so maybe it’s just me. *shrugs*

Started Marie Rutkoski’s The Midnight Lie, couldn’t get into it. Yet to begin Colleen McCullough’s Caesar’s Women, at this point in my reading I’ll get to it either later this month or next month, not sure when yet. I have started Joanna Hathaway’s Dark of the West and Kay Kerr’s Please Don’t Hug Me, however, and I’m enjoying them. So I’ll call it a solid 2 out of 4 for this one.

Only 2 book photography challenges done this month. TBH I’m not too worried about it, I would like to do more but I can’t always find books that fit the prompt. I’ll do them as the mood takes me.

I reached the halfway point of my goal of 70! Still a long way to go though, but as I said before, I’m not worrying too much about it.

New followers

109!!! Are you all real?

A lot of the blogs I checked doing my monthly tally had zero content or content that looked suspiciously like spam. A new Tumblr trend? Or are the bots taking over?

In other news, I reached 1K followers this month!! Woot woot! Hope you’re all enjoying my content.

Interesting observations

See my note under new followers.

As I mentioned before, my attitude towards my reading goals is shifting. I don’t mind so much now about not hitting my goal – it’s more about enjoying the actual reading part.

When I check my dash each morning, to find 30+ notes – well, it’s overwhelming. But thank you all for being so attentive. PS. Likes are great, reblogs are better (hint hint).

I’ve noticed I’m buying more books (as opposed to borrowing them from the library) this month, and I’m wondering how much of that is due to the pandemic and a fear of the not-happening-yet-but-I’m-sure-it-will-soon lockdown. It’s like I want to have as many books as possible in case I won’t be allowed out of the house to get them, thereby running out of books to read. I need to get out of this mindset. Just be calm, Ellie! Be calm!

I’ve stopped reading ebooks almost entirely. The storage management app on my tablet keeps nagging at me to uninstall the books app but I can’t quite let go of it yet. I might get it to it. One day.

I uninstalled Audible and deleted my account with them! I felt bad supporting Amazon and anyway, I never listened to the audiobooks I had purchased.

Reading (and reading-related) Goals for August

Finish the books I’m currently reading (see above).

Make a start on each of the books on my TBR shelf: Growing Up Aboriginal in Australia (edited by Anita Heiss), Tweet Cute (Emma Lord), Caesar’s Women (Masters of Rome #4) by Colleen McCullough, Top End Girl (Miranda Tapsell), and Stars Like Us by Frances Chapman.

Read more books by authors of colour.

Keep doing my own thing on my blog! Not worry so much about content.

Reread Ace of Shades (The Shadow Game #1) by Amanda Foody, and continue the series with King of Fools (which I have yet to read) in preparation for the third book Queen of Volts.

That’ll do for this month – whew! See you in September for my August wrap-up.

Until then, happy reading!

#beautifulpaxiel reads #monthly wrap-ups #july

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floralgothpersephone · 4 years

Text

Countdown

Sooooo.... several.... um months ago, I was tagged by @jaygirl987 and this has just been sitting in my drafts... forever??? oops. Oh well, I am feeling in an over-sharing mood. So I am going to do it now. Felt confident in sharing, might delete later. Response is below the cut, because we are writing essays tonight.

Rules: List 1 Insecurity, 2 Fears, 3 Turn-ons, 4 Life Goals, 5 Things I like, 6 Weaknesses, 7 Things I Love, 8 Tags I am going to tag: @akai-vampire, @claudeng80, @bookloverfio, @bigprincess-energy, @peachdoxie, @ruleofexception, @infinitelystrangemachinex, @anais-mitchell

ONE Insecurity:

---People who meet me for the first time always say I am remarkable. But I don’t really agree with that at all, I still don’t understand where people get that from. I feel very desperately flawed and a moderately dysfunctional human doing my damned best with what I’ve got, and isn’t that just a normal state of being for everyone making their way in this life. And if people say I am remarkable, and it turns out to be true, then does that mean I am not normal??? How is everyone else living their life then? What am I doing wrong??? or right?? or differently??? How do I bottle up this whole remarkable thing and share it with everyone else?? Being called remarkable makes me fear for everyone else. Because if i am struggling this much, and people still seem to think I am amazing then does that mean everyone else who is struggling is failing in some reguard? I have met so many other people in the world who are just as special as me, and if i am raised above that then what about all those other people? Aren’t they remarkable too? Kinda takes away the meaning of remarkable then, if everyone else is also remarkable. I don’t know. Every time I meet someone new and they call me remarkable it makes my skin crawl. What sort of face are they seeing me wear that makes it happen so often? I just try and be myself, and stay true to who I am in any given moment but then that makes their statement have more power? I hate it. Nothing makes me more insecure. I can go from full blown confidence down to nothing the moment someone says that about me. I know I am odd and don’t quite function right in society, and have a very different perspective on it because of my dysfunction, but that shouldn’t make me remarkable. There are too many other people in this world for me to be remarkable.

TWO Fears:

---I may never get to see Amber Gray perform Persephone in Hadestown

---Cockroaches. Turns out I have an actual phobia of cockroaches.

THREE “turn-ons”:

---Silly Antics, like sheer outrageous, ridiculous things that make you laugh until you cry. Like, I fall in love a little bit with everyone who has ever made me laugh. So like, the more you make me the laugh the more I look at that and go, “mhm tasty”. Also, if we are not laughing at some point during sex then what even is the point???

--- Loyalty, Reliability and just being supportive and a good friend. Like, I am very much very very demisexual and while I can look at people and love their look and their aesthetics and be attracted to that, I need a very firm established relationship for like... years, before I am ever actually interested in letting them into my bed. I need some definite proof that they are in this for the long run before I can let my sexuality come into play.

---Being crafty and creative. Seeing someone make a very nice craft gets me all worked up in ways I can’t quite describe. But every time a partner of mine starts a project and is making things I want to jump their b o n e s.

FOUR Life Goals:

---Get my ass to fucking Greece and like. Stay there. For months. And just travel??? And like, take my time, no rushing around to do every single thing. I want to go to these places and be there for so long that I can just sit and be.

---B a b i e s. Dear lordy if you look at every major decision i have ever made in my life, it has all lead up to the fact that I want to have kids, and I want to have a family in a very specific supportive and stable way and I need to complete these things before i can have my kids. BUT BOY THE HORMONES ARE STRONG AND I WANT THEM NOW.

---Can I put travel twice? Travel is so important to me. I have to see the world, I need to map it. I need to see all the different types of humans and cultures there are in the world and I need to experience what there is in this life before its all over.

---I have this home I like to dream about, its constantly changing, but its small, while having enough space to breathe, covered in plants, an entire wall that is just a bookcase to store the entirety of Alex and I’s mug collection (we are looking at least 80 mugs between the two of us currently). A claw foot bathtub in a room full of windows that is just a glorified greenhouse really. comfy reading nooks and places for play, covered in nothing but soft blankets and cushioned seats. A cat or two lounging around among all the soft places in the sun light. Walls covered in cork boards so that I can pin up hundreds of pictures of the family I have built for myself. Little foot steps running around from kids playing, and having my partners home with me to cook and raise the little ones together in a family and a community. I just. I just want that little domestic haven of something calm and secure that I never got to have growing up in my life.

FIVE Things I Like:

---Pottery! (my craft of choice, I’ve been making pots for 17 years now and it never gets old)

---Plants! (I live in a small jungle! I’m a plant witch! I love my plants! They are my only friends some days! But thats okay, I take care of them and in return they take care of me.)

---Places! (I’m a map maker, I love learning about the identity of a location both on a map and within the human mind. How amazing that a collection of humans create an identity for a geographical space separate from other all the other geographical spaces. That’s wild! I want to learn what makes them all different forever!)

---Purple! (My hair is purple, its been purple since I started grad school! I flirted with pink hair and orange hair last year to try on different types of variety and see how that fit but I am back to purple and I am back to my normal skin! My purple hair is the source of my internal confidence and a major point of my identity)

---Music! (I am not sure I would ever be able to navigate my own mental landscape without the aid of music guiding me through all my different emotions and feelings so that I could have a safe place to experience them without fear of repercussion)

SIX Weaknesses:

---I over think everything (case and point, this post, whoops)

---An open opportunity. Like, if I am given an opportunity suddenly that wasn’t previously available and wouldn’t be available in the future, I will move mountains to make it happen. If I see a window to be able to do something with a time limit I am jumpin as fast as I can to get through that window before it closes. I think its because I grew up with zero opportunities in my life when I was little so somewhere in my bones I believe that every opportunity I get is rare and special thing and if I don’t take it now then I won’t ever get another one. Sometimes its exhausting but I can’t honestly say there is a list of things that I could have done that I didn’t? I have very little regrets in that regard.

---I am willing to see and recognized my flawed personality traits, but rarely ever actually do anything to fix them. I am a big of a believer in accepting yourself with all the flaws (part of the side effects of recovering from perfectionism) but that mentality has a different problem... in which you are so comfortable with the problems that you don’t have any desire to fix them? Yeah.

---Um, I have a major weakness for brown eyed, brunette girls and have fallen waaaay too hard for too many of them in my life for it to not be a thing (that Alex teases me relentlessly about). Honestly the list is long, but good news. Fiona is on that list. <3

---Potential. I have a weakness for potential, sometimes that manifests in craft materials. (Oh I could make this into this other thing!) So I have quite the collection of crafting hoards. I rarely buy plants when they are big because I am far more interested in getting a small plant because of it its potential to grow into something. I love love love love working in clay because there is just SO MUCH potential for it to become really ANYTHING???? Its amazing!!! Like, if you imagine in there is a way to make it real. And I am obsessed with that feeling.

--- I have a weakness for cream. I like half and half in my tea. I like whipped cream on my waffles. I like straight up cream on my strawberries. I like clotted cream on scones. I like creamy milkshakes. The creamiest of cheeses. If its a cream based sauce I’m in. Just. Cream.

SEVEN Things I Love:

I just now realized that there is a difference in the lists for “like” and “love” LOL there is no difference to me. I have no moderation, I either love something with my whole heart or not at all. So lets wax some poetry on things I have already listed, because the things I like I also love.

--- Okay, pottery, so like, Pottery is amazing??? Because you take dirt!!! like muddy gross squishy dirt!!!! and you mold it into something you like???? And then you FIRE IT!!! Like how metal is that???? You are creating something from DIRT. And on top of that, it lasts FOREVER. like, people hundreds of years from now are gonna be digging up our civilization and our computers are going to be dead, our papers and paintings: dead, our books? Hopefully not dead. But whats going to be left is our city foundations, our places, our trash and our shitty broken pots. And goddamn, I am obsessed with looking around our world and just IMAGINING what these people in the far off future are gonna think. And there isn’t a single piece of pottery that I make in which I am not thinking those exact thoughts and trying to imagine what that person in the future is going to be like when they find this.

--- And on that note, places are just so fricking cool. Because I grew up in a mono-culture where the majority of the population belonged to the same culture and the identity of the place was a direct reflection of the people. But other places have SO MUCH DIVERSITY and I am just amazed and inspired about how you can take SO MANY PEOPLE from SO MANY DIFFERENT CULTURES and pack them all into a city, and then that city becomes its own culture??? and has its own Identity??? Like, New Yorkers, those people come from fucking everywhere on the entire planet, and YET everyone knows there is a New York culture that is just agreed upon? And New York has an cohesive identity to how it functions, and how it works. Just. How amazing is that. And Minneapolis, jeez, bless Minneapolis. Because it has the midwestern identity but its developing one all on its own. And it doesn’t have a National presence yet, so in a lot of ways its just developing its identity for the world and its just so amazing to see all the different ways that people provide input on how they want their city to develop, and with each step it comes closer and closer to a face it wants to display to the world??? Its like, seeing a teenage, trying out who they want to be and developing them self to become a real adult. And goddamnit I want to see Minneapolis into a fully mature Nationally known city. I can’t wait.

---So plants, are like. The best therapy. Because plants don’t really talk, well okay I think they do, BUT PHYSICALLY, they don’t talk. And so in order to figure out what they need to you have to listen to them in a very different way then humans are used to?? You have to observe, and check-in and interact and just learn about a plant so that you can care for it. And I think thats exactly how humans are too, except we have this obnoxious thing called talking that sometimes make it difficult to actually figure out what is going on down below. Its easy for someone to say they are fine when they really are not. But plants don’t get to say that they are fine. When they suffer they do so silently and while they may want to scream for more water they have to let you know in other ways, drooping, changing color, dropping all its leaves in protest. And thats the other thing about plants too, is that every type of plant asks for help differently? How amazing is that. You have to get to know the plant on an individual level, there is no “one way fits all” fix-it for plant care. You have to know your plant. You don’t have to know all the plants in the world, just the ones you take into your care. And thats just so symbolic for me. And when I am taking care of my plants, I am taking care of myself too. Water for the plants, water for the Becca. Sunlight for the plants, sunlight for the Becca. Extra boost of fertilizer for the plants, extra boost of vitamins for the Becca. And I love my plants, even with their imperfections and wild ways of growing. Sometimes they get a whole lotta attitude in how they grow, and it isn’t picture perfect, but that doesn’t matter. Cause thats my plant! And its growing and thriving and I am so happy that its doing well! It doesn’t need to be the prettiest plant that ever existed. It just needs to live. And damn thats all I need.

---Purple is just an amazing color. Like everyone has heard the poetry talking about the richness and royalty and the history that the color purple has. But for me? Purple was a color I was immediately drawn to as a kid for no apparent reason but that I liked it. And I was not allowed, because the color purple was Barney colors and my parents were so very concerned that the other kids would torment me (spoilers, the kids found other reasons to torment me, and I was just denied being allowed to wear my favorite color). And then there was the instance of my grandmother, who, lets be honest, doesn’t win any “good grandparent” awards. And she LOATHS the color purple. Just thinks its really ugly. And took every chance to tell me that whenever I went shopping with her or if she wanted to get me a gift and was looking for input. So i went through all these stages when I was little, only being allowed to like pink, but then internalized misogyny said that was dumb so then I chose blue to be my favorite color while completely denying that what I wanted was purple. So yeah. By the time college came around and I was an “adult” (lol) I was just like. Fuck this shit no one can tell me what I am allowed to like and claimed purple for everything in my life. and I mean. e v e r y t h i n g. Backpack? Purple. Every piece of clothing I owned? Purple. Jackets? Purple. ipod? Purple. Does the object come in purple? Yes. Well then that is the correct answer. When I broke down and finally dyed my hair purple (like I have wanted to do since I was little, but again, I was not allowed and can you imagine being a non-mormon kid in the little valley with purple hair in high school??? Fuck I would have been the anti-christ of all sinners.) But in Minneapolis it seemed like it would be far more acceptable and wouldn’t result in immediate social disgrace. So I did it. I graduated my undergrad and dyed my hair purple because I could. And it changed my entire life. No more wall-flowering. No more hiding in the shadows praying no one notices that you don’t quite belong. No more pretending that you don’t exist so that people can walk all over you as they pass by. When you have a wildly different color hair, you have to own it. There is no “oh haha, whoops” about it. You made that decision, you put the color in your hair with that intention. And now its there to stay until you cut it all off. And that was the kick in the butt for me. That was the thing I need to own my own self and to lay claim to my voice. And for a while, it wasn’t easy. It was learning a whole new skillset. And there was definitely a major time span that was just “fake it until you make it”. But I kept faking it for the sake of my purple hair, because every time I looked into the mirror it made me so happy I could cry. I wasn’t looking a the mirror nitpicking my reflection any more. I was just joyful, because my hair was purple and I loved it. So every time someone made a comment whether it was good or bad, I would be dying on the inside from having the attention on me. But I would pull out the big ole grin of joy that I wasn’t really feeling and be like “Yeah isn’t it great! Its my favorite color!” And the good comments would be happy for me, and the bad comments would be thrown off by my enthusiasm and usually go away. And at one point that big joyful grin wasn’t just a farce, and now, 9 years later, working for the federal government and people try and make a jab at my hair, I can just laugh and tell them how much fun having colorful hair is. And that they should give it a try too.

#Becca rambles #Becca rants #Becca does a tag game #and writes a full essay instead #But tonight we were feeling reflective #and usually I would just journal but eh I am isolated enough right now #thought i would share whats going on in my brain #will absolutely delete later

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neko-shinigxmi · 4 years

Text

.: Day 1 - F/O February :.

Reverse Self-Ship: You are your F/O’s F/O!!

I’m from a video game series akin to an odd mix of Watch_Dogs and Grand Theft Auto. Things can get a little pervy, hijacking cars is involved, stealth and adventure abound...but so is a bunch of ridiculous, silly things, like a petting minigame that triggers randomly when interacting with my cat.

There’s a single-player mode focused on my background and meeting up with past friends or exes...and is story-based, allowing you to attack and kill them, befriend them again... All sorts of stuff.

Also, the option to adopt more cats and become a crazy cat lady...in spirit.

Shit, romance people if you want! Live life!

Marcus got Wrench (Reggie) the game as a birthday gift. It was mostly a joke, because Reg REALLY thought he wouldn’t like it....and what else do best friends do but give their bffs prank gifts?

Still, Marcus bought it for him new... So Reg boots it up and gives it a chance, anyways.

......holy shit, he actually likes this WAY more than he first thought he would.

First of all, he HATES animals; every one he’s ever met seems to hate him and hurt him, so he’s turned his back on animalkind. However, throughout the game, I’m NOTHING but kind to every animal and suspicious of every person I meet.... Some of which he understands completely. There are some ASSHOLES in this game!!

Also, the way I croon to my cat and get into baby talk... It’s so damn cute to him. Really makes him feel some kinda way, which he flushes over. (Haha, wow that’s embarrassing.)

The point is, he ends up hating animals a little less and starts loving cats a LOT more.

Actually had to put down the controller and walk away from the game when doing a dancing minigame. He could barely focus on the button commands with how cute I was being while doing the dances.

Proceeds to look up people who 100% the dances just so he can save them to his phone. Watch them whenever he wants.

Later deletes them, 100%s them on his own, and THEN saves them onto his phone. Is a lot more happy with them, cause they’re HIS gameplay videos and not someone else’s.

LOVES messing around with outfits. Someone on the staff was either a big fan of cats or just...made that my most out-there personality trait (second only to the games and show in my world that are obviously knock-offs of real-world games), but he’s not complaining. Running around in cat ears and a cat tail? So damn cute.

His personal favorites are the masks I have combined with the matching jackets; it makes me feel more relatable to him...but he’s a greedy man and always eventually takes them off so he can look at my face.

Has SO MANY PICTURES on Facebook of him playing this damn game. Marcus kinda thought he was pranking at first, but now the whole squad knows Reg is a bit of an addict.

They got him the other games on Christmas and he cried. Everyone was....kinda in awe.

Josh got him a t-shirt with my character on it that reads “Bee Paw-sitive~!” on it. He wears it a LOT.

He definitely started up a collection that rivaled....basically no one else in the fandom.

HATES seeing the fandom pairings. And since you can romance anyone due to my sexuality canonly being Panromantic...it’s frustrating.

(Well, he’s Bi, so some of the people he wouldn’t mind sharing with, yeah....but he’s specifically venomous over the people he’s SURE are my friends only. Or are/were super toxic to me in my past. So, so bitter that anyone likes those ships, but holds his tongue only bc he got a figurine of me doing some cutesy pose next to his monitor. It helps him keep his head.)

Literally has a savings account reserved for merchandise. If it exists, he wants to buy it. If it doesn’t, but someone’s commissions are open? He’s gonna buy it.

Has bought art, jumped on art-trades/requests to get MORE art of us together. Has two plushies of me, as well as a body pillow. Continues to seek more things.

Is honestly upset that my size is medium (and so he can’t wear my canonly fitted clothes), BUT that doesn’t stop him from owning a single shirt in my size AND getting items that mimic my wardrobe.

He likes to imagine we can match together....or I can wear HIS version of my fave shirts when mine are dirty~!

Is still debating getting a kitten. Until that day, cat plushes are among the only other plushes he has (aside from mine).

Weird as he felt about it, he later admitted to his friends that he....kinda felt romantically towards me? And was thinking about just being fictoromantic...

Josh was the first one to see no problem with it and fast. People can be hard to work with, so... You do you. (Reg then felt bad about bullying him so much....oop.)

Horatio was also quickly on board. “Hey man, they make you happy. If it helps, it helps.”

Marcus....was a little more confused, but got in the spirit of it, regardless. “man, if I knew you would’ve actually liked it, I woulda got it for you a lot sooner!! Have fun, man.”

Sitara doesn’t quite get it, but.... It sure explains why Reg kept pestering her to tag “Purrfect Anarchy” in certain places and commissioning her for stylized art of him with them.

T-Bone....kinda harasses him about it, but the group stands by Reg. Josh is pretty upset about it, though.

He also follows every piece of news and publicly shares it, after admitting to being ficto. LOTS more pictures like, “Cutie’s got good taste.” [selfie with him sticking out his tongue and wearing one of the replica shirts] “Dinner date with bae!” [screenshot of me looking at the screen of his laptop, dinner and candlelight between us]

Everyone rolled with it more and more over time, so now it’s entirely not uncommon for them to bribe Reg to do things by dragging me into it...

Sitara: Hey, you leaving? Wrench: ...yeah, why? Sitara: Can you get me a coffee while you’re out? Wrench: Wh-? Why should I get you-? Sitara: I bet Rachel would like you doing something like that, y’know. Wrench: .....That’s cruel. You’re cruel. Sitara: I know~! You know how I like it, thank you, and Rachel loves you. Wrench: [sputters audibly and shuffles out the door, muttering to himself, embarrassed]

They don’t do a LOT of crimes anymore, but... Definitely still fuck shit up w/ cops. Reg daydreams a shitton about a masked romance and the anarchy we could commit together... After all, I helped him be braver. So he could help me, too, and then..... So much glorious chaos. Maybe makeouts in his car...

Was literally the type to not give a SHIT about marriage or kids, but now nonstop thinks about our lives together. Anarchy and domestic lifestyle shit can coexist, right? We can be married, have our cute lil’ two story (three, if you count the attic AND a basement), and some kids.....and also go create anarchy and throw bricks at cop cars and cause so much damn trouble..... Right?

He’ll even get a CAT for our home. It’ll be our first kid and not only will he be SO COOL, but they’ll name her (yes, a girl) Princess Leia and I’ll probably cry in happiness!!

Reg is DETERMINED to be the best husband/boyfriend ever. Doesn’t matter which, cause whatever speed I’d like to go at? Hell yeah, he’s down for it. Just as long as he can still hold my hand and gush over how cute I am and-

Has gushed about me and my series before and WILL do so again, prompted or not.

Actually participated in the fandom a little. Mostly does reblogs and such, but has written a few stories (self-inserts are the majority), done some not too shabby art, and prides himself on being the BIGGEST fan of the series with all the merch he has AND commissions bought.

Made a select few friends who also are fans, but... Is constantly anxious about his self-shipping. Either that they might eventually think he’s weird, send more anon hate (he’s gotten some in the past for “being a creep”), or- worst yet- also self-ship with me and he’s still dealing with that idea.

Until then, he’s got a wedding ring he bought cheap at the jewelry section of some store, so.... Coping skills, babey.

#FOFebruary #FOFebruary2020 #Aki speaks #otp; purrfect anarchy #self ship #self ship community #oH LOOK I'M DOING THINGS ALL OF A SUDDEN.....#O D D #anyways have this thank u

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