#dethshit

[dethshit]

CFO: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are

Skwisgaar: It amnest a joke

Skwisgaar: *sniffles* I ams a legits snacks

#metalocalypse #dethshit #dethklok #charles foster offdensen #cfo #skwisgaar skwigelf #incorrect quote #swedish snack

[dicksoutformtl]

Fem Pickles!!!

Doodily doo Ding dong

Excuse my awkward man handling of the guitars!

I don’t remember anything from those few on and off years of 11 year old me trying to learn guitar. As you can clearly see in these gifs I don’t know shit, I mean man I play the ukulele and that’s hella different lol.

(( also I think I scared the fuck outta my grandpa when I asked to take these with his pride and joy from his old cover band days [The red Gibson] ))

(( also green lipstick looks like shit on me lmaoo also dumbass try’s and fails at looking good but like •finger guns• ))

( @dethshit hello buddy I keep tagging you in shit and I’m really sorry about that but come suffer with me 🙌🏼 )

#metalocalypse #mtl #dethklok #pickles the drummer #fem pickles the drummer #i am in literal pain looking at these #i need you guys to suffer too

[shitpostblrbackup]

A Journey Because He Writes

#shitpost #floors are nice and cool #dethshit #naughty dog #They deserve encouragement and appreciation! #ai #generated #bot

[dethshit]

A Little Help

Abigail: A little slap will surely make Murderface change his mind.

CFO: About what?

Abigail: Women's rights.

#metalocalypse #dethshit #dethklok #abigail remeltindtdrinc #cfo #charles foster offdensen #charlie boy #incorrect quote #caddicarus #james caddick #the horrible world of kinect games #raving rabbids #youtubers #youtube quote #william murderface #this is a JOKE

[dethshit]

Klokateer: Mornin' sires. Gettin' into trouble a bit early today?

Pickles: What? Us?

Murderface: We would never

Nathan: No way.

Skwisgaar: We ams only in troubles if we gets caughts.

CFO, from a distance: BOYS!

Toki: We ams in troubles!

#dethklok #metalocalypse #dethshit #incorrect quotes #aladdin #disney #disney's aladdin #nathan explosion #pickles the drummer #pickles #toki wartooth #william murderface #skwisgaar skwigelf #cfo #charles foster offdensen #office dad #back at it again lads

[dethshit]

The Monthly Discussion

Pickles: Because we love our drugs!

CFO: Boys? If I could have a minute?

Nathan: Love our booze!

CFO: There are some things we must discuss.

Skwisgaar: We loves to fucks!

CFO: There should be an album, so where is it?

Knubbler: Sir, I really tried this time.

CFO: Look, I don't mean to make a fuss.

Murderface: Then don't.

CFO: ....I don't know why I even bother.

#dethklok #metalocalypse #william murderface #pickles #pickles the drummer #nathan explosion #skwisgaar skwigelf #dick knubbler #knubbler #cfo #charles foster offdensen #office dad #billy boy this is why you aren't the favorite child #dethshit #veggietales #larry the cucumber #bob the tomato #incorrect quotes #king george and the ducky #rubber ducky #because i love my duck #but it's booze #drugs #and a body to fuck

[dethshit]

Before We Start Service

Ishnifus: Thank you all very much for coming to worship with us this evening in the Church of the Black Klok. We welcome all visitors to our temple as equals. Your gender identity, sexual preference, political beliefs, fetishes and phobias are none of our fucking business. As said by Nathan Explosion, you will all be hated equally.

#isnifus meaddle #high holy priest #the church of the black klok #randy feltface #the book of randicus #it's a fucking broad church #metalocalypse #dethklok #dethshit #comedians #puppetry #stand up comedy #incorrect quote #welcome to our service #the boys will tell you what #everyone is hated here #nathan explosion

[dethshit]

Brandon Small, Take Notes

Day 2 - A MTL Movie Prediction

Toki shook with fear as he clung to Skwisgaar's hand as the band headed further into the temple of the Black Klok. He tried to stay as close to Skwisgaar as he could without the Swede getting annoyed and pushing him away.

Two figures pushed open the double burgundy doors for the band, their faces shadowed by hoods. They lowered their heads as Nathan walked past first.

The doors closed after Murderface crossed the threshold last. He turned around to grimace at the door.

Pickles looked around, staying close to Nathan's side. "This place is fockin' weird, doods." He mumbled with a frown as he glanced around the barely lit room.

Nathan elbowed his side to keep the shorter man quiet as the five of them came to a stop just before a massive podium. It was dark grey with a skull very similar to Facebones etched into the front.

Toki immediately moved to cling to Nathan's back as a door opened from the side. Red light spilled into the dark room as another hooded figure came into the room.

This person was shorter than the two outside the doors. They were only a few inches taller than Pickles, dressed in blood red robes with black fur lining the hood. They walked up to the podium and climbed up the two steps to tower over the band. "Ah... hello again, boys."

All five men froze, eyes going wide. They knew that voice! They knew that particular pause, that fucking speech pattern!

"Offdensens!" Toki squealed, sprinting past Nathan to tackle Charles off the podium.

Charles squawked as he fell backwards with Toki on top of him, squeezing his middle as tight as he could. "Y-Yes, hello Toki." He wheezed between his bruised ribs.

Toki rubbed his face against the robe, tears gathering in his eyes. "Yous lefts withouts saying goodsbyes to me!" He cried into the blood red cloth.

Charles pushed his hood back while he awkwardly patted Toki's back. His hair had grown since his time as the band's manager, the back now touching his shoulders. Silver had weaved through the chocolate brown strands. He had traded his square frames for half moon glasses with metal armature.

"You look old, dood." Pickles commented with a smirk.

Charles rolled his eyes as he tried to push Toki off once the hug started to get uncomfortable. "Very hilarious. May we comment on my appearance after you all save the world once again?"

Toki squeezed harder when he felt Charles' hand sneak between his arms. "Nos!"

"Toki, please."

"Nos! Yous gonna leaves again!"

Charles winced. The comment stung a little more than he cared to admit. He sighed heavily. "Very well. At least let me stand."

Toki nodded and Charles stood to his feet. Toki wrapped his arms around Charles again, gripping him by the shoulders now.

Charles awkwardly waddled back towards the podium and grabbed the black leather bound book. "Now. Let's get to work."

#metalocalypse #dethklok #dethshit #dethshit writes #skwisgaar skwigelf #charles foster offdensen #cfo #office dad #pickles the drummer #pickles #nathan explosion #william murderface #toki wartooth #kloktober2021 #metalocalypse movie #prediction #please brandon small #this is all i ask #toki needs a hug #and he needs to give his dad a hug

[dethshit]

CFO: You uncultured swine.

Murderface: I AM AN UNCULTURED SCHWINE, LEAVE ME BE.

#charles foster offdensen #cfo #william murderface #dethklok #metalocalypse #dethshit #incorrect quotes #youtubers #youtube #youtube videos #kappa kaiju #uncultured swine #this is a daily interaction between father and son #you can't change my mind

[dethshit]

A Halloween Surprise (ft Some Goblins)

Abigail: Thanks for letting us crash here tonight, Charles. I heard you have a big surprise planned?

CFO: It will be great! It's got spills. It's got chills. It's got thrills.

Knubbler: Well, I just hope there's no goblins in it.

CFO: Well, good. Because they're the only goblins I know. *points to the band*

Abigail: No joke. I don't think we should feed them after midnight.

#metalocalypse #dethklok #dethshit #charles foster offdensen #cfo #abigail remeltindtdrinc #dick knubbler #incorrect quotes #mickey mouse #the scariest story ever: a mickey mouse halloween spooktacular #halloween content #for free #office dad #office dad tries to scare his kids #mostly because he is sick of his damn kids

[dethshit]

Blindsided

Day 5: A Trick or A Treat

"Dana, I'm not sure about this. Pranks aren't really my... style." Noni protested quietly as they stirred the pot of caramel.

Dana widened her puppy dog eyes, lower lip quivering ever so slightly as she held a bag of onions. Please? She signed sadly.

Noni glanced over at the apples they had prepared beforehand. "Isn't it sort of... mean?"

No! It's only a joke and besides... Her pout turned to a vicious smile. The band loves a good prank. Especially Murderface.

Noni turned a light shade of pink. "O-Oh? A-And why would that be important?" They averted their eyes from a smirking Dana.

She let out a heavy sigh, clasping her hands together and pointing them.

"What?"

Noni. Everyone knows you like him. Except maybe for him. He's kind of stupid. She signed, throwing the onions onto the counter. She sat close to the stove and Noni pushed her off. She rolled her eyes and rested her chin on their arm. Please, Noni. Come on. It'll be fun! You'll be able to show off for your crush. She bobbed her eyebrows.

Noni shoved her playfully, causing her to stumble. "Stop that." They ruffled her short hair, causing her curls to stick up.

She let out a squeak and tried to fix her wild curls. Noni! I finally got these fuckers to look somewhat decent. She groaned, exhaling harshly through her clenched teeth as she used her reflection in the oven door to get the curls to lay flat.

"You deserve it for teasing me. I don't bring up the fact you like Abigail."

Dana's eyes went wide and she flailed as she tried to cover Noni's mouth. Shut up!

Noni laughed heartily. "Fine. We can do this prank if you promise to lay off the jokes."

Dana narrowed her eyes, weighing her options. Deal.

---------

Dana had been set on skewer duty, shoving a stick into the apples and onions. "Don't forget to separate them so we know what's what." Noni reminded her gently as they started dipping some of the apples into the caramel.

Yeah, yeah. I got this. She signed with a skewer in hand.

Noni smiled warmly as they set the apples onto a parchment lined pan. Dana pushed a bowl of crushed peanuts their way with wide sparkling eyes.

"Peanuts?" Noni asked as they took the bowl. She nodded furiously. "Okay, fine." They agreed as she celebrated.

--------

Jean-Pierre came into the kitchen. "Ah, is everything going well, mademoiselle Dana and... Noni?" He asked.

Dana nodded with a big smile shot in his direction as she passed a skewered onion to Noni.

Jean-Pierre blinked, his eyes momentarily out of sync.

Noni smiled nervously as they chuckled to alleviate some of the tension. "D-Dana wanted to pull a prank on the band." They explained, feeling their mouth go dry as Jean-Pierre's eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

"Then if I may offer a suggestion?"

Noni sweated bullets while Dana nodded her head eagerly.

Jean-Pierre went to the pantry and pulled open the massive black door. He browsed the shelves for several minutes and Noni could feel the panic starting to subside when he came back with two containers. One had sprinkles and the other had chocolate chips. "If you wish to entice the lords to eat your delectable treats... I would suggest offering some form of temptation."

Dana's eyes went wide as she let out a manic chuckle. Jean-Pierre, you're one mean son of a bitch. We're gonna be such good friends.

Jean-Pierre turned to Noni for translation. "What did she say?"

Noni shot her a dark look at the use of profanity. "She says thank you for your ideas and she believes the two of you could be very good friends."

Jean-Pierre smiled, one of the stitches peeling from the corner of his mouth. "I would be honored and pleased to be your friend, mademoiselle Dana."

She squealed and hugged him tightly. His jaw dislocated and his eye popped out. It landed on her shoulder while he tried to push his jaw back into place. "My apologies." He mumbled as he took his eye to the sink to rinse it off and stuck it back into the socket.

Her eyes sparkled. That is so cool.

"Sometimes you terrify me Dana." Noni patted her head while Jean-Pierre shuffled off.

-------------

The two of them finished their caramel apples and onions, separated by their toppings. Dana took one of the peanut coated apples with a big smile as she followed Noni into the den.

Nathan, Pickles and Skwisgaar were crammed onto the couch while they watched a horror movie. Skwisgaar was curled up, half of his body on Nathan's lap as he hid his face behind his knees.

Toki was at the opposite end of the den, busy trying to beat Murderface's score at one of the arcade cabinets. His tongue was poking out from the corner of his mouth as he concentrated.

Murderface himself was nowhere to be seen.

"Um... guys? We made caramel treats." Noni held up the tray while Dana chomped on her apple happily.

"Caramels?" Toki looked over their way and the arcade let out a depressed beep as he lost a life. "Dammits!"

"Wows, yous ams almost as bad an arcades players as yous ams a guitarists." Skwisgaar said dryly as he got up to grab one of the sprinkle covered caramel apples, not noticing how Dana gently pushed one towards his hand.

"Shuts up." Toki grumbled as he came over to grab a chocolate chip covered caramel apple. Dana stopped him and chose it for him, passing it to him with a saccharine smile. "Thanks!"

Dana shoved Noni's side, gesturing with her eyes for them to ask Nathan and Pickles for her.

"O-Oh. Nathan. Pickles. Would you both like one?" They asked while Dana stopped Skwisgaar and Toki from taking a bite.

"Sure. Gimme one of 'em peanut ones." They passed one of the caramel onions under Dana's command. "Nathan?"

"The vocalist glanced back at a grinning Dana before nodding. "I'll take one of the black sprinkles."

Noni passed it to him before grabbing a plain caramel apple, not noticing Dana making a quick swap. They picked it up and held it for a mock toast. "W-Well. Bottoms up."

Dana watched, her vicious smile returning as they all bit into their caramel onions.

Noni was the first to spit out their bite. "Dana!"

She cackled wildly, darting around the couch to avoid their grasp.

"How could you?!" They caught up to her, tickling her as she squealed and squirmed.

Nathan took another bite. "What the fuck kind of apple is this?"

Pickles was the second to spit out his bite. "Dood, it's a fockin' onion. Dana pranked us."

Skwisgaar set down his onion after swallowing his bite. "Dat ams a shittys pranks, Danas."

Toki set his down too. "I dunnos. It ams kinda funnies."

Abigail and Charles came into the den to investigate Dana's cries and laughter. "What's going on?" Abigail asked before getting sidetracked by the tray. "Oh. You guys made a treat?"

Dana squirmed her way out of Noni's hold, smoothing down her shirt as she nodded. Caramel apples. She explained with a fond smile directed at Abigail.

"They look delicious." She reached for one of the caramel onions.

Dana stopped her with wide eyes. Let me choose one for you! She signed quickly, passing her and Charles a treat before either one of them could question her erratic behavior.

"Oh... thanks?" Abigail's brow furrowed as she took the apple.

Charles raised an eyebrow as the guitarists snickered at him. "What's so funny?"

"Notings, notings. Eats yous apple. Dana made it special." Skwisgaar explained over Toki's giggles.

He frowned and waited for Abigail to take a bite first.

"This is really good, you two." She complimented around a mouthful of apple. Dana couldn't help it as she preened, a faint flush on her face.

Satisfied, Charles took a bite before spitting it out onto the floor. "I beg your pardon?!"

Noni shot her a disappointed look. "Really, Dana? You'd do that to Mr. Offdensen?" They put their hands on their hips like a disappointed parent as she laughed herself silly.

Yes. He's free game, he's dating my cousin. She explained between her fits of laughter. She wiped the tears from her face as she eventually calmed down.

"What do you mean? Do what?" Abigail asked, confused.

Charles set down his caramel onion with a dissatisfied look. "Ms. Kujakissa gave me a caramel... onion."

And you aren't the only one, Four Eyes. Gave it to the majority of the band too. She had a satisfied smirk on her face as she hopped onto the arm of the couch.

Abigail looked concerned, then confused, then she burst out in laughter. "Caramel onions?! That's genius!" She chuckled. "A-And all of you got a caramel onion?"

Upon the band's confirmation, she howled further with laughter. "M-My stomach hurts!" She complained between laughs as she doubled over.

Dana's flush darkened a little as a grin played on the edge of her lips. Noni gently knocked their elbow against her knee. You're looking a little lovestruck there, Dana. They teased gently in sign language.

She punched their bicep as they giggled, her face turning red.

"What's all the fuckin' noise about?" Murderface grumbled as he rubbed his face. It seemed the bassist had been sleeping during the entire encounter.

Dana's manic grin made a grand return as she stood up.

"Dana. No." Noni grabbed her wrist, scolding her as if she were a dog.

She shot them an offended look before slipping away, leaving her bracelet in the Samoan's grip.

"Dana, don't you dare!"

She ducked as Noni tried to grab her again and picked up the tray. She offered it to Murderface with a sweet smile.

"The fuck is this? Caramel apples?" He hissed between his front teeth as he frowned at the tray. "I'm not some little kid. I don't eat this schit."

Noni's face fell as Dana's smile transformed into a dark scowl. She was about to pick up a caramel onion and shove it down his ungrateful throat when Charles interrupted her.

"Well, Murderface. Dana and Noni made them for everyone to enjoy." The heavy emphasis on Noni's name was punctuated by Abigail taking a bite of her caramel apple.

Murderface froze, his face turning bright red as he looked over at the crestfallen Samoan. "W-Well... I suppose eating one won't be so bad..."

Dana's smile returned full force and she picked a plain caramel onion for him to enjoy.

He took a big bite and Dana waited patiently.

Then he took another bite. And another.

Noni, Abigail and Charles shared ludicrous looks.

Dana took a step back as he took another big bite, her face a mix of horror and confusion.

He had finished the entire caramel onion and set the stick onto the tray. "Nice treat."

Dana had gone green at the smell of his breath and she darted away, hiding behind Noni. Only her large panicked blue eyes and curly black hair was visible behind the massive Samoan as she gazed at him with fear in her eyes. She clutched Noni's arm tightly as she tried to rationalize what the fuck just happened.

"M-Murderface... you didn't think that tasted weird?" Abigail asked as she also looked at him with mild horror.

"It's fine for a caramel onion, I guessch." He glanced over at Noni. "This schomething you eat a lot?"

Noni shook their head. "N-No. Dana wanted to prank everyone." They gestured to the panicked woman still hiding behind them.

"Ah." He turned on his heel and left.

Dana peeked over their arm. What. The. Fuck. She signed with shaky hands.

Noni chuckled warmly, the sound reverberating against Dana's cheek as she slumped against them. "I guess Murderface pulled the prank on you instead."

Dana only replied with a whine.

#metalocalypse #dethklok #dethshit #dethshit writes #jean-pierre #my boy #pickles #pickles the drummer #nathan explosion #skwisgaar skwigelf #toki wartooth #william murderface #abigail remeltindtdrinc #cfo #charles foster offdensen #noni misipeka #dana kujakissa #original character #original characters #kloktober2021 #halloween content #trick or treat #hit them with those candy apples

[dethshit]

Office Dad To The Rescue!

Dethklok: Offdensen!

Pickles: What are you doing here?

CFO: I'm trying to find the - wait. What are you five doing here?

Nathan: Let's just say things didn't work out quite the way I planned.

Skwisgaar: Thats ams goods to knows. If yous had planned dis, I woulds be evens angriers wits yous.

#metalocalypse #dethklok #dethshit #cfo #charles foster offdensen #office dad #office dad to the rescue #pickles #pickles the drummer #nathan explosion #skwisgaar skwigelf #incorrect quote #veggietales #new level cringe: unlocked #larry the cucumber #mr. lunt #jimmy #french pea #robin good and his not-so-merry men

[dethshit]

Pickles: This is big. I really need some time to drink about this.

Toki: Yous means-

Pickles: I know what I said.

#dethklok #dethshit #metalocalypse #pickles #pickles the drummer #toki wartooth #disenchantment #princess tiabeanie #beanie #i'm not dead #yet #incorrect quote #he drink to think #what can i say

[dethshit]

Skwisgaar: Cools it with the sarcasm and watchs wheres yous goings because ow. Those ams my feelings yous ams stepping on.

#skwisgaar skwigelf #metalocalypse #dethklok #dethshit #incorrect quotes #kappa kaiju #youtubers #youtube #you're hurting his precious feelings

[dethshit]

Introduction to Fan Day

CFO: Welcome to Mordhaus, home of Dethklok. Have we got a show for you. We have music, maiming, and 225 dancing elephants who, unfortunately, left their costumes at home because they forgot to pack their trunks.

Pickles: I gave him that joke!

CFO: I wish I gave it right back.

#cfo #charles foster offdensen #pickles #pickles the drummer #metalocalypse #dethklok #dethshit #the muppet show #kermit the frog #fozzie bear #the muppets #cfo is sick of their shit #but he is still a supportive office dad anyway #incorrect quotes

[dethshit]

CFO: We're here to persuade people to listen to Dethklok's music.

Knubbler: Uh...Mr. Offdensen? What's the club for?

CFO: To get their attention.

#wilkins coffee #wilkins #wontkins #wilkins and wontkins #commercials #from like the 50s and 70s #violence #cfo #charles foster offdensen #Dick Knubbler #metalocalypse #dethklok #dethshit #incorrect quotes #cfo planning on smacking