#director's commentary for fic is something I always loved so

[starcrossedxwriter]

Masterlist

Here is the master list for all my fics! The date at the bottom is the last time it was updated (I try to keep it as updated as possible)

Thank YOU for reading, liking, reblogging, and commenting! I appreciate and LOVE the reception and feedback and commentary more than you could ever know - it fuels me and keeps the inspiration flowing!

All stories have a face claim. However, with all my OCs, I encourage folks to see themselves in the story! Also I love angst BUT all my stories are happily ever afters so enjoy the emotional rollercoasters knowing everyone'll be ok lol Thank you again for reading! Love y'all!

MBJ Fics:

Built for Love Series - Michael B Jordan x Famous OC Reader Charlotte Elsbeth Jordan

Series Summary: Charlotte Bennett was not looking for love when she moved to LA and landed her first role in Creed. Quite the opposite actually. However, her costar, Michael B Jordan, makes her question everything she once believed possible for herself and her future. As she builds a life and relationship with him, ghosts from her past threaten to destroy it all.

Series Warnings: Violence, Mentions of past experiences with DV, Angst, Mature Sexual Content

** SMUT

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6**) (Interlude**) (7**) (8) (9) (10) (11**) (12)

One-shots:

Completely random one shots that follow Charlotte & MBJ as they navigate the world as Hollywood’s Black power couple. Whether it be stardom, their work, parenthood, or relationship drama, the Jordans are building a love that will last a lifetime.

Protective

Oscar Night Part 1** (Part 2**)

Bleeding Through (1)

Falling Apart (1) (2)

Date Night**

Asks:

Nicknames

GQ Couples Quiz

Wicked Fantasies - MBJ x Black OC

Moodboard: coming soon!

Series Summary: Raven’s life, as of late, was one unexpected turn after another. It seemed as though every time she got a break and could get her head above water, something came tumbling to knock her back down. As she struggles to get her foot in the door of LA’s call girl scene to make extra money, she stumbles upon her big break: Michael B. Jordan, Hollywood’s most famous, talented, and notorious actor, director, and playboy. One night of pleasure for him would solve many of her continuously mounting financial problems. However, an unlucky trip to the hospital and an ill-timed flash of a paparazzi’s camera snag her the proposition of a lifetime, one that would solve all her problems and allow her to live out her most wicked fantasies with the sexist man alive. However, she forgot one cardinal rule: fantasies and pretend never last and reality would always come around eventually. 

Warnings: Mature sexual content (18+), HEAVY Dom/Sub storyline (the whole nine), this is for the kinky girlsssssss, angst

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)

Asks:

Late Nights

MBJ Requests:

A Love That Never Fades (MBJ x OC)

Erik Killmonger Fics

Unbreakable - Erik Killmonger x Black OC

Moodboard: Coming soon!

Series Summary: Naja, the younger sister of the Queen of Wakanda, hated few things. And at the top of that shortlist: Prince N’Jadaka. Well, if she were honest, he was the entirety of the list. Once destined to be a princess of Wakanda, Naja was the picture of kindness and grace. Now, she is hailed as Wakanda’s most fearless, dangerous, and reclusive war dog. After more than a decade of putting as much distance as possible between her and the life she almost had, Naja is forced to come face to face with the person she hates most again. With a threat looming over Wakanda and lives at risk, Naja must decide if trusting Prince N'Jadaka is worth the risk before it is too late.

Warnings: Angst

(1**) (2)

Last Updated: October 20, 2023

#black writers #michael b jordan #michael b jordan fanfic #michael b jordan x oc #creed 3 #black panther #masterlist

[distort-opia]

I'd like some director's commentary on-- shocker!-- my favorite angst, "this knife, like silence." A couple questions:

1) "He just steps off, removes himself from the narrative, and when you awake you can’t remember what you yell at him. What things you tell him to try and get him to stay."

Just curious if this is always how it went, or if you played with Bruce remembering what he yelled and what it was.

2) Just any further thoughts on Selina, really. I just keep thinking that Bruce does love her, and that's why he married her, and it'd be awful if maybe deep down the reason he did is because he thought it would bring Joker out of the woodwork! But then at the end of the story, Bruce ends up doing the same thing to his family that Joker did to him, and Selina is so painfully aware of how much Bruce feels Joker's absence that it's probably already occurred to her. Just imagining her deciding settling down with Bruce is worth the loss of freedom, and in return… 🙃 We've talked about a companion story from Joker's POV, but hers would be something too.

Always happy to hear that fic breaks hearts as intended, thank you for the ask!

1) I'm pretty sure I wrote it like that from the start. The thought process behind it was a bit similar to the one behind "friend, please" actually... in the sense that in an extreme situation, Bruce would choke on his repression. He'd desperately want to say the right thing, but he's never been good at expressing his emotions, he's always had issues with directly expressing his desires (hell that's why it took me 90k words and mental torture in REMS for him to even approach actual communication of emotions). So in a way, that line is about him abstractly dreaming that he managed to yell something out to begin with, but he doesn't remember what it was because he doesn't know what it was. Because he still doesn't have the words for what his feelings for Joker are... especially in a world where Joker's gone.

2) Oh Bruce definitely does love Selina; he didn't marry her because he thought it might get Joker to intervene, though the thought was definitely there. Selina has always made him feel less alone, but in a different way than Joker does. Joker and Bruce are similar in a two-sides-of-the-same-coin way, Bruce and Selina are similar in a Venn-diagrams-overlapping way. And he loves the understanding and the kindred spirit he has in her, and married her because of the peace that brings him... and well, partly because he thinks that it's The Thing To Do. He can be happy and have a family and be the man his parents would've wanted him to be. On Selina's part, I think that yeah, she's definitely acutely aware of Bruce's complicated feelings about Joker, but she feels the same way about Bruce, and perhaps hopes that it'll go away. That with time, Bruce will forget about Joker, and the part of him that's never present will slowly come back and be with her fully. Obviously, that's not the case, and Bruce does disappear. I see Selina reacting in a similar way as in Batman/Catwoman (2021), though perhaps a lot more bitterly and in grief... "They live together, they leave together." And damn, a companion piece from Selina's POV would be heartbreaking in a whole different way, though the Joker POV companion piece-- I am promising the second born for that one, since the first one is saved up for the roadtrip fic :))

fanfic writer ask game - director's commentary

#asks #ask game #this knife like silence

[sizzlingsheepcheesecake]

⭐️⭐️

For the director’s commentary thingy :)

Also some stars just for you because I fucking love your fics 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Thank you so much for the ask! I hope this is interesting, you mentioned wanting to hear about 'The camera speaks the truth that I couldn't' so I'm just gonna ramble a bit about the before and after!

I love outsider POVs of relationships, you might notice I nearly always have some form of the other characters commenting on/noticing/walking in on my ships in my fics haha. So I loved the thought of seeing bokris through Damon's eyes a little. I also loved the potential for lots of sexual tension in the photoshoot set up. And Damon being an absolute menace with his Instagram flirting was so fun, and I also love him crushing on them and describing how hot they are separately. I especially loved the idea of them acting so coupl-y and having such tension that Damon thought they were dating, but they weren't. On that note, for some context on their dynamic before the shoot: when they say they've kissed 2.5 times before the shoot, I imagine those kisses as: the 'maybe it doesn't count' new year's eve kiss when Kris was about to turn 17, a drunk kiss when they were around 20 that I imagine happening maybe before they fell asleep when they crashed at the same house after a party, and when Bojan pulled Kris out to the smoking area of the gay club the first night with Damon. Basically all of them happened with the safety blanket of drink/the NYE excuse, and plausible deniability. I don't think they ever talked about any of them the next day. In some of my other fics Bojan in particular struggles with his sexuality, but I don't think this was an issue here, I think they just were so close as friends that they didn't want to mess that up and were afraid to go there, and felt more shame (although that's too strong a word) about the fact that it was eachother than the fact that they were both guys. They definitely knew they were close to each other in a different way than the rest of the band, and I think they leaned into that, allowed themselves to push those boundaries and indulge in the extra affection without actually facing it or being brave enough to talk about or name it. The rest of the band knew as well, that Bojan and Kris went together, that they were a package deal, that there was something deeper there. I think they teased them occasionally, but it had been going on for so long and was so normal and taken for granted that they almost stopped noticing it. It wasn't even a question that they would share hotel rooms, sit beside eachother, etc. But when Bojan kissed a girl at a club or Kris flirted with a waiter who gave him his number at lunch one day the whole band found it pretty jarring and uncomfortable. And I think the whole Bojere thing at Eurovision was actually quite stressful for everyone in the band, even though they're pretty sure Bojan never actually slept with him. After the photoshoot, between the first shoot and the coming out shoot, I imagine the timeline went something like this: Bojan and Kris went back to their apartment and locked themselves in the room for like three days to just fuck, constantly. I think after finally allowing themselves to go there after literal years of tension they felt they had a lot of time to make up for and also just couldn't keep their hands to themselves. The others were happy for them but also kind of disgusted, and grudgingly impressed by their stamina and the fact they weren't seeming to get bored of eachother any time soon. I imagine some sort of sex toy being delivered in pretty non discreet packaging and Jure throwing it at them with his hand covering his eyes lol. I think there was no slow transition to a relationship, once they finally admitted those feelings they were immediately boyfriends and didn't even think to label it until one of the band members asked them. I do think they probably kept it quiet from everyone except the band and Damon for a month or two though, and then told family and friends. When they were ready to come out publicly they immediately thought of Damon doing the shoot, and I think they also immediately had the discussion of a threesome and were both enthusiastic and it was almost an unspoken expectation they had anyway.

Thanks again and if anyone wants more info let me know! :) <3

#bokris #joker out fanfic

[findafight]

tell us the ship, explain your thoughts 👀

Me trying to be vague and everyone immediately perking up like prairie dogs ready for tea alskfnkdkd. Idk I don't think it'll surprise anyone on my blog I've spoken about it in the past. Just got annoyed at it always being there for no reason and not making sense to me one too many times, I guess.

It's r0nance. I simply do not vibe with it at all. I think, if given a sterile au where there's nothing and no one connecting them and no homophobia to worry about, it might be interesting to possibly explore them being attracted to each other but realizing their personalities and goals and priorities clash too much to work out. A bright first fling into maybe-love that fizzled quickly. I've sort of done this in my post o66 sto bin au for them, but I'm probably not going to actually explore it there. (As it's already in the past even during the war for that au)

But in fics that try to be more or less canon/fix it type deal, it really doesn't make sense to me without even mentioning the hairsprayed elephant in the room. Robin and Nancy's personalities don't seem to mesh well, what with Robin's rambling tangents and Nancy's need to focus.

Robin would probably want to do something specific with her life, but she also wants to wander! Her parents are hippies and she wants to visit Paris. She wants to travel in Europe, and probably stay at sketchy hostels and backpack in the mountains, talking to locals that she doesn't have to worry about ever seeing again. Nancy is planning on immediately going to her dream school after highschool and likely pursuing a career right out the gate. She's very driven and focused, wants to go out and seize opportunities that can assist in reaching her goals, and I don't see Robin's dreamier personality traits fitting with that.

I think @thestobingirlie mentioned that while Robin and Nancy both experience the sexism and misogyny of the 80's, Nancy doesn't experience ableism as Robin does. And she doesn't try to understand where Robin is coming from, only openly appreciating her efforts after she ranted at the hospital director.

Robin rambles! We see her either ramble or give clipped answers ("I'm Robin I work with Steve!") When she's nervous or under stress or excited! We see both Nancy and Steve react to these rambles in different ways. When Robin goes off topic in the library with the conspiracy paper, or talks a bit too much about how much she talks a bit too much, Nancy's annoyed. She's initially dismissive of the national Enquirer esq newspaper Robin brings up that helps solve the case (go Robin!). Robin babbles at Steve a lot, and he never makes her feel bad about it. She rambles about rambling to Vickie and the Muppet joke and he adds little commentary as needed, letting her go, or he cuts her off with a little joke during her rabies freak out. He lets her ramble or lets her know she should stop without being actually annoyed and letting her know that by not telling her outright to stop. (She knows immediately that it's a joke, and she jokes back, although understandably nervously. I love them.)

Them being a background pairing so often is annoying, though to varying degrees. If it's just as Robin's gf mentioned I, like others, just kinda...change it to Vickie's name in my brain lol. But other times it's not and it just. Doesn't make sense why Nancy would be such close friends with Steve (her messy breakup ex!) and Robin and Eddie. That girl has big city dreams, she's getting the hell out of her tiny hometown and not looking back. Let her be free!!

I mean obviously the bit I hate about it is that Robin holds a grudge and Nancy broke Steve's heart, which I don't see as compatible, even if we take into account that it's likely Steve and Robin have no idea Nancy cheated on him, and that Steve is an unreliable narrator and blames himself for the breakup. Steve and his relationships with both Nancy and Robin are so pivotal to all three of their characters that ignoring the history there seems a disservice to the complexities of their relationships with each other.

#also really icks me when nancy clocks steve in fics like nooooo no. #thats scary for steve! and nancy gives me the vibes of someone that hears her ex is bi and be super weird about it #let us not mention robins character falling apart as soon as rnce is introduced as well. or the erasure and hate of our queen Vickie #anti ronance #findaanswers #anonasaurus #finda's rambles #tbh i hope nancy ends the series single she needs and deserves to focus on her relationship with herself and kr her family withiut romo #stranger things #stranger things meta #sorta i guess #robin buckley #nancy wheeler

[performativezippers]

for the director's cut:

“You look like a sexy vampire,” Chloe says, grasping onto Helena’s bicep because she has absolutely no sense of personal space. “Like you’ve been around since the 1800’s, seducing people and drinking blood and generally lounging on, like, deep red velvet cushions.”

Helena laughs, and someone next to their table makes a slightly strangled sound.

Kate looks over to see Myka, who must have just walked up. She’s staring a Helena with a weird look on her face, but as soon as Kate takes a step towards her, she gives herself a little shake and focuses on Kate, the weirdness completely vanished. “Hey, Whistler,” she says, and Kate grins.

“Hey, Bering.”

Their hug is quick, because neither of them are naturally touchy. Myka’s hair is curlier than Kate’s ever seen it, like she’s finally figured out how to condition it properly, and she’s dressed the way she always is, in dark jeans and a simple purple cotton t-shirt. She looks like she gave absolutely no thought to being on TV, and Kate loves her for it.

Okay I have several Director's Cut asks about this section of the Ultimatum which I love! Here's this one.

In general, I love love LOVED writing this scene. I've never written Helena, Myka, or Chloe before, so it was really fun and challenging to simultaneously:

Pull them from their canons (Warehouse 13 and Pitch Perfect) and drop them into this one while remaining recognizable

Make them work as people Kate would actually be friends with

Fit into the conventions of The Ultimatum, aka fulfill the purposes of this brunch for the show

Move my fic's plot forward

Create tension for Kate and Lucy's romance arc

Show Kate and Lucy something new about each other

Show a new side of both Kate and Lucy to the readers

So that said, now let's play through this section. The fic is in black, my commentary is in purple.

“You look like a sexy vampire,” Chloe says, grasping onto Helena’s bicep because she has absolutely no sense of personal space. [Chloe Beale has negative zero conception of personal space. Doesn't she lick Beca's nose at some point? They basically make out the first night. This is just 100% canon Chloe and I love her. I also like thinking about some similarities between Beca and Helena, in terms of pasty-ass white girls with dark hair and enormous emotional walls.] “Like you’ve been around since the 1800’s, seducing people and drinking blood and generally lounging on, like, deep red velvet cushions.” [Obviously this is a joke/nod to Helena being a time traveler from the 1800s, and also I think she'd make a very sexy vampire. She HAS been seducing people since the 1800's and she looks like it! She'd do well against some blood red velvet cushions and I think Myka for one would like to see it]

Helena laughs, and someone next to their table makes a slightly strangled sound. [It's fun to find new ways to introduce characters! And in this setting, people keep arriving, so it was nice to say something other than "Now Myka walks in." I don't think Myka knew Helena would be here today, so not only is she (a) seeing Helena in the flesh for the first time in who knows how long, she's also (b) seeing Helena ON TELEVISION. This whole section is really just me playing with Helena wanting to take a bite out of Myka and Myka being desperately uncomfortable with how desperately she wants that to happen, while also trying--AND FAILING--to conceal all of it from Kate. Meanwhile Helena is like, Katie can know we fucked, darling, I'm not ashamed.]

Kate looks over to see Myka, who must have just walked up. She’s staring a Helena with a weird look on her face, but as soon as Kate takes a step towards her, she gives herself a little shake and focuses on Kate, the weirdness completely vanished. [Myka is good at focusing through absolutely wild shit going on] “Hey, Whistler,” she says, and Kate grins.

“Hey, Bering.” [SOMEONE needs to call Kate "Whistler" in this fic and I'm glad it got to be Myka! I feel like they would have called each other last names in college to mark themselves as different from the other sorority girls and I like that.]

Their hug is quick, because neither of them are naturally touchy. [Myka only touches HELENA] Myka’s hair is curlier than Kate’s ever seen it, like she’s finally figured out how to condition it properly, [I hate her straight hair fyi] and she’s dressed the way she always is, in dark jeans and a simple purple cotton t-shirt. She looks like she gave absolutely no thought to being on TV, and Kate loves her for it. [Myka's fashion sense is so funny. Everyone else on that show is so dated in what they wear -- the LONG TANK TOPS AND TINY VESTS, CLAUDIA, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD -- but for Myka it's like, cotton t-shirt and jeans of the week. I respect this. I wonder what Helena thinks about it.]

#zipps director's cut #ask zipps #kacy ultimatum au

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

Just finished Here Comes The Sun and it was absolutely brilliant. I want a ⭐️ director’s commentary ⭐️ on how you navigated Alex’s side of it all. Of course we’re only privy to Miles’ internal dilemma, but you did such a great job of Alex giving Miles signs, yet there were moments where I couldn’t read him at all and kept me guessing (in a good way).

Sorry if this was a longer ask than you were hoping!

hiii 💗 thank you so much for your lovely words about here comes the sun, i'm SO glad to hear you enjoyed it 🥰🥰

oooh that's a great question (and thank you so much, i love that alex managed to keep you guessing too)! i wrote that fic almost a year ago now, so the process isn't as fresh in my mind now as it would have been then, but i do have a few thoughts on your question:

i think the fact i wrote it very shortly after getting into tlsp was a big factor in why i wrote it the way i did - i think it made it easy to get into the headspace of someone (aka miles) who was on the outside looking in, having a sense of what might have been going on with alex but not really knowing for sure, just having a few pieces to try and put things together from and still very much trying to figure things out. one of the things that's always struck me so much about alex is his contradictory capacity to simultaneously be so vulnerable and open whilst also hiding himself so effectively. he's a little like a cloudy day where you catch glimpses of the sun here and there between bits of cloud, but never quite for long enough to see the whole thing - and i feel like that's a sense i really wanted to capture when writing this fic? like giving little vignette moments of the sunshine (eg alex's drunken conversation with miles), but interspersed with enough cloud to give that sense of uncertainty for miles that pushed him to think about and examine his own feelings more in a way he wouldn't have had to otherwise.

also, although i wanted to keep that kind of chameleon-esque ambiguity that feels so characteristic of alex, i also knew very clearly in my own mind where he was emotionally at throughout the fic, so i think that helped pin things into place and gave shape to certain scenes even when that wasn't obviously being addressed.

i took so much inspiration in terms of body language/expressions/ways of speaking from interviews and performances of alex and miles together, and i think pulling those little tells into the story as much as i could really helped me navigate alex's side of things in a way that felt authentic (to me, anyway!)

i have to admit, writing alex and the signs he was exhibiting (and trying to hide sometimes) in this fic was absolutely one of my favourite things about it. in my mind, he was resigned to his feelings and very back and forth about how much to reveal to miles throughout the fic. how much he wanted miles was tempered by how much he cared about him and their friendship, so he was kind of constantly fluctuating between a kind of challenging 'fuck it, let miles see how i'm feeling and do what he will' and a desire to protect himself from rejection and fear of losing what they have with their friendship/hurting miles. so he kind of goes from moments of recklessly just laying everything on the table (eg that entire first smut scene where he just looks at miles, holding miles's gaze when there are those moments of tension between them after their flirty tussling etc.), to suddenly pulling everything back because it feels suddenly too real and too risky (eg the morning where he's writing stuff sitting outside on the curb). and that constantly fluctuating headspace of course made it SO much harder for miles to figure out what was really going on. i think all the way through, alex suspects that miles feels something too, but he doesn't really *know*, and he doesn't trust his own judgement - it's only when miles gives him a really clear sign at the end that he's able to finally make that move.

oh help this ended up just being a huge long ramble, and i'm not even sure if i've fully answered your question 😅 i don't feel like i've been super coherent, but i hope this makes a little bit of sense or at least gives a glimpse into my headspace when writing alex!

thank you for asking such an interesting question, this was a lot of fun to think about 🥰

#and for your lovely comment over on ao3 - it absolutely made my day 💖 #ffs i just realised i used a sun simile to describe a fic called here comes the sun 🤦‍♀️ #that wasn't intentional at all #i guess it just shows the title was thematically fitting lol #asks #milex fic #milex #here comes the sun

[wanderingblindly]

humbly asking for directors commentary on all the starts we cannot see!!! no matter what section, i'll take anything :)

Omg thank you for asking about this fic!!!! I've done one director's cut on this before, where I discussed how it became a soulmate AU on accident, but!

I have more to say! <- personal thesis tbh

My Favorite, Easily Missed Bits:

One of my favorite -- but relatively inconsequential -- lines in the fic is actually the transition between two scenes:

A fist banged against the door, Max guiltily shoved his phone back into his pocket at the noise. Schooling his features, righting his posture, he stepped back into Jos’s version of himself. Another round on the sim, then.  — A gentle rap of knuckles against his door pulled him out of his mind. Standing and straightening his t-shirt nervously, he walked towards the entryway, pulling in a deep breath before opening the door. 

It's a small detail, but I loved how nicely it highlights the very obvious difference between the two of the main forces entering Max's space/life: his father as a demanding, aggressive figure and Charles as a more gentle, understanding one. Somehow it very succinctly shows that Charles doesn't want to bombard into Max's life, doesn't want to burst into his personal bubble and assume he's welcome, which stands in such stark contrast to Jos.

Another small moment/line I really loved is:

He was inviting Max into an important, personal part of him, both into his home and onto his bench. Maybe they were one in the same to him, like Max’s bedroom and his rooftop. To take his hand, to fail at something so important to Charles, could either be that simple? 

Thought this isn't like, vital to the progression of the plot or anything, I really enjoyed how it emphasizes Max's... seriousness, as a person. He wasn't allowed a normal childhood, wasn't allowed anything that would foster lightheartedness or safety, and therefore immediately appreciates the gravity of Charles's vulnerability.

Of course, we don't actually know if Charles feels that way about his piano bench. Perhaps he views it like how some view a kitchen -- welcoming, inviting, a place where everyone he loves should get to be. But to Max, somewhere that belongs solely to you is personal, and I think this scene demonstrates that well. (maybe?)

Regrets About It:

Originally, I fleshed out more of a backstory for Charles! I wanted to use him as a foil to Max in a few more ways, but the plot just didn't end up moving in that direction. Here are some of the character notes I had that, unfortunately, didn't make it in:

Charles has a strong established sense of self; he knows who he is, what he likes, who he loves, etc.. He doesn't feel like he exists at the universe's whims, he is he own person

This was designed to be in contrast to how Max feels like fate just sort of... drags him around and kicks him while he's down. It's not that Max has a victim complex relating to Jos, per se, it's more that he feels helpless to escape the life that fate handed him. He feels doomed to live in the confines of what he's been dealt, whereas Charles doesn't.

However:

He's still fearful that one day he won’t be able to do what he loves anymore (piano), but has reached a stage of acceptance and appreciation for what he has now. His chronic illnesses, though a burden to his loved ones (in his eyes), is just a hurdle he can overcome and find happiness around.

Both Charles and Max have been through immense hardship as it pertains to their goals, passions, and personal lives. I thought Charles being in a positive place of acceptance and self-accommodation (warm clothing, taking breaks when needed, etc.) could contrast nicely to Max, who feels much more... mixed about his situation.

I also had this note, which I don't think really made it into their dynamic. The story, as always, had a mind of its own lol:

Charles is quiet, more of an observer. Max, surprisingly, drives a lot of their conversations. You wouldn’t expect it for someone that has his backstory (which Charles doesn’t know yet), but it’s the people pleasing survival instinct in him

#I hope any of that was interesting to you!!!!!!!! #Thank you again for asking #I'm still so fond of this fic #All the Stars We Cannot See #Lestappen #directors commentary #ask me :)

[freeuselandonorris]

omg please director’s commentary on oscar’s thoughts/feelings/vibes/happy valley rewatch for is it cold in the water? please? 🙏

EXCELLENT QUESTION omg. is it cold in the water? is my fetid little kidnap kink fic and probably the most 'personal' kink fic i've ever written but i don't often think about CNC from the other side!

okay, under the cut for length and also cw for discussion of CNC and kidnap kink.

so i think the only way oscar would be able to easily conceptualise being the 'aggressor' in a CNC scene is to essentially create a sort of character for himself, not in the sense that he's acting exactly (i think he'd be far too self-conscious to do any sort of dramatic roleplay) but more that he'd sort of have to externalise it and figure out the motivations and behaviours of this other, fictional Bad Oscar because he wouldn't quite be able to picture himself doing it.

i think i've mentioned before that i imagine lando figures out what kinks he wants to try out by going absolutely kamikaze in the pornhub tags, whereas oscar reads the wikipedia page list of paraphilias in his spare time. he likes to research!

but with CNC, because he kind of feels like he needs that external character self, just reading about it isn't really helping him. and maybe lando mentioned something vague like "yeah it's hot in films and that innit, getting tied to a chair and your mouth taped up and that" and that triggers oscar to think about the kidnap scene in the first episode of happy valley.

(side note: the happy valley thing is maybe the most egregious bit of personal fanservice i've ever put into one of my own fics because the kidnap and torture/threat scenes at the beginning of the first series make me FERAL. so glad other people enjoyed it lmao)

anyway so oscar would basically have watched those episodes back and studied up, both to get ideas of what he could do and how he could translate that into safer stuff to do to lando (hence the pillowcase over the head instead of just duct taping his actual skin/hair) but also to get ideas of how tommy lee royce acts and why it's threatening but also kind of attractive. which is why the persona he adopts is very cold and cruel and almost mocking (that bit in HV where TLR asks "are you a virgin?" in that sly way was VERY influential on oscar's dialogue).

i think when it's actually happening in the moment, he surprises himself with how much he gets into it, in a similar way to how lando is shocked by how difficult it is to remember that the threat isn't real. he's always in control of himself and there's a bit of him that's constantly watching lando to make sure he's safe and isn't getting genuinely hurt, but he likes seeing lando so helpless and scared, and it means that by the end of it he's acting more on instinct (i don't think coming on the pillowcase across his face would have been planned in advance, for instance). that's partly why he gets a bit of top drop himself afterwards, because he'd sort of imagined that he'd have more emotional distance from it all than he has in reality.

final tidbit: the most stressful part of the entire thing for him is stealing the zipties from the garage. it's done on the spur of the moment, but he's petrified someone's going to see him and ask what he's doing because he can't think of any plausible excuse why he might need a handful of big zip ties and also they're really hard to hide about his person and he's sure everyone can see them tucked inside his hoodie.

FANX i love thinking about this 'verse so very much. need to go and rewatch the first two episodes of happy valley now for personal reasons.

#tysm i hope you enjoy this ESSAY dear god #fic meta #answered

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

director's commentary on Trophy please 👀👀

Trophy

Oh gods where do I even start-- my magnum opus, my beloved, the every-horrible-thing-I-could-think-of-happens-because-no-one-stopped-me (and boy did my best friend try) fic

This was so long I'm sorry-- as you can see, I always want to talk about this fic but have ✨anxiety✨. When asked about it though-- it's what my brain needs to allow it lmao. I do hope you enjoy :)

The first line was originally (as a thought) "I deserve this" , this was scrapped because the concept became irrelevant in later drafts (and now it may become relevant again-- who knows). The first bit before it cuts back to the race was originally the first of a back and forth kind of flashback thing. ex. chapter 2 would have taken place in the present with hints as to what happened, and chapter 3 would directly follow the events of chapter 1. If the way I explained that didn't make much sense-- that should be enough to show why this has since been changed💀

A single step away– but in the corner of his eye; a flash, a blur— and Zoom tackled him off the magnetar.

This was very intentional. I specifically wanted to mention just how close Barry was to winning as he did in canon. Makes everything that happens next all the sweeter, to me :)

There are many parts and lines that are going to hit so much harder later on and that's all I'll say about that matter for the moment.

“You really thought you could defeat me?” His low whine turned into a howl as Zoom pressed harder on an evidently broken rib. “Forgotten I’m the fastest man alive?” Zoom leaned further down and Barry bit his cheek to prevent a shriek. “Don’t worry.” Tone laced with venom, he wrapped a hand around Barry’s windpipe. Zoom’s mask was inches from his face, blocking the breach. “You’ll have plenty of time to remember.” He clawed at the hand desperately, struggling for air. 

This is one of my favorite scenes ngl. I wrote this whole excerpt after rewatching the Enter Zoom scene and wrote nothing else for the rest of that night lmao. Tis where you get the parallels between those first two lines and ones in that episode "You really thought you could defeat me?" is just slightly changed from "{Harrison Wells}, you thought you could defeat me {with this}?" And as I type this, I have discovered another layer to that parallel that is extremely relevant to the story. Holy shit this is awesome (I will not be saying. spoilers.) ANYWAYS; the other parallel line. "Forgotten I'm the fastest man alive?" comes from "Never forget, I am the fastest man alive." I love parallels. Let's just say that Zoom is very irritated and a little offended that Barry seems to think he {Zoom}'s less powerful than he is. May need a couple more reminders...

Knew I needed another really bad injury besides the broken rib to both bring the Enter Zoom parallels to a climax, and to make the next scene/s work. I thought "Hey! Speedsters can't run if their leg is broken!" and that was that.

“Now you can watch your precious multiverse die. Knowing you’re the one who destroyed it.”

This might be my favorite line and it is the only anything from the first draft of chapter 1 that made it to the final draft. Also I wrote it at 5 am because of course I did.

Somewhere behind the two speedsters, there was a scream

The person who screamed will not be revealed in this fic but I do know who it was and there is an in-universe reason for it besides simply directing the attention away from Barry. I wrote a companion piece off of that reason-- may post it if I feel like cleaning it up a little. But for now, feel free to theorize :)

And finally, to round out the chapter 1 fun facts and commentary-- something I've wanted to say since that fateful day it was posted.

Around 50% of chapter 1 was written on March 14th from 5-11 pm with no food, no water, and no bathroom breaks. I had the power of whump and the speedforce on my side and I was DETERMINED to post it on Barry's birthday and it fucking worked.

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR ASKING AND ENABLING ME BECAUSE I HAVE PUT WAY TO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS FIC AND AM DELIGHTED TO SHARE IT!!!

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

#fic writer director's commentary #trophy fic #shrinkthisviolet #long post #asks #ask game answers #a certain irl says I talk about it way too much but they will never understand I VERY MUCH DO NOT. At least not in comparison to how much I #/want/ to talk about it

[seek--rest]

So I have watched Challengers a second time and I have to say upon second viewing the argument that Tashi does not love Art really does not hold water. (Also I firmly believe that Art hated Patrick in that sauna scene but that is another discussion for another time. Same with fact that Art is the biggest hater of the trio. Especially after reading the script post-second viewing.)

During the first meeting at that party it’s subtly shown that Tashi is interested in Art first, before Patrick. Her eyes are always on him.

Then during the hotel scene she is interested more about the relationship between Art and Patrick because she doesn’t want to be a homewrecker, but even then she still kisses Art first and then tells Art that he could beat Patrick. Then Tashi even suggests that Art should beat Patrick. If she didn’t want Art to win she would not have tried to encourage him.

Then after they met again 3 years later, Art says that he wants to kiss Tashi and Tashi kisses him. If she was not interested in Art or still hung up on Patrick, she would have curved him.

The script even suggests that Art has some trouble maintaining his hard on during their first hookup. Tashi could have left him but she doesn’t. She coaches him through it. In another scene from the script when Art struggles with this again, Tashi doesn’t belittle him or leave him. She encourages him saying “we can make it, we always do.” That is something you say to somebody you love and desire sexually. Y’all can’t tell me that Tashi will repeatedly entertain a limp dick dude she didn’t like let alone procreate with one. Especially when those issues showed up from jump, she knew that from the very first night and she stayed…I can go on about this point. Also the script does hint that Art is a champion pussy eater. Did not need coaching from Tashi and Patrick for that skill…Imma stop now—really digressing.

Even when she was asking Patrick to throw the game, she still wanted Art. She doesn’t ask Patrick to throw the game until after she tells Art that she will leave him if he loses. She even only says that because she thinks that doing so will motivate Art and says as much.

I probably have more points to demonstrate that Tashi did love Art but my head is all over the place right now and I don’t want this to be too long.

My point is and the point always has been that Tashi would not be with someone if she did not want to be there.

While I do agree with a LOT of what you said (especially that last point!!), I’m personally hesitant to use the script at all as evidence or justification for a claim in any respect. I’ve seen it across every perspective, arguing for and against Tashi, Patrick, and Art as a way to explain their decisions and I just don’t think that’s a good method of media analysis.

Using the script, cast interviews, director side notes and commentary, they’re all interesting! They all can be used as fodder for fic or to explore things and fill in the gaps when it comes to fan creation. But when it comes to actual media analysis of the text itself or to explain an action of a character, I personally think that’s just bad analysis. If you need to do homework to understand what the director/actor is trying to say, then they did a shitty job of conveying it.

“But Luca is the director!” “Zendaya is the producer/star!” Yeah and I am the audience member— who now having seen the finished product for myself, can now evaluate and interpret based on the actual media. Not what they say afterwards in press, not the script as it was written however many rewrites ago. Even if I do believe that Tashi loved Art— the script isn’t my justification for that or even added emphasis. The text itself was reason enough.

I do think people are arguing about how Tashi loves Art / if she loves Art at all from a perspective that itches too close to me to misogynoir or in having a very strict black/white perspective of what love is but that’s a conversation for another day

#seek speaks #challengers #challengers spoilers #challengers movie

[theharddeck]

Sana!

⭐️⭐️⭐️

I would love absolutely any crumb you wanted to share about Jake and his FWB babe! If there’s a tidbit from start the new year right/kind might, sorta like, love you a little bit/ can’t unfeel that that you’ve been wanting to talk about, I’m here for it! (Or all 3 🤭)

ummmmmmmmm absolUTELY I CAN; under the cut because nsfw (also tw: breeding/pregnancy)

send me a ⭐ for director’s commentary on a fic of mine

alright jumping right into the countdown in kinda might, sorta like, love you a little bit...

“These tits,” Jake leaned forward, his shoulders pressing your thighs flat against the bed and his mouth closing over your breast, messily kissing you, “they’ll be fucking swollen, won’t they, as you get ready to nurse our child.”

I love this here, the use of "our" child. this is where it's so obvious it's not just about the kink, or getting off on the idea of finishing inside, like mans is actively planning a future with reader. he's thinking of the baby, not just the current act; i could faint. like yes, this is tittie appreciation, but jake is such a romantic, despite his best efforts.

“So soft, swollen, and all full of milk,” Jake mumbled, switching to the other breast. “And when you’re aching and sensitive, I’ll be there for you—bet you’ll taste so sweet like that, won’t you, darlin’.” The thought of nursing Jake was stunning, and you moaned when you realized he was sucking at you, nipping and miming milking your breasts.

as someone who is truly, deeply, terrified by what pregnancy does to the body, writing this awoke something in me. I love how gone jake is in the fantasy, and even though it's reader POV, you can tell he's imagining it. he's picturing the changes to her body and LOVING it and i'm obsessed with that. too many guys like the idea of children, but get bored/grossed out/tired of pregnancy, and i know jake is the one who not only is doting on his wife and not letting her lift a finger during her pregnancy, he also finds the changes in her body to be SO hot.

“Three,” you cried. “That’s it, sweetheart, because I do need to feel you, need to fill you, pump till you’re full of me and see me dripping out of my pretty cunt. Christ, you feel so good, you’re so good, how are you—”

i don't think anyone caught it, but earlier in the fic, Jake's giving her a hard time for when she says 'need'...and here he is, just tossing it out. i think he does need her, and in the same way that reader latches onto him calling himself hers (because she already thinks of herself as his), he always notices when she says needs (because he knows he also desperately, intrinsically needs her). i love how he just admits it too, just throwing it out there and practically begging her to hear him affirm her need, her want.

I'm also such a slut for possessive framing of a partner's body parts, like Jake calling reader's cunt his will always destroy me.

“Yeah,” he said, turning his head to press a kiss to your temple, “but then we would’ve never discovered you had a breeding kink.” Your jaw dropped and you pulled back, sputtering. “Excuse me—”  “I know, I know,” Jake shook his head, grinning, incorrigible. “But admit it: you loved it.” You snapped your mouth shut, trapping the response that threatened to bubble out, words you hadn’t dared think, much less speak, before this moment. Jake looked at you, at your pressed-together lips and eyes that always said too much, and his smile softened.  “I know,” he said again, quietly, and he kissed you gently. Jake’s arms were tight around you and you leaned into him, letting it—whose kink it was, what you loved, what he knew—all go, knowing there was nowhere else you’d rather be.

is it obvious that reader almost says "i love you" in response to "you loved it"? that was so clear in my head, and when I read it back i'm like mmmm maybe that's not conveyed. but that's what she's thinking, and that's what he knows and what he's thinking too. gosh i love an emotionally repressed couple

#misskielanswers #jake seresin smut

[hello-eeveev]

How to Rest: Director's Commentary—Chapter 1

| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |

Hello and welcome to How to Rest Director’s Commentary! I’ve decided that I have so many thoughts that I cannot express in the end notes or replying to comments, so I must dissect my own fic here. And I wanted to take this opportunity to discuss the fic as a whole now that it's finally finished—my thought processes, stuff that got cut, and parts I really like, the way certain things relate. I love it so much and I just want to tell you all about it!!!

We’ll go chapter by chapter, so first up is chapter 1!

(spoiler warning for the entirety of How to Rest)

“Eve, what was your goal for this chapter?”

I mean, I’m half-kidding. It’s mostly sweet, but Essek and Caleb are both awkward people and dating is awkward, so I decided to lean into it and have fun :)

The sun was just the tiniest sliver on the horizon. Its light could not reach Essek from where he stood on the hill, but it set the river below and Feolinn just beyond ablaze with reds and golds.

I chose Feolinn for a few reasons: 1) that’s where the wine Essek brought to the Xhorhouse in episode 91 is from, 2) I think Feolinn is a pretty sounding word, and 3) the Menagerie Coast seems like such a romantic location (especially if you are avoiding the two other major governments on Wildemount)

Not more than ten seconds had passed when he felt a magical shift in the air around him. He discreetly checked his timepiece and smiled. Right on time. “Hallo, my friend,” came a warm, familiar voice from behind.

For the lols I decided to roll Caleb’s teleport, and he got a 32 and then a 96, so mishap for 17 damage and then on target. I don’t think this actually happened, but it’s funny to think about Caleb getting all dressed up for this date and showing up a little bit scuffed up because Teleport isn’t fully reliable.

Also, “my friend.” This is important to me and will be a recurring theme throughout these chapter commentaries.

Essek couldn’t pretend like reaching for Caleb’s hand was something other than what it was, and the vulnerability was simultaneously frightening and exhilarating. 

Something something Essek doesn’t know the rules for physical contact now that they are like… together. He barely knew the rules for physical contact before! Now Caleb knows that Essek has feelings involved with any physical contact and that’s really scary, especially if you’re not used to feeling those things, much less expressing them to another person. 

But Essek knows his feelings are reciprocated, so even though it’s still scary, it’s something scary they are doing together and thus it becomes rewarding and worthwhile.

Caleb appeared to be going through a similar mental battle, if the way he hesitantly raised his arms was any indication. But Caleb had always been braver than Essek, and he pulled him into a hug.  It was a brief embrace. Essek barely had time to return it before Caleb pulled away, only to cup Essek’s face in one hand and press lips to his cheek. Essek froze, and he felt heat rise in his face.  “Hi,” Caleb said. He dropped his hand to Essek’s shoulder, his cheeks flushed a bright red. “It is good to see you.”

They’re both so nervous and so awkward. Like blushing schoolboys. It’s adorable. 

But let’s be real. Caleb is the first person Essek has felt so strongly about, and not only is this Caleb’s first relationship since he was 17 and since his life uhhhh changed drastically, it’s also Caleb’s first relationship that is intentional in its development. Blumentrio was a flash fire and this has been a slow burn, and Caleb is navigating the difference. We’ll come back to this next chapter.

“I thought it would be a good idea to start building a professional wardrobe now if I am aiming to teach next fall.”

*Essek will remember that. 

I plan on going into where each part of the Chapter 6 outfit is from when I discuss that chapter, but I’ll say now that Essek got the idea from Caleb mentioning that he needed professor clothes and purchased the shirt from Feolinn pretty much the next day. 

Essek’s eyes flicked between the bear claw and Caleb, unsure if Caleb meant for him to take it or eat it from his hand. Essek considered both these options and quickly realized how very poorly either could go.

Local wizard capable of manipulating gravity and time gets stunlocked by his crush handing a pastry to him. More on this at 11. 

Really, what happens is that Essek is faced with the possibility of mimicking one of the popular romantic images and feeling unsure if that’s what’s expected of him, but also worrying that not participating would be seen as a rejection. You ever misread someone’s body language re: physical contact (i.e. going in for a hug when they weren’t, or the reverse) and then the situation becomes very awkward? Essek is trying to avoid that while also dealing with romantic awkwardness.

Essek was not keen on most fruit, but he did have a particular fondness for blackberries. 

I had intended to return to this in a later chapter where Essek would bring up the time Verin filled his book with jam, but unfortunately, that ended up getting cut. But one of the reasons Essek likes blackberries is because they remind him of Verin and his childhood.

But as the raspberries popped in between his teeth, Essek grimaced.  The sickly sweet and acidic flavor shot straight up his nose and ended in a dull ache between his eyes. It took every ounce of willpower not to give in to the childish impulse to spit it out.  […] “It is like eating a headache.”

In The Shadowhand Becomes a Baker I had to describe so many foods I dislike in a positive light. This was my chance to express exactly why I dislike raspberries :)

“I am not a very picky eater; that is not a luxury I was ever afforded. When your next meal is uncertain, you will eat whatever you can get your hands on.”

Caleb’s had to eat so many unsavory things—mostly while he was on the run, but also eating food that he didn’t like as a kid because that was all his family had—that he’s rather desensitized to food that he doesn’t like. It all kind of levels out into a neutral “I’d rather not, but hey it’s food, so it’s really not that bad.”

“But in this case…” Caleb continued, as if what he had just said wasn’t deeply concerning. He popped the rest of the tart into his mouth and grinned. “I just like raspberries.”

The heathen. But that’s okay, Essek is also a heathen.

Caleb fumbled around in the dark and eventually found a rock roughly the size of his palm, which, after a gesture and an incantation, shot off into the air and tumbled down the hill.

To change the transmuter’s stone’s buff, you need to cast a 1st level transmutation spell, so I scoured Caleb’s spell list for one that seemed the most appropriate/least inappropriate for the situation: Catapult. (His only other options for 1st levels were feather fall or expeditious retreat.)

“Ah, there we go,” he said, turning back to Essek with a smile. “I can see you much better now.” Essek blinked, not understanding what a flying rock had to do with seeing better. “Oh! Your transmuter’s stone,” he said as it clicked. “It can grant you darkvision, can it not? That will be useful for seeing the stars.” Caleb nodded. “That too.”

He’s fliiiirrrrtinnnng ehehehehe

I feel like panicked!Essek defaults to very logical thought processes (and I have written it as such). So he’s thinking about what the practical, material benefit is to Caleb using a first-level transmutation spell to switch his transmuter’s stone to darkvision, and the answer is fairly straightforward: they are stargazing, which one can do more effectively if they can see more stars more clearly. 

And this is true, but it’s only part of Caleb’s purpose here. The stars are great to look upon with fondness and admiration. But Essek is too. And in my interpretation of them, Caleb is more ready/willing/able to flirt (which isn’t saying much bc hi look at them) and definitely more likely to keep his wits about him in one-on-one, interpersonal situations (hello 16 charisma), which he can utilize to flatter Essek.  

(This isn’t to say that Essek is inept when it comes to navigating social situations, he’s just the reverse of Caleb: he’s better at a distance when there are lots of eyes on him, like an actor on a stage. They’ve got two different flavors of social anxiety.)

The end result was Essek rudely baring his teeth at Caleb and brushing his lip against Caleb’s thumb, despite all his best efforts. Essek pulled away quickly and covered his mouth while he chewed. Caleb just smiled at him.  “Your thoughts?” he asked. 

This leads us into the first instance of cut content! I like this deleted scene! I think it’s really funny! But it was cut because 1) it doesn’t match the vibes of the rest of the chapter, 2) the flirtation is far too forward and doesn’t match the feeling I wanted there to be between Essek and Caleb at this point, and the reason I haven’t shared it separately 3) I was worried people would find a more sexually suggestive undertone than I intended, would assume I had intended it, and comment/banter about it accordingly. Which is a hard boundary for me. Please don’t do that. At least not in my comments/notes. Thanks :)

With that disclaimer out of the way, I really do hope you enjoy:

Cut content “fangs”:

“I forgot you had fangs.” “Yes?” Essek said. “So do you?” “Not really. My eye teeth are so short compared to yours.” “And mine are short compared to a bugbear’s, but it is still the same kind of tooth and it serves roughly the same function.” “True enough,” Caleb conceded. “But in my experience, at least with how the word is used colloquially, humans do not have fangs. Tieflings and goblins have fangs, orcs and half-orcs have tusks, and humans just have slightly pointed teeth.” “Interesting. Is it just humans that have such a low opinion of their teeth? Or does everyone agree that human fangs are too minuscule to be worthy of the moniker?” “I don’t know. I don’t often find myself asking others’ opinions on my teeth.” “You said that you consider tieflings to have fangs, yes? Let’s ask Jester.” Caleb smirked at him.  Essek arched an eyebrow back at him and cast Sending without breaking eye contact. “Jester, would you consider Caleb to have fangs?” “Um… no? Not really. Human teeth are too short and blunt. Why do you ask?” She gasped, and dread pooled in Essek’s stomach. “Wait, are you interested in Caleb’s fangs? Have you been—” Essek buried his face in his hands, blushing so furiously that he was sure even Caleb would be able to see it in the dark. “Do I want to know?” Caleb chuckled.  Essek shook his head. “Only that there is at least one opinion in your favor.” [assume some time passes, more conversation is had, etc.] “Hey, Essek! You should know that Mama said humans are still good at kissing even though their teeth aren’t sharp! Okayiloveyouhavefunonyourdate!” The end was less of a sentence and more of a garbled string of noises that Essek could understand only because he had received so many Sendings just like that.  “Thank you, Jester,” he responded. “But it was an intellectual discussion, nothing more. Sorry to disappoint.” “Well…” Caleb said to the night sky.  Essek rolled his eyes and carried on with his response to Jester. “You were right about Menagerie Coast bear claws. They’re very good.” Caleb turned to face Essek with a rakish grin.  Essek simply raised his eyebrows, refusing to give Caleb the satisfaction of flustering him. “Was I wrong?” “Not exactly. I do find your fangs very charming, though, and I don’t think that can be classified as purely intellectual.”

It just makes me smile every time. We get some worldbuilding/cultural discussions, some banter, a Jester Sending, and flirting. Very fun little scene to write.

This kind of closeness—physical and emotional—was new. He had never known people so… forthright in their affections until the Mighty Nein, much less been trusted with the fragile parts of someone else. It was overwhelming to say the least. And yet, it filled a space in his soul that he hadn’t known was empty. There was warm kindness where before he had only known cool niceties, and the companionship Caleb offered warmed him in a way that none else had. It was unsettling at times, this thing between them—untrodden and raw and vulnerable—but it felt good. 

We’ve talked about Essek’s struggles with his own vulnerability, but having someone else be vulnerable with him is also a lot. It’s a huge responsibility, and one he’s never had before. And he cares and he doesn’t want to mess it up again. But the Mighty Nein and Caleb have been so good to him that he’s actually not too scared that he will. Which is also new! Ahhh!

Good to have someone see the foolish and terrible things his hands had done and still consider them worthy of being held.

I just really like this. It reminds me of the scene in Fullmetal Alchemist where Ed tells Winry that her hands weren’t made for killing. 

Obviously, the context and conclusion here are very different (Essek/Caleb is more Hawkeye/Mustang-coded, let’s be real), but it leads into one of the main thematic elements of shadowgast: that people who have done terrible things in their pasts can do better and they can find people who help them grow and learn. They don’t have to continue the violence and pain; they can be kind and gentle. 

I mean, really it’s just the “you were not born with venom in your veins” speech again. It just set out the path for how their relationship would develop. (It was also my oh moment for realizing the potential of shadowgast and that it could be a ship I vibe with.)

Episode 97, my beloved, my guiding light. 

Essek didn’t put faith in the gods, and he wasn’t sure if he believed in fate, but whatever it was that bound lives together, he was grateful his was entwined with Caleb’s. Glad that, in spite of everything that might have pushed them apart, they were here, in this moment, this tiniest of stitches in the fabric of space and time, and chose to be together.

I had heard Matt Mercer in several roles before ever getting into Critical Role, but the role that really made me a fan of him was Chrom from Fire Emblem: Awakening. Chrom is my actual real life husband and I love him more than anything. In Awakening, Chrom says a line to the player character that I’ve always loved: “If we are all bound by these invisible ties, I thank the gods it’s with you.”

This section is both an homage to and a slight twist on that line. Essek is not a gods-person and I imagine that dunamancy somewhat trivializes the concept of fate while also… idk making it tangible? So there’s probably a weird relationship to that there. 

Regardless, there were a million different ways that Essek and Caleb could not have wound up as close as they are, and even if fate had some involvement, their choices are ultimately what led them here. And isn’t that kind of beautiful? 

“Well,” Essek said as he tucked the blanket into the basket, then turned towards Caleb.  “Yes,” Caleb said with a nod, mouth pressed into a tight line.  “I suppose this is goodbye.” Essek smiled and hoped it didn’t look as awkward as it felt.  “I suppose it is.” Neither of them moved.

Ohhh the eternal struggle of recognizing that the social event has ended but there’s still something you want to say or do, but you don’t know how so you just kinda stand there. In this case, they both would like to kiss again, but they're not sure how to broach that again since there’s no longer that huge tension of having never kissed. And then there’s the fact that goodbyes are like, a thing, which makes it more intimidating. 

Which reminds me of this cut exchange:

“There don’t have to be rules.” “But there are still rules.” “There can be, if they are useful to you. If they are not”—he shrugged—“why bother?” Essek furrowed his brow. “Why does anyone bother with them then?” “I’m not really sure myself,” Caleb laughed. “But from my observation, it is social shorthand—a way of conveying intent and expectation indirectly.” “Ah, so it is just more politicking. Wonderful.”

This one goes out to all my fellow arospecs and/or neurodivergents out there! What’s a societal expectation? Why is it so important to follow? Why is this strange, uncomfortable ritual the price I must pay for companionship???

I am very in love with the wizards doing their own thing at their own time. It’s romantic and it’s not.

“You have a crumb of something, ah—here.” Caleb took Essek’s chin in one hand and brushed something from the corner of his mouth with his thumb. “There we are.”

Does Essek actually have a crumb on his mouth or is this a ploy to touch Essek’s face? If you’ve read Miss You Dearly, you may know that Caleb is not immune to telling a little white lie for love. But in this case it’s up to you. There isn’t a right answer because I think it’s all cute :)

#this is an open invitation to scream at/with me about how to rest #or any of my fics tbh #if there is anything you want me to comment on in particular just ask. i gotchu fam #long post #sorry not sorry for the length i couldn't think of a good place to split it #eve talks #eve’s writing #how to rest #how to rest director's commentary #chattering at birds #shadowgast #caleb widogast #essek thelyss

[rowanisawriter]

Ohhhh I’m asking about Pilgrimage! How did you come to this pairing (I ask as a StarHeart fan who has literally not done a thing for the pairing lmao) and what was your favourite moment in the fic for pulling apart what you love most about them?

hi babe thank you!!

i’m providing director’s commentary on my fics!

ok so i love all the origins together, bg3 is my dollhouse and i am making all the dolls kiss at random. astarion/shadowheart makes sense to me because neither of them really has a past. and with an astarion who doesn’t ascend and a shadowheart who denies shar, this is extra juicy because neither of them really has a future either. they’re both just together, wandering, wondering what to do. i love that lol, so i wrote it!

one of my favorite little sections is this part when they’re taking a bath together:

At times like this, with their bodies almost equal in temperature, she feels an equilibrium between them and starts to ask again what he wants to do. But he always seems to know when it’s coming. Slowly, he leans forward, disturbing the water, creating small soapy waves as he moves closer to her, until the heat soaked by his body radiates toward her, until his chest touches hers and his lips trail over her jaw. “Stop thinking,” he says. His words are a vibration against her cheek. “I can almost hear it. You dwell so much.”

i like the idea of astarion running from details of decision making, and shadowheart looking for something to cling to in the uncertainty. in game she holds onto her sharran beliefs and her mission even as her memory is taken from her. after she denies shar, she has nothing to hold onto except for astarion and his uncertainty. it forces them to exist in the present, with each other.

anyway here’s the link to pilgrimage if this sounds interesting to anyone else lol

#ask games #my writing #thank you babe!! #i love this story it’s one of my faves

[lover-of-mine]

Hi Anna!!! 🥰

I wish I could pinpoint one set of lines from "we didn't happen the way we were supposed to (where do we go now?)" Honestly I loved every single word. It made me think about events a different way (from bucks pov for once) and damn.

Anyhoo I'd love the Director's Commentary on your favorite section of that fic pretty please? 🥰

Hi baby, I love that you asked about this fic oaksokasokas

Yk, my thing with that fic in particular is that I hit an "I need to think about how the cemetery felt for Buck", cuz you know me, I'm obsessed with that scene, but I always look at it from Eddie's side, and Eddie makes the decision that Buck is breaking up with him, and doesn't give him the choice, and when you look at the scene, Buck is begging for some sort of reaction from Eddie, but Eddie checked out because Eddie is a runner, so I really wanted to make Eddie confess on that and making Buck call him out on it. And also, I was having a "we give them too much credit when it comes to each other" moment because they misunderstand each other with important things, but since they are so in sync, it won't feel like they aren't in the same wavelength and that creates problems. The cemetery is very easy to use for that, but everything I chose to use on the fic really, the will reveal, Eddie leaving the 118, the grocery store, they are seeing the conversations in different ways. So I wanted those things they don't mention to be addressed while they are angry and hurting and, like, "but you did this" "yeah, because you said that" "i didn't mean it that way" and work up from there. I didn't fully have a goal when I started writing, I actually opened docs to work on the elevator fic that night lol, but then I saw this vision of them fighting, so I just wrote the beginning while trying to contextualize the feeling I wanted from it and then I wrote all of the dialogue up until when Buck kissed Eddie, all in one sitting, no descriptors, just the conversation.

My favorite bit there is actually when Eddie runs away from the kitchen after confessing (because I was already having the huh maybe move them from the kitchen for the getting together feelings lol, and the kitchen is a safe space for Eddie, so getting him out of there makes that tension more clear imo) and Buck is "if you do love me, just stop" because I felt like being called out like that was the only thing that was gonna make this Eddie stop, and that's such a raw thing to ask of somebody, like "please do something you don't want to just because I mean more to you than that" and the way Eddie is all "I'm not making the choice for you" and Buck is all "that's still making the choice for me dumbass" because they are in this place where it feels like Buck thinks he can't ask for more and Eddie thinks he's not enough, and they are taking the choice away from the other because of it, so that was a fun tension to play with while they were fighting. Also, I make it a rule pretty much when writing, to make Buck make the first move, be the first one to address it, to actually say the words, or just the make decision to kiss Eddie, because he never does start things, and I think he needs to, but I tried this with this story for like 5 minutes before deleting it all and making Eddie just say it in the middle of more stuff and Buck having to scramble to deal with it while they were still fighting was the way to go, because I wanted them both to be in a headspace where they think they'll have to take the fact that they love each other to the grave to not lose the friendship. I'm particularly obsessed with the “I can't ask for more of you.” “Everything is already yours!” exchange, because I feel like I really hit something there, Buck things he needs to settle for what he can get and Eddie thinks what he has is not enough, so. if they just said the words, things would move for them, but they just won't ask for what they want.

But I think there I was really thinking to myself "Do I write Eddie as too understanding? Am I making Buck a villain in the cemetery without considering how he's feeling? And do they really understand each other as well as we make it seem like?" It's why it starts right off the bat with the "you're exhausting" comment and escalates from there because things between them would be easier if they just said what they mean every once in a while.

Ask me for the “director’s commentary” on one of my fics?

#i'm obsessed with that fic #it was so easy to write once i understood the feeling i should go for #and i think that one translated so well #i needed both of them to be wrong in a way #and find the middle ground #because theyre already there #they just refuse to talk about it #thank for asking about this one i love it and i did want to ramble about it oaksoaksokaoska #gracie fic #maggie 💜 #i really need a tag for asks

[kay-elle-cee]

I would love to hear your director's commentary on the "I can’t just pretend that I don’t feel this way anymore"/"can you try?" part of ibfibg!! I think you probably have Things To Say about that!

Ahhhh Cam! Thank you so much for this ask, you are absolutely RIGHT! Putting it under the cut for spoilers :)

Ask me for director's commentary on any fic scene!

So I always knew this scene would happen in my outline—James confessing his feelings while Lily was losing herself in a breakdown—but other than the initial "You matter to me" line leading into an "I love you", and the fact that Lily would be too scared and overwhelmed to properly respond, THAT exchange came in the moment when I was writing.

It was important to me to make Lily respond almost dismissively at first (James' "Don't laugh" when she laughs at her mattering to him breaks my HEART), and then kind of get swallowed up by her own desperation as James became more and more insistent of his feelings. Because of course James is going to double down when the girl he loves doesn't think she's worth anything!

And James' confession (because it's a confession—you can tell it pains him to do it, that he knows she doesn't want to hear it) just barrels out of him, unprompted, and she's just standing there panicking.

And for awhile I had "I love you"/"Can you try not to?" but I just didn't gel with it. I think it's something with the framing of his feelings and Lily's response (I hope this makes sense). In this original example, Lily's response is more asking him to repress something, vs the addition of him justifying his love with "I can’t just pretend that I don’t feel this way anymore" and Lily's "Can you try?" almost having an edge of hopefulness that he can refute the feelings and do better than her (and thus save himself from the pain their demise).

And James picks up on this immediately and tries to tell her she deserves better than she's used to getting and he's going to be the one to stay and prove it to her...and then it devolves into a heavily charged classic James/Lily back and forth because that's something that's comfortable to them, even if there's this intense current underwriting that argument.

But then James falters and tries to turn the conversation back to sincerity and Lily knows if she hears him say anything kind to her again she's at a point where she might not be strong enough to resist so she just acts. Emotions are so high and honestly I go back and forth between whether James knew this was her coping or if he thought this was her way of responding to his words in kind without having to say it back. (Would love to hear how people interpreted it!)

Whatever it was, he definitely didn't expect her to leave afterwards. But I'm a devious angst-maniac so 🤌🏼 ✌🏼

Thank you again! This is one of my favorite scenes I've ever written 🥰

#asked and answered #nodirectionhome #ibfibg spoilers #ibfibg extras

[superfluouskeys]

ok also if i get a bonus then how about generic ⭐star⭐ but like ⭐star⭐ not on a full fic like on a drill down like i want to hear about a SECTION or even like A TINY SNIPPET or like A SENTENCE you could even give me the directors commentary on ONE WORD

oooohhhhhhhh this is so fun okay so I chose this snippet from ch5 of The Chance You Take, and I am starting this by saying this fic is NOT!!!!!!! abandoned this is like the only fic that survived the 2020 ficpocalypse of my brain and I still desperately love it it’s just in the purgatory of me trying to convince myself not to edit the first part instead of just continuing it.

Meredith eyed Isabela curiously, then turned her attention to Hawke.  “What?” she demanded. Hawke made no effort to contain her amusement.  She shrugged merrily. Meredith’s glare hardened. “Nothing!  It’s sort of fun to watch when it’s not me, that’s all!” Hawke confessed. Meredith’s expression did not change.  At the very least, it did not get worse.  “To what are you referring?” she asked crisply. “Oh, you know,” Hawke waved vaguely, “the whole Scary Templar Lady thing.” “Is that what you think of me?” Meredith wondered coolly. Hawke startled.  “What?  No!  That’s not what I meant—“ “Isn’t it?” Meredith leaned in, soft-spoken and subdued, somehow even more frightening than when she towered or blustered.  “Allow me to repeat the question, Serah Hawke,” she continued.  “What is it you’re so afraid of?”

I liked this particular exchange because I think it highlights something very critical about the Hawke/Meredith dynamic, in this story specifically but also I think how I usually write them: Meredith tolerates a lot from Hawke, and on the surface what she does and doesn’t tolerate seems arbitrary.

This whole exchange is pretty fraught—first, Meredith is in a bad mood because Hawke is talking to Some Man when she arrives, but Hawke manages to talk her down from that ledge, to the point that they’re having a good time and Meredith is considering hinting about the gift she found earlier.  Then, Some Man comes back, and Meredith kind of reverts back into her Templar Persona, which isn’t so much different from how she is normally as it is a particular mindset that she has not been engaging with since she’s been gone.

And then Hawke has the audacity to treat it, to treat what Meredith feels is essentially the sum of her entire existence, into which she has poured everything, because tragedy gave her her purpose, and because she has nothing else—as a joke.

Meredith’s duty is not and can never be a joke to her, but more than that, her duty is so inextricably tied to her entire formative sense of identity that someone laughing at her, denigrating her, disrespecting her in her capacity as a templar can only ever be deeply personal.  And if it were anyone else (besides the fellow templars she respects and feels bound to), she wouldn’t care.  It would still be personal, she just wouldn’t care.

Without realizing it, Meredith has been living with this contradiction: she thought that despite everything Hawke is and does, Hawke still respected Meredith’s work and what had to be done, and supported her genuinely.  And, at the same time, she thought Hawke saw her as more than just her job.  Because their interactions up to this point have been so completely insane and nothing like Meredith has ever experienced before, she thought Hawke had somehow managed to differentiate Meredith from her work (still believing Hawke respected her work), even when Meredith could not separate herself from her work.

And that is almost, almost true!  Hawke very obviously does see Meredith as separate from her job, and even though she doesn’t always like it, she has grown to hold at least some respect for what Meredith does!  Pretty much everyone Hawke knows has some kind of deep-seated duty or calling that can never really shake—but the difference is that it isn’t the literal core of who they are.  Meredith lost her family when she was seven, and was pretty much raised a templar from that point onward.  Even if Hawke’s other companions don’t always like her teasing, they’re able to tolerate it because they’re able to separate the core of themselves from their duties.  From Meredith’s perspective, Hawke viewing her duty as something to joke about is akin to Hawke viewing Meredith as a joke.

Meredith pretty much shuts down, because she’s not used to being bothered by what people think of her.  People say horrible things about her all the time.  She’s surprised and hurt that Hawke admits to being afraid of her, but it’s not really about the fear—it’s about the lack of faith in her work, and therefore in her. Hawke is one of the few people who doesn't hate her or think she's crazy at this point, and that has been wayyyyy more of a source of comfort for her than she realized. (She thinks about this explicitly a little in chapter one, and somewhere else also I think.)

I don’t love some of the wording I chose here between the dialogue—this is what I mean when I say this fic makes me want to gently edit it LOL.  I think clearer, simpler connecting phrases would make the mood shift pack more of a punch.  I want it to feel like everything’s going fine, Hawke is having a good time, not grasping the danger, and then the mood just DROPS.  Maybe something like:

Meredith watched him go, impassive.  She turned her attention back to Hawke.  “What?” Hawke made no effort to hide her amusement.  She shrugged merrily. Meredith waited. “Nothing!” said Hawke.  “It’s sort of fun to watch when it’s not me, that’s all!” Meredith narrowed her eyes, uncomprehending.  “To what are you referring?” “Oh, you know,” Hawke waved vaguely, “the whole Scary Templar Lady thing.” “Is that what you think of me?” Meredith wondered. Cold premonition sent a shiver down Hawke’s spine.  She looked up, startled.  “What?  No!  That’s not what I—“ “Isn’t it?” Meredith leaned in, soft-spoken and subdued, a thousand times more frightening than when she towered or blustered.  “Allow me to repeat the question, Serah Hawke,” she continued.  “What is it you’re so afraid of?”

It’s not much of a change, but the connecting phrases supply the timing for the dialogue.  The way it was before, the pace was being slowed by the connectors before the mood shift rather than right after.  This way, the first part reads as quick and snappy, and then the pace grinds to a halt with the stronger word choice and heavier descriptions.  They’re in conflict after this, but it’s a tense, cautious kind of conflict where they’re choosing their words very carefully, juxtaposed against the loud, boisterous atmosphere around them.  So where you might normally want to escalate the conflict by speeding it up, in this case I think it makes more sense to slow it down.

Aaaaaaaah I can’t wait to go insane about DA2 again!!!  Thank you for indulging me, this was super fun, I love rambling about this kind of thing!!!

Fanfic Writer Director's Cut Ask Game!

#exciting tag for answered asks #exciting tag for writing things #fic:the chance you take #pretending i tag my fics consistently as a treat :) #hawkedith #ohhhh the hawkedith tag in this the year of our MAKER 2023 #da2 #marian hawke #meredith