#dont abuse my coworkers

[felinenthusiast]

sigh. realising an understanding about one of my favourite characters of all time has just greatly shifted. i need to reconfigure my entire brain because this character has changed sexual orientation to me lol

#rambles #i wanted him to be. bisexual. like me. and it was the obvious choice considering the fact he's literally been married to women. twice. #but i just... his first marriage canonically just 'happened' to him before he knew it based on societal expectations #like we dont know much other than it's described as just. occurring before he knew it. in a very passive way. #so i like to think they WERE friends and it was a nice relationship. but um. i truly do not believe there was any romance there. #his second marriage was literally a political marriage to keep him tethered to a company... he canonically feels no love towards her. #(also. im deeply defensive of female characters who are hit with the 'abusive' accusation out of nowhere it happens too much and is levelle #very incorrectly i'd say like. 60% of the time. but this woman IS genuinely abusive to him. first emotionally. then she beats him later :| #so great marriage that one was! yikes!) #then his (MALE) coworker corners him in the bathroom and he immediately interprets it gayly and can respond like #'this was going to happen sooner or later' <- real quote. #and he's nervous but down for the gay scenario he's constructed in his head (it's not actually gay.) #and then also. he goes on to have Even More intense homoeroticism with a completely different man. #like Oh. babygirl you are a deeply closeted gay man. i understand now. #im sorry mr osawa. #Sorry im rambling about things no o e cares about also. #im obvs thinking of a specific character but also like. im sure others have had this experience #when you're the ceo of a character (me and my partner are largely cus he doesn't have any other big fans lol) and your understanding shifts

[max-nolastname]

is max even her real name.....

#IS MAX EVEN HER REAL NAME #ive been pondering this....could be short for maxine #but if she dropped the last name probably given to her by her slave owner bio father #whats to say she didnt also drop whatever her birth first name was #black sails #max nolastname #so there are a ton of tiffanys and kellys and crystals where i work #asked my coworker “why is everyone named tiffany?” and she was like #“babes theyre all fake names they dont want to be found by cops or old abusers and they dont want dates calling them by their real name” #max is not her real name....but does it matter

[lockawayknight]

[|87

#been burdening my friends and partner too much with bitching about life but talking abt it makes me feel better so. i’m here. #new job is awful. but in a weird way. #i’m learning things and love my coworkers and the location and clients and work itself #but my boss is. my god. #it’s a little local place owned by one woman operated from inside her extra home on her property #she runs everything #and she is nice but she is??? loud ig. abusively loud #she screams and cusses and berates and belittles everyone and like #they all think it’s silly. it’s just her personality. they laugh or shrug it off. it’s just how she is. but i can’t do it #every day i tear up or cry on the way home cus she raises her voice at me or i hear her cussing and screaming in the back about like #me fucking up. over silly things. like i took a message for her but didnt say it was urgent. #then i hear her in the back HOW COULD SHE FUCK UP LIKE THIS SHE SHOULD KNOW THIS SHIT THIS IS SUCH SIMPLE SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER #and i just cant handle it man!!! #and she is so nice and supportive and texts me almost every night to ask how i am and if i’m okay #and like fuck dude i guess?????? but im also!!!!! not!!!!!!!! #my partner and mom both said i should quit and i think im. gonna. #the other place that wanted me is still hiring. i’m gonna talk to them monday and see if i can take that job still #but fuck dude. i dont wanna tell my boss im leaving. i dont think she’ll blow up but if she does????? #idk #i just hate that things aren’t getting better. i dunno. i just wanna cry and sleep all day #hopefully i get the other job and my boss understands. we’ll see. #thanks for reading

[ccorinthian]

jesus christ why is anxiety like this

#literally shaking bc i told my coworker no to taking his shift today #and then literally shaking bc another coworker asked me if i can take his shifts on saturday and sunday #i told him that i can take sunday but im not gonna just be a yes man this early on #im probably overthinking and overanalysing the situation but as the new guy i dont want to be the guy who just says yes to everything #maybe theyre abusing my willingness to help out yknow #idk im just super anxious and im not used to these kind of people

[himero-love]

“how could you not know something was wrong earlier??”

*tells me that they worship me & love me so deeply* *chooses furniture & house decor with me the day before our breakup & lets me place a $300 order for our shared room* *agrees that we should “stay strong, focus on our love together as a team” against a potentially scary law situation* *talked about saving up enough money to go to julian or big bear together & that i had to “just listen to them abt money decisions & we can go :)” the day before they broke up with me* *not tell me that them going to the psych ward was dependent on me* *talks about how stable our relationship had grown to be* *invites me to join them for christmas AGAIN THE DAY BEFORE*

& they kept asking me why i couldn’t see it coming & couldn’t accept it so easily. they hid their hurt from me months past AND BROKE MY TRUST MONTHS AGO AND I TRIED SO HARD TO REGAIN IT IN THEM BECAUSE THEY SAID EVERYTHING WAS OKAY ONLY TO BLAME IT BACK ON ME. THEY SAID THEY WOULDNT TURN THEIR WORDS ON ME AND MADE A PROMISE THEY WOULDNT AND THEN THEY LITERALLY DID. WHEN I MADE SURE TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO THEM & TOLD MY CLOSE OTHERS SO THEY COULD KEEP AN EYE ON HOW THINGS PLAYED OUT & THEY SAID THEY WOULDNT PUT IT ON ME AND THEY DID. THEY TOLD ME I WAS THE MANIPULATIVE ONE.

I’m not even sad right now, or angry or ANYTHING, but god will i remember that it’s a testament to my strength & how GODDAMN hard I’ve worked that I’m okay. I let someone who gaslit me into my life so deeply, into my friends’ and family & house & holidays & outings. After all this emotional abuse & toil, after countless hurt, after a broken ass car & having to haul THEIR belongings & furniture out for their dad- they didn’t have the guts to get it their damn self- after their lies & being evicted with the deadline on last christmas, after multiple times at a psych ward/crisis center WHERE THEY RELIED ON ME & CALLED ME ONLY TO FUCK ME OVER THE FOLLOWING DAYS WHEN THEY COME BACK, may i never forget that i’m enough. that my life was worth so much more than this. that this hurt and grief cannot be the sum of my being, that i deserved joy & trust & love. that my body’s betrayal and trauma to please be released so i can be happy in this only home that i have for certain. may i never stop loving myself even when it’s hard. i don’t even know what that would be like anymore. but i’m trying hard to learn.

when i die, may i be full of joy and light. please

#bpd #bpdvent #bpdbreakup #bpd feels #journal #emotional abuse #gaslighting #i release you #you didn’t deserve me at all #breakup #goodbye #transmasc #leaving them in 2022 #even my friends & coworkers wished the best for them & the religious ones prayed for them #not a single ounce of care or empathy from their circle to me #blessings in disguise #please #i deserved better #:( #i want to say fuck off but i dont even mean it anymore #i think #who knows #evergreen

[pissmoon]

The way i have men coworkers lecturing me about how 'women just say they were raped and u get fired n go to jail that's how it works' and how victims are supposed to act like n if ur acting angry or smile ever Ur lying?? as a survivor thx to entire j*hnny d*pp meme bs. I told this gamer redditor vibes idiot its more likely ull end up in jail for killing ur abuser/rapist than for being a rapist n he said 'but well murder is a serious crime'. Oh wow so rape and domestic abuse is not?

#this guy always sounded like a total fucking idiot to me like i disagree with most of my coworkers but i dont get in discussions abt it but #theyre not this fucking dumb and evil even if theyre centrist liberal leaning #other coworkers noticed i got super angry n were like omg u came at him so hard but idk i think theyre both guilty n we dont know everythin #hes all fake nice now but im still glad i have 0 shifts with him next week #thx i did cbt 3 years ago n was so thick-skinned when it comes to dumb shit men say but now i feel like these dudebros about to start makin #rape jokes every 2 days n make fun of me if i show a shadow of emotion #i dont need to watch any of these dumbass youtubers to see how d*pp apologists dont care abt abuse victims #the guy i used to somewhat like is friends with this dude eww lol fuck him #what am i supposed to say? no one who raped me or abused me ended up in jail or fired? n those who did it to my friends just lost some #friends but theyd never end up friendless and lonely

[onepiexe]

idk why but i feel useless after today LOL

#logbook #keep thinking abt my shift. . .like that was all there was to it? idk. just did so much more at nnl. enjoyed that more too. #like i told c there was no p and there was no mv so i had to handle everything. i had no allies in management. #now im reorganizing plants in the greenhouse and getting nitpicked on what plants for clearance? idk man. #not saying i dont wsnt to work a day there bc i do miss everybody but still. you can tell c and i have diff approaches. #and that i have outgrown or just. been used to other things. like i took everything c and p and mv and s taught me and used that. #had to teach my team from scratch. bc thats what it was. my team. my tables. my displays. my decisions. my garden center. #and thafs what everybody joked too lol #idk. i probably just need food. but now im really anxious abt tmrw bc i will be miserable if i just. cant do shit anymore. #if i dont like it then i apply to jobs and quit early like i'd planned. bc im not going to be abused but im also not going to just. not do #good work lol. #its not like c was actually offended by me doing or saying things. she made a point to say she wouldnt be upsrt if i went for the full time #green team position at the store either. but yeah idk. i miss nnl. i really do. #i still havent told anybody abt it and i probably wont until next week. i want to swing by in person. #edit: tbc im just irritated with myself bc i didnt want to seem ungrateful or like i was stepping on c's toes. i come at this with the #intention of making rhe garden center better. but she's had more years on me and the store is overall diff. #i just dont want to be a difficult coworker but unfortunately my bar is high. and higher still from nnl lol. #fingers crossed it goes well with the new coworker and store tmrw. . . #honestly this is more stressful then walking into my old store 😭

[valen-dreth]

why do people take 'im not interested in the dep.p/hea.rd case' to mean 'i dont know anything about it please regale me on all of the """funny""" videos you are consuming about it'

#like HOW hard is it to understand i dont want to fucking hear about it #i dont care abt celebrities in the first place but im also Severely uninterested in continuing to trivialize domestic abuse #its so not my business #(coworker would not shut up abt it last night)

[wurdulac]

starting to think that maybe i see only misery.

#my middle-aged coworker told me abt their serious back problems and how they has X amount of years before retirement #precarious life of a person who works physical labor and gets debilitating pain and is threatened with being fired #try finding a job at this age... #i wanted to weep #also my cousin is marrying the person they wanted out of their house last year. ??? #they also want to invite me to their wedding. which would make it 3rd wedding id attend. first was abusive marriage. #im horrified #i dont want any of this...

[wensvol]

how do i stop reliving a moment where i said something stupid and got called out for it (rightfully so)

#what happened was i was talking with my coworkers and one of my supervisors after work and we landed on a certain hospital #my sv said he was born there and got surgery there and it’s the same hospital my dad lived at for a year #and without missing a beat i go ‘my dad died there’ and i often joke abt him dying cus he’s old and abusive and technically he DID die + #there during a heart surgery he had #but it took me too long to say Haha no he didnt #and autistic or not i did notice the shift in tone 😭 ohhhhh ill KILL MYSELF I SWEAR #but ofc. my coworker and sv dont know i hate my dad #my friend was sitting next to me and even she had to do a little check cus apparently i said it so seriously #the rest of the night was totally fine and i apologized for my comment #especially cus my sv was like. Well my dad actually passed away. so. #AND GOD I COULD JUST BURY MYSELF RIGHT THERE AND THEN #i dont even know what prompted me to say it i so often have these moments where i just say the most random things #and dont stop to consider what i’m actually saying #i dont wanna sit here and blame my adhd or some other fucking diagnosis i got because i cant go around saying ‘oh that wasnt me that was the #voices telling me to’ LIKE? #anyway #rant over #it happened like 3 days ago and i hate how i keep punishing myself for it #and truly the rest of the evening was totally fine idt my supervisor held it against me much #he knows im autistic cus i told him vaguely about it but he didn’t react to it much then #and ik he understands autism somewhat cus he graduated w a psychology degree and he has family members who are autistic afaik #AND he told me he was on antidepressants for 3 yrs to which i told him i was on meds for 16 yrs and he asked for what and i said for adhd #so he knows that too. but god. GOD. im sewing my mouth shut

[apatheticgoat]

left over response from the emotionally abusive relationship i was in as a teenager: anytime someone asks if im mad at them when im not, i respond with 'am i supposed to be?' instead of saying no. that way i can try to judge if the person is being hard on themselves or about to gaslight guilt trip me for being a bad person uwu

#vent #its topical cause a coworker asked if i was mad today #an its just on my mind and ive never used tumblr as anything more then a thought dump #for when i dont have anyone exactly to tell this to but need it out of my brain to i can sleep #sub note: being abused for like 5yrs formative ass years because your 13-18 in a queer relationship #an it isnt safe to tell your family about it. so theres no one to tell you that your being abused because you share all your friends #until ur in college an realizing its not supposed to fuckin feel like that alllll the time absolutely damages something in the brain

[beiraswrath]

they need to enact a new policy in the united states. it should be called “if you’re cursed to be a legal adult you get to abuse substances over it”

#“beiraswrath just ask ur of age coworkers to buy you some” #i have so many complexes and one of them is i dont want my vices to be attributed to anything other than my own bad decision making #substance abuse #cw substance abuse

[thebewilderer]

Y'all ever meet a group of people who claim to have been bullied and excluded by the clique-esque mfers in highschool

and they go on and on and on and on about how bad they were bullied and how sad and traumatized it made them (they were called mean names sometimes :((( lmao they have absolutely no idea what actual bullying is like)

aaaaand then they form their own little clique and bully and exclude you, without seeing any irony at all in it?

#batshit abusive ex girlfriend was like this and a couple of my current coworkers are too #luckily im pretty much immune to this specific genre of poor treatment because i was exposed to it so much by my ex (and her 'friends') #but damn its fuckin funny now #like yall really dont see what youre doing? are you stupid? #im good i got my customer service face on for them but damn lmfao #ih #misc

[1spooky-dad]

Screw corporate policies only caring about LGBT rights out of fear of being cancelled or whatever but I've been filing complaints about my other managers in my store for literal months and nothing's been done, my DGM hadn't even mentioned taking any of their actual harmful bullshit to hr, up until last night when I mentioned that neither of them have ever correctly used my pronouns and get upset when they are corrected for calling me a girl. It was offhandedly mentioned as I talked about how I'm not comfortable facing them head on one and one and was just asking for assistance to talk to them for real, but the SECOND I mentioned the misgendering the DGM leapt to action to file an official hr report against them both.

She can put up with fatphobia, abuse of power, sabotage, retaliation, name calling, -4000% in fish shrink due to people who aren't in that department putting shit into the tanks, but God Forbid I get misgendered.

#work #abuse at work #misgendering #thanks kalinda. i appreciate you in certain ways and i know youre kinda fucked with corporate changes right now. #but tbh i can put up with misgendering cause i dont care about my coworkers being dumb #what i cant put up with is them literally sabotaging my job to make me look bad in the company

[rustbeltbabey]

having family trauma fucking sucks bc like. u need 2 talk about it n u need 2 vent n u need to be told that it wasn't fair what happened 2 u but also. ur friends get this twisted idea of ur childhood that makes u so angry bc there's so much good in there that outsiders will never understand. there's so much love. I can hate my sisters n I can hate my father but u are not allowed. there's so much that I will never tell u that was good that made me feel loved that made me happy that i genuinely miss n you can't hate my family its not your right 2 do so. u dont know them like i do, u don't understand them like i do, n I know its my fault u have this twisted fucking idea n it kills me bc there's no way for me to fucjing breathe sometimes without screaming 2 the world that they fucked me over!!! but u cannot hold it against them that's something that belongs to me. it's my own.

#its this incomplete picture i cannot stop painting #idk my coworker today was like i hate your sister n it made me so angry #u cannot hate her shes mine. i love her so much n i know she's made me so miserable but shes mine #n yhe other day someone else was like ur dad is an asshole n like!!!! #he hurt ME ok not you. #u cannot comment on that when he tried so hard. when he tired so hard 2 break the cycle like. #if i say hes an asshole u can say yea i agree #but other than that shut up #u dont understand ull never understand n ur not bad for it #ur not bad for sympathizing w me #but u act like there was never love there. n there was always always love. #n im happy that my friends go for bat for mw but it just hurts my feelings when they act like i was a terribly abused unloved thing #bc i wasnt. i was so so loved. not in the way i deserved but i was. they tried. i know they did.