#dont get me wrong i love girl clothes but i want to wear something masc for ONCE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whole-circus · 9 months

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Hey! I have recently been obsessing over your works I love your writing and you ARE SUCH A LOVELY PERSON 😭 i love reading your kind words to others and how you write in such a creative way!!

Could you possibly do a fem!reader who looks masc and constantly gets misgendered with jeff, Ben, Toby, hoodie or clockwork!

(I would be happy with any of them)

Thank you <3

Creepypastas with fem.reader that looks masc!

➥ with Jeff the Killer, BEN Drowned, 'Ticci' Toby, and Clockwork

I will cry you are the sweetest!! Fr you feed my self esteem!!🫶<3 Im sorry that you waited so much!! And I apologize for not putting Hoodie here!! Have amazing day and take care of yourself!!! i love your nick btw 😭

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

Jeff the Killer

Thats it, he is propably one of the people that misgendered you on purpose (and he is proud of himself because he is little shit like that..). But of course Jeff can do that once you both are in relationship, he has to have some privilege yk? Being meanie is just his love language. Even if he is still mean sometimes, then at the end of day he is here to beat people who do that - no matter if they did it in in mean manner or not, Jeff doesnt care he just want blood and chaos (and your happiness)! Besides all that, he finds you cute and pretty anyway, doesnt matter what you really look like. Jeff isnt the best person to talk about appearance and he knows that. So you can wear anything, be more "feminine" or "musculine" and he is still cool with that!

BEN Drowned

Boy will literally bark at people who misgender you 😭 No, just kidding, but he dont stand people being like this and will automatically correct them! Gets the fact that you are tired because of that and want to do everything in his power to make you feel better! Even if someone is not doing it on purpose then you have full right to feel uncomfy! So you will recieve a lot of worship and sweet words from Ben overall. Okay but you cant tell me that he wouldnt dress in dresses and skirts to fuck up with people (plus he want to feel pretty (he is a pretty boy anyway, lets be honest))! Loves making them even more confused. Ben is pretty open-minded so doesnt care what you look like or how you dress you are his queen and he treats you like one!!

"Ticci" Toby

I will start with something a bit out of request but..Toby would 100% want to wear matching clotheswith you! Dont get me wrong, he definitely loves you and drool at you no matter you wear (you could wear anything, even garbage bag), but loves showing you off! He is so so grateful that he is your boyfriend and he wants to brag about it to everyone. Definitely thinks in his head that someone would look at you and be like 'omg they are a couple what a cuties'...we love his energy. If you feel upset about people constantly misgendering you, Toby is right here to make it all better and give you a lot of praises! He enjoyes pampering you, when you feel especially down..he is always content to make you both small things like face masks, painting eachother nails or even do eachother makeup for fun (Toby suck at it but he got the right spirit)!

Clockwork

Clockwork doesnt really believe in things like "too musculine" or "too feminine", clothes should be functional - doesnt matter what you wear, but rather how you feel in them - and people are just diffrent when it comes to look. Thats why i think she would be even more angry, she gets that people can make mistakes but if they do it on purpose just to mess with you, then she wont stay calm. What a protective gf she is! Its nice if you dont care about this constant iccidents, becasue they happen - but if you start worry even in the slightest? She will be your sholder to cry on and your number one support girl! Natalie will assure you that you are fine just the way you are, and you can look however you want - its nobody case - she likes you for you! .. Just dont tell anybody about this, she would rather keep it as a secret.

˚　　✦　　　. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚. 　　　✦　　˚

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s1l4s-l1k3s-t0m4t03s · 11 days

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tw: ana, body shaming, body dysmorphia

this is kinda long so I totally understand if you don't want to read it :]

I think I might be developing ana

I'm really scared and I'm scared to tell my therapist or my parents because I'm worried they'll make me go to the mental hospital

my friends know and now at lunch or any time we eat together I can feel them looking at me and sometimes they ask me if I feel okay enough to eat which I can't stand

them drawing focus to food makes it so much harder to eat, it's so much easier when no one's paying attention to me

eating around people makes me extremely anxious and now I kinda regret telling my friends about this because now I just feel like they're pitying me every time we eat

I hate that I love the feeling of being hungry

I hate that I love how lightheaded and weak I feel after not having eaten anything all day

I hate how I hate my skinny body but I hate the idea of gaining weight even though I KNOW there's absolutely nothing wrong with it

I hate how difficult it is to find a chest binder that's small enough for me

I can't stand how many people think it's okay to comment on my body

I wear baggy clothes because I hate when people comment that I need to eat more after seeing how bony I am

I'm naturally skinny too, so I've heard this shit all my life "you need to eat more, you're too skinny" okay well how about fuck you for making me feel like shit about my perfectly healthy body

I think those comments are why I'm so anxious to eat around other people

I wish I could just be a normal teenager and eat more than 10 bites of plain pasta around my friends at lunch

with my body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria it's so hard to like the way I look

the only thing I like about the way I look is my hair (I have bright pink hair) but even still one of my friends always tells me how much she dislikes it and wishes I had brown hair because she never saw me with natural hair

and I have a feeling the guys in my grade think it's weird and I'm weird (that sterotypical emo kid with the emo haircut who uses he/they pronouns but wears skirts sometimes and has pink hair so obviously that just means they're a girl who's doing it for attention)

anyways sorry for the really long vent and thanks for actually listening to me if you made it this far. I hope things get better for you bc I know we're both just strangers on the internet but I really sincerely think that things will get better for you.

I'll end it lighter by asking: what's your favorite PTV song? I really love Stained Glass Eyes And Colorful Tears and Besitos :3

hii!! im so so sorry your dealing with that. by the soundd of it, your developing ed behaviours, if not, an ed. i understand the trans thing, about dressing or looking not stereotypically like a male/masc person yet still identifying as one. there is no right way to trans. your doing it right, your perfectly valif no matter how you look or whether you pass or not. people that point out your appearance are purely insecurr within themselves. you dont ever see secure people bullyinh do you??

with the eating thjng. they cant send you to a m3ntal h○spital unless you are a danger to somebody or yourself. if you are ☆ving yourself, there is a slihht chsnce you coukd get sent there. i would recommrned sayinh you are thinking of doing it, or beginnjng to develop so you can still get help, but not sent away.

if you dont feel comfortable eating arounf people, or are worried about people drawing attention to you, id recommened either flat out saying the topic of food makes you uncomfprtable, or eating when you get home. i get that fullt, im in a weird limbo between recovering and r3lasping, i eat a bit at school and the rest/something else at home.

weight gain can be scary, yes. i get that fully, you are not alone. but it doesnt change your worth at all. your still perfectly valid and fine, it may change your appearance but it doesmt take away from you as a person.

with the bindijg, if you cant currently get a binder, you can try transtape. if you have sensory issues, theres smt cslled milk of magnesia (liquid) you can put on the skin, let it dry fullt snd then apply the tape. if your struggling with the thought of gaining weight, but also not havjng the measurements to buy a binder, you could make it a goal.

"when i get to (xyz) weight, i can get a binder".

things like thst.

other than that im in the middle of class rn so my brain is a bit blank lmaoo

im very proud of you for venting dude, im so so sorry your exeperiencing this. try to get help, snd get out of ana as soon as possible if you can. itll mess you up for ljfe and you dont deserve thay.

my fav ptv song is today i saw the whole world (acousric ver) :) <3

edit:i would like to add, you dont need to change. even if you eat more and dont gain weight, thats perfectly fine. aim to be healthy,not to look a certain way or to be a certain weight :3 you do not ever need to change for somebody else

#silas tag!#thanks anon!#anon tag

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sanguinarius-archive · 4 years

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Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

#asks #dick figures #Anonymous

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2dtacokit-blog · 6 years

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Me and fucking mirrors. I stare a lot in them and what i see usually makes very little sense. I dunno if its dissociation or dysphoria but it’s like i can see what is there and then... it shifts. I can hardly focus on any element of my appearance without trying to convince myself something else is there. I forget what i look like a lot, that is dissociation, but since dysphoria has been kicking my ass it has gotten worse. That is, unless I dress or work to transform myself into something my brain is prepared to take in/translate? If I stand in the mirror naked or in my pyjamas, without binding or making an effort to do my usual masc things, my eyes feel like they go weird. Kinda like a lens that is out of focus. We can see what is there but it doesnt compute with my brain. No amount of changing pose, hiding body parts, or whatever helps, it’s like my brain wipes what the mirror shows from my memory. So i just... stare at the mirror for ages. Zoning out over and over until i end up usually close to angry tears or wanting to hide.

Before I started trying to present masc, I would have the same issue but I didnt question my gender, just... hated the parts of my body that marked my gender. I would do my best to amplify those parts, look as femme as possible but I had the same issue... brain fuzz, discomfort, some kinda irritating thing that was going “well none of this is right”. So i assumed it was weight. Weight, scarring, stretchmarks, age, evidence of pregnancy. I grew obsessed with my weight and would switch between starving myself, binging when i felt i was gonna pass out, working out and denying myself any food after. At times i had to have encouragement to finish eating because inside a voice was screaming that I was gonna get fat again. I have barely spoken about this as it is ongoing and i am sick of having problems tbh. As I lost weight, i still had this “it’s not right” but it wasnt that i was fat. Staring at the mirror again like WTF, why is this body that is... not fat, not big at all really, quite small to be honest still making me distressed?!. I was the smallest I had been since my early teens and I was still unable to see my body? despite seeing it.

Is it the shape of the belly then? loathe it, so lets try and get it as flat as possible. As I got close to that milestone I loved how it felt when i closed my eyes but... Looking in the mirror again it was still wrong. Gender started coming in here, belly fat and the stretchmarks on my stomach since my pregancy I couldnt dissociate from my born gender, or the trauma associated. If i cover my body up in a tshirt then i can deal with it just about, until i look in the mirror and its like I have a ramp going from my neck just to nowhere, and my tshirts just hang straight off.The shape was wrong, and I could never get it right. I tried wearing tight fitted clothes for ages but that niggling, itchy, nettle stinging voice was saying it was still hideous and we hated it. If i saw this exact body on paper (why i draw it) I dont hate it or feel repulsed at all. If i see this body on another person i am not repulsed either. It is just on myself. On myself, in photos and in the mirror. So I tried sports bras, and my body had a sillohette of an attractive woman, the figure i thought i wanted all my life and yet it is still not fucking right is it?!

The presence of my breasts made me feel fat, even if they were hoisted high, presented neatly in a balcony bra or squished with a sports bra. I felt fat, and somehow that made me feel more female. Which for a long time i hadnt realised was kinda the problem. I associate weight in chest, hips, ass, thighs and tummy with femininity, all things i dont mind in anyone else but loathe in myself bcz my body should not be that. My body is curvy. Even as i lost a tonne of weight and work out 4 times a weak focussing almost entirely on weight training and heavy lifting, it is still curvy and that makes me feel very female. Which makes me feel very sad.

But it all gets confusing when i am standing there in the mirror, in a binder and masc clothes, face also done to look a lil more masc and what i feel then is sadness and rage. Mainly because i look like a nothing? I dont look like a guy, I do not look like a girl in that state so i look nothing. And that creates more distress. I try hard to dress to exaggerate my masc parts of my body (shoulders and back, legs), but my torso fucks it all up. That and my face because in all my trawling through the internet i havent found a guy that looks like me, mainly because i look like a hecking girl. But then again I dont look like a girl. I know this because I try from time to time to present as a girl in private because the frustration of looking like a nothing is too much and i feel i should be able to just, wear a bra and be okay again.

Bullshit. I stand in a bra in the mirror, wearing my girliest underwear and i want to vomit because i cant see my body again, even though i am staring intensely at it in the mirror. I dont look like any girl i know when i look in the mirror and i can feel my eyes trying to adjust parts to masc appearance. I look like a miserable, sad weird looking guyish thing trying to be a girl - which could be validating for my dysphoria in the sense it kinda goes HERE IS THE THING, but its agony, because i know when i take that girly stuff off and put the binder and masc stuff on, I see a stupid girl trying to be a guy. By this point i am fighting SI urges because i cannot think straight. I simultaneously look too big because of the presence of my fatty femme parts, and look too small because despite all my hard work building muscle is hard. I am somehow seeing myself in that mirror as a fat, gross girl and a skinny, imasculine guy.

I take tonnes of pictures because i try to get a glimpse of the person I saw in a shop window reflection that made me feel like i was rushing. I spend ages trying to pose to feel more masculine, but get the balance right because i cant go full guy, because nothing says “you are just a girl trying to be a guy” than being a girly bodied and faced person trying their hardest to look like a guy. That and I know those photos i cannot show anyone i really know except a few close friends. Like i can feel myself trying to go all the way guyish and then pulling back a bit out of fear and self hatred. My best days though are when I feel like i pass great and people are receptive of it, but those times are fleeting, because every night without fail the battle with the mirror continues and i am lying in bed, stoned out of my mind, ploughing through all my photos and pulling them apart.

Comparing them to actual guys and going “lol you are a complete joke, look at yourself, can you actually comprehend how stupid you look in all of these? quit this you tool.”. Then comparing them to girls and going “i dont look like them either but i also do? I dont want to look like them, they are beautiful but i dont want to look like them.”. Final round in my persecution, i return to the pictures of men who share similar qualities to me, and my drawings, and before i pass out go “you will never look like this, you are a fool for thinking it. Even if you did transition you would never look like this. This is not possible for you. It never will be. You dont deserve those pronouns, and you dont deserve the other ones. You do not exist, you cannot exist, you are so unbelievably pathetic, continually transferring onto fictional characters, dreaming you could look like them. It’s hysterical almost that you try this hard when you know it is impossible, That you are who you are, and who you are does not exist in any sodding form, because the one you want you cannot have, and the one you exist in is so wrong you can never fully see it anyway.”.

Just had to get that out of my system. Feels are high today, and struggling a bit. The double whammy of DID and gender dysphoria is making it very difficult to stay... in this realm of reality? bcz my brain keeps dissociating from it and doing literally everything in its power to detatch myself from my body and the reality where I am this weird freak thing. Like high school and primary school, and like almost all my trauma. Sorry for this BS rant.

#personal rant #trying to do better #i hate my brain #depersonalization

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