#dont want to deal with living | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fella-lovin-fella · 19 days

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my brain preparing the most triggering and horrible dreams it can: the usual, goo sir?

me, sleeping in til noon: yay!! yippee!!

#idk why i do that #everyone talks about waking up from nightmares and being unable to go back to sleep #which yeah happens to me too #but most of the time i just #dont want to deal with living #so i'll just try to sleep thro #through as much as i can*#not mlm #dantes talking again #mental illness #mental illness meme #ptsd

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mewtwo24 · 3 months

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Not to be That Guy but like.

Am I the only one that can't stop thinking about how Tianlang-Jun says about Luo Binghe that he pretends to be cold-hearted like his mother. The hint of fondness there, the heartache in that utterance.

Like it drives me absolutely insane. Imagining her putting on a front of strength, cold and driven and unrelenting. Why does TLJ say that about her. Did she secretly look for solutions that meant reconciling with demons instead of hurting them when her sect wasn't looking? (I wonder this because I feel like his weird fondness for SQQ would lowkey track if it's connected to the woman he once loved.) Did he mean that she was tasked with basically assassinating him and she fell in love with him instead (re: failed step one)? Did he mean that she was fond and doting in her own way (e.g. conceding he was attractive, paying for his exploits and humoring him)? Did he mean that, like LBH, she thought that power would be the thing to protect her--and that it was disguising a person who was deeply and privately wounded? All four????? I don't need sleep I need a n s w e r s

Did she know about the Huanhua Palace Master's skeevy ass intentions before she met TLJ? Or did those only come to significant light after she fell in love with TLJ? Is that why she never anticipated that level of betrayal, because initially she had no intention of being with anyone romantically? And HHPM just assumed she would be under his thumb forever?? Was she furious at her own indiscretion or did she try to use the pregnancy as a bargaining chip, a way to try to stop the immortals of Cang Qiong Mountain from attacking TLJ (plus the bonus of marriage entrapment no takesies backsies this is where LBH gets it from)? Did she try to use that claim on her to dissuade HHPM from his covetous advances, framing herself as tainted so that she could finally escape? Did she dream of a life by TLJ's side, far away from Cang Qiong Mountain?

Like. Literally every single permutation of what this could mean guts me to hell. Do you ever just cry about tianxi because I--[loud bawling noises]

#svsss #tianxi #tianlang jun #su xiyan #like this shit keeps me awake at night #i'm trying to put fic ideas together and every time i go back to that line i just #find myself trying to parse and hone out su xiyan's mannerisms/personality #zzl's descriptions help a great deal but i also love that they're limited in the sense that #1. zzl was clearly scared shitless of/disconcerted with her LMFAO #2. he was suspicious of her (as a cultivator fundamentally) and its fascinating that TLJ did not seem to share this suspicion at all #or one could argue tlj just didn't care beyond his attraction and glee being around her jkahglfdskjhsfkhjg #there is also the hilarious implication that part of what turned tlj on so much about sx is the fact that she could prbly kill him #tlj really said 'i love a woman who can and WILL kick my ass'#'none of that soft power seduction shit manhandle me or nothing'#like he always believed deep down--or at the very least wanted to believe--that she loved both him and lbh dearly #i'm not usually the fix-it fic type but the Way I Need To See Su Xiyan Destroy Huanhua Palace Master's Entire Life.#i just want sx and her boytoy to live happily ever after is that so wrong?#i also think of that person (im so sorry tumblr user i dont rmr who u are at the minute) that said there had to be trust between tlj and sx #because YES. ABSOLUTELY. I AGREE. AND I WANT IT FOR ME #don't mind me just the usual descent into madness anytime i think too hard about svsss #i need to outline damn you airplane and your refusal to expand on LBH's juicy ass backstory #ill never forgive the chinese (joke)

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tomurakii · 1 month

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I kind of hate all the comparisons between kipperlily and like. Those fuckass "affirmative action fucks me over I wish I was [minority] so it would be easier" people because none of that. Is what she said. She said the bad kids already had more experience with adventuring before they got to augefort and it meant they had an advantage. Which is true. Yeah Riz was lower-class but his mum was a COP. Riz, Kristen and Fig had parents who were heroes (Sandra-Lynn is an active ranger, Kristen's parents are paladins, Sklonda is a rogue), Adaine's family was super rich and politically influential, Fabian had both. Gorgug's the only one who wasn't actively at an advantage [IN THE CONTEXT OF HAVING PRIOR KNOWLEDGE ABOUT HEROISM] and she didn't have shit to say about him. Kipperlily was the first person in her family to try heroism, the bad kids are largely legacy admissions.

Additionally to the people comparing it to the "anti-affirmative action" crowd: do you know what affirmative action is. The bad kids didn't receive special consideration on their admissions to aguefort or scholarships or additional financial support or extended assessment times or anything. How could she be mad about affirmative action if none of these people received affirmative action. What they DID have was knowledge about their classes that started much earlier than high school, which is what Kipperlily said in her file that she thought grading should be adjusted for because she did not have that.

To me it's less like affirmative action and more like augefort is like an IQ test. They pretend that it's fair and objective, but you can be taught how to do those things from a younger age, and if your parents took the time to teach you pattern recognition and shit then you'll do better on an IQ test than someone who wasn't trained for it and everyone will act like that makes you innately smarter when it doesn't. It just means someone taught you how to do that earlier.

Barring Gorgug, every one of the bad kids had access to information about heroism and their class at a younger age than Kipperlily did, which primed them for success in their classes. Every one of them got additional information about mysteries from their families (and even direct battle-tactics training from Bill), Riz especially with getting classified info out of his mum. Kipperlily does not have hero relatives. She's the first in her family line to attend a hero school. She knew nothing about it before her first day, meanwhile Kristen was already the chosen of Helio, Adaine had already been attending the best wizard school in the country, Fabian had already spent his whole life training with his father, and Riz was already involved in solving mysteries using info and tactics he got from his parents.

They aren't necessarily "privileged" (except Fabian and Adaine), but Kipperlily didn't say they were, she said that in the specific context of attending a hero school they had a prior-knowledge advantage. Saying they didn't is like comparing the grades of a kid who's academic career started with preschool with a kid who didn't attend until middle school and acting like one of them wasn't better prepared.

#like cmon people. you already hated her so you're reaching to justify it more #is it reason to be as hateful as she is? no. but she was 14 when she said the shit about riz's dad and. CRUCIALLY. kids from healthy homes #dont wish death on their parents lol. like objectively #shes not poor but neither is fabian. neither was season 1 adaine. and yet we wouldn't say their home lives were GREAT now would we #or that they had nothing to complain about just because they were economically advantaged #she thinks its unfair because she came into augefort blind meanwhile riz had been doing investigator shit for years already #and she has not learned healthy coping mechanisms. like brennan calls her anger childish and its because shes a CHILD #and she only became this cruel because she's possessed by literally the god of rage. because it was that or death #ive even seen people waxing tragic about every other rat grinder's “deal” with ankarna but acting like kipperlily was just fine with that #because she was angry already. she DIED. and having anger issues/emotional regulation issues doesnt mean you WANT TO DESTROY THE WORLD #she probably wanted to live just as much as any of the others did. and this was the sacrifice. she was 16 #d20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high #kipperlily copperkettle

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ganondoodle · 7 months

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i know im an overemotional, overreactive pathetic little wimp about my hyperfixation, and i dont even mean that derogatory, i think its both my best AND worst quality, im well aware of it, especially in moments when im already stressed i have a hard time to get my brain back into control, im so well aware of it that i HAVE been managing to learn how to deal with it actually which is why, instead of letting myself spiral any further, i went to bed to let my brain calm down

and it worked!

i still hate the live action zelda thing, i still think it WILL be bad, and it will still negatively affect how i feel about the franchise as a whole, i am not spiraling out of control about it though, which i think is a win in my book, some people hate that i say my opinion at all though, more on twitter than here so hey, im grateful to not be called pathetic to my face bc i said something someone might decry as too 'weird'

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #yes this is about the live action zelda announcement #i hate it and it will be bad and yes its threatening my love for the franchise #as i said many tiems before all my previous hyperfixations died abruptly bc it went into a direction i didnt like #which probably plays into why i react so strongly to it #i dont WANT do lose this #any bad entry in a series i love will affect how i feel about it as whole #i dont think that is a strange concept #and “simply ignore it” isnt as eeasy as it may sound bc people dont tag their shit properly #well if its so easy to ignore anythign you dont like #why are you being an ass to me bc i said soemthing you didnt like #simply ignore it #the internet loves to pretend to love weird people but when someone is actually a little weird they point their fingers and throw stones #and i dont even think im being all that weird about it #dont want to know what weirder people with big followings go through #what i deal with is absolutely miniscule compared to big creators #i also know that

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jazz-kitty · 6 days

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if you're still doing requests you should draw nymiera from rejuv i think!!!! mysterious bajillion year old artist lady....

i keep reading pronouncing & comprehendhing her name as nymeria no matter how much i see it

#pokemon rejuvenation #nymiera pokemon rejuvenation #jazzart #i wanna see more of her bc i dont think youre 1 in the know of what an interceptor is and 2 live a not fucked up life. its one or the other #so i want to see likeeee. why she knows what my deal is.#scratch that *I* want to know what my deal is. WHATS HAPPENING IN THIS GAME 💯💯🔥🔥

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puppyeared · 6 months

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people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime

#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head #around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working #as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of #how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol #i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were #pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family #i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by #ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me #or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made #you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm #im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help #wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career #i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades #but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard #yapping

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mamawasatesttube · 2 months

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trying to codify rules for running that lil followers only "we must fix the kon tags" minibang and i think this is the funniest one ive come up with so far:

NO jason todd allowed.

exceptions can be made for background tentatodd ONLY

#rimi talks #the thing abt jason is that he is a fascinating character and all but i just dont want to deal with his fans at all whatsoever #therefore.#tim posting a pic of his face smushed into kons tits: out here living my best life #dick: jason is tentagoop voring someone in the background #tim: this aint about him #im debating if i wanna make it ship specific or just kon specific #but ive recruited the star trek for kon understanders gc to help me with it so yaaaaay ♥♥♥ i love friendship

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thedisablednaturalist · 1 year

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Support disabled people who will never be "healthy" again. Support chronically ill people. Support people who have made peace with their illness. Support those who are still fighting for a cure. Support those who still haven't figured out a way to manage their symptoms. Support those who know their illness inside and out and need to stick to strict routines to prevent flare ups. Illnesses won't affect people the same way and the relationship within is a personal one.

#chronic disability #chronic pain #chronic illness #spoonie #fibromyalgia #Im still hoping for a cure or for a way to reduce my pain #i dont want to live like this the rest of my life #using a wheelchair is fine even tho it sucks to deal with inaccessibility #i love the disabled community as wwll #i just hate the pain. i want it to stop #i want a cure

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calamitys-child · 2 months

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Something about like. Longitudinal dysphoria. Like it's well known at least in groups ive chatted to that a lot of people get dysphoria about stuff sorta one thing at a time, most commonly people who wanted top surgery but not bottom surgery getting rid of the primary focus of their dysphoria at their chest and deciding subsequently that they Do want lower surgery bc they are now more cognizant of that dysphoria. Like fork theory. Get the big fork out and you suddenly notice the little forks more. Anyway I'm at peace with my build and my chest, and I love my shit lil beard and body hair, and respect where my voice is at, and I don't want bottom surgery. I don't. I don't get dysphoria about the fact I have this anatomy, and I do not yearn for the results of that surgery at a level which outweighs the effort it would take to seek, undergo, recover from, and continue with the results of that surgery. I think what I Do always get dysphoria over is simply the Inconvenience. Having to wait to use a stall in the typical men's toilets one stall four urinals set up always always pisses me off (pun intended) purely because its so ANNOYING. My gender is man (inconvenient) and normally I get to play and enjoy and relish in that Inconvenience but every time I'm standing in a tiny public bathroom trying to stay out everyone's way bc I have to piss in the one (1) stall it fucks me off like. I've been on t for 3+ years when do I get to surpass this hurdle in my physical being (never without invasive surgery with an intense recovery for results I don't really want) like CMON man have I not put enough xp into transsexualism to be good at pissing at urinals yet. I deserve this for pure efficiency's sake if nothing else

#this is incomprehensible i am aware #i think like. okay i tend towards acts of service and my primary gender identity is always Butch. i want to be efficient and helpful #so i think my problem isnt taking up space. looove taking up space. im here deal with me #i think my problem much like so much of living with adhd is that i hate being in stasis or limbo #either im pissing or im not why am i standing here. either im working or im not what do i do with the 20min betwixt bus and shift. yken?#also dont suggest stps i have one and we have at best a 75% Piss Directionality success rate and its dogshit to pack with #i do not get on well enough with it to wear it often at all

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warpolomewdarkmatter · 7 months

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cumbersome and heavy body

#warp darkmatter #buzz lightyear of star command #hi everyone can we talk about warp ive been dying to talk about warp #like... thinking about how hes canonically disabled. he is missing a hand!!! that is so important to me and i think about it a lot #yes hes all that primadonna girl bubblegum bitch electra heart etc . but also he is an amputee! and that makes him so interesting to me..#i love to think about how a guy like warp deals with the missing of a hand both in the lost-it-during-tab and lost-it-in-the-past scenarios #like how much time it took him to adjust or how he went through physiotherapy with gritted teeth. THINK ABOUT IT!#he loves to put up fronts and be that suave arrogant kinda guy but also has chronic pain and takes off his stupid hand first chance he gets #so its interesting to consider eg how much itd take him to admit that his bitchin hand is also stupid and heavy and he gets tired...#not to romanticise disability btw it just gives him delicious dimension and . you know!!!!#i wish it was explored more in the fandom lol i know it gets swept under the rug bc of scifi perfect bionic cyborg limbs fantasy #but i want more content of warp sans his hand... just doing mundane shit... living his life... representation..!#and not like 'warp lives and sleeps with his prostetic and it feels natural to him ^_^' dont erase his disability!!!!!!!#drawpost #origpost #also his suit is fucked in this art LOL my pipeline for this piece was horrid. dont ask me about my layers im deeply ashamed.

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windydrawallday · 2 days

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TAMED

I don't fear my demons because I tamed them. I named and put faces on them. I tore apart the walls of their cages and rearranged their shapes. By taming my demons I found that now I can wield them as wards against all those who used them to hurt me. Some demons need to be killed, that's true. But is equally valid to want to understand and tame them. And that's the path I choose.

#myart #windy squeals #very personal thingy i wanted to get off my chest after some chattering about the subject with a buddy #and in general dedicated to every of my buddies and followers that enjoy taming their demons and insecurities throught fiction #we are not bad for liking fictional bad guys: they can teach us things too #at least to me every bad guy in fiction works as a reminder of WHAT i dont want to be and to control my emotions especially wrath #i live in a place where i cant express not even the smallest indication of angryness so #wearing the skin of the monster now and then and twisting it to fit my own agenda is a fun way for me to cope with lives hardest side #that and now im not clueless or slow to read the underlying signals when dealing with such REAL bad people out there #marauder lockdown #YES HE IS BADGER CODED IN MY MIND #and welp I FEEL SO VALID thanks to everyone here!

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nerosdayinanime · 9 months

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wait. random idea. Pathetic(blame candy) muzan & kokushibo are exes from Centuries ago and he has Complaints hed like to talk about w him but all hes getting to now is Nakime. hes so sick of his bullshit and just enduring it and goes to kagaya like 'i have to kill kibutsuji. ill help you kill him & the other upper moons just PLEASE im so sick of this shit. i need to kill him' 'well you arent killing me so ill give you the benefit of doubt-'

since they broke up he's hacked at the curse to the point he can snap it Whenever without muzan noticing, he finally did so & went to kagaya bc he can Feel shit's gonna pick up soon. he has his memories but he Ignores Them bc hes ashamed and kinda projecting it onto muzan. he has to kill muzan to kill his shame kinda fucked up coping mechanism yk?

the hashira try to kill him On Sight together but he calmly deflects everything while explaining hes working with them to kill kibutsuji. reluctant acceptance with the note from kagaya giving him a pass. most of them fully believe its a trap tho.

koku seeing tanjiro & his earrings and starting to approach, giyuu already has his blade lodged in his neck as a warning/threat & tanjiro staring at him in shock like 'HUH?? THE MAN FROM MY DREAMS?? HES A DEMON NOW? WAIT WHATS HE DOING HERE-'