#either way i just remember this song *defining* the hiatus for me and i played it on repeat for like a week after fob announced their break

[twilight-adamo]

Author’s Notes: Brave New World, Chapter 5: What’s Past is Prologue

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19709434/chapters/49462937

As a bit of random trivia, this is the first thing I’ve written set in New Orleans that I’ve actually released publicly. It is also, due to the way I title chapters (their filenames are just the chapter numbers; I don’t decide on a title until I’ve finished), the only thing I’ve written set in New Orleans that never, not once, not even as a working title, borne the title “House of the Rising Sun”. I can’t help it: the song and the city chase each other endlessly in my mind. I’ve been to New Orleans once, about six years after Katrina, and fell in love with the place. I haven’t managed to make it back in the eight years since. I’d quite like to return.

I keep track of the timeline in my outline for the story. It’s late July 2005 in this chapter; in a little over a month, well after BEAR have left, Katrina will hit. I hadn’t remembered until I started digging into the city’s history, trying to figure out where the plotline would fit, but I’m brushing up against it here. The gang will undoubtedly hear about it. I’m not yet sure how it will impact them, beyond general sorrow, but I’m pondering it.

(About BEAR: a reader on FFN - MooNOrchiD, if you’re reading this, hi - pointed out the acronym for Bella, Emmett, Alice and Rosalie. I’ve been using it in my notes. It’s damned convenient, and it makes me giggle.)

Anyway, the chapter title ended up being another quote from The Tempest, one I’m not using as a book title in the trilogy or extended Tempestverse. I’d considered “The Past is Never Dead,” from the Faulkner quote - “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.” - but when I remembered “What’s past is prologue,” and more, that it came from the play from which I borrowed the name of this AU as well as the titles of the stories within, well. It seemed a perfect match.

Once I hit last chapter’s reveal, I really couldn’t think of much reason why Alice would want to keep hanging around the site of her death and revival, and the slaughter she committed as a newborn vampire. And I was eager to get to New Orleans. So if it seems abrupt, well, it is a bit abrupt. It surprised even me. But the asylum has served its purpose, at least for the time being.

I’m trying to balance the episodes of cognitive dissonance and general weirdness Bella is experiencing against the fact that this isn’t really about her - as she herself acknowledges, and that’s why she tries to hide this latest one from Alice, though she doesn’t end up managing it. I also generally don’t want to have too many of them too close together. It’s part of a thread that will continue throughout this book, and there will be more to them in time, but this section of the story, for all that Bella is still narrating and this necessarily limits our perspective, is Alice’s first and foremost. It’s a tricky balance to strike, and I admit I’ve occasionally considered trading Bella’s perspective for someone else’s (not just in this part of the story). But that’s a narrative shift that should be used sparingly, if at all, and I would prefer to leave most of the other characters’ perspectives to These Our Actors. Besides, the very thought of writing from Alice’s perspective, with all her slipping between the present, the future, and now the past, gives me a headache.

I’ve played fast and loose with Alice’s visions of the future in the past, and more so since Bella started altering her powers - I had a reader early on tell me that wasn’t how her powers worked, and while I think Meyer’s descriptions are inconsistent, I can’t say they were entirely wrong about that. Still, in many ways, Alice’s power is one of narrative convenience, and it was inconvenient for me to have her instantly able to see everything. So I decided, and I think this is reasonable, that Alice needed time to learn to control her power to see the future (and still doesn’t have complete control, at that), and will similarly need time to learn to control her power to see the past. For now, she can follow threads, but there are shifting and vaguely defined limits that even she doesn’t fully understand. All will be revealed in time, or at least enough of a story to get along with.

I really want to make Alice and Bella’s relationship healthy, loving, and open, for all that they’re going to have their problems, same as any other couple. I hope I’m succeeding. It definitely seemed to me that she would pick up on Bella’s distress - there’s very little she fails to notice - and that she would expect honesty in their relationship, even if the truth is painful or difficult.

Bella’s relationship and history with magic is going to be a thread throughout both this book and the next, so I wanted to spend a little more time fleshing out her perspective, and with Rose being a novice witch, that afforded me the opportunity to do so. The conversation took a briefly maudlin turn that tread over a lot of territory from the previous chapter before I cut that bit and brought it to a different inclusion. The outtake will be under the cut at the end of this post.

5513 St. Charles Avenue, New Orleans, does not exist. The spot where it would stand is a playground. I didn’t want to associate any real homes with a fictional haunting (and of course I could hardly resist throwing a thirteen in there when the opportunity arose). But it’s in roughly the right location, I think, for a double gallery home once owned by a decently wealthy family.

Now we get to some of the larger changes. I’ve already started altering Alice’s story substantially, as I discussed in the author’s notes for the previous chapter. Here we have another significant change: in the backstory established by Stephenie Meyer, Alice’s mother was murdered, but it was ruled an accident by the authorities. Only Alice’s visions indicated it was homicide. Here, it’s widely known to be murder, but there’s a scapegoat in the form of the Axeman of New Orleans.

The Axeman is a real serial killer from the early 20th century, and while there have certainly been suspects, his true identity is still unknown, as is his motive. There are those who believe he targeted women specifically, only attacking men when they happened to be around his intended victims. Because many of the victims were Italian immigrants (many, but not all), some contemporary commentators tied him to the Mafia. The letter he allegedly wrote demanding jazz bands playing in every house that wished to go unscathed, well, I tend to agree with those who think it was a hoax, though there are wilder theories claiming it wasn’t, and he deliberately launched his spree to expand the popularity of jazz music. Whoever he was, whatever his motives, he hangs over the city of New Orleans to this day.

Was Alice’s mother Luciana actually murdered by the Axeman himself? I don’t know if I’ll end up saying either way. I don’t know if it matters, to be honest. If she was, I would say he was not necessarily tied into the Mafia, but he was a hired killer, and his reign of terror had some greater purpose. It’s just as possible the Axeman was a convenient cover story. It was a hired killer either way, and he had accomplices - the identity of the actual killer is less important here, I think, than the identity of the people who hired and helped him. We’ll learn more in the next chapter.

The last chapter was over ten thousand words, and I briefly considered letting this one be a juggernaut as well, but I hit a natural break point and it seemed better to separate things. I’m working on Chapter 6 now. I’m going on vacation in a couple weeks, and I hope to finish at least that chapter before I leave, as it’s going to mean a hiatus (and I do have another writing project I need to keep working on before the year is out, to boot). I’d really like to get out of the dark place Alice is in now, and give the poor girl the opportunity to find closure and move forward, so maybe I’ll manage to squeeze in Chapter 7 as well. We’ll see.

And now, the outtake, purely as a matter of interest.

Rosalie must have seen something in my expression, despite my best efforts, because she reached out to take my hand. “From what she says, it sounds like you taught her everything she knows. Or close to it.”

“Yeah. Well.” I cracked a small, humorless smile. “I don’t remember any of it. And I can help with theory, but...I can’t demonstrate this stuff for you, and the magic Callie practices isn’t what I’m used to.”

“The spells you talked me through seemed to work just fine the other night.”

“They did. And I’m very glad, believe me.” My smile turned a little more genuine. “I guess I’m not completely out of touch.”

“What does it feel like?” Alice asked softly, glancing between us. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

“The actual spellcasting? Or…” Rose shrugged as she trailed off.

“Any of it. All of it.”

“It’s a little different for everyone, I think,” I said slowly. “There are things we have in common, but we filter the experience through our own perceptions of the world. When you cast, it’s like something moves through you. And when you’re just living in the world, then…”

“It’s music, for me,” Rose added. “I can tune it out, but it’s like there’s a radio playing down the hall. The songs and sometimes the volume change. It’s like the world is trying to tell me something, but I can’t quite figure out what. Sometimes I pick up general themes, but that’s about it.”

I nodded. “It’s never that clear. Not without effort, and - well, I certainly don’t remember divination being my strong suit. Callie says I tended to interpret magic visually, and I saw the colors of Rosalie’s spellwork, but mostly I remember these...whispers of sensation. Something that was almost visible, almost audible, almost tangible, but not quite any of those things. I perceived it all through my mind’s eye. It felt like...standing in the ocean on a hot summer day. The water is warm and your toes are curled in the sand, the seaweed fluttering against your legs. The sun warms your skin, and the sky is that perfect shade of blue, but there are clouds scudding across it, big, white, fluffy ones, the kind that come in elaborate shapes, castles and dinosaurs and starfish and whatever else you can imagine. The wind is whistling past, and you can halfway feel, halfway hear the way it whispers of the autumn and winter days to come. You can feel so keenly that you’re a part of everything around you that it’s hard to tell where your soul ends and the world begins. And losing it is...it’s not like going blind, or deaf, or losing a limb. It’s not that simple. But it’s still...it’s loss. It would be like - if you couldn’t see the future anymore, maybe.”

Alice shuddered at that, leaning against me. “God, I can’t even imagine what that would be like. Baby…”

“Yeah. It’s okay.” I turned, planting a kiss against her hairline. “I’m...fine. I don’t need magic to get by. Plenty of people do just fine without it, it’s stupid to…”

“You’re not stupid,” Rosalie interjected. “What you’re talking about - I’ve felt that for all of a day or two. I went my whole life without it, I don’t need it, but - you found a way to give me this gift and now the idea of losing it again is horrifying to me. You were used to perceiving the world in this specific, complicated way, and you lost part of that, and you’re still coming to terms with it. I’m not going to tell you to wallow in that feeling or throw yourself a little pity party, but I understand it now. Your feelings aren’t stupid. You just...can’t let them rule you.”

I shut my eyes, nodding slowly, letting out a long breath. “Still. I have a lot to be grateful for,” I replied, putting my arm around Alice’s shoulders and squeezing gently. “There was a time, long ago, when I didn’t feel the world that way, and I was fine. It’ll come back, or it won’t, and I’ll have friends and family and love and a power of my own either way. That has to be more than enough for anyone.”

#twilight #twilight fanfiction #twilight fanfic #twilight au #bellice #the tempest trilogy #the tempestverse #brave new world

[ashtonsunshine]

he's said before that he doesn't want to be "just for girls" (rolling stones mag interview), and that girls don't care about drums (as in, the type of drum, or the mechanisms), they only care about seeing the drummer. apparently "chicks don't judge your drumming" like, u have to have male fans to be a real band apparently

I just love ashton dearly and i don't know what to think about that. i'd like to think he's grown and now knows better. i wish he could speak about it.

i'm just worried like ashton is hanging out with mitchy collins who also hits on underaged girls. and ashton is drinking a lot. idk.

also, like, i’m not trying to be mean or start drama

-

Okay, let’s talk about this. 

You’re talking about this Rolling Stones interview from 2015. 

I remember reading that interview when it came out and I wasn’t happy about it. Not because of 5SOS but because of how the person who wrote it decided to word it and what he decided to write about. 

I mean “they are the subject of fan fiction, some of which features bondage sex and cross-dressing. “I don’t read that shit,” says Hood. “It scares me.”” and “Clifford proudly displays one of his favorite presents, given to him by Josh Dun, the drummer of the band Twenty One Pilots: a Fleshlight, a flashlight-shape device with a plastic vagina on one end (“The #1 Male Masturbator,” the packaging reads). “You’ve never used one of these?” Clifford asks with a grin.“, come on! 

Oh, and don’t get me started on the four, yes, four, paragraphs on Arzaylea. “When the VIP row gets crowded, Arzaylea climbs onto his lap, and they make out“. Was that really necessary? Was it? 

The more I read, the more disgusted I am at this article... Sex, party, smoking, drinking... The article doesn’t touch the actual realm of their songwritting once, once! This was written to portray 5SOS as the stereotypical young and reckless rock’n’rollers and I don’t like it one bit! They are hardworking musicians who are serious about their craft and I will not, I repeat, will not put up with this shit excuse of supposed journalism!

But let’s move on. 

There is a distinct distinction (pardon my roundness) between a band and a boy band. A boy band is, according to Wikipedia, “loosely defined as a vocal group consisting of young male singers, usually in their teenage years or in their twenties at the time of formation, singing love songs marketed towards young women. Being vocal groups, most boy band members do not play musical instruments, either in recording sessions or on stage, making the term something of a misnomer. However, exceptions do exist. Many boy bands dance as well as sing, usually giving highly choreographed performances.”, whereas a band is, according to dictionary.com, “a group of instrumentalists playing music of a specialized type“. So, based on that, you can see why 5SOS and the fans don’t like it when 5SOS are labelled as a boy band. They all sing and play their instruments and they are in their full right to want to be recognised for that. 

We all know how this mislabelling started (with Onde Direction) and although it has helped them spread their music worldwide it is also a barrier to reach new various fans. People associate the label boy band with crazy teenage fangirls by the thousands screaming for their beloved male artists and that can be damaging to a band who wants to be recognised as such in the industry and be taken seriously as people who play their own instruments in studio and live. 

So Ashton saying

““Seventy-five percent of our lives is proving we’re a real band,” says Irwin. “We’re getting good at it now. We don’t want to just be, like, for girls. We want to be for everyone. That’s the great mission that we have. I’m already seeing a few male fans start to pop up, and that’s cool. If the Beatles and the Rolling Stones and all those guys can do it, we can do it, too.””

does not strike any kind of sexist chord to me. When he says they don’t want to be just for girls, he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way towards their female based fandom. He says it right after that that he wants 5SOS to be for everyone.

Sometimes you have to read things twice to actually see what is being meant by the interviewed person. I can see why you automatically associated being a real band with having a male based audience. It was written that way to mislead your interpretation. Ashton and the rest of them have said multiple times how grateful they are to all of us, so don’t let a, in my opinion, badly written magazine article warp your vision of who 5SOS are.

Their manager literally shaped their image in order for them to occupy a sellable place in the music industry: 

“After meeting with the band and Hemmings’ mom, Wilkinson wrote up a 12-month plan for 5SOS to become a pop juggernaut. He starts reading a marketing strategy he presented to the band: “Musically, 5SOS can occupy the space between One Direction and [guitar-playing U.K. boy band] McFly. They are young, attractive, attainable teenagers that have a cheekier edge and play their own instruments. While they cannot cross into the realm of pop punk, they can stand on the sidelines and capture the end of that market.”“

“Like the Fab Four, each 5SOS member would have a simple persona. Luke was the quiet one. “The idea was to make the fans feel a little bit of mystery around him,” says Wilkinson. “Michael from Day One wanted to be a rock star. So we tried to accentuate that. Calum was always supposed to be the creative one. Ashton was the serious one.” Wilkinson would hassle the boys to tweet to their fans: “I’d be checking their Twitter – ‘Well, guys, Ashton’s done this, why the fuck haven’t you done it?’ ‘Oh, sorry, forgot. At school, got busy.'””

We all know how hard it it to disassociate from the boy band label because the media don’t seem to be able to wrap their heads around the concept of 5SOS being a band even after all these years, but they are breaking out of it bit by bit. 

Now, about Mitchy Collins. 

I have absolutely no idea what happened or is happening because I do not keep taps on him or his band. I haven’t heard any of their songs either. I literally do not care about him or any of 5SOS’ friends or girlfriends. I don’t dwell on that part of 5SOS’ lives. However, if those allegations are true, they should be investigated.

About Ashton “drinking a lot”, he has said in interviews (here and here) that he is afraid of becoming an alcoholic because his mother was an alcoholic at some point and he had to go through that. He also said that during the hiatus he was dealing with his feelings with alcohol and that that was something that he had to get over pretty quickly so he could focus on his songwritting in order to be a successful musician. 

You can’t just say that he’s drinking a lot because you’re not there to witness it (unless you are. If so, tell him to stop and give him a hug for me). He’s said in another interview (I don’t remember where so I can’t link it) that the guys don’t have time to be at parties and drinking because they are always working on the road and that if they want to party they have to plan it ahead so it doesn’t clash with the shows. That sounds responsible and respectful to me.

To finish, I know you weren’t being mean or starting drama but you can’t just drop those statements in my inbox without any explanation and expect me to be cool with it. 

I hope this answered your primary question. 

#ask #ashton irwin #5sos

[dippedanddripped]

Keary Kase is a Portland legend best known for his hit “Oowee.” HIs sound turned into a cash cow which includes big-time deals with iconic brands like Harley Davidson and Adidas. Setting himself up for longevity, Keary Kase established a legacy from a place of obscurity with creativity, street-smarts and ingenuity. Now, Kase is mentoring the next generation of artists, preparing them for their dream jobs and how to negotiate big business with original creations. In the interview below, Keary Kase tells all about trade secrets and more. For any artists curious about landing the bigger, better deal, this interview is just for you.

SOURCE: Knowing then what you know now about your career, would you have done anything different with your sound?

KK: I can’t say there is anything I would do differently with my sound. As a vocalist, my sound has evolved over my career in music because I have allowed it to. I don’t get hung up on a style or a sound. In the beginning of my career, all I did was spit off the top. When I recorded freestyles, I would discover new cadences and tones to play with. I would pick the sticky ones and write using the same cadence.

It’s really about commitment. Your sound today might not be the sound of tomorrow but if you commit to it, it will provide a snapshot of what you were feeling and expressing at the time you dropped it. Maybe even a glimpse into what was happening at that time in the world. If you go all-in with it, people will feel that energy for a very long time. At one point I had a band. They were an all-black rock band called Prawn. That was powerful! BIG FACTS. It felt like I was on the stage with an AR15. Live instruments make the people move. I will definitely do that again at some point.

You solidified yourself on the West Coast coming from an unknown part but full of talent. In your opinion, why does Oregon never receive the respect it deserves?

I don’t believe respect is something to be passively received. It’s something you either fight for or finesse. Portland’s struggle is not about getting respect outside of Oregon, it’s the lack of support within Oregon that slows the process. We have to grow our own. Portland fans may not understand that buying merchandise, subscribing to and following social media platforms, attending shows, streaming songs and publicly acknowledging artists that they vibe with is what propels them. Follow me on IG @e1eve1even

A legend yourself, who would you consider gave you the best advice about the music business?

I’ve never had a mentor in music, so the majority of what I have learned has been through the experience. I would find music-related jobs on CL, not always hip hop gigs, but anything that I thought might propel me or put me in a better position. Occasionally, somebody might open a back door for me and let me see what goes on inside. I would play it cool but always be asking questions and taking notes.

Rudy Ray Moore, who was a friend of mine before he passed, said “Keary, when you get to the next level, I don’t need to tell you not to get discouraged, but don’t get disgusted with these mutha fuckas out here.” He also told me to make sure everybody gets paid so they know that you respect them as a professional. Even if it’s just travel expenses. Multi-platinum producer and mixer, Skip Saylor, who is also an Oregonian told me to forget about following music trends and focus on making classics.

I’ve been blessed with gems from miscellaneous sources. Most often from the last person, you might be expecting to have some insight. No matter who is sharing good information, I pay attention.

After radio success and branding, did you ever find yourself chasing the charts?

Definitely. I have big dreams. I see myself in a certain position and start to obsess over it. I imagine what it will look like, how it will feel, and how I will be received at that level. I realized that getting played on the radio is not the same as having a bullet. Chasing a hit, lol, will expose you to all types of experiences. There is no set formula but there is an art to it. Some people say mainstream music is watered down and having a hit record doesn’t take much talent. Anytime I hear this theory, I challenge that artist to make one. I did an experimental project that was focused on creating radio-friendly records intended to chart. Listening to it today, it feels timestamped and super uncomfortable. That’s because I was so focused on what was hot at the time that I wasn’t being entirely true to myself. I was smart enough to use a different name when I put it out.

As an advisor, tell us about some of the newer artists making noise in Oregon?

There is no paucity of talent in Portland but I don’t really F with everybody out here. There was a dude who lit it up a few years back but I don’t think he reps the town like that anymore. As of now, I am the incumbent in Portland and I intend to keep it that way for a while.

How do you remain creative after all these years?

I like to figure out how things work. It keeps me up at night. After I do a full day of physical activity and an evening of technology-based work, I start to analyze how things went and why. I think about how to make improvements in whatever I’m producing at the time. This leads me to do research which then leads to new discoveries and elevation. I regard to being musically creative, I think I have a disorder. I hear rhythms, melodies, and cadences everywhere. I just apply them to my perspectives and experiences. Lyrically, I like to provide something for the vibrationally sensitive listener as well as the cerebral listener.

How did your brand partnership with Nike come together?

The Nike deal was a relationship developed over time. I started to wear testing basketball shoes for Nike in high school. At the time I was more into skateboarding than football and basketball. I would skip practice and go skate in NW Portland, I was A few years later, my skate shop sponsor, Rebel Skates, made a deal with Nike to have us do skate demos at their corporate events wearing original Jordans as skate shoes. We would do jump ramp and rail tie tricks for the suits. They would give us free shoes in exchange.

When the advertising campaign happened, I was in the middle of the US National Championships followed by US National Team Trials in Olympic Style Sparring. My agency had a relationship with Marcus Swanson, a Portland photographer who has worked with Nike forever. Marcus has a son who participated in the same sport. He invited me over for a martial arts shoot, where I bumped into one of the guys from Nike who later booked me for the job. I attribute landing good opportunities to being prepared and easy to work with.

Your hit “Oowee” has stood the test of time, is it true that once an artist makes one hit song they can make another and no such thing as a one-hit-wonder?

I believe that anyone who dedicates themself to something and stays down with it is going to eventually be successful on some level. However, in the music industry, that can be easier said than done. It’s like seeing a tail dangling from a tree then pulling on it to see what it’s attached to, only to find that you are now on the opposing side of a tiger fight. Most people will look into the tiger’s eyes and run like a gazelle. Others will fight with the tiger and die or escape with severe wounds and a story to tell. Very few will tango with the tiger and leave with a trophy head. At that point, some go looking for a lion.

It’s really a matter of perseverance and the amount of attention you can handle. Just because you have a hit record does not mean everybody is going to be nice to you.

Landing partnerships with iconic brands like Harley Davidson, Adidas and Diamond Supply. What are some inside incentives you would advise today’s artists to suggest in deals?

I look for long term opportunities in deals. Getting free products and a check from a brand is not my concern. I’m more into deals that include me developing and marketing my own products utilizing their resources and relationships. For example, if a knitwear brand was to approach me with an endorsement deal that awarded me all the cashmere socks, sweaters and beanies, I would counter-propose a signature line of my own cashmere products that awarded me a percentage of the profits for that particular line. At that point, it would make sense for me to be dropping the brand name in songs and such.

How lucrative is the CBD market right now?

I’m remaining optimistic about CBD. In the last year, there was this sudden rush of CBD products. Some are not the CBD that we all assume they are. CBD can be derived from many sources. The good CBD is hemp-derived. Right now, I’m offering samples of my CBD Pain Cream. For samples, contact me on IG: @e1eve1even.

You’ve been in the music for several decades, with the music business currently suffering from a pandemic, how would you advise artists to maintain a revenue stream during hiatus?

Business is business. Don’t be afraid to explore. It’s all work. If you figured out how to eat in the music industry, do the same thing on a different platform. There are some industries that are directly or indirectly connected to the music business. Diversify. I’ve transcended the idea of being defined by one aspect of myself. That’s why I can leave music alone when I don’t feel like I have something of substance to offer it and still have something left in the jab to set up the next combo.

If I was a one pony trick, trying to apply the same formula next season because it went big last year, I would most definitely be confronted by a competitor who has analyzed my game and figured out a way to divert my stream. Kinda like disruptive innovation. I remember being in the meeting with Sony, discussing my first record deal. When asked what my next move was, I said “I can do whatever you want me to do.” NEVER say that! Know what you want to do and get to it. Don’t wait for anybody to help you because by the time you find someone who wants to partner with you, if the ball is not already in play it looks like a losing investment.

Musical artists have to be creative thinkers in addition to being a talent. We also have to be able to see an opportunity when it presents itself. If you are focused, you will always get what you ordered but it may show up in the wrong package. Open the box and see what’s in there before you send it back.

How has the current social climate (cases of police brutality) inspired your new music?

Anybody who knows me well will tell you that my superpower is the element of surprise. I see myself as a KRS when he dropped Criminal Minded in 1987 then, over time, revealed his true mind was more political than criminal. Or an NWA, who told hood stories then realized they could use their voice to chastise politicians and police. Or like Public Enemy. Any artist who slipped into the public view and then started firing with aim at the heads of the broken establishment is like me right now. Stay tuned.

Rappers are the most influential individuals in the world, in a time of need, how would you suggest we as a people move forward in the efforts of change?

Black people, have to be hyper-vigilant right now. And that’s not a condition that can be sustained for a long period of time, but right now we need to be watching for the twist. We can’t protest 6 peanuts in the morning and 3 at night then rejoice over being awarded 8 peanuts in the morning and 1 at night, as if something has changed. That sounds ridiculous, right? But that’s the type of game we have been going for. We have to get over our self-generated fear and unwarranted hate of each other and bring it in.

How have you been contributing to the BLM cause?

I inform people who are supporting the BLM movement with social media posts, memes, posters, picket signs, hashtags, t-shirts, lawn stakes, and badges that those forms of support are great gestures but not enough to make the dramatic changes that need to happen today.

I live in the whitest state in America. I attended a BLM gathering at City Hall with a group of black, and brown men. The people who were supposed to be there in support of us were uncomfortable and tense as we moved through the crowd. Most of them still won’t look me in the eye. Maybe it’s me… No, actually, it’s not. What we don’t need is people showing up to protests for lack of anything better to do while they are in between jobs. We know about the white people who are with the business until it’s time for sentencing. But I don’t mind the faces of BLM here being our lighter-skinned brothers. They need to talk to each other anyway. But let’s not overlook the way protests become more widely digestible when there are less dark faces involved.

We can’t allow the focus of racial inequality and white privilege to be blurred. For example, the LBGTQ community deserves to be heard, but not by using the BLM movement as a platform. Doing this dilutes both agendas.

What’s next for Keary Kase?

We’re still pushing my single, Craze right now. It’s available everywhere for anyone who hasn’t heard it. We partnered with the New Zealand tattoo model, Lilli Grace to be the face of the Craze promotional campaign. Put your snorkeling gear on and go check her out on IG @lilligraceofficial. We did a video for it but I’m not releasing it until we see what’s happening with our people. There is some hype about a Craze remix and video featuring a well known-platinum selling artist but nothing solid yet. I’m dropping a mixtape in July, produced by J Doe and Sixtine, featuring Amelia Cole, Mic Crenshaw, and Uneekint.

I’m also partnering with a visual effects artist and animator named Hock Wong, on a mini-series for Netflix. It’s all about timing right now. We need to give the issue of systemic racism our full attention. After we see how THEY are going to respond, if I don’t have to load up and get on the frontline, you will see me. They would love to throw us a basketball and let things get back to the way they were, but there is no going back. Death before dishonor.

#keary kase #pdx hiphop #pdx artist #portland oregon #music blog

[daggerzine]

Deardarkhead’s founding member and drummer, Rob Weiss, give up all the secrets.

Kevin, Rob and John- the current lineup 

South Jersey’s Deardarkhead started as a band shortly after I had started doing this very zine, DAGGER (my first issue was March of 1987 and they began in ‘88). I had met drummer and founding member (and the only original member left) as kids as he grew up down the street from me on the mean streets of Linwood, NJ. Fast forward several years later and Rob is into underground music and forming a band (and working at Sound Odyssey, our local record store in the Shore Mall).

The band was really a breath of fresh air in the South Jersey scene back then as most bands in the scene were either metal or by-the-numbers punk. DDH went across the pond for their influence and gathered it in bands like the Jesus & Mary Chain, Echo & the Bunnymen, Joy Division and many more (many years ago our friendship was further solidified when he told me he was a huge Naked Raygun fan). The band were able to take these influences and create something truly unique. 

Through a myriad of ups and downs and band members, Rob (drums) and guitarist Kevin Harrington (longtime vocalist Michael Amper left nearly a decade ago) hooked up with a bassist last summer, John Bennett and began playing out again and the band is excited about recording new music.

All of the band’s releases had been on their own Fertile Crescent Records, but nearly a decade ago the band got a serious boost when NYC indie label, Captured Track released a compilation of the band’s early days (Oceanside- 1991-1993). It’s a superb compilation and a great place to start for newcomers (of course DDH completists need it as well). In 2016 Texas shoegaze label Saint Marie Records released an EP, Strange Weather. I was a bit hesitant as the EP was their first record as all instrumental, but the songs were so good that I needn’t worry.

As you’ll read below, Rob’s anxious to record more music and hit the stage as well. That makes me excited as I really hope DDH have lots of gas left in the tank.  

When did you first start playing drums? Did you pick up any other instruments?

I started playing drums in 2nd grade, but I had always wanted to play drums since I was in kindergarten. We had a piano in my house and all of my family played, so I grudgingly agreed to take lessons. A friend of my mother's, who was a piano teacher, would come to our house for the lessons. After about three weeks in, during a lesson, I was asked to repeat a song. I asked my teacher if I could use the bathroom first. Minutes and minutes go by, and my mother comes to the bathroom door asking "Rob are you coming out?" My reply was "I want to play drums!" Lesson over, and the rest is history as they say. I started learning to play other instruments when DDH formed in 1988. I got a 4 track and experimented, until I got good enough to write songs on guitar and bass. If you give me an instrument, I'll make music with it. 

Kurt, Mike, Blakely and Rob- the early daze

 What do you remember as the first indie/alternative bands that you began listening to?

I was really getting into New Wave during the last few years of junior high school. Stuff like Blondie, Devo, The Police, The Cars, and The B-52's. I mostly rejected classic rock at the time, as I wasn't too interested in bands that were no longer around. By high school (1982-1986), I was getting into bands like U2, The Cure, Echo and The Bunnymen, Duran Duran, Public Image Limited and INXS. 

 When did you get hired at (South Jersey record store) Sound Odyssey? How long did your tenure there last and what was it like?

I started at Sound Odyssey in 1987. I was going to Stockton State College at the time and had started hanging around WLFR, the college radio station. While I wasn't a DJ myself, I met a lot of like minded people there, including our mutual friend DJ Bob Portella, who was working at Sound Odyssey then. He put in a good word for me and I got the job. Sound Odyssey was a great record store and I'd probably still work there now if it existed! It was a small chain of about seven stores, owned by the Richman Brothers, and for a mall record store it was amazing. We had a bit of everything: vinyl, tapes, cds, imports, 12"s, 45's, videos, t-shirts, posters, guitars, effect pedals, small amps etc. I bought so many records at that store and it was an important, formative period in my musical education. I made a lot of great friends there (both employees and customers). It was definitely a social hub of the time, as there weren't too many record stores in our area. I came in right at the end of the era, and sometime in 1989 it was sold to the British company, W.H. Smith, which turned it into a Wee Three Records and then The Wall. Although it had changed into an average mainstream record store, I continued working there until they shut it down in 1998, but it had moved to the other end of the mall a few years before. After that, I worked at another local record store, CD Warehouse/Exchange, for a few years. 

 Kevin, Rob, Mike and Blakely- aka: the next lineup (Kevin replaced Kurt)

Had you been in any bands before Deardarkhead?

Prior to DDH around 1987-1988, I had started a short-lived band called Aslan's Pride. We were very U2-esque and only played a handful of shows. Blakely Parent, who had recently moved from Baton Rouge to Ocean City, was our bass player and he would go on to be in the initial line up of DDH.

 Tell me about some of your influences. I know you loved a lot of UK stuff like Echo & the Bunnymen and Jesus & Mary Chain but you also loved Naked Raygun.

I'm definitely an Anglophile, as most of my favorite bands are British or from the UK. In terms of my major influences when I started DDH, I'd list: The Cure, U2, Echo and The Bunnymen, The Beatles, Bauhaus, The Police, Joy Division/New Order, The Church, The Psychedelic Furs, The House of Love, The Cocteau Twins, The Jesus and Mary Chain and 4AD/Factory Records/Creation Records in general. While DDH was definitely on the post-punk side of things, we also liked a lot of punk bands: The Dead Kennedys, The Sex Pistols, The Dead Milkmen, The Ramones, The Buzzcocks, Agent Orange etc. I never really got into the hardcore scene, and preferred bands that were more melodic, which is something I've always loved about Naked Raygun. They are totally kick ass, but the songs are very anthemic and super melodic. 

 Tell me about the beginnings of DDH? Was it 1987 (same year I started Dagger)?  Was it you, Mike and Kurt early on?

DDH actually started in 1988, after Aslan's Pride broke up. The original lineup that recorded our first demo "Greetings From The Infernal Village", was Blakely Parent (vocals, rhythm guitar), Kurt Douglass (guitar), Josh Minor (bass), and me (drums and ebow). So Dagger started a year earlier. Frances Avenue, the street you and I both lived on, was pretty happening for South Jersey!

The first recordings- on gold-plated cassette

 Tell me about the revolving lineups? I know Blakely Parent came aboard pretty early on. Who else?

We've had fairly stable lineups over long periods of time, although at this point I'm the only original member. After the initial lineup, Josh Minor left and Michael Amper came onboard in 1990, as our vocalist and rhythm guitarist, with Blakely Parent moving to bass. Kurt Douglass left in 1992, and was replaced by Kevin Harrington, who is our guitarist to date and is a defining element of our sound. Blakely left in 1994 and we continued on as a three piece. The next major change was Amper's departure in 2009. Unable to find a suitable vocalist, Kevin McCauley joined us in 2010 on bass and we became an all instrumental three piece. McCauley departed in early 2019 due to family obligations. We had been on a hiatus for a few years before that, as my mother was sick with Alzheimer's and I was completely overwhelmed dealing with that. She passed in June 2018. Around the end of summer 2019, John Bennett joined us as our bassist, and we've done three shows together since the beginning of 2020. 

 Were the early recordings collaborative or was one person doing a bulk of the writing?

Every DDH record and lineup has been about collaboration. I've always encouraged everyone to contribute ideas. We don't really have one standard way of writing our songs. Sometimes one person will bring in a mostly finished idea or maybe just a few sections and other times we've written tunes after jamming on a riff out of the blue. We tend to spend a lot of time arranging the song structures, so it's definitely a group effort for us.

An early EP- 1992

 Was there a specific studio where you did most of the recording?

Every recording was done in a different studio: 

Greetings from the Infernal Village - my house Linwood, New Jersey Spiral Down and Vibrate - Dekar Studio, Northfield New Jersey Melt Away Too Soon - Audio Plus, Northfield, New Jersey Ultraviolet - The Catbox, Lancaster, Pennsylvania Unlock the Valves of Feeling - The Churchbox, Lancaster, Columbia, Pennsylvania Strange Weather - Miner Street Recordings, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

 The Catbox and The Churchbox were both run by Ken Heitmueller and Jay Sorrentino of Suddenly, Tammy!

 Did the band tour back them (or now)? What’s the furthest away you’ve played?

We've pretty much stuck to the East Coast, as we've never had any label support. We mainly concentrated on putting out our own records.

 Who are some of the bigger names you’ve opened up for?

The Psychedelic Furs, Supergrass, The Lilys, Everclear. 

 How do you feel about the early recordings? I still think the Melt Away Too Soon EP is really great.

We've always tried to make the best recordings we could, with what we had at the moment. Since we never really had any record label money behind us, we had to pay for all the studio time out of pocket. Most songs were done in a few takes with minimal overdubs. Constraints are a good thing, as you can get lost in infinite possibilities. I think we always sound like DDH, no matter what the lineup is, but I do feel there has been a continuous evolution of our sound over time. I'm proud of every record we have released, and feel lucky to have worked with so many talented people. 

The Captured Tracks compilation

 Tell me about the Captured Tracks collection, Oceanside: 1991-1993. What year was that and how did it come about?

That came out in 2011. I was at home one summer day, when I got a call from Mike Sniper from Captured Tracks. He wanted to know if we would be interested in having our early recordings released as a compilation, which would be part of a series called The Shoegaze Archives. The idea was to shine a light on American bands, from the late 80's to early 90's, that were working in a similar vein as their British contemporaries, (eg. Lush, Ride etc.), but never got the same attention. We were the second release in the series and all of the tracks were remastered with sleeve artwork featuring photography I took, that we used to project on stage when playing.  Overall, it was a great experience in terms of exposing an entirely new crowd of people to what DDH has been doing all along. Mike Sniper and the entire Captured Tracks staff were wonderful to work with and we are big fans of many of the bands on the label. Thanks again for contributing liner notes, we were honored!

 Your most recent EP is the vocal-less Strange Weather EP Saint Marie Records, the Texas shoegaze label. How did that come about? Will you do more stuff with that label?

After we finished the recording, I shopped it around for the better part of a year with some labels I thought might be a good fit. Wyatt Parkins, from Saint Marie Records, responded favorably and we worked together to get the release out in March 2016. We'd love to do another record with Saint Marie, but that's up to the label.  Strange Weather, certainly got some of the best reviews we've ever had, however being a instrumental, shoegazer/dreampop/post-punk/indie rock three piece is a hard sell for a lot of folks. That said, DDH always finds a way to keep doing our thing. 

Strange Weather EP- 2016/ Saint Marie Records

 Bring us up to what the band is doing currently. Is there a new vocalist yet? Any new recordings? Shows?

As I mentioned in the lineup question, we played three shows in Atlantic City during January and February 2020, with our new bassist. We played out one new tune and had started working on more material when the Coronavirus pandemic hit. Everything is up in the air until that blows over, but ideally we'd like to write new songs, play more shows, and hopefully make another record sooner than later.

 Who are some of your current favorite bands?

There is always a ton of stuff I'm checking out every day, but some of my heavy rotation lately includes: Ringo Deathstarr, Cigarettes After Sex, Khruangbin, Wild Nothing, Tycho, DIIV, Washed Out, The Horrors, Destroyer, Arctic Monkeys, Pinkshinyultrablast, The Wants, Tara, Seablite, Sulk, Feet, Hatchie, Southpacific, Beabadoobee, Slowdive, Ride.

 What are your top 10 desert island discs?

Let me just say, as a hard core music junkie, narrowing it down to only 10 choices is next to impossible! This is the hardest question ever, and on any given day you might get a slightly different list. Here are ten records I adore, and still listen to regularly, in no specific order:

 The Police, Zenyatta Mondatta

The La's, The La's

My Bloody Valentine, Loveless

The Cure, Disintegration

Miles Davis, Kind of Blue

Echo and the Bunnymen, Songs to Learn and Sing

The Dukes of Stratosphear, Chips from the Chocolate Fireball

U2, War

Slowdive, Souvlaki

The Cocteau Twins, Treasure

Still destroying stages  (and women’s hearts)

Final thoughts? Closing comments? Anything you wanted to mention that I didn’t ask?

Thanks for asking me to do the interview. I feel like it could easily go on as long as Jack Rabid's Big Takeover interviews with The Chameleons! For those of you who have never heard of us, please check us out at: www.deardarkhead.com

 Bonus questions; What’s the weirdest fan letter or strangest thing you have ever received in the mail regarding the band?

We never got any super weird fan letters, however since we put out the majority of our recordings on our own label, Fertile Crescent Records, we'd get a demo submission now and then. I recall getting a tape from a rap artist in our area early on. I of course politely replied saying that we were in no position to sign any artists and even if we were, rap certainly wasn't our area of expertise. For all I know it was one of my smart ass friends winding me up, as it was pretty bad. If that was the case, they never let me in on the joke!

A few recent flyers.

If you missed it, all things DDH can be found at www.deardarkhead.com  

[hrrytomlinson]

so i’ve been making monthly fic recs for a full year now! that’s so insane to think about honestly. thanks for all the support! my first monthly fic rec was for april 2016 and it had 10 fics on it. now they have upwards of almost 30 fics. that’s character development. anyway...

here are a bunch of fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of march. I recommend that you read these great fics in april, if you haven’t already. 

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)

1. Perfect Storm (80k)*

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

2. The Night Sky is Changing Overhead (124k)**

Harry is a tattoo artist, Louis is a drama professor, and they meet during an argument at a café.

3. All I Wish Not to Remember (71k)**

What happens when all you had, all you loved, all you held dear is viciously ripped away from you? When your inner core, once filled with love and hope and light, blackens to raw, dark hatred?

What happens when your soul is hopelessly consumed and no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you attempt to shake yourself out, to rid your tormented mind of the opaque feelings that plague you, all you can see, all you can feel, all you can want is...

Revenge.

A modern adaption of The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. A tragic tale of timeless undying love, merciless revenge, and selfless sacrifice.

4. I Sam Therefore I Am (4k)

Louis and Harry are both creative souls but they aren't friends, not by a long shot.

This is the Rival Slam Poets AU that no one asked for.

5. Use Your Words (6k)

College AU where jock!Harry always serenades flowercrown!Louis with love songs in their music class. What nobody knows is that Harry actually kinda means the words he sings.

But instead it's Louis as the jock and Harry as the flowerchild because I do what I want.

6. We’re Going Down Swinging (21k)

Everyone knows that revenge plots never work. Liam, Zayn, and Niall have told them as much, but Hell hath no fury like Louis Tomlinson scorned. His new friend Harry takes a bit of convincing but, once he agrees to help, Louis is sure his ex will regret the day he decided to cheat.

That is, if Louis can stick to the plan and stop falling for his co-conspirator.

Or, the one where Louis and Harry fake it til they make it, so to speak.

7. Looking in the Dark (With an Empty Heart) (25k)

In a perfect world One Direction is not interviewed by idiots. In a perfect world Harry doesn't have to defend his relationship with Louis.

Harry and Louis are out, and the whole world loves their love story, until an interviewer takes hints that they're together for a very long time now, and their libido must have changed since they were young. They don't say anything, until the media turns against them, saying their relationship must be very dull after all these years.

The only thing the media doesn't know, that Louis is asexual. His biggest fear is that Harry will leave him because of it, even though Harry grabs every chance to comfort him how perfect their relationship is, and he wouldn't want to change anything.

So when in an interview the host directly calls them out on their sex-life, Harry snaps at them without thinking, outing Louis.

8. It’s All Brand New Because of You (17k)

It’s nearing six o’clock in the evening, and despite the fact that it’s summer, the aquarium has emptied out considerably and it’s quiet as Louis wanders the exhibits. A few people try to ask him questions as he wanders, but Louis knows less about the creatures in the tanks than they do, so he keeps having to apologize and explain that he’s just a counselor, not a biologist.

AKA, Louis starts a new job as a summer camp counselor at the local aquarium and Harry is a biologist who really likes teaching people about the ocean.

9. Zero to Sixty in Three Point Five (2k)

Harry bumbles himself out of a bind...and into a boyfriend. It's Niall's fault, of course. As it always is.

10. Wings to Break Your Fall (102k)*

“I’m glad you like my clothes,” Harry whispers, sliding his arms further along the couch until he’s speaking directly into Louis’ ear. “Would you like me to take them off?”

Or Strip Club AU. Harry’s work and family are keeping him busy. He really isn’t looking for a relationship, doesn’t want one. He just wants Louis. Problem is, Louis has other plans.

Featuring: spilled drinks, meddling mums, accidental insults, a pivotal plot point masquerading as a private dance, Harry with wings, slow morning sex, a secret relationship, and tea that fixes everything.

11. For the Sake of Propriety (52k)

Louis Tomlinson is the caretaker of an estate that is not truly his, and when his Uncle calls upon him to take it back, Louis knows he will soon be out on the streets with four overly zealous sisters to care for. His only solution: wed the eldest two off and pray for the best. When an even better solution unexpectedly presents itself in the form of the charming Mr. Styles, Louis is faced with a difficult choice. But as with all things in the regency era, reputation very well may threaten to outweigh the fleeting matters of his heart.

12. Feels Like Coming Home (60k)**

The last thing Harry Styles expects when he's hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that's exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn't heard one word from Louis, and he's moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he's a chef, isn't easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he'd left turn out to be not so easily forgotten.

This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives.

13. Love Is a Kitten From Hell (8k)**

Louis Tomlinson passes himself off as an arrogant prick at his new school to hide the fact that he's terrified of being bullied again. Just when he's getting tired of putting up walls, he finds himself in a local pet shop where he finds a sanctuary playing with the kittens in the front window.

Harry Styles is the popular football player who works at the pet shop, secretly watching the boy he thought was utterly unlikable prove him wrong.

Partnered together for a class project, Harry gets more and more hints that Louis is actually someone worth getting to know. But the real question is, will Louis let Harry in?

14. Our Garden Grows (5k)*

Harry lives a rather mundane and dreary life, full of the same sorts of routine day in and day out.

One terribly dull and rainy day, a letter arrives from an L.T. who would very much wish for Harry to write back.

Too bad Harry can't figure out how.

15. I've Been Wandering Round (But I Still Come Back to You) (27k)

"Harry had always been beautiful, but lately he’d blossomed into this tall, sexy, man and Louis was having trouble dealing with it. And so, it seemed, were his hormones."

OR The one where Louis and Harry are best friends and co-stars on a popular television series and Louis inconveniently discovers he's in love with him in the middle of a press tour.

16. When We Were Younger (76k)**

About a week after Harry started visiting this particular chat room, he was watching some kid argue with the whole room about football, personally disinterested as he tipped a bag of crisps into his mouth. He happily chomped on the crumbs, taking a swig from a glass of Ribena to wash them down, glancing at the screen and very nearly spat the squash back out again.

His heart was pounding wildly. The display icon of the argumentative newcomer had caught his eye, and not in a good way. He gulped as he clicked the picture, and when it popped up in full resolution, his heart nearly fell right out of his arse.

Sixteen year old Harry Styles’ world turns upside down when he logs on to gay teen chat to discover somebody has stolen his photos and used them as their own.

17. Can't Start A Fire Without A Spark (22k)**

Louis Tomlinson is the pop sensation with his first new single out since taking a personal hiatus from the spotlight. Harry is a paparazzi hired to photograph him during promo. Louis hates paparazzi with a passion, but there’s just something about the pretty young pap with wide green eyes and chocolate curls that Louis can’t shake from his head.

18. ‘Til I Tasted You (14k)*

Louis is Harry Styles' biggest fan. It doesn't matter that Harry is famous for being a food blogger and Louis can't cook to save his life.

At least, until Harry offers to give Louis a cooking lesson. Then it matters just a teensy bit.

19. Life Was a Song, You Came Along (37k)**

It's embarrassing how long it takes Louis to recognize his own song. Niall had sung it as a bright, hopeful love song, and that’s honestly how Louis had always assumed it should sound. But this new voice, slow and rough, stripped of any backing instrument, has infused the lyrics with just the tumultuous mix of fear and defiance that Louis can remember so clearly from the night he wrote them.

It’s not a comfortable thing, to feel like someone is singing all your secrets back to you.  

Louis is a songwriter trapped in a lie that could ruin his best friend's career. Harry owns a record store, distrusts everyone in the music industry on principle, but loves Niall Horan's newest album. A modern retelling of Singin' in the Rain.

find my other monthly fic recs here

#monthly rec #fic rec #mine #it's been a year #im emotional #perfect storm #all i wish not to remember #the night sky is changing overhead #like was a song you came along #when we were younger #feels like coming home #for the sake of propriety #wings to break your fall #so many goodies #larry stylinson #larry fic rec #one direction #harry styles #louis tomlinson #zayn malik #niall horan #liam payne

[imkipsy]

I swiped right on everyone on Tinder (yes, everyone)

I previously began this project in my first year of college, I was 18 and beginning my studies as a theatre/biology double major at The Ohio State University. Shortly after reaching 1500 matches, I began to fear for my safety, and aborted the social experiment right after the beginning of my second semester. Now, being in my third year and two years older, I thought it would be a good idea to restart my project in hopes of gathering information on interesting people and (maybe) even finding someone I like. I am a seasoned user of Tinder, averaging about seven dates, two casual hookups, and even a couple of possible relationships. I am starting this article at the milestone of my 2000th like, a phrase I never thought I would be writing in a Word document while sitting on my mother’s couch. And yes, I swiped right on EVERYONE, minus a select few who were maybe going to compromise my safety (exes, past abusers, etc.). After almost a month of the project, I feel the need to talk about my findings and what this could possibly mean for the future of casual dating.

                   This project revival began just before the new year of 2017 after a stimulating conversation with my roommate about crazy dates and exes (Tinder or otherwise). I had been an on/off Tinder user for about 2 years, only rendering it useless when I was monogamous or having one of my “independent woman who don’t need no man” emotional bouts. My roommate, on the other hand, was a more recent victim of the hells of Tinder; finding it tough to convince herself to keep using the app for the chance of clicking with someone. We discussed writing a Tinder episode for a small show we were collaborating on outside of our academics, a project we were using to showcase the actuality of college life. This was the catalyst for both of us remaking both of our profiles and PAYING for Tinder Plus. We both signed up for a month membership, offering us a whole slew of new options for the app, like boosts during peak hours and unlimited likes. We decided to make hyperbolic versions of ourselves, seeing how much a man could handle before questioning his swipe decision. Our pictures featured tasteful cleavage and good angles, all necessary for reeling in ~the perfect man~. My bio read, “0 in the pink, 5 in the stink”, a phrase that I do not remember the source of, but seemed fitting for this version of Kelsey. I also had my preferences set to “men and women” since I am a bisexual woman, but none of the women bothered me. My roommate’s bio said, “hit me with the shocker”, so let’s just say that we were not setting ourselves up for success. We began swiping and found ourselves reeling in the instant gratification and validation in our attractiveness as women. The only song that was completely applicable at this point was “It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls (I wish they made more music). We were quickly up to 500 matches after a few hours, and the messages were flowing in so fast that we had to put our phones on “Do Not Disturb”. Some of my messages were questioning the whole anal fisting thing, many others were ultimately willing and on board to participate in a night of intimate annihilation. However, most the messages were duds like “hey” or “wyd” BUT I have included some mighty fine gems here for your satisfaction.

  Let me just say up front, I matched with some real creeps, like people you see on the street and think “this person looks like they might murder me” or “I am getting a very strange vibe from you so I am hoping you can hear my thoughts and hear me say, you look lovely today!!”. People on campus began to recognize me; sometimes I would walk to class only to read a message 20 minutes later saying:

This began to make me paranoid; these men recognized me, but I would not be able to pick any of them out of a lineup. I walked around campus, locking eyes with people on my way to class and wondering if they knew me. My roommate had ceased her part of the project after beginning to feel freaked out by the sheer number of men who were actively trying to meet her. I did not judge her for this intelligent course of action. After being picked out a few times on campus, I took a short hiatus from my swiping and did not message anyone back for a couple weeks. Some men were belligerent, insulting me and my attitude after a day or two of not messaging back. A few men were persistent, messaging days, sometimes hours, in a row in hopes that I would respond with some witty banter. With 2000 people, it was very difficult for me to keep track of who I was responding to and who was sending me new messages. Tinder’s infrastructure was literally unable to handle the amount of matches I had, showing that people had messaged me when they had not and losing some of my matches in the void. After my hiatus, I was a little sobered to the whole experiment; I had lost my initiative to continue swiping and accumulating more messages for SCIENCE. Although, not everything was terrible with this project since it allowed me to get to some really cool people faster by bypassing Tinder’s match algorithm/design.

                   In total, I gave my number to and/or met three of the matches I accumulated during my second run of the project. I hooked up casually with one man, talk continuously with another, and am casually dating my most recent, normal match. The struggle with this is, how do you tell someone that you swiped right on everyone, even them? Does this emotionally compromise the other person? Does it bring to question your sanity and way of living when they find out that you have been messing with men on a dating app for over two years? I have told two of the three men about my project, and they did not seem to have an issue with it, albeit maybe a twinge of judgment and pain at the initial reaction. And I feel bad, I really do. I know that many of these men are just looking for casual fun, or even serious relationships. One guy even told me that I was his first match after a few months of using the app, something I had never thought about over the time span of my experiment. But, it is hurtful, what I did and am currently doing. Something as simple as a right swipe is enough to be emotionally affecting to another person, and that sucks. BUT, a lot of these men are uncool, many of them making attempts to sexually harass me, ask for nude pictures, or find out where I live. It does not absolve me of guilt, or give me a reason to continue my swiping extravaganza.

 The whole point of the experiment, for me, was to learn about the app, and the people on it. It is such a dark and mysterious topic, who uses Tinder, and what are they there for? No one wants to admit to using the app, but why? Why is our generation so afraid to admit that they don’t use “traditional” methods to find companionship? Is it because of past generations judging us for using these apps? Or is it because we feel ashamed or unable to find love in the ways our parents did? I still do not know the answer, and I do not know why most people use Tinder. Many men asked me, “so why are you here??” because there is no ONE answer to this question. Tinder is not defined in its usage as a casual dating app, or a serious one either. I have friends who have had long, fulfilling relationships from Tinder, and others who have vowed to never use the app again because of their experiences. We have reached a new age of dating, there is more criteria than ever before when looking for a possible partner. Politics, religion, values, ethics, academics, feminism, emotional/mental health, these factors now play a role in today’s age of companionship that they may not have previously. My mom is a liberal Democrat from Michigan, my stepfather a conservative Republican from Ohio. These two would most likely never be together today if their Tinder bios had been available up front with this information. I know, personally, I would never be able to date someone who was not a feminist or unwilling to stand with my social values. This information was not as readily available to past generations as it is to millennials. And that’s a good thing, being able to feel someone out before emotionally opening yourself. We have immediate access to Facebook likes, Instagram posts, tweets, and other things that can help us determine the personality of the person on the screen.

We have a lot to learn about these new apps as means of finding love or friendship. And while this experiment may prove futile in the face of emotions and statistics, I have learned a lot about myself and what I want in a potential partner. I know that I need someone who is willing to deal with my past of being emotionally abused, and I need to be willing to open myself more to someone. I have found out a lot through reading messages from men who were outright asking me for naked pictures in their first message. I have learned that a lot of men in college are unsure, unconfident, and very willing to put themselves on the line. I hope, from this project, that we can all learn, together, how our new age of dating works; but, for now, we are all trapped in the hell of “no labels” and constant wondering if we are normal in our ways. Let me be the first to say, there is NOTHING wrong with casually dating, hooking up, or one night standing it with someone. And it is OKAY to not want to do any of that, either. But, it is NOT okay to judge others in their search for themselves and their sexuality. We need to be understanding of each other as we move into the digital age of dating, and our first step needs to be erasing the stigma surrounding casual dating.

#tinder #writing #casual dating #dating app