#emjaysanonymity

[spikethesenses]

Funny thing

not like ‘ha ha’

-

Curious

Like a cat

-

Peering

around a corner

Adrenaline

Pumping

-

Who could understand?

————————

Funny thing

Like ‘ha ha’

-

Abashed

blood to cheeks

-

Waving to someone

by mistake

retracting your notion

sooner than you initiated it

-

Who’s laughing anyway?

-

Funny thing..

—Emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing

[fetishizethearchetype]

Bull Pen Canyon; Camp Verde — Arizona

#likeatourist #photography #travel #arizona #desertlife #emjaysanonymity #naturesbeauty #Instagram #bullpencanyon #campverdeaz

[spikethesenses]

I HATE THIS

My heart is in shambles

But not cause you broke it

I scrape from the floor

And crave just to toke it

The feelings you give me

Addictingly so

Have me going crazy

inhaling like blow

The down and the darkened

I feel in your absence

I still try and cure

With a swift shot of absinthe

Do you know how I feel?

Can you sense my disdain?

Is ether the savior

Reducing such pain

I cry and I scramble

To find my new fix

Convinced that my love

Is from some bag of tricks

But wounds on the inside

They get fewer licks

Cause what we can’t see

Weighs a whole ton of bricks

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing #love #heartache #distance #longdistance

[spikethesenses]

7/11/21

The ways I used to hide

The words I wouldn’t say

I want them to be history

I’m still in my own way

Keep hearing myself banter

the error I must find

What once was unfamiliar’s

now a pillar in my mind

End age of Sisyphean

It’s all because of you

No blunt compel

It’s served me well

This peace I’ve found in you

-

Yet there’s a weight pressed on mind

Articulation

Hard to find

As I see this wall coming down

I hesitate and look around

It’s all in you

Perfection found

And then my feet they feel the ground

I can’t forget

the looping thought

the one that roams

then roots to rot

For only ever in the past

Were things around that’d never last

-

My thoughts they idle loudly

in the wings aside my wake

To give my trust in full I must

I know it’s all at stake

Which way will I so pivot

In delineating time

I see my feet and balance quake

they stratal heart and mind

I’ve never felt so anxious

to be in love this way

Because I know that once I am

It doesn’t mean you’ll stay

Alike, I’ve never been more sure

of you and all you’ve shown

That’s why the thought of heartbreak

makes me fear a bleak unknown

You have my heart

it’s in your hands

I know that you can feel it

I can’t let go

I hold it too

afraid that life will steal it

So how do I disable

such a self destructing bomb

From a history unable

to encounter love that’s calm

You’re everything I’ve wanted

Never thought it’d come to be

Though I think I need your guidance

Through this vulnerability

—emjay

#emjaysanonymity #poetry #writing #love #fear #rhymingpoetry

[spikethesenses]

EGGS

I’m scrambled and frantic

Yet frozen in time

It seems that again

I am losing my mind

Do you see how this ails me?

Undoubtedly so

But just on what level?

There’s more you should know

I fear when the time comes

When sharing is crucial

You’ll ask for it “quickly”

And you’ll get an ear full

The tip of the iceberg

Seems all you desire

Would you melt it all down

In your dodging the fire?

I dive so much deeper

My partner my keeper

Without constant airflow

I fear for the reaper

Confused how you see me

Your words were so terse

I can’t help but think that

Our way is now cursed

Where confidence lay

Indecision so creeps

Will you exit your mind now

For me and take leaps?

The moment alone

Though your care was most needed

It wasn’t awareness

I saw that was heeded

To say I’m a number

statistic of sorts

I can’t say it’s easy

I can say it hurts

If I’m one in a million

I’m just your civilian

Self conscious, alone

With your cast of opinion

I so want to dwell and

explore your dominion

But please try and see

Your demeanor’s your minion

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing #poems #rhymes #love

[spikethesenses]

VROOM

Be still my heart

Race on my mind

My peace of late’s

Been hard to find

What’s in the past

Still leaves a hole

Repression burrows

Like a mole

I see my strength

Just over there

Across the room

Outside my lair

It’s oh so close

And yet so far

I’m reaching out

Not meeting par

It’s quite the scare

Debilitating

My ghosts impact

The life I’m making

And me, I once

Was for the taking

My pieces sprawled

Beseeched a raking

It’s not of choice

But all the same

It’s like the devils’

Taunting game

Reminding me

How far I’ve come

Then cripples me

With what they’ve done

I still shed tears

And often hide

Inside is safe

Just not my mind

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing #love #ptsd #mental health #recovery #abuse #healing

[spikethesenses]

SLAVE TO MY HEART

Never in my waking years

Has someone drained this many tears

Through claiming love

Manipulation

I feel like Frankenstein’s creation

He drew the worst straight out of me

I’ve felt so trapped

So am I free?

It doesn’t feel like I’m unbound

Around your finger

Tightly wound

But in this lull

I look around

And it’s an eerie peace I’ve found

I see you acting ways you’ve said

That you would never wish again

You flee to those you ban as friend

So you’re the phony

In the end

I have to sigh

And pity you

It isn’t me you’re lying to

You fake

You hoax

You forgery

You spewed deceit

so constantly

I guess the one to blame is me

I always sensed hypocrisy

I shouldn’t care

My blood not boil

I know you’re in

your own turmoil

But now I say

And on my honor

The man I thought you were

A goner

I’ve seen it all

Or so I thought

Inside this city

Meant to rot

A constant game

A masquerade

My open heart

Prey to your blade

I saw the best

And so I’d wade

Inside this toxic pool

We made

I can’t deny

My heart is broken

So take this poem

As final token

My heart has been

So duped and fooled

So now my head

Has overruled

—emjay

#poem #heartbreak #emjaysanonymity #poetry #lies #rhymes

[spikethesenses]

Complacency Is Contagious.

I’ve learned.

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing #life

[spikethesenses]

My heart is broken

Tears flood my eyes

I guess we’re simply

Out of tries

I feel it now

This is the end

A loss of lover

Fall of friend

A hole here lies

Inside my heart

Not meant for you

But torn apart

I can’t expose my heart to play

Not in this state

Not in this way

So on you go

To search again

I’m nothing now

Was nothing then

But am I nothing

in the end?

I’d like to think some truth

was said

Though I’m unsure

My ears I doubt

The words ran from

Your leaky spout

The water dripped and

trickled out

It never just quite

quenched the drought

What once sufficed

Now barely seen

Your eyes are red

Your heart is green

A monster yes

Not viewed outside

The evil thing

You live to hide

And now I question

Everything

The air I breathe

The tune I sing

When will I know

The truth I need

Inside my heart

For love to breed

I cannot do this all again

I’ve now accepted lonely end

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing #love #heartbreak #poems

[spikethesenses]

SAIL

I wade

I waddle

Now mostly

I sail

I’m chasing

horizons

No longer

my tail

In times that are calm

And the water is still

My pores are on edge

From a cold eerie chill

The peace so disturbs me

Though chaos

It soothes

There’s danger

Around me

By courses

I cruise

But no more

For sinking

Or treacherous seas

Not by my own hand

At chance by the breeze

So throw me your anchor

Intention to drown

I’m still casting off

You won’t weigh me down

—emjay

#emjaysanonymity #poetry #writing #healing #rhymes #selfcare #sail

[spikethesenses]

DEAD MAN WALKING

Evil is

As evil does

I know it now

You’re my because

It’s you

You buzzing

Little bee

In circles of

Insanity

For even now

I still can’t see

Through all the slime

You spewed on me

You were my angel

Sent from hell

You reeked of rot

Sadistic smell

You’re empty

Hollow

nothing there

You’ve struck me down

The worse for wear

I know you’re there

Your shadow slow

You think in time

You’ll ever grow?

I’ll tell you now

the answers no

So leave me be

G-T-F-O

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing #love #heartache #narcicism #gtfo

[spikethesenses]

Where are you now?

I’ve no right to know

It’s cold here without you

I’m naked in snow

Your arms nowhere near me

To keep me so warm

This absent goodbye

Has left me so torn

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing #love #heartbreak #rhymes #poems

[spikethesenses]

My head is expired and

So is my chest

You’ve emptied my vault

You rob me of rest

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #writing #love #poems #heartbreak

[spikethesenses]

Branded by your faults again

And for myself I’ll try to fend

It hurts no less just as your friend

It seems this pain will never end

Do not go board, not yet they said

the sinking ship around the bend

But there I go I just pretend

I crave to sail, I crave to lend

As we progress across the seas

The nicer days are just a tease

Because the storms, good things they’ll seize

Release them now I’m begging, please

It’s one step forward

Two steps back

You ask me what it is we lack

And so I tell

Consistency

The thing you never give to me

And so you see we’ll never be

The future, no, I can’t decree

So all we have is history

And from the past I can’t be free

—emjay

#poem #poetry #rhymes #heartbreak #love #emjaysanonymity #spikethesenses

[spikethesenses]

INTROSPECTION

It boils inside me

My anger towards you

Not you as a person

Your absurd impromptu

No thoughts of your own

Just skating along

You wait for another

To come write your song

Originality absent

You’re solely a sheet

Begging for some projection

There out in the street

Your lies now repulse me

What I once thought were truths

To figure their root

I needn’t some sleuths

The dupes were for you

And not my own peace

You wanted them ratified

Won’t lie through my teeth

You’ve convinced yourself well

That you’re happy as you are

But honey

you’re crumbling

To go

You have far

I’ve not ever seen someone

create such a process

In persuading themselves

To a point I feel nauseous

Just because you may vocalize it

Doesn’t mean it reigns true

Your claim to self love

Is a fallacy by you

—emjay

#poetry #emjaysanonymity #spikethesenses #writing #love #lies #anger

[spikethesenses]

THE REUSE

The missing link in you for me

Is simply proactivity

Reactive as someone can be

You lack responsibility

I am no queen

I am no saint

And of you I don’t want to paint

Unseemly works for more to see

It’s just that you are not for me

That doesn’t mean that you are wrong

We just dance to a different song

The one that leads us through the days

For me it’s clear

To you a haze

And when I try to clear the fog

And help you try to sing along

I’m met with all opposing words

In claiming mine’s a song you’ve heard

But I know better

When words aren’t true

Now lies to me

But not to you

I thank the times

although, confusing

They’ve made this navigation

reusing

You call me perfect

You call me friend

I’m both and neither

In the end

And I fortell or cast again

It’s to yourself you need to tend

—emjay

#poetry #love #emjaysanonymity #poem #heartache #friendship #spikethesenses #rhymes #lyricism