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grimes-claireboucher · 5 years

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GRIMES | WHO KNEW WORLD-BUILDING WOULD BE SO DIFFICULT?

BY SID FEDDEMA

APRIL 23, 2019

You can hear it, can’t you? The pulsing, panning synth bass, ingenious and instantly memorable. A gossamer coo, almost a sigh. And then a voice in an unusually high register singing  lyrics full of menace, at odds with a calculated syrupy-sweet, faux-naive intonation: I never walk about after dark / It’s my point of view / If someone could break your neck / Coming up behind you always coming and you’d never have a clue.

Seven years later, its power remains unmitigated. “Oblivion” turned horror into art, and, while drawn from a personal, particular experience, it spoke to a universal pain, a sense of predation and vulnerability all too familiar for women. Most importantly, it is a defiant act of resistance, a steadfast insistence on Grimes’ ownership of her own experience, and a refusal to be silenced. Pitchfork named it the best song of the decade so far. NPR named it one of the “greatest songs by 21st Century women.” Grimes was suddenly a cultural touchstone, a feminist symbol, a cherished member of the resistance. Everyone was watching.

They still are. Look at the Twitter fusillades, the talmudic readings of even the most flippant utterance, the team-joining. Feuds! With contemporaries, the media, her label. Gossip! A storm of it, following her spacetime-warping appearance with Elon Musk on the Met Gala red-carpet. And to hear Grimes tell it, being caught up in all this has been excruciating. She’s said that 2018 was one of the hardest years she’s endured.

When we speak, Grimes is in flux—emotionally, artistically, career-wise. But that’s nothing new. If I was to describe her with one word, I think it would be '“mercurial.” Or “protean.” She never stands still, never settles. She feels less like one person than like a collection of occasionally-combative creative spirits inhabiting one body. Hence the wide cast of characters in her albums, the fashion experiments, the accretion disk of material spanning mediums and genres. As I was writing this article we got word that she has changed her name—to c [lowercase italic], rather than Claire Boucher, and that the Grimes identity she’s built up over the course of her career could be next to go. For a journalist, she’s a tough subject: not only is she encyclopedic in conversation, but by the time you finish your draft, half of what you’ve written may no longer be true. While this capriciousness is a powerful creative resource, it can also make things difficult. She is a hell of a lot of fun to talk to, though—a whirlwind of ideas, opinions, wisecracks, and puckish self-deprecation.

I was given four tracks from the new album to prepare. But when I bring up the first, the disarmingly raw, strange, and lovely “Shall I Compare Thee,” she laughs. “I hate all these songs now. I might even replace them all. I’m supposed to be finishing the album this month or whatever, but I’ve been making a shit ton of new music instead. Which is a really bad idea.” She sighs, thinks for a moment. “But I’ll probably put out the songs that I said I’ll put out.” I tell her that her fans would surely appreciate seeing what she’s been working on. “Maybe, maybe not,” she replies, grinning. “I think the fans want me to stop making metal, nu-metal. Which I will! I have, I have stopped making metal!” Meanwhile, she’s dropping demos for an augmented reality side project under the moniker “Dark,” scribbling away on a novel, and thinking about a suite of “hymns, like glossolalia vocal music,” but which she “probably won’t release as ‘Grimes,’” as she explains it. She has changed her artistic approach, and is intent on unshackling her creative impulses. “I read a book on speed painting, about how you just lay it down and become satisfied with it. So I’m trying to do a bunch of stuff like that right now. It does feel better, because it just contains more life,” she explains. “Shall I Compare Thee” embodies this speed-painting creative methodology: DIY production, recorded in “like, two hours.” But the other single from the album, “We Appreciate Power,” is the opposite. It’s polished to a shine, conceptual, accompanied by a well-produced video. “‘Power’ is sort of the end of the old music I was making,” she says. “This era of super-produced and perfected sound—it’s sort of a thesis on that, a bookend.”

She’s eager to explain the concept of the new album. However she feels about the songs at any given moment, she’s clearly excited about the story that they’re telling. “Miss Anthropocene” is a character, essentially an anthropomorphization of the concept of climate change. The name is a witty pun on “misanthropy” and “anthropocene”—the geological era defined by humanity’s irrevocable impacts on the planet. “All the media about climate change is like one big guilt trip. It’s super depressing, like, here are some facts that make you wanna go home and kill yourself. It sucks and it sucks to look at, so people just kind of look away from it,” she says. “I want to change that. In ancient Greek culture you have these gods that represent abstract, terrifying concepts. Like a God of Death. So I wanted to make Miss Anthropocene this idea of, like, the God of Climate Change. She wants the world to end and she wants to bring about the end of humanity, but she’s fun. She’s fucking fun and evil!” Grimes laughs. “Also, climate change is beautiful, even if it’s terrifying. It’s so nice to look at. The sunsets are brighter and more beautiful. Volcanoes, oil rainbows, hurricanes... destruction is gorgeous—people are drawn to it.”

Miss Anthropocene marks the end of an era for Grimes. When it’s released she’ll be finished with her obligations to her label, and she’s excited about the prospect of working without contractual restrictions. “I’ll never sign with another label. I’ll never have to put out another album... If I didn’t have this whole requirement to release an ‘album,’ I would have just dropped a bunch of music ages ago.” The album format, she says, feels increasingly ill-suited for her shape-shifting, experimental style. “Albums are trash unless you sit down and make a really good album. I’m not really that consistent. I feel like I would work better in like EP-ish formats.”

It’s not the only departure from musical tradition that she’s considering. Touring, she tells me, has increasingly become a stressful obligation. “I wanna retire from touring. I wanna do a hologram tour. Why do we keep doing them for dead artists instead of living ones who have stage fright?” Does she still get stage fright, this far into her career? “Oh my god, yes. It’s nightmarish. Apocalyptic. Terrifying, horrible. I can’t hear clapping or cheers—I just hear an echo chamber of death. I black out. Dissociation—I can’t tell what’s happening. After a show I’m always thinking, What happened? And people are like ‘It’s ok!’ I know people like the authenticity of live performance, and I do too. But I’m not a good performer. I’m a director who accidentally fell into this position, and now it’s too late to change. So I need to Gorillaz it—I need to find a way to not have to do the Beyoncé thing as much.”

The sense is that Grimes is finished with facades, done pretending, done jumping through hoops to meet our expectations for what a ‘pop-star’ should be. Coming to terms with all this has been a messy and difficult process, but she’s finally feeling like herself again. She’s optimistic, if wary. And she’s ready to let it all out. Her forthcoming album, to hear her tell it, is Grimes unleashed. “I feel like at times there is an extreme rage that I haven’t been able to lay down,” she says. “A rawness that I have withheld from the public, because people always told me to make it more accessible. I’ve given that up for this, and it’s been freeing.”

She’s confronting her past as well. Miss Anthropocene was written during a period of intense self-reflection, and in the midst of personal tragedy. After losing others to addiction and overdoses, yet another close friend had passed. She hints obliquely at her own struggles with substances. It’s hard for her to talk about, but she has confronted it head-on while making this album, and is ready to be honest with the public. “I had early disturbing experiences with kids coming up to me and admiring things that were self-destructive. I was like, fuck, people think it’s cool to cut yourself or vomit or do crack. That’s not good! But then it became this stifling thing,” she says. “I don’t know. I’ve lived this hard, fucked-up life. I can’t pretend I didn’t. It started feeling like I couldn’t express myself properly, because I was so worried about being a good role model. It scares me to be hyper-honest, but we never see women getting to be that way. There should be someone out there that’s messy and fucked up—for some people this is how it is. It scares me because I don’t want little kids to romanticize certain things that are not cool. But I also don’t want to lie about the reality of my existence. I can’t make super honest or super emotional art if I’m always pretending to be cool and chill all the time.”

Grimes’ fans, who love her rabidly, have expressed worry at times in the last few years. If it seems she’s been self-sabotaging, whether online or in her relationships with collaborators and partners, it’s because she really has struggled. But unlike most of us, every step of her journey has been seized upon by a fascinated public and a cynical press hungry for headlines and clicks. And her reticence to tell us what she was really going through left all the more room for speculation. “Two of my best friends died before I was 18, and I lost like five friends to opiate-related deaths. Really close friends. I had one die when I was on a shoot, and found out while filming the second day. All this stuff, fucked up stuff, is happening. Before I would just not mention any of it. I feel like I’ve been through war when I think that all these people around me are dead. In 2016, my good friend died. They were a friend of 15 years, and I felt nothing. Just nothing. And it was so weird. But, you know, there you go. So you start removing yourself from everybody because you don’t want to face it. Life becomes too shockingly fragile, you know?”

It hasn’t been easy for Grimes to engage with her past, but talking about it—in her art, in interviews like this one—is helping. “I’ve gotten better. I was really fucked up in 2016 when I wrote this album, but now I’m doing much better. When I was going through the Art Angels cycle, I was having severe PTSD, and everyone was like, ‘Don’t let the public know!’ I know there are people who think I’ve fucked up the last year, and I do need to be more organized and reasonable and thoughtful at times, for sure. But I feel my art is better.”

Grimes’ favorite part of her job comes before she records a single note. “Dreaming it up feels so easy. The making and releasing can be horrible, but the dreaming is always fun,” she sighs. And that’s why she’s such an interesting figure, right? She’s a prodigious dreamer. We may love the music—I still blast “Oblivion” on an almost monthly basis, revisit the strange and compelling world of Art Angels—but it does sometimes feel almost beside the point. Grimes is building a universe, and she’s shedding the strictures that get in the way of that grand vision—the album format, her label, even her own carefully-crafted identity. “Part of what I’m doing is setting up the world-building. Reverse Harry Potter it. Soundtrack comes first, then the fashion, then everything, everything, everything. Then the book, right before I die,” she says, not really joking. Reaching this point of liberation hasn’t been a smooth process. Grimes is unfailingly honest with herself, her own worst critic. But she feels free, she’s happy with what she’s creating, and her ambitions have only grown. We just need to get out of the way and let her dream.

#grimes #claire boucher #actuallygrimes #interview 2019 #flaunt magazine #sid feddema #2019 #zoey grossman

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trumpetnista · 5 years

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CMW2/Trumpetnista: Not You, Too

Summary from FFN: CANON COMPLIANT AU WITH HEAVY SPOILERS FOR THE END OF SEASON 4 AND THE FIRST EPS OF 5. POSSIBLY A FUTURE FIC; Gotham breaks all the rules all the time, especially now. Thankfully, the one about cats having 9 lives? That still holds. Bruce thinks Selina is dead. Everyone does until she walks into the GCPD the next morning.;Rated for language and imagery;1st in my 2019 SSS Project

Words from the Hooded GOTHAMITE: As I said last time, what keeps me watching GOTHAM (other than the awesome writing, dope ass cast, and the lovely fandom...) are Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle. They hooked me like a fish and I fell in love with the rest of the show in the process. Season 5 has been excellent as always yet bittersweet. It’s supposed to be the last one (I hope not. I hope the show gets picked up or we get a movie or something! It can’t be over yet! Come on!) and I have a feeling that B and Grumpy Cat aren’t gonna be together in the endgame. Not outright, anyways. I don’t think they’ll be enemies but together? As in Helena Wayne showing up levels of together? Nah.

That’s what fanfic is for. There is a follow up to Positive planned, BTW.

Anyway, this one is another canon complaint AU set in the current season. All you really need to know is that The Eviler Evil Valeska Twin shot our girl, she was paralyzed and now she’s not thanks to Ivy Pepper Version 3’s reluctant help, and Gotham is now divided up into Zones, most of them insane and wild and chock full of yikes. Oh, and Bruce loves Selina but that’s always been pretty fucking obvious. LOL! Enjoy the latest.

Disclaimer: “Honestly, it’s not mine!”

"What's up, 5-0? Beautiful day, isn't it? The sky is smoggy blue and the birds are singing..."

He was hallucinating.

He had to be.

There was no way that what he was hearing was possible.

No matter how much he ached to, there was no way that he was hearing Selina Kyle's voice.

She was dead. Truly dead. She had gone on one of what she called her "shopping trips" for The Haven and Jeremiah Valeska had finished what he had started that horrible night in the Study. He and his demented girlfriend had trapped her in a warehouse, knocked her out, and blown her up. Not only had they done it, Jeremiah had turned himself in, battered but proud. He claimed that it had been for the best. Selina was nothing but street trash. She was his downfall and utterly unacceptable as a companion for him. Gotham needed its Dark Knight to be with someone who truly understood what reality was. Someone like...

Bruce Wayne hadn't let him finish. Before anyone could stop him, he had picked up a chair and gone after him, much to the shrieking horror of Ecco. It had taken several officers and someone, likely Alfred Pennyworth, sedating him to make him stop. He had woken up in Jim Gordon's office and had stayed on the couch. He didn't want to see anyone. Nobody knew what to say to him. Everyone knew how much Selina meant to him. That was why she had been targeted twice.

Bruce had managed to help her. He had gone straight into the belly of Ivy Pepper's foliage covered beast to get the root to fix her severed spine. Selina had gotten back on her feet immediately and hit the ground running. Shocking everyone, she had opted to wait to get her revenge against Valeska. She was going to play the long game. Valeska wasn't going anywhere. He was just as trapped as everyone else, thanks to the bridges being gone and the Travel Ban.

When asked why, she had sadly explained that Tabitha Galavan, her Mentor turned Sister, had been impatient for revenge and it had taken her life. She had allowed anger and hurt to cloud her judgement. She had dropped her guard and Oswald Cobblepot had promptly murdered her. Bruce had seen it happen. It had been expected. After all, both Galavan siblings had done great harm to the man but hearing Barbara Kean's devastated rage? Knowing that Selina would have to mourn her? It had hurt deeply. It was all a goddamned waste.

Instead of seeking out Valeska or his followers, Selina had opted to use her skills as a thief to help The Haven and its refugees. She would pick a small gang's turf within a Zone, typically Penguin's, and go in for 12-36 hours. She would bring back people, ammunition, medicine, and meaningful things like blankets or feminine hygiene products. She had quickly gained a reputation for being utterly ruthless to any who tried to stop her, which had concerned him greatly. Ivy had warned him that the root would not only fix her spine but amplify the darker aspects of her personality. Bruce had tried to reel her in, leading to several arguments, and eventually, they had reached a stalemate.

She would do what she liked. He would stay out her way or at least keep his judgement to himself while he helped her. Gotham was a madhouse. It always had been but now? It was a free for all. It was survival of the fittest and she would be damned if she let someone who crossed her walk away. She had made that mistake in the past and it had cost her dearly. She had been screwed over one too many times. It would not be happening again. If there was a Hell, she was already going to it so what did it matter, anyways? Self defense wasn't murder, neither was saving people's asses.

Plus, she didn't know about him but she was in no mood to deal with the same group of psychos 10 years from now. She wanted to deal with new psychos.

But, now she wouldn't because she was dead and gone. She was as dead and gone as his parents.

His Selina was gone and Bruce would never see her again, not in this life.

But, the hallucination...she wasn't...she couldn't be...

Could she? Please?

Her mane of golden chestnut curls wasn't singed and pulled up into a messy bun. She wasn't standing in the 12th precinct's main entryway. She wasn't wheezing softly from a partially blocked nose. Her tactical suit wasn't unzipped to reveal a stained gray sports bra and bruised torso. She wasn't looking at the stunned occupants of the room with her usual dismissive amusement, even with a black eye. She wasn't limping and her whip wasn't wrapped around her bruised shoulder like a coil of wire as she drank straight from a bottle of what appeared to be Everclear.

She couldn't be...could she? Was it possible? She couldn't...why was the room spinning? Why was his chest hurting? Bruce stood in the office, speechless and shaking, watching as the Selina hallucination sat on the receptionist desk. It was so real...

"What's the matter? You guys never seen a 7 lives having bitch before?"

"My God..."

"Jesus Christ, Gordon! Get the hell off of me! You, too, Alfred! Bad touch!"

The hallucination looked like her. It definitely sounded like her but it couldn't...she wasn't...but Jim was smiling at it. Alfred was too. Both were still hugging the hallucination and Harvey Bullock had taken its bottle of liquor away, taking a deep swig. She snatched it back from him and shot him a lethal look, making him grin.

"Buzz off, gumshoe. This is mine. I earned it. Plus, it's the closest thing we've got to morphine, which I kinda need right now. I need some morphine, a shower, a nap, maybe take a crap before all of that..."

"Kid, we all thought you were done for. Valeska and his crazy Terminator bitch said you were."

"I'm not a kid. Yeah, I definitely got shanghaied by those goddamned freaks and it sucked but their bomb didn't kill me like they wanted it to. It just made me fly away, which was totally fun until I landed face, ribs, and tits first into the side of a delivery truck. Don't do that, by the way. It hurts. I managed to get it started and it has some good stuff in there. Ammo, some cases of water, and those military TV dinner things and I think there might be meds. I'm not sure. Speaking of meds, I'm still looking for Lee. She was the best, bravest doctor in the city and if I can find her, you can get The Narrows under control real easy. Everybody loved her because she legit gave a shit so they're looking for her. There's a big T.P. and blankets reward for anyone who finds her. She might be across the river, I dunno. Maybe someone could swim over through the subways to go check and to ask for help in person since using the radio obviously doesn't goddamned work..."

"It's too dangerous. The damage from the bridges blocked or flooded the tunnels."

"Dammit. You can't rig something up, Foxy? You're like the better version of that tech dude from the James Bonds movies. The hell's his name again? X? Y?"

"Q."

"Right...whatever. Where's Bruce?"

"Selina..."

"Where. Is. Bruce? Alfred, where is he? Did he...where the hell is he?! What happened?!"

"Valeska showed up here gloating and he snapped. He took a chair to him and...he was in Cap's office but..."

"Get out of my way. Now."

"Selina, I know you're worried but..."

"Harper, I really like you but if you don't get the fuck out of my way, I swear to God, I'll..."

Bruce stepped out of the office and all eyes went to him. All he could see was Selina. He was still shaking and breathing was getting more difficult by the second but he couldn't look away. He didn't even want to blink because then, she would disappear and...

"Oh, no."

As soon as she touched him, reality hit him all at once.

She was real.

She was alive!

"Bruce. Bruce? Come on, baby, look at me...you need to breathe...look at me!"

His first instinct was to obey her and he did just that. His Selina wanted him to breathe. She wanted him to look at her and he was going to. He was going to do any and everything she asked.

Baby? That was new. Selina usually called him B or by his full name. Either that or she called him a douchebag or something else along those lines but fondly. Never a pet name. She had always cringed at pet names and other conventional romantic relationship things like them. But, she was alive. She was alive. She was battered and bruised and didn't smell very good but she was alive. Selina was alive! She wasn't gone. Jeremiah hadn't taken her away from him. Gotham hadn't stolen her away from him. He hadn't lost her. She was alive. She was right in front of him. He wasn't dreaming. He wasn't hallucinating.

"Selina?"

"Hey, Bruce."

"You're alive."

"Barely."

"...y-you're alive?"

"Yeah, I'm alive. I'm right in of- ow!"

Bruce knew that he would have to do some serious groveling later but he didn't care. He hauled Selina flush against him and squeezed as hard as he could, uncaring of her injuries. The noises escaping him could be called crying or maybe screaming, he wasn't sure. As if let loose from a puppeteer's strings, he slumped against the wall and surprising him, Selina wasn't fighting him.

She was holding onto him just as tightly. She was crying like she had after her failed suicide attempt and he loosened his grip enough for her to look up at him. She had to look up at him, now. She had to stand on her tiptoes to give him a proper kiss when they were standing. He remembered when she was taller than him. He remembered when they first met. Every memory he had with her, good and bad, was running through his mind at warp speed.

Cupping his face, she kissed him deeply and he responded immediately, mindful of her cut lip. His second hug was much gentler and he smiled at a beaming Alfred, a crying and grinning Jim. They loved her just as much as he did. They were her family, along with Barbara Kean, and...

"As soon as the Travel Ban lifts, I'm going on vacation and I'm taking you with me. I don't give a shit about your Mission or whatever the hell you call it. We're going someplace warm where we can get falling down fucked up drunk legally and I can have my tits out."

Bruce tried to laugh but he kept sobbing, drinking her in greedily. She was alive. His best friend, his heart, his Selina was alive! She wanted to go someplace warm? Done. She wanted him with her? Done. Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, he would do it. Even if (when) it compromised his moral compass, he would do it anyway because Selina Kyle was alive. She was alive and he wasn't going to question how. Okay, he would because that was how he was. He always wanted answers but the universe had granted him a most precious gift and...

"...not you, too?"

His voice was small and the smile, the look she gave him was the softest he had ever seen.

"Not me, too. Not today. Not ever. You're stuck with me, Bruce Wayne. Get used to it."

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danfanciesphil · 7 years

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A jealous Dan prompt? Not mean or angsty just like idk sometimes Dan gets jealous?

Jealous!Dan is literally my weakness ily

Got a prompt for me? Hit up my ask box! (Please be aware that due to an abundance of prompts, your prompt may take a few days to complete - but thank you all for submitting so far!)

Phil is an attractive person.

Dan is acutely aware of this, and has been ever since he first saw an AmazingPhil video on YouTube. Whilst he’s not the most hair-raising, breathtaking beauty on the planet, there is no denying his good fortune in the looks department. Icy blue eyes, pale skin, jet black hair. It’s like the stuff of fairytales - and Phil pulls it off well.

More than this though, Phil’s attractiveness comes through in the way he is. In the way he acts, speaks, talks, and even thinks about things.

Sure, you might check him out briefly on the street and note his good looks, but it’s when you actually engage him in conversation, or spend time with him doing almost any activity, that you begin to realise just how fortunate you are to be in his presence at all.

He’s witty, and clever. He’s got a vast plethora of knowledge tucked away, but he’s modest about it, and tends to surprise people by peppering facts or proper, well-structured, carefully formed opinions into conversation.

He’s a kind, gentle soul, but he’s ambitious and fiercely loyal of his friends, never afraid to stand up for those in the wrong, or for what he believes in.

These aspects of Phil’s personality are things that Dan has grown to love. He discovers new parts of his boyfriend every day, and is regularly astounded by how truly magnificent he is as a person; it’s rather baffling, really, that he chooses to be with Dan, who is significantly younger, and far less well-rounded.

But putting Phil’s love-blindness aside, Dan is proud of himself for recognising the superior qualities of Phil Lester, especially as many people tend to overlook them.

It’s when they don’t overlook them that things get a little... trickier.

For instance, right now, they’re at a party. It’s New Year’s Eve, and some of Phil’s old friends from university (he has so many that Dan can barely keep track, let alone name the person whose flat he’s currently in) are having a party.

Dan likes Phil’s old friends a lot, of course. But at the same time, he can’t help but envy them, for having so much time with Phil before Dan even knew he existed.

They share memories that Dan will never be a part of. They know him so well, and Dan is trying to match their level of Phil-knowledge, but it’s a slow, painful process. It takes time to build a friendship that will rival theirs, Dan knows.

Also, Dan has no way of knowing what their relationship to Phil was in the past.

When Dan says that Phil has a lot of friends, he is not exaggerating, and they come in all genders. Not that Phil is particularly fussed about such things, Dan supposes, but he has noticed that girls in particular make beelines towards him when he enters these parties.

Right now, for instance, Phil is deep in conversation with three girls, all of whom have introduced themselves to Dan and seem like perfectly friendly, fun people.

Unfortunately, Dan has a condition that renders him unable to take their personalities into account, and it only worsens when he’s drunk.

Jealousy.

The expression goes that it’s an ugly emotion, and Dan can’t think of a better way in which to describe it. It’s awful, and all-consuming, making him feel like a horrible monster of a person, but Dan simply cannot suppress it.

He’s been sticking to Phil’s side since they got here, practically glued to him as he wanders around talking to everyone. He’s also being almost creepily quiet, just watching the conversations unfolding around him, eyeing everyone with suspicion, answering direct questions monosyllabically.

“... I could swear you’ve gotten taller!” One girl says to Phil, laughing like it’s hilarious. Dan narrows his eyes at her, trying not to scowl. He takes another swig of Malibu straight from the bottle to distract himself - it doesn’t work. “How is that possible? You make me look like a child when you stand next to me.”

As if to demonstrate, the girl - Dan thinks her name is Jessica - presses herself against Phil’s side, wobbling a little on tipsy legs. Her halterneck dress leaves a lot of skin on show around her shoulders and back, and she isn’t shy about pressing it against Phil’s arm.

“Cara, how bad is it?” Maybe-Jessica asks another girl standing in their huddle.

Cara laughs, framing them with her hands as though trying to snap a mental photo. “Not gonna lie, he’s at least a foot taller.”

Jessica throws her head back, laughing more. She hits Phil playfully on the arm, and Dan only just manages to stop himself tackling her to the floor for it.

“Phi-il, stop making me look bad! I’m in heels for God’s sake!”

Phil chuckles, a little pink-cheeked. “Sorry. Must be all that standing in soil I’ve been doing since I last saw you.”

Apparently, this is the funniest joke in the world, because Cara and Jessica are practically in tears with laughter. Jessica is hanging off Phil’s arm now, and Dan can actually feel the blood in his veins beginning to simmer. He wants to grab hold of Jessica’s halterneck tie and yank her backwards, possibly towards the nearest open window.

He can’t stand feeling like this. His hand twitches by his side. He must be glaring now, but nobody seems to notice. He sips some more Malibu.

All of a sudden, Jessica ‘trips’, seemingly on the air itself, falling forwards a bit, just in time for Phil to catch her. His arms steady on her waist, and she giggles, one hand over her mouth, staring up at him through her fake lashes.

“Whoops!” She says, a little more softly now. “One too many squadka’s, I think.” She pauses, and Phil laughs awkwardly, trying to draw his hands away. Dan catches his eye, and Phil reddens, attempting to free himself from inside Jessica’s personal bubble. Her hands grab his wrists, holding them in place, and she smiles at him, flirtatious. “Being so tall and strong has its benefits, I suppose.”

She bites her lip, and that is the moment Dan snaps. His teeth grind together, and he pushes Cara to one side, rather rudely, forcing himself between Phil and Jessica without apology. He finds Phil’s hand and grips it, hard, then turns to Jessica, eyes ablaze.

“He’s mine.”

It’s all he needs to say, apparently. Jessica totters backwards, her mouth open in a little ‘o’. Dan doesn’t care, he needs to do something about the viscous, burning heat racing through his whole body. He drags Phil across the room, past groups of bewildered looking twenty-somethings, and over to the wall.

There’s a small spot between the TV and the radiator, and Dan pulls Phil down into it, their backs to the walls. He places his hand on Phil’s thigh, a little overly possessive perhaps, but necessary. Phil is saying something, apparently rather perplexed by what’s happening, but Dan is barely listening.

He drinks another gulp of Malibu, then places the bottle to one side.

“...it’s just you haven’t really said anything all night, and now you go and basically attack Jess for just-”

Dan swings his leg over Phil’s, climbing onto his lap with practised efficiency. He pushes his lips into Phil’s shutting him up at once. He kisses hard, being rough and messy because he kind of wants it to hurt a bit. He wants Phil to realise how furious this has made him, and to respond in kind, to reassure Dan that there’s nothing to be worried about.

Phil doesn’t respond much at first, but Dan is expecting this. They haven’t told anyone at this party they’re together. Phil has been introducing Dan as ‘his friend’. It’s not for any particular reason, they’re just being careful. They don’t want to share something so personal with just anyone, and one can never be too sure of the reaction when it’s a queer relationship.

Then, after a while, once the shock of it has passed, Phil’s hands find Dan’s waist - his strong, sure hands, no longer gripping that bitchy girl’s sides - and he tugs Dan closer, kissing back just as hard.

Dan bites at his lips, all teeth and tongue as he attacks Phil’s mouth, hoping everyone is watching, and everyone can see just how little Phil belongs to any of them anymore.

“You’re mine,” Dan growls against him, pushing his hips down into Phil’s crotch, wanting to hammer the point home. “No one else gets to touch you.”

Breathless, with glazed eyes, Phil nods at him, diving back in for another kiss.

“It’s okay,” Phil tells him, tilting his head willingly as Dan mouths along his jaw, scraping his teeth down his neck. “I’m- ah! I’m yours.”

Dan nods in agreement, then bites, hard, sucking a bruise into Phil’s throat. He wants it to be a deep crimson, big and sprawling over Phil’s pretty pale throat. He wants it to darken over time, impossible to ignore as it purples and deepens, making people blush as they realise what it is.

Phil just lets him do it, for some reason.

Normally, they don’t allow love bites. Filming videos would be a nightmare, for a start, plus they take too long to disappear.

But Phil is passive now, just breathing heavily, his hands gripping Dan’s waist as Dan sucks on the skin. Finally, he leans away, satisfied with his work.

“Now they’ll know for sure.” Dan says, surveying his artwork with pleasure. He wants to leave another, almost immediately, to cover Phil in them all over his body. Maybe later, when they’re alone. He hums to himself in contentment, liking the idea immensely. “Mine.”

People are staring; Dan can feel their eyes. He doesn’t give a fuck, let them. Let everyone see how he has Phil cornered here, and how he doesn’t want to leave. Let the whole damn world realise that Phil is his, and that any attempt to sway him in a different direction will not end well.

Dan knows he’ll feel less crazy in the morning. The jealousy will have faded somewhat, though it will sit, as ever, simmering just beneath his skin, ready to leap out and turn him into a possessive monster once more.

For now, though, Dan is not letting Phil out of his sight. Midnight is hours away, but Dan isn’t sure he can wait that long. Phil looks pretty elated too, his pupils blown, and eyes trained on Dan’s face. Perhaps they could skip the rest of this reunion.

Home is just a taxi ride away, after all.

(Based off these photos)

#prompts #jealousy #idk what to tag this as #it's not exactly fluff #thank you bb! hope you enjoyed it!#anon #ellen answers

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ladyloveandjustice · 7 years

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Summer 2017 Anime Overview: Rage of Bahamut: Virgin Soul and The Reflection

My classic anime overview posts are making a comeback! I watched 7 different anime in the Summer 2017, so we’ve got a lot to talk about- so much so that I’ll do a couple anime each post rather than just doing one giant post.

I fully believe in saving the best for last, so we’ll rank and review these anime in order from worst to best. Which means we’ll be starting with the anime I found the weakest out of what I watched this season. Rage of Bahamut: Virgin Soul and The Reflection. Are both of them bad anime? Or are they just not quite as a good as the other fare? Let’s dive in and find out!

Rage of Bahamut: Virgin Soul

Yep, this was easily the worst anime I watched this season. Not animation-wise, the art was very nice (though not quite as good as its prequel). But story-wise? WOW. It’s been a while since I’ve seen an anime- or a story period- end that badly.

And unlike a lot of people, I didn’t really come into this anime expecting much. Rage of Bahamut: Genesis, the first season, was a beautifully animated but incredibly shallow adventure romp with a messy ending that managed to be both cliche and nonsensical in how it fridged the main female character. It was fun for the most part, but also eyerollingly trope-y and sloppy storytelling wise, with fairly 2D characters. I came into this season expecting much the same. And for the first half-ish of the anime that was what I got. It certainly wasn’t well written, it was sexist, it was cliched, but it worked okay for what it was, which was a silly swords and sorcery story where you could just turn your brain off and enjoy the eye candy.

There wasn’t much to the characters, but they were pleasant and likable enough. Nina, the lead of the story, was just kinda dragged along by the plot and didn’t have much going on (her main conflict is that when she gets turned on by a dude she turns into a dragon yes i’m serious), but her gung-ho attitude made her fun to watch. There was also an wacky all-lady prison break midway through the show that was kinda awesome.

(I should note though, one of the characters is a very fantastical take on Jeanne D’Arc. And she’s portrayed as someone who sucks at fighting if she doesn’t have the gods on her side because women are weak or whatever I guess! She finds some fulfillment only when a god pulls a Virgin Mary on her and forcibly impregnates her with an angel son. After this, her whole character revolves around her son. I had a lot of problems with that for obvious reasons).

But then. OH BUT THEN. I thought the first season’s denouement and end was messy, but I HADN’T SEEN NOTHIN’. Not only was this ending horrendous, it managed to damage all the characters involved (except for the zombie girl, Rita, who is too cool to be ruined by anything) and even basically damage the first season. If I cared enough to go back and watch that season, this ending would make it a sour experience, basically, just from how thoroughly the plot and characters from that season were mangled by this follow-up. Nothing redeemable was left in its wake.

Basically the whole story was overtaken by one of the most poorly conceived love interests I’ve ever seen. Nina’s beloved, Charioce, was a super sexy dude who had a few tiny flaws, like how he’d, y’know, massacred an entire race and also slaughtered, enslaved and tortured yet ANOTHER race (even putting them in gladiator style death matches for entertainment) and unjustly imprisoned a literal saint of a woman and told her he was only keeping her alive so he could murder her small child in front of her.

But you see guys, he danced with Nina a couple times and is super hot and his mom’s dead which is sad so it’s okay that he did a little genocide, tried to kill all Nina’s friends (one of whom was ten) and threw her in jail. I’m serious. That was the shows logic. Turns out the reason for all this was it was some plan to unseal the dragon a character had been sacrificed to seal for the next hundred years in Genesis. (So he effectively rendered her death totally meaningless). He unsealed it just so he could kill it for good . The only explanation we get for his double dose of genocide was that ONE of the races has a superweapon he needed to kill a dragon. Yep, no explanation given as to why he needed to do kill all those beings or enslave them or put them in death matches or personally torment a woman who did nothing to him, but the show sure treated it like it explained everything and meant we were totally supposed to forgive AND feel sorry for this sexy, sexy tyrant.

(In the end, the genocide and slavery ends up being a footnote: everyone loves Charioce because he killed a dragon, the demons are being payed low wages instead of being enslaved so everything’s fine now, no justice for those who were slaughtered, no consequences for the oppressors, no reparations made, no word on whether the death camps and many other atrocities even stopped happening, nothing.)

Nina being in love with him damaged her irreparably as a character too, even though she was perfectly okay before that- it was just so infuriating that she could set aside all the people he killed and the fact he’d tormented her friends because he was a smexy dancer. I get what they were going for-a kind of starcrossed Disney ~love isn’t rational~ type thing. And “love isn’t rational” is just the laziest writing copout ever, I’m so sick of it.

You can sell a romance where one party has done horrible things and the other one loves them anyway if you have the writing skill. But in order to sell that romance as understandable, you need to make the audience like that character too. The character needs to be actually endearing and interesting in some way.That way when so-and-so is tormented about how she loves him despite the things he’s done, the audience is tormented for the same reason. But there was no reason for Nina to be hopelessly in love with Charioce. Dude had the personality of a wet paper towel- I don’t think he emoted once the entire anime, even when he was on the verge of death. He didn’t offer her any invaluable support or guidance to Nina either. Yet she at one point said she’d choose the ENTIRE WORLD over him if it came down to it. A guy she danced with like twice!

The worst thing about the Nina/Charioce romance is how a bunch of characters were literally sacrificed for it. One of the main characters of the show got himself killed shielding Charioce from those he had wronged, despite the fact Charioce had done absolutely nothing to warrant such devotion and said character didn’t even have a meaningful relationship with him. It was a comically anticlimatic death too, it was out of nowhere, the other characters barely emoted about it with even his supposed best friend basically shrugging it off.

The other person sacrificed solely to add drama to Nina and Charioce’s lurve was Nina’s ten year old friend, who was unceremoniously shanked from behind after being a major character for most of the season. It was so cruel and pointless, I felt sure a magic resurrection was coming for the kid, but nope- he was killed off solely to cause some drama between the good guys and Charioce because the genocide apparently wasn’t enough to make our heroes mad at him. Nina does finally get mad at him, but only for ten minutes, then she and almost everyone else instantly forgave him upon learning he didn’t TECHNICALLY directly kill this one kid.

Even though he HAD been trying to kill the kid ALL SEASON and the bounty he put on this kids head was still pretty much the direct cause of his death. But nah,he didn’t like, specifically tell the killer “hey go murder this small child” , he just heavily implied anyone who did it would get a reward from him, so it’s all fine. Even the kid’s grieving mother and father figure eventually forgave Charioce about this for no apparent reason.

Speaking of pointlessness, the cherry on top of the shit sundae was that the dragon all these characters were sacrificed to kill? The one whose death was supposedly the payoff worth all this genocide and melodrama? It was revealed in the last minute of the story that Charioce DIDN’T EVEN MANAGE TO KILL IT. Rendering the entire mess of a narrative COMPLETELY MOOT.

Seriously, if you want to see how overfocusing on badly written heterosexual romances can destroy an entire narrative, this series is a prime example. If you want to see an example or writers thinking a male character can be forgiven for any atrocity and win the female lead’s heart as long as he’s stoic and sexy and manly about it, this series will show you. This show demonstrates the worst pitfalls of romance narratives- writers seem to think as long as it’s an attractive man and woman getting together, they don’t have to bother with characterization or logic to sell their connection.

it’s a real shame- poor Nina could have been a compelling lead. There was stuff there that could have been developed into something cool had the writers cared at all- she could turn into a dragon, it was mentioned she was looked down on for not being fully dragon, she came from a rural village and was fairly innocent and didn’t know much about the world, her father died tragically- but rather than explore any of that, it was decided because she was a woman, her entire arc should be about her swooning and crying over Bishie McKillsaLot, never mind anything else.

Rage of Bahamut: Virgin Soul could have been a shallow but entertaining show like its predecessor. In the end though, the only thing entertaining about it by the end was how hard it crashed and burned.

The Reflection

The Reflection isn’t quite as bad as it’s reputation in the anime community right now suggests. Which is not to say it’s a good show. It’s not good. But it’s definitely far from the worst anime I’ve see and has a few interesting aspects.

This show is a collaboration between an anime studio and Stan Lee, (who I guess really likes being involved in anime- he’s done this before with Heroman) and it follows a group of superheroes. The basic premise is that three years ago, a strange light and smoke hit people around the world. Some were killed, some gained superpowers. Those who gained powers were called ‘The Reflected”. The world hates and fears them, in true Marvel style. Now a villain named Wraith is kidnapping people for mysterious reasons.

The Reflection is a messy show, which is apparent just from the animation. The colors are very flat and the lines are very thick, which seems to be an attempt to capture the classic comic book feel. But the thing is, old comics chose to have a bright color palette, or at least a highly contrasting one, for good reason. if you do that kind of style with a dark color palette, it ends up looking very muddy. Unfortunately, that’s what The Reflection chose to do. This was especially egregious in the last episode, where having the darkly colored characters against a dark sky made it very hard to tell what was happening. On top of that, the animation was very limited in general.

There’s also a lot a standard superhero stories here that are not given a fresh spin- we have the angsty product of a lab experiment, the shallow, show-offhero who learns superheroing is SRS BUSINESS after his loved ones are killed due to his negligence and most disappointingly, a main villain whose only motivation is that he wants to plunge the world into a vague, generic sort of darkness.

Some stuff is just straight up not explained, which made the finale confusing- we see a flashback that is supposed to make us forgive a character for his actions, but it’s so incoherent and quick it reveals nothing. Nor is the villain really explored in a way that makes sense (save for an extremely on the nose message about “darkness”, which was repeated so often in the episode I got sick of hearing it), his actions are unclear and the whole thing is just generally clunky. It seems like they chose not to explain a lot of stuff (and end on a cliffhanger) in hopes of getting a sequel, but you can leave mysteries and openings for a possible season 2 without being opaque and hard to follow. In fact, a final episode like The Reflection’s is way more likely to turn fans off than leave them wanting more.

However, The Reflection does have a few interesting ideas and good moments. One of the main heroes, Lisa, has a wheelchair that transforms into a giant robot, which is rad as hell and should be included in every superhero narrative from now on. Her personality is also endearing- she’s a determined, fiery, geeky girl who loves comics. Her whole storyline where her father is all protective of her due to her disability and she tells him doesn’t consider her condition tragic and proves she’s actually the one who can protect him is fairly heavy handed , but it’s a very positive narrative, and I’m especially glad to see it in an anime after being burned HARD by the ableism in Yuki Yuna is a Hero. She’s sadly sidelined after her introductory episode (it’s especially strange that her comic book fandom never comes up again), but still remains a good character.

There’s also a character who was blind, except he can see the silhouettes of people who have superpowers and thus pick out when when people are superpowered that way- that’s another good concept and I liked that his wife was the physically strong and imposing one of their partnership, though she didn’t get as much characterization as I’d like (in fact, she pretty much had none outside her relationship with her husband). The episodes revolving around Lisa and this pair were definitely the strongest of the series.

The lead of the story, Eleanor, also had a lot of potential. She had the heart of a hero, but she was desperate for validation and because of that desperation she ended up having an identity crisis where she developed an alternate personality. If her psychology had been explored more, that could have been a really interesting concept- but it wasn’t really explored at all beyond generic “this personality is the darkness within me” so it ended up being more on-the-nose and boring than anything. Still, I appreciated Eleanor’s scrappiness and in the hands of a more competent show, she could have been really great.

The other characters were duds though, unfortunately- the villains were generic and kinda just there. The hero X-On drove a lot of the plot, yet we learned pretty much nothing about him and he had no personality other than being kind of a dick. The magical girl squad was a fun touch and I loved seeing them kick ass and save the day, but they didn’t have distinct personalities from each other or much thematic significance to the story.

Basically, there’s nothing offensive or repellent about The Reflection. I have to give it points for trying something different stylistically from the usual anime fare. It’s a show that could have been good if it had been executed a little better and given more room to breathe. However, it wasn’t, so it ended up being a very clunky, forgettable anime.

#anime overview #summer 2017 anime #shingeki no bahamut: virgin soul for ts #the reflection #rage of bahamut: virgin soul for ts #rage of bahamut

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survivorkomnata · 5 years

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Episode #8: "stick to ONE STORY, not nineteen." - Zach

I think missing the Joint-Tribal Council has been a net positive for my game. Both Takagi2.0 and Kato2.0 were unable to put their differences aside to settle the vote, which means Attila is free to come in and play kingmaker. The choice here is obvious. Kato2.0 could use some shrinkage. Hopefully starting with one of the two original Kato members.

I've re-connected with all of my allies. A lot of them were scared for me during my little tie incident. But now that we're back together again, we have nothing to worry about. ;)

Ally told me everything about the Joint-Tribal vote, and how Kato2.0 seemed unwilling to flip on itself. She even went so far as to tell me Zach seems more loyal to Kato2.0 than she originally expected. Maybe she'll be down to vote him out sooner than I expected. Karth also told me about the vote, and the dynamics of the Kato2.0 tribe. Jake seems to be the odd one out in all of this. It sounds like he's starting to isolate himself socially by being too sketchy with both the StephenW/Federico votes. I wonder where Miguel/Zach/Tim fit into all of this.... I guess if Karth flips, it won't really matter anyway.

It's weird to feel this safe with my alliances right now. It's honestly a new feeling for me in ORG's. I'm finding myself questioning whether I'm being arrogant or if my position is really as good as it appears to be. I put a lot of work into my relationships in the pre-merge and I feel like my social/strategic bonds couldn't be stronger than they are right now. I just hope it all starts to bare fruit here and I can be a serious winner contender.

Luke is a crackhead confirmed.

He literally is as messy as a Sloppy Joe. His stories literally don't add up in any way, shape, or form. He first began by letting me know that: Karth, Aly, and, Zach are in alliance. (He's basically trying to get me spooked about those three potentially working together in this game. K cool. FINE. Spooked? barely?).

BUT THEN he goes on to say the votes for Stephen Z were 5 to 3 and that Aly voted in the minority... but? if she had this alliance? wouldn't she have known where to fucking vote? Weird, right? Why would she flip on her "alliance" of Zach, Karth, and herself. THEN he proceeds to tell me that Aly flipped between voting out Zach and Stephen all day?

THEN HE TELLS ME... SHE WAS FLIPPING BETWEEN WHERE TO VOTE ALL DAY...

MY DUDE.. IF SHE WAS IN AN ALLIANCE WITH ZACH WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE FLIP FLOP BETWEEN VOTING HIM OUT?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

In conclusion, Luke is too messy for my taste and needs to go.

the end.

OMG I feel so happy we finally merged! I feel like I have options to work with in this merge as I think Zach, Karthik, Jake and Tim could stick together. I also have the option to work with Luke and Jake later on the game as og Kato (I have 0 interest in playing with Alyssa). If I had to choose someone to leave next it would be either Jess, Stephen (Bc I don't know em) or Alyssa who I never trusted. Also the joint tribal was a mess but it ended up going the way I wanted with an og Kato gone. (why do I want an og Kato gone?) well most of them are liars and players, but I don't wanna close the option to play with em, so like the least og Kato members there r the best bc no one would expect that probability. I also reaaally like Ally but I'm not exactly sure if I can trust her.

Well the joint tribal was intense as expected. Glad to have come through it and made the merge without facing much trouble. I learnt a lesson not to trust someone just based on past relationships. I had been looking forward to meet Luke as I have played with him on EM and he is lovely. But the first day we meet on this game he has been going around saying Zach,Ally and me are an alliance that would run this game. Not cool Luke! But I can't blame him for this as he is playing his game. I trusted Ally a lot too but off-late things seem odd with her. She told me she was voting Stephen W but then she tells me that she changed her mind at the last moment as Stephen W told her that he had an idol. I am not sure if I could believe her on this. I cannot feel comfortable anymore in this game and have to start reconsidering my options. I have been on good terms with Tim and I am planning to try and improve on it and be his best buddy. Feel things are gonna get real intense now with the merge and I am hoping I could lay low and somehow survive the next couple of votes and plan from there.

I actually made merge? shook.

I'm not too sure how exactly I am going to navigate this merge at this current moment. If you would have asked me 10 days ago who I would want to work with in the merge I probably would have had a different answer as I currently do. Honestly I found myself working with... Alyssa somehow again. However, I feel like we both know we want to end each other's game but none of us can do it just yet. So that's going to be a problem down the line and It'll be fun to see what happens. However, I'm more worried about ending Stephen's game than I am at ending Alyssa's. This dude has COME TO PLAY. I can see him making it far in this game. You can already tell he's socially connected, strategic, and I'm sure he can bring the physical when needed.

... but... I can't start killing my alliances games just yet. Right now I need to build relationships with everyone and I'm STRUGGLING to do so. I don't know if it's just these people in this game or if it's me? I've been attempting to talk to every single person in this game but.. I'm not getting much. I know this is going to sound horrible but.. trying to socialize with some of these people feels having to go to the dentist. It's unpleasant.. but I have to do it.

To build some sort of trust with certain people... I used what Luke told me about the "alliance" of Zach, Aly, and Karth and let them all know in order to build some trust. However, Alyssa randomly already knew about it (I didn't tell her) and so did Tim? So? Big Mood Energy.

There are rumours of a Kato 2.0 alliance going around currently. I want to end that "alliance" BAD if it really is a thing. However, I really don't want to step on Tim's toes and blindside him. Once I lose Tim's trust in this game I think my game is going to become significantly harder to play. I'm just not too sure what the fuck to do. I'm already flopping hard here.

youtube

Well, to the basement once again and it sucks. I never find any luck in stuff like these which makes it terrible. A lot might happen during the merge vote as its an important vote and being left out of it is not so good for me. I can feel that Ally and Stephen have lost some trust in me which makes me sad and worried as I have been considering them as my core allies. I dont feel so good atm and I get a negative vibe which tells me I could go home tonight :(

AHHHH so merge!!! Im so happy I made merge!! Stephen won immunity as well as Alyssa!! I hope I can survive!!

I find myself in a fast forming majority with Ally, Jess, Stephen, and Alyssa. Ok the flip side I’ve been speaking with Karth, Jake, Miguel a lot and with Tim and Zach a bit. I’m feeling okay right now as no one seems to want me out and it’s looking like I have possible moves to make, the vote is set on Miguel at the moment but by tonight who knows what could happen. Idols are a big risk as well at this point so while I’m feeling safe im also highly nervous. I’ve been to the most tribals of anyone left in the game I believe so I have learned to expect some sort of drama in the last hour or so before tribal that could change the vote entirely so I’m not totally locked into a vote but I have my ideas, we will have to see what happens

i'm NOT FUCKING SURE what's going on. anyway, here's a recap of the past few days. -- STEPHEN VOTE -- stephen's a king, i love him. however, he handled this round very poorly and that got himself booted 100%. i'm happy he's on jury though i don't think i stand much chance at his vote. let me go off about something: i wanted jake out. i was so close to voting jake because i don't trust that kid really and i knew the perception would be "kato 2.0 5 are STRONG" - which it is currently. i'm WOKE! ally even told me this and it's common sense. HOWEVER, stephen threw my name out and basically threatened me (briefly, vaguely) about voting me out and i don't like that. you do not try to get me to flip by threatening to vote me out. that is not how i operate. so to the people who think we're strong - know that's not the case. i dont want to get cocky, but i think i was a swing in this vote (i could've gotten any combo of karthik, tim, and miguel to vote jake with me, or even tied it alone) but i didn't because stephen decided to throw me UTB and luke decided to be messy. stick to ONE STORY, not nineteen.

-- MERGE -- we made merge. it was really exciting to reach this stage of the game, as well as jury. at least if i get brutally blindsided ever... i'm getting to vote for a winner!!! that's really all i could ask for at this rate. but now that i've accomplished two of my goals, it's time for the next step: winning. i find this cast to be dry. by that, i mean... not super active until the time is appropriate. now, before i get dragged, i understand - why be super active when you don't have to be. but it's just been boring for the most part and no one's really utilizing the 24 hours of freedom to secure bonds (but neither was i so i can't fully complain). i got to reconnect with people & meet others. jess is great, and i missed her so much. stephen is still the same for me - sketchy but fun. alyssa is one of my favs and within minutes of speaking to her i understand why she is a force to be reckoned with. was there someone else... no. so everyone's great. anyway, alyssa and i made a pact to not target each other due to being known as 'big players' or whatever. she might've been stroking my fatass ego but... it worked.

-- IMMUNITY -- when immunity comes around, people are still staggering when it comes to socializing. some people, however, made deals with me. jess/alyssa/karthik/miguel are all legends. if i forgot someone, rip. anyway, i stayed mostly true to my deals, maybe giving it off 1 point value from where i promised. i know that i can easily win this immunity but i kind of don't care and give alissa the +3 (i thought about giving her -3, which means i win - and that would've been the case). now, before i get voted out tonight and flamed, ill say that i didnt want to win this immunity and it wouldve made me a bigger threat regardless. immunity results happen, and alyssa/stephen win. that's fine. i wasn't planning on voting one of them out this round.

-- TRIBAL -- i have talked about most of this in my conf chat so i'll just regurgitate it: ally told karthik the vote was miguel (or his name was going around). he told me. stephen told tim same news, tim told me. i think this is a decoy vote. why? because why would you tell everyone the vote, especially given that there is fear from multiple people about the Kato 2.0 alliance staying strong (it's not even alliance. BTW, POST -SEASON -- YOU WILL SEE THAT THERE WASN'T AN ALLIANCE.). am i close to them? yea, most of them, but that's the same with any combo of people who are on the same tribe for a few days/rounds. i tell jess about hearing miguels name, she asks who, i leak tims name. this was a mistake because i dont really trust jess 100% but... anyway. coincidentally, after i do this, stephen comes into my pms. he explains that miguels name has been floating around alongside the rumour of kato 2.0 being strong. this would be smart if i was dumb but it's clearly to save face. i'll credit stephen/co. tho. it's smart. i should want to vote out one of the five to secure myself and make the target fade. but have it be known that i don't see the benefit of tim/miguel/karthik leaving this tribal, especially given my target size. it's just odd. i also realize jess told karthik what she told me - about how the rumour of me/ally/karthik are a tight trio - is going around. she told me she was informing me of this info to 'have my back' but girl told other people too so i aint important LOL. alyssa tells me my name is going out now by stephen, and he allegedly has numbers. these numbers would consist of ally/stephen/luke/alyssa/jess + maybe some kato 2.0. i'm worried now. i don't anticipate jess/alyssa would vote me this soon. ally shouldn't. it'd be dumb bc i can leave at any tribal if you dont let me get to like f5/6. but i can't expect these people to always play to their win-con bc they may think their win-con is something different.

so at the moment, i struggle as im full of confusion and stress once again. maybe i should've won immunity (but also i felt like alyssa couldve beaten me easily so i didn't bother). i think the vote could be me, it makes more sense than the vote being someone like miguel (and everyone knowing said information). ill have to reassess the situation soon, but i may idol tonight. i want to trust that the following people wont vote me: alyssa/jess/karthik/tim/miguel - but can i? idk. if i could have my way, one of jake/luke would leave tonight . or stephen but sisters immune so.

this tribal has been so quiet i hate it

miguel’s name has been kinda drifting around the whole time

luke’s name is coming up a bit now

we officially formed ~the samurais~, which is me stephen luke jess and alyssa

and the 5 of us are gonna try to blindside zach

idk how well this is gonna go but i have my fingers crossed !!!!

i will NOT let these kato 2.0 bitches keep dictating votes on my ALLIES!!!! LEAVE LUKE ALONE!!!!!

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Miguel is voted out 5-4-1. He becomes the second member of our jury.

#escapenow #episode

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