#exectutive dysfunction

[sleepystars-blurriedskies]

Yall having a time?

t a s k

T A S K

TASK TASK TASK TASK TASK

#Im a guy with a quest and exectutive dysfunction #i crave quest and vibrate with quest urge #but no want to move

[aceyanaheim]

me: ojh right i have depression

me after not really being able to do muhc for 3 days: oh right i have depression

#personal #its also some exectutive dysfunction but considering ive been thinking 'existing is stressful' could be this one too who knowws #ill be fine #i wish i could use this to get an extension but i cant so time to cram ig #the things i do for a BA #more expresso less depresso #i just think acknowledging theres a cause for it maybe means i beat myself up less about it #caus e like ..im Told i do that apparently >.>

[ffx1v]

i was soo productive tonight. i thought about doing 5 whole different things for 4 hours without actually ever doing any of them.

#im nothing if not a master at exectutively dysfunctioning on a daily basis #jaci.txt

[onemillionfurries]

quick question but do you have any plans on doing a re-run of your robo ky charm in the future? 🥺 i only just got into GG and none of the charm packs on etsy include him which is kinda disappointing-

heyhey! i actually have a bunch of extras that im planning on selling but just have yet to put online because.......

im lazy OTL

if u want to come off of anon and DM me id be happy to sell ya one! hopefully ill be able to get them on my site soon.

#answered #anonymous #anon #(the real answer for not putting them online is exectutive dysfunction but. yknow.)

[yellowbentley]

tw medical

it would appear my piss poor dental habits have finally caught up to me ;--;

i went 17 years without a cavity then i finally got one and it was whatever n now 2 years later i think my teeth are cracking 🥴😵

#fuck me! #god the worst thing is i KNOW im bad i KNOW OKAY ive done everything i can and nothing seems to help #goddamn exectutive dysfunction please im on my hands and knees let me do this for us #i can do every other single fucking self care hygiene thing EXCEPT FOR THIS #GOD #adventures #as it is i snoozed my alarm 4 times before getting up and doing it #god damnit #if youve read this far suggestions please i dont know what to dooooo

[barrymccaulkinem]

how do you be something like an insurance agent or a patent troll or copyright lawyer and not kill yourself?

good ppl cant afford to eat and here you are, an impediment to good things, unquestionably a force for evil, getting paid to do that. being an expert in fields of obstructing health and human nature.

#idk why im focusing on these #usually its psychiatrists im mad at when the exectutive dysfunction is too bad to even entertain myself- thats relevant at least

[tora-the-cat]

personally I think the reason Kusuo uses telepathy to communicate is because he has trouble regulating the volume of his voice. Like his head is always so loud and crowded, especially when he was younger and could barely control it, that he can't hear his own voice when he uses it unless he's yelling. Obviously he gets better over time, but it's always something he has to be aware of when he's talking- kind of like how Toritska always has to be aware of who's alive and who's not? Kusuo has to be aware of who's actually speaking and who's not, and THEN at what volume they're all speaking at, so he can match it. It's just a lot of work when he could just project his perfectly mildly measured thoughts at the exact volume he hears them. He's still selectively mute, obviously, but it's not because he's afraid of talking per se, it's just that the he's autistic, you see, and his crippling exectutive dysfunction has hyped up the (honestly minor) stress of having to manage Speaking Normally With His Voice that there's a mental block there because he just doesn't wanna. Like he REALLY doesn't wanna.

(Obviously a bit of RSD mixed in there as well, because if he fails to regulate his voice he's just absolutely MORTIFIED at the attention it draws. Annoying as hell)

#saiki kusuo #saiki k #autistic saiki

[thatdeadaquarius]

OKAY OKAY SAGAU BUT THE CREATOR IS A HUGE KPOP FAN LIKE IMAGINE THE MOST STOTIC CHARACTERS DANCING TO TWICE

ANON I HAVE SEEN UR ASK SITTIN IN MY MAILBOX AND BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE-

GOD IM SO BASIC ANON I ONLY KNOW LIKE 2 SONGS BY TWICE (LIKE "FEELS" OR SMTH POPULAR), I KNOW A LITTLE MORE ITZY, BUT MY MAIN'S JUST BEEN BTS SINCE 2019😭

(send me recs pleassseeee ;-;)

Hey this'll be the last time I use colored words for characters!

I think it's a bit too distracting, and the only reason I was using them was to let ppl know if their fav was in there, but now I'll probably just use CW/TW to mention character heavy asks/fics :)

Thanks for being patient with me for so long if ur still reading my stuff :0 <3

Listen as you read?

EDIT 1/1/24: Hey I expanded more about this on my Eldritch Fanfic Part 2 post, but unfortunately I did a form of exoticism by including the term "Huangdi" inappropiately here. I have since replaced it with "Emperor" as was the original untranslated term I would've used. I'm genuinely sorry that I did this, and will absolutely be on the look out/do better in the future. I hope you can understand.

----

AGONIZED OVER THE GIFS THIS TIME THEYRE SO PRETTY AND I WANTED TO GET THEM DANCING ONE OF THEIR CUTER ERA/THEMES ALL DRESSED UP TOO-

also im so sorry?? Idky i was in such a scenario mood today??? Ig im in my exectutive dysfunction paralysis state so maybe that’s why, like it unconcoiusly wants me to waste more time not catching up on uni work??? anyway, hope u like this chaotic addon 😭

or i just love this ask sm, that’s entirely possible too <3

I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW I PUT ON A MEGA TWICE PLAYIST WHILE WRITING THIS ENTIRE THING LMAO

ok but they’d totally heard ur music tastes thru the screen right?

like just imagine-

the video game music is normalized, and to them its just another one of those “all kinds of magic in teyvat” causing the music, like the seelies wandering around all the time or elemental energy

Jean is flipping through a folder filled with the reports for the week, she’s got to get the routes ready for the week, then there’s the liyue shipments the knights need to help escort over, then checking in on any of the emergency stations/rations throughout Mondstadt for weary or hurt travelers/merchants-

She sighs, and yet another irritated thought is thrown Varka’s way in her mind, she can’t even muster the energy to make it outright dislike she’s so tired…

Jean was so concentrated she just now is starting to hear the Favonious Headquarter’s music once more, it’s peppy upbeat tune… grates like nails on a chalkboard.

and if she has to hear that damn flute for the next hour she works, she’s going to start banging her head onto her desk.

♤

Out in Jueyun Karst, Xiao is dealing the finishing blow to a flying ruin hunter

He’s huffing and stabs his spear into the ground to lean on and catch his breath, the gentle music of the peaks begins to float around him once more

The Yaksha feels the earth beneath his feet shake. Not like from his Lord, not the other adepti angered, but an enemy so large it’s stomps shake the ground he stands on

Xiao quickly straightens less he fall over, pulling his spear out of the dirt with a little more effort than it probably should’ve taken…

The high sounds of the guzheng trickle through the air, a perfect representation of the base of the slopes, trees, streams, and nature all around him

Xiao turns to face the enemy behind him, his arm popping with tired joints,

…A ruin grader, two ruin hunters, and finally regular three ruin guards, follows it. they come around the corner of the bottom of another slope, and they're still simmering with black smoke, curling off their metallic shoulders.

Xiao sees several red targets layer over his chest,

the music fades a little, but sticks around, plucking strings gently. Xiao sighs, exhausted already.

♧

Kazuha and Beidou had to redirect the Alcor from a nasty storm at sea that intercepted their usual route between Inazuma and Liyue,

the storm had practically chased them further and further down form the Inazuman islands

it wasn’t until Kazuha, from the crow’s nest, spotted fog on the waters that they realized they’d be forced to go into said creepy fog, what with the crackling looming clouds at their backs pinning them in

“Not good Captain, the fog is miles long, I’m not sure I can see a way around it…” Kazuha calls down to the deck, Beidou letting out a sharp sigh through her nose

“Damn… fucker’s not even sentient and it practically backed us into a corner, feels like we literally gotta escape the damn thing… BRACE YOURSELVES CREW, WE’RE HEADING INTO THAT FOG!”

The Alcor makes it’s way into the fog, a piano swells with a strange tune…

Beidou, Kazuha, and the crew know to listen to the music of teyvat, especially if you have a life at sea, where storms can appear in the middle of the day or other pirates could attack any moment.

The music means nothing good, but at least Kazuha can see the storm staying at the border of the fog, moving no further in, unlike themselves

“Shit… see anything up there Kazu?” the Captain steering the ship doesn’t even reach a shout, for the music has creeped out all conversation on board

“No ma’am, wait,” a chill breeze brushes through the wanderer’s white hair, he feels goosebumps jump on his neck and spine,

“…Yes! Portside Captain, land, no enemy movement yet!”

“Alright, here goes a bad idea…” Beidou’s arms flex as she easily turns the heavy wooden wheel, steering left,

the Alcor gently comes ashore, and they make anchor.

…there are no enemies, like Kazuha said, but the tune worsens, it had gotten louder now that they’re actually on the theme’s land

It plays slowly, encasing the crew of the Alcor in a paranoid quiet, and it almost has a melancholy note

Crows caw and fly off of a stone gate up ahead, they can see flickers of a strange blue light further inland, like figures carrying lanterns everywhere they go…

“Damn music, I wouldn’t feel half this anxious if it didn’t sound like we were walking into a monster infested cave…” the first mate says, the first person to break the quiet the music held over them.

“Yes, while we might need to stay here for awhile, I think we’re all very aware how dangerous this is…” Kazuha agrees, crossing his arms and squinting at the moving blue lights… the piano plays on.

☆

You open on Spotify on your computer, clicking on your favorite kpop playlist, it’s been rainy all day, so you need the peppiness of this dance playlist to actually not be half-asleep playing Genshin-

You hum along to the Korean lyrics as you boot Genshin up, ugh, ur in-game music is so loud, u forgot u turned it up last time to hear the new Sumeru music…

Turning it down, you let the Kpop songs fill ur headphones as you nod to the beat, your team materializing on screen. Right, off to do commissions first!

♤

Jean is like.. seconds away letting out a scream of frustration, anger, tiredness, loneliness, etc. her hands clenching her hair and ruining her ponytail when, thank Creator, the theme quiets down finally.

The loss of her immediate ire gone, she lets go of her hair, her hands just kind of hovering midair, not knowing what to do with herself, all the negative emotions giving her face wrinkles just melt off, leaving her stunned, blank face behind

🎶 Dalkomhan chocolate ice-cream-cheoreom Nogabeorineun jigeum nae gibun so lovely! Kkamkkamhan uju sok gajang banjjagineun Jeo byeol jeo byeol geu yeope keun ne byeol 🎶

Acting Grand Master Jean actually screams when abruptly a song in an unrecognizable foreign language, blasts into her office, around it, filling the entire Favonius Headquarters with its… cheeriness??

Jean lets her hands fall onto the desk, still in shock

..well, she quickly decides she’s grateful for the new music either Barbatos or the All-Parent had heard her pleas for…

…actually, it’s kind of,, catchy?

Jean takes out her ponytail, massaging her aching scalp, huh, she really did have it tight she’s just now noticing, she feels a small smiles appear on her face,

she actually kind of wants to do something now (she kind of hopes this new foreign bard song sticks around..)

♧

If you asked Xiao what happened in that battle he’d be hard pressed to tell you,

without going completely red in the face. LMAO

He probably wouldn’t tell the other adepti this, especially Cloud Retainer, but Xiao had definitely had to get used to fighting brutal battles to the sound of gentle summer day-esque music

Right as the aruguably, army of ruin machines spotted the Yaksha, he’d launched himself into the air to try and evade the rusted beasts, aiming his jade spear, adding winds to swirl around the staff to better boost his attack, the machines warm up, their targets moved and locked onto him midair, right as both sides launch their attack-

🎶 Geogi neo I fancy you! Amuna wonhaji anha Hey, I love you (Love ya!) 🎶

Xiao nearly falls out of the air.

Quickly recovering, he uses his anemo power to propel himself off to the side dodging, he swears to his Lord and his Emperor himself, delayed attacks, as if the machines were caught off guard too,

missiles whiz by him, exploding behind, the peppy song of foreign women’s voices sings out into Jueyun Karst bright and happy-

🎶 Geurae neo I fancy you! Kkumcheoreom haengbokhaedo dwae 'Cause I need you! (What?) 🎶

Xiao’s face goes from being confused to concentrated throughout the rest of the battle, and the worst part… it actually helps his energy levels.

and he finds himself nodding along

☆

Kazuha takes the lead, his sword unsheathed and at the ready to cut down the slightest movement before it can get to any of the crew behind him,

He’s flanked by the Captain of the Alcor herself, Beidou’s electro shield emitting a deep hum as it blocks in front of both himself, and the crew behind him

all of the pirates have unsheather their own weapons, daggers, swords, claymores, bows, their all on high alert, waiting for.. well, any enemies at all.

In fact, Kazuha hopes he sees hilichurls soon, just for the familiarity it could give him and the his crew-

the music begins to fade away.

The crew stops just shy of the entryway that was perched with crows before they scattered, the white fog hasn’t moved beyond its lazy drifting, but the creeping sounds have stopped entirely. Not good.

Captain Beidou sighs after a few silent moments, other than the quiet breathing and shuffling of weapons from the Alcor crew.

She lets her claymore sword thunk against her shoulder, and just as she opens her mouth, turning to address the all, deciding camping here will have to do for the night-

🎶Fancy! youu, ooh Nuga meonjeo johahamyeon eottae Fancy! youu, ooh Jigeum neoegero gallae Fancy! ooh!🎶

Kazuha’s shoulder shoot up to his ears in a flinch, red eyes wide, he barely stops his reflexes from taking a hard swing with his sword, several crewmembers shriek, collide with metal clinks into one another, Beidou drops low, her sword swinging off her shoulder into almost a full swing at the ground-

…

…..

……..

🎶 Dalkomhan chocolate ice-cream-cheoreom Nogabeorineun jigeum nae gibun so lovely! Kkamkkamhan uju sok gajang banjjagineun Jeo byeol jeo byeol geu yeope keun ne byeol 🎶

the music plays on, the only one making any noise as the entire Alcor crew just, stop. after their initial shock.

Kazuha’s the first to break.

He desperately tries to contain a quiet chuckle, which turns into a giggle, which turns into a full-on wheeze, as he buries his sword into the ground to brace himself on it and one of his knees

the Captain cracks by the time Kazuha wheezes, her laughter going straight to guffaws and knee slapping, her claymore shaking the ground where she stabs it to lean against

the crew erupts into laughter, both as the peppy foreign song echoes into the mysterious fog, and Beidou’s ridiculous laugh, as always

they don’t recover until two songs later when there’s finally a slow kpop song, Kazuha’s had to sit down, tears streaming down his face, Beidou’s half-dead, wheezing out complaints about her stomach, as the crew keep sending each other into more and more laughter right as they think they’re done.

They decide their Akitsu Mikami must have the best sense of humor and must just be sitting on their celestial throne pranking some of their subjects from time to time, and the Alcor crew find themselves all the more appreciative for it, their nerves entirely gone about the island

Kazuha and Beidou are constantly asking other bards they meet to try and see if anyone can recreate the song for the crew sometime they liked the beat and the memory so much, Fancy by Twice will still get a laugh out of Beidou and Kazuha, and they’d quickly let you in on the inside joke so you’d be a part of it too (afterall you did it lol)

♡

NOW MORE IMPORTANTLY, BC IDK IVE BEEN ON A SCENARIO KICK LATELY?? SORRY IDK WHY U GUYS KEEP GETTING SCENARIOS-

There’s only TWO 2 CATEGORIES THAT MATTER HERE-

◇

Who’s DANCING!! w/o u needing to do anything but play the music:

NILOU (she got those choreos done in like, an hour flat everytime u teach her, shes always begging for “just one more dance lesson Greatest Lord? 🥺”),

YUNJIN (difference betweeen the two dancers is that nilou asks :) → yunjin lowkey demands, she like always gets u into a situation where you have plenty of time to teach her and feel obligated, u just got gaslight gatekeep girlbossed into teaching her another kpop dance LMAO), they also see it as they’re (literally) god-given job to dance better than any idol you’ve seen do it before, esp when they recruit groups of other dancers to join for group choreos

Yoimiya! cutie #1, CHILDE, amber, eula, ITTO, bennett,

Collei (but shes shy u gotta encourage her),

Diona (cutie #2),

FISCHL (would form an actual group to dance all the choreos like a real kpop group),

Gorou (shy #2, needs encouragement),

Kazuha (tbh I think he’d have fun and be weirdly good at it, fem or masc dances),

Ayaka (shy #3, needs encouragement and would rather die than dance in front of ppl other than you),

KLEE CUTIE #3, NAHIDA CUTIE #4,

Qiqi (but u gotta teach her slow bc she needs to memorize it, and also it takes her a bit to write down the dance steps in her journal so she doesn’t forget as much),

Razor (another person i think would just have fun with it! also he’d do it but it would be very, aggressive? like making finger hearts but violently shoving his arm out at ur face lmao),

HEIZOU (shutup he’d actually be good at it and brag- and flirt at you-),

Aether (shy #4), VENTI, xingqiu, xinyan, KAVEH

BARBARA (she literally stalks u around Mondstadt all like “oh hello your highness! just happened to walk by you and was wondering if you heard any new of those “kpop” dances, you know I’d LOVE to show it off at my next show-!” like she hasnt been a block behind you the entire day 💀)

♡

WHO YOU MANAGED TO CONVINCE TO DANCE LMAO-

babygirl Wanderer (he literally surveyed the area before he finally let u teach him any moves, and refused to any sort of dramatic moves, like fem or masc),

Alhaitham (but only like a small part of a guy group choreo like a bit from God’s Menu or smth, he was too lazy to do anymore even for u lol),

Cyno (dammit some of these bitches look way too good doing even girl group dances-),

Diluc (u got him to do like, a pose. LMAO and he saw Kaeya in the distance and quit immediately LMFAO),

Kaeya (but it didnt take much convincing, if anything it just took forever to teach him, he’s talented in footwork for swordfighting but apparantly not dancing, at least not modern dances he tripped so much ur convinced he did it on purpose at one point so he’d fall into your arms again lol),

Ganyu (super shy, wont do it around anyone but you, and maybe Shenhe),

speaking of Shenhe (she just took awhile to teach bc she wanted to stay upright a lot, kinda stiff),

Keqing (once again, another who’d only dance when it’s just u two lol),

Yae Miko (she just wanted to learn the whole choreo that’s what took so long… and now she’s making comments like “My goodness, my god wants me to dance for them? They’ll even show me how? Oh, now I must do it perfectly so I can satisfy you, my Kami.” STOP TAKING THINGS OUT OF CONTEXT UR TEACHING EVERYONE-),

Ayato (he’s acts so theater gay he refuses to do anything but the girl group dances/fem dances lol),

SARA (easy, give her ur strongest, saddest pout and she cracked like glass, u got her to do a whole dance with u/she actually got into it too, its her secret guilty pleasure now lol),

Kuki (did one sort of move then got BARRELED OVER by Itto’s crazied boy group acrobatics he likes so much, u know the backflips over each other type of ones? yeah. ),

Ei (the god herself/not the puppet, catch her never doing that lol, she tried but didnt, get it? she’s also pretty stiff, but she looks like she’s having fun so u just keep teaching her moves, and she likes that its you teaching her something new),

Thoma (shy #5 ? idek what number we’re on anymore lol),

TIGHNARI (u nag that bitch so hard he nearly throws a drink at you to get u to stop bothering him- NO he does NOT think those dances would suit his ears- dammit he wont do that dance, no matter how much he likes you- DAMMIT MY LORD-),

Xiao (if u thought nagging Tighnari was hard, this is like nightmare mode, not only does he not wanna do the dances, but he also wants to understand WHY u want him to dance each and every move- !! bc he would “look cute or cool”?!?!!?!!! …yeah he’s gone, he went so red u cant even get him back with tofu),

Zhongli (would like, be so confused on how to make his body do that, that he ended up just sort of posing, at least he looks cool)

♡

(anyone not on these 2, u did, in fact, not manage to convince, yes, even if their god asked them to, nor are they doing it of their own volition lol)

WHAT THE HELLLLLLL-

THIS IS SO LONGGG IM SO SORRRYYYYY

ANYWAY HOPE SOMEBODY LIKED THIS, DW ILL STOP THE WEIRD SCENARIOS AFTER THIS ASK I JUST GOT IN A PHASE I DONT KNOW WHY

also, im like, three weeks away form graduating uni? NICE, soon i will be free to assault u all with responses mwhahahaha (rubs my little gremlin hands together)

Safe travels,

💀 ♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk

#so long #srry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #genshin impact #genshin sagau #hope somebody got a kick outta this #and srry if the scenario switches were confusing #idk if anyones aware but i did mention way back when #like in january that i was using this blog both to do smth i love #and to practice writing stuff :) #ask box open #sagau #my asks #genshin imagines #gender neutral reader #genshin isekai #genshin impact sagau #genshin impact self aware #genshin impact reverse harem #no even gonna hide it anymore they love u #just try and stop me bitch #(except for the minors/literal children they just have a squish on u #aka a platonic crush) #unless u state otherwise in the ask #everybody is deeply in love cant stop em just join em #genshin scenarios

[panicdeleter]

Home Accesibility: need advice please

Hey, so I've lived alone in an apartment for years and struggled with a buttload of things. I finally have enough money for a house and I'm trying to determine whether I can actually manage the additional labor which is required. Recently a friend bought me a lightbulb with a remote and I realized there might be solutions to my problems other than *build a complicated system of using the lightswitches or be uncomfortable until it's annoying enough to overcome the exectutive dysfunction* I don't have any idea where to even start looking for information about this other than to ask other disabled people, most of the information that I've found that's been really useful has been tumblr posts that have just shown up, rather than things I can actually find online, so I thought I would just, ask for help (that's so motherfucking hard) I don't have the skills or spoons to make this any easier to read, please ask for clarification if this post is hard to understand!

#disability #actually disabled #actually autistic #plural #dissociative identity disorder #madpunk #accessibility #home accessibility #disabled independence

[lorettapetrichor]

exectUtive dysfUnction is so evil im not even kidding

[sailor-aviator]

I'm curious. As a fellow person with exectutive dysfunction, how do you feel about bucketlists?

I have such a love hate relationship with bucket lists. I wanna do the things but when it comes time to do the things I gotta be in the mood to do the thing and then if I’m not uuuuuuuuuuugh

#answered #anonymous #hey nonny nonny #send help

[freackthejester]

I'm not unemployed, I'm on strike

My comedy doesn't suck, I'm on strike

It's not exectutive dysfunction, I'm on strike

#i say stuff

[artemisbarnowl]

I have such vivid dreams that lately make me remember i havent used my (invented) one pathetic phone call to the ex. HE got one (he asked first, i said yes. And he didnt even use it to talk about us. Just how his life sucks and how lame his work was at the time) so now i think i get one.

But luckily because of who i am as a person, my rare use of alcohol, my history of mental illness and undiagnosis, and exectutive dysfunction my first instinct is that i simply cannot do whatever stupid thing i want to do. And i DONT use my (invented) phone call. And i dont tell him my dreams. Which often seem...pointed. they arent prophetic but they do have an agenda. It is not such a helpful one.

#why am i still dreaming about him anyway!!!!!!! #stop it plz #ive realised im having more trouble than usual getting rid of things #because 1. my tendency towards inaction and 2. all the tiny memories and grief in objects such as spare mattress i will never sleep on and #clothes i have not worn since 2020 #cushion i took from a couch that no longer exists when i moved away and didnt have a couch #i have had a couch for over a year i dont need this cushion on my bed or floor its just in the way #but its from the couch that was ours #the mattress is what if he stays over (UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES YOU FOOL) #and the clothes are because he liked many of them

[gutmeats]

today i won against the exectutive dysfunction

#ive had these spikies for like four years and ive FINALLY put em on my vest #gutspeaks

[lobstim]

Please op

?

(also sorry blogs been dead i have a job... also exectutive dysfunction is a bitch) - mod JB

#mod judgement #ask #anonymous

[tonah-the-existant]

I recently learned just what Executive Dysfunction is, and like... IT EXPLAINS SO MUCH, but also like now in Exam Season as I am telling myself I need to study yet not doing so, my Stupid ass brain is telling me shit like I'm just using it as an excuse to not Study.

Meanwhile I know before I learned about it I still couldn't get myself to study. And sure, there are probably more factors at play than Exectutive Dysfunction, but WHY THE FUCK is my Brain guilting me for connecting a Term to a Phenomenon I experienced for a while, and claiming I'm using the fact I learned that Term as an excuse for the Phenomenon, like What hell Brain.

Is this what Closeted Trans people feel, as in like the "I am faking this" Doubtful thoughts? And how do I turn it off?

Like my Brain is doing this Shit despite having learned the Wisdom of OT, of "If you think you might be faking it, there's a very good Chance you're not"

I hate the fact that I can't fucking bring myself to Study, yet I am getting Anxiety about the fact I am not studying. My brain is just giving me a double serving of "Fuck you" Because I am not only going to fail the Exams because of this, but also going to feel Miserable in the Time I should be studying but am not.