#fuck i genuinely hate my life rn

[chewysgummies]

So um... How's everybody been doing waiting for Larry & lawrie's bitch ass to show up at the beginning of february as everyone else already claims Kit this update?

#chewys notes #brawl stars #since im basically stuck playing this game again #As of recently I've been getting a lot of credits i need to actually unlock Kit rn #And i can actually be able to get the mfs rn #but i genuinely want to wait until larry and Lawrie are released #Even though they're an epic and easy to unlock #but still #I wanna save it for them #Even though again #I can get back my credit no problem with this new update #but whatever #brawl stars larry #brawl stars lawrie #i hate this sm #fuck my life bro #BS know that i like robots #god i wanna leave this shitty ass game but damn #If i sound like im being an asshole #It okay im just messing a bit #But fr tho #Playing this game again after i quit long time ago made me lose my hot girl swag #I aint never getting it back until i uninstalled this game for my own sake🙏🛐

[vitamin-zeeth]

experiencing fhjy while currently being in the equivalent of junior year is so. Yeah that's what it's like that's how school treats you that's how I'm feeling RIGHT NOW. I love how perfectly accurate it is and I also hate it so much because they don't deserve to go through this shit

#like fuck man #im currently fucking struggling through school clawing my way to exams so i can stop dealing with all this bullshit and have a life #and i cannot WAIT until its over cause next years gonna be the chillest #but fuckin hell man some of these moments #adaine struggling cause the school just won't provide the resources she needs. fabian dealing with a 150% workload + ecs. #kristen being genuinely gifted but finding the paperwork so awful that her grades are plummeting. #gorgug being told he cant do what he wants to do because they want to keep him focusing on the path he chose when he was 14. #riz trying to keep his friends together because if they separate he doesnt know what hed do #ough #kristen especially is resonating with me HARD her entire energy is so fucking relatable rn #its giving burnout its giving tired undiagnosed teenager its giving doesnt know wtf theyre doing #shes strongly considering dropping out but then looking back and going FUUUCK I KNOW I GOTTA JUST PUSH THROUGH #shes hating the work its making enjoying the subject harder shes needing a break and nobodys willing to give her one #shes so me this year actually. realest ever I'll defend her til i DIE #d20 #fhjy

[smute]

big epiphany you guys. big. huge.

#cliffnotes for context: smute almost finish masters. smute think oh‚ maybe phd not crazy wacko shit‚ maybe i can try #but smute also low self esteem. with any small setback - smute think oh what is point. smute bound to fail #problem is: smute genuine self doubt = smute quotidian frustration #ok normal english now #so thats what i realized today. a lot of the ''small'' things i dream of (financial independence‚ a nice little apartment etc) are #expressions of some low level frustration with my nomadic broke student life #rather than genuine desires. and as dumb or as #duh #obvious as that may sound rn #its actually huge for me that i was able to recognize the difference today #this question of what i will do after i graduate has been haunting me for the past year #and i am now realizing that a lot of my own arguments have nothing to do with what i want #just because they're things i don't currently have doesn't mean they would be fulfilling #and #again. duh. #but like. between this debilitating self doubt and certain external pressures 🤨 it was hard to see the difference #anyway i basically just explored some alternative scenarios today #like specific scenarios. went on indeed found some really good stuff and tried to imagine my life a year from now if i took this or that jo #and the end result was that i fucking hated it. they were all great options on paper but the takeaway was that i would never forgive myself #if i didnt give this a try. if i prioritized some vague notion of independence or this idea of ''settling down'' or whatever the fuck #over the one thing that ive got going for me #like i still don't know if the academic path will be any more fulfilling than some other job #god knows my entire academic career so far has been an insane uphill battle. but it's also been so fucking rewarding. like nothing else #and i also still dont know how genuine this wish is #if it's not maybe still about proving myself to some imaginary authority #but like. how long can you psychoanalyze yourself before your goddamn head explodes #no matter how pure my motivation is im beginning to understand that i dont want this to be the end of the road #and maybe that's enough #&

[allofuswantgwinam]

im not gonna post about the gas station guy anymore bc i am never gonna get balls and im upset

#i almost did it #I had it planned out then of course did not go as planned #bc while I was in the drive thru some mfer I know was inside waiting #and he fucking like moved over to the window to see if it was #literally made direct eye contact but he didn’t even say anything??? #so like go away??? he ruined it all #im so pissed #I hate my life #only rn #I hate my life rn #I cried #I was gonna cry so hard but I had to be able to drive so #genuinely feel like I was born to be fucking alone #it sucks #he’s probably not even into me anyways so it doesn’t even matter #this it #y’all will be hearing nothing else 🫡

[bisexualrapline]

jk’s weverse post was the first thing i saw when i woke up this morning and i would just like to wish all sasaengs a very get hit by a fucking bus. preferably at full speed. a big ass industrial size bus too not just any old schoolbus.

#i fucking hate this so much the anger emanating from me rn #leave him the fuck alone #it’s bad enough that he can’t have a normal life because y’all refuse to let him leave his house without following him around #but to make him feel so unsafe and uncomfortable IN HIS OWN HOUSE? you really deserve no better than death in my opinion #genuinely and honestly manifesting the person who did that gets hit by a bus #imagine how much they have done it if it got to the point of him posting on weverse. i’m so fucking angry #.txt

[prettyboyhere]

executive dysfunction is the most disturbing thing. like do you know how much of my life i have spent struggling to just get into a shower. i have NEVER come out of a shower like “ah wish i hadn’t done that.” yet for like eight years my brain is just like I Literally Don’t Have The Bandwidth For This. it’s worse being cognisant of it, because it’s like Here’s the issue, Here’s what the issue is called, Here is a straightforward solution. no

#and like it’s dorm showers so you would expect This is the time in my life when it’s an issue #but i have been in lovely homes and hotels and been like the Hardest thing rn is to shower #i hate this so fucking much #i’m gonna get in the shower after this and i’m gonna be so fresh afterwards and this post will seem so dramatic #but the feelings are genuinely this big #AH #idk if exec day is the correct phrase for this behaviour #but i have to call it something or i’ll lose it #pb rambles

[ickypuppi3]

just thought about how concerned heather was about billy & how she was literally the only person who showed him genuine kindness

#billy hargrove #heather holloway #i’m so upset #the way she speaks to him #like that’s canon #i’m so fucking sad #like she got punished for being the only character who was nice to him #heather i owe you my life #i think that’s one reason i love her so much #i want to hug her so bad #duffers i genuinely hate you #fuck the show #her and billy are bitching together rn #as they should #ickyspeaks

[skullzy20]

I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible

Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen

#sorry i. need to vent #he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen #I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING #and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud #whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud #first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me- #-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything #at least in regards to the house #and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally #in his mid 40's #so. #like. #I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of- #-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15 #first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest #he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things #like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible #yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I- #-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever #I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to- #-provoke him more #Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!! #and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!! #Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS #but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy #god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot #I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3 #I will say I hate him w my full chest #vent #negative post

[agayconcept]

.

#wow ok so the new nurse practitioner im connected with is uh. The Worst Person #extremely discriminatory #doesnt give a fuck about her patients well being or health #wont do her job properly even when its fucking over said patients #is lazy as shit and tries to get out of doing any work whatsoever even just checking a fax #and has now screwed my healthcare over bc she's going on vacation for 2 weeks and DIDNT INFORM ME even tho i have tests scheduled #and am supposed to start meds that r extremely time sensitive #but now i just. Cannot access them bc she wont prescribe them before she leaves #so uh. ok. we're fuckin Done w this #gonna talk to my support worker tomorrow and explain and ask for a referral outside the program #which suuuucks bc that means said NP would have to do it and im sure she'll put up a fight but uh #ya no sweetie we r done w this #u hate disabled ppl and think my life and health is a joke #u have spent 3 weeks sabotaging any attempts i have made at getting adequate care and access to resources #genuinely and actually Fuck Off And Die #this is. truly infuriating i rly dont have words #like hooo boy if i had to quote some of the shit she's said and done y'all would be shocked #which is rly saying something considering the abysmal state of healthcare in most countries rn #aiyaiyai #Fuck This #i am. so so so done

[princeanxious]

.

#hi yes i cant be the only young adult that has no fucking clue what to do with their life right? #not even playing the ‘haha same’ card rn but genuinely actually no idea what interests me ‘career-wise’ #‘i’m just worried about you. what to you want to do with your life?’ LIKE #FUCK I DONT KNOW I STILL GENUINELY NEVER EXPECTED GETTING THIS FAR #i dont like *anything* specifically enough to want to base a whole life on it. #i dont. *love* things #outside of art anyway. and we already know art aint a viable career in america unless u grind like hell- #-and let me tell u i do not love life enough to grind like hell just to live off the biggest thing that gives me joy #because then it would stop giving me joy #like once upon a time i thought i might do good as a baker and now that i know i cant eat gluten most food is ruined for me #i hate food and making food. eating is a chore and i do not enjoy it. i gave up baking. #like. there are more examples but every avenue i’ve tried to take that i like has failed me in a way that sucks all the joy out of it #having a career feels meaningless to me. going back to college just feels like a pointless and indebting endeavor. #am i just depressed? is my brain just still way off base chemically? #it’s pissing me off and stressing me out honestly. #luka vents #delete later

[hella1975]

i hate my town i hate the people in it i hate the shame that consumes us all i hate that every failure might as well be posted in the square because everyone knows everyone i hate that my grandparents are here and i hate that my mother came back for them i hate that the kids are dying and no one cares i hate that every good memory has a bad memory right next door like sam's house around the corner from my childhood home i hate the body they pulled from the river i hate the memory of hearing yellow by coldplay at my cousin's funeral because all i could think was that it was too modern for the situation but then he was only seventeen so it makes sense i hate that i was seventeen too and all the boys i knew were there his friends that were supposed to be the tough guys the scary guys i hate that i pretended not to see them sobbing i hate that everything smells of cigarettes here i hate the politics i hate the people i used to love that dont even smile at me on the street i hate that the girl who called me a slut works at my favourite bar i hate every alley and hidden shortcut and i hate that i know them like the back of my hand i hate the same fucking coffee shops i sat in when i was fourteen and scared and now im nineteen and scared and i hate that it's exactly what this town wants i hate that it wants anger i hate that it wants fear i hate that it wants shame i hate that i can give it everything

#thinking about how the two biggest things in my life rn - writing and my degree - are so punctuated by this fucking town #like my biggest fear with my degree isnt what id think of myself if i dropped out or failed #or even what my family would think bc they're nicer to me than i am #it's genuinely the thought of what my hometown lot would say that keeps me up at night #like the thought of my neighbour who told me id never accomplish anything bc my school was shitter than his fancy one #the thought of having to look him in the eye #or the thought of knowing my friends will tell their mums who are still on the PTA with old teachers who thought i was special #like small towns wrap you in this bubble of smallness and it suffocates you and you're so terrified and ashamed of every little mistake #and then my writing GOD i keep thinking about how tbos is probably the best thing ive ever written #and id publish it id genuinely try and get it published #but im just again so scared and ashamed and embarrassed like how do i explain to these assholes that im writing fantasy #and that's not even counting the gay angle bc that's the biggest part #i just am not brave enough for that yet and yeah maybe it's bc im still young but i shouldnt have to be brave to enjoy things to begin with #failure shouldnt require bravery when it's just a fact of life #and i think about if we'd lived in london like my dad wanted us to or if we'd gone to dublin bc my mum loves dublin #or even if we just hadn't come to this fucking town and we'd lived in ANY FUCKING CITY #my dad jokes about how in london he didn't even know his neighbours names and god i just crave that anonymity so fucking much #it's so frustrating and my mum takes it so personally whenever i say i hate the town and my sister says i'll grow out of it just because #she did but i genuinely dont think i will #and maybe that's the creative in me or the queer in me that she just cant relate to but i have always always hated this place #like a guy i have a VERY complicated history with messaged me the other day and we havent talked in TIME #and it was kinda sweet if not awkward just bc of our aforementioned rocky past but one thing he mentioned when i said i was at uni #was that he said really genuinely 'im so happy to hear that; i know you always wanted to get out of [town name]' #like he still remembers that about me even though weve been friends since we were 12 and i havent spoken to him since i was?? 17?? #UGH i just hate it here and it's the fact that i'll never escape it either bc i cant totally abandon ship without also #abandoning my family and i refuse to do that and they refuse to leave so now im just stuck with all these CONNECTIONS #sorry to vent lol #ig this could be a poetry thing? we'll say it is instead of me just having another meltdown LMAO #hella goes home

[zibah-ho]

someone explain why I just spent an hour watching some girl on TikTok organising her more expensive than my house make up like. I don’t even wear make up? Hello????

#i hate TikTok every time I use it (once a month) I either find the new meme of the season or lose hours of my life to capitalist influencers #that was stupid all influencers are capitalists that’s how it works ha silly zibah #genuinely this girl dropped my whole months pay for one random trip to target in which she got fuck all #i have so much to do before work tomorrow and shaitan had me doing this instead oof tauba #cyberbully me into deleting tiktok rn I deleted ig today I can do this #zh.txt

[fleshdyke]

absnskaisgbsj

#lost literally one of the best friendships of my life yesterday #i mean it’s been gone for a while i just never had the courage to talk to them about it until yesterday. and that basically confirmed it tbh #they didn’t say i did anything wrong but they also didn’t not say i did anything wrong and i’m v paranoid that i did do smth wrong #like i dont want to talk bad abt any of them bc genuinely i had so much fun with these people and im so glad i got to know them #like when i talked to them they were very dry ig? like not like their usual self at all even when talking to someone they dont know #definitely sounded like they were talking to someone they hated. im trying to tell myself taht its just my anxiety but ummm yeah idk i think #im actually right this time #idk. it just sucks man. im trying to think of what i did wrong bc i just dont know what happened #i think im overanalyzing every interaction i can remember having with these ppl bc i dont even want to entertain the idea that they might #have been bad people all along. i dont want to think that and i dont but idk it feels like an observation about myself that ive made from #the outside in yk. like half of me is feeling the emotional response and the other half is just watching from the outside like im someone #else. and i know this is a normal human thing but its just always weird yk #and then theres the whole awful thing of seeing shit that they would find funny or that reminds me of them. and i also dont know what im #supposed to do when school starts back up again bc we took a lot of the same classes and if i end up in a class with them idk if im supposed #to say hi or just pretend they dont exist or not and i dont want to make the wrong decision so they hate me even more yk #whatever man. it fucking sucks but life goes on. my dog is just chilling in my room rn and i’ll always have her and tia and my brother #rambles #vent

[scourgethewhorehog]

tbh too many of you hashtag actually autistic bitches sound like dr aspergers favorite patients when you talk about other autistic ppl except instead of just calling "less functional" autistic ppl the r slur you call them lazy abnormal weird freaky etc and accuse them of insane shit bc they cant keep up w whatever innane social expectations that only exist on the internet even if theyre NOT HURTING ANYONE or being unkind to you or they struggle to get a job / self care / etc and you Swear it totally cant be related to autism because they seem Fine enough to execute it on here because of course how someone acts sitting at their computer in a controlled enviornment where you arent as likely to be overstimulated in predictable areas of the internet is indicative of how they must respond to situations in the real real life. please be kinder to people you dont exist day to day with and cant possibly understand the struggles of good lord.

#this is bc a post made me mad im not saying you arent allowed to be mad at people for xyz or w/e ultra specific situatuon youll project #not whatever u may imagine or project from whatever specific situation #this is how cringe culture ppl will go Well Im Autistic and im not ACTUALLY this WEIRD or #Bc Im Autistic Im The Authority On WhT Autistic Ppl Are AbleTo Do And If They Struggle Its Fake #like this is abt ppl targetting ppl not based on wrongdoings but genuinely just being Strange to them despite the fact they arent affected #its fucking different if theyre actually being. fucked up to you or are confused or smth and arent being mean #i just kind of hate how theres Autism Acceptance but theres not actually acceptance its just a specific palatable autism #that ppl joke is a new cool evolutionary state of humanity when its like. well i guess i should just die bc my evolution is just fucked! #infection #ask to tag #prolly also set me off bc work fucking sucks rn and im actually Fortunate i even can try as hard as i am. bc legit at 1 point i couldnt. #there was a point in my life i could not be here and the fact i am isnt necessarily what happens to everyone.

[dreamertrilogys]

i’m so fucking tired (physically but also emotionally/mentally) like i don’t even feel like a person rn

#i still have to finish my diary entry for yesterday + i have to do one for today bc once again my life has been insane and like. AUGH #i don’t have the energy to do that right now tho so tmrw night it is i suppose. anyway ummm. i still genuinely truly deeply have no idea #what the fuck i’m supposed to do about the dani (possibly my girlfriend???) situation like i cannot deal with this #like if she just wanted to casual date or whatever i might be fine with it but no she like ACTUALLY likes me and it’s fucking terrifying #and like. oh my god. ok so there’s this new app or whatever idk i hate it but point is you get lame ass questions like who’s the hottest #person or whatever and you have to pick out of the 4 randomized ppl from ur school it gives you #<- like when you download it you pick ur school and then it suggests you people only from ur school yknow. anyway she showed me some of the #ones ppl picked her for (it doesn’t tell you who picked you for what it just says their grade and gender) and anyway what i’m trying to get #at here is that in english class (while we were sitting super close together thighs touching and all) she showed me and one of the ones #someone picked her for was most likely to marry their high school sweetheart and she kinda looked at me and was like hopefully! #and uhhhh. obviously nobody’s talking about fucking MARRIAGE rn and she’s dated plenty of people in high school but STILL #and like. as i’ve said before i genuinely can’t see myself with her in the future and going into a relationship knowing it’ll end just feel #so fucking mean and like a waste of everyone’s time. except i don’t even know if i feel that way anymore or i’m just telling myself that bc #i’m scared of commitment or whatever #fuck!!!! #and of course there’s still my friend (diff person not dani) who i’m genuinely in love with like it’s actually so fucking bad #like i need to **** *** ** ******* *** *** *** **** ***** #.txt #fake ex gf #crushposting #this is just a word for word repeat of my last 3 posts on this topic but anyway. the thing is if you asked me to choose between them (crush #and girl who likes me who i also kind of like) i’d pick my friend/crush like it wouldn’t even be that hard of a choice. but there is no #friend vs dani there’s only dani asking me out and like. ughhhhh #i can’t deal with this!!!!!!!!!! #gf

[pepprs]

kind of amazing that i get down on myself for having impostor syndrome and feeling constantly stupid and naive and radiating insecurity about being young all the time when actually there is a completely explainable reason for it which is that i live in this house 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

#groaning and laughing over liz memes with my siblings and explaining to my parents why ppl are doing this / why ppl hate her and #are celebrating her death and they start attacking me for relaying the information (and agreeing with it ♥️) and saying shit like This #Generation has no respect and are so cruel and classless and always pick at problems for no reason and make unfounded baseless claims when I #was literally reading them evidence of the awful things that happened under her reign and they were going i don’t believe that. LMFAO! ok. #and the generational disdain has been such an issue too. like our parents straight up think we are stupid! love and light 💖 #purrs #one of the worst fights i ever had with my mom that was the reason i started going to counseling happened bc of how jason mraz announced #that he was two-spirit and i was talking to my mom about it and said that he shouldn’t have called himself that bc he&: white and she BLEW #UP at me for like 3 days straight for trying to be ‘labelist’ about him and for caring about sexuality and ‘policing’ his / her language and #she literally went out of her way to pick a fight with someone on ig who was saying the thing i was to prove a point to me and she said othe #other extremely hurtful things about me being bi and about me having the audacity to ‘root for the underdog’ and how she was going to cut me #out of her life just like she did with her aunt because i push her buttons too much so ♥️ always very fun to get into debates with my parent #and i know it goes against literally everything i am supposed to know / be for me to be arguing like this and to be complaining about it and #even joking about queen elizabeth but like. idk. i feel so torn between how i feel. i know she was a human being yeah yeah but she was #also a colonialist monarch parasite and i genuinely think the way tumblr explodes when politicians and world leaders die is endearing and #exciting and funny. i adore my job and my colleagues and also working full time is killing me. i recognize that my parents are human beings #and that i am flawed and don’t know everything and am saying stuff without fully knowing what it means and also it makes me giddy to pick #fights with them a little bit. i am kind of a bad person i think and i care about it so much but also i don’t give a fuck anymore. nothing #in my life feels real rn and i am a scared creature in my skin all the time. so no i don’t feel like i can hold my own and represent my work #well because i am living a double life just wanting to play video games all the time and run away from everything but also wanting to create #the golden thing and help people open the door to a better world or whatever and i can’t tell wha ti want to do more because im fucking #EXHAUSTED and experiencing 15 kinds of despair at all times lol! #not to turn a post about queen elizabeth into a vent lmfao but i am so angry. it really fucking gets me that they think im stupid lol. like #i know im stupid for other reasons but it’s not fair to think im stupid because i am pointing out inequities and trying to help you learn or #whatever and it’s not fair that you think that im stupid because im a young person like im literally your fucking daughter and it is made st #STAGGERINGLY clear to me every day how you only wanted babies and you didn’t want us as the messy growing learning imperfectncomplicated #adults we are becoming and it fucking hurts and i hate you for it a little bit. lol 🤸🏻‍♀️ #delete later #idk what i even just typed i an just hitting post and letting the consequences roll in. im a bad person fuck it! #parents tw