#fucked up but even so; it's hard to let myself enjoy a friendship when i'm still heartbroken that it isn't the same connection we used to

[drowning-in-neon]

yeah it’s another vent in the tags post sorry lmao ill try and spam reblog stuff to make up for it

#vents #i've just been missing a lot lately. like. memories and places and people and shit. #i really miss my cat #but i also miss seph (name changed for privacy) like. a lot. and that's almost worse than missing my cat #because at least with her; yeah of course i miss her and it's normal even if it sucks ass but with seph; missing them is almost worse #because i also end up so pissed off that i miss them because jesus christ. i love them so godamn much and things aren't the way they used to #be; which is arguably a good thing - they've grown so much and have come so far and are living their best life and i'm happy for them #for that; but despite still seeming to want to be friends they don't feel the way they used to for me and they are allowed not to but it #fucking hurts like hell to be the one who still loves him so goddamn much and somehow be unable to get over it. like. i want to get over him #so bad; so i can just let myself be friends with him without all sorts of little things reminding me of the pain but nothing seems to work #i've tried going on dates with other people and just generally trying to see other people; i've tried journaling and i've tried all sorts of #shit and nothing works. and i can't bring myself to step away either because like. one i don't think it's gonna work because even #though seph has BPD spells where he splits and blocks everyone on social media - sometimes for months on end - it never #helped; i still felt exactly the same after a separation like that. so even that doens't work and even if it did work i wouldn't want to do #it because i'm just. i'm afraid i'll lose them. i'm afraid thta one of these separations; whether by him or by me; it'll be the last time #hell i just went to instagram and found out that his account was private and i somehow wasn't following him anymore so i'm assuming i just #missed another split. but he genuinely seems to want to stay friends; if only for the fact he always comes back. despite how many people he #has simply blocked and not brought back after a social media blackout; i've stayed. i genuinely believe he wants to be friends and i am #okay with that; i want that too; i don't want to imagine a world that he isn't in. but it hurts. i don't try and force it because that's #fucked up but even so; it's hard to let myself enjoy a friendship when i'm still heartbroken that it isn't the same connection we used to #have. i wish i could just forget but i can't; every time i think i've gotten over him; every time i think 'oh hey i havent been #in much pain about seph lately; i think i've finally moved on hell yeah' my stupid brain is like SYKE lmao you dumbass you really thought #you were done? nope every little fucking thing reminds you of him and it's gonna still hurt because like. fuck you that's why #and some nights i just can't stop thinking about all the littlest damn things. the way he took a greyhound nine hours just to come visit me #in person for the first time after we connected so deeply on fucking faecbook dating of all places; the way we were so awkward #sitting at a booth in a pizza and bar combo place that night; the way he would tease me about how i tasted like castor oil because i was #trying to solve a bad case of chapped lips but even so he couldn't stop kissing me; the way his eyes sparkled every time he got passionate #about music; sitting at his feet while he wrote a short poem in golden marker on my brand new guitar #and it. it just hurts. and i wish it was the way it used to be. but i also don't because he's so much healthier now. i guess i just wish i #could have the good stuff but not keep the bad. i dunno. it just hurts. i miss him so fucking much and i hate it.

[elsaellaelys]

Tease

summary: JJ is the only one that makes Y/N shy.

pairing: JJ Maybank x fem!reader

1.300 words

a/n: Tumblr made this really hard to post. What's going on?

Let me know if you have any requests!

--★--

Y/N always seemed to know what to say, everytime, with everybody. She had the answered in the tip of her tongue all the time and never let anything goes by unnoticed. The boys never had a chance coming with pick up lines, she made sure she was in charge, having all of them in the palm of her hands; smoke 'em like a cigarette: puff, pass.

And she was flirty with everybody. So could you misunderstand the reason she and JJ started to cross the line of friendship?

As JJ was just the same, sassy and reckless, constantly messing around, living life for the moment, girls was just a pastime, cold beer and nice weed to feel the fun. Everything was a joke, life was a big joke so, why take it serious when you could just enjoy?

Of course Y/N thought about JJ in a not-just-friendly way, so did he, but it was just a thought. So what if she was a raving beauty? So what if she wanted to see lower into his swim shorts when he was shirtless? Don't everybody thinks that about their good looking friends?

Y/N was just showing her new cargo mini skirt to Kiara, the pogues were setting the hammocks to enjoy the summer twilight, she did a twirl, popping her ass up a little she looked over her shoulder to the curly hair girl behind her. "What do you think? Is it too tight? I hope I still can crouch."

"It looks amazing." Kie answered.

"Hmm." JJ hummed, laid in his hammock he had a perfect view of her.

"What?" she turned around "I look bad?"

"Nah, you look delicious." He played, she giggled, hands on her hips as her head inclined a little. "You think? Wanna have a bite?" she played back.

"Always."

It's very right it was the way he smiked at her - hands behind his head, sleeveless shirt showing his relaxed arms muscles - that made her blush like that. The pogues shared a look. That was new. She sat in a garden chair, kinda flustered smiled back at him, coming back to Kiara to lightly avoid JJ. "Can you believe I got it from the thrift store? It was up for grabs."

JJ smiled to himself, it was like he found out a superpower. Making Y/N blush like that, like he just caught her out of guard when he clearly didn't. He wanted to make sure it wasn't the hot air in her system, so he build a tension between them all the time they were together, arms around her shoulders, hands running down her arms, face too close to hers when he had the chance, playing with the hair in the back of her neck, with the strings of her bikini just to see the nervous look in her eyes and she hated it, hated even more the fact that she like it, her blood heating up to her head, neck felling so hot, she didn't know why though, it was just JJ, just teasing, but her body had its own reaction without askind for permission, she couldn't do nothing but stand there, unable to vanish that stupid grin out from his face.

The group were currently trying to light up a bonfire for the end of the Friday as they like to do, sit around the fire drink, smoke and laugh, Pope trying to give John B. hints because he couldn't start the fire, a discussion beginning to grow while Kiara was sitted, Y/N standing in front of the place the fire was supposed to be, both laughing at them.

"Don't you think I can't light a fire? I've done it a thousand times, alright?!" John B. bickered.

"I'm just saying how you can do it better!" Pope said back.

"I think I can do it by myself." The matches were going to waste one after one, JB was clearly pissed with Pope and his hints. "I need a fucking lighter, man! Can you give one and shut your mouth?!" he yelled.

JJ threw him a lighter, instinctively going behind Y/N, arms creeping around her body holding her tight against him. She tried dodge from his hold but he was pressing her arms down.

"Can you let me go?!" she squirmed

"Nah, I like staying like this." he smirked, cheek to cheek with her as he rocked her to the sides.

"Let me go!" the girl yelled, everybody staring as she broke away from him, shoving his chest. "Fuck!" she stormed inside the Chateau.

JJ shrugged, eyes wide. "Wow. Didn't see that coming."

"You really didn't?" Kiara sarcastically asked.

"Man, you're provoking her way too much. It's even pitiful." Pope added.

JJ got up, going to find Y/N in the kitchen, her head leaning against the fridge door, eyes closed, she looked like she was trying to calm her nerves, he made her feel so vulnerable she felt embarrassed. He felt guilty as he approached, clearing his throat to make his presence noticed. She looked up at him, dead glare.

"Trying to cool down?" he jocked.

She deep sighed, grabbing a bottle of water. "What do you want?"

"Did I annoyed you? I didn't mean to."

"Really? You've been doing that for a while, it's really shaming, y'know?" she complained.

"Why? Why does it bothers you so much?" JJ asked, getting closer, not with a mean intention, but because he needed to feel her closer. "I'm sorry." he clarified, hands slowly going up to her arms, stroking her skin. "Do I make you nervous? This makes you feel nervous?"

She stared at his chest, not really finding the strength to look in his eyes. It just JJ. What makes him so different from the other guys? "I don't know. Maybe."

"But it's just me." he was right, but that was the problem. "See, there's only us here. Tell me what's wrong."

She shrunk, not wanting to say it.

"I don't want to make you nervous. It's okay." he reassured, hand coming up to her face bringing it up a little, her eyes met his. "Thought you were tough, you're just a little baby."

"I'm not a baby." she protested.

"Oh no? This doesn't make you nervous?" he asked, holding her waist softly, hand sneaking under her shirt, she shook her head. "That's good. Can I...?" he approached her neck, leaving sweet kisses along her jaw line, she whimpered, he smiled into her skin. "You like it, uhm?"

"Stop the teasing, it's exactly what I don't like." she complained,  squeezing his arms tightly.

"'Kay, sorry." he laughed, leaning a bit to capture her lips with his. It was all a little faltering, sure they both wanted that, but it was different, new, that type of conection, the tension. Although, the kiss was the hottest, beyond question, teasing was over, their bodies hot against each other. JJ felt he fell in a trap he created.

Y/N didn't mind the days of annoyance anymore, she wanted him more and more pressed to her body. Tongues slipping, lips swollen, hands clinging to her waist, and hips, and face, ass, cupping, stroking, whimpering lightly.

They broke apart, hearing someone clear the throat behind them, turning around to find Kiara, Pope and John B. standing with mocking grins on their faces.

"We thought you killed each other." Kiara scoffed.

"Clearly not." Pope laughed.

Y/N rolled her eyes "And you're gonna stand here and disturb?"

"Uh, sorry, just grabbing the stuff for the s'mores." John B. apologized crossing the room to the kitchen cabinets. "We're leaving..." he said, returning to add. "Don't do it in my kitchen."

"Get out!" JJ whisper yelled, coming back to her lips, unholdable smile in his face.

#jj maybank #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank smut #obx fanfiction

[copperbadge]

would you mind talking a little about enjoying traveling solo? I've always wanted to explore, but so many people paint traveling as this group activity, and I've always felt bad not having friends to do it with

My god, how much time do we have?

So, I could indulge in a little free therapy here and talk about some fucked-up experiences of travel I had as a child, but that's not really applicable, so...let's leave it at the fact that until I was out on my own, I didn't get to pick what happened to me on trips. I do often travel with my friends, who are always up to do the dumb shit I concoct for us, but any travel with another person involves compromise, and sometimes I just don't want to compromise, or to irritate my friends. Even though I know they probably won't be, I still worry they will, and sometimes I don't want to worry.

I also never internalized the idea that doing things alone was sad or weird. It's a social cue that I completely missed. The first time a friend of mine randomly came across me eating alone in a restaurant in college, she said, "Sam, why are you eating alone?" and I said, baffled, "Because I wanted dinner?"

I was twenty years old before it occurred to me that other people would feel strange eating alone in a restaurant, and then only because she told me she'd be too self-conscious. I was thirty before I realized most people would be self-conscious traveling alone, something I'd been doing since I was seventeen. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with other people -- some people love company or are nervous traveling alone or just plain don't get the appeal, and that's entirely fine.

But I love knowing that everything I do is for me alone. I can go to the weird museum or check out the odd store or do strange secret things to delight myself and never worry that I'm making life unpleasant for someone. I can be as selfish as I want. That's very rare for me and very precious. Also why I will probably never have a permanent romantic partner, but that's also free therapy for some other time.

The truth is, when you are alone, nobody actually knows that. Yes, if you're the only person at your table in a restaurant you're obviously alone, but nobody knows you aren't just getting a bite to eat before meeting up with your many cool friends. I don't look at anyone I see out in the world and go "Oh sad sack, look at them without anyone to hang out with." I think most of us worry everyone is saying that, and none of us actually are saying that.

And when I have been asked if I'm with someone and said, "Oh, I'm traveling on my own", people universally react with envy. "That must be amazing. I couldn't do it," or "I've never gone on a trip by myself, is it fun?" I've never had anyone say or imply that I'm a loser who couldn't find someone else to travel with. Quite the reverse.

Recently I had the thought that if I was more afraid of being alone I would probably have more intimate friendships or at any rate a much wider social circle, because I would need someone else to go with me on adventures and I would have to internalize the idea that it's okay to inconvenience or bore someone else at times, which I never really have. But that's kind of a tautology; "if I was less okay being alone I'd be less alone" is cyclical reasoning, when the truth is I'm someone who is a little fucked up about other people but also just genuinely enjoys solitude.

I love my friends, and I try very hard to form strong bonds with them despite that being really hard for me. I do get lonely, and I spend more time alone than is probably good for me. I get very anxious before solo trips. But I will also always need times when I am alone and only ever have to worry about myself. And once I'm launched on the trip I fucking love it. There are very few joys to rival walking out early in the morning into a strange city and knowing that the day and the city are both yours and yours alone.

Also sometimes I pretend I'm a spy, or an art historian on the trail of a stolen painting, or an academic writing a very important book. That's fun as hell.

Anyway, even when I do travel alone my friends are only a text message away, and I get to see cool stuff that I bring back to my room at night and share with all of you. I love sharing my adventures with you guys.

So yeah. My thesis is that nobody will even notice you're alone and if they do they'll probably think you're fucking cool for doing it, and meanwhile you get to do exactly what you want and nothing you don't. I think everyone should at least try it. You don't have to do a four-country trip through Europe for your first time out; you can just find something in another city that you want to see -- a museum or a zoo or a play or a cool burger joint -- book a trip, arrive Friday night and leave Sunday afternoon. And if it turns out you don't like traveling alone, that's okay too. There's no inherent moral virtue in being alone any more than there is in not wanting to be.

I just think it's super cool to sometimes go haring off on my own and do dumb shit. :D

#travel #sam travels #solo travel

[nayeonie99]

Sana x Mina / Wet Dream

Mina's POV

I felt lips kissing down my tummy. They felt warm, soft and plump. Hands slid up and down my thighs. My cock is completely hard. I see a figure moving slightly under the covers.

When I felt lips wrapping around my tip, I let out a groan. My hands grabbed the covers, to shove them out of the way so I can see.

"Sana". I gasped out when I looked down into the eyes of my roommate.

"Hey baby, just lean back and enjoy". She said after my dick plopped out of her mouth. My eyes opened and I shot up from my bed. My back was completely drenched in sweat. I felt my hard dick grazing my boxers.

"What the fuck". I breathed out and tried to catch my breath. I got up and walked downstairs to drink a glass of water.

"Mina?". I heard a soft, sleepy voice say. I flinched and almost spilled half of my water. When I turned around I saw a sleepy Sana standing in front of me.

"H-Hey". I squealed out.

"Why are you up?". She asked, her voice full of sleep.

"I-I umm had a bad dream?". I said but it was more of a question than an answer.

"Oh okay. Wanna talk about it?". She asked and looked at me.

"No". I shot out, my eyes slightly widened. I think she didn't noticed though, she was too sleepy.

"Okay, I'm gonna go back to sleep, I have classes tomorrow". She said and walked back into her room.

"Alright, goodnight". I said while I watched her walking up the stairs, her body was barely covered. She was just wearing a pair of underwear and a tight black shirt.

"Fuck". I mumbled to myself and felt my cock twitching.

Why does this happen? I never reacted to Sana this way. I sighed and rubbed my temples. Maybe it's just because of the dream I had.

When a few days passed after the dream I had about Sana, I tried to avoid her as much as I could. Because every time I was with her, I felt my body reacting in a way I wasn't used to with her.

When I came back from classes, I instantly walked into my room. Sana and I barely talked for the past few days, which I bet didn't went unnoticed by her. I opened my laptop and started working on my assignments.

After a while I saw the door opening, Sana's shoulder was leaning against the doorframe. I took out my earphones and looked at her.

"Do you need something?". I asked and lifted my brows up.

"Why are you avoiding me?". She asked, getting straight to the point.

Typical Sana.

"I'm not avoiding you". I said and couldn't even hold eye contact.

"Cut the crap Mina. I can tell when you're lying. I can read you like an open book, now tell me what the fuck is going on". She said and walked into my room.

"I told you already. Nothing is wrong. I just have a lot of stress with my assignments, that's all". I said and tried to hold the eye contact with her intimidating gaze as long as I could.

"You were always bad at lying". She said and closed my laptop to put it on the floor.

"One last chance to tell me the truth". She said and sat down in front of me. My eyes gazed over her body. She was dressed in a pair of shorts and a black crop top.

"I can't tell you". I said embarrassed.

"Mina you are my friend. We can tell each other everything". She said and you could hear that it hurt her a little bit.

"But not this thing". I said and felt my cheeks heating up.

"Don't you trust me?". She asked.

"Of course I trust you. I trust you more than anyone". I said and looked at her, to show her that I meant it.

"Then why can't you tell me?". She asked, her intense eyes staring into mine.

Her eyes were so beautiful.

I could get lost in them.

"I'm scared that this will ruin our friendship". I breathed out.

"I promise you it won't". She said and took my hand in hers.

"You promise?". I asked and she nodded.

"Pinky promise ?". I asked and she playfully rolled her eyes with a smile on her lips.

"Pinky promise". She said and slid her pinky around mine.

"Okay". I breathed out.

"I had a wet dream about you". I said and she stared at me.

"That's it?". She asked and started laughing.

My eyes widened.

"That's why you were avoiding me? Because you had a wet dream about me?". She asked and continued laughing.

My face turned even hotter.

"This isn't funny. It was really intense". I said and she started to calm down, wiping some tears from the corner of her eyes.

"Why? What happened in the dream?". She asked.

"You were like kissing down my tummy and grabbing my thighs. And then you started sucking my dick". I said and she looked at me.

"Hmm interesting. Did you jerk off when you woke up?". She asked and smirked at me.

"Are you crazy?". I squealed and hit her arm.

"Come on, tell me, I wanna know".

" I didn't after I woke up, remember I was downstairs to drink some water when you came down". I said and she nodded her head.

"Your outfit wasn't helping either". I said and laughed nervously.

"So you did jerk off". She said with a smirk on her lips.

"I mean yeah. You were only in your underwear and a tight T-shirt. I couldn't go back to sleep hard could I?".

"Hmm no". She hummed and smirked.

"I had a lot of wet dreams about you already too". She said and my eyes widened.

"Stop playing with me". I said and laughed.

"No I'm serious".

"Wait really? What did you dream about?". I asked curiously.

"About you fucking me on my bed or sometimes it was in your room as well. From behind, missionary or cowgirl". She said and I felt my dick turning hard.

Please not now.

"O-Oh okay". I said and scratched my neck.

"Yeah". Her eyes stared at me.

"I always wondered how you would be in bed". She said and slid her hands up and down her thighs.

"Really?". I asked and she hummed.

"How big are you?". She asked and looked down to my crotch.

"Around 8 inches". I said and her mouth opened.

"No way". She gasped.

I blushed and just nodded my head.

"Let me see". She said and kneeled onto my bed.

"What?! No, definitely not".

"Oh come on, please". She begged and grabbed the covers from my lap to pull them to the side. I blushed even more when she saw my dick print against my grey sweatpants.

"Come on". She breathed out and her tone changed.

"Please?". She asked and looked at me with her seductive eyes.

"Fuck, okay". I huffed out and she smirked at me victoriously.

"Come on, let me see". She whispered and I slid my fingers into the waistband of my sweatpants and boxers to pull them down my legs.

"Oh my god". She gasped out and stared at my cock.

"You weren't lying about the 8 inches". She said and kneeled forward. My breath hitched a little bit. Her hand wrapped around it.

"S-Sana what are you-".

"Shh, be quiet". She said and started moving her hand up and down. I bit my lip and watched her hand pumping my cock. When her eyes darted up to mine, I felt my cock turn even harder.

She looked so hot.

When she leaned down to suck the tip in her mouth I gasped.

"Fuck". I moaned and grabbed the back of her head.

"Mmm". She hummed against it, making my insides shake. She grabbed my balls with her other hand and started playing with them.

"Yes, just like that". I gasped and felt my stomach clenching. When I felt her tongue swirl around my tip, I couldn't hold back and came into her mouth.

She swallowed my cum.

"Fuck, sorry. I would've told you I'm close, but this caught me off guard". I panted out and she wiped her lips with thumb.

"I don't mind". She said and started taking off her crop top and bra. Her naked chest was revealed to me, which made me bite my lip.

Her fingers started opening the button and zipper of her shorts to pull them down her legs. She threw her clothes into my room. The only thing she was wearing now was her red thong.

When she crawled onto my lap, I felt her pussy grazing my tip and let out a shaky breath.

"Since I made your dream become reality, how about you make mine become reality as well?". She whispered and looked into my eyes.

"Sounds fair". I breathed out and slid my hands over her thighs.

"Yeah, I think so too". She said and licked her lips.

"Take off my thong". She whispered into my ear. I shivered and turned us around so I'm on top. When my eyes looked into hers, I slid my fingers under the waistband and pulled down her thong.

She was completely naked now.

"Fuck, you're so hot". I said and leaned down, hovering over her. My eyes darted down to her plump lips.

"Is kissing okay?". I asked and she grinned.

"Mina, we are about to fuck and you ask me if kissing is okay?". She said with a smile. I felt my cheeks heating up again.

"You're so cute". She said and pulled me down by my shirt to press our lips together. I felt her sigh into the kiss, her arm wrapped around my neck.

She parted her legs even more for me, so my dick was grazing her wet pussy. She gasped a little into the kiss, which gave me the opportunity to slide my tongue in.

I sucked her tongue into my mouth and let go with a loud popp.

"Fuck". She panted out.

"Take that off". She said and tugged at the rim of my shirt. I quickly took the rest of my clothes off so we were both naked now.

"Damn". She said ans slid her hands down my abs.

"I knew you were hot, but not that hot". She said and bit her lip. I smirked and leaned down to kiss her again.

"I love the way your lips move against mine". I breathed out and she moaned out quietly.

"Please, you can do anything you want with me, but just do something please". She said and bucked her hips up.

"Do you want my tongue or cock?". I asked and kissed her neck.

"I can't take any more teasing, just fuck me". She said and I smirked.

"Okay". I said and grabbed a condom out of my nightstand. I held it out to her. She took it between her teeth and I ripped it open. She spit the part out of her mouth and grabbed my wrist.

"I want to do it". She said and took the condom out of my fingers. She grabbed the tip and pulled it swiftly over my cock.

I positioned my tip against her pussy and pushed in. Her mouth opened and let out a quiet gasp.

"Fuck". I moaned out when I was completely inside of her. Her hands gripped my forearms and I began to move my hips. My cock slid smoothly in and out of her. Her pussy was making wet noises with each thrust I did.

"Fuck, so big". She moaned and bit her lip. I picked up the pace and started moving faster.

"Mmm yes". She whined, her eyebrows were pressed together. I put her legs over my shoulders. I began to pound her, our skin was slapping together.

"H-Holy shit". She squealed and clenched her hands into my sheets. The view I was having was illegal.

The way her mouth parted with my thrusts, the way her titts were moving up and down and her moans filling my ears turned me on even more. I wrapped my arms around her thighs and felt her pussy clench around my cock.

"Are you close?". I panted out and she nodded quickly.

"Cum for me". I said and thrusted harder. She threw her head back while she climaxed. I was watching in pure bliss.

"Fuck". I groaned when I pulled out and saw her cum leaking out of her pussy.

"On all fours". I said and quickly turned her around. I leaned down to suck her pussy into my mouth, making her gasp loudly.

"Oh fuck yes". She moaned when I sucked her clit in my mouth. I licked her pussy clean and kneeled up to push my cock back inside of her.

"Fuck, so deep". She groaned and pushed her hips back.

"Mhm". I hummed and spanked her harshly.

"Shit". She cried out and I spanked her again.

"Is that good?". I panted out and spanked her again.

"Y-Yes". She moaned out and pressed her forehead into the mattress. I grabbed her hips in my hands and instantly began pounding her.

The bed was rocking back and forth and her moans filled my room. My hand slammed down on her ass, spanking her again.

"Fuck Mina". She moaned out and I moaned as well, at the way she said my name.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum". She moaned and I rubbed my fingers against her clit to take her over the edge. The way she clenched around me made me cum as well.

I felt my cum filling up the condom.

When I pulled out of her slowly, I took off the condom to knot it and threw it into the bin.

Sana turned around, some strands of hair were sticking to her forehead, her cheeks were flushed and her mouth slightly parted.

When we looked at each other we started laughing. She covered her mouth and I held my stomach.

When we slowly calmed down, she stood up, grabbing my hand.

"I would love to give this a try Mina". She said.

"A try with us?". I asked and she shyly nodded her head. I smiled and grabbed her chin between my fingers.

"I would love to as well". I breathed out and took her lips in mine. We smiled into the kiss and she grabbed my neck to pull me closer.

After we pulled away we both couldn't stop grinning.

"Let's go". She said and grabbed my wrist to pull me with her.

"Go where?". I asked confused.

"Taking a shower". She said and smirked.

I couldn't help the smirk forming on my lips as well and let me drag into the bathroom.

Lord have mercy.

#twice smut #twice sana #twice mina #g!p #wet dream

[curry-and-gunpowder]

Okay so I have some stuff to get off my chest, might get a bit heated, but I mean no disrespect to anyone, just expressing my genuine confusion and frustration and trying to make my stance on some matters clear.

Clearly I ship Odazai. But that does not mean I reject other interpretations of their relationship. Be it platonic, queerplatonic, brotherly, it's all lovely to me - I genuinely just enjoy their unique dynamic.

However, I am constantly on the brink of losing it over hearing them referred to as a father/son pair by so many people in the fandom. And I'm gonna attempt to break down why this interpretation bothers me so much.

Firstly, it just flies in the face of my personal experience of intergenerational friendships - I'm a young-ish Millennial with many Gen Z friends. And I find it completely incomprehensible to try and force people who are relatively close in age into such a dynamic. I'm aware that a lot of bsd fans are teens or young adults who maybe don't have much social contact with people outside their age range. But as a 30+ person on the Internet, let me tell you, five years? That's nothing. The plain truth is, the older you get, the less age starts to matter. Once you get out of school, you will interact with people of all ages regularly and you will have friends who are older or younger than you and nobody fucking cares. The thought of seeing any of my younger friends as my children is, pardon my french, fucking ridiculous.

Secondly, and I've spoken about this before, the fandom's tendency to parentify Odasaku way beyond what the text ever implies. It's easy to put him into the role, considering the way he cares for his orphans. In that way, he has some parental traits - but it's only a facet of his personality, and, i would argue, one that the fandom puts way too much emphasis on, imho. I'll gladly write some more meta on that at a later time, but doing that here would make the post even longer than it already is. Just to quickly reiterate, for anyone who hasn't read the dark era lightnovel - Oda does explicitly NOT treat the kids like his children. Why then would he treat Dazai like one? Dazai, whom he explicitly invites to go drinking with him in TDIPUD? How does that track? Is he supposed to be just a shitty parent? Or could it maybe indicate that he sees Dazai as his equal more than anything?

(Tangentially, I would argue that Oda's perception of what constitutes a child/an adult is horrendously skewed, considering his own past.)

Thirdly, and this is probably gonna be the one that might get me into hot water with some people, the thing I like to call the Cope. The tendency in fandom to manifest a hard line between groups of characters that somehow should never be crossed when shipping, otherwise that makes the ship badwrongtoxic. This is a phenomenon I've observed developing more and more in recent years, and it's ngl pretty worrying, because it's generally used to present one's own ship as "superior", and all "rival ships" as less than/bad. Ships with "significant" age gaps tend to fall into that category relatively often, but I suspect very few people actually genuinely care about the characters' ages, but rather use it as a shield to justify why these relationships are To Be Avoided. Odazai is an absolute stellar example of such a ship - by all means it should be way more popular than it is, considering the themes that surround it and the way its absolutely center to the nareative of bsd. But without fail, when I look up media for the ship, be it YouTube videos or simply browsing the tag on tumblr or pinterest, I see the same mantra repeated over and over - "how can you ship them, they're like father and son!"

(I'm concerned about the relationship you have with your parents, I say to myself in response.)

And its, quite frankly, just not the case. I cannot for the life of me find any indication of this so-called parental relationship anywhere in the text. All I can see is two people who are friends who have a deep and sincere love for each other.

In conclusion, not every relationship has to fall into the category of familial or romantic. Sometimes... people are just friends. Sometimes friends are some years apart in age. It's not shocking or special or anything, it literally happens all the time.

Just let them be friends. It's fine, really, it's allowed.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #text post #long #bsd odasaku #bsd dazai #bsd oda sakunosuke #odazai #bsd dazai osamu #yeah okay this got away from me ngl #sorry its a bit rambly but I'm not exactly a practiced meta writer lol #anyway here's what grinds my gears #the parentification of oda sakunosuke #<- is now a tag i have #and just to be clear #i am not saying anyone who's like #uncomfortable at the thought of shipping oda and dazainis wrong #because everyone has their preferences and boundaries #i just wanna implore people to try and examine thei reasons for that discomfort #that's all #J out✌️

[haptureratch]

Bitch, You Need Therapy

Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Reader (afab)

Others: Chris Pontius, Steve-O

Word count: approx. 4.5k

Synopsis: You’re part of the crew, temporarily filling in and enjoying it immensely. You are filming something overseas. Knoxville finds out you have a crush on him and decides to fuck with your stressed little self until he gets carried away in the moment.

WARNINGS/tags: NC-17, minors DNI, adult language, alcohol (technical lack of consent), soft allusions to hard drugs, oral sex, genital penetration, THE DOUBLE MEANING OF LIPS, kinks galore (praise, rough, petnames, things I don’t have a word for)

Notes from the author: Yeah idk he just seems like a playful bastard that might be hiding a kinky streak. Not tied to any specific period of Jackass filming so reader can take some creative liberties (the least I can do when I am dictating reader’s entire personality lmao). Knoxville is single in this world; it’s all fun & fantasy. This work has not been officially reviewed apart from one of my best friends giving enthusiastic approval early on. But I’ve read over it a hundred times while writing it SO DAMN SLOWLY, so hopefully it is okay. There are purposeful tense changes and I hope they hit the way I'm intending. Is the whole thing cringe? Maybe; maybe not. Pls let loose & enjoy! I am a long time reader and I’ve had ideas here and there; finally decided it was time to fuck around and find out myself. It’s been way harder than I thought and I have even more respect for my fave fic authors out there. If you know me irl, no you don’t. WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU~~

Night has been falling earlier and earlier as weeks peel away from Autumn toward the year’s end. It is 7 o’clock in the evening but feels more like 11. Outside the darkness is interrupted by numerous streetlamps along the sidewalk. The lights glow a golden orange, reminding you of the crackling fire in the pub, and you dig your hands into your coat pockets seeking warmth.

“HEY ASSHOLE, why did we leave that cozy fucking place?!” you shout over the wind at one of your walking companions with some frustration. Only some. You’ve had a couple drinks and your speech seems to come out in demanding exclamations regardless of any real anger at that point. And you’re fairly certain any frustration stems from unmet desires directed toward this man and his stupid glinty purple-tinted sunglasses. Sunglasses, which he wore inside the intimately lit pub and which he is still wearing outside at night. What a jackass.

A different, unsunglasses’d man answered. “Because adventure calls! Sure, it’s cold out. But not cold enough to get frostbite. The call to adventure must be heeded even in the face of Ice Queen Mother Nature. Like the Russian Police, she’s stern. Stern…but fair,” he announced with omnipotence. Everyone in the group seemed dead set on committing crimes this evening. This one was guilty of venturing out in 20-some degree weather without a coat or sweater or torso cover of any kind. Just a fluffy scarf and a Santa hat. Another jackass, you thought. But that’s why you jumped at the chance to work with these people. It was an invigorating break from the mundane. And the group oozed fun; to be in the same room as any of them was to know friendship and laughter.

You smiled genuinely at him. Despite the cold and questionable decisions, he still inspired affection. “Thanks, as always, Pontius, for the exceptional pep talk but I think I was asking—”

“DUDE WHERE IS MY SKATEBOARD?!?!!” screeched a third man’s voice. He’d definitely had the most to drink out of the group so far this evening and crime was written all over him. Good ol’ Steve-O. Nothing more to be said about him.

Sunglasses finally spoke up. “I decided against anything with wheels for this and threw it in the back of the van, Steve-O. We can come back in the daytime tomorrow for skate shots. There are a lot less lights the farther in the park we go.”

“Knox, you IDIOT, I’m planning on being so fucking hungover tomorrow! I’m on my GAME now, man, you shoulda brought it!” He bent down to gather up two fists of snow, mash them together, and hurl the mass toward Johnny.

“If you want it so bad, go back an’ get it!” He grinned while dodging the poorly aimed snowball and jumped over to rap Steve-O on the ass with the back of his hand. This garnered a slow, deep, huffy giggling from Pontius. It was less of a giggle, more of a devious huh-huh-huh. It sounded like something you’d hear in the boys’ locker room but if it came from the throat of a grown man.

The little spanking sparked a quick scuffle between Steve-O and Johnny. After nearly slipping and falling, he gave up on trying to fuck with the taller man and hardened his resolve to skate in the snow. “UGH! I’ll be back…” After a beat of wily consideration he added, “Or not!” Steve-O then darted off in the direction of the pub, almost slipped again, and slowed his stumbling gait. If he was headed toward booze he was probably going to get another round. A round of…something.

Chris and Johnny shared a look and the Santa-hatted one asked, “Who’s going with him? It’s law that we use the buddy system in all foreign lands, especially when we don’t want to get arrested. More arrested than we get when the cameras are rolling. Those times are okay.”

Johnny spoke first. “I’ll stay to map out where Jeff thinks we can get the money shots. Y/N probably needs to mess with the camera settings.”

“Actually, yeah,” you uttered, reviving from a slight stupor of quiet observation and remembering your role in all of this. “This would be our first night footage of the trip and I haven’t experimented with the exposure or what type of flash I can—”

“Okay nerd on, genius, I’ll go,” Chris interrupted. He smiled and bowed himself out in the direction of Steve-O and the pub.

“Better hurry, Pontius! Something tells me the board ain’t the priority now,” Johnny called out. You watched as the smoke from his breath dissipated into the cold and the two of you continued away from what seemed like the rest of civilization.

********

The other men gone from sight, your physical awareness of Johnny dialed up. Though he was lean, he seemed to exude heat through his black peacoat. Maybe you were imagining things. But you dared to draw a couple inches closer to assess. He slowed his gait and you veered right back over and even sped up a little. You thought you heard a quiet laugh come from his side of the path.

‘Dammit, Y/N, fucking stay focused,’ you thought to yourself. You can’t give them anything to get you on; it was more important to you than any legal trouble. You were here to relieve Lance after one too many trips involving vomit-on-the-camera incidents. You had a job to do, you had creative input to offer, and you didn’t have to let on that you found one of the guys so hot you couldn’t stand it. That fact could be kept firmly TO YOURSELF. The need to keep it a secret almost hyped it up to an obsession. You found yourself stealing photos during planning sessions, when you were 95% certain that no one would notice. Since you were such a dedicated crew member, the team assumed you were experimenting with angles or compiling a look-book or something.

Sure, you took candids of everyone. But the most recurring subject by far was Johnny Knoxville. There were the obvious features that caught your eye, mostly when he laughed, all white teeth and crow’s feet. After a while you noticed how he stood kind of funny, whether that was from past back injuries, weak glutes, or a touch of valgus knee deformity you weren’t sure. It didn’t at all detract from the beauty of those long legs or the defined torso they led up to. Certainly didn’t ruin his painfully (for you) deep iliac furrows smack dab in the middle of it all. And you weren’t going to get started on his arms or shoulders or jawline. He really took your love for anatomy and smacked you upside the head with it. He was art and you were insane.

Your stupid little fangirl crush even had you calling him ‘Johnny Knoxville’ in your head instead of PJ. It was like how you still called your teachers ‘Mr/Ms/Mx’ after graduating from school, even though they gave you permission to be on a first-name basis. It was hard to get comfortable with others like that. Another reason why you wanted this chance at a different work environment even if it was just temporary. You sorely needed to relax, Y/N. Unclench your jaw, take a breath, stop the shoulders from migrating upwards, and just keep walking. Sometimes the set of Jackass was not the ideal setting to work on those goals—all of those damn pranks—but…

“Lost in thought, puddin’?” you heard in your ear. You didn’t so much hear them as felt the words slap your skin from behind, the shock of wet heat in the cold air startling you. The streetlamps brightened in your peripheral vision.

You spun around and couldn’t help the nervous fake-laugh that escaped. “Oh, uh, yeah, you could say that. Just handling a lot of little things right now. Like the jet-lag, that European alcohol hitting a little stronger, the cold being colder here somehow, filming schedule, the list goes on, man." You hoped adding 'man’ would lend the illusion of you being chill, cool, totally not in fight-or-flight mode a moment ago.

It didn’t. There was an awkward silence as he stood facing you. Behind the shades you couldn’t see the mischief in his eyes as he planned out where he was going to take this. To you it just looked like staring. ‘Fucking dammit,’ you swore at yourself, ‘I don’t know if he KNOWS knows but he knows something is up. Agh, focus on work, FOCUS ON WORK.’

You cleared your throat, pulled namaste out of your ass, and shifted the power of the interaction back on your side with, “Hey, why don’t you stand over by that statue and help me with shot composition.”

“Yes, boss, on the double!” His tone was playfully condescending as he headed over to the metal figure, an unknown man outlined in snow. “Anything for you, sweetheart.” He let the last word drag out lower and slower than the rest. You had to fight your dead brain to let you breathe again. He was going to fuck with you, alright, and it was going to happen tonight. But for his own fun, no cameras in sight other than yours. There was always a chance of one of those goofy assholes hiding in a bush, but your gut told you there were none. No one else was going to be around for this, but you weren’t sure how thankful you were. You were flooded with several thoughts at once. How far would he go? How far did you want him to go? Did Jackass have HR? What was their policy on a creator/actor doing unspeakable things to a camera person with his mouth? Could the van be moved for about 90 minutes tonight without anyone knowing? Was he all dom or a switch? How easy would it be to get him to giggle during a blowjob?

Fuck. Focus.

‘FUCK,’ you thought as, for some ungodly reason, Knox put his tongue to the statue’s ear. The side of your neck began to tingle where his breath had been several minutes ago; memory is a powerful thing. You shook your head to regroup.

“Better pray you don’t end up like that kid in A Christmas Story,” you deadpanned.

He looked away and called out toward the woods at the edge of the park, “Nah, I’m too wet for that. That…that’s the secret.” You saw his back shuddering slightly, probably with laughter, and tried to see deeper into the trees. Not a soul was detected.

“You’ll be wetter when that statue comes to life and throws you in the river.”

He turned back toward you. “Naw, I think he likes it,” he grinned as wedged his body even closer to the metal and began to run a hand slowly down its torso. For the first time he made eye contact with you over his glasses and you dared not break it while his hand migrated further and further south. “And I think he’s not the only one, darlin’,” he drawled, his tone growing deeper and darker by the second. Two fingers began to lazily graze between the statue’s legs. And, as if that wasn’t enough, his hips ground into what had to be extremely cold and extremely hard metal. He let out a low sigh into the winter air.

This probably lasted just a moment but it felt like an eternity as you stood watching him, unable to do anything else, not quite believing what you were seeing. Your eyes were glued to where you thought his dick was, where you thought you saw an outline begin to show. He kept at it, grinding and sighing and caressing against that fucking statue, only averting his gaze to let his eyes roll back into his head and flutter shut. Which he made sure you could see with the shades slid all the way down the bridge of his nose. The whole thing was insane but you could not stop the cascade of heat and desire from building inside you. It’s like the more it shouldn’t be happening, the more you were into it. You wanted to look around and check for the crew for the umpteenth time but couldn’t tear your eyes from him. Johnny Knoxville was getting freaky on a statue to tease you and you were simmering in your own juices.

Like.

What the actual fuck?

Okay, case closed, he definitely knew.

Uhh… Just try to own it now?

“You know what, you whore?! It’s gonna be really fucking awkward when my underwear freezes out here!”

He finally broke, fell away from the statue, and dissolved into laughter on the ground. You hoped your boldness would recuperate a bit of your cred and he’d back off. (You hoped he wouldn’t back off.)

“The working conditions, here, honestly…” you said as your hands came to your hips.

His maniacal glee, normally adorable when it wasn’t tied up in such a stressful and sexy situation, died out and he regained upright footing. He didn’t bother to brush the snow off his coat or shake out what had peppered his hair. He took off his sunglasses and folded them into the inner pocket of his coat. He smiled down at you and you felt him gently grab your shoulders. “You’re so wound up, Y/N,” he remarked with genuine care in his voice.

The touch and proximity made you stiffen; your arms dropped to your sides. His breath smelled like booze and you wanted to drown in it.

His fingers laced together behind your shoulders and slid down to rest at the small of your back; you instinctively grabbed at his forearms. “Gotta learn how to relax, baby.” He jerked your lower half into him and you could feel that you had not, in fact, been imagining that dick. With that, you felt the last of your good sense rocket away, leaving a long-imprisoned whine in its wake.

He dipped his head down to your ear and growled, “How loud does that kitty purr?”

No words.

No thoughts.

Your head threatened to crack off of your spine but he caught the back of it with one hand, the other snaked firmly around the rest of you, as his lips made contact with your neck. Soft kisses were syncopated with nibbles, the heat of his mouth searing your skin in contrast to the chilly air. His tongue was so wet and so warm against your flesh. You all but dripped for him.

“Van,” you demand.

He takes your hand, grins, and leads you out of the park toward the town.

The two of you make it to the van and he takes space in the driver’s seat. The engine comes to life relatively quietly—thank god for hybrids—and he maneuvers it onto a darkened side street several blocks down. You seem to be surrounded by a bunch of businesses closed down for the night but you also don’t have a single fuck to give now. You slide a hand over the rod in his pants and his lips part with a groan.

Hunger takes hold and you lunge over the console to catch his mouth in a voracious kiss. Tongue and teeth everywhere. Even the smallest hints of pleasure out of this man are going to drive you wild tonight. But you want—you NEED—to savor the experience. The movements of your jaw slow and the space between your lips closes as you center yourself. His lips come together but his breath continues hard and deep through his nose. His eyes are shut tight as if he's exercising control as well. You pepper kisses across his cheek, down his neck, and back up to his ear where you sigh your contentment.

“Mmm, sweetheart, I’m gonna need to hear more of that,” he says low in your ear. Your belly flutters up into your chest and you think you might fall in love, like an idiot.

He kisses you deeply and pulls you with him into the back of the van. The heat of the exchange melts off both your coats. A sleeping bag is found, unzipped, and laid down. Not that the two of you notice the cold all that much, it just seems like the right thing to do in a van that carts around the Jackass crew. He is a bit more discerning than some of his co-stars.

He unzips your pants and slides them down your legs. You sit up to help kick them off along with your shoes. He takes off your shirt, leaving you just in your bra, socks, and panties. You love how exposed you must look and how vulnerable you feel. He looks you in the eye, smirks, looks down at your hips, licks his lips. Your thighs squeeze together with anticipation and your moan spells out your need.

He lowers himself down, still clothed, onto your nearly naked body and lays his lips all over your skin. He slides across you lazily and you can’t stand how good his clothes feel against you. You can’t wait for that dick to be out and in your mouth. It’s how you want to show him how good he’s making you feel. The way he takes the fabric of your panties in his fingertips tells you he has his own priorities.

“May I?”

“May you what?”

He smiles and toys with the bows stitched to the elastic around your hips. He takes the band in his teeth and looks you in the eye as he lets it snap against you.

“Eat out that pretty pussy of yours, doll. It’s all wrapped up for me like a present under the tree.”

You’re not able to make a joke about stealing Chris’s Santa hat. You can only reach down and start to wiggle the remaining cotton off, with which Knox happily helps. The bra and socks follow suit and a cheeky kiss to your foot garners a giggle.

Things get very serious again when he positions his face in front of your heat. He hugs your hips to him and rests his large hands down on you. You can’t help but buck up into the contact when his lips meet yours. His soft, wet tongue feels so fucking good. Your hands find his hair and you rake your nails through it. Every time you look down he’s either got his eyes closed, lids fluttering in the prettiest way, or he’s looking right back at you. Each moan from your mouth elicits self-assured hums from his and it drives you to desperately need more.

“Need you in me, Knox,” you demand.

He looks up at you again with those deep brown eyes and doesn’t say a word.

“Want you in my mouth first. I want to taste that dick.”

He pulls himself up and you all but tear the black and white KNOXVILLE belt through the loops of his Dickies. He frees his hard cock and you pause to take it in with your eyes first.

“It may not be the biggest but right now you got me harder than—aaughh..” The whole rest of him stiffens up and he bites into his knuckles as you take in the tip. He relaxes with a deep sigh as you try to swallow the shaft down and gag when your lips meet his hilt.

‘That’ll do just fine,’ you think to yourself.

You keep it slow to draw it out, slow but deliberate with licking and sucking. You work his cock with your mouth until you lose yourself in the act. You love every single sound this man is making and commit them to memory. And his taste, how the pre-cum doesn’t stop oozing. The way his head is thrown back with his mouth wide open, gasping. How he can’t touch you enough right now. Every few moments you turn your attention to his balls and thighs and that delicious V leading down to it all. The feel and scent of his skin is intoxicating and you’re biting light marks into his flesh. You get so far gone you stop murmuring his name and start to call him Daddy. His cock twitches every time.

He takes a deep, clarifying breath before taking your chin in his hand and speaking, “I’m so ready to slide right in, baby. Will you let Daddy fill you up?”

“Fuck me.”

The van space is tight but you lie down and he holds himself over you, cock at your entrance. You’re practically vibrating with anticipation.

Finally.

He drives the head of his cock slowly into your pussy and the feeling is so warm and sweet and intimate. Birth control be damned; you’ll get emergency contraception in the morning. Your arms and legs wrap around him possessively as he works into a rhythm. You rock your hips with his to catch his cock at the right angle. He finds your mouth in the dark and moans into you as he thrusts. He’s downright fucking you into the floor of the van and strangely you haven’t felt this whole and alive in a long time. Your orgasm is building and building but you want even more of him before you come.

“I wanna ride you, Johnny,” you gasp.

“Thought you’d never ask. Be my guest, doll,” he answers as he pulls out of you and arranges the sleeping bag across the van’s bench. He takes a seat and slaps his thighs with a grin, erection bobbing around invitingly.

You climb on top of him, legs quivering with eagerness, and take just a moment to pause before sinking slowly down onto his cock.

His answering groan draws you against his chest, sighing into him, as you get to work riding. It’s your turn to fuck him into the van.

You both wrap your arms around each other, but no one can get close enough. Thrusting, humping, clawing, kissing, biting, sucking, moaning—the two of you going at each other like animals. (His glutes are NOT, in fact, weak.) Your legs are tiring but you push yourself to keep going. Closer and closer your end nears. He knows it because his teeth are clenching as your pussy is tightening around him. He’s fighting to not cum before you.

“Don’t stop, baby, don’t stop. Keep on riding me. Keep grinding that sweet little thing on my cock.”

You pick up speed.

“Come for me, sweetheart.”

He squeezes your ass tighter.

“Good girl, I can feel it. Come for Daddy…”

That’s it. Your cunt squeezes up inside of you and smashes down around his dick in a primal, undulating frenzy. There’s an explosion of stars behind your eyelids. He’s yelling out your name and digging his fingers deeper into your hips as his orgasm spills hot inside you.

********

After unmeasured moments, breaths began to slow and a contented stillness fell over the van like snow upon the ground. The two of you wrapped each other up in an embrace and held on tight without a word. It wasn’t much longer until your brain woke back up and began to wander. You knew you were going to think back on this night many, many times when you were back home alone. You’d feel the ghost of his breath and his lips on your skin. You’d ache to hear him moan your name again. AND, FUCK, THE PLAN B--

Gentle laughter broke out, as if he could read your mind. He couldn’t, of course. But it was so very easy to tell when you were uneasy. And Knox was an excellent people reader.

“Just don’t think about anything right now, sweetheart,” he assured you.

“Johnny, I…” You began and trailed off, unsure of what to voice first.

“Call me PJ,” he smiled and placed a kiss on your head. “And don’t you worry about a thing. I’ll stop by a pharmacy soon as they open. The guys are gonna need some Tylenol, too, I bet. I’ll get us all sorted.” And he sealed his promise shut with a squeeze of your shoulders. Not a mind reader, but definitely thoughtful and at times very practical. Always aware of what’s going on around him.

You trusted him. Probably more than you should, but you did. And you gave whatever energy you had left over to the effort of not thinking. You had no idea how long it had been since you checked the time, when the sun was coming up, or what the two of you would do next. What this would mean for the rest of the shoot. But, if you’re gonna be dumb….

----------------------------------------------------------------

Several hours post-coupling in the van, after the sun came out for vengeance, you found yourself hanging with Pontius at a near-by café. You felt calmest around him out of all the crew and were happy to listen to his stories for distraction. Distraction from your anxiety and the various aches in your body. What you had really wanted was a diner that served greasy food and heinously strong coffee, but they didn’t have those here. Chris must share the need. He was still sporting the Santa hat and some serious bags under his eyes. There was what appeared to be lipstick smeared down his neck, but it was…stippled? From…the only idea that came to mind was another man’s stubble. But he never asked about the way you weren’t walking right, so you paid the favor forward.

His words drifted away from big cats and other wildlife, and he shifted conversation topics. “Crazy night last night, huh,” he said.

“Lord. You bet,” you answered. Oh, here we go.

“What time did you turn in last night? Or this morning?” He batted his lashes and played with the cotton puff at the end of his hat before flipping it to the other side. It invoked the atmosphere of girlies at a sleepover sharing the latest gossip.

“Oh, you know…” Your face reddened a little and you looked down into your steaming coffee mug.

He brought his up to his mouth for a sip and stared you down over it. “Do you happen to know where—"

Your phone buzzed in your back pocket and you pulled it out automatically.

“Hey, doll, where did you run off to?” Your heartbeat quickened and you smirked despite yourself. You didn’t need to look up at the sender to know who it was from.

“Know where what,” you offered with no doubt a dazed look in your eyes.

You were definitely going to need a therapist after this job was through.

#johnny knoxville x reader #afab reader #jackass fanfic #jackass smut #johnny knoxville fanfic #dude tumblr WILL NOT let me use the formatting that i want wtf

[uupdirector]

The Eve Cometh Again

"Another day, another Christmas" is what I would be saying if I hadn't been doing all I could to bring my life to a point where I'm not only working hard at bringing the best possible life for myself, but also slowly but surely regaining the love I had for all the hobbies that kept me sound enough to enjoy said life. It's been a long journey to reach this point, and while I'm still fairly nervous about what the future beholds, I'm not going to let that hold me back on reaching the goals I have laid out for me. There's far more excitement than anxiousness, and sometimes I have to tell myself that so I don't end up getting pulled back into the gutter, but it's because of that excitement that I'm fairly happy this Christmastime.

I have something big planned not just for myself, but to everyone that's continued to see my journey and enjoy all the stories and goofs I've had to share. But today, I want to take the time to provide some letter-like notes to a few of my closest friends that have continued to help me smile over the years.

Let's start with my chums from the Joy Charged Gamerz Crew - first of all, sorry again for not being active on the channel this year xD I know the channel is meant to be more laid back and should only be obliged when we feel comfortable enough to do so. It doesn't change the fact that even now, I'm forever thankful to have been granted the opportunity to not only help and see the channel grow, but also create some fantastic memories with great friends. With the new year on the horizon, I hope we get the chance to create some more memories, and since I've been taking some time to play more games again, I hope that this spark will give me the chance to continue charging others with joy. Merry Christmas, lads, and love ya'll 💛

To many of the new friends that I've had the joy of hanging with a TON this year - @soybeanzoffical, @onyxcolonyart, Slime Guy/mrmendezgamer1, Rambles, Namor, @sparxsiris, Nate, @rubyshimmer0x, and many others, thank you all for being a supportive bunch of lads. Even though we've had a lot of bullying escapades in the past year, I can look back and get a little chuckle out of 'em x3 Much love to ya'll, and here's to another year of my dumbass shenanigans! Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays, buds :'3 🩷

To one of my good buds in animation, TheInvertedShadow (@asktheshadows), I know we've not spent as much time together, and we've both been going through our own fair share of down moments, but I just wanna leave another reminder for ya; you are always loved and cared for by thousands - if not millions of people, and as one of them, I'm glad to have seen your talent grow since I first laid eyes on your EoI video 10 years back. And if I knew we were going to be a chaotic duo of friendship back then, I'd probably call myself crazy xD But to be serious - you've always been such a supportive friend since we first spoke together back in 2016, and for that, I can't thank you enough, and I'm happy to call ya one of my best friends. Thank you so much for all the great memories, and here's to many more in the future - we both got a lot ahead of us, for sure ;) Merry Christmas, lad ❤️

And speaking of which, to another one of my best buds; Will Ryan (DAGames). Man - what a year it's been, hasn't it? Since the start, you've been constantly moving yourself up higher and higher, and being along with ya for the ride has been nothing short of a blast. I'm legitimately proud of you for all the accomplishments you've made - from the release of HOAA:R (btw to everyone else, bls stream Castle that Burns, kthxbai xD ), the launch of Solitude: Subject Placement, and all the conventions you attended. On that note, it was fucking amazing to be able to see ya again at MomoCon this year, and not just for a day, at that! The experience itself was already amazing as it was, but to be able to hang out with you, the crew, and some of our other friends was probably one of the best memories from this year. I still get choked up thinking back to the concert when Living Life Without The Cord and Gold: SSD played, and I'm so happy that it turned out so well. I know the year hasn't come without it's downsides either, but the fact you persevered regardless and brought some great times with it is something you can't knock. On that note, I also have my own share of thanks to give. I'm wholeheartedly grateful of all the support you've given me during the production of Scarlet Combine leading up to the launch of Storm Before The Calm. To be in a similar pair of shoes that you've worn, it's given me some semblance to the feelings and experiences you've had when you first released HOAA. It can't entirely be compared - that much I know, but to have made something of this calibur has shown me that the work of an artist of any kind isn't to be taken lightly, and while I too wish there were things I could have done better with my album, it doesn't change the fact that I'm proud to have made it possible regardless, and I have you to thank as one of my pillars of inspiration. And even though we may not have had the same experiences with our projects, one thing I can say is that it's helped me understand enough to have your back even more than I have before. It may be difficult to push out the negative thoughts that came from releasing Resurrection, but once you understand the obstacles in your Pursuit of Hope are meant to guide you to the joy you're seeking, it all comes slightly more naturally. I haven't given up on my own pursuit, so don't give up on yours. Thank you for everything, Will, and I love ya to fuckin bits. Merry Christmas, bud 💚

Now, to all the fans that have kept up with my bullshit for so long (sorry by the way xD ), thank you all for being so supportive and patient with me as I work towards the new year - a lot has been on my mind during this long break, and thankfully I'm pushing ever closer to a brighter end where I can be happy with the things I've enjoyed doing for years. There's a lot to look forward to, and I can't wait to talk about some of it when the Resolution of 2024 rolls in on January 15th. I love you all, and I hope you all enjoy the holiday season leading up to the new year.💙

And finally, I have one last person I'd like to speak to; my love, @aspennightray (Shut up, I know it's gay xDD). Words can't express how happy I am to have you in my life. I know this year has had it's struggles for the both of us, and I know that my dumbassery has caused its fair share of frustration with you in fixing some of those things, but this year has also brought some great memories as well. When we first met face-to-face for MomoCon, it was admittedly weird to continue from there like it was just another Discord call, but if anything, it helped make the transition to our time spent in the following 2 weeks all the more comfortable. I won't beat around the bush, but that was by far the best time of my life in such a long while, and has made me confident enough that you are the one I want to be with. While there's been quite a few potholes making the journey to that point fairly difficult, I still haven't given up yet, and I don't plan to anytime soon. You've done so much for me in the past year we've been together for, and while I know many of them were things I could have done myself or many other friends could have done for me, but I suppose it just has more meaning to me knowing it comes from you, especially with how much it's helped me get off my ass and take care of myself. Despite the tail end of this year feeling a bit off for a multitude of reasons, none of that overshadows the fact that it's been an amazing one, and i can't thank you enough for it. I also can't thank you enough for all you've done to bring my ideas to life - no matter how beautiful they've turned out (and they certainly ARE beautiful <3 ), none of that matters as much as the fact that you made it possible. Sure, they may have been "jobs" at the end of the day, but your fascination, interest, and support for Scarlet Combine has been a core spark in ensuring that I completed it, and that means so much to me. Despite the jokes, bullying, and a few moments of irritation, I know you've always believed in my ability to create this new world of mine, and though it will take a good while before I continue it again, I'm excited for what we'll do with it together. Thank you so much for everything, hon, and I hope this Christmas turns out well for you. Even if it doesn't, know that I'll still be here to help make it just a little bit brighter. I love you so much 💜

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and here's to an even Happier New Year to you all 🎄

#director brian #christmas #christmas eve #letters #Thank you all for an amazing year <3

[blazefire2012]

I'm still so shocked that people really like my previous headcanons for Hancock, Deacon, and Dogmeat so I guess to celebrate that and to challenge myself, I've got at least one for every character. It's not much for a few of them becuase I either never played with them all that much or I'm scared I won't get their personality quite right, but I hope I did well! Enjoy!

Hancock

• Actually shrunk a few inches height wise from turning ghoul. He sometimes gets heated about it when someone teases him but gets a bit proud at a particular comeback when he remembers Nick teasing him by asking if he was missing a few inches to which he replied "not where they count".

Dogmeat

• You ever hear stories about the family dog adopting a kitten and the kitten is now the dogs cat, nit the familys cat? Well he does this. He's so guilty of bringing home random animals. Hes brought home an abandoned Yao guai cub, baby ravens, radstags fawns, and countless cats and mongrels have followed him home.

Deacon

• Because of his crazy schedule and sometimes having to change plans or get ready and go at the drop of a cap, he has mastered the art of falling asleep anywhere, anytime, and recharging as if he's gotten a full eight hours. For example, leaning aginst the wall in the catacombs of the church while Tom tells him about a new conspiracy, he's dead asleep behind his sunglasses and only wakes up when Drummer Boy comes running in saying Sole fucked some shit up and needs help. He just pops up like he wasn't just dreaming about rafting in the stream around Sanctuary with a fruity drink in his hand and he's out the door.

Cait

• Secretly loves to be pampered, to be treated how she heard other girls would be treated growing up. If Sole offered to brush knots and mats out of her hair after a spat, she will act offended out of fear at first. Fear of Sole snatching the comb through her hair like her mother would, just to get it done and out of her way. She fights hard to not let out a small tear when Sole helps her feel beautiful and not a burden after her hair is smooth and taken care of.

• Treats curie like a "dumb little sister" but loves her dearly and wouldn't trade her for the world.

• Has a habit of flirting with anyone or anything out of habit of trying to stay alive by flattery. As she starts to get to know the crew, she begins to mean the compliments a bit more.

Piper

• Loves sugary things because it's what her dad would give her when he got back from scavenging. He would get lucky every once in a while and find someones stash and would have plenty of treats for his girls for a few weeks to hold them over. And with Sole as her new closest friend, she now has someone else besides Nat to spoil.

• She is consittered insane by most people becuase she actually enjoys the spinning feeling that you get from drinking.

• Has gotten in the habit of scrapping every camera she can find for good parts and film for Nat. While her specialty is written words for her paper, Nat has taken up the hobby of photography and is sometimes comissioned by her sister. She's pretty good at it.

Curie

• Though she knows the new plants may be dangerous to her now that she's out of the vault and only has knowledge of their previous ancestry, she enjoys picking a few extra specimens and presses them between the pages of a thick book for herself. For research purposes of course.

MacCready

• Because of his friendship with a particular vault dweller growing up in the capital wasteland, he steers way clear of any vaults he would be coming across according to his maps. He knows the vault he grew up next to was bad but with the stories he's heard, he's not going to take his chance with ANY of them.

• Once Sole comes back from Far Harbor and lets him try Vim Quartz, he's hooked. Reminds him of the bubblegum and other candies him and his friends would bet with back at little Lamplight. Even gives off a soft glow like the lights his old home had. Over all, punches him with so much nostalgia.

• (This one is more Duncan than Mac but its close enough) After Duncan is cured and comes to live in one of the settlements with his dad, he would get curious like all little kids and ask about the carved toy solider that Sole has. After they tell him what it is and how it's special becuase his mom gave it to his dad and then to them, they give it to the little boy and asked him to take good care of it becuase it means so much to so many people. MacCready will feel so much love (your choice, platonicly or romanticly) for Sole just from this one interaction alone and will have no doubt that those 250 caps that were used to hire him were the best Sole had ever spent.

• After becoming close friends with Sole, he will allow them to call him Bobby. The only person to call him that since Lucy.

• Will sometimes have little competitions like makeshift shooting ranges or foot races with Sole to see who would have to cook dinner that night.

• Definitely trained Dogmeat to grab him a new drink when his current one is empty

Danse

• Will never admit it, but he can't swim all that well. He can float and make a pretty good show of it as if hes swimming by choice, but he's not doing laps at a decent speed anytime soon.

X6-88

• Though he knows he's made to do one thing and one thing only, he takes pride in his look, particularly his hair. He claims it's for intimidation but he secretly loves having a sharp hairline he edges himself when he's off duty. Would love to be bold and try something new but always looses the nerve. Why fix what isn't broken?

Nick

• No matter how old someone is, if he's escorting someone through a rough place, he will take off his coat and drape the bottom half over someone shoulders and hold the rest up over their view so they don't see past him. He can't quite remember, but he thinks it's an old habit from his detective days, protecting people from paparazzi and news reporters as well as crime scenes.

• Though he is a synth, he has said in his own words he's a prototype between Gen 2 and 3 so he has taste buds, he just doesn't have a lot of them and they aren't that strong. So smoking and eating is technically muscle memory, but he gets just enough stimulation so that he can still enjoy it. It also helps anchor him when he has a mental slip and begins to panic about who he is now.

• Loves to cheer children up when one is upset in his company. One of his favorite tricks is shadow puppets. His naked hand can make a pretty neat spider if you ask him to show you.

Strong

• Even though he makes a comment about eating Dogmeat, he is impressed how something as small, fragile, and as edible as him will still come up to him and want to play. Even Strong isn't immune to the very good boy

• In the time he's been around, he does have a few favorite people. And his way of showing his favoritism is by sharing the best parts of a fresh kill. He doesn't announce it though. So when he's with MacCready or Hancock, he will silently let them get their share before he tucks in for himself. Ironic that its the small things for the biggest companion.

Preston

• Oh my lord, can this man sing. The kind of cheesy movie scene type thing plays out where if Preston starts singing, people will start to mosey into the crowd around the fire in the middle of Sanctuary and even Danse and X6 will start tapping along to his beat because he's. Just. That. Good.

Codsworth

• He feels he isn't allowed to admit it, but he misses when he was first bought and assembled by Sole and their family. I'd like to think they read the instructions wrong and he was accidently turned on while in Soles lap, before his thrusters were attached of course, and has missed that close bonding experience ever since. Just being held close by the only person he has left from before the war, the one who he had seen and spoken to for the first time, not just his master, but his first friend.

• After Sole came back to Sanctuary and noticed Codsworth acting on his own and not off of set programming, that he basically had crafted his own personality and became his own person, they don't treat him like a servant anymore. Because of that, he believed he upset his master and after confronting them and asking why they were acting distant, he was told as much but asked if he could still be by Soles side not as a servant, but as a friend instead. Sole agreed.

Ada

• Her favorite thing to do with her new found family is tell stories from her time with Jackson and his caravan. To give everyone a good time but to also keep them alive in hers and now her new friends memories.

Old Longfellow

• He has won so many drinks and free meals from bar games. Pool, darts, cards, you name it, he's probably won a few shots from it.

Gage

• He's been traveling all his life by the time he found Colter and settled in Nuka-World. He never did get a good look at the destroyed signs in his home town, all he could make out/remember is he's from a place with a man's name. He thinks it was "George".

#fallout 4 #hancock #john hancock #fallout maccready #fallout cait #fallout Codsworth #fallout curie #fallout danse #fallout deacon #fallout dogmeat #fallout nick valentine #fallout piper #fallout Preston #fallout strong #fallout x6-88 #fallout ada #fallout old longfellow #fallout porter gage #fallout headcanons #fallout 4 companions

[1-800-pastelskies]

and my bestfriend and my crush got into an argument and it looks like they ain't gon make up☠ i have to vent like an amogus imposter real quick

so now i have to ignore my crush (wagyu) for my friend's sake which i volunteered to do ofc GOTTA BE THERE FOR MY POOKIE💓..because obviously my crush is at fault here & he is lowkey victimising himself when he is the villain along with my bestie's ex

so yea now i probably will have to ignore him but he messed up real bad BUT DOESN'T REALISE IT and...i myself have not seen this facade of him before...i mean we could see he had a sorta superiority complex but he is a nice guy but bro i didn't expect him to betray my friend like that☠just because you've been here for someone multiple times does not justify your hypocritical actions...(my friend jokingly called him off as a hypocrite...BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG ITS NOT THE 1ST TIME WE CALLED HIM HYPO...LIKE MANY TIMES WE JOKINGLY CALLED HIM HYPO OR FAKE BUT HE IS HYPO FR...LIKE HE'S THE TYPE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT SOMEONE THEN GO SPEAK AND LAUGH WITH THEM☠) and i can recall that last year one time he told me "i rhink i'm fake" and i replied "everyone has a fake side dw" WE ALWAYS JOKED ABOUT HIM BEING FAKE IN FRONT OF HIM and he always took it lightheartedly....many ppl told him he was fake several times BUT NOW BRO GOT MAD☠ AND THE THING IS MY FRIEND APOLOGISED SEVERAL TIMES ON TEXT AND WAGYU LEFT HER ON DELIVERED

he told my bestie's ex about a guy friend D who had a crush on her (still has) the guy friend was present btw well the ex went "i knew that"...and i heard so i told my friend about it😭and she jokingly called wagyu (my crush) hypocrite and now he is hanging out with my bestie's awful ex...☠and definitely told things to him my bestie trusted him about and said to him while she was dating her ex...AND THE THING IS HE SPOKE MULTIPLE TIMES ABOUT BESTIE'S EX'S BACK TOO AND WAS OPENLY A HATER☠😭

and also BESTIE'S EX BESTIE in parentheses lets say close friend lets call him nokia has a crush on bestie and bestie's ex openly hates him and was trying to get him away from bestie now since its obvious he has a huge fat crush on bestie..HE EVEN GAVE HER A TEDDY AND A LETTER ON VALENTINES🥺they are in a what are we situationship that is not a situationship stage...but nokia definitely likes bestie because he is always around and talks to bestie...and he is a good guy

but bestie's ex THAT LABORATORY RAT LOOKING ASS GOOFY AH ASS BITCH WAS STILL CHASING BESTIE but bestie told him at this bday party to leave him alone and he kept following her and wagyu was her protector and tehy kept running away so then rat (bestie's ex) friends told rat to stop sobhe stopped now and bestie's ex is a huge asshole and bestie took the resolution to enjoy her last year as a minor last year so i don't think she will commit to nokia and she doesn't know yet if she has the feels for him...so i always observe nokia's behaviour and nokia knows i ship them or like "COUGH AND FAKE CHOKE VERY HARD WHEN HE IS MAKING HIS WAY TO BESTIE" and even nokia "coughed" LOL HE UNDERSTANDS THE DRILL🔥🔥🔥hehehe plus nokia fist bumped me after he saw me see him walk chingching bestie to class so he gets bonus points☺

sooo wagyu kinda has a love-hate friendship for D (guy friend) just because of his last name i think☠😭he had a crush on a dude back in 8th grade who had the same last name so now he hates everyone who had that last name☠but guy friend is kinda insignificant in this story

he claims that my bestie is ungrateful because he was there for her alot for her and that my bestie apparently does not know his value😭 yeaaa....

ps:we all ignored him and during first break and while we were descending the stairs wagyu looked at us😭☹️ for a fat minute then looked away...i think he understood we were all gonna ignore him even me☠😞🥺 i do feel bad but also...fuck him

plus after a free period when i was leaving the library he was coming this way➡️

and i was going that way⬅️ so he saw me and i saw him he was with a friend i did not even bother to look at him in the eyes and walked away next to him 😞

yea...goodluck on reading all that

(we don’t got time to unpack all that) alizée and wagyu divorce era

i gotta throw you a single again party

#♡peach’s paint pallet♡ #﹄❏♡•peach answers•♡❏﹃ #🤍alizée🤍

[mrs-monaghan]

But you still ignored the elephant in room and went behind Tae name dropping JK

Tae namedropping him doesn't matter at all if JK is all happily hanging out with him and going to premieres with him, then hanging out with his friend too. If JK doesn't seem to have a problem then what does Jkkrs have with it ?

The problem here is even on the day JM is leaving they are not together. JK attended premiers during day, hang out with tae till early morning, came live after it all while Jimin was leaving next day.

Why are you blaming Tae for namedropping JK, even if it's intentional. Isn't JK the one more concerned about his bf's safety than Fandom and Tae ? But JK is least bothered about that because he doesn't have a problem in appearing publicly with tae always.

You were nice about this anon. So I will explain to you what the issue is. No one is ignoring any elephants. Not when the vermin are so fucking loud. How can we ignore it? Even if we wanted to they won't let us 😂😂

Okay, let me tell you how it is. But first I need a drink coz this is some bullshit.

Okay. So.

Understand this one thing. Jikookers don't care that Vkook are hanging out. We don't. At least not the ot7 Jikookers having an issue with V's behaviour. We literally don't care. I know its hard to believe but we don't. Look, JK needs this, alright? He needs to get out, he needs to not be holed up at home. That's not good for anyone. And V is the only member currently not busy/available. I'm not saying JK is settling for him, no. They are friends, they are brothers they love eo and I'm sure JK loves hanging out with V. He wouldn't do it if he wasn't enjoying himself. So him leaving the house is good. I for one I'm happy for it. You saw his boyfriend discouraging JK's hermit behaviour

So for all we know it could even be Jimin asking V to get JK out of the house.

My point is anon, no one cares that Tkk are hanging out. They could hang out on a daily basis and I would personally be glad about that. It means JK isn't lonely and also means Vkook are at a good place now friendship wise.

So just so we're clear, the issue isn't that V and JK are hanging out. Okay? Okay.

So here is the real problem. Jimin antis and Tkkrs (same thing??) need very little to shit on Jimin. Very little. And everytime V comes online and mentions JK and JK only, u know what happens. I don't need to tell u. We see it everyday. They're spotted together, the hate train on Jimin begins once again. If your twitter is clean and u haven't seen this, then I dare u to go look at any Jimin or Jikook report pages. It's ugly. Like, really bad.

Now, Vkook don't owe anyone anything. Infact, no member does. They can do what they need to do without worrying how some fans are going to take it. But, here's what i wonder when I look at V.... Okay so me, as Shaz. If mentioning my friend makes my bestfriend get attacked over and over and over, if posting my friend and only him, blows back on my bestfriend, if everytime i try to show how close me and my friend are it backfires on my bestfriend, I would.... not do that. But, I can only speak for myself anon, that's just me.

So imagine Jimin is your bias, or imagine that you love Jimin so damn much but everytime V comes online he just has to mention JK and shit hits the fan. Everytime. Even if he comes on for 2 seconds, at this point I'm convinced he will find a way. And maybe members don't see the hate Jimin gets (unlikely) and we're just getting upset coz we're the ones on the ground seeing it happen. Still, do you understand why people think its a problem?

Tae name dropping him doesn't matter at all if JK is all happily hanging out with him

It's fine that u feel this way but i beg to differ. Why doesn't JK do it? V's actions have repercussions. Even u as a normal none famous human, u know how it is. 9 people could be telling u they love u. But 1 person could tell you how much they hate u. And that's the comment that's going to stay with u. Now picture Armys who are in millions. If 10k talk about how much they hate Jimin, 10K is alot. Even just 1K antis are ALOT. Especially when they are as LOUD as these pieces of shit called tkkrs.

To reiterate: we don't care that Vkook are hanging out. We care that V cannot go 2 seconds without mentioning JK which btw would also be fine, if Jimin wasn't the one paying for it.

#bts ask #ask shaz #the vermin

[carmot]

I'm being a sap under the cut

You know. I've gone through a hell of a lot this year alone but I am glad that I can recognize that I am finally surrounding myself with people who love me & actually enjoy my presence. Things are healing & hindsight can be harrowing at times but everything is going back to how it should be.

Don't get me wrong. These next couple of months are going to be hard for me. My birthday being on the 11th & then another important date being on the 5th of Nov. Like it's going to be rough & I recognize that & I am preparing for that. I feel it.

But I have people around me who are genuinely excited to talk to me, who want me around. I wake up to excited messages. I get excited to wake up & see them. I have people in my physical proximity who care. Who consoled me when I was at my absolute worst. Even when I faced the worst betrayals I ever could.

I feel loved. I feel wanted & its really hard to articulate the fact I was needing that for so long. Venturing back into all of this. My old interests, my old passions. Reconnecting with friends old & new. It's been healing. I'm not scared like I used to be. Like sure I'll have my blips but it was nothing compared to what was before. I actually feel comfortable.

Do I still hurt? Sure. Every day. One doesn't exactly get over 3 years & sending off a ring only to have them record you crying & showing it to other people. Or get over the love of your life turning you needing help & reaching out for help into a crime. Or hearing all the horrible lies they told about you behind your back. You know that still is raw. But I actually have a shred of fucking hope.

I think that's the big thing. It doesn't feel hopeless. It's strange honestly. I am exploring myself more now that they are gone. I am learning to appreciate myself more. To give myself the kindness I need. Instead of needing to be perfect & be there at the drop of a hat. Who gives a fuck if sometimes my characterizations aren't always on point? Who gives a fuck if I don't like a character? Who gives a fuck that I DO like a character they don't? Who gives a fuck that I am slow at art & RP replies? Who gives a fuck that my laugh is annoying? That I'm human & have my bad days with my good? That I forgive people they fucking hate? That I forgive at all?

I've rekindled so many friendships they wouldn't let me have. That I felt so entirely guilted out of. & to those of you here who know. Who I've apologize to over this. Thank you. I made my fair number of mistakes but thank you for being patient. For understanding. I'm a dumbass.

Gods I kept all of this so closely under wraps for months. Only the people closest knew. But it feels relieving to finally be open about it. To finally say it & thank all of you. Gods know they've ran their mouth. But this will be the only & last thing I will say publicly because you are all owed that explanation & that overture of gratitude.

It's ironic that I felt so lonely surrounded by them. & now that they are gone that I can actually see everyone around me. I'm not alone. I'm not fucking alone & that's enough to get my emotional ass crying in the shower every time I think about it. Fucking thank you! Thank you for encouraging me where they discouraged. Thank you for consoling me where I was left in the wreckage of everything I've ever loved. Thank you for allowing me to heal. To move forward & understand my worth. Even if its hard some days.

#honestly this is a big ass fucking vent #but TLDR thank you everyone who is here by my side #you genuinely make life worth living sometimes #If you know you know

[mistydeyes]

Hello! I don't know whether matchups are open and if not you can delete this request. But...

Can you please give me a MW2 matchup? 🙂

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: straight

MBTI: ENTJ-A

Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Appearance: 5'7', Slim thick, dark brown eyes (looks black tbh), Curly black medium length hair, fair skinned, wears glasses (cuz I can't see shit without them)

About Me: I'm Indian and I come from a conservative family, and so my upbringing was a bit weird and made me into a weird mess. I would consider myself an introvert. But definitely not someone who sits in a corner of a room and stares. I do enjoy having conversations with people, but my social battery is low and so I get tired pretty quickly. But if I'm speaking to someone who I am really interested in, like my longtime best friend, I would talk for HOURS!!!. When it comes to friendships, I'm a very selective person. I'm not someone who gets close with people as it's very hard for me to open up, as I'm quite reserved. I also don't get along with a lot of people so 🤷🏻. Also, people have pointed out that I look unapproachable and Intimidating as I have a resting bitch face. I maybe having the best time of my life but my face does not show it, at all 💀. Or sometimes, I get really stoic and people can't tell whether I'm sad, happy, or angry lol.

I'm a level headed person, but sometimes people get on my nerves and I'm the type to bottle all of those emotions. Then when a minor inconvenience happens, BOOM! I will literally turn into a demon and my whole day just got ruined.

I'm someone who really cares about my loved ones. I will protect them from anything and I will help them out in any way I can. I'm a good listener and love to empathise with people who are hurt or would let people rant so they can feel better. I'm the therapist and the mom friend of my friends group so.... Yeah, I care about the ones I love wayyy too much. My love language is acts of service, words of affirmation and gift giving. Also, as much as I love giving love and care to others, I hate receiving it as I have mentioned before, have a hard time opening up. It takes a lot of trust and a lot of time for me to do so. So basically I give therapy to others meanwhile my mental health is blown to shit.

When it comes to work, I'm very organised and hard working. I don't like procrastination as it drives me nuts (Even though I still do it sometimes, idk why). I'm logical, focused and very passionate on the things I love. My favourite subjects are Math and Physics as I do fairly well in them. I'm not the best but I work hard and it pays off. That's why I'm opting for Aerospace Engineering in college. I take my work very seriously and definately not the type to fuck around.

Outdoors, I come off very cold and serious, but indoors I am very goofy, silly, pretty stubborn and bossy (sometimes stupid). I love doing small pranks and doing weird things that crosses my mind. I'm very loud and laugh at the stupidest things that I see or hear. Also love to play around with my pet cats. I'm a huge geek/nerd and love to talk about my hyper-fixations. Also, I'm a huge animal person and I love to feed strays and sometimes, I take them home with me. 😄

I'm very loyal but I can cut ties with people who have done me wrong. 100% has no problem in confronting people. I also suffer from ADHD, PTSD and mild depression. I also have stims where I bite the inside of my cheek or fidget my fingers or shake my legs.

Likes/Interests/hobbies: video games, reading books, writing, drawing, cooking, baking, watching murder documentaries, taking care of animals, horror, sci fi and action movies, tea, spicy food, rain, gardening, math, science, literature, history, travelling, listening to music.

My type in a partner:

Should be very passionate

Hard working, wise, mature and adventurous

Someone whom I can banter with and make me feel secure

Can be extroverted, introverted or ambiverted.

Can be on the playful side.

Alejandro Vargas (a/n @queenof-spades WE LOVE WOMEN IN STEM!! also girl I relate so hard to the conservative parents who push you to be the best :') good luck with all your studies!)

How you met: A trip to an aerospace engineering company was not on Alejandro's bucket list for the year. Especially after the last contracted company they dealt with (he's still getting his base in order after the fiasco of Graves and the Shadows). However, another joint mission with the 141 required a preview of some new satellites and other multimillion dollar technologies. After going through rigorous amounts of security, him and Rudy finally met up with the 141. "Nice to see you again, hermanos," he said as he shook hands with his British counterparts. They were making small conversation when you walked in. Your shoes echoed in the facility and a long lab coat hung around your shoulders. "Gentleman, welcome to Boeing. I'm the lead scientist here and you can follow me on a tour of the facilities," you said confidently and quickly turned to lead them through the expansive company. As you introduced them to the team of engineers and showed them the technologies of your newest satellites, they stood in awe. "This satellite is equipped with the best monitoring technologies and can withstand the temperatures of exiting and entering the atmosphere," you described as you jokingly pounded on the hard metal shell of the satellite. "She does not fuck around," you heard Alejandro whisper and the group laughed in response. "That's right Colonel Vargas, there's a reason I'm working here at Boeing and worked my ass off for a doctorate," you smirked at him. As you continued on, the blush was evident on his face as he felt like he was struck by cupid's arrow.

A peek into your relationship: It was no denying your relationship with Alejandro was difficult. Between his position as Colonel and yours as the head scientist at Boeing, you both wracked up thousands of miles on business flights. However you made it work and were now comfortably settled in a comfortable south western mansion that offered you excellent wifi for meetings. You signed off from a consulting meeting with a new company that wanted to contract your planes and sighed as you shut your laptop. The last few days you were on edge and your husband took notice as you declined his offer for wine and gently pushed your food around. "Mi corazon, what's going on?" he asked as he got up from the table and kissed your head gently. "Just work things," you sighed as you melted into his touch. "You love work through, there's something else going on," he said and carried you to the couch, "you even turned down a glass of our favorite wine." As he studied your face intently, you asked him a surprising question. "Ale, do you love me?" you asked. It took him 0.2 seconds to respond. "Are you joking? Of course I love you, you are my moon and stars. You are like if the heavens sent me a goddess to walk on earth. You are Persephone, Aphrodite, and Athena all rolled into one," he exclaimed as he peppered you with kisses. You smiled slightly and nervously held his hands. "I, um didn't know how to say this but I'm pregnant," you said quickly and looked at his face for any sign of anger or disappointment. You had kept this from him so long as you didn't want it to affect his opinion on your work and traveling so often. You weren't about to be confined to a house wife position after all this time. Instead of a negative reaction, he scooped you up in his arms and spun you around. He held you stomach as he kissed it gently and whispered, "my own child, you're going to have the best parents." As he pulled you in a tight hug and kissed you softly, he was already designing plans for their nursery and how to encompass everything you both loved into it. (Just know that this child will be absolutely spoiled by you too, especially if Ale became a girl dad HAHA)

#madebyizzie #cod mwii #mw2 imagine #izziespairings #alejandro vargas #mw2

[lovequinn]

i cannot break my tradition so here is the annual mushy new years eve post

(first a quick sidebar: i started doing these end of year posts in 2018 i think? i tried to go back today and find all the ones i'd written previously and it just really sank in how different everything is, both internally and externally. obviously i was very aware of that to a degree already, but actually reading the way i spoke about myself and my life is so out-of-body. i was 20 when i wrote one of these for the first time; i'd just dropped out of college, i was grasping on to anything and anyone that made me feel like i belonged or gave me any sort of direction. it's bittersweet to see, because i was trying so hard to be happy when i wasn't, and i wish i could go back and tell that person that it's gonna be fine. i like making these posts because i like to think it's a way of writing to that version of myself and saying hey...here's how we're doing now.)

2023 was, personally, the best year of my life.

this was the year i woke up one morning and said fuck it, i'm tired of not doing what i need to do to make myself happy. i'm tired of being scared to make the decisions i want to make. i'm tired of using "i'm still growing up and figuring out what i'm doing" (i wrote about this a lot in january here) as an excuse to not take the leap and figure it out on my terms.

this was the year that i embraced myself and my identity fully for the first time, even if it's something still ever-changing. it took me until 2022 to acknowledge and accept that i wasn't a cis woman, but i still clung to making myself okay with she/her pronouns in addition to my preferred they/them and avoiding using the word "trans" at all costs. 2023 is the year i started to wear the trans label with pride and i slowly, surely, shook away the parts of me that were afraid of change. i'm still working on that daunting concept of letting other people have insight into the most vulnerable parts of who you are, and i feel like i always will be, but i am millions of miles ahead of where i was twelve months ago when it comes to being confident about what i want and what i need in that respect.

a lot of that is due to the people i surrounded myself with this year. i have had the immense privilege of forming friendships with some of my heroes, and conversely, of watching some longtime friends become heroes. the people that i hold closest to me at the end of 2023 are people who i got to watch advocate for themselves and for others all year long, be that through picket lines, through strength in their personal life, through layoffs, through championing for marginalized people in media, etc. i am so lucky to have the chance to learn from these people and how they live their lives every day. and i find myself lately waking up grateful that i feel cared for and loved by the people i've chosen, in ways i didn't know i could be.

2023 was the year that i connected with the things i love more than i've ever gotten to before. entirely gone is any lingering shame i had about enjoying media, fandoms, stories. getting excited about stuff is cool, actually, and life is short. i had a conversation with an actor i admire and adore so much who said that it's incredibly stupid to pretend to be inhuman and above having things that bring us joy, and i took that to heart. i got to do things like attend premieres and work on promotion for things i'm obsessed with, and i was unabashed about my love for what i choose to consume. this fall, one of the first people i saw after making a terrifying cross-country move was my idol growing up, who i'd crossed paths with a bunch already earlier in the year. that person told me how proud they were of me (and followed up later with a message repeating that) and in a way, that made my teenage self feel so, so proud of me too.

in that vein...this was the year that "i know i would be happy moving to LA, but that's a pipe dream for someday" quickly became closing my eyes, taking a breath, and making the leap. most of the process still feels like it was a blackout, honestly. out of nowhere i had suddenly packed my entire life into a car, left the only place i've been my entire life, and drove 41 hours on my own to an apartment i'd rented without seeing and a roommate i'd never met in person. it was the best decision i've ever made. something that had always felt out of place finally clicked into where it was supposed to be. i adopted a cat on impulse two weeks after moving and with that as the cherry on top...i just truly have spent the last several months finally feeling that wholehearted fulfillment other people talk about and that i never totally understood.

there's so, so much more i could write about, from trips to disneyland, to parties, to relationships. but this is getting so long already, so i'll just add some pictures below and leave it at: i am so thankful for 2023. i am so excited for 2024. let's see what it brings, good or bad.

#personal

[basuralindo]

I'll be predictable and ask you to ramble about Jamil for the character ask. ;)

lmao I appreciate you

Oooookay, so, head's up: I'm obsessed with Jamil for relatability reasons and imma try really hard not to overshare too much on the tragic backstory but it's gonna happen a little anyway and also I'm on the (hopefully) tail end of a manic episode so I'm ...chatty, to put it lightly. Sorry. There's a tldr

What I love about them: Short answer: representation! ...Long answer: SO many layers of representation! Surface level, I'm mixed, but my looks heavily pull the middle eastern, aaand growing up during the bush era, I didn't get to see a lot of characters that looked like me unless they were being murdered, and even if they lived they didn't get enough of a personality to be relatable, so Jamil is refreshing (also same color aesthetic +eye makeup and hair charms while still getting to be a guy. I've never gotten that combo in a character before!). Beyond that, an honestly disconcerting level of childhood trauma themes in common, leading to an alarmingly similar and very specific set of issues and, uhh, "personality quirks". And while I didn't have any real constant threat of assassination to build that kind of paranoia around, I'm bipolar and always had paranoid delusions, which were fed by my mom's unchecked paranoid delusions that there was always potential murderers lurking everywhere. And yeah I get to see characters somewhat like that now and then, but this is the first time I've seen one who then has to go to school in the 21st century and try to act normal and not draw attention to himself or say anything that might reflect badly on his abusers. So that wasn't what I expected out of a goofy sounding gacha game that I downloaded as a joke, but I'm glad I found it. Also just, getting to see a character that looks like me and acts like me (pre 10 years of therapy and growing the fuck up) and has almost exactly all the flaws I've learned to be ashamed of and hate about myself be humanized like that, not destined to die tragically, and loved and accepted by fandom, has been genuinely healing. So tldr, I can project on him endlessly, but still get to step back and enjoy him as a character, especially all the room for complexity his situation offers in fics.

What I hate about them: Wellllll, also relatability. As cathartic as he is, sometimes it's like watching an ugly mirror of my teenaged angst, and his bullshit makes me cringe at myself.

Favorite Moment/Quote: It's really hard to choose, but I really like his vignette appearances involving Floyd. Floyd has a way of goading him into engaging with his passions in a more honest way (like getting him to demonstrate breakdancing, or in the robes vignette when Floyd started a dance party at his dorm and he just gave up and joined in for fun). It's the closest he gets to having fun with his classmates and I love that. Another favorite moment would be in the halloween event where he just starts maniacally terrorizing the ghosts and stealing their shit. Peak bastard moment, and I appreciate the "I'm not trapped in here with you, you're trapped in here with me" attitude.

What I would like to see more focus on: I wanna see him form more real friendships with people. Just gimme some growth where he starts letting more people in and chooses to spend time with people because he personally enjoys their company, not just cause they get dumped on him. Like his thing with Azul in canon cracks me up, but imagine if he actually accepted any of the help or kindness. I just, often think about the fact that after every overblot, the character wakes up to people caring and accepting them and offering some level of support/community, and they can accept more love than they thought they'd find. But after Jamil's, the people there trying to support him are the ones he sees as enemies, and he just pushes them away and ends up even more alone than he started. I wanna see him grow less isolated.

What I would like to see less focus on: I guess less of the way Everything centers around Kalim? Like obviously it's a huge part of his character and I wouldn't want it gone completely, it's his main conflict specifically because it takes up every waking moment of his life, but again I wanna see growth. It'd be cool of that became gradually less of a factor and his scenes started focusing more on moments of autonomy I guess?

Favorite pairing with: I'm sure everyone following me already knows it's the whole octatrio lol. I like them either as a polycule or individual relationships though, I think there's a lot to explore in all of their one-on-one dynamics with him, and I wish there was more fan content of Jamil with either or both of the tweels. If I had to put them in order of obsession though it'd probably be Jamil/Azul very narrowly before Jamil/Floyd, and then Jamil/Jade last only because Floyd and Azul are better foils for his personality and hangups, while he and Jade alone would be more likely to enable the worst in each other. That said, I still think the four together balance each other out the best

Favorite friendship: Ehhhh it's a tossup between Ruggie, Idia, and Cater for me? I mean all three have very minor building blocks set up but tbh I just like the characters and wanna see them hang out together. I feel like Ruggie would be able to really see him as Just A Guy separate of his situation and employers, like he's got enough of his own problems to not be shocked by Jamil's, and neither have moral issues with the other's behaviors, so they could be candid with each other without feeling othered or pitied or judged, and I'd love to see more of that. Cater seems like the type to notice that he's not okay and try to pull him into normal life activities, like give him a break from his work to just be a person, even if he doesn't quite Get It (also Fake Bitch solidarity). And Jamil and Idia are just So Fucking Weird??? I would kill to watch them hang out

NOTP: I'm conflicted... There's a lot of ships I have no interest in, the only one I really have Feelings about is Kalim. On one hand, there's interesting drama potential. On the other, that just pulls them both so much deeper into the problems they're both tryna change. Jamil's never been able to have choices or desires or say no to Kalim in any aspect of their lives, how would they be able to not have that carry over into any attempt at a romance? I think that could make for an interesting story if anyone was willing to tackle it in depth, but it bothers me otherwise.

Favorite headcanon: Uhhhhh shit I have so many. A tiny one that makes me laugh a lot is him being just, the most ungraceful sleeper imaginable. Like facedown, sideways, hair everywhere, drooling on the pillow, buried under three more pillows. A Mess. Like not naturally a morning person at all, but forced to be anyway, so he catches up by passing tf out at any given opportunity (like visiting his bfs and falling asleep while cuddling). I also like the idea of his family being descended from Jafar, post becoming a genie, and the Vipers are part djinn. (I'm choosing to support this theory with the fact that he's the only one who physically changed form during overblot. Azul notwithstanding because he just reverted to his natural state). I know this isn't remotely canon, but I think it's neat.

#ask meme #jamil babble

[heyhellohihowareyou]

First I wanted to say Umi, but since you only do a limited number of series, lets do good old AC for the latest meme, please!

Ask thingie

Favorite character: Maehara and Isogai. Sorry, they’re a package deal

Least Favorite character: Mama Shiota

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): These aren’t my top five (I don’t even know what my top five is) but these are just ships I enjoy and have thought about recently; Karmanami, HayaChi, Meguyada, Gakuren, and of course MAEISO (my number one 😉)

Character I find most attractive: Ahem, uh, hehe…Irina 🫣

Character I would marry: I don’t see myself making it to marriage with someone at all but if it were my choice, Isogai.

Character I would be best friends with: Yada, I feel like we’d vibe!

A random thought: An Assclass x Full Metal Alchemist au because I’ve become obsessed with FMA and I’m obsessed with AC so why not?

An unpopular opinion: Some of the stuff Gakuhou does just confuses me. I’ve seen people explain the reason why he is now and I have very much seen season 2 episode 13. But even then, when it comes to Gakuhou, I usually think “But what was the point? What did that prove? Why just why?” And it’s not because I don’t like him (I don’t but that’s not the point) It’s just…I don’t know.

My Canon OTP: The only canon one 😅 KaraIri

My Non-canon OTP: MAEISO MAEISO

Most Badass Character: Nagisa!

Most Epic Villain: Reaper 2.0

Pairing I am not a fan of: *Sighs* Isogai x Gakuhou…why? Just why? Not only is it a pairing I’m not a fan of, it’s a pairing I down right despise. Legit, just why!?

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I wouldn’t say “screwed up” but just could have done better, most of the main campus kids. We’re supposed to see them all as assholes but could you really blame them. Since they’re not really reprimanded for their behavior of course most of them are going to keep acting like that. Their teenagers! Teenagers are going to keep acting like assholes if the adults around them enable it. I wish we got to explore the different classes dynamics and stuff. I really think it was a wasted opportunity.

Favourite Friendship: The ikemen duo of course!

Character I most identify with: This answer changes as the day goes on but now I’m going with Okuda! A quote from her that I particularly relate to: “I never know the right way to phrase things or how to express my feelings as a person. But I'm okay with that because equations and formulas always have a right answer. They're free of fussy word games and complicated emotions.” Have you ever heard me say “words are blegh” or something like that? Yeah because words are fucking hard! I don’t know if someone might interpret anything I say in the wrong way and think I’m stupid or something like that and it’s STRESSFUL!

Character I wish I could be: Do I even have to say it? MAEHARA ALL THE WAY! I swear, if I could have even a pinch of his coolness, I’D BE SET FOR LIIIIIIFE!!!

#assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #assclass #ask #ask response #bismuthwisdom

[herecomesaspecialghoul]

sorry everyones being mean. perhaps a new question will take ur mind off of it?

Since ghouls dont really form relationships in the way that humans do, is there still a way to show affection for one another? (If that even is a feeling you have?)

Follow up question, how did you learn what gestures humans use and also which one you personally enjoy doing/being at the receiving end of? :)

Ehhhh, well... A lot of ghoul shit is hard to explain in words. There's just- I have troubles finding words that succinctly define our ways, and I find the way I describe us makes us come across as entirely, uhhh, alien, cold. Distant. Which is not entirely the case. While we do not, um, we don't have families or babies or none of that, we do still sort of, sort of gravitate towards ghouls with whom we prefer to situate ourselves. Typically this is by elemental tetherings- fire ghouls will usually cluster with other fire ghouls, water ghouls with other water ghouls, so on. I suppose it's because they recharge in the same way, like, fire ghouls will set themselves in fire to recharge, water ghouls spend time at the bottom of the moat, blah blah blah. But is not always the case! There are plenty of instances of earth and water ghouls, uhhh, "chilling" together, or air ghouls flying with aether ghouls... We form friendships, but not in the way humans quantify them, so y'all will see a cluster of ghouls huddled together and shaking their wings and you think, well, this is a murderous pack, when really they're just chatting amongst one another at a frequency your brain cannot detect. We have something of affections, yes, but it is most often expressed in what you might regard as common gestures, like pulling a leaf off of someone else's hair or giving them a shiny rock. Then, eheheheheheh, there is me, who- I like to hug. I'm a hugger. I'll kiss the sides of faces, European style. Handshakes, high fives. I'm quite fucking obnoxious when left unchecked! And I've taught the band ghouls these, uhhh, these "intricate rituals" so that they pass for humans on stage, but the behaviours do carry over off stage, so they will, on occasion, hug another of their ilk, which is met with this sort of "the fuck is this? Please stop" attitude from other ghouls. Eheeheheheehh.

I myself learned by watching. In my younger days I wanted so to be human, honestly. I felt I was not a proper ghoul so perhaps I could be a human. But humans didn't want me 'round neither, so I just kinda, uhhh, watched from a distance. Then I got up the courage to approach Copia one evening, and, well. Eheeheheheehehehh. He taught me quite a lot, let's say...

I like to give hugs but I love to be kissed. We ghouls don't have mouths by default design... the first time I was kissed, I hadn't yet started making a humansona for myself, so it was just a brief lip contact with, with the expanse of face plate beneath my nose. It was such a soft and fleeting gesture but it said so many things. It's a beautiful thing to be kissed on forehead or back of the hand or mouth, not always with the intimate passion, but it is still expressing this intimacy that is so gentle, I- I am rambling, I think. Sorry. Eheheh.

#spesh answers #nameless ghouls #the nameless ghouls #ghost the band #the band ghost