#fucking hurting bc another ship is semi canon

[misty-gold]

..

#cant believe I'm crying over a stupid ship at 1am #it's just. done. #i wish i never got attached. that i never cared if it got a chance #but here i am. #fucking hurting bc another ship is semi canon #ye it can be interpreted as friendshup but fuck that #its way closer than my ship ever got #its just. not meant to be. i fucking hate it. #to have weiss herself say how much p means #ugh #no way to come back from this #and ofc well be reminded through the entire volume of that damn grief #i cant watch that #yet I'm reminded everyday of it #cant i just forget. eveything. not care ever again #i want to stop hurting #rant #misty rambles in the tags #i can't fucking sleep and im alone

[gunmetal-ring]

*throwing a tantrum* Where is the update for Fifty Cents? 😭 I have been waiting like a woman in labor for several hours who just wants to hold her baby in her arms!

Hahahahahaha this is probably the oddest encouragement/compliment ive ever received on a fic, im honored

It's like 9/10 of the way written, im just stuck at one part that needs more careful attention than the rest of it. I promise its coming soon. Ish.

Sidenote can i just say this might actually be the most frustrating thing ive written. Long(ish) form fluff/levity without literally any angst is apparently my kryptonite. This might actually be the only pure fluff I'll write unless its like 3000 words or less bc its so fucking hard. Part of what i love about caryl is the angst - shared trauma history, mutual pining, escapism, weathering the storm together, etc. Esp bc the angst will pay off. I just know it. No matter how unsatisfying the payoff may be. They will go canon in 11c.

Also im finding its v hard to write longer-form fic without any smut. Im committed to keeping it teen rated but goddamn. Its so hard.

I'm also fully blaming the canceled spinoff/hiatus/shittiness of s11 so far for my total lack of motivation/inspiration. Not to mention my current hyperfixation on stranger things and yet another tragic/angsty ship that was fully unexpected yet semi sort of canon. Plus the fact that its totally doomed unless some imo extremely poor writing in s5 comes along. Gah. It hurts. It HURTS

Anyway sorry for the digression. An update is coming. May i suggest doing what my uncle did when my aunt was in day 2 of labor and running to get mcdonalds bc apparently the second he got in the drive thru lane things rly started to move along with my aunt lol

#ask #op #anon #my fic

[mickadamz]

Okay, you're my go-to for Supernatural stuff, and I'm in need of some hurt/comfort destiel. do you have any fics you can recommend?

im ur go to........

OK but fr i'll hook u up bro... im probably missing a few thins bc i sometimes read while logged out and i lose shit all the time but here r the best ones i have rn.. i hope they're sufficient LMAO

semi canon compliant:

I'm Extremely Old, I Think I'm Entitled by sandean_cas is short and a little funny and not rly hurt/comfort-y until the very end but i like it

Counting Every Blessing by tale_to_tell fucked me up but its RLY good. it's a case fic and boy it hurt but its worth it

All the Poor and Powerless, also by tale_to_tell is another OUCH that HURTS. they have an entire series of fics like this but all the ones in the collection end w/ a happy ending otherwise i wouldnt be giving you this

EDIT: I FORGOT THIS but the cost of a thing ALSO by our dearest wanderingcas had me so fucked up. loved it. i cant remember what season it was based around but i think it's an alternate season 9 au.

AU:

if u have a lot of time and patience, Stay With Me, Sweetheart by @a-mandala-rose . the tags say it all but quick disclaimer, it's a(n almost) painfully long slowburn edit: it's finally completed.... god bless

la haniste by @wanderingcas is another multi chapter slowburn + mysterious backstory kinda fic and im really enjoying this one so far. it is updating weekly tho so its not done yet but again, if u have patience, read it.

also written by Tumblr User Sam WanderingCas is Passing Ships but ive never read it myself so i cant say anything other than she recommended it herself (its true check the notes)

#fic rec #destiel

[laufire]

Some things I’ve received during my hiatus, and that it’s related to some worrying patterns I’ve seen recently on tumblr, have made me want to clarify a point. I’ve debated whether to put some of it behind a cut, since +1000 is on the longish-side, but fuck it. I think it’s important --or at least, important that you know this about me--, it makes me angry, and you’ll just have to scroll past it. And it’s a topic I’ll probably talk more about in the future, since it genuinely concerns me, even if not specifically in the same way or focusing on the same things I do here, so you might wanna be mindful of that *shrugs*.

I do not give a single fuck about whether B*llarke is “problematic”, or toxic, or abusive, or “immoral to ship” in any way. And the same can be said about literally every pairing. And if you ever try to harass anyone with those arguments (or any other, but I hope that goes without saying) --including shippers of my NOTPs--, I guarantee you, you won’t have me on your side.

Sure, I don’t like seeing it (and plenty of other ships) on my dash; that’s what filters are for. There are ships whose existence I prefer to ignore in its entirety, and I plan on forgetting them for the rest of my life.

In BC’s case, in particular, I –obviously, if you’ve read this blog– don’t want it to become canon. The way I see it, it’s a crack-ship (and not a very interesting one, AFAIC) between a character I like and a character I dislike, that’s entirely based on misrepresenting canon. Why would I care? But IMO the writers dislike the ship itself, so why would I worry either?

On top of that, I’m rooting for Bellamy’s narrative to be the dominant narrative (not as much for Bellamy himself –thought that’s a nice bonus–, but because it inevitably benefits my favourite characters: Raven, Murphy, Emori, Echo and Octavia), and the show has proven that’s antithetical to Clarke’s narrative prevailing (there’s a reason why every single season has put them at odds, in ways that effectively risk each other’s happiness, health and life). Historically speaking, things don’t end well for male leads that are put in romantic situations with women they haven’t chosen and put moves on by their own accord, and there’s plenty of evidence in canon that Bellamy doesn’t see Clarke in a romantic light –and it’s telling that, in fact, the writers CHOSE to cut out the one moment that could’ve hinted at it, back in season one.

Lastly, as I said, I think the writers themselves dislike the ship; not just aren’t interest in writing it, but actively dislike it. The first piece of evidence (if you plan on ignoring everything they’ve said about it, which already backs this opinion) is, frankly, that it hasn’t happened. Ships well-liked by the writers and supported by the narrative happen fast; lightning-fast in some cases. They likely don’t stay together, because narratives tend to follow a path of separation before the last-minute endgame (which might not happen; endgames aren’t a guarantee, even if there clearly are ships with better odds than others; BC, IMO, is the LEAST likely endgame possible out of all of them), but you better bet that dude is making his interest known ASAP.

Of course, writers in all of history of TV have written ships that they disliked, or at least ships that they only saw as filler and not “endgame material” (though I’m struggling with remembering another one that has the writers feeling so apathetic tbh). So yeah, there’s a very, very small chance of it happening, sure.

But have you ever tried to write a romance for a ship you hate? You probably haven’t, because the very idea it’s ridiculous. But imagine if you had. You would have hated every minute, I bet. And I don’t think any fans of that ship would find your story even remotely satisfying. Professional writers are exactly the same.

Even if the writers felt so worn down that they decided to go for your ship (which, IMO, would be a giant warning sign on itself; it’d be a mere symptom of their disinterest on their own story, and the show would be on its lasts breaths), what makes you think it’d make for a good story? They would half-ass it at best (and probably use it to troll you, out of spite), it would never get the genuine ~feeling that their preferred ships enjoy because, well. They don’t want it. They don’t believe in it. You can’t write with passion about something you don’t believe in, and passionless writing sucks literally every damn time.

And even all that? All that play-by-play essay I just gave you about why I don’t like the idea of canon BC? That still isn’t enough to make me hate on the ship. This can be said about plenty of ships across shows, books, etc., and I don’t talk about any of them because I don’t even remember them after I’ve moved on to the next thing.

But you know what I hate about BC? ITS FUCKING FANDOM.

They’ve proven to be one of the most dishonest ship-doms I’ve ever encountered, and probably one of the most numerous at that, which obviously only makes them worse (one day I’m going to talk about how these type of ships seem to attract assholes that know they can get away with shit due to the numbers and the attitude of those fanbases, but that’s another story).

Their numbers allow them to control the narrative within the fandom (and since canon doesn’t support them, they’ll outright lie about it), to the point were dissenting voices are ignored, disbelieved, and actively ridiculed and silenced, even when we’re pointing out actual scenes that support OUR reading and contradict THEIRS. They routinely act like characters like Echo or Raven don’t matter, while in fact feeling threatened by their relationship with Bellamy, and go into their tags full of condescending concern-trolling or outright hate. They harass other fans that dare to disagree with them, and they harass the actors and the creators of the show on a semi-regular basis.

A.K.A., they’re hurting real, living human beings.

There are hundreds of “toxic” ship out there (and am I the only one who, thanks to fandom, feel like many of these words have completely lost meaning? I truly hope that I am) that I never think or talk about, even if *I* personally didn’t care for or disliked them. By virtue of their small numbers (since a lot of those ships tend to be fringe interests in the already fringe medium that is fandom), most of the shippers usually mind their own business and simply go on with their lives, which I find to be the right attitude. Shipping (and character/show-stanning) isn’t activism, it’s born out of the fucking opposite impulses, IMO. Fiction is a place to explore anything and everything we wouldn’t even imagine doing in real life; there’s a reason why horror is such a popular genre, ffs. (and that’s mainstream, which means it has a bigger outreach and potential real life consequences (even if they don’t happen the way people think they do; fiction mostly reflects and maybe reinforces reality; it can’t create anything out of thin air). I cannot stress how few people read fanworks and how little they impact the real world).

If anything, those shippers have all my sympathy, because 9 times out of 10, THEY are the ones getting the brunt of the harassment. Like, I don’t give a single fuck about Reylo in one way or the other, to name one example (I’ve only watched TFA, which means I’ve missed the ~meaty part of their relationship, for one; but even if I remedied that, I thought both characters were deeply uninteresting, and I find KR painfully unattractive inside and out, so it’s likely I still wouldn’t ship it); but I’ve seen how its shippers got sent anti-Semitic slurs and gore pictures and were compared to school-shooters, and how its antis have effectively shielded a confessed rapist in their midst (and all that without getting into the general pattern of harassment/violent threats/suicide baiting that plagues the purity culture movement in this site; I can send you sources, if you don’t believe me), so those antis can go fuck themselves, tbh.

THAT shit is what I take issue with: hurting actual people. That’s ALWAYS going to matter more than the feelings of some fucking fictional construct, and I can’t believe that somehow became a controversial opinion. Bellamy or Rey or whom-the-fuck-ever doesn’t exist, they can’t get hurt, and the idea of their “feelings” taking precedence over the well-being or real people is fucking insulting.

(btw, don’t bother with any “but what about THIS gross ship/type of ships? you support THAT too?“ I’m not going to answer that and make myself a target for that bullshit, and I think this post proves this situation goes a little beyond something as clear-cut as “support” or “condemn” --among other issues, who am I to “aproove” or not any ship wtf--, but if you mean “are you against people who like it being attacked because their interests in fiction somehow prove they have ~nasty morals?”, then the answer is a resounding “yes”. What the fuck do you know about their life anyway)

#fandom policing #purity culture #anti culture #fandom #shipping #my thoughts #talking to the void #t100 thoughts #the 100 #long post for ts #antibellarke for ts #(... whenever I write a long post i become Very Aware of my attention & processing issues but like. how do you write otherwise lol) #bitter lau tag #fandom vs. activism

[kinsbin]

Jealousy

Title: Jealousy Word Count:  2089 Ship: Dale/Alexys [Canon/Self Insert]

Summary: Alexys and Dale have been friends ever since they had escaped the horrors of the cannibal backwoods of Virginia together. Spending so much time together, Dale slowly begins to realize he has feelings for her. It only takes one asshole at a bar to confirm it.

Author’s Note: A writing comm for @bad-blue-moon-rising! I ALMOST FORGOT TO POST IT BC I GOT SO BUSY WITH CHRISTMAS STUFF BUT! Ilu Alexys here u go <3

Her time away from home had been...enlightening.

The troubles of life were far from nonexistent, of course, but Alexys counted herself lucky in more ways than one. She had survived a forest filled of terrifying cannibals who made it a game to hunt her down like game on their own personal reserve. In that process, she had also garnered a close friend in the form of ex-marine veteran Dale. The man had stuck by her side since they first met in the dark, terrifying forest a night before being attacked by the cannibals yet again from either side. With his help, though, she had escaped. He had too. They had both crawled out of the forest that fateful night clinging to one another for dear life, but alive and kicking nonetheless. She could remember it in pieces only, though. Of holding onto his arm as he helped drag her through the mud. Of arriving at the nearby town and being taken in by the police. Of whispers on how it was alright. How he’d protect her. How, in the moment of panic, he had promised to keep her safe. How, in her own moment, she had been desperate to believe him.

He hadn’t failed in the promise so far, though, and for that she could only admire the man. After their anxiety had passed for the evening, he took her to his hometown not a few miles out of the town they had managed to find sanctuary in. He offered his home to her, a spare bed in an inn close to his home so that she could be sure he was only a phone call away. It had given her comfort where she thought there would be none. Rather than being tossed onto the street to fend for herself in a world that was now, perhaps, a bit too terrifying and full of nightmares for her to be comfortable with, he stuck by her side. He kept himself close and, with it, kept their friendship strong.

Alexys hadn’t expected to move into the same town as Dale, the small apartment she had rented only for a short while with his help soon turning into a full time lease and then longer with her approval of a job at the local diner...But was how things had happened. The world, she had learned, was full of surprises certainly.

“You good, kid?”

Dale’s voice startled her out of her train of thought as she gripped the tumblr of drink tight between her fingertips, turning to face him with wide blue eyes. His own eyes matched hers with patient expectancy, his own grip wrapped loosely around his second beer of the night. In the low light of the bar they were at, his hair sparkled silver like a halo around his face. Biting her lip, Alexys smiled and gave a coy shrug while touching at the rim of her glass. It was filled mostly with virgin bloody mary mix, the alcohol taste an annoying sting in the back of her throat if nothing else.

“Fine,” She murmured, “I was just thinking…”

“What about?”

“How I first moved in and started living here...How you helped me settle in and all that which-” She held up a finger at him warningly, “I’m still totally going to pay you back for and-”

“Alexys,” Dale’s groan sounded almost like a half chuckle, “We’ve been through this. You don’t owe me anything.”

“But-!” She had begun to protest with a soft whine in her tone, but a stern look from Dale had her biting her lip softly instead. He had always been able to do that, ever since they had first met. One fierce and capable look between the two of them and Alexys couldn’t help but relent to him, shutting her mouth from the argument in favor of playing with the tumblr that her drink came in with a pout. Hair was brushed behind her ear again as she mumbled, “You should at least let me pay you back for the down payment…”

A hand reached out, ruffling her hair and making her jump in surprise. Dale stood up as he let his hand rest on her head, his smile turning warm again as he nudged her, “We’ve been through hell together, kid. We almost got our arms ripped off, respectively, by asshole cannibals and you still worry about shit like paying me back for something like an apartment? When I was friends with the landlord for 15 years?” His laugh was warm and hearty, filled with hospitality and the beers he had sipped at with her at his side.

“I’m not making fun of you,” he added softly, “It’s a good quality to have, just, don’t worry about it with me.I’m just happy you’re alive enough to even think about things like that.”

His words softened her heart and allowed a nod of her head to him. She took a sip of her drink as he mumbled something about using the bathroom, words she couldn’t hear against the thrumming of the bar music as he left her alone. Alexys took a breath to try and control her anxiety, hands stretching against her own glass as she took another sip and shut her eyes, sighing as she tried to recollet her thoughts and opinions of the evening out. Drinking wasn’t her thing, but, Dale insisted it would be an amusing enough place without the need for alcohol. The fact that they offered virgin drinks was a good sign, at least, and she had found her eyes wandering to the televisions on either side of the bar more than once. The atmosphere was...homey. It matched the warmth of the town they lived in. She couldn’t say that she disliked it. She COULD say that, maybe, she would pick their hangout place next time they needed a night of friend time.

A hand set itself dangerously close to her form, sending her jumping out of her brief soiree of thought. Alexys looked up, expecting to see Dale having returned from his excursion. Instead, her stomach dropped at the man at her side. A stranger she had not seen before whose outfit gave him the appearance of a trucker who had just rolled into town. His sneer was just as ugly as his eyes, not in color but in intent, as they bored into her. Their fierceness made Alexys cringe back without realizing it, her body reflexively bringing the drink closer to her body to help make herself as small as possible.

“Aw, relax now little lady,” The guy laughed with amusement, “I don’t bite much, promise. Just saw you sittin’ here alone and thought you could use some company.”

“Uh,” She swallowed as the man took the stool Dale had been previously occupying, finding the space less than pleasant now with the stranger eyeing her with what only could be described as slight hunger in his eyes, “A-Actually um...That seat’s kinda...taken and...m-me and my friend are-He’s-”

“He?” The stranger snorted, breaking the personal space between them further, “I promise you, I can be way more fun than that friend of yours, cutie. You want to grab a drink with me and blow this place or something? I could give you a ride in my semi, she’s a real beauty. I don’t make the offer to any old girl.”

As he pushed himself closer, Dale exited the restroom with little on his mind. His eyes locked with the scene before him and he felt a strong sense of...anger? Frustration? ...Jealousy? Burning within his stomach like someone had struck a match that made his heartbeat fast and his pulse rise with every passing moment. The sound of the music was drowned out by the sound of his anger as it boiled and frothed in the corners of his mind, teeth gritting together so hard he felt himself slowly gain a toothache from the effort. Dale barely felt his feet move as he all but stalked up to the two talking, the force of his appearance parting the sea of people in the bar with ease.

A hand flew up onto the other man’s shoulder, yanking him back so that he faced Dale.

“Yo, dude,” The guy’s voice was angry as he was moved away, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

He glared at Dale and stood straight, the two men equaly as tall as one another. The room felt supercharged as they held eyes, like two bulls refusing to back down from a fight.

“Rejoining my friend back in MY seat,” Dale growled darkly, “Best you move along, don’t you think?”

“Come on now,” He shrugged, “We were just having a friendly chat, weren’t we darlin?”

Alexys swallowed and shook her head no as fast as possible, moving out of her seat to rush behind Dale, who glared darkly at the man before him. The man gritting his teeth, fists clenching as he watched Alexys run. Unsavory words filtered from his mouth and, well, to be honest Dale can’t remember who flew the first punch. Most said it was the stranger, so angry with not getting the girl in the end that he dared try to punch the well known ex-marine in the face. Dale only remembered the blood on his knuckles at the end of it and the slowly growing bruise on his cheek that resulted from a decently-aimed hit.

He remembered helping escort the other man out of the bar, kicking him out as he yelled not to come back. The other running with his tail between his legs like a godfearing coward.

Alexys touched his arm, making him flinch before looking down at her.

Her gaze was so soft. So worried for him as she moved him back to the side of a bar no one was using, the bartender passing them pieces of gauze and bandages and alcohol (both for rubbing and for drinking) before going on his way. “Here,” Alexys murmured, “Let me help.”

He didn’t stop her as she dabbed the disinfectant on his cheek. He didn’t flinch as he leaned into her touch, grows furrowing as he watched her own concentrated face. “Why?” Her question was soft.

“Why what?”

“Why did you punch that guy for me? It was...pretty stupid, honestly. You could have just taken him down without hurting his nose like that.”

“Guy deserved to be as ugly as he was inside.”

“That’s all the reason?”

It wasn’t accusatory, rather, curious as she finished cleaning off his cheek, moving to the bruises on his knuckles and dried blood of the other man that she dabbed carefully away. Dale watched in silence, not answering as he began to think himself. Why had he gotten so angry? So jealous when he saw the man just...sitting with her? Just seeing her even being looked at by that guy -buy any guy he realized- made him sick to his stomach. He stared at her hands and how small they were compared to his as she held it close to her chest.

He wanted to be the one whose hand she was always holding…

The thought clicked into place in his brain. The final peace of a puzzle falling from hands to table as all of the light faded out of the bar only to focus on her. On her beautiful eyes. The way she bit her lip as she concentrated. How she brushed her hair back when she spoke to him, the smile always faint and lined on her lips when he made a joke. How she was so perfectly, irrevocably, beautifully HER that it made his chest tight just seeing her. HOlding her. Wanting to hold her more.

“Because I-”

The words caught in his throat as she looked up, doe eyed and soft as he inhaled sharply. He let it out in a sigh, face peppered with red.

“I didn’t like seeing you that uncomfortable. You know I always have your back.”

She smiled at him and his heart fluttered. She laughed as they continued to talk, tension fading as she cleaned him up and she scolded him as he did. His heart...hurt for some reason. A vast hurt centered in his stomach as he withheld his true reasoning. A vast adoration at how beautiful she looked at his side.

Confessions, he supposed, could wait a night longer. For now he just wanted to watch. To see just how damn beautiful she was like this...Like always.

More than a bruise was punched into him that night...and, to be honest, Dale was pretty okay with it.

#self insert #self shipping #self ship #kinley writes #writing commission