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benisalilbitch · 4 years

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For the fuck scale: Avallac'h, Ge'els, and Iorveth. What can I say, elf fucker edition!

I'm so sorry I took so long, but I'm back and thank you so much!!

Elf Fuck Scare Edition is my jam. I just love those fancy fuckers.

Finally I will rate my last fave and some very gorgeous elfs.

(I will not rate Iorveth bc I have no idea who he is, BUT I saw pics and will definitely say that I will totally fuck this badass mf.)

Avallac'h

Holy shit yes. I have no words for how thirsty I am for this fucker. Will fucking bang. 15/10

Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Geralt, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?

*Geralt grumbling*: Your hair looks sexy pushed back.

The second I saw Avallac'h I was speechless. I just couldn't deal with how fucking hot this elf was and my God. He is just the most gorgeous elf in the entire game and you can fight me on that. My bae is so damn powerful, sassy and he has that sickening look that I just love.

Avallac'h is one powerful, hot, sassy son of a bitch. I do have a thing for elves, but this particularl elf? Holy, and I cannot stress this enough, fuck.

The first moment you see this fucker he's half naked and already has smokey eyes. Just when you thought it couldn't get better, he starts talking and my whole heart just stopped working. I have absolutely no idea how can someone think of a character this perfect, but I thank them.

Avallac'h is Daddy material and my bae Olgierd and him will have to share and I will be more than happy to let them. My gorgeous elf gives absolutely 0 fucks, except when it comes to Ciri. My hot elf is also very nice (at least in the games) and he is very patient with Ciri and holy shit isn't he patient with that dumb witcher? I admire how calm he always is, because I would've lost my shit a while ago.

Geralt should definitely get some makeup tips from Avallac'h because damn. His cheekbones? Snatched. His eyes? Smokey. His nose? Contoured. This bitch is the true beauty guru of The Witcher 3 and the other elves wish they could with their messy eyeliners.

That scene where Geralt catches Avallac'h looking at some printed nudes? That was so fucking gay and so fucking hot and I have absolutely no idea how the two of them didn't bang right there, even more because one of them was already on the bed and the other one is a slut. I know I would've fucked that elf already, no need to ask me twice.

My boy just knows everyone is looking at him whenever he steps into a room, 'cause how could you not? His clothes are nice af, his hair is perfectly styled and his walk is just pure confidence. We just love hot , classy elves and this fucker is exactly just that.

Avallac'h is definitely a strict dom and I would just die in the spot if he praised me with that sweet voice of his. I will 100% do whatever he wants as long as he keeps talking to me because I just can't get over how hot his voice is. It's deep, but not to deep and it's also very sweet and soft.

I will tell Avalac'h that he smells wonderful at a funeral, since no one else bothered to, and then I will fuck him in a cool world while Geralt does his dumb witcher things.

Ge'els

Tall elf, with white hair and creepy eyes? Hell yeah, will bang. 13/10

We meet Ge'els only for a bit, but I'm just a sucker for tall dudes with long hair and he is just that. My boy is also sassy af and I love how he and Geralt just bicker with each other about Vodka because, why not? They are both dumb and I love it.

He's very loyal and just like all the other elves, he has this gorgeous stoic face that I'm in love with. Also his voice is very nice, but apparently all elves have the hottest voices that you can find in this blessed game and I love it.

Elves clearly dress to impress and Ge'els looks fly af. I just adore his outfit and his entire vibe. He is classy af and I'm a sucker for men in nice clothes.

Ge'els can paint me naked anytime he wants, as long as he gets naked too... And if we forget about the painting, that's no one's bussiness.

Send me The Witcher 3 characters and I'll rate them along with my thot thoughts.

(All the ratings are linked in my blog)

#Ask me #avallac'h #Ge'els #The Witcher 3 #The Witcher

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wooolfies · 3 years

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Witcher Characters and their positions in a Firehouse

(Including the OCs)

Yennefer: paramedic in charge [note: somehow I kinda made the people good in magic good in medical stuff]

Triss: paramedic,

Vesemir: The Chief This is obvious he has a ton of experience and he is responsible by nature.

Jaskier: He probably has worked as a voluntary worker at some point so he has training. He does PR and is the station’s spokesperson. He also does all the secretary jobs to support the chief.

Roach: the dog they keep at the firehouse :3

(rest behind the break)

Eskel: Engine Lieutenant: Eslkel is responsible, smart and hard-working. His job requieres him to move a lot around the site, he makes the hard choices for his crew.

Aiden: Runner/Messenger: Just when it comes to sitting with the patient(s) in the car wreck you might want to replace him with someone less sassy. (The runner does everything they are ordered to do. But esp. to gather information, keep in contact with dispatch and SCBA monitoring, scouting)

Andrzej (OC): Mechanic: I see him being good with technology so he got to drive the truck and operate pumps etc., can see his first job was being a mechanic. Also he’s the big guy and we need to fill at least one sterotype.

(detail: A group of two, one carries the gear the other the responsibility)

(rescue detail: are the ones who smokedives first, the ones who rescue (obviously), do first aid and turn the patient over to the ambulance crew, and does so called technical assitance, totally the poppular kids)

Geralt: Rescue-detail leader: he can’t stay out of shit but he is couragous and good at what he does, while he is definetly more street-smart

Lambert: rescue-detail: like OG Lambert is angry inside and not the most diplomatic but not nessearily bad at his craft.

(water-detail: rescues (esp. the rescue-detial if they get into trouble), are responsible for the water between engine/water-source and distributor. Secures the site (like from running traffic or darkness)...)

Findt (OC): water-detail leader: polite, patient, often concerned about safety, book-smart but has many years of experience.

Connari (OC): the candidate, water-detail: ambitous but green AF.

(hose-detail: water between distributor and branch, pull out the jumping sheet or light the scene, run and get stuff, can also work in rescue. In a non-fire call they are responsible for tech)

Coen: hose-detail leader: smart, patient(TM), quiet but extermely good at his job.

Renfri: hose-detail: chaotic lass, Coen is there to keep her in check, good with tech.

The aerial is staffed with unnamed redshirts

Outside the firehouse:

In the ER: Shani and Istredd

Police: Roché and Ves

Fire investiagion: Dikstra

Finally Flavandrel work for the city council and Valdo is working for the equivalent of “The Sun”.

Ciri is Geralt’s kid who is 6th grade and he’s the single dad.

#the witcher #my shit #bitches on fire

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hang-on-a-mo · 4 years

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Top 10 Favourite Characters

Tagged by @ilovejaskierthebard to list off ten of my favorite characters. Sorry it's so late, I did this twice and both times Tumblr ate it so I gave up for a bit lol. But here we are now, in no particular order.

1. Geralt of Rivia - Witcher 3

Catty beyond all reason. Talks to himself about the weather. White Wolf. The Continants smartest dumbass. Puns. Tries his best. Is actually really soft but don't tell him that. #ManSlut

2. Wei Wuxian/Wei Ying - The Untamed (Mo Dao Xu Shi)

Can be summed up with Wei Ying No. Sense of self preservation highly suspect. Dork level over 9000. Plays with things he really shouldn't. Like necromancy. Wei Ying No. Instant Lan Zhan trigger. Adopted brother is an ungrateful asshole. Seriously, Jiang Cheng check your priveledge. Too pure for this world. Except when he's not. Canonically a gay disaster. Bunnies.

3. Will Graham - Hannibal (TV)

A study in why emphasizing with serial killers is not a Good Idea. Spends too much time eyeballs deep in crazy. Needs a new job. And a nap. Adopts all the dogs. Murder Husband. Flannel. Allergic to socializing. Understandably. His day job literally boils down to fantasizing about brutally murdering people, a great conversation starter. Therapist is a literal cannibal. Needs a new therapist.

4. Guts - Berserk

Hundred man killer before it was cool. #ChildhoodTrauma. Actual dork. Swings big swords. Barra af. Still somehow projects Bottom Energy. Bad Life Choices. Possibly gay for his ex best friend. Who added #AdulthoodTrauma when he betrayed their boy band for demons. Revenge quest. Did I mention trauma. Reckless. Kind of an idiot but we love him anyway.

5. Sephiroth - FFVII

There's no dramatic like Over Dramatic. Needs better friends. Nothing like finding out your entire existence is a lie. Was a Hero until he was rudely shoved off the deep end. Hair porn. When they say Safer Sephiroth what they really mean is Danger Sephiroth. Butt Wings. Seven foot sword is not a euphemism. Very stabby. Mommy issues.

6. Nyx Ulric - FFXV

Spicy Galahdian meatball. 100% worth the wait. Hee-Ro. Deserves so much better. Sass master. Ex bartender. Now a fancy ass magic warrior who makes a living magically yeeting himself at things and stabbing them. For Hearth and Home. Himbo energy.

7. Obi-Wan Kenobi - Star Wars

Knight of the Sassy Order. Master of violent negotiation. Sith Lord's are his spEciAlitY. Back seat driver. Flirts with people actively trying to kill him. Obi-Wan No. Collects too many pathetic lifeforms. He is beauty, he is grace, he tends to land on his face. Absolutely savage. Hello there!

8. Superman - DC

Last dweeb of Krypton. Needs a better disguise. Except not. Who would ever suspect Clark "golly" Kent. Alien Big Dick Energy. Solar powered energizer bunny. Fan of lying by omission. And justITH. Property damage. One improper punch man. Someone teach this loser how to throw down pls god. Flyboy. Actual cinnamon roll. Every insurance companies nightmare. Supergeek. Allergic to space rocks. Frickin' laserbeams.

9. Jon Snow- GoT/ASoIaF

Jon "I'm gonna pet this fucking Dragon" Snow. Tries his best. Swings his sword sword. Steamy. The other White Wolf. Existence is a lie. Give the man a hug. And a dragon. Himbo. 28 STAB WOUNDS. Doom and gloom and drama. What happens when an introvert is forced to lead armies. Knows more than people give him credit for. Still himbo tho.

10. Leon S. Kennedy - Resident Evil

Wanted to be a cop. Got zombies instead. #Trauma. Kind of dumb. Can't drive for shit. Leon No. 101 sassy one liners. Also 101 statements of the exceedingly obvious. Needs hugs. Routinely ingests strange herbs randomly found lying around. King of fancy kicks. Somehow not a zombie yet. Cinnamon roll. Hunnigan is done. An actual disaster. Drink less, sleep more. Remake Lele, a bby boi. Both savage and adorable.

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merulanoir · 5 years

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Share my sins folks

When I have too much time to think about stuff at work I start imagining a modern au where Regis is actually a barber. And maybe a sassy gay bc every pic of him with tattoos makes me weak af.

And hmm let's see, modern au hansa? Where everyone lives and no one is in danger of, you know, dying? They just hang out, do pub quizzes, Dandelion and Angouleme make Geralt question his taste in friends? Milva and Regis being top tier lgbt solidarity bff's?

#blackbirb babbles #i'm not saying i have a fic about this planned but i totally do #it's currently my happy place whenever sidetracks makes me too sad

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benisalilbitch · 4 years

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Please, please rate dijkstra?

Thank you for the ask and of course!! I absolutely love Dijkstra

Btw I got an ask labeled "For the Witcher fuck scale" instead of "the ratings" and I loved it lmao.

Here is Dijkstra, my spy bae for the fuck scale

Sigismund Dijkstra

Love me one sarcastic fucker. Will definitely bang. 13/10

Dijkstra is just one of my favorite characters in the game, he's such a sassy and sarcastic man, I love him. He gives 0 fucks and has no issue ordering Geralt around and calling him out on his bullshit. We stan men that don't give a fuck about Geralt's thot ass.

He's a man that has a clear goal in his mind and will do anything to get whatever he wants and that's just hot af. He might seem cold and distant, but he's actually a big softie with rough edges. I didn't choose Triss (because she's a bitch) and I absolutely died when Dijkstra started calling Geralt 'An arse. An oaf. An ass. A twit ' because he didn't ask Triss to stay. My boy is a big softie for love stories and I just know he would treat me right, no I won't be taking any criticism.

Dijkstra might be a softie, but he still plans murders and stuff and I just love it. A man planning a regicide? Hot. I say I liked dark people, didn't I? Will definitely help him kill anyone he wants and will make my boo king if he so wishes. No one messes with my bae and lives to tell it (except Dandelion).

I have definitely thought about getting some time alone with Dijkstra in his bath house (and his office) and if you haven't, you're lying and you a hoe.

Send me The Witcher 3 characters and I'll rate them along with my thot thoughts.

#Ask me #The Witcher 3 #The Witcher #sigismund dijkstra

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