#goddammit George Lucas

[multifanderwrites]

| Previous Scene- “You’re Gonna Be An Aunt” |

[TW: Nightmares, mentions of death… in childbirth. CW: Anakin is shirtless. Oh, um… apologies for my rants about being in George Lucas’s walls… which is not true. Obviously, I don’t live in his walls. I’m not a rat]

{Padmè’s Apartment}

(Anakin watches Padmè brushing her hair on the balcony. It’s peaceful, serene. Best of all… no paradoxists are awake to interrupt this little moment. Everything is perfect, happy… and it’s completely understandable that Padmè is already planning for the future of her unborn child. But that’s just- It’s all good, and reasonable) “Ani, I wanna have our baby back home on Naboo. We can go to the lake country where no one will know, where we can be safe.” (She turns around, looking at her husband with a bright smile) “I can go early and fix up the baby’s room. I know the perfect spot. Right by the gardens.”

(Anakin is mesmerized, enchanted… hypnotized by his wife. Everything about her just makes him think back to the moment he first laid eyes on her, and the fact that she’s still here with him… warms his heart) [I was gonna be thirsty but then I realized that I should… definitely save it for when it’s more appropriate. So instead, I’ll just say something less worthy of one of those tweets you’d see in a Buzzfeed video- get on that one with Hayden!- because… well… soft. Here we go: Hayden Christensen’s voice makes me feel heart flutters when he says this line] “You are so… beautiful.”

(Padmè stops brushing her hair, looks at her husband with a flirtatious smile) [george… what is this dialogue?] “Well, it’s only because I’m so in love.”

(Anakin shakes his head) “No.” (A small chuckle) “No, it’s because I’m so in love with you.” [don’t lie: we all get tongue tied when we’re in the presence of Natalie Portman. But George, I ask once again: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS DIALOGUE??!!!]

(Padmè puts on a false expression of hurt) “So love has blinded you?” [now, this dialogue is fine- No, I mean, it makes sense for the moment… BUT IT’S NOT FINE!!! GEORGE, WE GET IT! YOU’RE A FUCKING POET! STOP THIS MADNESS AND LET PEOPLE HAVE THEIR HEARTS IN THEIR CHESTS UNHARMED!! WHY MUST YOU RIP THEM UP TO SHREDS?!! I AM IN YOUR WALLS, GEORGE! For legal reasons, I am not actually in your walls, but I will be in contact with your accountants because they have your information, hence the reason I am now declaring that I WILL BE BILLING YOU FOR MY THERAPY!]

(Anakin chuckles again, realizing what he said moments before now) “Well, that’s… not exactly what I meant.”

[MY THERAPY BILLS ARE COMING FOR YOU, GEORGE!!!!!! FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!!! I HOPE SHAKESPEARE IS WALKING BEHIND YOU AND AFFECTIONATELY HAUNTING YOU AS A MEANS OF FUCKING PRAISE!!!!] “But it’s probably true.” (A few seconds pass. Padmè giggles and walks to the father of her child) “You know… I haven’t told my parents about the baby.”

(That reminds Anakin…) “I told Katniss.”

(Re: the sudden shift in his demeanor) “Ani, you don’t seem happy about that.”

(He sighs, trying to figure out how best to say it. He knows that this situation is complicated, but he also wants to focus on the positives… like Obi-Wan once told him) “Well… she’s been through so much, and I think the news might’ve triggered some… feelings about her own life. But she did bring up a good point.”

(Padmè rests on his chest) “What’s that?”

(A deep sigh) “The war needs to end before the baby is born.”

(She nods, thinks about the fact that it’s been a long time since the war started. Everything feels so… different now compared to three years back. But perhaps, after the end, everything will go back to the way it once was)

^time skip^

<in a dream, Padmè is crying out in pain. She’s visibly frightened, calling out for help from the only person who could possibly be having this nightmare: “Anakin! Help me! Please!” In the background, amongst the screaming of Padmè, there’s another sound. It’s very clear that this is coming from the same baby that’s coming to the world in a matter of months. Which means that this is the future, which means that… oh no. NO!!! NOT THIS AGAIN! NO!>

{Padmè’s Apartment, The Master Bedroom}

[quick thirst comment: I wanna lay down on Anakin Skywalker’s soft chest, preferably when he has no shirt on. Oh, did you expect me to be a ho? You can find me being a ho in the far more mature Mixiverse stories under the name “The Justice League of Avengers”. Oh, I can already hear it: “BuT LAsT NiGhT iN SoHO iS iN ThE MIx-INs: ThE InTerLuDe YEArS, aNd ThAT mOviE iS abOUT AnYA TayLor JOy’S ChAracTer bEiNg tRiCked inTo an UndErgROUND SeX RiNG!“ YES! BUT THE MOVIE IS ALSO VERY SCARY AND HAS LOTS OF BLOOD AND JUMPSCARES!!! THE FIRST INTERLUDE YEAR IS MATURE IN THE SENSE THAT YOU WILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE SOURCE MATERIAL IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THAT SHIT!!! FUCK OFF! But yeah. Hayden’s chest really is something else, but what about- Never mind. Just… let’s keep going. We’re about halfway through Part One of this episode. 😓] (In the darkness of the night, a shirtless Anakin jolts awake from his terrifying nightmare. There’s beads of sweat covering his face and his body)

(Remember how he was able to hold his own weight as well as Obi-Wan’s and Palpatine’s? During that whole debacle in the elevator shaft on the Invisible Hand? Well, he’s clearly gotten a lot more muscular from the last time we saw him without a shirt. Oh, and he’s got that mechanical arm as well. Anyhow, the young man is still catching his breath after the adrenaline rush that came from waking up. He has several thoughts on his mind, but the most important one is Padmè. He looks down beside him, and he feels a bit of relief when he sees his wife sleeping peacefully on her side. But he’s still too shaken by the nightmare, feeling the same pain that he felt in the days leading up to his mother’s death. He had nightmares about that too. And he was too late to save her. What about this time? Anakin moves the covers off of his body, shifts his position to the side of the bed. He feels like he’s going to lose his grip on his emotions, which causes him to crouch over and put his head in his hands. He’s trying not to cry, but he’s terrified. His heart is in his chest, beating loudly in a raging rhythm as the nightmare replays in his head. After a few seconds, Anakin pulls himself together. There’s no use in dwelling on this awful thing, and he decides to leave the room. Grabbing his night robe, he stands and walks out of the bedroom. He passes by the door to his sister’s bedroom, where he can sense the pain she’s experiencing. But he doesn’t want to bother her with his own troubles right now. It could wait until morning)

{Living Room}

(Anakin is sitting on his own when the lights come on, and in walks Padmè, who gently touches his shoulder and asks…) “What’s bothering you?”

(Anakin turns around, looking at her with a small smile. He sighs and glances at the japoor snippet he carved when he was nine) “Nothing.” (He takes a closer look at the snippet) “I remember when I gave this to you.”

“How long is it gonna take for us to be honest with each other?”

(Anakin avoids eye contact with his wife, afraid of her reaction when he reveals…) “It was a dream.”

[guys, this is Star Wars, not Stranger Things. I know she sounds and looks exactly like Millie, but hold on. Be rational here] “Bad?”

“Like the ones I used to have about my mother, just before she died.”

“And?”

(He finally looks at her) “And it was about you.”

(She puts her hand on his back, trying to comfort him) “Tell me.”

(Anakin sighs, gets up from where he’s sitting) “It was only a dream.” (He walks away, takes a moment before turning to look at her again) “You die in childbirth.”

(She clutches her womb) “And the baby?”

“I don’t know.”

(She walks up to him) “It was only a dream.”

“I won’t let this one become real.”

“This baby will change our lives. I doubt the Queen will allow me to continue to serve in the senate. And if the Council discovers you’re the father, you’ll be expelled-“

“I know. I know.”

(A beat) “Do you think… Obi-Wan might be able to help us?”

[YES! DUDE! YES! FUCKING ASK FOR HIS HELP, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! OMG!!!!] “We don’t need his help.” (He smiles softly) “Our baby is a blessing.” [now, you see, Anakin is starting to become self aware of the audience. He knows what y’all have been asking] “And besides, we have an entire team here to help us.” [babe, that’s not how it works! 😫]

“Ani-“

“They’re family, Padmè. I know they’ll help us. I’m certain of it.” (He brings her towards him, hugs her)

| Next Scene- Yoda Advises Anakin to Let Go |

#fanfiction #the mixiverse #star wars #anakin skywalker #hayden christensen #anakin and padme #padme amidala #yes I deliberately searched for two gifs of shirtless Hayden Christensen. But who’s surprised? #anidala fanfiction #anidala #domestic Anidala #domestic fluff #domestic angst #goddammit George Lucas #katniss everdeen #obi wan kenobi #revenge of the sith

[stupid-sloot-headcanons]

So you had once mentioned that Batman trying to rescue/free darling, that would trigger a origins Deathstroke type of boss battle with Jason, and I’m curious, what other thots did you have on how that would go? Also bonus points if there’s a part at the end where there’s like falling debris or something and Jason makes a beeping for darling and shields them and Batman sees just how much he loves her

So Jason could NOT beat Batman in a simple hand to hand fight, and I think he knows this lol. It's why his biggest weapon is his familiarity to Bruce and exploiting his weaknesses in conjunction with overkill attacks. He's going to use pistols to be somewhat up-close without being at risk of getting disarmed, and put pressure on Bruce with his militia. Basically the Jason boss fight as I hoped it would go in-game is a mix of predator combat with him and the militia (like what we got), but that Jason also adapts in COMBAT one-on-one. Remember in City where if you did a type of attack, Freeze would adapt and you couldn't use it anymore? Jason's combat segments do the same thing: You use your Quickfire Batarang once, it doesn't work after that. Use a cape stun and beat-em-up combo? Only works once. I would also go one step further and implement a way to track what your most commonly used attacks/gadgets are in combat sections throughout the WHOLE game, and during the boss fight make them unusable. It makes sense narratively since Jason will have been observing Batman's strategy/fighting style the entire game and should be adapting accordingly. But Rocksteady only had so much money and so much time and fixing Jason's boss fight is one of MANY priorities they should've improved on lol.

With Darling, I think they'd work as a potential "stage hazard" of sorts. Once Jason is at 0 health, Darling rushes to try and prevent him from killing Batman/beg him to stop, this isn't worth it. And with Jason's hatred for Bruce overtaking his protectiveness at the one moment he has to kill Bruce himself, he lashes out and fires a warning shot at Darling (similar to the one he fires at Barbara after she crashes the car). His warning shot is however WAY closer than he intended and actually grazes them, and he panics thinking that he's injured or killed the one person he promised he'd protect.

Bruce uses the distraction to defeat Jason, but things play out similarly to the endgame where Scarecrow takes Jim hostage and has him go to Arkham. Bruce, accepting that he might really die tonight, gives Jason the first aid kit in his utility belt and tells Jason not to make the same mistake he did--"Don't value your mission over someone you love getting hurt." Batman's crusade against crime has gotten so many people he's cared about hurt/killed: Harvey, Barbara, Alfred (nearly dying in Origins), Jason. And he doesn't want Jason's quest for revenge to continue the cycle of loved ones being hurt when you need to focus on saving them. It's why Jason didn't realize how much Bruce had changed, when instead of focusing on Scarecrow and the Cloudburst (despite Alfred correctly pointing out Barbara would WANT Batman to value the mission over her), Batman refuses and immediately dedicates himself to saving her first.

So narratively it ties a nice little bow on things thematically and adds even more parallels between Jason and Bruce, as well as Jason and Darling. And nothing fucks my shit up like narrative parallels.

#i quote this George Lucas line way too much #my mom hates it and will actively cut me off #like we watch smth and its like #Me: Ohh. See that? It's like poetry it rhymes. #Mom: Yep. #Me: Each stanza y'know-- #Mom: YEP. #Me: Each stanza with the last just rhy-- #Mom: GODDAMMIT EVERY TIME #.dc #.arkhamverse #.jason todd #.arkham knight #yandere dc #yandere arkhamverse #yandere arkham knight #.myshit

[mollyjames]

There's a lot I will critique about George Lucas' work but he's right about the poetry thing goddammit and it slaps

[tsuki-sennin]

Wow, Adventure Heaven! What a good movie I totally just saw! I liked the part where Moffun showed up and ate an entire box of Milk Duds, cardboard and all~! And the part where Racules spelled his name out in Romaji on a blackboard and it wasn't "Rcules" because goddammit that is fucking bullshit~!

Anyways, time for Episodes 24-26~!

Spoilers, I guess...

-I don't know why you seem so surprised about Dezzy blowing up the planet, Jimmy. I mean, have you met him?

-Gerojim! I missed you, yo!

-Ahhhh, so Tikyuu's already got its core science down.

-Oh!

-Okay, apparently bedrock just doesn't exist in this universe.

-"I will be king! And none will challenge me!"

-Spiders Jeremy comes to play the game!

-Grandpa putting you to bed.

-Jeremy hijacked the intro entirely for himself this time, okay!

-The king is boiling alive, and he hasn't even been coronated for a few days!

-Holy shit, 90%???

-Damn Yanma, do you not have liquid nitrogen lying around?

-...Rita, is there some secret stash of Moffun and Me merch hidden somehwere in this castle that Racules had? Are there Moffun Chunkopops?

-Three cities! For three baskets of crops!

-Oh, Gira...

-Boone...

-"How can you people party when we're all melting?"

-Matsuri, matsuri da~!

-...Tarou-san...

-"I know all about your stupid planetary genocide plan~!"

-Goddamn, Jeremy looks great in that torchlight.

-One of the best staples of any JRPG~! The festival sequence~!

-Gira-sama~!

-Have fun, my beloved peons~!

-Oh my god, the plushie's got his own Akracing (TM) Gaming Chair.

-

-AN ENTIRE SKYSCRAPER

-Oh you motherfuckers hjlkh

-Stupid carnies!

-Lunch time~! Lay it on us, K-Man.

-Utage ja Ohger Jumpscare

-Rita's so adorable in that outfit, holy crap

-"Get out there, boy."

-Dezzy's insight is rather surprising. Forced to answer for crimes he had no hand in while those who put his people there party above them...

-Ohhhh, those are simply lovely parallel effects...

-"I will be the pen that writes my tyrannical legend."

-"Ehh... idk, maybe this whole tyranny thing isn't working out for me."

-Th

-Awww, Douga :)

-Man, looking at the green screen for long is fuckin' with my sense of perspective.

-It's like if George Lucas directed a season of Power Rangers.

-"Oh, hey Jeremy :)"

-Jeremy...

-All this time...

-Big crawfish!

-Po boys for everyone!

-That boy can dig.

-"Anyone got any bright ideas?"

-Fishing!

-Okay, that is smart writing.

-Can't burn somebody already boiling alive.

-Now to plug all these holes.

-Oh Dezzy...

-Oh, goin' full King already.

-Holy shit, he tanked that.

-Idomonarak??

-Ohhhhhhhh

-Family...

-He's just shuffling on...

-And yet he hears nothing.

-OHHHH?

-Everybody!

-"The man who done fucked up."

-Go even further beyond.

-Oh

-Okay, that simple.

-Twenty guys.

-Ah don't worry, I saw the preview, you guys'll find 'em.

-GEROJIM

-DUDE

-"I'll handle this one."

-OHHHHH

-That is devious.

-:O

-Holy shit

-Testing a man's resolve so hard.

-"Serve your king. As the first of the Bugnarok."

-Chosen by the gods.

-Kofuki's unprepared.

-"...I'm starting to regret this idea now."

-King Nerd and his posse ride on!

-I see Himeno's retinue are quite resolute.

-Last meal.

-"My nasty-ass hands ask to be taken! Kuroda! Suzume! I beg of you!"

-Hello, Morphonia~!

-Kabedon

-Ohhhhhh the hug!!!

-"The will to succeed."

-Kuwagon...

-Thump!

-No more sacrifice plays! Only the finest perfect run here!

-Damn

-Boone didn't hesitate for a second.

-It's time for your advent, God King-Ohger!

-That is one huge son of a bitch.

-Long-ass jingle too.

-God descends, and they are a chimeric arthropod!

-Removed.

-Ikuzo!

-This is simply marvelous.

-"On your call, Ant Boy!"

-Ohsama Sentai! King-Ohger!

-Goodbye, Emperor Dethnarak.

-We saved the world~!

-...kinda!

-One last episode for this arc, of course.

-Ah yes, the best solution for racism. Genocide.

-"All the Bugnarok will die too, you moron."

-"Let's meet somewhere nicer. You can even borrow this if you want."

-Sweet prince Jeremy...

-Oh?

-"Hey, Arbiter! Can't arbit with goosebumps?"

-Ohhhhh

-I see...

-Oh crap, Himeno.

-OHHHHHH

-Those're the locusts!

-A pile of dead flies.

-Jesus Christ...

-Oh, already revolting.

-That is messed up, man.

-Emperor Dezzy's got a stummyache.

-Gerojim's a force ghost.

-Oh!

-It's a little guy!

-"Can you help him?"

-Dethnarak...

-I never expected much from him, and yet...

-Goddamn, this is some tragic-ass theming.

-"Get out of here! You stupid dumb animal!"

-They fightin'!

-"Look at how bright and beautiful the sun is!"

-Gira...

-Yep. We would've done the same goddamn thing.

-And we would've kept doing that same goddamn thing over and over again.

-Let it fall, buddy.

-We're doing it good!

-Oh

-Oh fuck you Kamejim.

-"Two thousand years of planning! Stoking the fires of prejudice, killing, stealing, lying, destroying. All down the drain!"

-What the hell is that

-"Be king. Let our people see the beautiful shining sun!"

-Dethnarak...

-Returned to nothing but cinders.

-Jeremy's fucking pissed.

-Time for everybody to play their part once more.

-"Now, what to do with you kids~?"

-Clocked

-Even at his last breath, Kamejim refused to get it.

-Goodbye, stinkbug man.

-The Bugnarok are heretofore recognized as their own domain.

-There's no need for hatred any more. Never there was.

-Man and bug. Hand in pincer, hand in wing, hand in leg.

-No cheer or joy. Just a message made clear.

-"Now, let's make a beautiful new story~!"

-Ohhhhhhhhh

-Ah, yep. Planet.

-I forgot.

-Alienses~!

-Galactinsects, they're called.

-Oh wow, a timeskip.

-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FINALLY!

-I'M CAUGHT UP!

-THE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED!

#Rejoice O Swarming Evil! You're My King! #kingohger #ohsama sentai kingohger #ohsama sentai king ohger #king ohger #king ohger spoilers

[cyclone-rachel]

thoughts on The Boys

season 3, episode 8

goddammit. that description though.

also, fuck. I’m so scared to watch this finale.

very worried for Ryan now.

I don’t believe that.

he sure does have super-hearing

wait, is that the same actor who played Ryan in season 2?

You don’t love anyone but yourself.

well don’t fucking kill her!

is that true?

I don’t think that’s going to happen

MY GIRL

YES

that sounds dangerous.

god, I love MM, he deserves the best

and I like MM and Frenchie interacting! It’s good!

Is it just me or does he have even more muscles now

thank you, Ashley

Oh. Oh.

The fuck, Billy

“cum-guzzler”, jesus

I do feel bad for A-Train. Even if he’s mostly a dick.

Oh dear

He definitely didn’t

Way to make Pizza Rolls tragic

Thank you for realizing that, Hughie.

Annie, don’t do that

Maaaaaaaeve

“It’s like you wear a neon sign that says “raw dog me, I’m a bottom” oh my god I love you so much

is LGB-teen a real thing

It would’ve, yes

Thank you, Kimiko

Awwwww

I know, right

good! good! good!

I love everyone in this room

What year was that?

You definitely don’t have a heart of gold

Probably still thought you were a disappointment.

Are you sure?

is he lying now

He sounds actually sad

YIKES

oh no

Kind of ruining the moment here

Go off, Frenchie

He does a lot of things in the shittiest way possible

Oh damn

DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE

What an asshole

is he going to kill them

Oh no

I think they’ll remember

I have a feeling he’s going to pick someone else

Sounds like a very dangerous plan

Hughie, don’t you dare

Maeve please be careful

I wouldn’t be opposed to that

nooooooo

Bet he loved saying that

where’s Maeve

YEAH

Please don’t die

Very smart

Fuck you, Ashley

MY GIRL

oh no oh no oh no

YEAH KIMIKO

mood

fucking brutal fights all around

Hughie don’t do it

YES

THAT’S MY GIRL

GOOD

Don’t kill her please

YEAH

Oh no

Be the hero, Maeve

Jesus christ

I mean, if she was gonna go, I’m glad it’s this way

Everyone’s bleeding tonight

Go where?

Oh nooooooo

BISEXUAL

wait I guess she’s dead? That sucks! No!

Guess that’s all he needs

Awww

If it’s Maeve I’m gonna die

Hell yeah

Thank god

Just go Rachel Duncan with it (either this eyepatch look or the artificial eye she gets later)

YES!

Modesto, where George Lucas was from?

I’m gonna cry

Ashley, don’t you dare

Good!

So is he dead?

Is he eating plastic

I love you, Annie

She’s with the Boys!

So where is Butcher?

Okay, hello

It’s Victoria. Of course. also they’re definitely going to call her “Vic the Veep” next season, calling it right now.

Oh fuck y’all

Nooooo

fuck that guy, for real

also poor Ryan, for having to see that

so I guess Homelander really can do whatever the fuck he wants

#papa don't look #the boys #the boys season 3 #the boys spoilers #rachel talks about stuff

[jewishbarbies]

I think what pisses me off the most about the new trilogy is the blatant arrogance of the directors. JJ set up Force Awakens in a way that the second one could’ve been really good with that tease of Luke at the end (still shitty plot-wise but whatever). They could’ve turned that into something epic, make Rey a Skywalker or something else to make a legitimate tie to the old movies. Would’ve been great. But instead it’s like a bad fanfiction. Interview after interview, Mark Hamill says that he and Rian clashed because Rian’s interpretation of Luke was incredibly off-base, and he was basically told to shut up and act. Star Wars already is it’s own world with its own rules. You can do whatever you want with additions but it has to be able to play out within those rules. Rian said fuck the rules and did whatever the hell he wanted and we got a shit pile of a movie, and there a shit pile of an ending for the saga. I don’t think directors/writers have to listen to actors, but in this case both Rian and JJ would’ve been wise to listen to Mark Hamill because he knows the rules better than anyone. If they had listened more people would’ve enjoyed this trilogy. It has to be really disappointing for Mark, but Harrison’s probably glad he got out when he did. Jesus christ. Literally every actor in these movies deserved better.

#g talks #star wars #don't bother arguing with me #it's not gonna change my mind #Rian sounds like an asshole #JJ does too a bit but less so for now #they should've just jumped ship at force awakens #where was George Lucas?? #WHERE?!?! #WE NEEDED HIM #GODDAMMIT #mine #/okay to reblog #/mobile

[romeomahbromeo]

guys i’m back on my bullshit

thoughts on rewatching the les mis movie

⁃ wow they really messed up the musical timeline

⁃ stop changing the fUCKING LYRICS

⁃ jackman is... ok, but still. valjean ought to be DILFier. buff, with white hair

⁃ javert looks like a beauxbatons reject. where’s the ponytail. where’s the sideburns. this isn’t a wolf, this is a guy who read warrior cats once and now identifies with one of them (idk i haven’t read the books since elementary school)

⁃ the seggsual tenshun between a bastard police officer, his club, and the criminal he’s hunted for 14 years with single-minded homoerotic precision...

(more below the cut duh)

⁃ anne hathaway really is a fantastic fantine, good for her

⁃ got to admit, i’m not a fan of the shaky camera, except for in the riot scenes

⁃ love the aesthetics in this movie, feel less so about the costumes

⁃ ah yes we will have fantine be the only one in pink and with her hair down to signify that she is Innocent ™️

⁃ i’ve always thought this but why didn’t fantine just say that she was a widow like it’s not like anyone could prove it

⁃ i feel like switching Lovely Ladies and I Dreamed A Dream made it more powerful but i still prefer the original order

⁃ like i said, timeline is fuckt

⁃ also some of these accents are just. hard to listen to

⁃ i wish we had a movie of the original french musical

⁃ okay i love the shot of little cosette where they recreate the original poster they did a great job at casting her

⁃ sacha and helena are great but i’m still partial to matt lucas tbh

⁃ hello baby gavroche

⁃ the santa part was not needed, it was uncomfortable for everyone involved

⁃ ok that one guy madame tried to seduce in her verse of Master Of The House is pretty damn attractive

⁃ can you imagine the actress of little eponine on set while they filmed that number

⁃ sHoW mE wHeRe yOu LiVe

⁃ “i’ll be father and mother to you” wow #girlboss AND malewife <3

⁃ no stop idc about an original song give me Grantaire’s verse in Drink With Me

⁃ ah yes #hoistthechild

⁃ glad they brought fauchelevant in, he shoulda been in the musical (besides ya know, the cart)

⁃ heehoo javert singing in a high place no foreshadowing there Oops I Hope I Don’t Fall

⁃ the transition into Paris/Look Down is great but fuckin. STOP MOVING SONGS AROUND. I NEED CHEEKY LITTLE SHIT GAVROCHE TO MAKE FUN OF JAVERT AFTER HIS BIG SERIOUS SONG. IDC IF IT MAKES MORE THEMATIC SENSE. I REALLY DON’T.

⁃ still love gav’s elephant home. and gav.

⁃ god i fuckin love gavroche.

⁃ VIVE LA FRANCE

⁃ FUCK YEAH COURFEY-PIGGYBAC

⁃ *pauses* *deep breath* *screeches* ITS MAH BOIZ

⁃ enjolras is the only blond i’ll ever find attractive

⁃ god samantha barks is just SO pretty. and SUCH a good eponine omfg she’s almost TOO pretty

⁃ joly my bby 🥺

⁃ why they got rid of enj’s classic vest idk

⁃ still mad they made it seem like marius and enjolras were actively friends are you kidding me

⁃ okay but the waterfall chords when marius and cosette make eye contact for the first time 🥺😭

⁃ why does parnasse look Like That 😬

⁃ WHY DOES JAVERT PICK GAVROCHE UP LIKE THAT BAHAHA I FORGOT GHAT HAPPENS

⁃ the thenardiers are supposed to be funny but they just make me so uncomfortable

⁃ why on earth cant i remember pontmercy’s actors name holy shit its not evan, right?? anyways he’s good but i prefer gareth gates personally </3

⁃ OOH THEM FUNKY LITTLE HORNS ITS REVOLUTION TIME

⁃ heLLOOOOO PRETTYBOY (grantaire, obvs)

⁃ literally how dare george blagden be so pretty

⁃ george, internally: “STARE AT AARON. GAY. ACT LIKE YOU’RE IN LOVE BUT NOT IN A WAY THAT HE’LL NOTICE. YOU ARE A 19TH CENTURY BISEXUAL. KEEP IT CHILL, JUST CONTINUALLY GLANCE OVER WITH ABSOLUTE ADORATION IN YOUR EXPRESSION.”

⁃ goddammit marius you slut

⁃ *insert mean girls quote here*

⁃ literally the amount of eyefucking in this scene... get a room. whether you argue or fuck, grantaire will be satisfied either way

⁃ i love the courf+gav friendship in the film but you know i’m a slut for that grantaire+gav friendship in the musical

⁃ a travesty they don’t ever let lesgles be bald </3

⁃ listen. i love amanda seyfried. what a queen. but as cosette she sounds like she swallowed a vibrator. we don’t need that much vibrato girl, it’s okay

⁃ tbh the same goes for a lot of the movie actors in this as opposed to the musical actors

⁃ i’m so sorry but i’m skipping the marisette garden shit i don’t have time for heterosexual bs right now

⁃ i fuckin adore samantha barks did i mention that already

⁃ a queen. you know all the girls in 2012 wanted to be her

⁃ jesus christ it’s been almost 10 years do you think they’ll do a reunion concert

⁃ god i can’t stop thinking about all the behind the scenes from this movie

⁃ hell yes there’s one day more

⁃ cosette “your neighbor is gnc af” marius “you’re insane”

⁃ yes queen bind those breasts. give me gender envy why don’t you

⁃ mmmm enjolras tastey

⁃ stop making javert this important figure he’s just A Guy

⁃ and in that moment, i swear, we all wanted to be Madame Houcheloup

⁃ the flags waved throughout the streets 😀 this will def end well

⁃ tbh i kinda like Do You Hear The People Sing as the start of the revolution

⁃ in 8th grade i would have this scene as a youtube video on repeat while i did my homework

⁃ ok yeah this will never not move me to pieces

⁃ fuckign yeah enj wave that flag

⁃ ooh yuh get it i guess grantaire, drive that coach

⁃ and in that moment, i swear, we were infinite

⁃ pontmercy: *doesn’t know how to hold a gun* also pontmercy: *steals a fuckin horse*

⁃ TO THE BARRICADES

⁃ gEt oFf yOuR aRsE iTs bEgUn yeah mate i was already there driving the fuckin coach i’m just that fast mynameisbarryallenandimthefastestmanalive—

⁃ ah yes the demonic pontmercy smile how i’ve missed that

⁃ WE NEED AS MOCH FORNITURE AS YEW CAN THRO DOWN

⁃ i sincerely wish i could have been there

⁃ HELL YEAH BARRICOW

⁃ AND IN THAT MOMENT, I SWEAR WE ALL WISH WE WERE MADAME HOUCHELOUP

⁃ okay so if gavroche was there to say “fleas will bite” then why didn’t he recognize.l javert right then and there

⁃ GOD THE FIRST SIGHT OF THE BARRICADE 😩👌

⁃ yes daddy enj you can shoot me with your rifle any time 😏🤤😽

⁃ enjoltaire shippers in 2012: “oMg eNjY pRoTeCtEd R fRoM jAvErT tHaT mEaNs he LoVeS HiM bACk 😍😍”

⁃ and they were absolutely right

⁃ no joke aaron tveit could beat me with a pipe and i would be grateful

⁃ “who’s there?” “french revolution!” plz tell me that wasn’t pulled directly for the brick but i feel in my heart of hearts that it was

⁃ the assthetics 😫🤌 the simbalism....

⁃ marius really is dense not only did he not notice the girl in love with him for literally uhhhh years? he also didn’t notice the fuckin rifle two inches from his face

⁃ the lines shouted at marius as he retreats from the gunpowder gambit... initially poetic cinema

⁃ no but boyponine is so gender

⁃ oh man little fall of rain

⁃ i wrote a songfic to this for miraculous ladybug back in freshman year 💀

⁃ oh to be cradled in the arms of the boy i love as i die and also look super hot as i do it

⁃ eponine deserved better but better is not marius

⁃ lol drowned rat enjolras sheds a single manly tear you can’t fool us you fuckin twink

⁃ dammit gavroche hasn’t even died yet but still. get him AWAY from that BARRICADE

⁃ i already know the final battle is gonna end me

⁃ (just like it ended les amis 🤪)

⁃ oh to have a pistol held to my head by george blagden as grantaire

⁃ he really is so pretty

⁃ lol you know valjean’s internal monologue the SECOND he spotted javert at the barricade was just. so much cursing

⁃ lmao enjolras grinning as he shoots the roof dude

⁃ who gave the child a gun dammit

⁃ russell crowe javert singing usually: 😬😐

⁃ russell crowe javert singing while tied up at the barricade with a knife held to him by his long time nemesis: 🥴🤭

⁃ *cries in Drink With Me*

⁃ these boys want to hold out hope but they know there’s no getting out of here

⁃ Where Are The Barricade Ladies

⁃ WHERE IS GRANTAIRE VERSE FOCK U TOM

⁃ *guiltily skips bring him home*

⁃ you know what i was saying earlier about certain characters singing like they have a vibrate stuck in their throat? yeah

⁃ ah that shot that pans out to show that they’re all alone

⁃ gavroche singing won’t save you from dying i fwu tho 🥺

⁃ my little brother loves singing and acting out this song complete with delicate collapsing at the end

⁃ fucking courfeyrac, always gotta make me cry over gavroche more than i mean to

⁃ i have beef with everyone involved

⁃ HADLEY

⁃ combeferre holding back and then comforting courfeyrac 😭😭😭

⁃ let others rise to take our place until the earth is free. god damn. i fuck with that quote too hard.

⁃ CANNONS *queue that one post about the tumblr re-enacting les mis and nearly killing the window cleaner guy when she dramatically opened the windows to scream cannons*

⁃ And In That Moment They Knew. They Were Fucked.

⁃ i don’t need to see any more of my boys die explicitly but i wish we could have had prouvaire’s death scene from the brick, it was really powerful

⁃ THERES MORE MEN

⁃ let them in you HEARTLESS BASTSRDS

⁃ i could do with less time looking at pontmercy’s arse and more time watching the carnage, thanks

⁃ FEUILLY BOSSUET NO

⁃ oh god oh fuck the final four

⁃ *remembers that post i saw where people calculated how long it would have taken for them to die based on bullet angles and that joly and combeferre were both medical and had to watch each other and courfeyrac die and not be able to do anything about it *

⁃ oh god oh fuck permets-tu

⁃ if there’s one instance they could have kept the line from the book it ought to have been this one

⁃ *remembers the post that says that grantaire was not only staggering of drunkenness, but also because he was tripping over the corpses of his friends*

⁃ *remembers hadley is the guard*

⁃ god fukcign. fuck. that orchestral rendition of red & black as exr martyr theirselves for a doomed cause.

⁃ their deaths in the book are so poetic— enj pinned to the wall, crucified by the 8 bullets representing les amis and the cause being worth dying for, while grantaire died at his feet with one bullet representing that enjolras is worth dying for— but something about enjolras dangling out the window, wrapped in the flag... damn

⁃ did you see them, lying side by side...

⁃ *vivid flashbacks to behind the scenes and them singing a jazzy version of On My Own*

⁃ ok that’s enough for now *skips to finale*

⁃ like i love turning and empty chairs but i don’t have the emotional capacity for that rn

⁃ HERE. COMES THE HEAVENLY BARRICADE

⁃ nope i can’t

⁃ i love it too much

⁃ this is the version of DYHTPS that i listened to on repeat during Homework Time for the first several months of quarantine last year

⁃ i have too many feelings about it to put into text

⁃ goddamn i love this show fuck

⁃ *cries*

#les mis #les miserables #les mis content on MY blog? in 2021? it’s more likely than you’d think #uhhhh #enjoltaire

[ilummoss]

@nilhenwen​ made some nice commentary in a reblog on my Luminara post, but that post is already such a monster that I’m making new post instead xD.

I’m a big Luminara fan and I’m hoping to mine all of this wonderful analysis in my next fic.

I think she’s a badass who just knows how to get things done and CRUCIALLY, when Filoni is showing her dealing with the possible loss of Barriss it’s meant to be showing a contrast for Anakin’s entirely emotional and attached response. Luminara feels it just as much as he does, she just doesn’t succumb to it. His succumbing here means the Padawans get saved. Which could be Filoni’s way of also showing that Luminara’s attempts at avoiding attachment are also flawed and often dangerous.

Balance innit?

(💚 Fellow Luminara fans unite!! \^o^/ 💚)

I definitely think Anakin and Luminara’s reactions are meant to be contrasted and compared in this episode, and neither is perfect in their way of dealing with this.

But going off Lucas quotes I don’t get the impression that attachment is something one should strive for balance in, but rather something to avoid. Like attachment is pretty consistently connected to bad things, when Lucas is talking about it.

The Making of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, page 213: “No human can let go,” Lucas would say of [the Yoda-Anakin scene]. “It’s very hard. Ultimately, we do let go because it’s inevitable; you do die and you do lose your loved ones. But while you’re alive, you can’t be obsessed with holding on. As Yoda says in this one, ‘You must learn to let go of everything you’re afraid to let go of.’ Because holding on is in the same category and the precursor to greed. And that’s what a Sith is. A Sith is somebody that is absolutely obsessed with gaining more and more power - but for what? Nothing, except that it becomes an obsession to get more.”

“The Jedi are trained to let go. They’re trained from birth,” he continues, “They’re not supposed to form attachments. They can love people- in fact, they should love everybody. They should love their enemies; they should love the Sith. But they can’t form attachments. So what all these movies are about is: greed. Greed is a source of pain and suffering for everybody. And the ultimate state of greed is the desire to cheat death.”

Star Wars: Attack of the Clones commentary track, George Lucas: “The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can’t hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he’d have been taken in his first year and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them.   

“But he has become attached to his mother and he will become attached to Padme and these things are, for a Jedi, who needs to have a clear mind and not be influenced by threats to their attachments, a dangerous situation. And it feeds into fear of losing things, which feeds into greed, wanting to keep things, wanting to keep his possessions and things that he should be letting go of. His fear of losing her turns to anger at losing her, which ultimately turns to revenge in wiping out the village. The scene with the Tusken Raiders is the first scene that ultimately takes him on the road to the dark side. I mean he’s been prepping for this, but that’s the one where he’s sort of doing something that is completely inappropriate.“

So I don’t really vibe with the view of balance in attachment. Or rather, balance is on the non-attached end of the spectrum. I don’t think there’s such a thing as a healthy or good attachment. Attachment is when it becomes bad. “The shadow of greed” as Yoda says. (Others are of course allowed their own interpretations though.)

I know Filoni talks about attachment in a comment of his I’ve seen concerning this episode, but I also to some extent kinda disagree with his take-away there. For example, in that commentary Filoni talked about Anakin’s “way of stronger compassion”, and that’s not really something I see here. He has little compassion for Luminara after their first post-factory explosion interaction and is instead angry and lashing out at her. His tone when talking about how Ahsoka will survive is dark, almost threatening. I don’t see compassion there either, it’s about attachment, his inability to let go. Overall I don’t feel like Filoni’s comments fully matches what I see in the episode, (and as they were made years later, in a greater interview, that might not be super strange?). 

I think me and Filoni just might not fully agree in our view on Luminara, and that’s okay. The material is out there and open to different interpretations. Lucas is the only Word of God I bow to completely xD (and people don’t have to accept Lucas either).

Anakin’s refusal to let go gives him a focus here that yields results, but there are warning bells that things could have gone pretty wrong if they were unable to save the padawans. Even during the rescue he starts low-key lashing out at Luminara, and he keeps ascribing himself an agency he just doesn’t actually have when it comes to Ahsoka’s life and death: “I refuse to let Ahsoka die”. 

Now, Luminara’s way of dealing with the pain of possible loss isn’t perfect either. She seems to be without much hope for the possibility of saving them initially. 

But Luminara also only despairs as to whether save the padawans is possible in the first few moments after the weapon’s factory collapses. After Anakin insist that they still have a shot, she gets up and does this little face:

That short, soft smile of appreciation is first of all proof no. 476 in this episode that Luminara Unduli really likes Anakin Skywalker. But after this moment Luminara appears just as active in the search for the padawans as Anakin. She seems to have drawn strength from his refusal to give up. (Anakin however keeps on accusing her of having given up, an accusation she’s even angered by the second time around, and he’s all round going darker and darker as the rescue work continues.)

Luminara could use some of Anakin’s fighting spirit (a quality in both him and Ahsoka that she seems to appreciate). I don’t think what Luminara needs is to grow attached though. It might be one way of going about having that fighting spirit, but I think there are other ways as well, ones with far less risk of collateral damage or making deals with the devil himself to stop death (goddammit Anakin!!!).

Now, I usually don’t use a lot of Legends in my examples (I’m a nu!EU adherent xD), but Yoda: Dark Rendezvous has a passage that I really like and that popped into my head writing this. 

“Teach me about pain, think you can?” Yoda said softly. “Think the old Master cannot care, mmm? Forgotten who I am, have you? Old am I, yes. Mm. Loved more than you, have I, Padawan. Lost more. Hated more. Killed more.” The green eyes narrowed to gleaming slits under heavy lids. Dragon eyes, old and terrible. “Think wisdom comes at no cost? The dark side, yes - it is easier for them. The pain grows too great, and they eat the darkness to flee from it. Not Yoda. Yoda loves and suffers for it, loves and suffers.”

(...)

life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

Love and suffer. Face the risk of loss, hope in spite of it that you can save those people in danger and fully accept the loss and let go if it comes to it. Then keep hoping the next time.

#luminara unduli #anakin skywalker #my meta #meta #discussion

[cries-in-edenian]

For people who want Thrawn, Mara Jade and Kyle Katarn in live action, keep in mind that The Mandalorian TV show still leads into the sequels

I know Dave Filoni and Jon Favreau love Star Wars and they are serious about doing their jobs and serving the fans. And even George Lucas has shown his approval (behind the scene pic with The Child). However, The Mandalorian is still part of the Disney canon. Filoni and Favreau have contractual obligations and they cannot just pretend that the sequels didn't happen. The Canon Story Group still have people like Pablo Hidalgo who support RJ and TLJ and have no problem dissing fans.

At best, The Mandalorian will try to stay inoffensive and avoid mentioning anything sequel-related.

- The New Republic will probably be in the background since nothing happens much during the 30 years between TFA and ROTJ. The New Republic in Canon is also extremely incompetent as Mon Mothma disassembles the New Republic military and dismissed the rising of the First Order, which eventually leads up to the New Republic blown up by Starkiller Base in TFA.

- For the Imperials that we see, eventually they will reorganize into the First Order. Maybe some Imperials would not join FO but most of them will to keep their power and influence.

- Not to mention Palpatine's master plan of destroying the Empire after his death and then resurrecting through clone with the Sith Eternal cult while reforming the Imperial Remnants as First Order through the puppet clone Snoke (Goddammit, TROS is really fucking dumb)

- Luke's Jedi Order is a failure with a bunch of no name kids getting murdered by either Snoke's lightning or Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, depending on which version of canon you want to choose lmaooo. So no Luke. Probably no Han or Leia too considering how they end up in the sequels.

- Canon Thrawn is also different too. Rebels show him lose to space Aladdin and crew. In the EU he was an established Grand Admiral sent to the Unknown Regions by Palpatine. In Canon, he was in charge of a bunch of incompetent Imperials and then ended up in the Unknown Regions cuz space whales lmaoo. Canon Thrawn doesn't have the wit or strength of the EU Thrawn that you know and love. His circumstance is different too. Seeing how Rebels handles Thrawn, I don’t have a lot of expectation for the return of Thrawn. Most of the time he just lost and then the show painted it as "the loss was expected, it was his plan the whole time!” And then send him off with space whales. I don't know. One or two losses are okay. But if you are constantly losing and then it is "still as planned" then maybe your plan is just shit. Doesn't help most Imperials are portrayed as utter morons in Rebels.

So what if Thrawn returns (and maybe Mara Jade and Kyle Katarn too)?

- Thrawn will not have a grand return like what he did in the EU. The conflict will be small scaled. You will not see him going against the whole New Republic and facing off Luke, Leia and Han. And Thrawn would not be doing any serious impact as most Imperials will just leave and form the First Order.

- Mara Jade is not an Emperor’s Hand. Mara will not be a Jedi. She will not get with Luke. Or even worse, they kill Mara Jade to justify the sequel story (Luke was traumatized when Mara died or some shit like that). Not a fan of killing beloved characters for the sake of creating trauma/drama/motivation. Comics are notorious with the "fridge" trope where they kill the love interests of male heroes to create trauma/motivation. Considering the current state of Star Wars, we do not need Disney putting Mara Jade into the fridge. At best, Mara Jade in canon will be conveniently left out of the story and disappear to prevent involvement with the sequel story.

- Same with Kyle Katarn. He will not be a Jedi. Or he joins Luke's order and dies from Snoke's lightning or Kylo's betrayal. His adventure of defeating the Inquisitors like Jerec will not be there since all the Canon Inquisitors are failures and die before the OT. You probably will see a discount Kyle Katarn as a Rebel agent or maybe some smuggler/outlaw (discount Han Solo).

#disney wars is death #just some thoughts to get off my chest #anti disney star wars #rant #sw #⭐️

[queennicoleinboots]

Office Woes, part 1 (Michael the Great Arc Angel POV)

It was yet another day amidst a pandemic of the Coronavirus and spiritual warfare. It was my appointed task from Ahayah, the true creator of this world and all worlds, that I was to protect and serve the people of Gwinnett County, Georgia. I also was appointed to protect the people of Walton and Clarke Counties by Xara Nahara Campinelli. I am honored to be Michael the Great Arc Angel.

Once again, I spent my morning flying over people who had no concept of how to drive. They were going the wrong way through the intersections, shoving their cell phones in their butts while driving, and playing rap sounds. Rap is not a form of music. It offends me and Ahayah. When I hear it, I burn the source of the sound with laser eye beams. If I hear the "Ooh shit! You Got Coronavirus" song one more time, I plan to stomp on the vehicle where the car is coming from and of course spare the life of the son of a bitch who played that song.

In other news, a goat in a suit and tie was jacking off while he drove. He looked like Paul the Goat, the same goat who helped with quality control of produce in Kroger later that day.

At least Gwinnett County drivers weren't as terrible as those in Conyers, GA. It was truly the city of apes. Every time I fly over that city, my Intelligent Quotient drains from my mind and soul. I have to walk tall among the apes because my large angel wings don't work there. I question my angelic nature when I am there. I am the man on the fence who shrugs his shoulders. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. So I acted like an ape until I could fly again. I'm still in therapy with Ahayah about that issue. I go twice a month.

I arrived at the office in my majestic splendor. The cops and I saluted each other as I walked in the building. Goats, humans, arc angels, and bears were processing paperwork and bitching at the pigs who did dispatch. I had to process the paperwork, call Paw Patrol, a series of small dogs who were good at life, if any social services were required, and sing if any babies or mothers were upset at or around each other. My baritone voice calms down the general populace.

"Good morning! Good morning!" Ned, a short goat with glasses, brown curly hair, and a white shirt with a pocket protector, shouted. He bleated.

"Good morning. What's the situation?" I asked as I walked with strength to my desk.

"Gwinnet County hasn't burned to the ground yet. Melissa is late for work. La Bamba in Walton County is running a special of five tacos for five dollars. Ricky Valens hasn't been brought back to life to sing 'La Bamba.' Satan still thinks he is going to win the spiritual war going on outside. And BLM hasn't been summoned yet. CERN is still at large opening portals to hell. Edward Snowden is alive and in prison. We still have no access to the Vatican's telescope on Mount Graham in Arizona," Ned took a deep breath before continuing. "And the son of a bitch delivery boy from Grub Hub spilled my drink on the desk."

"Very good. I authorize a pardon for Melissa's lateness. She is at a meeting with Ahayah. I think it's about female stuff," I spoke, but then shouted. "WHY THE FUCK HASN'T RICHY VALENS been brought back to life? He is supposed to sing a cover of 'Earth Angel' at NOON!!!"

"I'm sorry. The pigs at Dispatch are fucking up the resurrection spell!" Ned shouted.

"AAAAHHHH!!!! Ahayah, guide me! I need the voice of Richy Valens! I need to practice singing so that the 'Earth Angel' can bless Georgia," I shouted.

All of a sudden, I heard "Oooooooh Donna!" come out of my mouth in Richy Valen's voice. I sang "Donna" to calm the pigs at Dispatch and to the children who needed Child Protective Services.

Melissa the Great Arc Angel flew through the door. Her brown hair flowed in the air as she descended into the office. Her blue eyes showed fury in them. "Sorry I'm late. I would have been later if Richy Valens wasn't singing. Thank you, Richy Valens," she said in a strong voice as she went to her desk. "When are we going to lunch? La Bamba is running a special on five tacos for five dollars, and I'm ready to get my dance on?"

"No problem. This beats working for the Angel of Death for seven years. Those stories are still great to tell at parties. Unfortunately, I had to steal the soul of a Richy Valens fan one time. Did I mention that I was the one who stole the soul of Courtney Love? Her music was okay, but she needed to stay off the drugs," I said as I printed documents for the pigs at Dispatch to deal with. I would hate to be those sons and daughters of possible bitches. "Also, I think lunch will be after the singing of 'Earth Angel.'"

Melissa the Great Arc Angel laughed loudly. "I took the soul of Kurt Cobain. I was singing Nirvana songs for weeks afterward. I'd like to talk about it at lunch," she said as she sent faxes to the Gwinnett County Fire Department. She added a snarky office chuckle.

"Good riddance. Eddie Vedder has a much better voice. I'd rather hear those stories," I said. "Why couldn't you take his soul?"

"Excuse me! Ahayah required him to live!" Melissa the Great Arc Angel said vehemently. "Would you like to talk about our back story to the new hires?" Her blue eyes and smile sparkled.

"True. But still, Kurt Cobain? How about the son of a bitch who is the lead singer if Smashing Pumpkins. That mother fucker is talented," I said. "Also! Back stories are NEVER to be discussed with new hires! George Lucas specifically made that a rule! Those are strictly for the break room!" I slammed my fist on my desk.

"Billy needed to tell his life story on the Joe Rogan show, and NOT to the new hires on set. Sorry, Michael. He and I both have the same question. Is making music really something that has to involve signing your life away to these record labels?" Melissa the Great Arc Angel asked.

"He had no idea what he got himself into until it was too late," I said before the printer jammed. I looked at it before I said, "You son of a bitch I don't have time for this shit!"

The printer was jamming up and malfunctioning.

"Yes, you asshole, you already printed this page," I said to the printer.

The printer then started printing in Spanish.

"Do any of the pigs in this office read Spanish?!" I asked. I understood Spanish, but it wasn't my job to deal with these notes.

The pigs were oinking up a storm as they called the police, firemen, rent-a-cops, sanitation workers, other dispatch offices, and churches.

I sighed. I took the notes to the pigs. Fuck it. They can figure it out.

A female pig linked and looked at the notes. "Ay caca! Otra vez de los hijos! Mama y papa estupidos hijos de las putas!" She started swearing in Spanish at Child Protective Services. Those kids were forced to wear clown suits and make videos to entertain the country clubs in Gwinnett County. I was hot with rage.

"THOSE BASTARDS HAVE PLENTY OF ENTERTAINMENT!!! CHILD CLOWNS ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE!" I shouted. The son of a bitch printer was still jammed.

What I read next was astounding. And I quote:

"An irate woman called the sheriff's department, the fire department, CNN, Fox News, and Todd from Myspace.com. She reported that Publix had moved the 'Whole Golden Kernel' corn 30 feet down the aisle from where it had been for over 20 years. The whole customer base was an outrage and wanted to beat the store owner's ass."

I screamed. "WHY THE FUCK DID THEY MOVE THE CORN????!!!" I shouted. I was so angry at all of this bullshit that I ripped the printer out of the wall and started beating the hell out of it with the sword.

"WHY THE FUCK WEREN'T THE POLICE CALLED FIVE MINUTES AGO?!" a bitchy pig from Dispatch asked.

"Michael the Great Arc Angel is beating the hell out of the printer!" Ned answered the bitchy pig.

"WHY THE FUCK IS HE DOING THAT?!" she asked.

"I DON'T KNOW! LET ME ASK!" Ned shouted. "MICHAEL THE GREAT ARC ANGEL, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BEATING THE PRINTER?!"

"I'M FIXING IT!!!" I shouted. "Goddamn mudder fudder..." I spoke in tongues at the printer as the reel ended up on the other side of the office. The black ink covered the dark green carpet which had ugly pink spots. The ink improved the carpet.

Miraculously, I fixed the printer and had it in working condition. Now that's what I call Imformation Technology! Orders were backed up, so the papers sprouted wings and flew to their respective desks. Everyone in the office was swearing as they tried to file paperwork. The pigs and bears were using the extra copies of the documents to wipe their asses.

Gabriel the Great Arc Angel burned his extra copies to relieve stress and anxiety. He also hired Peter Griffin for midday beer runs.

A call came in.

"Hello!" I shouted.

"Excuse me, sir. Are you sexually frustrated?" the caller asked.

I sighed and transferred that call to the pigs.

I was filing paperwork and checking E-mails before another call came in. "HELLO!!!" I shouted.

"Hello. Guiseppe would like to speak to you regarding business with the Mafia, Atlanta Chapter!" a guido sang to me.

"GODDAMMIT I TOLD YOU TO NEVER CALL ME ON THIS LINE!!!!" I shouted as I stood up and shot death lasers through my eyes at the wall in my cubicle that permanent permanent burn marks. The roof became temporarily detached from the building.

Ned came in and threw a cup of coffee at me before he galloped out of the office for a break.

I caught the coffee and drank it as I stared at that burn mark. The Guido transferred me to over to the Atlanta Mafia. The leader was a bear who was growling at me.

I growled in fluent bear and explained that there was a restraining order in place, and that those Italian bears were not to contact me. I faxed the documents proving that my loans were forgiven by Ahayah.

"SORRY! I WON'T BOTHER YOU AGAIN! THANK YOU!" the leader bear shouted as he hung up.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH BASTARD!!!" Melissa the Great Arc Angel screamed. "Send the fax to the Gwinnett County Medical Center you son of a bitch! PEOPLE'S LIVES ARE AT STAKE!!!" She was beating the desk near the fax machine.

I sighed, took a deep breath, and did what any responsible Great Arc Angel would do: rip the fax machine out of the wall and bang it against the top of my head several times over.

A black pig who looked like Mr. T just stared at me and asked, "What the fuck are you doing now?!"

"FIXING THE FAX MACHINE!" I shouted before the phone rang in my office.

Everyone else was too busy cussing at whatever to answer my phone. One exceptionally large male pig even screamed, "YES I AM SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT???!!!" So I walked over to my phone while I was still beating the fax machine against my head. Melissa the Great Arc Angel was singing "Part of that World" in Ariel from The Little Mermaid to someone on her phone line.

I answered the phone and started screaming and continued to beat the fax machine against the top of my head.

There was a pause at the other end of the line before a goat bleated.

I bleated, "I'm sorry we haven't faxed over the instructions to the EMTs at the Gwinnett County Medical Center. Our fax machine needs fixed."

He bleated, "That's some bullshit. A man is liberally being suffocated by COVID-19!"

I bleated, "Couldn't I just text the instructions over?" I was all the while beating the fax machine on my head.

He bleated, "I wish. Group texts never work. OH SHIT THE SONG IS PLAYING!"

I beat the fax machine to the rhythm of the "Ooh shit You Got Coronavirus!" song. I even added a dance as I finished beating the fax machine against my head. The damn thing was fixed, so I plugged it back into the wall near Melissa the Great Arc Angel. She was now singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls" in Ursula's voice. I think she was talking about everyone on Earth.

I bleated, "I'll be right over!" I then hung up the phone and flew the fuck out of the office at the speed of Superman. I used to be Superman until an orange female cat named Kissy meowed a great meow and called upon the Heavens in Swamp Business. Ahayah appointed me to answer the call of Kissy Anne Campinelli and gave me the title Great Arc Angel.

As I flew out of the office, a pterodactyl flew in and started screaming her head off. A goat spilled coffee and bleated swear words. That was a typical day at the office. My wings beat against the wind and rain outside. I sighed and flew over cars that were hydroplaning.

One of the cars was playing DarthSydePhineas nerd rap, and as much as I hate rap most of the time, this mother fucker is talented. I can see why Xara and Count Colonel Mac listen to this guy. I wanted to get on the ground and dance, but I had a life to save at the Gwinnett County Medical Center.

Some dumbass in a piece of shit sedan ran a red light in the middle of this storm. He was playing "Yeah!" by DarthSydePhil as he was speeding on the stream road: https://youtu.be/aZ7iZrpB2Lc

"No. Fuck this guy," I said as I sounded like DarthSydePhineas and swooped from the sky and lifted this guy off the road.

He screamed like the little bitch ass bitch he was.

I screamed back. "That's what I think of you. You damn near ran into that 2000 Toyota Tacoma who was rightfully trying to turn left. You're a bitch," I said.

"Am I going to hell?" the bitchass young kid driver asked.

"Not necessarily. It isn't my choice," I said as I flew his ass to the Gwinnett County Medical Center.

"I Spawn, I Die!" by DarthSydePhineas started playing from his radio. I agreed with the lyrics of the song: https://youtu.be/gVq03wz6DeA

"Where are you taking me?" the bitch ass bitch asked.

"To Gwinnett Medical Center. I have lives to save there. I am required to sing "Earth Angel" by Harry Waters, Jr. and Marvin Berry," I said.

"Who the fuck are they?" he asked. DarthSydePhineas was now talking bullshit about Fall Guys, a new video game in which everyone looks like a minion from Despicable Me.

"Musicians," I said before I threw that piece of shit sedan into the heavens. DarthSydePhineas's voice was fading away as his car flew the fuck into the sky. The last thing I heard DarthSydePhineas say "Oh shit. I got screwed!!!"

I descended into the Emergency Room and sang in my full baritone voice "Earth Angel" to an elderly couple that was close to death. It was then noon.

"Earth angel, Earth angel, will you be mine?

My darling dear, love you all the time.

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

Earth angel, Earth angel, the one I adore

Love you for ever, and ever more.

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

I fell for you, and I knew

The vision of your love's loveliness.

I hope and I pray, that some day

I'll be the vision of your hap, happiness.

Earth angel, Earth angel, please be mine.

My darling dear, love you all the time.

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you.

I fell for you, and I knew

The vision of your love's loveliness.

I hope and I pray, that some day

I'll be the vision, the vision of your happiness.

Oh, oh, oh, Earth angel, Earth angel, please be mine.

My darling dear, love you for all time.

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you."

The elderly couple ascended to heaven. Everyone was emotionally moved by this Code 1 situation, in which sirens and lights were sounding on cop cars around us.

The goat bleated and cried. "Thank you, Michael the Great Arc Angel," he said. "We are distraught. Can you sing songs to calm our nerves so that we can deal with living with this miserable world?"

A goat doctor announced, "They died from Covid-19. We get $8,000 from the federal government, but this situation is still sad."

I sang "Amazing Grace," "We Shall Overcome," "Like A Shepherd Who Feeds His Flock," "One Bread One Body," and "Ave Maria."

After my last note in "Ave Maria," a disgruntled pig called me.

"What code?" I sang in my booming baritone voice.

"CODE 1! A grass monster is attacking Dunkin Donuts in Snellville!" the pig screamed before he snorted and hung up.

I flew out of the Gwinnett County Medical Center and to Dunkin Donuts. A church choir was singing in the sidewalk. I sang a few notes before I damn near ran into Aladdin and Jasmine on the magical flying carpet. I sang a few notes before saying, "This fly zone is for government officials only!"

The grass monster was eating the donuts as he terrorized the customers of Dunkin Donuts.

I flew down in splendor as I flapped my large white wings for effect. My eyes were blue with rage. I stared at the grass monster. "Did you pay for those donuts?" I asked.

"YES! They fucked my order up. They forgot to add the corn to my cornbread donuts. Sons of bitches!!" the grass monster yelled as he ate the top of the restaurant.

"THOSE BASTARDS!" I shouted. "Did you kill anyone?"

"Not yet. Most of those assholes ran out of the building. Fuck them," the grass monster said as he ate the building.

"Good. Fuck them indeed. Anyway, I am heading to a better restaurant for lunch, care to join?" I asked.

"Hell yes. Where?" the grass monster asked.

"La Bamba," I answered.

"Ooooh. I love Mexican!" the grass Monster shouted.

"Let us go!" I shouted as I picked him up and flew out of there. What was left of the Dunkin Donuts building somehow became on fire. It was time for my lunch break. I didn't give a fuck. That Dunkin Donuts was horrible anyway.

We flew up so high in the sky that no one saw us. The grass monster was shouting with joy as we flew in the sky. Our descent was a bit rough. Aladdin and Jasmine were flying in the correct zone on their magic carpet.

"Excuse me! We're trying to get to La Bamba!" I shouted.

"Oh God! We always eat there! I'm trying to find a decent Middle Eastern Cuisine!" Jasmine shouted.

"Dilja Cafe Lounge in Decatur, GA," the grass monster said as we continued our descent into Loganville, GA.

"Thank you! Some asshole grass monster devoured the one we used to go to!" Aladdin called.

"The building tasted better than the food!" the grass monster called back.

We descended in the Loganville Crossing parking lot near La Bamba a few minutes later. I put the grass monster down before I brushed myself off.

He went in the restaurant. After flapping my wings to ensure no grass blades were on me, I walked in the restaurant.

Richy Valens was brought back to life. He was singing "La Bamba" in La Bamba! I hope to Goodness no one was going to say "La Bamba in La Bamba!" PeeWee Herman would be all over that.

Richy Valens's face was deep-faked on Melissa's body. Deep faking is a technology in which someone else's face can be programmed on your body. It's basic, really. I deep-faked Illidan's face on Grom Hellscream's face so many times when I played World of Warcraft, a popular multiplayer massive online roleplaying game.

I ordered the five tacos for five dollar special. The grass monster ordered the loaded nachos. He ate like crazy.

Richy Valens then returned to Heaven after he sang the song using Melissa the Great Arc Angel's body. Her face had returned.

"I'm starving!" she shouted as she stole one of my tacos.

"I PAID A DOLLAR FOR THAT!!!!" I shouted. The roof accidentally flew up from the restaurant. It then returned to its normal state.

"Sorry," she said as she finished her taco and ordered 50 tacos for $50. She WAS hungry.

"You will pay me back by not MENTIONING a back story on this restaurant," I said.

"I wasn't-" Melissa the Great Arc Angel started to say.

[kenkamishiro]

Ishida’s Q&A comments from YJ compilation, Part 3

More recommendations from Ishida, plus an unexpected comment about/from Togashi!

For anyone who doesn’t know about the relevant Questions to Ishida contest, please read here. You can start from Part 1 here.

The recent set of zakki:re and interview translations take a lot of time and effort, so if you enjoyed it please leave a like or reblog. Thank you!

2012 (cont.)

(Editor’s note: The Table of Contents (ToC) comments from 2011-12 consist of the answer to the question plus a brief statement of what’s happening in their lives.

No. 32

Tanabata is coming soon, but do you have an event that you enjoy that comes around once a year?

My birthday, which is on December 28. It's not celebrated much since it's during winter vacation.

It's celebrated now ever since Tokyo Ghoul was serialized. Thank you.

No. 33

Do you recall a moment when you were proud of yourself?

In junior high when I high-jumped 155 cm, I felt like I did my best compared to those who weren't in any clubs.

That's pretty high.

No. 34

It’s the London Olympics. Please share with us the event or athlete you're most looking forward to!!

[On break.]

I like artistic gymnastics. Also I wasn't taking a break.

No. 35

Please share with us an anecdote related to pets!!

I had a hamster. Its name was Fattie. I'm late, but thank you for your hard work, Saruwatari-sensei.

I was a fattie too at the time.

[T/N: Referring to the mangaka Saruwatari Tetsuya who finished his longest running series "Tough" roughly around this time.]

No. 36

Summer is buzzing around with bugs!! Please share with us an anecdote related to bugs that happened during summer break.

I lived together with a giant spider for a while. I'm going to buy a whole bunch of comedy DVDs.

I had bugs often show up in my room during my time in Tokyo.

No. 37-38

Give us a recommendation for a summer song!!

TK from Ling Tosite Sigure's album was really cool. Tokyo Jungle is simple but at the same time interesting.

It's TK-”san" damn it!! Death to you!

[T/N: Referring to TK’s first album “flowering” based on the date. Tokyo Jungle is a PS3 game.]

No. 39

Please tell us a weakness of yours that you secretly but really want to fix!!

I want to live a normal life, but it's more difficult than I expected. I was moved by Ishikawa-san fighting back with all her strength in table tennis.

"Being late.” I want to spend the rest of my life fixing that.

[T/N: Probably referring to one of Ishikawa Kasumi’s semi-final/bronze medal matches during the 2012 Olympics.]

No. 40

If you have a website you want to recommend please tell us!!

These days I've only had time to look at Yahoo! News. I bought a Wii so I can play Smash Bros.

Not any different from today.

No. 41

What's an impressive full-time/part-time job you've experienced outside of being a mangaka? Also, what kind of job did you want to do a long time ago?

I flipped the patties at Mos Burger. I would like to teach manga at school.

I don't want to teach manga at school. I'd rather flip the patties.

No. 42

Please tell us any numbers you're unintentionally conscious of!!

The number 4. The number of times that I'd look at a clock and it'd say 4:44 was so high that I decided it’d be my lucky number.

It does happen every so often.

No. 43

Are there any instruments you're good at, or would like to play?

I play the piano occasionally. I had a meeting at Ringer Hut for 8 hours.

Glad the meeting went well.

No. 44

Please list one person who you think is a genius!

Togashi Yoshihiro-sensei, Miura Kentarou-sensei, Umino Chica-sensei, Miyazaki Hayao-san and George Lucas.

Truth.

[T/N: The creators of Hunter x Hunter/Yu Yu Hakusho, Berserk, Honey and Clover/March Comes In Like A Lion, Studio Ghibli, and Star Wars respectively. Truth indeed.]

No. 45

Art Autumn has arrived!! Any artists or art you recommend?

Cirque du Soleil has truly stolen my heart. Volume 4 is currently on sale. I'm beyond happy to see Togashi-sensei's comment on the obi...

I still say that. I was really happy about the comment on the obi. It was on the Tsukiyama cover.

[T/N: Togashi’s comment said,  「混色たちの鮮やかで醜いお話がここに在ります。」 “Here lies an unsightly story with the vividness of a motley of colours.” ]

No. 46

It's Appetite Autumn! What's your favourite fast food!?

Lawson's 2-colour jelly is delicious. I'm addicted to Hirayama Yumeaki.

It's Hirayama Yumeaki-"san", goddammit!! Perish.

[T/N: Hirayama is a writer and director known for his horror stories like “The Diner”.]

No. 47

It's Reader Autumn! Please share with us any memorable novels, children's books, or picture books you read in your childhood!

I read Count Dracula at my elementary school library, I was scared and dreamed of it a lot. Now I love that kind of stuff.

Now I'm not really into that stuff anymore.

No. 48

"I can't die until I get to meet this person!!" Please tell us who this person to you is.

Matsuko Deluxe-san. I bought Resident Evil 6. I'm looking forward to playing it.

I want to meet him...but do I really? Though I do like him.

No. 49

What holiday resort do you want to go to even if you have to take a bullet train to get there?

I want to show my face at my parents’ house. I met the editor-in-chief and the designer Shimada. I had a very good time.

Now it’s because no one’s there.

No. 50

What's your favourite alcoholic drink? For those who don't drink, please share with us your favourite beverage.

Yuzu Hachimitsu. I went to karaoke with the staff members. My assistant's rendition of "Magical DoReMi" sounded like it was sung by a mosquito.

Darjeeling Cooler, these days. I remember, it was Ide-san.

No. 51

Please share with us the person/character who you thought was shockingly handsome!

Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke. He's a natural womanizer.

I wonder if he's a shy boy when he's riding together [with San].

No. 52

Checking here to see if you follow the world news!!

I skim Yahoo! News. I bought Animal Crossing. The name of my village is Ishi Village.

Nothing's changed here too!

No. 53

What is a food that is a must for warming you up during the cold season?

I've never eaten convenience store oden so I'd like to buy some to try. I liked the mochi kinchaku at home.

I got to eat the convenience store oden. It was delicious.

previous || next

#Tokyo Ghoul #zakki:re #Ishida Sui #Ishida Q&A #Translations #my translations #hot damn that togashi comment on the obi #thank god for this compilation or else it would've been forgotten

[angsty-teen-with-an-angsty-peen]

“Da Kurse of Da Cylo”

(Based on an impromptu story I told to a bunch of rape victims from Albany)

By Angsty Teen (profesional writter)

Prologue: A Stupid Fucking Child Gets Fucking Bored

One day, I got sick after eating chocolate off the floor while my friends were trying to pour holy water on my face. I am now at home, with no one else in sight. My father has left for work and my siblings went to learn more about nursing and how it is not fucking worth it to work here. I am alone with my thoughts and no one can hear them. After a barrage of anti-sematic thoughts, I got immediately bored. “What should I do while my insides turn inside out?” I thought to myself. After a few seconds, however, I had a realization. No one was here to see me do ANYTHING. I could do all that I want. I could look at girls, stare at girls, or wait for the girls to look away so I can gaze at their bottoms. I decided to watch Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

 Chapter 1: He Comes (haha ew it’s a semen jok)

I was readying my arsenal to view the entertainment called “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” using a DVD that I stole from a quadriplegic kid with Down Syndrome who only got it because of the stupid Make-A-Wish Foundation. On my left hand, a bucket to store Koko Crunch as I realized that I do not have popcorn, the staple food for movie watching, and had to degrade to eating pathetic cereals (Oh, woe was me.). On my right, a copy of the script of a movie as the DVD did not have subtitles for a curious reason (note that it’s for A movie as it is actually just the script of “Who Killed Captain Alex?”). I threw the disc in the DVD player. I got worried that I accidentally broke the disc whilst throwing it but I was relieved at the fact that it did not break and I gently pushed it into the DVD player and began watching the movie that was have labelled as “Star Wars: The…SPOOKY Jedi”?!?!? As the movie began playing, it showed a poorly edited picture of the movie poster of the movie that replaced “Last” with “Spooky” and even though it concerned me, I moved on with the watching of the movie. Everything seemed fine but the further the movie kept on playing, the more suspicious I had about the validity of this DVD copy. First of all, various scenes were glitching and the audio was either warped, low quality, or from a porno starring Ron Jeremy. That’s when it happened. During the scene when Kylo Ren was shirtless, he just stared at me with his swollen body and said, “You are going to die.” I was terrified not only by the god-tier quality of his succulent man breasts, but also how it looked like the threat was said directly to me. After that, the television turned off in an instant, and my heartbeat stopped at the moment it did. Immediately, my Lightsaber vibrator kept turning on and off. “No, not now.” I thought to myself to ensure the seriousness of this situation that is taking place and instead just kept it in my pocket to immediately use it after the situation has concluded. Also, my phone started to ring and ring with an unfamiliar ring tone. As I picked up my phone and accepted the call, I asked,

“Hello, who might this be?”

“This is me, Kylo Ren” said Kylo Ren, “and I’m going to kill you.”

Before I was able to gasp and exclaim “Egads!” someone was knocking at my door. I rushed to the door to attend to the person at need as it would be rude not to respond. At the front of my door was what appeared to be a harmless mailman. After further inspection of his well-sculpted body, I began to ask questions.

“Excuse me, Mr. Mailman. Why must you be here without any mail in your satchel? Even if you are done with your job, why must you reside to this location as you were not personally invited by any of the hosts of this establishment?”

The mailman growled and responded, “You do not get it, do you? IT IS I, KYLO REN, THE PERSON WHO WILL NOW DECIDE YOUR FATE AND MY DECISION IS…” as his face melts to form his lightsaber “YOUR LIFE WILL END TODAY.”

 Chapter 2: OH SHIT FUCK WHAT THE FUCK DON’T HURT ME JESUS CHRIST

I walked towards my house at a brisk pace to try to escape from the reach of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. Fortunately, as his eyes and mouth have melted into his lightsaber, I am confident I can hide somewhere and he will never find out. Unfortunately, I have chosen poorly in wearing my Japanese wooden slippers whilst walking on a ceramic tile and Kylo Ren could hear me with his ears. I decided to walk faster to the 2nd floor of the building. To my dismay, I was too focused on my fashionable pair of geta sandals that I have cornered myself in my own bedroom. Kylo Ren was able to catch up to me as he ran and my house is actually not that big. Kylo exclaims in confidence,

“There is nowhere to run, boy. I have you now!”

“W-w-wait, Mr. Kylo, how are you able to talk w-w-with your face melting and such?”

Kylo slowly raises his lightsaber to reveal his eyes and mouth are still in their solid state.

“Wow, that’s pretty cool.” I said, mildly impressed. “You should put that in the new Star Wars”

“I’m not George Lucas.”

“Okay, tell Mr. Star Wars to add that in.”

“I can’t, I killed him.”

“WAIT WHAT?! ARE YOU SURE, LET ME CALL HIM” I quickly grabbed my phone and called George Lucas.

“Hello, Mr. Lucas. Oh, you’re the mother ~hello… well, that was George Lucas’ mother and she’s crying her eyes out.”

As I said those words, Kylo Ren was already “all up in my shit” and was ready to attack but I was able to dodge it after all those training from all those anime fight compilation videos. I immediately leaped out of Kylo’s range and hit the window, bursting through. Moments later, I just realized that I am now out of my house, flailing amongst the glass shards. I landed on the front yard, the shards somehow only have touched my legs. As I was limping away from my house, I heard another window break. It was Kylo Ren, following me. His pose made it look like as if he was flying gracefully yet with a fierce spirit. His eyes, which are on his lightsaber, were piercing my soul like daggers and his ~ and he smashed headfirst into the ground… and only broke his legs. What was supposed to an intense chase like what would you see in multiple horror movies was just 2 injured wackos limping across the street. After 10 seconds of chasing each other with broken legs, we decided to go to the hospital to treat our legs. Fortunately, as Kylo Ren was a famous star, he was able to pay our medical bill. After our recovery, we immediately went out of the hospital to continue the chase. As the gentleman that he is, he allowed me to have a 10-minute head start. Thus, I ran… I ran so far away and ended up AT MY FUCKING HOUSE AGAIN GODDAMMIT.

 Final Chapter: What the genuine fuck is going on?

Here I am, facing my wretched house once more. I can see Kylo Ren’s beautiful head just over the horizon. He’s approaching and I have no idea what to do. But it was too late, Kylo Ren was holding down the Shift button and was able to reach me in mere seconds.

“We shall finally end this~ what happened to your house?” said Kylo Ren, utterly confused.

“Goddammit, I forgot to lock the door before we left for the hospital and someone took all of my stuff.”

“Oh, don’t worry. Let’s just call the authorities. They can help you recover your lost items and apprehend the culprit.”

“Oh yeah, good idea.”

I grabbed my phone and eagerly pressed the numbers 9 and 1 twice. It only felt like mere seconds that we were at the police station and they have already found possible suspects. They asked us to see the suspects and determine who did it (Which was obviously pointless as we weren’t there during the incident). At the interrogation room, we were told that they found 3 suspects: Han Solo’s shambling corpse, Chewbacca, and a porg~ hold on, where is the porg? We were confused as to who did it, but we were able to immediately make a unanimous decision. We all stared at Chewbacca. As it turns out, however, Chewbacca was a sleeper agent that the police didn’t recognized and was assigned to assassinate the porg, who WAS the thief. We all were happy that the stupid fucking porg is now dead. For Chewbacca’s outstanding performance, they prepared a ceremony just for him the next day and awarded him a medal of some sorts. During Chewbacca’s speech that wasn’t spoken with his language as we all know that he was just muttering the whole time, Kylo Ren and I decided to have a talk.

“Well, here we are.” Said Kylo Ren.

“Yeah, what an adventure, huh?”

“Mhm… which made me think: Do I really have to kill you”

Kylo Ren stared at me with eyes, which are still on the lightsaber, and tried to lean in for a kiss. A kiss that would last for ages. A kiss that would be remembered as the kiss of the century. A kiss that would be told to our adopted children. I leaned even closer to his mouth, which was on the light~ you get the point, and began to prepare my lips. Not for the kiss, however. For a whisper.

“No… but I do.” I whispered in his ear as I stabbed him with my lightsaber dildo. Just like that, Kylo Ren was no more. His melted face was somehow even more lifeless than before. “I have won.” I said to myself. “I have killed that disgusting, filthy, abomination of a character” I have never felt so happy in my life. That surge of happiness was short-lived, however, as I realized that I murdered Kylo during the ceremony, in front of everyone.

 Epilogue

…and that’s how I got arrested. I was sentenced to 50 years in prison. Despite that, they let me go after a week as they forgot what I even did. To be honest, I don’t remember, either. I would look at the text again but I couldn’t bother. I got sick from eating chocolate off the floor while my friends were trying to pour holy water on my face. I decided to go home and maybe watch a movie.

#I hated making this #star wars #kylo ren #creepypasta

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 5

THE 05/10/16 UPDATE

HEY!!!!!!! People. I’m back for another installment of youR FAVORITE LIVEBLOG. Happy graduation day to all the damn graduates out there. I know theres a bunch of you because I just listened to some teacher read out like thousands. Graduations ceremonies suck. ANyhoO! I’m ready to get back to Act OMEGA. Last we left off, LE was super alive and Vriska seems like shes about to do something badass.  Lets just get into it.

AAA DAMMIT WHY

Oh.

Alright, so no badass Vriska. OH WELL! We can see what gamzee is gettin up to. He’s all up in his lil fridge. i think hes crying? Man, I wanna feel bad, but the fact that the killer clown is crying just makes me chuckle a bit. I WONDERS IF/HOW HE’LL BE GETTING OUT! OR um.. Does he HAVE to get out? Like, is he gonna raise Caliborn and Calliope in the future? Hm. If anybody knows Gamzee’s timeline, feel free to explain it to me.

> Be the other guy.

Pff. I guess he’s in space or something. I mean, he probably got caught up in one of those explosions. I dunno.

You are now THE OTHER GUY--the less badass and slightly more cold.

Is he cold because its a FRIDGE? Probably not considering theres no way it could be powered. ALSO HOW IS VRISKA COLD? Isnt she on like some fuckin desert planet? Or is it talking about her HEART~<3

> Gamzee: Find out where the hell you are.

Lets find out where the hell he is

oh.

You can't find out where you are because you're still locked in this motherfucking meat vault! It's cold, dark, and... hopeless.

Well maybe dont worry gamzee, you might maybe be destined to get out and raise to skull babies. HM. Or maybe he’s destined to never show up again. I dont know? THIS FUCKIN TIMELINE CONFUSES ME

Oh hey look a crowbar. is that crowbars crowbar? probably. maybe all the crowbars are crowbars crowbar. how many crowbars were there other than crowbars crowbar which was seen with crowbar? Any? is my crowbar memory failing me?

As much as you hate this thermal hull you're all stuck up in, at least it kept whatever the motherfuck was going on earlier out. It almost feels like a... nevermind.

A.... what? DAmmit is this something I should understand? Im sorry if it is, gamzee confuses me so much.

You send Troll George Lucas your gratitude. It makes you feel only slightly less lonely.

OK goddammit its probably a George Lucas reference then. I don’t know, maybe Indiana Jones? Sure. 

Yes that is very much a crowbar.

GASSPP! WHO is this MYSTERIOUS FIGURE? and what do they want with this crowbar... Also, theres a lil arrow coming out of their ring finger, whats that about. I dont think its part of their body, more like a liquidy substance flinging off of their hand?

the old hand... HASS THE CROWBAR.

And thats all for this update. Not a lot happened, once again. But I figure this is just some moments establishing moments. OH WAIT THE LINK

> ???: Check out that sweet-ass frog.

Hm.  IM guessing ??? is this person, but it could be referring to some other guy. or girl? i dunno. Either way, they’re probably gonna check out the GENESIS FROG.  

Anyways, since I suck at ending these things, I guess I’ll seeya later.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #ACT OMEGA #ACT OMEGA Liveblog #hs act omega #hs act omega liveblog

[itsiotrecords-blog]

http://ift.tt/2u00Wfv

—‘’“”–S*x is one of the healthiest and most enjoyable things on the planet. The typical male ego often leaves them thinking that they have the s*xual prowess of a Greek god without a doubt. How many times has a male banged away and thought it was the best that she has ever had? However, those common masculine ideas may not be what’s running through the mind of the woman next to you. Sometimes, the woman’s mind runs wild while a man is humping away. But none of their thoughts relate to s*x. It has been reported that women tend to fantasize during s*x more than men do. There are positives to those fantasies as women can disconnect from stressors that interfere with arousal. They might even become more interested in the s*x that they’re having. Fortunately, men can come up with solutions to help a woman disconnect like giving a massage, providing stimulation with his hand or using a vibrator on a low setting. The things lingering in the female head ranges from erotic to weird. Most women wouldn’t openly admit their thoughts, but praise the Internet because those same women took to Reddit to confess a wide range of thoughts they’ve had during s*x. Women aren’t simple at all. Whether you want to know what your woman could’ve been thinking about or just want to read the confessions in its entirely, then you’ve come to the right place. Here are 15 confessions of what women are really thinking when “doing it.”

#1 Cats Cats are frequently dubbed as women’s best friend, but for a good reason. The small domesticated feline mammals have soft fur, short noses, and retractile claws. They’re soft and cuddly. Plus, they want nothing more than to love you. But sometimes, all the cat wants is our undivided attention. In a Reddit thread, a female user confessed that she thinks about her partner during s*x, but then diverted to the animal-based thought of cats. Yes, cats. She wrote in all caps “GODDAMMIT CATS, STOP SCRATCHING AT THE DOOR AND YOWLING.” Here are a few simple solutions for the user: Put a scratching post outside your door and rub it with catnip so your cat can scratch there instead. Also, you can leave a cozy bed outside your door that smells exactly like you. Distracting your cat is the right thing to do. Cats won’t bother your lovemaking time unless you let them affect you and your partner.

#2 Apples Apples are round fruits of a tree in the rose family. They usually have a thin red or green skin with crisp flesh on the inside. Most of them offer a tasty balance of both sweet and tart flavors for the average palate. Apples are a staple in everyday cooking from apple pies to apple ciders. They’re also a skin nourisher as many beauty supply stores such as Bath & Body Works supply apple-scented lotions. A female Reddit user confessed to thinking about apples during the deed. She wrote, “One time I was enjoying the moment and BOOM I thought about apples. No idea why, I just couldn’t get them out of my head. Then there’s the internal dialogue of “stop thinking about apples and just enjoy it” and “why the fuck are you still thinking about apples” but I really couldn’t concentrate anymore. Not every time, but now, on occasion, I get the thoughts of “remember that one time you thought about apples?” Apparently, apples are a major distraction to the user.

#3 The 1957 Milwaukee Braves Starting Lineup You most likely never witnessed one of the 1957 Milwaukee Braves starting lineups because it was a real blast from the past. For all you baseball fans out there, the Atlanta Braves have had a long history dating back to 1871 when it was founded in Boston, Massachusetts as the Boston Red Stockings. The team operated as the Boston Braves for about half of the 20th century. In 1953, the team moved to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and became the Milwaukee Braves. The team then moved to Atlanta, Georgia in 1966 and has been known as the Atlanta Braves ever since. A female Reddit user confessed that she thought about the 1957 Milwaukee Braves roster during s*x. The team won its first pennant in nine years in 1957 behind Hank Aaron’s MVP season as he led the National League in home runs and runs batted in. The user apparently came in first; if you know what I mean.

#4 Star Wars You may not be interested in it, but Star Wars is an epic space opera franchise that’s focused on a film series that was created by filmmaker and entrepreneur George Lucas. The franchise began in 1977 after the release of the original film Star Wars. It was followed by the sequels The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, and Star Wars: The Force Awakens along with its spin-offs Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Rogue One. A female Reddit user confessed that she thinks about Star Wars during s*x. She also admitted that she mentally listed all the characters in Star Wars and the actors who played them.  By the way, she didn’t receive any comments on her post. What a way to describe your desires. I’ll put it that way.

#5 Sandwiches A sandwich tends to be loaded with carbohydrates, but it’s a common lunch food nonetheless. A sandwich consists of two or more slices of bread with one or more fillings between them. A variation of the sandwich—an open-faced sandwich—consists of a single slice of bread with one or more fillings on top. Fun fact: The sandwich was named after British statesman John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. A female Reddit user made a detailed confession. She wrote, “if i have already c*m & am working on getting him off my attention is mostly on him…mostly. in the back of my mind, i am thinking of what kind of sandwich i want to make when im done. i always need a good sandwich after s*x or a pot roast :p” It seems like the user likes to plan meals ahead of time to stick to her diet and lose weight, or she just really likes food.

#6 Kissing Kissing is the simplest act of romance, yet it can also be equally erotic and sensual. A kiss is the touch or pressing of one’s lips against another person or an object. In this case, kissing is between two people, and it can include a slight touch or contact. There will be times when negative thoughts or doubts will creep into the female mind when she’s kissing her partner. A female Reddit user supposedly didn’t stop all the negative thoughts before they affected her. She confessed in a mini rant, saying, “Why the f*ck doesn’t he compliment me? He’s just focused in kissing my neck. Does that mean that my neck is sexy or that the rest of my body is horrible? And what does he think about my legs? Are they more attractive than his previous lover?” Although one should never be completely silent during s*x, there’s no need to ask a lot of questions. It’s as bad as a dentist asking you questions while their fingers are in your mouth.

#7 Asthma Inhalers Asthma inhalers can save one’s life. They’re the most important medication for the majority of people suffering with asthma. These inhalers prevent asthma attacks and reduce swelling and mucus production in one’s airways. As a result, one’s airways become less sensitive and less likely to react to asthma-related triggers and cause asthma symptoms. There are four types of inhalers—Short-acting brochodilators, long-acting brochodilators, anticholinergic bronchodilators, and bronchdilator theophylline. Everyone needs to know their own asthma needs. A female Reddit user confessed that she forgot to use her inhaler before s*x. She wrote, “I should probably grab my inhaler. wheeeeeeezeeee.” S*x should be enjoyable, but it can trigger asthma attacks or allergic reactions among susceptible victims. Inhalers aren’t sexy, but taking one or two puffs shortly before the encounter could prevent the dreaded asthma symptoms. It has been reported that more than two-thirds of people with asthma have said that their disease got in the way of their s*x lives. Don’t let that happen to you…ever!

#8 Paying The Bills Paying bills is a chore for most people. Aside from the wealthiest one percent, we’d all love to have the chance to spend some cash on ourselves as well as our loved ones. Bills can affect a person’s mental health and cause mood disorders such as anxiety and depression. On top of that, extra payments like credit card debt, college loans, and medical bills can intensify the existing situation. If you have borrowed money to pay those bills, you might’ve fallen into debt and were succumbed to all sorts of problems that have nothing to do with finances. A female Reddit confessed to having a passing thought to remember the pay the bills. She bluntly wrote, “If I paid the bills.” in response to a thread asking women what they think about during s*x. The need to pay bills is an important task on one’s to-do list. That being said, it should never be ignored. But, stress can affect your s*x life, and it’s always best to communicate about it.

#9 Their Partner’s Body Doing the deed can be extremely awkward. But once you’re comfortable with your partner’s body, everything will be alright. Each person’s body goes through a range of changes during s*x. Scientists have categorized the body’s process into four stages—arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Each stage includes its own set of changes; some of which can be significant. A female Reddit user confessed that she thought of her partner’s body while doing it. She wrote, “I observe my partner and try to figure out what his body language is telling me, because for a chick, it’s pretty simple—that one angle, position and speed and you’re off in 5-8 minutes. If it’s anything else, I can go for up to an hour or more.” The user is doing the right thing as she’s paying attention to her partner’s body in order to have the best possible s*x, plus the adrenaline will cause her heart rate to rise.

#10 If Their Partner Is Enjoying It Okay, this is another example that may hint at low self-esteem, but it’s worth the mention because s*x is like oxygen, and you don’t know what you got until it’s gone. You really don’t. A female Reddit user confessed that she never really thinks about anything during s*x, just enjoys the moment, and hope her partner does too. She wrote, “I’m never usually thinking, just enjoying. Maybe sometimes he wants to switch up positions or he can let me know if something hurt.” This isn’t a bad thing because the user is being thoughtful and considerate towards her partner. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her. We all know that doing the deed feels amazing, so why overthink while doing the x-rated deed? Getting to a level where you’re s*xually comfortable with your partner is quite the feat. It’s all part of the fun. From there, it will only get better between the duo.

#11 How Good Every Thrust Feels To thrust is to go in and out of a woman’s V really fast. It’s a way to increase pleasure and last longer in bed. It’s all about the speed, depth, and rhythm. With each thrust, a woman’s s*xual pleasure increases as thousands of nerves are stimulated. Many women prefer the harder type of thrusting because it helps them become more relaxed and aroused. A female Reddit user confessed that she loves her partner’s thrusts. She wrote, “How much I love him and how good every thrust feels! Sometimes I do worry if I am doing a good job or if I look good while we’re at it.” Alright, the user’s statement wasn’t completely positive, but dealing with low self-esteem is another thing. The main thing is that she loves her partner’s body and his thrusts in and out of her. That being said, the couple seems to have incredibly strong emotional and s*xual connections with each other.

#12 Making Sure Their Partner’s Needs Are Met Emotional hunger can occur when one or both partners aren’t getting their core emotional needs met. What can make this situation knotty is that you don’t know what those needs are without communicating, unless if you’re psychic and have the ability to read minds. A female Reddit user confessed to wondering if her husband’s needs are met. She wrote, “My priority is making sure my husband’s needs are met. That way, I don’t feel guilty about what I’m doing to his body at the moment.” The user’s husband may have met her needs, but she doesn’t know if she fulfilled his needs. Since she’s in bed with her husband, she may not be able to communicate clearly, depending on the fact if he minds or doesn’t mind talking during s*x. That’s why she’s thinking about his needs until she has some time to talk things out with him after making observations.

#13 The Person They’re Doing It With Focus is a very important thing. If you’re spending all your time thinking about other things and never just focusing on the person you’re having s*x with, then that’s the issue. To focus is to concentrate, and without focus, there’s no real satisfaction in the process. Of course, there are going to be times where one or both partners’ train of thoughts will divert, but they’ll be fine as long as they both want to have a good time. A female Reddit user confessed that she only thinks about the person she’s having s*x with and nobody else. She wrote, “I only ever think about the person I am having s*x with. How they look, feel, sweat, smell, c*m, taste, kiss, sound etc…” The user clearly stays in the moment, which is a good thing. After all, s*x is like a conversation that consists of bodies instead of words. It’s important for both partners to think about what they can do to make themselves even closer to each other.

#14 Angles No, not the angles that teachers and students use in mathematics. The angle is arguably very important during s*x because it’s an open secret to more intense, enjoyable s*x. Some women think about angles while in bed, especially if they’re insecure. A female Reddit user said that her thoughts differed depending on who’s in charge in the bedroom. She wrote, “Depends who is in charge. If he is, I’m thinking about his rhythm and how he feels inside me, thinking of I can get a better angle, the noises we’re making and my breathing. If I’m in charge I’m thinking about getting myself off, and hoping I look good while doing so.” Low self-esteem can make or break a naughty encounter. S*x can accomplish many different purposes, but the user doesn’t seem to be enjoying herself while spending time with her partner. She’s actually thinking about every little movement, and that can raise an issue if it hasn’t already.

#15 “Dead Puppies” By Dr. Demento Here’s another blast from the past. The song “Dead Puppies” actually originated from a radio show called Dr. Demento. The main host of the show is Baret Eugene “Barry” Hansen, better known as Dr. Demento. He came up with the persona of Dr. Demento while working at Pasadena-based radio station KPPC, which is now defunct. He included offbeat novelties in his rock oldies that generated positive responses from his listeners. This led to him being able to turn it into an all-novelty show. The show lasted until 2011. A female Reddit user confessed that she thought of “Dead Puppies” by Dr. Demento during the deed. Why? Because it’s the only way to not let the first one off too fast. Another user commented on the post saying that it was a great song to listen to. Perhaps the user didn’t enjoy the deed she had with her partner because dead puppies aren’t much fun.

Source: TheRichest

#IoTRecords

[foreverhamkke]

I NEED TO PUNCH SOMETHING VEY HARD AND MULTIPLE TIMES GODDAMMIT! I DEMAND ANSWERS DISNEY!! WTF KIND OF ENDING WAS THAT TO ROGUE ONE?!?!? I GIVE UP KN STAR WARS!!! THESE MOVIES ARE JUST ALL PAIN! I DO NOT ENJOY CRYING, GEORGE LUCAS!

#Star Wars #rogue one #still fucking crying