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diveronaevents · 4 years

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DATE: June 3rd - June 15th

LOCATION: Various

TRIGGERS: Murder, death, drug mention, alcohol mention, dissociation

JUNE 3RD THE TWELFTH NIGHT

The air shivered between waxy sculptures, slinking its way around the museum like a slithering snake; it fidgeted around as if it knew it was being watched, whispering around the artwork. As it wound its way around the rooms, it eventually slipped itself into a room, where JULIET and VOLUMNIA sat quietly. These past weeks, the Capulets had been dealt smite after smite, and while they had met every assault with a splintery one of their own, the ground continued to tremble beneath them. A punch to the chest, a winding hit to the stomach, a blow to the jaw. They rose, but keeled over, Capulet bodies stung with defeat.

None of them had jumped ship, not yet. But something was in the air...

Cosimo Capulet had been a family man, once. Perhaps he still was. With an assuring grasp of each initiate’s shoulder, a look of brotherhood bobbing in his eyes, he might have turned to put the ink of his pen to some fresh deed or benefaction, sanctifying a new hospital wing with a hefty pouch of gold. Endowing it with his name. Then, he would say: “The strength of a family lies in its loyalty towards its members, sorella. Each and every member. Is it not the same in war?”

That had been an omen.

His honeyed words had drawn people in, seized them in his web. He had given them a home away from home, burying hearts with knives, assuming the role of a benevolent beast that swallows his children up and keeps them warm in his belly. It is a task in itself, then, to pinpoint where things started to go wrong.

The stench of doubt permeated the air. The ugly shape of Cosimo’s theatrics was still splayed out in the current like a ghostly outline. It bled with heresy. For some, its echo spread like a sickness, for others it seemed a resounding victory – but then, loss. Enormous, unforgivable loss, yawning fat and wide. The theft of their beloved Cathedral was a difficult pill to swallow, silks of icy blue stripped from its bricks, displaced by a deep red.

At the centre of all this?

Cosimo.

But this was not all, nor was it the reason for the two women’s meeting. Another tempest was turning, rolling into an uninviting billow of dust and glass. More secrets tucked away like a hanging thread at a sleeve. Two Capulets, and two Capulets alone, had been made aware of the lengths to which Cosimo had extended himself to achieve the death of Alvise Vernon. Pelting Verona into a war that tolerated no retreat, it seemed to stretch out for miles, like two bloody hands shifting forward to reach their weapons. The end of it all seemed to be curtained underneath a thick veil of mist.

Two Capulets, and two Capulets alone, had sat on this information, put their heads together over it like two beasts in an antlered rut, mulled their options over on what felt to them like a deathless loop. Two Capulets, who now sat opposite one another across a desk, the grim look of determination washing over their faces, pored over the intelligence once more.

Elegant as her companion, JULIET sat up straight in her chair, the semblance of constancy flowing over her, though she leaned her wrists into the oak. Exhaustion filled in her features where constancy ran thin. She yawned a sigh. Though she had only been a shadow of the Don all these years, her limbs moving with his like a puppet-master with marionette strings, the sensitivity of her task did not elude her.

Quite the opposite: it glared back at her, its eyes black and cold.

VOLUMNIA leaned back in her chair, the same semblance of exhaustion burying itself in her expression. A more clinical eye would easily peer past this, though, able to seize the truth. Behind the Underboss’ eyes lay not exhaustion, but fortitude.

“IMOGEN cannot be expected to sit on this information forever,” JULIET said at last, the journalist’s name turning sour in her mouth. The words sunk from her lips in fatigue, and it gave one the impression that this was not the first time they had slipped from her mouth.

HAMLET had done his best to assure them that he had choked back evidence of his involvement from IMOGEN, and that they, in turn, had vowed to wait in the shadows. While they appreciated this, the tenuousness of the situation sat ill with the two women.

“No. We must act. Soon.”

Hanging in the air between them were words held in their mouth that neither of them wanted to say. That neither of them needed to say.

We must act. You and I, not the Don.

Both knew that Cosimo wouldn’t hesitate to put out a hit on IMOGEN the moment that he learned just how much of the tale they had become privy to. In the same vein, both of them knew that Cosimo Capulet was not a man that much liked the feeling of being backed into a corner. Thus, heads bowed covertly, they buried their intel, tucked the secret away, and while the idea of an assassination had not been entirely ruled out by the two of them, they pushed it aside.

“So, what can we do?”

VOLUMNIA would not go on pasting over their problems with more bloodshed and thuggery. With a cold judder, she would forge a New Age by splicing through the old one, leaving it to be swept up like leaves in the wind. She would not have her pseudo-daughter follow in the ways of their kingpin, treading on the heels of footprints rinsed in blood—not if they hoped to crawl their way out of this sunken hole, and especially not if she hoped to ease JULIET into her birthright. Whether that was ten days from now or a matter of weeks, it didn’t matter.

She would cut out a space for the heiress in the stone.

A woman on a mission, VOLUMNIA forged ahead. There was no room to regret her past decisions now. Not if she wished for JULIET to succeed.

“Call in TYBALT,” she advised.

JULIET picked up her phone.

They weren’t left waiting for long. Twenty minutes, thirty, maybe, went silently by, but the time only seemed to distort itself out of shape for JULIET, swelling like an elastic balloon. A creeping sense of unease washed over her when she pondered quite how much there was at stake here; how much hung in the balance. Nevertheless, the thought of her cousin flocking to her side, as by way of nature, brought her some ease. As for VOLUMNIA, the Underboss barely noticed the silence between them, always watchful but busied by turnings of her own.

Something was piecing itself together in the couloirs of her mind.

The cogs only stopped to turn when the women were stirred by a rap at the door. In answer, TYBALT slinked into the room. As he settled into his seat, postured like a mortal blessed with divine favor, so followed PARIS tightly behind him.

The head, the hands, the heart. All poised around a desk made of oak.

“Tigrotto, there is something you should know,” VOLUMNIA began, drawing TYBALT in with a secret hidden under her tongue. “And I need you to listen carefully.”

Gravely, he nodded.

VOLUMNIA nodded to JULIET.

“It’s about Alvise Vernon,” JULIET decided upon, straightening her back. She had decided upon a great many things, really. She had decided to betray what they know, to seize the reins from the palms of her papa. She had decided to act, now, while the city lolls still. “Well, it’s about everything, really. It’s about my papa, too,” she hummed. Almost mechanically, she lifted one leg over the other, crossing them neatly into a set, as if positioning herself for a grand storytelling. “But, Alvise Vernon seems like a good place to start, doesn’t it?”

Because, at the beginning of all things, at the end of all things, throughout all its middling and its intermediaries, there stood the formless silhouette of Alvise Vernon, haunting them without definite shape.

She cleared her throat. “The night Alvise Vernon was murdered, my father found a Montague in one of our bars. He was drinking. Alone. He wasn’t—” the heiress paused; the words locked under her tongue. “He wasn’t in a good way. Even before they drugged him.” She opted for they, rather than we, casting a thick, bold line between them.

She swallowed a knot in her throat.

VOLUMNIA encouraged her to proceed.

“HAMLET killed Alvise Vernon.”

“What?” PARIS interrupted.

“He killed him. On my father’s orders. Well – with papa’s encouragement. He told us so himself.”

“Your father told you this?” PARIS punctuated in disbelief.

“No,” VOLUMNIA intervened. “HAMLET did.”

PARIS sunk into his seat, warring with a thousand thoughts at once. TYBALT, on the other hand, became his inversion. Leaning forward, his face twisted into an unforgiving blend of curiosity and incredulity, keen to have his spirit of enquiry sated.

JULIET continued: “It took him a while to come to, but he did. Papa made him susceptible to his manipulations – or, well, perhaps someone else did. The details are hazy. Papa gave him a file. Doctored, of course. It suggested that Alvise was responsible for the death of HAMLET’s father.”

She paused tactfully, testing for a response from the men.

Neither of them reacted quite in the way she had expected them to. How could they? How do you react to the news that your own Don facilitated this war, kept it tucked under his belt like a buried conquest? The silence between them is only riven by the sound of VOLUMNIA shuffling in her seat, eager for her understudy to draw the bloody narrative to a close.

“Papa drove him to Alvise’s home, gave him a gun. He made him go inside and confront him. When he came out – well, papa gave him a change of clothes. HAMLET doesn’t remember much else.”

“The details are hazy,” VOLUMNIA repeated in a murmur.

Something was at work behind PARIS’ dark eyes. TYBALT, a profane blend of fascination and scepticism, shifted in his seat. He lowered his gaze, the flutter of his heartbeat grazing at his ribcage. Their detachment did not go unnoticed by JULIET, who reached out a hand to each of them, took theirs in hers, smoothing her thumb over their skin.

“But I believe him.”

“You believe him?” TYBALT retorted incredulously, pulling his hand back.

“Yes, I believe him. Why would he implicate himself if it wasn’t true?”

VOLUMNIA leaned forwards in her chair, the movement steady and languid, as if a beast that has been lying in wait. She seized her moment. “Yes, HAMLET knows what he did. And so does IMOGEN.” A pause. “There’s evidence.”

“IMOGEN has evidence?” PARIS leaned forward. “How?”

“HAMLET told them. He handed over the evidence, with a condition. He is the reason why they haven’t gone public with the story yet. Why they haven’t tried to bring us down.” She paused once more, allowing for time for her words to sink in. “Because he asked them not to.”

“What evidence?” TYBALT asked, irritated. “Why would he tell them? What could he possibly have to gain?”

“Time,”JULIET answered, “He wants time.”

“There’s a gun. It has Cosimo’s prints on it. They’re only partial, but,” VOLUMNIA sighed, “it will be enough.” She left no trace of ambiguity to her words. They were stark as the moon raised into the dark sky.

“So, what? We steal it?”

JULIET leaned forward in her chair, folding the creases in her shirt. “Exactly.”

As the word slipped from her mouth, the shape of it curved up into a knowing smile.

Balanced at the side of her chair was a file, which VOLUMNIA pulled up to the desk, spreading the documents amongst the four abettors. “The two of you will retrieve it as a team. No need for our exploit to leave this room – it shouldn’t prove a difficult task. PARIS will play reconnaissance, and you, TYBALT, will steal the evidence.”

TYBALT rolled in his chair, his black hunger oked by the vantage. “Pencil in POMPEY, too, while you’re at it. We’ll need a look-out.”

VOLUMNIA nodded, gesturing her hand in agreement. “Very well. In and out, simple as that. Capisce?”

As they rose from their seats, they nodded. Stalking out of their room, they left behind their shadows and strolled into a great, yawning gorge. One does not make an enemy of the Capulets and live to tell the tale. Should they succeed, they would ensure that IMOGEN would not be making any enemy of them any time soon.

Not yet, anyway.

JUNE 4TH VARIOUS LOCATIONS

While the Capulets colluded and the Montagues drifted off in a ruinous scatter, a message arrived, bringing all of Verona’s moving pieces to a screeching halt. Like a bullet fired in the dead of night, with a sharp, north-pointed path and a bang that echoed with the toll of a clock striking twelve.

At midnight, it reached all Capulet affiliates, without a traceable number or a signature of any kind. Some opened it with furrowed brows and tight mouths, others opened it in an impatient hurry, eyes dulled with disinterest -- all of which faded into swift, sinking shock.

What is dead has come back to haunt Verona, and you Capulets most of all. It’s your comrades, who perished beneath the heel of the enemy’s misplaced vengeance. It’s your territories, which were lost to a war incited by one of your own all along. And finally, it’s evidence of your crime, as it is theirs, and the heinous act it entails of drugging an unwitting Montague and corralling them into murdering Alvise Vernon.

The culprit is a Capulet whose name is written in pure silver. Look to your people for the snake that hides among the grass.

As the Capulets and their allies reeled from the impact of the long-buried truth as it was lurched to the surface, LAMPRIUS leaned back into his shadow-spun throne, and allowed his triumphant smile to shoot a spark through the dark.

JUNE 4TH IMOGEN’S APARTMENT BUILDING

PARIS decided to pay IMOGEN a visit. After all, a predator must size up its prey.

It was an easy enough task to shoulder your way into an apartment building you did not own when you wore the guise of dark capability as well as PARIS did. Starless and louring, a rare civility washed over him in a storm, and it was for this reason alone that he welshed his way into the complex unnoticed. Eluding all suspicion, he cupped a sea of intrigue in his greedy hands.

Once he met the door, he spun on his heel, checked around for cameras; sought out an escape route. He took a moment to forge a map in the recesses of his mind.

Three cameras, he thought to himself. He made a mental note. With their angles slightly adjusted, he generated enough blind spots for their thief to slip in and out undetected.

As seamlessly as the teeth of a switchblade in the gut. Such, after all, was TYBALT’s way.

PARIS concealed a bug at her door - for extra measure.

JUNE 7TH OUTSIDE IMOGEN’S APARTMENT BUILDING

PARIS pulled the car to a halt, turning it into the curb. Beside him sat TYBALT, while POMPEY languished in the backseat, tentatively entrusted with his sponsor’s good faith. A hand seldom extended, but extended, nevertheless.

While POMPEY was to skulk the parameters and act as the group’s third eye, TYBALT was to step into the building, slink up the stairs in much the same fashion as his brother-in-arms had done so the day prior, and retrieve the evidence their target holds against them. The bug at IMOGEN’s door has provided them with a golden window of opportunity: they would be out in the evening, delivering the infiltration team with the opportunity of invisibility.

TYBALT gained access to the building easily. He, too, blended consummately into its carpets, its walls, charm lingering in his mouth like a dagger suspended at the back of his throat.

He greeted IMOGEN’s door as if an old friend, slipping leather gloves over his fingers, and picked the lock with ease. Shouldering his way into the apartment, he was careful not to disturb the natural lay of things as he prowled toward the study.

He pawed through the room for a few minutes before he came across anything of note. Pages torn from a notepad, scrawled in black ink, and a file containing various media clippings. TYBALT snagged and stole entirely unaware of the intelligence he was burrowing into his satchel.

A scalping true to type.

Folded away in a draw, sleeping beneath a hidden partition, lay the gun. With all the precision that his warring body possessed, he slipped the gun into a plastic pouch, a vulgar grin unfurling over his features.

When TYBALT bellied out of the room, he double-checked that the rest of the apartment remained unperturbed before stealing away. It was only then that the subtle prattle was pervaded by something more serious.

“IMOGEN. They’re back early,” PARIS advised, his words cool yet immediate.

“POMPEY. Distract them.” TYBALT interrupted, concealing himself for escape.

POMPEY stepped forward as IMOGEN turned the corner, and with the mien of a boy struck dumb, a prince with his crown shaken from his brow, he stumbled into them, arms quavering rapidly in apology. However brief, the altercation provided TYBALT with the small window of opportunity to flee the premises and unfold into the shadows without detection. He bored his way towards the car, evaporating like a will-o-wisp in the wind.

PARIS did not need to break the speed limit on their way back, but he did so anyway, if only for some small satisfaction. They left the bug at IMOGEN’s door undisturbed – just in case.

JUNE 8TH BENEATH THE CASTELVECCHIO

Two Capulets had taken it upon themselves to bear the divine burden of legacy, and towards an uncertain fate, they now carried it forward, shoulders strained and necks taut as they dragged it at their heels. Yet although they ought to have been crawling, fingers ensnared in Verona’s ancient earth, knees scraped and feet scalded, they walked ahead with firm steps and fixed gazes -- one with a loose crown lying skewed against her brow, and the other with a general’s belt wound around her from shoulder to waist.

They moved forward, towards the future, towards the comet-like fall of longed-for dreams as they came within reach, towards two Montagues, who held it all in undeserving hands while they waited in the distance.

The capture of IMOGEN’s coveted evidence had set off a race against the clock, and as soon as it had fallen into their grasp, VOLUMNIA made swift contact with HAMLET, with a tentative yet unwavering request for a meeting. A sliver of truth peeking through plain, carefully plucked words, a beat of heavy, choking silence on the other end, and then finally, a time was set.

Quiet filled up the space between them in place of greeting when VOLUMNIA and JULIET’s steps finally came to a stop, unspoken words and disguised sentiments sinking between them like the blade of a guillotine as it cut its way through air and flesh. GERTRUDE met their arrival with her usual air of tranquillity, though it seemed to hum dangerously as she looked upon VOLUMNIA, the static current bouncing sharply off of steel as the Capulet met her gaze head-on. In a similar manner, HAMLET and JULIET took each other in; though the bridge of their gazes was barren of any hostility, it lulled and wavered with tension, and the flailing gust of all the things they wished to say to one another yet forcibly held at bay.

“We’ve taken action,” VOLUMNIA began, paving the way for the bargain JULIET aimed to offer. “In response to the scheme you revealed to us, HAMLET.”

JULIET seemed to blink away the urge to glance at the underboss, nodding as she looked between Montague mother and son. “Yes.” She clasped her hands in front of her, voice softening as she continued on. “My father’s actions have soiled too many hearts, too many lives... “ She looked down. HAMLET crossed his arms against his chest. “I won’t let it go on any longer.”

“You’ve taken needless action, principessa,” came GERTRUDE’s simple objection. “We can have justice by our own hands.”

VOLUMNIA pursed her lips, swallowing down her razor-edged rebuttal to test how JULIET would regain control of the conversation.

“Well, we can’t afford to allow that.”

GERTRUDE hiked a brow, patiently awaiting the heiress’s elaboration. JULIET swallowed, then set out to offer it to her.

“You were honest with me,” she said, eyes on HAMLET. “So, I will pay you the same respect.”

This time, she glanced at VOLUMNIA, who encouraged her with nothing more than the simple act of meeting her solemn gaze.

“Things won’t be the same for the Capulets now that my father’s actions have come to light. Not with the decisions we’ll be making as we move forward, not with the threat of its reveal to our affiliates, and certainly not with the risk of your vengeance.” It was no greater than the risk of laying their volatile circumstances so plainly before the enemy’s scrutiny, yet it would soon prove to be a wise move on JULIET’s part. It was precisely what would coax the teardrop’s worth of trust needed for the Montagues to agree to their bargain. “It’s why we asked for this meeting; to offer you a deal that would give you the justice you’ve earned -- while sparing us any further threat, loss or bloodshed.”

HAMLET straightened; his focus now sharper. GERTRUDE sank into contemplative silence for a long moment, then muttered, “Quite a heavy promise you’re making, JULIET, and one that I imagine would be difficult to keep.” With a nod, she continued on to ask, “What is your offer?”

“Don’t confirm Capulet involvement in Alvise Vernon’s murder, and don’t retaliate for it. In return, my father will be deposed in the coming months.” A pause. “I think we would all agree that losing his empire is the worst punishment he could possibly have -- and the greatest vengeance you could possibly earn.”

“What guarantee do we have that you’ll keep your end of the bargain?” HAMLET quietly asked. It was the first time he had spoken since his arrival to the meeting.

JULIET subtly tipped her chin up, growing more confident as she turned towards him.

“Plans are already underway, so the outcome on our end is inevitable. And if my word means anything to you, you have it; I will see to it that my father is stripped of his throne, no matter what.” She glanced at GERTRUDE, looking between her adversaries once again. A slim hint of harshness permeated her following words. “If anything, it’s your end that’s unreliable.”

VOLUMNIA’s eyes glimmered with curbed pride as she looked upon her heiress, though the spark was snuffed out in time for her to turn towards the enemy, curt and impatient as she asked, “So what’ll it be, Montagues?”

HAMLET sloughed out a sigh, a clipped sound drenched in weariness and worry. He turned towards his mother, who silently met his gaze.

Not a word was exchanged between them, yet they seemed to come to an agreement, nonetheless.

A moment later, GERTRUDE offered a decisive nod. “You have your deal.”

JUNE 9TH A CAPULET WAREHOUSE

It was along the echo of those words that JULIET and VOLUMNIA were carried into the gaping maw of the following day and thrown amongst the warbled plans and chewed-up aspirations that it held in store for them.

And it was there that they now lay, accompanied by TYBALT, digging through the half-devoured scraps and biding their time in fervent anticipation of the jaws that were slowly, slowly closing in on them.

If they had been racing against the clock before, their bargain with the Montagues ensured that they were now effectively losing to it. Every second that passed while barren and empty of action pulled them back by countless precious steps -- ones that they aimed to retrieve by ruinous leaps and ruthless bounds.

Their means of achieving that was rather simple: instead of lurching Don Capulet out of his throne, they were going to crumble it underneath him; bone shard by bone shard and stone by stone.

It was for that purpose that they had gathered, huddling together within the pitch-black shadow of one final scheme that they had concocted -- one that was meant to seal everything in place. Violence and confrontation alike had been cast aside as futile, unwanted options, and so they had settled on the only one that remained.

Planting doubt and fostering rebellion.

After all, to strike down a king, there was no need to steal his crown or shatter his throne.

One need only strip him of his worth.

Such was precisely what JULIET and VOLUMNIA aimed to achieve, by means of assigning their unoccupied ranks to a series of doomed missions, built around nothing more than the simple notion of projecting Cosimo Capulet’s growing incompetence and failing judgement -- and cementing it beyond all doubt.

They had already conceptualised the missions and their predetermined outcomes. All that was left was assigning them.

Sat in a Capulet warehouse far beyond the peering walls and prying doorways of the Twelfth Night, JULIET and VOLUMNIA spent hours upon hours poring over what seemed like an endless heap of files and documents; selecting Capulets, revising mission outlines, scrutinising details and technicalities -- until finally, everything was set.

TYBALT, privy to the information out of necessity without ever having come close to engineering it, sat with them uncertainly - perhaps for the first time. It was important that he was on their side; it was important to VOLUMNIA that she knew his sword belonged to JULIET.

In spite of loyalties, or perhaps because of them, he would not stand in their way. A throne was easier to take when nobody sat in it.

But before it could be emptied, it would have to be taken apart.

And it was with that goal in mind that the three heads of the divine Capulet beast began to arrange their pieces across the crumbling board.

There could be no beginning for any dastardly story without the startling presence of their BIANCA, who would go on to be told that she would be escorting KATHERINE on a stakeout mission. Yet upon her arrival at the designated location, BIANCA would find herself tied to REGAN for an assassination, instead. Deliberately, the three planted seeds of doubt, that Don Capulet wasn’t distributing his soldiers properly; and that he, in his rush to combat against the Montagues’ attacks and efforts, was leaving his ranks in an utter scatter. As for REGAN, they would be deliberately given a wrong description of their target, leading them to assassinate someone else entirely, all while believing it was their intended target all along.

In the realm of emissaries, DIANA and TITANIA would be tasked with negotiating with a Capulet affiliate from Amsterdam, chosen specifically for their prior rejection of allyship with the Capulets, in addition to their notorious violent inclinations. This information would be kept from DIANA and TITANIA alike, casting the oblivious emissaries into the awaiting dangers of a doomed bargain. They would certainly be injured as they escaped, and although it was an unpleasant outcome, it was necessary to nourish the image of Don Capulet’s lack of care towards his soldiers’ lives -- an image that had been all but set in stone by the spectacle he had arranged for Viola.

Next, EDGAR and KATHERINE would be sent to a Montague warehouse that was said to harbour information on the mob’s mysterious new product, Reaper’s Kiss. The warehouse was, in fact, a high-security Montague establishment, heavily guarded and brimming with soldiers. Yet the information would be kept out of the mission outline in order to further project Don Capulet’s carelessness and miscalculation. Regardless of what sort of action EDGAR and KATHERINE would end up taking, whether it be engaging the enemy or retreating into reconnaissance, their defeat was certain, due to the prevailing enemy numbers and the level of security surrounding the location -- though reinforcements would be sent to guarantee their safe escape, regardless.

Always in search of new business opportunities, HIPPOLYTA and LADY MACBETH would be sent to procure a local, family-owned business that was said to offer the Capulets a new and lucrative money-making opportunity. The owner of the business had been as yet unforthcoming, but armed with alarming evidence against the family’s eldest son, they were to offer the owner an ultimatum: either the Capulets go public with this scathing information, or they enter a disadvantageous business partnership. Of all the assignments the women laid out, this was the only task destined to succeed, but the success of it would be as futile as the rest of them. The business was utterly useless and the whole exchange a waste of HIPPOLYTA and LADY MACBETH’s time, leading the soldiers to doubt Cosimo’s decision to send them there in the first place. Just as the women had designed it.

Finally, CORDELIA and EDMUND would be sent to Phoenix and the Turtle incognito, in order to survey the new layout of the territory and scan it for weaknesses in preparation for a retrieval mission. Yet once they signalled their arrival to the Capulet HQ, an anonymous message would be sent to the Montague captain overseeing the location, informing them of the presence of Capulets. This would force the duo to reveal themselves and fight the enemy head-on; outnumbered and outgunned as they would be, they were certain to be defeated and forced out of the territory, just as intended.

In the end, the missions weren’t simple, and the risks were heavy.

Yet it all weighed nothing against the goal they were setting out to achieve, especially when it was perhaps the one and only noble thing that they could do for the Capulet famiglia, and for Verona as a whole.

It was worth it.

It had to be.

JUNE 10TH THE CATHEDRAL

Damiano Montague’s silhouette painted itself against the window in broad, fearsome strokes of shadow; a foreboding sight that none were damned enough to witness except for GERTRUDE, who stood before his desk as she patiently awaited his command; both a watchful guardian and a rogue with blade drawn behind her back. He could almost feel her looming betrayal spearing through the crackling air around him, though he did not turn around to meet it. Devoted or not, she remained a woman with honor. Even with his gaze clouded by scorn, he could still see her for who she was. Her reasons for accepting to take part in his son’s rebellious operation were the same reasons why she would look him right in the eye once her blade struck true.

Or perhaps he would come to find it in ROMEO’s grasp instead.

The thought drew a mild furrow along his brows, but he refused to allow it to detract his sight from what lay before him.

The greatest victory to ever tie itself to his name; such was what the Cathedral symbolized. Yet even with his feet planted upon its ancient marble in firm ownership, even with his form eating up what little remained of Cosimo Capulet’s memory as he took up his rightful place beyond the broadest window, Damiano did not feel triumphant. In fact, he felt robbed.

He had harnessed the full power of their troops, led them down a searing path that left half the city aflame with the embers of Montague ambition, and emerged with the Capulet crown bent beneath his foot. Meanwhile, all his son had done was scrape together what was left of their soldiers and scramble to grab hold of the pitiful scraps that he knew lay too low to fall within Damiano’s soaring sight. Yet somehow, he had been the one to gain glory and renown; now revered by their allies and adored by their people. And Damiano was left with his heel poised upon the broken bones of the Capulet empire, only he could not even relish the sound of them as they splintered and fell apart; ears drowned out by the ceaseless, accursed chants of his son’s name.

His son’s name was his own.

But the Montague name was Damanio’s.

And he aimed to cut it across the skies and pummel it into the earth until all of Verona knew that.

For now, he would start with his people.

“Genevieve,” He called, turning his head to glance sideways at her, clasped hands clenching as he watched her stiffen attentively, sharp eyes trained on him as though she aimed to latch onto every word of command -- as though she was truly unaware of the fissure in her facade. He sniffed, then twisted around in one sharp motion to stand behind his desk once again, fingers splayed as the outline of his orders mapped itself out before him. “I have certain missions in mind that I wish to see fulfilled with the utmost urgency. Assign them to our ranks, and report to me with the results.”

Whoever failed was doomed for a punishment not unlike the one the mark of which GERTRUDE now carried, but he didn’t wish to entrust her with that information. It was all too likely that she would act on her whims, especially where her son was involved.

Damiano would allow for no more insubordination, and these missions ensured it. They were set to snuff out every bit of it that continued to fester within his soldiers.

He cleared his throat.

“Pair up ANTONY and BENVOLIO and set them on the trail of a mark who’s been legally interfering with our business. It’s the eldest Rallis son, but you are not allowed to divulge that information to either of them, at any cost. If ANTONY kills him, he cements his loyalty beyond all doubt, and if BENVOLIO does, it proves that he might just be willing to do whatever it takes, after all, and if it’s a shared effort, then all the better -- but failure is not an option. Neither is favouring any outcome except for death.”

“Next, pair up GONERIL and BEATRICE to set up a trap for CORDELIA, one that she has no way of escaping alive. She’s been an unstoppable force, ensuring victory for the Capulets time and time again. I’ve also heard that GONERIL wasn’t all too pleased with our operation at the Cathedral, which gives me the impression that she might be clinging to her past attachments. Setting her after her sister is certain to cut her loose once and for all, and if she fails, BEATRICE is meant to ensure that the target is eliminated, regardless. It would land a heavy blow to the enemy and prove their ultimate loyalty to our cause.”

“PERDITA is proving to be quite a valuable addition to our ranks, but there is more to a soldier than wiles and trickery. I need to know that force is not beyond her; that she can be both weapon and reaper under my command, malleable enough to shape herself into whatever I need her to be. Send her to one of the bars that solicit our protection, with orders to demand our payment and strike enough fear in the owner’s heart that they would never think to keep us waiting ever again. Have BRUTUS accompany her, though he is not to interfere unless PERDITA needs his help; his role in this mission is to offer support, and nothing more. After all, loyalty to one’s comrades is just as crucial as loyalty to one’s cause, and if anyone must learn that lesson, it’s BRUTUS.”

“As you may or may not know, we’ve recently captured a prisoner who proved to be a lot more interesting than I’d originally thought. Not only were they one of Faron Vasiliev’s soldiers, but also the bullet that set their liege’s demise in stone. It was through their treacherous confession that Laertes had discovered the identity of the one who had ordered his imprisonment in Russia, and it was through that confession that Faron’s corpse had met its early grave at the foot of my desk. I’m curious to see what sort of action they would rouse from CLEOPATRA. Command her to orchestrate a trap for them where they believe they have found their chance to escape our capture, only to find themselves caught in her grasp. CELIA is to offer her aid with the trap, but the torture that follows is CLEOPATRA’s and hers alone to execute.”

“In this time of war, there is no greater danger than treachery. I’ve been presented with proof that one of our soldiers aims to abandon our ranks and flee the city. It’s unforgivable, but I fully intend on leaving them begging for forgiveness in their worthless final moments. Pair up ROSALIND and OPHELIA for this task. OPHELIA is to come up with a way for them to be executed quietly and away from prying eyes, while ROSALIND is to seal their dreadful fate when the time is right.”

“There have been whispers on the streets of a strange message sent out across the city a few days ago. Apparently, it pertains to your crime, Genevieve, though unfortunately, I don’t know much beyond that. I’d like HAMLET to investigate the matter, and report to me directly with his findings. Curious choice, hm? Well, since you seem reluctant to ask me outright, I’ll do you a favor and be direct about it. I’m interested to know if someone else knows about what you’ve done aside from the two of us -- if there’s a chance it could be your son and that he’s been covering for you all along. I’ve always wondered where his true loyalties lie; with the Montagues, or with his mother. And this mission is certain to give me the answer.”

“A blessing to all, that the infallible VOLUMNIA is as weak as she currently is. We would be foolish to not take advantage of it. Send MALCOLM on her trail, and have MERCUTIO accompany him to ensure that the mission proceeds as it should. It’s not of the utmost importance that he kills her as we currently have far grander goals to aspire to, but I get the impression that MALCOLM is reluctant to needless torment, and that can no longer be allowed now that he is a captain. MERCUTIO is only to interfere if their help is needed, but aside from that, their task is simply to ensure that their partner torments the Capulet viper like she deserves.”

“I’ve assigned one of our captains to a reconnaissance mission in the Roman Baths; to survey the location and scan it for weaknesses. I believe that it would be beneficial for us to seize it in case the rumours surrounding the Witches’ return are proven to be true. The problem is… I have every reason to believe that the captain is a traitor, and I have a plan in mind to dispose of them. I would like RICHARD III and SEBASTIAN to take up this mission. They are to pair up with the captain and use the mission as an opportunity to execute them. Even if their comrades turn away from them because of it, they will have proven their loyalty to our cause, and that is where the priority lies.”

“I have a feeling TROILUS is going to be a problem. I don’t appreciate his rebelliousness or how fiercely he clings to his meaningless neutrality. When tied to the Montague name, one has no choice but to carry it, and it seems that despite our numerous attempts to instil that in him, TROILUS continues to resist. So, a change in approach is in order, and I believe no one would be more fitting for it than his own darling wife, CRESSIDA. As soon as she receives her orders, she is to set out to coax him towards joining the Montagues. I don’t care how long it takes or what means she uses, so long as the mission ends in success. Assign LADY MACDUFF to the task of monitoring CRESSIDA’s progress and reminding her of just how much is at stake for both her and her husband. Should CRESSIDA fail, you are to order LADY MACDUFF to employ their skills as a reaper and covertly dispose of her. I’m ushering in a new era for the Montagues, and there is going to be no room in it for disloyalty.”

Damiano stood up, acknowledging GERTRUDE with a single nod before crossing his arms against his chest and turning back towards the window. “That’ll be all, Genevieve.”

He looked down upon Verona from his tarnished throne and mulled over the test of loyalty that he was saving up for his son -- a trial to be held for none other than damned, darling ROMEO.

JUNE 15TH THE TWELFTH NIGHT

Heavy with unrest, the Twelfth Night felt something like a judicial chamber. In its stomach gathered a collection of bodies, variously disillusioned, called covertly by their Underboss. Some were wounded, while others had only sustained bruises to their pride, but all were equally mortified at what had become of their ordeal. Every single one of them had suffered in some shape at Cosimo’s charge, some more grievously than others, and VOLUMNIA recognised that.

She had come here to pass judgement.

The room was all spider’s silk. It weaved between old murals and ancient sculpture like an elegantly presented crime scene. Thin red yarn pointing to a blood-splatter here and a murder weapon there; a spillage, a fingerprint, a strand of hair fibre left carelessly behind.

Secrets and whispers tangled themselves in the web.

Once, the protection of Cosimo Capulet had meant invincibility. An initiate was a brother, a sister, a child, a lover. Arms outstretched, he had welcomed each and every soldier who now stood in this belly of revolt with outstretched arms, the promise of longevity buried in his eyes. Once, power had flowed from his fingertips like dark-red wine. To be one of Don Capulet’s own was to be part of a great, thunderous throng, each one protected by the cruel hand of God. A single glance gutted hearts clean.

But that protection was thinning. The shield wasn’t working the way it used to.

The room seemed to speak in murmurs. Don Capulet seems bent on sending us all to an early grave. The sour thought arranged itself on the web, turning the spider silk into black dust.

JULIET stood at the centre of the room; her presence seemed to bring her fellow Capulets some assurance. VOLUMNIA and TYBALT stood at her side. The former continued to weave her web, and one could not ignore the knife fastened to the latter’s side.

The heart, the head, the hands.

JULIET took TYBALT’s hand in hers. Both of them knew what was to come, and neither knew how their fellow soldiers were likely to react. TYBALT smoothed his thumb over JULIET’s knuckles, sporting a rare, tender smile.

VOLUMNIA cleared her throat, and by way of nature the room stilled itself into silence. Each pair of eyes fastened themselves on her and her alone. “I don’t need to tell you why we’ve gathered here tonight. You’re concerned, all of you… and you have a right to be.” She paused, testing for a reaction. “As am I. Since VIOLA’s execution, the decisions made by Don Capulet have become more and more difficult to grasp. He ignored the advice offered to him, and on his orders we lost the Cathedral. He sent many of you on fool’s errands. Mismanaged his soldiers. Your latest assignments were fated to fail from the start.”

When a ruler loses the faith of his subjects, his subjects disgorge the throne.

VOLUMNIA and JULIET surveyed the scene in front of them. Still chafing from their botched mission, CORDELIA and EDMUND had resolved to wear their failings like badges of honour, but the sting of it was felt keenly under the skin. Swelled by bruises and flinching at fractured bone, DIANA and TITANIA presented their misadventure more keenly than the others. They became a single organism, failure seeping from a shared wound. Forced to endure the unexpected, BIANCA resented her misemployment, while the blood of an innocent lay on REGAN’s hands. EDGAR and KATHERINE, on the other hand, merely hung their heads in a sort of reluctant shame. As the only soldiers to emerge from their assignment victorious, HIPPOLYTA and LADY MACBETH thumbed their pyrrhic triumph with bitterness.

PARIS and POMPEY, of course, had been more successful. But they had not been under Cosimo’s charge. Crucially, they had been under JULIET and VOLUMNIA’s.

The scene presented itself like an oil painting. Exactly as the women had designed it.

JULIET stepped forwards. Like an armed shadow, TYBALT stepped forwards with her. From now on the two would be indivisible, and he wanted it known. “As I’m sure you’ve all noticed, my father isn’t well. He hasn’t been for a while now. He’s become paranoid, none of his decisions make any sense, and he ignores his counsel. Losing the Cathedral hit us all hard, but, well… I think it hit him hardest of all. His health and well-being need to be our highest priority right now. My father deserves the greatest possible care.” She paused, delicately, the soft touch of lips to the throat before she bared the first sign of teeth. “As do we.”

As if an executioner, VOLUMNIA swung her toothed blade, severing the cord. “What’s clear, however, is that he no longer has what it takes to lead us,” she finished her pseudo-daughter’s trail of thought. “He no longer has what it takes to be our Don.”

Some murmured in agreement, others stood frozen, refusing to betray their true feelings. All, however, knew what was to come next. That, after all, was why they had all gathered here, no?

“So, I will relieve him of the burden.” JULIET declared. “With one hand guided by history and all that we have overcome. and the other looking ahead to what awaits us, to build and to conquer” — VOLUMNIA’s eyes flashed and the corner of TYBALT’s mouth quirked wickedly — “I will begin a new era. We stand strong.”

She clasped fingers once more with the anchors that stood at her side, each offering what she still lacked: cunning and experience, a stomach for what it took to seize and retain a throne.

“Above all, we stand together.”

As JULIET’s battle-cry rang through The Twelfth Night, clanging in the air like a song of swords in battle, Cosimo Capulet sat in the backseat of an armoured car. Vanquished and betrayed, it tugged his body through the streets of Verona. That, after all, is how it feels to sit in the shadow of your own child; how it feels when all your love is thrown out with you, left in the alleyways to rot. He was equal parts fury and resignation, the pang of defeat weighing just as heavy as the venomous sting of betrayal.

Silently, his eyes took in what may well have been his last look at Verona. The gaze fixated on all the things Cosimo Capulet had once owned: a local business here, a police station there, a bar, a museum, an ancestral home, Verona itself. The car wheeled away from the impressive empire he’d created with his bare, bloodied hands.

Emperor that he is, Cosimo had built his kingdom to be inherited after him, but his heiress had stolen it from him earlier than anticipated.

First, the women had told them what they had done. What was already behind his control. Behind his back, they had negotiated with their enemy, sent his people on embarrassingly futile assignments, mismanaged his soldiers, and thrown them into Hell blind. All, they assured him, to undermine him, to cast a shadow of doubt over the great Cosimo Capulet. Already a blasphemous brute, splaying the crucified body of a dead girl for all to see, what more was it for him to be an incompetent fool, too?

Next, they had laid out how things were going to be: by their design, JULIET would take Cosimo’s place like a shadow growing into itself, and he would be removed to live out his days in their Padua villa. There, he would be surrounded by all things rich and extravagant: golds and amethysts circling his dinner plates, and the finest selections of wine, cheese and mutton at his disposal. There, he would remain under guard, any tangible image of power stripped from him.

There is no use in fighting, they had warned him. We have already won.

Perhaps for the first time in Cosimo’s life, he did not fight. He did not scratch, did not scrape, did not howl perfidy – the yowl of a wild dog, after all, had never much been his style. He could see his loss, stretched out in front of him crystal-clear, but that did not stop the cruel slashings of his dagger-like tongue. He wanted them to feel the sting of their betrayal, as he did.

Perhaps they did. It changed nothing.

They would not have him bound like a common criminal – his daughter had spared him that humiliation, at least.

To think that the great Cosimo Capulet should fall at the hand of his daughter, his lily-white, Eve-spun daughter, like a flower that grows in the dark – his lip almost vibrated with amusement. He wanted her to feel the shame of her betrayal, the principessa to whom he gave everything, even blood, but as he sat here, his eye trained on a city that now recedes from his touch, he was almost impressed. To think that a man as powerful as himself should fall at the feet of his own child – it is his shame to bear, but it is also his pride.

The man has done some dastardly things in his time: started a war, forced a child to bloody their hands instead of his own, crucified an informant in the shape of Christ, forced his only daughter to wield the knife. He had been right to, no?

Had she not pulled the steel from Viola’s chest and pushed it into his own?

The daughter grows into the shape of her father in the dark. JULIET had betrayed her father and become him – at last, Cosimo recognised that he’d been underestimating her. Unforgivingly, he wondered how long she would last. Cosimo wondered how long she could stand the contortions before they twisted her out of shape.

She would return to him. Wouldn’t she?

As the wheels of the car rolled past the bridge, past the impossible breach that had split Verona down the Adige, Cosimo thought he recognised the shape of something familiar. Someone familiar. He looked closer.

LAMPRIUS tore a writhing fissure through the dark as he emerged. Yet he did not step forth to heed the call of a king’s gaze, but to seek the sight of the victory that lay before him, crumpled among the ruins of what Verona had once been -- and what it has yet to become.

It was quite fitting, that a symbol of collapsed peace would be the mark of his ascension.

It carried a sense of revival. Renewal. Righteous retrieval of everything that had once been stolen by Montague and Capulet alike.

The sight stirred a rare gleam in his eyes, one that remained untouched and unvanquished, even as a dozen soldiers slithered out of his shadow and marched towards the torn-up Castelvecchio.

Rogues, guns-for-hire, and henchmen bought out of the ranks of contacts stolen from RICHARD III; now crowned with the honour of being his pieces across the board, pawns to nothing but the resurrected will of the Witches. They settled on both ends of the bridge and along its broad centre, armed and armoured as they sealed his claim over the long-forgotten, ever-abandoned hallmark.

Yet even with his force anchored to this location, his influence stretched far beyond it, at the tail of one final message sent out to the damned people of Verona -- this time, with a number left behind.

Unlike the one that had come before it, it was not a slip of bait dangled before gnashing teeth -- but an invitation, obligingly placed within open, beseeching palms.

ARIEL, HERMIONE, OLIVIA, HERO, IMOGEN and TROILUS were those chosen to receive it.

Upon speaking of the dead, one must remember to honour the living. And the only honour Verona knows is in the bargain of power; its ebb and flow, its offer and gain. Yet you don’t abide by that law, and you don’t bow before those who do. For that, you have been deemed nameless and defenceless. So this is how we choose to honour you: not by leashing you to the power we offer, but by helping you grow into your own. Not by tying you to a false cause or bending you to our will, but giving you a name and standing beside you when no one else will.

We don’t aim to liberate you; you are already free. You always have been, but it’s easy to forget that in a city as vicious as Verona.

The Witches offer you a reminder, and more. So much more beyond what the Montagues and Capulets have dared to steal from you, so much more beyond what Verona has led you to forget.

Come and find us, if you choose.

No matter what you decide, the Witches have returned to stand with you.

As the neutrals reeled from the message, LAMPRIUS and his forces held their vigilant claim on the Castelvecchio bridge, lying in wait for the rising sun to seal their dominion in place and drape Verona in the dawn of its new era.

Change was finally coming to the ancient city.

And it carried the promise of a reckoning.

OVERVIEW: Well, Veronesi, it’s been a long, long time coming, but at last, the moment you’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived! The head of Cosimo Capulet has been cut off (metaphorically speaking), and in its stead three more have grown back. Juliana has assumed her father’s position, guided by the nurturing hand of her Underboss and new advisor, Tiberius. For now, Cosimo sits under guard in a Capulet-owned villa in Padua, the result of Juliana and Vivianne’s string-pulling. There, he continues to live in luxury, but all his power has been stripped from him. With Henry’s gun retrieved from the hands of Isabella and a deal stuck in the shadows, the Capulets seem to be safe for now. The Montagues, on the other hand, have been less fortunate. Each of them have been demanded to make their loyalty clear to Damiano, who continues to try and consolidate his power over his son. For many, what he asks are impossible tasks, and we highly encourage you to explore these in your threads!

But wait, that’s not all. The Witch (singular, for now) has snuck in and taken advantage of the surrounding chaos to claim Castelvecchio Bridge as his own, in one fell swoop. An offer has been made to each neutral in the city who has been pulled into the war. It is their choice to make, and their burden. Neutrals, please message the main with your character's decision to join Lucien or not OCTOBER 29TH. Please keep this decision private for now!

The game is afoot! Thank you for bearing with us this time around. We recognise that this is a very long, very complicated plot drop with several moving parts, so if you have any questions, please let us know! You may date your interactions from JUNE 3RD to JUNE 25TH.

#diveronaevent #murder tw #death tw #dissociation tw #alcohol mention tw #drug mention tw

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kindofspecificstore · 4 years

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Caite, I know you said in the tags on that Much Ado post that your opinion on which Shakespeare characters the SC characters would be isn’t “necessary information” but I disagree please tell me.

Emma, please hold my chamomile tea. *shakes out hands, cracks knuckles.

I am SO glad you asked. Mkay here goes...

Moira: Cleopatra (Antony and Cleopatra) LISTEN, we all know Moira played Lady M during Shakespeare at Sea week, been there, done that. Not only is this woman a beautiful, elegant ruler with a flair for the dramatic, she has A WHOLE ACT to herself after Antony dies which NEVER happens. It’s the spotlight she deserves to bathe in. Plus, death by snakes? What a great way to go.

Johny: Prospero (The Tempest) He had all his wealth taken from him by some one he trusted deeply and now has to make a life for himself on some weird magical island? Then has watch his child get married and gets hit with all the feels???

David: Hamlet I’m sorry but who else in Shakespeare’s canon is this dramatic and full of consternation. BUT ALSO

David and Patrick are Antonio and Sebastian from literally every play because they will find their way to each other in any universe.

Alexis: I’m torn here. Early Alexis would make an excellent Bianca (Taming of the Shrew) (pretty, gets what she wants), but I’ve really been seeing her as a Beatrice (Much Ado About Nothing) lately for some reason idk why it’s like i’ve been spending a lot of time with that play lately given that she’s well loved and respected, feels a lot but tries to hide it, and is incredibly bright

Stevie: Jacques (As You Like It) because her presence is subtle but you know she’s hanging on to every word and has something smart (if a little gloomy) to say. (okay but how hot would she be as a Cesario or Ganymede tho)

Patrick: I would accept Orlando (As You Like It), or even King Henry V (Henry V). OH WAIT. Orlando is Patrick around Pregnancy Test/Open Mic (he tacks love letters addressed to a girl he’s just met onto fucking TREES). But have you heard King Henry proclaim his love to Princess Katherine??? That sits right next to Patrick’s proposal and wedding vows.

Ted: Lysander (Midsummer Night’s Dream) madly in love and loyal to a fault.

Roland: Falstaff (Henry IV Parts 1&2, Merry Wives of Windsor) This, to me is obvious and non negotiable. (But I would also accept Sir Toby Belch or Bottom)

Jocelyn: Peter Quince (Midsummer Night’s Dream) she’d just trying to keep everything together but sometimes it feels like no one is listening!

Ronnie: Maria (Twelfth Night) because she does what she wants and will not be taking any bullshit today.

Ray: for how happy Ray is all the time, he’d be a great Malvolio (Twelfth Night) BUT would also make an excellent Touchstone (As You Like It) what with how many words he can get out in one breath

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for your attention. I’m so sorry for disrupting everyone’s dash with these ramblings. But I wanted to post this publicly to open it up to other people’s thoughts! I’ve been spending a lot of time with Much Ado lately, so it’s nice to actually write these this all down.

TL;DR My career trajectory is in Shakespeare Studies so I have a lot of thoughts and feelings.

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smokeybrand · 3 years

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Smokey brand Select: Violent Delights

I was waxing nostalgic the other day about the Nineties version of Romeo and Juliet, about how much i actually like certain aspects of that film and absolutely abhor others. It got me pondering how much i unabashedly enjoy Shakespeare and many of the big screen adaption of “his” work. These things run the gambit of genre and i think it’s a ripe subject to kind of pick from. I mean, there are just so many ways to adapt this cats catalog and i figure i might as well pick out my favorites.

10. Forbidden Planet

This movie ain’t great. It;s not. But love it anyway. I have a soft spot for those old timey, Fifties, monster flicks and Forbidden Planet is one of the best. It’s campy schlock, don’t misunderstand, but i used to watch this thing late night, right before regular TV went of air. It’s the worst, but i appreciate the fact that it’s true to its time and is one of the very, very, few adaptions of The Tempest. That play never gets the love it deserves.

9. Ophelia

Ophelia is Hamlet from the perspective of his wife, Ophelia. It’s an interesting take on the Hamlet narrative, not really one of would gravitate toward if not for this ridiculously stellar cast, particularly Daisy Ridley. She kills the role as Ophelia and kind of makes you want to see where this version of the story goes. I definitely prefer the tragedy of Hamlet over this take on the narrative, but Ophelia definitely stands on it’s own and is totally worth a watch.

8. She’s the Man

Listen, this is a guilty pleasure. She’s the Man ain’t great. It’s actually pretty terrible, but i love it for how earnest this film is in telling it’s story. An adaption of Shakespeare’s gender-swap farce, Twelfth Night, it’s one of the few, comedic, plays that got the big screen treatment and Amanda Bynes carries this whole goddamn movie as this version’s Viola. I actually miss when Bynes wasn’t crazy and just made funny, endearing, sh*t like this. I mean, who doesn’t love Big Fat Liar, you know?

7. Scotland, PA

This is probably the most creative take on a Shakespeare property i have ever seen in my entire life. This is MacBeth, told as black comedy a la Fargo, set in a 1975 Pennsylvania fast food restaurant. Yeah. I’m not even going to go any further into it. This was one of the most ridiculous viewing experiences i’ve ever had and i loved very second of it.

6. Hamlet

I feel like this is a cheat, like there would be something different here. I actually pondered the Lion King because, technically, that’s a Hamlet adaption but, the more i thought about it, the more this one had to go on the list. It’s just that good. The1996 version of Hamlet, directed, screenplay written by, and starring Kenneth Branagh, is a whole ass classic. It’s a straight forward interpretation of the original play only updated with a nineteenth century aesthetic, which fits the narrative surprisingly well. This version of Hamlet is high f*cking art, man. It’s gorgeous in every way. The score, the costumes, the sets, the colors; All of it is a legitimate feast for the eyes. That said, this motherf*cker is four hours long so, you know, understand that sh*t going in. It;s worth, don’t misunderstand, it’s just real long in the tooth, man.

5. My Own Private Idaho

Idaho is probably the bleakest film on this list. Gus Van Zant is pretty great at capturing the sordid, cruel, reality of the human experiences which makes his adaption of Shakespeare’s Henry tetralogy. I don’t much go for European history for reasons, but i dug this flick and how it kind of mutes all of the glamour and Victorian nonsense for a more guttural, street level, desperation. My Own Private Idaho is not an easy watch I t can be incredibly difficult to get through at times but that doesn’t mean it’s not a brilliant film. that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take on this challenge. The performance that River Phoenix gives, alone, is enough for admission. As dope as Joaquin is at his craft, River was definitely the superior talent and that is no more apparent than in this movie.

4. 10 Things I Hate About You

The Taming of the Shrew is actually one of my favorite Shakespeare plays and this film, 10 Things I Hate About You, is one of the best versions of that narrative. This film is f*cking hilarious. It’s outstanding and unique and never strays from the heart of it’s inspiration. Plus, i mean, it’s got a young Heath Ledger just stealing all of the scenes. When you watch him in this, you know dude has all of the talent. This film is why i was completely okay with him as Joker when they announced it. Everyone else lost their sh*t but me? I remembered Ledger’s Patrick Verona and knew the role was in good hands.

3. Throne of Blood

If i had to choose a favorite Shakespeare story, it’s definitely MacBeth. I love that sh*t. There’s intrigue, betrayal, violence, lust, and even a little magic; Everything you need to build an intriguing plot. Take the basic narrative and funnel it through a true master of film like Akira Kurosawa and you get a real classic like Throne of Blood. This is an old one, it dropped back in ‘57, but it’s worth a watch. Kurosawa was a true visionary in his craft and the way he was able to, not only adapt but elevate the source material? F*cking amazing, man. Y’all should watch more Akira Kurosawa, man. He’s one of the most influential filmmakers ever to do it and it’s for good reason. Also, f*cking more MacBeth adaptions, please? There are only, like, six. The f*ck, yo?

2. Romeo + Juliet

I’ve already spoken about my love for this decidedly Nineties take on that classic, uncomfortably problematic, laughably toxic, romance that’s just rife with all of the tragedy and tropes. Why the double-dip? Because i love it THAT much! Tybalt, Mercutio, the aesthetic, that soundtrack; F*cking chef kiss, bro! If you’ve never seen this version of Romeo and Juliet, you don't love yourself enough.

1. Ex Machina

Yeah, that’s right, this f*cking masterpiece of existential, cyberpunk dread, is based on Shakespeare, too! Motherf*ckers wouldn’t know because it’s kind of a deep cut but a lot of the themes from The Tempest, actually my second favorite Shakespeare outing, ring true to Garland’s narrative. I mean, do i really have to explain why i love this movie so much? Actually, i have. Repeatedly. My praise for this movie is rife throughout the backlog of this blog. This thing has made multiple of the Select lists because it’s so f*cking great. Obviously, it’s my favorite adaption but, more than that, like Throne of Blood, it’s just a great f*cking film by itself.

Honorable Mentions: The Lion King, Titus (1999), A Midsummer Night's Dream (1999), Men of Respect, Richard III (1995), Much Ado About Nothing (1993), Ran, MacBeth (2015), Coriolanus (2011), Get Over It

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schmergo · 6 years

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What Your Favorite Shakespeare Character Says About You

I was sending these individually to people’s inboxes but then tumblr got weird about it and started thinking I was a robot because I was sending too many messages, so I made this instead:

Hamlet: You've been going through a PRETTY DANG WEIRD COUPLE OF YEARS. You've either taken at least one philosophy class or you've written/made/performed something inspired by your feelings about your parents.

Ophelia from Hamlet: You're depressed but have a top-notch aesthetic. You are constantly amazed by how much the people around you can let you down.

Horatio from Hamlet: You’re a very good listener but people rarely listen to you.

Beatrice from Much Ado: You use humor and irony to cope with virtually any situation unless it involves one of your friends getting hurt. Then you are in Mama Bear attack mode.

Benedick from Much Ado: You either love Kenneth Branagh or are a Nerdfighter or both.

Macbeth: You either really love your significant other or really love Fight Club.

Lady Macbeth: You either went through a goth phase or you have really strong opinions about classic Hollywood divas/ aging female Broadway stars/ modern pop stars.

Richard III: You either love edgy memes or you're the kind of person who really likes Loki and Kylo Ren. Or you absolutely hate the fact that Shakespeare portrayed him as a villain, which means that your favorite Shakespeare character is not Richard III at all, you just have a favorite historical figure.

Queen Margaret: You either own multiple pieces of merchandise with feminist slogans on them or you have very strong opinions about Game of Thrones.

Juliet: You are NOT getting along great with your parents right now. You have a favorite Disney princess and it's not because of how she looks but what she's been through.

Romeo: If you're not an Instagram poet, you should be.

Mercutio: You like to make jokes while watching movies with your friends. Your friends probably don't enjoy this as much as you do. You probably either really like The Joker or Deadpool.

Prince Hal: You, who most loves Prince Hal, are also more judgmental of his choices than anyone else. You're the kind of person who puts together really intricate, detailed plans for upcoming events or projects and devotes yourself totally singlemindedly to them while acting like you are under no stress and having a good time, sending out lots of friendly and chill sounding reminders like, "Hey guys! Things are moving along! Just a few updates!" You lie awake all night in a panic about these things.

Hotspur: You would think that people who love Hotspur are also jocks, but in fact, they are actually enthusiastic nerds who are always up to argue relentlessly about their favorite topics.

Falstaffs: You are either someone who has played Falstaff, wants to play Falstaff, have seen a favorite actor or loved one play Falstaff, or are leading literary critic and Yale professor Harold Bloom.

Richard II: You either have a very detailed pinterest, instagram, or tumblr devoted to your personal aesthetic. You tend to self-sabotage. If you ever get married, you will be WEIRD about your wedding. Also, you are probably not heterosexual, let's be honest.

Rosalind from As You Like It: You have probably wished you could give lessons to a previous partner of yours of how to be a less sucky boyfriend/girlfriend. You have had at least one controversial haircut among your friend group.

Viola from Twelfth Night: Same as the above, but also people constantly guessed incorrectly about your sexual orientation growing up. And also, you still sometimes think wistfully of your high school crush.

Malvolio from Twelfth Night: You are smart, but you often do stupid things. You like to watch 'cringe compilations' or follow humorous fail/shaming blogs, but you also constantly worry you will find yourself on them.

Olivia from Twelfth Night: You have had a string of BAD RELATIONSHIPS and are DONE right now, but that doesn't mean that you're not extremely committed to STYLE, because you are.

Paulina from The Winter's Tale: You HATE your boss.

Shylock: You constantly feel the need to tell people that he is NOT a villain and everyone else in that play is terrible. You can't even enjoy The Merchant of Venice, but you keep going to see productions of it anyway.

Iago: You constantly feel the need to tell people that you're not actually racist, but you just think he's a FASCINATING VILLAIN.

Othello: You weep when certain songs come on the radio.

Prospero: You are writer who often complains about how HARD it is to be a writer despite getting very little done.

Caliban: You actually like A Tempest better than The Tempest.

Ariel: See PUCK below, except you're less annoying.

Puck: You used to do gymnastics, martial arts, or some other kind of sport or dance because your family hoped that would help you get some of your energy out and you'd be less hyperactive, destructive, and disruptive. You have a bad habit of accidentally breaking things.

Helena: You had really bad self-esteem in high school and still have really bad luck in relationships.

Titania: You used to have Lisa Frank everything in elementary school.

Oberon: You really like Renaissance faires

Brutus: You have always been either an overachiever perfectionist or someone who habitually bites off way way way way way more than you can chew and makes a mess of it despite trying really hard. You remind people to bring an extra sweater to events because it might get chilly.

Cassius: You are extremely smart and yet you're also an impulsive mess who does weird things like start painting your entire bedroom at 2 AM. You feel like you somehow have the sworst luck in the world and that if you had more opportunities, things would be better. You have a grudge against specific celebrities.

King Lear: You have a favorite elderly British actor.

Cleopatra: You secretly consider the Kardashians or other similarly luxuriously-living reality stars an extremely guilty pleasure. You also may have gone through a strong Ancient Egypt phase in elementary school.

Coriolanus: The Prince of Egypt made a big impression on you even if you're not religious. You are quiet and reserved but swear like a sailor. You either have a huge crush on Tom Hiddleston or have a favorite Civil War battle.

Katherina from Taming of the Shrew: Either you don't actually like Taming of The Shrew or you've never actually seen/read Taming of the Shrew.

Anyone else: You're just Too Cool For School, aren't you?

#shakespeare #literature #theatre

2K notes · View notes

itsthecupbros · 4 years

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Afraid of Your Own Shadow: Muse is unnaturally skittish and afraid of everything around them.

What Are You, Chicken?: Muse gets the chicken pox. Anon decides if there are any magical side effects.

Man Overboard!: Muse develops an intense fear of water.

Feeling Guilty: Muse is convinced they are wanted for a crime they have commited. Anon can decide what the crime was.

?yako uoy erA: Muse is cursed to speak backwards.

Happy Days: Muse is forced to keep a permanent smile.

Do Not Pass Go: Muse is put in a small prison without escape or bail.

All About the Money: Muse becomes obsessed with money and refuses to spend any of it.

My Big Day: Muse believes they are to be wed to the person of anon's choice.

I'm Melting!: Muse cannot stop bleeding from the mouth, nose, or eyes (anon's choice). Muse cannot pass out from blood loss.

Holy Halo: Muse is dressed like an angel and can float.

The Living Dead: Muse dies and becomes a living corpse. Comes back to life when time is up.

S-S-Stop!: Muse develops a bad stutter.

The Invisible Man: Muse's body becomes invisible; this does not apply to clothing.

Thou Wretched Fool!: Muse believes they are a medieval knight.

Poet In Hiding: Muse can only speak in rhyme.

Awkward Stage: Muse becomes a teenager. If Muse is already a teenager, they become an adult.

The Reaper Crys!: Muse becomes obsessed with death. Anon decides if it is another Muse's death or their own.

Frozen to the Core: Muse becomes extremely cold natured and seeks any form of warmth.

Shut the Blinds: Muse becomes allergic to the sun.

1ST JUL 2013

2,049 NOTES

Baker Baker: Muse won't and refuses to stop cooking.

Russian Roulette: Muse is given a gun with one bullet that must be used to shoot someone/something of Mun's choosing. Ends when shot is executed.

All That Glitters: Muse becomes obsessed with shiny objects.

Just Shut Up!: Muse hears voices in their head. Anon can pick whose voice it is.

Bury the Hatchet: Muse believes they have a murder weapon, and will try to hide it at all costs. Anon can choose the murder weapon.

Achoo!: Muse becomes allergic to something precious to them. Anon can decide what this is.

Just Like Rapunzel: Muse has extremely long hair that cannot be cut.

For Science!: Muse suddenly has the urge to become a test subject. Anon may choose who's subject he is.

That's Not Punny: Muse feels inclined to make a pun about almost everything.

Nice Boxers: Muse believes they are stripped down to their underwear, even if they are fully clothed.

The Fairest Queen of Kings: Muse must dress in drag/drab.

Mankind's Best Friend: Muse feels the need to keep their pet or some animal with them at all times. Anon may choose which animal Muse desires.

Insomniac: Muse desperately wants to go to sleep, but cannot.

It's Pouring!: Muse keeps a cloud over their head, which will rain depending on their mood. Anon can decide what mood it rains on.

Technologic: Muse is turned into a robot.

You've Got Mail!: Muse believes they have an important message for the person of Anon's choosing. Anon can also choose what the message says.

Sufferin' Succotash!: Muse develops a lisp.

The Life of Mime: Muse becomes a mute and is forced to wear a mime outfit, along with proper mime makeup.

Freeze!: Muse freezes up for a few seconds whenever a certain word is said. Anon may choose the word.

Round and Round: Muse develops vertigo, and cannot stand, walk or run too much without feeling dizzy and/or sick.

1ST JUL 2013

439 NOTES

The Premature Burial: Muse has catalepsy, thought to be dead, and is buried alive with no provisions and no hope, for ____(duration specified by anon)

The Black Cat: Muse is a perpetual drunk prone to abuse, be it animal or domestic, for ___(duration specified by anon)

The Pit and the Pendulum: Muse is a convicted felon and sentenced to death. Anon specifies form/duration of torture.

The Raven: Muse is masochistic for ___(duration specified by anon)

Annabel Lee: Muse loses their one true love and suffers from a broken heart (duration specified by anon; muse can die from broken heart should the anon choose it).

The Masque of the Red Death: Muse is afraid of death and has a lethal disease whose symptoms include sharp pains, dizziness, profuse bleeding, and red stains, causing him/her to be shunned from society. Lasts for____(duration specified by anon)

The Tell-Tale Heart/Murders of the Rue Morgue: Muse is paranoid of others and upon killing them, tries to hide the bodies of his/her victims, all while evading arrest through use of wiles. Lasts for____(duration specified by anon)

Fall of the House of Usher: Muse becomes a shut-in consigned to the hospital, incapable of caring for him/herself and in need of special, degrading attention. Lasts for ___(duration specified by anon)

Ligeia: Muse is deathly ill and dies, but resurrects in the body of another person. Anon specifies duration and the body of the other deceased.

William Wilson: Muse is manipulated by their alter ego and believes his/her rival to physically exist; but being unable to escape his/her personal demons, ultimately commits a murder-suicide in an attempt to vanquish said rival.

1ST JUL 2013

122 NOTES

Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites: Your muse feels the need to hide from everyone. Anon specifies the time length.

Rise and Shine Little Bitch: Your muse has just woken up from an excruciating hangover that lasts one day.

Pretend it's a Video Game: Level up! Your muse is now a video game character. It lasts for 5 days.

With you, Friends (Long Drive): Your muse suddenly feels extremely adventurous. Anon specifies the time length.

Bikinis and Big Booties Y'all: Whoo! For one entire night, your muse suddenly wants to get drunk and party.

Never Gonna Get This Pussy: Your muse is feeling so fragile that if anyone touches them, they're mentally impure. Anon specifies the time length.

Smell this money: For one night, your muse has an urge to go and rob something. Anon Specifies where they rob.

Park Smoke: For one night, your muse stays outside {with an optional cigarette}, due to their belief that if they go inside their settlement, they'll get sick of slow suffocation and die.

Your friends ain't gonna leave with you: Your muse is afraid that everyone they care about will forget about/leave them.

Ride Home: Your muse gets extreme nostalgia that doesn't go away until {Anon specifies}

Son of Scary Monsters: Muse acts like a stubborn child that must scare everyone for {Anon Specifies the time length}

Big 'Ol Scardy Pants: Your muse is afraid of everything. Everything. Lasts 2 days.

Scary Monsters on Strings: Your muse is a puppet on strings. 3 days.

Lights: Turn the lights on! Your muse has a sudden addiction to lights. All lights are beautiful. Must look at lights. Lasts a full week.

1ST JUL 2013

32 NOTES

Castle in the Sky Your Muse see a Castle in the sky and goes up to the sky and see it real For__

Angel of Darkness Your Muse become evil with dark powers and become The Angel of Darkness and Try to take over For__

Earth Wind Water & Fire Yous Muse Have power(Ex.Earth powers) For__

Roses are Red Your Muse Is love with (anon tell to who) For__

Bumble Bee Your Muse Has a feeling love for(anon tell to who) For__

Superstar Your Muse Become Rich and Famous For__

Dam Dadi Do Your Muse Dance Non-Stop For__

1ST JUL 2013

1,204 NOTES

The classiest M!A list you’ll ever see compiled by yours truly and Tomas mun. All times are specified by anon or mun.

Taming of the Shrew: Your muse turns into an obstinate, headstrong person who has to be tamed into being compliant and good again

The Tempest: Your muse has been caught in a terrible shipwreck and is stranded on a seemingly uninhabited island (other muses can be on island too if mun agrees)

Romeo and Juliet: Your muse has fallen /desperately/ in love with the one person they know they can’t have

As You Like It: Your muse has to pretend to be the opposite gender for whatever reason the anon or mun think is appropriate

Macbeth: Your muse is convinced they have killed someone-or maybe they really have- and is going mad with guilt

A Midsummers Night Dream: Your muse is now some strange part them part animal hybrid (anon specifies animal)

The Merchant of Venice: Your muse owes a large sum of money to someone on pain of death (anon specifies when the money is due by)

A Comedy of Errors: Your muse either develops an evil twin /or/ the muse goes around pretending to do loads of things and blaming it on their 'twin'

King Lear: Your muse is descending into complete madness

Richard III: Your muse wants to trade really important items for really menial ones

Winter's Tale: Your muse is frozen and can’t move but they can hear and see fine.

Hamlet: Your muse is overcome by a death or tragedy in their past, and seeks revenge on whichever character/person they believe to be most responsible for it.

Much Ado About Nothing: Your muse unashamedly attempts to seduce as many characters as he/she can

Henry V: The muse embarks on war/battle against a character/threatening force

Julius Caesar: Your muse thinks everyone is stabbing them in the back, literally or metaphorically

Othello: Your muse thinks his/her lover is cheating on them with their best friend. Alternatively, if you prefer / if your muse has no lover, your muse plots to convince /another/ character that /their/ lover is cheating on them with their best friend

Twelth Night: Your muse disguises themselves as the opposite gender/as someone else, which either directly or accidentally creates an awkward love situation or a love triangle.

Sonnet: Either your muse can now only speak in sonnet form /or/ they are going around pronouncing their undying love for everyone.

1ST JUL 2013

50 NOTES

Ico: Muse now has horns protruding from their head.

Yorda: Muse has to be literally led by the hand everywhere. If left alone, they will just stay in one spot.

Queen: Muse wants to take over someone's body to continue living. (Anon decides who)

Wander: Muse slowly becomes paler, and dark splotches will form on their skin and clothes over time.

Mono: Muse is dead, and will only wake up after a certain amount of time.

Dormin: Muse is disembodied and can only go back in their body when they are given sixteen of a particular item. (Anon decides what item)

1ST JUL 2013

131 NOTES

All M!As are inspired by the tv show "Animalia"!

The Mists of Time: There are ancient, elephant-sized, ravenous frogs everywhere. Perhaps your muse is hallucinating, perhaps not, but either way, they're scared of being eaten. 7 hours.

Catcher in the Rhyme: Your muse suddenly can't stop speaking in rhymes. If they say a word without a rhyme, their muscles cramp up and they get cold, freezing themselves stiffer each time. 5 hours.

Forget Me Not: Long-term and short-term memory loss. Who are you? Oh, ok. Wait, who are you? 3 hours.

Long Story Short: Did you hear about...? Gossip is being spread from the mouth of your muse, and it keeps getting worse and worse because they aren't really listening to anyone but themselves. 3 hours.

Speechless in Animalia: Your muse just wants some peace and quiet! And they get it... in spades. Deaf and mute. 1 day.

Don Iguana: Your muse just started reading Don Quixote and is inspired to fight crime! They become d'Avenger of d'Whatevercountrytheylivein. They lose sleep while fighting crime, eventually being to hallucinate. They really should have finished that book first... 2 days.

Over and Beyond: One day your muse meets a unicorn. And the next they are held captive by a dragon. 2 days.

Being Peter Applebottom: Your muse suddenly thinks they're a genius. A condescending, pompous, arrogant genius who hates laughter and playfulness. "Comedy is low, sophomoric, crass. I don't practice it." 2 days.

Brain Drain: Your muse swaps intellect with another muse. 1 day.

The World According to Iggy: Your muse is a hero! Well... in their eyes they are! They've got a sudden desire to tell everyone of fantastical tales -starring themselves- that are extreme exaggerations. 1 day.

Gettting Over the Glums: Your muse inhales the pollen of a strange plant. They become lethargic and depressed, and slump on the nearest couch. The only cure is a good, long laugh. (And ticking won't work!) 12 hours.

The Day Zoe Listened: Your muse makes a vow to go a day without talking. But as the silence goes on, your muse starts to hear whispers in the trees. Hallucinations? Dryads? Who knows. 1 day.

Alex's Treasure Island: Time for a treasure hunt! Your muse is searching high and low for Captain Flint's hoard, getting greedier all the time. That pretty necklace around that other muse's throat... why, it's a part of the trove! 16 hours.

The Animal Within: OOOGAAAAH. Suddenly, your muse is acting like a wild animal. Eating with their face, scratching themselves, grunting... 7 hours.

Scary Story Go Round: Your muse is now the hapless victim in a horror movie. Tripping, screaming, rallying the rebels to take on the monsters. 1 day.

The Ballad of the Creeper: Your muse is a blethering ninny. "Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo!" 3 hours.

From 'A' to 'Z': Your muse starts forgetting words. "Could you please move that ch... ch... that thing! That thing that you sit on! What's it called again?" 12 hours.

The Dragon and the Night: Your muse is afraid of non-existent trolls and the dark, and is too embarrassed to admit to either. 12 hours.

Tomorrow: Your muse thinks the world is going to end tomorrow. 1 day.

Guardians of the Core: Your muse can't stop singing and dancing. Whatever song pops into their head, they will perform. 3 hours.

Back to the Present: Your muse is traveling back home, perhaps one day to return, perhaps not. 12 hours.

What the World Needs Now: Your muse gains the powers of a god. They can change the world to their ideals... but should they? 7 hours.

1ST JUL 2013

3,876 NOTES

Paint it Red: Muse becomes blood-crazy. They want to see it, taste it, and feel it in any way or form.

Overprotective: Muse becomes obsessive of the next person in their inbox.

Over the Edge: Muse's mental health has skyrocketed down, making them very unstable.

Burning Up: Muse feels extremely hot and can't seem to get cool.

Hypochondriac: Muse thinks they have an illness (chosen by anon), even though they are completely healthy.

Heartache: Muse feels a sharp pain in their chest every time they think of their lover (or someone/thing they love).

Not Yourself: Muse has the personality of a character of anon's choice.

Double Trouble: Muse has an exact copy of themself to deal with. Only the copy secretly wants to kill them.

Heavily Accented: Muse's voice has an unfamiluar accent to it, which is chosen by anon.

Night Owl: Muse has trouble staying awake during the day and going to sleep at night.

A Holy Man?!: Muse takes everything literally.

A World of Color: Muse becomes colorblind. If Muse is already colorblind, they can now see colors.

Congratulations!: Muse is given a baby and told it's theirs. Anon can tell them who the 'other parent' is.

A Haunting I Will Go!: Muse becomes a ghost that must haunt the person of anon's choice.

Bittersweet: Everything Muse eats turns to candy in their mouth. The reverse effect goes for actual candy, which turns into a random food.

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williamvapespeare · 5 years

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uhhh no one tagged me in this but i’ve seen it around and i really wanted to nerd out about shakespeare, i’m sorry

SHAKESPEARE PLAY I HATE: i think Taming of the Shrew is one of the hardest for contemporary audiences to connect with. it defintely can and has been done, but i feel like you have to work hard to make the themes relevant or make it not seem extremely sexist (or come full circle and be feminist, etc, etc) and i’m just not a huge fan.

SHAKESPEARE PLAY I THINK IS OVERRATED: i actually saw the national theatre tour macbeth fairly recently and loved it, but also i’ve seen sooo many bad versions of macbeth. like just because it’s a “popular shakespeare play” doesn’t mean it’s easy to do well? so yeah, macbeth.

SHAKESPEARE PLAY I THINK IS UNDERRATED: i’m gonna give a dumb answer for this, but romeo and juliet, NOT because it’s underrated or underperformed by any means, but because the actual themes of the play are So lost in every single adaptation i’ve seen that they’re basically ignored. it’s not a play about romance at all!! it’s about generational conflict and family and all these really relevant things and it’s just been turned into a heteronormative love story when that’s one of the least important things about it. so like the R&J i actually want to see is doesn’t exist yet and therefore it is underrated lol

SHAKESPEARE PLAY I LOVE: hamlet, a midsummer night’s dream (this play is so fucking hilarious i don’t care if it’s really generic, “ninny’s tomb”??? PEAK HUMOUR), as you like it, henry iv pt. 1, much ado about nothing, titus andronicus

SHAKESPEARE PLAY I CHERISH: Hamlet

SHAKESPEARE PLAY I COULD SEE AGAIN AND AGAIN: as you like it. also, weirdly, titus? i LOVE titus when it’s done well it’s fantastic

SHAKESPEARE PLAY I STILL WANT TO DO: in terms of acting, absolutely none of them i’m good with the performance of the self i do every day. BUT i have so many ideas for adaptations. one of my favourites is Macbeth in a Tennessee Williams setting. so like deep american south, everything is hot and sweaty and sticky and everyone is full of thinly veiled anger and no one trusts each other. ahh i just think it would work so well someone please put this on for me so i can experience it, thanks. (also it is my dream to write a rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead-esque play about mercutio’s unrequited love for romeo and it would follow mercutio around the events of romeo and juliet in all his gay nihilistic glory and would be five acts, each named after a different woman romeo was in love with and the last two would be “rosalind” and “juliet” and it would be called “Queen Mab” and pls no one steal this idea it is my unatainable artistic goal LOL)

SHAKESPEARE PLAY THAT MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH SHAKESPEARE: hamlet - it made me want to study shakespeare when i first read it and now i have a masters in renaissance literature and am going to do a phd so like THANKS HAMLET, MY BOY, MY DUDE u ruined my life

SHAKESPEARE PLAY THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: again, probably hamlet. legit the hamlet horatio relationship has just feuled my academic life so far? it’s such an underrated (and such an important) example of male friendship and bystanders to tragedy and all the shit i love

GUILTY PLEASURE: when i was doing my masters my friends and i would get together, get really drunk, and read a shakespeare play out loud. it was a peak artistic creative environment, like everyone was just there, being a nerd, connecting and being creative together and it kind of reminded us why we were killing ourselves academically, because at the end of the day we truly loved the things we were studying.

SHAKESPEARE PLAY I SHOULD HAVE SEEN BY NOW BUT I HAVE NOT: i’ve never seen the tempest and i’d love to, but i feel like it doesn’t get put on that often.

@thinkofaugust, @mariuspondmercy @postmetaectotranscendentalism and anyone else who wants to should also do this :)

#shakespeare #shakespeare thoughts #sorry for my unsolicited opinion #also guys if anyone wants to drunk read - or sober read obvs #shakespeare with me PLS do just like call me up and be like #who's there??#nay answer me stand and unfold yourself #and ill like cry #long post #sorry yall

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the-mad-prince-of-denmark · 6 years

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Shakespeare Characters As Out Of Context Off Topic Quotes

Titania: Bedazzle your lungs, bedazzle your life.

Andrew Augcheck: I know dinosaurs are animals and nothing else.

Ophelia: Horatio’s touched Hamlet’s dick probably more than I have.

Prospero: I’m not good at networking or talking to humans.

Nick Bottom: It feels real weird, it feels real weird. Is is supposed to feel like that? It feels weird.

Hamlet: My soul is disgusting, but my eyes are beautiful.

Antonio (Tempest): Sebastian and I- as much as I hate it, Sebastian and I are made for each other.

Feste: You should sing to more people if you want to get laid.

Helena: Demetrius is fantastic at being a subject of my brain.

Tybalt: I’m just an adult with lots of knives.

Horatio: I can’t imagine reading about and looking at pictures of the prince of Denmark back in the day and thinking ‘I am going to put my actual, real life finger in that man’s ass.’

Beatrice: I feel like even though we’re partners, Benedick is my rival.

Orsinio: Well, I’m sorry for being kinky.

Antonio (MoV): I just had a dream about Bassanio’s massive penis… and now I really wanna know how big his penis actually is.

Claudius: I wish I had a little crown for my dick.

Mercutio: What you don’t understand is that I, much like Miley Cyrus, cannot be tamed.

Puck: Head, shoulders, knees, and dicks.

Benvolio: Why do I know the people that I know?

Cesario: If I’m ever at an orgy, I’m going to be like the butler or something.

Demetrius: We’ve got everything in the world except for a big dick. And that’s why white men are so angry about everything.

Romeo: I promise I say things that don’t sound stupid, occasionally.

Malvolio: I accept only the finest hatemail from the mountains of Tibet.

Laertes: You physically cannot stop me from wrestling somebody.

510 notes · View notes

animebw · 5 years

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Binge-Watching: Zetsuen no Tempest, Episodes 4-6

In which it becomes clear that I’m in for a rough time, the specter of Guilty Crown looms large over everything, and I complain about “serious” shows that are actually anything but.

Roundabout

You know, I was hoping it wasn’t gonna turn out this way. I always feel like it’s cheating when I compare a show I’m currently watching so heavily to a previous show I’ve watched, because I believe every story deserves to stand on its own. But we’re six episodes into Zetsuen no Tempest now, and the specter of Guilty Crown just refuses to vanish from my perception of it. This show isn’t just bad, it’s bad in that same specific way as my least favorite anime of all time. Admittedly, Tempest isn’t as utterly repulsive as Guilty Crown, not by a long shot, at least not yet. At least it’s decently produced with solid directing and consistently well-made action scenes. But the problems I have with its writing and overall attitude are incredibly similar, and it’s becoming increasingly impossible for me to divorce my thoughts on these two shows from each other when they’re falling into such similar traps . So if nothing else, I guess watching Zetsuen no Tempest will provide a chance for me to look back on the failures of Guilty Crown, a show I talked about near the very start of this blogging experiment, and update that analysis with my current analytical skills. Hey, I look for the bright spots where I can.

If I had to boil my issue with Zetsuen no Tempest down to a single word, it would be “insincere.” Everything about the way it’s presented smacks of a story that doesn’t trust itself to deliver the goods, so it hides and obfuscates as much as possible to give off the illusion of important things happening without having to actually, you know, have important things happen. The dialogue is the biggest indicator of this fact; it’s all so roundabout and inconclusive. No one talks like a real person hashing out their feelings, they all talk like fascimiles of vague ideas that trail off without any real point. To be sure, it all sounds like very important stuff they’re talking about, with their understated delivery and meaningful-sounding quotes fit to be printed upon a million mass-produced coffee mugs. But it only takes a moment of paying attention to realize that no one really seems to be saying anything at all. Aika has a whole flashback speech to Yoshino in which she quotes Hamlet, just so you know you’re supposed to take her seriously, but the most I got out of it was that fate and everything happens for a reason and nothing that would actually say anything about Aika as a character herself. She’s an utterly blank slate, a fridged girlfriend who exists in abstract to drive the male characters she leaves behind (a fact which the show itself brings up in a head-slapping moment of failed introspection). So the show tries to compensate for her lack of personality by making her spout random “meaningful” quotes that don’t actually have any meaning, and just serve to make you even less able to buy her as a real character.

And maybe that might be a little more forgivable if the rest of the cast wasn’t suffering from the same problem. Yoshino has had so little character definition that I have legitimately no idea who he’s supposed to be. But the show is absolutely fond of pretending it’s giving him definition, with every other action he takes punctuated by the princess saying something like “Oh, that’s such a you thing to do.” And every time, I’m just left wondering, is it really? Because every single action he takes seems so disconnected from every other action he takes that you could say “that’s so Yoshino” about any of them and I couldn’t tell you how right or wrong you were. Is he supposed to be shy and reclusive in comparison to Mahiro’s outgoing personality, or he enough of a prick himself to jab at Mahiro in turn, as evidenced by that one flashback scene where he embarrasses Mahiro with his essay? Is he supposed to be morally conflicted, or is he the kind of person who would betray his best friend at the drop of a hat? There’s a moment in episode 4 where Mahiro says that he himself has trouble understanding Yoshino, and I’m entirely with him, because I have no idea what to make of this half-hearted shrug of a character. All the show can do is have the other characters talk about what a well-defined character he is and hope that serves as an acceptable illusion for him actually having character. It wants to seem important, but the foundation it’s all built on is utterly weightless. And there’s only so long the show can try and pretend it has something to say before the fact that it so obviously doesn’t makes every subsequent lie that much more aggravating.

This Shit Ain’t Real

Which leads me to a similar problem that stems from this same lack of grounding: this show pretends to be real and realistic, but it’s nothing of the sort. Here’s where the problem of dissonance really starts to become pronounced; Zetsuen no Tempest purports to be a serious, grounded action drama based on real emotions and real situations, but it’s every bit the juvenile power fantasy as your typical shonen battle manga. And look, there’s nothing inherently wrong with being a power fantasy if that’s the kind of experience you’re going for; I’ve loved plenty of shows where the heroes are unstoppable badasses, or just get to do cool things because doing cool things is cool. But when you present yourself as somehow above all that, it becomes impossible to ignore how obviously you’re not. It’s the equivalent of a twelve-year-old kid throwing a temper tantrum about how no one treats him like an adult; the screaming is bad enough, but the fact he’s demanding you take him seriously while proving himself nowhere near deserving of that respect makes you want to just grab him by the collar and smack some sense into him. It’s insincere, disingenuous storytelling, and it tanks my engagement with this show harder than any well-choreographed action could hope to recover.

Just look at how many moments in these episodes utterly disregard the supposed reality of the scenario. This is a desaturated, realistic world in which eight-year-olds can somehow a) recognize when an accident is actually a crime from nothing other than murderous intent hidden behind a motorcycle helmet, b) talk about that accident in adult, crime scene terms without a hint of irony or playing grown-up dress-up, c) track down the evidence necessary to convict the perpetrators without a single explanation as to how they got that evidence, and d) infer relationships between the perpetrators they would have no realistic way of inferring, other than the story demands they do so. Seriously, whatever immersion I might have been developing was instantly shattered when flashback Yoshino and Mahiro started play-acting Nancy Drew and the show asked us to take them seriously. Ditto the reveal that the princess is somehow dead while still ebing, which could have been a really interesting wrinkle in what exactly is going on, but it’s ruined when the guy who confirmed her corpse says he based his realization on “instinct”, and that’s somehow an acceptable enough explanation for everyone to immediately buy it. Not to mention how a military government force is somehow totally okay working with a teenage kid with no direct connection to any of them, and then they have the gall to try and psychoanalyze the importance of their differing philosophies once he leaves, despite none of them showing any indication of what those philosophies might be or even that they were discussing them at all in the first place. Yoshino barely said a single word to them, and suddenly they’ve got his entire psych profile? My suspension of disbelief can only go so far, and not even Code Geass managed to shoot its own sense of logic in the foot this quickly.

Pulling a Subaru

And now, as is common occurrence on this blog, it’s time for me to pull a Natsuki Subaru and white knight about the way this show treats its female characters. This is one area where the Guilty Crown comparison grows especially hard to stomach; it puts on the veneer of “respectability” while using that as an excuse to slap its female characters around like meat. If anything, this kind of quasi-fanservice is even more excruciating than the typical boobs-in-your-face kind, because at least that stuff is honest about the kind of base-level indulgence it’s going for. But trying to cloak casual sexism in the trappings of “real” storytelling that you’re supposed to take “seriously” only further proves what a dishonest, crap-spewing liar you are. Mother of god, we’re really doing this? We’re really slapping a “not related by blood” label on Aika and stirring up a subplot about how Mahiro was maybe in love with her? See, I really don’t want to keep the Guilty Crown comparison train rolling this long, but you’re making it so freaking hard. Why was this necessary? Why was any of this necessary? Was it really too much to ask that Aika just be a normal little sister? Wasn’t it already bad enough that the was an empty vessel fridging victim wit no narrative purpose other than to drive the male characters forward? You just had to tart her up as an object of forbidden desire, trying to seduce Mahiro in flashback in a way that’s presented as tantalizingly scandalous, yet also deep and profoundly tragic? Go. FUCK. Yourself. You don’t get to have it both ways, show. You don’t get to wear your best “Take me seriously” suit while dragging this noxious baggage along with you. You don’t get to present yourself as the mature, tasteful alternative to the sins of anime past while you have the princess stick the talky statue in her boobs for no other reason than it gives you an excuse to get a wet-glistening close-up on them. I see through your game, Zetsuen no Tempest. And I’m going to keep calling you out on it as long as you decide to keep playing.

Odds and Ends

-”Man, they’re getting their shoes wet.” In a better show, this moment might actually mean something.

-Jeebus, these giant fruit are nasty.

-”I’ve no interest in bathing with another guy.” Yeah, like that’s gonna stop the shippers.

-Oof, that shot of Yoshino picking his celery out... yeah, that was potent.

-Damn, baby Mahiro was ruthless.

-Aw, that was a nice moment with the frozen kids. Shows Mahiro can still see himself in the world he’s fighting for.

-When in doubt, drop a dinosaur on their heads.

-”You can tell they’re all closet perverts.” Okay, I like her.

-Ah, so that’s how the mountain got fucked up. Good to know.

-”Boobs that shake aren’t boobs at all.” I mean, it’s a fair password.

-”You think she’s the type to die even if killed?” *side-eyes in Emiya Shirou*

-Ooh, interesting. So who do we believe about the real danger? Genesis or Exodus?

This is gonna be a slog, folks. But I’m gonna see it through regardless. See you next time!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #zetsuen no tempest #blast of tempest #the civilization blaster

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 6 years

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What other fandoms are you familiar enough with to use as an AU prompt? Pokemon Trainer AU? Homestuck AU (they'd still probably die but at least there are lots of ways to come back to life)?

I’m not that familiar with Homestuck, definitely not enough to do an AU. I read the novelizations of the Pokemon show as a kid but never saw the show or played any of the video games. I did play the super-obscure Pokemon board game, but most of my trading cards were printed in Japanese (I had a strange childhood), so my experience there is, uh, probably not quite overlapping with everyone else’s.

Anyway, if you want list of all my fandoms… Boy howdy. I don’t think I can come up with them all. However, I can list everything that comes to mind between now and ~20 minutes from now when I have to end my procrastination break and go back to dissertating. So here it is, below the cut:

Okay, there is no way in hell I’ll be able to make an exhaustive list. But off the top of my head, the fandoms I’m most familiar/comfortable with are as follows:

Authors (as in, I’ve read all or most of their books)

Patricia Briggs

Megan Whalen Turner

Michael Crichton

Marge Piercy

Stephenie Meyer

Dean Koontz

Stephen King

Neil Gaiman

K.A. Applegate

Ernest Hemingway

Tamora Pierce

Roald Dahl

Short Stories/Anthologies

A Good Man is Hard to Find, Flannery O’Connor

The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka

I Am Legend, Richard Matheson

Dubliners, James Joyce

Flowers for Algernon, Daniel Keyes

Who Goes There? John W. Campbell

The Man Who Bridged the Mist, Kij Johnson

Flatland, Edwin Abbott

I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream, Harlan Ellison

To Build a Fire, Jack London

An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge, Ambrose Bier

At the Mountains of Madness/Cthulu mythos, H.P. Lovecraft

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle

The Things They Carried, Tim O’Brien

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, Washington Irving

The Martian Chronicles, Ray Bradbury

Close Range: Wyoming Stories, E. Annie Proulx

The Curious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevenson

Bartleby the Scrivener (and a bunch of others), Herman Melville

Books (Classics)

Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neal Hurston

The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The Secret Garden, Francis Hodgson Burnett

Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson

Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte

The Secret Annex, Anne Frank

Nine Stories, J.D. Salinger

Frankenstein, Mary Shelley

Tom Sawyer/Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain

East of Eden, John Steinbeck

To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

The Bluest Eye, Toni Morrison

Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut

The Stranger, Albert Camus

The Call of the Wild, Jack London

Brave New World, Aldous Huxley

Lord of the Flies, William Golding

Atonement, Ian McEwan

1984, George Orwell

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Betty Smith

The Iliad/The Odyssey, Homer

Metamorphoses, Ovid

Journey to the Center of the Earth, Jules Verne

The Time-Machine, H.G. Wells

The Tempest, Much Ado About Nothing, Twelfth Night, Romeo and Juliet, Henry V, Hamlet, MacBeth, Othello, and The Taming of the Shrew, William Shakespeare

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, Thomas Stoppard

Waiting for Godot, Samuel Beckett

Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood

Books (YA SF)

Young Wizards series, Diane Duane

Redwall, Brian Jaques

The Dark is Rising sequence, Susan Cooper

The Chronicles of Chrestomanci, Diana Wynne Jones

The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis

Abhorsen trilogy, Garth Nix

The Giver series, Lois Lowry

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

Uglies series, Scott Westerfeld

Tuck Everlasting, Natalie Babbitt

A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. Le Guin

Song of the Lioness, Tamora Pierce

A Wrinkle in Time, Madeline L’Engle

Unwind, Neal Shusterman

The Maze Runner series, James Dashner

The Enchanted Forest Chronicles, Patricia C. Wrede

Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Louis Sachar

Ella Enchanted, Gail Carson Levine

Ender’s Game, Orson Scott Card

The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Juster

Coraline, Neil Gaiman

Among the Hidden, Margaret Peterson Haddix

The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle, Avi

Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice

Poppy series, Avi

The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd

Tithe, Holly Black

Life as We Knew It, Susan Beth Pfeffer

Blood and Chocolate, Annette Curtis Klause

Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie

The Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum

Haunted, Gregory Maguire

Weetzie Bat, Francesca Lia Block

Charlotte’s Web, E.B. White

East, Edith Pattou

Z for Zachariah, Robert C. O’Brien

The Looking-Glass Wars, Frank Beddor

The Egypt Game, Zilpha Keatley Snyder

The Book Thief, Markus Zusak

Homecoming, Cynthia Voigt

Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll

The Landry News, Andrew Clements

Fever 1793, Laurie Halse Anderson

Bloody Jack, L.A. Meyer

The Boxcar Children, Gertrude Chandler Warner

A Certain Slant of Light, Laura Whitcomb

Generation Dead, Daniel Waters

Pendragon series, D.J. MacHale

Silverwing, Kenneth Oppel

Good Omens, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Define Normal, Julie Anne Peters

Hawksong, Ameila Atwater Rhodes

Heir Apparent, Vivian Vande Velde

Running Out of Time, Margaret Peterson Haddix

The Keys to the Kingdom series, Garth Nix

The Wolves of Willoughby Chase, Joan Aiken

The Seer and the Sword, Victoria Hanley

My Side of the Mountain, Jean Craighead George

Daughters of the Moon series, Lynne Ewing

The Midwife’s Apprentice, Karen Cushman

Island of the Aunts, Eva Ibbotson

The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern

The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm, Nancy Farmer

A Great and Terrible Beauty, Libba Bray

A School for Sorcery, E. Rose Sabin

The House with a Clock in Its Walls, John Bellairs

The Edge Chronicles, Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell

Hope was Here, Joan Bauer

Bunnicula, James Howe

Wise Child, Monica Furlong

Silent to the Bone, E.L. Konigsburg

The Twenty-One Balloons, William Pene du Bois

Dead Girls Don’t Write Letters, Gail Giles

The Supernaturalist, Eoin Colfer

Blue is for Nightmares, Laurie Faria Stolarz

Mystery of the Blue Gowned Ghost, Linda Wirkner

Wait Till Helen Comes, Mary Downing Hahn

I was a Teenage Fairy, Francesca Lia Block

City of the Beasts series, Isabelle Allende

Summerland, Michael Chabon

The Geography Club, Brent Hartinger

The Last Safe Place on Earth, Richard Peck

Liar, Justine Larbalestier

The Doll People, Ann M. Martin

The Lost Years of Merlin, T.A. Barron

Matilda Bone, Karen Cushman

Nine Stories, J.D. Salinger

The Tiger Rising, Kate DiCamillo

The Spiderwick Chronicles, Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi

In the Forests of the Night, Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

My Teacher is an Alien, Bruce Coville

The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles, Julie Andrews Edwards

Storytime, Edward Bloor

Magic Shop series, Bruce Coville

A Series of Unfortunate Events, Lemony Snicket

Veritas Project series, Frank Peretti

The Once and Future King, T.H. White

Raven’s Strike, Patricia Briggs

What-the-Dickens: The Story of a Rogue Tooth Fairy, Gregory Maguire

The Wind Singer, William Nicholson

Sweetblood, Pete Hautman

The Trumpet of the Swan, E.B. White

Half Magic, Edward Eager

A Ring of Endless Light, Madeline L'Engle

The Heroes of Olympus, Rick Riordan

Maximum Ride series, James Patterson

The Edge on the Sword, Rebecca Tingle

World War Z, Max Brooks

Adaline Falling Star, Mary Pope Osborne

Six of Crows, Leigh Bardugo

Children of Blood and Bone, Tomi Adeyemi

Parable of the Sower series, Octavia Butler

I, Robot, Isaac Asimov

Neuomancer, William Gibson

Dune, Frank Herbert

The Miseducation of Cameron Post, Emily M. Danforth

The Martian, Andy Weir

Skeleton Man, Joseph Bruchac

Comics/Manga

Marvel 616 (most of the major titles)

Marvel 1610/Ultimates

Persepolis

This One Summer

Nimona

Death Note

Ouran High School Host Club

Vampire Knight

Emily Carroll comics

Watchmen

Fun Home

From Hell

American Born Chinese

Smile

The Eternal Smile

The Sandman

Calvin and Hobbes

The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For

TV Shows

Fullmetal Alchemist

Avatar the Last Airbender

Teen Titans (2003)

Luke Cage/Jessica Jones/Iron Fist/Defenders/Daredevil/The Punisher

Agents of SHIELD/Agent Carter

Supernatural

Sherlock

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Firefly

American Horror Story

Ouran High School Host Club

Orange is the New Black

Black Sails

Stranger Things

Westworld

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Movies

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Jurassic Park/Lost World/Jurassic World/Lost Park?

The Breakfast Club

Cloverfield/10 Cloverfield Lane/The Cloverfield Paradox

Attack the Block

The Prestige

Moon

Ferris Bueler’s Day Off

Django Unchained/Kill Bill/Inglourious Basterds/Hateful 8/Pulp Fiction/etcetera

Primer

THX 1138/Akira/How I Live Now/Lost World/[anything I’ve named a fic after]

Star Wars

The Meg

A Quiet Place

Baby Driver

Mother!

Alien/Aliens/Prometheus

X-Men (et al.)

10 Things I Hate About You

The Lost Boys

Teen Wolf

Juno

Pirates of the Caribbean (et al.)

Die Hard

Most Disney classics: Toy Story, Mulan, Treasure Planet, Emperor’s New Groove, etc.

Most Pixar classics: Up, Wall-E, The Incredibles

The Matrix

Dark Knight trilogy

Halloween

Friday the 13th

A Nightmare on Elm Street

The Descent

Ghostbusters

Ocean’s Eight/11/12/13

King Kong

The Conjuring

Fantastic Four

Minority Report/Blade Runner/Adjustment Bureau/Total Recall

Fight Club

Spirited Away

Disturbing Behavior

The Faculty

Poets

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Marge Piercy

Thomas Hardy

Sigfried Sassoon

W. B. Yeats

Edgar Allan Poe

Ogden Nash

Margaret Atwood

Maya Angelou

Emily Dickinson

Matthew Dickman

Karen Skolfield

Kwame Alexander

Ellen Hopkins

Shel Silverstein

Musicals/Stage Plays

Les Miserables

Repo: The Genetic Opera

The Lion King

The Phantom of the Opera

Rent

The Prince of Egypt

Pippin

Into the Woods

A Chorus Line

Hairspray

Evita

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

Fiddler on the Roof

Annie

Fun Home

Spring Awakening

Chicago

Cabaret

The Miser

The Importance of Being Earnest

South Pacific

Godspell

Wicked

The Wiz

The Wizard of Oz

Man of La Mancha

The Sound of Music

West Side Story

Matilda

Sweeney Todd

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

Nunsense

You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown/Snoopy

1776

Something Rotten

A Very Potter Musical

Babes in Toyland

Carrie: The Musical

Amadeus

Annie Get Your Gun

25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

The Final Battle

Rock of Ages

Cinderella

Moulin Rouge

Honk

Labyrinth

The Secret Garden

Reefer Madness

Bang Bang You’re Dead

NSFW

War Horse

Peter Pan

Suessical

Sister Act

The Secret Annex

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Disclaimer 1: Like a lot of people who went to high school in the American South, my education in literature is pretty shamefully lacking in a lot of areas. (As in, during our African American History unit in ninth grade we read To Kill a Mockingbird, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn… and that was it. As in, our twelfth-grade US History class, I shit you not, covered Gone With the Wind.) There were a lot of good teachers in with the *ahem* Less Woke ones (how I read Their Eyes Were Watching God and The Bluest Eye) and college definitely set me on the path to trying to find books written/published outside the WASP-ier parts of the U.S., but the overall list is still embarrassingly hegemonic.

Disclaimer 2: There are a crapton of errors — typos, misspelled names, misattributions, questionable genre classifications, etc. — in here. If you genuinely have no idea what a title is supposed to be, ask me. Otherwise, please don’t bother letting me know about my mistakes.

Disclaimer 3: I am not looking for recommendations. My Goodreads “To Read” list is already a good 700 items long, and people telling me “if you like X, then you’ll love Y!” genuinely stresses me the fuck out.

Disclaimer 4: There are no unproblematic faves on this list. I love Supernatural, and I know that Supernatural is hella misogynistic. On the flip side: I don’t love The Lord of the Rings at all, partially because LOTR is hella misogynistic, but I also don’t think that should stop anyone else from loving LOTR if they’re willing to love it and also acknowledge its flaws.

#literature #fandom #booklist #about the blogger #long post #long ass post #books #nothing to do with animorphs #Anonymous #asks

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