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#heaven official's blessing

Xie Lian [about Hua Cheng]: My boyfriend is wonderful though. I listen to everything my boyfriend says.

Xie Lian: I don’t mean he bosses me around, I just listen to everything he says because before I had a boyfriend, I never had someone whose always standing next to me who can just point out obvious things that are happening.

Xie Lian: Like we’ll be in a restaurant and my boyfriend will be like “you ordered your food an hour ago. It should be here by now” and I’m like “yeahhh it should!” It’s like having a lawyer for everyday life.

Xie Lian: He’ll be like: “the bus driver shouldn’t talk to you in that way” and I’m like: “no he shouldn’t!”.

Xie Lian: Before I had a boyfriend, I had no standard of how I should be treated as a human being. You could do anything to me and I was just like a young Motown singer. I was like shiny and dumb and easy to trick. I’m like: “aww man, you’re gonna give me a whole hundred dollas for all of my songs? Where do I sign Mr. Jun Wu?

Xie Lian: And now when I’m not with my boyfriend you can still do anything to me. I can tolerate any treatment.

Xie Lian: Like I try to travel alone sometimes you know and I’ll put up with anything. Like I’ll book a ticket on some garbage airline. You know I don’t want to name any actual airline so lets just make one up and so lets just call it heaven officials airlines. So I’ve got my ticket at “Heaven Officials Airlines” and I show up at the airport. “Can I get on the plane now please?” And their like:

Random Heaven official: NO! ITS BEEN DELAYED 9 HOURS!” [spits]

Xie Lian: and I go “Okayyy” and I go to the bathroom. Then I come out of the bathroom and I go: “any updates?

Random Heaven official:yeah, we took off while you were in the bathroom. BECAUSE WE HATE YOU. Now take this meal voucher that doesn’t work, GO! FETCH!

Xie Lian: And I go: “Okayyyyy” and I go over to the White No-Face puck express and am like: “Can I have a sandwich please?


Xie Lian: and I go: “Okayyyyyy

White No-Face:You’re a little fat girl aren’t you?

Xie Lian: and I go: “noooo! Noooo!

White No-Face:Say it!

Xie Lian: and I go: “I’m a little fat girl.” And then I go over to the Heaven Official’s help desk, which is an oxymoron and I go: “Can I please go home on an airplane?”

Random Heaven Official: “Nooooo! In fact, we’re gonna frame you for murder! And you’re gonna go to jail for 30 years!

Xie Lian: and I go: “Why are you doing this to me?

Random Heaven Official: “Because we’re Heaven Officials Airlines: life is a fucking nightmare!

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I got so scared tho when the subtitles translated gege as “bro” at first I was like “r u really gonna keep that for the whole show”. thankfully they changed it to “lian” later but god the heart attack I almost had

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