#hilarious bc she fits

[cinnabeat]

MY GRANDMA CAT HAS LAID DOWN IN A BOX I REPEAT SHE IS EXHIBITING CAT BEHAVIORS

#HELLOOO IM GONNA CRY THATS SO CUTE #shes been seeking me out lately which is nice i guess she missed me when she was in Prison (the hospital) #but its teagic bc i can only touch her for a little bit since shes Radioactive (tm) #anyways #she laid down in a shoebox i have open for my other cat #and she went in for the first time im so??? #usually she lays on the couch and sleeps like the senior citizen she is #in hindisght thats probably bc of the hyperthyroidism #now shes been more active and that makes me soo happy #michi tag #in a turn of events thats both happy and sad she fits entirely in the box likr i could close the lid and she'd be comfy #whereas my son is a Big Boy and fits BARELY and i could not close the lid and carry him away #sad bc grandma is so tiny #hilarious bc she fits

[padfootastic]

Okay, so I found this meta (https://slashmarks.tumblr.com/post/626830726168444928/did-the-grangers-commit-child-abandonment-or) and like, where are Hermione’s parents? We see them like twice, she mails them once and we don’t see them mail her anything, and they are totally okay with Hermione spending the vast majority of her time at her friend’s house. Do they even exist or did Hermione just spring into existence as an 11 year old like Athena?

sksksks i understand that they were just. utterly useless to the plot so we just—don’t get anything about them but from a watsonian angle, it’s just really funny lol maybe hermione parallels matilda in more ways than just one? and learnt how to take care of herself and became hyper-independent from a ridiculously young age like u have this 1.5yo with bushy hair larger than her upper body, dressed in tiny dungarees, carrying too many books around the house. her parents are always just like ‘yes that’s great hermione’ bc they’re always so busy and absentminded that all they can do is just. a pat on the head.

and this trend carries into hogwarts as well; they’re not talked about because hermione doesn’t need them, at all. she can just do everything herself with ruthless efficiency. and that would explain her decision to obliviate them even better no? hermione operates on the practicality spectrum, she does what needs to be done, always has, because that’s how she’s survived. and if her birthdgivers, who she cares for a perfectly perfunctory amount, can be saved by a little ykno morally grey action—then well, what’s the harm? it’s not like they knew they had a daughter her whole life anyway how would this make a difference?

#hermione granger #the idea of her springing up like athena tho…. #utterly hilarious #can see it happening too #but also just. who’s giving me the matilda hermione au now #it all fits together so well #and it’s like #a common enough hc in fandom that hermione’s fav book wa smatilda wasn’t it? bc she could relate so much? #this is the next logical step lol #pen’s asks

[liquidstar]

i finished drawing the king+queen pair for my ocverse but i figure im not going to post them just yet, bc i also wanna revamp some older designs from andy's group, and i think if i post them all at once as a set i can have all their infoboxes in one place so its more convenient (since andy's group doesn't have those in their og post)

#so itll be a royals set. w andy and her parents. and also her friends lol #neither koe or percy are royal themselves but theyre heavily sworn to the family so they still fit in #i used the same background color for the knights as for the royals to show affiliation anyway #i might also group ursa w them even tho i already posted her w an infobox and dont have any redesign in mind #just so shes w a set #this is convenient for me also bc i can have a masterpost linking every post w each different group #probably the only ones ill leave totally solo are eris and the two upcoming ones #also the only set w uncoordinated colors from these is the last one i posted w parents. bc they dont have the same affiliation #these ppl dont know each other theyre just connected to their kid so that was the background color for each #anyway this is all just me thinking out loud at this point i doubt anyones reading this far #i could say anything and you guys would never know........... #*farts* #how hilarious would it be if this was the method i used to announce to everyone that [redacted] #and it was just buried in tags no one would read so no one would ever know even though i said it #< nothing bad btw. but no ones reading this anyway so clarifying is moot point lol

[mariyekos]

Imagining a scenario where at some point Dante and Lady get married purely for practical purposes (like if she gets hospitalized so Dante can visit/make some decisions) but Lady ends up dating Trish so Dante's like

#dmc #this is crack but. i find it hilarious #if we're doing a timeline that sort of parallels our own i'm also imagining dante being like #'don't worry you're free to divorce me once you and trish are allowed to be married! no hard feelings' #'hell we can make it a double divorce-marriage! we can get divorced at the courthouse and then you and trish get married right after!' #i really like lady/trish as a ship #i generally think of dante/lady as something that they might have tried out when they were younger but eventually realized they weren't- #into. and there were no hard feelins there. just a 'yeah sorry but i don't think this is going to work' and the other going 'fine by me' #a very gentle friends to maybe lovers or just dating back to friends #and in this marriage scenario it would basically fit right into canon. they wouldn't live together or anything #it would purely be a paper thing just so dante gets some special privileges in case something happens to lady #also the extended version of this is dante visiting kyrie at some point and she asks him how his wife is doing which makes him go #'wait. who is this supposed wife of mine?' bc he's pretty sure nero doesn't know about the marriage so how would kyrie know that?? #and she reveals that she thought it was Trish which makes him laugh and say nah they're just friends. also Trish is dating Lady #which makes Kyrie go 'oh! i'm sorry. you two seemed close and nero mentioned seeing her at your place so i'd assumed...' #and dante's like 'eh no worries it's no big deal. i was wondering how you knew about lady and i but that makes more sense.' #then kyrie: 'wait. you and lady are married?' dante: 'yeah!' kyrie: 'but i thought you said she was dating Trish??' dante: 'she is!' #kyrie: '??? uh. well if you're happy i'm happy for you too.' dante: 'thanks! i'll let them know.' #erurandomness #erubabbles #eru hcs #hcs

[cockyroaches]

Ohhhh while on the topic of stas I think the best and worst episode of all time is Double Dose bc i fucking hate Livewire but love Rudy. So when she goes bow wow baby sit for me and I'll throw you a bone ;) I'm so glad he's always literally like

#fucking hole vaccine (hes aromantic) #he genuinely does not care and is not attracted to her in the slightest like she thinks hed be. he just wants to suck the life out of her #which is just fucking hilarious. he does not want you girl hes just fucking starving #we ignore the last thing he said to her ok bc its weird and creepy and doesnt fit what was happening between them at allllllll #bitch mantis #stas #rudy jones #woopsie hes also ace i guess for the context of this. he could be alloaro but i think he just legit doesnt care lol #he just wants to watch tv forreal

[wabblebees]

thought id update to say; i survived opening night!!! and not only that, it went REALLY fucking well, and people seemed to REALLY REALLY like it omfg... god this is so crazy

#i was literally holding the script in a bigass binder for almost the entire show (sparing only the parts where i had to BULLFIGHT) #(bc i needed two hands -- one for the cape & one for the banderilla.)(yall i had to learn how to BULLFIGHT TANGO & SWORDFIGHT. in TWO DAYS) #but the audience said afterwards it was like i wasnt even on-book; they hardly noticed it was there??!! #yall this is my real life rn. im failing my classes but yknow what?? #i can pull it together enough to emergency understudy in a highly physical show 2 days before opening even with a script ive never SEEN #and apparently we made people fucking CRY. HOLY SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT #this playwright is just. incredible. the script is INSANE. BEAUTIFUL & CLEVER & HILARIOUS & TERRIFYING & VILE & TENDER & TECHNICALLY PERFECT #and apparently our production is like. only the eighth time this show has EVER been produced. for real #but god EVERYONE should know about this playwright's work. fuck i actually think tumblr would really love her. holy shit. #maría irene fornés is her name -- she was a queer cuban-american playwright+director who made radical heartwrenching magical theatre #im so grateful to be doing this & SO fucking sad for the original performer im covering for... god. bc this is just such lifechanging work #this play is queer in EVERY sense. its off-putting loving repulsive peculiar passionate holy and GAY AS HELL. its real its farce its SO CAMP #((IRENE & SUSAN SONTAG DATED. SONTAG AS IN 'NOTES ON ''CAMP''' SONTAG. ITS FUCKING GORGEOUS.)) #its gorgeous its gorey its glamourous its also literally the first part ive played that i think might truly fit my casting type exactly lmao #which is INSANE. bc the character is literally just described in the script as ''ISIDORE: an androgynous clown'' LMFAO #but honestly what could be more homoerotic than 2 ''men'' locked in a room together dancing tango+talking abt beetles+stabbing each other #hmm. maybe its the fact that after i stab the other guy i call him ''saint sebastian'' and then we LITERAL ACTUAL GAY KISS #which is crazy bc we only practiced that ONE TIME before opening #and youd think this shit cant get Any Gayer BUT. IT DOES. bc my scene partner+the director are gay+together irl... and uhh. #ive literally been their third. like. more than once. #ISNT THAT FUCKING INSANE. THIS IS MY REAL LIFE?? THIS IS MY REAL LIFE #ANYWAY #so now im headed back out to rehearse more before we perform it again tonight lmao #i hope it goes as well as it did last night #that audience was fucking incredible i really hope the next two like it as much as they did🤞🤞 knocking on wood #so. if u read this far. u should go find+read ''tango palace'' by maría irene fornés. mwah okay bye #bee speaks

[voxmilia]

the only men I ship Severa/Selena with are absolute cringefail nerd men, bonus points if they say some dumb shit in their S support

#christina plays fates #christina plays awakening #sevinigo #leosevera #jevera #idk what the actual ship tags are oop #severa #inigo #leo #jakob #put her with jakob my first conquest run bc their supports? hilarious #married her to inigo my last awakening run and then broke them up so corrin could marry inigo rip #sev and leo is actually so funny though help I love them #ships not featured that fit the criteria: sevbrady and sevlaurent #edit: ALSO SEVOWAIN #ONLY MEN SHE DATES ARE CRINGEFAIL NERDS

[buddyapologist]

you just KNOW that buzzo is one of those guys who's 6'1 and obsessed with it. so i love the idea of him meeting rando for the first time (as rando, so buzzo doesn't know who he is) at the fuckin Olathe Gang Leader Summit and he's like ha look at this dude. and then stands next to him. finds out that rando is like 6'5. and he goes OKAY. FINE. and walks off

#avery.txt #lisaposting #meanwhile dustin's just like 'why the FUCK is he here' #i have a lot of bernie/buzzo thoughts honestly. he's my cringe garbageboy! i rotate him in my head often #obvi dustin looks taller in his mask and general fit but even with those aside i like to think he's at least 6'4 #buddy standing next to him is hilarious bc she's 5 feet of pure rage and he's over 6 feet of chill vibes

[corpocyborg]

ooh apparently there’s a mod that makes v speak in japanese with goro/hanako/anyone else where it makes sense. perfect for my bilingual corpo v headcanon. like... her parents worked for arasaka, she probably grew up planning to work for arasaka one day, she canonically visits japan as part of her work in arasaka counterintel... why wouldn’t she have learned japanese?

(on the other hand it’s also funny to imagine that v speaks perfect japanese but just doesn’t tell anyone about it in case it becomes a strategic advantage one day)

#cyberpunk 2077 #the latter is hilarious and fits my v really well too #because she is intelligence and charisma/manipulation focused #and knows that being underestimated is an advantage #and yes i know that people in cyberpunk can install translation software #but my v is unlikely to rely solely on something like that bc you never know when it could fail you #anyway i might use that mod the next time i replay #although on the other hand i may do vanilla next time because it will probably be after phantom liberty comes out #and dlc has a habit of fucking up every mod

[florenzist]

got one of my irls to name the f1 drivers and im pissing myself laughing

#f1 #personal #ok so she knows charles by face but she cant rmr his name thats why hes jason #BON IVER FOR SEB... YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN SEE IT... MAJOR UNCLE VIBES #ryan gosling for kmag im crying #CHRIS EVANS FOR VERSTAPPEN?!?! ARE WE... BESTIE!?!?!? #and yes she knows about lewis bc i wont ever stop talking about him i boast abt him everyday like hes my family #and yuki because she cant get over the fact that a 00 born kid is driving in the most prestigious motorsport racing in the world #rdj for alonso 😭😭😭 WHAATTR #also for sidenotes albon n zhou got local names wkskfkf which FIT THEM VERY WELL NOW THAT I THINK OF IT #anyway this is hilarious to me #also stroll does kinda give Giovanni.... i can see it

[paradisecas]

I LOVE MY BABIES. we have given them alternative cheese names for adoption purposes and i finagled it so they kinda match. ga(brie)l, lucifer havarti, raphael ricotta, michael mozzarella. i think i have to keep them for forever and ever and ever and ever and

#gabriel was gonna be gabriel gorgonzola buttttt brie was tooo good #and shes so little brie just Works. yes i do think it’s hilarious that gabriel is the runt. #also raphael ricotta is a girl. thot she was a boy nope. no balls. #which rly helped w telling raph and gabe apart ironically enough. id been testing myself by looking for balls which. obviously. #neither of them have any. #and yes we Are raising them to be ipad babies they are OBSESSED w that game. games for cats. #these are all screenshots from videos bc well they dont photograph well. too fast. #lucifers little white spot KILLS ME we call it his priest collar which i also think is hilarious #and michael mozzarella um that is not leaving my lexicon anytime soon. just michael feels Empty now #also lucifer well there is like One cheese that starts w L. i dont even Remember what it is. and there’s like one translation of lucifer #that starts w h so i think we’re golden #plus havarti is an epic name and also dare i say. an epic cheese. #they like. really fit their names tbh. dynamics and personalities and everything. i did good even tho i did it all based on vibes when they #were still scared of me #mine #my cats

[diseasedcube]

just some unhinged rambling about Cutthroat’s VAs

Starting with his English. I don’t haaaateee it, but something abt it rubs me the wrong way. Like the acting is really good, it’s just the voice direction that’s awful. Hard to describe exactly, but he’s like, whiny? There’s a lot of weird inflections and tremors in the acting, esp in episode 9. It’s like Matt was told ‘‘you’re playing a crazy insane serial killer, do the stereotypical psycho voice’’. I once heard someone describe it as ‘‘too horny’‘ and yep, I think that sums up my issue with it. Like there was no balance here, too much ‘‘serial killer’’ voice and not enough ‘‘normal dude who’s kinda childish’‘ voice. There aren’t really any specific line changes I have any issue with (although ‘‘yum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ’‘  instead of ‘‘ah, blood’‘ when he licks Swindler definitely caught me so off guard) 

4/10 not bad but it doesn’t feel good

Then his German voice, this one has the opposite problem than the English. It’s a little too normal and lackluster. A sort of deeper voice that removes the childish element and makes him feel more his age. He does a better job at matching the tone of the Japanese though. It feels like he’s not really trying very hard until ep 9, that’s where he goes all out on the acting. Like if he needs to yell/scream, he puts his whole heart into it and I appreciate that. There are a few line changes that I really appreciate, and probably a lot more that I’m completely missing due to the fact that I just pretend to know German without actually knowing anything. But namely, actually making a ‘‘Here’s Johnny’‘ reference, so good, thank you for putting in the actual reference. The voice is relatively nice, I like the line delivery in quite a few scenes.

7/10 does the job and I like it well enough

and Russian.... uhhh.... I appreciate the fact that even a modicum of emotion was portrayed in the acting (if you’ve ever listened to a russian dub of anything, you’ll understand that this is high praise). Are there line changes? Dunno, stopped learning russian when I was 4 years old so I only know about 5 words

2/10 thanks for trying

I couldn’t find a french dub and didn’t check for spanish, nor do I really care about those bc haha I don’t speak those languages in any capacity, uno dos tres amirite?

Onto the original, the Japanese. Happy bday Mr. Sakurai! What can I say, it’s the og acting, ofc it’s gonna be my favorite, it’s how the lines were originally meant to be said. This man is so good, his voice is so pleasing to listen to. He strikes the perfect balance between Normal, Killer, Yandere and Child. Just the right amount of everything, a perfect voice for Cutthroat.

11/10 I love this man

#rave ramblees #akudama drive #wonder if I should just copy paste this post into my cutthroat essay? #I like the other english dub actors #they all fit the roles nicely #just Cutthroat rubs me the wrong way #though Sister's english voice is unintentionally hilarious #she mumbles everything #my brother and I were just dying from laughter everytime she opened her mouth #cause she's so incomprehensible #it might've just been bc we were using the worst speakers known to man to watch this show though

[soarrenbluejay]

Since I’ve been encouraged to actually share my funny little blorbo ideas here’s another one gang;

Danny moves to Gotham on scholarship for engineering, because the Fentons may be infamous but they’re also insanely brilliant and besides both he and Jazz are showing every sign of embarrassed child of a super genius syndrome, so while the bats are keeping a close eye on him Just In Case, duke is also thinking of introducing him to the Our Parents Are Maniacs But Anyway club maybe after the first month or so.

Gotham does not go for standard dorm living bc of his ‘condition’ and lack of wanting to constantly spook/gaslight a roommate. Besides, living with two small children is a dorm sounds like a disaster in action.

So Danny signs up as a mechanic in Crime Alley, buys himself a teeny weensy lil apartment and Makes It Work. He has been all year after showing up with a de aged Dani and Dan in Amnity after all, and that had gone,,, fine? (The entire town, observing how Danny had been getting increasingly more uncomfortable around his godfather prior to the cloning incident, then just dropped off the face of the earth for several months, the first two weeks stuck in Vlad’s basement enduring horrors and the next Too Many desperately fapping around in the Ghost Zone to get everything handled. All the clones live, all 13 of them. Bunch of them are stuck in the Ghost Zone due to constant need for ectoplasm, but eh, plenty of Zone born never leave, so. One, in the future, apprentices under a green warrior lady on Pandora’s suggestion, another is working in the Eternal Library with Ghost Writer, etc etc. so Danny eventually came back to Amnity with one small child under each arm very obviously traumatized by Somethingn with vlad and doesn’t like being alone with him,,, or touched without warning,, and immediately and passionately proclaims the kids his but struggles to explain how or why,, look some very reasonable assumptions are drawn okay. So the town does the very reasonable thing and does the midwestern equivilant of excommunicating Vlad, except it’s a lot more run him out with pitchforks vibes since he’s the Mayor. Anyway)

He is immediately loved, because while non Gothamites are usually more of a pain than they’re worth, everyone in a while someone even from out of town will just fit in so nicely it’s uncanny for everyone involved. Addams family vibes, it’s referred to as ‘making it home’, just personal hc. He is protective of all the kids playing in the parks and street girls that can totally take care of themselves on their corners but find it HILARIOUS when he just tackles a dick like a wild animal full force no warning. He can fix anything it seems, but refuses to work with weapons. Reasonable enough, people get twitchy about gangs sometimes. Danny mentions being not against Hood or anything, but he’s not going to work for him, littles to take care of and all, but had past experience with ‘Dora and that inheritance mess with her brother he was being a real prick about’ so everyone assumes it’s the equivilant of him having Done His Time and being plenty good for a life time and respects it as long as none of that petty midwestern small town hotshots bring any of that shit over here. And they don’t, because said individuals are on the other side of the mortal veil, so happy day.

See I really love deaged!Dan because he’s just a grumpy lil guy. But he’s also killed millions. He’s so protective of his loved ones, but held back by blending in and also being Smol that it comes off more bitey kitten than anything else. Dani, of course, is a terror, so she fits right in with the crowd.

And sorry gang, but a bunch of kids on their own in Gotham in a poor side of the city just isn’t going to get any attention: that’s just business as usual really. What first gets attention on Danny is not his ‘condition’ or being mistaken for a meta (which he legally probs has an argument for even without the gene bc like these bitches don’t know how metaism works anyway so) or alien (I’m 90% sure he’d be covered by the alien protection act by virtue of being half ‘not from earth’), but because Danny despite best efforts is a Weird Guy.

He grew up in what could only be described as a low level villain level and spent most of high school dealing with smack downs and spiritual invasion. He’s never really processed that any of that is not in fact Normal. Also, he’s capable of making Anything if given the insides of a toaster, blender and alarm clock, and could probably rewrite the circuits of the apartment blindfolded and improve them 1000% even if it ABSOLUTELY would not be up to code.

And sure, things slip every once in a while, bits of spectral ice here, small floating incident there, but everyone just Minds Their Buisness ya know? You really gunna mess with the guy that personally ensured that when your car got flattened by a fight with Killer Croc, you were still able to get in to work the next day by some wizardry? Really?

But Gotham is a city so cursed it’s probably in the exponents countwise, so of course there is a) a flourishing community of magic users and assorted supernatural weirdos and b) a whole lot of shit for Mega Overpowered Ghost King Danny to idly pick at day to day in order to help with his protecting other Obsession. Gotham has plenty of heroes, but by god do they need the spiritual equivilant of an electrician/priest.

Still, Danny, as a baby ancient under a facet of Kronos and KING OF THE DEAD is like, way, way out of their scope to be able to grok, so it mostly just comes off as you know, a family of banshees or something. When asked, Danny very haltingly says he was briefly dead but then revived, which neatly explains his Weird Ass aura and makes it SPECTACULARLY AWKWARD to ask further about. So everyone nods politely, and goes back to their lives after double checking no nefarious bullshit was being pulled.

Then, of course, Vlad finally tracks them down. The whole neighborhood is altered in short order because he doesn’t bother trying to hide being a Rich Bitch or how he’s sneering down his nose at people on the sidewalk. Every connects the dots when Danny paniks. Dani and Dan’s daycare are staffed with some extra, very buff set of hands within the hour. Jerry, Hood’s third in command, personally shows up to the garage Danny is working at to talk things out with him bc he knows he does t like the deal with this stuff due to past unspecified circumstances but well, they guys had already started fucking with him, you see. Stole his tires, spray painted the windows, pickpocketed him blind, and when he retreated tipped off the police to the drugs they’d planted in the glove box.

Danny might not have been born in Gotham, but he was one of them. And the Alley takes care of it own.

#basically I want a fic where it’s not the Batfam but Gotham itself latching onto Danny #also more angy lil baby man Dan in big puffy coats being protective #dp x dc #dc x dp #gotham

[racke7]

There’s an old and entirely truthful argument about how readers don’t really care about “this fic is the same as other fic”.

Now, I agree wholeheartedly that people should be writing more fic, regardless of if someone else has written something similar before, because fics are conversations and all authors bring slightly new ideas to the setting.

Having said that, I recently saw a time-travel (fun trope) Naruto-fic (enjoyable fandom) sending Sakura (enjoyable character) back in time for some undisclosed “fix things” idea, and... just the plain summary of it made me go “yuck”.

And some of that is definitely over-exposure to this particular set of fic-cliches, but it also made me question why I enjoy time-travel fics so much. And the best answer I could think of was:

“The time-traveler needs to be some level of unhinged“

But as I think about that, the truth of the matter is that most good fics include a main-character who is some level of unhinged.

Like, the idea of having a “noble hero” go back to “fix what went wrong”? Blegh.

The idea of a “deranged lunatic with access to explosives” going back because “oops, they accidentally’d themselves into a time-space pretzel with their explosives”? Delightful.

Does every main-character need to be the same sort of crazy? Of course not! In fact, there really should be variety in these things, to keep things spicy!

(There’s a reason why everyone loves the crazies of the Akatsuki so much, and it’s because they’re all completely ridiculous people, and yet they all kind of make sense as fully fleshed-out characters.)

Again, even a crazy person might be trying to “make things better”, but either their approach to this is hilariously insane (”if I randomly assassinate these people then everyone will live in peace for forever”), or their goal is insane (”the world is ending, so this time I definitely need to get laid before that happens”).

And this is the true beauty of time-travel I think, because it lets the fic-author create someone that unhinged from fragments of the original character (by aging them up past canon, or by having their past life divert from canon) without coming across as that character suddenly being massively OOC.

“Oh, but this is just for comedy-”

WRONG

Whilst sounding comedic in its own right, unhinged characters are by their very nature not so easily defined as “comedy”. Perhaps they get to see their loved ones again, perhaps they have to awkwardly and hesitantly relearn what it means to be “human”, perhaps they will finally have an opportunity for revenge, perhaps they’re sick and tired of it all and just wants to sleep for forever.

Unhinged characters time-traveling with no way of knowing how to time-travel again (aka, no “I was sent back”, and a lot more “what the fuck is this”), so as to make sure that the perfectionist weirdo doesn’t keep resetting the time-line until they do “everything perfectly”? Fucking perfection.

#writing #musings #rants #i really adored Riley the Demon Bird and i'm really sad that she's now kind of stuck in a fandom i really don't want to touch #she was just such a wonderful combination of crazy and inhuman and ''desperately wanting to be loved again'' #i mean ''survivor of the demon-apocalypse that transforms into a bird and eats demons to live'' -> #could easily be translated for a lot of different fandoms - but then there'd be a lot of ''why is she a bird though?'' #and also her magic was so hilariously wacky (''i made this super-lethal Fortress of Doom bcs i was bored'') #and i dunno how to go about really fitting her into a magical system that makes ANY sense whatsoever

[zwei-rhunen]

The degenerate comments i do towards Naevius are hilarious, but sadly it doesn't really match the thing I got going on for Zwei 😭

It's gonna have to be formally incorporated into another OC lmao

I'm just dying over like the idea of:

> This OC, meeting up with Lucia and Naevius

OC: Hiya, Lucia! 😃😇 (normal, friendly, run-of-the-mill personality, you would trust her to babysit your kids)

OC: ... -turns to Naevius-

OC, doing a complete 180, flirtatious, /pose'ing, the whole nine HUNDRED yards:

hey, daddy 😏😘 /blowkiss x100

New OC would be a walking HR nightmare, yes yes 😊

Lmao she has 2 outfits on speed-dial and always switches to the second one whenever greeting Naevius

So it'd be like:

Greets lucia in her whatever she's wearing atm

Turns slightly off to the side to Naevius, changes outfits to smth outrageously over-the-top (im thinking, gold saucer bunny outfit)

Then greets naevius lmfao

#zwei writes #to clarify i wouldnt actually play like that ingame lmao #like im not going to purposefully increase my degenerate behavior while playing that char. itll stay the same amt #but itll just be funnier bc now its actually on a char that fits with their personality and stuff lol #lightly tease and antagonize him specifically bc he's a good sport and also passerby looks are hilarious #as the ingame HC. out of game i just need a char that ISNT zwei LMAO #i dont need strangers thinking shes open for ERP 😭😭 her existing and running around is enough clearly LMAOOO #based on a few convos ive had looool #theyve all been super cordial and chill like its been cool. but like yea i think i need another char for my bullshittery lmfao #zwei is supposed to be a lil normal scruffy street catte that chooses violence first and always ! #and like it would just *fit* better yk lawl #idk maybe this is why/how ppl become altoholics LMFAO #these are alot of words to say 'oh my god i want to create a meme character someday'

[augustinewrites]

satoru absolutely does not know how to ride a bike idk how i know this but i know cw: suggestive content, mdni

“that was…good,” satoru settles on, still unable to properly articulate. he whines, still a little lightheaded and breathless as you roll off of him with a laugh, pressing a kiss to his shoulder before tucking yourself into his side.

“just good?” you tease, fingertips gliding over his chest. “if i’d known there was going to be a review, i’d have done that thing with my hips that you like.”

you roll your hips against his thigh, sending a warm chill down satoru’s spine. 

“don’t do that,” he warns, but his face is flushed and he can feel himself getting hard again. “unless you want to leave the kids at your dad’s for another night.”

“oh! speaking of the kids!” your sweet movements stop abruptly, causing him to peek one eye open to send you a long suffering look. “my father bought the kids bikes yesterday, and i told him you’d teach them how to ride them.”

now, it’s no secret that gojo satoru is good at a lot of things. 

he can manipulate the infinity around him and exorcise special grade curses with the flick of his wrist. he knows the words to every avicii song and can make mug cakes that don’t always explode in the microwave. 

there’s only one thing he can’t do. 

“i remember when my dad taught me,” you sigh. there’s a fondness in your eyes as you describe the memory. it’s something special and cherished, and satoru wants that for his kids. 

_____

“this isn’t funny, shoko!” 

“you’re right.”

“thank you—”

“because it’s hilarious. gojo satoru, the strongest sorcerer of our time, never learned how to ride a bicycle.” 

she trails off in a fit of laughter. satoru hasn’t heard her laugh like this in a long time, and he’d be ecstatic if her amusement hadn’t come at his expense. 

“i didn’t have anyone willing to teach me!” he tells her, huffing. “it was all cursed technique this and cursed technique that. not to mention bikes are literal death traps on wheels.”

“motorcycles are death traps on wheels. bicycles are for babies,” she corrects, though he can still hear the laughter bubbling in her response. “why’d you even agree to teach them?”

“because she did this super hot thing with her hips, but focus!” he whispers harshly. “i can’t teach the kids how to ride a bike! what if i just bought a car—”

“only you would try to buy a car for an 11 year old.”

“not for megumi. tsumiki’s basically 13. she can start learning so when she’s old enough—”

“so tsumiki is going to learn how to drive before you learn how to ride a bike? you are so tragic,” she snickers. 

well, it sounds lame when she puts it like that.

he looks up when the sound of the shower running stops. “and you’re useless,” he growls into the phone. “i’ll ask nanami.” 

_____

NOT GOJO 

[shoko]: i heard gojo’s teaching the kids how to ride their bikes

[you]: yeah :) i’m so excited!

[shoko]: me too.

[shoko]: can you send videos?

[nanami]: I would also like to see videos. 

[you]: sure. but why the interest?

[shoko]: bcs i care about them and want to celebrate their achievements

[you]: you didn’t come to megumi’s violin recital because you said you valued your eardrums. 

[nanami]: It will be a fun moment to look back on when they’re older. 

[shoko] yeah that ^

[you]: fine i’ll send videos.

______

the sun is just beginning to set and the city beginning to settle when you take the kids to the park. 

“i really think—”

“satoru, we are not teaching megumi how to teleport to school.”

“but if he uses the shadows—”

you thrust a helmet into his hands, stern look shutting him up immediately. 

“fuck,” he mumbles once your back is turned to help the kids. he shoves the helmet onto his head and buckles it tightly.

the kids walk over to him with their little bikes, the huge helmets on their head making them look like bobble heads. 

you document his torture with a quick photo before giving him the floor. 

“riding a bike is…super simple,” he tells them, patting the seat of your bike. “you get on, put your feet on the pedals, and…pedal.”

the kids only stare at him, confused looks on their cute faces. 

“maybe you should just show them,” you suggest. 

“why don’t you show them?” he quickly deflects. please please please—

“no! i’m taking the video!” 

fuck.

satoru grips the handles of the bike tightly. he’s faced the worst of the worst, died and come back to life. he could ride a stupid bike.

he kicks at the stand your bike is leaning on, getting it up on the fourth kick. he swings his right leg over so he’s straddling the seat, his feet planted firmly on the ground.

it can’t be that hard, can it?

“watch and learn, kids.”

he takes a breath, then pushes off and places his feet on the pedals.

the bike rolls forward slowly. it’s wobbly at best, but he’s doing it. he’s doing it! he picks up a little momentum, heading off into the sunset—

“satoru! don’t lead them downhill!”

sure enough, the path in front of him leads down a slight decline. he squeezes the brakes and jerks to the side, sending him toppling over the bike and into the grass.

as he lays in the grass, dazed, megumi and tsumiki bike right past him. he’s sure the former even rolls his eyes.

“they have training wheels,” he says when you run over to check on him. “they’re cheating—”

“do you not know how to ride a bike?!”

“i never learned,” he grumbles, cheeks blushing at the admission. 

“oh, honey,” you sigh, brushing some grass from his shirt. “why didn’t you just tell me?”

you kiss his brow, unable to hold back your laughter as he pouts. “you were so excited about me teaching them. didn’t want to disappoint anyone.”

“you could never disappoint us,” you tell him firmly. “now come on, i’ll teach all three of you.”

so you teach him, holding onto the back of his bike until he’s steady, until he’s confident enough to do it on his own. 

he’ll get the hang of it eventually.

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #gojo fluff #keeping up with the fushigojos