#holy fuck. where do i even start. my god.
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Saga of Solitude 5/?
Nepo!Baby Bradley and his life at USNA and afterwards. DADT fully in force. Hangster AU. (Begun prior to 'It's not who you know' - the non-angsty version).
PROLOGUE (He remembers)
HANGSTER FIRST MEETING (Lonely Nights - set 2009)
Updating ~weekly (longer chapters).
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS
ONE (2000) TWO (2001) THREE (2002) FOUR (2003)
CHAPTER FIVE – 2004
He spends three weeks in a submarine and it helps cement his decision to attend flight school, if they accept his application. There is of course the natural competition between everyone, it’s simply how they function, each striving to be better, make those around them better, but also support them and drag them through it if they have to. His third year at USNA wraps up and he’s facing his summer break. The entire year has gone well, no terrorist attacks, although there is definite heightened security since.
The routine is easy now, he’s an upperclassman, has Natasha and then a smaller circle of people he considers friends, if nothing close to what he has with Natasha. He’s aware that a significant chunk of upperclassmen think that he and Natasha are together, and the one time he checks in with her about whether she’s okay with that she’d just shrugged and said it had stopped the guys expecting her to pay any of them attention. No one asks, and they never correct anyone. When they head out to have leave together no one bats an eye. When they mention having spent some of the previous summer together it’s the same.
He finds out why Natasha doesn’t talk to her family. Teenage pregnancy. She’d refused to get married to the guy, someone she won’t even tall Bradley the name of, and the shame of either the pregnancy, or their daughter not obeying them, they’d kicked her out. Her application with USNA had already been accepted, her place guaranteed and Bradley doesn’t need to ask to realize what her decision must have been. He briefly feels awful about introducing Tamsin and Petra to her, but she seems to take great joy in chatting to them on the phone and drawing and sending them pictures, so he lets that guilt melt away.
They’ve both been asked to return to USNA and assist as upperclassmen for Plebe Summer, something he feels immense pride in, glad to have made a good enough impression that he’s being held up as a role model to the new recruits. Of course it makes their leave almost non-existent and they decide to spend it together, which he knows will only fuel rumors that they’re a couple. They go to San Francisco for five days at the start of their leave, and he finally gets to meet Natasha’s sole family member that has anything to do with her, and the way his eyes travel up Bradley’s body leave him blushing furiously. That he’s hot doesn’t help at all.
“Oh, it is nice to meet you,” Christopher says, shaking his hand and Bradley looks to Natasha with a raised eyebrow and she’s just shaking her head.
“Nice to meet you too. Bradley.”
“Mmm. I have heard a lot about you. She didn’t ever mention just how delightful you looked.”
“Because to me, he isn’t very delightful to look at. There are nicer views.”
“Hey!” Bradley objects, out of principle more than anything, and Natasha is already cackling and pushing past Christopher with her bags but Christopher is looking at him seriously, completely different to the over-the-top flirtation of a moment ago.
“Oh my god. You’re…” Christopher makes a limp-wrist gesture which sends Bradley’s eyebrows up in surprise.
“Uh. Don’t ask don’t tell…” he says, throat tight, wondering where the fuck Natasha has gone.
“Oh honey, I am not part of your weird cultish military shit. And I wasn’t asking, I was confirming. Holy shit. No wonder Tadpole likes you so much.”
“Tadpole?”
“Shut up!” Natasha calls out and Bradley grins.
“I’ll tell you the story later,” Christopher says, voice low and conspiratory and Bradley nods, hitching his bag over his shoulder. Christopher jerks his head toward where Natasha can be heard grumbling. “Sorry, only got the one guest room. She’s already claimed the bed probably, so you’re on an air mattress.”
“That’s fine, not the worst place I’ve slept by far.”
“You’re my guest, I’d like to hope not. I’ll let you guys get settled then we can head out and find some food.”
He leaves Bradley at the door and Natasha is smirking at him.
“You couldn’t have told me?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper.
“Sorry, his sexuality isn’t exactly something I drop into casual conversation. We’re at USNA remember. Repression is being ingrained into us.”
“Okay, would you hate me if I asked him out?”
“No. But his boyfriend might.”
“Oh. Yeah. Okay.”
“They can take you clubbing. I’m sure you’ll find ways of enjoying yourself here.”
She’s right, and she’s smug about it. During the days they do touristy things and just spend time relaxing, occasionally working out. In the evenings Christopher and his boyfriend Patrick take them dancing or clubbing. Natasha comes along once, but then tells them she doesn’t want to sit around getting hit on by anyone so instead either goes to the movies or stays at Christopher’s apartment.
He’s spent previous weeks on leave in New York, having sex with strangers, but this is a completely different experience. One he’s not going to forget in a hurry. For a start he has never had so much sex in such a short period of time, and it’s good sex, the guys that Christopher sends his way clearly more experienced and keen to give him good experiences or teach him how to give better blow jobs. It’s like each of the guys has undergone a screening process, and when one slips that he’s an ex of Patrick’s he realizes that maybe they have been. He can’t bring himself to care, not when he’ benefitting and enjoying it all.
… … …
They get to Ice’s house and there’s a welcome home party and he can’t believe how big Tamsin and Petra have grown. It’s a vastly different experience to their brief time in San Fransisco but he’s glad they have two weeks and Natasha seems to take her role as surrogate big sister seriously, the four of them watching movies, or lying around with slices of cucumber over their eyes. Sarah snaps a picture of them like that, gets it printed and gives copies to both him and Natasha, along with a pile of other photos she’s taken while they’ve been staying.
Of course, his birthday comes and he’s twenty-one. Maverick hands over an envelope and a key and he looks at it blankly.
“What’s this?”
“The deed to the house. It’s to go to you on your twenty-first birthday.”
“But… what am I going to do with a house?”
“Live in it?”
“But… I’ll be deployed or away…”
“Bradley, it’s the house your parents bought. What you do with it is up to you. I’d like to still live there of course…”
“Of course! I mean, if you’re not moving in with Ice, then of course you can stay there. It’s just… nothing has to change right? It’s just a piece of paper?”
“It’s just a piece of paper. And we’ll help navigate any legal stuff. And we won’t be moving in together any time soon,” Ice states, voice soft, but his expression is sad and Bradley wishes things were different.
… … …
Tom wants to wrap himself around Maverick and never let him go. The amount he’s been away on deployment makes every moment they have together even more precious, and he’s starting to second guess his own rules, even if they’ve kept them both safe. He has two kids and an ex-wife which is a damned good cover, even if his best friend comes and stays frequently. He isn’t telling anyone that doesn’t already know, and no one is asking him, even if they have their suspicions.
He hates the fact that Pete is now effectively homeless, not that Bradley would ever kick him out of the house, but Tom wants him to have somewhere that is his, and maybe not his alone, but something that would just light Pete up from the inside. The way flying does. He pauses mid-thought and thinks back to a couple of years ago, the Beechcraft and the airstrip, Mav taking Bradley up in the air. Huh. Not a plane, not yet, but there were hangars out there. And a hangar beside an airstrip is probably somewhere Pete would consider living if he thought it was a legitimate option. Not that he himself would want to live beside an airstrip, but this isn’t about him.
He makes a few calls. Then a few more calls. He’s got to consider leases, and taxes and whether it might just make more sense to rent. He doesn’t want to rent though, wants to make some sort of large gesture and present it as a fait accompli that gives Maverick no wiggle-room to turn it down. He feels pretty confident it wouldn’t be turned away regardless, unless Mav was feeling particularly difficult on the day. Then he gets a call, someone had heard he was looking, and it’s an old Navy hangar, located at the very same airstrip and it feels serendipitous and he agrees to come out and have a look.
… … …
Of course, with how much mentoring he’s doing with the Plebes come the questions, and he remembers his conversation with Ice, a couple of years ago now. When they ask him questions about his parents he simply pulls a face and shakes his head, ignores his own peers, fellow Firsts, who he can see from the corner of his eye who were shaking their heads at the Plebes, trying to stop them from simply asking.
“My dad was a naval aviator who died in a Top Gun training incident in eighty-six and my mom died of cancer in ninety-four. I was raised by my step-father after that. Any other awkward questions you want answers to?”
It’s probably why they never ask him or Natasha anything, and another First slaps the Plebe on the back, mutters I tried to warn you off asking but he doesn’t feel upset about it at all. It’s not at all a lie, even if his step-father would be here in a heartbeat if Bradley needed him to be. He knows that both Ice and Mav intend to attend his graduation in formal roles, and while they might night get to acknowledge their roles with each other in such a formal setting he doesn’t care. They want to be there and they’re planning to be there, special leave already requested and granted long ago, considering they’ll be in uniform.
He and Natasha both work hard, both at their studies and also on their physical fitness. Their applications for flight school were submitted months ago, he really wants to go with her, can’t imagine not going without her. They’re both consistently in the top two or five percent, which he knows bodes well for them. Knows that their involvement with extra curriculars and being friendly with pretty much everyone has them well liked and respected. He just has to be patient and wait.
… … …
�� They both look at the envelopes, slapping them on empty palms. They look identical, but unlike his USNA acceptance letter, this is a single piece of paper and it could be flight school acceptance, or a decline.
“On the count of three?” Natasha asks and Bradley admires her courage.
“Yeah. Three.”
They rip them open.
… … …
“I knew it!” Maverick screams, his joy palpable through the phone for their Saturday afternoon call. “Ice! Ice! He got in! Hold on, let me put you on speaker…”
“Of course he did… well done Bradley. Congratulations.”
He blows out a long breath, because he’s glad they have seemingly unshakeable confidence in his abilities. God, he never wants to disappoint them.
“Thanks. Natasha got in as well.”
“She’s a very capable young woman. Proud of you both. Please pass that on to her.”
“Yeah, thanks. I will.”
“Yeah, we’re both very proud. You can go back to work now. I’m going to go outside and talk to my godson…”
He hears Ice mutter something in the background, not clear enough to make out, but then Mav is telling him off for rolling his eyes and he can just imagine what he said, the gentle laughter between them and he can’t help but smile.
“So. did Ice tell you he bought me a hangar?”
“He did what?” Bradley asks, because such a move seems like something Mav would make, rather than Ice.
“He bought me a hangar. Said that I was obviously always welcome wherever he was, but that he knew I needed my own place and that I now had a space for the plane I’ve been eyeing up.”
“You’ve been eying up a plane? Wait. A hangar. For you to live in? What about the house? You aren’t moving out are you?”
“No. Of course not. But I’m going to be there as often as you are, probably less considering Ice has become a lot more, uh, relaxed about his stupid sleepover rules. The hangar isn’t currently habitable anyway. But there’s this P-51 Mustang I’ve been looking at. It’s beautiful.”
“He proposed to you with an aircraft hangar. Oh my god, that’s so… romantic and practical of him.”
“He didn’t propose.”
“Mav. If a guy bought me an aircraft hangar what would you think about the guy?”
“That he was crazy in love with you, and utterly committed… oh shit. I’ll call you back.”
He is not surprised when he doesn’t get called back.
… … …
He hadn’t expected it.
They hadn’t warned him.
The emotions of the day, coupled with the fact that they’d asked every single member of the 1986 Top Gun class there, along with a few other friends of both his parents. He clearly has the biggest cheering section and he feels like a mess inside, although outwardly he’s all smiles and calm togetherness. Four years of training helps with that at least. Ice and Mav are both up on the stage, part of the VIP section, along with several others who are still serving, and he recognizes them from his birthday a couple of years ago.
“Did you know they were all going to be here?” Natasha asks, and he shakes his head, throat working against the tightness of his collar.
There are photos, Ice agreeing to so many photos with newly minted graduates and Bradley lets them all go, fights his way through the crowds to find Mav. He and Ice can stage photos later, there will always be times when they’re in uniform. Just the fact that they’re here is more than enough and he’s so happy that he has had them supporting him every step of the way.
“Captain Mitchell.”
“Midshipman Bradshaw. Congratulations. Your father would be very proud. I flew with him you know?”
Bradley blinks.
Blinks again.
Hopes his internal dialogue somehow is being telepathically beamed into Mav’s head.
You are such a dick. Hopefully his expression does enough to convey his exasperation.
“Really? I didn’t know that sir.”
Mav gives him a shit-eating grin and Bradley wishes Ice were there to hit him around the head. Not that he would, not in this setting, but damn he sees why he’s always so tempted.
“I’m going to have a photo with all the graduates who are going to be heading off to Corpus Christi for flight school. I think they want us over there.”
It’s chaos. Positive and energetic happiness with everyone feeling the sense that they’re about to begin their careers, that they’ve made it through what is meant to be the hardest part, even if Bradley secretly thinks flight school might be even more challenging, it’s only for eighteen months. He manages to get photos with Maverick, Natasha and Ice and nearly every available combination. Then there are photos with the 1986 class, and he ignores the fact that several of the other men seem to shed a tear.
Then it’s dispersing, the crowd thinning and families are gathering, taking more photos and he can see Sarah pushing through, the hands of Tamsin and Petra clasped and he grins, starts heading toward them, already thinking that Tamsin has grown a couple of inches, can see both his sisters pulling Sarah toward them before she decides to let them go.
“Natasha! Natasha!” Petra screams, and she’s running across the quad, hair streaming behind her with gold and navy ribbons mixed in, running past him and Natasha is grinning broadly, bending down to swoop Petra up in a hug. Bradley stands back up from where he’d been just about to scoop her up himself before she’d breezed past him.
“Wow,” he says to Sarah as she comes to a stop to stand beside him.
“Hurts doesn’t it?” Sarah says, not really asking and Bradley nods, murmuring a quiet yeah under his breath. He doesn’t begrudge Natasha the joy and love of his sisters, love isn’t in finite supply, it’s just a little hurtful to not even warrant a hello. He has to remind himself that Petra is only seven.
“I love you Bradley,” Tamsin says, arms coming around his waist to give him a hug, as if she can tell how he’s feeling and he hugs her back.
“Love you too Tam.”
“You’re dressed up all fancy like Daddy and Papa.”
“Yeah. You look pretty fancy in your dress too. Is that new?”
“Yep. Mom bought is especially for today!”
“We can look fancy together.”
“Congratulations Bradley, we’re all very proud of you.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you proud of me? I go to school too,” Tamsin says, and Sarah looks heavenward and Bradley wonders if she’s been fielding questions like this for a while.
“I’m proud of you, going to school can be really hard work somedays,” Bradley says.
“Daddy!” Tamsin says, and then Ice is there, pressing his cheek against Sarah’s in greeting and nodding at Bradley again.
“Bradley! Up!” Petra demands, appearing at his side and Natasha is grinning.
“Hello to you too Miss Petra, happy to be of service.”
There are a few people doing a double take as they see who he is standing with, who he is clearly family with, but he cares less now. He’s finished here, no one can claim he played any favoritism card. He knows flight school will be different, wants to be in the air as soon as possible.
He can’t wait.
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#I've played with irl atheists and catholics and everything in between#but it rarely feels like faith is a real factor for anyone-- DM or player#outside of‚ again‚ divine spellcasters and Big Epic Plot Things#I mean there are a couple of 'RAAAHGH FUCK THE GODS >:C' edgy backstory types but#no one is just Normally Culturally Religious and it's WEIRD#like it's not even a matter of faith in dnd! the gods are LITERALLY OBJECTIVELY PROVABLY REAL#so what does that MEAN for the average person! how does it shape language? business? culture?#where are the people wearing holy symbols like amulets-- or the way modern christians very casually wear crosses?#blessings over meals? prayers before bed? burnt offerings?#and like I enjoy thinking about world and culture building but I know that's A Whole Thing but even just like...#it doesn't feel like anyone believes in gods at all except clerics and paladins#like they DO because they factually exist but in the same way I 'believe in' like. the president of france.#like yeah he exists and is important to some people but has no bearing on my life whatsoever#that's such a fucking weird approach to the DIVINE in a polytheist world where those gods are YOUR CULTURE'S GODS??#I am bad at this myself but I'm not religious so it's harder for me to remember what Being Religious All The Time Casually is like lol#funny enough my character with the most intentionally religious background in this sense#is one of my ones who's ended up wrapped up in Big Plot God Things lmao#'aubree starts the campaign with a holy symbol of yondalla because of course she does why wouldn't she'#'oh okay well she's gonna get deeply and personally entangled with a bunch of death gods immediately' fdkjghkdf oh!! welp#you don't really pray to urogalan unless you're breaking ground for a new building or someone just died so it's STILL weird for her lol#but at least I had the framework there of 'oh yeah the gods exist and matter to me and my everyday life and culture' in general#about me#posts from twitter
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Just. finished fallout. normal.
#what the fuck#what the fuvck what the fuck what the fuck#im so normal about this guys very so normal#(shaking and gripping the edge of the sink hunched over like im playing silent hill)#so normal so normal#what do i even do with my life now#how am i just supposed to go about my day#FUCK that last scene fucking insane though#oh my god the ghoul is so cool#like holy SHIT#the relization that the ghoul could of killed maximus in that first meeting but just like. chose not to? insane.#fallout is ruining my life i have to play every game now#fallout#i need a season 2 NOW#8 hours is not enough#i need to see Lucy kill her father#its like 5am where i am#im going to impulsively dye my fuckass mullet about this#fallout show#fallout series#just fishdeath-ing#fallout tv series#if anyone wants to talk abt fallout with me i dont know how to start a conversation but im clawing at my walls & willing to try please plea
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dude idk if its because i only started watching bridgerton this year or if the writing and costume design and acting somehow increased tenfold, or just because the main plot focuses around my favourite characters, but i have never been happier watching a romance show In My Life
#oh my GOD#i am not a romance person usually but holy shit dude colin's confession FOLLOWED BY PEN'S#i will never be okay again#AND DO NOT EVEN GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON CRESSIDA AND ELOISE#I LOVE THEM#THEY ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TO ME#AND THAT ONE SCENE WHERE ELOISE VISITS THE FEATHERINGTONS AND THEY BOTH CARE SO MUCH ABOUT EACH OTHER STILL#BUT THEY DONT WANT TO PUSH????#IM NOT OKAY#god#part two could take years and i would be okay with it#im gonna lose my MIND#HOW DID THAT LIVE UP TO EVERY HOPE I HAVE AND SURPASS THEM ALL????#bridgerton s3#bridgerton spoilers
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ooooo ahhhhh oooooooooggg (big vent in tags
#vent#rips hair out rips hair out rips hair out#rambling about finances and jobs ueueueee ->#i want to have a life where a job doesn't take my entire life but god it feels like its just a reality that i need to it suck up#i dont!! want !! to suck it up!!! i dont want work life to be the only thing i should have in my life !!!#maybe i should start selling on etsy?? i dont know if i have an audience to sell to aughh#i want to believe that if i try hard enough i can find a livelihood where i have space for my lows [that im still working on but GOD it#takes so so long to even dent it and. fuck]#maybe ill open an etsy shop??#i kinda wish i could like. talk about this with someone? like my plans? without getting the suggestion to push beyond my limits#ive tried and did push beyond my limits before and it didnt end well .. i know that its important to step outside of our comfort zone#but holy cow i genuinely cannot tell where is my comfort zone and where is Burnout until. well until ive burnt out completely#i dont know the line between challenging myself healthily vs sprinting without break til i drop#scratches head#i think. i need um. support more than criticism? which sounds entitled of me. i think. i cant tell#concrit is amazing and without criticism how am i going to Be Better - but most of the concrit i receive half the time are things#that i already know and am *struggling* to fulfill which kinda just ends up. pushing my anxiety to a breakdown? mmghg#i. i want to . work healthily. i know that i cant work in a contractual job (retail - customer service - corporate etc) because i genuinely#CANNOT risk having a depressive low thats too prolonged or an anxiety spike that messes up my workflow to the point it disrupts an *entire*#working environment with other people that are just trying to do their jobs and also risk breaking one of the contracts' terms. its just no#safe to do it (ive had a contractual job and nearly. fucked up badly cause of my mental illness. im not risking it again). but DANG does it#feel like im just making excuses to not get a job#i. i have an idea for an etsy shop since freelancing would be the safest option. i just don't know if im good enough at my skills to.#actually sell to customers you know#ooughgh i wish i could run by my ideas to someone without being so so scared of. appearing as inadequate or illprepared when im doing my#best? but also its a Job and im supposed to make sure theres little to no mistakes and have a product that's of the best quality i can make#AUHGHG#i dont know how to work healthily and consistently and it scares me.#i dont know how to take care of myself and i dont know how to work. which is like. the two most important things i need to live sustainably#probably seems unproductive to me to like. talk about this on a tumblr post if anything but by the gods i need to process all this
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cant stopthinking about betty
#^ another post thats rlly funny with my current pfp. canon#anyways its genuinely terminal#i cant remember if ive already said this but i think its cause even tho i know for a fact i mustve watched episodes with her in it#because my brother says we did when we watched it as kids. i had ZERO memory of ever witnessing anything to do with her#other than ofc like. holly jolly secrets LOL but that doesnt count#i only knew of that stuff secondhand during the period where i was kind of just occasionally hearing about the show as it aired when i#wasnt watching it. so basically while i already kind of knew what happened. this is me experiencing her as a character and her plotline#essentially for the first time. and realizing ohmy god shes the best character ever. holy fawk.......................#i only just started my at rewatch and i just started s2#but before that i had skimmed thru a guy's reactions to the full series which led to me watching her episodes for the first time. and MAN.#man. i love her somsuchh oh my god. BETTYYYYYTHAHRAHGHRHGRHRGHRGH#when the character is loving to the point of unhealthy obsession and sacrificing their entire life for the other person#that shit is like cocaine to me#rlly rlly hoping that f&c addresses how crazy and fucked her constantly sacrificing everything for simon is#literally GO TO THERAPY GIRL. GO TO CHAOS GOD THERAPY.#but then again. if she went to therapy she wouldnt be a cool wizard. so maybe its not worth it#also i love a good ''normal average human character slowly becoming less and less human until they are unrecognizable''#serena.txt
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star vs the forces of evil was so fucking good and for what.
for ppl to be mad about kissing? hell and death and violence
#just had a fucking CONVERSATION in friendsever and ignoring the lackluster s4 its jsut like. my god#the only animated thing ever to do racism allegory well and correctly#and also be really fucking raw about it#the abolute fucking balls of this show to do its colonization loredump ep on july 4th#kickass well-excuted narrative themes aside theres also just fun awesome stuff such as: eclipsa#my GOD where to even start with eclipsa literally the character ever of all time#both in a narrative sense and just being a fantastially fun character#the way the characyer design on svtfoe was absolutely batshit but also really fucking good in the most unexpected ways#buff frog.#the toffee arc. the meteora arc.#just holy shit so much in this show was knockout#missing star vs. so hard on this fine saturday evening#bweeeaaahh#also i just rememberd the INSANE amout of external lore that was put out across like 3 hefty artbooks. or.. lorebooks ig#this show really had it all. and for what. for WHAT
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Hate, in Every Sense of the Word.
By: J
major tws for; suicide mention, domestic abuse, abuse, sexual assult mention, murder mention, (really just alot of violence tbh) self harm mention
uh, sorry? that theres so many tws, ig also minor tw for mention of sex too.
uh haha i uh, can you tell what happened tonight? it wasnt even the worst one, just, im tired of it.
talk abt living out of spite bc mannnn, thats all i been going off of for a good while now!
i uh, i really wanna make a certain food bc um. (LOOK I WANNA MAKW A LESS OILY FUCKER OKAY) but my father is awake meaning my mother will be too soon but im scared to even go out of my room bc theyre prob gonna fighttt.
hhhrbd okok ill shut up for now, go ahead and read the angry jirou bullshit ig 😭
(oh yea, if it wasn’t obvious. im talking about my mother in this.)
——————————
yknow,
you havent been a great person
or a good one even.
yet you still question as to why i dont love you
or like you,
maybe you have an idea of how much i hate you.
maybe not
i dont really care about your feelings.
at all.
not now.
i put up with this for fucking 14 years.
my entire fucking life.
ive put up with your shit.
but now?
now im done.
you have no idea how badly you fucked up.
when he said that “im sorry im a fuck up”
yknow.
he mightve not been right for what he did.
but,
it was just a mistake.
it was a goddamn mistake.
you have any idea how many times ive uttered those words too?
how many times ive repeated them?
how many times i fucking meant it?
just because you “had it bad” doesnt mean shit to me.
you have no goddamn right to treat others the same way.
dont give me that “i dont know how else to act!”
bullshit.
bullshit you dont.
you treated your damn boyfriend just fine!
you had a goddamn kid
you had two goddamn children.
with this man that you fucking DESPISE.
you knew it back then too.
you told me you did.
you fucking told me.
almost nothing can compare to the anger i feel to you right now.
nothing.
you have no right to act like that.
no.
you have no goddamn right to hit another fucking living being.
for such a simple mistake.
i dont care if he talked about it since friday.
i dont give a fuck if he talked about it for months.
you.
you as a goddamn human.
have no right.
none.
in the slighest.
to hit another living being.
for talking about something in your eyes “too much”
or making a mistake.
youre a hypocrite.
need i remind you?
you said that after you broke up with the man you were having an affair with.
that youd be a better person.
stop the fights.
stop the beatings.
stop all of it.
and everything would be okay!
.
i didn’t believe you for a goddamn millisecond.
youre a liar.
just how you said i was.
you didnt quit.
you didnt stop.
hell two months after you hit him again!
you threatened to kill him and yourself!
cmon.
dont you get it yet?
i fucking despise you.
maybe to a degree i feel shocked.
but.
i really dont think thats it.
youre the root of my problems.
every single last fucking one.
——————
need i remind you as how i had to learn to cook, because you were too busy with your damn boyfriend to help me?
.
need i remind you how when i tried to show you that i was fucking cutting myself when i was 9 you only talked about how it looked ugly?
.
need i remind you about how many times you said that you didnt care if i hurt myself as long as no one can see it?
.
need i remind you about how you ignored the rope burn on my neck god knows how many times?
.
need i remind you how you denied fucking multiple peoples sexual assault because “it couldntve been like that”?
.
need i remind you of how many times i almost had to be hospitalized because of your neglect?
.
need i remind you of how many nights i spent alone, in the cold, in the dead of winter, just because you wanted to fuck your boyfriend?
.
need i remind you of what you yelled at me so many times?
.
need i remind you of what i seen?
.
need i remind you of how many times you blamed your abusive behaviors on medication?
.
need i fucking remind you of my entire purpose?
.
i dont care about your feelings anymore.
i gave up years ago.
but now.
i dont feel just numb for you.
i hate you.
in every sense of the word.
.
i dont care of what you or anyone else thinks of me.
.
i dont care about what you think of my appearance.
.
i dont care if you think im too thin or fat or whatever word youll use next.
.
i dont care about what you think because you’ll hate me no matter what.
.
you thought id stop being xxxx when you broke up with him.
you yelled at me.
no.
you fucking screamed at me for weeks.
im tired of even putting in the slighest effort of acting as if i fucking care.
i dont give a fuck about you.
and yknow?
if.
no.
if it would work.
if it was possible.
id fucking kill you.
id stab you.
right here.
right now.
to end my suffering.
to end his suffering.
all of it.
id end it all.
i dont care if its wrong.
because i know no one else knows about whats going on.
yknow.
only one person around here knows what youve done to him and me.
and i havent even met her in person.
yknow.
the people i used to be close with from school.
only just learned you had an affair.
i know that.
the police are do-less.
since you know them.
and hes a man.
not a woman.
it wouldnt be taken seriously.
that he should just fight back.
yknow.
youve ruined what life he has left.
his parents beat him.
his ex wife beat him, and cheated on him.
and here.
youve done the exact same thing.
yknow.
he’ll never get to see how love truely is.
because of you.
because of what youve done.
i cant say i really like him either.
but.
that doesnt give you the right to ruin his life.
.
yknow whats worse?
how i know the only reason that so far youve never dared to lay a finger on me.
is because ive proved that i won’t hesitate to beat the fuck out of you right back.
i know i joke about that night.
but.
really.
hitting you for doing that was the best decision i couldve made.
its kept me safer than i wouldve been for years.
and even now.
if you were to as so much to touch me.
while in a fight.
id do it all over again.
you maybe 100 pounds heavier than me.
but you dont know how to fight against someone who wont just sit there and take it.
i wont forgive you for what youve done.
even if he will.
.
i want nothing to do with you.
get out of my life for good.
#j writes badly#woohoo i just love living in a very fucked up house its soo great /sarcasm#ughnf whats worse is that if it werent for my parents rn my life would be quiet literally perfect.#holy shit the being pissed at my mother instead of destroying my arm thing is actually working irl holy shit#(actually shoked abt that tbh)#unironically i wanna make a less oily fuck rn. like so badly. bc my parents went to the store and got eggs so i can#oh yea for the new gen folk that dont know all of the j lore (this has been bothering me bc its coming up on the anniversary)#i know how to break someones fingers and make it look like an accident!#turns out theres a specific way thats more common in abuse versus accidents!#dont ask why i know this 🙂 (or do- it reallt doesnt bother me) (also not that i would- /gen)#this is basically me catching everyone up through j lore im not even kidding tbh#and yes. i have hit my mother before bc she wouldnt stop “playing” as i had hot ramen in my hands!#(look. it wasnt the best move at the time but uh. really saved me in the long run unironically!)#THERES FUCKING GEESE FLYING OVER MY HOUSE RN HOLY SHIT#sorry. uh. i cant help it tho. i heard them and it was cute#oh yea even MORE j lore; i have a mildly unhealthy obsession with “being stronger” because im consitently (and rightfully)#paranoid that my mother is gonna try and hit me!#when the whole 2020 chrismas thing (when i hit her) happened i had just got done wih archery so i was still pretty strong#but then eating disorder happened and i quit archery. muscle atrophy etc etc#so like. its a big ass thing i think abt every day now!#yea theres a real reason why i consider my friends as “safe” 💀#heheheheeeeee when no where else is safe thats just life ig!#oh god i need to brush my teeth fuck.#hhvtbd but my mother is awake :(#HHGBHGBSNS i need to start doing that at an ealier time bc it keeps getting in the way of things#again. how the fuck does smth so simple as brushing my teeth make so much feel better 😭😭 its weird#sighh well! time to go back to trying to find drawing inspo!#(i unironically cannot use my own trauma as a drawing point bc it makes me actually suicidal. thats why i write it! /srs)#CHOKEKSSSJ ok ill hush now!
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It is my new life purpose to add the most questionable song choices to the Jackie section of my oni playlist. Hey at least one of them is a rabbit universe Jackie song so I have sort of an excuse, but spoilers it's not keep your head up so uhhhhh lol
#rat rambles#oni posting#baby days is the rabbit universe one to be clear#oh and the other two are indeed abt canon jackie but in my typical 5d chess sorta way where it's from an incredibly biased pov#smth smth jackie constantly self sabotaging and being oh so shocked when it causes her mental health to spiral and trying to justify it to#herself while also trying to burry it under even more work and isolation that just makes everything even worse#also shes divorced and sad abt it even though shes the one who has been pushing olivia away even pre divorce#and she has absolutely no plans on stopping she is both holding onto hopes of olivia turning around while also actively pushing her away#also kinda unrelated but I keep thinking back to scrapped jackie and olivia#and how fascinating it is that good ol jodi was honestly kind of shitty#well ok olivia is also shitty in many ways but the original divorce™ scene was soooo much worse of a look than the current one#long story short the two started a business immediately after jodi graduated that jackie especially was super excited abt#jackie was also anxious abt it though since she was struggling to get her phd and felt she had to rely on jodi to be taken seriously#but they quickly ran into money issues which eventually lead to jodi leaving after she was given an offer to join a large project#which youd think its like ah I see a conflict between friendship and dreams#which isnt wrong per say but oh my god did jodi fuck up her wording so bad like holy shit#she was all like I think this project would be a better use of my phd than continuing to do this#which Im not saying that feeling that way is bad per say but when your like best friend who you know has issues with personal worth and has#been putting a lot of effort and presumably money into this business that you suggested founding its maybe not the best idea to say#straight to her face that you think this is a waste of your time and abilities even if you probably think youre putting it nicely#thats whats so fascinating to me abt old jackie is that to me shes borderline genuinely sympathetic#which is why I love the idea of her having similar character traits still but in a less justified environment#like I am still in shock that so many of my jackie headcanons actually held water like even my ppl didn't take jackie's ideas seriously#and that being a bonding factor for olivia and jackie was smth that actually existed in the original concepts for the two#again Im glad they were scrapped for a multitude of reasons but its so vindicating that I was actually onto smth#Ive talked abt how I think its good they got scrapped because of the importance of oni's narrative being patchy and vague#but also I am so glad they scrapped pretty much all of jackie's actively sympathetic elements even if I still like sympathising with her#I know I complain abt us not seeing enough of jackie's perspective of things outside of her immediate research but thats mostly on the#grounds that it makes olivia and jackie's old friendship feel too trapped in the implied realm#I want jackie to feel like theres more to her life but I dont want said things to feel like a part of the plot if that makes sense
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i wish i could be like "people with victim complexes dni" because at this point it's just infuriating how often we gotta deal with that kinda shit when we bust our ass to remain polite and civil as we're actively invalidated and treated like shit while we're openly unstable and dealing with the darkest year of our life. needless headache, man.
#mine#people really put a needless extra layer of pressure & strain on us#& we literally don't even fucking retaliate. we just VERY POLITELY say that it's hurtful to pull that crap on us#when we're clearly in a very bad vulnerable way. & then they turn around & demonize us#& go so ridiculously far like... bruh. i cant anymore.#idk how much longer anyone else in the system is gonna be able to keep holding me back when this has happened to us REPEATEDLY too damn muc#like fuck watching my host go through such brutal depression & having it fueled for no fucking reason i wanna start biting people#we literally fucking say PLEASE and THANK YOU and are so fucking stupidly polite when it is frankly not even deserved#but we're so paranoid abt this exact shit happening and it still does any fucking way like holy shit#talk about not fucking being able to win no matter what.#i need people with victim complexes to just fuck off and leave us alone because i will not be able to keep holding back#like if it gets to a point where it starts triggering me out so fucking be it im not holding back anymore. yall can eat my shit.#these people literally watch a mentally unstable person absolutely wail in agony then make their pain about them#and how we aren't doing enough FOR THEM during such a hard time.#but then also turn around and say that if we acknowledge we're being hurt by their behavior WE'RE the one#who has a victim complex and makes everything about us like oh my god. kindly get over yourself and fuck off fuck you fucking bullshit FUCK#ANYWAY#IDEK WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO WITH OURSELVES TODAY TO ENSURE LUNS DOESNT FRONT IM ANGRY#AND I HAVE TO CALL IN OUR MEDS. GODDAMMIT BEING A PERSON BULLSHIT
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Random convo I bet happen between civilians and vigilantes
Civilian: What hair product do you use man?? My man's hair is shiiiiining
Nightwing, chuckling: I just let it dry (lying)
Civilian: Naaaah, man I see you jumping from rooftop to rooftop everyday, tell me your secrets–
---
Gothamite: And who's gonna pay for this scratch on my car?!!!
Robin (Tim), trying damn hard to stay stealth: Don't you have insurance?
Gothamite, don't giving a fuck: No!
Robin: You should have–
Gothamite: You know what? HEY TWO-FACE–
Robin: No, no, no– Hold on–
Gothamite: HE'S RIGHT HE–
---
Gothamite: Okay- Cannabis is very much legal in L.A.
Batman: We're not in L.A.
Gothamite: Yeah that's funny because– *runs*
Batman: *Runs after him.*
---
Gothamite: See I don't hate you
Signal: Always good to hear that–
Gothamite: You doing a pretty good job.
Signal: I–
Gothamite, also a bus driver: But you gotta stop being thrown at my window–
Signal: I don't control where villains throw me.
Gothamite: Yeah bro– But you better start, otherwise there's gonna be one more out there–
---
Gothamite, also a security guard on his phone at 3 am: Yeah, no honey it's literally desert here–
Gothamite: HOLY SHIT
Batman:
Gothamite: Fucking warn a guy, mY GOD–
---
Gothamite: I thought you were taller.
Nightwing: I heard that a lot.
---
Gothamite: How do you see on that thing?
Batgirl (Cassandra):
Batgirl: I don't.
Gothamite, terrified: Oh okay–
---
Batman: Shouldn't you be at home?
Gothamite, who's also a teenager very much snicking out at four am: Shouldn't you mind you business?
Batman:
After being forcefully driven to home on the batmobile
Gothamite That was really unecessary–
---
Gothamite: Are you alone??? Where'd your dad? Where's Batman?
Robin (Tim Drake, early days): Batman's not my dad.
Gothamite:
Gothamite: See now I'm concerned.
Robin: Oh no–
Gothamite: What's is this a internship...? A job...?
Robin: You know what? Yeah, Pretty much.
Gothamite: Really? Oh okay, okay. I'm less concerned– Because–
Robin: Yeah I can see–
Gothamite: Like "is he kidnaping those children"?
Robin, chuckling: No, no–
Gothamite: You get paid?
Robin: Not really.
Gothamite: I'm back at being concerned–
---
Gothamite, from her window: Have you eaten yet?
Robin (Dick): No– (lying)
Gothamite: Oh, the poor child– Oh shame on you
Batman:
Gothamite: The poor kid– You're dragging him alone with you to fight crime on a empty stomach?
Batman:
Batman: I–
Gothamite: Unbelievable. I expected more on you– Hold on sweety I'll see If I have some cookies here to give you.
Dick: :)
---
Robin (Damian): Do I look like a fucking child?
Gothamite: Do you want me to answer that?
---
Old Gothamite being around the city since Batman year 1: You sound different.
Batman (Dick Grayson): No I don't.
Gothamite: Yes you do–
---
Gothamite: She looks different.
Gothamite: Mark is the same girl.
Gothamite: No honey, she looks different, she's was taller
Gothamite: Honey you're being paranoid.
Gothamite: She was a red-head!
Gothamite: Oh, Mark. Now the girl can't even dye her hair? Just because she's a Super-hero? Por girl can't even reinvent herself and people on this city start saying she's a different person?! Let her be! Her life must've be hard enough–
Gothamite: Jennet I swear to God that's not the same girl–
Batgirl (Stephanie), just trying to get some information:
Gothamite: You never notice when I change my hair–
#batfam#batfamily shenaningans#Nightwing#Batman#&#Robin#(kinda)#Batgirl#Batgirl Stephanie Brown#Batgirl Cassandra Cain#The Signal#The signal dc#Signal#Signal dc#long post
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desecration. (s.j)
the one where no gods exist when you’re alone with jake sim.
minors dni !! | if you read it, reblog it.
WORDCOUNT ― 6.4k
PAIRING ― jake sim x afab reader
GENRE ― top/dom jake sim, characters are in their twenties, sub/bratty reader, religious kink/fetish
WARNINGS― mild dub con, desecration of holy a relic, inaccurate descriptions of whatever religion this is– im not doing research for a 5k fic that’s mostly smut, sorry.
NOTE― if you’ve read this before, it’s because I wrote it for mark lee over on my other blog [ncteez]. we wanted to make it jake, and by we i mean me. i wanted to read this as jake. sorry to religious ppl, don’t read this if you don’t wanna be railed by a hot guy wielding a cross.
smut tags under cut::
smut tags― DUB CON. use of the words: whore, slut, for the record, the cross is not raw wood and has a smooth finish, reader is first attempting to seduce the priest through confession lmao, she’s also just a massive whore just like me :), jake is the priest’s son, jerking off, penetration using a wooden cross, unprotected sex, spitting, choking on and/or sucking off a cross, degradation, and name-calling, he’s a godfearing man but also he likes sexual perversions, humiliation, explicitly getting fucked in a church, kind of fingering?
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Jake wonders why you’re always making confessions, time and time again, once a week, every single week….eagerly. Like you’re excited for your sin or something.
Huh.
Then again, once a week his father is expected to listen to confessions from the other churchgoers, even Jake himself is expected to confess. Often he will make up sins that he has committed just to seem as though he has been learning from some sort of mistake. Never would Jake actually tell his father through a confession booth what he has done or is willing to do. He’s an adult, he can confess whatever he wants.
You, on the other hand, you’re working his father to the bone in terms of forgiveness.
Jake’s interest piques at the very idea of a young woman, around his age, wanting to confess so much. Did you hurt someone? Does you hurt yourself? Did you kill someone? Or maybe you’re just caught up in a situation that makes you commit atrocities? He can’t even imagine what one person could be doing to elicit such an eager need of forgiveness so consistently.
Always the first in the box, always with those inappropriate outfits too.
Jake makes his way to the back of the church to complete his duties and, of course, he isn’t surprised to see you enter the confession booth. After all, it is the start of a new week.
Hushed whispers were echoing through the large space and only now does he realize that you almost always confess when the church is nearly empty. You must not be unaware of his presence at all, unaware that he is the son of the priest that you spill your sins to, and unaware that he can absolutely hear you when he walks closer.
He isn’t entirely sure why he is listening. The walls of this church echo any and every sound, and to be fair, the only reason his interest is piqued is because his father was silent from the moment you had entered the booth. All he heard was you. You didn’t seem to start the confession off in a proper manner either, so yeah, maybe it caught him off guard too.
His ears make attempts to adjust to the words coming from the booth, but your voice is coming out in a tone that he has never used himself when seeking salvation. Minutes pass and he still hasn’t heard his father speak a word back to you, not to encourage you, not to stop you. It’s just you, addressing dreams, visions, wants, and needs.
Certainly not confession. In fact, you’re actively sinning, attempting to seduce.
“I woke up shaking, Father. What should I do?”
Jake notes how quiet his father is still, despite you asking him what to do about the dream. His face sours when you continue to speak, this time in a slightly louder tone.
“I just can’t help myself sometimes, I–”
It’s not that it’s intentional, really, it isn’t. If anything at all, Jake is incredibly disgusted by your attempts to dirty talk during a confession. Disgusted that you’d do such a thing, and…maybe intrigued by what you may have said that he wasn’t quite able to catch before. He quietly moves to the other side of the booth, the side where you seem to be spouting off all sorts of things, and he raises his head to listen a bit more.
“You were big, you know? I can’t get thoughts of you out of my head. Have you ever touched a woman, Father?”
Jake leans in further, his body reacting more than his disgust. Unfortunately, his length growing in his pants ceases the moment his father cuts you off.
“Enough.” His father finally stops you from abusing the booth, from abusing him.
Not another word is spoken and Jake does his best to back away quickly and quietly as you exit the booth. Of course, he’s acting as though he is sweeping a corner when he turns to look at you. Eye contact is made and he can feel an intense rush of heat spread across his cheeks.
Ah, so you’re a whore.
His father stays inside of the booth for a long, drawn out, three or so minutes before exiting and all Jake can think about is if you walked out of the church soaked and warm between your legs. It’s not even that Jake is into sinning. He isn’t. His entire life was built around this church, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a man. He has needs just like you do, apparently.
Never would he get what he needs from a woman as dirty as yourself, though, it doesn’t stop him from thinking about it and how your voice sounds when you were actively trying to fuck his dad.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“You’re disgusting.” Jake narrows his eyes at you when you pass by, spitting the words at you with a grimace.
“Excuse me?” You ask, stopping in your tracks and looking back at him just as harshly. You didn’t provoke him to speak to you at all, let alone fucking insult you?
“You think I can’t hear the way you speak to my dad during your little “confessions”?” He takes a step forward as he whispers at you, air quoting the word confession with a roll of his eyes.. “You really think he’s just going to take you up on the offer?”
Narrowing your own eyes, you step closer to Jake to stop anyone else from hearing his little tantrum.
“Wanna tell me why he always listens to my “confessions” then?” You question back, mimicking the air quotes and smirking as you walk away from him, not even letting him answer.
Jake watches as you leave, upset that he didn’t get a rise out of you at all and instead was offered a genuine question that sits in his mind. Why does his father allow you to make a confession after confession if all it is, is an attempt to seduce him? You’re even ashamed of it, it seems, and it pisses him off to no end.
Rushing after you, he is quick to grab at your dress and pull you back.
“Might as well just show up naked with the way you act around here,” He starts with a bite in his tone, dragging you off, down the hall and into a side room that usually remains empty.
He intends to put a stop to this because he’s heard several more of your confessions by his own will and learns that, apparently, your only sin is being a fucking slut.
“You have no place here.” He adds as he closes the door behind the two of you. Unintentionally locking you into a space that he’s directly saying you don’t belong in.
“Acting like you don’t think about fucking. Hah. We both know I’m not the only one,” You laugh, walking across the room with a shrug. It’s not the first time you’ve been reprimanded in a church, and it probably won’t be the last. “Besides, your dad probably thinks about me late at night after tucking your grown ass into bed like a child.”
Jake narrows his eyes even more at you.
“Bet that pisses you off.”
“You’re ridiculous to think he would even want someone like you.” Jake scoffs harshly at you, gut bubbling with annoyance. “To think about sex this often too? I can’t imagine anyone would want to touch such a slut.”
You watch him walk towards you, with his perfectly tucked shirt and his darkened and angry eyes. Being alone with him doesn’t help his argument though because, in all fairness, he’s just as hot, if not hotter than his father.
“What about you then?” You ask, leaning against one of the shelves in the room, running your hand up your legs, and hiking your dress up a couple of inches.
“Your dad with his lingering eyes won’t admit to having ever touched a woman. Yet here you are.” You call out the priest’s lie with a snide chuckle before continuing. Fingers massaging your own fleshy thighs, watching the way Jake struggles with his own lingering eyes. “What about you? You ever fuck anyone?”
Jake grimaces, wrinkling his nose as he watches you.
“What the fuck are you doing?” He questions, stomping over to you and pushing your dress back down below your knees.
“Oh!” You laugh, ticking your tongue at him and tilting your head. “You said a bad word. Aren’t you going to ask for forgiveness?”
He stares at you for a few seconds, being face to face with a woman that seems so desperate for any touch has his heart racing. He’s trying to call you out, not turn you on.
“Can’t you act decent? I barely know you and you’re flaunting yourself at me.” Jake bellows, stumbling back from you and examining the way your body is relaxed.
You really seem to be enjoying this.
“You’re the one who pulled me in here. Was it really to argue with me, or were you trying to get to me before Father does?”
Thinking for a moment, Jake realizes he’s the reason this is happening. He could have just let you leave like everyone else, after all, you were attempting to go home. Here he is though, and there you are.
“He would never.” Jake laughs, mocking your attempts to pretend his father would be interested in you.
“And again, what about you?” You shoot back instantaneously, watching the way his words get caught in his throat.
He’s a weak man, truly, because the very thought of what’s under your dress, the very idea that you’re so willing, fogs his brain to the point of almost malfunctioning. It would be so fucking easy if he wanted to.
No one would even know.
Before you even know it, you can feel the air in the room change as he storms closer to you and rips your dress upwards to your waist. Instantly, he’s shoving his hand straight between your legs.
A small yelp leaves your throat followed by a laugh. Perfect.
“I knew it.” You giggle, bumping your head a bit against the shelf at the force of his movement. You can feel the way his palm cups your core and presses in harshly through his silent breaths. “I fucking knew you were dirty.”
“Stop,” Jake demands, bringing his other hand to cover your mouth. “Stop talking.” He continues, already pulling his hand from your core and second-guessing himself.
“If you want it so bad, I’m going to need you to shut the fuck up.”
You nod with a smile against his palm, breathing in when he pulls it back and trusts your ability to stay quiet. He’s staring directly into your eyes as if he’s threatening you. As if he will stop if you make a single peep. A promise that he will probably get you banned from the church if anyone were to find out what’s happening in this room right now.
At his darkened gaze, you poke your tongue out, licking his palm and watching him pull back in aroused shock at how unashamed you are regarding your arousal. But, you do stay true to your work and remain quiet once his eyes trail down.
He looks at you as if you’re some sort of monstrous entity, and for him at this moment, you probably are. But even with that, you see what’s growing in his pants before he lowers himself onto the floor. Positioning his face right in front of your clothed pussy.
What a dirty, dirty boy.
Jake can see the wet stain of your panties and all he can do is roll his eyes.
“You’re insane.” He laughs, eyes darting up to your face, looking at you like he wants to shame you. “Getting so messy in such a place, all for men who don’t fucking want you?”
You nod, wiggling your hips at him in an attempt to entice his lips to attach there. But he doesn’t. He just stands right back up to his feet and takes a step backwards.
“I bet if I left you here, you’d chase after me.” He mocks. “I bet you think I’m gonna stick it in you, don’t you?”
Proudly, you smile with a nod. Of course he's going to stick it in. You can see how hard he’s gotten. Sin or not, you know when a man wants to fuck you. Jake won’t be able to resist sooner or later, son of the priest or not.
“Wow,” He laughs quietly, shaking his head at you as he reaches behind a podium and pulls out a large, lacquered wooden cross. “You really are stupid.”
Great, you think as your face falls. He’s definitely about to start preaching to you with that stupid fucking cross. Maybe he will even attempt to perform an exorcism to expel the horny demons out of you.
“Oh, please.” You roll your eyes, standing yourself up straight from against the shelf and patting your dress back down into position. “Don’t start this shit.” You’re already preparing to walk out without looking twice at him, but he laughs right back at you.
“You think you know everything.” He chuckles, walking towards the door and locking it. He stands in front of it now, crossing his arms and staring at you.
“Don’t I?” You ask, eyeing the way he presents himself to you right now.
“Did I not just imply that I wouldn’t use my cock on you?” He questions, twitching in his pants at the way you stand before him, much smaller in energy now.
He can tell you’re still trying to act brave, and it delights him to see the realization spread across that pretty, silent mouth.
Oh. Oh.
“You’re going to–?” You swallow hard, realizing that of all the sins you could commit, the implication of being penetrated with a cross, solely so this man doesn’t have to fuck a whore isn’t one you ever thought of.
This room doesn’t even feel like part of a church now as he holds the cross with more reason than praying.
“Yeah,” He assures you. “I am.” Stepping forward toward you and looming down at your face. “Now get on the desk.”
You don’t know why, but your body acts on instinct for him. Immediately walking to the desk and propping yourself onto it.
“Take off your clothes.” He demands again, watching you intently as he stays in place, rubbing the long end of the cross much like he’d like to do for himself right now.
God, watching such a stubborn woman do everything he says is…well, it’s new for him and it ignites a new type of arousal within him.
And you watch him back as you begin to slip your dress from your shoulders, lifting your ass so that you can push it down and onto the floor.
“Oh, now you wanna act shy?” He mocks, walking towards you as you attempt to tug at your panties. “And keep those on. No one wants to see that.”
Goddamn, you don’t even have the decency to wear a bra to service? Lucky for him though, your breasts are enough to drive him past the point of return. There’s no thought, fear, or prayer in his head right now as you reveal yourself to him. Going as far as trying to flash your pussy?
Oh, he could laugh.
You stay quiet, doing as you’re told and watching the way he examines you. He must feel so in control right now and you’re happy to let him, but you can see him falling apart behind his eyes.
His cock is incredibly obvious beneath his nice dress pants, but you wouldn’t dare reach out to touch him, not yet at least. You’ll let him have his fun, despite the slight nervousness within you regarding that cross.
“Open your mouth.” He says, dragging the cross against your nipples and onto your chin. “Suck it.”
You almost shake your head at him. Such a hard wood sliding down your throat would surely hurt. It’ll bruise, it’ll fucking suffocate you.
Jake doesn’t seem to care about any of that though, because all he does in response to your widened and fear-stricken eyes is press the wood against your lips with a face of concentration.
You purse your lips, muffling a displeased grunt at his acts.
“You scared?” He smiles first, pulling the cross away and now tracing his fingers along your lips before prying them inside and hooking your mouth open. “Come on, don’t act like you don’t know how to suck.”
You relent this time, feeling the cold and smooth tip of the cross enter past your lips when he resumes his previous assault. It’s not that you are against doing it, you just…haven’t done it before.
You’re not exactly sure of how to respect a holy relic such as this one when you’re expected to choke on it.
“That’s it.” Jake coos, pressing the cross further into your mouth. “Open up real wide.”
You close your eyes at his voice, licking the smoothed object with an intensity you didn’t know you had. After all, it’s been so long since you’ve been intimate with a person, hence the constant wet dreams about your priest. This is somehow, incredibly hot to you. To have his son fucking your mouth, regardless of what object he’s using to do it.
Still, it does hurt. The intricate edges of the cross bruises each time it hits the clenching walls of your throat and mouth, but Jake seems to like the sound of you choking and sobbing around it. After all, he just continues to press the cross further and further in. Probably relishing in the way you try to swallow around it and relax your throat.
His eyes are so focused, seeing how much of it you can take and only imagining how good it would feel if it were his cock choking you right now. Despite your sputtering and crying eyes, you’re taking it so well.
Yeah, you’ve definitely done this before. Probably swallowed up some guy’s cum and begged for more despite still having a cock wedged in your throat. How lucky for them to have someone so desperate to be gagged.
“You’re filthy for doing this, you know that?” He laughs at your pain and how you don’t try to pull at his pushing hand, tipping the cross just a bit so that its hardened wood hits your throat in a way that hurts a bit too much.
You cough around it, only now pushing his hand back in protest. The tears are pouring from your eyes when the cross slides out of your mouth, and all you can do is blink up at him as you try to regain your breath.
Half expecting him to immediately hold your head in place just to shove the cross back in, Jake pulls back instead, tilting his head down to look at your panties.
Your legs instinctively cross to hide your arousal, but he prys your legs open regardless, forcing you to act as the whore you so wanted to be. For his father, for him, for anyone who would be willing, honestly.
You’ve gotten wetter.
“You’re so gross, I can’t believe you get off to this–” He laughs, feeling his cock begin to fucking ache. “You can take more, then.”
No, no. You don’t want to keep sucking it, but your mouth opens anyway. Too turned on by the idea of seeing Jake’s reaction to watching you be so dirty, so blasphemous.
The way he moans when you open your mouth willingly this time is…well, he looks fucking good. He sounds even better.
You take it into your mouth without so much as a second thought this time, allowing him to slide the cross back and forth against your tongue and into your throat. You willingly swallow around the harsh edges, tears falling all the while, of course.
You’re gagging so softly around it, he’s almost jealous over how you wanted his dad before you wanted him. Surely no one would do this for you, right? His father would never be with such a horny, needy, and dirty woman.
Jake though….shamefully, is very into it.
Into you, rather.
When he pulls it out this time, your saliva coats the cross in a way that nearly breaks his brain. Intensely, he stares at your lips, slack and waiting for him to continue his abuse. God, he’s so jealous. To think you would do this with someone else? With anyone? Anything?
It turns him on beyond belief, but feeling jealous of the fucking cross isn’t exactly something Jake wants to admit. His father? Sure, whatever. But a relic he’s prayed to his whole life? Growing resentful of it just because you take it down your pretty and bruised throat?
No.
Jake shifts now, unable to satiate the arousal within him without grabbing your hand and forcing you to grope his hidden cock. So hard, so fucking hard, he nearly lets out his own sob at the euphoric touch when he actually does it.
You’re a bit shocked that he’s letting you touch him, but you take the opportunity and run with it. You press your palm against him without any amount of shame, and all you can do is watch as he hangs his head, the saliva coated cross still gripped in his other hand.
“Bet you wanted to fuck my mouth.” You croak out, your voice sounding just as raw at your throat. “Bet you wanted me to take all of it and beg for your cum.”
His head shoots up in response to that as he grabs your face harshly, bucking against your hand at the same time. “Stop talking.” He seethes, releasing your face and inserting his fingers into your mouth instead. “Stick your tongue out.”
You do as he says, feeling his heavy cock twitching against your palm with each press.
Jake seems like an expert at this, you aren’t sure, but when he presses your tongue down with his fingers to open your throat up, he spits into your mouth so easily that you have no choice but to swallow it.
Well, okay. He could probably get away with doing that a few more times if he wanted to.
You moan when you swallow, lending him a dopey smile that shocks him. You weren’t supposed to like that in his eyes, but when you grab his cock in response rather than just palm at it, he can’t help but moan back at you.
His fingers continue to hold your tongue down as you jerk him off over his pants, and his hips stutter all the while until he loses all composure. Within a second, he stalks even closer, slamming both hands against the desk on either side of you and leaning forward to pin you there.
And then he grinds forward against your weak hand, pinned between him and the edge of the desk.
Yet still, he’s gripping that fucking cross as he pins you here.
“You want me to fuck you so bad, I can see it.” He croaks, not even allowing you to offer him a nod before he’s got his lips attached to yours and he’s licking into your mouth. It feels impossibly better than that cross pressing against the back of your throat but you swallow his kiss just as easily.
His hips continue to grind as he licks into your mouth like a man who doesn’t know how to kiss at all. So rough and messy with it, groaning more and more before he’s nearly a panting mess before you. He pulls back from the kiss only for a moment to stare at you, eye contact more fierce than it was before.
“I think you’re the one who wants to fuck me.” You manage to slip out before he can silence you again, and his eyes narrow instantly.
More than anything, that’s what he wants to do to you. He wants to shut you up in as many ways possible right now, and he definitely wants fucking you to be one of those ways. But he can’t, and he won't.
“Hah–you’d love that.” He laughs, reaching his empty hand between the two of you to press his pants down enough to let his cock spring free.
You can’t even get a good look at it, because he’s instantly grabbing himself and fucking his fist before looking back up at you.
“Go on, look.” He says, leaning a bit so that you can watch him jerk off in full view now. “Bet you’d beg for it if I told you to.”
“Please?” You instantly let out, eyes staring at the angry head of his cock leaking and pulsing.
“I didn’t say to actually beg–” He groans, halting his hand and instead, thrusting his hips into the tightly formed hole he’s created. “I’m not going to fuck you.” He laughs again, now pulling the cross back and into your view with a wicked smirk.
Of course. The cross. Well, at least you’re going to be fucked with something right?
You eye the piece of wood and then go back to watching him. You’re not sure what it is about this situation but it feels like your body is on fire. Maybe it’s because hell is right beneath you, just a floorboard away from what the two of you have gotten yourselves into behind this locked door.
“Oh?” He halts his hips and licks his lips. “You actually want me to fuck you with this?”
You nod frantically, spreading your legs in front of him and showing off how large the spot on your panties has grown since he last inspected it. You watch as his eyes practically burn a hole through your pussy.
Only then does he release his own cock and look back into your eyes. More seriously this time when reality and guilt clicks in his head.
“You are aware of what we are about to do, right?” His confidence falters blatantly as he glances at the cross. “Like, if you ever tell my dad about this, I will be disowned.”
“You think I’d snitch on you?” You roll your eyes, body nearly shaking to get fucked. God, why does he have to stop now?
“Well, since you’re so inclined to confess every fucking day–”
“Jake, you literally just fucked my throat with it.” You deadpan, hooking your legs around him to pull him close enough to feel his cock hit your wet panties. “You’re the dirtiest one here, I’m not going to give that up just to see you get disowned.”
He laughs at you for that. Because yeah, maybe he is. Maybe he’s the one who shouldn’t be in church, and maybe he’s the one who should have been confessing this whole time. Never in his life has he ever done this, or so much as imagined doing it, it’s so perverse. So, wrong. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what’s attractive about it.
For some reason, his cock jumps when you say you’re not giving him up because he’s dirty.
“And–” You soften your voice, trying to lure him. “You don’t have to use the cross, you know.”
“No.” He barks out, pulling his hips back and pressing the cross against you instead. “Now, keep your legs open.”
He gets right back into it without a second thought. He doesn’t care what he’s doing or what the repercussions of doing this will be. It’s not like he wasn’t going to hell before any of this, not based on the fantasies he’s had anyway.
Jake hooks his fingers into your panties and pulls them down your legs harshly, to the point that they’re stretching so far that it feels like they could cut through your skin. He backs away for a moment upon seeing you grimace at that, allowing you to slip them down your legs before positioning himself back between them.
“I’m dirty?” He says, looking at your pussy and the way it clenches around absolutely nothing. He sees the slick seeping out of you already, and it’s not only pathetic but so fucking desperate of you. “Fucking look at that.”
You smile at it, knowing that he’s degrading you but absolutely loving the view if his focused eyes are anything to go by.
Before the cross, he experimentally traces his fingers along your folds until he gets to your hole, and without hesitation, he slips one of them in. The grip of your walls alone could probably send him over the edge if he were to make a last-minute change and shove his cock into you, but he holds back. Instead, he traces the cross against you in the same way he did with his fingers, slowly inserting it alongside his digit.
Pulling back, Jake watches your face as the cross opens you up, probably dragging against your walls uncomfortably as a reminder of the ultimate sin you’re committing with him right now.
When your face doesn’t contort into that of pain, he pulls his finger out of you and places his hand back on his cock. Still staring at your face, he fucks the cross in and out of you. Relishing in the sound of how wet you are for this, and for him to give it to you.
He does this until, finally, you moan.
Upon that little whimper of a moan, Jake is sent into a different headspace. One that quickens his pace with the object inside of you, one that tightens the grip on himself.
Now, oh now, he’s playing for fun. He presses it in and then pulls it all the way out just to see your pussy beg for more. Holding back a moan over how fucking hot it is to see, he opts to coo out at you.
“Bet it would feel so good.” He breathes, trying to ignore the shiver that shoots through his body at the way you yearn for it. “Could shove my cock right in, you’d just take it, wouldn’t you?”
Before you can answer, he’s thrusting the relic right back into you. In, out, in, out. Deeper, harder, fucking faster. And he offers the same for himself, tightening his fist, nearly abusing his own cock at the sight of your swollen hole swallow up the wood. Really, he makes a point to fuck himself just to imagine it’s you that’s squeezing him.
If he thinks hard enough, it really is almost like he’s the one fucking you.
He keeps this up for a few minutes, up until your legs are shaking around him and you begin to reach out with your hands. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s incredibly fucking horny right now, he’d probably be rushing for the altar to save you from whatever demon is possessing you.
But, he knows that this is no demon, this is all his own doing. He’s loving it. Every single bit of this situation is being burned into his memory, and when your legs shake, it only urges him to fuck the object into you harder.
You whimper out strings of nonsense, almost begging for a release from this grasp he is holding over you both physically and mentally, but he doesn’t relent. Your pathetic cunt is being pounded by an object that should have you crying in fear, but instead, you’re so close to release you can only beg for more, more, fucking more.
And god, he keeps giving it to you.
In an attempt to open your eyes, you feel dizzy with lust. Your hips buck up against the object with intent, and you can’t stop watching him.
“Goddamn.” Jake stutters a sin, watching you fuck yourself against the holy relic. Thankful to rest his arm and be able to just…watch.
And oh, he’s watching and intensely imagining that it’s you on him. He can’t stop thinking about how fucking warm you must be, how tight, how sinfully delicious your pussy must be for you to be acting like this. And that thought is what forces him to lose it.
You were so focused, on the verge of your orgasm when you feel him practically tear the cross out of you, dropping it to the floor before – oh fuck.
You feel him. Something bigger, something thicker ramming into you. He’s prying you open more than he did previously, already pumping in and out at a frantic speed. Instantly, you cling onto him with a bruising grip, listening to his shameless moans as he realizes the lack of control he has over his own body or thoughts.
Jake practically falls over you in euphoria as you cling, forcing you to fall back against the desk as he relentlessly plunges his hips. His breath is heavy against your neck as he loses himself, and all you can do is thank the same god you just disrespected for this cock that’s abusing your hole in all of the right ways.
“I can’t–” He groans out against your ear, his hips not stopping their relentless assault. “You’re so fucking dirty.” He insults, pushing you up the desk with each thrust. “So good.”
You can barely make a sound from the force behind his hips, only small yelps leaving your throat each time he slams in. And fuck, you want nothing more than to rub your clit right now. You could cum all over him, you could really make him feel good.
And as if your prayers are answered, Jake apparently knows exactly how to pleasure a woman. Hm, curious. He knows how to do it fucking well too, as you feel his fingers rub against the swollen nub in the exact same way you would right now. Painful, intense.
The fact that he wants you to cum is delicious.
Your orgasm hits you almost instantly, pussy sucking in him each time he goes to thrust, and the sounds coming from your throat could be considered demonic by some, but he swallows them up with ease when he notes that you’re cumming all over him.
Jake licks into your mouth, soothing you with dirty words when he pulls back to breathe.
“You should see yourself–” He pants out, sticking his tongue out to lick against your lip. “Getting me all messy too?” He says again through a moan. “You’re beautiful.” He adds like a period at the end of a sentence.
That alone makes you feel…different. In fact, it prolongs your orgasm far past sensitivity when he continues to thrust into you. You can’t tell if he said that because he’s close, or if it’s because he meant it.
Quite frankly, you could give less of a fuck if he meant it.
Jake stutters his hips when you lift your head just slightly, gripping his hair and skewing his head to the side so that you can whisper into his ear.
“Want me to beg for your cum?” You whisper with a shaking voice. “You’d love that too, wouldn’t you? I know I would.”
His eyes squeeze shut as he aggressively turns his head and, once again, pries your mouth open with his tongue. A bruising kiss follows as he fucks his last few thrusts into you, doing just as you implied he should.
He pumps his cum into you relentlessly, thankful that it’s not all over his pants and entirely milked into that sinful cunt of yours. Thankful that you also got off around him instead of that forgotten cross on the floor.
He wants nothing more than to remind you time and time again who got to you first. It was him, not his father.
You smile at him when he pulls back out of breath, examining his pants before stuffing his sensitive cock back into them and reaching down for the cross.
“If you ever fucking tell my dad about this–” He seethes out of breath, trying to pretend that he can regain composure so soon after fucking you the way he just did. Still, he narrows his eyes at you much as he had done before.
“Go on.” You say, voice shaking as you try to grasp back onto reality from whatever world his cock had sent you into.
Jake is at a loss for words, because, what could he possibly do about it if you were to tell? He looks at you, still spread out against the desk, dress crumpled, his cum seeping out of you in a messy show of how much of an absolute whore he forced you to be.
“Just, don’t tell him.” He finally says, averting his eyes from you and looking at the cross in his hand.
“Do you feel bad already?” You ask out, finally lifting to get off of the desk.
“Don’t you?”
You shake your head, struggling to stand as the seething pain of having a wooden cross stuck into you shoots through your body. “Not really.” You try to laugh, but you wince instead.
“Yeah, I figured you’d probably be hurting after all of that.” He finally says in a somewhat apologetic tone, walking up to you with a soothing hand.
You’re a little shocked by his kindness.
“Yeah, a little.” You laugh it off though because, at the moment, it felt good. You wouldn’t have wanted it any other way despite how blasphemous the act was.
“Oh.” Jake seems sorrowful in his tone, but his gaze doesn't leave you. “I- um, I don’t know how to make it like, not hurt?” He scratches the back of his head.
In your attempt to put your dress back on, you do note that the pain inside of you isn’t unfamiliar. You’d been fucked hard before, but that was a long time ago. You missed this feeling, realizing that it was exactly what you think you needed.
“It’ll pass.” You assure him, taking a deep breath and trying to stumble your way to the door. “I guess I’ll see you later, then?”
Jake dips his head with a small nod, feeling guilty for what he’s done. Not because of the cross, not because of the sin, but because he’s unsure of how to pretend like he wouldn’t want to do it again.
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Room 922
Im Nayeon x Male Reader
Tags: ass eating, creampies, dirty talk, edging, female masturbation, footjob, grinding, head-bobbing, hotel room, lingerie, lube, (a very) naughty tongue, no-hands blowjobs, riding, rimjob, uncut cock, window sex
Word count: 5326.
Paying a tuition for medical school isn't easy. You were seeing it as you had to work all day in a hotel to make money. It was a very tiring job where you were responsible for cleaning many rooms a day before heading up to your university. Today specifically, the hotel seemed even fuller, as you were told a Korean pop group would be stationed there.
"You have service for room 922," your superior said. Climbing up to the 9th floor this early wasn't something you were very keen on doing, yet you had no choice. To make things worse, the service elevator was broken. After a long climb, you finally found the room you were called to. Greeting you was a woman in white lingerie.
"Hello," Nayeon said. "You must be the cleaning guy," she continued. "Yes, I am," you said, a little embarrassed to look at her in such an outfit. "You've got a lot to clean here today," Nayeon continued. "But I was told you just arrived," you replied. "Well, not that usual cleaning," she said.
"What does she mean by that?" you think to yourself. Meanwhile, Nayeon grabs her butt and shakes it in front of you, staring at the hotel's window and the city's beautiful morning skies. "It's all yours today, that hot body," she then says. "What?" you ask, baffled. "I-I-I can't do that; stop," you back off. "Of course you can; just close the door and let me give you a dream experience in this room," she replied, spanking her own ass in the process.
Nayeon kept moving her body, waiting for you to take the initiative. However, you just remained frozen while watching her wiggle it. "Are you going to do anything?" she asked. You finally decided to move, grabbing Nayeon's ass. You were surprised by how fit and toned it was, running your hands all over it before giving it the first few spankings. "This is amazing; your ass is so hot," you told her. "Yes, baby, I know," she said as she kept jiggling it. Her thong was so small that you could already see the meaty outer lips of her pussy. Holy shit, who was this insane woman, and why was she doing that?
"Ahhh," Nayeon let out the first moan as you couldn't resist diving into her still-clothed butt and smoothering her tight ass. "That's where your face belongs," Nayeon approved, grabbing the back of your head and pushing it further against her ass, moving it left and right, and enjoying it as she turned her face to see it. "Hmmmm, yeah, that face is really into my sexy ass," Nayeon laughed and bragged. "Oh, fuck, yes, it is," you confirmed.
"Ahahaha!" Nayeon kept laughing at how hard you were simping for her butt, shaking it in the air once again to tease you. "Wanna see more of that hot body, baby?" she rhetorically asked as she pulled her bra to the side and unveiled her already hard nipples. She loved your reaction to it, still baffled at how a stranger could be so bold to do that to a hotel employee with no restraints.
You got on your knees and stared at Nayeon's body, especially her lips, both the ones at the top and the ones at the bottom of it. Suddenly, she pulled her panties to the side and showed you her already throbbing cunt, running her hands all over it. "I like those pussy lips," you told her. "Me too," she said. Nayeon had long, dangling inner lips, which she then spread out for you, and you tasted the juices of her pussy.
"Lube my tits; I want them very shiny," she said, giving you a tiny bottle of lube that you poured on her milkers, rubbing it all over them as soon as you stopped. "Oh my God, it's so slick," she said as she grabbed them. Nayeon then started teasing you, moving her panties in and out before finally taking them fully off, turning around for you to see her fully naked ass, and spreading her cunt and butthole for you.
"Wow, it's amazing; you're so fit," you told her. "Thank you," Nayeon said. "Now let me see what you're hiding under those pants," Nayeon asked, which you promptly followed, showing her your already hard, uncut boner to her. "I can see you're liking it a lot," Nayeon said as soon as she took a look at the size of your throbbing erection. "I love it," you confirmed to her as she turned around and teased her pussy for you, fingering it in front of your face.
You finally got up, getting face-to-face with Nayeon. Your hard cock already pointed straight into her cunt, making her eyes brighten. She held your shaft and rubbed her pussy lips into it, tasing her entrance to you, who groaned as the friction of her grindind turned your cock throbbing red. Nayeon licked her chops, ready to taste an uncut cock for the first time in a long while.
"I already want to taste that cock; I want this so bad; I'm so hungry for it," she told you in front of your face, her bunny teeth glowing as she said each of those words. "But I'm going to take my time with you today," she continued as she kept grinding on it, getting her nipples even harder and moving up and down, side to side, on it.
It was Nayeon's turn to get on her knees and worship that swinging, uncut rod. Without using her hands, she sucks your tip almost dry in just her first attempt. She then moves further down that cock, already starting it very sloppily and running her hands down your shaft, moaning while sucking it. "Fuck, that really fits well in my mouth," she says, teasing you, then starting again, this time running her hands all over it, before moving them down to unhook her bra.
Nayeon gets the tip of your cock very wet, covering it with her saliva, before bobbing her head on your cock increasingly fast. Watching her suck it from above is a spectacle, especially seeing that she does all that hands-free, truly showing how much of a master of cock-sucking she is. As she finishes, her saliva sexily runs down her chin.
"That foreskin—I haven't seen one in a while," Nayeon says as she kisses your cock. You wouldn't think she would be so into a piece of tissue, but a cock like yours is rarely seen in her home country. She laughs and then licks your tip while holding the foreskin. Her naughty tongue drives you crazy, sweeping all over that throbbing tip.
"Fuck," you say, out of breath, as she keeps kissing and sucking your cock sloppily. You can't resist and start pushing your meat up her mouth, but quickly, Nayeon shows who's in control, picking her panties from the ground and using them as a "cock ring" on you, resuming the sucking and bobbing. This time, she goes for the kill, deepthroating your shaft for the first time and holding steady until she finally gags.
Nayeon continues her cock-sucking show, this time going in and out of it with her mouth and still using no hands, looking at the shadows of your swinging cock that the sun hitting the window casts on the hotel room's floor, before resuming her insane and very loud head-bobbing, before holding your cock all the way inside her throat for a good 30 seconds.
After freeing your cock from her custom "ring," Nayeon starts masturbating your shaft. The thing she enjoys the most by far is covering and uncovering your tip with your foreskin, like she just got a new toy to play with. "So good," you tell her. "Hmm, so you enjoy the way I stroke that cock?" she brags as she keeps doing it but now moves down your balls. You groan out of her overstimulation as she already takes your sack fully in her mouth and spits all over it.
Nayeon increases the pace of her stroking and gags hard on your balls. "YESSS!" she gleefully screams as your shaft pokes her face, before moving up to suck it loud once more using no hands. Once she is done, Nayeon sits down and starts rubbing her pussy in front of you. "Ohhhh," she moans as you watch her hands work all over her clit. As soon as she gives you a glimpse, you can already see the wet juices all over the surroundings of her vagina.
Nayeon takes three fingers deep into her already wet cunt, turning her masturbation louder as her pussy gets wetter and wetter. Her moans drive you wild, as she also starts humoing against the floor, drinking her juices as soon as she finishes them, and fully sticking her tongue out for you. "God, you're so hot and sexy," you tell her as she licks her lips and her sloppy pussy juices stick onto her chin, then goes back to your cock, getting herself on all fours to suck your cock, once again bobbing her head like a maniac, taking it deep in her throat to the point where she forces you to pull out to avoid cumming.
As you move closer to the room's bed, Nayeon follows, crawling on all fours towards you. As you sit on it, she dives her mouth straight into your balls while you try to distract yourself by looking at the skyline. Your pole swings up and down at each lick she gives you before standing straight just as she closes her eyes, giving you a beautiful view of your cock and her face side by side.
"So good," you say as Naeyon spits on your tip. "I know you're feeling desperate; just let me edge you," she says. And she's completely right, as you have completely forgotten about your job and only crave for her. "Stroking it nice and slow, up and down, up and down, making you want to cum so bad. But if you want to cum for me, you'll have to fuck me, hmmmm," she says as she jerks you off.
"Look at that fucking cock; all it wants is that wet, tight pussy," Nayeon continues. You can only groan as she keeps edging you and laughing at your despearation. She strokes your cock fast now, her mouth just taking the tip in as she coughs on it. "Oh yes, I wanna spit all over your balls and tongue, that dirty fucking asshole," she tells you as soon as she's done with it.
You spread your legs and give Nayeon easier access to your sack and anus. She rubs her hands around it before closing her eyes and diving that tongue straight into your butthole, moaning inside it. Her tonguing is so good and nasty. Nayeon suddenly opens her eyes and now has her right hand stroking your dick as she stares at you while her mouth keeps working inside your asshole, her legs jilling to tease you as well.
Nayeon gives you one hell of a lick that starts at your anus and goes all the way up to your tip. You can only grunt, as her naughty tongue has you under full control. As she goes back down, she spits on both your balls and asshole before sticking her hand in her tongue to taste further. "Fuck yes," she says as she goes deeper and deeper inside your rim, then laughs as she moves around it, then increases the pace of her sloppy tonguings.
Barking like a puppy, Nayeon moves up and sticks her tongue into your balls before masturbating your foreskin as she rubs your shaft on her face before inserting it in her mouth and putting your balls resting right between her boobs. She really enjoys that uncut toy so much, gagging all over it and playing with her spit before moving back down to your asshole. "Holy fuck, that shit is so good," she says. No words come out of your mouth; all you can do is take a deep breath as her moves have you on the verge of a heart attack.
You try to get up as soon as Nayeon gives you a little break, but that's a short lift. She's already there to stoke your cock, her eyes closed and her tits popping out better than ever. "That cock looks so fucking wet," she says, praising the workings of her tongue as she rubs your tip against her nipple.
"I'm scared you're gonna cum for me, not yet, boy," she says as she now concentrates the stroking around your tip before diving on it once again. "OHHHH. FUCK!" you scream as Nayeon gives you her sloppiest blowjob yet and gargles all over that meat. She holds herself on your thighs and goes back to her signature head-bobbing, praising your cock after she finishes. "Look at that cock so fucking big, craving to get into my pussy," she says, doing a measurement between your shaft and her face, noticing that your length had surpassed the extension of it.
"Can I put it in your pussy?" you ask as soon as Nayeon finishes her blowjob and gives a major spitting on your shaft. "Uh huh," she says, giving you the green light. "Turn around, please," you tell her, getting a beautiful look at her toned ass. "So good," you tell her as your tip rubs against her skin. You pick up that bottle of lube she gave you and pour it all over her now shiny ass, groaning as Nayeon starts grinding it on your shaft, placing it right in her ass crack. She looks at you while stroking your cock, loving how out of breath you already are without even getting inside her.
"My filthy hands are sliding all over that cock." Nayeon smirks as she strokes your cock, getting it ready to fuck her as she slides your shaft between her legs. "Oh yeah," you say as soon as she does it. "Yes, baby, please," you say as she moans while inserting just your tip inside her warm pussy. Her tight hole squeezes your shaft from the start, getting you more and more desperate.
"Oh wow," Nayeon says as she fully sits on your big cock, making it disappear between her ass cheeks. She looks at your massive bulge under her belly in awe, then laughs as she moves laterally. "God, your pussy is so nice and warm," you tell her. Nayeon rides your cock at very unconventional angles, almost as if she wants to snap it in half, before finally switching to a straight bounce. You can only watch and tell her how good it is, as Nayeon has no issue moving up and down your big shaft, moaning each time she reaches the base of it. This is, indeed, way better than any anatomy class.
"God," you say as Nayeon keeps gyrating on your cock. "Oh, that feels so fucking good; I'm just gonna keep riding it like that," she says as she bounces up and down your dick before stopping midair and putting a finger in her asshole, giving you the order, "Fuck me." You push your cock upwards, hungry to stretch her tight pussy. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck," she moans as you keep thrusting up her cunt.
Nayeon gets so overwhelmed that she has to regain control of it. "Oh god," she says as you hit deep in her cervix, her cheeks clapping hard now as she increases the pace of her riding before suddenly stopping and switching to a slow but sexy grind. "This is perfect, this is perfect," you say as Nayeon moves her ass sideways around your cock before going back to a straight ride. "There you go, there you go; just like that, make them clap," you tell her once she resumes bouncing.
"OHHHHH YEAHHHHH," Nayeon screams as you two clash. You push up, and she pushes down. Nayeon spanks her own ass at each bounce, turning it red in front of you, then ducks her head down to a point where you can only see her butt bouncing. "OH MY GOD, YES, YES, YES," she screams just before she pulls out to taste her juices, giving your cock a kiss as if she were thanking it.
"Let me stroke it for you," Nayeon says as she sits on the floor and takes her shoes off. "Yes, stroke my cock with your feet," you tell her, getting closer as she puts them right between that huge shaft. You lube your cock to give her an easy stroke, but Nayeon truly doesn't need it. Blowjob, rimjob, footjob—any sex act ending in a job is one she has mastered a long time ago, like a true hard worker.
Nayeon moans as if you were still fucking her; she really enjoys the friction of her feet, especially with socks on and a hard, uncut cock, once again sticking her tongue out like the naughty girl she is. Nayeon starts moving faster with her feet, so much so that it sleeps out of your cock. She seizes the opportunity to push your foreskin up and down, enjoying it a lot as she starts fingering her pussy while doing so.
"Fuck my feet," Nayeon demands. You thrust your hips in the air, thiking of fucking her pussy in all fours as she laughs, pleased with your efforts. "Just like that," Nayeon says as she gets even more opportunities to see that throbbing tip pop out of your foreskin. Her feet preesing your cock are no different than her pussy's tightness after all, as the space you slide between them is roughly the same size as her hole.
"Hmmm, you're getting harder for those feet. Fuck it like you're fucking my pussy," Nayeon says, sending you over the moon. You pound the air as fast as you can, closing your eyes as she pushes you to the limit. Thankfully, she stops just as you were about to cum, rubbing her soles on your shaft and tip to caress them. "So fucking good" is all you can tell her.
Nayeon keeps playing with your foreskin as her soles now massage your cock, before she resumes stroking it with her feet. You soon follow and go back to fucking them, leading to more laughs and smirks from her as she lies on the floor. "Harder," she tells you as you push your cock between her soles. Once again, Nayeon wins the battle, as her stamina is much higher and she outlasts you, stroking your cock for a while before you stop pushing it.
"Let me see this nice ass," you tell her as Nayeon gets on all fours, the sun from the window hitting straight at her. You place your cock right between her ass crack, leading her to start grinding on it without even looking at your dick. She would definitely love the way your tip went in and out of your foreskin, making a big noise each time it popped out of it. You add extra lube to make her humping easier, as Nayeon now moves faster and then starts slapping your shaft on her butt.
"Ahhh, yes, yes, yes," Nayeon says as she finishes it. But soon, she'd go back to praying to God as you inserted your cock back in her pussy. "Shhh, they might hear it," you told her in a snap that you were actually supposed to be working, not fucking one of Korea's top pussies. But instead, she just laughed and cursed further as you moved your hips and fulfilled your dream of fucking her on all fours.
You panted at each thrust as Nayeon's vagina crushed your cock to the maximum. "Just like that," she said as her asshole was winking every time you pumped inside her. Her moaning got more frequent while you fucked her faster. "Don't stop fucking me," she said, her face all the way down the floor. Nayeon slapped her ass as you kept fucking her while also moving her hips sideways. "Please, keep going; fuck my pussy," she continued.
As you stopped to catch your breath, Nayeon kept moving, bouncing on your cock for a few seconds before you pushed inside her with all your might. As soon as you got tired again, she repeated the move, but this time you just let her do the work, as she also started fingering her clit while doing so, her juices coating all over your huge shaft.
"Stretch me out," Nayeon demanded as she now stopped bouncing, giving free roam for your cock to go as deep as you could. "Oh my Godddd~~," she said as her voice cracked. You took advantage of her weakness and went harder on her, making her scream even louder as she started biting her nails with your cock filling her cunt. But in the end, she loved it, giving you a huge laugh as you stuck your cock at the deepest point of her pussy, staying in there for quite a while.
As you resumed pounding, Nayeon was now completely submissive to your big cock, just trying to hold her tiny body while getting manhandled nonstop. "OH FUCKKKKKKK~~ PLEASE. YES," she kept screaming, her tits bouncing hard as you mounted her like an animal. But you could tell how much she enjoyed it as soon as you got closer to her face. She winked at you and also gave you a hot kiss. Nayeon was now just a hot mess of moans and screams, a sleeve to your cock.
"Let's go to the window," you told her. Nayeon stared at it and crawled in its direction, putting her elbow on it as she started shaking her ass once again. You repaid Nayeon's rimjob, eating her ass as she looked out the window. She started humping her fit ass on your face while you moved your tongue inside her butthole. "Take a look at this nice ass," Nayeon says as you grab her cheeks firmly now, your head shaking to the rhythm of her ass.
You put Nayeon's right leg at the window as soon as you are done, giving you an easy entrance back into her pussy. "Oh yes," Nayeon moans as you put your cock inside her, pumping fast as soon as you get there, leading her to cling to the window's support and not fall down. "AHHHHHHHH, JUST LIKE THAT, FUCK ME. TREAT ME LIKE A WHORE, AHHHHH." Nayeon starts to scream, and it gets even louder once you reach under her and start fingering her cunt as you pound her hard. Her legs quickly get weak and fall out of the window, making it easier for you to pin her against it.
Nayeon has to hold onto the window just by one knee. As you destroy her pussy nonstop, she clings onto you, leaving her right arm in her face. But instead of caressing her, you spank her butt: "That's for you to learn not to be a whore who fucks every cock you see on your sight," you tell her. Nayeon just moans, overwhelmed by your hard pumping of her cunt: "Oh God, Oh God." For the first time, you had the upper hand over her.
"Fuck," Nayeon says as you pull out and turn her around, grabbing her by the neck. You give her a torrid kiss as she gets pinned hard against the window, with you now facing her. You take it slow, getting very passionate with her. But it doesn't take long before you go back to pound her hard, craving to destroy that tight wet cunt, as her ass and back hit the window every time you hit her with your fast thrusts, with your balls clapping hard against her clit, leading her to cling even harder into your body. "YES, YES, YES, YES, AHHHHHH," she scrams as you don't seem to be able to stop.
Nayeon starts to cum in front of you as you stop to kiss her for a long while, running your tongue all over her naughty mouth. You detach from her as you watch her body shake before getting on your knees and eating her pussy, aiding in her orgasm as her juices fly into her face. "Ahhhh, it's so good down there," Nayeon says as your tongue sticks deep inside her folds. "That mouth all over my lips, ahhhh, oh fuck, just like that," she continues as she grabs your face to bury it deeper in her cunt.
As Nayeon finishes releasing her juices in your mouth, you move back closer to the bed, calling her to follow you. It takes her a bit to arrive, as she's still recovering from her orgasm. But once she does, you let her have the bed all to herself and lie on it sensually, as she's already spreading her legs, ready for more. "Sit on that cock, sit on that cock," you demand, putting yourself on the edge of the bed.
"Like that," you say as soon as Nayeon slides inside your pole, giving you a sexy moan as soon as she does. Nayeon moans as she gets impaled, but quickly goes hard in a killer reverse cowgirl ride, gyrating in your cock as she moves up and down, her moans getting sexier as the ride goes on.
"Look at the pussy; you're stretching it so well; what an amazing cock!" Nayeon praises your big dick as she goes deeper. "I'm crazy for your fucking cock," she continues as she starts laughing as you lose your stamina and starts with her bouncing harder and harder. "Oh my God, this is amazing," you say just as Nayeon slows down and switches to deep rides that fill her entire cunt before bouncing on your cock sideways and getting even more insane.
"What a great fucking cock," Nayeon continues, enjoying the ride to the fullest. "I love the way it gets deep in my pussy," she says, going back into a fast ride that drives you crazy. "Come closer," you tell her, allowing you to thust up her pussy as you now grab her tits. "Oh my God, yes," Nayeon says as she grabs your knees and watches your legs move up and down at each thrust. Now she's the one holding her tits, pinching her nipples as you pound her faster; her laugh and her naughty tongue are always present.
Nayeon closes her eyes and puts her hands on her clit, increasing the overstimulation. Your cock and her hand are fighting to see who can fuck her faster, putting both of you on edge. "Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah," you pant as you get increasingly out of breath. "OH FUCK!" she simultaneously screams, her boobs getting bouncier and bouncier until she cums again.
Nayeon stops with your cock fully impaled inside her; she spreads her pussy for you to see as she releases her juices all over your cock, then pulls out to give it a little massage with her hands, followed by her grinding on it. Nayeon places her thumb on your tip, making some cracking sounds as she massages your dick and keeps edging you, her hair all messy and covering her face. She places her pussy right at your shaft and keeps pressing it firmly with her right hand, once again playing with her favorite foreskin as she jerks you off.
As Nayeon gets off your lap, she sees your hard pole in full strangth, perfectly pointing to the sky and reaching all the way from the bottom of her pussy up to her navel. But she seems to want more, and she keeps jerking it off. Truth be told, Nayeon just loves how you suffer every time she does it and has to hang on for your dear life just to survive her edging you, as she gets very turned on and fingers her pussy simultaneously.
You stay on the edge, as Nayeon doesn't seem eager to stop at any moment, only stroking it even faster and then moving her feet to do the job. She really enjoys that tip hiding under your foreskin and then popping out full force each time. "Such a good girl; you're so fucking hot" is all you can say to her. Nayeon agrees, but a good girl needs a reward, and she's finally ready to get it.
"Stretch that pussy for me; that cunt is beautiful," you order her, doing the teasing now. Nayeon does, and you can see her dangling lips itching for that dick as they throb and wink, and she keeps touching herself until some naughty words finally come out of her mouth.
"You know what I want? I want you to cum for me, and I want it all inside," Nayeon demands. Holy shit, she's really gonna let you fill that pussy up. You go wild and stick your cock deep inside her as soon as you hear those words. "Hmmm, yes," Nayeon approves, sensing the urgency in your expressions.
Nayeon spreads her legs as your cock sticks deep in her, clinging to the pillow on the bed as you go faster on her pussy. She laughs and enjoys every second of it, moving her hips in sync with yours as you pound her and make her tits bounce hard. "Yes, pop, pop it; I know you want it," she says in between moans as she puts her hands in her neck and chokes herself, sticking her naughty tongue out.
"Keep choking yourself," you tell her, noticing it has made her pussy tighten. "Yes, fuck," she says, looking at you with begging eyes. After a while, you decide to do it yourself, placing your right hand on it while you fuck her harder. "Please, please, please, please," Nayeon begs as she waits for your cum. You get rougher on her as you start slapping her bouncy tits now and then pinching her nipples.
"You want my cum?" you ask her. "Yes, cum in me, baby," she answers, fingering her pussy and tightening her walls even further. Not even 10 seconds later, you start groaning as you finally manage to fill her up to the brim.
"Oh yes," Nayeon celebrates as she puts her legs up in the air. Your sperm starts leaking out of her pussy and filling the bedsheets. "Push it out," you tell her as she does it and laughs, spreading her pussy lips. "Oh my God, you're so fucking amazing," you tell her, still out of breath.
Nayeon tastes your cum as you put your cock back in. "I know you have more; unload the rest of it on me," she begs. Nayeon puts her hand in her mouth as her tits swing back and forth with each pump, but she can't wait for long until she screams again: "FUCK, YES, PLEASE," she says, her face fully buried on the bed's pillow now.
"Come on, give me another one," she says. "I love my pussy getting fucking covered in cum," she continues. "AHHHHH," Nayeon moans, which she muffles with the pillow on her face, her pussy tightening and leading you to unlond inside her for a second time.
You kiss her passionately shortly after, telling her how amazing she is and how much you wanted this to never end, then move down to give both her boobs a kiss as well. Nayeon is overwhelmed and in love with the way you fucked her, laughing as she opens her legs and shows you her cream-filled pussy for the last time.
"Thank you for coming into my life," you say. "Thank you," she replies. However, you guys can't even enjoy the moment for long, as your superior gives you a phone call shortly after.
"WHERE ARE YOU?" they say, as soon as you pick it up.
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YOU TELL HIM THAT YOU'RE H0RN¥
PREMISE: You're just friends, but you wanna test the boundaries. How does he react when you tell him that you're horny?
INCLUDES: Akutagawa, Dazai, Nikolai, Poe, Atsushi, Ranpo
No smut, heavy on dialogue. These are goofy!! One part only.
Akutagawa
That gif is the horny taking over his body.
"Akutagawa."
"Hm?"
"I'm horny."
He looks up at you, face somewhere between horror-stricken and confused.
"Why would you say such a thing to me?"
"Obviously because I want you to do something about it."
"What?"
"I said--"
"--No, no, I heard you the first time."
"So?"
"So what?"
"Sooo, do you want to have sex, orrr?"
Akutagawa stares blankly at something nearby for a solid minute, completely silent, and then stands up abruptly.
"Yes. Let's go to a love hotel."
Dazai
"Dazaaaaai. I'm horny," you whine, an over-exaggerated pout on your face.
"Ohh? Shall I help you take care of that?" He purrs, exaggeratedly flirting. "I'll treat you reaaaal nice." He winks, ready for you to say something like "ew no, freak" and laugh it off like usual. Except...
"God, yes. I was gonna ask."
"Huh?" He short-circuits. He pauses, trying to figure out if you're fucking with him or not. Usually you'd start laughing after two or three seconds, but you're standing up and walking toward him--
"Holy shit. Oh my god, you're serious?!" He jumps up from his chair, eyes lighting up, and horny stirring in his pants. "If you're joking you have to tell me right now."
"Why don't you come with me to the broom closet and see if I'm joking?"
"This is the greatest day of my life," he says as you pull him along.
Nikolai
"I'm really horny, so you're gonna have to stop looking so hot or I'm gonna have to leave."
The grin he already wore spread wider across his face.
"Is that so?"
He summons and portal and in the blink of an eye is crowding you in your space, laying a hand on your thigh, breathing on your neck.
"What's doing it for you, dovey? Is it the beautiful, luscious hair? My devilishly handsome smile?"
"It's those fucking thunder thighs in the striped pants is what it is," you huff, trying to push him back, but he takes your hands and moves your arms to be around his shoulders.
"I can keep them on while I fuck you," he says lowly into your ear. "Would you like that?"
You pull him against you.
"Put your money where your mouth is, Nikolai."
Poe
"Poe, I'm having a really nice time hanging out with you and all, but I have to be honest: I'm really horny, so I probably need to go home before I start trying to fuck you."
He is so flustered that he can't even form a sentence. What you can see of his face is beet red, and he scrambles for the door. You think he's going to open it and usher you out, but he presses his back against it, blocking your exit.
"No," he finally says, "Don't leave."
"Poe, you're in the danger zone. If I don't relieve some tension I'm gonna get really grouchy."
"I can help," he stutters out.
"Huh?"
He starts trying to apologize, but you laugh and cross the room to him.
"I didn't expect you to be into it," you admit. "I definitely said it to get your attention, but I thought you'd say no."
"Then I have not made my feelings known enough."
Atsushi
"Can I ask you a stupid question?"
"Sure!" Atsushi responds enthusiastically. Your head is laying in his lap and you're staring blankly at the ceiling.
"Do you ever get horny when you hang out with your friends?"
"Uhh, I don't think that's something that happens with your friends," he says, and you turn to look up at him.
"It doesn't? Like, you've never gotten horny while spending time with me?"
"Uhh..." His face slowly starts turning red.
"I've gotten horny hanging out with you. I'm kind of horny right now, honestly."
"UMMMMM..........."
"So you're saying that right now my face being near your dick isn't turning you on?"
"I wouldn't say that..."
"I sure hope you wouldn't because I think I can literally feel you getting hard against my skull. Do you wanna stop talking and start making out now?"
Ranpo
"I'm horny."
"I know."
"What? How do you know?"
"You keep squirming in your seat, you're trying to arch your back when you lean your elbow on the table, and you keep biting your lip when you think I'm not looking at you."
"But you must be looking at me because you noticed all of that. But I haven't seen your eyes on me."
"I'm watching you from the corner of my eye like I usually do."
"Oh? And why would you be watching me, Ranpo?"
"Because I like to?" he says like it's obvious.
"Do you have a little crush on me, Ranpo?"
"Wouldn't you like to know. If only you have my super deduction you'd know."
"I don't think I need super deduction to know. I think I can figure it out in one question."
"Oh? Try me."
"When are you going to fuck me?"
He tries to bite back a smile but he can't. He finally looks directly at you, and it tells you everything you need to know.
"Your place or mine?"
#bsd headcanons#bsd x reader#akutagawa x reader#akutagawa headcanons#dazai x reader#dazai headcanons#atsushi x reader#atsushi headcanons#ranpo x reader#ranpo headcanons#poe x reader#poe headcanons#nikolai x reader#nikolai headcanons#dazai smut#ranpo smut#atsushi smut#poe smut#nikolai smut#akutagawa smut
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Guess who's relistening to the Strings Attatched performance again
#its just. GOD#I fucking love live music holy SHIT!!!#when you can hear the crowd!! when you can hear the emotion in the artists voice!!#its so fucking raw i love it#this isnt the strings attatched performance but theres a live version of i still dream about you#where the mic cuts out halfway through the intro and you can only hear the crowd singing#and then when it starts working again you can hear the artist laughing and i just. FUCK#it genuinely drives me insane in such a good wah#dont even get me started on the orchestra aspect if you do an orchestral perfomance of a song i love i will always go insane#i am a simple man i hear violins and lose my shit#me.txt#smith street posting
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play pretend
a ‘partners in crime’ installment - luke castellan x dionysus!reader
words: 5.1k (holy shit)
summary: (established relationship…at the end of it lol) suggestive in nature but sfw , underage drinking what do you expect from a dionysus!kid, mentions of vomit The one where Mr. D catches you two in the act, but you and him aren't exactly together yet. Everyone knows you two are together except the both of you, apparently. It’s hard to not run away from something good. (luke castellan x dionysus!reader)
a/n: happy first i love you to you and luke! yall are together now! crazy! thanks for being patient during my lil vacay :)) its been a little over a month since i started the trouble!verse!! ilysm
(posted 2/23 betad by my one and only @mrsaluado )
—
There’s something you’ve always loved about mornings.
Waking up with the first rays of light peeking through your window, the sun’s arms stretched around your sleepy frame pressing warm, featherlike kisses across the expanse of your back.
It almost feels real.
Apollo must be feeling generous today, the heat of a warm breath brushing against your neck, and your alarm sounding an awful lot like soft snores. You ought to get up and close the blinds; it’s too damn bright. But your weighted blanket feels immensely heavier this morning as it envelopes your senses—smelling of citrus, musk, and a tangible dream of last night that seems to have stayed in bed with you. As soon as you try to untangle your legs from below the covers, warmth presses you deeper into the mattress with a…familiar sigh.
Your eyes pop open.
Quick and calculated, your eyes survey the surroundings of your room—the mop of licorice tresses nestled against the crook of your neck, both of your clothes scattered on the floor, as well as the alarm clock and a few other things knocked off your nightstand from Luke’s enthusiasm. The quiet of the morning is quickly disrupted when you hear two pairs of little hands pounding on your door, and for a moment you wonder if this is one of those hyper-realistic dreams that you don’t want to wake up from.
“Sissy! You missed breakfast,” Pollux bellows as Castor continues to slap his palms on the wood like a bongo drum.
The sheets start rustling as you squirm out of Luke’s grasp, bumping against the muscular ridges of his torso which brings him back to consciousness.
“Be out in a minute!” you slur against his shoulder, and he opens his eyes blearily at the sight of you sprawled over him to try to reach the alarm clock on the ground. As his eyes focus he can’t help but admire the planes of your body, soft and pretty in the morning light like a painting come to life. Waking up in one’s company has never felt more right, even with the usual chatter of campers wafting through the open window. Here in the swaddle of pink and purple sheets, you two are something singular—not camp counselors with jobs to do, not demigods wanting to achieve glory, just your angelface and his trouble.
It’s intimate, even if it doesn’t have a label, him and you.
His large hand catches you at the plush of your tummy when you almost topple off the bed.
“Shit. Shit! They’re not kidding—Luke, it’s 9:30!”
You fling yourself upwards and off of him, clambering to find clothes from your dresser and tossing him his from the day prior. His belt buckle almost hits him in the eye and he groans, flinching as it smacks him in the cheek.
“Gods, woman. You think camp will crumble because you slept in for once?”
The glare you throw in his direction is his answer, so Luke slowly tugs his pants on–though he quickly gets distracted by a half-dressed vision of you rummaging around your room.
“Castellan.”
He grins like a little kid in a candy store, and to that, you throw his shoe at him.
Idiot.
Too bad you’re in deep shit for sleeping in.
“SISSY!!!”
“IN A FUCKING MINUTE, THING ONE AND TWO!”
Screaming at the closed door as you throw some shorts on, you spin around and bump into Luke who’s already got his hands around your waist as his nose nudges the space between your jaw and your neck.
“You were supposed to leave before daybreak,” you sigh, a smile creeping onto your lips, “if you did as you were told, I wouldn’t have slept in.” Fake annoyance leaks through your voice though he knows it not to be true, he wouldn’t be able to latch onto you like this if you were. His nose continues to graze up towards your ear as he presses a kiss behind it—like how you both deal with your feelings and the truth nowadays, a hidden secret kept for both of your eyes only.
“Dunno trouble…I can get used to waking up next to you,” he mumbles. You can feel the imprint of his smile searing into your skin.
Is this what going into cardiac arrest feels like? Genuine question.
You’ve both been sneaking around for the past few weeks, but neither of you has made anything official. They say it’s easier to fall for a friend rather than a stranger—to know someone so intimately (and now in more ways than one) should make falling the easy part.
But that’s kind of the problem.
Luke is your best friend—both knowing how the other feels from a single glance, so pray tell to all the gods on Olympus, why has this boy not asked you out yet? Whether this is all for fun or anything resembling a four-letter word that makes your brain go fuzzy, you think you’d rather swim in the Styx instead of putting yourself at a disadvantage. Love is scary, even if it’s Luke.
Especially since it’s Luke.
His words make you stop in your tracks and you can hear your heart pounding in your ears, so you’re not dead… But the noise turns out to be one of the twins banging on the door again, and now you look like an asshole for taking too long to respond. Luke’s awkwardly looking at you now, tongue in cheek.
“Last warning,” one of your brothers teasingly croons, before the other continues, “Dad’s almost at the door! Your boyfriend’s gotta go or he’s dead…”
Your eyes widen in fear and Luke loosens his grip on your waist, unsure if you look like you’ve seen a ghost at the thought of him being called your boyfriend or the very real possibility of getting caught by your dad.
What a way to go, you two.
“Get out. You gotta go now, out the window!”
You start pushing him towards the windowpane, your palms pressing against his marked-up and very bare back.
Holy shit, he still doesn’t have a shirt and he looks like he got mauled by a hellhound.
You can practically see the grapevines start to flourish outside your window.
He’s too close for comfort, way too damn close, you think, but can’t reason if you mean Luke or your dad.
“Seriously?”
He straddles the open window, and Luke doesn’t know what to feel about you pushing him away—it’s a feeling that’s foreign to him since he’s always by your side.
“Sorry. I’ll make it up to you later angelface,” you mumble, pulling him in for a mind-numbing kiss that almost makes him slip off the rain gutter, and by the time you’ve already closed the window he realizes he’s shirtless in broad daylight, feet hopping off the siding of the cabin.
This couldn’t get any worse (oh but it does in a second), and you’re definitely the asshole this time around.
Your dad barges into your room by the time you throw a shirt on.
“Kid, what the hell? You sick?”
Mr. D furrows his brows at the sight of you, face flushed as you simper up a lie about your head hurting. It’s weak for an excuse and even if you usually don’t have a tell—he’s the master of this game, so he pretends to not notice you chuck a shirt out the window when you open it to make it less stuffy.
He raises an eyebrow in disapproval when you both notice your shirt is too big on you.
Oh, he’s onto you, applying heat like a brand to make his only daughter squirm; Mr. D peeks out the window to see a certain Luke Castellan stomping across the path wearing your cropped camp tee—and concludes that if there’s anyone in hot water right now, Luke must be drowning in it.
—
Acting natural is a bit harder for you today, and it feels like a cruel and unusual punishment worth the deepest pit of the Underworld as you scribble words onto a page that won’t even be comprehensible once you read them after this meeting is over. You’ve been catching up on work all day (also known as the impossible task of avoiding Luke) to show your dad you haven’t been slacking off. But a late start meant you fumbled through your day and it was obvious to everyone that you were off your game. Archery ran into javelin throwing, capture the flag teams weren’t ready and had to be made on the spot, there were no new shipments delivered to the camp store, and the infirmary ran out of ambrosia— which were all things that you were expected to coordinate.
Gods, you’re getting too old for this shit.
And if you, the head counselor everyone depends on, is off her game, well—everyone’s on edge. The Stolls even dared to ask you if the world was ending today and you were less than impressed.
Being in love sure feels like it is.
The only thing left to get through is this counselor’s meeting before the party tonight at Fireworks Beach, and you’ll damn yourself to Tartarus if you can’t even get that right. You’re a Dionysus kid, so partying is in your blood. Party planning is your favorite hobby, and to be real, you deserve a drink after today.
Speaking of your father, he’s jabbering on about something you find yourself not particularly interested in, but well…someone’s gotta listen. Charles is dozing off at the table, and Lee jabs him in the side. You see Silena braiding Clarisse’s hair out of the corner of your periphery. And of course, out of all of them, there’s Luke who’s been trying to steal your attention for the past 30 minutes. Black ink smears across the page as you find yourself having every thought that ends supplemented with the memory of how Luke looked at you as he climbed out of your window this morning.
Could he actually want more?
The all-star camper, Luke Castellan— camp’s best soldier who’s envied by many and admired by all…wants to wake up next to you. You, the camp director’s daughter who keeps everyone in line and is seen more as authority instead of a person with feelings. You’re not always feared, but in a camp for demigod kids who’d rather hone their powers instead of lose special privileges for skipping class, you’re not exactly their favorite either. Once, someone said they’d rather face Mr. D instead of you.
“That doesn’t make sense, we’re supposed to send in the next progress report to Olympus before the last day of the month. That’s Wednesday, D. So it should be by the Sunday before,” you butt in after a statement your dad makes about scheduling.
All eyes are on you now— it’s the first time you’ve spoken up during tonight’s meeting which was out of character in itself, but your father catches you off guard when the sound of his booming laughter spreads across the room like dynamite tearing through a battlefield.
“Says who? We’ve got enough time,” The god remarks, a strange sheen in his eyes that reflects into yours. He’s on your ass a bit more today, pointing out your flaws from the day and making it his mission to get on your nerves. Few mortals would undermine a god, and though you do it daily to spite him for your existence, your confidence is lower today than it usually is—the reason being a boy with amber eyes boring into your soul from across the table. Everything else pales in comparison now, almost fading into the background, and even here in the hot seat you can’t help but think about if Luke could ever fall for someone like you.
You’re venturing into dangerous territory, you tell yourself, you’ve been hurt before.
It hurts less somehow when you’re cautious. To prepare oneself to be hurt is a defense mechanism ingrained in you—your mom raised you to always be ready for anything. Your self-identity has always been skewed by others’ perceptions. Mirroring the memory of your late mother’s ideals, exemplifying your actions through your immortal father’s personality, you find that fighting your bloodline is one of the most difficult things to come to terms with. A thought passes in your brain that you’ve taken after the worst of them—your mother’s ambition and your father’s unpredictability.
And who would want to love someone so difficult?
Tough love is the only way you know how to love. Perhaps someone as good as Luke deserves better than this.
“It’ll be less to worry about that way,” you swallow, and the other counselors sit back in their seats as tension fills the air, signaling another disagreement about to start between your father and you.
“Good thing you don’t have to worry about it since it’s my job, right, kid? Just because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today doesn’t mean you can change things to better fit your schedule instead of the rest of ours.”
Mr. D scowls, and then again maybe you’re too much like your father—too brash, too mouthy, and self-serving, and your eyes meet Luke’s again as your mouth pulls into a bitter smile.
“It’s the first and last time it’ll ever happen. Gods know I don’t get sick days around here picking up after you,” you spit out harshly, words coming out like acid.
“Just saying kid. Haven’t seen you this careless in years— Maybe check yourself before telling us what to do, yeah?”
Your father’s words have a double meaning as he stares into your soul, glancing between you and Luke, who is none the wiser, still focused on you. Annabeth is holding his hand under the table as you watch his jaw flex. He can see right through the shoddy performance you put on of having it all together.
Does everyone know?
Your lips pucker as you roll your neck from locking, and a humorless laugh slips from you. Everyone else’s eyes are on Luke, who looks like he’s about to jump across the table and wring a god’s neck.
Fuck.
“Whatever. I’m not doing this today,” you grumble, feeling overwhelmed. The chair screeches against the wood of the floor as you push yourself up, fists stained with ink and clenched in teenage angst as you walk to the door to make a quick escape.
Your father crosses his arms smugly at the success of getting under your skin, and the last words you hear as you leave are, “You never want to hear the truth, kid. Must you always be so…. you?”
Your steps falter for a moment, feeling heavier knowing he’s right so you let go of the door to let it slam it behind you. There’s a commotion inside after you leave but you couldn’t be bothered to give a damn. It’s time to party and you’re sure as hell getting drunk, high, or both tonight.
—
It takes about two cups of wine for the inebriation to start kicking into Luke’s system. He’d never been much of a drinker, but with the way you’re throwing your head back at Lee’s jokes as he plays the guitar, he thinks he should drink a bit more to forget the fear in your eyes this morning and how Lee keeps touching your waist.
He’s been suspended from counselor duties for the rest of the month for mouthing off at Mr. D in your defense, and even if Annabeth tells him he’s lucky to have not met a worse fate, the way things played out today makes him feel like the most unlucky guy at camp. Fuck the gods, or at least…fuck your dads (that doesn’t sound right, but he’s too busy watching the moonlight glint against your skin that whatever his ex is whispering next to him goes in one ear and out the other).
“Lukey?” Skye mumbles against his neck, “I miss you…you’re always busy doing who knows what!”
Well… she has a name, Luke thinks, taking a big gulp of whatever’s left in his cup as his eyes follow you across the beach. You’re dancing around the bonfire spinning a tipsy Clarisse who laughs without a care in the world. He thinks you’re the best of your parents—determined to achieve your goals, selfless when it comes to others’ needs, and passionate about what you want. Mr. D will never get to see this side of you—the one you show your friends and this place you all call home. He’ll never be deserving of the work you put into Camp Half-Blood (and to some extent, Luke knows he doesn’t deserve you either).
A dejected sigh brushes warm air against his shoulder.
“You know, Castellan. I wish I met you first,” the blond daughter of Athena slurs with tears forming in her eyes.
“What are you talking about?”
“The two of you have always… it’s always been you and her. Even if you both don’t want to admit it. It’s not fair,” she hiccups. Luke pulls the cup out of his ex-lover’s hand and she shakes her head.
“Skye, you’re drunk. I’ll take you back to 6.”
“You really don’t see it do you?” Her hands grapple onto Luke’s shirt like she’s pulling him down and pleading for him to understand.
“That girl is in love with you. The both of you are meant for each other—and you’re both spending too much time trying to fight fate. The rest of us aren’t as lucky, but we sure as hell aren’t stupid.”
There’s a moment of clarity that hits as he looks into Skye’s eyes, and he scratches the back of his neck.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I meant what I said when we broke up a few years ago. You’re both always looking for each other, even if you don’t know it. Just meet in the middle already, for gods’ sake…I’ll be okay,” she sighs, sitting up on the log they were resting on.
“Your girlfriend is sure as hell to give me a hangover worth her title of being Dionysus’ kid in the morning anyways,” she mutters, kissing Luke on his cheek as a farewell. But out of all of the things to catch your attention that night, Luke’s blush glows in the light of the fire, and he watches you frown and stomp off toward the forest.
For being the son of the god of luck, his dad really won’t give him a break.
It didn’t help that Skye suddenly started projectile vomiting seconds after you left (off of her only cup of wine; wonder how that happened).
—
Luke fights through his growing intoxication on the walk back towards the cabins, but boy are you difficult when you’re angry—you’ve always had a profound effect on his being, even more so with your powers. He makes a wrong turn somewhere through the woods, completely missing the cabins, which he doesn’t realize until he stumbles across the path leading to the Big House. When his eyes focus, he spots Mr. D sipping on a glass as he leans on the railing of the front porch. Be calm and don’t act drunk, Luke tells himself, but all of his concentration goes into not swaying in front of the god of wine that he can’t stop the words from coming out of his mouth.
“Good evening, um…sir.”
“Kid, it’s 3 in the morning. What the hell are you doing here? Gods know it’s not my window you’re trying to climb up. You’re a bit of a ways off.”
Now what the fuck was he supposed to say to that?
Luke freezes in his spot (in reality he bumps into the first wooden step and sticks a hand out to steady himself against the railing).
“Are you drunk?”
Mr. D looks at him knowingly like it’s almost funny to him, eyebrows furrowed and head quirked like he can sniff it off of him. He probably can, now that Luke thinks really hard about it.
“I’m not gonna answer that because I think you know the answer already,” the son of Hermes words carefully, but nothing smart can come of this. It’s like playing chess with checkers, and Dionysus of all gods would know—no breathalyzer needed.
There’s a beat of silence, before Mr. D says, “I’m gonna give you another chance to–”
“Yes, I’m drunk, but it’s not trouble’s fault—it’s mine!” he blabbers, walking closer to your father.
“She’s mad at me for defending her from you earlier besides the fact I act stupid around her and I only had a few cups, I swear, but she’s…your daughter is…extraordinary.”
“What?”
“Your daughter makes me feel drunk, sir. Even without the wine. I don’t know what to do with myself, just please don’t get mad at her. She has a lot more to lose…” He feels pathetic in all sense of the word, rubbing at his eyes until Mr. D snaps his fingers and the alcohol blanket lifts from his senses. Like a bucket of cold water splashed onto his spine, Luke is suddenly very awake, and all too embarrassed for the waterfall of words he’s told your father.
“Oh.”
“I didn’t know she knew how to do that yet. She’s learning quickly.” Mr. D looks out into the distance, the dim light of the cabins acting like a beacon of light in the middle of the campgrounds.
Luke wrings his hands, picking at his thumbs and he’s sure he’s about to get kicked out of camp for his behavior, much less the fact that he’s been fraternizing with the director’s daughter.
“Sometimes I think she knows too much.” He licks his lips, awkwardly standing next to the god and wondering if the dark liquid in his cup is wine.
“Do you think I don’t know that, Luke? Do you really think I don’t know about the parties? I let her have her fun too you know— I'm the one that keeps Chiron asleep. She doesn’t ask for much. I know I give her a hard time. I’m just….”
There are a few things about Mr. D’s statement that surprise Luke: the fact that he actually knows his name, how he safeguards his daughter’s interests, and the possibility of a god actually knowing how to be a good parent.
It still doesn’t take away from the countless times he’s seen you put yourself down because of your father, the inadequacy you feel from the responsibilities you take on, and how you’d do anything for simple applause. Tough love is still love with a heavy hand. And it leaves bruises, whether he meant it or not.
“Is that why you’ve never sent her on an actual quest? We all know picking up the twins doesn’t count in the grand scheme of things.”
“For what? To achieve glory? Recognition? I never understood why we Olympians do that. Send children off to their deaths to deserve a moment of their godrent’s time, or a gift to shut them up. I don’t need her to be a hero, she doesn’t have anything she needs to prove to me. I need her to be my daughter, and preferably alive. That’s enough for me.”
Luke takes a step back in disbelief. There’s something in his being that yearns to be loved like that, without having to prove it or needing to deserve it. It hurts almost, the way he wants to be loved like your family loves you. Your father, an Olympian, standing in front of him telling him that your existence is enough to be worthy of his presence. In the silence that follows, Luke wonders if he’ll ever have that.
“You should tell her that more often, sir.”
“Listen. She’s a good kid, I just give her a hard time because it’s hard to get attached to you mortals. Your lives are so short compared to the infinite timeline I live. I can do everything in my power to try to keep her safe, but I can’t stop her from leaving. So don’t blame me if I act like an asshole if it’ll keep her here for a bit longer. I’ll take all the time I can get.”
“Then how do I tell her I love her with without either of us running away?”
Mr. D laughs loudly now, his wrinkles crinkling as liquid sloshes out of his cup. It turns out to be grape juice you left out for him before the party.
“Mortals always busy themselves with trivial things, like pride and sorrow. Pandora’s box left you humans with nothing but hope. I say you swallow the negative and just say it how it is. You’ll have a lot more time being happier together that way. I already lost my bet against some of the counselors anyway.”
“What bet?”
Your dad swats at Luke like he’s a dog to kick, and tosses his glass over his shoulder where it disappears in the night air.
“Get off my porch Castellan, and just know if you hurt her…”
“I’d die before that happens, sir.”
“That would hurt her most of all. Think about what that means. For gods’ sake she’s left her light on for you, so go on before I set the harpies on you. And don’t call me sir, it freaks me out. You’re still not special to me.” Mr. D stalks back inside the Big House, and Luke takes that as his cue to leave. The cold night air pushes him back towards the cabins, the light in your window luring him in like a ship lost at sea.
—
“I know you’re still awake, trouble.”
You hear him move closer to the bed as you keep your eyes shut, evening out your breaths, but you’re never able to hide anything from Luke anymore.
“I thought I closed that window,” you mumble, turning your face more towards your pillow.
“You didn’t.”
Of course, you didn’t. You were hoping he’d chase after you this time around, even if you made him drunk in more ways than one.
“Skye keep you busy?” you say nonchalantly, and you hear Luke laugh as he tugs your duvet off of you.
“Your dad did, actually,” he says grinning, watching your eyes pop open in confusion as you turn and face him, propping yourself up on your knees.
“What the fuck?”
“You could’ve gotten me kicked out y’know? Stumbled onto his porch telling him about how drunk you make me feel even without a drop of alcohol and how I don’t know what the fuck to do with myself when I’m around you.”
“You shouldn’t be so brave to fight gods like that for me. Even if it’s my dad, Castellan,” you whisper, and he kneels next to your bed so he can look at you in the eyes from an equal standpoint. Because that’s what the two of you are— equal, singular, one and the same. And he’s never made you feel less than, even if your brain tries to convince you of it.
“Stop that,” he scoffs, shaking his head as he grabs your hands, “stop calling me my last name like it detaches you from how you feel about me. I want you to stop pretending when it's just you and me,” he pleads, whispering your name so softly that the sound of it brushes against your lips.
There’s something more intimate in the way he looks at you now compared to when you were naked and nestled against him this past morning. The act of knowing that it’s you and him, no matter how hard you try to fight it.
His knuckle brushes against your jaw, pushing your eyes to look back into his, and you can’t deny him any longer.
“Hey. I love you, and I know you feel the same; I'm tired of you acting like you're not and I’m going crazy he—”
His words are halted by your lips surging forward to meet him in the middle. The culmination of years of friendship has brought you to this special moment frozen in time, and sure, demigods die young but this must be what he’ll see in Elysium. If there’s a single memory he can bring with him to his next life, he hopes it’s this one—the taste of you and how it feels to be loved like this, without question or reason. You pull away with a sweet smile and he feels drunk again.
“You’re my best friend, angelface,” you mumble.
Okay, now that sobered him up faster than it should have.
Luke stiffens, his hands falling to your thighs as he starts to ramble, “If you’re actually friendzoning me right now I might just roll out of your window and feed myself to a harpy.”
The laugh that comes out of you booms across the room as you wrap your arms around him with a radiant smile. You always have so much to say, but right now only three words come to mind. Five vowels, three consonants, and the gravity of it pushes out of your mouth like there’s no better truth to tell.
“I love you. I think I’ve been in love with you even before I liked you and I’m sorry I’ve been too scared to say it. I’m not used to…”
Luke sighs in relief, as he presses his scarred cheek against your shoulder.
“You think I’m not scared of us either, trouble? I worship the ground you walk on, and everyone can see that.”
“Well I’m not a god, Luke,” you say tugging him up by his mop of curls as your legs wrap around him.
“Sometimes when I’m with you, I think you’re the closest thing to it,” he whispers, pulling your chin down for another kiss until you both get your fill. He thinks he can kiss you forever until the end of your short lives, until it’s senseless and maddening, like falling into a drunken stupor. Loving you is an experience he’ll never be able to rid himself of, heart stained with the best of you until both your fingertips are red and raw with the feeling.
You pull him back into your bed as your giggles fill the early morning air. He’s quickly becoming what you love most about waking up in the morning.
—
Chris Rodriguez wakes up to the sound of the morning birds and chattering children in the busy cabin 11. As he rubs at his eyes, ready to take on the day as an interim cabin counselor for the rest of the month because of Luke’s suspension, sunlight falls onto the one empty bunk in the corner of the room (Fact: There is never an empty bed in the Hermes cabin. Also a fact: he and Chiron will be able to cash in against the other counselors as fast as his feet can take him to the Big House).
—
“To love someone is firstly to confess; I’m prepared to be devastated by you.” Billy Ray Belcourt
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