#what do i even do with my life now

[thefishdeath]

Just. finished fallout. normal.

#what the fuck #what the fuvck what the fuck what the fuck #im so normal about this guys very so normal #(shaking and gripping the edge of the sink hunched over like im playing silent hill) #so normal so normal #what do i even do with my life now #how am i just supposed to go about my day #FUCK that last scene fucking insane though #oh my god the ghoul is so cool #like holy SHIT #the relization that the ghoul could of killed maximus in that first meeting but just like. chose not to? insane. #fallout is ruining my life i have to play every game now #fallout #i need a season 2 NOW #8 hours is not enough #i need to see Lucy kill her father #its like 5am where i am #im going to impulsively dye my fuckass mullet about this #fallout show #fallout series #just fishdeath-ing #fallout tv series #if anyone wants to talk abt fallout with me i dont know how to start a conversation but im clawing at my walls & willing to try please plea

[craftpunky]

just finished watching mob psycho 100. how can i make this about the autistic experience.

#mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #mob psycho anime #what do i even do with my life now

[alilbitlesbian]

Oh my god the worst thing ever happened.

I tend to draw on my exam's note papers, cause I always wait out the clock vs. Leaving early, I just always assume the notes get thrown away (not checked) or at worst some rando named jeff saw my little doodles for 3 seconds.

I usually draw like, my dog, my cat, a few times I did anatomy studies on deer and other forest critters.

Today I draw on my notes page again, guess what happens after I hand evt. In??

My girl in the exambureau tells me she always hears about my drawings!! That the examinators feel bad throwing them away and always love them and share them around and that she couldn't wait to see what I drew this time.

guess what I drew ALL DAY TODAY

ThrEE EXAMS, GUESS WHAT I DREW

ILL GIVE YOU A HINT

CURSED CAT ALASTOR.

I HAVE DRAWN ROUGHLY TWENTY CURSED CAT ALASTORS, I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE THE FEELING I HAVE RN. ITS CLOSE TO HATRED??? ITS CLOSE TO SHAME

#what do i even do with my life now #i can never show my face at my school again #how do i explain this #hazbin hotel #no fandom #crying screaming faeing up rn

[lillithvexx]

I was staring at the screen with my eyes so wide watching Good Omens season 2 that my contact lens dried up and fell out my eye. I need serious help lol 😭

#good omens #help #I’m sad #what do I even do with my life now

[muchfandomfeels]

I have finally finished the Wheel of Time

#wheel of time #unreasonably attractive fandom #i dont know how to feel T.T #what do i even do with my life now

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[snarling-through-our-smiles]

100000 posts!

#100000 posts #tumblr milestone #what do I even do with my life now

[cattnipt]

Fucked up looking dog you got there

#hello I was supposed to read svsss with a friend as a lighthearted peek into danmei #and now my entire life is ruined by these guys #I haven't finished the whole thing and I'm only on vol 3 #so if I got these two wrong my deepest apologies #I don't know what I'm doing #I'm having a lot of fun though :) #this scene was cool even though literally none of how I drew it happened #svsss #scum villain's self saving system #bingqiu #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #catt art

[delicourse]

i miss them a little if im gonna be honest

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #kageyama shigeo #kageyama ritsu #hanazawa teruki #tome kurata #tsubomi takane #shou suzuki #deliart #i meant for the image to be like. after the end but i also didnt think about the hairstyle changes. sorry...... #also i know i was like shou 100% has dwarf hamsters since he got 2 but u know what i dont care. golden hamster stan for life #im planning on getting one i've been checking out breeders near me so i can get a proper healthy one. there are so many good ones here too #i already am thinking on what color im gonna go for..getting picky even. something like offwhite.. silver pearl.. silver dove.. silver mink #jurys still out on wether im gonna get another female or not #i do love how big ladies get and their intense energy and work ethic. truly the most passionate creatures i've ever come across. inspiring. #but a lazy fluffy guy that just sits around and washes his balls all day does seem easier. less likely to climb my curtains. #i got distracted i love hamsters so much. look at my mop drawing now everyone

[hiddenbarinapocketdimension]

This morning sucked. Woke up at 7 on less than 5 hours of sleep to bake over 50 Eccles cakes. Didn’t have like half my ingredients. Bought more only to realise I still didn’t have them all. Burnt myself on the syrupy filling. Printer died on me as I was trying to get a printing job done. Forgot to have lunch I was so excited. Locked my car key in the boot. Waited an hour in the sun in all black to make sure I didn’t get a parking ticket whilst trying to get said key out. Got stuck in traffic for half an hour only to find I’d just moved under 100 metres. Accidentally had the thermostat cranked up to 40C the whole journey. All of this, just to get to a screening.

Then when I got there….

Shrimp emotions. The atmosphere was incredible. Got there 3 hours early. Immediately bonded with people, and it just felt so warm and exciting. I passed round the Eccles cakes in its little (very large) Antichrist basket. We all counted down with the timer waiting for the episodes to start. The episodes were amazing, and I have to thank @neil-gaiman for making this season come true - it was everything I hoped for and more, and I think that’ll be the case for pretty much everyone. I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world, even if I had to live through this morning 20x over.

Trust me when I say you’re not prepared for season 2. No one is.

Anyways here’s a picture of the cakes in their basket:

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens screening #neil gaiman #like seriously I put like 10 hours into making these cakes so I’m so so happy they went down well. #I hope everyone that was there liked them #its my dream to one day give Neil Gaiman one of my home baked Eccles cakes #anyways #I even got a little poster! I’m gonna treasure it #thank you for making such an amazing thing that has literally shaped my outlook on life and become one of my favourite pieces of media ever #now that I’ve seen eps 1 and 2 I REALLY do not want to Wait to See #mr Neil Gaiman you are insane for this plot #it’s so fun and I never know what to expect #primepremiere #goodomens2 #EDIT: I WAS NOT PREPARED I WAS DEFINITELY NOT PREPARED

[front-facing-pokemon]

#baltoy #now okay let's just get the elephant outta the room. baltoy? what does this mean. is it a toy that happens to be a ball. because that's how #i've parsed it my whole life. and i've always not understood it because this thing is a top and not a ball #it's also what like. ground/psychic?? i think that's cool but it's just. like what's it got going for it. i forget it exists regularly and #don't even know if it has an evolution to make it competitively viable #where's that one person who said they were gonna do competitive facts on every post and then only did it on one. i miss them #whatever folks have things to do. not everyone has the time to dedicate to a silly little tumblr blog like i do. so here i am #telling you nothing about baltoy. go girl give us nothing. i am giving you nothing

[uncanny-tranny]

Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

#positivity #yet another post that's like... thinnly-veiled as being for myself #i find myself freezing with anxiety when i think about the things i used to do (writing especially) because... #...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting... #...it felt like being a gladiator in a coliseum #even now i fight the urge to equate being marketable to being acceptable and worthy of admiration and praise #i wish i hadn't burnt myself out of writing by doing this because i'm simultaneously grieving my writing and hating it #and it sucks the life out of what makes you feel like a person and it takes the art out of art #so be free! pist your art or don't! you are beholden to nobody!!! #(obviously this is not the case for professional artists who rely on their art to keep them alive) #(and i criticize heavily the idea that audiences are entitled to an artists labour) #(i understand that this isn't universal and if it doesn't apply to you then you don't have to take me seriously) #(if you are a professional artist or what have you i hope you are able to feed and house yourself off of that career!) #(i hope you are able to live a happy life and be able to keep loving what you're doing)

[skyeslittlecorner]

Andrealphus likeability comics - spoilers below!

I come again to share stuff. This game really is 18+, but probably not quite in the way we all thought… it's so merciless. A little warning for sensitive people, it contains Andrea's past.

How he perceives Beelzebub's face is too adorable. How is there so much pain and beauty at the same time? 😭

Btw your majesty Belphegor? I know you're lazy but move your ass before some other king snatch your subject for himself? AND we want to finally see you???

#whb #what in hell is bad #whb comics #whb spoilers #whb andrealphus #whb beelzebub #I fell in love with him from the first mentions. Now I'm done. I'm his. I will do anything to soothe his pain #let me hold these horns even if it's the last thing I do in my life

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

I’ve been highly confused as to why Michael “deeply openly thirsting on Twitter about David Tennant for half a decade” Sheen is half-in half-out the closet but apparently Wales is absurdly homophobic lmao what the fuck how is a country the size of New Jersey that much of a hater bruh we out number the shit out of you

#i thought googling ‘how to say gay’ in welsh would be funny but it just made me sad #i knew the uk in general had a problem with trans people but WOW it’s fucked up in wales like. there are 8 of you what are you doing #i feel bad now lmao #wales #my weird welsh hyperfixation has taken me places let me tell you #cymru #homophobia #gay #lgbt #lgbtqia #good omens #bbc staged #michael sheen #i thought he was just ‘oh i’m quiet about my personal life’ but that’s not even true like my man’s probably actually scared #what a fuckass country lmao awesome #uk politics #united kingdom #david tennant #what is it with this tiny ass island taking over the world and being shitty lmao and this is coming from an american #bisexual #<- bisexual gang gang feel bad you fuckin haters lol #yes the whole world is homophobic i know etc but it’s like outrageously bad out there apparently #stay mad that i think nationalism is dumb ‘how dare you ever have an opinion you american’ #you’re white you are not going to like where the power + privilege argument inevitably goes

[yuwuta]

yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobody’s out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding ways—starts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as you’re ready. brings you gifts as a sign that he’s thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when he’s sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, there’s a moment of disbelief as he thinks “me? really? you need me?” but it’s very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesn’t realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when he’s excited or confused, but he does and it’s incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he won’t risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always. 

#atp i need to shut and write the omega verse fics that consistency plague my mind #but while im here time for my obligatory megumi mention bc i mentioned dogs teehee #yes megumi attack dog hes megumi grumbly yes megumi bark bark bite bite BUT BUT BUTTTT #megumi is also used to like... hm........ taming? having? caring for? people in his life and also literal (divine) dogs #so for him yes he bites and barks #but he also... he gets confused if YOU dont follow him around like a puppy bc everyone else in his life has so why not you? #gojo's always been the annoying yapping pomeranian chewing on his arm even if he didn't ask #always in megumi's space even tho he didn't ask but he learned to deal with it #won't admit it but knows that too much attention is better than having someone who couldn't give a shit about you #yuuji is the golden in everybody's life and megumi is no exception #unmovable unshakeable and incredibly addictive even if he doesn't mean to be #and very very attached to the people he cares about so yeah yuuji is loud and annoying but he's also loyal and megumi respects that so fine #nobara is like... she decided she liked megumi and was upset about it so she bit his ankle and he tried to kick her off but she has too muc #pride to get shaken off by someone as scrawny as megumi and somewhere along the way megumi became impressed that she was still there even i #it hurt a bit and she was a little rough it's not like he was worse so fine whatever she can stay too #so if you like... if you dont hover around megumi if you dont pry if you dont prod then he has to be the dog smh #now he's gotta bite for your attention and nudge you and how annoying. he's gonna keep doing it tho. as long as he has to #or until you learn to fall in line and accept your leash too whichever comes first n e way.... anyway............. #somebody's pampered omega always gets what he wants megumi complex is showing...... #this was about yuuta right? ok i'll put his tags now.... #juju #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #yuuta okkotsu x reader #yuta okkotsu x reader