#how could you im still so angry with you

[itsafternoonpast5]

thinking about their friendship so hard

#camp camp #cc #David #jasper #fanart #DUDEEE nobody gets them like i do theyre so good #theyre so tragic.. they never truly got to know each other. the last time they ever seen each other they were angry with the other :( #but there’s so much regret that comes with it too. they never got to talk it out. be on good terms #they could see each other at any moment but they other doesn’t know #they call each other best friends yet we never really see them being best friends.. but maybe they get each other like no one else does #their personalities did a complete swap with each other - they understand how the other is thinking and feeling. #David hated the camp but after one good thing he loves it. viseversa with jasper #when they last saw each other they were clouded with their views and didn’t try to understand things from their lens #yet even if they didn’t - they still understood each other. if you get what I mean #theyre foils. but so is max and david and that’s what makes both relationships compelling for me. theyre so similar to each other #no wonder david is so attached to max. he sees himself in him and he sees jasper in him too #i know jaspers just a character to show how bad the camp is. but there’s so much depth to him too #he has a lot of missed potential.. i hope he’s in season 5 at least. id like to see him again #srry for the character analysis im insane #jaspvid

[alumirp]

Model Law x Firefighter Luffy x Police Zoro in an au where one of Luffy's co-workers is seriously injured in a fire that later turns out to be linked to another incident from a few months ago and then another and another. Zoro, Luffy's partner whos a cop, tells him to stay out of this, that everything is much deeper than it seems and that it could end very badly for them, Luffy and those around him. But of course Luffy is NOT about to just let it be.

Serial fires that have so far killed more than thirty people and injured hundreds, mainly because one of these fires happened in a factory that exploded and injured and killed not only the workers, but also many passers-by and neighbors, are not something Luffy can just let be. Zoro has little to do but accept that his boyfriend just won't let this go, so the next thing he knows he's sharing with Luffy all the evidence that has been collected so far that points to the Donquixote Group as the biggest suspect of th incidents of 'industrial sabotage'.

Luffy unfortunately can't keep his mouth shut to save his life, so suddenly the whole 'gang' knows about it and, through Nami, they discover a very good chance to collect evidence. Annually the Donquixote Group hosts a charity ball that invites 'the whole' city and by whole city, she means the entire upper class of the city. Luckily for them, her girlfriend, Vivi, can definitely help them get into the ball without a hitch. Then, all they have to do is go through security and get to the president's office and look for possible evidence. Which, in Zoro's opinion, is a terrible plan, but Luffy's terrible ideas usually work out, so they go with it. And it definitely works. Vivi easily takes them to the ball and, in the confusion of Straw Hats causing chaos among the big shots of GrandLine City

Luffy and Zoro slip through security and find their way to the Donquixote group CEO's office and that's where their luck ends. Or not. Not even five minutes after they begin to search the room, the door is opened and a pair of golden eyes stare unimpressed at them. The door is instantly closed, and before long, they hear voices outside, one of them being undoubtedly those of the owner of the room in question, Donquixote Doflamingo. Luffy and Zoro, practically frozen, simply look at the closed door in anxious anticipation as if at any moment Doflamingo would break down the door and set them on fire. He doesn't and soon the voices drift away. After that Luffy and Zoro are quick to continue the search, despite the scare, and unfortunately, they do not find anything of value to the investigation.

They are quick to leave after that, taking with them the straw hats that served as incredible distractions. Back at square one, they meet again at Luffy's house trying to plan their next step. But their little evil-combating meeeting is interrupted by a surprise visitor. Outside the house, standing at the top of the stairs, dressed in expensive clothes and looking fabulous, Trafalgar Law, the super model who is the face of the Donquixote Group all around the globe, the owner of impassive golden eyes, offers a deal.

#now do NOT ask me why doffy didnt lock his office hes dumb(im dumb #anyways omg cop zoro :O #but also omfg top model law :OOOO #zolu gets a new bf at some point dont ask where #zolu #:D #but also #lawlu #lulaw #BUT ALSO FUCKING #zolaw #and most important #zolulaw #i was hearing 'coicidence' by rosse and started thinking about how it could be law #bc everything can be law in my mind #but basically #doffy made law an extremely famous model bc hes pretty as fuck duh are you blind #but doffy is still a piece of shit so law really wants to kick his ass lol #also hes mad that people think he's sleeping his way through fame with doffy #even more angry because doffy NEVER corrected those rumors #he sure made his way to fame because of doffy but it sure wasn't by sleeping with him #I don't blame him #I'd be pissed too if someone said I was sleeping with Doffy #he gross ew #rosi >>>>>>> #anyway now law will join luffy and zoro #and hopefully guide them with better plans that don't involve breaking into offices #which anyone else can get in at any moment #no for real what are they thinking #i dont think they did think at all ngl

[malewifingonside]

stop writing shen jiu as a tsundere teacher who hid his kindness bc he's not!!! He's not chu wanning he's a bitter man he was traumatized left alone and thought he was abandoned, by the time he arrived at cang qiong he has broken ugly and he never let himself pickup the pieces let alone anyone else he never could expressed his vulnerability to anyone bc the last time he did that he was left behind!!! There's a reason why he's so vicious to luo binghe, he has everything shen jiu doesn't; a loving mother, a good foundation and a good childhood!!! He has nothing, he was an orphan, a slave, a runaway one too, one with faulty foundation that could have bloomed flourishly if he hadn't been under qiu jianluo's ownership or wu yanzi's tetulage. Yes, he brought the miseries that happened later onto himself but you have to understand WHY he did all that is bc he's a broken man that couldn't and wouldn't reach out to anyone ever.

#[yue.txt] #damn this is kinda long ... #anyway sorry if anyone see this just read a very ooc shen jiu fic weeks a go and im still angry at it #like its FINE i guess. it's just. if you put him someone else that wouldn't be him .... #hes a bitch hes lonely hes everything i don't want to be #he was so deep in his self hatred that he couldn't see how far he has gone in life #if only he could see that ... #anyway back to reading fanfic #shen jiu #original shen qingqiu #if he was born in modern time i dont thonk he would do therapy ...

[pixpirs]

i keep talking about it on xitter but seeing end of eva in theaters was genuinely amazing, like the sound design and the quality...the way that the movie ends and everyone is just There...i used to just like the movie and thought it was a bit overrated, but now i think it's one of my favorite films ever

#im SO glad i got to go #you can really feel how angry it is #like even though. That scene has been memed to death it still felt very uncomfortable to sit through #and the movie is very loud the first half right #but you dont notice how loud it's been until you see eva 02's corpse and the movie just goes completely silent #i already want to go see it again #oh and the subtitles made things make a ton more sense #yeah but wow.........i keep thinking abt it #i was like how could seeing it in theaters change my thoughts? but everyone talking about it convinced me #and they were right

[mcybree]

Random limlife Scott rant, GO!

I got this ask and decided that I’d give it my best shot but got so mad on my skim through some of the moments I remembered that I gave up.

#Okay im half joking #I got angry enough for me to decide that writing a post without careful consideration would probably lead to an inaccurate little ramble #I need to like. actually sit down and watch limlife and do a full overall analysis #because the context for how scott acts each season is so important. a skim just wont do #The reason I dont have notes on him to share with the class already is because when it was coming out I was pretending that— #Scott grew as a person after 3l and I wanted to believe that so badly I started making stuff up about memory erasure and limlife being— #dubiously real so that I could look the other way when scott started being weird about jimmy again #I was like yeah they barely remember it thats why scotts being uncomfortably weird about jimmy this season #not because scott doesnt think about jimmy like a person and just wants to hear him say words that make him feel better about his— #rough relationship history #not because the idea of jimmy gaining independence from him makes him feel insecure or anything #sighs. sorry im just saying things. again its been a while since ive watched it so I need to actually. Yknow. Watch it before making posts #Its just crazy how he treats it like proving a point more than actually caring #“I mightve given you the 30 minutes last week if youd said love you” he wouldnt have. he was already leaving when he said it #he’s literally just trying to get him to feel bad about not saying it #pretty sure he kills jimmy in the same episode he lets jimmy kill him. Like. He doesnt really care like that #He just likes to pretend that he does. He is going through the motions of caring #Its like he needs to believe jimmy still needs him. in like a possessive way. Its really weird man #I will say though since I see this a lot: I dont think him singling out tango in the 30 seconds scene was intentional #because if im being honest. I dont think he sees the ranchers as anything serious #He assumes tango was just putting up with jimmy bc he had to. He doesnt think tango actually cares about jimmy #in his mind no one actually cares about jimmy. because if scott struggled to care about jimmy and Scott is known for being an amazing ally #that must mean everyone else struggles to care about jimmy. If that makes sense #rant over I think. tldr limlife scott analysis postponed until I get my life together enough to be able to sit down and watch forthree hour #bree barks so fucking loud #asks

[hella1975]

something specifically shitty about IN THE MOMENT as the conversation is happening knowing you're in the wrong and you're being a cunt and continuing to do it anyway

#like yeah im being a bitch. im lashing out because of an insecurity. i dont know how else to be though #hiiii im dadposting again <3 i feel bad bc YES i have so so much bitterness towards my dad #but he is genuinely a nice man. like i had this thought the other night that he is such a good kind soft man. he just isn't a good father #and the tragedy is he COULD HAVE BEEN if he'd just SHOWED UP but he DIDNT and that's that im twenty childhood's gone #we're never getting those years back my brain has developed without a need for him and now im angry. whatever #but he's still good. he's still kind. so he'll do stuff to try help me and i just am so horrid about it #and i FEEL myself doing it i literally have a voice in my head going 'i know you've interpreted this as him condescending you #but you know that isn't the case so stop lashing out' and i literally CANT because id rather be angry than insecure #bc it all goes back to pride and shame with me EVERYTHING always does #like im so convinced my dad thinks im stupid and useless and can't do anything myself at my big age etc #which is why im SO hard on myself when shit goes wrong like not just bc of my dad like i have a general fleabagesque position in my family #of being the trainwreck one that fucks up all the time so when shit goes wrong (like my rent or my walls) it hits me 10x harder #than it logically should bc i can just FEEL my dad and sister going 'yeah well that's hella for you' #and my dad got the autistic ticky boxy numbers brain neurodivergence and i got the adhd scatterbrained neurodivergence #so for admin stuff he tries to PARENT me bc he's my DAD but i just completely reject it even though i KNOW he's not being mean #like he literally just said to me in his nervous as fuck voice bc he doesn't know how to talk to us #'remember to sort phone chargers out because the sockets are different in america' that's it. that's all he said. just looking out for me #tell me why i BARKED OUT 'i KNOW dad it's MY TRIP stop hounding me about things ive got it sorted' #in the SHITTIEST tone you ever heard. ugh i cant even be too angry at myself bc he has blame here too but it's a shitty feeling #to know i always have that propensity for cruelty even now. idk. im just thinking thoughts idkkkk hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii #hella goes home

[legaylity]

I wish those tropes of your soul mates name on your arm or first words were real. At least then I'd have confirmation that no one would ever love me the way I want. I wouldnt be so desperate to change my body to hate myself less and only making it worse every time i fail. Most of the time I accept it and I'm fine it's just that little worm of hope won't die. At least if that was real I'd have a blank wrist to remind me not to be stupid.

#ramblings from me #you can prob tell what ive been reading #im not gonna like kms about it #it just stings #the only person who ever even pretended to like me #just did it to have another way of manipulation and getting what she wanted #and when she didnt she outed me #when i was scared and she was the only person i trusted #it was years ago now but im still so angry #and it only hurt me more #i dont want to be like her #forcing how i feel onto someone else #knowing theyre either too nice or lonely or afraid to have a real choice #as soon as i said no she made sure i paid for it #and i couldnt even tell anyone what she did #i had no one i could go to. #I hate her for it

[dogboots]

blog that makes me happy vs nobody will ever take me seriously here as long as I post the way I do

#mousetalk #im aware that a lot of my biggest interests are for children. thats why this main blog looks like a seven year old designed everything #im also aware of how silly i tend to look to anybody who isnt myself. 'adult who likes things for children“ isnt really something you Want #to be known as because this makes you look stupid to folks who do not have or understand the childish stuff #which is pretty understandable. i do look silly taking cartoon dogs seriously and being converned over toy rabbits feelings and whatnot #im not so oblivous as to pretend that i dont lol #i just wish i could enjoy these things and still be taken seriously! im not angry at people for deciding they wont or deciding they dont #like me or deciding im some sort of strange freak who will never grow up. its valid when you consider the everything else about me. #just wish it didnt have to mean that any and all footholds i have in adult spaces werent null and void you know #itd be nice if the two things could coexist. #im really only rambling in the tags like this because having this childish blog as my main ends with me being blocked a Lot #which again! im not mad about! people can choose to interact with who they like and form whatever opinions they want #im just a little sad is all. i have plenty of (mature even!) interests outside of things like stickers or stuffed animals but i cant really #interact with these things here without somebody inevitably looking my way and going oh. another immature person. goodbye #or just assuming that im a child trying to wiggle my way into adult spaces by claiming i am one. according to 1 ask i recieved a while back #i dont know. this really isnt much of a complaint is it. 'people dont take my stuffed animals seriously' is about as stupid of a problem as #it gets haha #maybe someday ill suck it up and rebrand and stop talking about baby animals on my main blog #so i could finally follow a blog for something like a horror game franchise without being blocked on sight #or greeted reluctantly and with an eyeroll haha #TLDR; if this blog stops being happy funtimes it is nobodys fault but my own for being spineless about my own interests lol #i doubt anybody is reading this wall of text (hello if you are) but dont take anything i said in here personally #enjoy what you want to enjoy. dont let me or anybody else dictate that when your life on earth is so short #this is more just me with my own trivial issues that dont matter in the grand scheme of things #okay goodnight everybody thats it for the time being

[publicuniversalenemy]

conundrum. im trying to be more Real (less chronically dissociated n shit) (well really its mostly depersonalization and derealization that i deal with but those are less familiar words to most) but i dont want real. im sick of it. why should i be a person. i dont want that. fucj that. i want fantasy. i want fun. i want evenings to feel endless and almost overwhelmingly full of possibilities instead of just The Time When I Go To Bed. i wanna be a kid. for real this time. i want the world to be mysterious and thrilling to me. i wanna feel shit deeply. man, im done with this shit. i have all my little ducks in a row and i feel like shit. im doing the normal thing. ive DONE the normal thing. and i dont like it. its dull. i do believe, even deeper down, that the only real ‘purpose’ to life is to help others. to do good and make the world a less shitty place to be trapped in. but god it really is a trap, isnt it. like im not suicidal anymore, havent been for years. but im just so painfully bored of the colors of life. i dont think what i want exists. and if it does, i dont think im allowed to have it.

#turns out i dont feel any different now #ive moved all the way across the country and i dont feel any more free #dont get me wrong its nice to have some more Space #but fuck. im still the same me and i still feel the same way #bc it wasnt about being in portland or living with my parents #those didnt help but they werent the root cause #the were just the lemon juice on the paper cut yk #and school wont change that. work wont change that #i dont think theres a way out of life that isnt death #and i WANT TO LIVE. just not like this #i want what life could be #what i thought it might be #but it isnt and this isnt enough for me #im angry. i want more. there has to be more. #cuz its EVERYWHERE its repeated over and over again in art and conversation #so either everyone is making that shit up (which i dont think is thr case) #or i just havent ever been able to access that feeling in my living memory #i know how to feel. and i know how to think. i just dont know how to be #and you cant do much of the first two when the third is more or less a no-can-do #like i still have a hard time WALKING #apparently most people can walk without looking at thr ground #literally i dont look at the ground out of lack of self confidence #i do it so i dont eat shit #my body is still foreign to me #it feels so wrong #to be in and to operate #i wasnt supposed to be in this body #hmmm :( #whatever the fuck

[eosofspades]

okay so maybe it was just me being ahead of the curve or whatever but like. did anyone else have their ultimate misery / severe depression era during middle school instead of high school?

#mine #mental illness #it is FOUR AM i should NOT BE thinking about this but oh my god #i read something and i just realized that it wasnt just depression i had a full-fucking-blown psychological BREAK when i was 11 #and i need to be up in four hours but now im too pissed to sleep like oh my god i had a FULL PSYCHOLOGICAL BREAK and #STILL none of the adults in my life even noticed i was SAD?? FUCKING HELLO?????? #anyway rant in the tags but also im genuinely asking did this hit anyone else in middle school/ages 11-13 instead of high school #bc all the stuff i see is about how miserable and mentally ill kids in high school are and im absolutely not discounting that #but like. high school was SO MUCH BETTER for me it was fucking PARADISE compared to how deeply fucking hurting i was #throughout all of middle school. like i would relive all my high school years ten times over before i even ONCE had to feel how i felt #from the ages of 11 - 13. high school was FUN for me and i was still very mentally ill going into 9th grade!! #like. okay you know the adhd principle of executive dysfunction where the idea is that DOING the task is easier than STARTING the task #and the analogy that goes like. imagine you had to struggle for hours climbing up the gravel mountain to get to the construction site #so when you finally get there youre like oh thank fuck time to lay some bricks i could do this all DAY #and the guy who drove up the mountain to the work site is all angry and is like man stop bragging about how EASY laying bricks is for you #man its hard work!!!!! and youre like. not as hard as climbing up the damn gravel mountain dude #and whenever i hear people talking about how high school is the worst. i think of that. #yeah man high school is hard. not as hard as suffering through the crushing misery of being 11 though.

[lewis-winters]

Why is it like I want to protect Dick from Sobel's attempt on court martial against him? I feel like I want to wrap him in a blanket and cuddle him.

Tbh, in the beginning I was feeling the same as you anon. I've been subjected to a power tripping bully boss before, I knew Dick's pain. But when the scene cuts to Sobel's office and the "call for court martial" is revealed to be "taking a punishment (48 hrs pass revoked for 60 days) OR request trial by court martial" and Dick chose the latter, I lost almost all my sympathy. More under cut bc it got long--

Dick Winters totally deserved that-- he REQUESTED it. Not to say Sobel didn't deserve getting his ass handed to him by his own NCOs (he overestimated their fear of him and completely underestimated their love of Dick) for being such a power tripping asshole, but all of that drama could have been avoided if Dick had just decided to keep his mouth shut and taken the punishment. Which, according to Sobel, wasn't anything off Dick's plate; he already spent those weekends he'd've been deprived of on base, anyway! At this point, the only thing at risk was Dick's own pride in his work ethic, and instead of just picking his battles and taking the punishment, he chose to prove a point-- which he DID NOT, at the time, have the capacity to prove, by the way!

Dick risked a lot getting himself court martialed! And though Malarkey speculated that Dick had arranged the NCO mutiny irl (as mentioned in Malarkey's book) we don't know that for sure, and in the show, it certainly wasn't framed that way! Think about the facts: 1) Dick cares about his men, but he's not delusional enough to think: 'oh, they'll risk their own court martialing to save my ass.' He's not entitled enough to expect that of them, either. Meaning Dick requested court martial without knowing if he'd win. 2) What REALLY is the harm of just spending those punishment days on base that Dick would have otherwise spent on base anyway, punishment or not? Literally, that whole scene was just Dick saying "well I was gonna do it, but I think you're being unfair, I don't want to do it now! even if awaiting trial by court martial means I most likely won't jump in Normandy and help protect the men I care about!"

TL;DR - Dick Winters went and chose court martial, without a back-up plan, simply because his pride was wounded.

It was, in hindsight, very stupid. Very brave, and definitely shows us the kind of man he is-- driven by principles and the very strong instinct of fairness and right from wrong-- but it was also very stupid. And risky. You are at WAR Dick, and sooner or later you will be leading your men into a blood bath! Now is not the time for silly ego games!

Think of it this way: he knew how incompetent Sobel was, he knew what would happen if Sobel were to eventually lead Easy, he knew removing himself via court martial meant leaving his men to the mercy of Sobel's mistakes, he KNEW that his trial by court martial would not be completed in time to jump into Normandy with Easy. Dick knew all that, he'd have to have known that, but he still sacrificed it all because he wanted to make a point.

When I think of Dick getting court martialled, my first instinct is to put my head in my hands and remind myself that not even the great Dick Winters is exempt from letting his ego get the best of him. I think a lot of people just miss that because it turned out ok in the end (i.e. Dick was reinstated out of mess + Sobel was sent away + Meehan was given Easy). But for a tense moment there, it very nearly didn't. What would have happened then?

Would fighting for his pride have been worth the lives of his men?

#ask #im not angry at you anon HAHAHAHA i just dont like how ppl constantly talk about dick being their angel bby who could do no wrong #oh he did several things wrong #that's the WHOLE POINT #the first 3 episodes are Easy in their military infancy #they are Young and Reckless and despite knowing what war is like they haven't properly lived it yet #so they think they can take these risks and still come out ok #they're still thinking about their pride. and dick isn't excluded from that narrative. #if episode 8 dick couldve met episode 1 dick he'd've given him a stern talking to #but anyway im not mad anon i promise #my tone is a lil snippy bc when i think about the court martial to much i wanna wring dick's neck #he's so damn lucky it turned out ok for them in the end #if anything that court martial is the NCOs' win. not dicks. #i feel like eugene roe shouting at dick: YOU'RE A GROWN UP. YOU OUGHTA KNOW. #yeah dick. you oughta fucking know. fucking HELL. #bob meta

[mrs-kelly]

it's always charlie (20/150)

#it's always charlie #charlie pics #renlie #his lil dance with the pizza charmed and delighted me <3 ajtfkdsl #crazy how this is season 14 and he's still my cute and beloved charlie <3333 #i was worried id get into later seasons and he'd get flanderized but honestly he is still so good <3333 #i mean i still have a season and a half to go so it could still happen but i doubt it you know? #anyway he was cute in this episode but rly he's cute in every episode <3 #i was especially happy to see how uncomfy they made him at the idea of being alone with dee #like. that makes sense after what happened #but it only makes me more angry at fandom for shipping them anyway #cant you see how he doesnt wanna be alone with her anymore! after what she did! #man. anyways i shouldnt get so mad when im sick ajfkdls #so i'll just look at the cute pizza gif of him instead <3

[adriartts]

Hello again I am STILL thinking about the most episode ever.  Fuck him up, Data!!

#Star Trek: The Next Generation #data tng #data #star trek #data star trek #screenshot redraws are. fun #lets me not worry so much about lines and just go ham on colors #also data is fun as hell to color because hes so goddamn pale and nonhuman i can use any color i WANT on him #fuck getting the disruptor to look right also. whaddahell #anyway im still going insane about the most toys. my overall favorite episode of tng tho descent is ALSO very good #they should've let data kill kivas fajo #also. love how kivas fajo is like 'if you could feel emotion you would kill me. if you could be angry or hurt or afraid you'd shoot me' #and then data TRIES TO SHOOT HIM AND IS ONLY STOPPED BY THE TRANSPORTER. and continues to be like 'ah but alas. i have no emotions' #data is an idiot but he's MY idiot #also the fact that when they beam him aboard miles is like uhhhhhhh. a weapon is going off ill disable it #and then when data materializes riker is like 'hey buddy..... you good??' #and data goes straight to 'please arrest kivas fajo for every crime ever which I will list right now' #visits him in jail to gloat/ensure he's contained/get back at him by telling him all his stuff is being confiscated + returned #but he CaNt FeEl EmOtiOn #singlehandedly killing the emotion chip plotline. data had emotion all along he's just DUMB #anyway. if anybody asks I'm sooooooo normal about this episode

[hella1975]

'you have insomnia so you can stay up later to let me in right?' girl. i have insomnia. which means it'll take me 2+ hours from the moment of ATTEMPTING sleep to actually achieve it. that means if i start trying to sleep at 11pm, earliest it'll happen is 1am. if i start at 1am, it'll be 3am. can you see the problem here. if you do not get your ARSE through that DOOR

#in a wild turn of events there is a random girl staying over at my flat tonight #which is not a problem bc ive always made it clear since coming to uni that my flat is the Go To for ANY stragglers #like there is no adult presence here and when a lot of my friends live locally with strict indian households that's usually a godsend #so im used to people crashing on my sofa as and when and i dont mind it i LIKE IT #so when i went out tonight with my uni mate and her hometown friends (just the friends she knows locally from the city) #one of them was like 'oh im going to meet someone but if i come to yours at like 11pm could i stay the night?' #and she made it clear id really be helping her out and i was like babe it's literally not a problem #and she was like 'are you sure? i feel bad making you wait up for me!' #and my uni friend was like oh dont worry she's an insomniac she'll be up until 3am anyway #and now this girl has taken that to mean she can stay out later like it's 11:30 and she's still not here #and im not trying to mother her but also I CANNOT ATTEMPT TO GO TO SLEEP UNTIL YOU GET HERE #AND THE LATER THAT IS THE MORE FUCKED I AM #BUT IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN THAT TO SOMEONE WITH A NORMAL SLEEP SCHEDULE #SO IM JUST SAT HERE LIKE AN ANGRY PARENT WAITING FOR THEIR TEENAGE DAUGHTER TO MEET CURFEW #hella goes to uni

[pepprs]

tfw im taking a day off of work today (my first day off since december 😍😍😍😍) and got absolutely shit sleep w fucked up dreams i kept waking up from and just woke up to a text about the stupid fucking book chapter asking me to do one more read through of it as if i haven’t done like 5 in theladt 3 days (and by all appearances been the ONLY one doing so lol)

#purrs #no way in hell i can go back to sleep now. im too angry. and also feel abandoned in a stupid way by a certain someone involved in this but #we all know that by now so i will not elaborate but i am REALLY. really and truly. at my wit’s end. how hard is it to… idk. how hard is it!! #delete later #(this isn’t abt anyone here ir anyone i regularly work w btw thisis just me being a dumb baby about last july again lol) #like omg not you haunting my dreams and then texting me THAT and. not replying to my other text about redacted 😂😂😂😂😂😂 am i NOTHING to you. #actually don’t answer that because clearly the events of the last 9 months have shown me everything i need to know that actually i am! #and ​i wish i could talk abt this saga more openly on here bc it’s ruining my fucking life but AGAIN i hold back to protect YOU and not talk #shit about you online to other people where you’ll never read it. the litcheral way in which i am STILL making sacrifices and working around #your shape and whatever. the way i still think about you every DAY!! and you clearly didn’t think abt me or how i would be impacted by this #…… AT AWL!!!!!!!!!! shaking with rage lollllll i am being dangerous abt it but oh my GOD. it’s so fucking unfair. in my life or not at ALL.

[bluesey-182]

my bookclubs' inability to understand nuance and to either misinterpret or completely ignore things blatantly stated in the text continues to drive me up the wall and yet i keep going because im desperate to get out of the house and make connections with people, especially people who also read. but after this last bookclub, where im still angry and frustrated a whole 24 hours later, im wondering if i should just stop because it doesn't get better and maybe i need to accept that it's not going to

#we read we were villains and i got so angry at how many times the text was completely ignored that i would've left if it wasn't so packed #i couldn't leave without it causing a scene so i sat there so frustrated i wanted to cry. especially since no one would let me speak #text post #don't mind me just late night venting #it didn't help that I've considered if we were villains one of my favorite books for years now. and i still stand by that after my reread #but it's not just this book. every book I've read and gone expecting to have im depth convos about everything but instead #all the difficult and interesting concepts seem to go over so many people's heads #and it's all so fucking black and white with them. and this time they really proved the can't handle morally grey characters #like what the fuck man? #and they're all adults older than me. so i get i sound like a pretentious little asshole but if you were there you'd see im nlt exaggeratin #someone really said 'only children don't develop empathy' and everyone just nodded like that's an actual thing? #i also had to explain that the reason a characters limbs were all fucked up after an overdose is bc overdoses can causes seizures #a fucking nurse was there!!! and i was the one that had to explain that! and several people went 'ohhhhhh' #AND THE CHARACTER EVEN HAD A FUCKING SEIZURE IN THE BOOK AFTER THE OVERDOSE #there's literally so much venting i could do but I've already done a lot so I'll leave it alone now