#how there’s a clara echo for every doctor - even future ones

[impossibledial]

twelve is made for clara the same way victorian clara was made for eleven if that makes sense

#i was thinking about this the other day #how there’s a clara echo for every doctor - even future ones #clara’s echoes are also their own people and are not just extensions of clara #similar to the doctor’s regenerations #i’ve also always preferred eleven with victorian clara compared to the real clara #most likely because of the whole treating her more like a mystery than a person and the fact that when he looks at her he sees the clara he #lost. #i should start tagging these nonsensical ramblings of mine… #belle’s ramblings™️ #i’m not saying this is canon or anything this is just how i’ve begun to interpret it. #twelveclara #elevenclara #doctorclara #whouffle #whouffaldi #clara oswald #clara oswin oswald #twelfth doctor #eleventh doctor #doctor who meta #?

[denimbex1986]

We didn’t want David Tennant to go, and it was time for Ncuti Gatwa to finally take the Tardis keys, but in a twist we got both of them at once. It was no surprise, though, that Neil Patrick Harris was a scene-stealing romp, revelling in silly accents, closeup card magic and imaginative cruelty.

The Toymaker’s violence-dealing dance scene at Unit HQ to the Spice Girls rivalled the Master’s Rasputin routine in the Power of the Doctor, and seemed like the new Russell T Davies era writ large: bright, bold and knowingly silly, but with an underlying political message.

Shirley Anne Bingham (Ruth Madeley) was back too, and the barb a possessed Kate Stewart (Jemma Redgrave) aimed at her, that she had seen her getting up out of her wheelchair, was oddly prescient. It was filmed months and months ago, but echoed the ludicrous discourse after Madeley’s first appearance about whether a character in a wheelchair could be capable of crossing their legs. Online discourse like that was one of Davies’ real-life targets with this script, with its not-too-subtle messaging that having every human online and 100% certain they were right about everything was a recipe for global chaos.

A return for former companion Mel (Bonnie Langford) meant she finally got to show that her character really had been, as described, a computer programmer, and not just an eternally-in-distress 1980s damsel. And Langford got to use her singing and dancing skills for plot-driven reasons too.

At its heart, for the first 40 minutes, this was about Tennant and Catherine Tate (Donna). At times tender, at times dry or sarcastic with each other – “I’m already running!” – but always friends. When Donna so effortlessly negotiated a future job at Unit, you feared the worst for her – that it would be another fantastic dream she would never get to have, but she ended up with her family life, and an unexpected plus one in the shape of a grounded 14th Doctor.

Gatwa’s entrance, due to the show’s first ever “bi-generation”, appears to be acting as a character cleanse for the Doctor and a potential soft timeline reset for the show as a whole. It meant a huge tonal shift for the final third, leaving the demise of the Toymaker almost an aside as the Doctors stood together, using the 60th anniversary to wave goodbye to the past and usher in the future.

Sum it up in one sentence? The Toymaker returns to drive the human race to distraction with a doll, only to find they’ve gifted the Doctor a home.

Life aboard the Tardis We got the awkward conversation that happens every time a current companion meets an earlier one – “but you’d never mentioned them”. And the Toymaker’s puppet replay of the grisly fates of Amy, Clara and Bill rammed home how life on the Tardis has become a hazardous occupation in the modern era.

Fear factor The scenes inside the Toymaker’s shop had a creepy dreamlike feel to them, with the dolls at times evoking horror movie vibes – albeit a horror movie you can show to eight-year-old kids on a Saturday teatime.

Mysteries and questions The Meeps’s reference to its boss in the first special, and the Toymaker saying there was a thing hiding in the universe that even he was afraid to challenge, but would be somebody else’s game, seem to be setting up a big bad for Gatwa’s first full season. And the Master couldn’t really be trapped for all eternity in a gold tooth? Of course not. That was surely the hand of the Rani picking up the tooth after it dropped.

Deeper into the vortex * There were too many callbacks to count, but the biggest was the Toymaker, who, as briefly glimpsed in colourised clips, first appeared played by Michael Gough in a 1966 story with William Hartnell. Gough was due to reprise the role in The Nightmare Fair, a 1986 Colin Baker story, but BBC bigwigs had other ideas, put the show on hiatus, and we ended up with Trial of a Time Lord instead. The 1966 story has three episodes missing from the archive, but an animated version using the original audio soundtrack will be released next year. Though from the trailer it looks like it was animated in Roblox, so YMMV. * As Kate Stewart, Jemma Redgrave has now appeared in stories featuring the 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th, 15th and War Doctors. That equals or eclipses the number of Doctors that her character’s father, Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, appeared with, depending on how pedantically you count them. * Russell T Davies has said that one of the reasons he thought of casting Harris as the Toymaker after working with him on It’s a Sin was because the actor is a magic enthusiast and has done his own standup magic routines before...'

#The Giggle #Doctor Who #60th Anniversary #Russell T. Davies #Neil Patrick Harris #The Toymaker #David Tennant #Ncuti Gatwa #Catherine Tate #Donna Noble #Kate Stewart #Jemma Redgrave #Shirley Anne Bingham #Ruth Madeley #Spice Girls #Melanie Bush #Bonnie Langford #Bi-generation #UNIT #The Meep #Amy Pond #Clara Oswald #Bill Potts

[poppiesforthirteen]

Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

1 - my current project is about missy and clara fucking in the back room of a museum and more than anything about doctorification kink on both sides. i have a lot more room with these two to get lyrical - my screenplays are very practical and so are thasmin, but clara is an english teacher who has fucked jane austen so i feel validated in my long sentences. at 2.2k and counting! wrapping up soon

4 - Even facing something close to immortality, the Doctor was always in a rush. Clara couldn’t blame herself for rushing. She’d been right all those times: There was so little time left.

6 - i said missy last time but really i think it's the tardis. her personality at least, i'm not good at technobabble

19 - NO clue honestly. i'm sure there's something to pick out but i don't have the insight for it atm

20 - this is a little thing i'm pointing out because i worry it'll be missed: “It’s your time, doll. You choose.” here, missy is echoing therapist speak

22 - oh CONSTANTLY i'm my own biggest fan

23 - every idea for my own series. i'm letting it ripen rn. one day i'll write it

thanks for the ask bestie!! sorry it took ages

#and i will tell you mine #poppy answers

[lightfromandromeda]

brains been on a tenth doctor kick again i guess cuz i keep having dreams where im traveling with him.

last nights one was rly cool. we were in a museum after hours and the museum was HUGE cuz it was like every kind of museum like natural history, war history, art and art history, aquarium, etc in just one HUGE museum. like Louvre big but even bigger. we were investigating something or we knew something was wrong (dont remember) but i remember we kept getting lost in the exhibits and hallways and it was very eerie. very little lights were on and the way they shone on or thru the exhibits and corridors made the lighting very creepy but i loved it. we investigated the basement which was even scarier and more labyrinthine and just kept getting deeper and deeper and we kept hearing things coming after us but we never saw anything only their shadows. parts of the basement were also like not finished yet? there was construction so it made navigating much harder. there were dead ends, twisting hallways that just made you go in a circle and come back the way you came and like sometimes there straight up wouldnt be a floor and we'd either have to climb on scaffolding or just jump to the lower level.

an echo of clara was also there and she was either part of the problem or a separate thing to the story. she kept running away from us but i found her bag in one room and looked through it and i found these pieces of paper with drawings that i did. but she couldnt have had them in the first place cuz they were drawings i made in a dream and i started freaking out a bit. she came in the room to get her bag and saw me holding the drawings and i confronted her saying “how the hell did you get these, these aren’t even real, i made them in a dream” and she wouldnt say anything. she just wanted her stuff back and to get away quickly. she did say that she couldnt say anything cuz it would mess with my future. and when i refused to let her go with her stuff she pulled a gun on me. and i said “you can’t do anything to me. if telling me anything will mess with my future then killing me and wiping the rest of my timeline will definitely mess with my future.” i think she just roughed me up then and got her stuff and ran away.

i met with the doctor soon after that and we were in the middle of a huge hallway in the dark sitting cross legged facing each other. one side of the hallway had a big aquarium tank and the low blue light from it was the only light source. the doctor kept trying to talk to me but i kept getting distracted watching the fish. we discussed what we discovered and what we should do. the doctor was exasperated cuz he genuinely had no idea what was going on here and the more we found out the less anything actually came together into something that made sense. i remember i suggested blowing up the museum but the doctor said we couldn’t cuz at this point in time the museum has only been around for 93 years and is supposed to be around for at least 1000. i dont remember if we couldnt find the TARDIS or if it was outside and we were trapped in the museum.

i dont remember how it ended or if it actually had an ending but it was really cool and fun. i love dreams like this where there is sort of an actually story going on and things remain pretty consistent.

#doctor who #tenth doctor #10th dr #clara oswald #10/10 would dream it again #maybe ill make some art of it #i always say ill do that with my dreams but i never do #i wanna make more doctor who art with my oc tho

[melancholydreadfuldream]

dream of the sky’s still blue

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 11th Doctor x Reader, 12th Doctor x Reader, 13th Doctor x Reader

Summary: Companion chosen by the Doctor are always special in their own way but you, you are just a tag-along, courtesy of Clara. Maybe that’s why it was easy for him to hurt and abandon you.

Warning: ooc, angst, insecurity, self-harm, depression, madness, suicidal, DW AU mess-up, etc

A/N: The timeline of adventures on this fic will be switch around hence the warning of AU.  I also bullshitting my way with this fanfiction so this will contain plot hole. I hope you enjoy reading it nonetheless. Please like/comment if you like this fic?

What is it about love that make people do irrational thing? I had to go and fall in love with an alien and one who is so out of my league too. He's a silly man most of the times but also, he's the smartest man alive. He's kind and amazing. His name is the Doctor. It wasn't his real name but he said it's the only name that matter. Until Clara and I met River Song, the Doctor's wife, at least her ghost data...? Whatever that means...

River saved us when an enemy of the Doctor attacked us, demanding the Doctor to tell them his true name in order to open the Doctor's grave. She knew his true name. Why am I surprised? If anyone know, it would be his wife.

Clara and I were best friend since childhood. She was the only friend I have actually. I was invisible as a child and Clara saw me and made me her friend. Over the years, of course, she has got better friends, but to her, I will always be her best friend. She never left me behind.

I met the Doctor when he attempted to break into the house where Clara worked. After hearing Clara's distress voice from inside the house, I panicked too. After that, I witnessed this strange man rescued her. I was very grateful.

When the Doctor invited Clara to come along on board the Tardis, Clara agreed on the condition I can go with them too. To my surprise, he agreed immediately. I thought for sure he would not want me around. I was grateful to Clara because of her, I was able to see the wonder of the universe.

Of course, then I had to go and fell for the Doctor. He was kind and affectionate enough toward the both of us. I can't help blushing every time he put his hands on me. Much to my embarrassment, of course, Clara noticed and teased me about it. Clara, being the good friend, she encouraged me to confess my feeling for him but I didn't want to ruin whatever fragile friendship I have with the Doctor.

I can't help but be jealous of Clara. She has got the Doctor's attention almost immediately even though he met us roughly at the same time. I didn’t know it at the times that he had met her twice before. His impossible girl. Now I know why. Clara, the girl who was born to save the Doctor, splintered herself into many pieces inside the Doctor's timeline in order to rescue him.

It was then I noticed that Clara is slowly falling for the Doctor too. And who can blame her? The Doctor was such a charmer in his own way. Clara was special to the Doctor, I can tell. After all, the Doctor owed her a life debt for all those times her echoes died for his every incarnation.

I knew then I never stood a chance to gain his interest. I was just nobody, just a tag-along. And It's hurt, so much. I probably should have left, stop traveling with them and let whatever attraction between them become mutual. If anyone deserve to have the best in life, it would be her, Clara, my best friend.

But my heart couldn't let go just yet. So, I stick around. But I told Clara that I know that she has feeling for the Doctor too and I told her to go for it.

"It's not like I have a chance. He never sees me."

Clara was upset with me whenever I said that. "Then we will make him see you." she said as she gave me a hug. "You are my best friend. I want you to be happy."

"I want you to be happy too, Clara." I said. "You love him. You deserve to have a go with him. Don't hold back because of me."

7777

I watched as my Doctor, the Eleventh one, argued with his past self whom he introduced me as Tenth Doctor. I ended up with three Doctors during an adventure. At Clara's urging, I jumped into the portal, following the Doctor. It was Clara's idea for me to catch his attention. I have to stop being timid, she said. It was really hard to do but for the Doctor, I was willing to try and be reckless.

"You have feeling for my future incarnation." The War Doctor said suddenly.

I almost jumped in my seat. I didn't think he would talk to me. I gulped as I glanced at him much like a guilty child. "I...what? No, I..."

He chuckled. "Oh, your face..."

I glared at him this time.

After he was done with his amusement in my expense, he turned to me with wistful smile. "You should tell him."

"He doesn't feel the same." I blurted out.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "How do you know?"

"Because I saw how he look at Clara and I know..."

"Clara?"

"My best friend. His impossible girl."

The War Doctor nodded. "You should tell him anyway. He might surprise you."

I glanced at him and I opened my mouth to ask what he meant but he seemed distracted like he was seeing someone who was not there.

7777

Clara always said the right words. Thanks to her, the three Doctors ended up saving their home planet, instead of destroying it.

I smiled as the three Doctors and Clara are busy congratulating each other. To my surprise, the War Doctor came to me and gave me a hug. I hugged him back.

After the War Doctor and Tenth Doctor are gone, I finally realized something horrible. The War Doctor knew of my feeling for the Doctor, doesn't that mean my Doctor know? I was terrified at the realization. I wanted to find a hole and crawl under it. But, Clara assured me that the timeline was out of sync at the times, chances are the Doctor might not remember his time as the War Doctor anyway.

7777

Then Trenzalore happened.

We were in the town of Christmas with a truth field surrounding the town. Of course, Clara and I ended up embarrassing ourselves by accidentally revealing our feeling for the Doctor. Thankfully, the crisis at hand didn't give any of us time to address the issue. I was fine pretending I didn't say anything.

Then, the Doctor realized he has found Gallifrey on the other side of the crack of time in the wall inside the tower. The planet itself was surrounded by various enemies of Gallifrey, ready to reign hell upon Trenzalore.

The Doctor ordered Clara and I to go back to the Tardis and to charge his sonic screwdriver. Clara obeyed him immediately. I followed her but stopped short suddenly. Why did he send both of us just to charge his sonic? I had a sneaky suspicious that the Doctor was up to something. I didn't step into the Tardis and to my surprise, the Tardis suddenly vanished before my eyes.

I knew it. He was trying to spare us by sending us away. Didn't work though because I didn't get inside the Tardis. I turned to glance at the Tower. Now what? He will be angry when he realized I was still here. I know I'm being stupid; I did not have anything to offer the Doctor to help defending the planet, but I want to stay here with him. He will think I was a burden, a nuisance so maybe I should stay out of his sight for now.

"(name)?"

So much for staying out of sight. I turned around to face his wrath.

"What are you still doing here? You should be in the Tardis with Clara!"

"You send her away."

"You should not be here! This place is about to be a war zone! Do you understand?" He yelled at me angrily. "You could die if you stay here!"

"I know! I just, Doctor, but...I...I can't just leave you here alone." I said softly.

The Doctor stared at me, speechless. Then he growled. "You stupid...ugh!!"

I flinched. The words hurt but I braced myself.

He turned around and left me. He went back to the tower. "Get yourself into safety with the other!" He yelled without looking at me.

So, I did as I was told. I helped the others to evacuate to a safer place.

Thankfully, the Doctor was able to control the crisis in town.

7777

For the next few days, I avoided the Doctor and he didn't bother seek me out either. I caught a glimpse of him sometimes but I made sure I was out of his sight.

I made a friend here; her name is Laura. She was kind. She was, like me, a timid girl so I was drawn to her immediately. I was grateful for her presence. Most days, I missed Clara and wonder how she was doing back at home. I wonder if I would ever see her again. Laura made me feel less lonely. I would like to think that I did the same for her.

Laura made me feel welcomed here with some of the people in town. Most of them were very nice. She got me some routine job to spend my days so I did not get sad or bored. I was useless to the Doctor anyway.

I sat near one of the fireplaces at the yard in front of the town school. The town people are having a small celebration for days where they are not under attack. I smiled as I watched them being lively and happy despite the bad situation surrounding us. Even the Doctor seemed to have a good time, dancing silly dance with the children. The Doctor did always have soft spot for children.

Laura took a seat by my side and we got to talk about some stuff. She asked me about the Doctor. She noticed there are tension between the Doctor and me, she asked about it. She also noticed the longing look I apparently keep throwing at the Doctor.

Because of the damn truth field, I told her everything that is my truth. I told her I was in love with the Doctor and about how he didn't care about me like that. I told her about Clara and the Doctor. I told her that the Doctor never see me for me, that I was just Clara's friend and nothing else. And that I was somewhat okay with it. I have always known I was invisible among people. But I do wonder if he would be nicer if it was Clara instead who is trapped in the town with him. Clara would never take his harsh attitude and would probably be snarky right back at him. I couldn't.

I didn't realize I was crying until Laura gave me a hug.

A boy, Gilbert, approached us and asked Laura to dance with him. Laura accepted with my urging.

I watched them with a smile. Ah, to be young and in love. I sighed. I sounded like I was already old. I chuckled. And then the bitterness filled me. I was jealous. I hated myself for feeling like that.

I shuddered in cold even with the blanket around me. Suddenly, someone covered their jacket over my blanket. I glanced up and saw the Doctor. My heart skipped a beat as he took a seat beside me.

For a few seconds, he didn't say anything. Then he suddenly nudged me and then he said that he missed me.

I smiled softly at him. "I miss you too, Doctor."

"I'm sorry for how I acted before." He said softly.

I shook my head. "You were right. I was useless. There is nothing I can offer you to help. I was just being a nuisance to you."

The Doctor suddenly grabbed one of my arms while his other hand raised my chin to face him properly. "You are not a nuisance to me, (name). You are my friend. Despite the circumstance, I'm glad that you are here."

"There is no place I would rather be..." I said as I gazed at him and I realized it was the truth. This truth field made me being truth full and brave for some reason. Usually I would never say stuff like that out loud.

The Doctor stared at me. His eyes looked sad. He released me from his hold.

"Don't make that kind of face, Doctor. I choose this. I choose you." I said as I grabbed one of his hands.

"Even when you think I didn't care for you; you would still choose me?" He asked.

I frowned. Then I felt embarrassed when I realized he heard my talk with Laura earlier.

"You are wrong, you know. I do care about you. And you are not just Clara's friend. You are mine too." He said. "I'm sorry to make you feel like you are unseen to me."

I didn't know what to say to him now.

The Doctor stood suddenly and raised one hand toward me.

I glanced at him in confusion.

"Come with me. Back into the tower."

The Tower is where he stayed. I smiled at the invitation as I took his hand.

7777

Ever since that night, our relationship improved slightly. He was no longer ignoring me which I was very grateful.

I loved watching him work on whatever he is doing. I couldn't help him at all but I'm glad to be a witness to his awesomeness every time he solves something or have a grand plan. He even made a new sonic screwdriver from random stuff he found around.

I didn't stay with him all the time though. He always sends me away whenever the town is under attack. He was fiercely protective of me. I tried to watch over him too. It was a good thing I did. Once when the town is under fierce attack, he nearly got shot by a sneaky dalek but I pushed him down onto the road.

The Doctor is surprised to see me but he also quick to disable the dalek.

I pushed myself off him and glanced up at him as he quickly towers over me in anger.

"(name), what are you doing here?! I told you to hide!" He shouted at me.

"Watch your own back then, Doctor!!" I yelled angrily.

"You're hurt." The Doctor suddenly said as he bent his knees and grabbed one of my arms.

I just realized I got a graze from the shot just now. "It was fine."

The Doctor glared at me and then he barked orders on one of the town people to nurse my injury as he left me behind to deal with another attack somewhere else.

7777

I waited for the Doctor inside the tower. When he returned, he was giving me silent treatment much to my annoyance. So, I pushed him to talk to me.

"You could have died."

"So could you. I saved you." I said.

"I didn't ask you to."

"You didn't have to."

The Doctor glanced at me with that look of sorrow again. He suddenly put one hand over my cheeks. "Don't be reckless, (name), you've only one life. You are only human, so fragile."

"You told me this is your last generation and that you don't have anymore. Of course, I have to save you, Doctor. How can I let you die? You are the hope of this town, of the people. But also, because I love you. To see you die before me is not an option!" I said firmly.

The Doctor is giving me this look I can't decipher. "But it was okay to let me see you die first?"

"I am always going to die first. You know that. I'm sorry that I made you care for me, that maybe losing me will cause you some pain but I will not let you die before me. Because if you do, I don't want to live anymore." I probably shouldn't say that but damn truth field is outing all my pain. "But you, Doctor, you will live even if you lose me. And when the Tardis returned and all of this is over, you will go on your next adventure with Clara or some new companion whose life you changed for the better as you did mine. And I am okay with it. To die for you would be an honour."

"Oh, (name)...that's not something I want for you."

"Well, tough...this is my life, Doctor, my choice."

"You keep saying that but do you even understand?"

"Don't treat me like a child, Doctor."

"Then stop acting like it."

The words hurt. I knew if we kept talking, we will hurt each other more so I left the tower.

7777

Despite the warning not to go to the lake alone at night, I did it anyway. I just need to get away and so I did. And it was lucky that I did because I heard a child's cries for help. I perked up and tried to locate the source.

There was a little boy. He seemed to get stuck in the middle of the frozen lake. What is he doing over there in the first place? I wanted to run to get help from other people but the boy, upon seeing me, begged me not to left him behind. He was crying. I promised him I would return. I ran back and screamed for help, hoping someone would hear and come immediately. I returned back and quickly tried to get to the kid.

Of course, I should have left the rescue to professional. But I wasn't thinking, okay? The kid is making me panic too because he was crying really loud. I grabbed the kid just as some of people come upon us only to have the ice beneath us cracked and we both fell back into a cold dark water. And that's when I saw the body of the little girl inside. She was long dead it seemed.

7777

I woke up inside the tower with the Doctor looking so gloomy. It has been three days apparently since I was rescued from inside the lake.

"Doc...tor...?"

He looks relieved when he saw me woke up. He gave me water immediately. "You could have died, (name)..."

I wanted to roll my eyes. Not this argument again. "Doctor, please..."

"I could have lost you today." He didn't listen. "How can I ever face Clara if anything happened to you? You are her best friend, (name), she would kill me."

I chuckled.

The Doctor glared at me. "It's not funny. This is life or death, (name)."

I couldn't help but burst into a giggle.

The Doctor look affronted at not being taken seriously. "Shut up." he said with a pout.

I smiled softly. "Make me."

To my surprise, he kissed me softly.

I blinked in shock, definitely speechless.

He pulled back from the kiss and sighed against my forehead. "Don't ever do that again to me, (name). I can't bear to lose you too soon."

I didn't reply. My mind still busy on the fact that the Doctor just kissed me. He actually kissed me in the mouth and not for CPR. I can't think very clearly. My brain is no longer working.

"(name)?" He called out when I didn't respond.

"You kissed me."

"I...did?"

"You kissed me."

The Doctor suddenly feeling embarrassed now.

"Why?"

"I... don’t know, it just feels right at the moment?"

"Doctor!"

He sighed. "You choose me. So, this is me, choosing you right back."

I frowned at his wording. "I didn't ask you to."

"You didn't have to."

I don't know what this meant. Did he love me or did he just feel the obligation to love me back because I said it first and we are trapped here together for the time being? Did he pity me for my feeling for him? "I don't need your pity or your charity, Doctor." I spat with venom.

The Doctor look confused. "(name)..."

I turned my back from him and ignored him. Tears fell into my cheeks. I sniffed.

The Doctor sighed and for a few seconds, there are only awkward silence. "It wasn't pity or charity, (name)..." he finally said.

"I don't believe you..." I whispered but I know he can hear me.

7777

After I got better, I found out about the boy on the lake. His name is Adam. He was playing with a little girl named Greta on the lake and had an accident. Greta didn't survive, she hit her head hard when she fell into the lake.

Adam's parents are very grateful for me even though I didn't actually save him. Adam glanced at me timidly and give me flower as a gesture of gratitude. His mother told me that Adam might be crushing on me. I thought that was kind of adorable of him.

Laura fussed over me. She was glad that I survived. She filled me in about the three days I missed. Thankfully there are no attack during the time I was out of it.

Laura stayed with me and she talked and I listened. She got distracted by Gilbert and I teased her about him. She blushed cutely.

She asked me for advice regarding how to approach or have a talk with a boy.

I shook my head. "You're talking the wrong person if you are seeking love advice." I said. "I never have a boyfriend."

"Well, how do you usually talk with that Doctor of yours?"

This time I was the one who is blushing. "He's not my boyfriend!" I blurted out. I looked around worried that someone or the Doctor could hear us.

Laura grinned. "I never said he is. But...you want him to be, don't you?" She teased. "You love him."

I sighed. "The Doctor is not someone who just fall in love just like that. You would have to be very impressive person like Clara or River. And I'm not..." I said with a touch of sadness. "As for how I usually talk with him, well, mostly he does all the talking."

"If being with him pains you so much, why would you stay with him?" Laura asked. "Out of sight out of mind would be better, no?"

"I guess I'm not ready to let go..."

7777

The Doctor left for some meeting with the people he put in charge of security of the town. I was on my own in the tower. I pulled my ipod from my bag, the one I always carried everywhere we go. Thank God, I had the bag with me when I got stuck here. I love listening to music, they made my days more bearable. Clara used to tease me that I would put my earbuds just to put people off from talking to me. In a way, she was right.

Ever since I become the Doctor’s companion, I had to go out of my comfort zone more. Many times, I wondered whether I deserve to be his companion. I was too timid. Clara always had my back so it wasn’t so bad. But, she was not here right now. I had to force myself to interact with other people. I was very grateful to have meet and befriended Laura.

I took a seat on the stairs in the tower. I hummed along my current favorite song, a bittersweet song. Clara used to tease me for liking sad song but then she would also sing along with me whenever we were in a mood to sing. My heart ached at the memories. I missed her so much. I wish she was here with me.

I was so focused on my thought I didn’t realize when the Doctor returned and took a seat on the stairs where I was.

“What song are you listening too?”

I jumped in surprise. “Doctor! When did you get here?”

The Doctor shrugged and glanced at me, expecting me to answer his question.

Why was he that curious about the song I was listening to? I pulled off one of my earbuds and gave it to him.

The Doctor put on the earbud. He actually stayed still to listen to the song. He was usually so bouncy, unable to stay in one place for too long.

“It was my current favorite song.” I said.

He hummed. “Clara did mention you have thing for sad song.”

My eyes widened. “When did she say that to you?”

He didn’t answer.

“Do you and Clara talk about me a lot?” I asked, suddenly feeling insecure.

“Only good things, don’t worry.” He finally answered with a small smile.

My ipod suddenly made a bleep sound. I sighed in disappointment when I realized the battery is about to run out. I left my charger on board the Tardis and the Tardis was nowhere in sight.

The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver. He made a new one. He pointed the sonic to my ipod. “There now, it’s fully charged.” He said.

I smiled at him gratefully. “Thank you, Doctor.”

We sat still as we share music together on that stairs.

7777

I watched as the Doctor was asked by the children to tell them a story and being the kind man he is, he can hardly refused them. I watched in amusement as the Doctor dramatically tell a story that made the children giggling. There was a lot of whirling on the Doctor’s part. It was funny.

I noticed Adam didn’t enjoy the story as much as the other children. I sat with him and asked him how he was doing.

“He is deliberately being silly.” Adam said.

“He is a silly man.” I said.

“I don’t like it.”

“Because he was supposed to be cool?” I asked.

“Well, yeah, he is a hero that defends the town but look at him, playing with kids.”

“What’s wrong with playing with kids?”

“He’s an adult. It’s weird.”

“I don’t think it’s weird.”

“Well, yeah, that’s because you like ‘like’ him.”

I was surprised that he noticed my feeling for the Doctor and I felt so embarrassed that even a kid noticed it. Was I that transparent? “It wasn’t like that. We are just friend.” I quickly said.

Adam gave me a look that said I was a terrible liar.

I decided to change the subject. “Well then, do you have anything you would rather do? I could join you, if you like.”

Adam’s face brightened at that. He grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the Doctor and the other children.

7777

I met a man called John. He was a soldier. He was assigned to help the Doctor to keep the peace. Lately, he has been coming to see me a lot. Laura said that he was courting me. I didn’t believe it but I was begining to believe that it was true. I have no idea what to do. I tried to let him down gently.

To my annoyance, even John noticed that that I have feeling for the Doctor.  “He can’t ever love you as I do. I can give you a life that you deserve.” He said.

Even if he was right, I couldn’t love him back. John told me he talked to the Doctor and asked his permission to court me and he gave him the go ahead. I felt like I was being slapped.

The Doctor actually gave him permission to court me? He wasn’t even my guardian. But, in a way, he was, wasn’t he? But, what about his confession earlier, about choosing me back? Was that a lie? Did he retract that because I said I didn’t believe him?

My heart ached so badly. I wanted to cry. I begged John to give me some space. I left him and went into the lake.

“Are you okay, miss (name)?” Adam asked.

I was surprised to see him there. I quickly wiped my tears and put on a small smile. “I’m fine. My eyes are just hurting a bit.”

“Do adult believe in that sort of rubbish excuse?” He asked.

I chuckled at that and I messed his hair up.

“Don’t treat me like a kid.” Adam pushed my hand away in annoyance.

7777

I was mad at the Doctor. I foolishly accepted John who asked me to have a dance with him during a festive in town. I wanted the Doctor to be jealous. But, of course, he didn’t blink an eye as I danced and talked with John.

It was unfair of me to stringing John along. I confessed to him that I was still in love with the Doctor. He said he knew and he was fine with it. He begged me to get to know him too. He hope to open my eyes and let me see his genuine love for me.

Life would be so much easier if you liked the right people. For me, John could have been that person. The Doctor, as amazing as he is, was out of my league. On top of that, he was immortal and he aged very slowly. I was only human, after all, can’t help feeling about my own vanity. We could never be together, could we? Ugh, I was horrible.

I tried to give John a chance. I tried. But my heart still beats for the Doctor. After a month of courting, I told John that he should no longer waste his time courting me and that if he like, I would like to remain friend with him.

John was upset. He left without saying anything. I regretted that it was our last meeting. John died during one of the attack in town that same night. I felt guilty and I grieved for him.

7777

I was with the Doctor in the tower. We sat together in the balcony, watching the moon.

“Why did you give John permission to court me?” I asked suddenly, surprising him.

“I thought it was obvious. You deserve a normal life with a man who can grow old with you.”

I guess, the Doctor worried about vanity too. I nodded. “He would be perfect. He was a good man.”

The Doctor nodded and muttered something along the line “...despite being a soldier...”

I sighed as I pulled my blanket closer around me. “But I wish you didn’t do that.” I said. “It made me think about how little you must think about my feeling for you.”

“It wasn’t like that.” The Doctor quickly said. “I just want you to be happy.”

“You told me before that you were choosing me back, was that a lie?”

“It wasn’t a lie. But I’m an old man, (name), I don’t deserve you. You deserve better than me.” The Doctor said. “I was very jealous seeing you dance with John. I knew you did that on purpose to try to get me to react.”

“You noticed that, huh?”

“Oh believe me, I have to restrain myself from pulling you from him and kiss you right then and there...” He said. “But I can’t be selfish with you.”

“What if I want you to be selfish?” I asked. “What if I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and be loved back in return by you?”

“It certainly will be a challenge.” The Doctor said. “But, you have to be sure that this is what you really want, (name). I am a Time Lord. When we loved someone, we loved so completely to the point almost obsession. You need to be absolutely sure you want this because...I don’t think I could let you go should we go through with this.”

I moved closer to the Doctor and put one hand over his cheek. “I choose you, my Doctor.”

The Doctor smiled solemnly as he put his hand over mine. “As you wish, my dearest (name).”

7777

True to his words, he started showing his affection for me. He started with romantic gestures like a candlelight dinner, a dance with my favorite song played on speaker (yes, that’s right, he made a speaker so that I could connect it to my ipod) and just overall being amazing boyfriend.

He taught me how to use his sonic screwdriver. “Just point and think.” He said standing real close behind me. His arms enveloped me as he helped me point the sonic to the correct target.

“What? Just like that? When you put it like that, it sounded like the sonic is a magic wand.” I said teasingly.

He pouted adorably.

7777

I was happy being with the Doctor. I tried not to think about the future, to just live in the moment. Then something bad happened. Something that I didn’t even see coming. I didn’t even think the Doctor suspect it. The town was under attack and I was looking for Adam. He was nowhere to be found. His parents were worried. I went to the lake with the sonic the Doctor gave me for protection. I thought he would be there. I was hoping not to stumble with any of the Doctor’s enemies here.

But what I saw...is horrible. I saw something I shouldn’t. I can’t comprehend what it is I was seeing. I had to go back and tell the Doctor about it. But, I made a sound unintentionally and he found me.

He was fast and strong for a kid.

I fell to the ground and he descend upon me with a hammer. “Adam, don’t!”

Adam smiled coldly at me. “You saw it, didn’t you? That’s too bad. I really really like you, miss (name). But now you have to go.”

I yelped as he pulled his hammer over my head. Sharp pain filled my head as blood trailing down the side of my face. I felt dizzy. The sonic fell to the ground, covered in my blood.

Adam picked it up. “I will tell him that you were killed. This thing will be the evidence.”

I was horrified. This kid was actually planning to kill me for real?

“It was easy, you see. Everyone trust a kid, even the Doctor. Even John... Others children are easy to manipulated too...”

My eyes widened at the mention of John. “You killed John? Why?”

“You like him too much.” He said. “I know you like the Doctor too. But I can’t kill the Doctor. We need him. But, I suppose this way is better. No one gets to have you now. I’m sorry that it has come to this. I really like you ever since you saved me from the lake.”

Of course, only me would have a psycho kid as an admirer.  Any other companion of the Doctor would probably die by another alien hand while I got a psycho kid instead.

I tried to move away but I was too weak. The headache is getting worse. I can barely think.

“I’m sorry, miss (name).” Adam said, sounding genuinely upset even with that chilling smile on his face.

“That’s enough.”

I heard someone said. I didn’t recognize who it was. I think it was a man dressed in black?

The man walked toward Adam and grabbed the kid before he could do so much as screaming. He put his hands over the kids’ temples. Adam stopped struggling. The man then shushed the kid away. He walked toward me.

“900 years of wondering what exactly happened to you. Which of my enemies got to you. And it was just some crazy kid?” He lamented in disbelief.

I tried to focus to stay awake but it was getting hard. “Who…?”

The man bends his knees right beside me. He pulled a sonic screwdriver. Was it mine? I can’t tell. “Don’t move.”

I succumbed to the darkness gratefully.

7777

I woke up in a med bay. I recognized it as the med bay on board of the Tardis.

“Ah, you are finally awake.”

I saw the man from before. I didn’t know who he is. “Who are you? Where is the Doctor?”

The man raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m the Doctor.”

My jaw dropped in disbelief. “No, you are not the Doctor.”

“I regenerated.”

“See, that was a lie. My Doctor told me he was in his last regeneration. You can’t be him. What game are you trying to play here?”

“No game. I got a new set of regeneration. You can thank your best friend for that.”

I blinked. “Clara? Clara is here too? Where?”

“I kind of left her with Vastra and Jenny. No worry, we can come back for her later.”

“Are you really the Doctor?” I asked tentatively.

“Yes.”

“How? You said… How did Clara…?”

“Near the end of my times, I was dying; Clara returned with the Tardis and she convinced the other Time Lords to help me. And here we are.”

“You said on the lake that it has been 900 years…” I whispered. “Did I die?”

“Obviously not, you are here, aren’t you?”

“But you said you have been wondering what happened to me. Did you…crossing your own time stream to save me?”

“Don’t talk about thing that you don’t understand.”

“Well then, explain to me.”

“I don’t think your pudding brain could comprehend it.”

I was very offended. “You are rude.”

The Doctor shrugged as if he didn’t care.

“What did you do to Adam?” I asked.

“Does it matter?”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care. Now answer the question.”

“I told him to go be useful somewhere else.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Did you harm him?”

“Why do you care? He tried to kill you.”

“He’s just a kid.”

“One who has a taste for murder? Greta? John? Ring a bell?”

“He needs help.”

“Oh, don’t worry; I give him exactly what he need.” The Doctor said with a dark tone.

I shivered under his gaze. I started wondering if this man really is the Doctor.

7777

I was so excited to see Clara again. I was about to approach her but she was talking with the Doctor on the console room. She looked sad. I heard the end of what the Doctor said to her.

“I’m not your boyfriend.”

“I never thought you were.”

“I didn’t say it was your mistake.”

My heart ached suddenly. Did that mean the Doctor used to consider Clara his girlfriend? I wanted to hit myself. Why am I still surprise with it? I knew that he has feeling for Clara despite his claim back then of choosing me. Maybe he meant he settle for me. I sighed as I wiped my glassy eyes.

They were still unaware of my presence. They talked about things that I seemed to miss. Something about an ad in a newspaper and a phone number.

I finally made my presence known.

Clara actually look a bit alarmed to see me. I saw her exchanged a look with the Doctor.

The Doctor only shrugged.

Clara went to hug me and I hugged her back tightly.

“I miss you so much, Clara.” I said.

“I miss you more.” Clara said.

The Doctor watched the two of us with a smile. “So, where to next?”

I was surprised when Clara said she want to go home. I sensed something was up between the Doctor and Clara, something that I missed.

Clara asked me if I want to go home with her and I was just speechless.

The Doctor glanced at me without a word.

“I think I will stay for a while. I need to talk with the Doctor.” I said finally as I glanced back at him.

Clara stared at the two of us before nodded. “I will give you some space.” She went out of the Tardis just as her phone rangs.

I turned to the Doctor. I seated myself on the stairs. “So, are you going to give me the same speech, more or less, about how you are not my boyfriend?”

He raised an eyebrow at that. “Do you want me too?”

“I’m giving you an out, Doctor. I knew you only settle for me because Clara was not with us back in Trenzalore.”

“Maybe you are the one in need of an out. Didn’t like my new face, eh? Too old for you?”

I glared at him. “That’s not fair. Do you really think me so little?”

“You can’t even look at me and see me as the Doctor.”

“Well, forgive me for being a human! I’m not used yet to the new grumpy face. Also this you are rude.”

“I saved you and I was rude?”

“You called me pudding brain!”

“I called everyone pudding brain. Don’t take it personally.”

I glared at him.

“I meant every words back in Trenzalore. You wanted this. I did warn you I won’t be easily letting you go and what was that you said to me back then?”

I was silent for a few seconds. “I choose you, my Doctor.” I repeated my words to him back then.

“And, do you still meant every words?”

“I...Of course. Yes.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

I couldn’t say anything.

“I see. You prefer the other face more.”

“That’s not it! I just need time to get used to this new you. Is that too much to ask?”

“Fine. I will give you time.” He said with a huff as he moved to get out of the Tardis and I could hear him talking to Clara outside.

Seemed like Clara is having a hard time accepting the new doctor like me. But, it seemed like he managed to convince her. When I got out of the Tardis, Clara waved me over to join them for chips.

7777

I have to sort out my life outside of the Tardis. I lost my job at the diner just yesterday. The Doctor showed up at my work place, basically insulting me and everyone who worked there. I was angry at the Doctor for calling my job as a dead end job, no matter whether he was right or not.

Clara was lucky she got a position as a teacher at a high school. Clara has always the brave out of the two of us. I was content hiding away and be invicible. Clara would never be satisfied with that. She loves being in the spotlight, much like the Doctor. It was a miracle that the two of them actually put up with me.

Clara did get me a job at administration department at the high school she teaches eventually. It wasn’t that bad, thanfully. She introduced me to Danny Pink, a teacher. She told me that she was seeing him. I was very happy for her. Danny looked like a good man.

The Doctor and Clara often went on adventures non-stop. I didn’t know how she can cope balancing Tardis life and real life. I, myself, has turned down the Doctor a few times whenever he asked me to go with him and Clara.

“I’m so tired, Doctor. Tomorrow I have work. I need to sleep.”

“You can sleep when you die.”

I ignored him after he said that.

7777

One day, the Doctor showed up on my doorsteps with a suit and asked me out on a date.

“You are absolutely sure I am going to say yes...” I said as I gestured on his suit.

Of course, his answer kind of ruined the mood. He was too blunt sometimes. But, you have got to admit, he grew on you, especially his angry eyebrows as Clara dubbed it.

Surprisingly, the Doctor set up a good date night. He took me out on a restaurant in some planet. The song that played in the background to my surprise was my favorite song, the one we danced to back in the tower on Trenzalore.

“You remember.” I whispered with a smile.

He only shrugged. He raised a hand toward me and asked me to dance with him.

I smiled widely and accepted. He didn’t smile the whole time but I could see his eyes softened considerably as he glanced at me fondly.

At the end of the night, he gave me a present, sort of, my old ipod.

“I had to give it a bit of upgrade and I took the liberty to add more music for your collection.” He said. “But you can’t let others borrow it since it contain song from the future.”

I held the ipod on my chest and smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you, Doctor.” I kissed his cheek.

7777

Clara said she wanted to meet Robin Hood. Oh, I know that Robin Hood was one of her favorite stories.

The Doctor reluctantly took us to go see Robin Hood. He kept insisting that Robin Hood is not real though.

Clara and I was excited to dress ourselves in a period-appropriate dress. We complimented each other much to the Doctor’s annoyance.

“Stop admiring yourself. Do you want to see Robin Hood or not?” He asked grumpily.

Clara grinned as she made me do a twirl before pushing me right into the Doctor’s arms.

The Doctor caught me in his embrace. He gazed at me but didn’t say anything.

Clara smirked. “Now, who is admiring who?”

The Doctor glared at Clara as I blushed.

7777

Clara and I were surprised to see the Doctor undercover at the school where we worked as the caretaker.

The Doctor found out about Danny Pink and was livid because Clara is dating a former soldier.

“John is a soldier and you let him court me.” I reminded him.

“That’s different.”

I rolled my eyes. I tried not to think too much about what he meant. I didn’t want to allow insecurity take a bite on me again. Not today, at least.

Clara introduced Danny to the Doctor and they both have instant dislike of each other.

7777

During on our girl night out, I finally get to ask Clara about Trenzalore and about the last moment of our first Doctor. Well, my first. Clara has seen and interacted in some way with all of the Doctor’s incarnation through her echoes.

She told me that she was once even a Time Lady and that she was the one who introduced the Doctor with the Tardis.

I smiled at that. The Tardis actually owed Clara for directing the Doctor to steal the right ‘sexy’ Tardis. It was kind of funny considering how the Tardis has been treating Clara before. The Tardis was very mean to Clara but now it seemed they get on well.

Clara told me about the Doctor sending her away twice. She told me about the Doctor being very old and weak and alone. She told me about how the Doctor apologized to her for not protecting me, her best friend.

I wanted to cry at the thought that I caused him so much pain by staying in the Trenzalore back then. He thought I was dead and he never stopped wondering about what happened to me. He cared so much that 900 years later, after he regenerated, he risked everything to rescue me.

I know everything worked out well. The Doctor is here. Clara is here. We are all together. I supposed it was better this way. If Adam had not attacked me, I would have stay with the Doctor until my time is running out and he would have to bury me. I knew it was inevitable. I would die sooner or later but later is definitely better.

I suddenly have the urge to see the Doctor so I apologized to Clara for cutting our girl night short. She only grinned at me in understanding.

I called the Doctor, hoping he would accept my call and came to me immediately. Thankfully, he did. As the Tardis materialized in front of me, I ran and pulled the door open. I stared at the Doctor for a short a while and immediately went to hug him, despite his protest that he is not a hugging person anymore.

“I love you, my Doctor.” I whispered to him.

The Doctor’s eyes widened and softened considerably. He didn’t say it back but at the times, it didn’t matter to me.

7777

A Time Lord, basically an alien immortal and a human; our relationship are basically very fragile. I could die any times, be it by the hands of another alien or another human, be it accidentaly or intentionally. Though, I never thought it will happen so soon. But then again, it shouldn’t surprise me so much. Life with the Doctor could be wonderful but also dangerous. The Doctor did always find himself in a life or death situation most of the times.

We got involved in an adventure with the Vikings where we met Ashildr. The villagers are under attack by unknown entity but the Doctor eventually recognize them as the Mire. Ashildr declared wars on the Mire and the Doctor was forced to act accordingly to defend the villagers.

I didn’t actually remember what happened to me. It was very hazy. According to Clara, I was injured gravely in a line of fire during the Mire’s unexpected attack. The Doctor used Mire technology to save my life and Ashildr, sentencing the both of us to a life of immortality, not that I was aware of it at the time.

Originally, the Doctor planned to gave both chips to Ashildr but I was dying and he decided to save me...again. Partly, it was because Clara begged him to save her best friend.

I was in and out of conciousness for a few days on board of the Tardis and when I finally regained my bearing, it was to the worried face of Clara.

Clara exhaled a sigh of relief when she saw me awaken. “Don’t ever do that again.” She said as she hugged me tight.

I was still very weak but I smiled regardless. “You are one to talk. Between the two of us, you are the one who is more reckless.”

“Yet, I’m not the one in the med bay.” She pointed.

I noticed the Doctor leaned against the doorway, staring at the both of us with a look I can’t decipher. I smiled at him. “Thank you for saving my life again, Doctor.”

“Don’t thank me. You might end up cursing me instead.” The Doctor bluntly said.

I frowned.

Clara glared at the Doctor. “He has been grumpy this few days. Don’t mind him.”

I stared at those two in confusion but honestly I was still too tired to deal with whatever issue the Doctor have with me. I imagined the Doctor was upset with me for not being careful.

7777

The Doctor dropped me back on Earth to rest. It was then the world was shaken by a broadcast from the moon. I recognized Clara’s voice. Something about deciding the fate of the moon? I wonder where the Doctor is and why he is letting the people of earth to make the decision.

I called Clara but she didn’t pick up. It was the next day she asked to meet me and she told me she intend to leave the Tardis for good. She told me she was angry at the Doctor. I was confused with the Doctor’s action toward Clara and I can only pray they both could work out their issue. I would hate for our relationship to break over this.

Clara asked me if I think the Doctor is too cold-hearted ever since he regenerated. I ponder over Adam and what he said about giving him exactly what he deserved, not that I know exactly what it was. That moment made me doubted the Doctor but I convinced myself he was just being protective of me so I never mention it again. I didn’t agree with Clara but I didn’t exactly defend the Doctor either.

Clara and the Doctor had a plan for a one last hurray trip. I figured I should not come and give them their space to work their issue with each other. It seemed to work because after that trip, Clara said she will stick around to travel in the Tardis. But she told me she promised Danny she will stop travelling with the Doctor. She had to lie and she made me swore not to tell Danny either.

7777

Clara and I couldn’t help but laugh at the Doctor’s predicament, having being trapped inside the Tardis that had shrunk down to a handheld size.

I couldn’t help giggling at Clara’s antic of acting as ‘Doctor Clara’ taking charge to deal with the current alien invasion. Clara, loving to be in charge, flirted with me as a joke at the Doctor’s expense. The Doctor rolled his eyes at the both of us and shouted to focus.

7777

The forest has grown all over the world. The Doctor believed that this is the end of the world. A giant solar headed toward the earth.

The Doctor offered an escape via the Tardis. Clara refused because she didn’t want to be the last human. I didn’t want to leave the Doctor but I also didn’t want to be the last human either or to leave Clara to her death alone.

It was then I noticed the Doctor and Clara exchanged a look again.

“You were right, Doctor. We shouldn’t keep the truth from her.” Clara said. “(name), you should stay with the Doctor.”

“What? Why?”

That’s when they told me about my immortality, thanks to the Mire technology. I was stunned and I was upset that they didn’t tell me the truth immediately. Now, I understand what the Doctor said before about me cursing him instead of thanking him.

But, there is no time for breakdown. The Doctor was able to figure out that the trees are defending the earth from the solar attack.

I left the Doctor and Clara to be on my own, contemplating the meaning of my new existence.

“So, they finally tell you the truth then?” Someone said.

I glanced up and my eyes widened in surprise when I saw the woman. “Ashildr?”

“Call me ‘Me’.” She said.

We left Ashildr back in the distant past. The fact that she was here confirmed that she was immortal and I shared her fate. I didn’t know how to feel about that.

Me took me to a nearby cafe and ordered tea for the both of us. I sensed that she has resentment toward the Doctor and me.

“Well, you are the only immortal the Doctor seemed to care enough to take with him, unlike myself...or Jack Harkness.” She replied when I asked her about it.

I have no idea who Jack Harkness is but Me explained that Jack is the Doctor’s former companion.

Me told me about her life. She told me about her immortal life so far. She had lost many memories over the long years. She collected journal after journal to write down about her life because she found difficulty holding on her many memories.

I shuddered at the thought that my life is extended indefinetely.

Me gave her phone number and told me to contact her if I want to and then she left me behind.

I didn’t know what to say to the Doctor and Clara so I decided I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t tell them about meeting Me.

Clara apologized for holding the truth from me. The Doctor, as usual, didn’t say anything.

I didn’t know what this meant for my relationship with the Doctor though. Being immortal meant I could stay with the Doctor forever but will our relationship even last forever? What if someday he fall out of love with me? Where would that left me? The thought depressed me so badly.

7777

The Doctor took us to an adventure again and it was just my bad luck that things gone wrong for me...again. I began to feel like the universe is against me or something?

We got stranded on base and naturally a mutating virus was on the loose, infecting people left and right. Of course, I had to be the one who got infected despite being immortal.

Being immortal sucks. The virus got stuck in me. I was in continous state of dying. The Doctor put me on a stasis chamber that will paralyze and put me to sleep while he and Clara worked out the cure by travelling to the distant future.

I was trapped inside the statis chamber for God know how many years. At some point, the stasis chamber got faulty resulting in me getting awaken but paralyzed. I was screaming and begging for help inside my mind, begging the Doctor to come and rescue me but he never did.

It was hard to hold on my sanity. It was a good thing I didn’t feel hunger or thirsty inside the chamber otherwise I feared I would become cannibal and eat myself if that even possible. I can’t even find relief by sleeping. Eventually I was able to move my hand enough to scratch my own face until it bleed, ripped strands of my hairs in a fit of rage. I screamed and cried. Honestly, it was a bliss when miraculously the stasis chamber worked again and put me into sleep.

The next time I was awake, I was no longer on the stasis chamber. I heard familiar voices on the distant. It was the Doctor and Clara arguing about (name) and the stasis chamber. How do I know it was them? It has been so long. My mind might playing a trick on me. I heard them mentioning (name) again.

Oh, (name) is me, right? I opened my eyes and for a while, I couldn’t recognize the surrounding area.

The Doctor and Clara were still unaware that I have awaken. I tried to move my toes and relieved when I realized I could move. I forced myself into a seating position. I took notice of my surrounding. The Tardis, my mind slowly supplied. I got down from the bed and immediately fell into the floor with a loud thud.

They both came into the room and rushed to my aid.

“Are you two...really here? Am I safe now?” I asked in hoarse voice.

Clara looked like she wanted to cry and she hugged me immediately. “I’m so sorry, (name).”

The Doctor glanced at me, for once, I could see that the genuine concern in his expression.

7777

I thought I would get better but I kept having nightmare about being back in the stasis chamber. I would scream so loud and started ripping my hairs off or clawing my skins. The Doctor had to give me sedative and restrained me to bed to stop me from hurting myself and Clara.

The Doctor dropped Clara back on Earth so he can focused on fixing my mind.  He asked for my consent to get inside my mind when I was in a better mood. I agreed. I wanted to be able to function again. I didn’t want to hurt myself or Clara or even the Doctor.

He put his hands over my temple and told me to take a deep calm breathe. He put some block over the troublesome memory and hope it would do the trick for my sanity.

Once he deemed me safe, he let me out of the Tardis. I decided to quit my job at the school where Clara teaches. I didn’t want to see the worry or pity in her eyes. I tried to sort my life back together. I got myself a job as a waitress again. Thankfully, the Doctor didn’t make the mistake of calling it a dead end job again otherwise I might slap him silly.

At Clara’s urge, I took an art class as part of therapy.

Despite the block the Doctor put inside my mind, I still have nightmare about the stasis chamber, at least I didn’t go bat crazy about it afterward.

I called Me’s phone number but then I decided to hang up. But the next day, Me showed up on the diner where I worked much to my surprise. She said she recognized my number. I apologized for bothering her.

She insisted I talk to her though so I did.

7777

Lately, the Doctor insisted to have adventure with just the two of us. He made sure it was safe though. I could tell he was worried for me.

I found out that Danny died. I went to Clara’s house to comfort her. She was numb and unresponsive. I called the Doctor to inform him about Clara.

Clara said she need to talk alone with the Doctor and asked me to step back for a bit. Albeit confused, I did as she asked.

Next thing I knew, the world is suddenly overun by cybermen. Kate, from UNIT, picked me up and I was able to reunite with the Doctor. Kate said the Doctor has been chosen as the President of Earth. She also informed me that the Doctor’s enemy, Mistress or Missy, was on board the plane too. But Clara was nowhere to be found. I was very worried.

I met Missy and she curiously observed me. Then, she proceed to mock me as the Doctor’s eternal pet. The Doctor told me to ignore her. But, she knew things and she knew my insecurity regarding the Doctor and Clara. She told me that the first face an incarnation first took sight to was dear to a Time Lord and she knew that I was not his first face, that Clara is. She knew I was not the Doctor’s first choice on anything. The words hurt but I knew it was true.

The Doctor heard every words she said to me but he didn’t even bother to reassure me otherwise. I can’t blame him though. He was busy thinking about how to save the world again. He has no time to coddle me.

The Doctor saved the world again. Clara stopped travelling with the Doctor. I wanted to hit the both of them in the head for being stupid. They lied to each other and they turned to me and made swore up and down not to reveal anything. Stupid Doctor. Stupid Clara.

I continued to travel with the Doctor. I was working on the courage to talk to him about my immortality and what it meant for our relationship. But, I was a coward and it didn’t help that the Doctor might actually avoiding the subject too.

I was glad when Clara returned to travel with the Doctor again. Apparently, they had finally told each other truth, thanks to the dream crabs and...Santa Claus? Whatever. I was just grateful team Tardis is back.

7777

Clara has become reckless and I reprimanded her about it.

“What’s the point of being immortal if you won’t live a little?” Clara blurted out.

I frowned at that, feeling a bit offended. I was beginning to feel like I wasn’t quite as welcomed aboard the Tardis as before. The Doctor has not even taking me to another date since forever and I still haven’t got around to talk to him about our practically non-existent relationship.

I sighed. Maybe I was a bit too sensitive about everything? Missy’s words did bother me a lot. But Clara is my best friend. The Doctor, regardless whether he is my boyfriend or not, is actually a good friend. I should be grateful that they still want me around right?

But, Clara is right though. I was now an immortal. Shouldn’t I change the way I have been living my life? I should stop being timid and like she said to try to take more risks.

Just when I was considering to change myself to fit the Doctor and Clara better, if that even possible, something bad happened. We met Me again in a Trap Street and Clara accidentally sealed her own fate with the Raven. She died.

She was brave right up till the end. She said goodbye to the Doctor and myself. I couldn’t accept that my best friend is about to die. I begged the Doctor to fix it. But, when I saw the sorrow and resignation on his face, I knew there is no saving Clara.

I cried over Clara’s dead body. The Doctor was gone, transported to who know where, by whoever made Me to set a trap for him.

The Doctor didn’t come back for me. Of course, he wouldn’t. I was bitter. He finally got an out from me.

7777

I was depressed, sad and alone. I couldn’t go to Me because I still have mixed feeling for her part in killing Clara. I was afraid of facing my immortality alone. Me did warned me that the Doctor, despite being immortal himself, expressed strong dislike of immortals and he tend to avoid them. He told her other immortals felt wrong to him. I was angry at him for sentencing me to a life of immortality and then abandoned me.

Kate contacted me and invited me to join UNIT. I accepted. She had her best soldier to train me to fight. I was in so much pain and I welcomed the physical pain of the training. Though, I suck at training but I was determined to change myself. If I have to going through my immortality alone, I might as well started training myself to fight to protect myself.

I was surprised when Clara returned with her own Tardis. She said she was worried for me. She was with Me, a future Me, apparently. She warned Clara about myself and the path I had chosen for myself. Clara told me about the Doctor being trapped in confession dial for billion billion years, about how he risked all time and space to bring Clara back and about how he loses his memory of her.

Clara begged me to travel with the Doctor again. “He need you more than ever...”

I wanted to cry. I didn’t want to go back to the Doctor and facing the truth that he never loves me. I wanted to be with my best friend, travelling back to the Gallifrey the long way but she refused me. I wanted to tell her all of my insecuries but I was afraid she already grew tired of it and will mock me for it.

Clara firmly made me sit. “Tell me everything you feel inside that mind of yours.” She said.

And, I told her everything. I told her about what Missy said to me and about the Doctor not caring about it. I knew I sounded pathetic but I tell her anyway.

After I was done pouring my heart out, I asked her if I was a right fit to be his companion. “Wouldn’t it better to let him move on and find a better companion that can keep him in line? Because I certainly couldn’t.”

Clara said the right words to make me feel special but I knew deep down I didn’t believe her every word. She made me promise to travel with the Doctor again and I promised. She left afterward.

I lied to her. I didn’t seek the Doctor. Why would I when he didn’t even care enough to seek me out? He might not remember Clara but he should remember me. If he care for me, he would at least try to find me to console me, wouldn’t he?

I had hope though days after days hoping he would come and get me. He didn’t. I cried, feeling sorry for myself, hating him, wishing for him to let me die instead of turning me into immortal. And then, I tried to contact him to get him to see me when I was drunk out of my mind. But he didn’t come. He abandoned me.

I went insane for a while. I picked up a knife and slit my wrist only to watch it self-healing over and over again. Kate found me eventually and took me to UNIT for treatment. She got me a therapy to help deal with my depression.

7777

After years of hard training, Kate finally allowed me on field mission. I had the advantage since I was immortal so I asked to be given dangerous mission. Kate, at first, reluctant because she recognized me of being suicidal but I insisted on it.

Kate’s science division genius person, O, developed a chip implant that could help with my depression. She agreed to give mission if I agreed to wear it. I accepted immediately.

“Will this help to mend a broken heart and broken mind? Because that would be super great.” I said softly.

After the implant, I felt less sad, less suicidal and more focused on my work at UNIT. It was like my own humanity switch.

7777

I met the Doctor again, accidentaly, during a mission in Sheffield. I was ordered to investigate a possible alien activity over there.

I enlisted a PC, Yazmin Khan, to inform me should she see something strange. She called me later that day about weird alien thing that her friend, Ryan, found earlier. The lead from them led me to the train where Ryan’s grandmother, Grace and her husband, Graham, currently trapped on board a train with an orb of electric tentacles.

That’s when a woman fell from the sky onto the train right in front of me. My eyes widened as I saw the weird stranger. The way she acted though made me suspicious and when she exclaimed having being a scotman before, I immediately knew. I was hit suddenly with grief and anger. But I didn’t say anything because she didn’t even recognize me. She didn’t even know her own name. I was afraid that I would lose control and bitch-slap the Doctor in a fit of my rage.

The Doctor involved all of us in her investigation. I stepped back while she rambled non-stop about the alien. I contacted UNIT and asked Kate to send another agent to deal with the alien and the Doctor. I didn’t give her time to refuse me. I walked away from the warehouse where we currently are when Yaz stopped me. She said the Doctor told her that everyone has been implanted by an explosive chip implant.

I laughed harshly at that. “Well, that’s fine. Maybe I will die for real this time.” I said angrily. “UNIT is sending their best officer to help in dealing with the alien. I have to go.”

Yaz look confused but didn’t stop me.

7777

Back at UNIT, the science division managed to remove the explosive from me. My whole body is shaking with anger and grief. I raised my trembling hands in annoyance. I hated that the Doctor had this effect on me. I hated her already.

Kate, being the nice boss she is, asked me of how I was doing. I was doing so badly that’s for sure.

“I need an upgrade for my chip.” I said.

Kate stared at me with disapproval.

“I’m afraid if I see her again, I might want to kill the Doctor, Kate.” I said. “Please help me.”

7777

The Tardis materialized inside UNIT’s headquarter without warning much to Kate’s dismay.

The Doctor came out, demanding to see me. It was almost like she think UNIT will get in the way of meeting me.

I stared at her, not impressed.

Kate glanced at the two of us and told us to use her office to have a long due talk.

The Doctor looked timid now that we are alone. “I’m sorry for not recognizing you before. Mind still rebooting you know. Regeneration...” She rambled on. “I remember myself eventually...and of you...”

I didn’t reply to her statement, instead I asked, “Why are you here, Doctor?”

“So, you do know who I am that day? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why should I?”

The Doctor’s jaw dropped. Now she looked like a kicked puppy. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. I didn’t mean to left you behind.”

I sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It matter to me! I know I wronged you, (name).”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Doctor, because I have made a life, a life without you.” I spat. I wanted to be calm but she brought out the most ugly emotion in me.

She flinched at my tone. She scoffed at what I said. “With UNIT? I hacked your file and you have been reckless, risking your life...”

“YOU HAVE BEEN HACKING MY FILES?!”

The Doctor took a step back in face of my anger.

“You have no right to do that! You don’t even get a say over what I am doing with my life!” I yelled.

“You are my responsibility, (name).”

I scoffed. “Is that all I am to you?”

“I know I let you down.”

“You abandoned me.” I said. “Now, that I have manage to take whatever control I have over my life, you think you can just come in here and what? What do you expect from me this time, Doctor?”

“I want you to come back. I would like to travel again with you.”

“Why? Didn’t you already find new companion? I knew about Yaz, Ryan and Graham, Doctor.”

“Of course you know. UNIT always have to collect data about me.” The Doctor muttered. “But this isn’t about them. It’s about you.”

I shook my head. “It was never about me, Doctor.”

“I know I hurt you, please let me fix my mistake.”

“So now I am a mistake?”

The Doctor groaned. “That’s not what I meant. Stop twisting my words.”

“I don’t want to be with you anymore. You already had an out. Why do you bother with me again?”

“I never wanted an out. I didn’t mean to abandon you. After Trap Street, I...”

“I knew what happened, Doctor. Clara told me about your confession dial and about how you lost your memory of her.”

“I got it back. My memory of Clara.”

“Of course you do.”

The Doctor sighed. “You have always so insecure, (name).”

I glared at her. “Just leave, Doctor. I don’t need you anymore.”

“But I do.” The Doctor replied. “I need you, (name).”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. And stop dictating my feeling for you. You always like this. What was it you said before? I settled for you instead of Clara?”

I felt like I got slapped. I remembered saying those words to her previous incarnation. “How dare you? You come here like you own the place and then decided on a whim to hurt me?”

“That’s not my intention at all.” The Doctor said. “I know I am not reliable with my feeling but what I said back in Trenzalore still true, every words. I choose you, (name).”

“Why are you doing this to me? Do you just enjoy ripping my heart out?” I asked with glassy eyes.

The Doctor walked fast toward me. She raised my chin and kissed me hard.

I was stunned.

She broke the kiss and look at me shyly. “Will you give me another chance? I promise I will do right by you.”

I broke down. “Doctor...” And I suddenly clutched my chest.

“(name)?” The Doctor called out in worry.

I fell to the ground immediately but she caught me halfway. She yelled for help. She pulled her sonic and started scanning me.

Kate and a few agents rushed into the office.

7777

There was a glitch inside my chip implant. The overwhelming emotion I felt was too much and it caused it to glitch and rebooted.

I woke up in the medical room at UNIT. I could hear the Doctor yelling at Kate about the chip implant she put on me and how dangerous it was.

I pulled myself into a seating position and observed their argument absentmindedly.

The Doctor stopped yelling when she saw me awake. She look into my eyes and saw the indifferent that reflected back in my eyes. She slumped her shoulder.

The chip had rid me of my feeling...for the Doctor.

A/N: I don’t know if there will be part 2 of this. Maybe if inspiration hit, I will. But maybe it ended exactly like that. Not everyone get a happy ending is a theme on most of my fanfiction. Would anyone be interested instead to make the part 2 of their own? Honestly, I write this story with a dark!doctor in mind but the story suddenly got away from me and make a turn to this instead.

#11th doctor x reader #12th doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #eleventh doctor x reader #twelfth doctor x reader #thirteenth doctor x reader #doctor who fanfiction #doctor who imagine #shiefenwrites

[thelittlesttimelord]

The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 41

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 41 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 41/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.

[A/N - 50th Anniversary special is next! Trust me when I say that you are not ready for it. So many reveals and even more questions! Might start writing it later.]

The secret entrance led to catacombs.

“Where are we?” Clara asked.

“Catacombs,” the Doctor said.

“I hate catacombs. So how come I met your dead wife?”

“Oh well, you know how it is when you lose someone close to you. It helps to have a backup.”

One of the creatures appeared, following them.

“Clara, come on! Run, run!”

They burst through a steel door.

“Come on, quickly, we're in.”

One of the creatures grabbed Clara.

“Doctor!”

“Clara!”

Elise and the Doctor pulled her away and the Doctor slammed the door on its hand.

Eventually, it pulled its hand out of the door and the Doctor closed it. “Yowza.”

They headed up a set of metal stairs.

“Still a bit of a climb. I think I remember the way,” the Doctor told them.

Clara started to falter.

“Clara? Clara. Hey, it's okay. You're fine. The dimensioning forces this deep in the TARDIS, they can make you a bit giddy.”

Clara pulled away from him. “I know, I know. How do I know? How do I know that?”

“Clara, it's okay. You're fine.”

“Have we, have we done this before? We have. We have done this before. Climbing through a wrecked TARDIS. You said things, things I'm not supposed to remember.”

“We can't do this now. The TARDIS is a ruin. The telepathic circuits are awakening memories you shouldn't even have. Clara. Clara? Clara, what's wrong?”

“What do you mean, you keep meeting me? You said I died. How could I die?”

“That is not a conversation you should even remember.”

“What do you mean I died?”

“The girl who died he tried to save. She'll die again inside his grave.”

“Run. Run!”

They finally made it the entrance of the tomb.

Dr. Simeon was there with Madame Vastra, Strax, and Jenny. “The doors require a key. The key is a word. And the word is the Doctor's,” Simeon said.

“Here I am, late to my own funeral. Glad you could make it.”

“Open the door, Doctor. Speak, and open your tomb.”

“No.”

“Because you know what's in there?”

“I will not open those doors.”

“The key is a word lost to time. A secret hidden in the deepest shadow and know to you alone. The answer to a question.”

“I will not open my tomb.”

“Doctor, what is your name?” Simeon grabbed the Doctor’s face and the Doctor threw his hand off him. “The Doctor's friends and his precious daughter. Stop their hearts.”

The creatures around them hissed.

“Madam, boys, combat formation. They are unarmed,” Strax said.

“So are we!” Jenny yelled.

“Do not divulge our military secrets.”

“Stop this. Leave them alone,” the Doctor begged.

“Your name, Doctor. Answer me,” Simeon said.

“Doctor?” Clara asked.

Strax picked up a stick and hit one of the creatures. It cut through its body. “Do you want me to do that again?”

They watched as the hole closed up.

“Doctor who?” Simeon asked.

One of the creatures reached into Strax’s chest.

“Please, stop it,” the Doctor begged again.

“Doctor who?”

“Unhand me, sir,” Strax demanded.

“Leave him alone. Let him be.”

“Don't worry, sir. I think I've got him rattled.”

“Doctor who?” Simeon asked.

“Please!” the Doctor yelled.

One of the creatures was reaching toward Elise when the doors to the tomb opened.

“Why did you open the door, sir?” Strax asked, “I had them on the run.”

“I didn't do it. I didn't say my name,” the Doctor said, “Is everyone all right? Is everyone okay?” He rushed over to Elise. “Ellie? Are you okay?”

She hit him on the arm.

“Ow!”

“Never take that long again.”

“I'm sorry.” He turned to Simeon. “Now then, Doctor Simeon, or Mister G Intelligence, whatever I call you, do you know what's in there?”

“For me, peace at last. For you, pain everlasting. Won't you invite us in?”

The Doctor opened the doors further.

They walked into the console room, except there was nothing but pillars of the light. The cloister bell was ringing as they went up the steps.

Something was wrong here. Instead of one, there were 4 additional ones surrounding the one in the middle.

“What are they?” Clara asked.

“What were you expecting, a body? Bodies are boring. I've had loads of them. Nah, that's not what my tomb is for,” the Doctor said.

“But what is the light?” Vastra asked.

“It's beautiful,” Jenny commented.

“Should I destroy it?” Strax asked.

“Shut up, Strax,” Vastra told him.

“Doctor, explain. What are they?” Clara asked.

“The tracks of my tears.”

“Less poetry, Doctor. Just tell them,” Simeon said.

“Time travel is damage. It's like a tear in the fabric of reality. That is the scar tissue of my journey through the universe. My path through time and space from Gallifrey to Trenzalore.” He soniced it and voices came through.

“Have you ever thought what it's like to be wanderers in the fourth dimension?”

“Do I have the right?”

“Daleks, Cybermen, they're still in the nursery compared to us.”

“There are corners of the universe that have bred the most dangerous things.”

“You were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.”

“I'm the Doctor. I'm from Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous…” That voice Elise recognized as the Doctor who saved her. The one whose brown eyes had comforted her.

“Hello, Stonehenge!” And there was the voice of her father. She had been the most proud of him in that moment.

“My own personal time tunnel. All the days…”

“It was the daisiest daisy I'd ever seen.”

“Even the ones that I…uh…even the ones that I haven't lived yet.”

“But I don’t understand. Who do the other ones belong to?” Elise asked.

The Doctor walked up to up each of them. “This one is yours.” The Doctor approached the three smaller ones. “These are your children’s. Following in the family business.”

“But why are we here?”

“Because the universe recognizes you as mine. We may not be blood, but you’re my only family.” The Doctor suddenly collapsed.

“Doctor!”

“Daddy!”

Clara and Elise rushed to his side.

“I shouldn't be here. The paradoxes. It's very bad,” he said.

Simeon stepped closer to the Doctor’s time stream.

“No. No. No. What are you doing? Somebody stop him!” the Doctor yelled.

“The Doctor's life is an open wound. And an open wound can be entered,” Simeon said.

“No, it would destroy you.”

“Not at all. It will kill me. It will destroy you. I can rewrite your every living moment. I can turn every one of you victories into defeats. Poison every friendship. Deliver pain to your every breath.”

“It will burn you up. Once you go through, you can't come back. You will be scattered along my timeline like confetti.”

“It matters not, Doctor. You thwarted me at every turn. Now you will give me peace, as I take my revenge on every second of your life. Goodbye. Goodbye, Doctor.” Simeon backed up into the time stream.

There was a big flash and the Doctor thrashed around.

“What's wrong with him? What's happening?” Clara cried.

“He's being rewritten,” Vastra told her, “Simeon is attacking his entire timeline. He's dying all at once. The Dalek Asylum. Androzani.”

Elise started to feel weird as she watched the time streams of her future children flicker out. Memories were disappearing. “Daddy, I’m scared.”

The Doctor managed to lift a hand to her face. “It’ll be okay”, he said, realizing what was happening.

Tears streamed down her face as the Doctor blinked. He was left holding only air.

Elise had disappeared before Clara’s eyes.

“No”, the Doctor breathed.

The one constant in his life was gone.

Forever.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the blink of an eye, Elise was back. She looked around.

The Doctor was standing up now, but someone was missing.

“Where’s Clara?”

“She jumped into the Doctor’s time stream, restoring you and everyone else,” Vastra explained.

“We are not all restored. I have to get her back,” the Doctor said.

“But how?” Jenny asked.

“Is she still alive? It killed Doctor Simeon,” Vastra said.

“Clara's got one advantage over the Great Intelligence,” the Doctor told them.

“Which is?”

“Me. Now, if I don't come back, and I might not…” The Doctor turned to Elise. “Go to the TARDIS. Make sure everyone gets home. And then travel and be amazing.” He kissed her forehead.

The Doctor suddenly spun around and grabbed at the air.

Elise watched as River appeared.

“How are you even doing that? I'm not really here,” she said.

“You are always here to me. And I always listen, and I can always see you,” he told her.

“Mum?” Elise asked.

“How can she see me?” River asked.

“I knocked down her mental barriers, allowing her to see you.”

“But if you could see me, then why didn't you speak to me?”

“Because I thought it would hurt too much.”

“I believe I could have coped.”

“No, I thought it would hurt me. And I was right.” The Doctor cupped River’s face in his hands and kissed her. “Since nobody else in this room can see you besides me and Elise, God knows how that looked.” He looked over at Jenny, Vastra, and Strax, who were looking at him oddly.

“There is a time to live and a time to sleep. You are an echo, River. Like Clara. Like all of us, in the end. She saved you, but you should've faded by now.”

“It's hard to leave when you haven't said goodbye.”

“Then tell me, because I don't know. How do I say it?”

“There's only one way I'd accept. If you ever loved me, say it like you're going to come back.”

“Well, then.” He stepped back from River. “See you around, Professor River Song.”

“Till the next time, Doctor.”

“Don't wait up.”

“Oh, there's one more thing.”

“Isn't there always?”

“I was mentally linked with Clara. If she's really dead, then how can I still be here?”

“Okay, how?”

“Spoilers. Goodbye, sweetie.” River turned to Elise. “Goodbye, litter star.”

The two Timelords watched her fade away.

The Doctor turned to Elise. “My brave, clever girl. Remember. Never cruel or cowardly. Laugh hard, run fast, and be kind.” Elise nodded and he stepped back into his own time stream.

A few minutes later, the Doctor walked out of his time stream, carrying Clara in his arms. “Let’s go home.”

“Is she okay?” Elise asked him.

“She will be.”

#eleventh doctor #eleventh doctor imagines #eleventh doctor fanfiction #clara oswald #clara oswald imagine #river song #river song imagine #Madame Vastra #jenny #strax #the littlest timelord #the littlest timelord: the fall of the eleventh #the name of the doctor

[sheliesshattered]

This Isn’t A Ghost Story extras for Chapter 6: The Future

Chapter 6 of This Isn’t A Ghost Story has been posted! You can find it here on Tumblr, or here on AO3. Spoiler-ish extras under the cut!

With chapter 6 under our belts, we’ve made it through the main portion of this fic! The next two chapters will wrap up a few loose ends -- and possibly create a couple more, of the open-ended variety -- and if I hadn’t gotten quite so deep into the world-building for this, I might have actually ended the story here. All the research I did for the world-building directly inspired the next two chapters, which were both written and finished before I had anything more than a basic sketch in place for chapter 6. 

Egyptology in the 1920s has clearly been a huge part of the world-building for this story from the beginning, and we get a bit more of it in chapter 6. The Doctor mentioned Howard Carter briefly in chapter 5, and here we loop back around to that and find out that Clara and the Doctor knew Carter well. I didn’t want to derail the chapter too much with talking about their friendship in any detail, but large portions of the timeline of when they were in Egypt in the 1920s was built around the historical events of the discovery and documentation of Tutankhamun’s tomb, and there are a few passing allusions to it in the journal entries in chapter 3 as well.

Howard Carter (pictured above in 1924) and his team of excavators found the entrance to Tutankhamun’s tomb in November of 1922, which would have been during the phase when Clara and the Doctor are exchanging letters and falling in love. One little historical detail that I sadly couldn’t quite use was that 23 November 1922 was actually a date of minor significance in the discovery of the tomb. It was the day that Carter’s financier, Lord Carnarvon, arrived at the dig site to witness the opening of the tomb, along with his daughter Lady Evelyn Herbert, who would have been about a year and a half younger than Clara. This picture of the three of them was taken at the entrance of the tomb in late 1922, and is similar to how I imagine Clara and the Doctor’s picture with Carter would have looked:

As the tomb was being excavated, Carter and Carnarvon assembled a team of experts to help with the huge task of cataloging, preserving, and translating all the many items found in the tomb, and though I never called it out specifically in This Isn’t A Ghost Story, I figure the Doctor was part of that team, probably specifically focused on translation work. In late February 1923, there was a short halt in the excavation that lasted a few weeks, which was what led, in our fictionalized version of events, to the Doctor briefly returning to Glasgow, and Clara’s impulsive decision to follow him there. After their wedding in May of ‘23, Clara and the Doctor went directly to Egypt, and the Doctor returned to work on Carter’s team.

Family members, tourists, and the press were all known to visit the dig site during that first year of excavation and the resulting media craze:

Given that, and Clara and the Doctor being ‘disgustingly in love newlyweds’ it seemed reasonable that Clara would have visited the site at least a few times, and been on good terms with Howard Carter. Carter actually got his start in Egyptology when he was hired as a young man to paint reproductions of ancient temple walls and other Egyptian artifacts:

During the excavation of Tutankhamun’s tomb, he made detailed sketches, including careful measurements, of every item removed from the tomb and where it had originally be found in the tomb. Much of what we know about King Tut’s tomb now is down to how methodical Carter was in documenting the original untouched state of the tomb, both with measurements, drawings, and photography. These are both drawings Carter did of the tomb during that period:

Chapter 3 mentions that Clara decided to learn to draw in the summer of 1923, so I liked the little detail that it was Howard Carter, with his meticulous and beautiful art, that suggested she take up the hobby. Modern Clara also notes in passing that she drew all throughout her childhood, particularly her ghost, which all connects back to those early days of their marriage in 1923.

I’ve got more up my sleeve about the world-building elements for the next two chapters, but since chapter 6 was the last chapter I finished, long after chapters 7 and 8 were done, I thought I’d talk a bit about the writing process as well. The final scenes I wrote for the entire story were near the end of chapter 6, and despite knowing what I needed this chapter to do, what needed to be in place to set up chapters 7 and 8, chapter 6 gave me a bit of trouble along the way. 

I imagined this chapter in a lot of different ways as the story was evolving, but I always knew I wanted to emphasize the possibility of future travels for Clara and the Doctor. The theme of ‘101 Places To See’ is so strong in canon that echoing it for 1920s Clara was a big part of my world-building from the beginning, and I felt like any version of a happy ending for Clara and the Doctor had to include travel. An early draft of this chapter ended on Clara’s final line from Mummy On The Orient Express, ‘Then what are you waiting for? Let's go.’ to help emphasize that travel theme -- and because I can never resist borrowing a line from canon whenever I can find an excuse.

Another early sketch for this chapter had Clara and the Doctor venturing out for grocery shopping, with the Doctor complaining up a storm while Clara tried to carry on a conversation with him without any strangers taking note of it. Originally I had planned to include more of Clara’s work week, and had scenes roughed in where her friend and fellow teacher Amy Pond found out that Clara had gotten “engaged” over the weekend, leading Clara to have to make up something on the spot about how she’d been in a long-distance relationship that had only recently turned serious, which was why Amy had never met him. There was a whole thing about how Clara and Amy (who taught ancient world history) were co-directing Coal Hill’s production of Antony And Cleopatra, and Amy wanting to make sure that Clara wasn’t going to run off to see the world with her new fiance before the night of the play. Eventually that all got boiled down to just a single exchange between Clara and the Doctor, as I decided to keep the focus tight in on the two of them and their relationship, and not even include dialogue from any other characters.

One thing that comes up again and again in my writing projects is that when I’m imagining the plotline early in the process, it always takes up a lot more calendar days than the final product does. I imagine events taking place over the course of weeks, but then find that the emotional flow works much better condensed down to a handful of days instead. Despite my stories following that same pattern in development for more than a decade now, it somehow always seems to surprise me, lol.

Really early on in working on Ghost Story, I knew I wanted to keep Clara’s canonical birthdate of 23 November 1986 and build the rest of the timeline around that, and I picked out November 2014 as the time period for the main part of the story because it corresponds roughly to when the end of s8 of the show originally aired. But in a very early outline of events, Clara didn’t have the nightmare that led to her memories coming back until the night of her birthday, a full week later from what ended up happening in this final version. 

Even as recently as a few weeks ago, I was still planning on ending this chapter on her birthday, and it wasn’t until I started digging into the scene by scene and line by line breakdown of the chapter that I realized that it really wasn’t necessary. And leaving her birthday as an upcoming event folded in nicely with the ‘Future’ theme I wanted for this chapter, so again I decided to keep the focus tight on Clara and the Doctor’s relationship as they unravel the mystery and deal with the fallout of what happened in 1927.

Figuring out what I actually wanted to happen this chapter versus what could be left on the cutting-room floor, as they say, was a huge part of the final phase of writing This Isn’t A Ghost Story. Once I had cut out extraneous scenes and meandering plot tangents (and poor Amy Pond), I was left with a very specific list of scenes and conversations, and I wrote them much the same way I write everything, jumping around to a given scene as dialogue or internal monologue occurs to me. To me it always feels like putting together a large jigsaw puzzle, filling in holes and connecting up pieces as the puzzle comes together.

I find that technique works really well for me when I’m in early and mid development of a story, but once I was down to just a couple of scenes that still needed written, progress slowed way down. I got to the point where I knew the emotional content of a scene and even most of the dialogue, and needed just a little bit of stage direction to stitch the whole thing together. Those of you who have been following along with my #process thoughts posts here may remember me posting about working on that last scene just a couple of weeks ago, trying to wrestle it into shape. 

@tounknowndestinations, @praetyger, and a few others of you have asked about it, and I can now reveal that the very last bit to get written was the sequence with Clara preparing for bed and then the two of them getting into bed. I had the awkward sex conversation and the final scene the next morning already written, I just had to connect the first part of the chapter up with those last scenes. I’m happy with how it eventually came together -- and very curious to hear if any of you could pick out that that was the last bit written? -- but not having the option to work on anything else, just those specific words in that specific place, made it more of a struggle for me than writing most of the rest of Ghost Story.

My husband and beta reader Jack was more involved with the editing of this chapter than he was with any of the other chapters, and in several places helped me rewrite individual lines or conversation beats until we were both happy with how they read. @praetyger asked how I know when writing is ‘done’, and I have to admit it’s mostly a process of reading it over and over again, and then getting Jack to read it and taking his feedback seriously. I tend towards overly long run-on sentences, so if Jack gets lost while reading a sentence, that’s one he’ll call out as needing to be reworded for clarity. 

There’s one sentence in this chapter that we went back and forth over quite a lot: ‘The feeling of what might have been that seeing their wedding photo had elicited in her wasn’t some strange, misplaced jealousy, but rather the knowledge she carried deep in her soul, buried in her subconscious, that their story wasn’t over yet.’ It was originally even more wordy, and Jack would have preferred the final version be a lot more simple, but it just didn’t read right to me without ‘elicited’ so I stuck to my guns on that bit, even as I filed down some of the wordiness in other parts of the sentence.

Both for reworking a sentence and for writing big sections in the first place, my method is generally to write it and edit a little as I go, trying to get the word choice and pacing as close to what I want as I can on a first pass. Then I’ll let it sit, at the very least overnight but often for days or longer at a time, then come back and reread it when it isn’t so fresh in my mind. At that point, sometimes a phrase will jump at me as awkward or something I used just a paragraph or two earlier, so I’ll rewrite it, let it sit, come back and edit it all over again. Sometimes what seemed like plenty of room for an emotional beat when I was writing it will go by way too fast when I reread it, so I’ll add to it, give it space to breathe. Rinse and repeat.

For the record, Jack’s favorite line from this chapter is this bit of dialogue for the Doctor: ‘“Yes,” he allowed warily, clearly not sure where she was going with this.’ I imagine it’s probably for similar reasons as why he liked the ‘she didn’t add again but knew they were both thinking it’ bit from chapter 5. I try not to put my own marriage into my writing too much, but there are some experiences of being married that I think are probably pretty universal.

@ephemeralhologram asked about my writing inspiration, and for me my writing is always driven by a kernel of a what-if idea and a desire to convey a certain emotion. I almost always start out with a ‘plotbunny’ idea, some tiny thing that I daydream about and consider from multiple angles until a plot and emotional tone starts coming into focus. 

For Ghost Story, it was actually a shitpost here on Tumblr about a real estate agent having a conversation with the ghost who haunts the house they’re trying to sell, along with wanting to try telling a Twelve/Clara story in an alternate universe completely separate from the show canon, which I had never done before Ghost Story. The emotional tone started out much sillier, more in line with that Tumblr post, but as I got into the world-building and decided I wanted to have a mystery and mutual pining at the center of this story, the tone shifted quite a lot.

The other major drivers of writing inspiration for me are that I enjoy putting words together into interesting and emotionally evocative combinations, and I enjoy conveying character emotion and eliciting emotion in the reader. No matter what fandom I’m writing in, no matter how close to canon or how AU, how short or long the story is, those two things are always at the center of my writing.

I walk around the house or do chores that I don’t have to focus on too much (dishes are excellent for this) just tossing around bits of dialogue in my head until I find an emotional beat that grabs me or a bit of phrasing that I really like. I jot those down into a googledoc -- most of my DW stories start out in a doc called “Doctor Who Bits” that is in fact just fragments of multiple stories, and then eventually a story will graduate into having its own dedicated googledoc. Figuring out the plot is just as much about deciding on the emotional journey I want to take the characters and/or the readers on as it is deciding on an order of events.

Thank you to @tounknowndestinations​, @ephemeralhologram​, and @praetyger​ for the questions! I am more than happy to answer any questions about my writing process or details about this story, or anything really, so feel free to hit me up in my ask, or in the comments on this post, or in a comment over on AO3. Thank you to everyone who has followed along with this story, and for all the support and encouragement you’ve offered along the way, I couldn’t have written this story without this wonderful little corner of the Whouffaldi fandom! ❤️

--

Extras for Chapter 7: The Museum

#This Isn't A Ghost Story #This Isn't A Ghost Story extras #process thoughts #my writing #Doctor Who #Doctor Who fanfic #Clara and the Doctor

[theroseandcrown]

The Rose & Crown: Chapter Eleven (Part One)

Rating: M Chapters: 11/24

Summary: The Doctor reluctantly takes Clara back in time to a very memorable moment from his recent past. Though he can never seem to tell her how she makes him feel, he decides to let their journey do the talking for him. What he didn't expect was what will happen to them while they are there.

Read this story on another platform: Archive of Our Own Fan Fiction WattPad

London, England 1865

Clara opened the door to the TARDIS and confidentially stepped outside the box. She had graciously substituted her damp clothing for a maroon-coloured mid-nineteenth-century European day dress with matching chemisette as per request from the Doctor before their departure. He soon appeared next to her from the doorway bearing a similar in colour waistcoat and trousers and placed a black top hat upon his head.

It was early evening. The lamps on the streets were in the process of being lit as a light snow began to cover the cobblestone path in front of them. The doors to the small residences on the alley had been decorated with ribbons and holly. The scent of wood being burned from the nearby chimneys filled the air. The faint sound of carollers could be heard from somewhere nearby giving off the warm-hearted feeling of Christmas time. A horse-drawn carriage made its way passed as the coachman tipped his hat in greeting towards them.

“Remind me where we are again?” she requested, leaning towards the old man.

“London, eighteen sixty-five,” he informed her, taking in the fresh air around them.

“All the planets and stars in the universe at our disposal and you went with Earth,” she frowned, fastening the button of her small fitted coat.

“What’s wrong with Earth?”

“Did people seriously wear this many layers of clothing? I think even my sweat is sweating.”

“Have I mentioned how lovely you look when you’re trying?” He smiled at her appearance.

“You’re being nice. Why are you being nice?” She raised her brow.

“Because it works on you. Shall we?” He gestured forward.

“Probably could have done without the corset though. How did women even breathe in these things?” She adjusted her undergarment attempting to relieve the pressure to her waist, then took his arm as he led them down the path. The alley was fairly busy with life. A few children were playing in the fresh snow as the shop owners were locking up their doors for the night. Several young couples strolled arm in arm. The men tipped their hats in acknowledgement of each other as a few noticeable glances were given in her direction from the wandering eyes of the ladies they were accompanied by. If there was ever a time for a young woman to be with child while escorted by a gentleman much older than herself and not feel a sense of judgement from the norms of society, it would be then.

They continued to walk through the town. Clara took in every moment she could as she felt it would likely be her last trip with him for the foreseeable future. The last hurrah. She observed the various passing scents of supper being served from their pots, the gathering of friends and family around their small tables. To her surprise, the Doctor remained fairly quiet in lieu of normal conversation, unlike their previous journeys together. For once he wasn’t looking for danger, analysing objects out of place or people not meant to be there. It was as if he was truly there just for her with no sign of an underlying motive to be unearthed. “I’ve been thinking,” she started, putting the silence to rest.

“I thought I detected burning wires.”

“Shut up.” She lightly smacked his arm.

“You know, you should come with a warning label. ‘Small but fiery, please use extreme caution.’”

She ignored his humour. “We haven’t discussed much from that night, back on Prima Nova.”

“What is there to discuss?” He tried to avoid where he knew the conversation was headed.

“Well, for one, how did we get back the first time? How did we end up at my flat in the TARDIS?”

“I don’t know. The link to the Persuader was broken before I could receive all of my memories.” He tried to remain as vague as possible hoping she would accept what little information he had to offer.

“Okay, so what did the Persuader show you?”

“Oh, images really,” he answered nervously. “A bit of sporadic bits and pieces here and there. It’s all one big blur.” He felt his face flush from the lie.

Clara studied his expression. She could always tell when he was keeping something from her. He had this funny little way of humouring a situation whenever he knew they were in danger so she wouldn’t fret herself over their impending doom. “Are you blushing?” she inquired, smiling coyly.

“It’s the cold.”

“You’re hiding something.”

“Look who’s become the expert.”

“You’re being mysterious, and you know what that means?”

“I’m a man of mystery.”

“I think you saw more than you’ve been letting on.” She tested his reaction carefully.

“And I think you’re being ridiculous.” He attempted to defuel the conversation yet knew she would never give up so easily.

After only a moment of the wheels turning in her head, she turned to him. “Oh my god!” she exclaimed as the realization finally hit her. “You saw everything, didn’t you?! You saw us! Together! In the act!” She began to understand why he had been acting so strangely around her, why he could barely look her in the eyes anymore.

“Can’t be sure what I saw. Just a jumbled mass of body shapes all mixing together. Could’ve been anyone.” He forced himself to keep focused on anything but her. His face fought not to reveal any possible reaction she could read. Feeling her eyes peering into the side of his face, he couldn’t help but turn to her. She remained fixed on him. Her brow raised even farther, unwilling to back down from the topic. “Alright, fine!” he conceded, lowering his voice so as not to attract attention to their conversation. “Yes, I saw everything! Every bloody detail. There, are you happy?” He sighed with frustration over his embarrassment.

She looked towards the ground and shielded her face as she reflected upon the idea of what he had seen. Her imagination ran wild with the possibilities of what they had done together. A small smile passed over her face as her cheeks lit up bright red. “So, was it memorable?” she teased, trying not to laugh at the irony.

“Clara, do we have to discuss this now?” he frowned.

“Is there something else you’d like to talk about?” she wondered, knowing how much had been left unsaid up until this point. He remained quiet. She felt perhaps he was still trying to relieve himself of the returned memories. Yet, for him, they had never truly gone. “Why did you bring me here?” she asked, breaking the awkward silence. “There are thousands of places we could have gone at any point in time. Why this one?”

“I wanted to show you something.” His arm still bound to hers, he continued to lead her through the small alley. Passing through a narrow archway to the next path, he stopped suddenly as a familiar sight came into view. Several paces in front of them stood a small tavern, above it an inn. The lamps were still lit inside accompanied by the sounds of laughter as the guests clinked their cups together in celebration. Just above the door to the establishment, a decorative wooden sign hung with the words The Rose & Crown just as he remembered it.

“You brought me to a pub,” she frowned.

“This is where I first saw your face.” He studied her reaction and took in every detail of her as if trying to recall how it felt the first time he saw her in his last body. Back when he wasn’t the Doctor. Back when he was no longer interfering with the lives of those he once promised to save.

She glanced towards him, a confused look upon her face. “How is that possible? I’ve never been here before.”

“She was another version of you. A part of you that you don’t remember, but she was still you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Back on Trenzalore, you started to remember things you shouldn’t have. Impossible memories that should have been erased from time itself. After you entered my timeline, echoes of you spread throughout each of my lifetimes. The first time I ever heard your voice was at the Dalek Asylum. I didn’t know it was you.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “You sacrificed yourself to save me, Clara.”

She was left speechless by his words, suddenly experiencing an unusual sensation taking place in the back of her mind as if they’d somehow had this conversation before. After he saved her from entering his timeline, her memory of it felt as if it had been scattered across all of time and space. They never really spoke about what happened in there again, but now it made sense to her why. He didn’t want to risk any of her memories resurfacing. But why tell me now, she wondered?

“And right here,” he continued, “nearly thirty years from now, this is where I will first meet Clara Oswin Oswald. The impossible barmaid and governess. She hasn’t even been born yet.” His mind flooded with the thought of their first meeting face to face.

“Did you make this snowman?” asked the barmaid in a heavy cockney accent.

“No,” said the man, continuing to walk passed her.

“Well, who did? Because it wasn’t there a second ago. It just appeared, from nowhere.”

The man, halted by his curiosity, turned around to meet the face of the young woman. “Maybe it’s snow that fell before. Maybe it remembers how to make snowmen.”

“What, snow that can remember? That’s silly.”

“What’s wrong with silly?”

“Nothing. Still talking to you, ain’t I?” She jested with a smile.

“What’s your name?” His interest was now piqued as if he had met her somewhere before.

“Clara.”

“Nice name, Clara. You should definitely keep it.”

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked, returning him to the moment between them.

“I was in a dark place then. I had renounced my name, given up everything I ever stood for. I hid away in the TARDIS for a long time, refusing to keep a promise I made long ago. I felt the universe didn’t need me anymore, that it didn’t care who I saved. Until I met you.” He turned to face her, taking her hands in his. “You brought me back to life, Clara. You reminded me of who I am. The Doctor. It’s because of you those two words have meaning once again.”

“But she wasn’t me,” she added, saddened by his fond memories in which she had no part of.

“Oh, but she was. They’re all you. She’s the reason I set out to find you, this you. If it weren’t for her, I would have been lost. Forever roaming the world hoping one day I’d find her again. And here you are.”

“I-I don’t know what to say,” she confessed as his words began to touch her heart. She looked into his eyes, for the first time truly understanding how much she meant to him. “What happened to her?” She watched as he brought her hands to his lips and kissed them gently, forcing a saddened smile to his face. Though he didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. She understood. “I’m so sorry, Doctor,” she consoled him as her heart tore for her friend. “Thank you for showing me this.” She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close, placing her head upon his chest. He hesitantly closed his arms around her and embraced her affectionate gesture. As often as he tried to convince himself and those around him that he was not a hugging person, he no longer seemed to mind receiving them from her, as few and far between as they were.

They stood for a while, simply enjoying the moment between them as they listened to the customers in the tavern continue to laugh and sing songs of better times. Nearby, she heard the distinctly recognizable sound of a horse nickering. Her eyes searched for the animal, finding it at the end of the path attached to a stopped carriage. Atop the carriage sat its coachman cloaked in black. The hood over his face concealed his identity from within. He remained stationary as if waiting for someone. An uneasy feeling came over her as the hooded man slowly turned his head towards her to stare her down from beneath the darkness of his cloak. Though she couldn’t see his face, something about him frightened her. Before she could determine the cause, she suddenly felt a sharp pain rising from within her womb. She screamed out in agony and clutched her middle as she began to fall.

“Clara!” the Doctor shouted, scrambling to catch her. She fell to her knees holding her stomach and rocking herself back and forth as the unbearable pain intensified. He dropped beside her, his hearts raced with concern. “Clara! Are you alright?! What’s wrong?!” He placed his hand on her waist to steady her and brought the other around to her abdomen, frantically searching for the cause of her pain. “Are you going into labour?” He began to panic.

“No! It’s too soon! Something is wrong!” She continued to yell in pain as her tears made their way down her face.

Thinking quickly, he pulled out his sonic-screwdriver and scanned her body. He could feel the blood drain from his face as the readings fluctuated in his mind. “Clara, the baby is in distress,” he told her, trying to remain calm. “We need to get both of you out of here. We have to get back to the TARDIS immediately.” She nodded and allowed him to help her to her feet. Placing an arm around her waist, he led her towards the carriage. As they approached the hooded man, she stopped in her tracks. His dark hidden gaze stared down at the pair.

“Wait, Doctor,” she pleaded, her body trembling. “Not the carriage.”

“Clara, don’t be ridiculous,” he argued, trying to lead her towards the door. “The TARDIS might as well be an eternity from here, we’ll never make it like this.” Hesitating at first, she nodded and allowed him to open the door and help her inside. “Fleet Street, quick as you can!” he ordered the man. The hooded man nodded silently. The Doctor climbed into the carriage and shut the door behind him. He removed his hat and situated himself next to his frightened companion. The sound of reins slapping against the backside of the horse was heard and the carriage began to move. He took her hand in his and protectively pressed the other over their child hoping his touch would provide his friend with some comfort. His eyes were wide with worry, his face devoid of colour. The panic inside him was rising as the fear of losing them began to settle in his mind.

Having never seen him in such a state, she reached towards him and placed her hand upon his cheek. “She’s going to be alright,” she comforted him, lightly stroking his face and running her fingers through his grey-coloured hair. “We’re going to be just fine, don’t you worry.” She leaned over and softly kissed his cheek, bringing her arms around him in a loving embrace.

He held her tightly and fought his fearful tears as he ran a trembling hand through her hair. He tried to keep himself calm as he took in her scent. His love for her and their child, the love he swore to push away to remain unattached was intensifying with every breath she took. “This was a mistake,” he confessed, holding her close. “I shouldn’t have brought you here. If anything were to happen to either of you, I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”

She leaned away to see his saddened expression hidden in shame and pulled his face to meet her eyes. “No, don’t you do that. Don’t you dare blame yourself. This is not your fault. If it was going to happen anywhere, I’m glad it was with you-” She winced as the pain returned to her.

He gently leaned her back against the seat and rubbed the side of her abdomen in an attempt to help relieve her of her discomfort. He could feel a faint fluttering within her for the first time, a movement so emotional for him he should have felt overjoyed. But not now, not at the cost of his companion’s suffering. After a moment, she let out a sigh of relief as the pain finally began to subside. “Better?” he inquired, continuing to feel around for any sign that the child was still alive.

She nodded and began to relax as he soothed her. “What was she like, the other me?” she asked, trying to distract herself from the pain.

He looked to her and smiled as he recalled the memory of the companion that could have been. “Oh, she was very clever, and brave, and beautiful. Just like you.”

“We’re doing charm now?” she teased.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

She returned the smile and closed her eyes, concentrating on positive thoughts to avoid thinking about what could be happening inside of her. Trying to rid her mind of worry, she allowed the carriage to rock her in the seat. Noticing something strange, she opened her eyes again. “Is it just me, or have we picked up speed?” She hoped she was just being delirious from the pain.

The Doctor paused to feel the vibrations of the carriage as it quickly headed down the unpaved road. He then bolted to the window and peered outside. “Yes, we have. And we’re going in the wrong direction.” He pounded on the roof of the carriage to gain the coachman’s attention. “You up there! Stop this carriage immediately!” Silence came from above followed by the door locks being set electronically. He grabbed the handle and attempted to open the door. It wouldn’t budge. “But, that’s not possible!”

“Doctor?”

Ignoring her for the moment, he continued to pound on the roof. “Where are you taking us?” he shouted towards the coachman. “I demand you let us out! My friend needs immediate medical attention!” The carriage continued to gain in speed as they headed farther away from the TARDIS. He pulled out his sonic-screwdriver and pointed it towards the lock. Sparks began to fly from the handle and the door unlocked itself. He pushed open the door and peered down at the road flying by below them. “We have to jump,” he announced, turning back to her.

“You can’t be serious,” she uttered in shock.

His eyes returned to her middle, reminding himself of their precarious situation. “Right, never mind. Forget I said anything.” He grabbed hold of the roof and pulled himself halfway out of the carriage, his body partly dangling over the side.

“Doctor! What are you doing?!” she called to him.

“Hello there!” he addressed the back of the coachman. “Excuse me, but I believe Fleet Street is back that way.” The hooded figure slowly turned around towards the old man. The Doctor caught a glimpse of the inside of the man’s hood. A black mask covered his face, his eyes hidden behind shaded glass. In the distance, he could see they were rapidly approaching an old run-down abandoned building. A decommissioned factory or mill perhaps. The coachman continued to silently stare down his passenger. “Right then!” the Doctor conceded before retreating into the carriage and shutting the door.

“Doctor, what’s happening? Where is he taking us?” she demanded, fearing for what was to become of them.

“Listen, Clara,” he pleaded, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Whatever happens, I will protect you. I’ll find us a way out of this, I promise.” Before she could reply, they heard the sound of the horse’s cries as the carriage began to reduce its pace. They glanced out the window as the building came into view. As the carriage came to a stop near the entrance, they noticed two armed soldiers wearing uniforms appropriate to their century appear from the darkness and approach. Their dated rifles were drawn and pointed towards them. They heard the thudded sound of the coachman dropping from his seat to the ground, his footsteps coming around the side of the carriage to stand between his soldiers. Getting a better look at their kidnapper, they could see several symbols aligned on his chest. A row of ammunition was wrapped around his torso.

“Who is he?” Clara whispered.

“Guessing?”

“Go on, let’s have it then.”

“Judging by the decorations and overall wear of his uniform, possibly, bounty hunter?”

“Great! Leave it to me to travel around with you when there’s a price on your head!”

One of the soldiers opened the door while the other’s weapon remained trained on the passengers. He motioned for them to step out. The Doctor exited first then reached inside and took Clara’s hand to safely help her out. “Are we late for the party?” he addressed the armed men.

“Bring them,” the coachman commanded in a deeply distorted androdic voice. He then turned around and headed for the building while his soldiers positioned themselves behind the pair and pushed them forward. Clara stumbled from the force, taking hold of the Doctor’s arm to catch herself from falling.

“You’re taking an old man and a pregnant woman hostage. Is that really necessary?” he called back to the soldier as they were led forward. As they came closer to the building, they felt themselves walking through a type of distortion field which changed the appearance of the abandoned building into a perfectly well-maintained structure shielded within it. “Perception filter, interesting. I bet you don’t get a lot of salesmen around here.” He turned towards the soldiers whose appearance had also adapted to the filter, revealing themselves as cybernetic beings armed with alien-enhanced weapons. The large doors opened as they approached then closed behind them.

He observed the dark room they found themselves in. Crates had been stacked on top of each other lining each wall. A few armed robotic guards of the same make and model were meticulously sorting the items inside of an unsealed crate and inputting their data into a mobile server pad. His keen eyes spotted some of the items being stored and ready to be packaged ranging from jewellery to paintings, statues to expensive furnishings. From next to him, he could hear the heavy controlled breathing of his companion attempting to soothe her pain. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

“Keep moving!” the soldier behind them ordered and pushed them forward.

“Ask me again when you’ve gotten us out of here,” she whispered back through gritted teeth.

They were led into the next part of the building, a long hallway with a singular closed door guarded by two additional androids. As the hooded man drew near, a guard opened the door allowing the five of them inside and shutting it behind them. The Doctor quickly analysed their surroundings. The room had all the makings of a battle-room. The walls were lined with coordinates to planets and stars around several solar systems. A map of numerous bases of operations could be seen. Lists of heisted items were scattered across a large table along with weapon schematics. A case of perception filter badges, which he assumed was how the soldiers appeared human outside of the field, rested on the table. There was a secondary closed door which appeared to lead towards an access point directly to the factory’s assembly floor as well as the rest of the building. At the far end of the room stood the coachman. His hands were clasped behind his back as he faced a large glass viewing window overlooking the floor below them.

Continued on Part Two...

#12th doctor #doctor who #doctor who fanfiction #twelfth doctor #the doctor #dr who #dr who fan fiction #dr who fanfiction #twelve/clara #clara oswald #whouffaldi

[asarahworld-writes]

One Trip

After a canonical adventure with Bill, Twelve ends up meeting a eighteen year old Rose, and they end up travelling together, despite the Doctor’s better judgment. Pretty soon his timeline starts reforming, and the Doctor begins to forget the previous timeline. By the time he’s mostly forgotten, Bad Wolf starts appearing again. Over a series of adventures, Bad Wolf continues to appear, and things escalate. By now, the Doctor can no longer remember why it’s a bad thing…

@doctorroseprompts It’s the Paternoster Gang rather than Bill, but I didn’t want to do Bill a disservice by grossly mischaracterizing her when I haven’t seen her episodes at the time I started this.

AO3 link

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She’s eighteen and so beautiful (and far too young for him) and he watches jealously as she takes Mickey’s hand.  His eyes cloud as she pecks the boy’s cheek, angrily thinking that he doesn’t deserve her.  They’re young and happy, carefree even, not giving the world around them a second thought.  One day, soon for her but far in the past for him, he’ll take her hand and they’ll start to run.  Not normally the type of man to reminisce, he smiles softly as he starts to remember the adventures they’d shared.

He’s running, she’s halfway down the block about to cross the street, unable to see the truck turning the corner.  He slams to the pavement, his body shielding hers from gravel and other road debris.  Mickey stands beside them, looking surprised and thoroughly shaken, but he barely registers in the Doctor’s mind.  He’s far more concerned about Rose.

“Are you all right?”  He asks urgently, helping her back to her feet.  She winces as she gets up and he feels guilty for brief rush of pleasure he’d felt as she’d touched his hand.  He reaches out to touch her shoulder, jerking back when Mickey slaps his hand away.  “I’m a doctor,” he growls, examining Rose.  Nothing, thankfully, is broken (though he suspects a serious sprain) and he promptly tells her so, pointedly ignoring the younger man.  She thanks him for saving her life and he awkwardly tries to brush it off, desperately pretending not to know her.  He can see the TARDIS a few feet behind her and knows that he needs to leave.

But Rose is here and she’s cautiously asking if he’d like to get chips, in return for saving her life.  He looks at her, and he must have some strange expression on his face because she is smirking as if he’d answered ‘yes’.  Mickey protests, saying that he’s a stranger, an old bloke who might spirit her away and kill her.  Well, three out of four isn’t bad.  There’s no denying the fact that he was so much older than either of them.  Or that he had invited Rose to travel (alone) with him across the universe.  (Or that she had died, killed by the Time Vortex running through her head.)  But he wasn’t a stranger, not from his perspective. They walk to the chippy and the Doctor sees new timelines forming in his head.  Timelines where his Ninth (tenth, the part of his mind that was the Warrior asserts) self never met Rose Tyler.  He pushes the thoughts away.

Rose reaches for her chips, wincing once more and the Doctor realizes that she must be in pain.  Without thinking, he calls the TARDIS and she materializes around them and he quickly asks for her to bring forward the medbay.  Very begrudgingly, she acquiesces, gently reminding the Doctor that her Wolf was not yet ready to meet him.  The Doctor ignores her, scanning her shoulder with the sonic and sighing when the TARDIS confirms his suspicion.  He tapes her shoulder with a forty-second century wrap, the sprain should heal within the next few hours.

“Where are we?”  Rose is looking at him, confused and scared, though to anyone else who didn’t know her she’d be doing a fine job of masking those emotions.

“It’s called the TARDIS, it’s a spaceship.  Is that all right?”  He says, not wanting to overwhelm her, though knowing that she’ll be able to take it in.

“Is it alien?”  She looks around, at the foreign equipment, at the walls, and (finally) at him.

“Yes,” he says quietly, anticipating her next question from his original timeline.

“Are you an alien?”

He nods, not quite able to believe that she was here, in the TARDIS.

Rose looks at him, clearly trying to decide if he was telling the truth.  “What’s your name?”

“I’m the Doctor.”

“The Doctor?  Doctor what?” Some things, it seemed, were set in stone, the Doctor thought.

“Just the Doctor,” he beams, not quite believing the scene in front of him.  Rose Tyler was in the TARDIS (with the Doctor, like she should be).

“Is that supposed to sound impressive?”

He lowers his hand from where it had been resting against his mouth. “Perhaps.”  And perhaps he wasn’t as against flirting as he’d once thought.

“People just call you ‘the Doctor'?” Rose asked.

“Usually. I am, as you can see, a man of intrigue and mystery,” the Doctor couldn't help but grin.

A wheezing groan fills the air.  The TARDIS had moved.  Automatically, he takes Rose’s hand and runs to the console room.  London, 1895.  On the doorstep of 13 Paternoster Row.  A knock sounds at the door.

“Open the door immediately or I shall open it by any means necessary!”  The shout made by the Sontaran is just credible enough that the Doctor obeys.  “Ah, Doctor. You had better go on in, Madame heard your TARDIS land.”  Strax frowns, peering into the ship.  “Where’s the boy?  I see you’ve brought a new one along.”

The Doctor looks back at Rose.  She would never be content to stay in the TARDIS while he went in.  “Her name is Rose,” he breathes, savouring how her name rolled off his tongue.  

“Where’s the other one?”  Strax asks, remembering that his companion had been a young boy called Clara.

The Doctor ignores him, locking the door of the TARDIS.  Rose looks from Strax to the inside of the house.  “Where are we?”

“You know how I said that the box was a spaceship?”  The Doctor asks, and Rose nods.  “It also travels in time.”

“Is he an alien?”

“Yes.”  Rose would be fine with this.  “The lady of the house is not human, either.”

“Not human…but not an alien?”

She was brilliant.  “She’s a Silurian.  The first intelligent species on Earth.  A highly advanced civilization that went into hibernation in anticipation of a meteor strike that never happened.  What did happen was the rise of the planet of the apes. You lot evolved into humans.”

“Doctor,” a feminine voice enters the room and Rose looks up to see the Silurian woman. Her…scales were olive-coloured, and instead of hair she had three crests atop her head.  At the sight of Rose, however, she hisses.  “Strax did not mention the human.  Where is Clara?”

“I don’t know.” His tone makes it clear – he does not wish to discuss her.  Not when he has such a, dare he even think it, fantastic companion with him now.

“Who is this? Strax, why did you not say that there was a stranger in our midst?”  Vastra calls for the alien.

“She is a companion of the Doctor,” the alien says, rather scathingly.

Vastra circles back to Rose.  “Well, child?”

Rose looks to the Doctor, she trusted him (he’d saved her life), who simply watched her. The alien woman appears rather posh and so she elects to do a small, rather awkward, curtsey.  “Hello.”

“Your new companion is remarkably calm.”  Vastra eyes the Doctor.  His companion.  Perhaps she could travel with him.  They could have a whole year together before she went back to meet the Ears.  He shrugs, bringing his hand back to his mouth.

There is something…off, about his companion.  Nothing wrong in the way that Clara’s echo had been, but Vastra has a feeling that the Doctor is up to something. There is something different about this girl, and Vastra is determined to learn what that is.  There is a look in the Doctor’s eyes as well, softening whenever he looks at the young girl; if she hadn’t been so surprised, Vastra might have seen it for what it was – love.

There’s a knock at the door and a young, attractive woman bearing a tea tray enters the room.

“Well, what is your name?”  The alien asks, accepting a cup of tea from the young woman.  Silently, she hands tea around the room and Rose gratefully accepts, taking a calming drink before answering.

“’M Rose,” she says, and she sees a hint of something flash across the alien’s face.  The woman takes a seat beside the alien, whispering to her.  The Doctor jerks his head and the alien and the woman abruptly cuts off their private discussion, looking again at Rose with hard eyes.  It’s only as Jenny takes her place beside her that Vastra realizes what the emotions are currently displayed on the Doctor’s face.

“Rose,” Vastra rolls the name over her tongue.  “If you would excuse us for a moment.”  The poor child nods and Vastra marches the Doctor out of the room, nearly slamming him against the wall.  “Who is she,” she hisses.  That the Doctor has become more reckless every time she sees him is concerning.

“Rose Tyler,” the Doctor answers, surprisingly open.  Vastra frowns.

“Who is she to you,” she amends.  She knows what a person in love looks like, and the Doctor has clearly fallen hard for the ape.  He looks at her like she’s the centre of his universe, but the woman looks at him as if he’s a stranger.  Woman. She’s barely a woman, no more than twenty, Vastra thinks.

The Doctor looks back to the door.  “It’s a long story.”

“Then make it short,” Vastra presses.  As bad as it is for the Doctor to travel alone, it’s not worth the risk to reality for the Doctor to interfere with his own past.

“I can hide her memories.  Have a few more adventures with the love of my lives.  I’m old, Vastra, and yet the rest of my lives have just begun anew.  And already it’s been far too long since I’d last seen her.  Two regenerations.”

“So you keep going back on her timeline every few regenerations and show her the universe over and over again?  I am no expert on the human brain, but it seems to me that you would be constantly re-writing her future, while retaining the memories for yourself.  And then what?  How young is she now?  How young will she be the next time?”

“And what would you do if it was Jenny,” the Doctor flipped the question.  “If you had control over time itself and she was long gone, but you had the chance to have her back?”  He knew the answer.  Jenny had died, in this very room, when the Great Intelligence had tried to wipe out his entire timeline.  An angry Silurian was not to be trifled with.  But neither was a Time Lord.

“How dare you,” Vastra hisses and the Doctor takes a step back. “My Jenny died.  She was murdered by the Great Intelligence before Clara reset the timelines.”

_Clara. _Again with Clara. Who was this mysterious Clara and why did he have a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that he ought to know who she was?

“Yes, and I lost Rose Tyler to a parallel universe. Jenny is with you every hour of every day – I have not seen Rose Tyler in millennia.” The Doctor fires back. Vastra had brought up valid points to his situation, but the Doctor did not want to listen.

“You can not go around plucking people from their timelines, especially when it affects your own,” Vastra counters.  “From what I understand, you left her happy.”

“It broke the both of my hearts to do that,” the Doctor admits quietly.

“But you gave her yourself,” Vastra says gently. “How many people could do that?”

The Doctor turns, leaving the room.  After a moment, the Detective follows. The Doctor was in love, besotted to the point that he was endangering his self.

One trip. One trip, and he'd take her home. One trip and he'd lock away her memories of this him. One trip to steal a day from his past self (more literally stolen from Rickey), to have one more memory of Rose Tyler. He takes Rose by the hand to escort her back aboard the TARDIS, puts the ship back into the Vortex, and asks to see her injured shoulder. Rose immediately shrugs out of her hoodie and it hits the Doctor like a ton of bricks that she's the most beautiful sight that he has ever beheld. How he ever could have forgotten her beauty is a mystery. He does a quick scan with his screwdriver, the test results appearing on the console viewer. Completely healed.

“That was the past,” the Doctor says, with an air of nonchalance. “How does the future sound? Or even better, an alien world. You met an ancient inhabitant of the Earth, and her wife. So for something different,” he grins suddenly. “First door on the left is the wardrobe. The TARDIS likes you, she doesn't normally move rooms around.” To say that he stretched the truth… the TARDIS loved Rose like no other companion.

Rose was gone twenty-four point one two minutes exactly. When she returned, gone was her pink on pink shirt. That the ship had picked the outfit was clear – her shirt was a shimmering lacey sort of material, layered over thick silver tights. Her soft trainers had been replaced by a pair of worn but sturdy boots. “You look, nice,” he stumbles over the words, silently cursing himself. She looked stunning, as ever, and the Doctor marvelled at her exquisiteness. He holds out his arm, rather stiffly, his hearts pounding in his throat as she takes it.

“Have we really moved again? Where are we? _When _are we?”

“It's called Woman Wept. About two thousand years in your future,” [six hundred years forward from his last visit to the planet] the Doctor snaps and the TARDIS doors open.

“It's beautiful,” Rose doesn't let go of his arm as she steps outside.  Privately, the Doctor thinks that the beauty of the planet pales in comparison to the young human [too young, the voice in the back of his head says] at his side [like she should be, he bites back].  He allows Rose to lead him across the planet, taking in not only the sight of Rose but her experience of the new planet.

Unbidden, his first memory of seeing Rose on an alien world comes to the front of his mind.  Well, among alien people, he amends, remembering Platform One.  They walk in silence, and the Doctor looks at Rose, knowing but still needing to guess what she’s thinking.

“People don’t live here, do they?”  Rose asks.

“Depends what you mean by people.  But, no, the planet hasn’t been colonized yet.”

“I mean people.  What do you mean?”  Again, she says something so like her proper introduction into his life that it jars the Doctor, snapping him back to the danger of the reality he is living.  The touch of her hand in his overrides his rational mind and he easily answers that ‘people’ includes most sentient life forms. Like Vastra and Strax (and himself).

“Aliens. Sentient beings who lived on the Earth before the rise of apes.  Humans. Nonhumans,” the Doctor strives for nonchalance.

Rose looks out at the glacial mountains.  “What’s your planet like?”

Of course she would want to know.  But with Gallifrey…missing, he felt even less like speaking of his homeworld than usual. “Twin suns set over the red fields, with a warm breeze rustling.  The trees were silver and when the morning light hit them, the world looked like it was set afire.”  He stopped his oddly poetic description, looking down as her free hand covered his.

“Sounds beautiful.”  Rose’s face is alight with curiosity and wonder.

The Doctor shrugs.  “The planet was nice enough, I suppose.  I haven’t been there since… since the War.”  The War.  Yet another thing he did not want to think of.  The Time Lords would be beyond furious with his actions.  The way he was twisting the timelines right now was chaotic at best, universe-ending paradoxical at worse.

“I’m sorry,” Rose’s hand gently squeezes his own.

“Still, I’ve got the TARDIS.  A whole universe to explore,” he grins.  “Not a bad life.”

“There’s me,” Rose says softly.  The Doctor looks at her face, trying to keep the more-than-friendly concern from showing.

“It’s been more than sixteen hours since you came onboard, you must be tired,” he deflected. “The TARDIS will have a room for you.”

The ship hums, both in agreement and chastising him.  It’s dangerous keeping her with him, no matter how much they both have missed her.

#ficandchips #doctorroseprompts #twelve x rose #one trip

[mimicofmodes]

Sanditon, episode 4 part ii

Arthur has fainted from sunstroke while taking a very hearty walk on the cliffs. Diana’s response is that he can no longer exercise and “must move only when it is essential.” Poor Diana! These ladies who found him have a few interesting things going on - the striped gown on the left was more like a 1790s open robe, and the bonnet on the right seems like a late 1840s type? But I do like the boldness of  the red ribbon on the left bonnet with the paleness of the gown.

The Misses Beaufort are well-dressed and well-coiffed for the period. Nice! I appreciate that time is taken even for these very minor characters that exist only to be inspid foils for Georgiana.

Sidney comes to Mrs. Griffiths’s to find Georgiana, and the ruse is unveiled!

Lady Denham is lecturing Sir Edward about getting married to a wealthy woman, and Esther and Clara exchange significant looks. This is obviously about what she saw earlier and the power it gives her over the Denhams, but may a bitch not read sexual tension into every set of exchanged glances? May a bitch not nominate this work of fiction for Yuletide in order to write Clara/Esther? “Could it be that no man will ever measure up to Edward?” Clara asks to goad her when Lady Denham rails about Esther not even trying to get married. “That’s a fair question, I grant you,” says Edward in all seriousness. (Lady Denham, who has been meaner and meaner to Clara through this whole series, whips out the emotional abuse, telling her that she’s so much more agreeable when she smiles and says nothing. This does help to make the machinations over her money in her will less morally concerning.)

Otis explains to Charlotte that he was born in Africa and taken to the West Indies as a slave, then freed and educated, which is why he’s a member of the Sons of Africa, an abolition society. Charlotte is floored because she thinks “slavery is consigned to history” ... it’s really nice to have someone point out that “enlightened” English people of the time benefited enormously by the slavery practiced overseas, but it’s hard to believe that Charlotte is really so stupid she doesn’t know that slavery still existed in the Americas and Caribbean. Georgiana then tells her that Sidney made money from slaves in Antigua somehow, which floors her again.

It all has the effect of making Charlotte not butt in when G and Otis go for their goodbye kiss. She even offers to help G take a back way home so they won’t be seen, and apologizes for her initial coldness, and when G suggests that Sidney doesn’t want her to marry Otis because he’s black, she looks like she’s not sure but certainly doesn’t argue that that can’t be true.

Clara claims to need help turning pages in order to get Esther alone, then taunts her with a thinly veiled discussion of tempo, calling herself semplice (simple), Esther agitato (agitated), and Edward lusingando (coaxing, tender), forza (forceful), or passionato (passionate), and Esther storms out. It seems a bit stupid of Clara to not just say, “I know what’s going on, leave me alone or I spill the beans,” because Esther strikes me as someone who will poison, strangle, or drown someone who pushes her far enough.

Charlotte does impressions of Mrs. Griffiths and Sidney, and they’re GREAT. But of course, due to the law of imitating someone else in a show, Sidney appears behind her and is angry at her disrespect and inability to chaperone Georgiana. He commands that Georgiana be under even tighter supervision, and splits up the couple.

I didn’t notice before, but Otis’s waistcoat is reasonably close in color to Georgiana’s outfit.

We get a confrontation between Sidney and Charlotte (loud! in the middle of the street!): he’s angry that she’s "making judgments about a situation [she doesn’t] understand” because she hasn’t known G and Otis long enough, and this is all probably a deliberate parallel with Pride and Prejudice again. Both because this is reminiscent of the bit where Mr. Darcy gets annoyed with Elizabeth after his first, disastrous proposal re: Jane’s happiness and Mr. Wickham, and the whole “younger sister figure called Georgiana, romance she’s not supposed to have,” etc. Sidney thinks she “find[s] it impossible to judge between the truth and [her] own opinion,” but he doesn’t offer any of the truth himself, so it rings very hollow. Sidney is a rude man and a bad guardian, by Regency and modern standards - he has been verbally dismissive of Charlotte for very little reason from day one, he’s neglected Georgiana and not shown her a moment of real kindness ... he is not a Fitzwilliam Darcy. He actually shouts in her face when she accuses him of having money tainted by slavery, which does shock him enough to stop fighting with her. 

(Stringer, wearing a very ugly hat, sees what’s happening but doesn’t push in. Which I guess is reasonable given the issue that Sidney is the brother of his employer and a gentleman, but I’m afraid I will have to dock a point or two for not stepping in to defend Charlotte.)

Clara now suddenly tries to commiserate with Esther as though she’s suffering unwanted advances from her brother, which seems an odd tack given that she was just kind of taunting her ... Esther agrees that it’s weird, because she likes banging her (step-)brother. Clara suggests that she find herself a husband, because she’s not going to have a happy future with him, sort of echoing Lady Denham’s cross comment to her at the beginning of the episode about nothing lasting forever (applied, at the time, to Clara always being her companion).

Cuties! She complains to Stringer about how some people are just disagreeable even when you break through their outer disagreeable layers, and he smiles and says she’s not afraid to speak her mind. What a contrast to some unnamed persons! “I wouldn’t wish for you to change. Not for the world.” MARRY THE GIRL, DOCTOR.

Esther pleads with Sir Edward to go away with her to the continent and leave the money to be picked up by Clara, but he sighs and says they can’t and they’ll both have to get married. Yep, Clara was right. She keeps up the icy exterior, but after he leaves, she bursts into ugly, silent tears. :(

Sidney couldn’t get any of the London banks to give Tom more money, and points out that he should live within his means to save. Tom sort of crumples internally, which I get. He’s built his whole life on the idea that he’s going to turn Sanditon into a Destination and reap the rewards, and when you get to the point where you realize that your determination is not going to solve things, it’s a blow. Sidney does apologize, to his credit.

He then runs into Charlotte in the hall, and her hair is up? It’s very nice to see but I have to wonder why they chose this of all times to do it.

And Tom gives his wife that necklace as (a continuation of his issues with lying to his wife, and) “a promise of things to come,” a promise which will hopefully pan out. It’ll be very painful if it doesn’t.

#sanditon #austen #jane austen #regency #19th century #1810s

[elevenspond]

it’s absolutely staggering how many people insist amy pond and clara oswald are nothing more than idealized caricatures while in the same breath claim rose tyler and donna noble are the most relatable companions in doctor who. if you ask me, amy and clara are two of the most realistic female characters i’ve ever seen in fiction.

let’s start with amy. in season 5, one of the central difficulties she has to overcome is her fear of commitment to rory and her initial reluctance to get married. a fear of commitment in fiction is usually portrayed in male characters despite it being common in reality across all genders, and it doesn’t come from a lack of love for the other person. amy experiences a fear of devoting herself fully to someone after all of the abandonment she suffered throughout her childhood (parents that were mysteriously never around, the doctor leaving her waiting, etc). but she overcomes this fear after being confronted directly with the loss of rory and finishes the season happily wedded to him. she faces realistic, internal challenges in her life and conquers them over the course of her own character arc. amy does this again in season 6, when she has to face the fact that the doctor is not the fairytale hero she’s seen him as ever since she was a child; that he won’t always be able to save her, and that he is as imperfect and vain as anyone else. and although it’s heartbreaking, amy accepts this about him and moves on from her own idolization of him. this arc of her character represents the moment we all experience when we stop seeing the world through the eyes of our childhood selves and realize its imperfections, as well as the moment when we learn to accept those imperfections for what they are. after this, in season 7, amy is ready to move on from a life of adventuring with the doctor to a life of normalcy with her husband. an ordinary lifestyle may not seem appealing to many of us, but to most people on this earth, it’s all we will ever have, and amy’s development into someone who can leave behind her childhood fairytale in order to live out normal days with the person she loves--- it’s so applicable to real life, and quite frankly, so inspirational.

now, on to clara, whose arcs are a bit in the reverse order of amy’s. when we first meet clara oswald in season 7, she’s an ordinary young woman who is swept away into adventures across time and space with the doctor. she’s witty, clever, bossy, confident, and wholly unique as an individual, and despite all of that, so much of clara remains ordinary. in season 8, she works as a school teacher, one of the most mundane (yet extremely important) jobs in the world, and she falls in love with a fellow teacher. she balances a life of traveling with the doctor with an exceedingly ordinary life. “normal is overrated” she says, but the fact remains that she’s still an ordinary woman even while being so clever and brilliant, and her arc in season 8 is about clara accepting that she can do ordinary things while still being extraordinary, which is honestly so inspirational.  then comes season 9, and therein lies the tragedy of her character. clara has suffered a personal loss of incredible magnitude in danny pink’s death, severing the strongest tie to her ordinary life, and in attempting to move on from her grief, she throws herself fully into her travels with the doctor. she becomes more reckless, more unafraid, more confident in her own dangerous choices and actions. it’s such a realistic way of dealing with, or in this case, suppressing immeasurable grief. not everyone reacts to loss this way, but many do, and for many, the reckless lifestyle they embrace in order to forget the pain is more destructive than the pain itself. and this is exactly what happens with clara. she continuously takes risks throughout season 9, always confident in her own ability to calculate the odds and pull through, until her overconfidence leads her to a risk that proves fatal. clara oswald is killed by the self-destructive way she dealt with her own grief. this is unbelievably realistic and tragic. it’s also something that, like amy’s fear of commitment, is an arc that’s usually only written for male characters. although the doctor manages to bring her back with a time stream loophole, her fate is sealed, and she’s forever destined to die in that moment of time. so she goes off into the universe in her own tardis, traveling through time and space, always running from her own fate, from her grief, from everything that will ever hurt, plunging herself into the ultimate distraction from all things ordinary, just like the doctor does. it’s a bittersweet ending for her arc, and it echoes something that is very real in a lot of people’s lives.

tldr: amy is relatable in the childlike wonder she retains and the way it’s consistently challenged; in the fear she feels toward devoting herself to others that is rooted in issues of abandonment; clara is relatable in the absolute normalcy of her life outside of the doctor; in the overwhelming grief she experiences over a loss and how she avoids that grief. they aren’t mere idealized caricatures. they are flawed, and they face distinct challenges in their own personal outlooks with arcs that give them proper resolutions, whether happy or sad, to these challenges.

now, let’s look at rose tyler and donna noble, the two companions people most often relate to.

rose is a completely regular teenage girl. her school grades were consistently average, she has no particular talents to speak of, she works in a shop, she has no future prospects for a better job or higher education, and nothing special has ever happened in her entire life. rose is the absolute peak of ordinary, which is why so many people relate to her. we could all easily fit ourselves into her shoes. i also like eating chips and am bored 24/7. but then the doctor whisks her away, and her life begins to revolve solely around him. this is where the relatability nose dives for me. we’re all searching for the escape that will let us ignore how boring or awful the world around us is for a little while, whether that’s music, books, a new fandom, anything at all. traveling with the doctor is rose’s permanent escape from her world. the thing is, this is never portrayed as anything but a good thing. the doctor is rose’s whole new life. she occasionally visits home, but it’s only a visit, nothing to indicate that life on earth is something she’ll ever want to dabble in again. she’s been completely liberated from all the troubles she once faced. i can’t relate to this at all, because there will never be anything that will whisk me away from needing a job, needing money, or needing an education. what rose experiences is a full blown pipe dream. yes, it’s fun to watch, and think about, and wish for, but it isn’t exactly relatable. rose is never portrayed as a character who is avoiding the challenges of regular life--- she’s just having a great time. even when she’s trapped in a parallel world, she doesn’t have to return to the mundane life she once knew. she works with torchwood and continues on in that same vein of alien threats, time and space, alternate dimensions, etc., where her brand new true potential thrives. she gets to focus on reuniting with the doctor, and the only challenge she faces is the actual act of crossing worlds, not any kind of personal challenge. one might say she has to deal with the difficulty of living on with a meta crisis clone of the doctor instead of the real doctor, but that’s a different rant. rose simply never had an overarching character development in which she could confront her own personal flaws, which is something that made amy and clara so relatable. she simply had a great time with a handsome doctor she fell in love with, and then circumstance pulled them apart.

now, for donna. i do love donna. i love the friendship she has with the doctor, but the foundation of her character is very similar to rose’s. donna is an incredibly average woman who has worked a series of temporary jobs, never feeling important, but always wanting more. it’s another character template we can all easily fit ourselves into. donna does have an arc where she confronts her own lack of self worth over the course of season 4, an arc that is met with her being told that she is the most important woman in all of creation. every companion has a title associated with them: amy is the girl who waited, clara is the impossible girl, martha is the woman who walked the earth, and donna noble is the most important woman in the universe. donna’s struggle with self worth is met with the fact that she is the most important woman in creation because she's the woman who saves all of reality from davros and the daleks, however this is where this arc still loses all trace of relatability for me. donna doesn’t become the most important woman in all of creation in light of her own ordinary qualities--- she only becomes this by becoming part time lord and, in her own words, by gaining “the mind” of the doctor. donna as herself already had great potential, but her arc of dealing with her own self worth is resolved by giving her the attributes of someone else, and only by happenstance. it’s played off as destiny or fate, but all she had to do was touch the hand and the meta crisis happened on its own. and yes, the narrative insists that it’s donna’s human traits that make her even more intelligent than the doctor when she’s part time lord, but the fact still remains that she required part of him to reach that potential at all. like rose being liberated entirely from her own boring life, this just isn’t realistic, and therefore isn’t relatable.

donna and rose are both people who need the doctor in their lives, and without him, they feel either worthless or as if their life has no meaning. contrarily, amy and clara develop themselves as characters who are able to exist separately from the doctor, who have their own personal conflicts apart from him and who forge lives outside of him. amy and clara are both involved in the overall stories that are led by the doctor, but they also both have internal struggles that are independent of him and are resolved as part of their own development, sometimes with his help but never because of him.

maybe someone out there reading this disagrees with me. but this is my observation after seeing so many people claim that amy pond and clara oswald are worse, less likable, and less relatable than rose tyler and donna noble.

(and if anyone is wondering why i didn’t talk about martha or bill, it’s because i don’t see anyone calling them either relatable or unrelatable. in fact i don’t see people really talk about them at all, which is an entire problem in and of itself, and is why i didn’t include that problem in this rant)

#doctor who #moffat era #amy pond #clara oswald #rtd era #rose tyler #donna noble #dw meta #my rant #long post #i woke up at 3am thinking about this so here we are #idk if i even expressed these ideas properly #but in this house we stan amy and clara

[borntosavethedoctor]

When Clara Oswald sat by the little Doctor's bed to tell him that being afraid is alright, she wasn't just paraphrasing the Doctor from the future, it was her own experience talking. After all that time she had spent trying to be perfect and always brave, she realized that being afraid is something we need to become greater.

[my contribution to 101 Claras to see]

In series 7 we witnessed Clara being scared many, many times. And as we know, she was even more scared than she let on. There was no shame in that and nobody could blame her. A nanny who wanted to see the stars found herself in a lot of perilous situations. Anyone would be scared. But you don’t have to let your fears to define who you are. You can use your fears to become who you want to be. And so every moment like this was usually followed by an act of pure heroism and bravery.

One of the biggest Clara’s fears was the fear of getting lost. She got lost many times. When she first met the Doctor, she got lost in the Wi-fi and didn’t know where she was. She got lost in the corridors of the TARDIS. She got lost in the Doctor’s timestream. And she also got lost at Akhaten.

The Rings of Akhaten is probably the most important episode of Clara’s story; it defines many features of Clara’s character and a big part of her back story. And as we find out in this precise episode, fear of getting lost was following her since childhood; she used to have nightmares about it and one day these nightmares came real. But her mother, whose legacy Clara held closely until the very end, found her. It was Clara’s mother who showed her that being lost is not the end of the world. Because fear can bring us together. Fear can bring you home.

When Clara met Merry Gejelh, the first thing she asked was: ‘Are you ok? Are you lost?’ The thought of a little girl that got lost made Clara going to help Merry. But when she told Merry that she was never again afraid of being lost, she must have lied. This fear followed her all the time. But she gave Merry courage that the little girl desperately needed and that was the priority.

And as the episode went on, the fear of getting lost was still there, hidden in different words but still present. ‘We don’t walk away!’ What else is this than not letting somebody get lost? And Clara did want to help. So while Merry and the people of Akhaten were singing their long song, a lullaby, a story without an end, Clara had to do more because the song wasn’t enough. Just imagine… what would have happened if the Old God had consumed the Doctor? Clara didn’t want to find out and decided to fight the Old God and sacrifice the most important leaf in human history, the most precious memory of her mother she had, and saved everyone. And all this rose from two little girls’ fears. You see? Fear is a superpower.

When Clara and the Doctor landed on the Soviet submarine and fought the Ice Warrior, Clara was really scared, she actually admitted it. She even didn’t wander off, that’s how terrified she was (compare this with Clara in series 9, recklessly and deliberately jumping into situations that were dangerous). You are trapped miles under the water in a submarine that makes funny noises with a slaughtering alien from Mars that threatens to wipe out your planet – wouldn’t you be scared? Yet Clara didn't let her fear make her become somebody she's not – she didn’t try to kill the Ice Warrior unlike the Soviet soldiers. She volunteered to approach to him, but not to hurt him, to talk to him. And when she confronted Skaldak in the end, she didn’t use weapons, she used her compassion and with her kind words reminded him of his daughter. Because if you’re very wise and very strong, fear doesn’t have to make you cruel or cowardly.

Clara might have been a teeny, tiny bit terrified when she and the Doctor wandered the Caliburn House looking for a ghost, but the real horror came when the Doctor got stuck in the pocket universe. What now? In that moment Clara forgot about her fear and did what needed to be done, although her actions might be considered ruthless. Because actions like this require bravery too. Hide was a breaking point. From now on, she wouldn’t find herself too scared to do anything. The fear was there and always will be, but Clara recognized that it wasn’t her enemy. Despite everything bad that could have happened, she persuaded the TARDIS to save the Doctor. Because fear can make you faster and cleverer and stronger.

The Doctor was dying in his own tomb, the universe was falling apart, the stars were going out and she knew she was the only one who could do something about it. Of course she was scared. She was walking into the Doctor’s time stream right after she had seen what it did to the Great Intelligence. Knowing that she had done it, that the Doctor had already encountered her echoes, wasn’t reassuring, because it didn’t mean that he could bring her back. So she just begs him to remember her; a girl who wasn’t scared to sacrifice herself to save the Doctor and consequently the universe. Because fear can make you kind.

Even later she was scared lots of times. But that was OK. She never allowed her fears to consume her. She always used them to do something good. And in the end, after all those wonderful and dangerous adventures with the Doctor in the TARDIS, fear was by her side, as her companion, when she stood on the trap street to face the raven. Shaking and crying, being scared for she was facing the certain death on the wings, she whispered to herself and to her fear to let her be brave. And her fear did exactly that. She faced the raven like a true heroine, not running, brave and scared at the same time. Because fear makes companions of us all.

#doctor who #dwedit #clara oswald #claraoswaldedit #tillthenexttimedoctor #mine: gifs #gifs: dw #meta: dw #mine: meta #546265984 years later #i'm finally here to publish this #better later than never right

[colorofmymindposts]

Could We Start Again, Please?

Fandom: Doctor Who 

Pairings: Twelfth Doctor/Missy (implied), Bill Potts/Heather 

Warnings: Major Character Death, Alternate Ending to series 10, Major Canon Divergence 

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences 

Status: Complete but part two of my The Doctor Falls series (You don’t have to read part one to understand what’s going on) 

Word Count: 2800 

Summary: When the Doctor falls, Missy rises. 

Tags: Heavy Angst, With cute lesbians, While Missy is sad 

I don’t know if the tagging system is still messed up, but you can read this work on ao3 under my username colorofmymind! Kudos and comments will be much appreciated!

With a gasp, all the air rushes into her lungs. Everything at once feels completely at rights and out of control, her hearts beating at a pace she knows goes against their natural rhythm, but they should not be beating at all. A calculation taking the span of a nanosecond tells her she needs her hearts going at least eighty beats per minute if she is going to survive, so she simultaneously counts her breaths and adjusts their volume to achieve this rate. Simply put, it’s a manual override of her basic biological functions. Her eyelids had fluttered open with the sudden rush of air, but she’s only managed to blink stupidly, frustratingly, as her eyes operating at full capacity— unlike her hearts, lungs, and other vital organs—are not necessary for her to stay alive.

Staying alive, surviving, carrying on. With all her experience, so innately a part of her core, Missy has a more complex and nuanced knowledge than any other creature in the universe on the most universal want: the perpetual avoidance of death, of end. At one time, that came at any price. In this case, however, there is a discrepancy even her beautiful, brilliant brain can’t account for. Perhaps it’s because her brain is functioning at the level of a 21st century backup generator, but that is really besides the point right now.

She should not be alive right now.

There had been no contingency plan in place because in no scenario had she considered her past self’s somewhat deserved retaliation. There are no Time Lords who could have saved her this time; she is the last Time Lady they would ever spend their resources on now. Yet, unmistakably, she lay on the same ground where she flirted with death once more and had somehow been revived, like a debtor of a long overdue payment miraculously having escaped the clutches of his dreaded collector.

Logic rules that there can only be one other alternative, an impossible one but so is he (irritatingly and incredibly so). The thought of Doctor flashes to the front her mind, and she sits up faster than she had fallen. She cries out immediately upon doing so, her hands arresting the spot where she’d been shot with the Laser Screwdriver, which flares as if in a hot rage. Gritting her teeth, she casts about for her umbrella and finds it quickly enough. Her body and voice cry out once again in resistance as she uses her umbrella to leverage herself to a standing position, the pain from the shot still as intense as it was before.

That answers one question. She hasn’t been healed, something has merely enabled her hearts to restart, so it is likely that she has very well lost the ability to regenerate. Whatever she does now, she’ll have to do with trepidation and care. Still, it’s certainly not the worst body she’s been stuck in, and at that she laughs to herself. She’s done this entirely to herself, a thought that has often crossed her mind over the last 70 years. While her past self has probably long since reached his TARDIS and regenerated into her current incarnation, there is some irony in his actions. His plan having failed at ending her life, she’ll be stuck in this state for the foreseeable future, a Time Lady who has realized the errors of her past and wants to do what’s right, everything he despised and feared becoming.

With that she sets off through the forest to find the Doctor. The trees thin as she traces her path back to the settlement, and the distinctive scents of fire and burning metal begin to assault her senses. Missy quickens her pace, trepidation and care forgotten as she spots the Cybermen bodies by the dozens littering the ground around her, the smell of ash and smoke and death clinging to the air like petrichor after a storm, one she knows the Doctor has brought down on this land.

“Doctah!” Her shriek echoes in the barren wasteland. She’s running now without abandon, eyes scanning the area for any sign of him when she notices the girl, Bill her memory supplies, standing besides her curiously wet companion, but that can’t be possible, she looks undoubtedly human again—

The next thing Missy knows her face is in the dirt and the ash, and every part of her body aches with acute degree. She drags her feet over the Cyberman body she must have tripped over in her distracted state. Her umbrella probably had been flung some distance away from her fall, so she sticks her right hand out, latching onto an arm, that should be enough to support her into a sitting position at least, when a sickening realization hits her. The arm isn’t metal. She snaps her head upward to look, to prove it isn’t true, it can’t be.

It is him. Undeniably. The Doctor lays in ash and debris like a forgotten soldier, the red inner lining of his coat splayed out by his sides as though he lay in his own pool of blood. She stares in silence, gathering herself to sit besides him and take one of his hands in her own to feel for anything, a pulse, regeneration energy, even a device to feign the appearance of death.

Nothing.

She stops breathing for several seconds herself; it’s an uncontrollable response, out of respect for her fallen friend who long since took his last breath. His sonic screwdriver is gripped in his other hand, which she lifts out of his grasp, inspecting it for an answer, something, that might restore him. The last action performed by the device had been a sonic pulse, causing a mass explosion of the Mondasian Cybermen but also must have rippled across the entirety of Level 507. This was the catalyst for her hearts restarting. He had saved her one last time, without even knowing it.

“Missy!” A voice she faintly recognizes as the human girl’s shouts at her. “What the hell are you doing here? Where have you been?! We thought you’d run off!”  

She lets out a shaky breath before replying, never tearing her gaze away from the Doctor. “Is that what he told you?”

“I,” Bill starts and falters. After a moment or so she answers, “He didn’t say anything about what happened with you. Either version of you.”

Missy blinks away the tears forming in her eyes and finally looks up and away from the Doctor. Here and now is not the place for her grief, at least not in front of his companion and...whoever this other girl is. Missy actually has no idea where she came from.

“You’re...human again,” she comments lamely.

“Oh! Well, sort of, not really,” Bill denies bizarrely and incomprehensibly. “I’m in a body that looks like the one I was in when I was a human, but I’m still technically dead. That’s actually me over there.”

She points over to a fallen Cyberman a few meters away. “Heather saved me,” she finishes with a beaming smile with eyes only for the wet blonde girl Missy presumes to be Heather standing to Bill’s right.

“How romantic,” Missy says, trying not to sound sardonic. These humans and their happy endings. The universe has none to spare for her. That’s probably right.

“The Doctor would have been glad to see you’ve found happiness, as am I.” Bill looks at Missy curiously, the disbelief transparent on her features. “I was the one who caused you to become a Cyberman in the first place, no matter which incarnation caused it. Perhaps it was both of our faults. In any case, it should have never happened. I’m glad to see that this is one of my mistakes that has reversed itself,” she explains.  

Bill looks back to Heather, seeming to wordlessly reaffirm that she had in fact heard those words come from Missy. In all fairness, Missy had been introduced to this companion of his as a “monster” and she even self-admitted to throwing a little girl down a volcano. A little skepticism of her goodness is to be expected, healthy even.

“I can’t believe it. I thought you were a monster, and the last ten years only made me more sure of that,” Bill confesses, the weight of those ten years visible in the set of her shoulders, the intensity of her gaze and the pain behind it. “But, even after all that, and everything you did to me, which was awful and cruel, I’ve realized maybe he wasn’t wrong. The Doctor, I mean. You have turned good. At least enough of you has.”

Missy opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Just a short time ago, she would have laughed and scoffed at a human attempting to give her wisdom and judge her character, in fact she had done so in the past.“No, I’ve not turned good,” Missy had said to Clara after her accusation of the contrary, killing two men in the square to prove it. One of them had been a married man with a child, she recalls. She had held onto that for so long, the belief she was bad, irredeemable and revelled in it. Her time in the Vault has taken care of that last problem at least, but she could never be sure of the former two. But if a woman who has been tortured by her for ten years can see a glimpse of morality in her, then perhaps...perhaps that is something.  

“Bill, I think it’s time to go,” Heather says.

Ah, that does bring up a good point. She is alive but still requires transport. So does the Doctor. They had left each other to die on battlefields before, this is true, but it was different then. It was their battleground, the center stage, one or none of them left as the curtain drew to a close on that adventure, always the promise of rage, the game, of return. This is and is not her battleground. Yes, her former self in a way created and enabled it, but he’d abandoned it, no final climactic fight with the Doctor. The Master and Missy reserved that honor for each other. She was not here, either version, to battle the Doctor or protect him, and for that very reason alone, he must certainly be dead.

She thinks briefly back to two weeks ago, when she flippantly vowed “If somebody kills you and it's not me, we'll both be disappointed.” That was the planned end, always, scripted from the day they’d broken their pact to travel the universe together and faced each other as best enemies. But it was theoretical at best, they always survived one way or another, and it all started again. She wonders what he must have thought, possibly what he said, before he died. Missy cards her fingers through the Doctor’s mess of grey curls, only for smoky ash to lodge under her nails. She instead opts for holding his hand, once warm in her own just hours ago, turned cold.  

Bill protests, “But the Doctor—and Missy—we can’t just leave them.”

Missy looks up once again, surprised. While Bill has obviously somewhat reevaluated Missy’s character, she was not expecting an offer for help, at least not for herself.

“Of course we can’t. And we’re not going to,” Heather grins back.

Before Missy can properly register it, she’s travelling with incredible speed through time and space, until she’s greeted with the warm psychic presence of the Doctor’s TARDIS. Simple as that, she’s back within these walls. So is the Doctor, still beside her, his hand held by hers. Bill and Heather stand to the side.

“I suppose this is the only place he’d rest in peace. If there’s any place he’d do that,” Bill remarks.

Missy notices the blonde one starting to move for the controls, and with that she’s up and blocking the girl’s path, although with much more difficulty than she’d like. (She really must look into what the TARDIS has in terms of pain medication.)

“Oi! What do you think you’re doing? This is a very complicated sentient space time capsule that requires a careful and knowledgeable hand to guide her. She may just seem like a second-hand gas stove at first, but she’s really like a sweet, unreliable old dog, and only a few people know how to take care of her,” she explains with a silly if strained simile. Humans seem to respond better to that than just her shouting she’s superior, even if it’s true.

“I want to pilot us away from the spaceship, and I know how to fly her,” Heather insists, pulling the lever to start dematerialization. “I’m the Pilot. I can fly anything.”

“Really!” Bill exclaims.

“Yeah,” Heather replies with a wink. “You’re not an exception either.”    

Rolling her eyes, Missy takes this opportunity to continue piloting them away while the lovebirds chatter away with their innuendoes and desires and promises. At least, she thinks that’s what they’re doing at any rate.

“So I’m like you now. I’m not human anymore.”  

“I can make you human again. It's all just atoms. You can rearrange them any way you like. I can put you back home, you can make chips, and live your life, or you can come with me. It's up to you, Bill, but, before you make up your mind—” Heather rushes to the doors, opening them before Missy has any time to stop her. Luckily for all of them, they are in Quadrant 3 of this galaxy and not the time vortex. A single blue supergiant illuminates the blackness of space. Any protests she had formed quickly fail her, instead captured by the beauty of the star. She cannot remember a time before now where she could admire something like this; a star burning, something she could always appreciate, but of its own accord, a master to none like her. And that’s okay now.

Missy realizes that she has long tuned out the ongoing conversation until Bill is suddenly in her line of sight. Bill has her lips pursued, clearly about to say something she’s conflicted about but has deemed important enough to share.

“Missy, I’m leaving—with Heather. A lot of things have obviously changed since we got on that spaceship together: you, me, Nardole, and the Doctor,” Bill declares, casting a glance at the Doctor lying still on the console floor. “I think somehow I still want to travel the universe after all this, but that’s going to happen with Heather from now on. I’m also okay with leaving because I really believe you can take care of yourself now and the TARDIS. You have before anyways. Just really try not to be like that bloke that came before you, alright?”

Missy has no idea how to respond. Of course, it’s not like she wanted Bill and her gal pal crowding up the TARDIS, but she also has no clue as to where to go next with the Doctor’s TARDIS and his lifeless body on her own.

“Oh and another thing, yeah? Whether the Doctor’s dead or not, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. You have to take care of him. Promise me,” Bill’s voice shook.

It doesn’t take her a second to respond. “Of course.” In any scenario, she would always be there for the Doctor. A memory she’d not been trying to recall, of  “Love is a promise” in his voice spoken in a graveyard, reverberates in her brain suddenly. She forces down it, down below the endless layers of freshly surfaced regrets, where she hopes to never recover it.

Bill nods and then turns away, walking in a semicircle until she reaches the Doctor’s side and kneels beside him.

“You know what, old man? I'm never going to believe you're really dead. Because one day everyone's just going to need you too much. Until then,” Bill bends down to kiss his cheek. “It's a big universe, but I hope I see you again.Where there's tears, there's hope.” Her voice cracks at the last sentence, and Missy cannot find it within herself to chide the human’s sentimentality even in her own head. Bill stands finally, going to join her star-eyed lover.

“Just one thing. I've been through a lot since the last time we met, so I'll show you around.”

They clasp hands, and jump out of the TARDIS, flying on an unknown path, sure to include a variety of attractions and dangers with it. Plenty of love and kindness as well. As the TARDIS doors slam shut, Missy knows they will be more than fine.

She is left alone with the Doctor and his TARDIS.

#my writing #fanfiction #twissy #best enemies #space spouses #bill x heather #immortal space lesbians #space girlfriends #missy #the master #gomez!master #twelfth doctor #the doctor #bill potts #heather #doctor who #hope y'all enjoy angst #and cute lesbians #next part should be coming soon

[loversandantiheroes]

Jigsaw - A Whouffaldi Fic - Part 5

Author’s Note: This is the most plot-heavy thing I’ve ever done for a fic.  I hope like hell I’ve done it justice.

Summary: Because some pieces can’t be kept apart forever.  Post- Hell Bent reunion fic.  Part five.

Rating: T

Warnings: A lot of talking heads, Runaway sci-fi jargon, Ohila being Queen of the Smug.

Word Count: 3262

AO3 Link: here

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

The hatch hisses to a close. There’s a soft whine as the engines power back up, the ship wobbling as it lifts into the air just enough to make Clara sway on her feet, but no more. Me has already found one of the webbed seats in the lower hold and buckled herself in, nose patiently in the copy of The Hybrid she had plucked from Ohila’s fingers, pages fluttering by as she sets to work. Clara can only pace, jaw working nervously. The absence of her heartbeat is deafeningly loud. It ought to be in her throat, beating hard enough to rattle her teeth. Instead it sits in stubborn silence, patient and still. Her throat has a wicked lump in it all the same, tightness creeping up her back and around her ribs, constricting.

The General ducks away from her immediately, rushing up into the cockpit to speak to the pilot, leaving only Ohila in the hold. That knowing smile is creeping back across the woman’s face, mild eyes regarding her intently.

“How long?” She tilts her head questioningly. “You’re twenty-four years late by my estimations, but I deeply doubt it’s been the same for you.”

“No. No that is not how we start. Not after that, after what that little girl.... There is no way she should’ve known those words.”

“I think it might be relevant.”

“I don’t give a damn what you think,” Clara bit back.

Ohila smiled wider. “A position that is likely to change before very much longer, I suspect. But as you like it. Where would you rather we start?”

“Have a guess.” She cocks her head so sharply at the book in Me’s hands she hears her neck crackle. “Where’d it come from? Who wrote it? How the hell did they know so much? Were you lot spying on us the whole bloody time?”

“It is not the work of the Sisterhood of Karn, if that is what you are suggesting. And to the best of my knowledge, no, the Council made no attempt to spy on you or the Doctor, their position was far too precarious for something so overt.”

“Then how?”

“I don’t know. Not for certain. I have my suspicions, of course.”

“Then speak,” Clara hisses through gritted teeth.

Another long, assessing look. “Four possibilities. One: the information was pulled directly from the two of you while you were in the cloisters. Trauma is a great amplifier of psychic projection. It is possible the parts you two were shouting at the top of your minds about were accidentally filed by the Matrix.

“Two: the Doctor’s confession dial. A confession dial is meant to house a Time Lord’s consciousness, to purify it before it can be uploaded to the Matrix. Given the sheer amount of time the Doctor spent within the dial, I consider it likely enough that there was a great deal of data stored within.”

Coldness creeps up Clara’s back and belly. How the hell were these people so empty? They’re like ice, she thought. Thin shells of ice shaped like people, wind whistling through the hollow places where something like humanity should’ve dwelt.

If Ohila sees the derision in Clara’s eyes, she makes no sign. “Three,” she continues with a nod. “Both. The Doctor’s confession dial was uploaded to the Matrix, and the data pulled from the two of you while you were in the Cloisters filled in the gaps. Given the completion of the final product, provided it is not in fact grossly inflated by someone else, I’d imagine this is the most likely.”

Clara blinks. “You’ve read it, haven’t you?”

Ohila doesn’t answer, but the set of her mouth says enough. “Four,” she carries on, “unlikely but just possibly: it’s a fake.”

“It isn’t,” Me says flatly. Her eyes flick up over the edge of the book. Me has broken more than one world’s record for speed-reading in multiple languages, and she’s already passed the halfway mark. “I’ve some experience piecing together personal history through text,” she says to Ohila. “If I were a betting woman, and I have been a few times, I’d wager good money this is legitimate.” Then, to Clara, “The account of my village,” she flicks back, shows Clara the page. “False Odin. The Mire. My name. My death. It’s all here.”

“Alright, so me and the Doctor we get filed. And after that? You lot don’t seem that likely to get nostalgic and publish an old Time Lord’s tell-all memoirs. That’s too sentimental. You’ve no use for-” for love stories, she thinks, but says instead, “for fairytales. How did the story get out?”

Ohila shakes her head, the red veil shuddering. “That, we don’t know. The story seemed to travel by word of mouth for a little while. The book came after. You’ll have to forgive my presumption, I assumed you knew.”

The laughter shakes out of her before she can stop it. “You thought we planned this!”

“He was half mad when he returned, Miss Oswald.” There is an edge to her voice, but it is old and dulled. Anger worn down to a nub of disappointment. “He broke every code he’d sworn himself to with the singular purpose of saving someone who could not be saved. Tell me, when, after the two of you ran away, after the Doctor drove Rassilon from the planet and set the High Council to work in the sewers, when the people then suddenly began singing songs of The Doctor and his Impossible Girl and how they whisked Gallifrey off to safety, and when those same people formed a blockade around the woman he would’ve let the universe burn for, who would you have thought responsible?”

Any protest she might have had immediately dies on her lips. That, she has to concede, sounds exactly like the Doctor.

“Look at them,” Ohila wave a hand at the narrow window in the rear hatch.

Clara peers out at the wastes as they recede in distance and shadow, the last light fading. She can only just see the crowd, a wide smudge of crimson slowly turning violet, faces like moons staring after her, arms raised.

“Are they...they’re following us.”

“They’re following you,” the old woman corrects with a tut. “Swept up in stories. Twenty-four years is a stitch on Gallifrey, but it is enough time for a story to find an ear and take root. Time Lords, the high-born especially, don’t care for fairytales by default, you have that right. They bred that out of the stock with looms and genocide centuries ago. The Doctor has always been something of an anomaly. An accidental hero, here and everywhere. An idiot with a code that even his own people don’t understand. And then the people that stood in awe of him found he broke that code for the sake of you.”

“Leave it to him to break through the eons to go home and start a book club. Idiot.”

For the first time, a look of fondness flits across the older woman’s face. “He is that. And even now he makes you smile.”

Clara’s hand flies to her mouth, finds the corners curved up, lips pressed tight and trembling. The thought of him left an ache deep in her chest, something like shrapnel in a long-healed wound.

“Tell me,” Ohila says, lips pursed in thought, staring out at the dim purple expanse outside the hatch. “Is it true?”

Clara blinks. “Is what true?”

“That you were here on Gallifrey on the last day of the Time War. That the Doctor, the one my sisterhood rescued on Karn and begged to intervene at last in a war that threatened every stitch of existence, was going to cut the still-beating heart out of the war to end it once and for all. And that it was you who stayed his hand. Look at them, trailing after you. They revere you, Miss Oswald, give them another ten years and they’ll have shrines in your honor, if they haven’t already. They think you saved their lives. I need to know: is that true?”

She nods, a cold weight like a stone in her belly. “Yes. He thought it was the only option. Destroy Gallifrey and the Dalek fleet all at once. The weapon, the Moment, it pulled two of his future selves in to show him the consequences. It was all in the past for him, my...the Doctor when I knew him. But the Moment it showed us the last battle. The fall of Arcadia. So many dead and dying. And so many still alive and terrified. People that would’ve…”

There is a flash behind her eyelids when she blinks. Distortion grenades. Dalek fire. An echo of screams she couldn’t hear, not even then. She winces, shaking her head. “Never cruel or cowardly. That was what he said. That was his promise. I just reminded him to hold to it.”

The old woman nods, eyes skimming the horizon. She is thinking so loudly Clara almost fancies she can hear the squeak and whirr of gear wheels turning.

Finally, Ohila lays a hand on Clara’s arm, her grip alarmingly strong. “How long?” she says in a whisper, and that more than the bruising force of her fingers on her elbow makes Clara shudder. She opens her mouth, an easy lie on the tip of her tongue without thinking, and Ohila’s grip tightens. “Resist your first impulse; do not lie. Do not think me a fool. You and he are cut from the same cloth, Miss Oswald, I have no doubt in my mind that you have run as far and as fast as you could for as long as you could. But I need to know how long.”

Clara licks her lips. Her mouth is so dry she’s unsure she can speak. Her lungs absolutely refuse to pull in the air she needs to make a sound. “I’m not sure precisely,” she croaks. “Twelve hundred years, I think, give or take a century.”

Ohila’s eyes blaze, not with anger but, triumph? Clara rocks back on her heels as the old woman gives her arm one last squeeze and then releases her.

“We should be at the Capitol shortly,” the General says, climbing the stairs down to the hold. “The extraction chamber is being prepared.”

“I’d suggest getting back on the com, General,” Ohila replies, smiling. “Tell them to expect us in Medical first.”

* * *

“Oh,” is all Me can say.

“That can’t be right,” the General breathes. “That is impossible.”

Clara hears the unmistakable sound of a display being smacked repeatedly. One of the medics, a small, mousy woman squeaks, followed by an awkward sound of shuffling as the General is ushered away from the equipment. “It’s functioning properly, ma’am I assure you.”

Clara stares up at the ceiling where what looks like the universe’s smallest laser light show still draws patterns over her body. Me is too far away, but she can see Ohila, her hands folded patiently in front of her, smiling raptly. Two more of the Sisterhood stand at her side, younger women, at least by appearances, still and silent as statues, robed and veiled in red.

“What is it? Is something wrong with me?”

“If, if these readings are correct… Miss Oswald by all rights you should be dead.”

“Fascinating,” Ohila says. Then, to Clara, “You can get up now, I should think you’ll want to see this.”

The readout is a bit different than what she’s grown used to in her own TARDIS. Newer, she expects, a Type-40 TARDIS was a museum piece back when the Doctor had stolen his, let alone now. Nonetheless, it doesn’t take a total screaming genius (even if she is one) to deduce that whatever that golden static is swirling around her body scan, it must not be good.

“Ok that’s...that’s in me. What is that?” She pushes past the gawking General and stands shoulder-to-shoulder with Me, whose mouth is hanging open just a fraction.

“Oh Clara this has been a day,” she says. The perpetual Viking is nearly laughing. “This is incredible.”

She squints, frowns. “Is that...that’s vortex energy?”

Me taps the screen. “And artron energy. And huon particles.”

“I’m afraid so,” the General mutters apologetically. “This combination in these amounts, it should be killing you. Your only saving grace is your suspended status and a fixed death. How in God’s name have you absorbed so much?”

Clara bit the inside of her cheeks. “I’ve...travelled a bit between now and then.” She flashes what she hopes is one of her more winning smiles. “Suspended status, fixed death, and a time machine. I figured I had a bit of wiggle room.”

Clara watches the General’s eyes widen, ticking back and forth from her to the displays and back again. “How much ‘wiggle room’ did you take?”

“Twelve hundred years,” Ohila offers brightly. “Give or take a century.”

Me traces a finger over the screen. “The Artron energy’s just from the time travel itself, any time traveller picks that up. These two, though, your body should’ve metabolised any traces of these you picked up.”

“It would have,” Clara says, nodding dumbly. “If I wasn’t frozen. Should’ve guessed that’d have an effect. It’s been building up this whole time, a thousand years of energy condensed into one protracted moment.”

“It’s inert, I think,” Me offered, “otherwise you would’ve either exploded or turned into a demi-god, whichever one came first. You were exposed to the Doctor’s time stream once and lived. I don’t know, it might’ve acted like an inoculation, given you a degree of immunity to the effects. Must be why it never showed up on our own scanner, but….oh.”

The immortal goes quiet. Behind her, the General is pacing, rubbing a hand over her face.

“Ok, something’s bad. What is it? I mean condolences are hardly a concern at this stage. This is like trying to tell me I’ve got cancer before you throw me in front of a train. So what’s the problem? Are they gonna have to bury me in a lead-lined coffin so I don’t give everyone in Blackpool a time head?”

Me wheels abruptly on Ohila. “The book,” she says, flapping a hand.

The old woman hands it over immediately. She is, Clara is fairly certain, grinning even wider now.

Me flips through the pages wildly. Finds the page. “Hang on, where is it? Ah, here! ‘Time travel is damage. It’s like a tear in the fabric of reality. That,’ the Doctor said, nodding at the tangle of blue-white energy, ‘is the scar tissue of my journey through the universe. My path through time and space from Gallifrey to Trenzalore. My own personal time tunnel.’”

The General swears under her breath.

“Catching on, are we?” Ohila says.

“Fuck.” Clara leans over the console, shoulders hunched. “I’ll leave the same, won’t I? Twelve-hundred years of time travel and I’m going to leave the same kind of scar on Trap Street. God I am stupid! ”

“Worse, I think,” Me says softly. Her fingers work quickly on the console, symbols turning and shifting rapidly. “Because I think the quantum shade might just be enough to…”

The golden static on the displays turns a dark red. Warnings flash. Warning: Catalyst detected. Energy balance unstable. Approaching critical mass. Temporal explosion imminent.

“To do that.”

“An explosion that powerful,” Ohila says patiently, not to Clara, but to the General, “at the moment of her death, would tear that wound wide open.”

“It’s enough to pull the whole of London in,” Clara whispers, horrified.

“And Trap Street with it.” Something very close to panic in the back of the immortal’s eyes.

“A harbor for interplanetary asylum-seekers,” Ohila says, voice sharp and grim as a needle. “A place of tenuous peace at best, a peace you were only able to keep with judicious application of a quantum shade. Think of it, General. Sontarons. Zygons. Scovax. Cybermen. Daleks. All of them falling into Clara Oswald’s time stream. A time stream that is irrevocably tied to the Doctor and to Gallifrey. The Time War will begin again and it will reach farther than ever before.”

“Her death is fixed!” the General cries, a tremor of fear in her voice, eyes wide and overbright against her dark skin. Part of Clara is alarmed to see the veneer on the Time Lord crack. Another, deeper, part of her is grimly pleased to see it. “What would you have me do? The Web of Time could unravel! She must go back!”

“And if we send her back to die we all but hand over the ability to undo Gallifrey’s salvation. You would be placing the threads of the universe in the hands of some of your most hated enemies.”

“And she is standing right here and you can damn well start talking to her,” Clara growls through gritted teeth. She runs a shaking hand through her hair and laughs, the sound shrill and barking and bitter. “You lot, fat lot of fucking good you are. You tell me I can’t keep running because maybe I’ll destroy the universe, now you tell me I can’t die because maybe Gallifrey falls all over again. Loving these options.”

A minute nod to the other Sisters.  They nod, bow, and glide silently from the room.  Slowly, Ohila says, “There is a third option.”

“So start talking,” Clara says. “Make it good and make it fast, or I swear I will run, and the widest net in the universe will not be able to catch me again.”

“Don’t die.”

Clara sputters, half-laughing. “Oh. Of course. How stupid of me. Why didn’t I think of that? Just don’t die! It’s so simple!” Her volume rises rapidly, the panic in the room finally catching hold, finding fuel, spreading. Caught I’m caught I’m caught -

The old woman takes her wrists, holds them firm even as Clara recoils from the touch. “You are human, Miss Oswald. Simple, mortal, human. Death is your only birthright. But death, for a Time Lord, is little more than a temporary inconvenience. Don’t die; regenerate.”

Clara can only stare, mouth agape. “I’m no Time Lord!”

A smile, patient and almost kind. “No. Not yet, Miss Oswald. But you might yet be. The Time Lords became what they are from exposure to the Time Vortex, from the same energy that has suffused your every cell. You are a powder keg, but what if you could control the burn? What if that energy was turned to your advantage?”

“You cannot be serious,” the General looks aghast.

“Would you rather the alternative?” Ohila shoots back. “This is the best chance I can offer. For the sake of Gallifrey. My sisterhood is charged with guarding the elixir of life. We have used it to facilitate a regeneration in the Doctor once as he lay dying. I believe with the right adjustment, it could be used to catalyse the energy in you.”

“We have no precedent for this, her biology may not be compatible for such a change.”

“There is precedent enough,” Me says, her eyes glittering. “River Song. Different method, same result. Part human, part Time Lord.”

“Have you another option you can offer her, General?” Ohila asks, voice venom-sweet. “I would dearly love to hear it.”

The General turns away, scowling.

“In that case, I think you should follow me, Miss Oswald.” She spares a glance over her shoulder as she sweeps out of the room. “Be sure the extraction chamber is ready. This will not take long.”

#whouffaldi #twelve x clara #doctor who fanfiction #twelfth doctor #clara oswald #good god I hope this lives up to the ridiculous build up #*hides under a couch cushion*

[kmanashiro]

Human, All Too Human #2 Possession

Human, All Too Human

#2 - Possession

Possession: Permanence, Transience, Time Grasp

Part 2/??

**Original Article Posted: http://aminoapps.com/page/doctor-who/3234339/human-all-too-human-2-possession **

**After writing this article, I noticed I discuss lots of general info and tangents. If you don’t mind, keep on reading, there are still Doctor analyses throughout. Feel free to comment!**

Continuing the ‘Human, All Too Human’ analysis series, today we’re going to be discussing the Doctor’s tendency to possess. The Doctor possesses quite a few things, regardless whether or not they are permanently his.

“Permanent” (in quotes, cause these are canon for now)

·         His own body/mind (allowing for regeneration);

·         TARDIS spaceship;

·         Sonic screwdrivers;

·         Companions

Transient

·         Current body vessel and personality;

·         Time, universe, planets, civilizations/species; (Ohoho, curious aren’t you?)

·         Specific companions (*ugly cries*)

The “permanent” list is hard to debate, I personally believe. The Doctor has always possessed his own body/mind in the sense that no one has completely overtaken him thus far. Only regeneration has transformed him, but even Steven Moffat and others have echoed that the Doctor never really sees himself as the “5th Doctor” or “10th Doctor”. He’s been the same man he’s always was. I have not really grasped if the original Doctor Who crew conceptualized that post-regeneration the Doctor’s new body would encompass a new personality. Personally, I adored Bill Hartnell’s rendition of the 1st Doctor (but that’s cause I have a soft spot for grumpy ol’ people). Regardless, the reality is that his being of the Doctor and his vast knowledge/experiences has always carried on through.

Materialistic things like the TARDIS and sonic screwdrivers have also been with the Doctor. Unless in the future the showrunner decides to change it up somehow, it’s pretty steady, Betty. There’s a funny running joke about the broken chameleon circuit and how his screwdriver isn’t exactly a weapon. I mean the man travels the universe and keeps the screwdriver? Lastly, companions! Whether it be for good TV scripting or ratings (come on, we know pretty misses boost ‘em up), the Doctor is never without a fellow. There are companion-lite episodes but the Doctor bounces back and finds someone new who re-vitalizes him and motivates him to carry on. It’s the beauty of such a human trait—YANA.

Although these are his permanent possessions, there has not been much emotional TV time showing his possessiveness of such things. (The TARDIS wife thing was weird. Let’s just all agree on that.) It’s the same notion for human beings. Things that we have acquired safely and securely, we take them for granted. We take for granted our snug homes, family and friends, a comfy bed, transportation, etc. Only when these things are threatened, we are immediately shaken and awakened to our senses and urgency to protect. The same with the Doc. When these particular things are threatened, the Doctor explodes in one fell swoop, leaving us fearful. These reactions however are by far few in numbers.

Transient items—Aforementioned, the Doctor does regenerate and with the 12th Doctor, he has been granted a new regeneration cycle. We have to wait and see how that pans out in the future. Cheers to another 50 years! He quickly bounces back from his regeneration though and carries onward with his adventures. His personality also can change drastically. Guilty of watching NewWho, I can only mention the 10th to 11th and 11th to 12th transitions. Oh boy, they are drastically different. Humorously, we see the Doctor adjust rather quickly. It’s not like he’s stuck in some existential identity crisis. However his companions get upset and cope rather slowly (in terms of TV time). Rose and Clara both were visibly distraught of the overall change of appearance and personality of the new Doctor. It’s light-hearted TV that they come around the block and eventually trust the new Doctor asap. However, I think that’s a juvenile notion. No one knows what the new Doctor is capable of (not even himself, I’m guessing). And when 12th asks if he is a good man, we should be weary of how the regenerations ultimately affect the Doctor emotionally and mentally. Seems an interesting topic, but I digress.

Time, universe, planets, civilizations/species. Yes as the almighty rogue Time Lord, the Doctor travels the universe with a smug smile and beaming sunshine personality as he lands on a new place. The Doctor has said explicitly that he is the one who controls time during his fit of rage. We see his footprint on every planet and species he encounters. If you’ve watched “Smile” recently (Series 10, Episode 2), you’d know what I mean. He definitely left his mark there. And was that ending supposed to really happen? Would it have panned out differently if the Doctor did not visit? Who knows. No one knows. Or did the Doctor already know? #Mindception

But funny thing is, would time really exist without universe, planets, and civilizations/species? I recently read an article (forgive me for forgetting, if you know which article I am referring to, please comment below) that discussed time can be seen in 2 aspects: (1) time cycle and (2) time arrow. Just as the name says, time cycle is seeing time as one big circular event (sort of what 10th was trying to explain in Blink). People who view time as a cycle do not view time linearly with a past, present, and future but more like a cyclical process of events. Like studying the different seasons or different patterns of historical wars/civilization. Past humans have viewed time as a cycle before as it helps them cope with uncontrollable catastrophes and events. They can pray and wait for the bad times to ride over. Time as an arrow is the typical linear fashion of viewing past, present, and future. This is a more recent phenomenon created by the emergence of calendars and reinforced by our teaching of history. However for the Doctor, he receives the knowledge and wisdom of time all at once. It seems like his view of time is cyclic and he owns this. However if there was nothing left (what if the Daleks succeeded?), time arrow would not work and even time cycle would not work either. Because the time cycle is counting on a recurrence of pattern, some specific interaction needs to occur for that specific moment to be cyclized. This reminds me of the ending of the anime, Mirai Nikki (Future Diary).

Specific companions. Okay get your tissues out. We all know how much the Doctor loves his companions, even when he acts aloof. I choose to believe that the Doctor remembers every single one of his companions (watch The Pilot Series 10, Episode 1). And depending on the Doctor and specific companion, their departure leaves quite an impression on the poor Doc. Prior to NewWho, there was not much romance between the Doctor and companions. I think that new TV scripting has really jumped the gun on that. Perhaps too much shipping fandom too quickly?

The Doctor is highly protective of permanent and transient possessions. Aforementioned if the permanent things were threatened, he would explode in a fierce rage of unmatched parallel. However the transient things that he loses constantly wears him down and jades the poor Doc. His reaction to losing transient possessions may seem emotional (TV scripting, guys), but he always bounces back. Like how 10th was angry at the Prime Minister and Meta-Crisis Doctor for destroying whole species of Sycorax and Daleks respectively, but he doesn’t do anything further about it. And he learns a valuable lesson of trying to control time and humans in ‘Water of Mars’ when the ending just does not quite go his way. The Doctor is usually a few steps ahead in this game of chess, but if he missteps or loses a battle, he either moves on or tries to win the war. We see more frequently the former.

So you’re asking Miss S, what’s the point of this all? Why are you drafting this at midnight?...Well faithful reader, I believe that the Doctor is highly possessive (duh) but there are two categories to this. I do believe the permanent list is more important to him than the transient list, due to his varying reactions between the two. Perhaps I’ll use more specific examples in the future, but this just a proper introduction. Anyway, he’d try to do everything in his power to save himself and the TARDIS, but if species are destroyed or people die, it’s like…well shucks. I am not disregarding the fact that he tries to save the transient things, but his attempts seem moreso meager. Perhaps this is his way of not ‘meddling’ ironically and being able to move on selfishly albeit with the heaviest burden of all.

As selfless as the Doctor is, he is just as selfish.

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((Credit of the wallpaper and pics go to the original artists))

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Holy cow you’re still reading? Go home. You’re drunk J/K Thanks for reading. Allons-y!

#doctorwho #doctor who #david tennant #peter capaldi #allonsy #tardis #gallifrey #possession

[tillthenexttimedoctor]

The Possible Impossible Girl

A (possibly) familiar argument, now with brand new words...

The Impossible Girl arc was an incredibly smart way of introducing the new companion for the Eleventh Doctor. Setting up Clara as a compelling and wonderful character, it played with the audience’s ideas of what a Moffat era storyline looks like. At its core, it was the ultimate subversion of the tropes we had become accustomed to.

When Jenna Coleman first appeared in Asylum of the Daleks and then The Snowmen, theorising came into full force. Every explanation one could imagine was traded around, from a relative of past characters to a gift from the universe itself. But what they all had in common was that people felt they already knew what to expect. And what they did not expect was that Clara Oswald, the mystery, the woman with the thousand monikers (Soufflé Girl, The Girl Who Can, The Woman Twice Dead…), would turn out to be a normal girl.

 With the mysterious beginning of her story behind her, Clara’s arc repeatedly emphasised this fact. This was true right down to her first face-to-face interaction with the Doctor. It is “Just Clara Oswald”, thank you very much. Later, this was echoed in Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS, when the Doctor exclaimed “You’re just Clara, aren’t you!”. And Emma Grayling’s “She’s a perfectly ordinary girl” speaks for itself, loud and clear. In the Doctor’s obsession with the mystery of Clara, the story clearly takes Clara’s side.

When he disturbingly dedicated his days to painting Clara at the cloister, this was described as “his madness” by the monks. It was not only Emma who questioned whether Clara as an ordinary girl is “not enough”, but also Clara herself who told the Doctor off. She noticed his intrusion into her past and refused to compete with a fantasy, rejected the amazing opportunity to travel all of space and time if it means that she was not accepted for who she is. The Doctor was depicted as wrong and ultimately as scary when he accused Clara of being a trap and Mr Clever talked about how “interested” he was in Clara.

It is a sleight of hand, really, in which the viewer was invited to join the excitement around the large question mark which hovered over Clara, to become engaged in the story of a new companion. But at the same time, we – and the Doctor – were told that this could not really be it. Any attempt of the Doctor to investigate the mystery of her only revealed someone who has experienced loss, who is compassionate, who tries her utmost to be as brave as the adventures she seeks demand of her.

 The Impossible Girl arc reached its climax in The Name of the Doctor. “I’m the Impossible Girl. I was born to save the Doctor.” A final red herring to suggest that this arc would play out in a straight-forward manner. There is a grand mystery to Clara Oswald, connected to him like the cracks in time which stole Amy’s family from her, like the Silence who kidnapped River Song from her parents. And this is the episode where the Doctor would finally solve it. Of course, that is not at all what happened.

In context, Clara’s statement shifted, subtly but importantly until it became literal in nature. Splintered in time, Clara’s echoes are born, they live and they die. She gave them their purpose, by jumping into the Doctor’s time stream and saving not only him but with him whole star systems from certain destruction, but it is not her purpose. She is an ordinary person who made the choice to do something extraordinary. Inspired by her mother and a philosophy of soufflés, in the end this was as much of a play with RTD tropes of ordinary women and domesticity as it was with Moffat’s mysteries.

It is important to note that all of this can only happen because the Doctor fails. He does not solve Clara, like a human puzzle box. Secrets do not keep them safe at all, Clara needed to remember what happened in the TARDIS to realise what she is able to do. The Dalek Asylum, Victorian London, they were her own clues. She found the solution as he was dying and helpless. It is the truth, her courage and her self-sacrifice which rescued him. And Clara Oswald became the heroine of a story which spans all of space and time.

 However, series 7 was not just a tale of tropes and subversions. It also lay the foundations for Clara’s characterisation and her relationship with the Doctor in a way that is, in retrospect, masterful. She was presented to us as a person with a life she had no plans to leave behind. After all, Clara Oswald lost her mum at a young age and wanted to travel, before staying with the Maitlands as their nanny after their own mother died. There is responsibility there and maturity. She is sentimental, genre-savvy and clever. But it is not only her kindness which shines bright, Clara is much more complicated.

She is someone who will bake the same soufflé recipe over and over again, with the same disastrous results. Overtly she is full of an adventurous spirit, but she masks her fears just like other less desirable traits. And so we experienced her panic and insecurity after she tries to negotiate with the Ice Warrior. We saw her ruthlessness when she is willing to force a severely weakened Emma to risk her life again. Leadership and bossiness exist a hair’s breadth away, from taking charge of a platoon to battling over the control over a laptop and telling the Doctor to “pop off and get us a coffee”.

 Sometimes overshadowed by speculation and suspicion, Clara’s and the Doctor’s interactions were characterised by both distance and the strong, warm sense of affection which they would built on in the future. As much as he obsessed over her, the Doctor clearly loves Clara even then. It should not be forgotten that he asked Victorian Clara to travel with him long before he knew of her connection to Oswin. Still, “always brave, always funny, always exactly what I need” shows just how little he knew this Clara, who hid behind smiles, wittiness, and cute dresses.

And so, really, they both came to love someone they did not quite understand yet, behind the mask of a perfect 21st-century woman and the veil of the youthful regeneration of a 2,000-year-old time lord keeping way too many secrets. We still had so much to learn about them. They still had so many adventures ahead.

This meta was published in 101 Claras to See​. The e-book is still available, full of beautiful metas, breathtaking pictures and wonderful fics centred on this amazing character. Get it while you can!

#dwedit #moffat love #doctor who meta #clara oswald #borntosavethedoctor #*mine #meta