#i am OBSESSED and i wish that were me

[francis-ford-kofola]

Archiving deleted scenes from Superman (1978) (3/?)

#sorry for the ultra long post whoops #superman 1978 #lex luthor #miss teschmacher #otis #gene hackman #valerie perrine #ned beatty #deleted scenes posting #i am OBSESSED and i wish that were me #and i won't write anything else because it's late and i should go to bed

[torahtot]

ok ive had enough of queering judaism. can we start judaizing queerness now. or something

#like. it feels like so much of this queering judaism shtus just layers an american/secular queer identity over judaism #which i guess is fine for certain communities. but it's only going to push you away from orthodoxy #and if as queer jews we already feel like our queerness makes us into secularized outsiders in our own communities #how does this help? is trying to get our communities to embrace an essentially secular american iteration of queer identity supposed to mak #us feel LESS like outsiders? it's not quite doing it for me #we need a queerness that comes from within judaism that is essentially jewish #ive seen a couple of articles recently from ppl talking abt how word/concept of butch doesnt exist in their language & culture #but they use it anyway #& like. i love being butch. it's important to me ill never give it up #& i am american too. but my whole identity as a butch he/him lesbian is exclusively secular american it came from the outsifr #which is definitely due in large part to the fact that my Gender Problems were really tied up w orthodox jewish gender roles #so naturally to get out of that i'd pull on something not jewish. but i wish there was another option? idk if that's possible #or how it would look #maybe that's why im obsessed w the idea of a butch w long curly payos.... 😦 #i forgot where i was going w this but yeah it's frustrating #this is a large part of why im wary of starting a queer Jewish club on campus bc the people who would wanna start it w mr #well no offense but they are insufferable about this #(incidentally they're also insufferable about chanukah. no surprises there) #nachi speaks #jew blogging #others have Actually written abt all this tho

[cheekblush]

i'd rather be friendless than to constantly have my boundaries disrespected

#i am so frustrated and annoyed rn #at the beginning of this year my ex best friend reached out to me and i cautiously let her back into my life #things were going great but now she turned a harmless topic into a full blown discussion even though i told her multiple times that i no.. #.. longer want to discuss this matter but she kept going & then accusing me of continuing the discussion as well #and tbh i really should've stopped engaging with her messages much sooner but it's so annoying when someone sends you lots of messages with #their opinion although i mentioned several times that i want to drop the topic & then i'm just expected to shut up lol #she didn't respect my wish to move and made a huge fuss about nothing #i stopped replying to her since yesterday bc i really had enough & i should've just left her on read much sooner #but her messages were truly annoying me #her last message now says that we often have different opinions & she thinks she's more optimistic than me & that makes it hard for her to.. #talk to me..... i was so dumbfounded when i read that this morning #our initial conversation was about whether a song is more pop or rnb....... & she twisted that into me being negative lmao #she was so obsessed with being right that she couldn't drop the topic even though i told her how exhausting the convo was for me #and like it's such an irrelevant topic... imagine being that obsessed with always being right 😭 #idc anymore i'd rather be a negative bitch than someone who disrespects others' boundaries <3 #i thought she changed for the better but she's so self-righteous opinionated & stubborn it's awful #i calmly told her that her behavior is bothering me & we easily could've just moved on but she kept going on and on #and she herself admitted that it's one of her flaws that she always has to be right & she's being petty & yet she didn't stop 🤡 #even writing all this down feels so silly to me bc the initial topic was sooooo trivial #am i supposed to feel sorry for thinking a song was rnb rather than pop???? like go touch some grass please #she even sent me a screenshot of the wikipedia page of the song to prove that it's rnb & it literally said synth pop & rnb lol #but i wasn't even mad about that her not respecting my wish to drop the topic & move on even though i said it multiple times really pissed.. #me off though.... like girl just let it go it's not that deep!!! #but apparently i'm negative & pessimistic for having a different opinion than her 🤷🏼‍♀️ #like imagine starting a fight over smth SO IRRELEVANT but i'm the negative one sure lmao #okay i just needed to get this off my chest bc i don't have anyone to talk to about this & it's just ridiculous to me #☁️

[todayisafridaynight]

i HAVE to keep the daigo plush locked away lest i squeeze it every five minutes to alleviate the cuteness aggression i feel whenever i see it

#snap chats #being without my computer charger has been maddening #that makes me sound terminally online and its because i am. its also cause all i ever wanna do is draw :(( #AND I ESP WANNA WORK ON MY COMMS NOOOOO FUCK #i mean i was at least able to read through yakuza’s bias vol 2… so theres that… #MY SCHOOL STORE DIDNT HAVE LAPTOP CHARGERS i had to order one… hopefully it gets here Overnight like i asked….. if not ill kill #anyway. daigo plushie so cute :(((((((((((((((( #mine cute too but theres just something especially squeezeable about daigo #alas.. thats what the aoki plush’ll be for. my personal stress toy ☠️☠️☠️☠️ #lowkey i wish i also got ichi but then i remenbee they made him pale as all hell and Yeah Im Not Putting Money To That #THE SMALLEST BIT OF A TAN I BEG YOU RGG WHY IS HE SO PALE IT DONT LOOK RIIIIGHT :(((( #anyway.. i have my last class in half an hour… lemme drink this tea… #also Lowkey obsessed with my outfit today.. its that butterfly shirt + gold accessories since theyre monarch butterflies #tho Lowkey 2x the black and yellow remind me of the watase blokes from gaiden…… wack….. #ok bye its tea time #help one of my roommates just came home and she just announces like. ‘man those edibles were. OUGH’ #calling my dad to pick me up nooo im a lame straight edge dont talk about drugs around me ill scream and cry LMAO #ok im done byebye lemme drink this good god

[hellfirenacht]

Flight of Icarus had Eddie making a slightly more than average amount of space references and space is literally my favorite thing. I think I could have handled the Paige and Eddie hook up scene more if it didn't happen in an open field under the stars and a full moon. I think I'm more jealous of that part than anything because that's so ideal.

#nacht post #eddie #nacht of icarus #listen I am obsessed with space and Eddie would be concerned with how much i know about black holes #black holes are my roman empire #im on 3 hours of sleep and just rambling in the tags now #good for piage but god i wish that were me #did you know theres a super ultra mega black hole in the middle of our galexy that basically keeps everything moving?

[theautistichalflinghole]

Listen, am I happy that you now get to rule the world with your SO and be evil together? Of course, evil couple takeover for astarion and minthy romancers, especially when they egged you on to do so, makes much more sense. However do I miss the tragedy of a characters who thought they were finally free and powerful being ultimately betrayed by the one they loved? Having thier love become corrupted and warped into something cruel as thier lover perpetuates thier own cycle of violence and abuse? Yes absolutely

Also yes I know this change is old but I've been busy ok

#i had a whole storyline man 😔 #with an animatic song and everything 😔 #i mean ill still probably make the thing but I have to adjust the in game storyline for that character #idk i wish it was a choice to enthrall your partner or not but also i genuinely do think this is a better option #makes more sense and doesnt break up the cutscene #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #it was gonna be an evil dark urge who romanced ascended astarion and they both loved each other once but its become so corrupted #astarion after ascension and durge after siding with thier father in the temple #also they both had trust issues and were victims that continued the cycle <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 #but yeah now im rewriting her to still be evil but prob minthy mancer? #i could stay with ascended but he doesnt see his love interest as an equal #and thats not as fun when i get to do it the other way and betray him right back #also the song is kiss me son of god and i am obsessed with it so i still will most definitely be making the animatic with the enthralling

[widevibratobitch]

i hate them with a passion

#this may turn into one of my long ass posts with hundreds of screenshots of quotes from the books #but i dont have the energy for that just now #anyway. this moment makes me wanna throw shit at the walls. their relationship is my favourite thing from the very beginning #but dumas went really went out of his way to make it even more insane in the last book #and dont hit me with a 'aww they have such a big/little brother energy its so cute uwu' please im begging you stop saying that #nothing irks me more than hearing their relationship described as something that innocent. its so much more complex and intense come on #there is pure visceral hate there. jealousy. bile. cruelty. some fucked up form of codependency even? maybe? from d'artagnan's side? #there's nothing more horrible and cruel than the fact that THEY are the only two left alive in the end (not for long but yknow) #they would NEVER be friends if not for athos (and they would never hate each other so much if not for him too) #they hate each other so so much. but remember that d'artagnan starts out being absolutely bedazzled by aramis and looking up to him #his first impression of aramis is just. hearteyes and 'wow i wish that were me'. he doesnt do that even with athos at first. #he grows to adore athos yes but upon first meeting him he doesnt think much of him. unlike with aramis. #and then it changes instantly. does a 180° flip when aramis is a bitch to him. #and it stays that way for the entirety of the trilogy. until this moment. this one short moment when d'artagnan #who. mind you. is not innocent himself and was also manipulating the hell out of porthos and talking shit about aramis behind his back. #but he makes that step. he reaches out. 'i fucking hate you let me help you you dumb evil cunt' and aramis says 'no <3' #you know i have this thing where i am OBSESSED with finding the one moment where a character condemns themselves for good. #the one moment when they figuratively sign the contract for their perdition. that up to that moment they could still be saved somehow. #for rodrigo it is when he tries to kill eboli (in the play). for don giovanni it is when he refuses elvira's plea to change #(NOT when he accepts il commendatore's invite mind you) #and i feel like THIS is that moment for aramis. #the fact that it comes from d'artagnan is so just so fucking agsjssgsgsh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and of course he says no. #there is no version of this where he lets himself be helped. he has to say no he will always say no. #but boy oh boy is this making me bang my head against the wall. #the three musketeers #les trois mousquetaires #vicomte de bragelonne #alexandre dumas

[darkmothsy]

Avoiding bedtime cause I don't want tomorrow to come

#more often than not i wish we were strangers #personal #tired af #thats about it #life ain't going well for me #hopefully soon I'll at least have a wardrobe #then i can be ugly but properly dressed #late night thoughts #wish i felt anything other than disappointment #fml #real fucking sad #vent #but with selfies cause i may be depressed but i am self obsessed

[deathandthemaiden23]

Anybody else actually kinda curious what the serpent sisters were gonna say about the "amount of murdering" they had to do to get the map before Jack kept cutting them off bc it happened twice and ngl they reeled me in with the "it all started when-" like im just saying it would have been nice to get some map backstory

#puss in boots #puss in boots the last wish #puss in boots 2 #jack horner #serpent sisters #i realize im talking about two characters who were in the movie for all of five mins but hear me out #i am obsessively overanalyzing every single detail of this movie and you are simply going to have to deal ❤️

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #cw health #cw heart #i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it #i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help #sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me #he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me #sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree #have i Ever actually relaxed #hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch #anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things #a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal #so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now #and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser #i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever #if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked #all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is #every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse #anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches #‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now #i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC #which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it #i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead #anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t. #it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about #i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father

[king0fcrows]

.

#reminder to self: talk about the ecstatic joy felt when you fall down an internet rabbit hole #and you are no longer a flesh and bone creature existing to meatspace #but a purely disembodied intellectual force #connecting with they hivemind of the internet to internet the love letters #from artists/developers that are cryptic Easter eggs and hidden messages #(to decipher the love letters that are Easter eggs) #from artist/developers to the void that is loving inhabited by humanity at their most obsessive #I love when my body falls away and I am only intellectual pursuit #(yes I am drunk and watched several Jacob Geller videos) #including the one about shadow of the colossus #involving a group of internet obsessive who loved and believed so hard #the developers were moved by their passion and created the last great secret they sought in the remaster #compete with cryptic instructions to unlock a door that only existed #because they believe in the base game it could be opened (when it couldn’t) #that is love #that is love passed from one group to another in communion #until you love the very thing you were seeking into existsnce #believing in something so hard you MAKE it become #birth it into existence #it’s moments like this that remind me why I don’t actually hate humanity #sometimes I wish we’d all die in a firey cataclysm because I hate our stupidly so much #much this reminds me that we love so hard we deserve the world

[oglegoggle]

I feel like I want to go home but I don’t have one of those. I want to be near my best friend. I’m frightened by rampant and violent transphobia in our culture. I’m somewhere safe and secure but I feel vulnerable. I want to hide. I want to be left alone. I want to be near others. Everyone is so distracted and overwhelmed by life. I feel invisible. I want to be held.

#this is goggles #that’s the crux that never quite goes away #I want to be held so very much it’s like the thread my sanity hangs onto #I miss my habibi #but I also feel like I’m starting to get overwhelmingly needy #I feel like I need to be more aloof as not to be demanding and bothersome #I get more obsessed with partners way more than they do me and it’s just like a recurring thing I know I have to dial back to be paletable #it would feel nice to receive the kind of obsession I dish out #I don’t quite understand why I’m so different I kinda hate it about myself quite a lot #I just want to be held everything melts away into quiet peace when I’m held but just laying around snuggling for hours is massively boring #my body hurts so much less it’s like signifigant I don’t understand why it’s so signifigant #my right shoulder and my lower ribs and my neck especially #I wish my body wasn’t like this it continues to feel like a character flaw that I need to overcome #I want to find a doctor I can trust again but I’m more than a little bit overwhelmed by the prospect and mistrustful and vulnerable #Find some kind of magical way that I can make my body quit hurting #mend where I broke my ribs a couple years ago and find the source of the mystery organ pain and whatever happened to my shoulder #I wish I were building a house right now with funky 70s interior design #I wish I could afford to build a house #I wish I could force myself to just shut up and work some shitass job doing nothing of use like trading stocks and make bank and build #I feel antsy like I want to run again but I don’t actually I am perfectly content vibing right here #I can’t just keep running espesh with the fucky paperwork on my van #I am so tired of driving it’s so stressful #the road trip out here was notably brutal on me in a way no other road trip has been before #I miss my best friend I’m trying so hard to be patient for their arrival here #but some gnawing anxiety in my brain worries that they’ll put it off indefinitely and eventually back out #my own insecurity screaming that I’m not worth the massive life altering changes that moving out here with me would bring #my insecurity screaming that I’m not good enough #screaming that I’m too difficult and needy and strange and clingy and demanding and ill put together and chaotic and messy #I feel like I’m barely keeping it together I feel like I’m always teetering on the edge of total and complete life shattering failure #Like everyone around me only barely tolerates my presence and will throw me away and chase me off on a whim

[gingerbreadmonsters]

gahhhh. im sure it doesn't sound like it most of the time, but wow my degree is so cool and fun 🥰🥰

#yes it is painful sometimes and yes it is lots of hard work and frustration #but like....... isnt it so cool to find out why the world became the way it is #how people in the past were like us and also so totally different #through the right lens human history is both the ultimate tragedy of a self-obsessed power hungry cannibalistic species #and also the greatest funniest soap opera of all time #stories upon stories #i will be very honest with u i was kind of scared when i started that i had chosen the wrong degree #what if its not as fun at uni as it was at school - what if its actually way too difficult and i end up hating it #but ykw?? im so glad i chose this #(for those who may not know i am a history student) #idk man i just wish more people knew how cool and funny history is sometimes #plus the sorts of ways this degree encourages u to think are VERY useful (esp nowadays) #'always question everything' is the motto and wow it is very enlightening to live like this #where has this info come from - can i trust them? why are they telling me this? what do they want? is it even true? how do they know this? #does this info fit with what i already know? why? what do other people say abt this? does this imply something about the wider context here #look me in the eye and tell me thats not the most important ingredient for being online nowadays #(except for block and move on. that one is supreme we all know that) #if u are not so into history i would encourage u to have a little look at some of the cool stories that are there i think u will like them #one of the funny (and very gory) ones that i would recommend is the life and especially death of maximilian robespierre #he was alive during the french revolution in the late 1700s and the way he dies is fucking hilarious when u know whats going on #i have actually talked abt this a lot on discord bc i think its funny - much to the annoyance of everyone else in the server lol #another one from that time is napoleon's coup and the removal to saint-cloud #the power struggles of the GMD and CCP in china in the early-mid 20th century are also v interesting if u like that sort of thing #this has all come about bc i was reading an account today of the marriage of alfonso vi of leon and castile and princess zaida of seville #and wow i have a lot of thoughts about it #theres no way to tell if they were really in love or not and if so how much #but idk something about it is very sweet and very sad to me #she the daughter in law of the muslim king of seville and supposedly falls in love with the christian king alfonso - she converts #to christianity so she can marry him but they are only together for a short time - she dies a few years later in 1093 giving birth to their #son sancho alfonsez (who is killed in 1108 at age 15) and she's buried at alfonso's favourite church (technically an abbey but ykwim)

[random-iz-stuff]

Headcanon:

After Zim left Virooz for dead as a PAK stuck to a couch-plant on Dooq, Recap Kid went and found then.

And let’s just say that Recap Kid didn’t exactly appreciate Virooz’s attempt to “fix” their favourite show.

Long-ish post full of memes under the cut. Spoilers for Half Life Opposing Force are also down there.

You know how at the end of Half Life Opposing Force the G Man detains Adrian Shephard in indefinite void storage? Yeah Recap Kid pulled a G Man on Virooz. Here’s a whole bunch of memes I made in a fevered, half asleep stupor that cater specifically to me because I’m the only one with any actual context.

Recap Kid immediately after sticking Virooz back in his body and unceremoniously dumping him into the void:

#I am in a constant state of Recap Kid brainrot #invader zim #headcanons #memes #recap kid #Virooz #comic spoilers #I like Virooz as a villain and wish I saw more of him #he’s seriously slept on #also I will continue to make Recap Kid into an eldritch abomination and no one can stop me #what if god was a small hyperactive child that’s still developing their powers and is willing to sometimes break the rules they were given #by other more powerful gods #and also that child was obsessed with the 2001-2002 Nickelodeon Tv Show Invader Zim #This is going to get about 6 notes total but I don’t care #I’m just turning my brain upside down and shaking it to get all the Recap Kid thoughts out

[solarisposting]

screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!

#not about j we're good - about the friend who i haven't shut up about in the 14 years i've been on the hellsite #the fun part is that i know his forever career and his forever whereabouts and it will break my heart into shards for the rest of my life! #and goddamnit we weren't romantically together but instead together as part of a weirdly codependent friend group of four and we were #near identically weird and fucked up emotionally and in our humor and how we spoke and how we meshed and i will NEVER fucking get over it!! #i'm still agog that i sent you a last chance hail mary sort of letter like the lyrics in this song about how i think about you often and #have always believed in you and been rooting for you like all the rest of us who knew you before things got really bad because you were and #are such a fucking incredible person and musician and friend and so smart and creative and LOVABLE! i said that in the letter without #realizing alanis said that in one of THE best lost love songs of all goddamn time! #i wish i could tell you one more time - right now today immediately or better yet five years ago - how i have always loved and admired you #and everything about you. even now. all the way out here in iowa i am still loving you with everything i have in me every single day #knowing i will never speak to or see you again [i think about you all the time but i don't need the same] and i finally started to admit #that to myself and my friends and my therapist in 2021 and i'm more at peace with it than i ever was or thought i could be in 2019 and 2020 #but i know it's gonna take my whole lifetime to get a grip on it and accept it. and it'll stop hurting one of these days. i know it will #i don't think i've ever loved a friend as much as I loved you. i think you were the best friend i've ever had #and that's one of the nastiest parts of it - we were good friends and you did seem to like me plenty #but i think i was the w-h-auden_morelovingone.txt by a mile. i was a weird obsessed stage 10 clinger. #and that's surely a large part of the dwelling and the fixation. if things had been more equal then maybe it'd be very different now. #guess i'll die because i sure ain't finding out!! #HELLO LOVES HAVE SOME RICH NUTRITIOUS ANNIE LORE ON THIS FINE FREEZING COLD SUNDAY AFTERNOON! #ann with an ie #<- this was a nightmare to type out and feel but i wanna keep it around for whenever i get the balls to talk about it in therapy again

[feeling-kinda-sad-ngl]

just remembered how my cousin was talking abt how lately she hasnt been eating and how sick even the thought of food is making her and her sister was like oh really me too and they kept talking abt it and it probably wasnt anything to be upset over but i was, i felt so gross

#its funny now bc why is this my life #why cant i be normal instead of obsessing over this kinda stuff and why am i getting so offended over someone else talkingg abt their #unpleasant experiences bc yk to them its unpleasant (to me it would be the best thing in the world i wish those were my worries instead of #binging almost everyday tbh) #oooo also found out how much my grandma weighs today and shes got a rlly skinny face but apparently weighs closer to me than i thought