#I wish my body wasn’t like this it continues to feel like a character flaw that I need to overcome | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nocturnalazure · 23 days

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An answer to Echoweaver

@echoweaver - I thought it best to make a separate post again in reply to your comments but we can continue the discussion via PM after this if you prefer?

Your comments:

I don't really have a better place to post this, since it seems weird to put an essay about your story on my blog. I wanted to follow up on this, since I'm sure it was my reaction the prompted your thinking. I definitely had feels about Erik and Gloria's breakup, and I wasn't coherent about them. Mostly I was feeling defensive of Gloria. The first responses seemed to indicate she'd overreacted, and I don't really think she did.

The core of my thinking was that she told Erik she wanted to be his priority, and he didn't answer her. I'm sure his body language gave her an answer at some level, and we all knew what it would be. But he didn't actually tell her until he was leaving, about to walk into danger and leaving her to process alone. That's very different from Romeo and Jamie, where Romeo brought his disclaimers up front and allowed Jamie to decide what he could live with.

I wish Gloria had made a different decision, but with the way Erik forced the decision on her, I would have broken up with Erik too. And of course, Gloria came not only second in Erik's life, but third, since he's in love with his boss. She also came after Laurie as a person, and she was sensing that. There wasn't a lot of Erik left over for her.

I do still have a lot of trouble with Erik/Laurie. Erik's intense way of defining himself by his role in the mob makes it impossible for me to see a route to them having a healthy relationship -- Laurie is Erik's boss, and Erik has no line between personal and professional. In addition, Laurie is very cerebral, and Erik is not a verbal communicator. Erik seems like he'd be better with someone like Carmen (we all marry our parents??).

As a side issue, I've spent decades dealing with friends and fans who compulsively sexualize male intimacy, and I find it frustrating. I really liked Erik and Laurie as platonic partners, and I still kind of mourn it. I love Anh, and I do hope her arc with Laurie, whatever it is, takes her to a good place.

The end.

My answer:

As an author, I haven’t found the right balance yet between leaving the readers have their own interpretation and giving them a nudge in the direction I want. So two sides compete inside of me: the thrill of seeing my characters dissected and analysed, and the frustration when the results are not what I had hoped for. It brings up all sorts of self-questioning about my writing abilities. Is a good writer one who manages to make their characters as universally relatable as possible? Or is it one who simply sparks some thinking? If I were to judge by all the bad books that I have read and that I still remember to this day… I’d rather go with the former proposition. But at the same time, I can’t deny that it is flattering that someone would take some of their time to think about my characters. So thank you for this, sincerely.

I see Erik as a flawed human being. So basically, just a human being. It wouldn’t have struck me as very realistic for him to discuss beforehand with Gloria everything that his job implied. Sometimes, discussions happen when they have to happen, because that is how it goes in real life too. And yes, in Erik’s case, there is more to it than just the job. Maybe he’s not ready to admit it out loud. Maybe he’s afraid to hurt Gloria even more. Maybe he wants to keep his promise to Laurie to keep it quiet. Anyway, you’re right: no, he wasn’t upfront with her when she asked him to be his priority and he didn’t answer for many different reasons. And obviously, she was right in asking that precisely, because that is the core of the problem between them and why it would never have worked. Gloria tried, thought she could do it, but in the end it meant changing Erik and that is asking for the impossible. And to Erik’s credit, he did try too, so much. He threw himself headlong into that relationship, in a very Erik way, and he wanted so bad to make her happy because from the get-go, he was afraid that he wasn’t good enough for her. All things considered, it doesn’t matter if Gloria ends up second, third or even tenth in Erik’s list of priorities. She would not have been first in any scenario. And to be fair, that is also the case for many real-life couples: your partner comes second after work, the kids, friends, even hobbies,… Sure, that is not healthy but many people live like that. I don’t pretend to depict ideal couples either.

Gloria was surely right in breaking up with Erik, since they have different outlooks on what being in a relationship involves. That being said, she was (still is) in love with him and she hadn’t expected him to choose his work (or Laurie) over her if she issued an ultimatum. Right now, the poor girl is devastated and kicking herself for not leaving the door open. It is too late, unfortunately. Something has switched in Erik’s mind too.

From a long time now, I have shown Erik as being loyal to Laurie as a person. Not necessarily to an organization or what it represents. He even says at some point that he has “faith” in Laurie. This goes beyond simple duty, and yes, personal and professional are intrinsically connected. However, I don’t see Laurie and Erik as having a strictly hierarchical relationship. Erik has a disregard for the rules inherited directly from his father, and even if Laurie did use his authority from time to time to distance himself from Erik, he’s never been able to really keep him away. Erik, by default, just does whatever the fuck he wants to do. And that’s also what Laurie likes so much about him.

I see your point, but I don’t agree: opposites attract. I think it is very interesting, particularly in fiction, to explore how two characters with very different personalities and backgrounds can find common ground and how they can actually enrich each other. I am always cautious of making similar-minded people automatically get together, be it as friends or lovers. In real life, it creates a dangerous cognitive bubble. I love to find out how two outwardly conflicting personalities can interact and ultimately appreciate each other. By the way, Anh and Laurie are far from being completely similar. Their brain functions in much the same way but they are both strongly opinionated and will clash inevitably. We either marry our parents, or the complete opposite of them (as is my case).

Finally, I hear what you’re saying about sexualizing male friendships. It is a bit of a touchy subject. I don’t do that in real life, that’s for sure. But I allow more leeway in fiction because a big part of the fun is to explore different aspects of life, including sexuality. I’m a straight person. That doesn’t mean I’m not genuinely interested in other sexual identities. Love is love after all.

I can only say that I’ve never intended to write a gay romance with Laurie and Erik. It did start out as a true friendship. But their relationship developed as we know, and I don’t regret a thing because to me, they make a lot of sense together. It just seemed that obvious and I felt like I had voluntarily kept them apart because I was scared of what people would think. Now my favorite part of their relationship is that they never question their (bi)sexuality. They just have romantic feelings for each other that they cannot help, and neither of them really care about labelling those feelings (very much like Sam doesn’t want to define how she feels for Ash).

Finally, l I want to say that Laurie and Erik’s relationship and my determination to write it as well as possible have been an opportunity for me to learn a lot more about the LGBTQ+ community. That has certainly enriched me.

#text post #replies

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princeofjinhae · 2 years

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Before the last 2 episodes of Yumi’s Cells 2 are out I just wanted to say I really appreciate Jinyoung’s acting this season as Babi. He really works so hard and put himself in the shoes of this character. We didn’t get much of his back story or his cells unfortunately. But with Jinyoung expressing amazing emotion in his acting we could feel the sincerity and understand Babi’s difficulties and his struggles as a character.

In the beginning we think that Babi is this perfect boyfriend who is so supportive to Yumi. But we see also that he has these flaws that makes having a relationship with Yumi hard. For example in last episode even though he was back together with Yumi he was so insecure and afraid to lose her that he lied to her and didn’t tell her he was in the hospital. As an audience member at first this really annoyed me and made me so frustrated with the writers for doing this to Babi and making him look even more like a bad boyfriend. Then he proposes to Yumi and this seems like an attempt by Babi to keep Yumi from leaving him as if once they are married they can continue to live happily together. But there is already trouble with trust in the relationship and it could only be worse.

I don’t know how Yumi and Babi could end up happy together again. It was a really sad relationship when you think about it this way. Yumi was just broken up with Woong. Babi was someone who her love cell didn’t accept at first but instead all the other cells in her body earned to be with him already. They liked the feeling of Babi being someone that would love them and treat them right. But Babi was never seen as more than a fantasy boyfriend. Someone to support and encourage Yum’s writing. A person for Yumi to feel all cute and happy with. But once he makes one mistake its over. The fantasy is broken.

Babi recognized that he was in trouble because he let himself gain some feeling for another girl. But instead of acting on those feeling and cheating on Yumi he tried to distance himself and focus on his relationship with Yumi. But it wasn’t enough for Yumi because already her image of him being this perfect boyfriend is broken. Did she ever truly love Babi or did she love the idea of him? What did Yumi even know about Babi such as what are his passions and his goals in life what is his dream? What is he like with his family? Did Yumi love Babi for who he is or did she love him for what he did for her?

This is way too long and i doubt anyone will read this but I just needed to get all these emotion and thoughts i have been having out.

In the end I appreciate Jinyoung’s acting with Goeun was amazing. If I just ignore the storyline I can just see the cute sweet moments and the beautiful heart breaking moments as wonderful acting. I wish the characters were written with more care but that’s not my choice. I can just take it for what it is. I understand that as viewers we expect a happy ending where the male lead and the female lead end up together in the end after facing all kinds of obstacles because love conquers all. But what is painfully real about Yumi’s cells is that it’s not like that. In season 1 the main leads broke up. The end.

I think this season will be the same ending. Yumi breaks up with Babi this time it’s final. She can’t have the same feeling for him anymore the trust is gone she doesn’t need him anymore. She is a writer now she has ambition and is growing to love herself instead of having a man love her. Maybe that will be the ending. The person Yumi ends up with will be someone she can see herself living with forever to love unconditionally as a best version of herself as possible putting aside her painful history.

Anyway i wish Babi to have a happy ending too. But this isn’t called Babi’s Cells so i guess the writers might not have any obligation to give him one. He will just end up being an Ex.

But congratulations to this amazing cast thank you for your hard work.

#yumi’s cells 2

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peony-pearl · 2 years

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Seeing all these posts about finding Iroh's flaws and his shady backstories only to point out how imperfect he is only makes me love my meow meow more. He IS imperfect and inconsistent and flawed!! The writing and execution definitely could have displayed those traits more but idk I personally really enjoy seeing a character that has all these ties and immediate bloodlines to the start of a war and a horrible regime and despite continued shakiness and bad decisions he still does what he can to do the opposite so he can liberate the world he and his forefathers and nation have helped to conquer.(also I mean he wasn’t the crux of the show there were other things in a limited time that the writers had to fit in there so yeah nothing was going to be perfect)

He does what he can to protect and lead his nephew after spending 3 years with him, regretting that he looked away when Zuko was burned, so now while they're on the run he would much rather spend his hours trying to ensure they might have a surviving chance, but Zuko also needs to make his own choices and while he can talk him out of situations, he can't make Zuko's decisions for him.

Was Zuko right in being upset that Iroh was so excited for his own tea shop when it wasn’t the life Zuko wanted? Honestly I could vibe with his anger; but from an adult’s pov, Iroh had the knowledge to run a successful business and they needed the money and security. Zuko was a teenager who hadn’t displayed interest in living in Ba Sing Se, but the alternative was being turned over to the Fire Nation where he would be imprisoned.

Iroh was brought up the same exact way Zuko and Azula were. Iroh could have potentially been to Azulon was Lu Ten was to Iroh - a sacrificed soldier boy whose loss would have been blood on Azulon's hands, no matter how much Azulon was groomed to believe in the war from Sozin - the way he passed that conviction to Iroh and Ozai - the way they convinced Lu Ten and Zuko and Azula.

Iroh was the one to get his hands stained with the blood of his only child, and unlike Ozai who willingly scarred his son, it broke him. Yet, he was still a Fire Nation heir. He had decades of lessons and pride chiseled into his military brain - yet he began to see past it all. With the death of Lu Ten, and then Azulon, and then seeing Ozai crowned the Fire Lord, I feel like these 3 things in succession imparted a very big reason as to why Iroh ‘looked away’ when Zuko was born.

Nothing he did mattered.

He was the prince that raided Ba Sing Se for 600 days - to lose his child to his own hubris and to a war he was taught to believe mattered. The war was everything - and it cost him his spiritual everything - his only child. Then Azulon’s death occurs almost immediately after, only to be told it was his dying wish that Ozai be named Fire Lord.

Four blows - four losses: Lu Ten, Ba Sing Se, Azulon, the crown. All of these connected to what he had been learning since birth - the ultimate power of his birthright. That he would one day lead all of this, and it all comes crashing down within days.

Iroh leaves for a period of time before coming back to eventually witness Zuko and Ozai’s Agni Kai. Surely he could have stepped in? But what could hold him back?

The emotional blockage that he wasn’t strong enough. That nothing he did mattered. Ozai was Fire Lord, and even if Iroh stepped in, Zuko would have still been punished one way or another for what he did.

Ozai would have stepped over Iroh’s body to inflict the justice he wanted to impart of Zuko. And even if Iroh had whisked Zuko away, where would they go?

Probably on that ship, sailing the seas in exile; only this time with no crew and an angrier Zuko and a more vitriolic Ozai seeking them out.

None of these scenarios are any better though - but that’s the point. Everything about this family is FLAWED and that’s the beauty and tragedy of it. There are those that make the ultimate mistakes and come out on the other side. Others deserved better. Others deserved worse. To find positives and negatives is the purpose of their characterizations; the way they lived and then interacted with the other generation is KEY to the entirety of the story.

Each of these descendants had their own experiences that they imparted on others.

Iroh had 3 years to impart his experiences onto Zuko - even if the boy barely listened. Iroh had a lifetime of lessons burned into his skull - but only 6 years of trauma that had left bloodstains on his hands. He now had the trauma of a 16 year old that he had chosen to help with after feeling it was his place to look after Zuko. Imagine how helpless he felt he was in that moment of not being able to step in to stop Ozai, but the pain of watching his brother scar his only son - when all Iroh wanted was to see his once more.

When Iroh sees Azula and he’s on guard - he’s remembering the girl who smiled when her brother was injured - and things we never saw.

‘his royal tea loving kookiness’

‘uncle’s a quitter and a loser’

What was their first interaction when he finally returned and her father was now the Fire Lord? After her cousin had died, and Iroh was still in mourning? There just isn’t a relationship there, and after 3 years to become protective of and close with Zuko, to see Azula suddenly puts Iroh on guard when the last he remembers is that she spared no remorse over her brother’s injury.

Iroh does have more concern for Zuko than Azula - because the boy spoke out in favor of troops and was immediately and publicly shamed and literally scarred for life and sent out into the world on a wild goose chase that could have potentially never ended had Aang never resurfaced. Zuko was looking at a possible lifetime of never going home and not having much of a future unless he finally gave up - and then what? What future would he have had with all of that weight on his shoulders? That shame, the constant reminders from the colonies?

Iroh, who had already been on travels and lived in military bunks before, decided to watch his nephew - because he owed it to the boy. He allowed Zuko power, yet still taught him with the military prowess burned into his brain. However, he was still Iroh - still the benevolent former crown prince - but benevolent does not mean good. Iroh is no hero, not even to the Fire Nation. He does not want to be seen as a hero or a saint - because he knows he’s not. But he does know right from wrong, even if he doesn’t display it directly BECAUSE of his affiliations, and he has already committed wrongs.

But he can learn from them and help others from meeting the same fate he led his son to.

#listen I know this is rambly and incoherent but #I LOVE seeing these messy characters #I LOVE that Iroh is beloved and MESSY #he has done some shit!!#but he still believes in the best in people and the world!!#he is a living contradiction who could do better!! but he still tries!!!#dude was gonna be the next Fire Lord and he was a general #so yeah he knows how to weasel his way in and out of situations in ways that will benefit him #but then he tells Aang that power is overrated and he's wise to choose love #he wants to see Zuko at peace #he lets Katara get Aang to safety #idk I just have a lot of feelings about the dude #the part that got me was his threat to Zhao about hurting the moon spirit and his conviction and dedication to what he knew was right #the world needed that spirit more than the Fire Nation needed that victory #that's Iroh and he knows the greater good - even if he often isn't good at being consistent #but he's human and FLAWED!!!#THAT'S THE POINT

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bumbleklee · 3 years

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hey c: can i please ask for something with childe, kaeya and diluc where they accidentally hurt the reader? angst please? have a good day <3

hihi c: i didnt know if you meant physically hurt or emotionally hurt so i mixed it up <3

before reading: angst/hurt, cursing, men being absolutely stupid, under cut for possible sensitive topic + i think this is obvious but i dont think any of these characters would ever act this way

childe

his fatal flaw was that he was too possessive of you

he was a protective person in general and you were no exception

and usually it was fine

childe showed affection in public with an arm around your waist or a few kisses and glaring side glances to staring men or women

but sometimes he took it too far and you just wished he would stop

You and Childe had decided to go to a bar in Liyue one night and after a few drinks, you began becoming friendly with the other patrons. You didn’t think your tipsy compliments towards a tall man were flirty but when he smirked down at your shorter form, you realized you may have overstepped the line.

“Who are you here with?” He asked, leaning down to your ear. Your eyes glanced around the bar and you didn’t see Childe. “Are you here alone?”

“Not alone...” You slurred. The man reached down to slip a hand onto your waist and you flinched away, nearly stumbling to the floor. He caught you fall with a strong arm and pulled you close. You were dangerously close to his face now. “My boyfriend...he’s...”

“Your boyfriend?” The man continued, “I don’t see your boyfriend.”

“Well, turn around.”

Hearing Childe’s voice made your heart sink. The man’s hold on your loosened and you wiggled away, immediately going around him. Childe looked hurt but you didn’t have time to explain yourself before he stepped towards the man.

“I wouldn’t mess with me,” He said harshly, “I’m the Eleventh Fatui Harbinger.”

The man looked Childe up and down and smirked even more, “You? Why, you’re just a scrawny little thing.”

“Stop fighting!” You tried, your vision hazy from the alcohol. Before you knew it, you were stepping in between the men just as Childe swung at the man. Instead of colliding with his nose like he intended, Childe’s fist smashed against your jaw and you cried out.

A silence grew over the crowd and Childe stared at you in shock. You stumbled for a moment and clutched your face, lingering pain seething through your skin. You regained your balance and looked up at Childe’s horrified face, “It’s okay-”

Before you could get another word out, Childe turned on his heel and left the bar without a sound.

kaeya

he was careless

he liked to drink (a lot) and alcohol tended to mess with your logic and reasoning

whenever you two fought, he was usually intoxicated

and it was the same every time: fight when he’s drunk, you make him sleep on the couch, he wakes up sober the next morning and puts two and two together and then surprises you with homemade breakfast or flowers to say he was sorry

every now and then, though, kaeya didn’t know when to stop

“Kaeya, just calm down.”

He was drunk, even more than usual. He could hardly stand up straight and you had to hoist his body against yours just to get him home. Now he was picking you apart for something you said days ago, slamming kitchen cabinets and making a tremendous scene in front of you.

“You’re...the most selfish, irritating, two-faced bitch...” He slurred. You spun around at that, your eyes narrow with anger.

“And you’re an arrogant drunk whose too shallow to care about anyone but himself,” You shot back. You didn’t mean what you said and you were sure Kaeya didn’t either but the tension was too high to talk about that now.

You waited for Kaeya’s reply. Instead of throwing back a snarky insult, he stepped closer to you. Your body tensed, your back straightening and your arms flat against your side. You knew the words that came out of your mouth next were unwarranted but, frankly, you were getting scared.

“What? Now you’re going to fucking hit me?”

When nothing happened, you took a step backwards. Kaeya wasn’t moving anymore and a look of hurt crossed his face. Your stomach dropped and you reached out to him but he shrugged your hand away.

“Kaeya, I didn’t mean that. I just-”

“You really thought I was going to hit you?” He asks, his voice cracking. It was almost like he sobered up completely in that moment alone. Your jaw was tight and you didn’t know what to say. “I’m not that low of a person, Y/N.”

You slept on the couch that night.

diluc

never in a million years would you think diluc would ever hurt you

he was such a gentleman and loved you dearly

he was even notorious for breaking up altercations between couples when things were getting serious

so when your fight escalated past anything you had ever experienced before, you were stunned

It was you that initiated the violence. You felt something explode into you when Diluc made a rather nasty comment and in that moment, you needed to feel some relief.

A wine bottle falls to the floor of the Winery, shattering instantly and sending glass across the room. You both stare at the mess of glass and alcohol.

“What’s wrong with you?” Diluc hisses, looking between you and the broken bottle on the ground. His tone was becoming increasingly more vicious which only fueled your inner turmoil.

You ignore him and step away from the glass, heading towards the stairs. “I’m going to bed.”

“Like hell you are, Y/N! We aren’t done here!”

You whip around to face him. “What else do you fucking want, Diluc? Do you want me to get on my fucking knees and tell you that you’re right?”

Diluc runs a hand through his unruly hair, his ponytail long forgotten. He walks up to you briskly and grabs your wrist, yanking you towards him. You stumble down the first few steps towards him. “Can you be bothered to listen to me for just ten seconds?”

“Let go of me.”

“Not until you calm down,” Diluc says. His grip on your wrist tightens.

“Diluc, let go of me! You’re fucking hurting me!”

At that, Diluc releases your wrist. His hand falls down to his side as you pull yours to your chest, frowning and rubbing out the squeezed skin. He stares at you for a moment before turning around, his back facing you completely.

“Just go to bed.”

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin hcs #genshin writing #genshin self insert #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin childe #childe #childe x reader #genshin tartagalia #tartagila #tartaglia x reader #genshin kaeya #kaeya #kaeya x reader #genshin diluc #diluc #diluc x reader

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haikyuu-appreciation-club · 3 years

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Hi, I have been reading your posts lately and I fell in love with the way you write! I wanted to request if you could do suna, atsumu and terushima when their s/o feels insecure about their body. Thanks and keep on writing these beautiful pieces of work!!☺️✨

ahhhh oh my goodness that's so sweet, thank you my love!!

I decided to do these for my medium sized girls because that’s my body type and I think it’ll definitely be easier for me to write about due to my own insecurities

also everything I talked about has been something I've personally experienced so I promise I’m not trying to romanticize anything. Being insecure comes in different way and I wanted to represent that so please read the warnings before proceeding

ALSO A REMINDER: ALL BODIES ARE BEAUTIFUL

anywhooo I hope you enjoy my love

• Terushima, Atsumu, and Suna Comforting an S/O Who is Insecure About Their Body (Medium Sized Girls) •

warnings: (TW) mentions of body insecurities (all), diets/borderline eating disorders (suna), body dysmorphia (terushima), panic attacks (atsumu; I don’t know if you can consider it a full blown panic attack but just including it as a warning just in case)

genre: comfort

characters: terushima, atsumu, suna

• Terushima •

you stood in front of your mirrior, poking and prodding at every imperfection that you found on your body

every single flaw became amplified in your mind the longer you watched your figure contort in the rectangle

you felt disgusted in your own skin and you just wanted all your insecurities to magically disappear

but you knew it wasn’t so easy

as tears began pooling at the rim of your eyes, you felt strong arms wrap around your waist

peering back towards the mirror, you were met with terushima’s reflection smiling right back at you

his pierced tongue darted out at you in a playful manner as soon as his he saw you stare back at him

but as soon as he noticed the tears streaming down your face his expression dropped

he placed a soft kiss on your cheek before resting his chin on your shoulder,

“What’s the matter, prince/ss?”

you tried to steady your breathing and the hot streaks continues to stain your face,

“I’ve just feel s-so insecure lately and I don’t know what to do. I can’t stand looking at myself without seeing every single detail I h-hate. I don’t even understand how you’re attracted to me anym-more”

you turned around and hugged your boyfriend, not wanting him to see you in the state you were in

hearing your words broke terushima’s heart

he was frustrated that your brain caused you to think this way about yourself

when he looked at you, no matter how hard he tried to see, there was no imperfection in sight

and he so desperately wished you could see yourself the way he saw you

as your sobs died down he pulled away from your embrace and began peppering your face with soft kisses, causing you to let out a laugh

he continued trailing kisses over your body, stopping at every area to tell you what he loved about it

your body was covered with kisses and praise from head to toe and once he was finished he cupped your cheek and pulled you into a kiss

a kiss filled with passion and love

a kiss that only terushima could make you truly feel

“I love you Y/N, all of you. And you better get used to hearing it because I'll be letting you know until we’re all old and wrinkly.”

You let out a laugh as you looked up at him, grabbing him by his face and pulling him towards you to place a kiss on his forehead,

“I can’t wait Yu.”

• Atsumu •

as soon as atsumu walked into your room he knew something was off

all your lights had been turned off and he felt the clothes strewn across your floor under his feet with each step he took

he thought maybe you had run to the store to grab something before your date

but he knew if that was the case, you would've called him and let him know

soon enough he got his answer when his ears picked up on the soft sobs that came from behind your bathroom door

he softly knocked, not wanting to fully ruin the privacy that you had found in those small quarters,

“Hey, Y/N? Ya in there?”

after a few more moments with no response, he gently twisted the door handle and let himself in

as soon as he flipped on the light switch, his chest ached at the sight before him

you sat on the cold tile of your bathroom floor in only your undergarments as you hugged your knees and sobbed into your arms

you were so lost in your own world of self hatred and insecurities that you still had yet to notice atsumu staring at you with sad eyes

“Y/N?”

your sobs came to a shaky stop, fear and embarrassment coating your body as you recognized the new voice filling the now brightly lit room

“Y/N, what’s the matter?”

you shook your head and scooted away from him, frantically attempting to cover your exposed body before he could catch sight of your imperfections

as he watched your chaotic movements, he began to understand what was happening and it broke his heart

you were so beautiful to him and the fact that you couldn’t see that hurt him more then anything else could

he slowly approached your shaking form, being careful not to freak you out so much that you’d push him away

once he got close enough, he sat down besides you and lightly placed a hand on your knee

although the light flinch you let out at his touch pained him a bit, this was progress

“Don’t worry, it’s just me baby. What’s going on?”

“I-I’m sorry. I know we w-were supposed to go out but n-nothing in my closet..f-fits.”

you began to sob once more as atsumu wrapped an arm around your shoulder, allowing you to bury your face into his shirt

he used his other arm to hold you closer, rubbing soothing circles into your back as your tears flowed

once your cries died down his grip on you didn't falter, instead he placed a kiss to your head and began to speak,

“Listen here Y/N, yer amazing just how you are and i love every inch of you. Clothes are just pieces of fabric, we can go shopping today for some more and go on our date tomorrow. Besides, I’d love to get a fashion show.”

he loosened his grip on you before peering down and giving you a big grin

you chuckled lightly, tears staining your face as you gave him a smile of your own

“There you are, and with that pretty smile too. How lucky am i?”

you wrapped your arms around him once more as you mumbled a soft ‘thank you’ into his chest

he pressed a kiss to the top of your head before resting his chin on it

“No need to thank me Y/N.”

• Suna •

suna had always been extremely attentive, both on and off the court

so it shouldn't have come as a surprise when he began to pick up on your change in eating habits

the way you’d always flip over the packages to check the calorie count or the way your portion sizes had become dangerously small

not wanting to jump to conclusions, he didn't think too much of it at first

figuring you were on your period and had a loss of appetite or something of that sort

but once those actions became an everyday thing, he decided he needed to talk with you about it before it became a serious issue

the next day at lunch, you two sat down with each other and began to chat about how your days had been so far

suna wasn't paying the utmost attention to the conversation at hand though

he was more focused on the small snack you had pulled out of your backpack

and once again he watched you with hurt eyes as you flip over the bag and poured a small amount of it’s contents in your hand before returning it to your bag,

“Is that all you’re gonna eat?”

you peered up at him with anxious eyes as your gaze trailed between him and the food in your palm,

“Um, yes?”

“That’s not enough food for lunch Y/N.”

“It’s fine Rin, i’m just on a diet.”

“That’s not healthy, and besides you don’t need to go on a diet.”

you sighed, peering down at the lunch table as tears threatened to spill from your eyes,

“I need to lose weight babe, i feel gross.”

suna got up from the opposite side of the table were he sat and made his way to your side, sitting back down and wrapping an arm around your shoulder,

“You don’t need to lose weight Y/N, you’re great the way you are. But if you want to lose weight to feel more confident in yourself, there are better ways to do it. I can help you if you feel like this is something you wanna do for yourself.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. But just know i love you no matter what you look like, and your body will always be perfect to me.”

you smiled up at him before connecting your lips with his

you could feel the heat radiating off his cheeks at the sudden display of public affection but just this once he endulged in your antics and pulled you closer, deepening the kiss to show you just how much he loved you

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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vizowrites · 3 years

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“We” vs “Me”| or “Why BlitzStrike Works So Well For Me But Stolitz [as of episode 6].....Doesn’t”

Alright my Loves, so I said that I was going to talk in further detail about my feelings regarding Stolas and the multi-layered portrayal of his relationship with Blitz in the new episode, and today’s the day where that happens!! First of all, though, before I really get into my feelings about things, I want to just make it ABUNDANTLY clear that I’m not trying to sway anyone from one side to the other, or trying to shame anyone for shipping two fictional characters. I’m fully in the boat that you are completely entitled to ship whoever you want, but I also think it’s wise to at least be able to recognize the faults and flaws in a pairing--and especially to be able to recognize them in the context of an IRL relationship. In this analysis in particular, I’m specifically focusing on these two relationships within the realm of the Helluva Boss universe [......Hell] and within the specific context of their characters as they’ve been portrayed in the show thus far. And, my biggest disclaimer of all: I’m doing this for no other reason than I felt like putting my jumbled thoughts together into a cohesive post so that they don’t have to stay bouncing and buzzing around in my head. Please keep that in mind that this is just pure personal opinion and interpretation before anyone comes at me with torches and pitchforks. <3 <3

SO WITH THAT LONG ASS DISCLAIMER OUT OF THE WAY

Let’s finally get to the good stuff. And the not so good stuff. :D

So I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone who follows me here that I’m a huge BlitzStrike fan. What I think fewer people know is that when I first entered the fandom a few months ago, I actually was on board the Stolitz train like so many others that I’ve met here in the fandom. Naturally Stolitz was the first major pairing I was introduced to, and I did find both the characters of Blitz and Stolas incredibly interesting and compelling in their own rights AND saw the potential in how they could really come to grow into one hell of a relationshp over time. I was honestly really excited to see it happen, too.

And then I watched Episode 5 [still my favorite episode, btw] for the first time and had this sudden question hit me like a truck that even now is still relentlessly burning in the back of my mind because I still haven’t found a legitimate answer for it: Why in the FUCK wasn’t Blitz falling head-over-heels in attraction to Striker throughout this fucking episode??

And I don’t mean that in a “They’re so hot and I ship them now why didn’t they get together?? DX DX” kind of way--I mean that in the genuinely perplexed “I don’t understand based on what has been presented to me thus far about Blitz as a character and the storyline overall why he’s reacting so nonchalantly to this whole thing”. To Note: This is me wondering this from the context of what’s in the show itself, not from any extra fan materials like the Instas or Twitter or just straight up knowing that the most likely answer is that there are people on the creative team that ship Stolitz really hard and realistically wouldn’t have probably written Blitz as being attracted to Striker because that would just be--to quote Jack Sparrow--blowing holes in their own ship. No, this is me disregarding ALL of that and trying to rationalize this with myself from the perspective of a fan whose entire knowledge of the show and its characters comes exclusively from what’s in the episodes themselves. .....And that’s where I just can’t find my answer, except for the Stolitz positive “He’s not attracted to Striker because he’s in love with Stolas” answer. Which really doesn’t even feel like a satisfying answer, because the entire vibe I’ve gotten from Stolitz in the show has just felt.....strangely.....off. Like, the framework is there and the elements are there, but I’d felt as though they had so far to go still that it would be entire SEASONS before they got there.

And THEN the new episode [Episode 6] came out and I’d heard a handful of fans going crazy because the show was finally addressing Stolitz in full, and I thought to myself, “Well, maybe if the show really is going to go with saying that the reason Blitz wasn’t interested in Striker is because he’s in love with Stolas.....sure. I’m curious to see how they finally establish it in an episode, especially since there’s only two more episodes left in the entire first season.” And then I watched the episode. And then it hit me why Stolitz just does not do a damn thing for me but BlitzStrike does despite the fact that we’ve had 4/6 episodes [5/7 if you count the Pilot] of Stolitz but only 1/6 [1/7] of potential--not even canonical--BlitzStrike:

When Striker talks about Blitz, or interacts with Blitz, he always talks about them as a “we”. As a team. A partnership. OR he just straight up puts the entire focus on Blitz and his accomplishments and keeps himself out of it entirely.

When Stolas talks about Blitz, he always talks about them within the context of “me”--of himself--of what Blitz does or should do for him. Even here in episode 6, in the most “selfless” instance we’ve seen yet, where he does ask about Blitz’s safety first BEFORE going right back into how Blitz’s actions affect him and what Blitz should be doing in response for him. Stolas’s focus is always automatically set to himself--and even when it comes to the people he supposedly loves the most.

To explain what I mean here, let me give some examples directly from the show itself, starting with the Stolas side of things:

Episode 1

Blitz, in the middle of trying to hide so much that he actually clamps both of his hands over his mouth just to muffle the sound of his own breathing, knowing damn well that this psychotic bitch who already shot him once won’t hesitate to do it again if she finds him.....gets a call from Stolas. Stolas, who we clearly see from his leisurely hang out time in his bubble bath, is literally watching this happen and is fully aware that calling Blitz right then was potentially putting him in danger. But what does he say when he gets Blitz on the phone? He offers--not help--but Blitz the use of his book in exchange for monthly sex. Stolas literally uses Blitz’s peril as leverage here--consciously or not, though given the fact that he knows the situation at hand, I’d find it very hard to argue that he didn’t do this on purpose--just to get him to agree to be his bootycall until further notice.

Stolas not only doesn’t lift a finger to help Blitz once in all of this--even at the moment where he and Millie are about to be shot in the face--but instead continues to stay on the phone talking about all of the things he wants for their upcoming future rendezvous. He already got exactly what he wanted out of this and he still just continues to go for more for himself.

Episode 2

.....There are honestly so many fucked up things that happen here as far as Stolas and his relationship with Blitz goes but honestly the thing I want to draw the MOST attention to is actually Stolas’s storyline with his daughter, Octavia. I know it’s a little left field, but bear with me--this is actually something I want to use as comparison for Stolas’s relationship to Blitz as we go along:

When Stolas first decides that he’s going to take his daughter to Loo Loo Land, he does so while completey setting aside the fact that she doesn’t want to go. He just offers her assurances that it’s going to be so much fun because he remembers that she loved it so much when she was a little girl--effectively putting his memory above her wishes even as she’s sitting right there and telling him that she doesn’t enjoy the idea of going now.

Stolas doesn’t actually notice just how uncomfortable he’s making Octavia throuhought their entire trip by spending his time sexually harassing paying more attention to Blitz than he is trying to cheer her up. This tells me that Stolas--though I do believe he genuinely wanted to do something to make her happy--still wasn’t able to completely overcome his own self-centered tendencies at first even when it’s for her. And this is the person that Stolas loves more than anyone or anything else in the entire world. It still wasn’t enough.

It’s only when Octavia runs off and completely breaks down that Stolas finally gets the much needed slap-to-the-face of reality to understand just what he’s putting his daughter through--and, for the first time in the entire show, he actually puts someone else’s needs and well being above himself. It’s the one solid honest display of love that we see from Stolas in the entire show--and it’s how we as the audience come to learn that that’s how Stolas shows that he loves someone: When he puts their needs above his own with no strings attached or expectations of something in return. A true selfless act just because he loves them. **Keep in mind the parallel of Stolas carrying Octavia out of Loo Loo Land at the end, and how it compares to Stolas carrying Blitz out of D.H.O.R.K.S headquarters.

Episode 5

The. Fucking. Cigarette. I had no idea that something so small and quick would be able to infuriate me as much as it did, but the fact that Blitz used the post sex cigarette to free Stolas from his wrist bondage but then Stolas turned around and put the cigarette out on Blitz’s horn which is literally a part of Blitz’s body just.....honestly it sums up exactly what I’m trying to get across in this entire huge ass post: Stolas only ever thinks of himself first and anything pertaining to anyone else just doesn’t cross his mind at all unless you blatantly put it there in front of his face. And the fact that he’s still at this point with Blitz all the way here in Episode 5 is not.....promising for their relationship.

The fact that Stolas literally cannot stop himself from calling Blitz “Blitzy” or talking to him in such a condescending way no matter how frustrated Blitz gets and how many times he asks him to stop. I just--how is that supposed to be interpreted as someone talking to a person that they love? There’s no respect or dignity given to Blitz at all on Stolas’s part, and the fact that it seems to be presented as a “Oh teehee it’s just their cute couple thing” is just.....I really, really don’t like that. It also doesn’t match with the Stolas in the very next episode which I quite frankly think is because the creators have been listening to the feedback from fans and were like “We need to SHOW THEM that Stolas actually does speak to Blitz respectfully!!” but that’s just my personal opinion there and, also, it still didn’t happen.

Episode 6

Keeping in mind that THIS is finally the episode where we see Stolas actually save Blitz from danger and demonstrate even the slightest inclination towards his well-being.....I think that honestly makes the next few things here even more fucked up

First and foremost: “WE”. The second after Stolas asks if Blitz is alright and gets the assurance that he is, he roughly grabs his cheek and points out that “If you get in trouble, I get in trouble! WE don’t want that”. The fact that this is the first time that Stolas ever talks about Blitz in the context of “we”--when really what he’s really saying is that him [Stolas] getting in trouble is going to be a bad thing for all of them--is just.....so, so disappointing. At least with this I could hope that perhaps the idea here is that Stolas is genuinely afraid that if he gets in trouble, he won’t be able to protect Blitz from the undoubtedly much worse trouble that he would be in as an imp, but still. The fact that Stolas immediately reverts back to his self-centered perspective so quickly after supposedly being so worried about Blitz’s wellbeing, really makes it seem as though it’s just his own ass that he’s trying to protect. And that.....isn’t exactly what I’d been expecting from “the episode that confirms Stolitz is canon” feedback I’d been hearing.

"Am I going to get ANY thank you for the rescue Bltizy?” This for me was kind of what actually lead to me having this whole epiphany over Stolas’s selfish perspective in the first place. I realized that even here--even when he’s just been the most “romantic” towards Blitz that he’s ever been in any previous episodes up until now [and yes this shift in his character was incredibly jarring for me because of that]--Stolas still goes right back to thinking about what he’s going to get out of this now that he knows Blitz is safe. Let’s take this back to that thing I was saying about Episode 2 and comparing how Stolas rescued Octavia and how he rescues Blitz. Obviously they’re going to be different because it’s Stolas’s daughter vs his hook up BUT just think about where the focus is for Stolas in both of these scenes. With Octavia, Stolas is entirely focused on making things up to her--taking her to do something she wants to do--even if it’s something that he himself doesn’t fully understand or isn’t fully into. That doesn’t matter though, because the entire point is that he’s doing something just for her. It doesn’t have to be about him. But now go back to the scene where Stolas is carrying Blitz out of the room. What does he do? Ask what Blitz is going to do for him. That just takes the idea that this scene was a confirmation of their love and throws it right out the window. Stolas--as we’ve been shown before--would never ask for something in return from someone that he actually loves.

Now let’s take a look at the one and only episode we have of Striker and Blitz interacting together, with an honorary shout out at hallucination!Striker’s appearance in Episode 6:

Episode 5:

Striker knows Blitz’s name.....and he uses it. He’s literally the ONLY other character that we’ve seen so far refer to Blitz as “Blitz” instead of “Blitzo” or “Blitzy” by someone who wasn’t a member of I.M.P.. Aka someone who wasn’t a member of Blitz’s family. He shows Blitz respect at that basest level, and only builds on that from there going forward.

Striker first recognizes Blitz for being “the bold imp that started his own killin’ biz”. Not his hotness, not his skills in the Harvest Moon games because at that point he hasn’t seen them yet.....but for his accomplishment in starting up his own successful business down in Hell. He treats it as an accomplishment. With the kind of respect that comes with acknowledging another person for their accomplishments. Right there, within two seconds of meeting him, Striker demonstrates more respect for Blitz than Stolas has yet to do in the entire show.

The Harvest Moon Festival Games. Now this is something I find fascinating to think about from Striker’s perspective in particular. We as the audience are shown pretty early on that Striker has a strong desire to be the one who comes out on top. He likes the idea of being superior and he openly relishes in the praise and attention he gets for being better than everybody else. ....Except Blitz. When they tie in the games, Striker doesn’t seem bothered with sharing the spotlight with him at all. If anything, he--again--respects just how skilled Blitz is in rightfully earning his place beside him on the stage. That, to me, is HUGE. I’m not going to go so far as to say that Striker necessarily sees them as equals because I think that might be going a bit too far for his ego but he does still fully acknowledge that Blitz is in the same general class as him: that is to say, better than most. Worthy of the same kind of acknowledgement and praise that Striker gets. I literally can’t get over just how big of a thing that is for what we’ve been shown of Striker’s character, and I think it’s unfortunately something that’s incredibly easy to miss or gloss over. :(

And now--for what I personally think is the most significant thing of all--we have: “We”. How many times does Striker suggest during that final scene between them that he really wants Blitz to join forces with him as equals? He never demands that Blitz join up with him, he doesn’t threaten him into joining up with him--Striker barely even hurts Blitz at all during their fight scene compared to how he tried to straight up murder Moxxie--and, most of all, Striker continues to acknowledge that Blitz deserves better than his current arrangement with Stolas. And he’s right. But instead of putting it as “I’M right and this is why you should do this”, he always puts his focus on Blitz himself, or the two of them together as a partnership: “You are so above sucking on a a digusting rich pompous Goetia” | “We could be the most dangerous beings in Hell, Blitz” | “You could partner up with me and klll the unkillable--starting with the one that treats you like a plaything”. It’s just--I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me this long to put together why Striker appeals so much more to me as a romantic interest for Blitz, but really breaking it down episode by episode and comparing the differences in wording between Striker and Stolas’s dialogue when it comes to Blitz is just.....holy shit.

Honorary ShoutOut of Episode 6:

The fact that the only thing hallucination Striker has to say to him is “But you don’t want to do things alone Blitzo!” is really, really interesting to me in the fact that he’s.....not......wrong?? Like, To be fair, Striker, RoboFizz, and Verosika all spill their harsh truths, but the thing is.....Striker’s is markedly different in that his wording really isn’t harsh or aggressive at all the way the other two are. He’s just kinda stating a fact in an overexaggerated way because tripping balls hallucination sequence. It’s very interesting to me that that’s the worst that Blitz can imagine him to say--as well as the fact that halluci!Striker calls him “Blitzo”, which is really weird considering that Striker’s never called him “Blitzo” once in the entire show. Makes me kinda wonder where that came from tbh.

Alright so, in conclusion of this very long and rambly styie post: I want to take things back to where I started by reiterating that this is not me trying to convince anyone that BlitzStrike is “right” and Stolitz is “wrong”, or that you should stop shipping what you’re shipping in the fandom. This was just me honestly getting way more excited than I should’ve been over having my “Eureka!” moment for realizing why this new episode didn’t put me back on the Stolitz train like it did for so many other people--and why, in fact, it actually made me think even more favorably of the idea of Blitz and Striker being together.

Thanks for sticking around with me for this very long read, I hope you found it interesting, and I really really hope that it didn’t piss anyone off or rub too many people the wrong way. Like I said at the beginning, ship who you want to ship!! That’s part of the fun of being in a fandom. I’m just hoping that this might help make it easier to understand at least one perspective on why Stolitz is seen as being so problematic as a ship [as of where they are right now].

Here’s to seeing where things go from here!!

#vizowritesthoughts #BlitzStrike #Stolitz #Helluva Boss #hahahahaha I've been dreading posting this because I know it's going to lead to shit even though it's all just personal opinion :'D #but since I went to the trouble of writing this entire thing up I figure what the hell #might as well post it now #anti Stolitz

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babybluebex · 3 years

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desperate hearts (and bodies) [sebastian stan] NSFW!!

➽ pairing: sebastian stan x fem!reader (y/n) ➽ word count: 2.5k ➽ summary: while watching his new movie, sebastian makes a deal with you: you’ll watch the movie until the credits roll, or else. ➽ warnings: NSFW/MDNI. explicit language, smut, fingering (f!receiving), teasing, slight dom!seb ➽ a/n: i have no logical explanation for this, so just have it lol

It took a lot of convincing to have Sebastian watch one of his movies. He hated seeing himself work and, ever the perfectionist, found apparent flaws in his performance that neither the director nor editors had “managed” to find. He was against it at first, but, when I told him that I was too scared to watch his new movie The Covenant alone, he agreed. This man was such a pushover. We had known each other since high school when we paired together as scene partners for our school’s drama department. Seb was a senior when I was a freshman and we always got along, albeit at a casual distance. It wasn’t until we were in college together and I was randomly assigned him as a student mentor that we grew close, eventually kissing and fucking and revealing our long-boiling feelings.

We had been together for nearly two years by this point, and I had seen him through every single professional role. When we reunited, he had just had a small role on Law and Order, and he had only gone up from there. The Covenant was the first horror-type movie he had ever done, and I had gotten a basic-enough synopsis from him for me to avoid it. However, being the dutiful girlfriend that I was, I wanted to support him and watch it, and that’s where the begging came in.

Sebastian was a pushover. One hell of a pushover. I usually had to pout and he gave in to me, but watching his own movie came at a larger price, not that I minded it. As we sat down to watch the movie, my knees still ached from our earlier “negotiation”, and Sebastian grabbed my legs and hauled them into his lap. He clicked his tongue a few times, then said, “Baby girl, why didn’t you tell me?”

“It doesn’t hurt,” I shrugged, but winced when he pressed a finger into the red patches.

“Right,” he said with a smile. “And I’m the Queen of England.”

“Put on the movie, would ya?” I chuckled. “Shut your mouth.”

“You love my mouth,” Sebastian teased, tickling my thighs, and I sighed.

“I do, but it’s annoying sometimes,” I said, and I kissed my finger and pressed it to his bottom lip. “Movie. Please?”

The moment he came on screen, I felt a familiar heat in my stomach. He was a piece of shit high school guy in this movie, but he was so insanely hot. The female characters were falling all over him, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t share the affection. “Aww, look at you,” I cooed, leaning over to tickle his chin. “Little teenage dirtbag Seba.”

“Is this why you wanted to watch this?” Sebastian laughed, smacking my hands away. “To make fun of me the whole time?”

“No,” I said. “I want to support you, damn it. I just have the privilege of making fun of you.”

Sebastian sighed, playing shaking his head, and he whispered, “You’re gonna kill me, woman.”

“I sure hope not,” I said, turning my attention back to the screen for a moment. “But it looks like Pogue might. What the hell kinda name is Pogue anyway?”

“I wish I knew,” Sebastian shrugged. “Oh, she was nice, though,” he added, pointing at the blonde girl on screen. “Really sweet. Said you were pretty.”

“You showed her a picture of me?” I asked.

“Well, not intentionally,” Sebastian said. “I was using a Polaroid of you as a bookmark and she handed me my book at one point in the makeup trailer and asked and… You know I love talking about you. I had to indulge her.”

“You keep getting better everyday,” I told him with a smile.

“You too, baby girl,” he said. “I’m getting a beer. You want one?”

“Nah,” I said. “But if it comes with a tall Romanian, I might have to rethink that.”

“Two beers, coming up,” Sebastian said, sitting up to go. Before he fully stood up, though, he tugged me close and kissed me slowly. His kisses were to die for, and I would never grow tired of them. His tongue dipped into my mouth and his hand began to inch my shirt up, but I grabbed his wrist quickly.

“Stop trying to distract me, Seb,” I whispered, biting his plush bottom lip. “We’re watching this movie.”

“Fuck,” Sebastian hissed, and I released his lip. “Thought I had you there.”

“You’ll have to try harder than that,” I told him as he stood up. I watched him as he walked to the kitchen, pulling his jeans back up his hips, and I couldn’t help but admire his ass. Even in high school, Sebastian had a nice body, and it had only gotten better with age and time. I turned my attention back to the movie, and Sebastian quickly returned with our drinks. I took a sip of mine before settling fully into his lap, and his arms went around my waist. “Okay, hold on, I’m confused,” I said quickly. “So those four guys are, like, witches? Wizards? Can guys be witches? Anyway, there’s four of them, but they sense a disturbance in the Force?”

Sebastian laughed deep in his chest. “I mean, pretty much,” he said. “You’ve got it.”

“Chase is the fifth power,” I said quickly. “I’m calling it right now.”

“Woah, hold on, what makes you think I’m the bad guy?” Sebastian asked with a quirk of his lips.

“I just know, man,” I said, taking another drink. “I know how these movies work, and you’re super hot-- more than the leads, actually-- and you’re a new guy. The bigger twist would be if he isn’t the fifth power.”

Sebastian hummed for a moment, then he sighed and mumbled, “Fuck me, you’re good at this.”

I gave a victory laugh and kissed his cheek, and he sucked his teeth in fake annoyance. “You’re way too smart for this, I’m never watching any movies with you again,” Sebastian grumbled.

“Aww, Seba, don’t be like that,” I pouted. “I still wanna watch this.”

“Fuck!” Sebastian huffed and threw his arms in defeat. “What do I have to do to turn this movie off?”

“You said that I’d have to suck your dick and we’d watch this movie,” I began. “And I did, and I did it good. So, we are watching the movie until the goddamn credits roll.”

“Mmhmm,” Sebastian grumbled, drinking his beer. “Alright then. Until the credits roll.”

Sebastian put his drink down a few minutes later, his hands slotting between my thighs. His hands were always freezing and it was a usual thing for him to warm his hands on some part of me; sometimes, it was under my arm or on my tits. Today, it seemed, was between my thighs. His thumb stroked my skin in slow and languid motions, and, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was innocent. He gave a sigh from his plump, pink lips, and he leaned his head on my shoulder, his eyes stuck to the TV screen. My fingers threaded through his hair absently as I watched Chase and the other witches go about their high school antics, and a familiar pressure grew between my thighs when the camera moved into a locker room. Sebastian was there, his shirt undone and his tie hanging loosely around his neck, and I gave a small gasp.

“Everything alright?” Sebastian whispered in my ear, giving it a delicate kiss. “You seem a little shaken up.”

“I’m good,” I replied. “Just… Your hands are fucking cold, man.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian chuckled. “It’s a curse, baby girl. But you seem… I don’t wanna say it because I don’t think you deserve the satisfaction, but… Are you turned on?”

I shrugged. It was embarrassing as hell that I was turned on by Sebastian in a movie, especially when I was sitting in his lap. “You know I love your abs,” I mumbled, picking at the label on my beer bottle.

“So that’s a yes?” Sebastian hummed. He leaned in and kissed my neck, his thumb moving just a bit higher up my thigh. “Just the sight of me gets you all hot, huh? I don’t even have to be doing anything.”

“Seb--” I began, but his lips attached to the spot on my neck that we both knew was my weakness. He gave it a few gentle nips with his front teeth, then soothed the sting with his tongue, and I clenched my teeth together to control my noises. His hand went higher and higher still until it reached the hem of my panties, and he slowly pushed his fingers into it. He was quiet and gentle as his hand moved, continuing to kiss my sweet spot as his palm pressed against my heat. The heel of his hand was right against my clit, just barely making enough contact, and I wriggled helplessly to get him where I wanted him.

“Watch the movie, baby girl,” Sebastian whispered, his voice low and rumbling. “You’ll miss something important.”

I groaned softly. “Sebastian,” I mumbled. “Please, love--”

“Please what?” Sebastian whispered. “What do you want, baby girl?”

“Touch me,” I panted softly. “Please.”

“You said we were going to watch this movie until the credits roll,” Sebastian said slowly. “I’ve already seen it-- fuck, I’m one of the leads--” My legs tightened at his words, trapping his hand against my wet heat, and he laughed. “So, you’re gonna watch this movie. The entire thing. And you’re not gonna worry about what I’m doing. Alright?”

I nodded, fixing my gaze on the screen once more. I didn’t expect him to push on as quickly as he did, but he ground his hand against my sensitive clit almost the moment I agreed. I gasped in surprise and I felt Sebastian smile against my neck as he continued to kiss my weakest spot, and he whispered, “Goddamn, baby. So wet for me.”

His fingers nudged me open and the tip of his middle finger began to press into me. He was moving just too slow and it was annoying the hell out of me, and I lifted my hips to have his finger in deep. “Oh, no,” Sebastian whispered, his voice a low rumble. “Don’t do that. Just relax, baby.”

“Seb--” I whined hopelessly. I knew that, no matter how much I begged, he was ultimately going to do what he wanted. He was an ass that way. “Please, babe.”

“Please what?” Sebastian said, dragging his teeth along my neck.

“More,” I whimpered. I was so fucking pathetic, but Sebastian just did something to me. No matter what, he could break me down to a crying, begging mess of a girl.

“More?” Sebastian repeated. “Like this?” He added his ring finger with excruciatingly slow speed, and his thumb came to rest on my clit at the same time. My thighs quivered at the feel of his cool rings on my wet and tender skin, and I whined high in my throat. “Oh, so good, baby girl. Taking my fingers like this, such a good little whore.”

For a moment, I dared to look away from the television in favor of my boyfriend, and I found his steel-blue eyes locked on my face. A single dark eyebrow quirked, and he said, “You just can’t follow rules, can you?” Then, seeing my flushed face and bitten lips, clicked his tongue and cooed. “Aw. Want me to fuck you stupid, baby? Doesn’t seem like that’ll take too long.”

“Seb,” I breathed. “Just…” I flexed my hips, hoping that he understood, and he gave me a devilish smile.

“This is the good part,” Sebastian whispered in my ear, and his fingers began a slow and steady pace. “Watch it, baby girl.”

My entire body was burning hot, and I squirmed in Sebastian’s arms. He was on screen, his eyes tinted fully black as he pinned one of the boys to the floor, and I felt a spasm of lightening in my stomach when his fingers finally found that spot inside of me. I jostled in his lap and bit back my moan, and he gave a little huff. “How bad do you want it?” He whispered. “Bad enough to beg for it?”

“Yes,” I sobbed. “Please, Seb, please, fuck me. I need you so bad, please, please, Seb.”

Sebastian groaned deep in his chest, and his mouth latched onto my neck. He sucked at the sensitive skin, surely leaving a mark, and he dragged his fingers in and out of my wet heat. “Look at that,” Sebastian whispered as Chase landed a kiss on his opponent’s cheek. “I am the bad guy. You were right. How are you so fucking smart, baby?”

“I know you,” I said, my cheeks burning with his praise. “You wouldn’t play a good guy.”

“Ah,” Sebastian sighed. “I knew you were smart. Now, be a good girl for me and come all over my fingers. I know how bad you want to. Maybe, if you keep being so good for me…” His lips brushed my ear before he gave me a soft kiss on my hot cheek. “I’ll let you come on my cock later.”

Sebastian’s thumb made fast circles around my throbbing clit as I tried to do as he told me and watch the movie, but I was completely distracted. I could feel his hard cock through his jeans, and the thought of having him fuck me while his movie played was enough for me to shout “Seb!” and make a mess on his fingers. My thighs trembled as Sebastian shushed me comfortingly, and he pushed my hair aside and cradled my face in his free hand. “Oh, good girl,” he whispered softly. “So, so good for me, baby. Are you feeling better now?”

I nodded and swallowed thickly, my throat dry and tight. Sebastian brushed his lips against mine warmly, and he finally pulled his fingers from my throbbing cunt. The room was dark, only the television giving any light, but I still saw his fingers glistening in the light. He handed me his beer with his free hand and, before I could say anything, popped his fingers in his mouth. I watched him for a moment before taking a drink; even though the beer was a little warm, it helped soothe my throat. “Thanks,” I said softly.

“Mm,” Sebastian hummed around his fingers, then pulled them out. “For what, baby? You know I like making you feel good.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I just always like to thank you.”

“No need for that,” Sebastian said. “I know you appreciate it.” There was a pause, and then he groaned. “Fuck, c’mon! You guessed the twist in the first ten minutes!”

“It’s--!” I started. “It’s a PG-13 horror movie! These things are formulaic! You-- You aggravate me. Good thing you’re cute.”

“Or what?” Sebastian laughed. “You’d dump me?”

“Maybe not dump you,” I shrugged. “But I certainly wouldn’t let you fingerblast me while we watched a movie.”

Sebastian laughed, his eyes crinkling up, and he said, “God, you act like there wasn’t any romance.”

I scoffed. “Was there?”

“Oh, baby girl,” Sebastian chuckled. He pulled me back into his lap, my thighs straddling his waist, and he kissed me hard, his tongue dipping into my mouth. “I’ll show you fucking romantic I can be.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fic

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dabiboy · 3 years

Note

S/O needs to reassure Hawks because i can see him having trust issues toward women (i mean... spoiler. Mom betrayed him and left)...

And... Spoiler again. She sold him twice. TWICE. Anyways, let’s try to forget this pain with this fluff. Hope you like it!

Author’s note: There is a cameo of a character from another universe, let’s see if you guys catch it👀

Until the Hurting is Gone

The evening went well. All of your friends gathered at your shared apartment with Hawks, and thank God you didn't have any friend that was too much into social media, and just one of them asked to take a picture with your boyfriend. Truth be told, you couldn't blame her, meeting the Winged Hero was not a daily thing to do.

Laughs were shared, memories, jokes, just a normal gathering with good old friends. Maybe too good friends. Or so Keigo thought.

Yes, he was a jealous man but not the possessive kind, at least not when he was not near his rut. But that friend of yours? He was way too close, too nice, too cool. The bastard was even good looking. And Keigo was starting to feel unsure. And couldn't say anything because he was your life best friend.

Despite his feelings almost raging inside of him, it was better to get distracted and not ruin your night because of jealousy, so the best answer was to get along with your other friends, the ones that he did like him. However, his avians traits were not helping. At all. And he could hear your laughter loud and clear, and thanks to the tingle in his feathers he turned around, praying not to break the glass on his hand.

''Oh my god, yes! Do you remember when we were in high school and had to get in the closet because of that seven minutes in heaven game?''

''And we clapped and screamed like idiots, the whole class thought we were dating afterward'' You and your friend laughed again.

''Man, that getaway was the best, I swear! The whole class on a cabin on the beach? I had never been more proud of a punishment''

''You were grounded like a month, but hey, if it hadn't been for me you would still be grounded'' Jean laughed.

''Oh shut up you idiot. That was because my parents love you, because they don't know you're crazier than a cow''

''You know I'm right and the best, you just can't face it'' He shrugged his shoulders and used his hand to pull his hair back. The bastard had an undercut? Damn he was fine, Keigo said to himself. ''We should have a getaway like that one again, for the good old times''

''Yes! That'd be so cool! We have to make the plans for this one, you know that as long as a plan includes us, drink and something reckless, I'm in''

The way you winked at him killed Keigo. All of his insecurities got together, his chest suddenly felt tighter and he did a whole tour on all of his flaws as a breathing being. He even thought about his looks, his messy hair, how he wasn't so muscular as other heroes, the bird marks on his eyes, his other bird traits. Yes, he was feeling like hell. Why could he be with someone like you when you matched so well with Jean? Were you going to leave him too? Damn, he could even hear the awful words his parents once told him.

Keigo kept quiet during the rest of the night, and just smiled and wave when all of your friends finally left, his hurt aching at the tight hug you gave Jean. He was far better than him.

You went to the shower before bed, and when you got out you couldn't help but smile at the cute picture in front of you; Keigo was sitting leg-crossed on his side of the bed, looking down and seeming distracted while he played with his fingers. The way the skin of his tummy folded a bit over his abs making him look even cuter. And hotter at the same time. But something was off. He seemed... Sad.

''Kei? You good?'' You asked as you sat on your side, trying to look at him.

''Yeah, I'm fine'' He was known for bottle up his emotions. And the way he had answered told you he was not fine.

''You don't sound fine, love'' You pouted your lips as you rested your chin on his bare shoulder.

He didn't reply for long seconds, and he kept playing with his fingers without looking at you. Keigo was good at pretending he was good when he wasn't, but this time it seemed his emotions were stronger. And they were. Usually, he didn't have time to overthink everything, he could just carry on and feel like shit later, and now? After all of that emotion and memories tour he felt bad. Scared, like shit. All of his fears came back to him.

''y/n?'' He called your name ''Do you... Do you think I'm good enough?'' it caught you off guard.

''What do you mean with that, of course you are. You are better than good, baby'' You said gaining distance so you could look at him better ''You're the number two hero-'' He cut you off.

''Not as a hero. As a man, as... Your boyfriend'' His voice was filled with pain and vulnerability, and your heart ached about it.

''Yes, Keigo. You're the best man I've ever meet. You're kind, you're funny, you're brave, you're caring'' The list of things you could keep saying about him was endless ''I love you with my whole life, love. I couldn't ask for anyone better than you'' You whispered, caressing his cheek. But then it hit you.

You remembered that late night talk in which he had spilled his whole life to you, telling you everything about his childhood and his parents, and how his mother, the woman that supposed to be there for him no matter what sold him as a piece of meat, changed him for something better for her own benefit.

''Is it because of Jean?'' This time, you ran your hand on his golden locks. God, you loved his hair so much.

''He was... Cool. And tall, and funny, and had interesting stories to tell. He was also very good looking, and you seemed to get along with him very well'' You wished you could've avoided it, but a small smile was on your face at his naiveness.

''Jean is my best friend since I was like five, he's like an older brother to me'' You said as you kept playing with his hair. ''We went to kindergarten together, and then graduated together, and did a lot of stupid things together. I've known every single one of his girlfriends,'' You did the 'e' sound in the word 'every' longer to emphasize ''And let me tell you I'm not his type'' You laughed ''And he'd seen and known all of my boyfriends too, and guess what'' The way you whispered, make Keigo looked at you ''The only one that liked him was you. Not because you're a hero, because he thought you were cool and good to me. And good looking? Please, Kei. He has a horse face.'' You smiled at him, loving to see that glimpse of a smile on his face ''I love you, and only you, ok?'' You whispered again and he nodded. After some more seconds, he took a deep breath and talked again. Just one sentence. One that described his biggest fear.

''You're not... You're not going to leave me too, right?''

His face was like a child's. Eyes full of hope but fear at the same time, they were screaming at you, telling you 'please hold me and don't let me go' but before letting his vulnerable side show, he needed to hear it from you. He needed the reassurance only the love of his life could give him.

''I will never, Keigo, never going to leave you. Is that clear? I'm going to be with you until you're old, because there is no one I'd rather to spend my life with. Now come here, my bird boy.''

You thanked his wings were not his usual size, and that they were rather small so you could fit him in your arms. He held to your arm, resting his head on your chest and curling up his body between your legs. He didn't want to be away from you, never. You played with his hair again, but switching among his back, nape, arms, anywhere your hands could reach.

''I'm sorry for being an insecure little shit'' He said.

''Don't be. It is important to let your feelings out, I will always listen to you'' A kiss on his temple.

''I love you. So, so much'' He whispered and snuggled even closer to you, which was a big hard because he was not a five year old, he was a grown up man cuddling and clinging to you like a child ''I love you'' He said again.

''I love you too, my Keigo'' You said one more time before continuing with your ministrations. A thing was for sure, you were going to hug him until his hurting was gone. Even if that meant held him forever. Because you knew he was going to do the same

#hawks x reader #hawks #hawks headcanons #my hero academia hawks #mha hawks #hawks x you #bnha hawks #bnha keigo #keigo takami imagine #keigo takami #keigo x y/n #keigo takami mha #mha takami keigo #takami keigo x reader #takami keigo

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psychedellic-phase · 4 years

Text

Princess (smut)

A/N: I feel like this is definitely out of character but it literally would not leave my brain. also yes they are so toxic !!! I binge wrote this at 1 am so I hope you enjoyyy

tw: arguing, cursing SMUT! Oral (male receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, cheating & toxic relationships.

word count: 4.6 k

masterlist

It was Thursday. I knew I’d find him where he usually is on Thursdays: that corner table at O’Malley’s, the one below the neon ‘Corona’ sign.

I went most Thursdays, when I could, and sat at a table across the bar. It was the perfect place to watch him have two whiskeys, neat, and go home alone.

He hadn’t noticed me yet. It’s not like I looked different, I still looked like me but he looked better and better every time I saw him.

Was it weird to watch my ex-boyfriend that I swear I’m over from across a bar? Yes. Do I have a loving boyfriend at home waiting for me to come home every Thursday? Yes. Am I lying to this boyfriend? Yes. Am I completely over my ex like I say I am? Clearly not. Am I completely insane? Definitely.

It’s not my fault though, Spencer Reid just had to be all consuming. Addicting. Intoxicating. A human black hole who I’d happily fall back into any given day, but he couldn’t know that. It would just feel his already overinflated ego. He could never know about how all my thoughts revolve around him. Maybe he isn’t a black hole, maybe he’s the sun, and I’m just a planet spinning around him.

Every Thursday I tried to get up the nerve to go say Hi. And every Thursday I managed to get up the nerve the second he paid his tab and left.

But today, that was going to change. I was going to do it, just say Hi. It shouldn’t have been scary, I did spend six months of my life with him. He knows me, much better than I’d like to admit, and I know him. But he always knew how to make me twitch. The man could make me nervous, and men never make me nervous. No one ever makes me nervous.

I watched him as he sat, his hair longer than it had been when we were together. His suit looked the same, so did the gray cardigan and maroon tie. I vaguely remember having that exact tie around my wrists one night. He used his beautiful fingers to trace the rim of his cup, his brown hair covering his eyes lightly. His eyes, brown but hazel, like a golden green, with beautiful eyelashes I was always jealous of. They’re so long, he looks like he has mascara on.

Wait his eyes.

Eyes?

Shit.

I had made direct eye contact with him.

He saw me.

I saw him.

Fuck.

And now he’s walking. Towards me. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Here he is, right in front of me. God he’s so hot.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I just stared at him. He slid the chair across from me from out under the table without asking permission. He sat in it, whiskey in hand.

“So what exactly have you been doing here every Thursday for the last eight Thursdays, Y/N?”

I blushed lightly, but kept my composure. He knew how to make me nervous but I knew how to make him sweat.

“O’Malley’s makes the best cosmos in DC.”

He shifted in his seat, fingers drumming on the table, “It’s a mediocre cosmo at best. You’re here for me. So here I am.”

I sat up in my seat, “Mediocre cosmo, and mediocre company.”

“Mediocre?” He chuckled darkly, “If I’m so mediocre then why have you been watching me?”

Of course he figured me out, he’s a goddamn FBI agent. God I was stupid sometimes, but only with him. It’s like every time he spoke, half of my brain flew out of my head.

“Honestly, there isn’t much else to look at around here,” I gestured around the dingy bar, “And also, it’s been way longer than eight Thursdays. You should brush up on those observation skills, Dr. Profiler.”

His eyes darkened, “You never answered my question, Princess.”

I shuddered at the use of that nickname. I hadn’t heard it from him in a while, I just hoped he couldn’t see the effect it had on me. I evaded the question again, “The better question is why do you come here alone each week like clockwork?”

He shrugged, “Because you’re here every Thursday like clockwork.”

My mouth fell open slightly. He thought about me. I was weirdly proud of myself for that. He continued, “What? You think you were the only one watching? Please.”

I scoffed, “Then why wait so long to come over?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

I bit my lip, a dull flame forming in my belly, “I don’t come over because I have a boyfriend, and it would be inappropriate.”

He smiled, showing his beautiful white teeth, “Well that’s a lie.”

“It’s true!” I was offended. He acted as if another man would never want me, like the colossal pain the ass he always is.

“No, no, I believe the boyfriend. But the threshold of what is appropriate was passed when you lied to him for weeks just so you could get a good look at me.”

He was right. I did lie, about a lot of things and mostly to myself. God, why couldn’t I just love the nice guy? Why was it the infuriating, sexy, genius who I found myself in quicksand with?

“Stephan knows where I am.”

Another lie he’d see right through, but I didn’t care. I’d lie through my teeth if that meant that he would keep talking. God, how I missed his voice, his stupid, arrogant, beautiful voice.

Spencer looked at me straight in the eyes then, “Does he princess? That’s sweet.”

The condescension in his voice was palpable.

“You’re still so passive aggressive,” I said, leaning back in my chair to create space between us. He leaned forward, eradicating the space I just created.

“Yet you’re still here.”

I stood up then, feeling like the tension between us could suffocate me, “I’m getting another round. Neat?”

He nodded, “Make it a double, I think I’ll need it.”

I walked over to the bar, finally getting some air. I was already so hot, and it wasn’t from the packed bar. It was from the way his eyes looked through me, the way he said my name, the way he said ‘Princess’. I regained my composure and sauntered back over to him. Game on, Pretty Boy.

“So how’s what’s his name? Steven?” He said, taking his new drink.

I rolled my eyes, “It’s Stephan, but you knew that. You know everything.”

He chuckled cockily, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, “Well, how is Stephan?” He said the name with a fake posh accent, forcing me to hold back a laugh.

“He’s wonderful,” I responded, twirling the mini umbrella from my drink between my fingers. Spencer’s dark eyes narrowed, brows furrowed, reading me like a book. The same way he always had.

“No he isn’t,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Wh-,” I groaned, “Spencer, I swear he’s great!”

“You haven’t gotten any better at lying.”

“And you haven’t gotten less infuriating.”

“Infuriating? Me?” He was mocking me now, I crossed my arms in defense, hoping maybe he could read that body language, and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

God why did he have to be like that? How did he always know exactly which buttons to press? And why did I like it? Why was I on fire from the moment he walked over?

“You were infuriating for the six months we dated, three years ago, and you’re infuriating now.”

He shrugged, “But you still like it. Some things never change, Princess.”

I blushed, knowing he was right, but not wanting to admit it, “I don’t like it. I hate it.”

He moved his chair closer to me at the table, so close I could smell him. He smelled the same way he did those years ago, and I had the same reaction. Thank god I was sitting; he made me so weak in the knees.

Snap out of it, Y/N. I ordered myself, Think of Stephan, yes. Stephan, beautiful, boring Stephan.

“Stephan isn’t infuriating,” I said, trying to ignore the way he licked his lips when he looked at me. God, I wanted to feel them against me.

“Oh really? What is Stephan like?” Spencer said, using air-quotes around his name, disgust dripping from each syllable.

“He’s nice.”

I avoided making eye contact, knowing full well how Spencer could see every lie I was about to tell. It wasn’t that Stephan was bad, he was just so, painfully, boring. If cardboard was a human being, it would’ve been Stephan.

“Nice? That’s all?” Spencer said it with an air of amusement.

“Well, he’s an accountant and he’s thirty-one.”

Spencer leaned close to me now, his breath smelling like whiskey and tickling my cheeks as he spoke, “Those are facts Y/N, I want to know what he’s like. Is he good to you? Does he make you happy?”

I gulped. There were the nerves. I was starting to twitch; his specialty.

“He’s wonderful. He’s charming. I couldn’t ask for a better man.”

Spencer leaned back, crossing his legs and drinking some more, waiting for me to continue.

“My parents love him. He’s smart, and handsome too.”

Spencer scoffed, “Your parents loved me.”

I rolled my eyes, “Well, he actually calls when he says he will, unlike you. Also unlike you, he’ll open doors for me because he isn’t scared of germs. He also doesn’t correct me every time I misspeak, instead he tells me I’m beautiful, and smart, and funny.”

We fell silent, both looking angry and defensive. He always could get to me like this. My body was hot and angry and so was his. He looked so good, it actually hurt. Could his lips be any pinker? Could his jawline be any sharper?

“I’m waiting for the ‘but,’” He said, taking me out of my head for a moment.

“But?”

“Yeah, what’s his fatal flaw Y/N?”

“Flaw? He has none. He’s literally perfect.”

“Perfect?”

“Yes!” I snapped.

“No one’s perfect. What’s his flaw?”

“None!”

Spencer kept badgering me, “What is it? Tell me, Princess. Tell me. Tell me what it is, you know you want to.”

It felt like a dam that was inside me had been broken, water and the truth pouring out at once, “He isn’t you!”

Spencer leaned back and smiled, “There it is.”

“Stephan is kind and gentle. We don’t scream, or fight. I don’t stay up crying and yelling and cursing! But he isn’t you, and I wish he was.” I gasped for air, not realizing I hadn’t been breathing, “There! Are you happy now?!”

Spencer was grinning, just like usual, “Very.”

I rolled my eyes, “Your turn.”

He raised his eyebrows and pointed to himself, “My turn?”

“Yeah, why have you been alone the last three years Reid? We both know you can have anyone in this place. Hell, Red over there has been eyeing you up for the last hour,” I gestured to the girl a few tables away who had been stealing glances at Spencer. An action that totally didn’t make my blood boil, at all, not even a little.

He avoided my gaze now, “You know why.”

Now I had the power back. I got close to Spencer, so only he could hear me. All my reservations were gone, I was in the black hole. The fire in my body that I hadn’t felt for so long was finally back, “I want to hear you say it.”

He got even closer, lips barely a millimeter apart, “Just like he isn’t me, no woman alive will ever be you.”

I smiled, proud of the confession. I pulled back. As much as I wanted him right now, right here on this sticky bar table, I am no cheater, and though I forgive, I never forget.

“Another difference between you and Stephan is that he won’t break my heart.”

Spencer smirked, “He can’t break your heart, because you feel nothing for him. There’s no love to lose.”

I sighed and ceded, “You’re right.”

“Always am.”

A comfortable silence followed, and my head was spinning. I don’t know if it was from the cosmos or from Spencer. He tended to do that to me. We both had softened. I was sad, because I knew it would never work. As much as I wanted it to, it wouldn’t. It didn’t three years ago. I just needed to live with it. You need more than passion to make it work. Hell, if all you needed was passion, Spencer and I would be growing old together right now.

“This isn’t healthy, you know?”

Spencer nodded, all aggression faded away, “I know.”

“This will never work.”

“I know.”

“No I mean like never.”

Spencer gave me a half smile, “You don’t have to convince me. I know.”

I sighed, reaching out to hold his hand in the most platonic way possible. His skin was warm. I missed the way it felt under mine.

“I just wish it would.”

He smiled sadly now, big brown eyes meeting mine and looking through me into my soul, “So do I, Princess.”

I laughed, “And stop calling me princess!”

“Or what, Princess?” He said it flirtatiously, his hand squeezing mine.

“Or I won’t be able to stop.”

“Stop what, Princess?”

“Stop myself from kissing you right now.”

He leaned in, lips barely an inch apart again, “Then don’t.”

And with that our lips touched softly, before we parted. The kiss was familiar but foreign. I’d felt it a million times before, but this one was different because the feelings were different. We stared at each other, before I stood, holding his hand.

“Follow me,” I said, the fire in my belly mixing with the delightful throb in my core. All reservations were gone. I needed him. I needed him right now, or I felt like I might explode.

He held my hand as we maneuvered between the crowd and ended up in front of the bathroom.

“Bathroom? Y/N there’s so many germs that’s-”

I had to cut him off by grabbing his shirt and pulling him into me. Our lips found each other so easily, like second nature. His were soft but chapped, I missed the way they felt on the rest of my body. I pulled him into the stall, and he pressed me up against a wall. His rough hands roamed my figure, landing on my hips and squeezing there. I pressed my hips into him, relishing the feeling. My hands found his hair, tugging at the roots to beckon his mouth open. He obliged, tongue moving across my lower lip and tangling with mine. Every movement sent twinges of pleasure to my core.

When we broke apart, he looked at me, his light brown eyes seeming impossibly dark with lust, the same darkness that they held just minutes before.

“Please, bedroom, not here,” He begged, and I silently agreed, peeling myself off of him.

I dropped a fifty on the table before stumbling out into the street for a cab. His hands never left my body, and his lips found mine every chance they got.

In the back of the cab he was on top of me, squeezing the flesh of my butt as I left butterfly kisses and sucked on his neck.

We showed up to my apartment, and ran inside. He pressed me up against the elevator door. “Princess, I need you,” he whined, making me moan into his lips.

“Soon, so so soon, fuck.”

I fumbled with my keys, but soon we were inside.

“Bedroom,” he ordered before crashing his lips against mine again, this time even more feverishly, if that was physically possible. I stumbled backwards in the general vicinity of my room, not wanting to break apart from him for even a moment. He pressed his large hand into my back, steadying me for a moment and took his lips off mine.

I whimpered, immediately missing the warmth of him on me.

“Lead the way, princess.”

I smiled wide at the use of that pet name. It always sent an extra jolt of pleasure to my center when Spencer whispered it.

Grabbing his hand I found the bedroom door. Before we even crossed the threshold his hands were on my body again, this time under my dress looking for panties to peel off.

“No panties? Were you waiting for this Princess?”

I nodded and groaned as I kissed him, moving my lips down and across his sharp jaw, flicking my tongue out every once in a while and sucking lightly on spots. Just enough for him to moan, but not enough for a mark. I felt my knees hit the mattress of my bed and I fell back onto it, Spencer towering over me.

I pulled my dress off, throwing it and my bra far away. I needed him to touch me. Now.

His hands were cold on my chest, making my hardened nipples even harder. He pinched the buds lightly, making me arch my back into his body.

He snickered, “Patience is a virtue, Princess.”

I groaned and pulled at his shirt, telling him I wanted it gone.

“Too many clothes,” I mumbled against his chest as I kissed whatever skin I could reach. He did as I wished, and I sat up on my elbows to watch. His muscles contracting as he pulled it off was enough to force me to rub my thighs together, desperate for any feeling. He undid his belt too, letting his pants fall to the floor and stepping out of them. His boxer briefs left little to the imagination, not that I was complaining. The light gray material was darkened in one spot from where his precum was dripping.

“Come back, Sir,” I begged.

His hands were on my shoulders and pushed me back so he could be on top of me again. The feeling of his chest against mine was maddening. I could also feel his member on my thigh, so close to my dripping heat, but still so far away. He distracted me with another kiss, his teeth coming out to bite my bottom lip. I moaned at the slight pain, running my hands all over his bare back. He worked his way from my lips to my jaw, leaving butterfly kisses in his wake. It drove me wild. I was bucking up into him, nails digging into his skin, sure to leave pretty red marks in their wake. He then made his way to my ear, sucking on the lobe ever so slightly.

“You know, the ears are an under-appreciated erogenous zone,” he said between nibbling and sucking on my ear and the skin around it.

“S-Spence,” I let out a breathy moan. Everything he did sent me reeling, clawing into his back begging for more. He really did drive me insane. His hand was back on my breast now, one arm was holding him up while the other pinched and played with my nipples.

As he kissed and sucked the soft skin of my neck I did the same to whatever skin I could reach. I sucked on his shoulder, right where it meets the collarbone, appreciating how his skin was a little salty.

I took one hand from his back and slid it between us, reaching down and toying with the waistband of his boxers.

“Princess,” he moaned right in my ear as I reached in and pumped his hard cock twice, flicking my thumb over the tip to smear around his precum.

He sat up, kneeling on either side of my thighs and I took that as my chance to pull the boxers down just enough for the pink head to bob out. I looked up at him through my eyelashes, his skin was covered in a sheen of sweat and his hair was covering his eyes, sticking to his forehead in some parts. He gave you a slight nod, and I sat up, immediately taking my tongue from base to tip.

He took in a sharp breath as I took the tip of my tongue into the slit at the head of his cock, collecting what had formed there. It was salty, but I didn’t mind. The taste was familiar. I selfishly went down to lightly suck on his balls, squeezing the one not getting any attention with my free hand. He sighed, hands tangling through my hair, tugging at the root.

I pushed on his stomach, “Lay down, I want to suck you right.”

I didn’t need to ask him twice. In a matter of moments I was straddling him, taking the head and sucking on it gently.

“Fuuuck,” he whined, “You give the best head princess.”

I smiled around his cock as I took it inch by inch into my mouth. My hands took whatever I couldn’t fit and I started at an agonizingly slow pace. Speeding up as his grip on my hair got tighter.

He moaned in approval, a slew of curse words and praises I could barely hear. I was just focused on swirling my tongue around his cock as he buried it in my throat. He bucked his hips in an attempt to face fuck me, and I allowed it. The head brushed against the farthest point in my throat, causing me to gag, saliva dripping down the sides of my face.

“You look so pretty when you gag on me Princess.”

I hummed around him in pleasure, toying with his balls again, begging him to cum in my mouth. Hearing him moan just made me more of a mess.

He tugged on my hair slightly, “No way, I’m cumming on those pretty tits.”

I smiled up at him and wiped off my mouth. Spencer caught me in another kiss, this one much more loving and tender than the previous ones. He cupped my face and stroked my cheek.

His free hand came between my bodies in the same move I had used on him, this time his lithe fingers rubbing my clit lightly, but only for a moment.

The kiss deepened into a full on teenage make-out, our naked bodies grinding against each other. I had never been so desperate in my life, wetness dripping down my thighs. His hands were on my ass, pinching and squeezing.

“Touch me,” I begged between kisses.

“Lay down Princess.”

We swapped positions again and I moved up the bed to lean on some pillows.

He kissed me, hand moving deftly to my aching core. He took the tip of his middle finger and swiped between my lips.

I shuddered at the touch, but it was taken away so quickly.

He leaned to my ear, his hot breath tickling my skin as he placed that same finger in my mouth. I sucked on it greedily, “So wet for me already Princess.”

He nipped at my ear lobe again, causing me to buck my hips up at him. He put his face just over mine, looking deeply into my eyes as he took one finger and put it all the way in.

I groaned happily at the contact, closing my eyes to savor it.

“Eyes open. Watch me.”

I opened my eyes, just as he added a second finger, curling them to find my g spot. I opened my mouth to moan but no sound came out. The pleasure of him in me was rippling throughout my touch-starved body.

“More Spencer, please ah- fuck- more!” I yelped. His free hand came up to my breast, kneading it and my nipple again. I moaned louder, more guttural this time. His fingers never stopped even as I clawed at his skin. My nails dragged along his back and my eyes never left his.

If my eyes looked anything like his, then they were clouded with lust and immense pleasure.

“Spence—“ I gasped as he added his thumb to circle my clit.

It felt intoxicating, like I was high on all the drugs at once. The vision of his perfect face went black at the edges, that feeling I missed so much forming in my stomach. He’s the only one who could give it to me.

“Use your words Princess,” he cooed, flicking his tongue between his lips.

“D-Don’t stop I’m close.”

He took this as a signal to go faster, his hands moving in ways I didn’t think possible. His thumb rubbed rough figure eights over my clit that was slick from my own wetness. When my breathing quickened and I tightened around him he knew I was close, leaning in to kiss me gently as I rode out my orgasm.

I moaned loudly into his mouth as the rubber band snapped, tingling and pulsing around his fingers. He coaxed me through it, milking me for everything I had. When he removed his hand and licked me off of his fingers, I whined. I needed something to fill me up; I needed him to fill me up. I felt so empty without him there.

“Want me to fuck you, princess?” He asked, his hands coming up to brush the hair out of my face.

“More than anything,” I managed out, still feeling delirious from the first orgasm.

“Your wish is my command,” and with that he placed his tip inside of me, moving slowly to allow me to adjust to him.

“Ah fuck,” we both groaned simultaneously.

“You’re so tight,” he muttered, finally filling me to the hilt and waiting for my signal to tell him to start.

“Fuck me, Spencer Reid, fuck me like you mean it,” I burst, and he did.

At first he started slowly, only moving a few inches in and out. I jerked my hips up, wanting to feel more. He thrusted in and out of me wildly, his hair bouncing with every motion and sweat dripping down his face.

I relished every movement, using my hands to tangle through his hair and my lips to suck on his neck as he leaned over me. He withdrew almost completely, then pounded back into me, the pain causing me to hiss.

The room was filled with primal, animal-like moans and the sound of skin slapping against skin. I reached up and put two fingers in his mouth, which he licked with gusto knowing exactly what I was going to do with them. I mimicked his rough figure eights on my clit, wanting to cum with him.

“I’m close princess,” he panted, “Can I cum on those pretty tits?”

I just nodded, unable to find words as we climbed the mountain to our orgasms together. After a few more strokes he pulled out and brought himself to his orgasm, cumming all over my chest with a sigh. He flopped down next to me, overexerted. I continued circling and my own orgasm came seconds later and much less intense than the one he had given me prior.

Spencer stood up and grabbed a few tissues, wiping the fluid off my chest. When I was cleaned up I snuggled up against him, face to face.

“Are we going to talk about this?” He panted, still regaining his breath. He gingerly moved some hair from my face.

I sighed, “You know I’m never going to stop loving you?”

He smiled, “You know I’m never going to stop loving you too, Princess?”

Saying those words again took the weight of the last three years off my shoulders, but deep down I still had doubts.

“We won’t work.”

My voice cracked and tears were threatening my eyes.

He kissed my cheek, and pulled me against him, “We don’t know unless we try and I promise to be less infuriating this time, Princess.”

I turned so our lips met, “So let’s try.”

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everythingsinred · 3 years

Text

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 2)

And we're back with more exciting and mean Natsume! Here we will further explore Natsume's life and how absolutely dark his existence is, as well as some very important aspects of his personality that will be useful to us when NatsuMikan starts picking up speed.

Again, I am warning people that this whole essay in general talks heavily about topics like bullying, child abuse, suicidal ideation, and depression, so if those are triggering topics, it might be better for you to not read.

Previously, we were introduced to Natsume and he has sent Mikan on a dangerous quest to the Northern Woods. During that trip, she and her friends have captured his one and only best friend, Ruka, which will not bode well.

Chapter Five

Chapter Five is instrumental for completing Natsume’s introduction, long as it’s been. Natsume is a mysterious character, and he will continue to be evasive and strange for many chapters to come, but by the end of this chapter, we will understand some basic foundation for his character.

The chapter starts with Ruka’s point of view, recalling a moment when he saw Natsume cry, presumably after a mission. Ruka wonders why it’s only Natsume that has to go through “this”, and Natsume tells him that he can take it--for now. He says he wants to grow up and be an adult, to be big and strong enough to properly escape this hell. This is a consistent wish of Natsume’s, and in many ways his only wish: to grow up already.

Higuchi really out here trying to convince us this was supposed to be a cheerful story.

Natsume had to be an adult, had to make the selfless and responsible choices for the sake of his family and for Ruka, had to abandon play and smiles and laughter for a life of secret missions and frequent hospital trips. He’s dying and he wants to be an adult already because he’s certain he’ll never be able to grow up. He wants his body to match the level of responsibility he’s had to take on, but he can’t force the outside to match the inside, especially when he’ll probably be dead long before it happens anyway. This wish evolves and changes when he falls for Mikan, but it doesn’t go away.

He associates adulthood with control, because his life at the academy has been observing the adults control and use him. He wants control for once, to be able to make a choice and even just say no.

Ruka notes that Natsume hasn’t cried at all since that night, and that he now keeps all his sorrow locked away. This kid needs therapy, immediately. This is another reason that Ruka is so precious to Natsume. Ruka is compassionate and kind, so concerned about his friend that he would also shut away his own heart so that he can’t be happy for as long as Natsume is in agony.

Natsume has a scene of his own, where he snaps at Permy for saying that Mikan is full of crap and lying about being an alice. He points out that the academy is not an easy place to lie your way into, and Permy immediately backtracks and lies that she’s agreed with him this whole time. Like I’d said earlier about the loneliness involved in being surrounded by fans who don’t really know or understand you, having people all around you bend over backwards for your approval makes it clear that they really have no interest in what you’re saying, just that you’re the one saying it.

In the anime essay, I’d pointed out that because of their admiration for him, it would elude people that Natsume is in fact lonely. He speaks out against things and people rush to agree, not really considering why he might say that. This is a similar moment, though he doesn’t seem too bothered by Permy’s behavior. It’s still concerning, but it’s interesting to compare this “yes, man” attitude to Ruka’s.

There is obviously a difference between someone agreeing with every word of your mouth no matter how much it changes and contradicts, bending over backwards for your approval, and someone wanting to match you out of compassion, but Ruka’s line of thinking does still have some major flaws.

Ruka is a child, just like the rest of them, so even though this behavior is motivated by love and compassion, it’s still immature and raises some questions.

“If you won’t smile, I won’t smile either,” is a sweet line, but now Natsume is aware that Ruka’s misery is his fault. If he wasn’t so sad, Ruka could be happy. This doesn’t make Natsume happy; it just makes them both sad, and that doesn’t solve any problems. Naturally, Natsume would never say that, and Ruka would claim he’s unbothered and--just like Natsume--that he doesn’t care about hanging out with the others, but they’re both miserable now, and I think this is part of the reason why there’s a gap between them at the start of the manga, and why they’re a bit distant, despite being best friends.

They’re each other’s most important person, but they don’t really communicate that well, and Ruka constantly feels like a burden.

Natsume needs something that Ruka can’t give him, and that something is what he’ll eventually get from Mikan.

That being said, at the moment, Natsume is getting nothing but irritation from Mikan. When he finds out Mikan and her gang kidnapped Ruka, that irritation turns into rage and we see a final fundamental building block for Natsume’s character: his berserk button.

Natsume doesn’t care about the reasoning or justification for the kidnapping. He doesn’t care about explanations or common sense.

His rage only increases when he discovers Ruka was tied up and even beaten (he is told this by a classmate, when Ruka is actually unharmed). The other kids in Class B--his admirers--are terrified to see how scary Natsume is when he’s furious.

Natsume's biggest weakness is Ruka so Mikan is kinda fucked.

He doesn’t care about the game anymore. He only cares about Ruka.

So he goes to the Northern Woods, where nobody is expecting him. He tells Mikan to leave the school, which… she cannot do, obviously. He is overtaken by rage and he ceases to be reasonable.

He uses his alice on everyone but Ruka, and is about to use it on Mikan, but her alice nullifies it. Then Narumi kisses him, prompting him to pass out.

Here, we are introduced to a consistent character trait of Natsume’s, one that may contradict all that talk about forced maturity and selflessness. In fact, Natsume’s habit to go absolutely postal on anyone who threatens a loved one is a contradictory one. Going into a rage requires the sacrifice of common sense and reason for the sake of complete emotional detonation, and as a result he fails to understand that his actions could inadvertently hurt his loved ones or innocent bystanders. No reassuring words are enough to calm him down, and sure enough Natsume will destroy something.

It’s important that we see this trait now, as part of Natsume’s informal introduction, as we will see plenty more instances of it later on. In a way, going berserk for someone can even be a love language of his, where if a person being threatened is enough to set him off, he probably cares about them.

And just as interesting as seeing what he does in these situations is posing the why! Why is it that Natsume goes ballistic in these situations, when it requires the loss of the one thing he wishes he had more of, control? My guess is that Natsume has had a rough childhood and much of that time was spent running away from a dangerous entity. Staying cool and calculated under some conditions would have its benefits, but so would the quick-action and confidence that Natsume would gain by going berserk. When you have to protect someone, and Natsume has been in that situation many times, then it’s sometimes even beneficial to be able to lose yourself for a moment or two. But perhaps it’s not that either. Natsume is, despite all his airs of coldness and mystery, actually a very emotional person, and in that way he is easy to understand. Even if this isn’t a habit he developed by watching his loved ones ripped away from him through either extortion, manipulation, or just plain murder, it’s still something he might be predisposed to: attacking with everything he has despite not having a clear plan or even any real thought.

Chapter Six

We pick up where we left off and Natsume wakes up grumpy after everyone seeing him under the effects of Narumi’s pheromone alice. He causes more destruction, still in somewhat of a rage, and even causes Narumi a head wound though his teacher seems unbothered by this (or maybe even used to it, who can say).

The next thing that happens is that an alarm rings, signaling that Natsume is due for severe punishment, and, as Naru points out, not something he can help with this time. Narumi warns him to get a move on before a mystery enemy (Persona) arrives, and that is enough to scare Natsume into getting out of there. But not before he issues a word of warning of his own to Mikan, that she will regret coming to Alice Academy of her own free will.

Isn't it interesting how her optimism, something he hated so much about her from the start, ends up being something he loves about her?

I have very many thoughts about this warning. It might even seem like a threat, as if Natsume will go out of his way to make sure she regrets her decision, but he does no such thing. He is convinced that Mikan doesn’t need help reaching that conclusion--she will realize it on her own because the school is simply that terrible.

It makes a little bit of sense to view Natsume’s hatred of Mikan this way: Mikan skipped right into his own personal hell with a smile on her face and a bubbly attitude. Meanwhile, he fought and kicked and screamed right until the very end when he was forced into attending the academy. And Mikan is not some normal girl who might be able to live a quiet and pleasant life in the academy. She’s already been marked, what with all the games about her enrollment, and that might anger Natsume even more: she’s really naive enough to walk into a place that’s not just hell to him, but inevitably to her too. Because of this, Natsume hates her and is predisposed to hate her more the more cheerful and optimistic she is.

And, unlike in the anime, this hatred takes much longer to go away.

Anyway, we see Natsume again later in class, when he shows up late after having just been terribly abused as punishment for his actions in the Northern Woods.

In the anime, Natsume catches Mikan insulting him while wearing the punishment mask, and although he’s covered in scratches and the kids are whispering about his bad mood, there’s not much else to it. He doesn’t seem any more unpleasant than he’s been this whole time.

There's nothing funny about this but I will put here as a warning that anybody who jokes that kids should be hit will be hit by me!

In the manga, Natsume is so weak that he can hardly stand. It’s not just scratches, but blood and gashes on his wrists and legs. The mask is not only used to mark him, it’s also used to punish, by physically abusing him when Persona has better things to do.

He makes his way to his seat, but Narumi is on the way, just enough to make a quippy comment.

(I wonder sometimes about Narumi establishing himself as untrustworthy to the children, particularly Natsume, and how exactly that’s supposed to be a help to the student body at large. I mean there’s the possibility that Mikan is special, and her being Yuka’s daughter helped Narumi remember what he became a teacher for. In that case, it might make sense that Narumi, being so jaded and bitter, might be content acting as a villain to the abused children of the academy, and especially to Natsume, but I can’t help but feel that’s not the case. I don’t want to think that Narumi was willingly complicit and even amused by Natsume’s abuse. It’s difficult to tell for sure, though, because Narumi is way more mysterious than Natsume tries to be.)

Sumire tries to kiss up, whining to Natsume about how everyone is suddenly acting so nice to the new girl, until Natsume forcefully kicks her desk to shut her up. He only holds back with Ruka, who he would never lash out at.

Narumi then announces that Mikan shall have a partner, and that her partner will be Natsume. It’s funny because although Hotaru made it clear she didn’t want the job, Iinchou was willing to volunteer, but Narumi ignores that because he always wanted Natsume to be her partner. At this news, everyone is shocked, wondering if Mikan is supposed to be special, seeing as she’s paired up with Natsume of all people.

Narumi smiles to himself despite the chaos and then lets himself leave the classroom, saying, “let’s see what happens.”

Why does he partner them up?

Mikan thinks Narumi is crazy for this, and from an outside perspective it certainly might seem that way.

Natsume’s theory, as becomes clear later during the exams, is that this was organized by the ESP and Persona, perhaps as a punishment, but definitely with ulterior motives. He is closer to nailing it, but a little off. There is no way in hell the ESP would want to partner the child of rabble-rousers with the school’s pet child soldier. That’s a recipe for disaster. Knowing that the ESP was excited to welcome Mikan because of her alice, and that her presence at the school might encourage Yuka to try and save her, he wouldn’t have wanted to disturb his own plans.

So what is the reason?

It’s all Narumi, of course. Perhaps the O.G. shipper, Narumi could tell right away that Mikan’s nullification would be useful, particularly in regards to Natsume. Pairing them up is just another means to an end, as Narumi actually wants the kids to raise some trouble.

Chapter Seven

Being partners with Natsume is quite unhelpful.

Mikan ends up a No-Star and her Special-Star partner is for the most part absent throughout her ordeals, having to cope with it all on her own.

Chapter Seven is mainly lacking Natsume. He functions to not function for most of it, that is to establish himself as being a terrible partner.

There is a moment that stands out, when Mikan is writing a letter to her grandpa, where Natsume appears. Yes, he appears in her head to taunt her about her regret coming to the school, and she spites him by committing to optimism and determination in the future. But he also has a short appearance paralleling a panel of Mikan: they are both in their beds, awake.

WHAT WAS THE REASON?????!??!?!?

This parallel is interesting, their panels right next to each other. She is thinking about her grandpa, and we have no way of knowing what Natsume is thinking about, but there has to be a reason for him to appear despite having been mostly absent so far in the chapter.

To me, it’s another narrative tool to pair them together. They have been so far, in more ways than one, and will continue to be as they fall in love, and this is just another example of how they’d been fated from the start. Even when they hate each other, and even when they aren’t thinking of each other, they’re still tied. Looking at those panels, and seeing Natsume despite his relative irrelevance to the plot, seems to be a message that there’s more to come between them. I don’t know if any of what I’m saying makes sense, or if it seems silly, but there’s very little analysis I can do without just talking about potential.

Later, with Mikan in a new mood, ready to make the most of her situation, the kids are talking about her resilience with both her no-star status and having Natsume as a partner.

Ruka does the talking for Natsume, warning Mikan that she’s being watched and remarking that nobody should have been assigned a no-star for simply disturbing class.

Once again, Mikan and Natsume are paired: they are both treated unfairly, with Mikan given a no-star status she doesn’t deserve, and Natsume given a special-star status despite the fact that he doesn’t even go to class most of the time. They’re the exceptions to the rule, and the reader is made to wonder what exactly it is that they have in common that would result in this treatment.

Ruka tells Mikan not to trust any teachers at the academy, not even Naru, and this is almost like hearing from Natsume himself. Unlike Mikan, who will happily make strong bonds with teachers like Narumi and Nodacchi, Natsume has absolutely no positive adult figures in his life. His father is far away, his mother is dead, and every teacher is someone he holds either directly or indirectly responsible for his suffering. The adults at the school have failed him and he has nobody to trust. Something Natsume needs is a positive role model, somebody he can look up to and have faith in, because as it stands he’s a traumatized boy who absorbs negativity and takes it out in bad ways. A trustworthy adult would very much help Natsume grow and learn better coping skills, and in the meantime it makes perfect sense that he would act out and even be a bully at times.

Chapter Eight

Natsume has a habit of ignoring any and all episodes where Mikan has confrontations with her teachers. He is either dozing off or listening to music with Ruka, and doesn’t seem particularly interested in even watching.

That being said, we see a new side to Natsume in this chapter, a new emotion in a way we haven’t before: fear.

Natsume ditches class with regularity. He does not care about being present. For most classes, he would simply walk out and go screw around somewhere else, but with the dangerous ability class, he doesn’t have that choice.

The other teachers may be complicit, but they won’t do the abuse themselves. Persona is not above that, as we have already noticed despite never even seeing him so far.

If Natsume does not want to attend the dangerous ability class, then he has to run for it, and in this chapter he does, like his life depends on it, because his safety sure does. He’s only ten years old and forced to do horrible missions for the school. This is one of the scenes that reminds me that he is just a child. He knows he could get punished for running, but he does it anyway. Maybe, if he runs fast enough, they won’t catch him. Maybe, if he doesn’t get caught, he doesn’t have to go on a mission. Maybe, just this once, they won’t mind if he doesn’t show. It’s such a childish and desperate thing to do, to avoid pain at the cost of more pain to come.

Natsume is scary when he's scared...

It’s funny that as he is running from pain, he runs into Mikan, who will later alleviate his pain. For now, he just shuts her up so that Persona can pass the area while looking for him. We see Persona for the first time, what Natsume is scared of more than anything, and although his fear seems obvious, Mikan is preoccupied by annoyance for being shut up like that.

They bicker--or she bickers at him, mostly--until the middle schoolers encounter them and start bullying them.

Natsume is ready to ignore them and walk away, until Sumire’s brother calls him a murderer, reminding us of the rumor Hotaru and Iinchou discussed. Natsume stops, and Sumire’s brother whines that he’s just a special star because he’s “Persona’s favorite”.

Sumire and her brother have, like, nothing in common other than curly hair, huh.

Being Persona’s favorite is no privilege, as we know now from the run-in we just had with him and Natsume’s fear. This sets Natsume off and he starts some fires. When they threaten to call Persona, who Natsume was just running from, he responds that they can call him all they want, but he’ll burn them before he can get there to capture him. We see once again, through Natsume standing up for himself, that his berserk button lacks reason (as he is willing to sacrifice punishment by Persona again).

In a last-ditch attempt to threaten him, the middle schoolers threaten Mikan, who they perceive to be Natsume’s new girlfriend. (Calling her his girlfriend is interesting because it is even more proof that they are being narratively paired together! It shouldn’t be a surprise at all that they eventually get together, when almost everybody around them pairs them up like this, even when they can’t stand each other.) They do not expect that Natsume actually hates her, and genuinely doesn’t care if she gets bullied or not. He smiles in twisted amusement at this turn of events and walks away for good this time, leaving Mikan to be bullied.

Aw, he's smiling! How sweet.... oh wait that's a skull.

Now, Natsume is a good person deep inside, somebody who is selfless and kind in secret ways. There is no secret kindness about this scene. He is not a nice person, for sure, and this scene is proof of it.

Natsume is used to sacrificing himself for the comfort and well-being of his loved ones, so there might be relief in not caring about the comfort or well-being of somebody, and being able to choose his own well-being before that of somebody else for once. It makes sense that he would be so amused, because this time nobody has anything to hold over his head.

Conclusion

We have seen some more of the abuse Natsume faces on a daily basis. He and Mikan have been partnered up and they are presented narratively as foils and as pairs even outside of that dynamic.

For the next part, we'll see even more examples of them being paired together, as well as how Natsume is isolated from his classmates.

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #i love him! i love THEM! perfection! excellent story-telling! fantastic! so much to analyze! i ADORE!

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atlatus · 3 years

Text

A symphony

Character: Venti

Pronouns: They/Them

Song: I hear a symphony by Cody Fry

One-shot type: slight angst and fluff

Warning!! Venti story quest spoilers!!

You and Venti have been in a relationship since the Dvalin incident, the god loves to play songs for you. His fingers grazing on the lyre while playing a song in front of Angels Share.

You have always wondered what made him become a bard. That’s why you asked one day.

“Hey Venti, what made you become a bard?”

He seemed caught off guard by the question, his eyes widening and his whole body flinched a bit. Sensing his distress, you took his hand into yours, “You don’t have to tell me, if it’s private I won’t ask anymore.” The softness in your eyes made Venti feel safe, he trusted you with his story.

“Back then, I was but a wisp among the thousand winds. I wasn’t a god of anything- I didn’t even have a human form... I was just a tiny elemental being who lived in the wind, a gentle breeze bringing subtle changes for the better, or tiny seeds of hope.

The fascination in your eyes made Venti giggle before continuing,

“My current form is not so different from the situation with fake Stanley... I took the form of a friend.”

‘A friend?’ confusion was evident in your face. “(F/N), let me tell you about them before you get all confused,”

In old Mondstadt transpired the story to be told

Where a tyrant rules, I met a boy, not that old

The lyre he played, and for a song he sought

But storm-walls blocked blue sky ─ he was sincerely distraught

“I do so wish to see the birds in flight”

Said he, his strong eyes filling with light

But his voice was lost in the howling wind’s churn

For the whirlwind takes, and gives naught in return

The true sky, and songs that cageless soar...

Were they not wishes worth fighting for?

So the boy turned extending his hand:

“Let us cast down the tyrant and his walls from this land”

The young boy raised then the flag of revolt

And I threw myself into freedom’s tumult

Victorious were we who fought to be free

Gods fell, winds whipped, nations shook violently..

In the smoke, a despot met his doom

And we watched as his great tower fell none too soon..

Mondstadt began anew, the story passed down

And since then never has another worn its crown...

The story made you tear up a bit but you quickly recomposed yourself, “I’m so sorry about that Venti, I never knew.. I’m apologize for making you relive that memory.” Venti laughs before saying, “Don’t worry, these stories I tell you takes me back... Back to a song that I first heard from him.”

Fly, fly away

Like a bird in the sky

See the world on my behalf...

To the heavens may you fly.

He reminisced but quickly asked, “Would you like to hear a song I made for you?” Of course, you nodded and sat up, watching and listening intently.

I used to hear a simple song That was until you came along...

Now in its place is somethin' new I hear it when I look at you..

He smiles, his fingers plucking on his lyre.

With simple songs, I wanted more Perfection is so quick to bore..

You are my beautiful, by far Our flaws are who we really are

The sound of his voice made your mind go at ease and the melody made you sleepy.

I used to hear a simple song That was until you came along

You took my broken melody And now, I hear a symphony

Venti looked down to see you laying your head on his lap, his eyes watch over you with adoration before singing the last words.

And now, I hear

A symphony~

(EEE BRO IMAGINE VENTI SINGING THAT SONG FOR YOU AAHH I WOULD CRY)

#venti x reader #genshin impact #genshin venti #slight angst #genshin spoilers #gender neutral reader

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notnctu · 4 years

Text

sugar | s.j ❀

━ listen to: sugar by brockhampton

❀ johnny suh x fem!reader ❀ genre - smut, angst, fluff? ❀ details - fwb!au, kinda unrequited love? who knows lol, sweet love makin ❀ word count - 2k ❀ synopsis - he’s always a call away, ready to love you when you think no one else will. and this will be the one time you ask him to spend the night because johnny suh is the only sweetener you need in your bitterness.

❀ a/n: hello its author doie❀! its based off of the song sugar which is one of my favs ever so i hope u enjoy this smut, rlly this was just me avoiding explicit words lol ps i have never laughed harder in my life when @legendnct (ily hannah) asked me if i was J O R N Y when i told her i was writing this at 4am

The honey dripping, rush of candy goodness, and sugar high of a man --- Johnny Suh. He’s like walking on sunshine, no other cares in the world can harm him, and with a bright happiness that promises anything worth fighting for.

He stands six feet tall of sunflowers that turn up to the clear blue skies and soak up the positive energy needed for growth. Johnny Suh, the man that has sugar addicts craving for a slice of his attention; Johnny Suh is the epitome of goodness and virtue.

And the puzzling, estranged question of why you are his subject of sweetness is beyond any galaxy and he’d never tell a soul his reason behind his many dazed gazes, or if they even had much meaning to them. Johnny Suh is the one boy that wears his heart on his sleeve, but holds your’s at his fingertips.

There have been many countless encounters of long and, some unfortunately short, nights of sleeping with bodies that only add to the list of people you’ve kissed. But to have consistency in that aspect? Quite hesitant, to say the least.

While you are able to tolerate a random one night stand with no necessary remembrance of the individual’s name, to give your vulnerability and consistent attention to one person is asking for too much. A flawed characteristic of yours is falling in love too easily.

The hookups are meaningless, quick fucks to fill the evening and rid the irritable desire of lust. The muscles involved exclude the heart because there is no opportunity to fall for someone if you are only going to part ways right afterwards.

Yet, the one remarkable night with Johnny turned into several nights which led into your current relationship with the glowing sun. The one thing you had wished to steer away from --- a friend with benefits.

There was no metaphorical gun to your head, you weren’t forced to sign a contract, there were no ridiculously restrictive rules. No boundaries to hold you back.

When there is no fencing around the edge of a cliff, is that grounds for people to free fall? Regardless, your lack of self control and demising loneliness had you jumping and falling into Johnny’s comfort. The golden boy is someone hard to come by, and you’re not foolish enough to turn down this once in a lifetime chance to be intimately acquainted.

But as you continued to see him, there was an unconscious decision to stop your other random flings. It felt like you already had someone to fulfill the ache, someone to spend your nights with. If you needed him, he’d be there. So, unknowingly by choice, you made yourself exclusive to him, even though Johnny did not decide to do the same.

That shouldn’t bother you, right? But it does. The worst part is that it’s no one’s fault but your own. Johnny’s harmless actions affect you because your feelings allow them to. As much as you ignore the fact you two are nothing more than friends with benefits, the annoying drumming of your foolish heart reminds you of your denial.

While you’ve always had a bitter palette, the dash of sweetener never hurt anyone. He never hurts anyone, with his best efforts. And the intent should have been made clear, that your nightly hookups are an unhealthy coping mechanism. Too much sugar has your glucose levels derailing and seeking out the one person that lights up your endorphins.

The love for Johnny stems from his warmhearted character. His bubbly, goodwill nature that has him overextending himself for people who take him for granted. An extroverted, head-turning personality that you can’t despise and look away, instead are easily attracted to.

Johnny is kind, he’s thoughtful, yet entirely complex as a human being with a fair share of cloudy days. He is simply someone you want to get to know because he makes the atmosphere a safe space and he reads like an open hardback book.

Everyone has a small crush on him, it would be a complete tyranny of your feelings to deny it. Some infatuations are bigger than others and you’ll shamefully admit that you fit under this group of individuals.

On another lonely night, you wonder if he’d be at your will and call, if he would drop the world to come make you feel better. One moment, you are staring at his contact name and imaging the deep voice answering with his signature greeting. The next, you’re actually hearing his voice on the other end of the receiver and panic settles as it’s too late to cancel the call.

“Hey baby, what’s up?” The nickname sends a crown of hearts swirling around your temples. However, he sounds rushed, like he had been in the middle of a strenuous activity.

A nervousness has stammered words falling from your lips, and you’re too incoherent for even your own mind to understand. Johnny chuckles lovingly, and the slight rustling that distorts the background has you imagining that the phone is pressed between his cheek and shoulder. “Collect your thoughts, babe. I’m ready whenever you are.”

A heavy notable sigh erupts into Johnny’s ear, but he doesn’t pull away from the device. He’s all ears, attentive and patiently waiting for you to speak, despite having company on his bed.

“I need you. Can you come over?” If only pride wasn’t so hard to swallow, the question would have flowed much smoother. As if your heart grew hands, it chokes your throat from the inside and you’re preparing yourself for the rejection.

Truthfully, he isn’t obligated to come and there have been rare nights where he declines your offer. But your hope holds onto the slipping strands and the tension of your nerves have fists forming and eyes squeeze shut.

Johnny takes a fast peek at the girl already in his sheets, mindlessly and effortlessly scrolling through her social media. There is a hint of sadness in your voice that he can’t let go and while that’s usually not entirely uncommon, he can tell it took a lot for you to call tonight. So, he finds himself pulling up his sweats and a clean shirt over his head.

“Be there before you know it.” And the clench in your throat relaxes, along with the other parts that had your nails digging moon crescents into your palm and wrinkles forming at your tight creases.

And with a sweet goodbye, he hangs up the call and politely offers to take the girl home as he makes his way over to your place. And you’re dosing yourself in puffs of fruity scents and cleaning up the runny mascara around your under eyes.

With no words exchanged, Johnny knows every way to heal you and dawn a warmth that coats your darkest corners. All you have to do is open the door and let him in. His strength has you lifted from the ground, lips hungry to devour your softness.

A few fumble steps, he reaches your room at ease and gently lays you on your neatly made sheets. Johnny is consistent, no missed beats when it comes to loving you, and without a fail, he always takes a moment to himself to step back and admire your beauty. And your priceless shyness is also an added delight to the scene.

Each article of clothing is discarded and left at different areas of your small room, kisses lining your worst parts to you, but the best parts to him. When you can’t love parts of yourself, Johnny loves them for you and makes you whole.

“Were you in the middle of something?” It did not become aware to you of the possibility that you had interrupted something else, or someone else. And even if Johnny did choose to see you over spending time with them, you have the decent courtesy to make sure he is okay with his decision.

“Nothing important.” You’ll never be able to read him or notice any lies he tells. His smile is enough reassurance, and your question is quickly forgotten when his fingers dive into your wet flower. He uses his thumb to soothe circles around your growing bud, making your whole lower half blossom with trembling ecstasy.

His lips leave soft reminders to love your thighs, your legs, to not overlook their importance: they carry your graciousness into new ventures. Then, he pushes them wide open as he bends your left knee and your right dangles over his sturdy shoulder. The tight grip on your hip is bound to leave marks the next morning, along with the dark love bites he leaves across your canvas.

But his thoughts are focused on the meal ahead, your sugary juices coat the plush of his tongue. He remembers exactly how you like it, where melodic sounds hit the silence in gasps or groans. He suckles, he licks, he kisses your bead in a speed that has his brown locks tangled in between your fingers.

He drinks up more than your wetness, but also the pure image of your fucked out expression and the twists of your reacting body. He wants to surpass your limits, max you out until there isn’t a hint of melancholy in your tone anymore. To remember, to remind, to recall your happiness through heightened pleasure.

At the announcement of your high, he enters your spasming hole with rubber already on and groans at your walls squeezing around him, which halts him in place. However, the dragged movement of his length hits your sweet spot, your orgasm prolongs into a rapturous euphoria and you’re no longer in control of your body.

Johnny’s toned arms hold you close to him. The chemistry in your gazes has your heart pounding faster than his hips. As ruthless as each thrust is and each push moves you an inch upward on the bed, Johnny’s eyes are still kind and loving.

His fluttering kisses are delicate and nurturing. The marks resemble a healing touch that will settle you enough for the next day. For the night, he rids any angst that corrupts your mood by loving you when you think no one else will.

Together, your bodies fall into one another with a bite of elation as he finishes into the protection and your walls hug around him for the last time tonight. Even when your bodies disconnect, the feeling of fullness lingers and you wish to keep this for as long as you can. No more emptiness, not right now.

Perhaps it's the daze of your orgasm, but your hand reaches for his wrist to stop him from making his exit so soon. Selfishly, carelessly, honestly, this will be the one time you ask for him to spend the night. You can’t stand seeing him go, not at this instant. You refuse to spend one more night alone when your heart longs for him to be by your side when you fall asleep.

While the big heart of his beats speechlessly at your request, he lays down to draw you into his toned chest and pampers your forehead with honeyed pecks. Like many times before, no words need to be exchanged for him to know the remedy to your somber.

Possibly, the scene with Johnny caressing your chin and tracing your smile lines is all too perfect for your imperfect reality. And him whispering and wishing a happier narrative for you is more than what you had asked for. Nonetheless, he’s very good at it, mentally noting the fact that he’s probably done the same to other hookups or broken friends.

While you can get used to this form of aftercare, the guards you put up tell you that this is a one time thing. So, you’ll take and indulge all of Johnny’s affection and false love for the next few hours you had left of the night.

Nevertheless, even sweetness can be an overpowering flavor when consumed in tremendous amounts. And you wonder when you’d grow sick of his candied sugar or if you’d just forfeit your health to keep indulging more into your addiction. A sickly saccharine question of your own will be the pit of your downfall: do you love me?

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no-droids · 3 years

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Hello! You are by far my favorite author on this app and I’m so inspired and just utterly impressed by you writing capabilities! Do you have any tips for a young and mediocre writer as myself? Writing process, inspo, etc.? Really love your work!

Oh my gosh idk I don’t really feel like I’m in a position to be giving advice but I can just reiterate what I find works well for me and then see if trying some of these things can help??

I personally skip around within a chapter (or even multiple chapters, I have one or two scenes written for the last chapter of rough day already) because I think that helps with creative flow and narrative structure. It’ll allow you to write whatever scene you feel like writing at any point so you avoid stunting your creativity/progress, and it’ll also require you to look ahead and figure out how the plot progression will play out at the same time. Sometimes I find myself wanting to throw in something extra in a scene that I wasn’t planning that could change the whole narrative trajectory and skipping around allows me to avoid urges very similar to this that I’m sure every author at any level has experienced:

oof this one hits close to home lmfaooo

But yes that’s one of my biggest recommendations, skip around. There are a ton of benefits to it and the few amount of drawbacks just allow you to develop better writing skills to counteract them. You’ll learn how to keep the same flow and seamlessly continue writing no matter if you’re feeling smutty, feelsy, angsty, whatever. It’s good practice and I think produces a better result, at least for me.

The other suggestion I have is to write for different characters. Idk if you’re a fanfic writer or an original author, but having a diverse type of personalities you can portray in your work is always going to be a good thing, including the protagonists. Being able to flex those skills and write for an evil genius or a heroic paladin or even just a wide-eyed puppy dog is really important. I’d argue that being able to understand and then portray the depth and range to your characters is arguably the most important thing in a story, so that’s what I’d probably suggest valuing above most else. Everybody has a way of speaking and acting and phrasing things, their body language and how they’d respond to situations—basically I try to value that above plot. Things happen to characters instead of the other way around; the integrity of characterization doesn’t change depending on whatever plot you’ve crafted around them. It’s really easy for fanfic authors to manipulate characters to fit the whims of the narrative, and I’m sure it’s even easier to do it in original fic since those characters ARE yours and any change you make is canon. But I’d suggest treating them as the same, as if the people you’ve created ARENT yours. They have their own flaws and strengths and comforts and dislikes, and keeping that consistency is important.

ANYWAYS I hope this helped and I’m sorry I can’t be of more assistance!! These things are just things that I keep in mind that help me, I hope I was able to shed a little insight on my process and I wish you the best of luck in all your future writing endeavors!!!🥰🥰

#ask #kn33doh

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sapphirelycoris · 3 years

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𝑨 𝑩𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝑩𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝑨𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒈𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 & 𝑨𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕: 𝑰

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Suggestive lines, pining (like a lot because Enji's a simp), enemies to lovers style writing, weird 19th century type dialogue but I think it's still readable. Please tell me if I missed any.

Ship: Enji Todoroki x female reader (she/her)

Word count: 2,707

Music: Pride & Prejudice Music & Ambiance

Author's note: I know some of the character's relationships with others are kind of weird but I casted them according to personality. For example, Ryuko reminds me of Charlotte Lucas and Nejire reminds me of her little sister, Maria. I just kind of threw names around haha... A NSFW and continuation soon to come. God, it's been a while since I posted anything on this blog.

Written/created for: @pleasantanathema's Through Ink and Quill | A Classics Collab

Summary: A Pride and Prejudice inspired piece, featuring Enji Todoroki as the male love interest. Loosely following the plot of the actual novel with a few twists on the actual story's dialogue, characters, & events. When you meet Mr. Enji Todoroki, he was the last man in the world you'd ever want to be around. However, as your paths cross more and more, you see that your first impression of him was inaccurate.

"The world works in mysterious ways. He doesn’t know what happened and when it began. Suddenly, Enji cannot stop longing to be in the same room with you. To go one more moment without you seemed like a sin or some unbearable divine punishment for his greatest flaw: pride."

𝑉𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠, 𝑡𝘩𝑜𝑢𝑔𝘩 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑠𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑙𝑦. 𝐴 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑏𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝘩𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑣𝑎𝑖𝑛. 𝑃𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑜𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑠; 𝑣𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑦, 𝑡𝑜 𝑤𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝘩𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑜𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑜𝑓 𝑢𝑠. -𝐽𝑎𝑛𝑒 𝐴𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑛

The world works in mysterious ways. He doesn’t know what happened and when it began. Suddenly, Enji cannot stop longing to be in the same room with you. He dreamed about the sight of your eyes, glancing at him with mild contempt. You occupied his thoughts, both innocent and indecent… He was going to go mad if you didn’t share the same affections that he did. He didn’t want you. Not at all. He needed you by his side. To go one more moment without you seemed like a sin or some unbearable divine punishment for his greatest flaw: pride.

When he blatantly insulted you at the first gathering he attended and saw you laugh about it with Ryuko, for once, he felt uneasy. The same woman he had slighted was now the one who controlled him. He noticed the way you looked embarrassed at your family’s antics. It disgusted him that he was obsessing over someone with that kind of background.

It certainly shocked Enji when you stood him up at Sir Yorio’s gathering. How dare you! For him to stoop down and offer to dance with you, only for you to reject him, was truly offensive. A woman far below his social status, refusing to stand up with him. The nerve.

Every single snarky quip that left your lips swam around in his mind. Your sharp tongue was attractive. The moment he saw you with mud on your dress, walking from your home to Toshinori’s country estate, he was taken aback. For some reason, he couldn’t get rid of that image. The sun hit your face perfectly, creating an enchanting glow that accompanied your delightful countenance.

“Ms. (L/N).” Your name rolled off his lips so naturally.

The regrettable moment you had to leave Toshinori’s estate, he helped you into the carriage which would take you home. Something transpired, far beyond his comprehension. Your hand fit so perfectly in his, he couldn’t help but want it to stay there forever. The missing piece to a puzzling man such as himself finally found its way to its rightful spot. It seemed you wished for the same thing. His grip was secure, he felt safe, and you were trapped, staring into the most beautiful cerulean eyes. At the same time, Enji could drown in your eyes forever. The confused look you gave him was endearing when he refused to let go.

His actions also startled him. Why was he so stuck on you? He flexed his hand, imagining that yours never left as he watched the carriage shrink, moving further from the manor and into the distance. When was the next time he would be allowed to see you? What was it going to take to cure this infatuation?

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

The next time he saw you, was under more unfortunate circumstances. He was riding downtown with Toshinori when he spotted your little party. Unlike his friend, Enji looked unhappy when he saw who you were talking with. You briefly exchanged eye contact with him before he had a clear look of disdain displayed on his face.

Keigo’s eyes followed yours. He tipped his hat, but Enji made no attempt to return the friendly gesture. He hurried away on his horse without saying a word. The encounter was certainly unusual. Keigo looked discomforted by the interaction. You wondered what could have transpired between the two men that caused such tension.

That night, at your aunt’s home, you sat down and heard what Keigo had to say about his reunion with Enji. He told his side of the story. He painted Enji as the villain in his narrative. Seeing as how you already found the man so disagreeable, you couldn’t help but believe Keigo’s words. He was much more forthcoming than his old friend; he didn’t seem capable of telling a lie. This new story caused you to see Enji in a new light, only deepening your dislike for the man.

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

Toshinori was a man of his word and held the ball that he promised your sisters. Enji was less unenthusiastic than he usually was. Knowing that he’d get to see you there was the night’s one redeeming feature. He was excited at the thought of getting to lay his eyes on you once more, and it sickened him.

Many of the officers were attending the ball. While linking arms with Toshinori and walking around the ballroom, you searched for Keigo among the redcoats the officers wore. Instead of finding him, you found a pair of familiar blue eyes that looked at you with well-hidden passion and yearning. Enji wanted to tear you away from Toshinori’s arms and have you all to himself. He had many selfish desires, and he usually got what he wanted, but you were the exception.

Women fawned over him, trying to get a taste of his money. Even Rei tried being overly friendly with him. He cared little for them; he wasn’t looking to fall in love. He was not in search of a wife. Enji was quite content with the life he had. Everything he wanted was in his grasp. But you? You were so close yet so far. There was an uncomfortable amount of emotional space between you and he wanted to close it. Being in the same room wasn’t enough anymore. He wanted to touch you, feel your skin, claim those alluring lips for himself. He wanted to see your whole being without any pesky fabric in the way. If only he could rip that dress off of your body after forcefully pulling you into a vacant bedroom.

He made his way over to you, but an officer blocked his view. He informed you that Keigo would not be in attendance. Part of it was because of an assignment he had to do, but he also wanted to avoid a certain man… Your younger sisters drug the officer away, leaving you alone in the middle of a crowded room.

Fortunately, you spotted Ryuko, who was standing alone in the corner. You went to inform her of everything that had happened lately. An unwelcome guest interrupted you.

“Ryuko, may I introduce you to my cousin, Mr. Tobita?” While remaining civil, you introduced them to each other. He took your hand and led you to dance. As it turns out, the man can’t dance. He went the wrong way, bumping into another lady. It was embarrassing, to say the least.

Enji watched in amusement as he saw you struggle to keep a smile. You made eye contact with him again, almost sending him a look of desperation. Dancing with him would be better than your current situation. He simply smirked and waltzed around the room, observing everyone.

While you were busy venting to Ryuko, the very man you were talking about came up to you. The two of you exchanged glances and bowed. “If you are not otherwise engaged, would you do me the honor of dancing the next with me?” Enji’s odd invitation made your eyes widen slightly.

There was no way out of it. You tried coming up with an excuse, but nothing came to mind. He smiled slyly as you fumbled over your words. “I- well I hadn’t... yes. Thank you…” With no escape, you were trapped. He walked off, and you lingered behind for a minute.

“You’d be a fool if you didn’t take him up on his offer. It’s a great compliment that he singled you out.” Ryuko commented.

“The last time he singled me out was to slander me. Hateful man…” you hissed before going to follow him.

As the music started to play, you studied Enji’s face. It was the first time you’d ever really taken the time to analyze all of his features. You hated to admit it, but he was handsome. Unusually handsome.

Finally, your hand had made its way back into his. Even if it was only for a brief moment, that feeling would stick with him until the end of the night. The two of you danced around with your words, conversing back and forth when the time was appropriate. You simply couldn’t bear the silence.

Couples pranced around the dance floor elegantly, stepping where they needed to. You two moved in sync, never letting your eyes wander. There was a burning passion for the man that you couldn’t get rid of. Whether it was burning hatred, lust, or love, you couldn’t tell. Hostility and tension seemed to be all that came out of your encounters with him. The sexual tension was the one thing that kept you from completely despising Enji and you hated it.

In an attempt to rile him up, you remarked on Keigo and the last time Enji saw you. “The last time I was in town, I was forming a new acquaintance.” A sly grin spread across your face as the words came out.

“Mr. Takami’s friendly personality is what allows him to make friends so easily. Though his ability to keep them is debatable.”

“How unfortunate he must be, to lose your friendship, a loss I am sure he will regret for the rest of his life.” You mocked in an airy and hushed tone. Before Enji could snap back, Mr. Toyomitsu came over to hint at a marriage between your sister and Toshinori. The two of you glanced at the smiling pair before dancing again. “Didn’t you say that you rarely ever forgave? That your hatred, once set in stone, was set indefinitely? Surely a man such as yourself is careful when breeding such hatred.”

“Of course I am.” Enji scoffed.

“And I presume you do not let prejudice blind you?”

“No. What is the purpose of these questions, if I may ask?” He grumbled, disliking your inquiries.

“Simply a means to figure out your constitution.” You laughed, “Trying to get a good idea of your character.”

“And your findings?”

“None. I have heard of you on different accounts by different people with different views of you. You shall remain a mystery until I comprehend you.”

With the dance ending, Enji remained silent. Once the music faded, he supported your hand as you lightly held it over his. “I request that you do not attempt to perceive my character right now. It would do us no favors if you judged wrong.” He claimed as you left the dance floor.

“I may not get another opportunity, so I might as well try while I have the chance.”

Enji placed himself right next to you and leaned to whisper in your ear. He lowered his voice, making sure only you could hear. “I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours.” His finger brushed against your arm as he walked away. All the heat in your body rushed to that spot. You wanted his warmth against your skin, you didn’t want him to go.

And yet, you were standing alone in the corner of a crowded room, fixated on the man who you swore to never like.

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

Much had happened over a short amount of time. You had rejected Mr. Tobita’s marriage proposal and got an earful from your mother. Keigo got engaged to a rich young lady, and Ryuko had gotten engaged to Mr. Tobita. Enji and Toshinori’s party had left his estate, and your sister was disheartened. Everyone had such high expectations for her and Toshinori, only for him to up and leave.

Now, you were on your own adventure. You, Sir Yorio, and Nejire were going to visit her and Mr. Tobita. They lived in a small house on Lady Chiyo’s property. Greenery grew on the stone, adding to the natural feel of the house. It was a quaint little grey structure with a clear blue sky in the background.

As soon as the carriage stopped, Ryuko and her husband rushed out the door to greet you. They showed you to your rooms while Mr. Tobita kept on about Lady Chiyo’s house and how grand it was. It seemed he was more in love with Chiyo than his own wife.

“Are you happy here?” You asked Ryuko as you watched the other three walk around the garden.

“I am quite content with my situation. I barely see him during the day. He sits in his book room, walks to Lady Chiyo’s every day, and-”

“And you prefer to sit in your own wing of the house.” You finished. Whether it was what she was going to say or not, you stated your mind. Ryuko smiled wistfully, “Yes.”

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

While you and Ryuko were walking through the woods, along with Nejire, Mr. Tobita came running after you. He was clearly out of breath but told you his news, anyway. Enji and his cousin, Kugo, had arrived. He urged you to make your way back to the house, since they wanted to visit with them.

“Pleasure to finally meet you Ms. (L/N).” Kugo smiled.

“Oh? ‘Finally’, sir?”

“My cousin speaks of you often.” He informed.

“Ah…” You sighed, looking over at Enji who met your gaze, only hungrier.

Enji’s eyes never left you, though. There was a protective aura emitting from him. Just in case Kugo spoke or acted out of line, he was ready to come to your aid at any moment. He rested his knuckles against his mouth. Instead of addressing anyone else in the room, he was intently watching and listening to your conversation.

“Pray tell, why is Mr. Todoroki staring at me?” You asked Kugo, having enough of being watched over like you were some kind of prey, “Have I done or said something he finds offensive?”

The man stood up from the sofa and meandered over to the table you were seated at. He had no control of his own actions. It was quite an impulsive move, and now he didn’t know what to say. “How is your family?” He choked out.

“Well.” You replied, “My sister has been in town for quite some time. Have you happened to see her?”

“No.” Enji lied, “Unfortunately not.”

“As you can tell, Mr. Todoroki and I are not very close.”

“Really? I find that hard to believe.” Kugo exclaimed.

“Truly? I believe in first impressions, however, Mr. Todoroki’s good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.” Your words caused him to turn around, and he saw your smiling face, making a joke of him.

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

The grounds of Lady Chiyo’s property were breathtaking. When the weather allowed, you took advantage of the sprawling greenery and went out for as many walks as you could. Without a cloud in the sky, an endless sea of blue, and shining sun, you wasted no time in getting outside. It was much more productive and enjoyable than sitting in the house.

A beautiful little trail, hidden by the estate’s magnificent trees, was the path you found yourself walking along. You looked up to admire how tall the trees had grown. They stood proud and provided you with shade. The birds sang a lovely little tune, supplying you with a unique sound that rivaled that of the best musicians.

Enji came trotting through the path from the side. He halted his horse once he saw you. No painting could do you justice, even one made by the best painter in the world could compare to your beauty in person. The sight of you admiring the picture in front of you made his heart pound. Though you said nothing, he believed that you, taking the time to simply look at him, was the greatest compliment he would ever receive.

And for those few precious minutes, he drank in your appearance. He was hopelessly in love with you. Being in your presence was the best part of his day. He found himself looking forward to seeing you. He always prayed for you to cross paths with him. Even if he simply caught a glimpse of you, suddenly it brightened his entire day.

Unfortunately, he had other things to do. Enji spurred his horse forward and trotted away. Your presence in his life was much bigger than he expected when he first met you. And somehow… he didn’t mind it. He hated yet loved the feeling of being in love.

#endeavor x reader #bnha endeavour #endeavor #todoroki enji #enji todoroki x reader #todoroki endeavor #enji x reader #enji x you #19th century #shitty writing but it's something #I kind of hate this but I hate everything I write #my hero academia enji #endeavor x y/n #I am disgusted at myself for being so late to submit this for the collab #Pleasantanathema forgive me.#What's up with the shitty title #not proof read forgive the shitty grammar and punctuation

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