#i am a sad and tired baby

[fooltofancy]

friend.

#fullview for textures pls for the love of idk this rabbit #baby mode blogging #endwalker spoilers #maybe idk #i am tired and sad and wanted to Finish Something so here u go i'm not touching it again lmao #vindraws #hits post and runs screaming #ffxiv #viera

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Just applied for a summer childcare position (like for a camp type thing) that pays 20–28 dollars an hour based on qualifications (I should be towards the end of that scale because I work in a school; and the only requirement the job lists is to be 16 and have experience with children). So hopefully they’ll consider me. That would be wonderful.

#I hate applying for jobs so much. Everyone uses a different website that makes you sign up for newsletters that clog your email #that you have to manually unsubscribe to #But yeah that’s way more than I get paid as a para lol #which is kind of sad because being a para or teacher is a lot more strenuous and complex than supervising kids during structured play #Because usually the kids enjoy stuff like rock climbing and swimming #so you don’t have to guide them through ten different layers of mental gymnastics to complete their work #or sometimes physically keep them from leaving the learning area after every problem they complete #(of course I do the last thing very gently; and I don’t like having to carry kids from under tables back to their seats #but they’re not going to learn anything if they stay underneath tables all day long… that kind of defeats the purpose of being in school. #I give a lot of verbal warnings before too. Some kids just refuse to learn all the time regardless of their mood because it’s funny to them #Anyway: Kids should not be playing video games past bedtime on a fucking Oculus Rift #Like seriously the tech withdrawal in some of these babies is palpable #Horrifying #Anyway this summer job will be a breeze if I get it #Hopefully no one will be begging me for chromebooks during rock climbing #(I know it sounds like I’m irritated with the kids; and I am. But it’s more irritation with their parents letting them become addicted #to iPads for the sake of convenience; and also frustration directed at capitalism that makes the parents so tired #that they let the iPad babysit their kids so they can rest. It’s the whole system man. It’s fucked.)

[floral-hex]

Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.

lol it’s underwater 🐠

#ugggghhhhh so sad #like genuinely I think my therapist rocks #he’s the best one I’ve ever had. nice and cool but no BS and just harsh enough to push me #I feel like such a baby for saying it but literally the number one thing I’ve wanted these last few weeks was to go to therapy #I had to skip my last appointment so I haven’t seen him in weeks #between my mom’s organ transplant and driving back and forth to see her everyday and taking care of my bros aaand super suicidal birthday #I’m just… I’m tired. I want to vent. I just want to spill my guts for an hour and maybe cry a lot #and I can’t do that with anyone else. I know that’s dumb to say #I 100% can’t complain to my family because ya know I gotta be strong and they don’t need me being a burden #and I love my mutuals but I don’t know any of you anywhere well enough to feel comfortable venting #I mean. y’all can vent to me all day. I’ll gladly listen to you talk about yourselves. I’m here for it. I just can’t do it myself 😕 #I’m so tired and anxious and I don’t want to really get into the self harm talk but I’ve had some serious self destructive thoughts lately #I don’t know what I’m going to do #I have to believe it’ll get better #because if I don’t believe that then… what’s the point? #also.. I’m really fucking lonely. just to throw that out there. if you can’t tell by my reblogs. #I am like desperately and ravenously lonely and full of longing #and you add that to everything else it’s just the sad little cherry on top… #now I want an ice cream sundae… mmmm…. #I need 1000 hugs and to sit with someone and maybe get fucked up and complain and sit in silence and and and blegh #but that’s life. it’ll be… it’ll be whatever it is. #sorry. this is a bit too heavy for this time of morning #I’ve been sick. really bad vertigo and vomiting and I’m just wiped out and sad #but I love you stranger or at least I like you enough to be okay with you reading this #okay be safe #goodbye forever #text

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

I miss Eddie 💔💔💔💔

#I am so tired and so stressed and so sad and holding onto my sweet angel baby as tightly as I can

[doodlegangers]

Forget the poems of saints and ghosts, I'm the one I fear the most.

#art #dungeons and dragons #dnd #ocs #tiefling #void starfall #sad dad #holyfucking shit i am so happy he is still like ... here ... like??? #i know you're tired baby but we sure are gonna keep going huh

[lqnar]

All i want to do is eat and kill myself lmfao

#:) #im not suicidal just fkn sad and tired and sick of bulimic hell #well i am al ittle bit suicidal but not going to do anything about it. #and im so pissed off that i have no good blades at all bc im a baby nowadays and need sharp blades to do anything #and it’s such a hassle to get new ones every time????? #idk how i did it when i was in muddle school and high school tbh i used the same ones for a while i think #but i was also just a lot more hardcore w my sh back then and besides #most of the time it wasnt that deep. #idk i want to hurt myself #and my face feels awful because i have bped like?????? thrice?? this evening alone #and i’m so sick of myself #my face is swollen and my jaw hurts and my lymph nodes are fkn giganic #im sick of this i just want to rot and shrink until theres nothing left

[summerlycoris]

Guess whos potentially working a triple tomorrow?????????

Im going to transform into my final form if this shit keeps up i swear to god.

#summerly talks #im just. gonna have to tell my boss that. effective immediately. i cant work the weekend anymore #sad because its good money #but this is becoming a fucking pattern and if it does i may actually dive into a fission reactor while singing meltdown ;_; #like. i was okay with the double? my coworker called in because her baby was sick #and she promised me if i couldnt get anyone to cover for my am shift tomorrow she would take it #then at like 9pm i get a text saying. she cant. her baby wont let her leave #and i feel selfish because. she has a baby. but i have cats and luckily i was able to drop by today to pick up my sleepover kit #and also make sure minty had food. (fieldie has an auto feeder so hes okay) #and i just. want to go home #the reality is i cant. i cant go. not unless one of the people i texted gets back to me saying theyll come in #and no one has yet. its 11pm. no one will at this point. #im tired im tired im tired #i dont want to end up like i did at my ladt job. giving away entirely too much of me and destroying myself #ive already lost most if not all of my passion for this job #and when i was younger i dreamt of working with disabled people. i burnt too quick and now im a shell of what i was #but this is the only thing im trained for that would allow me to like. keep my home #maybe if or when i move to brisbane i can look into a different job. do an it course idk. something where there's less people skills needed #i better try to get some sleep orz tonights gonna be a bitch of a thing

[criticalrolo]

how do I explain to people that im too stupid to have a gender

#more specifically how do I tell my mom that im so sad because I don’t get to have a gender lol #like….. it’s too hard for me to understand and to parse what’s nature vs nurture #like. there’s Consequences for existing as a woman no matter what #but like. then there’s the Extreme Sexism of cult life where women are explicitly not as Real as men #and being a girl is a trap because all you exist for is to make babies for men who are the actual people #so like. where does that leave an 8 year old lesbian who wants to be a person u know?? #anyway I’m too stupid for this and I am tired

[knowlesian]

thinking about ed, and walls that become cages.

because we know ed is young when he kills his father; we can assume he’s just as young when he leaves home. young when he has to start fending for himself and keep the world not just at a distance but learn to bite back without crossing the fine line between being somebody’s eventual and immediate c.o.d.

that takes control. it takes a certain amount of planning. it takes understanding that people see what they want to see unless they’re looking carefully or you give them a reason to do otherwise.

because there’s no reason to disbelieve ed, when he confesses that to stede; we can have our own take on if he's defining murder right, but when it comes to ed the character with his own internal moral structure, he defines it so that the last person he killed personally was his father.

so the years with hornigold, pirate frat bro’ing it up with jack: nobody figures it out. he leaves home barely more than a kid, grows into a man in a culture where his line there would be anything but the accepted norm, and as far as we know nobody ever figures it out. he becomes the legend, he makes izzy his first mate; nobody knows.

he presents himself as blackbeard: legendary pirate. the kraken is his private shame, the thing he tells himself in his worst moments, and ed is who he is when he’s alone. blackbeard bridges the gap, in some ways, at the same time it protects him.

who would think blackbeard doesn’t kill? it’s ludicrous. he’s born of the devil. a million knives and guns and a head made of smoke. he has made himself so motherfucking scary all it takes is the evocation of his imagined wrath to make people surrender.

like ed said: he doesn’t even need to be on the ship.

the parts of piracy ed enjoyed— thinking fast in new ways and not the same old shit, equally new daring adventures, buckling some swashes and having gay sex via swordfights literal and colloquial that aren’t weird and depressing— are now basically all off the table.

he doesn't have to do much but run from one easy win to the next, maybe plot a daring escape in between, but it’s all the fucking same. he built blackbeard to protect himself; his secrets, his tender underbelly. and then he built blackbeard as a channel for his very real anger, because among the many rational responses to a lifetime of unfair bullshit is being pissed off about it.

violence isn’t ed’s instinct, but push people far enough and they push back. physical violence absolutely provided him a shield (nobody suspects the guy who chops off toes and make people eat them of not liking murder, because... that’s fucking terrifying holy shit that is MURDER BASEMENT territory, if you don't know all the secrets ed told stede, or we as an audience saw in flashback)  but it also provided an outlet for that anger.

he's older now; still angry, because the world is still fucked up, but no longer satisfied channeling everything into the same old expected patterns and only letting his other impulses bleed in around the edges until the world (or izzy) reminds him to pull it back in and be who he is supposed to be.

this is the problem of becoming blackbeard so nobody will be able to see ed, and the things he doesn’t want them to see; self-fucking-fulfilling prophecy. he needed blackbeard, once upon a time, but he’s outgrown blackbeard. it always hurt him, but it used to give him things he needed. 

the utility’s gone. all being blackbeard does is hurt him now and he wants to figure himself out beyond the boundaries of his legend but he built the foundations of said legend so well knocking them over also involves toppling pillars of identities that aren't even his.

it is an absolute goddamned pickle of a bitch of a Situation. i enjoy these writers a lot but also: ow?

#edward teach: consistently breaking my heart #the level of thought he would have had to put into crafting that image #especially when he was on hornigold's crew #his control is INTENSE #that's why i see the bathtub scene as singular in nature #i very much doubt ed allows izzy to see that shit because i doubt he allows anyone to see that shit #he keeps his image SO tightly regulated #honestly there's p some sad commentary on influencer culture in there #but i am too tired to piece it together #ohhhh ed. his level of control is like: take a break baby #just let somebody hug you please

[evankinard]

maybe I had to wake up at 7:30am on a saturday today but I also got to be at work where a five year old immediately imprinted on me and gave me a basically unlimited amount of hugs and cuddles for 50 minutes so who's the real winner

#i am so tired #but we had parent day at work today except this little girl was sad cause her mom couldn't come in cause she had to stay with her baby #so I told her id stick with her instead and she took that very literally #every time i asked for a high five she would ram into me for a hug instead and during all the downtimes she asked to sit in my lap #and then at the end when they were leaving she ran back in and asked for one more hug and i swear to god i would die for that kid #i am hers mind body and soul

[moon-off-spring]

Being Hozier's baby feels like being a divine being or some kind of eldritch presence. Being Mitski's baby feels like being a particularly warped piece of discarded trash that someone has a special attachment to. Or a particularly fat raccoon idk.

#im sad and tired #and the songs are playing in the exact order they played that one time and i am not okay #mitski #hozier #tonight is a mitski's baby mood i think

[silvreflames]

chelsea cutler really said “the forest has a fire but all it ever seems to do is rain / and i wish i was lighter, so you would never have to hold my weight” and “i’m scared i’ll always be this way / that people will not want to stay / that i’ll wake up forever hoping / i just make it through the day” like i wouldn’t immediately apply it to lady death

#ITS HUNTING SEASON ALWAYS ALL OR NOTHING / MY LEGS ARE SO TIRED HOW IS ANYBODY RUNNING #WHY THE HELL AM I SO DEVOID OF ANY MEANING #WHAT IS LIVING FOR IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE IN #chelsea once again you’re paying for my therapy #nesta baby 😭😭😭😭 #always sad about her what can i say!!!

[bloodsbane]

weeping solemnly bc my fave in hell's kitchen just got axed BUT she made it to final 4 and stayed relatively chill and nice vs everyone else who are big whiny babies... and she got a super nice farewell from ramsay hell yeah. i think she won actually

#banebabbles #kn lb #it was elsie. for anyone who actually knows/cares what im talking about #tbh it's legit she's leaving bc she's just really inexperienced but she was putting up a solid fight!! #and i know she's fine w it bc last week she was like MAN im tired. just vote me tf off dude #anyways respect 4 single mom queen have fun returning to ur Childrens #sad i am being left w the whiny babies tho

[kulliare]

trying to not rage over the fact that inevitably i will be asked how my break went and then being unable to say that my grandpa died and i will have to swallow it down like everything else

#i Cannot look at my groupchats right now because they are all doing fun things and im like. #no no no this is not the time why aren't you wallowing with me even though ive cried already this evening #my grandpa made me so mad and so furious and yet i am just so sad right now #my family kept bringing up memories of when i was like a baby and when he took me around #bc he could actually walk then / hadn't lost weight / wasn't causing driving accidents everywhere #and i just couldnt remember anything and it just made me sadder #we've made a little shrine of the things he liked where he used to sit #little toque / watch / gloves / oranges / chicken essence / terrible ginseng drink / his glasses #i will look at where he used to sit tomorrow and wince and want to cry because he should be there. #he should be here. he has lived for so long and yet he should still be here being a stubborn little bitch but he isn't #he isn't sitting surrounded by the shit he bought and hoarded because hes a fucking hoarder #who left spilt food out and flies were everywhere around him and he was terrible and lonely and i miss him even though i couldn't #speak to him because of the language barrier #he makes me so mad. sad. tired. upset

[knifefightscene]

I have no trust in humanity as a whole now, only the communities that I am in.

#thank u everyone. i am so tired. #it was so very triggering #and sad to watch/read her testimony #hope she and her baby will be alright

[taviokapudding]

It’s been 6 years since Automata came out & Ima keep it real, I think it’s about time I start asking for it because if nobody else will start putting it into existence, it most like won’t occur. I also really think a FF7 remake style glow up is a necessity for the franchise’s lore becoming more accessible, especially post the recent anime; I know more people would agree with me that it would make hella money if marketed correctly as a prequel for those who didn’t get to play the originals OR those who did play the originals and had a fucking shit time (iykyk- the pains of Drakenguard 3). We are hitting a point where ps2 & 3 titles won’t be readily playable and tbh all 3 need a major rehaul anyways. Hear me out:

Could Yoko Taro, Platinum Games, & Square Enix PLEASE start remaking Drakenguard 1 & 3 before it becomes lost media outside of a handful of YouTube video cutscenes and Automata lore videos?

#mun post #I am going to turn 30 next year and still live in a world where 90% of the NieR community don’t know about the goddamn #ost ​bangers and super critical lore about the whole virus that drives humanity to extinction #and the 10% who do are use the drakenguard enthusiasts who cry when we see lunar tears #please let me see the next generation and younger understand why I get sad over a stupid baby dragon aaaaah #also I am tired of the 10% of us having to explain the lore over and over again- a remake would fill in all the gaps and let yoko taro #more creative liberty to finish telling his story because again iykyk #also I am tired of gachas- just because Hoyoverse knows how to make them doesn’t mean Square Enix does #fr the gacha game they made to connect all the stories that fall into the nier universe was boring as hell and they would make more money #with a proper remake of the drakenguard games in the long run #honorable mention drakenguard 2- yoko taro intentionally chooses to ignore it but #I haven’t forgotten the girlie all these years #I think it would be fine if they remade 2 but let taro have full creative freedom because the jump between 1& 3 makes sense but I’d be okay #with a better connecting of dots & letting the tennis ball head man give us more timelines