#i am now medicated and its good

[soomanymoths]

CrinklyTinfoil bs

Just a collection of receipts since krys decided to go ahead and spew such backwards bs im no longer willing to keep this to myself - i only did in the first place because crinkles spouse (nightjarteeth) asked me to keep it tucked away for a while (Night is aware of the events and supports me in the situation last i checked). Crinkle really hates the idea of their behavior backfiring & someone they hurt speaking about the experience. They will do anything to discredit people, doesnt matter if they caused the sitch in the 1st place. Its all about appearances, distorting events and grasping at straws for them. If you're their reader and you choose to believe them - remember they were comfortable pulling wool over the eyes of their spouse and someone they called a "dear friend". Ask yourself why anyone else would be exempt from this. I might update this when i have more time on my hands.

#crinklytinfoil #among us #not posting from main but hey hi i am nika / nikadilly #if you like their writing etc thats great but as someone who knew them for a few years now i feel p sure i can say #Crinkle is not a trustworthy person #i trusted them and it it only got me hurt #how they present themself is nothing but a facade and when you get close enough the cracks start to show #FYI a medical professional stated they are gaslighting people so that's that #if u want to see what i vented the tag on my personal is iykyk im not exactly interested in hiding it lol #my venting is v much true to their behavior #massive copium on these guys' side all around #unlike them i have no reason to bend anything to suit some shaky narrative / if im being a d/ck im being one for a very good reason #im not doing this for notes or whatever its just for my peace of mind & if anyone is interested to know what happened #bcs they will never own up to hurting ppl in any way that counts / they have to play a kicked puppy in front anyone who will listen #nicadilly #cw: sa mentions

[guinevereslancelot]

most fucked up thing at my new job is there's only zero calorie sweeteners at the coffee station in the break room. three different kinds of zero calorie sweetener but no regular sugar because the assumption is that literally everyone is on a diet?

#is this because its a job dominated by women in particular??? idk #that's so weird #like sorry i can taste the difference and i prefer naturally occurring sugar from nature how is that not even an option #drinking nasty bitter af coffee bc i am So Sleepy but i refuse to use artificial sweeteners #they Do taste different and they're not even good for you im not doing that lol #also they got mad at me for telling one of the parents that we took one of the kids temperature and it was 99 and he threw up a little #when his dad came to get him yesterday and all of the other teachers were nowhere to be found #they were like tou shouldnhave had colleen do that #ma'am colleen went home before that and so did you #i should have left already too but waited bc the ratio on the playground was bad #anyway i did NOT say he had a fever i said it was 99 and to talk to the teacher inside #but the dad didnt yalk to her clearly then went home and scared the mom that he had a fever and threw up so she texted my boss freaking out #i literally just said he threw up a little and we took his temperature and it was 99 and to talk to the other teacher #which was all true and there was no one else there to tell him #anyway #apparently the person who had my job before me was a wacko who scared the parents with fake medical information or something #but that is not my fault and nobody told me that or not to tell the parents anything medical until this morning #ugh #also my supervisor is kind of a weirdo #she wanted to show everyone ~cute~ pictures of animals she has killed while hunting??? #and i said i didnt want to see #and she was like ~oh it's not dead yet in the picture~ #like okay but its dead now??? #she traps them first so its a cute little fox in a trap about to be killed 😭 #like wtfff #i know trappong predators is a reality but why take pictures like ohhh so cute then kill it #THEN show everyone the cute pictures like yeah isnt he adorable i killed him btw <3 #huh?????? #she has a bobcat tail on her keychain too she was giving it to the teachers and kids to pet like ohhh its so soft <3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

[lewishamil10n]

my brain is so full of fuck tonight

#sth sth feeling unfulfilled. i know its only middle of the night thoughts but ive been so low lately. im not where i wanted to be #and i regret my career choices n i regret not standing up for myself but also i dont blame myself bc younger me was v much a people pleaser #and i just didn't wanna upset n disappoint my parents in any way . they're so proud of me when they tell ppl what i do and on the inside #im just cringing bc there's no joy in it anymore n im not even 30 n wont be for a few yrs yet im not SUPPOSED to feel this way #my job situation isnt good n all i can do is hope n pray im able to go abroad because if i cant im literally afraid i will give up #n also i regret not standing up for myself to my mum n stopping sertraline . i wonder who i would be today if i had continued meds #n now there's a v good chance im gonna need more medications for what seems like undiagnosed n severe adhd #n i am just. so fucking burnt out n no one around me gets it !!! 'why arent u happy' im just not! im not! and idk what to do about it !!! #ugh sorry im just venting #tbd #remy.txt

[steakout-05]

holy shit

#barry steakfries #tf2 #craig is the medic confirmed!?!?!??1!!?!? #it just reminded me of that shot in meet the medic and it made me giggle #what if you ubercharged an apple #also that promo image implies 3 things #1. legitimate research has its own kitchen department (which fittingly is really long) #2. barry and craig live together and craig just hoped for the best that his bf wouldn't find the apple #or 3. barry frequently visits craig's place and wreaks havoc with his weird experiments #the question is: did barry eat the whole thing? like metal bits and all? did they taste good? or did he just take a bite and collapse #also why does craig just have unwrapped half-eaten jelly. foul. #am i really judging a fictional character on what's in his fridge now #legit research sells beer too wow #i mean they own a bar so #he's got a whole ass unwrapped watermelon in there too!?!? WRAP YOUR FOOD BRO #im sorry craig

[ghoulodont]

i feel like the popular image of paranoia is looking out a window peeking through the blinds like hmmm thats suspicious and while it certainly can look like that i feel like that doesnt really capture the thoughts or the mindset or the reasoning of it, to the point that it took me kind of a long time to recognize my own experience of paranoia. for me its like everyone is being very hostile to you and i just accept it as reality without question. the looking out the window seems very passive and observational whereas when im paranoid im actively defending myself. im fighting back and being confrontational and accusing people of trying to harm me. and its hard to even notice im doing it sometimes

#i do look out the window like that though #i tried to make dew act it out in blur turns to haze but he wasnt really communicating at all so its just his thoughts #but when he was thinking others (rain and also the infirmary staff) were trying to harm him thats paranoia to me #and also that people were talking about him #not “oh im worried someone is talking about me behind my back” its like literally people are straight up talking about you right there #i think its pretty common to think medication is harming you #because well first of all theres truth to that it has bad side effects and its not very good for you #but also theres the interplay of not understanding whats going on and thus not understanding why you would benefit from medication #in the first place that makes it just perplexing and threatening #and theres literally just violence. its true that there are bad things. who am i talking to right now. whats going on #anyway was thinking about this because im making the personal decision to stop one of my medications because im just done with it and i kee #having thoughts. tumblr let me type please #and dont come for me its a very low dose and i think its doing nothing but side effects anyway

[13eyond13]

Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind

#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me #there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless #anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication #but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc #im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago #anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless #reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for #take it little steps at a time #celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call #the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more #instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much #i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc #also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them #and less alone in it all #because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are #the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end #volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and #i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually #like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that! #even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all #other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby #p

[batz]

neurologist says my optic nerves are fine/same as last few appointments but still tells me to start taking 12 diamox a day and tells me to get out before i can ask why . also diamox like. cannot fix an issue involving my veins. but idk im not doctor so whatever

im 100% not taking 12 pills a day tho thatd hurt me. past few appointments hes just been rlly wanting me to have more diamox even tho he keeps saying im in remission but he wont answer when i ask why i need the meds then

#frank.txt #diamox doesnt even fix venous stenosis . its a diuretic that fixes like. pressure and water distribution n stuff #my jugular vein is too small and the blood flow sounds are simply Too Loud. its not effecting anything long term #but its causing migraines and nausea which is why ive been sleeping 24/7 . like my life has been sleeping. smoke. make coffee. read news #also i have never heard of someone taking 12 diamox a day. especially when im IN REMISSION #unfortunately its fatphobia. my neurologist is less concerned with my brain now and more concerned with making me smaller #which diamox already did and it was hell. #anyway im not going on 12 pills a day . that will just make me more sick. sticking with 4 and just seeing if it helps w Everything #the big thing is my optic nerves r still good at least. and my brain is too. its just my damn veins #theyre simply too small for my big blood... #fatphobia m #idk tagging that just in case #sorry minor venting abt medical shit. this disease is just annoying bc i do not feel like im in remission and i feel like they just #say that without knowing what it means #like theres no more damage and im basically all good but i still FEEL sick. like . idk its just Annoying #idk annoying is an understatement its distressing but i am learning 2 cope with it #just in a bad flare up or Sick Moment idk #long post #kinda idk #im FINE just mad

[lemony-snickers]

if someone could just pay me a living wage to write that'd be greeeeaaaatttttt.

#lemony overshares #the nonprofit i work for has lost 90% of its funding so i probably don't have a job as of 10/1 #and like i just wish i could go back to churning out medical blog content because i thought i was good at it and i made good money but #the place i used to do that for now just outsources everything and uses ai for half the work load and i #i am tired y'all of having a dream i can never achieve #i don't want to be an admin anymore #i can't afford to take a pay cut which i will almost definitely have to do #i am so fucking tired of money and bills and the uncertainties of the future

[monstriiss]

personal under the cut 

today we find out if mums new chemo has done anything at all so I'm either going to be sparse or trying to distract myself idk, I hate that I can't go with her because of covid it, could not have had worse timing 😮‍💨 I don't have high hopes but she has been in less pain so maybe something has worked? but I'm not holding my breath anymore

#;; ooc. #;; negative. #tw medical #i hate to be posting so much ooc and negative stuff lately but it has low key been the pits these last few months :/ #between nanas dementia and mums cancer and now dad getting covid it has been ROUGH #im torn between shutting up about it because its heavy but also i want to keep you in the loop and know that im not TRYING to ignore people #it's just been a lot these days and i am 🤏 this close to an aneurysm #anyway ily and hope you're all having/have had a good day

[c-kiddo]

got my black bile drained 😎 #unbalancedhumors

#//tmi needle/medical talk warning #top sugery update for fun : #went 2 top surgery check up and had some fluid build up but they sucked it out w a big fat syringe needle lol #it was basically black goop bc dead blood in it . it looked so yucky #i am also so glad im not scared of needles bc Lol #it was funny to have someone suck goop out while someone massages th underneath of the scar . . it had a big purple bruise #nothin dangerous just build up bc bodies like doing that #but its better now n i have a check up next week so all good. ! #i liked that nurse n the surgeon theyre chill n up for chats #got stitches out too . which was th main thign #also everyone says my nips are doing good n looking good 😎 lmao #i have been sentenced to 'taking it vry easy' for 24 hours tho #kiddo say

[sea-buns]

I've awoken to the INSIDE of my laptop wet and the vents waterlogged. You'd think I'd be less angry considering it was my grandmother and it was an honest accident that happened while she was trying to be very considerate but hohohooo I am PISSED.

#the only functioning pc in my whole household yayyyy #ive dried out what i could and flipped it upside down on a towel and then held a blowdrier over it for like 20 minutes #the audio was fucked up when i turned it on earlier but that was BEFORE i realized how bad it was and went hard on the drying #ive just. been so overwhelmed and overstimulated the past couple of days. #and the whole reason my gma is here is cuz my mom is having health issues and you know thats expensive already #but now i am ALSO on my own medications and while its not particularly expensive it. adds. up. #hhhhhhh #pls computer dont be broken youve been so good to me ;-; #sea rambles #personal

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

realising ur trans is so stupid bc before yes it felt like life was just always gonna suck no matter what I did and I was doomed to low-mid grade misery with occasional high grade sprinkled in forever and all I could do was not dwell on it as much as possible but now I know what's probably causing it and that there's a way forward I actually have to do something about it and I don't know where to starttt

#dont mind me venting #its fuckin weird bc ive known since college but i haven't?? #like i was all its fine if everyone irl still calls me she and a girl and daughter and most organisations i interact with still deadname me #spoiler alert it was not fine #but i just shoved it all down so far and was like wow i have no body dysphoria #even though i quite clearly did #and haha im glad i don't need to engage with anything medical #and now im pretty surei di and im scared #the last three months have been a revelation lemme tell u 😅 #and through all of it im working with feelings that disappear if i look straight at them #bc im so used to supressing them im having to actively work to feel them #but i just know i cant ignore them i can't carry on as i am its downright irresponsible when there's a chance i could be happy #and it would just cone back up even if i shoved it back down #im just #im tired man and its overwhelming #anywayyy dont mind me its all good really 👍👍 #i told my mum thats something right #mine #gender adventures with neednoggle #vent tw #ignore me #imma get up and go for a walk that'll help #i worry im acting like being nonbinary without dysphoria isn't being trans #it absolutely IS #it's just not who i was or am and so it feels like i wasn't properly out to myself #and am only now properly realising i am trans? #like before it was just another hollow identity ig #but it was still just as trans and it is for anyone else too #p sure im still nonbinary just over masc side #but at not that masculine lmao

[ablednt]

NPD BPD combo will make you feel like a starving wild circus animal every time you remember other people exist

#ok to rb #vent tw #it's like. we have a member who has NPD proper as cohost now #so our BPD and NPD symptoms have been combined into one worse thing #and it's baby's first Real Narc Crash and Ive been having RSD inflicted panic attacks every day #and I'm getting really fucking exhausted so the point where Im thinking stuff like 'I wish I could kms rn but that'd be too shitty and I #know this shit has to get better eventually because it has before so Im just #trying to relax #and in this case it's not like I have imo a compelling reason like my friends are all paying a proportionate amount of attention to me #to the energy for friends they have to give like I'm not being NEGLECTED #but I am so attention starved it's actually insane #and if it were just that itd be fine but I'm pmsing and Ive been losing sleep #from a mix of medical issues and exotraumatic nightmares #so I'm just. I'm absolutely Fucking Miserable #and its nobodies fault so instead of getting pissed off at someone Im just pissed off at everyone and no one at the same time #I just want to feel special again but its like. even if I DID feel comfortable asking for more attention #1. It wouldn't feel genuine and nothing my friends could easily do would stop it from not feeling genuine #2. I've been cluster B long enough to know that this stuff has to sort itself out naturally #asking for vallidation can be good at the right times but when I'm wanting to rely on it most thats when I need to find something else #but genuinely IDFK anymore man like I'm too tired to do shit I feel like all of my energy this month has been #STOPPING myself from doing stuff so when I try and think about what I actually Want To Do I feel so obstructed and exhausted I feel like #there's nothing fulfilling rn bc my stupid ass brain is like why find joy in anything if everyone hates you and you don't matter #(<- literally no one in my life has even implied this but. that's just how mental illness goes sometimes) #I just need to hang on until this narc crash is over and my friend groups aren't in the middle of like #2 million different things we're all struggling with stopping us from hanging out very much #I do think this happens every winter though #Ironically I love the winter weather and the rain and cold and gray (idk if I have SAD but if I do it's for the summer) #but I never enjoy the season like I want to because it's the most busy time of year so everyone is stressed out and doesn't have much time #to vibe like I want to so I end up just feeling pretty miserable until the slow time of year when people can relax more #It's usually like

[proteuus]

What is your new diagnosis asking for a friend (You don't have to say if you don't want)

can you believe they made manic depressive bipolar disorder from hit tv show taking over the asylum a real thing

#also appears in teen mom 2. and my medical files #tell your friend to watch taking over the asylum its rlly good #anyway like i said i tried to get diagnosed w this last year and my last psychiatrist was like well i think youre so normal. so. #but now i have told a couple people and they are like wow this really explains the everything about you. yeah #i said well im just a nice guy. and my psychiatrist said no youre experiencing acute mania. ok well fine have it your way then. #he said consider going to the hospital (like in hit tv show taking over the asylum) #and i said werent you listening im busy i have to meet literally everyone who works in the whole district at starbucks #my store would crumble w/o me btw. the other supervisors do not care abt drawing little pictures on the cups at all #((listen its fine really btw. i am telling you because it is fine.)) #asks #anon

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

I can only write upstairs tho b/c then my posters can’t judge me.

#u laugh but i am serious #you just don't KNOW right i mean i try to greet them when i come in here and then when i leave im just saying fi just #i sound insane dont i #nate rambles #my psychosis used to be medicated but its fine were cool now its al good i stopped hallcuinating after xmas passed so THATS encouraging ok