#i am so sick of dealing with other people

[justtogetthrough]

I'm pretty sure an estate lawyer I had hired to help me with a will dropped me as a client because of reasons directly related to my brain injury and I'm extremely mad and offended but I also hated the lawyer a lot and it's not like I want to keep working with him, and it's not like I'm about to sue a lawyer for discrimination, but I'm pretty heated about them citing my disability as the reason they are asking I seek services elsewhere tbh.

#the letter basically insinuates i cant read and they think im dumb #when in reality he had told me in our meeting he was not wanting to write up a trust and i should look at an annuity #so i did and decided to pursue a trust. emailed the clerk back to be like is he really against doing that or can we proceed #and in the termination letter they cite an email where he wrote i could get back to him specifying terms of the trust #and its like cool but a) i didnt remember that i only remembered you arguing wit me face to face. a memory problem related to my concussion #and b) im not a lawyer idk wtf the terms of a trust would be thats why i was asking to MEET WITH YOU TO DISCUSS #the letter they sent to settle up (biggest waste ever) literally suggests they do not wish to work with me since i cant read emails #its so fckn rude and im mad theyre billing me $350 for 1 meeting where he just argued w/ everything i asked for and didnt explain fuck all #i am so sick of dealing with other people #im not even going to make a legal will. im just going to write out my fial wishes and hope my blood relations are ethical enough to do it #i cant wait to move out to the country and never interact with anyone ever again #i feel ashamed and humiliated by their termination letter and its like. i have memory impairment from a traumatic brain injury. #SORRY???? #fuck #personal

[starsandthorn]

no but actually. the parallels to other Twins in different nations of teyvat in relation to the traveler and their desire to reunite with their own sibling makes me a little bit bonkers. like.

diluc and kaeya as what the traveler has and fears, after we will be reunited [separation born from conflict that seemingly cannot be mended; they both care for each other but ultimately their opposing ideals mean they cannot be at each other's side in the same way that they used to, and no longer have the close bond they once did]

ei and makoto as what the abyss sibling experienced [a crushing loss not just of one's twin but the last remaining friend they had and the safety and security of their nation, coming out the other side traumatized, cold and jaded and making decisions that will ultimately hurt the people they claim to want to protect for the sake of an unattainable goal]

and lyney and lynette as what the traveler and the abyss twin used to have before they were separated [never apart for long, home is wherever we are together], what the traveler wants [their separation brief and quickly amended, continuing to be inseparable after they reunite], and also the choice they'll have to make [the twins being together in an organization the traveler inherently doesn't trust - does the traveler want to be by their sibling's side badly enough to throw their lot in with the abyss, and turn their back on everyone else they've met on their journey so far?]

#personal stuff #thorn plays genshin #RIPS AND TEARS. #hi . feeling so normal btw #i was thinking so so so so hard about the traveler twins when ei's second story quest dropped #and i am constantly sick in the head about the traveler being tired of the ragbros nonsense communication #and THEN in fontaine the traveler having to watch these two twins who are incredibly close. #and try not to think about what they've lost #i'm. uuaauguugh #LIKE #the traveler and the abyss twin really are what the fontaine twins could be if either of them lost the other. #at the end of his story quest lyney talks about how both of them give each other strength to get through the darkest days #and how darkness never consumes him because he has his sister and they remember the good things together [punches the ground] #also lyney and lynette losing their trust in people early on and having to lie to everyone around them #and getting the companionship that kaeya never got in his childhood. cries #like he had his twin!!! he had his brother!!! but he had to lie to him for years and never felt truly understood until that night #and AUUUGH the running theme of one twin being Light and the other being Dark #one always brightly engaging with people while the other deals with matters from the shadows #and the brothers flipping that on its head when diluc returns to mondstadt - diluc in the shadows and kaeya with the knights #and ei getting someone who will be her shadow so she can finally step into the light herself and see the world with her own eyes. #just AUUGUUGHGH. i'm fine. i'm normal #this is incoherent maybe but augh. augh. siblings. #[looking back at the earth] wait the game is about family? always has been

[musubiki]

recently thinking about the tcwg episode where mochis mob spell finally starts running out. apparently its maximum possible usage is 10 years (which they find out from pom) and appearently tiramisu put it on her too soon,,... when they ask her she says "Oh...you were such a cute kid I didn't want to wait too long!!" while pinching her cheeks, and suddenly theres a few more people at school who are like "Hey...I never really noticed but...Mochi is kinda pretty, huh?"

for the people who start to notice, they chalk it up to "Maybe she hit puberty late...?" or something, but regardless she has 1 or 2 more people actually ask her out, and lime starts to realize how much it bothers him

#text #bpp #lore #she is....not used to it #mayhaps let this be the moment lime realizes #the pitcher on the baseball team one day standing next to lime and goes (So....mochi doesnt have a boyfriend right?) #and lime takes a very long pause #(technically no but first of all what the hell? no one ever notices her. and second of all i feel sick to my stomach) -lime thoughts #pom: it should be fine. youre almost graduated so you dont have to deal with it much longer #and mochi trying to grapple with the idea that some people actually think shes pretty #(besides her mom and coco. theyre the only people who tell her and she thinks theyre being nice) #shes like (i think theyre lying...) #(they are definately not lying) -lime thoughts again #only like 2 people have enough bravery. the others are like (shit shes limes girl though....how am i supposed to compete with that) #the mob spell is op but only for a little while #and after it runs out it cant be recast on the same person #lime didnt realize that she doesnt think shes pretty at all #when that guy confesses to her the first thing she says is (you...think im pretty?) #coco oscar and lime all hovering outside the classroom listening

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

ppl will go “i’d notice if society was going to sacrifice a marginalised group of people and if they said that it’s ok that a bunch of people would die then i would stand against it” and then they’ll hear people saying “well only disabled and vulnerable people will die of covid” and go “yes this is normal and ok and fine”

#first of all it’s not only disabled people who are dying and also covid can disable you real quick and make you part of that group that #people are fine with dying #but also do y’all hear yourself bed sometimes. the amount of people who claim to be allies but with throw others aside as soon as it #interferes with their comfort #also there have been so many studies and reports and articles on how covid disproportionally affects poc. not to mention inequalities in #healthcare that come into play too when you’re dealing with a pandemic #but as soon as y’all have to stop going to parties or restaurants or isolating for two weeks when exposed or confirmed positive or even if #you suspect you have it. or any of the millions of other things that at this point are important facets of community care and protecting #yourself and others from a disease that has been proven and continues to be proven to do a lot of damage to the body #y’all just balk. you don’t drop your claims but that doesn’t mean you’ve dropped your allyship #I’d love to go back to normal. i’d love to go out without a mask and eat in restaurants and do all the things i did before covid #but i won’t. because i know that isn’t safe for me or my friends/family/community and also quite literally isn’t possible now because we’re #still in a pandemic. if you claim to be an ally to disabled people then prove it and mask #I can’t speak as fully on allyship to other communities who are disproportionately impacted but not masking harms everyone and if anyone #does want to speak on allyship to their communit(y/ies) feel free to go ahead #covid tw #fired up about this because i’m doing radioactive iodine treatment in a few weeks and my mother is taking no precautions. not only am i at #risk if i catch covid but if she gets sick i either have to postpone my treatment to care for her (which risks giving my cancer more time to #metastasise if there are cells left) or i have to figure out another plan for treatment since my current plan hinges on her help since i #have to isolate #im just tired and frustrated. a pandemic doesn’t stop just because you get bored #vent tw #this is not as eloquent as i wish it was and the lack of punctuation and tone can make parts confusing but i think y’all get my point

[aureentuluva70]

.

#*breathes in* ok #i am in a particularly bad mood today and turning to see practically every ship I don't like in the fandom is not helping #being in a fandom can be so exhausting at times especially when you dislike practically every popular ship in it #it can be such a nightmare to deal with. i came here to ESCAPE not deal with this crap #and yes i am talking about russingon and a number of other incestous ships in this what-often-seems-to-be godforsaken fandom #like i get it. i really do. i can see why people ship them but #do you really have to shove it down my throat like that? do you have to make it so that it is practically INESCAPABLE? #and the fact that they are COUSINS just makes it SO MUCH WORSE #not that tolkien was exactly helping when he decided to make EVERY SINGLE IMPORTANT CHARACTER RELATED #even the MARRIED ONES like why tolkien WHY #i do not have the time for this crap and im sick of having to deal with it everyday #it just feels like i can never enjoy any fandom I am in for very long because i always feel so out of place and alone in it #i get discouraged and then i leave because it feels like there's no way i can really contribute to it #ive tried to write fanfic but for some reason i just can't #i dont feel like my fanarts are good enough #i know im being overly dramatic but i just really need to get this off my chest

[faineant-girl]

i wish all addicts, in recovery or not, a life free of sorrow forever

#.vent #kinda. im not gonna delete this one though #i just. i sure am thinking about this a lot. #i listen to like. trip report videos or whatever and like. the comments section on every single one. just nasty #theres no sympathy for an addict to be seen. unless they're also an addict or are recovering #my dad is a recovered addict. hes been clean for 6 years. i love my dad and hes a wonderful person. #i obviously still have trauma from when he was actively in his mess. to deny that addicts have caused others trauma is to be reductive. #addicts can cause trauma because theyre people. and people can cause trauma all the same #but the lack of understand or care or basic respect to anyone dealing with addiction is just. appalling. #im sick and tired of hearing the same old fucking phrase that its the addicts fault cuz they decided to take the first hit. like #man how fucking cruel can you be. how heartless ya know. #like its obvious hardly anyone commenting abiut this knows anything about what being an addict is like. like. #i know i dont. ive been sober my whole life right. i do not have the same experience. #but. i have a compulsive disorder that makes me perform a task that is 1 harmful 2 almost entirely out of my control #and i cannot describe to you how difficult it is to ignore that urge. for your mind to know what youre doing is harmful. but #your body physically is not listening to you. #like. its a different thing when its addiction. but being compelled to do something you know is hurting you isnt unfamiliar to me #plus with addiction the added factor that your body becomes physically dependent on a drug and it hurts you for a long ass time to try and #stop and withdrawl can sometimes literally be lethal. its so fucking sad to see people hold not even. like an ounce of sympathy ya know #if an addict has abused you im not saying you need to forgive them. you dont. but not every addict is youre abuser #and while you do not need to be involved. every addict deserves a good life. everyone deserves a chance. #just. god. makes me mad. makes me upset. #if you are an addict especially if youre not in recovery. i hope your days go well. i hope the world gets kinder to you.

[nowendil]

whooooo having an anxiety attack about covid. again 👍

#cw negative #cw vent #nowe talks #it's hard to describe what about it is the worst source of anxiety for me. it's not What If I Get It. it's mostly just. it's just. #i sometimes feel like our society has just forgotten that it's a thing. or that society has forgotten that it's A SERIOUS THING. #like this thing that Kills People. #i know it's not lethal to most people but it still is a very serious thing! #why have we as a society shifted from “protecting the people most affected is a collective responsibility #(via vaccination and masking and not showing up to places sick)“ #to “well what if all the people belonging to risk groups just deal with this on their own and the rest of us go back to normal?” #idk man maybe i'm sensitive because my grandma died of covid a week before Christmas last year. #or because both of my parents are over 60 and my dad has another risk factor illness on top of that. #idk man. i just feel so. unsafe. unsure and scared and tired. i just dont want other people to go through what our family did last december #i want to stress that i'm not blaming any individual people for this. #my frustration is almost solely directed towards the goverment not taking covid seriously enough #and like i'm not perfect. i'm not sure what's the right thing to do and what's me overreacting. #i recognize that i am often incapable of thinking clearly about this subject #sometimes i feel like i am the only one in my circle (family included) who is this worried about it still. i'm not blaming my loved ones #i'm not saying i'm better than them that's not it. i just. sometimes i just feel so alone with this #and idk how to make it better? #like i have good moments and bad moments with this anxiety. it comes and goes. but. idk. #i think her death's anniversary coming closer combined with the rising covid numbers in my country is just doing a number on me

[light-lanterne]

ahoy ! guess who almost died today x.x

#⚰️ #🧸 #w // violence #went for groceries to a not-so-nice area and walked by some people doing shady business in an alley #i didn't really look at them and nothing happened so i just kept walking and made it to the next block before the shots began #(probably a deal went wrong or a rival showing up or whatever. idk) #anyway. i hid in the nearby library with the idea of leaving soon and that's when some random lady pointed out i was bleeding on my arm #it's just a very superficial graze and it hurts a lot but it's not even bleeding anymore #but yeah. almost got shot and / or died buying cookies for my sick brother (and other stuff of course) #so that's how my day went... how about you lads ? #(i'm fine btw. currently buried under soft blankies and with four plushies. it is over 5 am though. and i have to wake up at 7:30 x.x )

[bigfootswashingmachine]

what if you got hired for a job that was nothing crazy but paid decent and was something you were happy to do but you couldn't start for a few months so the person who hired you gave you an interim position that paid less and wasn't as nice but eh, it's temporary, whatever, and then suddenly the higher ups decided the original position was no longer available and you were instead offered a shittier position with worse pay with responsibilities you very specifically did not want to do long term and were only putting up with until the other position started. and there was no convenient person to direct your ire towards because the big boss making the decisions lives in another state. then what the fuck would you do.

#like genuinely i do not know i am so fucking upset about this and there really isn't any recourse from me aside from just sucking it up and #taking the second position or finding another job entirely which would likely not be better. idk. #i need to talk this over with someone bc i am so mad i can't really think clearly about it i just got completely dicked over man #the other position was full time $15 an hour and most crucially did not require me to interact with a single goddamn fucking customer. #which was all. i fucking. wanted. i am so sick of dealing with people. why can't i just fucking work back of house. fucking christ. #i never want to talk to another person again and i also want to chew out my manager who hired me but it really isn't his fault. he's just #the most convenient person to be mad at which isn't the same thing as being at fault.

[sunsoak]

Everyone’s all “nonbinary is included in every sexuality” until a nonbinary person who is on hormones prefers men who like men and women who like women and all of a sudden I’m being problematic and offensive to…….. well everyone I guess

#WhoGive A Rats Ass #like genuinely why the fuck does anyone care omg why is this a big deal #I’m not being offensive to other transmascs by fucking lesbians like i never said you all need to or you all should or you all want to #it’s MY LIFE….. how is my very personal sex and love life affecting every transmasc in the world ITS NOT…. #it’s your problem for seeing me as a binary trans guy when I’m not I just am on t and use he/him pronouns. like whatever bro omg #like ok. it’s MY OWN CHOICE that I would fuck a lesbian im ok with that. that’s just me! the ftm reading this is not involved. #im not going around fucking parading that transmascs should fuck lesbians this is literally just my personal life and choices #and if lesbians want me and gay guys want me (which they both do) THATS FUN FOR ME AND I LIKE IT BECAUSE IM NOT A BINARY TRANS PERSON…. #anyways yeah so I’m bisexual but not in the traditional sense. just let me live I’m so sick of reading posts bashing people like me #sorry that I have the lived experience of being a dyke and I’m into dykes who are into dykes. #sorry that I’m also kind of attracted to men but only men who will acknowledge and respect and be attracted to my masculinity. #everyone wants to support gender fluidity and sexuality fluidity until someone is actually being fluid lmfao like honestly!!!

[tempest-loupnoir]

#horses are not an invasive species. #horses do not damage water holes and grass as much as cattle and sheep do #horses help the environment When they have room to roam and disperse naturally #it’s such a dumb argument saying they hurt the land when deer literally pick through their feces for seeds and drink where they dig #yes they are large animals who can damage an overly small environment be #they need a lot more than most state parks can give them #same with all large ungulates and predators #people can co-exist with all animals but many do not want to learn how #animal sense should be taught in schools. it’s embarrassing how few people know how to read animals and nature #rant over #will probably delete these tags later but after so many roundups Killed horses recently I am still furious #there are millions of #mustangs in government concentration camps #with no shelter no browse not enough room to run #mustangs either get shipped off to buyers who will sell them for meat or they get sick and die in the holding corrals #tax payers are paying for animals to suffer. #Move them to other wild areas. Stop treating them like a parasite #don’t even get me started on how bad predators are treated #I had to stop following conservation centers and rescues online because I was getting bad news constantly #I am oversaturated with bad news and I have too much to deal with in rea #real life to deal with getting my heart broken online too

[alphalesbian]

.

#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less #been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive #been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all #but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a #necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin #a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear #can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or #tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people #hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i #the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite #unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and #the time and the money of course dont forget about the money) #and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that #I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak #that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would #that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here #when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either #forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?

[giverofempathy]

I hate men !!!!!!!

#especially my fucking father good god #salisha speaks #yesterday i got really mad at him bc he was acting abnormally #he always does this thing where he pesters you and when you react to it he mocks you bc you react #which is literally bullying. and he did it to my mam yesterday so i got really really mad #and then i also got mad bc he gets mad when other people are mad bc he thinks everything is about him #which results in me & my sister being literally #afraid to get mad or show any emotions bc we know HE will get angry when we do that which is so fucking toxic #and literal mental abuse #so i was just sick of it and got mad and since then hes been acting like a baby #doesnt talk to me doesnt even dare look me in the eye #i know hes guilt tripping me into apologizing but i am NOT going to do that. fuck off #i hate this bc im stuck living with my parents so i have to deal with this 24/7 #i would kill him if i could. shoot him in the head like a lame horse or summat. fucking asshat

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#last night i dreamed that i was trapped in my same patterns as i am while awake but the building i work in was bigger #and i was so dizzy and disoriented that i kept stumbling from room to room. up and down stairs. running into people who would stare at me #in confusion until one grabbed me in the way u do when someone is being concerning and incoherent and he made me sit in an auditorium #with a doctor who already knew my name. but then i was back in my messy apartment staring down at a lizard id let die because id forgotten #to feed it. part of my brain was in contact with my mum and she said i should come home so i did. i appeared there but i seemed somewhat #transparent. liked id been there a long time so no one noticed my being there was out of place. they were there but doing other things #i wandered into a room where some ppl i knew from hs were performing surgery. i went to wash my hands and the soap came out as blood #my sister tolerated my presence. which is out of character. she seemed to sense something was wrong. then i walked back into my current #apartment halfway across the country. caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and became transcendently angry #uneasy dreams. but at least i didnt have to get up at 6. i mean i still only got like 7hrs sleep at most but better than 6 i guess #its probably bc i spent so much time hysterically crying and staring off into space yesterday. by the end of the day i felt so awful i #wondered if i might b getting sick. dizzy in that way thats not quite dizzy #but today should b pretty laid back. still doing things but probably ill hace time to get some non work bullshit #done. hopefully. then its back to 11hr days until Monday #then the experiment is over and i havr to deal with the consequences. and finish my other destructive project #which has at least 11 days left #well see what happens 🫠 #unrelated

[referencees]

Hi everyone! Not sure if you’re aware but there is an adderall shortage in the US that has been ongoing since late November 2022. I will not be able to get my medication for at least a month. There has been very little mainstream coverage of this and I have seen actual doctors making fun of people with adhd who can’t get their meds for ‘going through withdrawals’. Just for everyone to be aware,

ADDERALL IS A MEDICATION THAT MANY MANY PEOPLE NEED TO FUNCTION, NOT BECAUSE THEYRE JUNKIES BUT BECAUSE THEY HAVE A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE IN THEIR BRAINS.

Any of you who take adderall in a non-prescription manner or as a ‘study drug’ need to realize that you are contributing to the fact that people who actually need it cannot get it. I have been struggling to get my medication reliably for nearly 3 months now and the fact that this isn’t a bigger story should tell you how this country feels about the seriousness of ADHD.

Anyways, always do your own research. Here's a few of the more recent articles I did find trying to cover the issue, if you'd like to recommend more resources, pls do:

#I’m so fucking sick of this #fighting to get a partial refill every fucking month #and not even getting it half the time #I am genuinely struggling and so are so many other people #why isn’t this a bigger deal????? #pharma industry #adderral #adhd #mental heath support #mental health

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Things I have learned tonight: I am much better at taking care of myself than I was able to in the past, I have absolute faith in myself that I can do things if I set my mind to them, and forgiveness is not always the right answer nor am I a forgiving person

#i was one of those people who got taught to always forgive and forget live laugh love issues away #and I’ve been feeling like oh I have to move on from this so we can go move cross country together #like bestie red flag alert why are you moving cross country with someone who broke your trust like that??? #ur gonna resent them forever if u move in with them!!! #also like. yeah it’s more helpful to move to an expensive place with more people but 4 total is fine #considering I’m moving for career reasons I think I’ll be able to have the energy to pull the weight of 1.5x people if needed #maybe 2 but let’s not go there until absolutely needed #and man. i am so glad I can look out for myself in this situation #my exact nightmare scenario is my parents finding this blog. genuinely a debilitating fear throughout my last 7 years #I’d have nightmares about it whenever I got hit with waves of anxiety I’d start deleting things off my phone #but then I couldn’t do anything but hide. hope for the best. and I did hide for 8 years going on now. thankful for every day of peace #i loved this thing so much and I was so afraid to lose it. I don’t know how I didn’t crack under the amount of strain I was under #i don’t need to deal with any of that ever again. I’m in college now if I want my blog I keep my blog #even if it means losing a friendship #Yknow. when I cut off contact with my best friend I realized in a post very similar to this one #though that was more I’m sick of feeling worthless and this will hurt a lot but I need to take care of myself type #this one. well we’ve never been emotionally close ever. so. it’ll more be irritating when I want to do something I’d do with her #then I’ll have to go with someone else #this one I don’t think I’m going to completely cut off all contact tho. we have common friends and they don’t need to be dragged into this #but 1 on 1 we will not be seeing each other again #and I am only extending the invite if absolutely necessary #soup talks