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dailyaudiobible · 3 years

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02/06/2021 DAB Transcript

Exodus 23:14-25:40, Matthew 24:29-51, Psalms 30:1-12, Proverbs 7:24-27

Today is the 6th day of February welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is a joy to be here with you today as we approach the end of another one of our weeks together. And when we conclude our reading for today, we will have completed nearly…nearly a full week of the month of February. So, it is exciting to be on this journey and take the next step forward, which will lead us back into the book of Exodus. And if we remember we are at the mountain of God. We are with the children of Israel surrounding Mount Sinai. God is speaking and beginning to lay out some of the principles and rituals and laws that He is integrating as He weaves together the tapestry of the Hebrew people. So, we’re reading from the Voice Translation this week, which is today. Exodus chapter 23 verse 14 to 25 verse 40.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for Your word. We thank You for another week and it. They’re just kind of…well. They’re moving by day by day step-by-step they’re moving by as they should but we’re recognizing that we’re moved into this new year. This is our year to live and You are instructing us. And we thank You for the word over this year, to “Mend”. This is this year of mending. And, so, we hear what was written in the Psalms today, the 30th chapter - “Eternal one, my true God, I cried out to You for help. You mended the shattered pieces of my life.” That is our prayer God. Some of us came into this new year unrecognizable completely shattered into a billion pieces and some of us feel that way right now. But this isn’t a matter of degree. It’s not like we’re trying to measure up to see whose more shattered here. We’re all broken, and we've all got shattered pieces in our lives, we have shattered pieces in our hearts. Life has dealt us some blows. It does this to everyone. And we are instructed to love You with our whole heart, and we confess that there are broken pieces of our hearts. Come as is in the Psalms. We cry out to You for help. You mend the shattered pieces of our lives. So, as we release this week as it becomes a part of our history, we look forward into the future for You to mend the shattered pieces of our lives. Come Holy Spirit we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com that is home base, that is where you find out what's going on around here. And an alternative to that would be the Daily Audio Bible app, which you can also find out what’s going on around here. So, stay…stay connected.

Be aware of the Community section, be aware of the Prayer Wall. Visit the Prayer Wall. Be aware of the resources that are available in the Daily Audio Bible Shop.

And if you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible I…I can't thank you enough. I Can't thank you enough. We wouldn't be here if we were not in this together. I…I say that often say that often because it's the truth. So, thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage. If you're using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you've a prayer request or encouragement hit the Hotline button in the app. No matter where you are on this planet hit the Hotline button in the app and you can share from there or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi this is Renzo from Maryland. I just wanna pray for the girl on the other line. This is February 1st. I just want to pray for the other girl on the other line that said her mom was a drug addict and she was 13 years old. I just want to say that's amazing that you’re on here reading the gospel at 13 years old. Keep keep…doing that. That's amazing. And I just pray for your mom right now. Father God I just thank You for everything that You do for us and I just please pray God that her mom just recovers from this addiction God. I believe You can heal anybody's addiction God. You’ve healed mine. You’ve healed my addiction to porn God, and I thank You that You healed that for me, and I've been clean for almost two years now and I thank You God that You did that. And, so, please just help her to just get closer to You God and just forgive her of what she did. Sometimes it’s so hard for us to forgive and that's how it was for me God. I just thank You for You for everything that You do for us God and we love You in Jesus’ name we pray. Amen. God bless you have a good rest of your day.

Hi this is Tiffany at first time caller from Cleveland OH. I've been listening every day this year and I pray with you daily. I feel so close to the DAB family and I thank you Brian for your love. Today I ask for prayer for my husband Tony and I. February 24th will be seven years since our daughter Janna's death. Our grief is difficult through this month as we remember our girl gone too soon. Grief also affects my ability to focus. Please pray for me to love my husband, to feel, to focus, and to be a good mom to my living children. Thank you in advance.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible this is Emily from Minnesota and actually this is my first year doing DAB. I started January 1st and I found it to be such a blessing. I have been hit with a bit of suffering the past couple of years period. It started with my son who died by suicide his freshman year of College in his dorm. And my family really wants…doesn't want to go to God for this. So, I am just simply embracing Jesus to carry me through. And then also my parents and my two brothers they've all been hit pretty hard. My mom was placed in memory care last year upstate when Covid hit in March and my dad is living independently but is showing strong signs of dementia and isn’t really willing to accept a lot of help. My younger brother lost his wife to cancer November 30th with a young family of four. And I have an older brother who appears to be struggling with addiction and homelessness. I just want to ask you all to lift up my family. I just do the best I can and rely on Jesus to carry me through each day each step. It's rough some days. And I know He has a plan and I know…I know God knows and I would just to ask for your support in my journey. Thank you.

Hey, my supportive DAB family this is Kingdom Seeker Daniel. Family, support is absolutely what I need right now. The short of it is I received a call from my ex-wife which is a miracle all by itself. She was very distraught and informed me that our son Daniel the 2nd, basically snapped and was admitted into a psych ward. And I guess they were trying to prescribe some meds to him, and he refused. But at any rate after several attempts to reach him I finally got a chance to talk with him and he did not sound like my son, did not sound like my son at all and I just need your prayers. I’m believing God to rescue my boy from this place that he's in. And, so, I'm asking if my family would come around Daniel Christopher young the 2nd? My ex-wife also informed me several years later that my…my youngest Hannah was assaulted twice. Why she chose not to tell me until eight years later I don't know but needless to say Hannah is in a bad place as well. My oldest Bianca is confused with her identity sexually. And, so, family will you please pray for my children. Bianca, and Daniel, and Hannah.

[singing starts] Oh, my Savior I am so grateful I'm Yours. Oh, my Savior I am so grateful I'm Yours. With every new sun that rises Your mercy it meets me there. Your faithfulness is unchangeable. You always love me and care. Oh, my Savior I am so grateful I'm Yours. Oh, my savior I am so grateful I'm yours. [singing stops] I lift this offering up to you Jesus and I ask Lord that you would cover the Daily Audio Bible family with your blood, that you would fill them to full and overflowing with your Holy Spirit, that you would protect them, keep them safe, bless them. And father God let us enter deeper into your presence. Great is your faithfulness. We love you so much. In Jesus’ name we ask these things. What a miracle. I love you Treasured Possession.

Well, hello everybody and congratulations you finished your first month listening to the DAB. Job well done. That is awesome. So, welcome all new listeners and of course us long time listeners this is Lori music the transplant from Chicago down to beautiful Hebrew Springs Arkansas. Lord I'm just coming to You and we’re thanking You for the people that do call in and share their stories and prayer requests and many of them just break my heart Father God, but I pray immediately for You all. But I'm calling today to come before the Lord with the unspoken prayer requests, the ones that people are too shy or timid to call in and request. So, Father You know these unspoken prayers Father God. You know our hearts You know our needs You know our wants and our desires Father. So, I'm asking a special blessing on those people that haven't called in yet and that You answer their prayers Father God. And Lord You know I've been out of a job since November, but I know that Your timing is perfect Father. So, every day when I wake up, I will say this is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. Oh wow, so, I'm starting my 11th year on DAB and my second year on Chronological. I pray for Brian and Jill and China, give them special blessing father. We love you all. Have a blessed day.

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sierratheory · 4 years

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“Like i don't trust sierra bc of the time she came into Luke's life...” that entire ask but vice-versa too!!! people have said sierra dated dylan from flor and now her old roommate karsen too? as with luke, where was her time being single and figuring herself out before jumping into a new relationship? the twitter likes reminded me of how luke & sierra only see “jealousy” and “misogyny” as a h8ters only reason, which isn’t true 😔

Part 2 It's like they're still letting the other person know they're wrong but the difference is that it doesn't hit them. Why does it cause an overly emotional response and a giant need to prove they are wrong? it's a truth the person has been avoiding/ignoring. Luke or any person don't see the truth, they really don't even though deep down they know it is true (this is why emotional abuse is so dangerous and the victim "can't just leave")

Part 3 and that's why getting defensive and simply defending yourself are two different things. I'd like to point what that anon said about Luke's likes missing the point of what was said and this anon called him a 'dumb asshole' (lol) because he's missing the point. Well he may not realise it but he's missing the point "on purpose" his brain is making him miss the point in order to keep the fantasy that the points that were made aren't factual and are actually offensive (sexism)

Part 4 I swear I could write a book explaining every little behaviour he's adopting but what I really want to point out is that I understand everyone's frustration and regardless of what he's going through, Luke should be held responsible for his actions but we can and should emphasize because he's not fine. I'm saying this because he is following a very worrying pattern and even though Arzaylea was a much worse person than Sierra is,

Part 5, Luke is currently in a worse situation MENTALLY and I know this may cause some confusion and I can explain with more details why I'm saying this but it doesn't necessarily have to do with Sierra. I'm not saying she's not toxic. I do believe she's toxic but she's not nearly as toxic as Arzaylea. The difference is the timing. If Luke had dated Sierra first and Arzaylea later things would be much much worse.

Part 6 Luke was in a very vulnerable place, he was really hurt and he got a taste of what a mentally stable, caring, loving partner is like in Sierra. And I'm not saying these are traits that Sierra has or not. But when you get out of a toxic relationship, when you're at your worst a little love, or sense of love can feel like the best thing in a world. Basically it's an "issue" with the rewarding system in your brain. Very typical in people who go through this kind of situations

Part 7 that's why it is recommended to see a therapist or stay away from relationship because this rewarding system can fix itself and go back to normal or you might need some help. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. Some people get over traumatic experiences quickly and some need time and help. Anyway to keep it simple and short: Luke knew for sure (based on my little knowledge and his behaviour) that Arzaylea wasn't good to him but he was in love and he was making excuses to

Part 8 believe she loved him back (maybe she did love him back but had mental issues, drug addiction, I don't know, I can't judge) but he didn't have the time to heal. He's aware of his past relationship being toxic but I don't think he's aware of the effects it had on his mental health. He shows severe signs of being someone who still carries some luggage. Let me explain, I'm sure he's aware of how awful Arzaylea was and that he did him wrong and he deserves better.

Part 9 but for example, if arzaylea told him constantly that he didn't defend her enough, if she guilt trapped him because of it, if she threatened to leave him or blamed him for her mental issues/breakdowns he's most likely still carrying it with him and that's one of the reasons why he's desperately trying to make it right with this one relationship. It's something that's internalised. So yes maybe Sierra doesn't do much wrong compared to Arzaylea and actually maybe Sierra is like

Part 10 'dang I hate this thing someone said' but that's enough for Luke's brain to make a click, bring back the memories, the trauma and go into overdrive. This is an example but can be used to explain why Luke's trying so hard with Sierra compared to Arzaylea. Another thing that makes this relationship "worse" imo is that Luke's perception of reality wasn't accurate when he started his relationship with Sierra because of Arzaylea and now that little bit of love he feels like he receives is

Part 11 just wow and to him it is what real love feels like this is why your sense of personal worth should never depend on somebody else. And now he strongly believe that despite everything that goes wrong in his relationship, that little 1 thing that's going well is more than enough. he's never had that much so his fighting to keep it because it is sad but it's the most loved he's ever felt and he doesn't see why he could deserve more or how it could get better because to him, thats everything

Wheew, this was a trip to put together. You really did write me a book here, anon. But I completely understand what you’re trying to say. I come from a really abusive family, and even now I have issues where I’ll ask my bf if he’s mad at me and he’s like “you didn’t do anything, why would I be mad at you??!” Becuase I’ve been trained to think I’ve done something wrong if someone’s behaviour changes. And while I agree with most everything you said, I don’t think Sierra is unaware of Luke vulnerability due to the Larzaylea fuck show. That being said, I’m not sure if Sierra dated anyone between Alex and Luke. I don’t believe the roommate story, and none of the other mods do either. There’s no evidence behind it. I don’t know who the other guy is so I can’t speak to that. But she did have a lot more time between her and Alex’s breakup and her and Luke’s relationship beginning. Keep in kind she was still touring with Alex after they broke up, and that could have stunted any healing, but I truly can’t say. Time doesn’t always heal everything. And again I can’t speak to that break up, but I think it says a lot that she went on to drag his name during an interview after. As we’ve seen recently with Selena Gomez, she said she always kept quiet about her personal life out of respect. She wouldn’t even air out dirty laundry in her songs, and eventually she decided that her story was worth being told and she didn’t need to stay silent to protect those who hurt her. But she didn’t give an interview painting herself as an angel and throwing exes under the bus. And I think it says a lot that Sierra immediately went to the media, and even since that Alex has stayed mum on the subject.

I agree with the psychological damage points, and that Luke is likely overcompensating, if the relationship is real. Which in all honesty I’m leaning more towards as time goes on, but I’m still convinced even if they do like/love/whatever each other, modest! has some heavy handed access/control over it. And that could be perhaps to avoid a repeat of the Larzaylea mess, maybe they made Sierra sign a NDA, but I digress. Luke may also be convinced that because he didn’t defend Arzaylea, fans thought he didn’t care about her or was a bad boyfriend. It could have very easily been Arzaylea saying “hey you don’t defend me so you don’t love me, or fans see it as you don’t think I’m important enough to defend” etc. I don’t think Sierra is necessarily a bad person, while I’m entirely convinced Arzaylea was a shit-tier human being.

That being said, I do think she’s very aware that she is manipulating Luke, and taking advantage of the psychological damage Arzaylea did. I think that damage also makes him easier to manipulate or control and let me explain why.

TW - ALCOHOLISM, SUICIDE, VERBAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE

My dad was an alcoholic, and he committed suicide when I was very young. Because my mum left him, because he was becoming more abusive. Unfortunately instead of being the wake up call she wanted it to be, he shot himself and left her a note that said “I hope you got what you wanted”. Now, needless to say, this fucked my mum up really bad. She has never recovered. She has thrown all her emotions into a box, she is very clinical and doesn’t let her emotions control her. Which can be good sometimes but she’s very distant and cold. That being said, my mum married my step dad about 6 years after my bio dad passed away. She was not healed, let me tell you. She never sought counselling and is not on any sort of medication. My step dad was like the perfect man, before they got married, he cooked, he cleaned, and he was okay with the fact she had two young kids, one in elementary school and one just starting high school. But after they got married and he had control, oh everything changed. He isolated her from all of her friends and even her family. He was and still is verbally abusive and on occasion he can be physically abusive, but it’s rare. To her and all of his kids, including my sister and I. If he doesn’t get his way he throws a tantrum, calls everyone awful names and says awful things. He needs to control everything. While I love my step dad because he helped raise me, he is a controlling abusive person. And while he has a lot of psychological damage himself I’m not going to get into that, but know that he has a kind heart, and he does love my mother and he would die for her. But when he loses his temper he says horrible things. And he knows about the abuse my mum suffered at the hands of my bio dad, and how she has never healed. My bio dad told my mum she couldn’t cook, and if she ever left him he’d get the kids even though he was a raging alcoholic, couldn’t hold down a job AND she was doing all the child care on top of a full time job. Like she had the daycare ladies prepared to call 911 if we didn’t show up at daycare when she was out of town for work, but I’m off track here. The point I’m trying to get to is my step dad would abuse my mum, and use things my bio dad did or said to her, to hurt her more. An example of this is, if my mum tried to walk away during one of my step dads yelling fits, he would say “yeah, walk away just like you did with [my bio dad’s name]”. Because he knows she blames herself for leaving him, and she thinks his death was her fault. My step dad knows my mum will never leave him, because of what my bio dad did when she left. He could burn their house down around them and she wouldn’t leave.

With that story I would like to say, please don’t judge my mum or either of my dads. You don’t know the whole story and I don’t want to share all of it. I’m using it as an example because I know it well.

The point in trying to make here, is one it’s very VERY common for people to go from one abusive relationship to another. Because abusers can recognize the signs of a victim, and those who were abused, when treated with even a small amount of love, or kindness often see it as a very big deal. They tend to think they are worthless or don’t deserve it, as they’ve been told many times over. Two, believe it or not, being abused before can make people more susceptible to being abused again. This is because of the reasons mentioned above, they think they are worthless, or are wooed by very small acts, or both. And three, that the new partner can and often will use personal things about the abuse they suffered from someone else, to control or hurt their partner more, becuase they know it’s already a deep seated pain. And while I’m not saying Sierra is for sure 100% doing this, it is very easily a possibility and she could be doing some of it without knowing. Just because a year, or 5 or 10 have gone by doesn’t mean the person has healed, and sometimes new partners open old wounds. This has been a whole TEDtalk sorry y’all. Also disclaimer if anyone comes into the ask box saying rude things about my family it will be deleted and you will be blocked.

#red replies #ask #anon #i need you guys to know this took me over an hour to put together and write my reply to

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talix18 · 4 years

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November 2

I just want a word processing program. I'm not trying to be difficult. A word processing program that will estimate for me how many words I've written. Which requires a computer Operating System to run said program, preferably with an Internet connection in case there are updates to said program. The computer on which I'm typing this is an unknown number of years old. I know I got it when my ex lived with me, and he's been dead for several years.

That's a hazard of loving people in recovery, especially from drug addiction as opposed to alcoholism. The drugs out there are not those of your elders and they are nowhere near as forgiving of overdoses. My ex became my ex when he relapsed. A couple of years later he got some fentanyl with his heroin and it killed him. Drugs are bad, mmkay?

Anyway, the computer. I am...working with an OS that's 10 years old and have 6 gigs of RAM. (That's before I stuck my 2 gig thumb drive in to use as extended memory.) I'm clearly fighting hard for something to write about here. I'd rather get this done early in the day so I don't have to dread it, but writing about myself is almost as tedious as being myself.

Today is a good day, so far. I made it out the door to yoga and got my eyebrows done on the way home. Eyebrow waxing is my only consistent beauty practice. I'd like to keep up with my hair and not just put it up wet every day but let's face it – I'm stingy with my time and money and can't commit to something eight weeks from now. My hair is going gray and makes me look my actual age, which I alternately don't care about and am horrified by. Now I have extra guilt doing home color – my adopted niece graduated from Paul Mitchell hair school and would happily accept my money for getting to practice on my head, but she's located just far enough away to be inconvenient.

Plus getting out of bed is hard enough. I'll gladly take 15 extra minutes to check the Internet that will still be there when I get to work over putting on make-up and drying my hair. Is this about depression, laziness, or feminist resistance to society's expectations? I'd like to have fun with my appearance and my wardrobe but dammit – do I have to start so bless-ed early in the morning?

(This whole “early in the morning thing” is BS, by the way. I learned how quickly I can get myself showered, dressed, and out the door at my most depressed and now resist any attempt to plan further in advance.) Yes, I want to look nice in pictures but I don't want to do the work necessary to achieve that.

This is a theme in my life – there's a lot of things I want to do and be without taking any of the steps that might lead me in the correct direction. Sometimes it's a question of not knowing what those steps might be. Recovery has blessed me with the crazy notion of finding someone who has (or knows how to do) something you want (to know how to do) and ask them how they did it. I'm not sure if this is as mind-blowing to everyone as it was to me. It may be one of those things that falls into the category of “it feels like I missed some fundamental How To Be A Person class that everyone else took.”

This is a common feeling among recovering people. None of us feels like we fit in; everyone else knows something we don't; we are missing some fundamental quality that would have made life fall neatly into place. (Which brings me to the topic of the people who just needed to put the drugs down and be pointed in a productive direction vs. people who are still disasters clean. Guess which group I fall into.) Which reminds me! Last night the Internet gave me the link to an article in Oprah's magazine that describes the midlife-crisis currently hitting the women of Generation X. So this here writing project? Completely unnecessary. But I've set this challenge for myself and I love no motivation like shame and guilt. So I'll keep writing and see what I end up with.

Where was I? Oh – the things I want without wanting to do the work to get them. I've always wanted to play guitar but only enough to take a handful of lessons. My last attempt was valiant – I bought myself a beautiful guitar and showed up pretty consistently for group lessons at a friend's house. After a few months, there was pain in my strumming arm almost constantly. Especially painful were things like gripping the scoop I use to clean litter boxes, which is a thing I try to do every day. I went through physical therapy twice before the pain went away, and it's still not completely gone. My intention is to go to the adorable guitar shop where I bought my guitar (where they also give lessons) and ask someone (who knows how to do something I want to know how to do) if there is a way I should be doing it differently. That has been my intention for many months now.

What is it? What is the problem? 1. Think of a thing to do. 2. DO THE THING. That's it, right? There's not some 1.5 secret step I'm missing? There must be. Unless this is that executive function thing they talk about? There are the things I know I want to do (currently: clearing out yet more of my wardrobe so I can get rid of my TWO broken dressers [why do I have two broken dressers?] and acquire a new piece of storage for my clothing; taking my books off the bookshelves so they can be moved and I can get new flooring and also get rid of some books)(besides the regular stuff like exercise and eat foods that make me look and feel good and learn how to program and garden and oh maybe clean my damn house) and there is the crushing lack of motivation and energy.

(I'm thinking this whole NaNoWriMo thing coincided with an increase in the dosage of one of my meds which has given me a temporary “up” sensation? Like I sat through my laptop trying to repair itself so I could write rather than wandering off and doing something [or nothing] else. Honestly, me getting a thing done sooner rather than later is not a thing. I still haven't emptied the litter boxes from yesterday.)

(It occurs to me at this point to wonder if my expectations aren't set unrealistically high. Hi, my name is Teri and I was in Gifted & Talented classes and was told I had Such Potential, and have done no impressive or soul-fulfilling thing with my life. Welcome to my expectations. Not to mention this existential dread that I didn't even have words for until college when I took philosophy and learned that existentialism is a thing. This is my ONE opportunity to be alive and ultimately the only rules are those I choose to follow and This is what I've done with it? This is my life?)

(Which brings me to capitalism, specifically late-stage capitalism. I was born to the grandchildren of farmers and immigrants without the financial means to pick and choose which hobbies would distract me from my inescapable death. I watched my mother survive two divorces and [unbeknownst to myself] decided that I would be able to take care of myself. I wouldn't depend on anyone else for lodging or food or miscellaneous entertainments; I would do it myself. [This has a lot to do with why I am Single. Unmarried. Don't get too close – you may offer to take care of me and I might weaken and let you and then my guard will be down and then life will have me where it wants me.]

Late-stage capitalism. In which I, a consumer, trade my time and energy for money, which I then trade for comfort, convenience, and distraction from the awareness of my inescapable death. Knowing that, sooner or later, NONE OF THIS WILL MATTER bumps up against my desire to look younger and be attractive and matter in some absolute sense. I have a “safe” government job [thanks, Dad] with good insurance which is a Big Deal when you have a chronic condition like mental illness. I have a small home, a car that's paid for and still runs, and two cats for whom I am responsible. That there are no children is partly on purpose; partly because I never wanted to be a single mom, and partly because I didn't meet their other parent while I was young and foolish enough to consider parenting.)

Where was I? Expectations. In recovery, expectations are set-ups for resentments. Hmm. I may have to think about that. If nothing matters, expectations are silly. There are no shoulds. There Is No Way To Derive An Ought From An Is. (My favoritest of all the things I learned in philosophy.) Except that my best idea, recreational drug use, got me in legal trouble, put everyone else at risk, and (now that they know about it) makes my loved ones worry about my health and well-being. So it benefits all of us that I remain clean. And it increases the likelihood that I'll stay clean if I treat my mental illness, which requires (in this ever more dystopian hellscape) money and/or insurance. Which requires a job. Which is easier to maintain if I have a safe place to sleep and food and clothing. All of which requires effort to maintain. We haven't even mentioned recycling and volunteering and staying informed about the current state of the ever more dystopian hellscape. There are a lot of plates to keep spinning, despite the fact that eventually they are all going to shatter and it won't ultimately matter to anyone who will endure. (Existentialism is heavy.)

But haha! Daily word count achieved! Now I can get my active minutes in (exercise boosts both physical and mental health) and figure out how much time I have before I need to be where I'm supposed to be next. Because social activities and meetings make living more meaningful. Lather, rinse, repeat.

#nanowrimo #f**k fifty

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grandthorkiday · 5 years

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Mob AU! “Playthings” Part 14

[Link to mob!au anon’s “Playthings" fic tag]

[Start at Part 1]*

(*Note: Link is editable for other parts, just change the number. For mobile users, tag is “playthings part1”)

They had had to restrain Tony when the judge put Gast under house arrest. “YOU’RE LETTING HIM GO HOME TO THE FUCKING FOUR SEASONS!”

Without missing a beat the Grandmaster had quipped, “The Four Seasons? Might as well book myself a night at the Motel 6 right outside the airport!” The courthouse had erupting into laughter and the sound of cameras snapping was heard. On the steps outside, the older man had turned the questions of the reporters into a sideshow attraction, going as so far to wave and blow a kiss towards Stark and Natasha.

“Bastard,” the female ADA had growled before the press descended on them to interview them as well.

Back at their office they had several missed phone calls from Strange.

“I can’t keep him from the television! He’s watching all the coverage! And Odin’s not helping! Every TV in this god damn house is turned to watching him!”

“Well that’s your department! It’s not like I can stop the TV from covering Gast.”

“What about a gag order?!”

“We could try it.”

They failed. The Grandmaster’s lawyer was quick to argue that Gast was a public figure. With all the businesses he owned, several of which relied on his ‘personality’, denying him the press would be tantamount to stripping of his possessions and livelihood. The old judge had nodded along with the argument as Tony and Val added him to growing list of ‘on the take’.

The next day, the media blitz began. It began in the morning with calls into radio shows and a few live podcasts. Gast described his 'prison’ in detail, the 'ludicrous’ notion being under house arrest in a hotel, and promoted several events in several of his venues. “Someone has to go and tell me how it is!”

Then came the interviews.

“We’re sitting here in the penthouse suites of the Gladiator Hotel with En Dwi Gast, also known as the Grandmaster. Gast had been accused of being the ruthless leader of the Sakaar mob family. But, the entrepreneur and business mogul says there is another side to the story. What is that side of the story?”

“I am being harassed and discriminated against by the State of New York and the New York City district attorney.”

“You can’t be fucking serious?” Val said in disbelief, nearly dropping her coffee.

“Discriminated against?” the reporter asked, leaning in interest.

“I am a successful openly pansexual man in a polyamorous relationship with two other men. Who are brothers. And younger than me! I’ve upset the apple cart. The social order. It maybe 2019, but the DA and Govenor wishes it was 1819.” He spread his arms out wide and looked directly into the camera. “I’m here. I’m queer. Get used to it.”

[read more cut]

“Fuck you,” Bruce called to the TV. Turning to Tony, he asked, “You seriously can’t do anything about that?! We got a lesbian cop who’s been on this case for nine years, and not once was his sexuality mentioned! He’s a rapist, no matter his fucking orientation.”

“We could leak to the press that one of his 'boyfriends’ is his accuser.”

“That might work!”

It didn’t.

“What is your version, Thor, of how you and En met?”

“It’s sorta cliche.” The blonde went slightly pink as he chuckled.

“Nothing about you, Sweetheart, is chiche!”

“Loki and I were at a bar, and this guy buys us a few drinks. I-we keep thinking he’s buying them for both of us because he wants to bang one of us but he doesn’t want to break the other one’s heart. That’s when this old sly dog leans across the table and bold as you please ask if we want a three way.”

“With your brother?”

“Adopted brother. And it turned out to be the best nights I’ve ever had. And come to find out, not only is the guy rich-”

“Oh I have spoiled you-”

“But he’s my soulmate. Or one of my soulmates. A third of my whole.” Thor leaned against Gast’s shoulder and smiled as the older man planted a kiss to his temple.

“I am going to vomit.” Tony said shaking his head in disbelief.

“What do you say to the fact that it’s being reported that it’s Loki, your other umm…significant other…who is your accuser?”

Gast dramatically shook his head. His eyes became red and puffy, and large fat tears appeared at the corners. “I’m sorry, can I have a minute?” The reporters nodded as Thor leaned over and rubbed the older man’s back whispering sweet words right the chest microphone he had been given. There was some loud sniffing as the video cut to several pictures of the Grandmaster smiling with Thor and Loki, kissing them and cuddling with them at several of his events. “Loki,” his voice was thick with emotion, “is being manipulated and I wish he would just come home. He’s a recovering addict, and even though Thor and I have been trying to keep him clean, we’ve never dug to the root of the problem.”

“My Father was a cruel man, and while he never beat us, he took out all his emotional cruelty on Loki. He was my Father’s whipping boy for everything that went wrong. And all Loki ever wanted was his approval, even now. I can see him convincing him this is the only way to get it.”

“He’s emotionally unstable and needs constant support and medical attention, things that I doubt that the DA and State are providing.”

“Fuck YOU!” Bruce jumped again from his seat. “I mean, we can prove that he’s been in the company of a psychiatrist since nearly the first day he escaped! Let’s tell them!”

“We’d be playing into his hands,” Tony shook his head. “If we tell the press that Loki is indeed seeing a psychiatrist, we prove his point. He could turn around and say, 'Why didn’t you get Dr. Smuck who is Loki’s primary I hire doctor?’.”

“So no matter what, we look like monsters?”

Tony shrugged. The phone rang. “I’m guessing he watched?”

Strange’s voice came over the speaker. “Yeah he watched.”

“And?”

“All he said was that Thor looks well and then he left. I don’t want to be too optimistic, but I think he’s been making a lot more progress than I give him credit for.”

The press was eating out of the Grandmaster’s hands, however. Sympathetically running his interviews where hosts would shed tears as they comforted him and Thor or cutting news conferences with DA’s office short in solidarity. Odin tried to do his own sympathetic interview only to come across off as stiff and about as emotionally distant. He kept referring to Loki as his 'adopted son’ and Thor as his son’.

“I make the distinction too,” Gast told one reporter afterwards, “but I’m not the man who watched as Frigga raised them.”

Again, Loki surprised them by taking it in his stride. “Dad and I were never close, but that hardly matters. He loves me, in his own way. And I am not letting…Gast….twist that. Nothing can change that.”

If there ever were words that tempted fate…

~~~~

“Babe.”

“Hmmm?”

“The phone. Before the kids wake up.”

Val groaned but rolled over and picked up her cell. “It’s two in the god damn morning. This better be good!”

“Shhhhh,” Carol hissed, eyes still shut.

“Valkyrie Brunnhilde?”

“Yeah?”

“J. Jonah Jameson here.”

“The newspaper guy?” she yawned.

“One and the same. Just a courtesy call about the video-”

“What video?”

“The video of Thor and Loki Valhalla…I’m sorry, I thought you would know. I mean a clip of it has been live for like four hours on Pornhub.”

She bolted out of bed, gathering clothes as she went. “A video…on Pornhub?! Of Thor and Loki?!”

“Yeah…um anway, my reporters were able to get a copy a censored full version.”

“I’ll be right over to pick it up! It’ll take me-”

“Whoa now! Like I said, this is a courtesy call. We’re posting it now.”

“WHAT?!” she screamed. The twins wailed from their bedroom and Goose the cat ran from the room. Carol sat up, sensing her distress. “The hell is on this video! Who else has it?!”

“Everyone, I should think. Oh, and Pornhub has announced they’ll post the uncensored version in about….an hour or so. Don’t shoot the mess-”

Val hung up and quickly scrolled to find Bruce’s number. Before she had even pressed call, her phone rang.

“You heard?”

“Oh yeah. We’re in deep fucking shit.”

#frostmaster #thundermaster #thorki #valkyrie #GrandthorkiB #fic #cw noncon implied #cw mental illness #cw drugs #cw rl drugs #playthings #submission #playthings part14

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chaosandhappiness · 2 years

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You’re Not Alone

Welcome everyone! I have started this blog page not only as a personal journal, but maybe a voice for others just like me. Life can be so challenging sometimes, which ultimately promotes growth, but can be so overwhelming that you feel hopeless at times. Growing up, life was always a bit difficult being dragged around, never able to keep friends or find my place in the world. Through my life and my family history I acquired some common disorders that some of you may have and can relate to. I never saw my anxiety or ADHD holding me back, but it was and still does to this day. Now don't get me wrong, I have an amazing life with three amazing children and a wonderful husband I never thought I deserved. In fact, I often think, "How did I get here". I am a recovering addict. I have no regrets in my life because it led me to the amazingness I have today. My husband and I met almost seven years ago and it has been the best ride of my life. All of the laughs, the adventures, the unconditional love that I never gave myself a chance to have. I finally have it. Life still happens though, and I run into rough patches constantly. I have been on my own since the age of 15 and being independent was necessary. I went from dolls to adulthood. I put myself through alot, but it made me who I am. I have worked my whole life. Unfortunately having a job is where I find my worth. I have been without a job since I gave birth to my daughter who is now almost 7 months old. I also have a 5-year-old son and a 6-year-old son that are my world. I have always been somewhat of a busy body and feel the need to always be doing something. Now that I don't work, I fill my day up with so many things to feel adequate enough. I take care of three children. I am a full-time college student and take care of my dad now indefinitely. My father had a stroke about a year ago and cannot live on his own. I have a lot on my plate, and I also feel pressure to cook, do laundry and keep the house clean. I am learning that all of these tasks I have to do always seem unfinished and I panic and freak out over the small things because I let them build up over time. I am very much hardwired into thinking that if I do not have a job and accomplish these things that I am not good enough. Over the past week I have run into some obstacles that have opened my eyes and shown me that there is a better way. Life doesn't evolve around laundry or cooking every day. It's ok to need to help. It's ok if I am not super woman. I am still good enough. My husband does not ask, nor does he expect me to do these things. My anxiety will get the best of me and I cause myself to get sick. I want to be the best version of me for myself and my family. I worry about the thing I cannot control. I am challenging myself to a rewire. In the next few weeks, I will make small changes in my daily life that seem insignificant but will be lifechanging for me.The book "Atomic Habits" was recommended to me and honestly, I am excited to overcome my own demons and thoughts. that are not beneficial to my life. There is so much to say and talk about will be making videos. Please reach out if you need someone to talk to. Crying heals, love heals. Love yourself, you are worth it. P.S. I know my first blog is a little all over the place, just a little insight of the things I will be talking about.

#mentalawareness you'renotalone firstblog

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braindamageforbeginners · 6 years

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A New Doctor

Cycle 9, Day 10

So, I now have at least a half-dozen physicians on my case. If you believe the BMJ stat that “medical misadvenure” (which is a broad category that includes, but is not limited to, doctor error, nursing error, pharmacy screw-ups, misdiagnosis, accidental overdose/drug interactions, opportunistic infections - the list goes on) is the third-leading cause of death in America (according to the same study, heart disease is #1 and cancer is #2). So, for those for those of you setting odds on my life expectancy (and, frankly, I’d be disappointed if you didn’t), it’s been an odd, extended game of “Clue,” except I’m Mr. Body, to see if disease, side-effects, or my possibly-insane physicians will get to me first. I hate to say it, but I think I’ve finally figured the odds-on favorite in this one: my GP.

This isn’t a plea for help, or even a serious medical development on my part, it’s a warning for you, the readership, as insurance enrollment comes around. First of all, if you can’t pay, hospitals or physicians can throw you out on the street (this is something able-bodied people are so disbelieving of that took a poor black woman freezing to death on-camera in Baltimore). They are only required to treat you if you in an emergency situation, thanks to some federal laws called “EMTALA.”If you have a disease that drives you to the emergency room, the prognosis gets worse. People tend believe that just because it’s the healthcare industry, the health insurance industry isn’t a corrosive force that has a vested interest in denying care and killing you. Which is odd to me; you don’t get this anywhere else (or I haven’t experienced this sort of self-delusional attitude); you don’t see people defending McDonald’s or Nabisco or RJ Reynolds or Exxon as having their best interests at heart (and, to my friends who think they’re bullet-proof because of their health insurance, read the fine print, very, very carefully; you don’t want to get a nasty shock as you’re being rolled into the OR). So, thanks to my parent’s generosity/desire not to see me die, I rolled in last year with a very expensive PPO (there are a lot of acronyms to keep track of, but PPOs allow the patient to see anyone in a preferred provider network, which tend to be large and give the patient lots of choices, so you can directly get a referral to a neurologist if you hit your head). Unfortunately, because I have pre-existing conditions (and to my bullet-proof friends, read through the list of pre-existing conditions that’ll disqualify you, your jaw will drop)(also, it’s telling that Congressmen and Senators have the option to buy into a separate, federal employee health insurance option that’s not available to us serfs)(it’s also telling that the ACA required Congresscritters, for the first time ever, to tough it out and find health insurance like their constituents)(which is why I assume all the GOP higher-ups had melt-downs over the ACA - a slight removal of privilege to help sick constituents isn’t a part of Congressional ethos, let alone job description), my premiums went from “expensive” to “leasing a sports car” within a few months. I’m extraordinarily grateful to them for providing that financial backing, because it allowed me to continue getting treatment during the crucial 6-10 week GBM post-diagnosis period that might turn this from “Guaranteed doom” to “far too close for comfort.” So, this did give me some time to do my homework (in writing about this, I’m realizing I really should consider applying to law school, because I’ll know more about medical and insurance law and ethics than some lawyers before this is up)(Hell, I probably know more than some of them right now). Anyway, I found that all the specialists I see for cancer, do take medicaid (even the specialized pharmacy I use at the cancer center). Which is good for me, especially since being on disability in California is an automatic qualification for Medicaid. Now for the bad news; although all the specialists there take medicaid, the GPs don’t. AND the specialists only take medicaid if it’s done through an HMO carrier that the state sub-contracts with.

Great Kraken’s Balls.

There are a number of documentaries and documents (including an “Adam Ruins Everything” segment) on why HMO’s are unnecessary and lethally incompetent (like many other aspects of a for-profit medical system), but here’s the most basic deal: They act as a gate-keeper for the entire medical-industrial system. You can get your care at any of a dozen pre-approved hospitals, and nowhere else. Now, if an HMO or their doctors can’t treat you (or refuse to treat you - which is still the case for a lot of GBM patients), they are required to send you to a specialist who can. The economic incentive is to give less care, and keep all the patients in the system for as long as possible.

I suspect that delaying tactic is why heart disease and cancer are considered so deadly - you can’t sit long on either of those.

So, based on the financial folks at the cancer center, I picked one, and promptly forgot about it; because I’m already in the system there (the receptionists and pharmacy staff recognize me on sight)(which is comforting, until you realize it’s a cancer center, and then the panic briefly cuts in until you remember you’ve gone eight months without regowth or metastastis). I only remembered it when I got a call from the medicaid HMO telling me I should schedule an appointment with one of their physicians. This isn’t a big deal, I just need them to sign-off on any further black magic-based treatments with the Warlocks or Radiation Oncologist.

Now, before I go further, let’s talk about the people who go into medicine. Like anything in healthcare, we tend to give assume that an entire industry is moral, and just; when people go in for a variety reasons (as recently as 20 years ago, the vast majority of medical students said it was for money), and it’s worth noting that cuts across a vast majority of demographics and motives. And, for better or worse, that cuts across vast swathes of competence - for far too many folks, it’s a job - a rewarding job, but just a job. My father recently inquired about board exams and recertification as a way of guaranteeing some basic level of competence from everyone. He’s right, but the key word there is “basic.” Again, “basic” is fine for first aid and most major medical issues; it’s unacceptable if you have a disease with a 90% fiver-year mortality rate.

I bring this up because I think I chronicled my first appointment with my insurance-appointed GP five or six weeks ago and seemed perfectly satisfactory to my ongoing addiction to experimental chemotherapy. I’m certain it was within that time frame, because I had schedule a six-week follow-up. Which, sadly lands on my “week off” chemo. So, yesterday, after infusion #2 for this cycle (for those of you wondering what I’m doing to stay busy during infusions these days, well, rewriting Christmas carols for cancer patients)(”On the first day of chemo, the nurses gave to me, zofran in an IV”). I also convinced dear old Dad to take me out to lunch, because, again, when the Marizomib side effects hit, you do not fee like eating. This was in the neighborhood of the latest addition to my collection of medical people, so I thought I’d reschedule then. And was told by the receptionist to wait for everyone behind me to check in lest they be late for appointments. That would be fine, but it seems a fundamental misunderstanding of how queus work. And, any time post five-ish hours on infusion day, even though zofran might keep me from puking, it does give me an odd, oily, queasy sensation. I think I deserve some sort of gold star for not puking on this woman right away (again, if you have unconventional problems, feel free to start with an unconventional approach)(my next writing project will be titled, “Life Lessons from Necromancers”). I eventually - using the traditional method of looking down the reception counter, noticed someone not otherwise occupied, and manage to get an appointment more amenable to my schedule. For a physical.

Again, I’d love to use some four-letter words here, but even Finnish fails to meet the requirement. Now, it should be noted that, even though I’m well-aware that I’m physically Adonis-like; I am in chemo and recovering from radiation treatment, Radiation Oncologist implied a few months ago that, even though my scan was clean and looked good for someone with brain cancer, anyone unfamiliar with my case would probably freak out about them. Same thing with my abnormal, uh, “lab sample” I wrote about recently - the nurses agreed, a single abnormal test is hardly unexpected toward the end of chemo, especially since I’m now on a diet consisting mostly of protein, fiber, cafeine, and dangerous, experimental substances. However, I’d prefer not to have to point all that out to a new medical person who has the power to yank the plug on me (sadly, my original GP will be on vacation that week. (I’ll also be on Temodar, so there’s a solid chance my brains will be thoroughly scrambled and incapable of comprehension).

ANYWAY… WEIGHT: 198 lb CONCENTRATION: Pretty good, APPETITE: Normal (but this is 24 hours post-infusion. ACTIVITY LEVEL: Not great; the fatigue side effect definitely caught up with me and chewed me up last night. SLEEP QUALITY: Okay. although I’ve noticed that I definitely thrash around on chemo days. COORDINATION/DEXTERITY: Lousy. Thank Gods I don’t need the walker, and I don’t even think I need my magic ankle support, but my left leg is definitely unreliable today. MEMORY: Not bad, although I did forget my sheets were in the wash earlier today (although I recall stripping the bed and tossing them into the washer). PHYSICAL: Tired and kind of wobbly, but still a lot better than this time a year ago.. EMOTIONAL: Okay. It might just be that I spent yesterday next to my zofran-and-CDB salt-lick, but I’m starting to think I might make it through all this somewhat intact. Hang on. Am I really starting to believe my own bullshit? SIDE EFFECTS: Tired, somewhat sore (either chemo or increasing the difficulty of that stupid elliptical), and in the wrong time-zone, but, other than that, not much. CURRENTLY READING (For Donna): Gonzo Girl, and The Explorer’s Guild (A Passage to Tshamballah)

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ecoutez-moi · 3 years

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part 5 - gratefulness in our lives

DAY 27 - MONDAY - March 15

Adreanna C.

Of course! I am grateful for:

1. God & His many blessings

2. Family

3. Friends

4. Great health

5. Being in my right mind

6. Remaining financially stable during these hard times

7. Having a roof over my head

8. Having so much love & support surrounded around me

9. The mistakes I’ve made & continue to make every now & then because I only learn from them

10. LIFE

DAY 28 TUESDAY- March 16

Sophia C.

10 things I’m grateful for

1. A steady job that allows me to have a income to not only purchase what I need but also little wants that bring me joy.

2. A group of work friends who takes me as I am. They listen to my Debbie downer complaining when I feel burnt out and take in my over-the-top extra-ness when I feel motivated without making me feel bad about being either way.

3. A healthy and relatively smooth first pregnancy with only annoying but not-too-scary symptoms or complications.

4. Being able to spend time with my family and have them feed me/talk to me while transitioning to a new place.

5. Having the financial means to get a bigger place.

6. Having support from my partner during an isolating time.

7. Having different types of friends and relationships to lean on in different aspects of my life- an empathetic brother and an aggressive sister to stand up for me in the stuff that I’m too meek in.

8. The recovery of my family after health scares.

9. A body that allows me to live and enjoy life.

10. The experiences and relationships that brought me to where I am today and continue to help me grow as a person.

Rachel C.

Rachel’s Gratitude List

• A safe place to live

• A caring partner in life

• My health

• The ability to find the positive in a situation rather than getting stuck in the negative.

• Access to clean water to drink

• A way to make a living in the midst of this pandemic.

• Food 😊

DAY 29 WEDNESDAY - March 17

Didi

Today I’m grateful to wake u p and still can see a beautiful view of the sky. A fresh smell in the morning. A good breakfast which tastes so amazing even if it ‘s just a scrambled egg. A peace of mind I had because I wake up to live like there’s no tomorrow. Love and Bless <3

Maritza

I’m grateful for everything

Happiness friends and love Nd music

DAY 30 Thursday - March 18

Kristin D.

I am grateful for:

1. Loving parents and family

2. Friends

3. Health

4. Safe shelter

5. Food provision

6. Current employment

7. The opportunity to sit still (this is spiritual)

8. New bible study

9. Mentoring program

10. Lessons that I will learn from the last 2 difficult weeks

Ivy F.

1. Yoga

2. Breathing

3. Fresh foods

4. My parents

5. Support of friends

6. Hope for change

7. Rain & sunshine

8. Simply feeling - allowing myself to get more comfortable with openly feeling my emotions

9. A laugh that hurts so good

10. A bright smile

Justus W.

Grateful for strength and wisdom in my marriage!

Grateful for the trials I’ve been through that added clarity to my thinking

Grateful that my mother and brothers are taken care of

Grateful for the gifts God had given me to use.

Grateful that every time anyone negative or crazy is in my life God always exposes them.

Grateful that in my years of cross country driving nothing terrible has ever happened.

Grateful that God must have a lot of patience with me 😂

Grateful to have a home and safe place.

Grateful that since I turned 18 God has provided for every bill. Never missed a payment on anything

Grateful that I know God. And that if anything on this list ever changed I could still stand on the Word and have faith!

DAY 31 March 19 FRIDAY

Klisha T.

Hmmmmmm 10 things

About to get the kids to bed but theres so many things lol

For health, for my kids, for healing for Mya, for my husband, for salvation, for God's grace

For our best friends Myo and Natalie

Literally for a place to live

Running water

Food

Is that 10? Lol

DAY 32 March 20 SATURDAY

Vlad S.

My wife

My family

My friends

My dogs

My creativity

Nature

Good food

My neighborhood

Biking

My youth

Kevin M.

I am grateful for my health - I am

Obviously getting older but I feel like I am healthier than when I was younger. I am feeling the healthiest and most grounded I have felt in a long time.

I am grateful for some space in my life.

I am grateful for the deep, connected friendships I have cultivated over the years. I feel as we all get older these friendships are going to be what sustains me.

I am grateful to be inspired everyday by what people are creating in this world.

I am grateful I get to work at something that interests me.

I am grateful that most days I wake up and can put my energy towards things that excite me.

I am grateful for my mom, dad and my sisters and the family I was born into.

I am grateful I am still very close to my mom and sisters.

I am grateful that I get to live in NYC and that the city still excites and inspires me.

I am grateful for Al-Anon.

I am grateful to be free of any substance addictions in my life.

I am grateful for the natural talents, skills, gifts that I have been given by God and that I can use those everyday to what I do or in service of others.

I am grateful that I have been blessed with the resources that I need to live a comfortable life.

I am grateful that it’s easy for me to see the good in people.

I am grateful that I have a curious mind.

I am grateful that I feel my feelings deeply.

I am grateful that I am nor afraid to cry in front of people.

I am grateful that I always want to be better.

I am grateful for my three children and that they have such big, bold and expressive personalities.

I am grateful for the many years I have had in partnership with Leslie and all the incredible adventures we have had.

I am grateful for the other romantic relationships I have had in my life and the wisdom they have given me.

I am grateful for the times life teaches me how to let go.

I am grateful that alcoholism in my family has given me the opportunity to form a deeper connection to my spirituality.

I am grateful that I have so many things I am grateful for!!!

DAY 33 March 21 SUNDAY

I missed today :(

DAY 34 March 22 MONDAY

David H.

1. Everyone in My family is healthy

2. Thru this last year where our family members could not meet , my cousins have announced engagements and pregnancies so our family is growing

3. Work is good , the word is getting out that I’m not bad at this

4. In a world where ppl have a difficult time

This year, my business has thrived

5. My perspective on life is more keen

6. I have the capability to low you now as a passerby than I did years ago when I was closer

7. God was always with me. But I only see him now

8. From our last conversation you’re in better place now and I’m thankful for that

IM so happy for you. I couldn’t genuinely say that years ago

9. Perspective

10. Christina, you’re a bigger part of my life than you know. I’D kill for you

DAY 35 MARCH 23 TUESDAY

Chrissy K.

My ten.. I’m grateful..

- even though my sanity and energy is tested everyday- I’m grateful for this extra time I’m having with the kids, to watch them grow in small ways everyday

- most of family and friends have been healthy (or able to recover), safe, financially stable during the pandemic

- being able to ride out half of the pandemic in San Diego, meaning more space, more things for the kids to do ie, zoo, beaches, closer to cousin

-having access to some beautiful outdoors

- great weather so we weren’t cooped up inside all year

- super humbling and challenging living with the in-laws.. but grateful charlie and Benny are able to bond with them

- the timing of things.. bro was out in ny right before pandemic hit so was able to help At the store, in-laws decided to go to Korea for extended time so it allowed us to have time alone in sd, my maternity leave rolled right into quarantine

- food

-korean dramas 😂 keeping it real- turned into korean lady putting on kdrama while I do dishes and cook

- finally able to drink again.. pass that glass of wine or beer

DAY 36 MARCH 24 WEDNESDAY

Shav G.

1. my health

2. my sleep schedule

3. my ever supportive family

4. my friends i get to jam with every day

5. my studio being close by

6. the city that inspires me every day

7. my recent boom in love interests 🤣

8. my view

9. my doormen they’re my bff’s

10. my drive to do better

Anne C.

[11:17 PM, 3/24/2021] Anne C: this is amazing - love that you're creating and holding space for something positive.

[11:17 PM, 3/24/2021] Anne C: life has been very tough - giving me a beating with what its throwing at me.

[11:18 PM, 3/24/2021] Anne C: so I'll like to say i'm grateful for strength

DAY 37 MARCH 25 THURSDAY

Marion G.

What a great idea! I would love to!

1. My family

2. Good health

3. Great friends (you included!)

4. Coffee in the morning

5. A good night's sleep (when I get one)

6. The time I've been able to spend with my kids this past year.

7. Peace of mind

8. Having a job during these difficult times

9. Wine

10. Music

What a great exercise to do first thing in the morning! Miss you!! ❤

Bonnie Y.

DAY 38 MARCH 26 FRIDAY

Sina W.

1. My parents. They’ve really been there for me through the challenges of covid & especially through the break up. Paying for therapy & spending a lot of time with me watching shows and just crying was very needed.

2. Ty. I would say “my friends” but I haven’t seen my friends like that. I spend every day with Ty lol. He is my friend soulmate and I hope everyone finds a friend like him. He walked me to my apartment every night when I was being harassed by my ex, let me crash with him, fed me, and above all has made incredible sacrifices to be a part of this music journey with me and I can’t thank him enough.

3. Nature. I’ve spent a lot of time connecting with nature, reading about nature, and sitting in nature. It’s been very meditative and helped me keep a level head.

4. Music. Just grateful to do what I love & be able to take everything I’m feeling and turn it into something tangible and productive. It has been my saving grace through quarantine and I don’t know what I’d be doing if I didn’t have it.

5. Edibles lol. Between October and February my anxiety was through the roof. I’ve been through a lot of shit recently and thank god there’s been something to take the edge of sometimes.

6. Books. I’ve read 20 books since Christmas. I’ve been really excited about learning recently. Everything from meditation to the ice age to gentrification. It’s given me a lot of perspective and makes me really happy.

7. My sister. We recently started getting a lot closer and I always hoped that would happen.

8. My DOG. He makes me so happy. Like pure joy. I love him so much.

9. The sun. Not very common in Portland but every week we may get a sunny day and every time it happens it’s a reminder that this will be over soon. When the world was open, the clouds didn’t bug me so much. But now I look forward to the sun like no other.

10. BLAZER GAMES. Omg. I have not missed a game this season. It gives me something to look forward to & they are so fun to watch.

Anna B.

1. My health

2. Friends

3. Intuition

4. Abundance

5. Setting boundaries

6. Mindfulness

7. Family

8. Frank

9. Creativity

10. Feeling safe

DAY 39 MARCH 27 SATURDAY

Jon R.

10 things I’m grateful for.

1. Friendship with genuine connection

2. Like minded individuals/creatives

3. My family (we’ve been dysfunctional for years but a new leaf has turned over and we’re all making a strong effort to be a better unit)

4. My litter brother finally making the choice to better his life and get off the streets

5. God!

6. My girlfriend

7. You. (we can go months without talking but we always pick up where we left off. Since day 1 you’ve been an honest friend who’s opinion I value and I love you dearly)

8. Fashion

9. Music

10. Good health

DAY 40 MARCH 28 SUNDAY

Allie G.

Hey Christina!!! Hope you are doing swell(: hmmm 10 things?

My friends

My house

The weather today 🔆

Healthy body

Healthy mind

Avocados

Live music

Laughter

The ocean

And YOU for allowing me to sit and think about that

DAY 41 MARCH 29 MONDAY

Ray T.

I’m grateful for the almost 25 years of friendship with Christina Chow Mein

Ann K.

Hi Christina,

I hope you’re doing well!

Today I am thankful for:

1. the Hubs (today is our anni)

2. having all our needs met everyday

3. healthy kids

4. getting to and from work safely

5. growing garden seedlings

6. COVID vaccine

7. teachers

8. consistently having work to do

9. longer hours of daylight

10. friends that remind me of God’s goodness

#grateful #lent #lent2021 #love #blessings #God's grace

0 notes

vividrogue · 7 years

Note

You beautiful piece of a human's bottom's tell me about your ocs!

Oh gosh! Well, there’s a lot of them so I guess I’ll describe two of them who are the main protagonists of one of my series ideas called Clean Break. Because if I listed all of my ocs, this post would be even more ungodly longs as it already is.

Sunny’s this 30 year old recovering drug addict whose trying to get her life back together after almost killing herself at 27. She moved back to her small home town in the middle of nowhere that she hates after not being able to get a big break in her music career because it’s the only place she can go to to even try to have a support system (that didn’t work out well), she doesn’t like the whole being apart of the community and sticking together with family thing because for one she feels everything that all the community has ever done for her is judge her for her past mistakes and for second she honestly just views family as a group of people that you wouldn’t even be around if they weren’t related to you. When she was in high school she was one of those bad kids who would skip school, get into fights, was always in trouble, would manipulate others into taking the blame for her actions while also just being a jerk to everyone, and would use drugs and alcohol. She used drugs and alcohol as an unhealthy coping mechanism for the things she went through and was going through. So now that she’s back at her home town she’s surrounded by people who she used to treat horribly who are now extremely more successful than her. All she wants in life is to just be left alone and become more than the mistakes of her past. She’s a bit of a pushover now since she feels that if she wants to be accepted by others she needs to do the same, she has a pretty poor self image seeing herself as really destructive person that doesn’t deserve have good things happen to her, but despite this she gets jealous easily whenever she sees some of the people who she basically used to torment in highschool having lives that are so much better than her’s.

Some trivia about Sunny: Since she’s a musician, she’s developed a love for all music. Whether it be old school rock, experimental electronica, or even just your cheesy generic pop music she loves it and believes all music has a time and place to be played and enjoyed. Ironically, Sunny can’t sing, she’s more of an instrumental musician; she can play lead guitar and bass. Her biological dad walked out on her and her mom when she was 6, so now she has a subconscious goal that she will make herself better than her dad and insists that if she ever sees him again she’s going to punch him hard in the nose. She doesn’t handle stress well and often copes with it through smoking now that she’s sworn off using any other drugs ever again. She also has an insanely fast metabolism, she can basically eat all the unhealthy foods she wants without gaining any weight, which has actually been a problem for her since there have been times when she is marked as under weight. It wasn’t because she was starving herself, she just can’t gain weight as easily as othersCoal is this 24 year old, promiscuous, arrogant asshole who sees people as nothing more than tools waiting to be used. He’s been an orphan his whole life, so as soon as he got enough money he took one of those ancestry tests to try to find the one thing he’s always wanted. He has built up family as a group of people who are never going to leave you even despite your flaws. People have always left him since he treats others so poorly, though he thinks that they leave him for no good reason since he never takes responsible for his actions. So after he takes one of those ancestry test he goes to the closet relative that he has: Sunny. He tells her that they’re half siblings, he basically overshares and tell his whole life story, just decides to move in with her without even talking to her about it, and forces her to open up old wounds involving family such as asking her about her dad who walked out on her at the age of 6 and why she doesn’t talk to her mom anymore. Even though he presents himself as a really confident person, he’s actually really insecure, especially about his body image. When he was younger he used to be a tubby boy, even though there’s nothing wrong with that he got made fun of for it. So combine that with the feelings of loneliness and self hate, and you end up with how he is now. He obsesses over his weight, doesn’t feed himself properly, weighs himself several times a day, over-exercises, fears about not having his ideal body type, and won’t even eat in front of others. If he doesn’t feel he’s doing enough he’ll harm himself by having painful, meaningless sex with any dude he can find as a form of punishment. He uses sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism for the things he is going through and for what he has gone through. All he wants in life is to be accepted by others and to actually have a group of people he can call his family. He has a bit of a short temper especially when things don’t go the way he wants them to, he’ll throw an entire tantrum over it. He’s also one of those people who will joke about others but can’t take a joke about them. Plus he doesn’t get attached to others easily out of fear he’ll eventually have to lose that person and have to go through heartbreak all over again, and overall he’s just a really impulsive person.

Trivia about Coal: he’s a youtube vlogger, that’s his actual job and he actually gets payed pretty well for it too. Secretly he collects yu-gi-oh cards since its something he’s liked ever since he was a kid and continues to enjoy as an adult. For all 4 yours of high school he played football, so that was one of his motivations to start exercising and to start unhealthily focusing on his body image. He mostly listens to pop and rap music, his favorite musician being Beyonce. And he actually isn’t a natural blonde, his natural hair color is actually a deep brown. He’s also the best dick sucker in 3 states, it’s honestly his proudest accomplishment and will fight anyone on it.

And that’s about it for the two of them, honestly Sunny and Coal are the ones I’ve put the most thought into so that’s why I decided to talk about them. Again though, I have a lot of ocs, like over 50. So as much as I love talking about them and developing them, there wouldn’t be enough time and space to talk about every single one of them all in one post. If you want to know more about them you can ask me more questions or even go through my oc tag. Thanks for asking this though, it was really fun and nice to talk about my troubled children to someone other than my close friends and family! :]

#asks #ocs #my ocs #answered ask #Coal #Sunny #Clean Break #text post #long post #the half demon kids #mey51 #shut up vivid #vivid rogue

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shrpghq · 7 years

Text

Congratulations Amy!

You have been accepted as your second character, Charlotte “Charlie” Bishop (Maddie Hasson fc). And congrats on receiving 500points for picking up a medical patient! Please send in their account within 24 hours.

OOC INFORMATION

–> Name: Amy

–> Preferred pronouns: She, her

–> Age: 19

–> Time zone: MST

–> Activity:7/10

–> Today’s date: 13th of April, 2017

–> How did you find us? (If tags, please specify) asylum rp

–> Did you read the rules? Please give the TWO passwords: RFP

***please actually read through the material to find the passwords. It will be very obvious to us if you don’t, even if you put down the rights words and we accept it, we will know, and we’ll use it as a judgement of character (meaning you, OOC). Thank you!***

IC INFORMATION

OC Patient

–> Character name: Charlotte Bishop

–> Character age: 15

–> What are they here for: Dilated cardiomyopathy, insomnia, RTS PTSD

–> Medical or Rescue Ward?: Medical Ward

–> Face claim (Please try to keep to the +/- 5 year rule… we don’t want a 29 year old face claim playing a 16 year old!): Maddie Hasson

Born and raised in Detroit, Charlotte -or Charlie- was from a large but loving family, though it didn’t stay that way forever. She was the 3rd of 6 children, 7 if you include Nick, her older brother Ben’s best friend and occasional hookup to her older sister who has lived with them forever. It wasn’t until the youngest, Freddie, was born that things got screwed up, not that it was his fault. Their family already struggled financially but they worked hard together to make it work, so when Charlie’s mom died giving birth to Freddie when Charlotte was 10, it was a huge hit and the family never recovered from that. Their dad especially took it hard, and began to drink. He abused the kids, but they told no one for fear that if they did, they’d be separated. Even with the abuse, at least this way they were together and had each other. The saving grace was their dad often went out to drink, and wouldn’t come home for a while. Aside from when he abused them, he took no notice to them, so when Charlotte started having dizzy spells or trouble breathing, only her older siblings seemed to notice. With a lack of authority and worried about her family, Charlie’s older sister Amber stepped up to help the family. Although Charlie was young she did her best to help, taking odd jobs and getting up early to help her younger siblings Devon, Eliza, and Freddie prepare for the day. Whatever was wrong with her could wait, as she was too concerned with helping her family; there wasn’t time to be sick.

Stuck in the middle and growing up around so many boys, Charlie learned how to watch out for herself. She wasn’t ‘tough’, but she didn’t back down from a fight either. She had to do what was best, even if people disagreed with her. Their family counted on each other, and she’d do anything to help them, but it only got harder as they all grew older. It became especially hard after Nick sexually assaulted Charlotte when she was 12. She didn’t know exactly what was happening, but he said it was okay. He was practically family after all and they cared about each other so if he said it was fine, then it was. Shortly after that started, social services came by on a surprise visit. With their dad awol and drunk, they were placed into foster care temporarily, though this was a bit of a relief for Charlie. Their intake was the first time they’d had a real, proper medical checkup. There, Charlotte was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy. It was not that severe at the time and they treated her as best as they could, with what they had. By the end of the month her family was all back together in their home. Everything seemed okay for a while, but things picked up where they left off as more incidents happened between Charlotte and Nick, but now she was starting to expect it. She lost sleep waiting for whatever he would do and the stress of it all and lack of sleep put unnecessary pressure on her, and her heart.

Things only seemed to get worse when Ben turned 18 and enlisted in the army, stationed far away from his family. With Ben gone and Amber busy, Mark began raping Charlotte, and it took her a while to realize how wrong all of this was. One day, she decided it was time and came at him with a bat, only being stopped when her siblings walked in and called the cops. Her family was shocked to find her like this and wanted to believe Mark was a good person, after all the time he had spent with the family helping them when they were in need, how could he possibly hurt anyone? When the police arrived, Charlotte was taken into custody and sent to juvie. Things started to break apart back home, and when she finally got out everything was too far gone to be fixed. Amber en route to becoming a street drug addict, and the youngest 3 were split up in foster care. She was already a bit older, and now had a history of violence with a stay in juvie on her record… with a medical condition on top of that it was unlikely anyone would want to adopt her. Despite this, she knew there was still hope for her younger siblings. Charlotte was put into foster homes and group homes for a while, all while trying to track down her family, until she finally made a run for it. There were too many conditions in the system, Charlie kept getting in trouble. She needed to be on her own, do what she needed to at her own will. It was hard for a teenage girl… she had to make money to live while also trying to deal with a serious heart condition. She still wasn’t getting much sleep either, usually too worried to close her eyes for too long. Not long after, Charlotte was picked up by police for selling drugs. They thought she was on drugs because of her behavior, but she was exhausted, homeless, and terrified for her life. Charlie was little to no help in the process, but after finally identifying her and seeing her medical history and record, it was determined that she needed help and Serenity House was contacted right away. She’s a good kid at heart, but with a very, very troubling past.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IC Questions (Please write SEVERAL sentences –4 TO 5, MINIMUM EACH. Mandatory for both canon and original characters. Not required for staff.):

Do you know why you’re here at the Serenity House?

Yeah they were cleaning up the streets and found me… Apparently I have too many years left on my clock to be thrown in the trash, but not enough to actually place me with my family. The island of misfit toys here was the perfect solution for everyone, and now they can say they all did a great job at ‘saving my life’ or whatever. Kudos to you guys.

How do you feel about being here? Good, bad, indifferent?

A joke? I don’t understand why I have to be sent to an overrated haunted house in the middle of Idaho? Like seriously all that money and y’all couldn’t afford like a beach or some shit? Thoroughly disappointed, that’s how I feel. 0/10, would not recommend. I just want to know how soon it’ll be until I can leave. I don’t plan on staying long enough to really form an opinion.

What is your biggest fear coming to the House?

That Nick will be there. That they’re going to try to keep me in here. I’m getting out ASAP, I don’t care if I have to pick 40 locks or hop over a razor wire fence with my bare hands, I’ll be runnin off into the sunset in the first week. I don’t have time to be scared. Don’t think, just do.

How do you feel about the patients on other wards? (Medical or Rescued Wards)

…..Is Serenity like a war zone or something? Are we being pitted against each other, medical vs. rescue and it’s just a fight to the death? That would be seriously interesting, but I still don’t understand the point of it. We’re all in here one way or another, we’re just fucked up in different ways I guess. It’s chill. Again, I don’t plan on staying long enough to form some sort of opinion on them.

#shrpgaccepted #rape tw

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gordonwilliamsweb · 4 years

Text

Lost On The Frontline

America’s health care workers are dying. In some states, medical staff account for as many as 20% of known coronavirus cases. They tend to patients in hospitals, treating them, serving them food and cleaning their rooms. Others at risk work in nursing homes or are employed as home health aides.

Some of them do not survive the encounter. Many hospitals are overwhelmed and some workers lack protective equipment or suffer from underlying health conditions that make them vulnerable to the highly infectious virus.

Many cases are shrouded in secrecy. “Lost on the Frontline” is an ongoing project by Kaiser Health News and The Guardian that aims to document the lives of health care workers in the U.S. who died from COVID 19, and to investigate why so many are victims of the disease.

These are some of the first tragic cases.

Lost On The Frontline

This project aims to document the life of every health care worker in America who dies from COVID-19. If you have a colleague or loved one we should include, please share their story.

Surgical Technician Made Friends Everywhere She Went

(Courtesy of Jorge Casarez)

Monica Echeverri Casarez

Age: 49 Occupation: Surgical technician Place of Work: Detroit Medical Center Harper University Hospital in Detroit Date of Death: April 11, 2020

Monica Echeverri Casarez was in constant motion, said her husband, Jorge Casarez. The daughter of Colombian immigrants, she worked as a Spanish-English interpreter in clinical settings. She was the kind of person whose arrival at a mom and pop restaurant would elicit hugs from the owners. She also co-founded Southwest Detroit Restaurant Week, a nonprofit that supports local businesses.

OSHA Probing Health Worker Deaths But Urges Inspectors To Spare The Penalties Apr 22

True Toll Of COVID-19 On U.S. Health Care Workers Unknown Apr 15

Twice a month, she scrubbed in as a surgical technician at Harper University Hospital. “She liked discovering the beauty of how the body works and how science is clear and orderly,” Casarez said. She was organized and intuitive, qualities that are assets in the operating room. On March 21, she posted a photo of herself in protective gear with the caption: “I’d be lying if I said I wan’t at least a bit nervous to be there now.” Since many elective surgeries had been canceled, Echeverri Casarez was tasked with taking the temperatures of people who walked into the hospital and making sure their hands were sterilized.

Soon after, Echeverri Casarez and Casarez began feeling ill. Quarantined together, Echeverri Casarez tried to make the best of the situation. She baked her husband a cake — chocolate with white frosting. She died a few days later.

— Danielle Renwick, The Guardian | Published April 24, 2020

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A Whip-Smart Neurologist Endlessly Fascinated With The Brain

(Courtesy of Jennifer Sclar)

Gary Sclar

Age: 66 Occupation: Neurologist Place of Work: Mount Sinai Queens in New York City Date of Death: April 12, 2020

Gary Sclar was a whip-smart neurologist who loved comic books, “Game of Thrones” and “Star Wars,” said his daughter, Jennifer Sclar. He was deeply compassionate with a blunt bedside manner.

“My dad was fascinated with the brain and with science,” Jennifer Sclar said. “His work was his passion, and it’s what made him the happiest, besides my brother and me.” Set to retire in June, he was looking forward to writing about politics and neurology.

Gary Sclar saw patients who were showing COVID-19 symptoms and knew his age and underlying health conditions ― he had diabetes — put him at risk for developing complications from the illness. His daughter pleaded with him to stop going to the hospital.

In early April, he mentioned having lost his sense of smell, and on April 8 he collapsed in his home. He was hospitalized a few days later and agreed to be intubated. “I don’t think he realized, like, that this was the end,” Jennifer Sclar said. “He brought his keys. He brought his wallet.”

— Danielle Renwick, The Guardian | Published April 24, 2020

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An Exacting But Loving Aunt, She Was A Mentor Until The End

(Courtesy of Jhoanna Mariel Buendia)

Araceli Buendia Ilagan

Age: 63 Occupation: Intensive care unit nurse Place of Work: Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami Date of Death: March 27, 2020

For Jhoanna Mariel Buendia, her aunt was a constant ― if distant — presence. Araceli Buendia Ilagan emigrated from their hometown Baguio, in the Philippines, to the U.S. before Buendia was born, but she remained close to her family and communicated with them nearly every day.

“She was one of the smartest people I ever knew,” Buendia, 27, said. Buendia Ilagan, who at one point looked into adopting her niece so she could join her and her husband the United States, encouraged Buendia to become a nurse, and talked her through grueling coursework in anatomy and physiology. Buendia is now a nurse in London.

Buendia Ilagan was also demanding. “Whenever she visited the Philippines, she wanted everything to be organized and squeaky-clean,” Buendia said.

The last time the two spoke, in late March, Buendia Ilagan didn’t mention anything about feeling ill. Instead, the two commiserated over their experiences of treating patients with COVID-19; as always, her aunt offered her advice on staying safe while giving the best possible care. She died four days later.

— Danielle Renwick, The Guardian | Published April 22, 2020

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A Beloved Geriatric Psychiatrist And Church Musician Remembered For His Cooking Skills

(Courtesy of Nida Gonzales)

Leo Dela Cruz

Age: 57 Occupation: Geriatric psychiatrist Place of Work: Christ Hospital and CarePoint Health in Jersey City, New Jersey Date of Death: April 8, 2020

Dr. Leo Dela Cruz was nervous about going to work in the weeks before he died, his friends said. Like many in the region, Christ Hospital had an influx of COVID-19 patients and faced a shortage of ventilators and masks.

Dela Cruz was a geriatric psychiatrist and didn’t work in coronavirus wards. But he continued to see patients in person. In early April, Dela Cruz, who lived alone, complained only of migraines, his friends said. Within a week, his condition worsened, and he was put on a ventilator at a nearby hospital. He died soon after.

Friends said he may have been exposed at the hospital. (In a statement, hospital representatives said he didn’t treat COVID-19 patients.)

Dela Cruz, the oldest of 10 siblings, came from a family of health care professionals. His friends and family — from Cebu, Philippines, to Teaneck, New Jersey — remembered his jovial personality on Facebook. He won “best doctor of the year” awards, played tennis and cooked traditional Cebu dishes.

Nida Gonzales, a colleague, said he always supported people, whether funding a student’s education or running a church mental health program. “I feel like I lost a brother,” she said.

— Ankita Rao, The Guardian | Published April 22, 2020

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Alabama Nurse Remembered As Selfless But Sassy

(Courtesy of Amanda Williams)

Rose Harrison

Age: 60 Occupation: Nurse Place of Work: Marion Regional Nursing Home in Hamilton, Alabama Date of Death: April 6, 2020

Rose Harrison, 60, lived to serve others ― her husband, three daughters, grandchildren and the residents of the nursing home where she worked. Though the Alabama nurse was selfless, she also had a sassy edge to her personality and a penchant for road rage, her daughter, Amanda Williams said.

“Her personality was so funny, you automatically loved her,” Williams said. “She was so outspoken. If she didn’t agree with you, she’d tell you in a respectful way.”

Harrison was not wearing a mask when she cared for a patient who later tested positive for COVID-19 at Marion Regional Nursing Home in Hamilton, Alabama, her daughter said. She later developed a cough, fatigue and a low-grade fever, but kept reporting to duty all week. Officials from the nursing home did not return calls for comment.

On April 3, Williams drove her mother to a hospital. The following evening, Harrison discussed the option of going on a ventilator with loved ones on a video call, agreeing it was the best course. Williams believed that her mother fully expected to recover. She died April 6.

— Christina Jewett, Kaiser Health News | Published April 22, 2020

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Connecticut Social Worker Had Angelic Singing Voice And A Zest For Life

(Courtesy of the Hunt family)

Curtis Hunt

Age: 57 Occupation: Social worker Places of Work: Cornell Scott-Hill Health Center and New Reach, both in New Haven, Connecticut Date of Death: March 23, 2020

At a shelter for adults recovering from addiction, residents looked forward to the days when Marion “Curtis” Hunt would take the stage, emceeing talent shows and belting out Broadway and gospel tunes.

It wasn’t part of his job description as a social worker. It was just one of the ways he went “above and beyond,” said his supervisor at Cornell Scott-Hill Health Center, Daena Murphy. “He had a beautiful voice,” she said. “He was just a wonderful person — funny, engaging, always a huge smile on his face.”

Hunt, the youngest of four brothers, earned his master’s in social work from Fordham University at 52, and was baptized at his brother’s Pentecostal church at 54. He was a devoted uncle who doted on his dog and cat, Mya and Milo.

It’s unclear how Hunt got infected, but one patient he worked with had tested positive for COVID-19, as did two co-workers, according to Dr. Ece Tek, another supervisor at Cornell Scott-Hill Health Center. Hunt died on March 23, one week after developing flu-like symptoms, said his brother John Mann Jr.

— Melissa Bailey | Published April 22, 2020

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To The End, King-Smith Was Driven By A Desire To Help Others

(Courtesy of Hassana Salaam-Rivers)

Kim King-Smith

Age: 53 Occupation: Electrocardiogram technician Place of Work: University Hospital in Newark, New Jersey Date of Death: March 31, 2020

Kim King-Smith was a natural caregiver. An only child, she grew up close to her extended family, including her cousins Hassana Salaam-Rivers and Sharonda Salaam. After Salaam developed multiple sclerosis, King-Smith visited her every day.

“She’d bring her sweets that she wasn’t supposed to have and share them with her,” Salaam-Rivers said. King-Smith’s desire to care for others was the reason she became an electrocardiogram technician, her cousin added. “If a friend of a friend or family member went to the hospital, she would always go and visit them as soon as her shift was over,” she said.

In March, King-Smith cared for a patient she said had symptoms of COVID-19; she soon fell ill herself and tested positive for the virus. It seemed like a mild case at first, and she stayed in touch with family via FaceTime while trying to isolate from her husband, Lenny.

On March 29, Salaam-Rivers checked in on her cousin and noticed she was struggling to breathe. She urged her to call an ambulance. After King-Smith was hospitalized, she exchanged text messages with her mother and cousin. As the day progressed, her messages carried increasingly grave news, Salaam-Rivers said. Then she stopped responding.

— Danielle Renwick, The Guardian | Published April 22, 2020

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On The Eve Of Retirement, VA Nurse Succumbs To COVID-19

(Courtesy of Mark Accad)

Debbie Accad

Age: 72 Occupation: Clinical nursing coordinator Place of Work: Detroit VA Medical Center in Detroit, Michigan Date of Death: March 30, 2020

Nurse Divina “Debbie” Accad had cared for veterans for over 25 years and was set to retire in April. But after contracting the novel coronavirus, she spent her final 11 days on a ventilator — and didn’t survive past March.

She joined a growing list of health care professionals working on the front lines of the pandemic who have died from COVID-19.

Accad, 72, a clinical nursing coordinator at the Detroit VA Medical Center, dedicated her life to nursing, according to her son Mark Accad.

“She died doing what she loved most,” he said. “That was caring for people.”

She was born Divina Amo in the Philippine town of Alimodian, known for its sweet bananas. The eldest of four children, she was a precocious student. She finished high school at age 14 and had to wait a year to pursue her dream of nursing school. She graduated from Central Philippine University with a bachelor’s in nursing in 1969.

Yearning to move abroad, she applied to a “fly now, pay later” program for nurses and landed a job in Chicago, joining tens of thousands of Filipino nurses who have migrated to the United States. She later moved to Taylor, Michigan, where she married William Accad in 1985 and raised four children with him.

Her niece April Amada lives in Accad’s hometown. She remembers her aunt as a generous cook: A visit from Tita Debbie (Aunt Debbie) meant unli-kainan, or “unlimited food”: She served up big American breakfasts, cooked spicy kielbasa with cabbage and introduced her family to Jell-O.

Accad was the “pillar of the family,” Amada said, improving their quality of life by sending home money, and even supporting her younger sister through nursing school.

Amada said her aunt first signaled she was sick on the evening of March 16, telling relatives she had a fever and loose stool. On March 19, she reported feeling better by taking Tylenol. But the following day, she was hospitalized with pneumonia, a complication of COVID-19. She told her family in the Philippines that she had tested positive for the disease caused by the coronavirus and asked them to pray for her and to spread the word to local pastors, Amada said.

Amada, who is also a nurse, said her family felt helpless watching their beloved matriarch suffer from afar, and being unable to travel to her bedside because of the infectious nature of the disease. They last saw her face on a video call.

Mark Accad, 36, who lives across the street from his parents, said his mother had diabetes, a risk factor for serious complications from COVID-19. In her last phone call with him, he said, she was preoccupied with her family’s health more than her own. But he could hear in her voice that she was worried.

“It’s just terrible that we all couldn’t be there for her,” he said.

Mark Accad said he believes his mother was exposed by infected co-workers, though that hasn’t been confirmed. She was a nursing supervisor who often stepped in to care for patients, he said.

The Department of Veterans Affairs is facing serious shortages in protective equipment for its health care workers, according to internal memos obtained by The Wall Street Journal. Mark Accad said he doesn’t know whether his mother had adequate protective gear.

In a statement, the Detroit VA Medical Center declined to comment on Accad’s case, citing privacy concerns, but confirmed that an employee of her age died from coronavirus complications.

The VA has “implemented appropriate measures to ensure the safest health care environment for each Veteran, visitor and employee,” including immediately isolating patients known to be at risk for a COVID-19 infection. As of Monday, nine VA health care workers systemwide had died of COVID-19 complications, and over 1,500 were being quarantined because of coronavirus infections, according to VA spokesperson Christina Noel.

Mark Accad said he would like his mother’s story to raise awareness of the risks health care workers face in the global pandemic.

“She’s a hero for what she did,” he said.

— Melissa Bailey | Published April 15, 2020

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California Nurse Thrived In ER and ICU, But Couldn’t Survive COVID-19

(Courtesy of the Baumbach family)

Jeff Baumbach

Age: 57 Occupation: Nurse Place of Work: St. Joseph’s Medical Center in Stockton, California Date of Death: March 31, 2020

Jeff Baumbach, 57, was a seasoned nurse of 28 years when the novel coronavirus began to circulate in California. He’d worked in the ER, the ICU and on a cardiac floor. Hepatitis and tuberculosis had been around over the years but never posed a major concern. He’d cared for patients who had tuberculosis.

Jeff and his wife, Karen Baumbach, also a nurse, initially didn’t consider it significantly riskier than challenges they’d faced for years.

“He’d worked in the ICU. He was exposed to so many things, and we never got anything,” she said. “This was just ramping up.”

One day during work, Jeff sent a sarcastic text to his wife: “I love wearing a mask every day.”

Within weeks, he would wage a difficult and steady fight against the virus that ended with a sudden collapse. Across the U.S., dozens of other health care workers have died, according to reports compiled by The Guardian and Kaiser Health News. The CDC has not yet issued a full tally, and many states have said little about how many health workers are dying.

Jeff was working at St. Joseph’s Medical Center in Stockton, California, about an hour south of Sacramento, where he was a case manager for Kaiser Permanente patients treated there. (Kaiser Health News is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.)

In mid-March, Jeff and his wife traveled to New York City to help their younger son, one of four adult children, settle into an apartment. As they were leaving, bars and restaurants were starting to shut down. The feeling set in that something serious was taking place.

Back home, Karen said her husband was notified that he may have been around a co-worker who tested positive for the coronavirus. Jeff would need to wear a mask. On March 23, he called in sick. The next day, he was told to get a COVID-19 test.

Jeff’s test was positive. Soon after, so was Karen’s. The couple hunkered down together at home, Karen with body aches and congestion and Jeff with a fever and cough.

Their home had been the site of countless family brunches and barbecues, for which Jeff was often the chef. It was where he solved massive jigsaw puzzles with his kids, sealed them together and put them on the ceiling of the garage.

Kaila Baumbach, 26, the last child living in their Lodi home, had moved out as a precaution. She and her dad were close. They had gotten tattoos together on a family trip to Hawaii. Hers, a peace sign. His had two large Celtic hearts and four smaller ones to represent his children. Kaila said she didn’t text or call her dad when he was sick.

“I thought he was invincible,” she said during a phone interview, through tears.

Karen took Jeff to the emergency room on March 26, where he was diagnosed with pneumonia, but chose to recuperate at home. On March 31, he collapsed in an upstairs bathroom.

“It was just like that,” Karen said. “It went downhill really fast.”

Karen called 911 and went with him to Adventist Health Lodi Memorial, the hospital where she worked. She sat in her car getting updates by phone. Kaila waited in another car.

The ventilator Jeff was connected to had little effect and he remained unresponsive.

When it seemed hopeless, Karen went in, suited with full protective medical gear, and told Jeff, her husband of 33 years, she loved him. The kids love him. And she was sorry.

“We both sat here all those days with him getting worse before my eyes and me not seeing it,” she said. “The doctor reassured me that several times people have seemed to be OK and then they just fall off and then it’s just too late.”

Karen returned home alone, still in quarantine.

The next day, Kaila organized about 50 family and loved ones to drive by the couple’s home and shine their phone flashlights to show support. Karen’s mother, Sharleen Leal, called her at 8 p.m.: “Look outside.”

Karen looked out an upstairs window. Lights from lines of cars going in both directions on the avenue shone bright. Grieving, and awash with gratitude, she cried.

— Christina Jewett, Kaiser Health News | Published April 15, 2020

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Nurse’s Faith Led Her To Care For Prisoners At A New Jersey Jail

(Courtesy of Denise Rendor)

Daisy Doronila

Age: 60 Occupation: Nurse Place of Work: Hudson County Correctional Facility in Kearny, New Jersey Date of Death: April 5, 2020

Daisy Doronila had a different perspective than most who worked at the Hudson County Correctional Facility, a New Jersey lockup 11 miles from Manhattan. It was a place where the veteran nurse could put her Catholic faith into action, showing kindness to marginalized people.

“There would be people there for the most heinous crimes,” said her daughter, Denise Rendor, 28, “but they would just melt towards my mother because she really was there to give them care with no judgment.”

Doronila, 60, died April 5, two weeks after testing positive for the coronavirus that causes COVID-19. The jail has been hit hard by the virus, with 27 inmates and 68 staff members having tested positive. Among those, another nurse, a correctional officer and a clerk also died, according to Ron Edwards, Hudson County’s director of corrections.

Doronila fell ill before the scope of the jail infections were known. She was picking up extra shifts in the weeks before, her daughter said, and planning on a trip to Israel soon with friends from church.

That plan began to fall apart March 14, when someone at the jail noticed her coughing and asked her to go home and visit a doctor.

Doronila, of Nutley, New Jersey, went to her doctor and a local hospital in the coming days but was told she had strep throat, so she wouldn’t get a coronavirus test. Then she was told her fever wasn’t high enough to merit a test.

Edwards, the jail chief, said Doronila offered to come back to work after she started feeling ill, not wanting to let him down. He told her to stay home and rest.

“She was one of my hardest workers,” he said, describing her as sophisticated, intelligent and compassionate. “Daisy could handle herself. If someone got obnoxious with her, she’d put them in their place and call for help if she needed to.”

As days went by in March, her condition got worse. Feeling breathless, she went to an urgent care center on March 21.

Her oxygen saturation level was 77 ― far below levels that should be close to 100 — so she was sent by ambulance to the hospital. The next day, she was transferred to the ICU, where she was put on a ventilator, never to talk to her family again.

Rendor, who was not allowed to visit her mother, said time crawled as she awaited updates from nurses and doctors.

On her fifth day in the hospital, her mother went into cardiac arrest and was revived. On Day Nine, she was put on dialysis.

By Day 14, it was futile.

Rendor said her mother emigrated from the Philippines as a young nurse. She loved to dress in fashionable clothes and eat seafood on the waterfront in New York City.

The two loved to shop together and were looking forward to the next chapters in life. For the mother, retirement at 65. For Rendor, marriage and perhaps starting her own family.

“It was about to get really, really good,” Rendor said.

— Christina Jewett, Kaiser Health News | Published April 15, 2020

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An Army Veteran, Hospital Custodian ‘Loved Helping People’

(Courtesy of Michelle Wilcox)

Alvin Simmons

Age: 54 Occupation: Environmental service assistant Place of Work: Rochester General Hospital in Rochester, New York Death: March 17, 2020

Alvin Simmons started working as a custodian at Rochester General Hospital, in New York state, weeks before he fell ill. “He loved helping people and he figured the best place to do that would be in a hospital,” his sister, Michelle Wilcox said.

An Army veteran who had served in the first Gulf War, Simmons loved karaoke and doted on his three grandchildren, Wilcox said. “He was a dedicated, hardworking individual who had just changed his life around” since a prison stint, she said.

According to Wilcox, Simmons began developing symptoms shortly after cleaning the room of a woman he believed was infected with the novel coronavirus. “Other hospital employees did not want to clean the room because they said they weren’t properly trained” to clean the room of someone potentially infected, she said. “They got my brother from a different floor, because he had just started there,” she said. (In an email, a hospital spokesperson said they had “no evidence to suggest that Mr. Simmons was at a heightened risk of exposure to COVID-19 by virtue of his training or employment duties at RGH.”)

On March 11, he visited the emergency room at Rochester General, where he was tested for COVID-19, Wilcox said. Over the next few days, as he rested at his girlfriend’s home, his breathing became more labored and he began to cough up blood. He was rushed to the hospital on March 13, where he was later declared brain-dead. Subsequently, he received a COVID-19 diagnosis. Simmons died on March 17.

— Danielle Renwick, The Guardian | Published April 15, 2020

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Nurse At Nevada VA Dies After Caring For Infected Colleague

(Courtesy of Bob Thompson)

Vianna Thompson

Age: 52 Occupation: Nurse Places of Work: VA Sierra Nevada Health Care System and Northern Nevada Medical Center in Reno, Nevada Date of Death: April 7, 2020

Nurse Vianna Thompson, 52, spent two night shifts caring for a fellow Veterans Affairs health care worker who was dying from COVID-19.

Two weeks later, she too was lying in a hospital intensive care unit, with a co-worker holding her hand as she died.

Thompson and the man she treated were among three VA health care workers in Reno, Nevada, to die in two weeks from complications of the novel coronavirus.

“It’s pretty devastating. It’s surreal. Reno’s not that big of a city,” said Robyn Underhill, a night nurse who worked with Thompson in the ER at Reno’s VA hospital the past two years.

Thompson, who dreamed of teaching nursing one day, died April 7, joining a growing list of health care professionals killed in the pandemic.

Born Vianna Fye in Port Huron, Michigan, she became a go-getter nurse who worked almost exclusively at night, putting in five or six 12-hour shifts a week, according to her husband, Bob Thompson, 60.

The couple met in 1991 on the Osan Air Base in South Korea, where he was an inventory management specialist in the Air Force, and she was a veterinary technician in the Army, caring for military police dogs. They bonded over two-step dancing and country music.

Vianna was a “proud momma,” often showing off photos and videos of their three sons on her phone, her husband said. As the main breadwinner for over eight years, she juggled two jobs to make sure her boys had everything they needed, including saxophones, drums and keyboards so they could play jazz and country music. “She was just sweet, big-hearted, caring, unselfish,” he said.

Before she died, Thompson was working two jobs: full time in the ER at the VA Sierra Nevada Health Care System in Reno, and part time in the ICU at Northern Nevada Medical Center.

In the ICU, she tended to a fellow VA health care worker who had fallen ill with COVID-19, according to nurse Underhill. Two days later, on March 29, Thompson arrived at work with a cough.

“She came to work sick, and we were all very concerned,” Underhill said. “Call it intuition, call it ‘Spidey sense,’ but I knew that moment that she was coughing that this was not going to end well.”

Underhill said Thompson already had a slight smoker’s cough, so she may have overlooked the fact that her cough was a classic symptom of COVID-19.

“She was in denial that she was taking care of this high-risk population,” Underhill said. And she was reluctant to miss work.

That Sunday shift would be Thompson’s last. Over the next four days, she wrestled with fever, weakness and shortness of breath. The following Thursday, she texted her husband from the bedroom: “Call the ambulance, I can hardly breathe.”

She was taken to the VA hospital where she worked and immediately sedated and put on a ventilator.

The next Tuesday, her organs were failing and it was time to remove life support, her husband said. They connected him on FaceTime to say goodbye, and a nurse held her hand as she died.

As a veteran, she qualified for an “honor flight,” in which the patient’s body is covered with a black box, draped with an American flag and wheeled through the hospital while others line up and salute.

Because of the infectious nature of the coronavirus, a flag could not be safely draped over her body, so someone walked in front of her with a flag.

Bob Thompson said the honor flight ceremony drew more people into the hallways than staff had seen in 20 years, “all the way from the ICU to the morgue.”

“God’s getting a hell of a nurse,” he said.

— Melissa Bailey | Published April 15, 2020

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Dr. J. Ronald Verrier Was Busy Saving Lives Before The Pandemic

(Courtesy of Christina Pardo)

J. Ronald Verrier

Age: 59 Occupation: Surgeon Place of Work: St. Barnabas Hospital in the Bronx, New York Date of Death: April 8, 2020

Dr. J. Ronald Verrier, a surgeon at St. Barnabas Hospital in the Bronx, spent the final weeks of his audacious, unfinished life tending to a torrent of patients inflicted with COVID-19. He died April 8 at Mount Sinai South Nassau Hospital in Oceanside, New York, at age 59, after falling ill from the novel coronavirus.

Verrier led the charge even as the financially strapped St. Barnabas Hospital struggled to find masks and gowns to protect its workers — many nurses continue to make cloth masks — and makeshift morgues in the parking lot held patients who had died.

“He did a good work,” said Jeannine Sherwood, a nurse manager at St. Barnabas Hospital who worked closely with Verrier.

“He can rest.”

Born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, Verrier graduated from the Faculté de Médecine et de Pharmacie in 1986 and trained at Lincoln Medical Center in the Bronx. He worked at St. Barnabas for two decades, performing thousands of surgeries on critically ill patients and trauma victims, while overseeing the general surgery residency program.

A towering presence with a wide, dimpled smile, Verrier watched his large flock closely — popping into patients’ rooms for impromptu birthday parties, pressing his medical school residents to sharpen their surgical skills and extinguishing doubt in bright, young minds.

“He kept pushing me forward,” said Dr. Christina Pardo, a cousin who became an obstetrician and gynecologist. “I would call him and say, ‘I swear I failed that test,’ and he would laugh. He was my confidence when I didn’t have it.”

“He was someone you’d love to see if you were having a bad day,” said Dr. Ridwan Shabsigh, chairman of the Department of Surgery at SBH Health System. “He would comfort your heart.”

The Verrier family stretches across continents — a boisterous crew of cousins who grew up as brothers and sisters, a pot of joumou, a spicy Haitian soup, always boiling somewhere.

Verrier, who spoke English, French and Creole, zipped around to a niece’s wedding in Belgium, a baptism in Florida, another wedding in Montreal. In February, he ferried medical supplies to Haiti, returning to St. Barnabas to fortify the hospital for the surge of coronavirus patients.

Verrier helped steer the hospital’s efforts to increase — by 500% — the number of critically ill patients it could care for, an effort he worked on until he became ill.

“He was at the hospital every day,” Shabsigh said. “This was a nonstop effort, day and night.”

Verrier discovered he was infected in early April. After developing symptoms, he worked from his Woodmere, New York, home.

Undaunted, he did not want to talk about being sick. “He has this personality that, ‘Everything is going to be OK,’” said Pardo.

Shabsigh spoke with him the day before his death.

“He understood the coronavirus, he understood the pandemic,” he said. “He still maintained a high morale and hope that he would recover.”

When his condition worsened suddenly, according to Pardo, Verrier was taken by ambulance to a nearby hospital where he died.

After a powerful earthquake struck Haiti in 2010, Verrier tended to victims, treating dozens of patients who required amputations at a Port-au-Prince hospital.

“Sometimes you use a little anesthesia and you cut the limb,” Verrier said soberly in a video recorded at the time. “Because you have to save a life.”

— Sarah Varney, Kaiser Health News | Published April 15, 2020

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America’s First ER Doctor To Die In The Heat Of COVID-19 Battle

(Courtesy of Debra Vasalech Lyons)

Frank Gabrin

Age: 60 Occupation: Doctor Places of Work: St. John’s Episcopal in Queens, New York, and East Orange General in New Jersey Date of Death: March 26, 2020

At about 5 a.m. on March 19, a New York City ER physician named Frank Gabrin texted a friend about his concerns over the lack of medical supplies at hospitals.

“It’s busy ― everyone wants a COVID test that I do not have to give them,” he wrote in the message to Eddy Soffer. “So they are angry and disappointed.”

Worse, though, was the limited availability of personal protective equipment (PPE) — the masks and gloves that help keep health care workers from getting sick and spreading the virus to others. Gabrin said he had no choice but to don the same mask for several shifts, against Food and Drug Administration guidelines.

“Don’t have any PPE that has not been used,” he wrote. “No N95 masks ― my own goggles — my own face shield,” he added, referring to the N95 respirators considered among the best lines of defense.

Less than two weeks later, Gabrin became the first ER doctor in the U.S. known to have died as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic, according to the American College of Emergency Physicians.

Read more here.

— Alastair Gee, The Guardian | Published April 10, 2020

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from Updates By Dina https://khn.org/news/lost-on-the-frontline-health-care-worker-death-toll-covid19-coronavirus/

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supernatural-rewatch-3 · 5 years

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Good God, Y’all

So the episode starts with Cass coming to Sam and Dean, talking to Dean about his plan to find God. Knowing what we do now, parts of this conversation is hilarious because Cass tells Dean that killing Lucifer is foolish and can’t be done, but Dean does kill him in a little under a decade in the future, and Dean comments that God is probably out there drinking booze out of a coconut, but we know that he’s too busy sitting in a bath robe and his underwear writing ‘crapy’ paperbacks with a full bottle of whisky at his side.

The big things that came out of that conversation were 1. Dean is back to not really believing in God again. He thinks maybe God did exist, but he’s either dead or if he still is alive then he doesn’t give a shit about any of them. However Bobby, Cass, and Sam all do still believe that God is alive and out there. 2. Cass confronts Dean about rebelling for him and Dean failing. Now I honestly believe that was super uncalled for because Dean tried his damnedest and maybe could have succeeded if he reached Sam earlier, which Cass was the one standing in is way. HOWEVER, we are not pointing fingers because a. there is no point since it’s already done and over with and b. there is so much blame to go around that at this point it cancels each other out. However I won’t hold Cass in contempt for that since he has no idea how to deal with all these new emotions and he is in a high stress situation. and finally 3. Cass is using Dean’s amulet to try and find God and I adore the parallel here.

Dean has already been on a year long journey to find his own father, and it ended in pain, death, and extreme anxiety that he never recovered from. What he found at the end of that road shattered the image that he created of his father and it took Dean YEARS to rebuild any part of that again. Dean is still not in the best of places with John right now and he sees his best friend going out to also find his absentee father. I think that is part of why Dean told Cass it was a pipe dream. Because not only is it apparent that God just doesn't care, but Dean has seen where this goes and it doesn’t end well (spoiler alert, it ends exactly as Dean’s journey had, with a complete destruction of the child’s faith in the father).

Dean also still clings to his amulet. After all it was given to him by Sam. We have seen Dean be fairly protective of it up to that point. Dean doesn’t seem to have many possessions, so the few he has he tends to care about a lot. The only examples we really see is are his Colt 1911, the leather jacket, the amulet, and of course the Impala. Dean takes such good care of his gun that he remarked before that ‘my gun don’t jam’ because he meticulously cleans it so that there is no carbon build up and he replaces all the parts in it as soon as there is any sign of wear and tear. It’s the same with the Impala. And he has taken good care of that Jacket (until it’s disappearance at the start of season 6) and always takes back the amulet when it’s taken. It’s important to him, but so is Cass and he owes Cass, so he hands it over, ablit complaining about how he now feels naked without it.

So, we have a great line up for this episode because excluding the main characters of Cass, Dean, and Sam; we also get Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, and Jo!

So Sam and Dean find Ellen’s survivor camp and head out to get supplies and find other hunters. The first tip off that thins aren’t as they seem is when two ‘demons’ come into the store Sam is in to get food and water. Demons don’t need that. The boys go back to the camp and we have another confrontation between Sam and Dean. Dean doesn’t want Sam around demons because he’s afraid that Sam will start in on the demon blood again, and honestly...that is fair. My dad has a serious alcohol addiction, and any time that I indicate he needs to slow down (I love the man to death an he’s my hero but he’s flawed as hell) or maybe not drink that day he gets super defensive and angry, like Sam had in that scene. He always asks me if I don’t trust him (which I don’t when it comes to alcohol) and accuses me of assuming he will get drunk and do something stupid (which always happens), so yeah, I FULLY understand Dean’s concern here. Hell we already saw once that Sam is tethering on the edge here.

Sam an Ellen go out together and find the ‘base camp’ for the demons, but Sam notices strange occurrence number two, saying demons don’t get cold...so why is there a fire? They get attacked by a group which is led by Jo and Rufus, and Sam is captured.

Meanwhile Dean wants to go out to rescue Sam, but he knows he needs a plan. As he listens to Ellen, the pastor, and the military man talk, Dean realizes they are dealing with War and that there are no demons in town. He is pretty smart, we just need Sam to be elsewhere to see it sometimes. Sam also has figured it out when he sees ‘Roger’ in multiple camps.

War turns the camp against Ellen and Dean and now Dean and Ellen need to flee. They force Rufus and Jo to realize who they are. Sam and Dean then confront War while Rufus an Ellen are trying to stop everything. I absolutely love Rufus! The the whole knocking a guy out and saying he’s too old for this teamed up with him telling the kid ‘stop firing usually means STOP firing’ are the highlights for me.

After the dust settles, Sam decides he wants to take a break from hunting and to his shock Dean agrees with him. Dean has only ever threatened to leave Sam twice but never actually did. Sam has left Dean a few times now and usually Dean starts to fight with him at first. This time however Dean actually goes along with it, figuring that is what is best. And I’m honestly on Dean’s side for this because they desperately need some space.

#supernautral #good god y'all #spn 5x02 #dean winchester #sam winchester #war #jo harvelle #ellen harvelle #rufus turner

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gyrlversion · 5 years

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Original EastEnders cast member Sandy Ratcliff found dead aged 70

Original EastEnders cast member Sandy Ratcliff, who played the much-loved character Sue Osman before falling from the public eye, has been found dead aged 70 in a north London care home.

Appearing as Osman from the first episode of the BBC1 soap in 1985 until 1989, she took on a number of tough storylines including when she lost her baby to cot death syndrome before divorcing her husband, Ali, soon after.

This prompted a years-long exploration of mental health on the popular show as Sue struggled with the grieving process, depression and the breakdown of her marriage.

Off-screen, Ratcliff faced her own personal battles with drink and drugs which drew her into the lime-light.

It was reported in 1988 that she had an alcohol-fuelled bust-up with her boyfriend while holidaying in Tenerife before she was written out of the show because of a heroin addiction the following year.

The mother-of-one to her son William also suffered three strokes and was later diagnosed with cancer.

She was found dead on Sunday morning. Her cause of death is not yet known and it has been reported to the coroner.

Nejdet Salih, who played Ali, paid tribute to the mother of one last night. ‘It’s very sad. I remember the first time I auditioned for the show, we had this instant chemistry and banter,’ he told The Sun.

‘I remember going to her flat to rehearse lines and her son William and boyfriend Tony would be there. She was a great mum. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for William.’

Scroll down for video.

Sandy Ratcliff, who played much-loved character Sue Osman in the soap, (right, with her husband Ali) was discovered in a north London care home on Sunday morning. The image of Ratcliff on the left is undated

The cast of EastEnders celebrating the show’s 15th anniversary in 1985 outside the set of Albert Square. Ratcliff is seen on the far right

After leaving the show in 1989, Ratcliff slipped into heroin and alcohol addiction before later retraining as a counsellor.

She was written out of the soap after her battle with addiction came to light.

Following her death, a friend said she had been clean of drugs for some years but was forced to move into a care home due to poor health.

Describing her death on Sunday, an ambulance spokesman said: ‘We sent two single responders in cars and an ambulance crew. Sadly, a person was found dead at the scene.’

Ratcliff first became known as a model in the 1970s, when she was cast as ‘The face of the 70s’ by royal photographer Lord Snowdon.

Before starring in her best-known EastEnders role, Ratcliff featured in Crossroads as Barbara Parker, the younger wife of series regular Vince Parker.

She also appeared in BBC 2 versions of A Box Of Swan and Men Of The Month.

Ratcliff married photographer Peter Wright in 1968, but the couple broke up and by 1973 she had her only son, William, by theatre director Terence Palmer.

One of her last public appearances was at the Old Bailey trial of her then boyfriend, Michael Shorey, who was found guilty of murdering two women in 1991.

She claimed they were together when he was accused of murdering the woman, but the jury rejected her account and Shorey was jailed for life.

Sue was at the centre of the most bleak story line British soaps had ever seen when her baby died from cot death syndrome in June 1985. Afterwards, she and her husband Ali (pictured in 1985) broke up

Nejdet Salih, who played Ali, paid tribute to the mother of one (seen here as Sue on EastEnders in the 1980s). ‘It’s very sad. I remember the first time I auditioned for the show, we had this instant chemistry and banter,’ he said

Ratcliff then largely disappeared from the public eye and in 2005, it was reported that Ratcliff no longer used heroin and lived on a £70 a week disability allowance.

Speaking in 2010, she admitted she had a ‘hard time’ following her EastEnders exit. She said: ‘I had a hard time when I left the show. There were stories about my drug addiction, and I was quite an innocent, even in my thirties.

‘Some of the things written about me hurt me and made me quite ill. But I recovered and moved on to other things.’

Fans paid tribute to Ratcliff on Twitter, with one writing: ‘So sad to hear of Sandy Ratcliff’s passing. I’ve become a big fan of Sue Osman since I started watching #ClassicEastEnders and that’s down to Sandy’s performance.

‘She was amazing during the cot death storyline.’

Another tweeted: ‘So very sad to hear of the death of former @Eastenders star #sandyratcliff I loved her as Sue Osman. Rest in peace Sue.’

Ratcliff is survived by her son William, who has not yet spoken publicly about her death.

Ratcliff (second from left) with BBC controller Michael Grade and fellow members of the EastEnders cast. Image undated

After leaving the show in 1989, Ratcliff (seen in 1979) slipped into heroin addiction before later retraining as a counsellor

Where are the members of the original EastEnders cast now?

Actor Leonard Fenton, 92, is returning to Albert Square at the age of 1982, but how many other members of the original cast can you name? 1. Wendy Richard (Pauline Fowler). 2: Anna Wing (Lou Beale). 3: Linda Davidson (Mary Smith). 4: Ross Davidson (Andy O’Brien). 5: Shirley Cheriton (Debbie Wilkins). 6: Bill Treacher (Arthur Fowler). 7. Susan Tully (Michelle Fowler). 8. Letita Dean (sharon Watts). 9: Gretchen Franklin (Ethel Skinner). 10: Willy the pug. 11: Roly the poodle. 12: Leslie Grantham (Den Watts). 12. Anita Dobson (Angie Watts). 14: Tom Watt (Lofty Holloway). 15: Leonard Fenton (Dr Legg). 16: Andrew Johnson (Saeed Jeffrey). 17: John Altman (Nick Cotton). 18: June Brown (Dot Cotton). 19: Paul J. Medford (Kelvin Carpenter). 20. Oscar James (Tony Carpenter). 21: Sandy Ratcliff (Sue Osman). 22: Nejdet Salih (Ali Osman). 23: Gillian Taylforth (Kathy Beale). 24: Adam Woodyatt (Ian Beale). 25: Nick Berry (Simon Wicks). 26: Peter Dean (Pete Beale)

1. Wendy Richard

Played: Pauline Fowler

Sitcom veteran Wendy also appeared in Are You Being Served?, Dad’s Army and a couple of Carry On films.

Our favourite cheeky Cockney was actually born in Middlesbrough, in 1943. The matriarch of Albert Square, her 21 years on the show ended with an on-screen death in 2006. Wendy died from cancer in 2009, aged 65.

Then and now: Wendy Richard (Pauline Fowler) pictured with her on-screen husband Arthur (Bill Treacher) in the first year of the soap, 1985 (left) and pictured in 2006 (right)

2. Anna Wing

Played: Lou Beale

Lou was the most formidable character of the original cast, Pauline and Pete’s mother, and a no-nonsense Londoner.

Anna, who was 70 when the show began, was also a mighty personality: in the Fifties she had been the lover of poet Philip O’Connor, with whom she had a son. She left the show in 1988, but kept working right up to her death, aged 98, in 2013.

Then and now: Anna Wing, who played Lou Beale, was one of the show’s best-loved characters. She left the show in 1988, but kept working right up to her death, aged 98, in 2013

3. Linda Davidson

Played: Mary Smith

Mary was one of the Square’s most controversial characters — a former punk rock groupie and drug user whose wild lifestyle put her baby’s life at risk. Barely literate, she couldn’t to look after her child without her neighbours’ help, and earned her living by prostitution.

Actress Linda, who was born in Canada, dated co-star Nejdet Salih and left the show in 1988; now aged 53, she gave up acting to work in internet design and today runs a social media agency.

Then and now: Linda Davidson as punk rock groupie Mary Smith in 1986 (left) and today (right) running a social media agency

4. Ross Davidson

Played: Andy O’Brien

Ross was a PE teacher who played water polo for Scotland before acting. EastEnders was his first major part — he played the nurse who has an affair with the Vic landlady, Angie Watts.

In his final scene, in August 1986, Andy rows with girlfriend Shirley: when she tells him to ‘drop dead’, he stomps out of the house and is flattened by a lorry . . . making him the first character to be killed off.

Ross believed he was dropped because he was dating his co-star Shirley Cheriton. He died from cancer, aged 57, in 2006.

Then and now: Ross Davidson’s character Andy O’Brien was the first character to be killed off. Ross believed he was dropped because he was dating his co-star Shirley Cheriton. He died from cancer, aged 57, in 2006.

5. Shirley Cheriton

Played: Debbie Wilkins

Debbie was a professional middle-class woman whose East End property was an investment as well as a home. The working-class locals thought she was stuck-up and pretentious.

Actress Shirley, who left EastEnders in 1987, was a favourite of series creator Julia Smith, who had also cast her in the hospital drama Angels.

Now 63, she hasn’t appeared on TV since 2009, when she played Mrs. Spalden in Last Night A DJ Saved My Life.

Then and now: Actress Shirley Cheriton, who left EastEnders in 1987, left with Ross Davison, was a favourite of series creator Julia Smith

6. Bill Treacher

Played: Arthur Fowler

The gruelling pace of filming EastEnders left stage actor Bill exhausted. Arthur saw his daughter pregnant at 16, his son infected with HIV and himself having a breakdown.

Bill left in 1996 and famously said ‘by the time I finished, even the theme music was making me feel ill’. He later appeared in films including George And the Dragon in 2004.

Now 88, he is retired and admitted in 2015 that he’s suffering from the degenerative disease ataxia, which affects his balance and ability to walk.

Then and now: Bill Treacher, playing Arthur Fowler, was one of the show’s longest-serving stars. He was later in The Bill and is now retired

7. Susan Tully

Played: Michelle Fowler

Susan, now 46, grew up on a North London council estate and started acting through a community theatre school. Before EastEnders, she was familiar to viewers from the children’s series Grange Hill.

She played Michelle until 1995, and the character was credited with saving EastEnders — viewing figures had slumped to seven million before the storyline of her secret pregnancy, aged 16, hooked the nation.

Her friendship with Letitia Dean, who played her best pal Sharon Watts, endured off screen and Susan was a bridesmaid at her wedding in 2002.

Susan is now a TV director, whose credits include Lark Rise To Candleford, The Bill, Silent Witness and most recently the historical fantasy Britannia.

Then and now: Susan Tully, who started her career on Grange Hill, starred as Michelle Fowler untill 1996. She is now a director, whose credits include Lark Rise To Candleford

8. Letitia Dean

Played: Sharon Watts

A graduate of the Sylvia Young theatre school and another Grange Hill old girl, Letitia was born in Hertfordshire, but claimed at her audition she was a Cockney. Her dirty laugh apparently won her the part of Den and Angie’s daughter.

She left for the first time in 1995, but returned to the show from 2001 to 2006, and has been back fora third time since 2012.

The 50-year-old also competed on the fifth series of Strictly Come Dancing in 2007, and she later released a fitness DVD after crediting the show with inspiring her to lose weight. She starred in a touring production of Calendar Girls in 2010.

After divorcing Jason Pethers in 2006, Letitia began dating 23-year-old model and dancer Bowen Perrin after meeting on the set of the Ipswich panto production Cinderella during Christmas 2007. However, she’s currently believed to be single.

Leitia Dean as Sharon with onscreen husband Grant (Ross Kemp) in 1994 (left). Looking chic in black as she filmed scenes for Eastenders in London’s Notting Hill in 2015

9. Gretchen Franklin

Played: Ethel Skinner

Born in 1911 into a showbusiness family, Gretchen was a dancer in Soho in the Twenties, a member of the tap troupe Four Brilliant Blondes and was also in Crossroads. As Ethel, she was the crony of Lou Beale and Dot Cotton, always to be found with a sherry and ‘my little Willy’, her beloved pug. She left EastEnders in 2000 and died in 2005, aged 94.

Gretchen Franklin in 1987 with Willy the pug (left) from Eastenders and pictured in 2005 shortly before her death (right)

10. Willy the pug

Willy was spoilt, greedy and mischievous. The other characters couldn’t stand him: the local doctor complained bitterly about the mess Willy made on the pavements, and owner Ethel had to decline two marriage proposals when her suitors asked her to get rid of her precious pet. Willy was put down in 1992; two weeks later, the dog who had played him also died.

11. Roly the standard poodle

Landlords Den and Angie Watts never took much notice of daughter Sharon, but they poured their hearts out to their pooch. Whenever Den was in a rage, he’d grab Roly’s lead and drag the poor animal round the Square. Roly was nearly killed when Grant Mitchell set fire to the Vic for the insurance money, and died on screen when he was run over while chasing a cat in 1993. Roly’s real-life owner was EastEnders creator Julia Smith. He died in real life in 1995.

Then: Willy was put down in 1992; two weeks later, the dog who had played him also died. Roly died on screen when he was run over while chasing a cat in 1993. Roly’s real-life owner was EastEnders creator Julia Smith. He died in real life in 1995.

12. Leslie Grantham

Played: Dirty Den Watts

Dirty Den was the original villain of Albert Square, a bully who shoved his wife around and got his 16-year-old daughter’s best mate pregnant. TV had never had such a hated character — and the actor who played him, Grantham, actually murdered a taxi driver in a 1966 robbery. During his ten-year prison sentence, he took up acting.

His character Den was seemingly killed in 1989, but he returned from the dead in 2003. The renaissance didn’t last long: Grantham, who is now 67, was caught in a sex scandal in 2004, in which he was caught exposing himself to an undercover reporter via a webcam from his dressing room.

Dirty Den was killed off for a second time shortly afterwards.

Last month the TV star, who had recently returned to the UK after living for some time in Bulgaria, passed away aged 71, after battling cancer.

Then and now: Controversial character Dirty Den Watts (played by Leslie Grantham) with on-screen wife Angie (Anita Dobson) (left) and a brooding Den in 2004 (right)

13. Anita Dobson

Played: Angie Watts

A real EastEnder, Anita wasn’t the first choice to play the Queen Vic landlady — when filming began, the role was taken by Jean Fennell. Jean was deemed ‘too classy’ and was replaced.

In 1986, Anita had a No 4 hit with Anyone Can Fall In Love in 1986, produced by Queen guitarist Brian May — whom she married. Angie left EastEnders after three years.

Anita, 69, has enjoyed a successful and varied career since quitting the soap. She took part in Strictly and played Hamlet’s mother in a touring production in 2005.

From September 2016 to January 2017 Dobson she starred as Madame Morrible in Wicked in London’s West End.

Then and now: Anita Dobson was in the the soap for three years but was involved in many of its most memorable storylines. Married to Brian May, she is still acting and has appeared in the West End musical Wicked

14. Tom Watt

Played: Lofty Holloway

Lofty, the Vic’s barman, was hopelessly in love with Michelle, and married her after she became a single mum . . . though she dumped him at the altar during the first ceremony.

Watt left the show in 1988 to become a social worker. Now 58, he is a radio sports reporter and the ghostwriter of David Beckham’s autobiography.

Tom Watt as Lofty in the soap with Susan Tully who played Michelle Fowler (left). Tom, who is now a radio sports presenter, attending a film premiere in London in 2017 (right)

15. Leonard Fenton

Played: Dr Harold Legg

This East End grammar school boy, the son of Jewish refugees from the Baltic states, was an Army engineer in World War II. During a 50-year career in acting, he appeared in Z-Cars, Colditz and Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. For 12 years, Fenton was Albert Square’s caring but irascible doctor who was good friends with Dot Cotton.

In 2004, Leonard made his debut as a theatre director. His character has returned to EastEnders three times over the years and is now back on set filming scenes again at the age of 92.

Gushing over his surprising return, the star said: ‘I am very happy to be back at EastEnders and am looking forward to working with June and the rest of the cast and crew again.’

East End grammar school boy Leonard Fenton played Dr Harold Legg, who treated the main characters. This week it was announced that he’s returning to the set to film new scenes at the age of 92

Andrew Johnson played convenience store owner Saeed Jeffrey

16. Andrew Johnson

Played by: Saeed Jeffery

Saeed owned a convenience store called First Til Last and was unhappily married to Naima (Shreela Ghosh), who refused to sleep with him.

He started using prostitutes and making obscene phone calls to women. When he was found out, Saeed left the Square in shame in December 1985.

Like his character, Andrew, 59, is from a mixed-race background, and reportedly was unhappy at the negative storylines foisted on Saeed. He moved to Hollywood and still works as an actor, in minor parts.

17. John Altman

Played: Nasty Nick Cotton

Heroin addict, racist, conman, killer and thief, Nasty Nick set the tone in the very first episode of EastEnders when he murdered the Square’s oldest resident for drug money. He killed again and very nearly poisoned his ‘dear old ma’, Dot.

Written in at the last minute, Nick was never intended to be a lasting character, but after his his sixth stint on the show he was killed off in the the 30th anniversary episode in 2015.

In real life, Altman, 62, struggled with a drink problem in the Nineties. He published his autobiography in the Nick of Time in 2016, and has taken part in charity fundraising for the Alzheimer’s Society as well as being an avid supporter of wildlife charities.

Bad boy Nick Cotton, played by John Altman, set the tone in the very first episode of EastEnders when he murdered the Square’s oldest resident for drug money. The star pictured at the The TRIC Awards in 2017 (right) released his autobiography in 2016

18. June Brown

Played: Dot Cotton

Bafta-nominated for her work as kind-hearted busybody Dot, 87-year-old June Brown’s career started at the Old Vic theatre school.

She became the oldest dancer to take part in Strictly, in 2010, and appeared in West End hit Calendar Girls.

The mother of six is the only EastEnders actress to have an entire episode to herself: in 2008 she performed a half-hour monologue, talking about her life as she recorded a tape for her husband, Jim Branning, who had suffered a stroke. That same year she was awarded an MBE.

Dot Branning (nee Colwell, previously Cotton) is still a Walford stalwart. She’s lived alone in Surrey since her second husband Robert died in 2003.

Bafta-nominated for her work as kind-hearted busybody Dot, 87-year-old June Brown is one of the original cast members and has been at the heart of the show since 1985. Pictured at the The TRIC Awards in 2017 (right) with her former on screen son John Altman

19. Paul J. Medford

Played: Kelvin Carpenter

Kelvin was the entrepreneur of Albert Square, who fell for an older woman and was humiliated when she publicly dumped him.

With Sharon and a group of friends, he set up a band, the Banned, but after some embarrassing gigs, Kelvin was forced to admit they were rubbish

But in real life their song Something Outa Nothing, credited to Letitia Dean and Paul Medford, reached No 12 in the UK charts. Kelvin left Walford in 1987 to do a degree in computer studies.

The actor, now 51, is a West End veteran and has starred in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Five Guys Named Moe, for which he received an Olivier Award nomination. He also co-owns a talent and modelling agency.

Then and now: Paul Medford played Kelvin Carpenter in the soap, and launched a pop career with co-star Letitia Dean. He became a West End veteran and has starred in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

20. Oscar James

Played: Tony Carpenter

Tony was Kelvin’s father, an easy-going builder with a nagging wife. While he was working at the Vic as an odd-job man, Tony became Angie’s lover: he thought it was a serious relationship, but she was only using him to get back at Den.

After two years, including a stint as a minicab driver, Tony left to live in Trinidad.

Oscar, now 75, went on to perform in a wide range of TV shows, The Bill, Holby City and Casualty and had a small part in the the 2005 Tim Burton adaptation of Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.

Then and now: Oscar James, who played Tony Carpenter, was an odd-job man who became Angie’s lover but left the soap after two years. The 75-year-old appeared on a wide range of TV shows, including The Bill and Casualty

Sue Osman played Sandy Ratcliff at the beginning of the show in 1985, but went on to battle heroin addiction

21. Sandy Ratcliff

Played: Sue Osman

Sandy Ratcliff played the much loved Sue Osman in the popular BBC1 soap from the first episode it aired in 1985 until 1989.

In her role she took on a number of tough storylines including when she lost her baby to cot death syndrome in 1985.

After leaving the show in 1989, actress Sandy, 64, slipped into heroin addiction; she later retrained as a counsellor.

One of her last public appearances was at the Old Bailey trial of her then boyfriend, Michael Shorey, who was found guilty of murdering two women in 1991.

She was found dead in a care home in north London on Sunday morning.

22. Nejdet Salih

(Ali Osman)

Born a Cypriot Turk, Ali was married to Sue and ran the Bridge Street Cafe with her.

He was a gambling addict and held nightly poker schools in the cafe after closing. He left Walford in 1989, after losing all his money at cards.

The 56-year-old actor changed his name to Nej Adamson, and appeared in the final Carry On film in 1992, as well as playing a brigand in two Pirates Of The Caribbean movies.

Then and now: Ali Osman, played by Nejdet Salih, was Albert Square’s gambling addict who left after losing all his money in a card game. Mr Salih went on to build a successful film career

23. Gillian Taylforth

Played: Kathy Beale

One of the show’s original and best-loved characters, Kathy appeared in the soap as a barmaid and best friend of Angie in the Queen Vic.

During the early years of EastEnders, Gillian dated her co-star Nick Berry, who played her stepson. Her character, Kathy, was raped early in the show’s history, sparking a major TV controversy.

Taylforth left the show in 1998, but returned three times. She acted in the soap Hollyoaks but returned to Albert Square for good in August 2015.

Off screen, she experienced turbulence in her personal life and was handed a two-year driving ban in 2015 after being caught behind the wheel while almost three times the drink driving limit.

It was the second time that Gillian, now 62, was caught drink driving. She was found over the limit back in 1995, while daughter Jessica, then aged three, was in the car.

A year before that, the actress lost a high-profile libel case against The Sun, after the newspaper ran a story claiming she had performed oral sex on her then boyfriend Geoff Knights on an A1 slip road while in their Range Rover.

She claimed she was massaging his stomach to soothe his abdominal pain, but a police officer said she had been engaging in a sex act.

Gillian Taylforth in the role of Kathy with Peter Dean who played her on-screen husband when the show began in 1985. The actress, pictured at the British Soap Awards last month, returned to the soap in 2015, after a stint on Hollyoaks.

24. Adam Woodyatt

Played: Ian Beale

The only member of the cast who has appeared on the show without a break for 30 years. Ian has been married five times, and is currently engaged to Jane, one of his ex-wives.

One of his biggest storylines saw him shot by a hitman hired by another wife, Cindy. In 2012, Ian had a breakdown and ended up living at a homeless hostel.

Adam, 46, won the Lifetime Achievement trophy at the British Soap Awards in 2013, after nearly 3,000 appearances on the show.

An accomplished photographer, he previously won the Architectural Photographer of the Year Award and has appeared in panto alongside his EastEnders role.

Then and now: A very youthful looking Adam Woodyatt as Ian Beale in 1989 with Cindy (Michelle Collins) left and at the British Comedy Awards 2014 (right)

25. Nick Berry

Played: Simon Wicks

Nick wasn’t in the first few episodes, but was drafted in after another actor left unexpectedly, having refused to play a scene where his character used racist language.

Nick’s character, Wicksy, proved almost too popular — he was an instant pin-up and in 1986 Nick enjoyed a No 1 with his song Every Loser Wins.

After five years on EastEnders, Nick, 55, went on to star in nostalgic police series Heartbeat, and now runs a production firm called Valentine.

Then and now: Nick Berry joined the show early on as SImon Wicks and it launched him to superstardom. He had a successful pop career, was the main character on Heartbeat and now runs a production company

26. Peter Dean

Played: Pete Beale

The affable fruit and veg trader was Pauline’s twin, and a childhood mate of Dirty Den.

In real life, Peter Dean’s family ran a stall in Petticoat Lane, and he attracted customers by bellowing out quotes from Shakespeare. Actress Prunella Scales heard him, and urged him to go to drama college. Pete Beale was killed off in a car crash in 1993.

After converting to Buddhism, Peter swore off alcohol. Aged 79, he enjoys racing greyhounds and is still an actor.

He suffered a falling out with his close pal Leslie Grantham on set and the pair were estranged for 25 years.

He recently revealed his heartbreak over Leslie’s death, saying he’d tried to reach out to him to end the feud shortly before his death but the letter was sent to the wrong address and his friend passed away before he could make amends.

Then and now: Fruit and veg trader Pete Beale, played by Peter Dean, was killed off in 1993. Right: pictured appearing in the quiz show Soapstar Superbrain in 2012

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