#i cannot stop writing them it is insane

[coloursflyaway]

Possession

Pairing: Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland

Rating: E

Word Count: 6.700

Read on AO3

“It’s an experiment of some sort”, Charles explains, putting one of his hands on Edwin’s thigh and aching for it. “You know when I kiss you and you don’t feel feel it, but you still feel it? Somewhere in your head, or soul, whatever. I wanna do that. I wanna touch you and see if I can make you feel that” or: How to overcome the limitations of your non corporeal form by just really, really wanting to.

„I wanna try something“, Charles says as he perches onto the sofa next to Edwin, excitement thrumming through his body in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time. The thing is, he might be onto something here, something huge.

Edwin doesn’t sigh when he puts down his book, but it seems to be a close thing; for once, it doesn’t matter, because Charles needs his attention and he needs it now. It’s not a new idea, more one he has been carrying with him for a few weeks now, but just a few minutes ago, when he looked over at Edwin, with his long legs and the graceful curve of his neck, his pink lips parted just so as he concentrated on his research, he suddenly felt a wave of desire wash over him. Desire to touch, desire to feel. And suddenly it had to be now.

“And what would that be, darling?”, Edwin asks, and although it’s nothing new at all, the term of endearment still makes Charles smile. It most likely will in a year from now, in a decade. In a century. “It’s an experiment of some sort”, Charles explains, putting one of his hands on Edwin’s thigh and aching for it. “You know when I kiss you and you don’t feel feel it, but you still feel it? Somewhere in your head, or soul, whatever.”

Edwin nods, a smile ghosting across his lips as he puts his hand over Charles’, holding onto it.

“I wanna do that. I wanna touch you and see if I can make you feel that”, Charles explains and squeezes Edwin’s hand, something he knows Edwin can sense somehow, because he does, too. “I wanna touch you everywhere, all the time, so bad. Please let me?”

There is no bed they can go to, but the sofa can be extended into one, because Crystal sometimes stays over if the investigations take too long. So, Charles reassembles the cushions, finds a blanket to spread across it, because even if Edwin mentions how their physical comfort won’t be impacted by these things, Charles will do this right. Edwin deserves one of those canopied beds fit for a prince, rose petals and champagne they cannot drink, but if they have to make due with what is available at the agency, then he will at least make the most of that.

“Lay down?”, he asks as soon as he is satisfied, and while Edwin looks like he isn’t quite sure what to do with his limbs, he settles down on the makeshift bed, looking up at Charles. On a whim, Charles kisses him softly, and he can feel it somehow, even if it is hard to explain, feels even more when Edwin sighs against his lips, reaches up to trail his fingers along the line of Charles’ jaw.

“So, what I am thinking”, Charles starts to explain, while he joins Edwin on the sofa, hovering above him, “is that I’m gonna touch you and I’m gonna tell you what I am doing, because your brain should remember how touch feels, even if it cannot experience it right now. And I… I think I’m also going to tell you what I think it would feel like, for me, just in case it helps.”

It will be awkward, especially at first, Charles is very aware of it, but it will be so worth it if it ends up working. And if not, at least they will have given it a good shot. Again, he leans down and kisses Edwin, who has been uncharacteristically quiet the entire time, before asking, “Is that alright?”

He expects a hint of hesitation, because Edwin is a lot of things but definitely not adventurous, but there is none; Edwin nods immediately, then laughs at his own eagerness. “I’m sorry”, he says, “It’s just that I haven’t much experience with any of this.” “I know. Neither have I.”

And saying it like that feels kind of incredible, actually, the thought of being Edwin’ first. Of Edwin being his. Of Edwin being his only, Charles corrects himself, because this, they, are forever.

“Okay, so”, he begins again, because otherwise he’ll get lost in the green of Edwin’s eyes and the curve of his smile and the beauty of just being near him, and they’ll end up snogging for half the afternoon. Which, to be fair, is not a bad way to spend a day, but not today. “I’ll be getting your kit off for a start. And then we’ll go from there, alright?” “Yes. I trust you.”

And he does, Charles knows that better than he knows himself.

It’s difficult to pull away from Edwin, but he does it anyway, sitting back on his legs so he can get at the buttons of Edwin’ shirt. He has undone them once before, right at the beginning when they met, because Edwin had been stabbed by an iron knife and while Edwin had insisted that he was fine, Charles had needed to see the wound, to tend to it. Back then, the moment when he had pulled back the singed white linen, he had decided that he would protect Edwin from whatever came their way, even if the skin he had uncovered had been pale and flawless.

No lasting wounds, Edwin had explained patiently, as if that cancelled out the pain of it, and had been utterly confused when Charles pulled him into a hug and promised him that he would never let it happen again anyway. He had kept his word.

Now, when Charles pushes Edwin’s shirts off his shoulders, his skin is just as flawless as it was that day, and suddenly, there is no more space left for reminiscing, because Charles wants to touch him so much it feels not like desire, but a physical need.

“I’m going to touch you now”, he tells Edwin, looking up at his pretty, pretty face for a moment, and finding Edwin staring back at him already, eyes wide and alert. “I’m going to kiss your neck, because I’ve been wanting to do that for ages, and if you feel anything, let me know.”

And that’s it, that’s all the time Charles can spare before leaning down and pressing his mouth against the sharp line of Edwin’s jaw, parting his lips to lick across the skin there. Edwin makes a sound above him, startled, but in a good way, then there is a long-fingered hand sliding through his hair, holding onto him, and Charles can feel it, at least the ghost of it.

Slowly, Charles makes his way down Edwin’s throat, pressing kisses to every inch of skin he can find, laving his tongue across it, and God, how he wishes he could taste Edwin there, the salt of his skin, feel the warmth of it. His hand slides over Edwin’s chest, trailing across his ribs, and even like this, it’s so good to just touch him, be this close.

“Charles”, Edwin breathes out above him, and it’s the hardest thing he has ever done, but Charles tears himself away from where he is currently smearing kisses against Edwin’s collarbone so he can look at him instead. “What?”, he asks, smiling when Edwin looks up at him, lips bitten red and pupils blown so wide they seem to swallow all the green of his eyes. It’s a good look on him, one that sets something within Charles’ soul on fire.

“Nothing”, Edwin replies, and he sounds wrecked, beautifully so. It makes Charles shiver. “Just. Don’t stop, please?”

He’s so beautiful like this, neck bared and chest heaving with breaths he isn’t taking, and Charles loves him so much it feels like an avalanche, a force of nature.

“You can feel it? When I kiss you like this?”, he asks, and Edwin nods, eyebrows drawing together. “Kind of. It’s like when we usually kiss, just more. And then there’s a tingling wherever you touch me, like nothing I have ever felt before.”

“I knew it would work”, Charles replies and grins, then strokes his hand down Edwin’s side just to watch his reaction. And react he does, shivering as his eyes follow the trail of Charles’s fingers, his lips still parted around a sound he doesn’t make.

“It feels good for me too”, he adds, because Edwin still seems dazed, just in case there was ever any doubt. “Like I’m hot all over, like all I ever want to do for the rest of time is to touch you. I can’t feel it, but I imagined that your skin would be warm and soft. And that I could taste it. I want to taste you so bad.”

Maybe it’s more of a confession than anything else, but it doesn’t seem like Edwin minds, because his eyes snap back up to Charles’ face, and finally, that sound spills from his lips. A broken, fragile thing, something between a moan and a gasp, and it’s like a bolt of pure, unfiltered lust strikes Charles, leaving him light-headed. He leans down and kisses Edwin without thinking, licking the last remnants of the sound from his mouth, then into it, until it feels like he is drowning.

“You like that? Me talking about how much I want to touch you?”, he asks when he eventually pulls back, their lips still brushing, and Edwin nods almost frantically. It’s so sweet, it’s so him, that Charles can’t help but smile and press a shorter, softer kiss to his lips. “Me too”, he confesses, “I want you to always know how much I love you. It took me a while, I know, but God, Edwin, my heaven would be just this. Laying here with you, kissing you, making you moan like that. Having you close.”

Again, Edwin makes a sound and it sounds even more wrecked than the last one, and Charles decides in that moment, that it won’t be enough until he has made Edwin fall apart completely. So, he drags his lips down Edwin’s throat again, kissing and re-kissing the skin there.

“If I could, I would leave a hundred marks on you”, Charles mutters between kisses. “Make sure that everyone knows you’re mine with only one glance. No more pretty crow boys pining after you, or weird immortal cat people not wanting to let you go.” He latches onto the skin just below Edwin’s collarbone and gives it a hard suck, imagining the skin reddening, a bruise blooming that would show the world that Edwin had made his choice.

“Charles!” The words startle a laugh from Edwin, the action turn it into a shaky moan, and once again, Charles has to look up at him, a smile playing on his lips. “No need to be possessive. You know I’m yours.” “I do. I just want everyone else to know it, too.”

Even though his eyes are still dark, Edwin is smiling, bright and happy under the veil of lust. “I love you the most”, he says, and it makes something familiar and warm and beautiful bloom in Charles’ chest. “You too”, he answers. “Always. But now, let me get back to making you moan my name.”

And he does, turning Edwin’ laughter to something much more breathless when he seals his lips around one of Edwin’s nipples and sucks, circling it with his tongue as if to soothe the sting a moment later. He can feel Edwin quaking under him, and there, right on the tip of his tongue, is a hint of remembered salt, the imagined sensation of soft flesh.

“Tell me what you feel”, Charles whispers against Edwin’s chest, his hands sliding down his sides, tickling along his ribs. “Tell me what you imagine it would be like.”

“It’s- it’s like I can feel it in my head”, Edwin gasps out, arching up when Charles presses a flurry of kisses to his sternum, before continuing on to Edwin’s other nipple. “The more you say, the more I see you touch me, the stronger it gets. And it’s more than just that, I can- I can sense your tongue on me. Your lips. Your hands. I can tell them apart.”

Almost as a reward, Charles leaves a kiss over Edwin’s unbeating heart, laving his tongue across the skin there, and he gets a sigh in response, a beautifully shaky breath.

“It’s like I can almost feel you”, Edwin says, and it’s all Charles wanted to hear. “The heat of your mouth and the slickness of your tongue. Even if there is no reason for it, I want you leave your marks on me. I want to see them tomorrow. I want to leave my own on you.”

This time, it is Charles who shivers, because oh, he craves that more than he could have imagined.

Instead of replying, he slides down Edwin’s body, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses on Edwin’s stomach until he can drag his teeth across his hipbones, making Edwin moan low in his throat. Charles can sense the firmness there, hidden behind a layer of flesh and even this smallest sensation is painfully good, fills him with a heat that is almost unbearable and that he still craves more of.

His tongue flicks out and there it is again, a hint of salt.

“Can I…”, he starts, and nuzzles his cheek against the dip between Edwin’s hip and thigh, before looking up at him. The breath leaves Edwin with a hiss, his eyes slipping shut for a second or two. “Good God, Charles”, he replies, his voice deep and raspy. “Yes, yes, you can do whatever you want to me, just don’t stop.”

There is nothing in the world that could stop Charles, not when Edwin is looking at him like this, so he doesn’t waste a second before reaching out and… … and Edwin is hard against his hands.

Back when Charles was devising this plan, he expected the pleasure to be the same kind he feels when kissing Edwin, a mental kind of sensation, beautiful but still non-corporeal, just like the two of them are.

But now, Edwin is hard, straining against the seams of his pants, and Charles might be having an aneurysm caused by the absolute tidal wave of lust crashing over him, burying him, drowning him. Because Edwin is hard for him, and Charles never needed to touch him more.

“Fuck, Edwin, I swear-”, he stutters out, fingers slipping across the buttons, fumbling to get them open. Finally, he succeeds, and all but rips them down Edwin’s hips, uncaring that the fabric strains and he will get scolded for it later. Now, however, it doesn’t matter, because Edwin is hard, his cock flushed and pink and shining with precome, and Charles needs to touch him.

He brings a hand up to his lips and licks it – Edwin makes a sound at that, and the thought that he is watching him might be what finally does Charles’ mind in completely – before wrapping it around Edwin’s cock, giving it a long, slow stroke to savour the feeling, the silkiness of Edwin’s skin, the heat of his blood-warmed flesh. It’s so little still, yet it makes Edwin moan loud and broken and desperate, and when Charles looks up at him, his head is thrown back, his beautiful, long throat bared for Charles to kiss. Which he does, wet and messy, licking down the length from Edwin’s jaw to his collarbone, sucking where the tendons are standing out. He can feel the vibrations of Edwin’s moans against his lips with every stroke of his hand, and maybe this is the first time he is doing it, but Charles will be damned if he won’t find out every little thing that makes Edwin moan, every touch that makes him shiver.

“God, I love you”, he whispers against Edwin’s throat, drags his teeth across the sensitive skin there and twists his hand around Edwin’s cock on a downstroke to find out if it changes his pitch, deepens his pleasure. “I love you the most of everything in this whole world, thank you so much for letting me touch you, for-”

“Charles”, Edwin interrupts him, one hand sliding into his hair to make him look at Edwin, whose eyes are dark with lust, with wonder. “Charles, I can feel you.”

It makes Charles stop dead in his tracks, his hand coming to a rest mid-stroke and drawing a desperate little sound from Edwin, who is still looking down at him like he has performed a miracle. And maybe he has, because… because Charles can feel him, too.

“Edwin”, he breathes out, overwhelmed. He can feel the heat of Edwin’s skin against his, not as a memory or a spark, a thrum in his mind, but like skin. A moment passes in which he is frozen in place, then Charles surges forwards to kiss Edwin with everything he has, every bit of love and gratitude and eternal devotion.

This kiss is not their first, and it doesn’t feel like it either, but it is the first of its kind, and Charles drinks down every sound Edwin makes, brings his hand up to cradle Edwin’s face, stroke his fingertips along his jaw, down his throat. It makes Edwin shiver, and Charles laughs against his lips, still mindless, speechless.

“I can feel you”, Edwin mutters, and there are tears in his eyes, tinting his voice, and he’s so beautiful Charles feels like he is looking straight into the sun, it’s so blinding. “Me too”, Charles answers and Edwin’s smile grows wider still.

For a moment, it’s just that, and it’s enough, more than that, even, but then Charles remembers Edwin’s lust-darkened eyes, his body arching towards him, the feeling of Edwin’s cock blood-hot against his palm, and Charles needs to see him fall apart beneath him. “I’ll make sure you really feel me”, he tells Edwin with a wink, ignoring the tears in both their eyes, and gives him one more kiss before he slides his hand down Edwin’s body one more time.

His skin is soft, slightly slick, and so, so warm, and Charles gives him one, two strokes, just to watch Edwin move with the motion, chasing Charles’ touch, before he leans back in and kisses a line from Edwin’s lips to the hollow of his throat, dragging his teeth across the expanse of Edwin’s collarbones. It draws a soft moan from Edwin’s lips, so Charles does it again, while his hand speeds up around Edwin’s cock, alternating the pressure between strokes to find out what will make Edwin lose his mind the fastest.

L ike this, he might be the most beautiful Charles has ever seen him, reacting to every touch, every little kiss, and for a moment, Charles wonders what would have happened if Edwin had been permitted to grow up. If he would have found someone to love him like Charles loves him, if he would have permitted someone else to take him apart like this. However, in the end it doesn’t matter, because Charles is here now and he will do his best that Edwin never even has to think about anyone else.

He sucks an invisible mark onto the base of Edwin’s neck, another one over where his pulse point would be, and Edwin’s hips snap up, trying to get more friction and Charles is desperate for this, for everything else Edwin will give him. With the next upwards stroke, he twists his hand a little and Edwin moans so sweetly, one of his hands coming to rest on Charles’ lower back and pulling him closer. Charles moves willingly, like he does every time Edwin directs him, pressing against his side until there is pressure against his crotch, and. Oh.

Giving Edwin pleasure had been more than enough, but now Edwin’s hip is pressing against him and suddenly, Charles notices that he is achingly hard inside his pants. His hand stutters around Edwin’s cock as his hips give a few uncoordinated, messy thrusts, Charles moaning against the crook of Edwin’s neck. “Charles, are you-”, Edwin asks, sounding downright debauched in how he moans Charles’ name, and it’s enough to snap Charles back to thinking, to acting.

“Of course, I’m hard”, he answers against Edwin’s skin between kisses, his hand returning to stroking Edwin slowly, deliberately, “I’m touching you, I’m listening to you, how could I-” His words leave him when Edwin pulls him closer still, on purpose this time. Instead, he moans, smears his kisses onto Edwin’s skin, bites them into his flesh.

It feels like heaven, but it’s still not enough, because Edwin is still coherent enough to talk while Charles feels like he is slowly losing his grip on reality. So, he pulls his hand away from Edwin’s cock for a moment, licks it messily to slick up the glide when he returns it to where it belongs, only that…

… only that he can taste Edwin on his skin.

He shouldn’t be able to pinpoint it so easily, but he can, maybe because he hasn’t tasted anything in three decades, because when he darts out his tongue again, he cannot taste the salt of his own sweat, only something different, musky. Only Edwin.

The realisation rips through him, leaves him light-headed and almost blind with lust. Beneath him, Edwin whines, most likely because of the lack of contact, but Charles can hardly hear him over the desire coursing through his veins.

“Edwin, I can taste you”, he slurs, half as an explanation, and it feels like crying, feels like praying. This time, he doesn’t wait for an answer, however, because Charles can taste him, and it’s not enough. Won’t be enough until his tongue is coated in Edwin’s taste, warmed by his body heat.

Without another word, h e slides down Edwin’s body, wraps one hand around his cock again and swallows down as much of him as he can. He’s warm against Charles’ tongue, the skin soft and smooth, and he tastes like the only thing Charles will ever taste again and it’s more than he could have ever asked for.

Edwin’s hips buck up, but Charles’ gag reflex died with him, so he doesn’t care, just starts bobbing his head in time with Edwin’s thrusts, caught between the slick sounds of his own lips sliding against skin and Edwin’s gasps, his moans of Charles’ name. The hand that slides into his curls, not pushing, just holding onto something, the lust that comes in waves with every new sensation, and, of course, Edwin’s taste across his tongue, seeping into his very being.

“Charles”, Edwin forces out, almost coherent, and Charles understands the warning as what it is, then ignores it thoroughly. There is no way Edwin is coming anywhere but down his throat. So he picks up his rhythm, brings down his second hand to cup Edwin’s balls, and sucks as hard as he can.

Edwin comes with a shout of Charles’ name, bucking off the makeshift bed almost violently. His hand tightens in Charles’ hair until he can feel the pinpricks of it, his muscles shaking, and Charles can taste him more clearly than anything he has ever tasted before. It’s heaven, kneeling right there between Edwin’s thighs and sucking him through his orgasm, licking him clean afterwards, smoothing his hands across the soft plane of Edwin’s stomach. Feeling him, tasting him.

When the last aftershocks have subsided, Charles settles down next to Edwin, curling up close, and watches as Edwin’s eyes slowly open once mor e. T hey are hazy, but full of adoration, a lazy smile spreading across his kiss-red lips. “ That was incredible”, he whispers, because Charles is close enough that he can hear it anyway. And he presses a kiss to his lips that Charles can still feel, rests their foreheads together, and it’s everything, because Edwin is everything.

Only that then, he pulls away, and Charles almost whines because he shouldn’t be forced to spend a second not touching Edwin when he can feel it, and when he doesn’t yet know if this is something that will wear off with time again. But Edwin doesn’t go far, only enough to look at Charles with eyes that are slowly regaining their green, his thick brows furrowed just so.

“You… didn’t, though”, he says, and he’s right, but for a moment, Charles wants to tell him not to worry about it anyway. Because being here, being close is enough, would always have been enough for Charles, had they realised that this didn’t work. He saw Edwin fall apart beneath his hands and his mouth, heard him gasp out his name, tasted him and felt him, and really, that is more than he ever could have hoped for.

However, Edwin has other plans, quite obviously, because he shifts so he can press the side of his thigh against Charles’ aching erection and suddenly, Charles isn’t sure if that is an option any longer. It’s like Edwin’s touch reignites every spark of lust in his body, and maybe that even makes sense, since it’s the only thing Charles has felt in decades.

He lets out a low moan, hips grinding forward, and Edwin is kissing him, smiling against his lips, moving one of his hands to lightly rest on Charles’ stomach. Asking for permission, quite clearly, which he quite obviously can have, because there is nothing Charles wants more than Edwin’s hands on him.

Only that there is.

“Edwin”, he gasps out, trying his best not to lose his mind as Edwin’s hand slips underneath the waistband of his trousers, teasing. “Have you ever heard of a refractory period?” A moment of pause, then Edwin says, “No, but what has that to do with anything?”

Everything.

He leaves Edwin on the makeshift bed for a few moments and hunts down the hand lotion Crystal keeps around for when the dust in the office gets too much for her delicate skin, makes a mental promise to never let her find out about this, and to make up for it somehow. Because right now, he doesn’t what else to do, but use it.

Edwin is still naked and glorious when he returns, looking like the kind of lover that would have inspired poetry in the past, the kind Edwin sometimes reads him at night when they are curled up on the sofa. His hair is mussed, his lips are cherry red and he is watching Charles with curious, half-lidded eyes in a way that makes Charles feel loved and wanted and a little bit like prey.

“So, the thing is this”, Charles says, dropping the lotion bottle on the sofa and starting to shuck off his shirt. “I really need to feel you inside of me.” The words draw a sound from Edwin, choked and disbelieving, and Charles allows himself a smile as he discards his shirt and vest, starts to work on his trousers. He doesn’t get far, though, because Edwin surges up and replaces Charles’ fingers with his own, sliding down the zipper while looking up at him from dark eyes.

And what a picture he makes, sitting there on the bed naked, right in front of Charles, ready to be kissed, ready to be touched.

“You want that?”, Edwin asks, and Charles credits Niko’s manga collection with the breathless understanding painted across his face, thanks her for it silently. He’s not sure if he could make it through an anatomy lesson right now, when he feels like he is going to explode if he doesn’t feel Edwin soon. “More than anything”, Charles answers, and it’s like Edwin’s breath catches in his throat, at least the sound of it. “You have absolutely no idea.”

His trousers drop to the floor and neither gives them a second thought, Edwin because he looks at Charles like he has never truly seen him before, Charles because Edwin is right there, beautiful and willing to give him this, and always, always loved. Without wasting a second, Charles pushes his briefs down and Edwin makes another sound, wounded and almost desperate this time, and while he hasn’t touched Charles much yet, his hands are suddenly all over him. Trembling fingers run along his sides, smooth across his thighs, then Edwin leans in and presses a kiss to Charles’ stomach, another and another until Charles has to push a hand into his hair to stop him.

“Edwin, babe”, he breathes out shakily, almost moaning when Edwin nuzzles the skin below his navel, “can’t do that right now, or otherwise we won’t get very far at all.” It takes a moment, but then Edwin looks up, so smug that Charles falls in love with him all over again. “Next time, though?”, he asks and Charles nods immediately, light-headed because this is not only a possibility now, but a promise. “Good. I want to know how you taste. How you feel against my lips. I have never touched another man before, but I want you to be the first.”

“Edwin!” Charles is half-laughing, half-groaning; he cannot listen to this now, or probably ever. So, he pushes Edwin back onto the mattress with a gentle, but firm hand, and Edwin goes willingly, sprawling onto the mattress like an oil painting, like the wet dreams Charles can hardly remember having. His skin gleams in the dim light of their office, his hair is a mess that Charles’ hands have caused, and…

Charles feels like he might faint the hundredth time this day, because right there across Edwin’s throat, painted in dusty pink, the marks Charles has been trying to suck onto his skin are glistening.

Faintly, he is aware that he is breathing out a moan, because one of Edwin’s eyebrows rises, but it doesn’t matter, the only thing that still matters is that Charles’ lips have left traces on Edwin’s perfect skin. “Fuck”, he mutters under his breath while he clambers back onto the sofa, limbs uncooperative with his sudden desperation, until he is straddling Edwin’s thighs and can kiss him again fiercely, first his lips, then the side of his jaw, the soft skin of his throat, already marked and yet still far too pristine. Without hesitation, Edwin bares his throat to him, and Charles takes the invitation, bites at the tendons there, before licking the sting away once more.

“Edwin, I can see them on you”, he groans against his skin once he can think again, hands grabbing every bit of Edwin they can find, “there’s marks on your skin, my marks.” The sound Edwin makes is almost wounded; he pulls Charles closer, one hand coming up to press his head against the crook of his neck, and Charles opens his mouth and bites him there, sucks at the flesh until he can feel its heat.

You’re mine , he thinks, although it’s nonsensical, because Edwin has never been anyone else’s, you’re mine, you’re mine, you’re mine .

At the same time, he’s reaching for the bottle of lotion, because as much as he needs to see his claim on Edwin’s skin, he needs to feel him so deep inside of him that he’ll never forget the sensation.

“Charles, let me”, Edwin breathes out when he realises what he is doing, but Charles just shakes his head, unwilling to let go of Edwin for even a second. “It’ll be quicker if I do it”, he explains, words spoken against the slick, warm skin of Edwin’s collarbone. “Can’t feel my own fingers, can I?”

Edwin chokes at that, but he doesn’t disagree, only grips Charles’ back and drags him forward, causing Charles’ cock to be caught between them, sliding against Edwin’s stomach, and it feels like dying . Pleasure shoots up Charles’ spine, filling him to brim, and before he knows it, he is gasping against Edwin’s neck, doing his best to still his hips, because he could come like this within minutes, if not seconds.

He takes a shaky breath, trying to calm himself, before prying the bottle of lotion open, still almost desperate as he blindly squeezes some of it on his fingers. It feels like nothing at all, just like everything but Edwin does, but Charles reaches behind himself and finds his entrance, wasting no time before shoving two fingers inside of himself. This, too, is only a matter of faint pressure and the awareness of his hand’s position, but maybe it’s for the best, because Edwin’s fingers are leaving tracks of fire on his bare back, tickling along his sides and sliding against the nape of his neck, tender and possessive at the same time.

Scissoring his fingers, he mouths at Edwin’s throat again, cock dragging against his stomach when Charles pushes his fingers deeper still. Sparks of pleasure tingle through his limbs, setting his blood on fire, and Charles is faintly aware that he is moaning, his hips rolling against Edwin desperately. The memory of his muscles is easily coaxed into giving in, and Charles adds a third finger as soon as the pressure around them fades, because even if they technically have forever, it feels like he might die if he doesn’t feel Edwin inside of him soon.

For now, though, he loses himself in the pleasure of Edwin’s fingers, in the drag of his cock between their bodies, and it’s only when Edwin mutters his name against the crown of his head that he resurfaces, nipping at Edwin’s throat once more before pulling back slightly, resting his chin on Edwin’s mess of a collarbone to look up at him. He’s beautiful from every angle, at every moment, and yet he looks impossibly so now, staring down at Charles with something like awe in his beautiful, beautiful eyes.

“I love you”, Edwin tells him, and Charles feels like dying, feels like he has come alive again. “I love you, too”, he answers, and it’s everything and more than he could ever has asked for and something he will never get enough of.

He surges up to kiss Edwin like his whole existence depends on it and Edwin kisses back with the same fervour, and Charles needs him more than he has ever needed anything before.

Although it is impossibly difficult to leave the warmth of Edwin’s skin, he pushes himself up, fingers slipping out, and maybe he is stretched enough, maybe it will hurt; Niko’s manga only shows so much about the process, and Charles hadn’t bothered to do more than perfunctory research otherwise. And anyway, he realises, while he sits back on Edwin’s thighs, trembling and looking down on the blotchy mess he has made of Edwin’s throat, maybe he wouldn’t mind a hint of pain, as long as if it was caused by Edwin.

When he looks down, his cock is leaking and so is Edwin’s, and it’s everything he never thought they could have, and maybe there is something poetic and poignant about that; maybe he will have to ask Edwin about it later. For now, it doesn’t matter, because Charles is burning up inside, every non-corporeal atom of his body aching for Edwin’s touch, his kisses, his hands on him.

“I’m gonna-”, Charles starts, squeezing more lotion on his hands and forgetting how to speak halfway through the sentence, because Edwin is watching him with so much desire in his eyes that it scrambles his brain. “I’m gonna touch you.” And he does.

Edwin’s cock is hot and silky in his hand, twitching as Charles spreads the lotion across his skin, and Charles has to stop himself from leaning down and tasting him again. They’ll have time for that later, he tells himself, and it is true and yet something Charles can hardly believe they will be granted.

Instead, he gives Edwin two, three slow strokes, watches the muscles under his skin work as Edwin chases his touch, fire burning him up. It’s like a physical need buried inside him, a void only Edwin can fill, and Charles knows he is trembling when he rises up on his knees, shaking when he positions himself awkwardly above Edwin’s lovely, leaking cock.

“I love you”, he tells him again, for no reason but that he wants to taste the words, and slowly lowers himself down onto Edwin’s cock. It’s strange at first, the pressure and the single point of warmth where they are touching, but then his body gives way and Edwin is inside of him, and the feeling is indescribable.

There is a hint of pain, like an after image from staring too long into the sun, but it’s nothing, hardly worth mentioning, because Edwin is hot and firm, spreading him open and moulding a space for himself inside of Charles’ body where he belongs, setting him aflame from the inside in the process.

He’s moaning Edwin’s name, hands pawing at his chest, and then Edwin reaches out and pulls him down, kisses Charles like he has never been kissed before. Edwin’s hands are on his shoulder and in his hair and it makes Edwin’s cock shift inside of him, and Charles is lost in this. His hips roll to get more friction, making Edwin gasp into his mouth, so he does it again, and again, and again, until they are moaning against each other’s lips, fingers trying to find purchase to ground themselves.

Every motion makes sparks fly up Charles’s spine, tingling down his arms to the tips of his fingers, and then Edwin rocks up in time with him, causing his cock to slide even deeper, and Charles moans like the sound was punched out of his lungs. He is clinging to Edwin now, grinding down onto him, and he could cease to exist like this happily, because Edwin is all around him, inside of him, on the tip of his tongue.

The friction is enough to make him gasp, almost makes him weep, but Edwin rolls his hips like he is trying to drive Charles out of his mind and some angle, some detail must change, because the head of his cock drags against a spot inside of Charles that makes him see stars.

He all but shouts out Edwin’s name, grinding down against him to get more of the pleasure, and Edwin gives it willingly. His teeth catch on Charles’ bottom lip as his hand slides down to rest on Charles’ thigh, gripping it like he needs to hold onto him to keep his sanity, and Charles understands it perfectly. “You feel so good”, he slurs into Edwin’s mouth between desperate rolls of his hips, and Edwin makes a little, wounded sound, holds him tighter. “I love you so much, I love you so much.”

Edwin seems to be beyond words, but that is okay, because he is still kissing Charles like he is drowning, fucking up into him just right, and Charles is lost in the motion and the pleasure and the love, until Edwin sneaks a hand between their bodies and grasps his cock.

And it’s too much.

It doesn’t even take a single stroke before Charles is coming, bucking up desperately into Edwin’s hand, grinding down onto his cock. The pleasure is unlike anything he has ever felt before, overwhelming him completely and leaving him breathless until he cannot tell where Edwin ends and he begins. His body is alight, and he is burning up and he couldn’t ask for anything better, so he sobs his love and devotion into Edwin’s open mouth and knows he will be heard.

It only takes a few moments longer until Edwin follows him, thrusting up into Charles’ willing body, holding him close, and if there is anything that feels better than falling apart around Edwin, it’s feeling him do the same underneath of Charles, because of him.

They ride out their orgasms together until Charles is weak and trembling above Edwin, all but collapsing on his chest. Slender arms come up to wrap around his middle, and Charles has felt loved before, feels loved every day now, but the motion still brings tears to his eyes as he snuggles into Edwin’s embrace.

For a long while, neither of them speaks, although there are a thousand things to be said, at least half of them I love you, but there are no words left in Charles’ mind.

Eventually, he presses a kiss, soft and sweet and tender, against one of the bruises he has left on Edwin’s collarbone, and Edwin’s arms tighten around him in response. And maybe that is all that needs to be said, after all.

#dead boy detectives #dead boy detective agency #edwin payne #charles rowland #payneland #painland #paynland #charles x edwin #i cannot stop writing them it is insane #this is almost 7k of just them loving each other so so so so much and finally being able to do something about it (handjobs etc)

[seiwas]

you send iwaizumi a progress pic of your butt sweat mark on one of the gym benches with your finger heart in the corner 🫰 (bc it looks like a heart!! and you think it’s cute!!) & he replies with: “have a finisher for you when you get back home 😏.”

#finisher = intense workout ender #which in this case means . he’s gonna make ur ass clap 😔 #iwa hours open rn cannot ever stop being horn knee for this man i am going so insane rn for real #iwaizumi x reader #this slippery fucker acts all normal n proper before u start dating but once ure together ??? he’s teasing u ALL THE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #i nEED HIM NEEEEOEOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW #i mean whAAAAAATTT i didnt write this #i just knOWWWW he ends texts with periods too #and rarely uses emojis but when he uses them u KNOW hes in a good mood #*an exceptionally good mood #i talked so much again #rated #hajime #shotorus.bubble

[to-be-a-dreamer]

Hey, so given the Events of the last episode is now a good time to talk about that one scene in Sophomore Year where Fabian gets possessed by the Nightmare Forest and tries to kill Gorgug? Like, in the episode it was played for bits because they were able to stop any of the attacks from hitting so he was totally fine and also they solved the problem in an objectively funny way but I have legitimately been kept up at night thinking about what would have happened if Fabian had actually hurt Gorgug.

Like I know he has an insane number of hit points and it's unlikely he would have been close to death or anything but Fabian is one of the strongest fighters, damage-wise, in the party and I'm assuming it would have been a similar amount of damage that he did on Adaine this past episode so like. More than Kristen can easily heal and beyond the mechanics of it all the emotional damage it would have caused at the very least me even if the characters got over it quickly like what do you mean this is the second time Fabian has been possessed and given the lone objective of murdering one of his best friends that's bonkers.

But also in SY it was established that Fabian was fully aware the entire time he was trying to attack Gorgug, he just didn't have control over his body whereas in JY he just blacks out while he's possessed and I can't decide which is worse. The discord has already gotten some brainrot about the SY scene before but I have so much more left to give they make me insane.

#i cannot tell you how many times i have been one mental breakdown and/or procrastination session away from writing a fic about this #'you begin to attack your best friend with killing blows against your will and you cannot do anything to stop it' #is an insane thing to say and then forget about ten minutes later like what do you mean this had no impact on them #gorgug thistlespring #fabian seacaster #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #dimension 20 #d20 #dimension 20 fhjy #fhjy

[essektheylyss]

I definitely could've watched this series at a reasonable pace but instead I watched five episodes of acoc today and have four episodes left to watch tomorrow and I will be finishing it all by 4pm, goddammit.

#I was going to make a joke about 'by the light of the sugar plum fairy' but #given I'm literally leaving off tonight on them rolling initiative against her I feel like that's the wrong oath for the occasion #honestly I can only do actual play in speedruns or live so this tracks. #and speaking of which AFTER RAVENING WAR PREMIERE I CATCH UP ON WBN AND MIDST #yes I'm in the middle of moving yes I have a 9-day writing streak that I haven't fucked up yet yes I am also an insane person #it's FINE i'm FINE #I am a shark. if I stop moving I will die. #(I won't but I will let the existential dread kick in and I cannot do that until this book draft is done)

[anonyhun]

GUUUUUUUUUHHHH

#I AM SO FUCKING MAD #BRO AIN'T NO WAY #I have so many THOUGHTS about the ZETA PROJECT but I FUCKING #I have school shit to DO and my brain cannot fucking FOCUS #I literally just learned about this shit like #a few days ago #And now I've got all these ideas and shit #Can the world stop for five seconds so I can at least get through this and like. Write them out. #zeta project #If only I wasn't so scared to write fandom type posts on tumblr #BUUUUUHHHH #It's driving me INSANE

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

Carrie watches Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep. 5-15

okay i’m just gonna start a running list of highlights of my breakneck-speed binge of Fantasy High: Sophomore Year for myself here (warning, this is gonna be just riddled with spoilers)

the “I disguise myself as him” disruption of that one dwarf’s attempted hate crime is a thing of beauty far surpassing the Hilda Hilda incident to me. just the whole thing. this is clearly something Brennan had plans for, and instead he just triggers Emily’s fight, flight or insanity response and gets bulldozed. you can fully see him break it’s the funniest thing in the world. and everyone is SO ready to immediately jump in with even wilder shit, like the moment Ally comes in with “yeah you’ve been dead this whole time!” they all start gaslighting this guy (and Brennan) in complete unison. Also Brennan’s desperate “is it me?!!” is directed at Murph which makes it even funnier, “it’s me right you can’t possibly live like this??”

the group has two reactions to Emily’s bs which are “what are you doing no one asked for this and this is the worst possible thing to ever happen” and “oh okay we are derailing this train!” but this may be the first time they’re all on the same page

unrelated but Bill Seacaster running a full-on demonic MLM from hell is the most incredibly in-character thing I’ve ever seen

The Friendship Section

maybe my favourite episode ever

the librarian. his whole deal. the book in a chain holster keeping the flesh on his bones?? his resignation with the issue of trying to run a library in a town of pirates where all the books are stolen but also keep being stolen

Ayda

everyone is doing serious and intense research and Gorgug is just wandering the halls looking for a book on how to cheer up a friend??

the Friendship Section being this whole secret room full of books behind a lacklustre little shelf?? with the little poem?? and it clearly being the secret pride and joy of the librarian?? NO WORDS

for real i love how much this whole campaign is just a story about friendship

the ultimate pirate tip on how to be nice to your friend is to give them an orange. so they don’t get scurvy. obviously.

The Row and the Rumption

the whole concept of this openly bar-brawl-based political system tbh

the Davy Jones rip-off villain

how terribly this fight goes for them, especially Ally and Lou, will never not be funny

Emily, whose modus operandi so far has been to interact with Riz least of all the Bad Kids, getting incredibly anxious at the thought of having to pick between saving her husband’s PC or her character’s NPC mum before it even happens

enough so that Murph preemptively goes “hey you absolutely shouldn’t help me over your mother it’s fine”

met with immediate outrage “I’m taking you up!!”, and her getting talked out of it but not without fully breaking kayfabe twice to really emphasise how much she hates this. which is entirely unnecessary because Murph is second only to Lou in terms of “I *see* the correct strategical answer but will make the absolute worst choice because it’s right for the character”.

Adaine!!! The bravest of girls!!

Fallinel

Brennan has really tapped into some weird mirrorverse Elrond

both FH and EXU: Calamity are really reminding me how much I love not just characters from a totally different genre in a fantasy setting but specifically pseudo-noir detective characters in a fantasy setting. Riz is handling this whole situation terribly and it’s hilarious

Gorgug has never got this worked up about anything, not even physical harm. He’s so mad because the elf talks weird.

giving a guy named Fathethriel a lisp is a truly cruel character choice

The Dangerous Mind of Aelwyn Abernant

“the boys are having a WEIRD day”

Aelwyn secretly trusting nobody but her sister to a) try and rescue her b) try and salvage her mind and c) be a good enough wizard to do it is incredibly sweet despite everything

Revelations & Revivifications

them just straight up forgetting Gilear for over an episode

CHOKE ON GRAPES BITCH

Crustaceans & Crushes

Ayda just in general. She is SO intense I love her.

Everything she says to Fig is so sweet. Honestly just God tier compliments. And their interactions, despite all the legal paperwork involved, just feel so perfectly teenage drama without being cliché or condescending in any way

Observing the table during that whole scene is the BEST. Lou and Ally are so here for it. Delightful.

Also, when Ayda is giving her little speech about how she doesn’t get why Fig enjoys being other people because she is so exceptional as herself, the looks on everyone’s faces are so soft and I invite you to pay attention to the eyelines: Emily, Siobhan, and Ally all looking at Brennan (whose character is speaking), Lou and Murph looking at Emily (whose character is being spoken to), and Zac just... watching Murph watch his wife.

The recurring bit about the increasingly absurd crustacean party cutting in and out of this heartfelt scene is excellent. Many bonus points for whatever Gorgug is doing (”I’m a little crab!”), Zac is being PEAK drunk himbo this entire time

Excellent character work with Murph’s drunken bit actually: Riz is having a full meltdown that starts with “I’m a small creature and shrimp are small creatures and we just kill them by accident this is fucked up” (Riz is working through all the racism he’s encountered), dips briefly into “No I’m not gonna kiss the shrimp, Kristen! it’s dead!” (Riz is getting very frustrated with how stuck everyone is on making out), and ends up at various versions of “Fig is dead” or “Fig has left us” (Riz is terrified everyone will lose interest in him and/or the friend group and leave) and finally “I’ve always been the shrimp and I really just wanted to be the crab king” (Riz can’t always tell if he’s being lovingly teased or bullied because he’s so anxiously protective of his friendships, also his self-esteem is Not Great). That is so clever and also how I’ve felt at SO many parties and also I’m genuinely wondering if this is where Brennan got his cues for the upcoming Baron scene now.

the cutest kissing scene. Big fan of Fig running (but not far) and Ayda calmly asking if that’s like, normal

When Fig comes back from her makeout sesh in the woods and is like “I’m... gonna go into the hot tub for a while” and everyone loses it at very tellingly different speeds and degrees except for Lou who stays in character by sheer force of will to start some more shrimp party lore

Brennan is so disappointed they’re all going for “What does the fox say” like that wasn’t BOUND to happen with this group

Gorgug being the only one who doesn’t speak any Elvish is still funny

also I love that he tinkers now. A true Thistlespring!

for once, Murph is the one to try and start shit by investigating Fig, and still gets immediately out-chaosed. Brennan watches in horror and despair. This whole dynamic is such a gift.

Kristen maintaining her cool under pressure but having a mild panic attack right after is very relateable, and honestly i’ve been in scary situations with friends and immediately dogpiling on the ground to calm down sounds like a very valid strategy

the Kalina mystery is SO COOL. Obsessed.

“The fucking research squad fronting one of the missions is so funny” it IS though. Everything from Riz being so hungover he’s fully failing at social interaction to Adaine being the world’s worst improptu liar but then somehow salvaging it and also trying to bail Riz out with “hey have you ever seen a frog this round”. them being so socially inept they pay over 20 gold just to get a room number out of a pretty chill barkeep

then they stumble onto a horrific crime scene and are both like “oh thank God. that’s better.”

Brennan forgetting to shut the jaunty background music off for the Se7en-style crime scene

Hellbound

“You explain to them sort of loosely how a cell tower works.” “Yes... of course...”

Adaine and Riz spending some non-horny non-emotional silent co-working quality time <3 I love them so much

Lou watching Siobhan and Murph work in awe is adorable. “Y’all are smart as hell, I’ve heard all the same information and synthesised NONE of the same conclusions.”

Also the contrast of this scene where they’re immediately picking up giant chunks of what Brennan is putting down and the scene with Gorgug where Brennan keeps being like “okay so we’d just need a satellite. A Satellite. So if we could somehow connect your phone to a satellite, if that was a thing that you had access to.... somehow.... if only you knew people who would maybe know about satellites....” is excellent comedy (though I have no idea who Brennan expected anyone to remember that minuscule detail, it rang the tiniest of bells with me at the third repeat and I’ve finished season one this week)

“Brennan, it seems like there’s some dice back there that you’ve been waiting to eat.” that is the most threatening tone Zac’s voice has ever taken

Brennan having to give that big info dump with a huge chunk of sharp-edged hard candy in his mouth

Brennan trying to get out of Siobhan rules-lawyering him “Because the Van cannot ambulate itself [it isn’t a sentient creature]” and getting hit with “that’s ableist”

“Oh, we’re cool with devils.” “Well, we’re not super cool with them.”

“A long time ago I stole a first aid kit, and Gilear got actually pretty mad at me for stealing the first aid kit. But, um, check this out, Gilear!” *brings Gilear back from the brink of death*

Ayda and Adaine! What a stellar combination, I love their dynamic

“If I don’t get to smell Fig’s hair again I will incinerate myself”

Daddies & Demons

“I might just not sleep.” “Noooo! You should definitely sleep! ...I mean if you want to stay up all night that’s also cool.” In which Emily worries about Murph’s PC not getting enough sleep? In the first circle of hell? And he looks so charmed by it

“I haven’t really been paying that much attention to the lore so I’m just gonna run this by you” oh that dynamic definitely checks out on every level

Riz getting bullied by his friend, the creature made from a drop of her blood, and a motorcycle for listening and knowing things, and immediately missing Adaine

i love how proud the players are of themselves whenever they do something that makes Brennan have to think about his own Shadow Cat mechanic

Fig “I am so closed off and hard to read” making a point of checking in with Riz about how weird it is they parade the picture of his dead father around the whole quest <3 she is so sweet. Also “no no it’s great, I like seeing my dad, he’s been gone a long time” ugh

I love that Riz falls for Kalina’s offer. It makes so much sense, he misses his father and clearly has *not* processed that shit, and yeah, he’s violently paranoid but he also needs to know things. And this isn’t endangering his friends, just him, so of course this boy and his nonexistant sense of self-preservation or self-worth are fully hooked THIS IS SO SAD

“frankly, bringing up the rune in this context would be homophobic”

when the girls all bring up the hot tub thing from earlier and none of the guys get it

“this dude is an informational sti”

“Hi Mister - Doctor - Professor - long time no - anyway.” I adore Siobhan

Brennan still being pissed that Aguefort dropped the two most important hints of season one in his speech in the first episode and nobody caught it

Fabian purports trickle down economics of course, and of course Brennan immediately jumps in fully out of character to argue with him

“Is this loud, do I hear this?” “Well, I’m gonna say no because right next to that there are thousands of screaming souls plunging into the abyss...”

why is the villain giving Riz a help action so scary

Riz impulsively hissing at people is my favourite new-ish thing

“We are in hell. But I trust that they will find me, if something goes wrong here.” ugh

“I will. I will.” ooooooh they’re out to get me this episode

“You’re special. You were born with me.” big yikes

“All for you, Riz.” “Please don’t say that!”

Riz, fully sobbing, holding out a demonic legal text: “See, solving clues helps! Solving mysteries helps!”

the fun thing about live games versus a fully pre-written thing is you can see the moving parts. Like Siobhan and Zac voice a few theories and you can see Brennan suddenly get very animated and busy while they’re talking. Uh oh.

Garthy and Adaine the Fish

Ayda and the group post kiss revelation are so heartwarming. “Life is significantly better around you all.”

“That is actually the first step in any first queer relationship. Just a blanket warning to all the world -” “Multiple worlds!” “Yes.”

the inexplicable and hilarious dynamic of two people who have been married for several years playing two very good friends where one is lying very badly to the other’s face and the other is deeply paranoid but also failed the roll to figure out the lie so he’s now convinced she’s telling the truth. It’s incredibly funny and they’re having a ball with it

Fig blowing the majority of her very tight character limit to be weird and cagey about her crush and then failing to communicate anything useful is peak teenage behaviour

“Is she king of like a weird shrimp party, is this some weird brag, or...?”

“We’re gonna call our principal here and... jump him?”

“She lies about being middle-aged women sometimes, maybe she’s lying about being okay!”

Gorgug giving the Agueforts impromptu and very deep family therapy??

“Don’t buy Gilear a panini press...”

“Hiss at her, litigator!” “Motion to hiss.”

“My legal advice is that this would be super rad.”

the Goldenrod

#feel free to ignore this none of my friends would be game if I start trying to explain this insane plot to them and I need to vent #unsure who i'm writing this for but here it is #fantasy high #carrie watches #there will probably be a part two because i cannot be stopped #yes this IS all an elaborate exercise in procrastination #dimension 20 #intrepid heroes

[juniperhillpatient]

did I just finish outlining Scream Au’s main plot points in writing only to learn that it’s gonna be roughly TEN chapters? maybe. good news for people who don’t like my more controversial plans. bad news for my brain which can’t comprehend a project that short even if the chapters I’ve rough drafted so far are 9-10k so it’ll definitely still be large novel length lmao

#it’s been outlined for a while in my brain but I decided to write it down physically #that’s so short #but also it makes SENSE #like. there’s only so many people to kill & or suspect #it physically cannot be super long that just would not work or make sense #but like. aghhhh!? #idk. idk. we’re not there yet #me: stop asking me about scream au it’s sooooooo hypothetical #me 2.5 seconds later: so. here’s where we’re at with scream au #it’s good tho it’s a good thing I’m thinking ahead #not to say no amount of freedom was bad but it was… not a good murder mystery #it’s extremely important to plant clues early on & have everything more carefully planned then I did then #I’m gonna do better this time #ANYWAY #this is a very plot heavy au if you’re coming to me for ship content uh #may I offer you azula & katara at their most insane? like genuinely off the wall bat shit way worse than Sam carpenter insane ? #also zucest shippers pspsps this is um. a super tragic fucked up take on them? #if you like ripping things apart & being depressed & insane maybe you’ll even enjoy what I do with them #anyway I should shut the fuck up but unfortunately I’m really bad at like. doing that lmao #scream au

[zorkaya-moved]

“  don’t you understand? i love you. and nothing you’ve done, no matter how much of a monster you think you are, is gonna change that.  ” from :) kaveh :)

@avaere

It feels like this is something that happened before, but there is dissatisfaction with his words. She does not deny her logical viewpoint of herself from the point of view of a normal citizen of Teyvat, but it’s not something she thought Kaveh would speak of. He is acutely aware of her hidden sides, but she is doing her best to open up because she promised to him to be more honest. He asked to be let in and she does so, bit by bit by trying to open up, expose sides others will never be privy to. He does not see the faux happiness and sunshine she represents before the scholars and citizens of Sumeru or the public of Teyvat. She is known as a sunflower, as a woman with a stubborn streak, bright mind and even brighter potential to help others without asking much in return. Sumeru knows her as the light, as the guiding star, as someone who keeps their happiness and their future bright. A reputation built over more than ten years, hearts won over by lives saved and help offered when it was needed so much as if she knew where issues would start. Beloved silver flower of Sumeru who may show her thorns if someone disturbs or insults her experiments, her job, and the passions she clearly showcases in public. 

But Kaveh is allowed to see what happens behind closed doors. He is allowed to step into the house that is her internal world, he is allowed to catch glimpses of reality that is not so bright and sunshine-like. He now sees the sharpness of her tongue, the subtle cold and analytical looks, he knows of her ability to read people and her ability to turn the conversation favorably for herself. The architect is allowed to hear more honest words about those they are surrounded by, the way she may rationally explain why the present rule of Sumeru is not exactly beneficial for the current generation and how she denies being a Sage solely because it will limit her opportunities as a scholar. Kaveh is allowed to see past comedy, he is allowed to learn and know the truth behind Zarina Sokolova. 

And yet, as much as he is allowed and let in, slowly studying everything that she is… The words spoken by Kaveh suddenly strike her as odd. The internal denial of her natural skills in reading people makes the metaphorical cup of concern spill, exposing the growing concerns that continue to be ignored to ensure that Kaveh himself will open up. As love meant trusting the other person with everything you are, the learning slope was supposed to be tough, but Sokolova slowly started to notice more and more about her beloved that started to concern her. The switch of topics, the denial of care, the mentions of injuries she hasn’t heard of from Kaveh himself, and more instances that caused her to start thinking on how to properly approach this topic with her beloved as to not push him into anything. 

However, the gentleness she usually would attempt to use to approach certain sensitive subjects would be gone for this very moment. Perhaps, the word ‘monster’ caught her attention or perhaps her speaking with several people prior to their meeting today caused her to finally allow herself just a tinge of analysis. Not like she never analyzed Kaveh before, on the contrary: she learned his behavior, she studied his expressions, she memorized his body language, and she knew exactly when he’d wish to be left alone or when he’d need her by his side. Reading him now wasn’t hard, but solely because of that she did not allow herself anything more… breaching. As she did not have the same emotional output as the architect did, she approached his mental and emotional state with more caution because of care. Not that he was fragile, but certain topics may be fragile to him while not being to her. It was a natural deduction, but sadly… Her straightforwardness won today. 

“I am well-aware but I’m having doubts you understand that it’s a two-way street, Kaveh,” she tilts her head to the side, not hiding away her confusion. There is no gentleness in her gaze nor is there the tenderness she usually gazes upon him when she tries to gently offer him a listening ear. Zarina doesn’t enjoy arguments with the architect, knowing full well that he sees the world differently from her and vice versa. It does take time to understand his point of view, but when she lacks information, it becomes harder to comprehend. Manipulation is easy because there is no care, but genuine attempts to understand his point of view clashes too hard with her survival of the fittest mindset. “It’s not all about one person, it’s about us learning more about each other, relying on each other, and supporting each other. However, it seems you…”

Suddenly, she snaps out of her deductive state, signing out and closing her eyes to massage her temple for a second. The silverette understands he must have his reasons, but she hopes to at least hear about his well-being in an honest manner. At least, that. Ranting, venting, screaming, crying. It doesn’t matter how negative, but he does and should and must not always show her the positive, he must let her see the negatives as well. Just as she tries, step by step. It’s not something she ever wishes to push him into or force him into, which is why Zarina finds herself letting out a soft groan while trying to word what she means in a better way instead of coldly analytical. 

Kaveh said it to be supportive, but that is very much the issue as she comes to a crashing understanding. He doesn’t seem to care enough about himself as he cares about her, and it makes her think she does the same without yet knowing just how indulgent and selfish she is. He gets glimpses, the richness of alcohol, the outfits, the people who speak with her, the accessories, the parties, the attention she obviously basks in now that he had the time to learn of her extravagant behavior for the sake of entertainment. He learns, but will she ever learn more about him? What will he let her see?

Another sigh, Sokolova opens her eyes to study her lover’s face. It makes her wonder if he worries he’ll burden her. Such kind-hearted souls like him always worry about that. But the difference is that others do not matter, but he does. She’s always been told that love is a two-way street where love persists despite, but there is a flicker of concern in those golden orbs while looking at the architect. So now, Zarina reaches out to take his hand in hers. A physical contact to prove she is here and she is not going away, but also to keep him here. (Don’t run away from me.)

“Do you understand that I, too, will love you no matter what, Kaveh?” Her voice adapts that gentle note as well, gaze returning to soften the molten gold and cool it off so it won’t be so brightly shining. “Do you think I expect you to be perfect? I do not, you can't be perfect. There is no perfect human in Teyvat. Anyone who seems perfect is simply good at hiding their negative traits, but we all possess them because we are humans.”

Kaveh seems to never listen to others when they show worry. Not only that, she rarely hears from him where he got his bruises or cuts until she points it out. Why not tell something so important she so obviously can assist with, monitor and check in? His girlfriend is a doctor, but she also does not wish to pressure him which now starts to make her relook at her approach. Perhaps, she was incorrect in ignoring her own deductions and studies. The architect is the only one who knows how he feels and what his pain points are. Maybe being too cautious might actually harm them in the long run, but she still approaches with clear concern and love for him. 

“I think you are good at hiding what truly hurts you or worries you,” she confesses, not looking away from his face to see what subtle expression changes will appear. “I think you have things you fear telling me because there is worry that my perception of you will change in a negative way.”

Another silence to linger, to study, to wait out a moment to let those words sit there and become another weight to her attempts at showing him it’s alright… to someday open up. Not even today, but someday. To try. At least, to try. Nothing more. He doesn’t need to do more. An attempt, a try, a wish to try.

“If you will love me even if I might see myself as a monster, why do you act like I will not love you if you do the same to yourself? Perhaps, not a monster, but still something negative,” she does not continue her train of thought, thinking it’s not needed and it’s better left unsaid. Her hands keep his in her tight hold, but also can be easily broken if he pulls away. “I’ve seen the worst in people, Kaveh. And there is nothing you feel, experience, or have gone through that will make me see you in a different light. I only wish to learn more about you, to understand you better, to hopefully offer a listening ear, to be there for you. Because I love you.”

Because I want to be your support where others will never be. “You don’t need to keep this honeymoon phase going, Kaveh. I’m not here to only love your good sides, I won’t leave you no matter what,” her thumb caresses the back of his hand. Does he understand she means every single word? “I want to love you for everything you are. As you are willing to do for me. Can I ask you… to try? To try and trust that I will never, ever see you differently or love you less when you let me in?” It’s simply impossible, it’s impossible to not love him for her. “Not today, not tomorrow. Maybe not this week or this month, but… someday. Because... No matter, I’ll wait for you. I'll wait until you're ready. Because nothing can make me love you less, nothing can make me see you differently.”

There is nothing more she wishes than to give him anything he wishes for. She just wishes for him to show some selfishness, something he wants only for himself. The only time she heard that he said he wanted something was on his birthday when he said he wanted her, out of all things he could ask for, he asked for her. Thus, he'll have her and she'll wait while loving him eternally.

#avaere #i teared up writing this #zarina just wants kaveh to know she'll always be there for him #because no matter what he says to her she isnt changing her view on him #solely because she knows what SHE has done cannot be worse (aside dottore) #so its just!!! she will always remind him he's not a burden and he never is a burden #she may wait for him to open up but from now on he'll be hearing more from her in terms of reassurance and reminders #you are not a burden. you are always welcome to ask for more. i'm here to listen. you will always have a place here. #all of the gentle words and reminders until someday maybe she can dream of him opening up bit by bit #maybe. or maybe he never will but even that won't stop her from waiting because she promised. #IM SO INSANE ABOUT THEM #❄ ― IN CHARACTER. ╱ you breathe by the sun，i breathe by the moon. #﹙kaveh | avaere﹚ ♥ | ― i'll enter the shadows to protect your light. ❞

[jorvikzelda]

the note in the jorvikpov masterdoc next to the prompt/summary for the next one saying July 19th vs. the date on my computer saying 2023-08-06: fight

#''I can get one of these out every week!'' YOU CANNOT. STOP LYING TO YOURSELF #I will say though part of it is I have been parallel working on some later stuff that I REALLY feel a need to post close to each other #z talks #not posting today btw. I'm aiming to not let it be more than three weeks since the last one at least but we'll see #I am *practically* finished but the hardest part always comes after the first draft #It is an insane process to write these little snippets and try to make them as good as they can be #When I'm finished I am going to write something LONGER good god. Stretch my legs after sitting on the jorvikpov plane for 2 years. #(...not saying it will have been that long - hopefully it won't have. but it Might) #actually.... let me count #oh yeah it will. it will have been 2 years almost #damn it. I didn't want to finish it during the winter. #quite frankly I was aiming to post the last one on the 27th of august but life happened #aaaanywy. sleep #am eepy

[wizardnuke]

the shadowgast pacific rim au that exists in my brain.

#LONG TAGS LORE DUMP FOR A FIC I'M NEVER GONNA WRITE PROBABLY #deirta is pentecost she lost her husband in a battle and piloted the jaeger to shore alone - verin is tendo he could fight but deirta #doesn't want either of her sons in a jaeger ever. verin is okay enough with this. essek is not. #caleb ran a triple arm jaeger with astrid and wulf and lost his mind a little bit when they died. he felt them die. the added stress of #piloting a jaeger to shore on his own put him in the hospital and then a psych ward for three months #before he began helping with wall construction as equipment maintenance. clearly this is still a magic au and tech = magic etc etc #I CANNOT stress enough that jaegers are powered by luxon beacons. #anyway essek is in mako's position and caleb is beckett. the restless assistant and the tired veteran #essek chooses caleb's candidates - the candidate process is a little more complicated because these fantasy jaegers #work off of both magic and manual physical effort - candidates have to be evenly matched in both physical and mental fields #blumendrei only worked because caleb and astrid combined matched wulf in physicality. astrid and wulf matched caleb in casting. #it was. unhealthily competitive between them at times and astrid was the worst about it. he still misses them every single day. #it's like. shit hurts to do when one arm or leg is weaker than the other. it's like that. it has to match #essek and caleb have little noodle arms and truly insane skills w casting. so they're compatable. essek is sure. caleb does the same #'why do you keep making that face' bit like beckett did bc he's tired of essek's attitude and deirta's flat dismissal of him #they metaphorically roll the same exact initiative and the fight ends in caleb casting firebolt/essek casting sapping sting #and the two of them both use their reaction to counterspell. they both move to cast again when deirta is like Okay Stop Fighting I Get It #heehoo. the first time they drift together caleb leans that essek secretly recovered a beacon from a downed jaeger and has been using it to #advance his research while passing himself off as a genius - not that he isn't. he just has another stepping stone as well. #essek gets to live thru caleb's experience of feeling two (2) people die at the same exact moment. yeah verin has to pull that fuckin plug. #other notes. veth and yeza r the scientists. OBVIOUSLY veth drifts with a kaiju brain like are u KIDDING me #other jaeger teams are fjord+jester yasha+beau and the tealeaf triplets.

[felinebadsign]

happy one year anniversary to the waterparks induced hellscape in my brain

#i feel like i went through all the stages of grief in a year and the horrors persist #my spotify wrapped? a testament to insanity #one year later i finally saw them live too and can say i had fun #please go back to writing lyrics like entertainment though. please. give me sleep alone flavor #banging my head on the wall ripping my hair out screaming crying #thanks boo boo bear geoff and otter woods #i can and will see you again just tweak the setlist a little and stop getting into dumb twitter shenanigans #do other people like bands like this. is this normal to have such a love hate relationship #oh! the misery #and ANOTHER thing i cannot believe he doesnt write shit like new wave anymore. go back for an album

[rattycattyfanfic]

oh my god your lynnmanda fics are fucking incredible

thank you!!!! <33

#asks #answered #i literally cannot stop writing them rn #like.......feverish insane manic over them. every time i post something i immediately start writing something new #i literally cannot remember the last time i felt like this about a ship & writing

[cantovi]

I will not create a conlang, that urge is devious in itself, the mere idea will create a tower of Babel in brain, I will not create a conlang, that's the devil talking <- my daily mantra for the past weeks as a fantasy writer

#talking for one #I know for a fact if give in to the urge I will not stop at one #there will be at minimum three of them #and a colang takes so much time too #my world building is already at insane levels of complexity (The Lore Book™) I cannot do this to myself #writing

[investingestincest]

tangerine got me feeling like that one tumblr post

#chewing on them like a stary hippo in a river #im on my 5th rn they're so fucking good #i feel like i could write an entire thesis on tangerines #who allowed it to be this good goddamn #feel like going insane and feral but in a good way #fucking hell man. tangerines... #sorry i cannot stop talking i'm on a fruity high #feeling all mystified and shit. i could wax out poems or straight up paint this fruity deliciousness #ok i ated it so im good. still a lil hingry tho

[writersdrug]

Simon Riley x Dog Sitter! Reader pt. 3

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Warnings: mild cursing, boredom, thas really it

A/N: Holy shit I cannot believe how much love this is getting, and it's so much fun to write!! I've decided to makes this a fully fledged fic instead of just a drabble, and I'll be posting it on ao3 too! Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist! Also sorry if formatting changes, I'm trying to have some sort of order among my writing.

Simon had never told you how long he'd be gone - which was fine, your flat was only a twenty-minute drive from his home, should you need to do laundry or get more soap. You had some freelancing logo-design work you could focus on in your downtime, and Simon had been gracious enough to leave a note on the coffee table with the wifi password. Truth be told, you imagined this would feel like a holiday: no more shitty bosses. You were your own boss, here. You could make your own schedule, as long as you made time for Riley.

You soon discovered, after moving into Ghost's house, that it was very much not a vacation. The interior of his home was so barren that it made you feel like you had been sent to an asylum. On your first day there, you managed to get a bit of freelance work done; after that, you tried watching the telly, but you couldn't drown the heavy restlessness in the back of your mind.

You decided to phone a friend.

"What's Riley like?" Leslie said through the phone, which was tucked under your ear.

"Military dog." You replied. You were lying on the floor next to Riley, stroking her fur as her head rested on your stomach. "So proper, I've never seen anything like it. You know- when I made breakfast today, I dropped some food on the linoleum- she didn't bat an eye. Girl just watched."

"That's amazing... you know Donald would have run to it like it was the first meal he'd been fed in years."

You laughed, making Riley's head bounce on your abdomen. "Mum has got to stop feeding them real food..."

"What about the client?" Leslie said, changing the subject. "Simon, was it? What's he like?"

"Honestly?" You began, scratching between Riley's ears. "A decent guy, don't get me wrong - but bland. Gruff. His apartment is, too."

"Just like ya mum always said." She snickered. "Can I see?"

You sighed. "Nah, I never checked if it was ok to bring people over. Not sure if he'd appreciate me giving you a tour. But I'll ask next time if you can visit."

"That's fair..." You heard her shuffling around on the other end of the line. "Well listen babes, I should get back to work. Got five left on my lunch break."

You groaned at the prospect of having to be alone in Simon's barren home again. "Alright... still on for this Thursday?"

"You know it! Nina's coming too."

You grimaced. "Whoop-tee-doo..."

"Oh, c'mon, I'll make sure she's civil. Love ya."

"She'd better be. Love you!"

The call ended with a click, and you let the phone slide from your shoulder with a sigh. You stared at the ceiling, running through what you could possibly do. You'd already had a shower at your flat before coming here, you'd done plenty of work...

Riley tilted her head up to look at you, sensing your frustration. You looked back down at her.

"What d'you and Simon do all day?" You asked.

She sighed and looked away.

Maybe it was time for a walk.

"Alright, Riley!" You said, pocketing your phone and sitting up. She scrambled up at the sudden movement; her eyes followed your every move as you stood, her stare expectant and excited.

"Fancy a walk?" You asked.

She whined and yapped, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

You chuckled. "C'mon, then - before you and I both start going insane."

On your way to the closet to fetch her leash, she had nearly knocked you down to beat you there. You huffed, leaning down to grab your shoes and tug them on. She sat (im)patiently and watched, her tail slapping against the wooden floor.

"Alright, alright..." You laughed, grabbing her leash and latching it onto her harness. She obediently trotted to the front door and sat, waiting for you. You opened the door and stepped outside, confused when the leash tugged in your hand. You looked back inside and saw that Riley hadn't moved from her seat on the floor. She looked at you, ears forward and eyes eager as she waited for... something.

You looked at her, puzzled. "What's wrong, girl?"

She whined, pointing one foot up and thumping her tail against the floor.

Oh, right. Military dog.

"Okay, Riley." You said clearly, and she happily trotted out the door. You chuckled, locking the deadbolt behind you and beginning the much needed walk. She stuck right by your side, never passing you nor falling behind.

For the kind of gruff, admittedly shady man that Simon was, you noticed that he lived in a pretty nice area. If you told your mum where he lived, she'd blow a cap out of jealousy - the houses were neatly lined down the street, each one with a driveway and a small garden bed underneath the living room windows. Simon's was noticeably bare - Christ, even his grass was thinner than the other neighbors', how does one manage that?

You eyed his empty garden bed as you passed it. You wondered if he would let you plant a few things... just to liven up the drabness. A couple of Hostas, maybe some African Violets... you knew he wouldn't want too much colour, but he definitely needed something to brighten his home. Currently, it stuck out like a sore thumb against the other houses. Not to mention, it would give you something to slice through the boredom of staying here.

Eventually, the sidewalk led to the edge of a small patch of woods. A bridge stretched over the creek, which then led to a longer, winding path through the trees. You came to a halt, reading the sign next to the trail.

"Po-wee-hee-co park..." You mumbled and Riley stared at you with her tongue hanging from the side of her mouth. "Poeheko Park? You ever been here?"

She looked between you and the trail, sniffing the air. She licked her lips and whined.

"Suppose not, Simon's only ever dragged you around the block a few times, huh?"

She eyed the trail warily, but you could see her eyes brimming with eagerness and interest. You chuckled, reigning in her leash and starting over the bridge. "Time for an adventure!"

------------

Simon sat stoicly on the heli, eyes fixed on the wall across from him. His palms rested on his thighs, fingers splayed. He appeared calm and collected, focused on the mission that Priced had debriefed not too long ago.

Except, the mission couldn't have been further from his mind. He was thinking about you and Riley. We're you giving her enough attention? That was a dumb question; clearly you knew how much attention a dog needed. You'd done this before... but had you ever worked with a dog that had certain needs and medications? You never mentioned it during the interview, and he didn't remember to ask. What if you couldn't see the signs when Riley's pain was flaring up? What if you had forgotten that she needed pain medication?

He thought about texting you - but he quickly shut the thought down. He'd reserved texting for emergencies only, and he knew you were good at your job. There wasn't a moment of your life you hadn't spent around dogs, of course you would take perfect care of Riley.

"Honin' in, LT?" Soap's voice echoed through the coms as he took the seat opposite from Simon. He was relaxed, as if this was just another Friday for him - well, Simon supposed, it was.

"Always." Simon replied gruffly, focusing back on the mission at hand. He cleared his throat and flexed his fingers, trying to keep a cool composure.

"How's Riley doin'?" Soap asked. "Know I jus' seen 'er a few days ago, but- ye finally cave n' get someone to pet sit?"

Simon grunted. "'Course. Not gonna leave 'er alone that long, it'd be torture."

"Who'd ye get?"

"What's it to you?"

"Secret service? Ye snag one of the Royal Guards fer the job?"

"Jog on, Soap." Simon warned with a serious look, and Soap raised his hands in defense.

He couldn't tell Johnny about you. A fierce, possessive feeling in his chest told him not to. He knew Johnny had a thing for young, pretty things like you, and he refused to let you fall victim to his desires. In fact, he hated the thought of it.

But- who was he? Why was he being so protective over someone he barely knew? You were an adult, perfectly capable of making your own decisions. Why should Simon cockblock you and Johnny? So what if he wanted to shag you?

Mentally, he shook his head. No. Never. He'd lock you in his house if it meant keeping Jonny away from you. Even if Simon wasn't anything more than your client, he wasn't going to allow Johnny to get close to you. It would be too weird. You're his, after all.

...

Fuck.

He sighed and adjusted his position in his seat. You and Johnny didn't even know each other, for Christ's sake. He was overthinking all of this. You'd probably never even meet his team, why would you need to? You only ever have reason to spend time in his house, not on base. You just watch Riley, make breakfast in his kitchen, sleep on his couch, maybe his bed, if you're with the dog... using his bathroom, his shower...

He scowled at himself. Maybe hiring you was a huge mistake. You were too distracting.

------------

Taglist: @my-queen-rhaenyra-targaryen @jisungswiftie @sweet-tooth4you @kennyis-aloser @hyyyxr @lahniu @dory-98 @naradae @cum-tea-and-towels @boystepper @definitelynotaclown @your-wifes-boyfriend @ghostslittlegf @bossva @poppingaround @yannvi @katzykat @mileyraes @chocolate-noodles @jupiternighties @sadlonelybagel @rorysbrainrot @identity2212 @pricescontroversiallyyoungerwife @reevesdriver @kingshitonly @ghost4love @lilyofhoon @xxkay15xx @cosmic-nuisance4 @danielle143

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #ghost #simon ghost riley #cod fanfiction #cod mw3 #cod mw2 #call of duty #cod #cod x reader

[madammidnightsblog]

Yandere Student x Teacher Darling

WARNING: public setting (classroom), yandere behavior (delusional), exhibition, m! masturbation, self-teasing, student fantasizing about adult (18-19 student, 20-30 adult), sub! male Yandere Student knows it's wrong, he knows it, but he cannot help it. Something about you just drives him insane and he cannot help watching you from the back of the classroom, one hand stuffed into his pants and rubbing himself off while you were busy teaching.

He knows that it's disgusting and deprived but how could he stop when your voice just makes his dick twitch. And those soft and round curves of your body make him want to bury himself against you and hump you like the pathetic boy he is. So, his hand was wrapped around his small dick, pumping it slowly which biting his lip to quiet the whimpers and whine that was threatening to spill from him. His hips twitching up into his hand as the tight restriction of his jeans and boxers making it harder to move his hand without looking obvious.

"Now," You turned around with a pretty smile on your face, your pink lips parting slightly to chuckle at the clueless expressions of your students. The new topic of biology was enough to make them all blink and look at you with pure confusion which made you find your students adorable, "It's time to understand the biology of the cellular structures."

Yandere Student was watching how your body softly jiggles in place when you moved around in front of the white board, writing down the basics of the course. Oh, how he loved the way your turtleneck hugged your soft tummy and those large tits of yours, following the curves with his eyes as his hand moved slower around his base, swiping his thumb along the beads of pre at his purpling tip. A low moan left him when his eyes finally land at those dress pants at your wide hips, and he almost came when he noticed the little tummy pouch that stuck out. Everything was so damn beautiful and sexy on your body, all of those soft curves and fat that was hugging your body. What he would do just to feel on that beautiful body of yours and worship you like the goddess you were.

Your eyes scanned the room to see the yandere student in the back of the classroom, his eyes glossed over and watching intensely. To you, he looked interested in what you were teaching with how he was staring what you believed to be the board as his right arm seemed to be moving but little did you know he finally just pulled his dick out under his desk. His hand moving quickly as he notice you're glancing his way, and he can't help but think you're away what he's doing, and it was making him all flustered. But unlike normal people in this situation who would think that he should stop because you might notice and be uncomfortable- no, he thinks you're enjoying it and think he looks so cute. I mean, why else do you keep looking back at him? You must like him and find him so cute, knowing he's jerking off like a good boy and not making a mess on the floor. His breathing grows heavier the more his eyes wonder your body and imagining what you could possibly be thinking of when you look around the classroom. You must obviously want class to end and take care of him, after all, he's a good boy that has a bad home and need your attention since his mother died mysteriously a few months ago so, he must still be trying so so hard to be back to normal. You care about your student so much so, it wouldn't be such a bad thing to take care of him- right?

#sub character #x dom reader #male yandere #sub yandere #tw yandere #tw delusion #yandere oc x reader #yandere x reader #yandere boy #fem!dom #female darling #yandere student #yandere scenarios #teacher darling