#i could have been a better parent

[m00ngbin]

Sometimes I think of Chicken Little from the movie Chicken Little and cry bc he's just a kid and he's all alone and his dad is ashamed of him and he lost his mother and he gets bullied and harassed bc he's small and kind of strange and he's the only person in the world that knows that the sky is falling and when he tries to tell people they don't believe him

#I WOULD HAVE BELIEVED HIM #ALL THAT PRESSURE ON THAT POOR LITTLE KID #AND THEN HE HAS TO SAVE THE WHOLE TOWN FROM THE ALIENS #THE ENTIRE TOWN THAT OSTRACIZED AND BULLIED HIM BTW #EVEN THE FUCKING MAYOR #LIKE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?? #i wouldnt have done it #i would have just left them to get vaporized into the void #idk just after all that hes still so kind and he cares about everybody in that stupid town #AND THE SCENE WHERE HES LIKE BEGGING AND PLEADING WITH HIS FATHER TO JUST BELIEVE HIM #BC IF NOBODY ELSE HAS HIS BACK AT LEAST HIS DAD SHOULD #and he DIDNT #OH AND HIS DAD PURPOSELY SEPARATED HIMSELF FROM CHICKEN LITTLE BECAUSE HE WAS SO EMBARRASSED AND ASHAMED #IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY #idk chicken little makes me really sad #I KNOW THE DAD IS HAVING A HARD TIME I KNOW HES STILL GRIEVING HIS WIFE BUT OH MY GOD #YOUR SON NEEDS YOU. HE HAS NEEDED YOU AND YOU ARE JUST NOT THERE FOR HIM #i could have been a better parent #i could have done it i would have loved him the way he deserved #OH AND HE ONLY HAS LIKE THREE PEOPLE IN HIS LIFE THAT REALLY LOVE HIM COMPLETELY AND UNCONDITIONALLY #AND THEYRE ALL STRANGE AND OSTRACIZED JUST LIKE HE IS #the troupe of people that are othered finding each other. seeing their faults. and loving each other the way that they should be loved #will always EAT ME ALIVE #what was he. like 12? #if i had been in that movie i would have LOST IT if a kid that little had to go through and deal with all of the things that he had to #pretty much alone for most of the movie #i meam he had his three friends for half of it but theres a lot he had to do alone #i just watched it can you tell

[t4t4t]

Idk new post bc the last lost traction, no donations in a week. We need 450 for the rest of February, 450 for a deposit, and 950 for March, 50 for the rest of the utilities. We were homeless since Aug 2020 excepting 4 different months whose places fell through for various reasons, have to get rid of the van we were living in because it's falling apart, Collie got FFS December 28th, she's recovering well and maybe could do something with a car if we had a better car, given her ability to drive. I still haven't found much work but I'm still looking. Anything helps.

paypal.me/NoraEstherRose

venmo: nora-esther-rose

venmo: Leah-Esther-Rose

#i wish i could get a loan ? i hate how little my parents have ever helped me. we rely too much on collies mom who can only do so much #we both have various disabilities we still are in the process of understanding.... i hope i get adhd meds soon. :( #we havent been able to afford better anti depressants for over a week now. i hate feeling dependent #i wish it were a prescription.... stupid world. stupid time

[turtleblogatlast]

Headcanon that the boys were first introduced to Lou Jitsu through Splinter scrounging up an old movie to watch through a grainy projector. Splinter wanted to hype himself up at the time, to see a version of himself - however fictional - succeeding and being happy.

He watches, and smiles, mouthing along to the dialogue and outright whisper-shouting “HOT SOUUUP!” whenever it comes up.

Nestled in his lap are his four new sons, still learning the world around them and heavily reliant on their new father. They watch with wide eyes how lively their guardian looks, how happy he sounds, and they turn to watch the movie closely. Because, for as young as they were, they could recognize the source of their father’s joy.

So naturally, they come to associate Lou Jitsu with their father’s smile, and in turn, they feel happy themselves. To them, Lou Jitsu will always be a source of joy, and always make them smile, even if they forget why as they grow.

They’re not just movies for the four of them - they’re the distant memories of a warm lap and a smiling face.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt headcanons #rise splinter #rottmnt splinter #I’m in a turtle tot mood #the babiessss #I know a lot of people like to criticize Splinter’s parenting and like yeah he’s not the BEST #but despite his mistakes I genuinely think he did better than what could or should have been expected of him #like anyone else would not have been able to do it #he can be a little negligent and hurtful at times but I don’t think he was as absent a parent as a lot of you say he is #his flaws are there true but again - he loves his boys so much #that being said it’s no excuse for his mistakes and he should be rightfully called out for them #but sometimes I feel like people really overblow his flaws

[avisisisis]

I know everyone likes to make fun of Ezra for believing Maul, but I honestly really liked that, because. Like. He's been working so hard to learn to trust people again. His new-found family is teaching him how to open up and how to let himself love others without being too afraid of losing them to connect

And he doesn't immediatly trust Maul, which shows that even if his trust issues are much better now, he's still not stupid and knows to be careful around strangers, especially if you found them inside a Sith Temple

But. Maul shows and tells him what he wants to see; he acts kind with him, reassures him when he's in doubt, and manipulates Ezra (who is a CHILD) into beliving in him so he could get what he wanted

Then he betrays him, and by blinding Kanan, he proves Ezra's 'little me' right

#i actually think it's beautiful how he still keeps trying even after having been hurt so many times #and it's not even about maul hurting him. it's about maul hurting kanan #like if maul hadn't done that then ezra would've been perfectly fine w having him as a slightly evil friend that his entire family hates #part of the reason why i love ezra is because bc even though he's been betrayed #he still works to be better #he still fights for what's right #still helps others. he can and will jump in the middle of the battlefield to save a stranger because that's who he is #and he always trusts his family to watch his back #he's been tempted by the dark side so many times and yet he's still “dark side? never heard of it” #and even when he DOES use the dark side. he gets better. he realices that what he's doing is wrong and GETS BETTER #ezra's world was violently taken away from him when he was only a child #he lived on the street for years with nothing but himself. he learned to never trust anyone and to always think for himself #he couldn't afford to help others (unless it wasn't TOO dangerous and he could get smth out of it) because he can't put himself in danger #he learns to forget his parents's beliefs #then the ghost crew comes along and they show him that world again #and now that he knows it he will never leave it again #star wars #star wars rebels #sw rebels #swr #ezra bridger #darth maul #star wars meta #sw meta #twilight of the apprentice #avis' post

[dykedvonte]

A Defense of Benny Gecko

Benny is more of a capable leader and person than people give him credit for.

Seeing as no one challenged his position as head Chairmen for 7 years and even then he only loses the position if he’s caught, killed or forced to leave. Yes, it’s also likely House wouldn’t have allowed him to be killed but he sure as hell would of found a way to remove him if he was causing too much unrest within The Tops power structure. Even Swank and Tommy don’t outright dislike him and more so are concerned with his recent secretive and shady behavior, emphasis on recent.

Taking all we know into consideration, Benny likely knew the future direction that he wanted to take Vegas but was so caught up in the plans to acquire Vegas that he didn’t think of how to make his dream a reality. Something he admits to in canon. I see this being used as the main argument that Benny doesn’t know what he’s doing at all but I see it more in the same vein as you can’t really plan something from nothing. The transformation of Vegas is a sensitive thing that he can’t really work on until he has it. The only reason he ran to the Fort prematurely is the Courier who was causing so much of a stir he would’ve likely been found out much faster, making all that planning for nothing if he didn’t take that chance.

Benny is careful (well a lot more careful than he is regularly depicted in fanon), the Courier being able to trace him was dumb luck on their part and his hair being noticed at the Fort is a realistically small oversight that even Caesar is disappointed in because he admits Benny got farther than he should’ve been allowed by his legionaries. The fact he can plan an ambush on the Courier or tries to quickly and concisely clean up lose ends that don’t lead back to him shows he’s not just acting on impulses or in the moment decisions. Or rather he’s quite good at thinking them out, whether they work depends on how you play really. This is all to say it’s 100% believable that Benny could lead an independent Vegas (house was basically setting him up to do that). If he had known explicitly that House was setting him up to replace him, he likely would’ve bought more time by getting in closer, learning more of the system to then flip House’s edge to his favor. Again something he was doing already but likely without the knowledge of House’s feelings on him personally.

No matter what, Vegas’ future was tied to Benny; House’s plans for him, having to get the chip and if he had somehow succeeded. It’s also interesting that of all the people vying for control of the dam/Vegas, Benny’s plans are the only ones actually oriented towards a new future, not a recreation of something long past.

#something something despite going against you Benny has the most in common with an independent player #he’s just like an asshole and also knows when he’s no longer in the driver seat so he leaves it to you #cause despite all his lame traits Benny got supper far in his plan and likely could’ve done it if the courier never got involved #if he didn’t have the need to run to the fort he would’ve waited to learn what the chip did and then made a more direct plan but when a big #clue to what he’s been up to cough the courier cough came he had to throw caution to the wind #this is sorta related to why house chose Benny and his plans for Benny cause likely the rest of house plans were gonna be #about getting Benny to adopt his ideals and views on Vegas before testing whether Benny could run it like him #and would’ve likely been proud of all the planning Benny did for Yes Man if it wasn’t for it being against him #all I can imagine is like Benny being more disappointed than anything with how house decided to run things and he holds nothing personal #towards house this is a necessity as house will never give up control kinda like bingo but I feel like Benny at least respected Bingo #something something bingo could’ve been a father figure making killing him more of a reason Benny would go against house cause he murders #a potential parental figure thinking it’s what he has to do for the betterment of his tribe only to feel like he led them to stagnation and #a longing for days gone by cause the guy who filled ur head with glittery promises ain’t sparkling no more #and makes the resistance to a parental house make more sense #fallout #fallout new vegas #benny gecko #benny fnv

[rainywithachanceofstars]

#buddy daddies #kazuki kurusu #miri unasaka #buddy daddies 1x10 #for the better right? #just had to get this off my chest #as a child who prized access to my beloved people and routines and familiar places more than anything #i would have been absolutely DEVASTATED to find out that not only could I suddenly not go back to the place I had been living #but I would never see my parental figures who had been raising me for almost a year again #and not only that but they LIED TO MIRI about it being a SLEEPOVER to get her to go! #yeah four-year-olds wouldn't necessarily understand everything that makes that situation necessary #but they deserve to know in the larger sense that they're leaving so they have a chance to say goodbye #considering that Miri has already been sent away and rejected by one parent and that we've seen her abandonment issues before #I hate that they chose to spare the feelings of the adults by concealing the truth from Miri #it WON'T be 'easier on her' to hear that her papas told her she would have a sleepover and they will never come to get her #and she will never see her room or her clothes or eat Kazuki's cooking or play games with Rei again #it's not even a clean break! Misaki said she was going to keep Miri at the same daycare! #in worrying about Miri's safety and avoiding public meltdowns the adults are hurting her ability to trust in them #it never feels good to be manipulated like that no matter what the reason #but enough about me projecting #in which I babble to the world #memes

[hgduo]

... Will you guys please let me talk about hgduo/gossipduo/mockingjays/ whatever they are called a little more pleaseeeeeeeeee, they make me unwell and I want to get my thoughts about them out of my head- or more specifically about them from Bad's point of view!

There's a familial air to it, but it's just not true to define it like that- and that doesn't make what they DO have any less powerful or significant- They have a unique bond and that continues to be true, even during painful times like this.

Cellbit WAS Bad's responsibility at one point, and that time came and went- he got him through the war and into adulthood ( aka 18 years old or close to it.) They meet again as old friends and generally respect each other as such... but even so Bad can't deny he still feels some duty to watch over the man once he starts crumbling- much like how Cellbit as well can't help but reach out to Bad during this time.

but there's limits.

like- Bad for years had and still wants to protect Cellbit, he's had an influence on him, he taught him how to survive, he himself acknowledges he has some responsibility over Cellbit, looking at Cellbit right now feels like looking in a mirror, he doesn't like having to give up on him, but if it's between him and the kids he's choosing the kids every time... and he knows there is no simple way to save someone who refuses to let themself be saved.

And it hurts! It hurts seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to let him burn! It hurts watching someone he cares for falling down the same path he is! It hurts knowing he's hurting others the way it did for him seeing Cellbit like this! It hurts having to choose his kids over his protege/ student/ former responsibility/ the kid he watched over years ago/ old friend/ his 'something'!

Like, cc!Bad brought up this internal mental tier list that q!Bad has- I still deeply believe that q!Cellbit is quite high up there even if he'll never be at the level his kids are at- like he loves Cellbit enough that he ACTUALLY CONSIDERED putting parts of his months long plan at risk to save him- even if it was just during the stress of that moment that still means a LOT from Bad- but he was always going to choose his kids in the end!

Based on what I know of q!Bad (which is admitably not a lot lol) there is next to nothing that'd convince him to give up on his kids- with Cellbit he's able to see that he can't help him because Cellbit sadly does not want to be saved- and for Bad that means he simply has to accept it even if he really doesn't like it- the emotions from that night have processed and he's looking at the situation from a more logical and resolute perspective. If it means him and Cellbit may one day clash, then with a heavy sigh so be it....

but if it was Dapper or Pomme... I just don't feel certain in saying he'd be able to come to that conclusion, especially not after one night. Even if it would be the 'smart' thing to do. It's one of the key differences between the dynamic he has with them vs Cellbit...

But, in a perfect situation, he would've done everything to save them both.

Anyway thanks for reading, posting this at hell hours so my beloved mutuals won't see my hgduo ramblings but tagging this anyway for other people to see LMAO-

#mockingjays #hgduo #gossipduo #qsmp #badboyhalo #cellbit #God it's honestly a major problem how in love with this dynamic I am because I rly don't feel like I know shit about Bad or Cellbit LOL #like I enjoy both of their characters a lot but I feel so uncertain about actually ever talking about them- I enjoy them a LOT #but I don't think I have the best grasp on them as characters compared to others- wish I did though! #esp. Cellbit despite having been in love with his character since he joined- hence why I talk more about Bad's point of view LOL #wish I knew more Portuguese so I could 'get' q!Cellbit more I love him </3 #I always feel scared talking about them because their other fans just get them way better then I do- I'm just hyperfixing over one aspect! #one last comment I do generally feel like they have a similar view of one another of like-but recently I feel like Cellbit wants to view Ba #as something closer to a parental figure- consciously or not- but he still doesn't see him as family- at least not in his past #They were two dudes doing whatever it took to survive- but still he was a child and Bad was the adult he looked up to! #longpost

[yore-donatsu]

An ordinary day for an ordinary little girl

(Theo the monkey boy is the @doodlesdreaming's OC)

#Crossover #Dead Cells #DC the King #King Conrard #My Headcanon #OC #original characters #Tetra #Theo the monkey boy #artist on tumblr #A Castaigne's rapid appearance #I can imagine him being a proud person #believing himself to be better than others but a coward when it really counts (like Gilderoy Lockhart if you want a better comparison) #Not so egotistica - as he sometimes tries to do the right thingl #as he sometimes tries to do the right thing #Let's move on to Tetra - the sweetest girl in the world #She'll kiss anyone she likes. For people she doesn't know and/or doesn't like - she'll be very polite #giving a more classic greeting (a bow) with a big smile #She's always barefoot. Much to the displeasure of her parent Hyde #And why is her hair done up in the front and not in the back ? #Hyde tried to discipline her hair but it's so long to style that they finally gave up #Tetra doesn't care about her hair. She finds them even more beautiful and atypical like this #She's an 8 - 10 year old and it bothers her too when it takes a long time to do her hair #Conrard - seeing the little girl's kindness - wanted to adopt her BUT Hyde wasn't for it #(imagine a “fight” between “daddies” and her watching the showwaiting for it to calm down) #She could so easily have been the daughter he never had and never will have... AH ! Oops ! Spoiler ! >P #I'll leave you with this information (I'll have to draw this one day !)

[satans-knitwear]

My brother finally has some time to spare and has said he will take me to some petshop to sort the dogs out properly! We need to get them soft training treats to fill the tin, replacement squeaky toys for recall training, a distraction/brain-teasing toy for when i am working at home with just the puppers and some wet dog food for the resident fussy eater (not belle. She eats anything.)

Just incase you feel like it! ⬇️

Pypl Cshpp

#I have been saying all this to my parents for months but they have been so busy they haven't had time to consider it #Since it's mostly me dealing with the doggos at any given time I feel like I have a very good handle on where they are at and what they need #I'm so grateful that someone else in this family now has the time and energy to help me with this!! #These creatures deserve the best. And i am determined to give it to them. #Any coins you could toss our way would really help me immediately bc im working on the tail end of last months budget! #By that i mean I'm on my last fiver but I really don't want to let this opportunity pass me by #Theyll be looked after well (as usual) regardless anyway regardless of course But i have this nagging desire to do better for them. Always

[cosmicterrorthe8th]

Another Grant headcanon:

I think he wrote love notes when in relationships, and he went all out with like making the paper scented and stuff. But like he had no good perfume so he ended up using his horrible body spray. So like the lucky boyfriend would like find a paper reeking of the body spray like every once in a while.

Also I think he was someone who fell deep into romance because having a crush and feeling butterflies in his stomach was better than numbness. So he would pursue every crush even if he knew it would not end well because of the thrill of it. I think this sucked but I think he atleast felt like this is a normal way for life to suck.

#honestly I was thinking he continued the note thing with marco in college maybe? #and now marco likes the smell of the body spray even if grant found better perfumes cuz nostalgia #i think i am in my own la dee da world after this episode #where I think if willy takes a break from torturing the parents they should form a circle and become bffs #they should form a circle #toast to rebecca #and then just talk shit idk #i think they would be very funny as a group after they are done grieving #like cassandra would be like how could I have dated such a loser #he literally kidnapped like four of my exs ex friends and put collars on them when we were dating #and they would be like no its not your fault he is that manipulative #and then one of them would talk about their ex to comfort her #and then somwhow it would come out that willy is like the age of their grandparents #and cassandra would be like why did this senior citizen get me so bad #he told me to make him a sandwich and I #a multimillionaire made him a sndwich #this will probably never happen in canon #dndads #grant wilson #dungeons and daddies #the tags are their own seperate post at this point #dndads s2 #looking back on this(tags) #all the spouses knew willy as a nice guy who saved them #rebecca was the only one who suspected him so thats why he killed her #they must be feeling so duped getting tortured except for marco who saw him kill a man #cassandra has been feeling duped since heaven #this is killing me all of them are having conversations in my head now the comedy and the pain is killing me mostly the comedy #marco li wilson #grant li wilson

[bumblingbabooshka]

Tuvok & Seven of Nine should have been overbearing co-parents to the borg children

#non romantic co-parents and they won't even admit they're friends (they don't have* friends! they don't need friends!) #star trek voyager #they are organizing a joint schedule they have a shared space google doc #Seven of Nine #Tuvok #They are both overbearing in different ways <3 #I think Tuvok is an excellent father and also that he would not be able to parent every child effectively - especially non Vulcans #Meanwhile Seven is like 'Children are basically little employees I have to train yes?' #Chakotay: You're not going to be raising this children...alone. will you?? #Seven: Of course not. / Chakotay: Thank G- / Seven: Commander Tuvok will assist me. #Chakotay: -the most forced smile ever- o h h........ #*spoiler: They're very good friends #I think Tuvok would want them to be better behaved than they are but know that children are unpredictable to a degree and they've #been through a lot meanwhile Seven really has no reference for what children are supposed to be do and act like #besides. Seven doesn't need to be a mother. She's like twenty something and newly independent - she should have been at the club instead of #performing femininity so she could be a ''''''real woman'''''' #Stop making female characters mothers.......its enough. #None of the VOY women should have been mothers. Maybe Kes - she seemed like she maybe wanted kids. I could see Kes being a good mom #down the line (not in Elogium I liked that episode and its ending) but none of the rest of them needed #or seemed to particularly want that

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!! #just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!! #im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

[lovevalley45]

sometimes i wonder how much farsi zari 1.0 could speak compared to z2 and behrad bc like,,, obv the reason we see them speaking more farsi is bc they have each other, or their parents, to talk to. but do u think that z1 could feel her farsi slipping from her tongue the longer her family was dead, furthering distancing her from the people she loved? was it a relief to go back into the totem and maybe not be surrounded by the family she lost, but the language that they held to despite argus trying to rip everything away from them? did she worry that z2 and her behrad had lost it, not out of oppression but negligence? was she happy that this version of her was spared from the same loneliness of language she was?

#alli says shit #this is v vague but #i’ve been taking a linguistics course so language has been on my mind #and i think that. obv z1 and z2 n behrad would have very diff relationships to speaking farsi #i feel like in s5 i suggested behrad was better at farsi than z2 based off the dinner scene but idk #behrad might just be better bc he seems to be closer to their parents #n like we see in s6 they generally talk to their mother in farsi #i could go into the reality show n how talking in farsi was a lil more private than english #but i digress

[wandixx]

I made a prompt some time ago and my brain couldn't let it go so I want to write an actual fic about it. But I need your help to do it.

You can find the prompt I'm talking about here. To summarize it quickly because I know it ended up kind of long. Dani was traveling around the USA and met/befriended some people, heroes and villains include. And then she left to see another place. It wouldn't be a problem if before she left, she said goodbye. She didn't so now they she got kidnapped and are panicing.

I have some ideas, some serious chaos I mentioned (about 2500 words and counting) or super serious chaos if things'll go properly, who knows, some Dani hangs out with Duke during his patrols and is low key his sidekick (5500 words and counting, everything on paper because why not?), both in much different places on a timeline, untouched but thought about idea for Dani and Conner clone budding AND one bit for when she met Flashfam and one when she asked Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy for autographs for Jazz and Sam.

But here is a thing. All I know about DC is from dpxdc tag and some fics on AO3. Also from dpxdc of course. So it means I don't know a jack shit about people outside of Batfam.

So, what I'm asking for is, if you have ideas who else Dani could mess with or/and links to fanfics with your favorite characterizations or character analysis here or on AO3, any way of communication you are comfortable with is open, please send it (maybe not in actual mail that would be both creepy and unreasonably expensive)

I can't exactly watch movies/cartoons because I fear my computer wouldn't survive that (I had a moment of black screen two times in the last twenty minutes and three more temporary freezes, how is this thing still running, and how it became my most reliable internet connection device?)

Anyway, send the links I beg you

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dpxdc #dcxdp #it seems i'm physically unable to make short post if I'm posting something else than snippet #god damn it i'll have to work on it probably #btw I got in a sort of fight with my parent over my attitude towards school (their arguments are totally valid I should work harder) #but i'm a mess and not even hot sort of one and most of the time can't bring myself to it #but nevermind #during this one of them said something along the lines of “you should study more I know knitting is nicer but you need better grades” #and for whatever reason my brain laser focused on this #because i'm not knitting #i only did once #on the other hand i've been crocheting for past six years if i'm doing the math correctly #i know the difference is subtle for most people but i talked about it a bit #i've been correcting people a lot of the times when they said i was knitting #i think i can say it's kinda important to me #and idk #i'm just kinda frustrated that they still made this mistake and it's easier to focus on that than on anything else they said #you could say i;m a little angry even #look at me once again spilling my guts in tags of unrelated post #i should probably stop doing that either #and sleep #anyway #have a great day dear internet stranger that made it to this part

[samdeancrimespree]

in that scene in 12.22 when dean watches mary in her heaven, and she crouches down and smiles at the memory of her child and lies to him, tells him she’ll never let anything bad happen to him, what was dean thinking about before he said i hate you. because i think he was looking at how tiny that dean was, and thinking that’s what he looked like when he spent the final days of his childhood becoming a mother to a baby he was barely twice the size of, when his one wish in the world had been to grow up faster so he could take better care of sam, when he used to spend every day promising sam the same thing, before sam could even understand him. when all he wanted was for his mommy to come back and tell him it would be ok. and he hated her. he hated himself too, so he looked for comfort, for sam. a memory so old and fuzzy in his mothers mind that he looked like a doll, not enough green in his eyes and no mole on his cheek, because she hadn’t bothered to look close at the real sam, the living sam. so much care and detail put into the messy waves on tiny dean’s head, and barely anything for sam. he hated her. but for the first time without having to climb up the rails, he looked down at baby sammy in a crib, the crib dean had barely outgrown when it burned, and realized: you weren’t big. i was just small.

#the agony of realizing he was also a baby. #also i think part of his anger was because she couldn’t even say that to sam #she could get away with saying it to dean #the lie wasn’t as direct #and dean knows that. it’s her fault that all of those things happened to sam #and part of him is still just angry that it couldn’t have happened a little later #that he could’ve had more time to get stronger before the fire #that he could’ve been better for sam #and that’s her fault too #not to make everything about parent dean but also. it kinda is #parent dean<3 #mary #hc #mars.txt #gencest #oldest daughter dean #the family business #samdean #spn studies