#i dunno if it's just an adhd thing or something but. it's weird

[sludgeguzzler]

everyday i wake up and am a boy

#gender is really settling in for me lately #i look at myself and think. damn. im a guy #and just stare at myself #for a long time #thinking about how im a guy #and what that means #talk #its weird but. i feel like. me #still have the usual social issues and stuff but thats bc im autistic or adhd or something #but i feel like i have a personality now. and its weirdddd #its funny bc everyone is saying that a trans persons personality isnt all about being trans but being trans had a biiig effect on mine dhsk #sigh i dunno. growing pains etc. things are falling into place in my life is all

[biptomb]

○ my body, my body

the skin the skin im stuck in it again

this horrible form,

that my soul had mistaken

for a destination.

i am but a beast — a creature, on fours

this flesh is a fence, a wall, an entrapment

they hold back the me that is biting and gnashing

teeth until they are blunted and human.

teeth until the stain strips away leaving off-white cores.

oh, you are a woman!

a man!

surely, a people, just like us!

ah, the sentiment — so wrong and yet loud. i know it, those others — they mean well, but the well meaning is a dark tunnel, one which i am falling down.

i splash at the bottom, i can't fall forever (i doubt), but imagine i did. imagine i hit.

there is no word for what i am, i am not of this world, any book that attempted, oh so desperately, to write what i was born as down, has been shredded, burned, eaten.

i pace the cagings of my skin, the beams are made of bones, i am the one who nests within, i do not belong, this is not my home, but i shall take it, if by force, this mind shall be my throne.

#bipoem #i just started rambling and it turned into a thing #very freeform tho so dunno if im gonna post it on main later #the opening line was just about my weird like. idk what its from but i get this buzzing energy sometimes that cant escape my skin #i usually attribute it to adhd or something but yeah

[bratzforchris]

Ways to Say "I Love You", C. Sturniolo

Summary: Five times you knew Chris better than himself, and the one time you didn't<3

Pairing: Chris x feminine reader

Warnings: Mentions of drinking/hangover (y'all i know he's techinally not of legal drinking age in the USA. this is fiction)

Word Count: 4.3k

A/N: I genuinely need this man in my life so bad actually. Anyways, enjoy some tooth rotting fluff. XOXO<3

1

“Bruh,” Chris groaned, leaning his head back against the couch cushions. “I feel like shit and I don’t even know why.”

You looked up from your phone, eyeing your boyfriend up and down. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” he whined, rolling off the couch dramatically. “My head hurts and I’m tired.”

You sat up from the gray couch, standing over Chris, who was sprawled on the floor, pouting and whining. You definitely felt bad for him, but at the same time, you knew Chris tended to over dramatize the smallest, most random things. “Do you have a fever?” 

Chris shook his head, rolling from his back to his stomach, but not getting off the floor. “I don’t feel sick, but I just feel like horse shit and I don’t know why.”

You observed him for a moment, before an idea dawned on you. Having ADHD, Chris tended to forget to eat and drink, so hyperfixated on something or too many thoughts in his head blocking the reminders to fuel his body. He was medicated for it, which both helped and hurt. Sometimes, he would be able to focus enough to remember his meals, but other times, the meds would dissipate his hunger cues. “When was the last time you had something to eat or drink?”

“Hmmm,” Chris’s blue eyes looked thoughtful for a moment before he shrugged. “Dunno. Which is weird because I’ve usually had like, six Pepsis by now, but we’re out and Matt didn’t go to the grocery store yesterday, so…I don’t know.”

You shook your head with a soft chuckle, helping your boyfriend up off the floor. “I think that might be the problem, sweetheart. Is there something you want to eat?”

“Do we have chicken nuggets?” Chris asked you, picking up one of the stim toys he had left on the floor last night as he followed you into the kitchen. “That reminds me, isn’t it weird that chickens can’t fly? Like…are they even real birds?” he asked you. 

“I dunno, hun. Google it.” You told him gently, pulling the bag of chicken nuggets out of the freezer.” 

“Do you think chickens are sad that they can’t fly? Like do they look at cardinals and go ‘Damn, why can he fly but not me’?” he hummed, flicking at the toy. 

Chris was wrapped up in his own little world as you made his lunch. He didn’t even get the chance to Google his chicken question before he was distracted by a Spotify notification, which led to him loudly singing a Lil Skies song, dancing around the kitchen. As much as you hated how difficult ADHD could be for him, Chris had one of the best personalities you had ever met; he was bubbly and outgoing, always the life of the party and always willing to cheer you up. You quickly plated his nuggets, along with some other random foods that you knew he would love, before sliding the plate across the island too. 

“See if that makes you feel better.” You explained with a soft smile. 

You watched as Chris downed the food, along with a Gatorade you had given him, only to see a smile dawn on his face. 

“I feel better now,” Chris mumbled shyly after a while. “Thank you. You’re the best girlfriend I could ever ask for. You literally always know me better than myself, it’s kinda weird.”

“Why is it weird?” You asked with a snort. 

“Cause it’s like you’re magical or something. Which it would be really cool if you were.”

You smiled, kissing Chris’s soft brown hair. “I love you too, hun.”

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

2

Tour life was difficult. No one would deny that. As much as the triplets were absolutely loving the Versus tour and all the antics they were getting to do, as well as meeting fans, they had to admit that it was exhausting. Not only were they running on an extremely tight schedule, it was wearing on Chris the most, simply because he was getting next to no alone time with you. It wasn’t that he simply wanted the alone time for sexual reasons, rather, you were the only person that could calm his mind, letting him just be. 

“Baby,” You hummed, softly stroking the brunette’s face. It was still dark out, just past six am, but you had a surprise for him, and you knew Chris would later complain about his sleeping in if he found the missed opportunity. “Wake up, honey.”

Chris wriggled beneath the blankets, sleepily blinking his blue eyes. He was freezing and it was dark out; way too early to be awake. “Too early.” he groaned in his morning voice, rolling over to face the wall with the blanket bunched around his shoulders. 

“I have a surprise for you.” You said, a bit more excitement in your voice as you shook him harder. 

The word ‘surprise’ immediately woke the boy up as he rolled to face you. You were already dressed in one of his hoodies and a pair of leggings, eager to get on with your plan. You were practically bouncing up and down like an excited little kid, hoping Chris would love what you had come up with as much as you did. 

“Why the fuck are you awake? It’s dark out,” he moaned. “Come cuddle me instead.”

You snorted at your boyfriend’s dramatics, quietly pulling back his blanket so as not to disturb Matt and Nick. “Get dressed, you big goof. We’re leaving in ten.”

As much as he wanted to argue and go back to sleep, Chris couldn’t deny that he wanted to understand what had caused the giddiness in your aura. He quickly pulled on his favorite hoodie and sweatpants, cramming his messy hair under a snapback as he followed you down the bus steps and out onto the quiet, dark sidewalk. He didn't know where the bus had stopped during the night. Philly maybe? But he didn’t get time to think about that as you simply nodded to one of the members of the triplets security and then took his hand, dragging him down the sidewalk. 

“Where are we going? I miss my blanket.” Chris pouted. 

“Me too,” You nodded, trying your hardest not to disclose the surprise. “But I do have something that’ll make you feel better.”

Chris didn’t know where you were going at this point, but he followed you anyway. He would’ve followed in any life, had someone asked him the question. You two continued to walk for a few more blocks until you stopped in front of a brightly lit diner, its neon signs illuminating the darkness of the street. 

“Pancakes?” Your boyfriend asked, perking up as the smell of bacon drifted from the restaurant. “Goddamn, I knew I made the right choice dating you.”

“I am pretty amazing,” You giggled, flipping your hair over your shoulder. “Let’s eat.”

You stepped into the diner together, immediately being sat at a booth and having your order taken. You and Chris both ordered an immense amount of breakfast food, quite tired of the protein shakes and cereal that came with bus life. 

“How did you, um, find this place?” Chris asked bashfully, stirring his straw around his Pepsi. 

You shrugged, taking a sip of your coffee. “I was just looking for things for us to do alone and it came up,” You hummed. “I love Matt and Nick, I really do, but I also like to have one-on-one time with you, and I could kind of tell you needed some, too.”

“How do you always manage to know exactly what I need when I need it?” he asked with a chuckle, brushing his hand over your knuckles. 

You smiled, a blush dotting your cheeks as your waitress came over with a tray full of all the food you had ordered. “I just do.”

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

3

“Baby,” Chris whined, sprawling out across your shared queen sized bed. “Don’t leave me. I don’t need food, nor do I want it.”

“But you do.” You said pointedly, looking him up and down as you slipped on your Uggs. 

“Nuh uh,” he fought back, smashing his face against a pillow. “You’re making me feel sick by not laying with me.”

“I’m not making you feel sick. Your choices are making you feel sick. No one told you to drink as much as you did.” You chastised gently, crossing the room to kiss his forehead. 

You and Chris, as well as his brothers, had gone out last night with a large group of friends, to include Johnnie and Jake, Tara, Larray, and Sam and Colby. Things had gotten a little…out of hand, leaving you with a very hungover Chris, who was making miserable noises as he clutched his stomach. 

“You’re not even laying with me,” Your boyfriend pouted. “My head and tummy hurt and I wanna be cuddled and you’re being mean.”

“You’re so grumpy when you’re hungover,” You snorted, kissing his forehead again. “I’ll be right back, babe.”

Chris whimpered again as you propped him up with several pillows, tucking him in and making sure he had water and a bucket nearby. You had opted to get him IHOP, figuring a good amount of carbs would ease the symptoms he was currently experiencing as a consequence of overindulging in alcohol. The time between you leaving the triplets house, picking up food, and returning home was less than forty five minutes total, but it felt like an eternity to your hungover boyfriend who simply wanted cuddles and for his headache and nausea to go away. 

You entered the bedroom, takeout bag in hand. “I’m back. Nothing to cure a hangover like a big, greasy breakfast,” You smiled, settling onto the bed and pulling out plastic containers of food. “Once you eat, you can take some ibuprofen for your headache.”

“I’m not hungry.” Chris whispered softly, feeling too unsettled to eat. 

“You know your tummy will feel better once you eat.” You cooed, stroking his stomach over the comforter. 

“Nuh uh.” he groaned, snuggling further into his pillow and blanket.  

“It will and you know it. You know you can’t drink that much, hun. I dunno what you expected to happen.” You explained softly, pushing some hair out of his face gently. 

As much as he wanted to continue to whine and be difficult, Chris had to admit you were right. A good breakfast and some sleep sounded really, really good right about now. He softly sat up, taking a sip of the Gatorade you had left on his bedside table last night. “Mkay…I’ll try to eat, I guess.”

You didn’t say much as you two began to eat your breakfast. You knew Chris probably had a raging hangover headache right about now, and you didn’t want to make it any worse. Once your boyfriend had had enough to eat and taken the pain relievers, he curled up into your side, placing your hand on his stomach. 

“...you were right,” he admitted quietly, always hating to be wrong. “Now I need belly rubs and sleep.” 

“So demanding,” You fake huffed, kissing his forehead. “Get some rest, hun. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ 

4

Chris Sturniolo was not the type to let anyone know he was upset. Sure, he would jokingly whine and complain about things when he felt like being irritating to his brothers, but he would never actually let anyone see when his feelings were hurt. You knew this about him, and after a little over a year together, you knew the signs that he was feeling this way as well.

The four of you were currently sitting in Matt’s car in a random parking lot, filming a car video. You opted to sit in the back and mostly listen with an amused look. After all, this was the triplets video, not yours. They hadn’t really planned a topic for today either, which ever bubbly Chris took to his advantage. 

“I need to pee,” he stated to no one in particular. “I got a new water bottle and so now I’ve been motivated to stay hydrated so I need to pee.”

“Why did you say water bottle like that?” Matt snorted. 

The boys continued back and forth with their bickering for a while, mostly making fun of the way Chris had said the word. You simply sat and laughed, enjoying all the weird conversations that came up, that is until Nick harshly interrupted Chris. 

“Do you ever shut up?” he asked. “Like genuinely, do you ever shut your mouth?”

“I do sometimes.” Chris protested. 

“Nuh uh,” Matt interjected. “You couldn’t go five minutes without talking. I bet on it. You’re one of those people on the list Nick was talking about. The one who could benefit from being quiet.”

“Fine. Time starts now.” Chris ‘locked’ his lips and pretended to throw away the key. 

You knew he was just going along with the video, but you could tell by the slump of your boyfriend’s shoulders and the way he had his forehead resting against the cool window that the comments had hurt him more than he let on. Nick and Matt continued to talk for a few minutes, before landing on a topic that immediately sparked Chris’s mind. He quickly decided to speak up, forgetting about their ‘challenge’. 

“You can’t do it,” Matt laughed, a triumphant look on his face. “Chris can’t stop yapping…wait, that should be the title of this video.”

Nick laughed and fist bumped his middle triplet, but you found the joke far from funny. Chris had slowly curled into himself throughout the duration of the video, speaking less and less. He was still appearing to be smiling and having a good time, but his overall demeanor had shifted, and you could tell his brothers’ teasing was getting to him. 

“We should get home. It’s getting late…” You mumbled softly once the car had quieted down. 

Chris turned around in his seat, giving you a thankful smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Matt nodded at your statement, turning the key in the ignition and beginning the short drive back to your shared LA home. Everyone was quiet, which was a rare occurrence in this car. You would’ve thought that Matt and Nick would’ve noticed Chris’s unusual silence, but somehow they didn’t. Your boyfriend lingered to get out as his brothers clomped inside the house, laughing about a random joke. 

“You okay, hun?” You asked, climbing from the backseat to the driver’s seat, resting your hand on his arm. 

“‘M fine.” Chris mumbled, leaning his head  against the window. 

“You don’t act very fine.” You whispered gently, running your fingers through the soft, brown curls at the nape of his neck. 

“Do you think I talk too much?” Chris whispered quietly, turning towards you. 

Under the bright light of the garage, you could see unshed tears welling in his lash line, threatening to spill. That’s how you knew Chris was upset. He almost never cried, unless he was really and truly upset. 

“Honey,” You said sadly, running your thumb across his cheek. “Of course not, bubba. I love listening to you talk.”

“Well Matt and Nick sure don’t.” he huffed grumpily, but a sniffle made its way out.

“Yeah…I was going to talk to them about that, actually. They were kinda being dickheads to you tonight.” You whispered, always hating conflict between the triplets. 

“They were right,” Chris groaned, burying his head in his hands. “I can’t shut my fucking mouth and everyone thinks it’s annoying!”

“Sweetheart,” You cooed, pulling him into a hug across the console. “I don’t, and I say that with every promise in me. I love listening to you talk, Chris. Your voice is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard and I learn so much from you every day.”

“Really?” he sniffled, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“Really, hun,” You smiled, softly brushing it away. “I love you.”

Chris smiled, giving you a soft peck on the lips. “You always just know, don’t you? You always know when I’m sick or tired or when something’s wrong. God, I love you.”

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ 

5

You had always loved music, ever since you were little. Something about how a simple arrangement of notes could make a person feel so many emotions captivated you. It was like a language that you didn't have to learn to understand. By the time you were eleven, you’d been playing guitar and ukulele, and that later expanded to piano and bass. Music was absolutely your therapy, and you took every opportunity you had to practice your craft. 

You were sitting on the floor of your and Chris’s shared bedroom, strumming softly on your acoustic guitar. For once, the house was quiet because the boys were out filming a video, so you took the time to practice one of the new songs you had been working on lately. Being a music major allowed you very little time for your separate projects, so you would take whatever chance you could get. 

The silence didn’t last long, though. Just as you were playing an Em chord, Chris burst into the room, flopping on the bed. “Hey mamas, how was your day?”

You playfully rolled your eyes, but continued to strum your guitar. “It was wonderful…until I was so rudely interrupted.”

“You know you love me,” Chris teased, rolling onto his stomach and propping his chin in his hands. “Play me a song.”

“God, you are so demanding,” You chuckled. “What’s next? An autograph?”

“Mhm. On my boobs.” Your boyfriend smiled.

You shook your head with a laugh, throwing a guitar pick at him. “You’re insane.”

You didn’t waste any more in Chris’s antics, though. You fulfilled your boyfriend’s request, quietly beginning to play Falling like the Stars and singing along. Chris said nothing more, cherishing the sound of your voice. He loved hearing you sing and play guitar. It soothed him, allowing him to see the passionate parts of you that only came out in your music. He wished that he could do the things that you did, but he had just never taken the time to learn an instrument. 

You looked up at your boyfriend on the bed after you finished the song, smiling softly. You watched Chris for a moment, observing his body language and the way he was looking at you. “Do you…want to learn?” You asked him quietly, a blush dotting your cheeks.

“You’d teach me?” Chris’s cheeks and ears grew pink as he looked at you shyly. 

“I’d love to.” You nodded with a smile. 

Your boyfriend clambered off the bed, sitting down next to you on the rug. You softly began to explain the different parts of an acoustic guitar and how to hold it, before moving onto chords and strumming. Chris had always been a fast learner when he put effort in, and right now was no different. Within the hour, he was already playing slow, soft songs. The chords were still vibrating and it took him quite a while to change them, but it was a song nonetheless. 

“I’m not as good at it as you are.” he pouted after a moment, setting your guitar aside gently. 

“Well I have been playing for ten years, bub.” You chuckled gently, kissing his face. 

Chris wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into him and kissing you back deeply. He loved you with all his heart, and you taking the time out of your day to share your passions with him only made him love you more. As the kiss grew heavier, Chris fell back onto the floor, still holding you as he giggled. 

“I’ve always wanted to learn how to play guitar, you know that?” he asked, pecking your forehead. 

“I could tell.” You smiled. 

“You always can.”

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ 

+1

“It’s such a nice day out today.” You hummed, soaking in the sun as you laid on your towel. 

Chris fidgeted beside you anxiously, but made an acknowledgement towards you statement so as to ‘throw you off his scent’. He had been planning this surprise for months now and he was currently using every muscle in his body to keep his mouth shut so as not to spoil it.

You two were basking in the sun on the beach in Santa Barbara, towels laid out. You had noticed Chris had been unusually quiet all day, but didn’t really think much of it. The beach usually kept him in his own little world, too distracted by the roar of the ocean and the sand between his feet to notice anyone else. You both had always loved the beach, and moving to the LA area after living in Boston your whole life had been a welcomed change. You practically went to the beach every weekend, but today Chris had led you to a new spot he had found. It was rather secluded, but you loved it all the same. It made things more intimate between the two of you. 

“You’re quiet today,” You said after a while, rolling over and propping yourself up on your shoulder. You looked Chris over from head-to-toe, admiring the tiny features about him like the way his curls had grown more pronounced with the salt air and the birthmark on his back. “Beach getting you relaxed?”

“I, uh, yeah. You could say that,” Your boyfriend tried to smile sheepishly, looking you over. Your lavender bikini hugged you just right, making him even more nervous. If he fucked this up while you looked so gorgeous, he would never forgive himself. “Wanna take a walk?”

You smiled, sitting up quickly and beginning to gather your towel. “Sure!”

“No!” Chris said a bit too hastily. “I mean, you don’t need to bring your towel…I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“You can’t just leave your stuff on the beach, Chris.” You giggled. 

“It’s not like anyone’s gonna steal it. Just–trust me, please?” he asked, giving you those blue puppy eyes you could never resist. 

“I guess so,” you fake huffed, taking his hand in your own. “C’mon, let’s walk before the sun sets on us, silly.”

Chris smiled, taking your hand in his own and starting the trek down the beach. The ocean was calling him as you two strolled westward towards the sunset, but that would have to wait. At least until he had finished his plan. The silence between you was comfortable like always, but this time it thrummed with passionate energy. Chris was pretty sure you had no idea what he was  planning, but then again, you knew him like the back of your hand.

“This beach is so quiet. It’s nice when it’s just us,” You smiled. “How did you find this place?”

“Oh, y’know, doing what I do best. Poking around.” Your boyfriend laughed nervously as you came to a beautiful expanse of rock along the beach. 

You immediately ran towards the beauty, smiling up at the wonder of nature. “This is gorgeous.”

Chris took the opportunity of you having your back turned to feel in the pocket of his swim trunks for the tiny box that he had been hiding from you for over a month now. He would admit that he had definitely had a bit of a struggle keeping the secret from you, but it was worth it to see you now, on this gorgeous beach, looking even more beautiful than the view around you. The brunette turned his head to where Nick was hiding out of sight, holding his camera. As much as he wanted the two of you to be alone for this, he wanted the pictures infinitely more. He couldn’t wait to tell his kids about what would be the best day of his life one day, that is, if you said yes. 

He took a deep breath, pulling the box out of his pocket and then tapping you on the shoulder. “I have a question for you, ma.”

By the time you had turned around, Chris was on one knew, holding a tiny, velvet box that held a gorgeous, heart-shaped, diamond ring. “Oh my god…” You whispered, hand flying to your mouth as tears welled in your eyes.

“You are my best friend, baby. I’ve loved you ever since I saw you that day in ninth grade algebra class. Finding out you felt the same way about me was probably the best day of my life. You always listen to every crazy, stupid, and dumb idea I have and I love you for it. You know me better than I know myself. I love loving you; you are my first, last, and only love. Will you marry me, Y/N?”

“Oh my god, yes!” You squealed, throwing yourself into his arms as Chris slid the ring onto your finger.

Chris sniffled as he spun you around, hugging you tightly and kissing you. “This is why I’ve been acting weird today,” he chuckled and blushed. “I was worried you’d find out. You know literally everything.”

“Not everything,” You smiled, showing him the diamond. “You kept the secret so well. Who all knows?”

“Well,” Chris admitted shyly as Nick stepped out from his hiding spot. “Nick knows, obviously, because I needed his help capturing the moment. Matt knows too. Other than that, no one else.”

“You’re amazing, Chris,” You whispered, kissing him again. “I’ve wanted to marry you since I was fifteen years old, you know that?”

“I love you so much, ma. Always have and always will.” 

As Nick continued to snap photos of the two of you in front of the sunset on the beach, you couldn’t help but to feel your heart swell. You hadn’t known what was going on with Chris this time, but for once, you didn’t even mind. 

tags ♡: @aemrsy @jake-and-johnnies-slut @mattsfavwh3re @suyqa @chrissturnswife @mbsbaby @herxyz @mimi-luvzyu @mayhem-72 @faygo-frog @oobleoob @idek3000hi @runasvengence

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#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo imagines #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #christopher owen sturniolo #chris sturniolo fanfiction #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo imagine #matthew bernard sturniolo #matthew sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo fluff #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo triplets x you #sturniolo triplets smut #sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo triplets fanfic #sturniolo

[comicaurora]

Hiya Red! ♥️

This is in regards to something you mentioned about the OST of Last Unicorn.

I love that film and have watched it many, *many* times! And - like you - I always found the duet distinctly... off. I never could pin down why, I just knew it made me uncomfortable and didn't seem to fit. With the movie or even just the rest of the soundtrack. But when you discribed it as 'out of the singers' range' I had something of an epiphany and I couldn't help but wonder what you'd think of it, so here I am. 😆

What *if* that is actually sneaky characterisation/commentary on the romantic subplot? I mean, this whole soundtrack is so well put together I feel like it has to be intentional, right?

The way I see it both singers are straining just like the characters are, for something that is just out of their reach. And also isn't really right for them. And I feel like on some level they know it. That, I think, is why the climax of the song is particularly discordant. It's to signify that them coming together, as they are doing in the scene, is wrong. For them as people and for the story at large.

Dunno. Just my two cents.

I would love to hear your thoughts on it. IF you have the time and energy to spare! No stress! Most of all I just wanted to let you know about a possible (maybe?) reason for this weird thing, just in case it kept bothering you. (As a fellow ADHD brain I know it be like that sometimes. 😄)

Thank you so much for all your hard work! Love your channel so much! You guys are the best!! And can't wait to see your next stream! (You gotta save my giiiirl!!! 😭🐉)

💖💖💖

Tbh I kinda doubt they'd intentionally make music that sounds bad to do that, when there are many musically pleasing ways to signal that a romantic duet is between characters that are actually incompatible - even things like Love is an Open Door, where "we finish each other's-" "sandwiches!" "That's what I was gonna say!" helpfully hints that Hans is fluidly saying whatever he needs to in order to appeal to Anna without making the audience's ears hurt. One of the more impactful bits of the Death Note musical is that Misa keeps trying to have a romantic duet with Light and Light is much too busy having homoerotic duets with L instead, so Misa ends up basically belting a solo over the much more synced-up music of the dynamic duo. It's a musically pleasing way to signal which characters are in sync and which ones aren't. Several songs in Wicked do this too, like in Dancing Through Life where the romantic duo declare that since they're both perfect they must be perfect together, or the song that basically says "I must be happy, because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true."

I think the main thing that makes that duet not work is that it's one of the only parts of the OST that's sung by the main voice cast rather than a professional singer. The composition is solid, but it kinda sounded like it wasn't composed with their personal ranges in mind - possibly composed before they were cast. They could've done what disney was doing - cast a singer for the character songs and a separate voice actor for the dialogue - which they apparently did in the theatrical release, having Kate Irving sing instead of Mia Farrow, but they didn't for the video release, so the voice actors have to just try their best, possibly with only one or two takes to do it in, and the end result is a bit of a mess.

#asks #not aurora

[worldwithoutmiracles]

there are so many weird things that I’ve gotten better at since learning I have ADHD. like recognizing when I need accommodations is so much easier now, it feels like I unlocked a cheat code. I could have been doing this my whole life, but I almost never did. I think I just always assumed the world was right, and if I struggled it must be my fault? and then I thought the way to fix myself was to really concentrate on how bad I’m doing and try to muscle my way into being perfect by shaming myself and doing everything the hardest way possible. it’s SO stupid.

anyways, I’m at a hotel for a few days and trying to get some work done. I’m in the room, at the desk, with my computer in front of me, but I’m finding it hard to concentrate. I pretty quickly 1) recognized the situation and 2) decided the problem was the atmosphere wasn’t conducive to working. the room is really sterile and boring, so I decided to turn it into something that will stimulate me a little more and feel like places I’ve been able to work before. I made myself a cup of tea, put on a coffee shop playlist, turned on the yellow lamp by the bed and closed the curtains. then I turned the TV to a random station but put it on mute. I sort of artificially created a coffee shop, right here in my room!

this was enough of an atmosphere change that, along with talking to myself out loud and finding a way to sit more comfortably in the chair, I was able to focus on my work for an hour or so.

I dunno. this stuff is probably literally stupid for neurotypical people to read. like, I was uncomfortable so I became more comfortable then felt better. great! most people learn to do that at four years old. but two years ago, at 27, I would have beat myself up for not focusing or crawled into bed and totally zoned out to the TV instead, giving up the day as a bust and feeding into a paralyzing guilt spiral.

it’s been so weird to rediscover who I actually am. it’s so wonderful to see what I’m capable of when I listen to and work with myself against the world, instead of siding with the world against myself every single time.

(not me, lightly crying about writing in a google doc for an hour)

#adhd #adult adhd #actually adhd #neurodiverse #neurodivergent #making accommodations is a learned skill #and recognizing when I need them #the problem isn't always me #and I deserve to take up space #and make changes for my comfort #I literally inconvenienced no one by making these changes #and yet part of me still felt silly and annoying for needing them #working on it

[goron-king-darunia]

Eggtober Recap and Masterpost 2023

Untitled Egg Poem Egg Yolk Splattered in a chipped bowl, Limitless potential Broken like the dawn.

Scared of wasted sunrise, Scared of loving white lies, Yearning, Wanting to breathe free.

Prison within a prison, Living without living, I am spinning, toiling, burning, Breaking, sifting, praying, learning, Nothing blooming Nothing growing Tears.

Crackling insanity, A song that boils within me A rhythm Setting me in stone.

And I'll claw in Like dandelions, Vines, like yeast and mold I'll make a mark one day, you'll see.

Rooted, I'll grow my thorns, It's not my fault for being born, Sorry if My laughter is too loud.

I'll make a reverie of mechanical monotony No more apologies Just me. Insects and wriggling larvae, Eggshell like lead paint chips, Star dust doesn't choose its shape.

Pigment from wilted roses, blood spilled by mistake, I refuse to ever break.

Not again.

Eggtober is over. We did it~ The poem doesn't really speak to a current state of mind. Just a pattern of maladaptive thinking I grew up having, being the weird kid. People like the rough edges a lot more when you grow up, I've found. Makes you interesting. Or maybe it's just easier to find your people when you're unapologetically strange online. And I like that Eggtober sort of embraces that. It's not a super serious Inktober challenge. Just a bunch of weird people drawing weird eggs. And I mean that in the best way. People expect there to be a "why" a lot. "Why eggs?" And sometimes there is a why. Sometimes I draw eggs to express something or to symbolize something. But sometimes there is no why. Sometimes it's just because an egg is easy or fun or comfortable. Sometimes an egg just feels right. Sometimes it's just to make something. Doesn't have to be poetic or meaningful. Sometimes you just draw an egg, and that's all it is. And I think a lot of discomfort around art is that everyone expects there to be a why, and if you don't have a why, then your art doesn't deserve to be seen. "Why do you like gorey stuff, kinky stuff, weird stuff? If you can't explain, I'm choosing to believe you're a freak and should be disallowed from creating." And I'm lucky, I think, to not be that popular. I don't get asked these sorts of things. But I see it happen to other people. And sometimes I get it. An answer to the why pacifies. I get uneasy with horror the same as everyone and I pacify it by reading the wiki and learning the secrets and understanding the why. But I think we need to get more comfy making up our own why, or get comfy with the knowledge that sometimes there isn't a why. Sometimes the little brain goblin decides there is no why. They just like the weird little eggs. And that's okay. And I think the reason we make up for other peoples' "why" should maybe stop being "because they're a weird little freak that likes degenerate things." Because yeah, maybe they are. But it's not a bad thing. And the world is a lot more interesting when we accept that we don't always know the why. And the why isn't always as simple as that.

I dunno. I'm rambling a bit. But I'm grateful to everyone that showed up and participated and shared and liked and just... enjoyed existing where the thing happening was lots of eggs and the "why" was just "why not?"

Hoping every one of you has a nice glass of your preferred warm beverage and stays nice and toasty for the rest of the year. (Shout out to the southern hemisphere folks if there are any. May you guys have an iced beverage of your choice and stay nice and cool for the rest of the year.)

Lots of thoughts about Eggtober 2023 and no good way to articulate them, but suffice it to say that having a loose amount of structure like this is very good on my garbage ADHD brain. If anything in the collage catches your fancy, here's the posts in order from the top left to the bottom right. May the rest of 2023 be sweet. I can't wait to see everyone again next year! And don't eat too much Halloween Candy at once, even if it is those yummy gummy fried egg candies.

Eggtober 2023 Posts in Order: (Unfortunately I didn't learn about the speedpaint feature until day 6 😢)

Eggtober 1st: Fried Egg on Green Eggtober 2nd: Lemon Fried Egg (Both Versions) Eggtober 3rd: Fried Egg Cake

Eggtober 4th: Poached Eggs and Asparagus Hollandaise Eggtober 5th: Sheet Pan Fried Eggs Eggtober 6th: Raw Egg (Both Versions)

Eggtober 7th: Painted Egg Eggtober 8th: Rice Crispy Eggs Eggtober 9th: Chocolate Souffle Eggtober 10th: Hot and Sour Soup

Eggtober 11th: Flan Eggtober 12th: Fried Eggs and Bacon Eggtober 13th: Ramen Eggs Eggtober 14th: Tiger Skin Egg

Eggtober 15th: Fried Egg with Berries Eggtober 16th: Cheesy Baked Cream Eggs Eggtober 17th: Mushroom Quiche Eggtober 18th: Cipriani Cake

Eggtober 19th: Pavlova with Strawberry Jam Eggtober 20th: Deviled Egg Eggtober 21st: Hard-boiled Egg and Mayo Eggtober 22nd: Scrambled Eggs with Cheese

Eggtober 23rd: Omurice Eggtober 24th: Shrimp Fried Rice Eggtober 25th: Uovo in Raviolo Eggtober 26th: Image of Fried Egg on Jack-o-lantern.

Eggtober 27th: Tea Egg Eggtober Eggtober 28th: Monster Eggs Eggtober 29th: Korean Egg Bread Eggtober 30th: Fried Egg on Magenta in the Stlye of @quezify

Eggtober 31st: Fried Egg on Burger Eggtober 31st Bonus: Egg Creature from SNOBBISM

Special thanks to my bae, @actualaster for the love and support, @hannikka for the encouraging words, @lady-quen for the ongoing collab, and @quezify for being the best host. Love you all! I am putting the King Sized Reese's and KitKat candy bars in your metaphorical Halloween bags.

#Eggtober 2023 #Eggtober 2023 Recap #my art #art by GKD #poetry #eggs

[snailyman]

surprised that i havent seen any posts about how the rescue base camp is Autism Central

so many of the castaways have fun little quirks and they are Very Normal about their interests, hence why they dropped everything to go to a mystery planet in the hopes of discovering things about their Specific Field Of Study

Outside of just listing every castaway's special interest, specific highlights are:

Bernard - Has a distinct speaking style that implies poor volume control. Seems to not pick up on social cues (entirely unaware that Santi doesn't like him), might be poor at communicating tone himself. Invented a meal-in-a-cup one time, and is also a picky eater, so he probably has sensory issues.

Pitunia - I'm certain that at one point, she only gave me one (1) line (she started telling me more about her Onion Theories later on), telling me to go away so she could study the onion.

Komo - Makes comments about being bad at conversation and making eye contact - her dialogue is written with a pretty flat/monotone tone of voice. Talks a lot about her study of water. Not Even Subtle.

Twyla - Talks about being overwhelmed by the environment. Seems to prefer theory to practical work, mostly because she hates to get dirty.

Kit - Loves to talk about geology!! Uses cute themed terms like "oh pebbles". Needs to be super thorough and exhaustive with his papers, so he submits them a bit slowly... he also frequently apologises for when he starts to infodump :(

François - He wants to be friends with plants.......... the trait of, like, relating to/preferring the company of non-human things......

Sheeba - Is very dedicated when she decides to do something, and seems to be pretty insistent on doing things the way she thinks is correct, sometimes to the point of (self-perceived) pushiness.

Keesh - Infodumps about geology to Kaia. Likes planning and scheduling, and struggles when her plans are disrupted. Enjoys Kaia's company while "quietly working"/not really interacting (parallel play type behaviour).

Chowder - So absorbed in his real-estate work, he rushes into dangerous locales, and works through the entire night, but misses social cues (expected his other workers to have the same work ethic until he was informed otherwise).

Molly - Uses personal language that doesn't have an obvious meaning (describes things as POPping a lot), makes "weird" content but doesn't get why it's perceived that way. Seems to follow trends without entirely understanding them.

Beaux - Super dedicated to acting. Needs real life experience to fully get into a role - maybe either a perfectionism thing (he needs to get every detail right), or that he struggles to imagine things.

Grace - Speaks in her own whimsical way. Mentions not doing well with noisy environments. Much prefers to be in her own environment in space.

Horatio - I dunno it's just vibes.

Bonus ADHD haver Kaia - spaces out frequently, forgets tasks and struggles to work on things long-term, has poor impulse control, struggles with planning ahead and with studying more complex subjects.

i wonder what else other players might have picked up on :)

#pikmin #pikmin 4 spoilers #there is also louie but 1. he is king autism and 2. just talking about the new and side characters #i was really delighted by all the castaways so i wanted to talk about them in-depth :) #i spent a while talking to everyone while writing this to make sure i didnt miss characters #but im sure other folks will pick up on things i didnt!

[obsidiancreates]

One Undead To Another (Chapter 16)

(Trigger warnings for graphic depictions of injury/dying, blood, nightmares)

Gus tips the delivery person and walks back into the main room of the office with two still-steaming burritos in a bag. Shawn feels the memory of salivating at that same smell– god, not even a week ago. Somehow it feels like it’s been years since he woke up cold and starving, but at the same time it’s been seconds. Is that a vampire thing, an ADHD thing, or a trauma thing? Is it worth figuring out? Not right now.

His mouth is bone-dry as he accepts the burrito. It smells good, great, and the way the warmth of it seeps through the tinfoil into his hands is heavenly. He feels no excitement to bite into it. 

“Alright.” Gus sits down at his desk. “Test number one– garlic.”

“I dunno about this, man. I told you I get hungry after I get hurt.”

“Shawn, we need to figure out your supernatural weaknesses before going back to taking cases.”

“I think we can consider garlic a lock!”

“Sunlight isn’t.”

“... Fair. … Fine. But only if you make some posters to hang around so we get some more private cases.”

“Why? Are you hungry again already?”

“...”

“Do I need to pull out the pencil rosary again?”

“Maybe? It’s not… bad. It’s just kind of… there. Can we just– I’m taking a bite, if I burst into flames or turn into a pile of ash just know my text about my Tears for Fears vinyls still applies.”

“Shawn.”

“Just making sure.” Shawn unwraps the burrito. It’s weird, to know something smells so delicious and know it should be making your mouth water and know you should be excited to eat it, but none of that matters. It’s like the whole experience is hitting a glass wall, clearly there, just barely out of reach to him. 

He takes a bite. Shredded pork, salsa, guac, there’s even roasted corn in this one. It’s loaded, incredible, and he can’t really enjoy it because even though it all tastes exactly like it did when he was human it doesn’t mean anything. Nothing is satisfied by it. In fact, the pang of hunger sharpens as the taste of the pork specifically floods his mouth.

It’s meat, and it’s wrong. Close, so close to what he needs, but not right.

“So?”

Shawn swallows. “Didn’t even burn.”

“Alright, garlic is a no.” Gus crosses it off his list. “We’ve gotta find some garlic flowers next and see if those do anything.”

“Garlic flowers? Don’t be silly, Gus.”

“Garlic flowers are another classic vampire ward, Shawn! They’re used in the original Dracula novel!”

“It’s a novel?” 

“We had to read it in the seventh grade, remember?!”

“Not really. I do remember watching one of those old uh, black-and-white movies with Count Dookie.”

“Count Dooku, Shawn.”

“Gus, he was one of the bad guys, let’s not sweat over his name.”

“You’re trying to distract me.”

“Am not.”

“You are! You’re deflecting again!”

“Deflecting? Please.”

“We agreed, last night, that if you got uncomfortable with focusing on the vampire stuff or the psychic stuff you’d say it outright and we’d switch gears.”

“... Alright. Alright, yes, I’m… wanting to change the subject for a while.”

“Fine. Psychic stuff still fine, or no supernatural stuff at all?”

“None at all, man, I just… let’s watch a movie or something. Least that won’t be different.”

“Alright. Hey, I think American Duos is on.”

“Really? … Wow. Their ratings must be terrible, it’s the middle of the afternoon on a weekday.”

“The guy they replaced Zappato with is kind of lacking, and they had to replace Emilina last season and she’s not great either. I think it’s only still on because the producers are afraid of telling Nigel St Nigel he’s off the air.”

“Really? It sounds awful. Let’s watch the entire season.”

“You know that’s right.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Nice of you to join us today, detectives.”

They both freeze in their tracks. Lassiter turns around first, adjusting his tie nervously. “Ready to get back to work, Chief. It was just a 24 hour thing, and I’m firing on cylinders today.”

“We both are,” Jules jumps in.

“Good, because your homicide case wrapped up the other night and we need a few closing details from you both. You’ll find the paperwork on your desks–”

“Chief!” Buzz jogs over. “We just got a report on the wire, body pulled out of a lake. Looks like drowning.”

Jules makes eye contact with Lassiter. Shawn’s abilities really have evolved. 

“Oh, detectives!” Buzz grins at them both. “I’m glad you guys are feeling better today! Oh, um, Detective Lassiter, I put any remains of journals or anything we found from the mansion in a box and left it by your desk.”

The Chief turns to Lassiter with a disbelieving, you-better-explain threatening smile. “Uh, detective, when did you ask Officer McNab to do this?”

Crap. “Uh, over the phone yesterday, Chief.”

“And you heard about the mansion burning down… how?”

“... Well, uh… Spencer! Yes, Spencer called me in the middle of the night, said he had a vision. Normally I would’ve told him to screw off but I… humored, him, when he asked me to tell McNab… that.”

“You… humored… Mr. Spencer?”

“I blame the fever, Chief.”

“Well, then… I’ll blame it as well. If Mr. Spencer thinks something additionally important is in those journals, I’ll let you hold onto them for the moment, but it’s looking like this case is pretty much completely shut, at this point in time. Right now I want this drowning case to be your top priority.”

“You got it, Chief,” Jules says, giving a too-wide smile and overly enthusiastic thumbs-up. The Chief eyes her oddly for a moment, and then walks back to her office.

“Keep it together, O’Hara, you’re the one who convinced me to play along with this crap,” Lassiter whispers as they quickly walk to his desk.

“I’m trying! The bigger the secret, the harder time I have keeping it!”

“Then why in god’s name are we doing this?!”

“Because Shawn doesn’t deserve to go to jail or a mental facility for something he had no control over!”

“You do realize–”

“As soon as I said it. But Shawn’s not one of the the bad guys, Carlton. It’s different. He’s one of us.”

“... Yeah, alright.” Lassiter tries to sound unconvinced as he agrees. They reach his desk and he takes the lid off the box, frowning as he looks inside. “This is what McNab considers salvageable? He’s more off than I was before the divorce.”

“Oh, Carlton.”

“... My therapist says turning the situation into humor could help me move past it.”

“Alright… well, if you think it’s helping.”

Lassiter looks back into the box, slightly flushed with embarrassment now, and carefully looks through. “I don’t know that we’ll get anything helpful from this.”

“Well, maybe they’ll trigger some kind of… psychic revelation for Shawn.”

“We’re bringing him evidence now?”

“He’ll probably steal it out of evidence if we don’t.”

“You finally caught him doing that?”

“No, but, we both know he does.”

“... Fine. At least this way we can ask for it back. … Let’s focus on this drowning thing instead. You were lying when you said you’d call him, right?”

“No, I was not.”

“O’hara, you saw him this morning. He’s not even close to ready to work on a serious case.”

“... Fine. I’ll wait until we have evidence of foul play. If nothing suggests that, I’ll just tell him it was an accidental drowning case tomorrow.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Henry closes the door to the security room and gives himself a moment to chuckle, tossing his badge up once and tucking it back into his suit pocket. He forgot how much he enjoyed flashing the badge to get into places.

He pulls up the security feed from outside the store on the night in question. He scrubs through, trying to pick out any suspicious details.

There. 

Just before 3 AM, a motorcycle is caught speeding by. It’s too blurry an image to tell if it’s Shawn’s bike, but Henry’s always considered ‘confirmation bias’ to be something that applies to other people. His investigations have never suffered from such a thing.

He scrubs through some more. Cars, cars, it’s too dark and blurry on the camera to tell them apart by make or model, much less license plates. The motorcycle is all he’s getting from this. 

He stands up, straightens his suit, and leaves. Maybe he’ll get something better from a more expensive store’s security feed. 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shawn scoots a little further away as Gus lets out a snore and mumbles something flirtatious in his sleep. He thinks he’s getting an okay handle on the hunger thing– his throat is shot to hell again already, the temptation of Gus’s blood a little bit like that time his dad put a marshmallow on a plate and told him if he didn’t touch it for fifteen minutes he could have two. Comparisons keep drifting through his head, all the different things he can taste from having Gus so close, even when he does his best to stop breathing it in. 

Again, the movie snacks aren’t helping whatsoever. He keeps eating them anyway.

His mouth aches again. Pulses with pain in time with Gus’s heartbeat. He should really stop setting up situations where he’s alone with one or more of them.

He leans his head back on the couch and closes his eyes. The sound of the movie is sharp against his ears, just adding to the headache, getting less and less comprehensible as he slowly drifts off to sleep.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Juliet doesn’t have Thornburg.

Juliet doesn’t have Thornburg.

So why is she dying?

Shawn is holding her hand, trying to confess, but the words are stuck in his throat. Jules is wheezing, her eyes bleeding, looking into his with a fear dulled by a thick glaze of illness. Jules is dying. Jules is dying.

Lassie doesn’t get shot in the graveyard.

Lassie doesn’t get shot in the graveyard.

So why is he dying?

Shawn is holding Lassie as he bleeds out– no, he’s holding Mary Light, no, he’s holding Lassie, no, he’s–

Lassie’s blood is spilling out of his chest. He’s looking at Shawn with a level of terror that Shawn never ever wants to see from the detective, never should see from him.

He’s holding Mary again. “Wake up, Shawn.”

Lassie is dying in Shawn’s arms.

Lassie is dying in Shawn’s arms.

Gus doesn’t fall off a cliff when he grabs onto the extreme sports murderer.

Gus doesn’t fall off a cliff when he grabs onto the extreme sports murderer. 

So why is he dying?

Shawn holds Gus at the bottom of the cliff. Gus’s blood coats the rock beneath them. His eyes are completely sightless, his mouth trying to form words that will never come, not with a head injury like this. Gus’s hand grips Shawn’s so tight it hurts, a silent plea to save him.

Gus is dying and Shawn can’t save him.

Gus is dying and Shawn can’t save him.

Henry is not the victim of a plane crash.

Henry is not the victim of a plane crash.

So why is he dying?

Shawn struggles to keep his father’s head straight with one hand as he tries to get the radio working with the other. Henry is barely awake, wheezing, mumbling incoherently. Shawn can’t make the radio work. He can’t call for help.

He looks at his dad and sees regret shining in his bloodshot eyes. Henry reaches out with one bloodied arm and grabs Shawn’s bicep. There’s a tree branch impaled through his abdomen. He looks Shawn in the eye and opens his mouth–

“Wake up!”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shawn sits up with a gasp! His grandmother’s voice screaming through his father’s mouth echoes in his head as he pushes off the couch and runs to the bathroom, splashing cold–

No, no, he’s colder than it is, he switches the tap and splashes warm water on his face. It’s unnatural, it’s wrong, it’s not something his skin should be anymore– the warmth shocks him into full wakefulness.

“Shawn?!” Gus’s footsteps are like hammers against his skull, his quickened heartbeat like a jackhammer. Shawn presses his hands over his ears.

“Shawn!” Gus’s hands are so warm, so warm, warm warm warm blood spilling into Shawn’s jeans from Gus’s skull at the bottom of a cliff–

“WHAT THE–!”

Shawn finds himself presses against the bathroom wall, Gus standing in the doorway with the makeshift rosary held up, wet handprints on his shirt. Gus is shaking. Shawn realizes he feels fangs poking his lip.

He gulps in a breath, pressing his hands to his torso, then his face, holding them out– he repeats until he feels like he’s in his own body again. Gus watches, poised to run.

Shawn shakes his head, trying to knock the last echoes of the nightmare out. They won’t ever go away. They won’t ever go away.

Something clicks. He looks up. “Oh, god. I didn’t–”

“You lunged right for my neck.”

“I- Gus, I’m so– I didn’t–”

“I could tell.” Gus relaxes a little. His heart is still pounding. Shawn realizes belatedly that his voice has gone raspy again. Gus keeps the rosary held up. “What was that?”

“I-I… don’t…” Shawn swallows. They agreed he’d be honest. They agree he had to be honest, at least between the two of them. “I had a nightmare.”

“... About?”

“I don’t… want to talk about it.” If he talks about it he’ll relive it, he’ll have the images take over the real world again and if that happens he’s not sure he won’t try to–

“... Okay. Okay, but– Shawn, that was terrifying.”

“Yeah.”

“And your voice is all messed up again.”

“Noticed that too.”

“... You know, when I went out with Willow–”

“You guys actually went out?”

“Yes! A couple times! Anyway, she told me about this vampire bar place for people who pretend to be vampires.”

“So?”

“So… do you think you could handle just having a little from someone, uh… consenting for their own reasons?”

Flash of white, film grain, stalking up behind the burglar, covering his mouth, sinking his aching fangs into warm soft flesh and drinking–

Shawn shudders– he wishes it was because he disliked the feeling of the memory– vision? … Memory. God, he wishes he disliked it.

“Not doing that, Gus. First of all that’s not my kind of kinky business–”

“Eugh! I was trying not to say it outright, Shawn!”

“I know you were, that’s why I did. Anyway, second, that’s… too, vampire. Way too vampire.”

“... I could see if someone there is willing to donate blood.”

“Gus. You’ll pass out just trying to get the bag here.”

“I can handle it.”

“You don’t want to.”

“It’s that or you drinking me!”

“I won’t drink you!” Shawn doesn’t mean for it to come out panicked– but the way Gus tenses and raises the cross a bit more shows it did, in a bad way. Shawn shakes his head again, looking down and trying to regain some composure. “You– you just shouldn’t have to do that, buddy.”

“You shouldn’t have to be undead. It’s not a fair situation to any of us, Shawn.”

Jules, Lassie, Gus, Henry, bleeding bleeding bleeding dying dying dying Dying And Leaving Shawn Along FOREVER–

“I’m going.” Shawn is snapped out of it by Gus digging his car keys out of his pocket. “You just zoned out again and started shaking. If you don’t get blood, one of us is going to be in big trouble, and either way it goes it’ll be bad.”

“Gus–”

“I’ll just close my eyes or something! I’m putting this in front of the door on my way out, I’ll be back as soon as I can. And I’m letting Lassie and Jules know what I’m doing.”

“... Could you uh, leave out the–”

“Don’t even have to ask. Just… try to relax a little while I’m gone, okay?”

Shawn doesn’t agree or disagree. Gus leaves, and Shawn splashes his face a few more times before going back to the couch. He sits in the spot Gus had fallen asleep in. Maybe he’s imagining it because he’s so cold, but the spot still feels a little warm.

His cell rings a moment later. Crap. He lets it go to voicemail.

“Shawn, call me back, would you? What’s the point of these damn things if you just ignore it all the time? Look, I got a letter about your bike insurance and they’re raising the monthly payments. You put the damn bike on my card so I think I’m entitled to know how well you’re taking care of the thing if I’m going to keep paying for it.”

Shawn groans. He tosses his phone to the other side of the couch. He’ll reply later– or maybe never. 

Henry wheezing, staring with dull bloodshot eyes, reaching out–

…

He’ll reply later.

#psych #psychusa #psych usa #psych 2006 #fanfic #my attempts at fanfic

[cripple-council]

Do you think there's a particular reason why it's people with ADHD mostly/a lot jumping on the cpunk stuff?? I dunno it's just weird.

Had it happen irl too. Jokingly told a friend who has always been fine before btw that "using my cane as a sword to force the docs to give me the meds I need to literally live and not be in massive pain is very cpunk" and they seemed I dunno, unreasonably upset by the joke and indicated that like Adderall was the same as the stuff that keeps me alive and they would never resort to violence but also I don't understand how hard it is for them to not be in Adderall. I was like...???¿

For my friend at least I think it's a strange kind of FOMO with cpunk stuff rather than ableism but I dunno about the rest -shrug-

from my experience they seem to think it’s some kind of cool club where we (the mean cripples) won’t let them join bc “we thing they’re not disabled enough”. which is. untrue.

we are fully aware they are also disabled, just not physically, which is the criteria to join the movement lmao

i also feel like many of them discount our experiences with mental illness and neurodiversity as well in all of this discourse. i think it’s funny getting told “u won’t let me in bc u hate ppl with adhd!!!” or “you’re just ableist to autistics!!!” as if i don’t have both of those and more.

honestly probably a combo of FOMO, wanting to fight/get into discourse to fulfill something in their lives, wanting to be seen as more disabled then u actually are (which is an issue in all disability communities especially when that internalised ableism starts to affect other disabled ppl) and generally just. some ppl are rude as fuck for no reason.

#ask

[aprillikesthings]

OKAY I meant to start earlier in the day but I know once I start it will be difficult to stop lol

but I have some tasty pasta to eat let's go

(how much do you want to bet EVERY EPISODE after this is a two-parter due to the sheer amount of plot bumping into tumblr's images-per-post limit)

s4 ep11 beast island

They're talking about their plan to go to Beast Island and get Entrapta--and side note, the ship goes about as fast as an airplane, judging by the clouds/ocean's movement

will she tho

(I actually don't know! This is one of those plot points I forgot in part because I marathoned the last season and change of the show almost four years ago lol; like seriously from this point on I can remember random specific scenes but not which order or why they happened; it definitely doesn't help that a couple months ago I watched a bunch of She-Ra humor videos that are all, like, just clips from s5 in no particular order)

(seriously if you're a She-Ra fan they're great, they're especially funny if you're high as balls, which Daci and I were when I was like "hey you have to watch these with me they're hilarious")

the globe map is throwing some kind of angry alarm and Swift Wind's senses are tingling

They hit....something!

points to whomever designed that, it looks really cool, and yes, vaguely menacing

okay but you were ALSO told that Princesses were all evil soooo

They find Entrapta's mask and a Horde-made skiff and Swift Wind can hear some kinda weird noise

the ship did call it a Hazardous Materials Disposal Site...

anyway a bug-robot-thing starts to attack them--and Adora can't transform to She-Ra here!

OH HEY so the droning sound Swift Wind keeps hearing that's super fucking creepy is a Shepard Tone! (more info via wikipedia of course)

("April how do you know so much random shit?" I have ADHD and an internet connection. Also in this case specifically, Alex Hirsch once did an AMA in character as Bill Cipher, and he linked to a Shepard Tone and said it was his favorite song.)

Anyway they're attempting to fight the bug and losing

:D I KNOW WHO THIS IS :D

He scares the bug off with magic!! (Shadow Weaver did say he was a powerful sorcerer...)

dun dun DUNNNN

okay so I was confused as to how Glimmer was gonna get in there and duh SHE CAN FUCKING TELEPORT ffs

anyway Light Hope is a computer program and you're not the correct input??? you can't just order it to work pfft

YOU'RE NOT SHE-RA lol

Anyway King Micah hasn't been around other people in a loooong time and is bad with things like "personal space" lol

they're asking about Entrapta and I love that everyone in this show just Knows that Entrapta is like. Into robots. Sexually.

(I'm not looking right now but SOMEone has to have written a fic of Entrapta just making, like, really wild sex toys or fuckable robots, right? Right???)

LOL THAT'S HER ALL RIGHT

Entrapta apparently went to the center of the island but Micah is discouraging them from going. The sound Swift Wind keeps hearing is a signal of some kind from the center--

Apparently the signal is enough to draw people in and drive them mad.

poor dude

Also he thinks Glimmer is still a child and asks about Angella, and Bow and Adora just do a 😬

But they promise to take Micah with them once they find Entrapta and leave

I dunno I think it's kinda cute

Anyway as they keep walking both of them start having moments of borderline-crippling self doubt

Glimmer's killed the spiders that the Crystal Castle sets on intruders and is still trying to harass Light Hope into talking to her:

Apparently yelling that she wants to use the Heart of Etheria was the right thing to say

Back on Beast Island, the signal is getting stronger, Micah is trying to get more information about Glimmer from Bow and Adora, and also they're being hunted by critters:

There's some kind of distorted speech in the signal (which still mostly sounds like a Shepard Tone), and Swift Wind is frozen in place by it and this is happening--

CREEPY AS FUCK

D:

D:

Adora, trying to convince Micah not to give in, blurts out that Glimmer is Queen, oops

D:

D:

oh god there's a flash of light and Adora relives Angella kissing her forehead and telling her "take care of each other," then a bunch of moments of her and Glimmer, then:

"I won't give up, not on my friends, not on Etheria,"

--and she transforms into She-Ra :D

NICE!

The blast frees everyone of the vines and they're back to being themselves

"It wasn't the signal stopping me from being She-Ra, it was me. I was afraid Glimmer was right,"

"But I promise I'd take care of her--take care of everyone, and I will"

(actually you promised you'd all take care of each other, but whatever; like, this is part of her whole character arc)

Side note, She-Ra is taller than Micah by like, half a head minimum

The scary critters all run off because some huge monster shows up, the monster opens its metal jaws, and

and I've run out of images with three minutes to go pfft okay hold on

#april rewatches spop #beast island

[walkawaytall]

Let’s try this again for the fandom asks because I asked you for non-existent numbers the first time. 🤷🏻‍♀️ T, U, V?

Haha...I'm glad you popped back in with letters! :D

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Yeah, I don't care what the Star Wars databank or any other official material says: I think the first half of the The Empire Strikes Back makes way more sense if Han and Leia had been involved romantically in some way or at least were heading very obviously in that direction and were both on the same page, something happened -- whether it was the infamous Ord Mantell trip that we all like to write about or just Leia and/or Han shutting down because of Baggage™ and miscommunication or some weird third thing -- and they called it off all before the movie starts up. Their actions and reactions on Hoth are not those of two people who've been griping at and about each other for three years straight; they're the actions and reactions of two wounded and angry people who still seem weirdly comfortable with being in each other's personal space and working together. I'm not saying it's what the filmmakers intended, but I am saying it makes way more sense than the official "first kiss happened leaving Hoth" story.

I won't die on this hill because I do recognize my own bias as a woman with ADHD, but I do think Leia Organa is written, however unintentionally, as someone who has ADHD.

On an entirely related note, I have grown basically convinced that Leia was not supposed to melt Han out of carbonite when she did. The entire rescue plan is bonkers and makes virtually no sense unless Luke can suddenly see every aspect of the future in HD, but her timing makes even less sense to me. Once again, I don't really think it was the filmmakers intention, but I do think it makes more sense if there was some other part of the plan that she circumvented because impulsivity.

Oh, and this isn't something I have any need to die defending -- it's more just cutesy fun than anything -- but "the Organas have a family snowball fight at least once every winter even after Leia's in the Senate" is a thing that keeps popping up in my writing, so I guess this is a minor headcanon of mine.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Leia Organa - I don't know, she was I think the first fictional character who I wanted to be like. She's strong and smart and capable and also somewhat witty, and those are attributes I admire.

Anne Shirley (are the Anne books considered part of a fandom?) - I just really like all the Anne books? Anne is smart and funny and relatable. She has faults but she is both well-meaning and generally kind. These books are just really special to me, especially Anne's House of Dreams and I really, really like how Anne both grows as a character as she ages while remaining truly herself.

Remus Lupin - I dunno, I just love Lupin a lot. He's one of the more responsible adults at Hogwarts, seems exceedingly kind to his students, and he carries around chocolate. What's not to love?

V - Which character do you relate to most?

I mean, if we're talking Star Wars, I do relate to Leia some. Not in everything, but...I mean, at the very least, she seems to compensate for not knowing what to do by making sarcastic jokes, and if I'm not making jokes during a stressful/distressing situation...well, it's because I learned that there's a time and place for everything and some people aren't appreciative of that sort of coping mechanism, but I'm still thinking them.

Thanks for the questions!

fandom asks

#fandom asks #ask game

[whimsyandmetaphor]

I dunno who needs to hear this today, but one of the most groundbreaking things I learned recently is that, because I have ADHD, a 'day off' doesn't necessarily mean doing nothing. Often, when I need a 'day off' it's not a day off from Doing that I need, it's a day off from Regulating. Sometimes a day off looks pretty much like a work day except that I don't stop myself bouncing between projects, getting 'distracted' working on a Shiny Thing, half-finishing something and then leaving the rest for later. It probably will mean being a bit weird to my housemate later today because I'm pretty sure I can feel myself losing the ability to verbalise, and I might just wander round the house and stare at things instead of interacting with him like a normal person. And what's more, that hasn't changed now I'm on meds. Meds don't take away the fact that I've been working ten or eleven hour days for more than a month now, and while that's fine for a short while and with the support and resources I have, when I need a break, this is the kind of break I need.

#neurodivergent #ADHD #regulation #disregulation #day off #self care #anyway I'm off to learn HTML for three hours probably

[lordirony]

Hmm, some thoughts on my behavior about my art lately... and then some

So like if you've been following me for awhile, maybe this is noticeable. Maybe not. idk. But, I haven't been sharing much of my art like outside of patreon. And it's weird because it seems not to be fear-based? Like I personally do not care if my art gets scraped or whatever like have fun with it, it's not going to help you, so ai shit is not a factor in this. I just cannot seem to Remember to share stuff. Honestly, even on Patreon a lot of the times. Like i'll post stuff (besides my comic) like a week or so late. And then who fucking knows if it'll see the light of day outside of patreon. I am Forgetting because I am not feeling the need(?) or any reason to really share???? And I -think- it's because I've been so disconnected with people and life, that I'm like forgetting that the reason why I share my art in the first place is "hey maybe some rando I will never know will like this". And like forgetting that's a possibility? Not in a "I dislike my art" but in a "people don't care about my art" way instead.

Though I could be so bold as to push that further and say I'm in a huge funk right now. A huge "people don't care about me" funk. And again, not because I think I'm a bad person or anything, it's like "I'm someone but no one cares and I just have to deal with that I guess". So I'm isolating in weird ways. Go through bouts of not talking to people or even my friends. And then have a moment where I feel like I can share Something and like ... whatever I'm hoping/expecting doesn't happen so I conclude that I need to shut up and mind my own business.

Occasionally we get to the "what's the point of anything, why am i even here (in this existence)?" but that means I'm tired and need to sleep.

I dunno, I am hoping and begging things will change once I have my own place and once I'm on fucking adhd meds lmfao. I'm so sick of this detached-from-everything state.

Also I've been hating doing any sort of venting anywhere so this is an impulse thing basically

#lordy blog

[cross-armageddon]

I got too silly (again)

Before I say anything though, I must add something offtopic - this will not be a daily thing

I've uploaded the PJO AU sorta daily until now, because I had thoughts already - the rest of the characters' powers will require more thinking on my part. Also, I'm going to London for a few days soon, which means I won't have access to my tablet.

I MIGHT make an update for Prima Vista though, so when you're lacking in content from me, just head to AO3 to catch up with my prsk OCs

You can also send me asks with ideas for the PJO AU or questions to both the AU and Prima Vista during my vacations (Wednesday till Sunday) and I will reply to all of them as soon as I will have a break from sightseeing and have wifi (I'm silly like that).

Well then.

Leo/need (1/2)

(if you're disappointed it's not niigo or vbs, im disappointed in myself too)

The Honami Hephaestus is honestly a really cool idea in general, I'm very confident it fits her the most.

You wouldn't expect her to be a fire wielder after how Leo was in the series, but yet - that's exactly what she is to me. She has way more control over it, as she has to focus really hard and be extremely calm to get a spark, so exactly the opposite of Leo, that can straight up blow up if he gets too angry or excited.

As a Hephaestus daughter, she's naturally good with electronics and machinery. Everyone just kinda assumed she learned how everything worked while homekeeping, but in reality she doesn't actually know any theoretical stuff. She just moves something or hits it and the thing is fixed.

Also, I'm spreading Honami buff agenda. Her training at the camp gave her some muscles and yeah

yeah

Usually it's not noticeable, so people get shocked if she doesn't cover her arms or stomach, because "wtf where the fuck did she get those??"

Also, I feel like Honami would become a huntress of Artemis. Whether or not the rest of Leo/need would follow her is purely up to interpretation. On one hand I feel like they would, but then again - Saki would get extremely close to pararelling with Thalia and. I d

I don't think Tsukasa wants to follow Jason's footsteps actually.

On another note

Why is Ichika unclaimed?

I could make so many fucking excuses as to why she's unclaimed, but I will actually stay silent about it. Yall can give ideas and your reasoning for certain godparents tho 👀

hmu in my askbox

Anyways, since Ichika is unclaimed, she sometimes gets some weird looks and is a part of the "weirdos" from her Cohort.

(You WILL get dragged into my OC content, because I cannot shut up about them)

Ichika is a demigod, she has the same ADHD and dyslexia and she can see monsters. It's just that she doesn't know what potential she has, since she doesn't have a godparent. Her story is about finding out which god will claim her and what will make her godparent proud of her.

(Ichika is Kaii's older cousin in the Prima Vista canon, Kaii's mom is one of her parents' older sister. Which one? I dunno, the one that looks more like Ichika.)

Because Ichika doesn't know her powers, she spends a lot of time fighting, because what else could she focus on?

I must admit, her weapon idea is so fucking badass tho.

Percy had a pen that could transform into his sword and Ichika has something similar, but I kind of went crazy with it

The hook snaps very easily off her neck and after it snaps, the guitar pick transforms into her longsword. The handle on said longsword has the hook and loop still in tact, for whenever she doesn't need it anymore - it goes back to being a normal guitar pick necklace and she can wear it without unhooking it.

She plays the guitar with it too and finds no issues with it, actually amazing weapon, I'm very in love with that design.

Awawawa that's all I had for now, I'm going to have to actually start thinking of more powers now oh no

I might have to research the gods (aka refresh my memory from 7 years ago) again for inspiration and hope for the best.

Also, I think I should've done it earlier, but this is the list that like, 5 people maybe, worked on

If you see anything you like and any ideas for their powers, yeah go ahead and hit up the askbox 👀

I'm very interested to keep this AU semi-open - I allow people to engage in it! If you wish to make your own content with my ideas or add something of your own too, you can! If you're still unsure about things, you can also ask for my permission (if that makes you feel better).

#project sekai #prsk fa #prsk oc #pjsk #prsk x pjo #pjo au #ichika hoshino #honami mochizuki #minori hanasato #kaii kotebiki #hayato edogawa

[cloysterbell]

i havent seen the last couple episodes of leverage but i saw your tag saying you dont like what they're doing to parker and im not sure yet how i feel about parker this season, but do you want to talk about what you're thinking?

So Flanderization is a trope where you take a multi-dimensional character and boil them down into one typically exaggerated element, usually for comedic relief purposes. At the end of S5, Parker was the Mastermind. She had undergone such bonkers character development, going from the weird loner who only cared about making a quick steal to becoming the only person to ever succeed in the White Rabbit because she understands. She talked what the hell's his name down from that ledge by talking to him about making a choice and seizing control of his life and not letting his past drag him down. She became someone who Nate, that shitlord bastard of a man (affectionate), was proud of, which is no easy feat.

Fast forward to Redemption where she's this like, ADHD scatterbrained parody of herself who only seems to care about vents and thievery. Yes, we get the occasional moment where old!Parker shines through like in The Date Night Job where she connects with that kid and the whole "we're both the Doctor" moment with Hardison, but those seem pretty few and far between, mostly because she also feels pretty absent this season? I know Beth directed an episode or two but she's barely in half the episodes and when she IS there, she feels almost like... comic relief, which is not what Parker is.

In OG Leverage, they had the running bit where you never see Parker enter or leave a room which the continue in Redemption, but instead of having Parker just sitting on a counter eating cereal or something benign, just always being there without ever showing up, they always seem to have her pop in with this crazed look in her eyes. It's little stuff like that, where it's never casual but instead it's like they have to keep reminding you that she's weird and quirky.

I dunno, look, I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to TV and I'm very good about overlooking things I don't like and focusing on things I do, but I put a lot of eggs into Parker's basket during my watch of the OG series and something about this is rubbing me the wrong way. It just feels..... disrespectful, you know?

#questionbell #anonymous #and look. i don't like to have negativity here because i don't like to dwell on things i don't like #being negative just brings down everyone's vibes and i'm not about that. i just move on and that's that #but more and more watching redemption just feels like a chore #i just want. eliot and parker to be friends again #did the writers all collectively forget about 4x01 'it makes us us'??? #if eliot is going Through It with his dad parker should be the first in line to comfort him in that awkward way that he finds endearing #even redemption s1 gave us that! (not a lot but still OCCASIONALLY) #i dunno man. it's............ mmmm

[babycharmander]

Hi! Uh, do you have any Raz Headcanons you'd like to share?

I dunno, I just think you're really cool and wanted to give an ask heh

Oh, thank you! %D

I have a few! Which are ... totally not projection, nope.

I headcanon Raz as grayromantic ace! He seems pretty grossed out or weirded out by a lot of the romance going on at camp, which I know is not inherently an ace trait, but that's how I was, so shhhhh. The grayromantic part comes from how he finds himself falling for Lili sortof out of nowhere, though romance had clearly been the farthest thing from his mind. It's not really demiromantic since he didn't get to spend a lot of time with Lili before falling for her, but still, romantic attraction is something that's pretty rare for him.

(and again yes I know he's a kid but looking back I can see traits of my own aroaceness as far back as like 1st grade so shhhhh)

I also very much headcanon Raz as having ADHD just because I recognize so many of my own ADHD traits in him. His heavy obsession over certain topics (the Psychonauts and psychology in general), his constant need to move around, his being a little chatterbox, his CONSTANT note-taking and constantly updating his very organized planner, his sketching in the margins of his planner?? Seriously all the note-taking and maintaining of a planner (and even doodling in the margins of it) is classic ADHD coping mechanisms (and one of the main reasons it took me until my 30s to find out I had ADHD because I found coping mechanisms that worked for me oops).

Also I have this silly headcanon that like, when Raz started developing zoolepathy, he would hear the thoughts of mice and rats and whatnot at night, and wake up his siblings, insisting that there were people trying to get into the cart, or thinking that there were monsters or ghosts outside. (Which, I think his zoolepathy is still pretty basic and mainly limited to "pest" animals like rats, squirrels, mice, etc, and he can't always understand them 100% of the time, though he could probably develop the skill more later.)

There's probably more, but those are the ones that come to mind right now, haha.

#razputin aquato #psychonauts #bc answers nonsense #doodle88