#i feel like as soon as i turned 16 my mom reverted back in to being a high school girl and she treats me like that
grrr rant in tags
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zeke yeager | my baby
this is bc of the new episode; i’ve known his backstory for a while but i didn’t come up with the idea until now LFMAOOAOA
anyways zeke supremacy
edit: this is so bad but enjoy LMFOAOAOA
warnings/notes: this is strictly platonic, takes place in canonverse during zeke’s childhood then to the beginning of season 4, cursing, mentions of mental abuse from family, murder, fem!reader(feel free to change if u want), yeah i’m unoriginal and the reader is the female titan before annie, angst,
when you first met zeke, zeke was extremely hesitant towards you.
grisha and dina had brought you into the house, a 17 year old girl who had soft and gentle eyes along with a nice smile. zeke had recognized you from the warrior program. you hadn’t inherited your titan just yet, you still had a few more years before they would allow it to be given to you. your predecessor gained the titan around your age, no one really knows why. zeke assumes that it must be a similar case with mr. ksaver and himself.
it shocked zeke in all honesty. they’re letting a warrior watch over him? one that isn’t in cahoots with his mother and father?
it wasn’t until grisha and dina pulled him into a different room and told him to get information on your views that he understood why. they wanted to use you, just like they wanted to use zeke. the worst of it all was that zeke knows you. he looks up to you, you graduated third out of all of your peers, you express love with the younger candidates such as zeke.
he felt like curling up in his bed and crying, he didn’t want you to babysit him just so his parents could use you.
but whenever the couple left, your arms encased him in warmth. you were hugging him tightly to you, fingernails surely digging into the fabric of his shirt. he felt his eyes widen whenever he felt a drop of a liquid on his shoulder. you were crying.
you pulled away and put a hand on his cheek, looking at him with endearment. zeke started crying at this, not once had dina touched him like this. not once had grisha looked at him like this.
“it’s okay, my boy,” you pull him close again, “i’m here.”
for the first time, zeke wasn’t cowering in a corner while he sobbed. he sobbed in the arms of a person, one that loved him dearly whether he knew it or not. you were even crying for him.
“my mother and father were apart of the same group,” you whispered as you stroked his hair, “they pushed me so far to my limits.”
“so, i did something i regret,” you sob, “something i hope you’re never forced to do.”
your whimper gave him chills, “i murdered my mother with a butcher knife and pinned the crime onto my father. all at the age of ten. to this day, i don’t know how i got away with it. maybe the police pitied me or found it excusable because of their affiliations with the group.”
“you hurt someone,” he sniffles, eyes widened in fear.
it gave you a frown, however you couldn’t blame him, “i did. it was mistake and i wish i had never done it. i just wished for my mother and father to love me, not to use me. after that, i found myself in the warrior program. maybe with this power, i could do some good. to show marley that us eldians are not devils.”
you rid him of his snot and tears with your shirt, “when i saw your father the time he came to observe you, i was immediately able to tell. your reaction had said it all. i can’t allow myself to witness you go through what i did without doing something. even if it’s small.”
he blinks at you after you softly kiss him on his forehead.
“now, is there anything you want to do?”
————
that afternoon, you played catch and volleyball with zeke. after that, you bought him whatever meal he wanted from the market and ate with him at the table. he told you about his stuffed monkey, who he named jerry, and his adventures.
he was sad when you had to leave, to which dina and grisha informed him you would come to their home sparingly. although he was delighted, he was also sad.
the next day, you doted on him during the short breaks between his training. patting his head, shaking him by his shoulders, and giving him a hug. when lunch came around, you pulled out a home cooked lunch for him as you sat on a bench. you would give him advice with training and his health while he ate.
he even shared some of his food with her.
after that was his time with ksaver. he didn’t see you during that time, obviously, but that didn’t mean you didn’t come during their conversations.
zeke was surprised to hear the praising from ksaver. ksaver said that you were a good figure for him and that you had a genuine heart. it made him feel at ease.
when the day was over, you walked zeke home and even ate dinner with him and his parents. it was a surprise that made you slightly bitter, but you accepted nonetheless.
they talked to you excitedly, asking about your duties as a warrior. you exceptionally avoided answering the questions, instead prodding at their own occupations and duties.
in the end, it felt like a game of tag. avoiding and then charging.
the night you were on your way to watch zeke, you felt your heart drop at the feral screeching of grisha and the reassurance of dina. you banged your fist against the door worriedly, sweat forming at your hairline.
the yelling stopped and you heard the patter of footsteps against the floor. dina looked flustered as she opened the door, face tear stained and eyebrows knitted up in concern.
“oh, (name), we don’t need you to watch over him anymore.”
“no, please, allow me,” you put on a fake smile that made her relax.
“you can take him out for a bit,” she, surprisingly, compromised and stepped aside to let you inside.
you bolted to zeke’s dark room. he was in a corner with his knees pushed against his chest and his hands covering his ears. his tears were making puddles on his knees as he stared blankly at the wall. you rush to him, pulling his head into your chest and picking him up.
“it’s alright,” you whispered, “you’ll be with me for a little bit.”
he didn’t respond but just wiped his eyes when he realized he would pass by his mom. you gave dina a brisk goodbye before leaving and taking him to a nearby park.
“it’s alright, my boy, it’s alright,” you coo and stroke his sweaty back.
for once, he felt okay.
————
the day zeke reported his parents, you held him in your arms. from then, he stayed with his grandparents and often found himself spending time with you after training when his schedule allowed it.
now, zeke is 16 and you’re 29. zeke was often seen with you or ksaver during his free time, now having the power of the best titan secured when ksaver’s term is up.
you mentor a girl named annie leonhardt, the next inheritor of the female titan. zeke occasionally sees you and annie catching some bugs in the grass during your mentoring. other days, you talk to her or just look at the sky. once at the beginning of the year, he once saw you take annie ice skating over a lake.
when he spends his time with you, you’re often doting on him and taking care of him. one time, you convinced the kids and some of the older soldiers to all play a game of baseball after your training was over.
you walked the extra mile for zeke no matter what. zeke was in trouble during a war and you swatted him into the trenches with your hand before attacking the enemy a year ago. whenever zeke would get hurt, you’d be his nurse.
if zeke’s being honest, you’re the maternal figure in his life. you act as if he’s your son, love him like he’s your son, and sometimes you even let it slip and call him that. sometimes zeke messes up and calls you mom.
in your eyes, he is your son.
in his eyes, you’re his mom.
but with being a parental figure came with fighting. it didn’t happen often, but whenever it did it was bad. zeke would become more irritable and angry while you would become reserved and melancholy.
when zeke was 14, you got into a fight so bad that it ended up getting you bedridden. you’d been sick from stress and it lasted for weeks until zeke swallowed his pride and apologized.
it almost made bertholdt, annie, reiner, porco, pieck, and marcel laugh at how domestic the two of you are when together. but as soon as you left zeke’s side, he would revert back to his quiet and receptive personality.
“zeke, my boy,” you call as you walk towards all the warrior candidates, “i’ve got your favorite.”
“thanks,” he hums when you stand beside him.
“i also brought some food for you all too. since we didn’t have training today, i thought you all could enjoy a nice break by having a picnic,” you clap your hands with a smile and they all feel like they’re seeing an angel.
they all agree and follow behind you when you start leading them towards a grassy field. you set the basket down and rummage through it, pulling out a nice thick blanket so the blades of the grass wouldn’t poke through.
“help me lay this out,” zeke sighs but obliges.
with zeke’s help, everyone is sitting on the blanket and eating and conversing. you listen quietly as you chew on the sandwich you made.
“miss (name),” pieck’s soft voice said beside you, “thank you for the picnic.”
you smile and shake your head, cheeks puffing out from the food that’s still in your mouth.
“can we do this again,” shyly asks reiner.
you gulp down your food and choke a bit, “y-yes! of course!”
you turn to zeke and speak quietly, “how was training yesterday?”
“it was fine. my calves are kind of sore though, it’s been a while since we did squats,” he shrugs and looks up, “ksaver let me pitch to him again.”
“i’m assuming it was at least enjoyable?”
“yeah...,” he trails off, “could you massage my calves for me in a little while?”
you pinch his cheek as you laugh, “of course! anything for you, my child.”
he chuckles while he swats at your hand, “quit that. it hurts.”
before you could pinch him even harder, porco’s loud voice interrupted.
“miss (name), are you zeke’s mom?”
his brother and annie hit him, scolding him in whispers.
“i-i’m so sorry miss (name)..! my brother means no harm,” marcel stutters nervously.
“it’s alright, i don’t mind,” zeke’s slightly flustered, “but no, i’m not zeke’s mother.”
“so why do you act so friendly?”
“i met zeke when i was 17 and he was just a little boy. i would watch him while his grandparents were away,” you lie like it’s nothing.
“i’ve always seen zeke as my little boy though even if i’m only 13 years older,” it has them all gaping and zeke staring at his food.
“why’d you become a warrior then,” reiner blurts out, slapping a hand over his mouth in shame, “sorry... but with all due respect, you have a family you love and who love you... why would you let your life end so short?”
for just a second the smile on your face cracks into a frown as you feel your throat tighten up, “why are you asking such disrespectful questions? i understand you have no malicious intent, however it sounds as if you are seeing my decision as an ignorant one. are you calling me ignorant for becoming a warrior?”
zeke just looks away sadly. you never really had to put on this demanding ploy too much since no one dared to ask a question such as reiner did. not to mention that you had to in order to keep your position. reiner scrambles to pledge his loyalty to marley with your eyes burning holes into his head.
the others slightly cower in fear, they’d only ever heard that you could be like this from their mentors. but when they all looked in your, now, sad eyes, they relaxed.
“but, to answer your question,” you say reluctantly, “i was already selected to inherit the female titan.”
“now,” you cough and zeke knows it’s because you want to cry, “i need to go.”
they all help you get everything together, fidgeting anxious as they watch you walk back to the dorm. when you were far enough away, porco shouts at reiner for asking such questions and ruining the picnic. it ends up with annie joining in with the berating and marcel slapping porco upside the head.
zeke just leaves and follows you. he can’t be bothered to listen to them argue while you’re probably crying.
zeke knew it was about your 13 years coming to an end, meaning you wouldn’t be with him anymore. the first time he brought it up, you sobbed out apologies while holding his head to your chest. zeke knows not to bring it up again.
however, reiner didn’t. although he was slightly frustrated with reiner, he understood that he meant no harm to you. sometimes reiner just doesn’t think before he speaks.
zeke finds you with your head in your hands as you cry on your bed. the creaking of the door opening has you looking up and making eye contact and your eyes fill up with tears. zeke shut the door behind him and sat next to you after you pat the spot beside you.
zeke knows what’s going to happen, but allows it anyways because it puts you both at ease.
you cradle his head to your chest, stroking his hair with one hand and his back with another. zeke feels himself starting to cry when you cry out apologies and exclamations of love.
“zeke, my boy, i love you,” you whimper, “i’m so sorry i cannot be by your side until i grow old.”
zeke’s fingers curl into the fabric of your shirt and let’s out a broken sob.
“you’re the light of my life, zeke,” you whisper, “my beautiful boy, my beautiful baby.”
his shoulders shake and he wanted to tell you to stop and to pull away. but he won’t.
“you’re the son i never had, zeke, did you know that,” you sob and squeeze him tight.
it has him wailing and holding you tight. though zeke knew this, you never said it out loud.
“my baby, my baby,” you croak, “i love you so much, zeke.”
“love you too,” he chokes out, muffled by your shirt.
“zeke, my boy, my son, my zeke.”
“please don’t leave me,” it makes you sob even louder.
“i’m so sorry, zeke, i’m so sorry.”
————
zeke couldn’t look in annie’s direction after your term ended and her’s started. even at 29 years of age, he still curls up in a ball and cries himself to sleep. he carries a photograph of the two of you, he remembers taking the picture on your 26th birthday.
back on marley, whenever you were brought up in conversations, reiner, porco, and pieck stared at him with sympathy.
after zeke’s arms grow back on the blimp, he pulls out the folded photograph from his pocket. he stares at your beaming smile.
“who’s the girl,” eren asks, ignoring how yelena looks at him fiercely, “when’d you get a girlfriend?”
zeke shakes his head, “not a girlfriend.”
“who is she then,” eren gestures with his hand, the clinking of the metal chains echoing in the small room on the blimp.
“my mother,” he murmurs while he hands it to eren.
“dina doesn’t look like that.”
“eren, did you ever see a memory of a woman being introduced as a babysitter?”
“now that it’s being mentioned, yea.”
“that’s her,” the memory has him chuckling, “she treated me like her son before she died.”
eren transfers his gaze to yelena, a silent request for her to give more information.
“(name) (last name) was the inheritor of the female titan before annie leonhardt. she inherited the titan a few months after she turned 17, her predecessor, flora, was unexpectedly injured during war and was not able to regenerate. although disorganized and unexpected, (name) managed to eat flora. she died at the age of 30 when annie ate her as a pure titan,” yelena elaborates hesitantly as zeke’s small smile fades, “she was often recognized for her kind personality and optimistic attitude.”
“i see,” he said.
“were you her beautiful boy,” eren taunts.
“yes. i was.”
he sounds sad while he folds it back up and puts it in his pocket.
maybe he could be the same to eren.
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Skinny Bone Jones
Skinny Bone Jones
Chapter 1
Chapter 2 coming soon!
9k words
This is my baby Park Jaehyung and an AU in which y’all are dealing with the coronavirus together in LA. Jae grew up with Y/N and you were childhood friends. You stayed close but haven’t seen each other in ages. Now you’re both back.
Teeth rotting fluff, possible smut in future chapters (lets see if I have the balls to post it), Y/N has a strong proclivity for a certain guitarists hands. And honestly, who can blame her? TW: Confrontation with a nasty old ex, Coronavirus, Quarantine, overbearing parents.
...
This fucking sucks.
Closing your laptop, and shoving it off of your lap to the side of your bed, you are struck by exactly how warm the underside of your Netflix Machine was in contrast to the chilly room. Well, 3 hours of To Catch a Predator in, and sure, your old 2011 Dell dinosaur is going to be a little mad at you. I've got to do something today. Anything.
Week 3 of your quarantine is coming to a close and on this breezy LA Thurs-Fri-Turday (who the hell knows anymore) you can feel the last tendrils of your sanity escaping with the setting sun. It just doesn't stop setting. And rising. And setting. And rising. Tortuously slow some days and before you can even get out of bed the next. Not that you get out of bed much.
Alright. That's it. I'm gonna do something. I have to. It's time to make some art, bake some cookies, go for a run, tell someone around me how much I value them, topple the patriarchy. I am going to get up and do something with my life and damned if I get in my own way again. I am unstoppable. I am formidable. I am inevitable.
Rising from your rumpled bed clothes with the steadfastness of a slightly anemic Viking (whoa I’m woozy, I shouldn't have stood up so fast. Shit, when's the last time I ate?) you cross to the large bay window that faces the street. You throw your curtains open, ready to face the day, only to be faced with… stars starting to twinkle at you out of the inky blackness. Dammit. I'm gonna have to defeat systemic oppression tomorrow.
Squinting from behind your glasses, you see that the stars are not stars at all but helicopters blinking down at you. You haven't seen real stars since your trip to Big Sur last summer. Although you moved to LA when you were 7, you have vague recollections of the Korea that you loved as a young child. Your parents had picked up and moved to the States after years of struggling through VISA's and citizenship red tape. Your mom and dad had originally meant to get married and have you in the US. The land of opportunity.
You now chafed slightly under that blanket of opportunity as you are far too aware of the responsibility you have been given to make the absolute most of it. From the ripe old age of 8 you had been conditioned to follow your dreams to their fullest. As long as those dreams were to become a doctor, lawyer, or marry a CEO. Your parents cared about you greatly and you knew that. They only want security for you, happiness comes from security. Now 25, you can't quite remember the last time their overbearing nature had been quite this...potent. You were in your final year of medical school at USC and there was nowhere to run. It was time for you to begin your foray into the 'real world' of residency. The same post-undergrad 'real world' that you had watched all of your non-premed friends crash land into. They had all distanced themselves from you, both figuratively and literally; intentionally and inadvertently. Divorced, Beheaded, Died: Divorced, Beheaded, Survived. You had watched you friends get married, have kids, sabotage marriages, buy houses, do well, do poorly. And here you were in some kind of bubble both safe and isolated from all of the uncertainty beyond the classroom.
Jokes on you, Jessica, now we're all screwed, you find yourself thinking for the upteenth time over the past month. You had been watching the Coronavirus since December and knew exactly what was to come. You did all that you were capable of as a not-quite certified medical professional and tried to convince people of the reality of the threat, convince them not to panic, and to exercise a reasonable level of preparedness. Well, that didn't work. You found yourself sunk into a deep well of frustration and futility at the action and inaction that was being exhibited throughout the States. For the first weeks of quarantine you found yourself glued to your phone, helplessly watching the tragedy unfold and the stupidity that was ensuing. By week 2 your empathy had burnt out and you knew you couldn't watch that world anymore. K-drama's it is. After completely obliterating Crash Landing on You, Itaewon Class, and rewatching Descendants of the Sun for the eighth time just because it's so. damn. cute!, your parents started to get a little concerned.
Your stomach growled and you realize you, in fact, haven't eaten since early this morning. As you consider what the consequences of emerging from your cave of a bedroom might have, you resign yourself. Five minutes later you are hovering in the kitchen with a bowl of leftover whateverthefuck in hand, you turn to see both of your parents at the bar stools staring at you with a look of concern that you haven't seen in years. Shit, I keep forgetting, they think I'm functional. Your parents had shipped you off to Health Careers College Prep school, a boarding school in Sacramento, when you were 16. Upon graduation there with your high school diploma, nurses aid, and dental hygienist's certificates, you immediately started at USC premed. You hadn't lived at home since your Jonas Brother's phase. As much as your parents loved you, they didn't really know you. This had been overwhelmingly obvious when the USC campus closed and you returned home to open arms and your bedroom frozen in the clutches of 2009. Your parents had welcomed you home with tearful hugs and a new gift for your room. I know how much you love that Kevin- boy. And your room is so old. Come. Come. Already wary and wondering who the hell is Kevin? you allowed yourself to be led to your old room and set your bags down with a deadened thump. You tried so hard not to laugh, You really did. They're trying so hard. But like, Where did they even find this monstrosity? You had been staring up at the largest poster of Kevin Jonas that you had ever seen every night for 3 weeks and it was starting to get to you.
Regardless of the decor (purple fuzzy lamp shade included), there were so many parts of living at home that were so foreign to you. Although everything was completely the same, you were worlds different and it was disorienting. Your bed seemed smaller, the walls shorter, the colors dimmer. Everything that made that house your home was still there, only you had changed. It was like you were in a coma and had just woken up, the rest of the world unchanged but with 10 more years under your belt. Your therapist would tell you that you were reverting into a childlike state because of trauma and surroundings. Hush, Mollie, I don't need that right now. I need food.
Food was honestly what was keeping you sane and civil. Your parents own a pho shop just down the street that was still taking carry out and delivery orders for pho, crawfish, whatever they had lying around. You had been helping out in the kitchen and with deliveries since you had been home. As freeing as the drives have been, you really come alive in the kitchen. You had been watching your mom make pho and dumplings for years and although she sent kimchi to your apartment every month or so, you missed your moms cooking. And her kitchen. You immediately took to cooking just like you had when you moved off of USC campus and into an apartment with some friends. You had 12 burners! That all worked! A convection oven! Two of them! Kitchen Aid's! You had no problem opening up shop at 8am every morning to prep the dough and get the stock boiling and all of the other things that her mother and father had been doing for the past 20 years.
Returning to your room after rinsing out your bowl and chopsticks, and exchanging goodnight's with your parents you sit on your bed and tell yourself to go to bed. You have to be up at 7am for the kitchen. You need to chop scallions for the pork and chive dumplings so it has time to coagulate. Come on, Go to bed. No phone. It was a pitiful attempt, really. You had been pulling med-school grade all-nighters since your junior year of high school and nothing was stopping you now. Turning on your side for easy access to your charger, you plug your phone and coast through Instagram, Youtube, Twitter, Tinder for an indeterminate amount of time before your eyes start to get heavy. Instagram was just filled with all of your peers from USC recklessly meeting up with friends for picnics and drives and all of the other things they thought they were free to do because they were young and healthy and beautiful. Fuck off. Youtube provided a lovely escape from the actual outside. Mikey Chen showed you around TaiPei's street food scene, Binging with Babish gave you a new hand pulled noodle recipe to try, Bon Appetit made you glad you weren't Claire Saffitz. Tinder was a joke but an adequately funny one. Instead of your bog standard USC fuckboi's you were able to talk to fuckboi's from Korea, Dubai, Indonesia, Guatemala, Brazil. How fun. You had downloaded it 6 months prior after yet another guy in your department was just 'too busy, i'm sorry' to make the date that you had planned. You generally tried to avoid Twitter as it was just an echo chamber of panic and 24 hour news cycles and didn't do much for your anxiety. See, Mollie? I'm being smart.
You flick open the little bird app and scroll for just a minute. A particular notification picques your attention. Jae tweeted. Well, Day6 tweeted, but we all know who runs their twitter. Your throat tightens with nerves as the post loads. You worry about him more than you'd like to admit but with tours cancelled and travel suspended, you know how hard it can be for people whose livelihoods revolve around entertainment and travel. The post loads and you let out a sigh of relief to see Jae surrounded by his band mates and smiling. Brian starts speaking Korean and delivers his message about their newly acquired tiktok. Brian gestures for Jae to speak and Jae delivers the same message in English. Ah, he went back to blonde. It looks good on him. Wait is he- oh god, he's wearing a crossbody fanny pack. Jae, you're old. Stop. Shifting to get more comfortable, you let the video loop a few times before closing the app. Jae's okay. You roll over onto your side and set your phone to the side. Jae's voice echoes through your ears for the next few minutes but you resolve yourself against it. I'm not getting fucking tiktok. I'm a grown ass woman. That app is for 12 year olds. And Jae. Resolved, you burrow into your Jonas brothers duvet cover for the night.
Sweating and on the verge of tears, you wake with a start. The dream was already slipping from your consciousness with a blessed haste but the uneasy feeling that the nightmare gave you seemed to coat the inside of your skull and taint it's entire contents. A thin light filters through your still open window and your eyes creak open. Morning? Sure, why not? Rolling over, you flick open your phone and are greeted by an all too unfamiliar, 5:17am. It's too damn early. Even for you. You still have an hour or so to kill before you have to get up but you didn't fancy the idea of trying to go back to sleep after that dream. Propping yourself up on a few of the approximately 67 pillows that litter your twin sized bed, you open your phone. 3 new emails from USC congratulating you on your graduation and asking for some documentation of something or another or evaluation of some class you hadn't thought of in weeks. Skip. 2 emails from residencies that you had applied to before the coronavirus urging you to reapply in the fall. Great. You couldn't even bring yourself to feign concern over the missed opportunity. 1 email from Twitter informing you that Jae had tweeted. Again. You follow the link to another video of his side project EaJ. You had been following his new releases and you were surprised by the tenderness and vulnerability that they showed. He was always such a funny guy, it was the only side that he really showed much to the media. Sure, fans got glimpses at concerts, but not many knew just how deep the well ran in that man.
Today's Tuesday, apparently. The next episode of How Did I Get Here? comes out today. I'll have something to listen to while I food prep. You never admitted to yourself how pleased you were when he started the podcast. You missed hearing his voice on a regular basis. Hollered up into your window, whispered between giggles in the back-most church pew, hurled across crowded hallways. Of course, the voice was different than it is now. Pocked by pubescence and the LA accent, you remember a far squeakier Jae. He was the first person you met when you moved into the neighborhood at 7 years old. He was 9 so of course, he took it upon himself to show you exactly where you could and couldn't go and what taco trucks would give out fare for free to little kids on weekends. You remember those years fondly as finally having the big brother you never had. Skinny Bone Jones, you called him. He stood up for you when the kids in middle school called you smelly for bringing kimchi in your lunch. He called you smelly just for being you. He was well liked in school and by extension so were you. You had the cool big brother. You were more than happy to play second fiddle and be his backup. Tagging along to parties, helping him record his yellow post-it note covers on Youtube, letting him know when his hair looked stupid.
And so it stayed until Jae actually made it on KPop Star. As much as you loved him, you didn't think he would ACTUALLY make it. Sure, he could sing. He had a beautiful voice but that wasn't enough. The boy danced like a drunk chicken and was 6ft tall and 120lbs soaking wet. He didn't even know Korean. What was he thinking? He was thinking he was going to prove you wrong. And he did. You watched as Skinny Bone Jones transformed into Park Jaehyung with a perfect balance of immense pride and terror. You knew you wouldn't lose your friend entirely but during his trainee days he had very limited access to the outside world, and you just weren't a priority. Honestly, you would've been offended if you had been. He has a mom, dad, an older sister, bandmates, college. It only makes sense that the steady stream of communication turned into a trickle. It wasn't until Every Day6 that you were more of an insistent presence in his life. You burrowed your way back into his inbox with the tenacity of the annoying little sister that you were. You were worried. You watched him on After School Club and in the deluge of content that Day6 was serving their slowly growing fanbase. He looked tired. You once again rekindled your relationship but it was different now. Instead of you leaning on him for social support, you became his confidant. He was struggling. Burnt out, and questioning so many things, he didn't want to go to his bandmates because he didn't want them to worry. His parents would pull him immediately if they knew exactly how rough his condition was, his 'friends' from college had proved fake. He now had Alpha Phi Omega blocked because they wouldn't stop asking for favors: Day6 tickets, Twice merch, Got7 tickets. He felt alone but you reached out and he was able to lean on you. The trials passed and he was happier than ever and Day6's growing popularity meant good things for his lobster funds.
You stayed in contact over the years and shared with each other the going on's of your lives. You had even managed to go to the Gravity World Tour date in LA. Jae got you backstage and you were able to meet the rest of his bandmates that you had heard so much about. It was an act of God that you managed to keep your composure. I mean sure, he's just Jae but you're still backstage at a concert for the first time! Your cheeks still redden when you remember how Jae caught you ogling at YoungK. Heart in your throat, and voice barely above a whisper YoungK had walked directly over to you and asked what you were doing backstage. After a solid 15 seconds of pointing listlessly at your Press badge and making just the strangest of noises that were meant to approximate speech, Jae finally caught wind and rushed over, knocking your sense back into you and introducing you to the members.
Oh! Y/N! It's so nice to finally meet you! Jae talks about you all the time, I'm so glad you were able to make it! Your cheeks inexplicably reddened further to a violent shade of pink but the boys slowly defanged themselves in your mind. They're truly lovely people and you're glad Jae has them. That being said, you still can't quiiiite look Brian in the eyes and Jae thinks it's hilarious.
The Gravity tour feels like ages ago as you shrug on some jeans and a tee shirt for your walk to the shop. August 2019 at the Novo may have only been 8 months ago but it seems like a different reality. The Novo will be closed for the forseeable future and concerts are cancelled. That stings but not as much as the radio silence from Jae. First it was his tour schedule that rendered communication difficult and now the virus. You know he's busy and it's been a weird few months for the entertainment industry, but a 'Hey I'm alive.' would be nice. From his podcasts and twitter you've been able to keep some thread attached but you feel it stretching thin as the months stretch on. You really don't want to be annoying. You're sick of feeling like a fan. Yeah, you support Jae and Day6 and would call yourself a MyDay, but that's not all you are. You know him. You dragged him through the mud when he convinced you to try sledding down a muddy hill on a trash can lid. You set up his camcorder for his covers when he still had that stupid swoopy hair. You posed as his angry girlfriend when a crazy fan wouldn't leave him alone. You're starting to feel like just a fan and not a friend and it's only exacerbated by the glee that you feel when you get the notification from dive studios that How Did I Get Here? has updated. I miss my friend.
Not bothering to flip the sign on the front door from closed to open, you shoulder open the front door of the shop after fumbling with the keys. Tying an apron securely around your waist, and flicking on your noise cancelling headphones to a comforting thrum, you wash your hands and begin to chop the largest pile of scallions you've ever seen. Crunching through the pile, you start Jae's podcast and everything is gone but him. You can almost imagine him in the room with you, perched on the counter talking your ear off about the Mandela effect or how weird elbows are or something equally as ridiculous. Today he's talking about soul mates. As you listen to him joke and banter and pontificate, your eyes well up. It's just the scallions. You know damn well it's only partially the scallions. You miss Jae. And you're in the middle of a pandemic. And your family barely knows you. And you're not sure if you even want to be a pediatric oncologist. Fuck. Jae's words turn into white noise in your ears as you toss your headphones to the side and place the knife on the butchers block, perhaps more aggressively than necessary. You pause the podcast and let yourself sit in the feeling. You're lonely and sad. See Mollie? I'm letting myself feel things. Making room for every emotion. You cast your mind around and recall all of the little wounds that prick a little too deep today. You feel a squeeze in your abdomen and your eyes shoot open wide. Shit, my period. I've got to be PMSing. Even Jae recognized the trend in your emotions before you did. The week before your period, you were notoriously mushy and weepy and indulgent. Well, that's one mystery solved. I'll be okay. Mollie's voice echoed through your brain with her familiar argument that hormones only heighten the emotional distress, not fabricate it. These feelings are valid and aren't fake just because you're hormonal. You steadfastly ignore that point, wipe your eyes, and pull your headphones back on. You finish up the pile of scallions and a few other morning chores before the podcast ends. It's Jae's sign off that sends the bowl of mandu filling that you were holding clattering to the floor. "I'm coming to you from my childhood home, so if the audio is a little finnicky… blame Byron." Jae's home.
…
After sweeping up a pound of pork, beef, mirin, soy sauce, and chives and disposing of it, you stare at your phone- hands shaking slightly. Jae. What the fuck. You rip off your apron and your mind races. Should I call him? Should I go see him? I can’t believe he’s right here. 2 houses down. Fuck. Your rational brain knows that it’s okay to feel excited about Jae being home. But the sneaky little bitch that lives in the back of your brain is telling you that if he wanted to hear from you, he would’ve called. You feel a little bit of yourself fragment at that, but you push it to the side. You open up your phone and slide over to his contact in your phone. What greets you is your last text conversation.
Jae: I’m so glad you had fun, Y/N! But if you ever look at Brian like that again, I might have to put a ban on you at our concerts. His head was way too big.
Y/N: Look at him like what?! I didn’t do anything and you know it!
Jae: Of course you’re didn‘t. You totally weren’t drooling over my bassist.
Y/N: Fuck off.
Jae: Gladly, love. ;)
8 months ago. Sure you’d DM’d quite a bit since then and called a few times. But it just seemed so sparse. You don’t want him to just humor you. You’re an adult and perfectly capable of being alone. You’re not going to text him just yet.
You finish up your morning chores and head back to your house, pausing for perhaps just a little too long in front of the sandstone house with the tan shutters and shoes out front. You knew that house so well. You knew how much weight the tree outside the upstairs bedroom window could hold. You knew where the kimchi refrigerator was tucked away in a back corner of the garage. You knew there was a blonde boy in there that you wanted nothing more than to run inside and get a hug from.
You shower and let the hot water run over you, hoping it will relax the knotted up muscles in your back. It’s not like I can go see him anyway. We’re in quarantine. He probably just got back to LA and just hasn’t gotten the chance to-. You run the same conversation over and over in your head until you can’t take it anymore. You need someone else’s voice in your head. Curling into your covers, you sigh and go to the App Store. A few short minutes later and you hate yourself more than you ever have. Tiktok. Here we go. You watch the video of Day6 introducing themselves to the social networking platform once, twice, three times until your eyes start to ache. All of a sudden you’re met with a new post that pings up. Your breath catches in your throat as you see Jae standing in his living room, attempting to keep up with Amber Liu’s dance challenge. You can’t help but giggle as he flails to the left, to the right, oversized black hoodie always falling into his face. BM would be proud. Express not impress. You find yourself shocked at the weight that he’s gained. He looks healthy and happy. You remember the conversations in middle school about how much he hated being skinny. The evenings in the weight room in high school. Failed doctors appointments. He looked good before but you see that in recent months his chest has been swelling and not just with pride. His shoulders sit a little bit broader than you ever remember in the past and you’re happy for him. Good for you, Jae.
You like the tiktok and let it loop a few more times before sighing heavily and opening your messaging app.
Y/N: I got TikTok for you, ya little shit.
You chuckle but leave the text unsent. You’ll think of something better later. You toss your phone to the side in the face of the mountain of laundry on your bed that needs to be taken care of. As you hang the last of your shirts, your phone pings. You pick it up to a notification from Jae.
Skinny Bone Jones: Language!
Skinny Bone Jones: Do you think Amber approves?
You feel a flare of indignation wash through your limbs at the mention. Apparently it had sent. Oh well. As the thrill of a reply ebbs out of you, it is replaced by a rising indignation. How dare you?! Not tell me you’re in town and pretend like you didn’t?! Really?!
Y/N: I don’t really care what Amber thinks.
Maybe that was a little snippy. You love Amber, truly. But how can he have time for TikTok but not me?
Skinny Bone Jones: Yeah? Do you still care what I think?
Your heart catches in your throat. So he’s caught on that you’re pissed.
Skinny Bone Jones: Y/N, can I call you?
You swipe up to the phone icon and call him on auto pilot. Talk to me, Jae.
“Y/N?” you hear Jae’s voice.
“Jae.” Your voice comes out whispier than you meant it to. You try again.
“Jae! How are you?”
“Oh, y’know, just got off a plane that smelled like bleach and got to my house that isn’t really my house anymore, left my guitar to be sanitized, was “strongly encouraged” to make a TikTok by my company, and then got my head bit off by my best friend. Just quarantine things.” There is a touch of acid in his voice but Jae mostly sounds tired. Your empathy comes surging back and you sigh.
“I’m sorry Jae. I just- I didn’t know you were in town until I listened to your podcast this morning. I was a little hurt that you didn’t call or anything.”
“Look, kid. I just got home. I’m a diva. You know I require at least an 18 hour period of naps and boba to function properly. I’m a KPop Star now.” You laugh at the callback to your irate spiel a few years ago about how fame had changed him and he was a diva and just ‘wasn’t the Jae you knew’ anymore. It wasn’t his fault he was allergic to everything and turned down all of your food suggestions.
“Jae, you’ve been a diva since day one.” You quip back, tension resolving as you fall back into a familiar playful banter.
“And don’t you forget it, Y/N.” There's a slight pause before Jae continues,
“This diva is really sorry he didn’t call you. It’s just been a lot the last few days. The tour just got cancelled. And our album comes out in a few days. Our team has been going crazy trying to figure out how we’re supposed to publicize in this climate and I just-“
“Jae. Chill. When I preordered mine last week, it was the most popular album on the site. It’s gonna sell. Don’t worry too much.” There’s a beat of silence in which you can hear the air whoosh out of Jae’s lungs.
“You-You preordered Demon?” Jae sounds shocked but endeared at your admission and you laugh.
“Of course? I’m really pumped to hear that sexy, soothing voice of Wonpil’s. Maybe I’ll even get a Dowoon photo card this time! I keep getting Jae ones in my other albums and I give them to my little cousin.” This isn’t entirely true. You have 3 of Young K, 2 of Dowoon, and 1 each of Wonpil and Sungjin. You’ve been waiting for a Jae photocard for ages. You would die before you told him that, though.
“You little shit. If you don’t want to see my face, why are you following Day6 on TikTok?” Jae ribs back.
“Brian. Duh. He’s fine as hell.”
“Yah! Haven’t you found a boring ass Orthopedic surgeon or some shit, yet? Why do you have to terrorize me like this?”
“Why? Haven’t you found a Twice member that’ll marry you yet, Skinny Bone Jones?”
“I’ll have you know, I gained 10 pounds the past 8 weeks! I’ll be big as BM soon!” You can picture the expression of childlike pride in his face even if you can’t see it.
“You look really good, Jae. I’m proud of you. You’ve been working really hard.” The sudden sincerity catches the both of you off guard and you clear your throat.
“Thanks, Y/N. That means a lot.” A comfortable silence is followed by a lengthy conversation recounting the previous weeks, the various states of the other members, your own eviction from college, and the status of the shop.
“You know, Y/N, if you or your family need anything I’m more than happy to help. I mean I know how hard it can-“ You cut him off before he can go any further.
“We’re okay Jae, honest. I know you’d be good for it but we don’t need anything right now. Business is good at the pho shop and we’re okay.”
“Okay, okay. Just know I’m here.”
“I mean NOW I do, no thanks to youuu,” you wheedle, whining about his failure to let you know he was in town.
“Come on, Y/N, I said I was sorry!” He laughs but you can hear the desperation of sincerity in his voice.
“I know, Jae. I’m just kidding. I just really missed you.”
“I missed you too Y/N.”
You get off the phone upon the realization that you needed to go to the shop and prep for the dinner deliveries. Sometimes you abhorred that you were “essential”. You run downstairs and tell your parents the good news about Jae and inform them you’ll be back soon.
“I know you’re excited, Y/N, but remember we can’t be going and visiting people like that. Only essential work.” You roll your eyes slightly but assure them that you know. As if you hadn’t been telling them the same thing for weeks. I had to convince you not to go play mahjong in the park, eomma. You might be excited, but you’re not stupid.
You had just started filling the mandu when you hear the bell over the door chime. Pardon me, are you stupid? We've been closed for weeks, why do you think it would be okay to just walk in? You wipe your hands on your apron and start to walk to the counter.
"Hello? I'm sorry, we're only open for call-in deliveries." You round the corner and lift your head from your hands to see the form of the gangliest, tallest, loveliest man you've ever seen in your life.
"Special delivery." Jae remarks smoothly, arms open wide in invitation and head cocked to the side as if he was bracing himself for the crash landing that was to come.
"Jae!" you yell, and launch yourself from behind the counter and into his arms. His arms fold around you and everything else melts away. Your face burrows against his chest and you inhale. He smells like home and cinnamon. You can feel tears welling up in your eyes with the tide of emotions that wash over you. Jae's hand cups the back of your head into him and he hugs you just as tightly as you hug him. You press yourself into him with everything you have and in the deafening silence and warmth all that you can think is I love you.
"Y/N" He whispers, not loosening his grip on you.
"Mmph." you respond weakly.
"My shirt's wet." You jump back from him a bit and see that he's correct. Your eyes are leaking. All over his white shirt. Oops.
"Oh! I'm-I'm sorry." You laugh a bit and swipe at your eyes before patting at his shirt in futility.
"It's okay, love. Come here." He welcomes you back into his arms and you wrap your arms over his neck this time.
"I missed you." You whisper, voice cracking a bit.
"I know you did." You jump back from him. Bitch.
"Hush. I missed you too, you idiot. Why else would I be standing here right now?"
You cast your eyes around in a panic. He's here. He's right here. In the store. Here. He shouldn't be here. He should be in quarantine with his family. You're unessential to him.
Sensing the realization in your eyes, he pushes past you, walking to the back and puts on the latex gloves hidden behind the counter.
"I figured it was about time to get a 'real job' like everyone keeps telling me to." He smiles smugly and picks up the knife to start chopping the bok choy. You stand there in shock for one second, two seconds, three seconds until you realize he’s about to cut his fingers off.
“Jae! Stop!”
“Look, Y/N, I don’t care what you say, I’m going to do this. I want to help. And I’ll be damned if I’m not allowed to see you in the time I’m finally here-“
“No, Jae. Stop. I know I can’t argue with you. I’d be thrilled if you’d work with me. But Brian is gonna kill me if I let you cut your damn hands off.”
“I… what?”
“You’re a guitarist Jae. We can’t have you cutting off your pretty little fingers. And if you keep chopping it like that, that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”
Jae looks down at his hands and stretches his fingers wide as if considering them for the first time.
“Pretty?”
You roll your eyes, but unbidden, your eyes are still trained on his hands. They really are pretty.
“Just. Let me show you.” You show him how to tuck his knuckles up against the blade and chop in smooth rocking motions so as not to take off his fingertips.
You work in relative silence for the next hour, packaging meals and portioning combos as your mom and dad peek in and out to pick up the orders. You can feel a warmth flowing through you as you take in your surroundings. The loneliness of the past weeks leeches out of you and dissipates into the warm atmosphere, homey smells, and murmur of conversation. It’s almost as if your limbs wake up bit by bit, like a tree waking up after a long frigid winter. You feel yourself stretch and shine and the bubbles of contentment flow through you. By the time the last combo is out the door, you find it really difficult to take the smile of your face.
Jae seemed to be in the same boat. On more than one occasion you caught him staring at you. Every time you caught him he just shook his head and laughed in that infuriating way of his. But you really couldn’t be irritated at him. It was impossible. He was your happy fairy, even if you wanted to kick him in the shins every two minutes for saying something dumb. Mom and dad said goodnight to Jae in the same way they have been since he was 10. “Tell Mrs.Park I say hello and don’t be a stranger.” Right after they leave and you’re washing the last dish, while Jae sits on the counter telling you about production for Day6’s new album, the phone rings. Before you can tell Jae not to answer it, he’s already taking the man's order. Fine. One more can't hurt. You weren’t anxious to end this day and return to bed alone, so you welcome the post-closing distraction. Cobbling together a plate from the leftovers you were about to bring home, you grab your keys and beckon Jae to follow you.
“No need to bug mom and dad, we can take this one.”
As you walk outside toward where your little yellow bug is parked, you feel Jae move behind you. You can feel his body close to yours and you stiffen instinctually. You’re not used to skinship anymore and you can feel the blood in your veins carbonate as Jae’s breath ghosts across the back of your neck. You stop dead in your tracks, eyes wide, flush creeping up your neck as you feel his hands- those damn hands- ghost along the side of your left arm. You squeak when his fingers brush against the back of your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. Your world spins. Fuck is he holding my hand? Do I want this to happen? He’s so close to me. Can he hear my heartbeat?
“Jae-“ you begin to say, with absolutely no idea as to where the statement would go after.
Luckily you don’t have to think of any sort of decisive move because Jae immediately snatches the keys from your now limp left hand with a cackle, running ahead to the car.
“I’m driving!” You little fucking- oooh!
You’re thankful for the cool evening breeze and dim street lights or you were sure to get a ribbing for the blazing red cheeks that you were sporting. You climb into the passenger's seat with the food on your lap and do your best to sink into invisibility. It doesn’t work. You’re convinced that he can hear your brain jackhammering away at the night's events.
Did I want that to happen? Did that happen? He was so close to me. He felt so warm and the way he touched me. Running your hands over your arm, you could feel his touch like it had raced a burning path down your whole left side. Do I… like Jae?
You glance over at him now and again as he puts the car in drive and begins the route to the destination. Jae, of course, is jabbering away about how everything has changed since he’s been gone and, “Omigod, is that ANOTHER pinkberry?” You find yourself nodding along passively while actively trying to figure out what the hell was going on in your brain. Much like his podcast, his voice became white noise by which you asked yourself questions you weren’t sure you wanted the answers to. Of course I love him. But do I like, like him? Never in your life have you felt more like a horny, confused teenager but as you glance over and watch Jae with one hand on the steering wheel, wind blowing through his hair, you know one thing for sure- Jae isn’t a kid anymore. And he isn’t your brother.
It isn’t until you pull into a neighborhood about 10 minutes later that you remember that you’re here on a delivery. Yanking yourself from your reverie, but with unease still firmly lodged in your thoughts, you address the task at hand.
“Jae, where are we?”
“Uhhhh, 3051 Driver Rd.”
Driver Road. You know this neighborhood but you can’t quite place where. If your previous safari into your possible romantic interest in Jae wasn’t jarring enough, you feel panic rising through your system like so much bile. Why do I know this neighborhood? Jae, unaware of any turmoil on your part, pulls up to the house in question and when your headlights wash over the yard your heart sinks into your throat. You’re going to be sick. 3051 Driver Rd. This is where Sean lives.
You had met Sean Avery in your sophomore year of premed and had fallen head over heels in love with him. He was tall, attractive, ambitious, and he wanted you. You were star struck. It wasn’t until a year of ‘dating’ later that you unearthed the whole messy truth of his long string of side pieces and general douchebaggery. If that wasn’t enough, in the past year you heard the report of him almost catching a case with a high school senior in the area. You knew now that he was nothing but a predator and a coward. You had managed to avoid him since your explosive breakup but now it seemed you had very little choice.
“Sean fucking Avery” you seethe in the seat next to Jae.
“What did he do to you?” Jae asked, taken aback by your sudden vitriol.
“Shit, that wasn’t in my head was it?” Jae laughs a bit but sobers up quickly at your expression.
“Y/N you look really pale, are you okay? I don’t know your history with this guy but hey, you don’t have to deliver this. I’ll do it. Don’t you worry, love.” Jae places his hand on the top of your head and ruffles your hair a bit in an attempt to be comforting. The attempt helped. Your heart pricks up a bit at Jae’s term of endearment but it feels more deadened than it should. You’re sick of feeling like this. Of letting Sean steal your joy from you. It’s been too long for that shit. Pulling yourself together a bit, you shake yourself out of your head and steel yourself.
“No, Jae, I’ve got this.” Jae looks at you with slight concern but shrugs nonetheless.
“Alright, well, I’m going with you okay? This dude really must’ve done a number on you if this is your response. And I’d like to see the bastard.” Jae’s eyes glinted with something dangerous that you’ve never seen in him before and it causes the same fire in you to spark. Let’s do this.
With Jae by your side, you march up to the door with the delivery order and set it on the front steps. The doorbell is deafening in the still night and you have to remind yourself to breathe. You jump as the door swings wide and a pathetic looking man sporting a robe and a beer belly peeks from the inside. All of the breath that had been waiting in your lungs released and you feel your head go a little bit light with the realization that this was the man that you were in love with. 7 years later, gone was the debonair gentleman who could sweep you off your feet. In his stead stood a balding, fat, stiff man in boxers and a moth eaten robe. He grunts in acknowledgment of the presence of other humans but it’s obvious that the Neanderthal hasn’t recognized you. He retrieves his food and goes fumbling in his robe pocket for his wallet. He fishes out a card and hands it to you. You take it from him and process the payment.
Declined.
“Sorry, Sean, your card- it declined.”
He huffs and makes a sound in the back of his throat that you can only describe as gross as you hand it back to him.
“It what!? What do you mean declined?” He stumbles forward a few steps and you automatically flinch backward into Jae. Jae’s hand comes up to your shoulder to ground you, a reminder that he’s still there. Sean’s movement wafts a smell of body odor and brown liquor. He always was a mean drunk. You decide to cut your losses while you can and keep the transaction as minimal as possible. No games.
“Your card, Sean, it declined. Do you have an alternate form of payment?” Sean whips open his wallet and roots around for a minute before retrieving a few crumpled up bills. He extends the cash but before you can swap his card for cash, his arm whips back. Looking at you sideways, suspicion drips from his slurred speech,
“How do you know my name?”
Shit. Fuck. Dammit.
You watch helplessly as the cogs turn in his inebriated brain and recognition washes over his face.
“Y/N! It’s you! What do you want from me now, bitch? Trying to take my money now too? Get out of here!” His voice steadily rises in volume and you can feel the walls of your panic closing in on you. Suddenly Jae steps in front of you, arm outstretched to the belligerent man.
“You’re talking to me now. You’re done with her.” Jae holds himself with a confidence that you had only seen from him onstage.
“Just pay for the food and we’ll be going.”
“And who the fuck are you?” Sean spits back, as if Jae were something distasteful that he had found on the bottom of his shoe.
“I’m Jae. Y/N’s boyfriend. Now I’d really love to take Y/N home tonight before it gets too much later. So if you can just pay for your meal, we’ll get going.”
Sean crumples up the bills and throws it into Jae’s chest.
“Good luck with that bitch, kid. You’re gonna need it.” And with that he retreats inside and slams the door shut behind him.
Jae immediately rushes to your side and wraps you in a big hug. Although similar in mechanics to the hug earlier that day, this one was far different in intent. You could feel it in his soul, that hug was meant to squeeze all of the fragmented pieces of you back together again and hold them until they stuck. You can feel your heartbeat slowing to match his and your breathing slowly regulates.
Mollie is gonna have a lot of fun with this one.
Jae escorts you back to the car and there’s a thick silence that you can’t quite bring yourself to cut as he puts the car into drive. You know he is forming his own story of what happened between you and Sean in his head and you can’t tell if that’s better or worse than just reliving it and telling him the whole story- cops and testifying and court and all.
Once out of the neighborhood, Jae heaves a sigh and chuckles a bit.
“Well he seemed lovely.”
“Uh huh. He’s a real peach.”
Jae looks over at you with an expression of dual concern and amused what-the-fucker-y. Did that really just happen?
There is a beat of silence and solid eye contact before you both start cracking up. Unable to restrain yourself any further, you both dissolve into a kind of healing, deep belly laughter that shakes the entire car. Pulling up to your house, Jae throws the car into park and then turns to face you.
“You don’t have to tell me anything, you know? It’s not my business. You’re my business. But asshats like him aren't. Just that I’m around to keep them away from you.”
You sigh deeply, still recovering from the laugh attack, before giving him a brief bulleted list of the sheer shenanigans that Sean had pulled on you all those years ago. You watched as Jae’s face contorted over the course of the story, hardening into yet another study in fierceness that you were yet to see from him.
“I really am okay, though Jae. He had me pretty fucked up for a little bit but honest, I’m okay. I did the therapy, I fought my battles. I just hadn’t done the last closure step of actually looking him in the eye and saying goodbye and good riddance. And I probably never would’ve if it weren’t for tonight.” You reach out and grab his hand instinctively.
“Thank you, Jae. I really appreciate you doing that with me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
“You would’ve gotten your ass handed to you is what you would’ve done.” Jae states, deadpan.
“Jaeee!” You laugh, hitting him on the arm.
“Oh, so now you can throw a punch? Okaaay, nice.” This little shit.
Banter aside, Jae takes the key out of the ignition and gathers his things to get out of the car. As he closes the door, you hear him mutter “You need to pick better guys. You’re too great to end up with someone like that.”
You don’t have any kind of answer to that, but you feel a lightness in your chest as his eyes burn into you. Jae walks you to your front door and all you can hear in your head is an echo of Jae’s declaration of “I’m Jae, Y/N’s boyfriend.” Is that what I want?
You end up at your front door far too soon and the twinkling of the helicopters in the sky signals to you that it’s more than time for Jae to go home. Your heart sinks into your stomach at the thought of him leaving and you inwardly groan.
Jae gives you one last hug goodnight and you know before he even releases you that this isn’t enough. Not even nearly. Your feelings, whatever they may be: love, like, general affection, haven’t been correctly quantified and expressed. This has been the best day you’ve had in months, and he was the deciding factor. You were grateful to have him there on your front door step, in his arms. But maybe, just maybe, if you’re able to express to him exactly how you feel about him in this moment, he’ll be able to help you out and translate exactly what this feeling means for your future together. Without thinking about it too much, you retreat from the hug and angle your face up to his so that your noses are almost touching. You sit like this for just a second. That sickening second that would allow him to retreat and tell you you’re an idiot for even thinking it. But he doesn’t retreat. Instead, your lips are brushing against one another in just the barest of whispers of a kiss. His lips are so soft. It’s over in an instant and as the chilly night air cuts between the two of you, you are all too aware of how disproportionately warm your face and neck have become. You smile up at Jae and he carries a similar, if not slightly more shocked, half smile.
As if reading one another’s minds, you both understand that it’s wise to let one another think about the night's proceedings before any further rash decisions are made. In an attempt to preserve the spell of the night sky and the kiss and the chirping cicadas, neither of you say another word to one another but instead exchange content smiles that convey more than a goodnight ever could. With a slight bow of his head and a glide of his hand down the length of your arm, Jae walks backwards down your front steps and slips into the night, shaking his head slightly, trying and failing to conceal his smile. You watch him from the porch as he skips up to his house, before slipping into the warmth of your own home.
...
GIVE IT A LIKE IF YA LIKE
FEEDBACK IS MY LOVE LANGUAGE
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week three
last week | next week
warnings: several mentions of death, potentially triggering references to c****a, angst central, desirée is Bad At Feelings
word count: 1951
Sunday, August 17th, 2023 - Day 15 of quarantine
“Westchester County residents should be expected to shelter in place for at least 5 more weeks. Healthcare professionals are resigning by the hundreds as the disease spreads to nurses and doctors throughout the country. Over half of all patients that have tested positive for the Westchester Plague have either committed suicide or attempted to commit suicide. More at noon.”
“It only gets worse and worse every day,” Desirée frowns.
“Maybe we should take a break from the news for a while.” Andy turns the TV off and heads into the kitchen. “What do you want to eat?”
“Um…” Desirée could probably read him a numbered and alphabetized list of foods that she would ruin right about now, but she refrains. “What do we have?”
“Well, there’s some ramen in here…”
Not ideal, but it’ll have to do. They are in the middle of an epidemic, after all. “Awesome.”
So they eat chicken flavored ramen like a pair of broke college students while watching some old anime, which Andy adamantly rejects the second the words leave her lips (“Avatar: The Last Airbender is a cartoon, Desirée”), and she lets her mind wander.
Eventually, it arrives to Andy, as it seems to do more and more often these days. His name warms her skin like the sun on a late summer afternoon. His presence feels like the down comforter on her bed after a long day of work.
A small smile plays at her lips as she leans into the promise of an exciting summer and sweet dreams. It welcomes her with open arms and promises fond memories for years to come. But as soon as she goes to take it, she finds herself drenched in a raging storm.
While they polish off the last of their cups, a devastating truth hits her.
As lovely as their moment feels, its end is as inevitable as the bone-chilling winter or the start of a new day.
Monday, August 18th, 2023 - Day 16 of quarantine
“Did you want to give video games another try?” Andy asks tentatively. Then, like the infuriating bastard he is, he smirks. “I promise I’ll let you win.”
“That won’t be necessary.” Desirée retorts, donning a small smile.
“Don’t get too cocky or I’ll have to show you up.” Andy
After a tense round of Mortal Kombat, the TV screen flashes a victory. Andy slumps back, defeated.
“I...how…?”
“Lily and I used to play. I’m excellent at playing dumb, Andy,” Desirée smirks. “You know this about me.”
He shakes his head. “You’re something else, you know that?”
“If you say so.” Desiree rolls her neck and stretches her arms. “Ready for round 2?”
Tuesday, August 19th, 2023 - Day 17 of quarantine
“Scientists have found that cutis dissolutitis, better known as the Westchester Plague, mutated from Bacillus subtilis, a bacteria species found in dirt that acts as a decomposer of organic materials. It was first found in a large forest area. The best way to protect against this epidemic is to cover all exposed skin when you’re outside and sanitize once you’re inside.” A disgruntled news anchor reports from the outside of a nondescript building. The only patch of visible skin is around his eyes, which are covered by transparent goggles.
Desirée gasps suddenly. “Oh my god, the woods. Andy, you don’t think that…”
He catches the implication. “There’s no way. Devon would never do this.”
“We never suspected that Jane...or Noah…” She shakes her head. “I just hope not.”
Wednesday, August 20th, 2023 - Day 18 of quarantine
The official body count is projected to be 100. Over 200 citizens in the county have reported testing positive for the virus and 400 more are showing symptoms. Ignoring the news at this point is just short of irresponsible, but fear keeps her from lingering on the headlines.
As the day winds to a close, a feeling of dread slowly infiltrates her mind. The thought of tomorrow makes her skin crawl. Her stomach inverts and reverts on a constant loop as she reads yet another headline about yet another person committing suicide to avoid the disease.
The sun sets and she’s overcome with a terrible truth. A subtle prick of worry that blossoms into a deep ache in her chest that she can’t quite place.
“Something terrible is going to happen tomorrow.” Desirée whispers aloud. She locks herself in the bathroom as she feels the omen leave her lips. Andy doesn’t need to hear this. “Something that will change everything we thought was true.”
Thursday, August 21st, 2023 - Day 19 of quarantine
They don’t bother changing out of their pajamas anymore.
An alert on her phone tells her that the death toll in Westchester County has climbed from 100 to 1,000 overnight. Westchester alone has lost a third of its population. Then, she gets the call.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Dizzy,” Lily sniffles.
She knows that something is very wrong for two reasons. One, no one has called her Dizzy since her junior year in high school. Two, Lily is a notorious night owl and wouldn’t be caught out of bed before 9 in the morning if she had her way, let alone willingly engaging in human interaction. If she was calling at 8 AM, it had to be serious.
“Lily, is everything okay?” Desirée whispered as she tiptoed out of bed to avoid waking Andy.
“It’s my mom.” She sobs, and suddenly she can no longer hear the hum of the vents above her head or the whirring of her computer on the coffee table. “She has the plague.”
“Lily, how long has she had it?”
“I don’t know.” She sobs harder. “They’re queueing everyone on the block for testing.”
“Lily, it’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay,” Desirée whispers. The burning in her eyes and the constricting feeling in her throat tell her that she’s crying, too. “You’re going to be okay.”
She’s lying through her teeth and she knows it, but the words seem to offer Lily some comfort as she recites them back to her.
“I will be okay,” she chokes out. “Everything will be okay.”
“If you need anything at all…”
“I know who to call,” Lily replies. The line goes dead.
Desirée holds the phone to her chest and sends a silent prayer. It’s bad enough that you’ve taken a third of our town. Please don’t take Lily, too.
Silent tears stream down her cheeks as she prays over and over again.
Don’t take Lily.
Don’t take Lily.
Don’t take Lily.
It’s that exact moment that Andy wraps his arms around Desirée’s middle and buries his head in the crook of her neck. She’s suddenly overcome with guilt and shame as she turns to him with shining eyes.
“Andy, I-”
“Shhh.” He shakes his head and pulls her into his chest, blinking back tears of his own. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Soon, everyone knows. The news is bleaker than ever, with cameras being shoved into the grieving families of the victims and the death toll climbing by the hour. As the day crawls to an end and she lays in Andy’s arms, one thing becomes astoundingly apparent.
Life will never be the same again.
Friday, August 22nd, 2023 - Day 20 of quarantine
It becomes physically unbearable to look at the news. Desirée briefly considers letting Andy unplug the TV again.
No one takes the news of Lily’s mother well, but Ava seems to struggle with it the most. She refuses to answer phone calls from anyone and only replies in short, but extremely worrying sentences.
“I wish this wasn’t going on so that I could check on her.” Desirée sighs after a fifth “missed” call. She’s curled up on the living room sofa with her head hanging on the arm. Her eyes are shut tight. “But here we are.”
“She’s never really been the emotional type, Rée.”
“That’s why I’m so worried about her. If she’s shutting down this early, what’s she gonna do if Mrs. Ortiz doesn’t make it?”
“I don’t know, but I think what Ava needs right now is space.”
“Andy, I can’t just let her spiral.” She sits up at this, frowning.
“I know it’s hard to see her like this, but you can’t protect everyone.”
“I know I can’t. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.” Desirée whispers. “But I can help.”
“What happened with Devon wasn’t your fault, Desirée. The only person you should blame is-”
“Don’t.”
“The point I’m making is that you don’t always have to be everyone’s person.” Andy stares deeply into her eyes. For a second, it feels as if he’s seeing her every flaw, every imperfection she’s buried deep into her heart and mind, every secret she’s ever kept and maybe even the ones she didn’t. For the longest second, it feels as if he’s peering into her soul and reading it with the ease of a picture book and she’s helpless to turn away and shut him out despite the fact that she desperately wants to. “You’re always so focused on being there for everyone else, but who’s going to be there for you?”
You. She almost whispers. It’s always been you.
“A therapist.” She replies instead, forcing a small smile. “And a bottle of wine.”
“Take care of yourself.” Andy squeezes her shoulders once and turns for the bedroom. “Let someone else be there for you once in a while.”
“Someone else like who?”
“I don’t think either one of us is ready for that conversation.”
“You sure?” Desirée retorts, suddenly emboldened. She’s not the only mind reader between them and she’ll be damned if Andy Kang gets to leave her wondering like every night before. “Because I feel plenty ready to talk. If you’re scared of going there, just say that.”
“Who’s scared?” Andy turns back around, staring her down. She holds her own, meeting his gaze head on. “I’ll go there if that’s what you want.”
“Hey, don’t hold back on my account. If you want to say something, I’m all ears.”
“Could you handle that?” He walks slowly toward her as he speaks, sizing her up. “Could you handle it if I told you that I wish you’d stop trying to play tough all the time and open up to me like you used to? That I wish we’d just quit this dance where we pretend we’re still not in love with each other?” Her breath catches and his face is inches away from hers, so much so that she can feel his breath on her cheeks. “Could you even function knowing that?”
“I could. You know why?” She finally responds, placing her hand directly onto his chest. “Nothing is the way it used to be, Andy. We’re not the way we used to be when this started and we’ll never be those people again. So I suggest…” She tilts her head upwards and brushes her lips against his chin. “...you make peace with that.”
She lets him meditate on her words as she heads toward the bedroom and into the conjoined bathroom, where she finally lets her face rest in her hands as she cries.
Saturday, August 23, 2023 - Day 21 of quarantine
They don’t speak for most of the day.
“I probably should’ve told you this earlier,” Desirée tells Andy during the evening. They’ve just eaten dinner. “But everything that happened on Thursday...I felt it.”
“You...what?”
“I’d just been feeling horrible all day and I thought my anxiety was just acting up, but then I just felt this ache in my chest and I knew something awful was going to happen.”
“What did it feel like?”
“Death.” She inhales a shaky breath before nodding resolutely. “It felt like death.”
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Chapter 30~ Girls Need Love (Part 2)
Giselle
“Mommy, when we go back to Daddy’s house? He needs help.” Mason asked me, sitting in the back of the car.
We had just parked to get Angel from school, and he’s been asking me about Dominic for the past few weeks.
“Do you miss Daddy?” I asked quietly
“Yes, he need help, I help him.” He told me
“I’ll call Mawmaw, and see if she can take you to Daddy.”
Was it selfish to take our kids away from Dominic? Very. I can’t justify what I did, I was angry, and upset, I’ve been thinking about it for the last three months. I couldn’t leave without Angel or Mason, but I couldn’t be in that house anymore. I needed my time away. It was suffocating.
I didn’t want to take the kids away from their normal life, so I got a loft just 20 minutes away from Dominic’s place and Angel’s school. I just couldn’t live in the house that much longer.
Had I really talked to anyone besides the kids? Not really. Everyone stopped calling me after the first week, which I am glad about. I do know what’s going on in the family though.
Just as Mason was about to say something else, a knock came at my window, It made me jump. It was Jeremiah, so I rolled down the window
“Uncle J!!” Mason screamed excited
“Hey, Little man, you good?” He asked.
Mason nodded, “You with daddy?”
“No, He’s at home right now, I’m here to pick up Sage. Gi, can I talk to you?”
I sighed, and got out of the car. “Mason, stay in your car seat. You hear?”
“Yes, momma.”
I closed the door, and stood there in silence.
“See, you wont even look at me, you know you wrong.” He scolded.
“What do you want me to say?” I shrugged
“You know, if you keep leaving and coming back, he’s going to get tired of that. He’s really going through it right now.”
“I know, but-“
“But what Gi?” He sighed exasperated.
I shrugged, I didn’t truly even know all of my feelings towards the situation. I just knew I was tired of Katie and her manipulation and her demands. I only did what I knew how to do best. Run away.
J sighed again, “You know Lizzie is still in the hospital with Zoey, and she is worried, you know she would very much like to see you.”
“I know, I talked to her. I planned to go see her soon I guess.” I said messing with my nails.
I heard him chuckling, so I looked up and he was staring at me.
“What?”
“You’re the same 16 year old girl obsessed with Dominic…. You love him just as much as he loves you, but when you get scared, you revert back to that same little girl. Come to your senses, and go home Gi.” He said before kissing my head and saying bye to Mason.
By the time Jeremiah left, Angel came to the car and we got in and drove off towards our apartment.
“How was your day?” I asked her.
She shrugged, and looked out the window. I knew something was bothering her, and I knew it was best to not pressure her.
“Did you know Katie was pregnant?” She mumbled.
“Yes.”
“Is that why we left?” She asked again
I sighed, “Yes.”
She shook her head, and started playing with the ends of her hair. The nervous tick that I have, except with my nails.
“Why do you ask?” I asked her
“Sage overheard Auntie Liv talking to Lizzie and Rose about the baby. Katie had it and it lives with daddy now.”
“Oh, how do you feel about that.”
She shrugged and spoke very monotone, “I don’t think anything about it. I don’t care about anything anymore.”
“Well, I promised Mason that I’d get your maw maw to come get you to go see your dad. Would you like that?”
“No, thank you.” She said before putting her headphones in, and blasting music
I knew she had shut down and there was no way getting to her.
Angel
After the car ride with my mom, and getting to the house, I don’t even know what to think or do. Every single time that my life is going perfect, something comes and messes it up. And it all has to deal with Katie.
I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more than I hate Katie. Not only is she the reason I don’t live with my dad, but now I have another sibling, that isn’t Mason or DJ and my dad is now taking care of it. It makes me feel just like when my mom came back with Mason, how mad I was. But this is worse.
My dad had a whole baby with someone who tried to kill him, my brother and my aunt. If she could’ve I know she would’ve tried to kill my mom too.
I went straight to my room, and just laid on my bed. I didn’t really feel like talking, I just wanted everything to be good in my life, but it never is. Hell, Sage is getting her parents back, why cant mine just do the same thing.
I honestly don’t think that I’ve ever been so angry with every adult in my life. It’s not fair, I’m always the one that doesn’t get attention or I get dismissed. My mom left when I was a baby, and I didn’t really grow up with her, but she raised Mason. Then i finally get to have a relationship with her, for her to take me away from my dad…. and now he’s raising this new baby.
Sage showed me a picture of it, it did kind of looked like me but it has sandy/black curly hair, and she told me that she was only a few days old. I was unimpressed by it. She even told me it’s name: Andrea. All I did was shrug. Sage told me to not be mean, but isn’t that funny because she did the same thing with Aiden, but now she likes him. The thought made me roll my eyes.
I wasn’t kidding when I said I don’t care, and as long as it lives with my dad or it’s alive…. I will never care.
Lizzie
Finally after about three weeks, the doctor said that I could take my baby home. They gave me antibiotics for her and told me to watch her carefully as she was still sick. I was extremely excited to get home, because I was sick of these four walls. Jax and Eva were supportive but they weren’t exactly much help. I knew they were both out of their comfort zones and decided to leave me be, which I was glad for.
As I was moving around slowly, packing up everything, a knock came at the door.
“Come in!” I yelled not really paying attention
“Wow, I can’t believe my little sister is really a mommy now, got her first hospital scare down for the books”
I turned around and I smiled, I instantly hugged my sister.
“I missed you,” I said to her
She laughed, “I haven’t been around for about a month, but it’s fine.”
I punched her arm, “I don’t give a fuck what’s going on with you and Dominic. Stop running away and not telling no one, you have to stop doing that.”
She laughed and rubbed her arm, “I’m sorry, where is my niece, I want to see her.”
I smiled and walked over to the carseat that held my baby.
“Here Lizzie, I got her, why don’t you sit down.” Gi said putting the carseat on the bed, while I sat down.
She took her out to hold and instantly started smiling. “She looks just like you.”
I smiled, “She’s beautiful isn’t she?”
“She is. I want another one, honestly.” Gi said sitting down on the bed.
“Speaking of, you know Katie had the baby right?” I asked.
I didn’t really know how Giselle felt about the whole thing, but I know it wasn’t good for her to leave Dominic, high and dry.
She sighed, “Yeah, I know. Sage told Angelique and she’s been in a mood ever since about it. Mama C took the kids over to see Dominic, and she told me that she barely talked to Dom or even looked at the baby. But I don’t know if I should talk to her about it.”
“I mean, I don’t know, but you don’t want this to turn into a bad thing or a resentment thing. With Dom or with you.” I spoke
She shrugged, “I don’t know what I want to do. Katie’s mother contacted me, and gave me adoption papers for the baby.”
I was confused. “What?”
“That’s what I said. I would’ve never thought that she would give up parental rights, let alone let me have them. And I don’t feel comfortable adopting a child, and I’m not even on good terms with their father. This whole thing is a mess.”
“Sure the hell is.”
Dominic
“Angel, can you warm up your sister’s bottle?” I asked her, Andrea was screaming her head off and nothing I did worked.
I heard her smack her lips. “No.”
I turned around and looked at her. “Marie, I don’t know what your problem is, but I suggest you fix it, I need help Angelique.”
She rolled her eyes, “ I suggest you give that baby back to wherever it came from. I don’t have a sister.” She moved past me and went upstairs slamming the door, making a now quiet Andrea….. wake up and start screaming all over again.
Mason just looked at me and the baby, he shrugged. “I like baby, daddy.”
I smiled “Least someone does.”
Just then the doorbell rang, “Mason, I’m sure it’s maw maw, can you open the door please.”
He nodded and ran to the door. I sighed and tried to rock the baby, but it just made her cry.
Being in a wheelchair and raising a newborn baby. Is equivalent to hell. No help majority of the time, either. Is another set of hell.
This is honestly the worse part of my life, and did I need a newborn baby? No. But I love her nevertheless. As soon as I saw her, I fell in love with her. But she wasn’t quiet like Angel was, and hell I raised her all by myself, but at least I could fuckin walk.
I was trying to get her to stop crying when I heard her say:
“You should swaddle her, and it’ll make her stop crying.”
I looked up to see Giselle standing in front of me. She reached for the baby and asked “Can I?”
I nodded and handed her Andrea, and she instantly stopped crying. I was shocked, Giselle then swaddled her in the blanket and slowly started rocking her.
“You’re a natural.”
“Comes with the territory of being a mother. Mason was just as loud and fussy as a baby.” She mumbled.
“What are you doing here?” I asked her.
I hadn’t seen her since we got into that big argument… then she moved out and that was about a month ago.
“Mama C couldn’t come pick them up, and you bring them home so, here I am.” She said giving me back the baby
“Are we ever going to talk about why you left?”
“You don’t think me throwing a knife at you is enough talking?” She said picking with her nails
“I apologize, I overstepped that night. I went below the belt and I shouldn’t have. So, I’m sorry.” I said.
I was sincere, I did go overboard, but it was because I wanted a reaction out of her. I wanted her to do something or show that she cared, and i pushed her too far. So she left me. It was childish, but I wanted a reaction, and that’s exactly what I got. I can only blame me.
She cautiously looked at me, “Thank you, I apologize for throwing things at you, especially with….” She trailed off looking at my wheelchair
“I’m slowly but surely getting back to walking. I should be up and running in less than a year my doctor said.” I told her,
She smiled, “I’m really glad about that Dominic. I’m happy for you.”
We kind of stood their awkwardly, not really knowing what to say to one another. That’s when Angel came back downstairs.
“Thank God Mommy, can we please go? I have a headache from this baby.” She said.
“Grab your stuff and put it in the car, and say Goodbye to your father.” She said handing Angel the keys.
Angel came and kissed my cheek, “Bye Daddy. Maybe when the baby isn’t here, we can actually spend time together.”
“Angel, she is your sister and she isn’t going anywhere. You can say bye to her as well.”
She scrunched up her face, “Ew. No thanks. Let’s Go Mason!!!” She yelled and ran to the car.
Mason came running right after her, “Comin Gigi!! Bye Daddy! Bye Baby!” He said kissing us both and running out the house.
Leaving Giselle and I, in silence.
“Um, I’m- Uh, I’m going-, I’m going to go?”
“Will we ever just be normal?” I said
“Dominic, we cant force or focus on us. You have to worry about your new baby, getting healthy, and I can worry about Angel and Mason.”
“Please get her with the attitude, I don’t want her to feel some type of way towards Andrea.”
“She has a right to be upset Dominic. It’s the Mason situation all over again. I will talk to her, but I’m sure she will grow out of it.” Giselle said passively
“Thank you.”
“Oh, tell your baby mother, that I don’t want to adopt her kid. It was surprising to get served with adoption papers.”
“Adoption Papers? For Andrea? Why the hell would she give you adoption papers?”
“I don’t know, but I’m not signing them, so. Bye Dominic.” She said and walked out of the house.
Which, leave me alone, yet again.
I don’t know how much more I can take being in the house by myself, it’s depressing.
Olivia
I was cleaning up the kitchen, when the doorbell rang.
“Coming!!!” I yelled, I finished the last dish and ran to the front door and was highly displeased
“Why the fuck are you on my porch?” I spat
“I want my son back, Olivia!” Avery yelled.
“Bitch, I know I’ve been dealing with concussions and shit, but I know damn well you probably lost your mind speaking to me like that.”
She rolled her eyes, “I’m not afraid of you! I want my fucking son, you cant have him.”
I closed the door and I got in her face, “Aiden hasn’t seen you since when? How long? Are you back all of a sudden cause you heard Jeremiah moved back in? Or that we’re back together?”
I knew I got her, when I said that.
“You’re insecurities are showing baby. I’m a better mother to Aiden then you will ever be! I have been there even when J was still living in the loft. I took care of him like he was my own, and you want him back because you cant handle J and I together? YET AGAIN! Bitch get the fuck off my property before you end up in a body bag.”
I mushed her head and she stumbled back off the porch. The way she looked at me, I know it’s only gonna be trouble in the future.
“This isn’t over yet Olivia, I will get him back.” She said
“Well, bitch, you got to go through me first. Get the hell off my property.”
I walked back in the house, only to see Aiden standing at the window.
“Aye, why are you down here, It’s nap time with Marie and Maurice.” I asked him
“Was that my mommy?” He said looking out the window
“That was, do you remember her?”
“Some time. I member you and daddy most. Why was she yelling?” He asked, focusing all his attention on me now
“She wanted you to live with her, because you live in my house with daddy now.”
“You make me leave?”
I shook my head, “No, do you want to go?”
“No, I like Livie as my mommy.” He smiled and hugged my legs
~~~~~~~~~~~
After dinner, and all the kids were asleep, I was sitting in Jeremiah’s room. Are we getting back together? Slowly but surely. We haven’t had sex, we go to counseling, sleep in separate beds- mine on the top floor and his in the basement, we go on dates. We are getting to know one another again.
Am I still hurt about his cheating, yes. We are working on getting the trust back. I think the only thing that’s holding us back is Aiden.
Dont get me wrong, I love Aiden as my own. I treat him like my kids, I whoop him just like I do my children. As far as I’m concerned, he is mine. But his mother will not go down without a fight. Especially now that she knows he lives here with Jeremiah.
“Why your face like that?” J asked me
Instead of keeping it from him, like I’ve done in the past, we are keeping everything 100 % honest all the time.
“Avery stopped by today.”
He instantly got mad, “For the fuck what? She hasn’t been involved with Aye in over a year.”
“I know that, but she heard were getting back together and that you live in the house with hi, and she came on some bullshit saying she wanted him back and all that shit.”
“What you tell her?” He asked me
I shrugged, “I told her get the fuck off my porch, don’t come back, Im more of a mother to him than she is. And what makes it worse, Aiden saw the whole encounter. He asked if I was going to make him go with her, and i said no. He told me he likes me as his ‘new mommy’”.
“How do you feel about that?”
“I feel the same way. I want to make it official though.” I finally spoke my true intentions
“What do you mean? Make what official?”
“I want to take Avery to court for Full Custody and I want to Adopt Aiden as my son.”
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Diary of a Sanka Devi - 2
I’m baaaaaaaaaaack! :) Find the prologue and Part 1 here
Operation Catch-A-Prince: Day 1 (still)
Dear Diary,
Arnav is not just a prince. He is a gentleman prince. A knight in shining armour, a … a - he’s like Prem from Hum Saath-Saath Hain if Prem was sarcastic and kind of mean. He’s quiet just like Prem is, but he doesn’t smile as much. That’s okay, one day when we’re married I’ll tease him about what a snob he was and he’ll laugh and say that I taught him what true love and happiness is. Then I will say that I already knew this cause I am good and virtuous. It’s full-proof.
“You mean fool-proof,” Jiji sighed, having reverted back to her ways of sneakiness and reading over my shoulder.
“Arnav’s not a fool, Jiji,” I said sternly, ready to defend my would-be husband to the death.
“No, Khushi,” she groaned, looking like she wanted to smack me, “the word is foolproof.”
To be honest, I don’t completely understand how a word could be defended against fools, but I didn’t argue. That’s another reason mine and Arnav’s marriage will be so exemplary one day. I will never fight with him. Ever. For anything. He’s so beautiful, why would I even want to? We’ll agree on everything and even if we don’t, I’ll probably be so attractive one day that he’ll agree with me anyways, just to keep me happy.
One day, after he finishes fighting Salman Khan for my hand in marriage, he’ll tell me how beautiful I am and that he’d fight Salmanji a million times if it meant getting me - ugh, Jiji is back. And with more silly and cruel remarks.
“Pagli,” she says, laughing callously as if she isn’t about to break my heart, “by the time you’re old enough to be married, Salman Khan will have kids of his own.”
I don’t know who Jiji thinks she is exactly, but her negativity is not welcome in my bubble of good wishes and happiness.
Speaking of good wishes and happiness! Why focus on negativity like Jiji’s when I had Arnav, the personification of goodness and happiness, to talk about. I guess you could say that our love story officially began at 2:30 pm today when I walked out of class and saw him in the courtyard again. He was standing under a tree, and I knew from watching him before that he was waiting for the arrival of the big white car that would pick him up from school and take him back home. I stared at him for a while, trying to find the courage to follow through with my idea. What if it hit him and he got angry? Nonsense, Arnav didn’t have an angry bone in his body, he is an angel. What if it hit him and he got hurt? Nonsense, yet again. Something as small as a pencil case couldn’t hurt a man. And Arnav… well, he was definitely a man. Besides, I told myself resolutely, even if it did hurt slightly now, it would be made up for in the happiness he’d feel realizing it was me, the love of his life, here to retrieve him at last. Once I had him, I’d keep him close so girls like Shreya Khanna couldn’t get too close. That girl was already on my last nerve. Always staring at Arnav, whispering to her friends about him, she probably even wrote about him in her diary. What a creep!
“Khushi,” Jiji’s voice sounded again, undoubtedly to spout some more negative nonsense. “Don’t you do the exact same thing?”
“Excuse me?!” I had gasped, appalled that Jiji would suggest that I would ever do such a thing to my beautiful Arnav.
“You stare at him, whisper about him and his mental math skills, and write about him in that diary of yours. Aren’t you just as bad as she is?”
How. Dare. She.
“It is completely different.” I sniffed haughtily. “I am going to marry him one day so that makes it cute.”
She didn’t seem to agree with me but then again who cared what she thought. One day when I was the Princess of Sheesh Mahal on the hill and Jiji was married to creepy Brij’s older brother Rohit, then we’d see what she thought. Back to what was really important, Arnav.
I stared at him from a few feet away. He looked like he was thinking again, staring up at the leaves of the tree. He was probably thinking about photosynthesis or something equally impressive. I knew from prior… observations… that the fancy white car from Sheesh Mahal would be arriving soon, so if I wanted to act, I had to do it now. I raised my arm, pencil case in hand and poised to throw when I began to second guess my plan. Maybe I could just by him and drop it instead? Was throwing it necessary? I had almost convinced myself to rethink my idea when Arnav turned away from the tree and made eye contact with me. The sunlight was filtering through the canopy of leaves, lighting up the different shades of golden brown in his eyes. Before I was really conscious of what was happening, my arm let go, and I could only watch in horror as my pencil case went sailing through the air. Arnav saw it too and looked confused as he calmly took a step backwards, effectively removing himself from the path of the object. It hit the ground between us, and I felt like the entire courtyard had gone silent suddenly, despite the fact that I could hear Shreya Khanna trying to get Arnav’s attention by talking too loudly about how much she loves math. He looked up at me then and raised one eyebrow in a perfect, questioning arch.
“What the hell was that?”
His voice! In my head, I’d imagined all sorts of voices for him, thinking of what he would sound like when he told me was in love with me when I would finally speak to him. Nothing could measure up to what it really was. None of the boys in my year sounded like that. I kept my eyes trained on him and in my head I looked just like Madhuri Dixit, a worldly beauty speaking volumes from my eyes.
“Are you okay? Your eye is… doing something..?”
… Or maybe I didn’t look as alluring (another fancy word!) as I thought I did. He asked me if I was okay! He cared! Of course, he cared about me, he’s older and smarter, he probably immediately recognized that I’m his soulmate. He is a man and I am a mature woman about to blossom -
“Do you need help finding your mom?” Devi Maiya, he’s beautiful and so kind. But I’d have to talk to him about this. He couldn’t make a habit out of being so nice to every girl he came across, offering to escort her to her mother and all. What if they just kept him!? Someone so perfect needed to be more careful.
“No!” I finally burst out, not wanting him to go find a teacher to deal with who he probably thought was some kind of nut. “No, thank you.”
I tried to keep my voice softer that time, wispy and feminine, a woman never raised her voice after all -
“Pardon? I can’t hear you.” Arnav took a step closer to me, and my heart lurched in answer.
“NO. I’M OKAY, THANK YOU.”
I want to die. How could I have yelled in his presence?!
He blinked in surprise before his features settled back into a mask of indifference and he nodded, turning away from me again to face the road and watch for his car. A few more minutes passed and I tried not to squeal every time he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. He would frown every time he noticed I was still standing there. Probably because he can’t control his heartbeat when I’m around.
Duh.
Any second now, he’d pick up my pencil case and hand it back to me, take my hand in his and pretend to kiss the back of it (not the real thing - not without marriage). I’d swoon and he’d catch me in his strong arms. We wouldn’t get married though, that was for when we were much older, like 16 or something. More minutes passed. He still didn’t seem to have taken the hint. Wow. This was really something we’d have to discuss. He, of course, would be repentant and plead for my forgiveness. I would forgive him because I was so kind and he’d notice that and say I was the most amazing girl he’d ever known (and I wouldn’t even need to make him say it like I had to force Buaji to, he’d say it cause he wanted to).
Eventually, he sighed harshly and looked at me again. I knew he would understand soon enough.
“Are you gonna get that, kid?”
Kid. I was expecting more along the lines of jaaneman, meri jaan, or beautiful but I could take ‘kid,’ as a starting point, I suppose.
More silence. Something in his jaw flexed in irritation and I felt a swoop where my stomach should be. He’s so pretty.
“Fine.” He snarled, stalking the few steps over to where my pencil case had fallen and stooping to retrieve it. Arnav looked at me again and I wanted to swoon for real when he started to walk towards me now, my glittery pencil case clutched in his manly hands.
“Here.”
I took it from his hands, taking care not to brush my fingers against his. That kind of stuff was only allowed once we were married.
“Thank you,” I replied, and for once I didn’t have to act to make my voice as soft as it came out. To his credit, he didn’t mention my lack of earlier responses and simply nodded in answer. A car horn sounded from behind us and he turned around to face the big white car from Sheesh Mahal
Panic gripped me, I couldn’t let this interaction end, not when I finally had his attention! He started to walk away from me, and I shouted the first thing that came to mind.
“Khushi!”
His steps faltered and he glanced back at me over his shoulder, pausing for a moment in confusion.
“My name -” I said sheepishly, staring at the floor now, scuffing my shoe against the dirt. “My name is Khushi.”
I thought he must’ve left when he finally answered.
“Nice name. Suits you.”
My eyes flashed up to his to find him still looking at me, an awkward half-smile on his face. My heart was suddenly racing like Basanti on her horse-cart and I beamed back at him.
“I’m Arnav.”
I barely managed to resist the urge to say that I already knew and instead settled for,
“Nice name. Suits you.”
He smiled a real full smile and gave me a small wave before he climbed into his big white car and took off towards his palatial home. He’d be back though, I knew he would. After all, he’d left his princess behind.
Signed,
Khushi Kumari Gupta
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#metoo
Alright, so I was inspired by another blogger on here to get into more detail about what happened (and then some). She used the term ‘triggered’ about what this hashtag thing has done to her, and I completely agree. Things I thought were long in the past and dealt with have been resurfacing and haunting me, but I am in no way interested in sharing the #metoo on facebook or twitter or any of that.
Below the cut are the 2 main heavy-hitters of past sexual harassment and assault experiences. They are not the only men, unfortunately, but no one has time for all of the skeletons in this closet. These are the stories of the first offender and the ‘worst’ offender. So be warned about that, and feel free to not read any of this. I think this is just some bizarro therapy so that maybe these stories will stop haunting my mind while this hashtag thing is going on.
Ryan.
When I was 12 years old, I was hanging out with my male cousin who was more like a brother. One of his older brother’s friends was with us and we were reading through an email chain and giggling about it. It was a list of pick-up lines. I was 12, my cousin was 14, and this other kid, Ryan, was 16. Ryan then took this silly thing and made it personal by staring at me and asking if he could wear my thighs as earmuffs. I didn’t even really know what that meant, but it made me scared and I just froze. My cousin then said, “hey man, that’s my cousin,” and the game was over.
Two years later I was on AOL IM (I’m really dating myself with these references) and the older cousin was chatting with me about how he and his girlfriend had just been kissing. I told him that I’d never been kissed. Low and behold, that 16 year old from 2 years ago starts messaging me. I’m now 14 and he’s 18 and about to start college. He starts telling me how he wants to be my first kiss. From that point on, we were talking a lot. Everyone in the family knew we were buddies, but he had a girlfriend and no one seemed to suspect anything more. I liked having the attention of this older and really cute guy, and since he lived 5 hours away something felt safe about it at first.
It didn’t take long before his need or obsession with being my first kiss turned into an obsession with taking my virginity. He talked about how he wanted to watch the movie Kids with me and have sex while the first scene played. If you don’t know, that was an NC-17 movie from the 90s where in the first scene an older boy fucks a really young virgin and then leaves, talking about how he only likes virgins. Charming.
Ryan talked me into doing things like scanning my panties and emailing them to him. I hated it. It made me feel dirty and awful, but he wouldn’t stop asking until I relented. He also talked about me...bottling my juices...and mailing it to him. He was a disgusting creature. OH and I forgot to mention, he was the son of my grandmother’s best friend.
He was away at college when I went to visit my family that fall. He said he was going to come home and we’d have sex in his van after he gave me alcohol to relax me...but he had car trouble, or maybe he was all talk, I have no idea, but he didn’t show up, thank god.
I was in way over my head and had no one I thought I could talk to. I was very active on the internet (shocker) and decided to write to one of my online friends. I told him all about Ryan’s plans and how they didn’t happen, and I wasn’t sure what to think. I left my email account logged into the family computer and while I was at school, my mom found that email.
When I came home, she sat me down, fully expecting me to freak out and demand I be able to keep talking to Ryan. But when she told me what she read the email and that I was to no longer talk to him, I was so relieved that it was over that I thanked her and hugged her.
She told my Aunt about it, who told her sons, and last I knew, when Ryan tried to come around to hang out with them and their friends, they shunned him and walked away. I remember feeling shocked that they ostracized him for me, but also loved. It meant a lot.
Chris.
22 years old. Fresh out of a 4 year engagement with an emotionally manipulative piece of work. He didn’t make this list because it would definitely turn into a novel. Anyway, I’m living in an apartment, technically with a roommate, but he decided to join the Marines and was away at boot camp, so I was living alone for the first time in my life. Dating sites were starting to be a thing then, and I was on the free ones. I was wild. I had been in an unhappy, oppressive relationship, and when I got out I felt free, and dead inside, and self destructive.
Through one of these dating sites, Chris found me. I knew his name was Chris, he was 35, and I knew he was a police officer in the area, and that’s all I knew. He made sure of that. He bugged me and bugged me, but that fact that he was a cop didn’t sit well with me so I evaded him for months. Finally he pleads to just have one date with him and go from there. Said things like, “If you smoke pot or something and you’re worried about being busted, I don’t care about that. I just want to meet you.”
I relented, and we had plans for a date. I didn’t know much about him, which made me nervous, but he said it was only because he met a girl once that ended up being crazy and would call his station all the time, so he wanted to make sure I was cool before he told me anything else. (red. fucking. flag.)
One afternoon before our date, he texted me and said he was off duty and wanted to know if I’d be interested in meeting up now, so we could get over the first meeting jitters before the big date night. I was a little weirded out by it, and he said he was in my neighborhood, and well...I was really fucking nervous, but I said okay. Soon after, he’s at my door. I turned on the TV and we sat on the couch. I told him I didn’t believe the cop thing, since he was so secretive about what station he worked for, and he showed me his badge. Then things got scary.
Instead of just talking for a little bit, her started pushing me around. I was sitting on the end of the couch with my knees to my chest and he pulled at me legs and ripped them open and tried to touch me. I kept kicking him off and telling him no, but he kept attacking me. It was terrifying. He was stringer than me. We were alone, and he wouldn’t stop. I got away and told him to leave, and then he changed his tactics. He followed me through the apartment, apologizing and refusing to leave. He became more gentle and kissed me... and told me how badly I wanted it, if I would just give in.
I was scared. He wasn’t leaving. But he wasn’t being violent anymore, and I didn’t want that to return. I told him no, to please just go a few more times and he continued to kiss me and touch me and tell me how much I wanted it. What I wanted was for it to be over. Eventually, I undressed for him, he writhed hi sweaty, grunting body on top of me for a few minutes, and then he left.
I felt so used. So stupid for letting him in my home in the first place. And so fucking confused. I still thought we were going to have that date after that.... it wasn’t until his communication vanished that I realized what really happened, and what I gave into.
I felt so stupid. I felt like a whore. I hated myself. I didn’t even know that was rape until I shared a little bit of it with my mom during a road trip. She told me I was raped, and it all made sense. But there was nothing I could do about it. I had a first name, that could have been - and probably was - a fake name, and a flash of a badge. I’ve tried to find him on rosters or social media, but never did. I was ashamed of letting him in my house. I was ashamed of letting him attack me. I was ashamed of letting him win. I ultimately just wanted to forget it.
About a year later, I found my now husband - on the internet! We played WoW together for months before I ever new what he looked like. I fell for him before I knew his name. By this point we were living together, and I was finally in the most stable, loving, and perfect relationship I had ever known. I was healing from all of the shit I had been put through; being stalked my my Ex and threatened with his assault rifle; being used and abused by men over and over and over. I was finding my happiness and my husband was helping me. Then one day, I get a text from Chris. He has some bullshit story about being in Iraq as security for a year and wants to see me again. I can’t remember what I said, but I told him off. And that was that. I was glad to have the chance to tell him what a creep he was, and I stored the story away. Moved on. Until this hashtag.
I don’t know how to end this other than that. I could write a book and how I was treated by men since I was 12 years old, and how I kept coming back for more. How they made me feel worthless to the point of almost killing myself. How for some reason a man’s approval, no matter how awful he was, was more important to me than my own for a very very long time.
Now, I am in a stable relationship with a man who treats me like his queen and his partner. He is everything I ever wanted and never thought I deserved. I still deal with issues sometimes of thinking I’m not good enough for him, that he deserves better than this sack of crazy that he married. But He helps me through that.
He helped me save myself from the hellscape my emotions were, and he is so supportive when I revert back to bad days and hard times dealing with people and life.
We are expecting our first child and I was relieved to find out he’s a boy. I was terrified of the idea of raising a girl and the idea that she might be put in situations like I had been while growing up. The landscape is so much different now, it’s so much easier for predators to get into young girls heads. If I do end up with a daughter down the road, I hope I can raise her to be strong, to say no, and to come to me no matter what.
But I was relieved that I have the chance to raise a man who will not do these things. I want to raise a man who will respect everyone he comes in contact with, who will never dream of hurting someone, and who will have the courage to stick up for himself and others in the event that wrong is being done.
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Supernatural FanFic, Installment 16
(Sophia wakes up in the bunker next to Castiel. She feels something is off, but cannot figure out what. Castiel rolls over, sliding his arms around her. He lays his head on her shoulder, and they lean in to kiss each other. A few seconds later, and they are deep in the passionate throes of sex. She lands next to him, and he pulls her close, rubbing his hands on her.)
Castiel: That felt different than usual. Are you feeling all right?
Sophia: I woke up feeling off, but nothing seems to be wrong. I’m not concerned.
(She gets up, heading for the bathroom.)
(Sophia is in the nearest town, picking up supplies. She is in the back of the store when she feels a sharp pain in her arm. She turns to see a knife in it.)
Sophia: Um, okay, OW.
(She turns. Rowena is in front of her, smiling.)
Rowena: I hope that heals soon. Otherwise, you might be… human.
(Sophia pulls the knife out, but it doesn’t heal.)
Sophia: What did you do, you hack witch?!
Rowena: It’s about time you started showing us “hack witches” some respect. Because this “hack witch” figured out how to turn you into a human.
Sophia: So that’s why I felt off when I woke up this morning.
Rowena: Yes, dearie. Now, can you admit that we’re just as good as you blood witches?
Sophia: Well, I don’t have to. Now that you’ve revealed what you’ve done, I can just reverse the spell myself, and I can undo the magic that keeps you from dying. So the next time someone, probably me, kills you, it’ll be the last time, “dearie”.
(Rowena disappears, but not before reverting Sophia back to her immortal form. Sophia smirks after her, and then goes back to getting supplies.)
(Sophia wakes up in bed, shooting out of bed and vomiting into her sink. Castiel sits up, watching her.)
Castiel: Sophia?
Sophia: I’m fine, I just… feel sick to my stomach. What is that smell?!
Castiel: What smell?
Sophia: Good God, the boys really need to clean this place.
(She continues vomiting, and Castiel gets up, pulling her hair back. She sits down on the floor.)
Castiel: Sophia, you don’t get sick. You’re immortal. It’s the same smell you’ve always smelled and it’s never gotten you to throw up before.
Sophia: I know, Castiel. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
(Sophia climbs into bed from the floor, lying flat on her back. She lets her eyes roll back in her head, chanting an incantation.)
Sophia(in English): Reveal.
(It is revealed that she is pregnant, and the baby is only half human. Castiel touches her abdomen, and discovers that not only is the baby his, but it is half angel.)
Castiel: Oh, my God. Sophia. That’s a baby. That’s our baby.
Sophia: Oh… my God…
Castiel: But how?
Sophia: I don’t know how this could have happened. It’s never been heard of before. No immortal witch has ever been pregnant or carried a child to term.
Castiel: Looks like you’ll change history, Sophia.
Sophia: If I choose to.
Castiel: If you choose to?
Sophia: Come on, Castiel, be real. We can’t raise a child in this environment. It’s too dangerous. Plus, you know what’s growing inside me wouldn’t be an ordinary human child.
Castiel: A Nephilim… Other angels will hunt for it. Especially because of us. It didn’t do anything to deserve that kind of a life.
Sophia: I don’t know what to do, Castiel.
Castiel: I can’t tell you what to do. If you choose to keep this child, I will die to protect it and you. If you choose not to, I will help you find a way, whatever way you think is best. You have some time, so… think about it. I’m here for you, Sophia. I won’t leave you.
(Sophia stands, going into the bathroom. She looks at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are sunken, and she looks sick and exhausted. She looks at her stomach, putting a hand where the baby is. She turns to the side, imagining how much it will grow. She chokes back her tears and looks at Castiel. He comes up to her, running a hand through her hair.)
Sophia: I need some time. I’m completely blindsided. I never thought this would happen.
Castiel: Of course. Take the time you need.
________________________________________________________________________
(Sam notices that Sophia and Chuck are gone from the bar. They appear in the garden, where Dean and Amara smile at them.)
Chuck: This isn’t the plan…
Amara: Brother, I’m sorry. I was jealous. I didn’t know why you kept making all these worlds. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t enough for you! But because of Dean, I understand. It’s not that I wasn’t enough.
Chuck: The point was the desire to create, Amara. You were always enough! I’m so sorry, Amara.
(Sophia is shocked.)
Sophia: Why am I here?
Amara: You still have to save the world, Sophia. You still have an unfulfilled destiny, and without accomplishing it, the universe will be out of balance still.
(Amara fixes Chuck and the sun. Then, she releases the soul bomb within Dean. She holds out her hand to Sophia. Hesitantly, Sophia takes it.)
Sophia: What’s happening right now?
Chuck: It’s scary, not having control over a situation, isn’t it?
Sophia: Terrifying.
Amara: That’s something that will never happen to you again. From this moment on, Sophia, you’re going to have my power. And his.
(She nods to Chuck. Chuck is smiling. Sophia’s face is one of terror.)
Sophia: I don’t understand.
Amara: We have all this power, and we have free will. We need to work out our issues so that this never happens again, and until then, we can’t trust ourselves not to destroy this world, or the next, or all future worlds. So we need you to keep them safe for us.
Sophia: How?
Chuck: I’m giving you the bulk of my power. Amara’s going to give you hers. We’ll still have some, but not all. We’re trusting you, because you’re stronger than us. You’re better than us. And your body can house our power safely.
Amara: You’re the only one we can trust with this, Sophia. This is how you save the world. This is how you fulfill your purpose in this.
Sophia: You’re right. How do we do this?
Amara: Before we do… Dean, you gave me what I needed most. I want to do the same for you.
(Amara lets a wave of power go, and smiles. Dean is confused, but relieved that no one is dead. Chuck stands behind Sophia, and Amara stands in front of her. They both lay their hands on her, and there is a vibrant light. Waves of purple, black, and white emanate out of the trio. When the light fades, one of Sophia’s eyes is black, another is white, and her hair is purple. As Chuck and Amara step back, she fades to normal, but she is different- powerful.)
Amara: No one can know about this, Sophia. You and Dean can’t even tell Sam or Castiel. This is has to be your secret.
Sophia: This is temporary, right?
Chuck: Sure.
(Sophia can tell by the lackadaisical smile on his face that it’s not.)
Sophia: You’ll come back for it when the time is right.
(Amara and Chuck take hands, and disappear in a black and white wisp. Sophia turns to Dean, taking his hands in hers.)
Dean: We did it. We saved the world.
Sophia: Don’t tell anyone, Dean. Not even Sam. Castiel won’t know. This is something you and I have to carry.
Dean: Do you think they’ll ever take their power back?
Sophia: Only if I make them.
Dean: How does it feel?
Sophia: I feel drunk right now. Not sloppy drunk, but the kind where you feel heavy. I feel heavy. It’s a lot of power, Dean, more than I’ve ever handled in my life. I’m not oriented to it yet.
Dean: You need time to adjust?
Sophia: I need to be alone to process it all and get a grip on it.
Dean: Do what you have to. Come back when the time is right.
Sophia: Call me if anything happens, okay? I mean it. And Dean? NO ONE can know.
Dean: It’s our secret.
(Impulsively, they hug. When they pull back, they look deep into each other’s eyes. Without any warning, they kiss passionately, and Dean grips her hand in his. When they pull away again, she smiles.)
Sophia: This was one of the scariest things we’ve ever been through. I needed that.
Dean: Me, too.
(Dean kisses her again, and he clearly feels better.)
Sophia: It’s going to be okay.
Dean: I believe you. I always believe you when you say that. You’re the one I always feel safe with, Sophia. You’re always the one I can trust and rely on, even when I can’t rely on Sam. Why is it always you?
Sophia: That’s what was meant to be, Dean. I don’t fight it anymore.
Dean: What are you saying?
Sophia: One way or another, it’ll always be us. It is what it is.
(Sophia is gone.)
(Sophia appears in Dean’s room, sensing his sadness. She emerges from the shadows in the corner.)
Sophia: Dean?
(Dean stands instantly, his feelings for her obvious. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife.)
Dean: Sophia… How did you…? Oh, you teleported. Why did you…?
Sophia: I could feel your pain. What is it, Dean? What happened?
(Sophia sits beside him on the bed, holding his hand. He grips it, feeling incredibly vulnerable. His trust in Sophia runs so deep.)
Dean: My mom decided to leave. She just… What did I do?
(Sophia grips Dean in a powerful hug. He pulls her into him, and their intimacy is growing.)
Sophia: Oh, Dean, it’s not your fault, sweetheart. Your mom- she’s just struggling. You need to give her time. She’s going to come back. You’re her sons. She’d never truly leave you.
(Dean pulls back, looking deep into her eyes. Their faces are very close to each other, but neither makes a move yet.)
Dean: I wanted to believe so bad that it would all be okay.
Sophia: She misses your dad, Dean. Do you know how hard it is to live without the person you love most in the entire world?
(Dean stops, thinking about her, obviously.)
Dean: I do… But she has us now. We have each other, and we’re a family again.
Sophia: She has her adult sons, Dean. In her Heaven, your dad was still alive, and you boys were just kids again. She’s gotta be in sensory overload.
Dean: I know. I know. It’s just…
(Dean trails off, overcome with emotion. His eyes well up with tears that he’s holding back. Sophia reaches up, stroking his cheek. Her eyes are a little moist as well. Dean is choked up, his pain showing plainly to her.)
Dean: Everyone always leaves me.
(Sophia realizes where Dean��s head is really at, and she lets a few tears spill while stroking his cheek gently and holding him close. She nearly climbs into his lap to hug him, really pulling him close. The moment is incredibly raw.)
Sophia: No, Dean. No. I’ll never leave you. I’ll always come back for you. Dean, I won’t-
(He looks deep in her eyes, and she stops. They’re avoiding the feelings, but they’re there.)
Dean: Sophia, I… My mom just walked out on us. My dad left so many times. Sam’s left me. You’ve left me. Now my mom is gone.
Sophia: Well, I’m not going anywhere, okay? She’s going to come back, and until she does, I’ll be here. I’ll be here for you forever, Dean. You know I always come back for you.
Dean: Why? Why, Sophia? Why, after all these years, are you still here with us? You’ve seen how everyone we get close to ends up.
Sophia: And yet I’m still alive, Dean. Dean, I…
(She trails off. They are examining each other’s eyes, looking for any sign. Dean is incredibly close to Sophia’s face. Finally, Dean lets his mouth slip close to Sophia’s, his lips ever so gently brushing hers. When she doesn’t stop him, he pushes his lips against hers a little harder, and she pushes back. His arms lock around her, and he lifts her into him. She straddles him, and they begin making out. She pulls at his shirt, and he yanks it off to reveal three more layers, because he’s a Winchester.)
Dean: You sure about this, sweetheart?
Sophia: Yes.
(Dean pumps the breaks for a second.)
Dean: Wait. What about Sam?
Sophia: You tell me. He hasn’t looked at me twice since the whole Darkness thing. I think something Amara said threw him off.
Dean: So I’m not stepping on his toes?
Sophia: Nope, doesn’t look like you’re stepping on his moose hooves. I’m 100% in here, Dean.
Dean: Well, then.
(He grips her close again, slipping her shirt over her head. He tosses her down under him on the bed, sliding her belt off. She unbuckles his belt, pulling him down to her.)
Dean: Sophia… I’m kind of in a bad place right now…
Sophia: You’ll be in an even worse place if you don’t shut up.
Dean: No, Sophia, seriously. I’m not feeling so…
Sophia: Dean, listen. No expectations. You need someone to be there for you tonight who isn’t Sam. I’m the only one who understands you, Dean. I’ve always understood you. Sometimes more than Sam. I loved you at a time when you didn’t even love yourself.
Dean: I don’t love myself now.
Sophia: And yet I still care about you.
(Dean is shocked.)
Dean: What?
Sophia: I do. I can’t lie to you, Dean. I’ve never stopped. But a long time ago, I promised Castiel that I would never reunite with you again. Castiel’s lied to me and broken so many promises since then that my promise is null and void. Back then, I only had room to love one of you. Now, I have room for all of you. So you should know, I won’t be a jerk in the morning like I was last time.
Dean: You actually remember that?!
Sophia: Of course, but I wanted you to suffer the way you made me suffer. The way I was hurting then.
Dean: Look, um… whatever this is, whatever it turns into, I just want you to know that you being here means the world. I’ve been waiting for this chance for a really long time, Sophia, and I just-
Sophia: Stop talking, Dean.
(They start making out again, and Dean throws one of her legs over his shoulder.)
Dean: Oh, God. I missed witch sex, Sophia. Oh, my God.
Sophia: Tell me what you want to see, Dean. I’ll make you see anything you want.
Dean: I don’t want to see anything but you, Sophia. Come here. I’m not stopping until your legs are shaking and my name echoes off the walls of this entire bunker in the sound of your voice.
(He pulls her on top of him, and she wraps her legs around him. Everything in the room goes away, and all that remains is them, exactly what Dean asked for.)
(The next morning, Dean wakes up to Sophia not in the room with him, though a bunch of her clothes are still strewn about the room. He slips some clothes on and goes upstairs, looking for Sophia. He finds her in the kitchen, cooking breakfast in her underwear and his flannel.)
Dean: What’s this?
Sophia: I thought you might be hungry. I kind of, um, worked you a little hard last night.
(Dean leans down and kisses her. She smiles at him.)
Dean: You didn’t have to do that.
Sophia: Well, I wanted to. Dean, I…
(She trails off, not wanting to get emotional and deep. She covers it with a smile.)
Dean: Yeah?
Sophia: I hope you like scrambled eggs.
(Dean knows that wasn’t what she had planned to say, but smiles anyway.)
Dean: You know I’ll eat eggs any way I can get ‘em, sweetheart.
(He slides his arm low around her waist, leaning down to kiss her.)
(Sophia and Dean are in bed together. He is mind blown, and playing with strands of her hair.)
Dean: Should we lay down some ground rules here?
Sophia: Like what?
Dean: What we are, what we’re doing, who we tell…
(Sophia props herself up on her side, resting her head on her hand.)
Sophia: Sure. What are you thinking?
Dean: I just feel a little nervous about this, okay?
Sophia: Why, Dean?
Dean: I’ve wanted another chance at this for years, Sophia, okay? I don’t want anything getting in the way.
(Sophia gives him a look.)
Sophia: When has nothing ever gotten in the way?
Dean: Fair enough. I just don’t want us to literally put ourselves in the way of this second shot we have, okay? I always told myself, if I ever had another shot with you, I would make sure you knew every day just how much I cared. I would give you everything I didn’t give you when we were together back then. I just, I really care about you, Sophia, and I want this to work this time. Even with Cass in the picture.
Sophia: So we keep it to just us. Leave everyone else out of it.
Dean: And what do we do when someone walks in on us?
Sophia: We tell them the truth.
Dean: How pissed will Cass be?
Sophia: He’ll understand. He knows how much we’ve been through together. He may even be expecting it.
Dean: Can I ask you something?
Sophia: Yeah.
Dean: What were you really going to say earlier? I know you weren’t trying to ask me about eggs.
Sophia: Nothing important.
Dean: I’m calling you on it, Sophia. You had that look on your face.
Sophia: What look?
Dean: The one where you’re holding something in because you don’t want to rock the boat. I know you too well. I want you to rock my boat. Tell me.
(Sophia is quiet, smiling.)
Sophia: I’m not ready to rock that boat yet, Dean.
Dean: Promise me that when you’re ready, you’ll spit it out.
Sophia: Of course.
(She climbs on top of him, kissing him.)
(Sophia follows Dean upstairs in the antique shop. She pushes him up against the bookcase where the secret Nazi room is concealed. They start making out, and Dean tries to be productive.)
Dean: We should really try to- okay, maybe just a few minutes.
Sophia: We have a few minutes while Sam nerds all over the dead guy’s computer. Come on, handsome…
(Dean, getting really into it, lifts her against the bookcase.)
Dean: I always wanted to reenact that scene from Atonement.
(They continue kissing, and Sophia bumps the lever that opens the door behind the bookcase. The moment lost, they wander inside, and Sophia’s eyes widen.)
Sophia: WOW. Just… wow.
(It’s Valentine’s Day, and for once, Dean has a valentine. He has nervously gone all out, buying flowers and cooking an amazing dinner. Sam is out, so he knows he and Sophia will have the bunker to themselves. He sings Led Zeppelin’s “Thank You” to himself as he prepares the table for dinner.)
Dean: If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.
(He hears the door to the bunker open and close, and Sophia’s gentle footsteps nearing him.)
Sophia: Dean? Sam?
Dean: In here, baby.
(Sophia walks into the room, gorgeous and powerful, her hair falling over her shoulders in waves and slight curls, her boots clinking and the leather of her jacket squeaking quietly. She smiles when she sees the set table and Dean standing over a stove.)
Sophia: Dean? What is this?
(Dean turns around, walking up to her and kissing her gently. He takes her jacket and slides it onto the back of a chair.)
Dean: Surprise, babe.
Sophia: Surprise?
Dean: I know we didn’t talk about Valentine’s Day like, ever, but I wanted to do something. Sam’s gone till tomorrow night. We have the whole place to ourselves, Sophia… It’s just us.
Sophia: Oh, my God, Dean… I don’t know what to say.
Dean: Well, have a seat.
(He pulls out a chair for her. He pours her a glass of wine and walks over to the stove, checking on dinner. He turns around and looks at her, and she smiles at him.)
Sophia: You REALLY didn’t have to do this, Dean.
Dean: No. I did. This was long overdue, Sophia. I should have done all this for you twelve years ago.
Sophia: You don’t give yourself enough credit. When we were actually together, you were great. You were sweet and gentle to me, and a better man than you give yourself credit for.
Dean: I’m trying to remember how to be that guy. Not just for you, Sophia. For all of us.
Sophia: I can help you, Dean.
Dean: I need your help. You know me better than anyone. The good, the bad, the terrifying. I want to be a better boyfriend to you this time around.
(Sophia laughs a little. Dean looks at her questioningly.)
Dean: What?
Sophia: You called yourself my boyfriend.
Dean: Is that okay?
Sophia: Yeah. It’s EXTREMELY okay. Does that make me your girlfriend?
(Dean smiles, stammering with excitement.)
Dean: Y-yeah, I-I-I-I mean, i-if-if that’s what you want.
(Sophia slides her arms around Dean, and he picks her up in his arms. He kisses her through her hair, and she sighs happily.)
Sophia: Dean, I…
Dean: What? What is it, Sophia?
Sophia: I’m glad we’re here.
Dean: That’s not what you meant to say. I know you, Sophia. I know when you’re holding back. It’s Valentine’s Day, Sophia. Whatever it is, you can say it.
(Sophia’s eyes fill up with tears. She smiles painfully at Dean.)
Sophia: Can’t you see?
Dean: Sophia. If you’re not ready… I know I’ve hurt you a lot.
Sophia: No, stop. That’s not what this is, Dean. Do you remember what happened in the garden with Chuck and Amara?
Dean: Of course.
Sophia: You gave them a different solution besides destruction. You showed them another way. Don’t you see? You are still that guy you were back then. You’re still him, Dean! The Light and the Dark were about to destroy each other, and you showed them a different outcome. That’s the Dean Winchester you’re looking for. He was there all along, baby.
(Dean is emotional.)
Dean: Sophia… thank you. Thank you so much, sweetheart.
(He picks her up again, kissing her. They become passionate, but the timer dings, signaling that something in the oven is done. He puts her down, and pulls biscuits out of the oven. They sit down to eat finally, and they smile at each other, enjoying a quiet meal together, occasionally grasping hands and smiling at each other.)
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Title: Peace I Leave With You, 28/29?
Fandom: OUAT
Rating: T
Word Count: ~ 5,700
Summary: When Emma needs a friend in Storybrooke, she finds one in the sinfully attractive priest Killian Jones. AU covering seasons 1 and 2.
Notes: We've almost made it! This will be either the second to last or third to last chapter, depending on how long it takes my final twist to play out. Thanks for sticking with me and my irregular updates. Love you all! Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7,Part 8, Part 9, Part 10,Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17,Part 18, Part 19, Part 20,Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27
Or read on Ao3
-
Everyone in the car sits in quiet shock. Killian can hear all of them breathing – jagged, shaky breathes – as they process what just happened.
As much as Killian wants to take some time to process, as well, there is too much urgent work to be done. They have no time for emotional self-indulgence.
He turns to look into the back seat. “Regina – will evacuating the town be a way to save us?”
She blinks, as if coming out of a trance. Her lips part for a moment of thought before she replies. “No. Everyone would still have their memories erased when they crossed the town line. It would be just as bad as being hit by the curse.”
“Bloody hell,” he murmurs under his breath before speaking up again. “Is there no way to stop it? Or can you alter the curse to allow us to retain our memories?”
Regina swallows and shakes her head. “I could try to change everyone's memories, but the results would be imperfect at best. And everyone would still be prevented from growing and changing over time. But there might be a way to...” She trails off. “I need to give this some thought.”
“Well think quick,” Emma says as they pull onto main street. “We're short on time.”
Killians clenches his teeth and then barks at David, “Call Mary Margaret and Neal. Have everyone gather outside Granny's. I'll call Leroy. He can spread the word faster than anyone else.”
They all busy themselves with hasty calls. Killian can hear Leroy starting to shout the news to others before he hangs up.
They have to find a way to fix this. They can't allow Cora's rash decision to condemn them all to another endless prison. This time, with Henry in the line of fire, he thinks that Regina will be on their side.
Or at least he hopes. If she isn't, they're all screwed.
~ ~ ~
Emma stumbles out of the car as soon as she cuts the engine in front of Granny's, where a large group of friends are already gathered. She runs to Henry and pulls him into her arms.
“What's gonna happen, Mom?” he whispers.
“I don't know, kid. But I promise – I will keep you safe, no matter what.” She only hopes it's a promise she can keep.
A dozen panicked voices all start interrogating Regina at once.
After a moment Killian steps forward and roars over the noise, “Quiet! We've got to work together on this while there's still time! Let the woman speak.”
The voices dim and all eyes turn to Regina, including Emma's. Her heart pounds in her chest. If they can't stop this curse, she'll lose everyone all over again – her parents, her friends, Killian. Will she lose Henry, too?
They have to find a way to stop it.
Regina takes a breath and nods at Killian brusquely. “Thank you. We're all stuck in a hard place right now. Within an hour the curse will overtake the entire town and revert all of you back to your state before Miss Swan broke the initial curse.”
Emma can see the scowls and glares directed at Regina. She sympathizes, but they have no time for arguments.
Regina continues. “I believe I'll be able to alter your memories and lives to a degree, to preserve as much of your current lives as possible. But you will all still forget your lives from the Enchanted Forest, and you will all still be trapped in a place that never changes or grows or ages. There is only one other choice.”
Emma holds her breath.
“I can destroy the original curse,” Regina holds up a small scroll in her left hand, “and with it Storybrooke and everything we've built here. We will retain our memories, but we will be sent back to the Enchanted Forest as if Storybrooke had never existed. And we'll never be able to come back.”
Emma lets out her breath. She has no fond memories of her time in the Enchanted Forest, and no desire to live the rest of her life there. But if it's the only way to stay with her family, then she's willing to make that sacrifice.
“There's only one problem,” says Regina, her voice thick with emotion as she turns to look at Emma and Henry. “Only those born in the Enchanted Forest will be returned to it. Those born in this realm will be left behind. Henry will be left behind.”
“No!” Henry exclaims, and Emma wraps her arm tighter around his chest, pulling him close.
“That's not an option,” she says. “You have to find another way.” There is no way in hell she's going to abandon Henry to grow up alone, the way she did.
Tears glisten in Regina's eyes. “There is no other way. Either we all face the curse together, with no Savior to break it, or we leave Henry behind.” Before Emma can shout a desperate retort, Regina continues, “But there is a way we can make sure he is safe and happy. You can stay with him.”
Emma's jaw drops. “What?”
Regina nods. “As the Savior, you were immune to the first curse, and you will also be immune when I destroy it. You can stay with Henry, and the two of you can live out your lives together here, in this world. You can be happy.”
Emma's throat starts to close, and tears well in her eyes. She turns her head to look at her parents. And then she turns to Killian.
His eyes also glisten with tears. She knows him well enough to know he won't protest. He'll let her go without argument, all for Henry's sake.
But she can't do the same.
For the first time in her life she has a family. Friends. A lover who is ready to offer her a future together.
She fumbles for words. “I can't. I just found you all. I can't let you go. Please.” She addresses the final word to Regina – her plea for some way out of this impossible situation.
Regina shakes her head slowly. “You have to stay.”
Emma feels dizzy and sick. This can't be happening.
“No!” Henry shouts. “There's another way. I know there is. You can let the curse take you, and then Emma can come and break it again. She's the Savior. That's what she does. We can wait outside the town line and then come back in and she can use true love's kiss to break it.”
Emma meets her parents' gaze, and sees the hope in their eyes. She turns back to Regina. “Will it work?”
Regina shakes her head. “It's not that simple. Breaking the curse would require you, as the Savior, immune to the curse, to come back into the cursed town and share a true love's kiss with someone who is trapped inside the curse. And with Henry's memories affected by the curse – especially with my mother's intent guiding it – there's no way I can guarantee you'd be able to get him to love you enough for it to work.”
Emma shakes her head in frustration.
Henry speaks up again, saying a single name. “Killian!”
Killian blinks in surprise and edges closer to them. “What is it?”
“You can share true love's kiss,” Henry proclaims.
Emma's heart starts to race, and she meets Killian's eyes. They are full of desperate hope.
“You love each other, don't you?” Henry pushes.
Emma's tears well again, and a lump rises in her throat at the certainty on Killian's face.
“More than anything,” he says in a low, intense tone that sends a warm thrill down her spine.
Henry cranes his head to look up at her. “Mom?”
Steeling her spine, Emma nods, and replies, her voice shaking. “Yes. I do love him.”
In spite of the tension brought on by the rapidly approaching curse, she can't look away from Killian – from the gentle smile on his face and the adoration in his eyes.
In spite of everything, she feels herself echoing his smile.
Regina eyes them uncertainly. “It might work. Her feelings were strong enough to allow her to communicate with him across realms. And they nearly broke the first curse together before –”
“They did?” David says, his eyes wide.
“Possibly,” Regina admits. Emma's heart leaps. “But she'll have to come back into town with Killian's memories altered. She'll have to get him to fall in love with her all over again.”
Emma's eyes go wide. “What!? I can't – we can't...” It still amazes her that Killian fell for her in the first place. She's not the type to attract a priest. It'll never work.
Killian reaches out and takes her hand, his gaze steady and resolute. “Yes, we can.”
Regina nods. “I can't make him love you. But I can make sure he is the same man who fell in love with you last time. And I can arrange for you to meet under optimal circumstances.”
Emma feels a huge weight pressing down on her, just like the night when August confronted her in the woods and told her that everyone's happiness depended on her. Not again. Tears roll down her cheeks.
“I can't do this,” she gasps.
Killian steps to face her directly and squeezes her hand. “Yes, you can. You know as well as I do that most of these people prefer their lives in Storybrooke to the ones they had back in the Enchanted Forest. And we present the only chance to save those lives for them. The only chance to keep your family here. This is a risk we have to take, Emma. Not just for them, but for us. For you. I don't want you to lose your family again. I know we can do this.”
“Emma.” She hears Mary Margaret's voice and turns to see her parents stepping toward her.
“He's right,” Mary Margaret continued. “There is almost no magic that can cross realms, but yours did because of your feelings for Killian.”
David nods in agreement. “I know exactly how much he cares about you, and I've seen the way you look at him when you think we aren't watching. Emma – he's right. Almost no one here wants to give up the lives we have in this world. I know if you take this chance, you have the power inside of you to be our Savior all over again.”
She blinks in astonishment when Neal is the next one to speak up. “Emma,” he says, “they're right. I haven't been here long, but I, uh, I've seen all that you've done here. All that you've built here. And I know that what you have with him is special. It's the real deal.” He pauses, his eyes glistening with rising tears. “All you ever wanted was a family. And a place to call home. You have that now, and you're strong enough to make sure a curse doesn't take it away from you.”
Her throat is tight. All the insecurities of a lifetime come flooding back. If she was so special, why did no one ever want her? Why did Neal leave her? She's not special. She's not someone that people fall in love with. She's not strong – not like they're saying. She shakes her head.
“I want to believe. I do. I just... I'm scared.” What if I fail? What if they all get trapped forever and it's my fault? I don't want to be alone alone again.
“We're all scared,” Killian says, barely above a whisper, drawing her closer to his side. “But we all believe in you. The power's been inside you all along, remember? And it's still there.”
Emma edges even closer so only he will hear her words. Her heart pounds while she voices her deepest fear of all. “But what if you don't love me, next time? What if I'm not good enough?”
Killian leans into her, pressing his forehead against hers. She wants so much to wrap her arms around him and let him hold her tight until she wakes from this nightmare.
“Emma,” he says softly, “I promise you – no matter what magic muddles my mind, no matter what memories I lose, I know without a single doubt that I will always love you. Always.” A few tears roll down his cheeks as he speaks.
“How do you know?” she asks. How can he be so sure when she feels so lost?
He smiles. “I have faith.”
She can barely take a breath. Love and fear swirl through her mind in equal parts. A few months ago she was ready to take a leap of faith with him, before the chaos of breaking the curse threw everything for a loop.
Maybe it's finally time to take that leap.
“Okay,” she whispers back.
She startles from her emotional reverie when Regina swoops in to scoop one of the tears from her cheek with the edge of the small scroll, and then does the same with one of Killian's tears.
Regina waves a hand over the scroll and it briefly glows a faintly golden light. Regina looks up. “A little insurance, to make sure this plan of yours will work.”
Emma takes a deep breath, and glances back up at Killian. “I guess we're doing this.”
“It seems that we are,” he replies.
Emma turns back to Regina. “I have one condition. When I cross that town line, Henry still comes with me.”
Regina's eyes narrow. “Why?”
Emma doesn't want to antagonize Regina right now, but she still doesn't fully trust the woman. “I need to make sure that you don't change your mind and decide Cora was right after all, and you deserve to keep this twisted curse version of a happy ending. Keeping Henry's memories intact is the only way to ensure that you keep your word.”
“She's right,” Henry adds. “You've done a lot of bad things, Mom. You've said you want to change. Now prove it. Let me go with Emma, and then help her break the curse when she comes back.”
Regina squeezes her lips together and nods. “Very well. Henry goes with you. We don't have much time left. You've got to go.”
Emma grips Killian's hand with her left hand and Henry's with her right. She takes a deep breath, meets Regina's eyes, and nods. “Okay. I'm ready.”
~ ~ ~
Killian wants to stay at Emma's side during every minute of the hasty scramble to collect some clothes and money to send with her and Henry. He wants to delay the inevitable separation for as long as possible.
Of all the ways he'd imagined hearing her confess her feelings to him, this is the last way he ever would have wanted. Still doesn't want. But it is the one they are stuck with.
He's never been so terrified in his life.
But he can't let Emma see his confidence falter. She needs him now, more than ever.
And there is one last thing he can give her – even if it means stepping away from her during these final minutes.
As Emma and Henry gather their things upstairs in the loft, he waits below and pulls Neal aside into a corner for a private conversation. There is no time to beat around the bush. Killian gets right to the point.
“You need to go with them.”
Neal blinks. “What?”
“You heard me,” Killian repeats. “You need to go with them.”
“But...” Neal looks confused. “Why?”
They don't have time for this. “Because you are no more trapped by the curse than Emma is, and because they need you. You have bank accounts, an apartment. You have experience creating false identities. They'll need your help preparing to return to Storybrooke with a convincing story, so all of us accept them as genuine. Besides,” Killian adds, in all sincerity, “you are Henry's father. He's been through a lot these past few days, and so have you. You need each other.”
Neal swallows hard and stares off at the near distance. “I just... after what happened with Tamara... I don't...”
“Hey,” Killian interrupts, gripping Neal's shoulder. “You can't erase your grief and sense of betrayal with a curse. You have to face it, and get through it. Spending more time caring for your son will be the best way to do that.”
Neal takes a deep breath and nods. “You're right. Of course you're right. Okay. I'll go with them.”
Killian's heart aches a little at the thought that he won't be the one to help Emma through this. That he has to rely on another man to step into those shoes. But he'll do whatever it takes to make this easier for her, even if it means trusting Neal.
They turn to head back to the main group to share the news, but Neal grips his arm and holds him back. Killian meets his eyes.
“Hey, I need to apologize. Right after Tamara died I was in a bad place, and I made a move on Emma. I tried to steal her from you. And I'm sorry. That was a fucked up thing to do.”
Killian forces a smile. “A woman isn't an object that can be stolen. I trust Emma to make her choices for herself. But in any case, apology accepted.”
Neal nods, and they head back to the group.
~ ~ ~
Emma is shocked by Killian's declaration that Neal will be going with them, but Henry is so excited by the prospect that she can't say no.
She steps aside with Killian, holding his hand. “You're really okay with this?” Her voice shakes a little. She's not okay with it. Not with any of it. But, like so much of her life, she has no other choice.
“I'm sorry if you feel uncomfortable with him right now. I was thinking of Henry. He needs his father. And Neal's resources outside of Storybrooke might be helpful to you as you prepare to return.
He's right, no matter much she hates to admit it.
Before she can respond, Regina steps toward them. “We have to head to the town line right now if we're going to make it before the curse overtakes us.”
Emma can feel tears rising in her eyes again, but she fights them down. She has to focus on getting out before it's too late. She wants to believe that Regina is on their side this time, but if she's not...
They need to get out before the curse hits, no matter what.
She and her family all pile into a few cars and zoom to the town line as quickly as they can. Killian rides shotgun, clinging to her hand. She knows he's just as terrified as she is – she can see it in his eyes. She's glad he's not talking about it. If he did, she might lose the nerve to leave them all behind.
Just before the town line she stops the bug, the other cars stopping behind her, and everyone gets out. The purple cloud of the curse is visible not far in the distance behind them. They're running out of time.
She rushes to her parents first, and both of them throw their arms around her at the same time.
“We are so, so proud of you,” Mary Margaret says.
David nods, his eyes wet with emotion. “I love you, Emma. We'll see you soon.”
~ ~ ~
While Emma speaks with her parents, Killian strides over to Regina. “I have one last favor to ask, before we all lose our memories.
Regina raises her eyebrows. “What is it?”
This is the only one of the dozens of things that have passed through his mind during the drive that Regina can actually do anything about. And it is the one thing he most needs to do in order to make amends for inability to forgive.
“Can you have Belle and Gold be together – in a relationship? A happy one? I just want them to have a taste of what real happiness together feels like, so that after Emma comes, they might be able to hold onto it. Can you do that for me?”
“Are you sure? Won't that just be rewarding your enemy?” Regina narrows her eyes.
He shakes his head. “It will be giving him his second chance. And it will be giving Belle her second chance as well. Please.”
Regina hesitates a moment, and then nods. “Alright. I'll do as you ask.”
“Thank you.” Killian nods and then strides back toward Emma's car. There's nothing more he can do.
~ ~ ~
Emma rushes through her goodbyes with the few friends who've joined them here, and then turns to Regina.
Regina gives a curt nod. “Well. This is it, then. Get to a hotel nearby and get some rest. Keep your cell phone charged. Tomorrow morning, after I've had a little time to get a feel for the new version of Storybrooke, I'll give you a call and we'll work out the details of your return.”
Emma takes a deep breath, fighting to quell her fear. “Sounds like a plan.” She steps back to let Regina have a moment with Henry, and turns to make her final goodbye.
Killian.
He stands beside her bug with a sad smile on his face.
Her fears and doubts swell and crash within her mind. She's nearly lost him three times already, and each time her feelings for him only deepened. She doesn't know how she'll get through letting him go. She doesn't know how she'll be able to face him and see no glimmer of recognition in his eyes – to face him as a stranger.
The tears she's been fighting for so long refuse to be held back any longer. She opens her mouth to speak, but her mind is blank. There's nothing adequate to the situation. Nothing to express the turmoil of emotions within her.
She shakes her head helplessly.
Killian steps forward and pulls her into his arms. He rests his head in the crook of her shoulder, nestling his face into her hair. She squeezes him tighter than she's ever held anyone before, and he squeezes back. She can hardly breath, but she doesn't care.
She doesn't want to let go.
She doesn't want this to be their last goodbye.
“It's time,” says Regina's voice, interrupting their moment.
Killian eases out of her arms, and Emma has no choice but to step back as well.
Neal and Henry are climbing into the bug, and the purple cloud grows closer by the second.
Still, she clings to Killian's hand. She can't seem to let go.
“This isn't the end, Emma,” Regina says softly, her voice kinder than it has ever been.
Emma nods, though she's not sure she believes it.
She faces Killian one more time, and meets his gaze. If this is their last moment together, there's something she needs to say. She stifles a sob. “I love you.”
His tears well from his eyes. “I love you, too.”
There's nothing more she can say – nothing more to say.
Stretching onto her tiptoes, she leans into him and presses her lips against his. The kiss is soft and tender and over far too soon.
He pulls back and gently guides her to her car door. “You have to hurry,” he murmurs.
She nods, and climbs into her car, shuts the door, grips the wheel, and turns the key.
She can't look back. If she looks back, they won't make it.
She starts to drive.
Just after crossing the line she permits herself a single glance at the rear view mirror. The cloud of purple magic swirls and swells, obscuring every she's come to love. And then, in an instant, it is gone. All that remains is an empty stretch of road.
Emma slams on the breaks and pulls the bug to a stop, turning it off right there in the center of the road. She stumbles out of her door and turns to stare back.
All is exactly as it was when she first arrived. Nothing but an empty road and a simple sign. Welcome to Storybrooke.
Tears pour down her face as she feels her heart breaking. She sinks to her knees and sobs. After a moment Henry crouches beside her and throws his arms around her. She clings to him, cradling him close.
“It's okay, Mom. You're the Savior. You can save them all. I know it.”
Eventually she manages to stop crying and nods. “Okay, kid. Let's find a place to settle down for a day or two.”
They find a town just under an hour to the south. There's a diner and a few fast food places and a handful of motels. They find the best one, and book adjoining rooms – one for her and Henry, and the second for Neal.
They don't talk much for the rest of the day. Emma's seen too many people suffering from shock and emotional trauma in her life. It never gets any easier – especially when she's suffering as much as they are.
That night she fishes Killian's leather insignia out of the bottom of her duffle bag where she tossed it while packing. Henry sleeps in her bed, and she wraps one arm over him and clutches the insignia with her other hand.
She's never really been a believer in a higher power. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. It was never something she put much thought into. But tonight she reaches out with her mind and her heart, silently praying for a sign that everything's going to be alright.
Her dreams are a blur. She thinks she hears Killian's voice – his laugh – but she can't tell what he's saying. She catches a glimpse of her parents in wedding clothes, standing under a floral bower near the well in the woods. She sees Belle and Gold striding from Granny's toward his shop, their arms linked. She sees Regina walking through town with a lost expression on her face. And, last of all, she sees Killian in his running clothes, moving at a quick jog down the back roads of Storybrooke in the early morning light.
She wakes with a gasp. The sun is up, but only barely. Henry is still deep asleep, but there is no way she can sleep another minute.
She sits on the edge of the bed and stares down at the insignia in her hand, running her thumb over the embosses name: Jones.
Did her dream mean anything? Was it some sort of sign? That was one of the reasons she had trouble buying into the whole “God” thing. Because this so-called-God never seemed to give any of his followers a straight answer.
She tucks the insignia back into her duffle and heads to the shower.
A little later they get through a quiet breakfast at the diner. Neal talks about putting together a backstory for when she returns to Storybrooke. She knows it's important to make these plans, but her heart isn't in it. Not yet.
She's exhausted and beaten down. She needs a chance to rest.
Just before noon, her cellphone rings. It is Regina.
“Everything worked just as planned – and trust me, Miss Swan, your family and friends are much better off this time around. I made sure of it. So now that that's settled, we have some plans to make. When can you bring my son home?”
~ ~ ~
It's a brisk spring morning, and Killian is feeling refreshed after his run.
He stops by Granny's for a couple of coffees and exchanges his usual lighthearted flirtatious comments with her. He leaves a nice tip for the coffee and gives her a wink on the way out. He's not certain what, but some instinct inside of him tells him that today is going to be a good day.
He heads straight for the sheriff's station for his usual mid-morning chat with his best mate, David.
“There you are!” David says, striding out of his office. “You're a sight for sore eyes.”
“Are you talking to me or the coffee?” Killian grins.
“What do you think?” David replies, grabbing his cup from Killian's hand and taking a swig. He sighs in satisfaction. “I have got to convince Ruby to give up the morning shift at Granny's to come work for me full time.” Ruby already works at the station four evenings a week taking calls, so that David can spend more time with his new bride.
Killian raises an eyebrow. He's heard this line before. “You'd take her away from her Granny at the busiest time of day just because you can't make a decent cup of coffee to save your life?”
David shrugs and grins. “That's why I keeping hanging around with you. For the morning coffee.”
Killian smiles and shakes his head, sinking into a chair while David leans back against Ruby's desk. They've been playing this same game for nearly four years, almost since Killian was hired to lead the Storybrooke church. Somehow, it still hadn't gotten old.
They chat about the normal town gossip and happenings for a few minutes when their morning routine is interrupted by an unexpected visitor.
“Madam Mayor,” David says, standing a little straighter as Regina strides into the office.
“Good morning Sheriff, Father Jones,” she says, nodding at them both. “I come bearing good news.”
“Do tell,” says Killian. Regina isn't normally know for sharing “good” news, but today could be the exception – one never knew.
Regina smirks at him before turning her gaze back to David. “Not only have I finally convinced the City Council to approve the funds for that full-time deputy you've been wanting, but I also happen to have the perfect candidate for the job.”
There has to be a catch. There always is, with Regina.
“Tell me more,” says David, folding his arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes.
Regina continuous talking, apparently oblivious to David's obvious suspicion. “Well, the two of you probably aren't aware, but I have a cousin. My only living relative.”
Killian nods, curious. Regina never talks about her past, or her family. This is certainly a first.
She continues. “She and I didn't know each other as children. Her mother – my aunt – got caught up in drug addiction and died young, when my cousin was just a little girl. She grew up in the foster system. In fact, we barely knew each other until we found each other on Facebook five years ago.” Regina's grin seems disingenuous, but most of her smiles do. Killian wonders if the woman even knows how to express a genuine emotion.
“Anyway,” says Regina, “we've gotten to be good friends, since then. She worked as a bail bonds person for a few years before stepping into more reputable work as a junior office for a police department outside of Boston. She's been wanting to relocate to a more rural area for several years now, but couldn't because she shares custody of her son with her ex.”
“She's a single mother, then?” Killian asks. “Storybrooke is a good safe place to bring up a family.”
“It is indeed,” Regina agrees. “And she's very interested in relocating. Her ex just got a job in a town about an hour south of here, and she doesn't want to go through another custody fight. Plus, she loves the Maine coast. She thinks this is the perfect opportunity to finally come here for the small town life she's been craving.”
David is smiling, and Killian can't blame him. He's been begging for the the funds to hire a deputy since he started dating Mary Margaret. And now, as a newly wed thinking of starting a family, he's more eager than ever to lighten his own workload.
“Real police experience and excited to come here? She sounds like the perfect candidate,” says David.
She does indeed. And Killian has no doubt that Regina's ability to find the funds just at the moment when her cousin is in need of a job is no coincidence. Still, why look a gift horse in the mouth?
David's eyes light up with excitement. “I can't wait to meet her!”
“Good,” replies Regina, a smug look on her face. “She's coming to town tomorrow afternoon.”
“So soon?” Killian asks. He expected at least a week. But it's just like Regina to spring something like this on David at the last minute. It makes him more likely to hire her without giving the matter due scrutiny. Killian will have to take it upon himself to help reign in his friend's enthusiasm and to make sure this cousin of Regina's is truly right for the job.
“As I said, she is very eager to relocate,” says Regina.
“What's her name?” David asks.
“Her name is Emma,” Regina replies. “Emma Swan.”
The name rings in Killian's head like a church bell he's heard hundreds of times, yet he can't pinpoint where he might have come across it before. Maybe Regina once mentioned her, and he's simply forgotten.
“We look forward to meeting her,” says David with a decisive nod.
Later, after leaving the sheriff's office for his own office at the church, the name “Emma Swan” continues to ring in his mind, though he has no idea why.
Tbc
Note: If any of you are wondering if I threw in this twist just to get to the end, the answer is no. Though the middle sections changed and evolved quite a bit as I wrote, I had this final plot twist planned almost from the start. I like circular storytelling, and I wanted to try my hand at it. I hope you enjoy how the conclusion of this epic plays out.
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Tip cheap car insurance in winter haven fl
"Tip cheap car insurance in winter haven fl
Tip cheap car insurance in winter haven fl
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Tip cheap car insurance in winter haven fl
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i bought a car and started financing. i got car insurance, but the next day i found a way cheaper one. so i called to cancel the old one, and put a downpayment on the new one. for some reason my other one wasnt cancled, and i have duplicate insurance. i just recieved an email from the expsensive insurance saying if i dont make a payment my license will be suspended. but this cant really happen right? if im making payments on my other full coverage insurance that i want to keep, i still have current insurance.""
Insurance on my own car compared to my parents?
Hey all, Im interested in buying a car and my parents are quite objectionable to it. Id say i would pay for the car and the difference in insurance but they say i dont have the money to do so. I know that my being insured on one of their cars costs a lot less than being insured on my own car but i really dont know the difference. Obviously it depends on the type of car and other factors but approximately how much is the difference. I could fill out the quote stuff but i would have to fill it out twice and i really dont feel like being bombarded by emails and what not. Also, I am 17 years old and have had my license for over a year without a single violation. If it really matters, i have about 4500 saved up for now. I made a little over 1100 in the past month and should be getting about 700 or so a month from my job. I really dont spend any money on anything else. Is insurance on my own car really that expensive?""
Car insurance question?
I got an insurance question. I let my fiance, who is not insured by my insurance company drive my car. I was in the car with him. He was intoxicated and hit 9 parked cars causing minor damage to all of them. Will my insurance company have to pay for the damage?""
How much is my car payment and insurance?
Hey, everyone else is asking the same 2 stupid questions, now it's my turn!""
Car Insurance Question? Price?
I'm going to be turning 18 on July 14th 2009, and I was wondering what the cost of insurance would be if I got a used 2003 or 2004 Nissan 350z. I got my license April 08, and have had no crashes or anything. I plan on going to college, but a community college for the first 2 years then going to a 4 year college. Any ideas? I mean the price for this one is only 13,000 and it's a good deal.""
Where can I get cheap health insurance in NYC as an individual with a relatively low deductible & low premium?
Is that even possible? My reasoning is this: I am 26 and I am self-employed. I am basically just looking for a bare bones plan that will have the lowest premium possible and I actually care more about emergency care than doctors visits. You see, I don't get sick often and don't plan to go to the doctor a whole lot...I just want something in case of an accident and the whole low premium w/ high deductibles thing won't help me...I'll be stuck with a sky high bill to pay off if I stay in the hospital. I'd rather have emergency coverage and simply pay out of pocket for a doctor if I have to. Is there a plan out there in NY that fits this? Anyone know? HELP! I make too much money to qualify for Healthy NY or another low income program..but not enough to reasonably afford a normal healthcare plan when factoring in rent and student loans. (If this isn't a reason for universal healthcare in the US, I don't know what is)""
Car Insurance- Am i covered?
If i drive my uncles car, and i dont have insurance myself am i covered in case of an accident(he has full insurance). hes live in ca and we are in different households. thanks""
Who's responsible for rental car insurance after an accident?
Last month my car was run into in a parking lot while I was shopping. No question who was at fault. We exchanged information and I contacted their insurance company. Their insurance agreed to pay for all repairs and the rental. However, they did wouldn't pay for the insurance on the rental, claiming it is my responsibility. I only have liability, so the additional insurance cost $8.99 per day, in the end I had to pay $360. I'm wondering if now I can take this to the people who hit me, since if they had not hit me, I wouldn't be out $360. Could I demand them to pay it, maybe even take it to small claims?""
Tip cheap car insurance in winter haven fl
Tip cheap car insurance in winter haven fl
Switching to liability only car insurance?
Hi. I just moved to a new state with ridiculously high car insurance rates. My new rates are nearly double what I paid in my old residency. If I switch my coverage from full coverage, to liability only, how much would I save (approximately?) I currently pay nearly $230 a month on car insurance for full coverage. About how much would liability only be?""
Does the insurance company ( the other guys' fault) pay for rental car insurance?
I got swiped in the week. He is culpable and using his insurance Farmers. I get a rental while my car is in the shop. Farmers- do they pay for my rental insurance, if I am not covered to drive another car but my own? I have legal insurance- liability but not collision. THe guy who swiped me was extremely nice, giving me humbers and taking photos and so on- he was decent. But to pay extra for collision ( Enterprize mentioned this) it'll be 15-18 bucks a day. At this point, I'm fed up with having to drive around getting appraisals and do NOT think I should pay a dam thing. If I get a tiny scratch on the rental, they may ask me to pay for that, or will they? Please what are my options? The rental will take MY credit card for godsake ( I understand--I could just go sell it etc), but I do not see why I should be liable for even a tiny scratch, if I don't have that coverage for my own car and am happy to keep driving my own car that way- I will not be able ot drive my car a week or so while it's in the shop. Any advice- is Farmers right on this? Or did the customer service rep get it wrong? I'm confused right now. If I have to pay that collision ( god knows Enterprize could charge for a hailstone dent) then they guy who swiped me- he should pay them directly right? Please advise. I am willing to put a call into that guy to ask him to just pay the collision for each day I have the rental ( bear in mind I DO have legal liability insurance already, just not collision). TIA> foc""
What is the age in Florida for males when car insurance gets cheaper and the prefered minimum age...?
for renting a car?
How much should i settle with insurance company?
My friend was involved in a car accident sometime in June 2010. The other vehicles driver didn't notice her red light, ran it and hit my frieds car. His vehicle was in the shop for 2 wks and during this time he had to get rides from others. His total med expenses (ambulance, er, scans, dr visits) adds up to about 9000, car damages 3000. The other insurance company is trying to settle for 11500 BUT they are saying that 8000 of that is to repay HIS insurance company. So he is left with 3500.Is this correct or should he ask for more? Please no rude responses.. thanks :D""
Car insurance for teenagers?
Is there any teenagers (MALE) who have got a quote for less than 600 with 1 years no claims bonus? If so, which insurance company is it with? The prices im getting are insane! I live in the UK.""
Is it legal to have two health insurances?
I am currently under my parents' insurance, however nobody accepts it where I am staying for the summer. At the end of august, I am going to be going back to college and they have a student heallth insurance that is accepted anywhere in the world. I want to get this insurance and stay on my parents' insurance because my parents' insurance has more benefits and I have a condition with my teeth that is very expensive to treat and my parents' insurance covers it completely. I doubt my schools insurance would do that. I just want to be able to be treated while I am in school where the area doesn't accept my current insurance. Is it legal for me to have my student insurance as well as my parents' insurance?""
Car insurance question?
can I put my name under my father? his is living in the other country and probably not coming back in these few years, once I have some accident, is it gonna bring me a truble since my father is not here?""
Then why would my homeowers insurance not renew......?
Then why would my home owners insurance not renew because of a felony?
What are my options regarding insurance?
My insurance coverage ended on Dec 9 and i forgot to pay for the renewal. According to the letter I received last week my insurance company will reinstate me if I paid by Dec 29th. So I paid today. However a guy hit a bunch of parked cars including my car in a parking lot and died on the spot. This happened last night. I will get the police report next week from our local police station. So now what should i do? Should i wait for the police report and file a claim against this guy's insurance company? Should I contact my insurance company and ask them to deal with it? Will they actually agree to handle this claim?
Why do insurance companies hate performance/modified cars?
It seems like the ideal insurance company wants you to drive a safe and slow bumper car and have absolutely no fun driving to and from wherever you are going. They assume that any sports car or car with performance enhancements means you will crash. It means you are a reckless driver and no good to the general public. It means you will blatantly violate the rules of the road and have no remorse for doing it. All of that is a load of crap... Most of the major car companies don't even offer, when getting a free quote, to see Ferrari's or Lamborghinis prices, they just won't insure them! Your expected to report any and all modifications to the company so they can jack up the premium. So why do they hate those types of cars so much?""
Wrecked my moms car and another car with no insurance?
I got in an accident eariler this week. I went to turn a corner and hit the brakes too hard and hit a Prius coming up to a 3 way stop. I admitted it was completely my fault but the thing is I dont have my lisence or insurance so I was fined a total of $1224 plus the damages to my moms car and the car I hit and aparently medical bills now too? I asked the lady after I hit her if she was okay and EMS was on scene and asked her if she was okay and she said she was fine but now Im getting a call from her insurance company stating I have to cover medical and vehical damages and I really have no idea what to do. I dont understand how this lady thinks she can possibly get any money out of me. My moms disabled and not working. She makes $400 a month and myself I can barely scrounge up enough money for gas to get to work. Its gonna be hell just to pay off the ticket let alone everything else so my question is what would you do in this situation? Take it to court? Get a lawyer? (which I cant afford either)
Anyone in California need a quote on Insurance?
I sell Insurance.
My cousin wants to go on my insurance?
i have my own third party insurance for my own car, my cousin owns a van but cant seem to get insurance because he has 5 convictions so he wants me to take out insurance on his van and go on my insurance, does anyone have any ideas on insurance companies for him or can anyone tell me if i agree to do what he wants will anything he do affect my insurance costs in the future?""
How much would it cost per month to finance a 2010 can-am 3 wheel motorcycle? ?
Also, how much would be the insurance for 6 months? I just want to get a ball park figure.""
How can I get health insurance?
Me and my family are moving to Arizona in August, we are now living in Illinois and are receiving medicaid, but we are forced to move out of state for some personal reasons we make about $2,100 per month but that is because my Dad is on Social Security Disability cause of a back injury when he was working, our rent will be around $1,000 and that take about 1/2 of our money and there is no way we could afford health insurance as well as getting everything else""
Car insurance question?
does AAA car insurance have sr22's? If so how much do they raise the premium?
""Has anyone ever heard of the following insurance companies: Safe Co., Travelers, and Hartford?
Are they good/reputable companies?
""I only have liability insurance, how much would my car repair bill come out to be?""
I have a 2004 Nissan maxima and was in an accident this morning. Long story short, it was my fault and fortunately there were no injuries on either side. However, my insurance covers plenty for the other party, but none for me. The damages are in the front right side which includes, the headlight, part of the hood, front bumper, the side panel(but not the door) to be smashed in a bit. Further damages include windshield wiper fluid is leaking, for it was hit too. But the tire and allignment is completely fine, allowing the cop to let me drive it home. Any help?""
Best car insurance deals uk for young drivers?
Hi there i am male , 18 years old wanting to learn to drive. My mother has a small daewoo matiz which is only a 900 and something cc, so not even a one litre, but a car which would be cheaper on insurance then a lot of cars. Im just wondering if anyone knew any good companies offering good prices for insurance either as a seperate insurance of my own or a one for my parent with me being a additional driver. Thanks""
Why does auto insurance rates go up after manditory insurance laws pass?
the insurance companies promise that passing these laws would always lower them
Maryland Auto Insurance Premium for teens(19yrs)?
I am 19 years old, living in Baltimore and got my driving license last week. I have a Nissan Sentra. So what would be my auto insurance premium for a year? How is it calculated? Which are the good companies?""
What's a good auto insurance company that has a good rating?
I have four cars.... no tickets or claims in years.. I have insurance now, but I think I am paying too much. Only one of them is driven on a daily basis..... the others very infrequently.""
Ninja 250 insurance for a 17 year old?
I have no wrecks tickets or anything on my record for driving a car. I want a motorcycle because they are cool and get like 2-3 times better gas mileage then my car. The problem id my parents complain they are dangerous and thy also say the insurance is like 3 times as much. I live in the U.S will the insurance be a lot, if so can you give me a estimate per month? Also since a 250 is cheap and not very fast will that make a difference in safety and insurance price?""
Insurance on a Subaru STI?
I am considering getting a Subaru STI but I was wondering about what insurance is going to be. I am going to call my insurance company to find out exact but first I wanted to make sure it's not going to be way higher. Here is what I have paid in the past: Age 17-18: 1998 Mustang GT $110 Age 18-20: 2004 Dodge Ram 1500 $105 Age 20: 2006 Subaru STI ?????? Based on what I paid for the other 2 vehicles what do you think its going to be? Thanks!
Car insurance accepting no claims when not been on a policy for 2 years?
I need car insurance with a company who will accept my 9 years no claims from 2 years ago, does anybody know any companies who accept this??? thanks""
Tip cheap car insurance in winter haven fl
Tip cheap car insurance in winter haven fl
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/looking-get-car-insurance-willie-snyder/"
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getting ready for summer 2017 (cristina)
We lived it up on the lake last summer with new toys to go with the surroundings: hot tub and a standing paddle board (Mike’s ideas clearly). And with our new home purchase in Breukelen (Brooklyn New York is named after this town), we have a few more months to enjoy the sunsets, boat rides and lake serenity. We are going to re-do the kitchen in the 1905 house we purchased. As soon as that is complete we will move in- hopefully July 1st since I'm due with our baby boy August 28th and I'd like to feel settled.
Immediate clan: Aspen felt adventurous last year and stepped onto the paddle board with Mike- I love that dog so much: sweet as can be and has no fear! Fast forward a year later and its a common sighting on this lake to see Mike & Dutch, or Mike & Aspen on the paddle board- the neighbors come out and watch (or laugh). Aspen will be turning 13 years old this year (Jimmy corrected us after our Instagram post). He had some major surgery last year but is doing great. His hearing is slowly going so he relies on watching Dutch for his actions- meal time, outdoor time. A highlight for the dogs last summer was going to Texel island, a place I kept hearing about and I finally booked a weekend getaway with the dogs. It was an easy drive and ferry ride from mainland Netherlands. We stayed on the south side of the island within the natural reserve in the coolest yurts. The only other time we’ve stayed in a yurt was Xmas time back in Oregon with our friends Adam & Sarah so we’d experienced this sort of “glamping” before. The Dutch couple that runs the yurt camp took their inspiration from Mongolia and even had a recommended movie list to see before coming to the yurts. Mike was bored 2 minutes into the movies so we didn’t watch them but we got the idea. The grounds were lovely, the furniture & antiques were incredible, and Texel in general had a really unique vibe and architecture. The dunes and beaches were secluded so the dogs had a blast chasing the ball and swimming- BEST VACATION EVER I’m sure was what they were thinking.
We’ve had some other great vacations over the past year: July honeymoon in Spain, Austria visit in April and we just got back two weeks ago from Tuscany.
Spain: Everyone knows how much we love Spain and how I try to come up with any reason to visit. Hence I was there twice last summer with some of my favorite people. But it was Mike’s idea to just chill by the beach, relax, eat good food & wine, tan for our honeymoon and Norway wasn’t making the cut. We had been talking about going to the Nordics for years but as we started planning the honeymoon to Denmark, Sweden, and Norway, typical Mike started speaking some clarity: do we really want to cover so much ground and dealing with all the logistics. 25 year old Cristina would have said: YES!, but 35 year old Cristina said: maybe you are right. So we scratched that and decided to be low key especially since it was post-operation and recovery time. So we went to Formentera Spain one of the Balearic Islands in the Mediterrenean. We splurged and stayed in some nice resorts, I got my fill of seafood, and we saw the most beautiful water at Playa de Illetas. After Formentera we went up north to San Sebastian (the foodie town which we wrote about in 2014 when we visited) to hook up with Nashville friends Vijay and Spencer, and Mike’s Ohio buddy Mike Papadakis who were traveling through Europe. We ate incredible food including a 4 hour meal at Michelin Star restaurant Mugaritz and reverted to teenagers going to the fair on Monte Urgull. Later in the summer, I went back to Spain to visit my best friend Julia who had rented a gorgeous house on the cliffs of Zahara de los Atunes and spent time with Julia’s little girl (who was the hit of our wedding), her husband Juan, and close friend Pedro. We even popped up to Cadiz to spend a day with Ana Jordan and Alfonso.
Austria: Mike has been working on a new passion project, a documentary, and wanted to interview a member of the Austrian parliament who plays a big role in the topic Mike is spotlighting. As soon as Mike mentioned he needed to a plan a trip, we reached out to visit some of my distant relatives in Villach, on the southern border of Austria, and in Vienna. Every year there seems to be drama with one of dogs and of course this was Dutch’s turn. Leading up to the trip he got sick and Mike had to change his trip so he didn’t join me in Villach. Andreas Spernol who I met while he studied abroad in the US during high school and lived with my Uncle Steve’s family, was an incredible host showing me around Villach and introducing me to his girlfriend, mom, and grandfather. Many of my dad’s siblings, my grandmother, and great grandmother have spent time visiting our family in Villach and I got to see old pictures, hear incredible stories and enjoy this beautiful lake region of Austria. The train ride from Villach to Vienna was stunning! Mike joined me in Vienna and we rented a little apartment close to the museum and parliament area which was convenient. Mike would film during the day and I explored the beautiful streets, tea houses, churches and parks. Alex Feist and his family, who I met during my college traveling adventure took us out to a lovely dinner at a restaurant overlooking the cathedral. The best day was when Alex gave me a walking tour of the city before we met up with his cousin Alexandra Spernol (Andreas sister from Villach) for dinner and closed the evening with Mike and I going to a Beethoven symphony- listening to the perfect acoustics at the Musikverein Great Hall. Vienna impressed Mike...it’s grandeur merged with hipster vibe, minimal tourists, and great weather.
Tuscany: I had the best semester of college studying in Florence 16 years ago. I can’t believe I still hadn’t returned to this beautiful part of Italy so for our last trip as “couple with no kids”, driving under the Tuscan sun through hill top towns was my ideal vision. We visited Sienna, Volterra region, Cinque Terre, Pisa, Lucca and Florence at a leisurely pace. I dragged Mike to see where I studied and the hotel/dorm I called home for 4 months in Florence. We ate, Mike drank, and walked a lot...a perfect blend of culture and scenery. And since my parents were starting a 2 week Florentine history/cultural adult excursion with a university in Nashville, we caught them on the tail end of our trip. They will be in Amsterdam next week and then will come for the birth of their first grandson in August.
We think the best of our Netherlands adventure has yet to come. We are trying to truly integrate with buying a home and future child birthing in this country. We still haven’t been motivated to attend more language classes but that may come when we can’t help our baby boy do his dutch homework. I’m 25 weeks pregnant and the summer months haven’t really started yet. I plan on focusing on the important things (health, mommy readiness, and work) and not getting stressed out about the move or the house (Mike has fully taken that on).
As always if you are traveling through Europe and Amsterdam please reach out. It was great to see Russell Williams, Ryan and Katie Johnson, Laura Lady, Sharn Sandor, Eric Schwebach, Colby Lawn, and Cory Dewald in our neck of the woods over the past year.
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