#and i told her about my anxiety and she refuses to believe that im any more anxious than a normal person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tears-of-boredom · 8 months

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oh my god this fucking tumblr dash i frogort aobut it already and my figner are fucking freezing so i cant tyoe for shit

anyways so i was browsing like you know one of those websites that streams a bunch of shit for free, and i saw a show called BEEF, just BEEF, it wasnt an acronym or anything. so fo course i had to see what was up duh?? so i finished the first episode. and i fucking love it. i mean the whole time i was lowkey chanting "kill someones kill someone kill someone" but you know how good media does that to you right. but yeah so when the episode finished, i noticed that my heart was beating really fast, like as if id drunk coffee. like lowkey i wouldnt have been surprised if i had passed out onto my desk. but so if my bodys reaction to the show is anything, i enjoyed it. im going to watch the next episode when i either A: feel like i can handle my pulse rising like that again without freaking out or B: i wanna get an adrenaline rush because im really depressed and need to feel something. but yeah this is totally just like that time i watches thor ragnarok, and it took like multiple weeks for me to get through it because i just couldnt handle tom hiddleston. but thsi time i refuse to believe that its any of the actors. i am trying to convince myself that im not that shallow. tbh i just loved the last scene where uhh,,, hold on whats her name okay its Amy. so i loved that scene where she got to fuel all her anger into running after Danny and yelling shit at him. like i know its not for a good reason but i feel like my girl really needed just some way to let some steam out. anyways yeah i am going to go read something that i give zero shits about now because my body is still on alert from that. it feels like im planning on having a voluntary social interaction with someone, which i am not. aka i am anxious as fuck but in this way where i kinda dont want to be, but my body just reacts so strongly that i really cant fight it. ya know social anxiety. except sometimes its triggered by just a good tv series.

honestly its probably just that im excited, because that episode was good,, but because this jittery and kind of stressed feeling isnt really like, often present in my life in a positive way, i just can't tell excitement apart from anxiousness. ya know. normal " i have awful social anxiety" things. or more like "i am severely mentally ill and am not getting the treatment i need" kind of things. pick one. or both. tbh the adults suggested uhh like occupational therapy, and i got a list of therapists from my doctor. but my trust in any kind of help the adults try to give me is so fucking deteriorated that i cant imagine it ever actually helpoing me. and if i told that to an adult i know they would say some shit like " well i f you go in all negative of course its notgonna work!! you gotta want to heal for it to work" and oh my god im drviing myself into abreakdown here so haha i wish that the adults would fucking understand that i fucking have severe anxietyy and trust issues. and that not believing a form of therapy is going to help me, isnt the same thing as not wanting to be helped. do you fucking know how badly i jsut want someone to finally give me some type of actual support or aid or help oh my god. okay my fingers are getting really aggressive on the keyboard. im gonna go fr now. i fucking hate adults. and im tired. and i have trust issues. and i ahve anxiety. and while my medication does help me to go about my day a bit easier, because i dont find myself digging mental holes for myself. it doesnt help for shit when im in a situation that in and of itself is anxiety inducing for me. and i dont fucking like how i cant tell the difference in my mood between the lighter and stronger dose. because i cant fucking say that its not heloing. because i dont know that. oh my god i am so horrible at stopping myself from venting. going now. okay. bye.

#venting

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lunar-fey · 1 year

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vent or whatever.

when y. when you dont get to eat dinner bc youre broke bc youre disabled and cant hold a job and your parents buy your food but they dont believe in things like "digestive disorders" or "dietary needs" so they basically tell you to either eat something that will make you sick or not eat at all bc they cant go to 3 different places to pick up food and skerples already cant eat the food everyone else eats (autism). and then they get mad at YOU when youre like okay. guess i will not eat then. because they are like ogh youre just being mean because you hate me stip trying to be special and eat it even though it makes you sick like the rest of us >:( like SORRY id rather not eat at all than eat something that will make me throw up. (me and dad have had extended arguments over this. he truly cannot understand this concept and thinks that everyone should eat things that they hate or that make them sick because its food and no one should ever be allowed to like. customize their food or get something else))

they did get me like some potatoes but 1. its like. 3 bites worth (none of us knew it would be that small) and it also tastes awful (i really didnt want to get anything but again they got really pissed at me for saying i just wouldnt eat then (not even like. in a passive agressive way i was just like. uhhh well i think im too sick to eat any of this. itll be fine) and looked like they were gonna cry about me not getting food. like idk but if you care that much about me eating then maybe stop picking the same 2 fast food places that you KNOW and have known for years that i cant eat at. maybe then you wouldnt have to feel bad or whatever. or maybe the real issue is just that you WANT to feel wronged by me + a refusal to accept that people can be sick for their whole lives bc you have been sick for your whole life but refuse to accept it. mom literally cant work and is on ssi bc of her disabilities but also disabilities arent real and no on has them and everyone can just try hard enough to overcome their symptoms. except her of course, because shes your wife. but fuck those kids tho. no matter how old they get they are still too young to have any type of medical problem, because kids are immune to medical problems and adults can simply will them away.)

anyway this time it was taco bell but also just because i want to get this off my chest too im adding it. normally they get like burgers and i can only tolerate mcdonalds burgers and bk to an extent (as far as wjats availble here. i knos everyone hates mcd burgers but they dont upset my stomach like everything else. idk why. they dont taste like a burger but whatever they do taste like is good to me. mostly i think they just taste like salt) and the sheer RAGE dad flies into every SINGLE time he asks what i want and i say i want a cheeseburger with no mustard. he LOOSES HIS SHIT. EVERY SINGLE TIME HE YELLS AT ME FOR IT. im like sorry man but if its got mustard im not gonna eat it. its disgusting. i dont want you to waste money on food im not going to eat. and he gets SO MAD. he doesnt WANT to save money; he wants me to be the perfect little military brat he tried to raise me as who never speaks unless spoken to or asks questions and does as hes told and eats disgusting slop and vomits and says thank you sir. can i please have more sir. and it AINT ME.

anyway if you wanted to know why im bad at starting conversations and you read this far uh. now you know. the ability to speak to someone else first got beaten out of me its not even anxiety i get so scared of getting introuble for starting a conversation that i black out and forget every single interest ive ever had. BUT if someone else starts for me im okay <3

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chaandkeeroshni · 1 year

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06.01.23

It’s been a whole while and it’s a new year, and I haven’t been able to write in a while haha.

Coming back to Lahore is always so many emotions, and out of all things I experience here, the worst is resentment. the bitterness that comes back with a single change in tone, reminding me how much I have probably repressed.

out of so many things ive been feeling ive just been realizing how demented my relationship with care is. im always looking. and sometimes it just feels cruel because i see authenticity in none of it. i begin to start seeing someone as my anchor and even if i don’t freak the fuck out, i feel dissociated as fuck. Doesn’t feel like my thing to have, doesn’t feel like this feeling belongs to me. itll always take a while for me to believe it’s mine, and by then, it’s usually gone already. it’s cruel almost, sometimes. and i am so so tired.

off late i had a lot of anxiety with work starting but work started and brought so much relief. work has always been central to me maintaining my sanity. i daydream about a life of rest where i can just be, without the need for work to constantly occupy me, because i refuse to live a life where i need to be working for someone, filling hours, always looking for some kind of external validation to just be.

I met Raba today and she was being her usual self asking me to tell her exactly what she should do to fix a situation, and then we got dinner and then she tasted my strawberry chiller and said she wanted the same one, and once she left i got a missed call and she said it was Ayzel, she also tried to video call me, and it was technically her first call to her khala. Maria messaged me saying she was over her tantrum and she didn’t want to lose me. Preceding message being, this feels like a bigger breakup. she told me last two days had been heavy and mostly because she doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions without me. and it’s been sweet, and it’s always been, amidst the inconsistency and anxieties of dealing with other things including men, sisterhood has always been the safest. it has always held with care, with love, always reverting back to kindness after tantrums. laughing in its own face when trying to abandon. reminds me of grade 10 and when I flirted with Raba’s stupid boyfriend and she was mad and she cried but she’d still spend nights talking to me.

sisterhood itself has always softly spoken to me of reasons it should be prioritized. sisterhood itself has always been a reminder.

it’s been chaotic. and in the chaos, abr has kind of been an anchor. and having that feels lovely and safe but there’s so much between him and i that i somehow can’t get past. it just feels like this feeling doesn’t belong to me and it’ll dissipate before i even call it mine.

ibrahim has been another anchor and sometimes i can’t imagine what a shitshow living in this house, ever, would be without him.

a lot’s been weighing on my heart. and it’s sad, and sometimes i don’t know what to do, and where to go. I always find a spiral to get myself stuck in. i always manage to do that.

and sometimes, i do think of and miss danyal. Not with the same pain, not with any pain mostly. Mostly, I think of how he’d be. What he does with all his crazy thoughts now, and where does he find safety. Life is so strange, and people always come and go, the uncertainty of love itself keeps making a mockery out of it.

Like always, daydreaming is my safest abode. And I manifest feeling safe, cherished, loved and at rest. there is abundance in that. there has to be.

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jazzband22 · 3 years

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grrr rant in tags

#personal #i feel like as soon as i turned 16 my mom reverted back in to being a high school girl and she treats me like that #she never takes anything i say seriously even when im literally crying and begging her to #we used to be so close and now i just try to avoid her because i know shes just gonna make me feel like shit #she called me fat for wanting a cake for my birthday. who says shit like that #and i told her about my anxiety and she refuses to believe that im any more anxious than a normal person #even though ny therapist literally told me i have an anxiety disorder which ive never been able to treat because she doesnt believe me #and then she will tell me about how anxious my brother is at school #why is he allowed to be anxious but im not #im sorry you cant mentally handle having 2 children with issues but that doesnt give you the right to treat me this wat #honestly as soon as i move out im only gonna talk to my family on holidays #i deserve to be treated better and if they cant do that them idc how much they do for me im gonna protect myself #and the worst part is that she will never understand that and i can never make her. because ive tried and it ended badly #so shes just gonna have to live with that

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suneatersupportsquad · 3 years

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red handed; colby brock

request: im not sure if you do requests or even any imagines for colby brock anymore but i was wondering if you cold make a exception, so basically the plot is that the reader met colby through kat and since then they hit it off, now their in a secretive relationship the only person who knows is kat but she only knows the reader has a crush on colby. one day everyones hanging out in the same room room and colby is sexting the reader, sams curious to whos hes texting and they find out their dating.

dedication: @whydontweanons

genre: fluff, subtle smut?

pairing: colby brock x gn!reader

characters: colby brock, sam golbach, katrina stuart, corey scherer, jake webber, kevin langue, brennen taylor, devyn lundy, tara yummy

word count: 1.8k

warnings: alcohol, what would probably be underage drinking, NSFW (barely), sexting (duh), mentions of COVID-19, quarantine

a/n: of course i’ll still write for sam and colby!! it’s just that, since i’m not as active of a follower of them as i used to be, my goal is to write for fandoms that i’m more invested in at the moment. but, honestly, i don’t think i could ever really stop writing for them. i love those boys so much. also this plot made me laugh so hard when i saw it in the best way possible. getting this request honestly made my day, so thank you for that!! anyways, i’m a little rusty, but here we go.

important links: masterlist

find more fics at my new blog @trapboysbunny

You and Colby had known each other for a long time - pretty much since he’d moved to LA with Sam - and you had been involved romantically just as long. You had met him and Sam through Kat on a boring Saturday night when all their friends flaked on coming to a little kickback they were hosting. Trying to be a good friend and cheer the boys up, Katrina had invited you to hopefully kickstart some emotional momentum. Your eyes met Colby’s for the first time and you clicked. Something in your gut had told you that the two of you would end up being close, and it was right. You had hit it off immediately, not taking very long to start laughing at one another’s corny jokes and telling stories over Smirnoff Ice while some random late night show played in the background. From that night on, it was history.

Since then, you two had been practically attached at the hip. If you weren’t sitting on the same room or facetiming, you were definitely texting one another. It became a running joke in your friend group that you two had evolved into a pair of siamese twins, or that being without you gave Colby separation anxiety. The two of you found it even more amusing when you actually began dating, not long after that fateful first night. It amazed the both of you that you were able to hide your relationship so well. No one had a clue. The two of you laughed about it quite often, actually, over late night phone calls and tipsy afternoons spent only with each other. No one knew, and nobody needed to know.

Colby, due to the internet and his fanbase being the way it is, preferred to keep his personal (and especially romantic) relationships more on the private side. His intent wasn’t necessarily to hide his feelings and relationship with you from his friends, but that particular topic of conversation never really came up in your friend group. Everyone had just kind of figured that everyone single would simply date someone when they were ready and tell everybody about it when they felt the time was appropriate. It wasn’t that Colby didn’t want to tell them, he just didn’t see the point in going out of his way to tell all of his friends hey after God knows how long I finally have a partner. He just didn’t want to make a big deal out of your relationship. Knowing his friends, they would definitely make it into some type of big thing, not to mention that Jake would dub the occasion as “cause for celebration” (which was really just an excuse to drink more). So Colby preferred to keep things on the quieter side for you two; neither of you wanted to make your relationship into an object for speculation.

Kat was the only person out of all of your friends to have any knowledge of your feelings for Colby. And thank God for her; if you didn’t have her to gush about Colby to, you probably would have either exploded or died. Or both. And she was there for every single second of it. She loved hearing about your movie nights, your urban exploring adventures, the sweet yet mundane things he would do to make you happy, literally anything. She ate that shit up like a man starved, and you did the same for her and Sam (regardless of the fact that their relationship was public already). You hadn’t told her explicitly about the nature of your relationship with Colby, really just gushed about your ever-growing love for the boy. Unbeknownst to you, she firmly believed that you only had feelings for Colby, clueless to the fact that the two of you had actually been dating for quite a while now. With her “go get ‘em, tiger” comments, along with similar remarks, you assumed that she had some sort of idea about your relationship with Cole, hence why you had never explicitly told her about your secret boyfriend. Kat, being the good friend that she was, never spilled your “secret” feelings to anyone else. Not even her boyfriend.

Eventually, quarantine started up amidst the international COVID-19 pandemic and you had begun practically living with the trap boys. A day without you in the house was enough to prompt concern for the boys, minus Colby who always knew the real reason why you weren’t coming over. This soon became the new normal, you taking a “day off” every few weeks to get tested just in case. At this point, it was almost comical that no one had figured out you two were dating yet.

One particular weekend afternoon, everyone in your friend group was hanging out at the house. You and Colby were sitting on opposite sides of the room, you next to Kat and Colby seated beside Sam. It was particularly warm today seeing as this Saturday landed smack in the middle of the infamous August heat wave, so you had thrown on a tank top and some shorts, nothing to flashy. Colby had dressed similarly, wearing only a muscle tee and a pair of trunks.

You were sat beside Kat, the both of you trying to listen to the story Devyn was telling. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t ignore the way your boyfriend was staring at you from across the room. You looked away from Dev for just a second to shoot him a glare when you realize exactly why he’s looking at you. The speed at which the blood rushes to your face is dizzying, and you drop your head to stare at your lap. Motherfucker- You sigh as you pull your phone out of your pocket. “Quit it with the blowjob eyes asshole,” you type before pressing the blue send button.

You feel his gaze break as his phone vibrates. Trying to ignore him, you refuse to meet his gaze again, putting all of your effort into focusing on Devyn’s story. Seconds later your phone vibrates in your pocket. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the screen reads, and you shake your head.

“Uh huh sure ok.” You pressed send again.

Another few seconds passed and your phone vibrated again. “That shirt looks really good on you.”

You blushed as you read the message, flustered by the comment. Brows knitting together in confusion, you looked up to find him staring back at you with a dopey grin. You hunched over your phone and sent a message back. “You really think so?”

“Yeah, of course,” Colby replied, a gray typing bubble sitting under the message. “But you know how it would look cuter?”

You cocked your head to the side and typed out your response. “How?”

“On my bedroom floor.” You almost snorted at that, clamping a hand over your mouth to prevent any noise from escaping. Typical. Thankfully no one had been paying enough attention to you to notice that you were distracted.

Colby, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. “Give me this, dude,” Sam said, snatching the phone out of Colby’s hand and effectively bringing the conversation on their side of the room to a halt. “You haven’t been listening for like the past 20 minutes, dude. Now let’s see what’s got you so distracted.”

“You don’t need to look at that, Sam, it’s not that important-” The tall brunette sounded slightly panicky as he reached and grappled with Sam for his phone. Sam played around for a little bit before finally reading the screen, eyes widening in amusement.

Upon finishing his reading, Sam lowered the phone and Colby relaxed, already knowing that he was caught. “So who’s ‘angelcakes,’ huh Colbert?” Sam prodded teasingly.

Colby blushed ever so slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. “They’re just a friend-”

“Which friend, huh?” Sam continued his teasing, growing louder and louder with every response until all eyes were on the two boys.

Colby shrugged, trying to be nonchalant but looking more stressed than ever in actuality. “Just a friend.”

“What do you say we call this friend, huh boys?” Sam suggested.

Kevin nodded, agreeing. “I think we definitely should.” Brennen also nodded when Sam looked to him for approval, essentially finalizing the decision.

“Okay then, let’s do this thing!” Sam yelled, earning cheers from all the other curious folks in the room. The blonde boy pressed call and Colby simply held his face in his hands.

You jumped when your phone rang, honestly having forgotten that oh shit, I’m angelcakes. Everyone turned to look at you curiously, Colby even peeking through his fingers. You didn’t even pick up the device, already knowing whose name would be lighting up the screen. “You gonna pick that up or something?” Corey asked awkwardly.

You shook your head, leaving your phone face down in its spot beside your thigh. “No, it’s probably not important anyways.”

A beat of heavy silence passed before Tara spoke. “Gee, they sure aren’t giving up. Maybe you should answer it.”

“Nah, I’m sure it’s just-”

“Yeah, you should answer the phone, Y/N,” Jake agreed, the pieces seeming to click in his head.

You sighed, burning bright red to the tips of your ears. “Okay okay, fine.” You stood and clicked the answer button. “Hello?”

And there it was, your voice echoing from Colby’s phone. The room erupted in cheers of disbelief, the boys pouncing on Colby and the girls slapping you in playful excitement. “I knew there was something going on between you two!! There’s no way there couldn’t have been -- I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Kat squealed, smushing you in a hug.

The rest of the girls echoed the sentiment, a chorus of ‘same’s and ‘I can’t believe you’s. It took a while for everyone to calm down but, once everyone settled, you and Cole managed to get some alone time. The two of you escaped out back, the less than mediocre breeze cooling the sweat that slicked your skin. You held each other, almost as though you were about to start slow dancing. “Damn, caught red handed, huh?”

You laughed breathily, leaning your forehead against his shoulder. “It was only a matter of time, ya know?”

“I know,” he agreed, cheek pressing against your hair. “I’m glad we don’t have to be weird around them anymore.”

“Me too,” you hummed.

Colby pulled away a little bit, just enough for him to look you in the eyes, your arms still around his neck. “Hey.”

You giggled, confused. “Hey.”

“I love you.”

You smiled your confirmation, eyes twinkling under the cheap backyard lights. “I love you.”

#colby brock #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock one shot #colby brock fanfic #colby brock imagine #fanfiction #the trap house #bug.oneshots

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kuroo-shitsurou · 3 years

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Auxilium (College!Xiao x College!Reader)

TW: mentions blood, depression, anxiety

note: it's my first time writing and posting something on tumblr so im sorry if it's bad!! reader is gn hehe.

Late February was never a good time for Xiao.

It was the second month of the year; People were starting to adjust and adapt to the ever-changing and progressing timeline. Although, he never really understood the concept of the "New year, new me!" shtick. Humans make decisions that eventually shape their personalities. What does a new year have anything to do with that? Does a change in the year automatically make you a good person? Does it make you less of an asshole than you might already be? He never really understood.

He found it rather silly, actually. Whenever a new year rolls around, Xiao would mutter silent curses to himself because he'd write the wrong year on his papers. Other than that, there wasn't any significant changes he made in his daily routine. He was still the same Xiao; The same anxious, mildly depressed, and coffee-high art major Xiao.

Now, Xiao was a respected figure in their college (or at least, that's what he was told). He was one of the most talented artists at Tokyo University, and professors have been eyeing him for a scholarship overseas (he, along with his brooding and mysterious senior, Diluc). His keen eye for details always produce great results as most of his portraits are featured in the university's gallery of students' greatest works. Not to mention, one of his larger canvas works were displayed at the Tokyo Museum, making him one of the youngest artists to have their art showcased there.

Admittedly, Xiao was aware of how people admired his talent. Unfortunately, due to a rough childhood where his parents barely showed him any love and affection, he had trouble reflecting his true emotions onto other people. That's why other art majors often labelled him as a self-absorbed, egotistical prick.

Xiao was the last person you'd want to compliment. It's not that he'd be a dick about it or that he'd scowl at you and act as if he was better than you in every way possible. It wasn't like that at all. It's simply because Xiao doesn't know how to handle compliments. He'll still keep his stoic face, lips pressed in a straight line, but deep inside, he'd be flustered to bits. He'd try to internalize his reply, stitching together the right words to express his gratitude, but it would always take him a few minutes. The person who complimented him would've already left after he finally constructed the sentence in his head. Not that he wasn't used to it

This led to Xiao earning his current reputation, as stated earlier. He was already expecting the rest of his college years to be spent alone in his studio, working on his artworks during the wee hours of the night, high on the fumes of his paint palette and his exhausted coffee machine.

Until you came.

Kaoru was... eccentric. You were loud, you were moody. He felt like you'd be the type of person he'd hate dealing with just because you was unpredictable. You were like the rain, and Xiao hated the rain.

He must have an Archon's cursed tongue, because he got paired up with you during the first semester of their second year in college. You were a familiar name to him, as you were in the same course since the first year, but he barely knew anything about you since you were in different classes.

"Hey, Xiao! I'm _____. I hope we can be good friends by the end of the semester!" His memory of your bright smile still remains vivid in his head. He wasn't really a brooding type like Diluc, but Xiao liked to believed that he presented himself as a silent person who had no intentions of interacting with other people. So, how were you so bubbly around him? Because she was forced to do so? You were to be his partner for the whole semester, after all. Maybe it was all formalities. Yeah, that's probably it.

"Hm." Xiao gave a nod in her direction, acknowledging your existence. you heard from your friends that the young artist didn't have a pleasing personality, but you weren't expecting to be shutdown from the get-go.

"Mind if I sit beside you?"

Again, a light nod.

You felt the awkward tension between you and Xiao, and you hated it. You were a person who hated it when people are uncomfortable in your presence. You didn't want to be a bother, and you did your best to make everyone like you. Not that you were a people pleaser, nor an attention hog, but you just wanted to get along with everyone.

The lecture was going to begin in twenty minutes, so the lecture hall was yet to be filled with people. You took the opportunity to strike up a conversation with the amber eyed man beside you, who was typing away on his laptop. Something about color theory and how it affects the perspective of people on different art types? You couldn't really see that well. He was a fast typer.

"So, Xiao, I heard that your painting was displayed in the Tokyo Museum last year. It must have been an honor. I was at the unveiling last year and I saw it up-close." You started off, testing the waters.

"And what did you think of it?" Xiao cringed internally. He meant to genuinely ask for your feedback regarding his art, but it sounded so harsh that he wanted to punch himself when he saw you wince (or maybe you shuddered because it was cold and you were wearing a sleeveless top? His nerves were getting the better of him at this point).

"Well, a lot of my friends told me that it wasn't anything special,"

Ouch.

"It was a large canvas. I can still remember how it looks. But, maybe that's because I'm at the museum every two weeks," You laughed. You noticed how Xiao's breathing noticeably changed after you started your sentence, and you have to admit that it sounded a bit too mean.

"You know, Xiao. My friends told me that your art was simple. Anyone could have done it. But honestly, they couldn't be more wrong. I love how your piece was painted. Auxilium. I'll never forget what you called it. That's... Help, right?"

At first, Xiao didn't want to listen to this person ramble about an art piece he made during one of the lowest points of his life.

His anti-depressants had run out during that one Christmas. It was 2:47 in the morning. He had morning classes the following day. He had a project to submit, but he was unable to continue working because of the unbearable pain in his chest. His head was throbbing. Voices were invading his mind. Flashbacks of his parents' negligence taunted him. He rushed to grab a glass of water, chugging it down in almost three chugs. He slammed the glass back onto the counter, smashing it into tiny little splinters and cutting himself in the process. His hand was bleeding, there were bits of glass on his counter and on his floor, but he couldn't care less. He was heaving, his breathing was unsteady, he wanted to die right then and there. His vision became blurry, but he rushed back to his studio.

With a bleeding hand, he picked up his brush and began to tear into his canvas. Not literally, but he started to create strokes onto the blank canvas. Different colors, different textures (he swore some of his blood got blended in with the area where he painted the sunrise, but it's fine. No one was going to notice, right?). He screamed and cried, wanting to throw the entire easel out his window.

It was Christmas. He was alone in his apartment. His anti-depressants ran out. He was having a panic attack.

That night led him to having one of the worst breakdowns he could remember, but he also ended up with a gorgeous painting that nabbed him a place in the Tokyo Museum.

"Help," Your voice echoed in his ears, snapping him out of his trance.

"People can tell me that it's nothing more than a simple painting, but the way that the sunrise was only showing in a segmented part of the canvas? The way that there were hints of red? It kind of reminded me how a new day can resemble hope but still contain hurt. Like, the promise of a fresh start isn't guaranteed a good one, right?"

Your words rang in his ears like a gong being hit continuously. He wanted to cry. People always complimented him and congratulated him about being recognized by art critics and national museums, but none of them ever really stopped to talk to him about his art. They were there for his recognition- not his work.

"I mean, you could begin with a fresh start, but wouldn't the remnants of yesterday still take a toll on your tomorrow?"

"Hm. Interesting take. To be honest, those specks could have been my blood." Xiao spoke up, to your surprise. A small smile formed on your face. Maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all.

"My hand was cut up when I was painting that," He added quietly, not mentioning why his hand was in that state. "I think I accidentally added too much concentrated red. I couldn't blend it out the way I originally planned."

"Oh? But that makes it all the more great, though!" You beamed, "Maybe it was an Archon guiding you? I don't really believe in that stuff, but acknowledging some divine intervention once in a while can't be all bad, no?" You laughed.

"I guess you're right." For the first time in a while, Xiao actually gave someone else a small smile. It wasn't really a smile per se, but his lips curved even the slightest bit upward, and you decided that it was a win for you.

Fast forward to the second semester of their third year.

Late February was never a good time for Xiao.

It had been years since he was clinically-diagnosed with mild depression. So, why was he still that way? Shouldn't new years help him be a better person? Or something like that. Why was he still like this?

Late February meant the end of one semester, and the start of another.

What else did that mean?

His semestral feedback report (he refused to call it a report card. What was he, high school?).

"Xiao? Are you here? I bought almond tofu from Xiangling's place. Sorry for barging in, you weren't answering my calls." He heard your voice from the kitchen and he glanced at the clock on his studio's wall.

1:37 AM.

You were at Xiangling's place because you were working on a report about the history of acrylic paints or whatever it was. You were supposed to go home, but you still dropped by his apartment. He checked his phone.

[ 14 missed calls. ]

Yikes.

"I'm here." He answered meekly, but loud enough for you to hear. He felt tired. Defeated, maybe. He was blankly staring at the canvas in front of him. He has sketched the base of your face and upper body. He was planning on painting a portrait of his beloved to decorate his room with, but he couldn't find the energy to continue.

He could hear the soft "thud"s of your feet walking from the kitchen towards the studio, but he tuned it out with an annoying static he could only hear in his head.

Fuck. Where are they?

He rushed to the drawer next to his easels and rummaged around in a panic.

Where the fuck are they?

He kept a few anti-depressants in his studio because he spends most of his time here and he didn't have time to rush to the kitchen to get them if he ever got a panic attack.

"Fuck!" He cursed loudly, throwing the contents of his desk onto the floor. Some of his paintbrushes scattered on the wooden floor of his studio, marking the wood various colors. Maybe they're going to stain, but he didn't really care.

Xiao heard the footsteps retreating until he couldn't hear anything else except the constant ringing in his ears. It was annoying. It was loud. It started to make him want to split his head open.

"_____," He whispered, feeling his chest hurt and his throat tighten. The passageways helping him breathe seemed to close themselves, giving him a hard time and mocking him. It was coming back again.

Tears started to flood his vision, and they rolled down his red cheeks. He took the ponytail out of his hair and used two hands to tug at his locks starting from the roots. His breathing patterns became more erratic, but he tried his best to stay calm.

His knees and legs felt like jelly. He had to lean against the desk to avoid from toppling over.

Why? Why again? Why now? Why when you were here?

He screamed. It was loud enough for the neighbors to hear, but his care for any external entities was out the window the moment his eyes became blurry with tears.

Even though he was leaning against the desk, his legs still couldn't hold the weight of his entire body. His knees dropped to the floor, and he swore he must've dented the wood below, but he paid no mind to it. His knees were also aching, but he could deal with that later. He bent down and pressed his forehead to the floor.

"_____," He whispered again, longing for his partner. "Auxilium."

"Xiao?" The voice was muffled. His eyes were glued to the floor in front of him, but he knew it was you.

"Xiao, stay with me, honey." There was a hint of panic evident in your voice, but he was glad that you didn't let that get the best of you. You was still somewhat calm.

You kneeled down beside him, helping him back to an upright position.

"Honey, you left these on the counter outside." You handed him two tablets of his anti-depressants, and he gladly placed them in his mouth. You also gave him a glass of water, and he downed it in two swift gulps. Afraid that he might underestimate his strength, he returned the glass back to you instead of setting it down himself, nodding at you in the process.

You got into a more comfortable position where you rested your back against the wall, and you guided Xiao to follow you. It was a difficult task; He was very sensitive during his panic attacks.

His semestral feedback reports always made him anxious. He didn't have to please his parents anymore since he moved out years ago, but Xiao had this nagging feeling inside of him to do better with his academics. Nobody was really pressuring him to be a straight-A student, but did he feel like he needed to be? Who was he trying to prove himself to anyway? You knew about his sever panic attacks and how they were more active if he had a big event coming up. The first time you had to deal with it, you were still stiff and trying to learn how you could help. Now, you takes pride in yourself for being able to handle him in the ways you know would help him the most.

"Here you go, I've got you." You cooed, assisting him with moving. You laid his head flat on her lap and she began stroking his beautiful, tousled forest green locks. The highlights he had under the first layer of his hair started to fade, and you made a mental note to take him to a salon so they could get their highlights redone.

"You know, I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay lately," You started speaking, as if Xiao wasn't about to have a full-on panic attack. "Yellow would have to be one of my favorite songs. I guess it's kinda cheesy, but can you blame me?"

You used your free hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you." You began singing, voice just above a whisper.

"And everything you do. Yeah, they were all yellow."

Xiao was a reserved person who had a hard time dealing with other people because of his inferiority complex that sprouted when he was young.

"I came along, I wrote a song for you."

He didn't have love and affection growing up. He didn't know how to be the best person to talk to. He had poor communication skills. He was a mess, to be honest.

"And all the things you do. And it was called yellow."

You were the first person who looked past his rough and tough exterior. You were the person who showed interest not just in his name- but in him as a whole.

"So when I took my turn, what a thing to've done."

"Thank you," He murmured silently, noticing that the ringing in his ears vanished. His throat was beginning to open again, and he could finally feel the steady heartbeat he had in his chest.

"And it was all yellow."

Xiao curled himself into a ball, burying his face in your clothed stomach. You smelled a bit like smoke (maybe you ate yakiniku at Xiangling's?) and your faded cologne. It smelled like home. It washed a sense of relief over his entire being. He felt safe. He felt secure. He was being held like a child, but he didn't really mind. Maybe he needed this.

"Your skin. Oh yeah, your skin and bones,"

You craned your neck downwards to look at Xiao's figure. He finally looked peaceful. You knew about his rough past. You knew about the trauma he had to go through, but you chose to look past it because you knew that he was just afraid and... alone. He needed someone to be there for him, and you would rather the world die than leave him alone ever again.

"Turn into something beautiful."

You noticed how his chest started a rhythmic pattern of ups and downs. His breathing was finally steady. He looked at peace. He looked like he was right at home.

"Do you know? You know I love you so."

You couldn't help but chuckle as you watched him sleep in your lap. How could anyone think that this softie was an asshole?

"You know I love you so."

You barely whispered the last part of the song, but it was loud enough for his heart to hear it. Xiao hated when things were unpredictable; that's why he hated the rain. But now, maybe the idea of rain wasn't so bad. Especially since you were his rain.

"I love you, Xiao."

At that moment, you knew that the involuntary smile on Xiao's face was a response that contained more emotions than his words could ever bear.

"I love you too."

#genshin xiao #genshin impact xiao #xiao imagines #genshin impact #xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #gi #genshin #xiao

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capaimagines · 3 years

Text

got7 - meeting the family

Pairing: Got 7 x Reader | Genre: fluff | Warnings: mentions of anxiety | WC: 2.1k

im jaebeom

Your grip on the edge of the car seat was so tight that Jaebeom could see your knuckles and fingers turning white. He couldn’t help when his lips quirked up a little bit; you looked cute.

“What if they don’t like me?” You asked as you took one of his hands in yours without thinking about it. He squeezed back gently, shaking his head as his thumb pad brushed over the top of your knuckles gently.

“They’ll love you, I’m sure of it,” You turned to him and while he knew you nervous to meet his family, especially his parents, he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at how horrified you looked.

“It’s not funny, Jae! What if I say something wrong? Or what if I forget someone’s name? What if-,” He cut you off with a small peck to your lips before you could say anymore nonsense.

“They’ll love you because I love you and I’m happy. Now, come on. I don’t think my dad will like having to wait to eat.”

You got of the car and gripped his hand tighter, your nerves exploding but you did your best and had a smile plastered on your face as he rang the bell.

“Relax baby, everything is going to be okay,” He whispered in your ear and just like always, the sound of his voice helped you to relax a little.

Turns out, you were worried for nothing because his mom pulled you into one of the biggest hugs you’d ever received and you two ended up talking the whole time. She felt like your mom and you forgot that you were meeting Jaebeom’s parents. He could only smile, hand brushing over the velvet box in his pocket. All he needed was his parents approval and he knew he had it watching the way you and them talked and laughed.

He’d be getting down on one knee very soon and that’s a look he wanted to see on your face.

mark tuan

You were extremely nervous to be in foreign country. A language you could barely speak, let alone understand on top of meeting Mark’s large family was enough to have your nerves going haywire. You had been bouncing your leg up and down for the last fifteen minutes as you waited for them to arrive at the restaurant.

He smiled at you as he placed one of his hand on your thigh. You looked back at him and felt instantly calm, “They’re not that scary, I promise,” He said as squeezed the skin on your thigh gently right before his face lit up when he saw his parents walk through the door followed by his siblings.

“Y/N, this is my mom and dad,” He said to which you stood up and his mom instantly wrapped you in a hug. He didn’t even get a chance to introduce you to his siblings as they pulled you away and started gushing over Mark when he was little. In true parent fashion, his mom had brought his baby book to show you photos. While he was embarrassed, you found yourself feeling extremely welcomed into their family and Mark couldn’t wait to officially make you a part of it.

park jinyoung

Jinyoung didn’t seem nervous as you drove the last few minutes to your parents house. He was talking to you like normal, even teasing here and there. Althogh, you knew Jinyoung; you hadn’t been dating for over a year just to not know what his quirks were. You could see how he kept adjusting his shirt even though it was already perfect or how he kept brushing imaginary lint off his pants every now and then.

You pulled up to your parents house and grabbed his hand as you leaned over to give him a small kiss on the cheek, “Don’t be nervous. They are going to love you.”

He could only scoff at your words as he got out of the car and puffed his chest out and plastering his signature smirk on his face, “I don’t get nervous,” He said to which you just rolled your eyes with a small smile.

Jinyoung was even the gentlemen, hugging your mom and kissing her hand, a firm handshake with your father. He even played a few games with your younger siblings while you helped get dinner ready.

While he never would admit it, you knew he was terrified when you had first brought this up. Looking at him now, you could never tell with how he was laughing until the orbs of his eyes were almost non-existent. He looked up at you and smiled, quickly going back to the game once your sister had whined about him not paying attention.

That’s when you knew that you’d give anything to keep Park Jinyoung in your life for the rest of your life.

jackson wang

You were currently seated with your arms and legs crossed, refusing to look at your boyfriend of two years.

“Baby, come on. It’ll be fine,” He said to which you only scoffed, not wanting to talk to him.

Jackson had not told you that your impromptu trip to China consisted of meeting his family. Sure, you had known that’s where they obviously lived and you would have been totally fine with it if you weren’t currently dressed in your gray sweatpants and one of Jackson’s long-sleeved shirts with your hair thrown up in a top knot and no makeup on. You still had your slippers on and your socks didn’t even match! He had conveniently failed to mention that his mom had asked for him to bring you by today to meet her and his dad officially.

“I can’t believe you, Jackson Wang! What kind of first impression is this?” You yelled as you pointed down at your outfit. All he did in response was offer you a sickeningly sweet smile that you wanted nothing more to slap off his face at the moment.

“The best kind! They’ll see the real you,” You only rolled your eyes, too infuriated with the man next to you to respond.

He pulled up at a house that you assumed was his parents and you slammed the car door, stomping up to the front door without even waiting for him and ringing the bell. Jackson was a little shocked, expecting that your nerves would have kicked in, but that’s why he did this in part, if you were mad enough or feeling something else, you wouldn’t let your nerves get the best of you. His dad opened the door and before he could speak you were holding your hand out.

“Hello, Mr. Wang. I’m L/N Y/N, the girlfriend of your buffoon of son and soon to be, his murderer,” His father laughed, shaking your hand and pulling you inside and Jackson just stood there with his mouth hung open. He was glad your nerves didn’t kick in, but he was a little scared of what was going to happen when you both returned to the hotel.

Especially when his mom offered to show how to make his favorite pastry and you happily agreed while giving him the evil eye.

choi youngjae

You were surprisingly not as nervous as you thought you’d be to meet his family for the first time. It had been something he brought up months ago after you two had talked about it. He wanted to meet your family too, but they lived in another country, so you’d have to wait until you both had time to travel there. When he had suggested you to meet his family, you had instantly agreed and were more than excited. You wanted to know the people who had raised the man you love, see where he got his dashingly good looks from and understand more of his little quirks.

So, here you were, seated in his car only mere minutes away from arriving at his family’s home.

“You alright? You’ve been pretty quiet the past few minutes,” Youngjae asked worriedly to which you nodded with a bright smile.

“I’m just excited and don’t want to come off overbearing so, I’m trying to dial it back.”

Youngjae chuckled before kissing your cheek and getting out of the car to come around to meet you, “They’ll love it, trust me,” You nodded in understanding but still kept your excitement down enough until you knew for sure.

Once his mom had opened the door, she immediately wrapped you in a warm hug to which you let that crumble away and started talking her ear off. She seemed to like that because she didn’t even greet her son or give Youngjae a chance to introduce you to everyone. She had simply linked your arms together and pulled you through the house, both of you talking animatedly.

Youngjae could only smile as his dad let out a low chuckle, “Must be pretty amazing for your mother to forget to hug her own son,” Youngjae laughed along with him, following him inside, eyes still trained on your back as you continued to talk with his mom.

“Absolutely she’s more than I could ever ask for. She makes me happy.”

bambam

You were more anxious than nervous to meet BamBam’s siblings and mom. He had told you stories upon stories about all of them for the past year you’d been dating. You had briefly met some of them when he went to Thailand for a wedding, but you hadn’t been able to stay long as you were there for work. This time around, you were there without any work and had all the time to meet them and get to know them.

You were anxious because while you knew from his stories his mom was extremely sweet and caring and supportive of not just BamBam, but all her kids, you also knew she was a mamma bear. She had a large personality, in a good way, and didn’t sugarcoat things. So, you knew if she didn’t like you, you’d hear it and that’s what made you anxious.

“Why are you so tense, baby?” BamBam questioned as he placed his hands on your shoulders, rubbing his thumb pads into your shoulder blades. You closed your eyes and relaxed, leaning your head back on his stomach as he kissed your temple.

“Just thinking about how crappy it’s going to feel when your mom doesn’t like me.” You sighed to which he chuckled before moving in front of you and kneeling down so he was eye level. He tucked a few of your loose curls behind your ear, eyes filled with nothing but love and adoration that you just wanted to melt into him.

“She’s going to love you, just like my sister did. Besides, if she doesn’t, you have my sister on your side and that’s a hurricane even I don’t want to go near,” You laughed, leaning your cheek on his hand and kissing his palm.

“Thank you,” You whispered.

Just as BamBam had told you, you had nothing to worry about because his mom did love you. She even offered for you to stay there in Thailand with her and Bambam could go back to Korea.

kim yugyeom

If anything, Yugyeom had seemed more nervous than you. You were the one meeting his family, yet you were calm whilst his leg was bouncing up and down and his fingers drummed on the interior of the car. You placed your hand on his leg that was still and sent him a teasing smile.

“Yugs, I’m the one meeting your family yet you’re sitting here like you’re meeting mine,” He chuckled at your comment before taking a hold of your hand to squeeze it.

“I’m just, I’ve never brought a girl home for them to meet,” He said to which caught you by surprise. Your eyes widened a little at the confession, trying not to let the thought of you being the first girl he brings home to meet his family officially trigger the nerves you had done a great job of keeping away.

“R-really? Why?” You stuttered because in fact you were a little shocked. You knew that Yugyeom had other relationships before you and you had assumed at least one or two of them had met his family. He only shrugged, seeming calmer now.

“Never felt any of them were worth bringing home. Until you,” You couldn’t help the blush that painted your cheeks and he chuckled, squeezing your hand again.

You were feeling fine up until you pulled up to his house and then your legs shook like jello and you froze. Yugyeom wrapped his arms around your waist and gently lead you to the front door.

“You’re worth bringing home and that’s why you’re here. They’ll love you just as much as I love you,” You nodded, gulping as the door opened to reveal his parents smiling brightly.

He was right, they loved you just as much as he did.

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se0kie · 4 years

Text

chapter 6: get used to it

pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: fluff

tags/warnings: brief mentions of nervous breakdown, brief mentions of anxiety, mentions of sex

word count: 1.2k

greek gods au, poseidon!taehyung, marinebiologist!reader

summary: it’s difficult being a god. what with all the immortality, the decades bleeding into each other and losing every human being you come to care about. and taehyung’s lived, or whatever it is gods do, for a very, very long time. he thinks he needs help but the fates are being the mysterious, useless hags they’ve always been. how can a conservatory and it’s passionate, fiery owner possibly help him. turns out Y/N is the only mortal he’s met who’s ready to challenge him head on. of course it’s not like she knows her new intern is the king of the sea, maker of horses, the earthshaker, poseidon himself after all.

previous <> next ; series masterlist

You know you're overreacting, you know things are not as bad as you've made them out to be in your head, but still the tears keep coming and refuse to back down. You're slumped down into yourself, hugging your knees to your chest while your back rests against the cabinets of the laboratory.

Your father had called you earlier that week and told you that the yearly grant contract he had made with your organisation was soon going to have to end. The conservatory was in a location that experienced minimal traffic so to speak. There weren't very many different species of animals, the corals were not in as grave danger as the rest of the country and frankly, this turtle hatching project was the first interesting thing that had happened to Blue Side since you opened.

You were scared of him pulling the funding of the organisation. You couldn't just let Hamdeok slowly deteriorate into a condition that required special attention when you knew you could fix it before it all took a turn for the worse.

"The marine conservation society in Korea is just stretched too thin, sweetheart." Your father had told you. "The turtle project needs to go smoothly and give meaty results for me to continue to back you."

So here you were, crumbling under the pressure as you felt the years of expectations finally weigh down on you. You're so engrossed in trying to control your breathing that you don't even register the soft footsteps padding next to you. Strong arms encircle your frame as words of comfort fill your ears.

"You're gonna be okay, angel. Don't cry, I'm right here for you, don't cry." He whispers softly.

"I'm just s-so scared of failing them, Tae," you warble through the returning sobs.

"Failing who, sweetheart?"

"My dad... and my mom," you say.

"Oh, honey you're not going to fail them. I know you won't." He says.

"How can you be s-so sure of t-that?"

"Because I see you, Y/N," he whispers.

You can practically feel your heart beat out of your chest as you look up at him, brown eyes dazzling you and leaving you like a deer caught in headlights. His beautiful eyes swirling with so much emotion you feel powerless.

"You need to stop saying things like that! Oh my god!" you say, blushing bright red.

"Get used to it, loser," he jokes back, a slow grin forming on his lips as you wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in his warmth. Maybe everything will be okay after all.

It's a beautiful weekend off from work when Taehyung convinces you to take the boat out to the water and spend the afternoon together. Although you know you've already crossed the line as friends, your feelings for him growing deeper than they would for someone you'd consider just a friend, you can't help but feel like you're diving right into a whirlpool.

Being around Taehyung makes you feel merciless, like standing in front of a force of nature and being so in awe that you're paralysed and all you can do is stare and stare and pray that you won't be consumed whole. The feeling scares you. Being in love wasn't something you're well versed in. The intensity of your emotions and the sheer number of them that you feel in his presence is enough to scare you shitless.

But you still wouldn't turn down an afternoon with him. Most of your time was spent in the conservation or at your home doing work for said conservation, you hadn't even had time to visit Taehyung's home. Although it did seem like he would rather be at yours.

You had successfully navigated the boat out to the middle of the ocean. Meanwhile, Taehyung had laid out the blanket with your lunch and glasses topped with chilled champagne. You sat down, back against the wall of the cabin and Taehyung's arm wrapped around your waist.

"Did you know you're kind of clingy?" you said.

"Hmm?"

"I mean, not in a bad way! Not at all, just that you really like touching. You're always holding me or touching my arms or something." You say with a smile, "What's that about?"

"Well, I guess I just really like how you feel." he deadpans.

You splutter your bubbly, "Taehyung! You can't just say something like that!"

"Something like what?" he questions, expression innocent as you try to determine whether he's being serious or making fun of you.

"It's just- it sounds sexual." You say, glancing at your feet as your cheeks grow hot with embarrassment.

"Well even if it was sexual why would you be so surprised? You're very sexy."

Your eyes grow wide as you stare back at him.

"What?! Why are you so scandalised, Y/N?" he questions.

"I- I've never been... complimented like that..." you confess.

"Wait, what?" He sits up straight as his face grows baffled. "You're telling me, nobody has ever called you sexy?!"

"Well when you say it like that it sounds bad..." you say meekly.

"Y/N," his voice stern.

You sigh as you start again, "Of course my friends have told me things like that y'know but I've never really had time for dating or being involved with anyone else... Nor have I really spent any time flirting with people..." your voice grows weak as you register the look on Taehyung's face.

"What? What's that stupid look you've got?" you ask.

"Y/N... Answer this for me please," he starts.

You raise your eyebrows in question.

"Are you– are you a... a virgin?" he asks.

"Um, yeah..." you answer.

"Oh my god," he says with a surprising grin on his face.

Uncertainty grows cold in your heart as you ask in a meek voice, "Is that a bad thing?"

He scoffs at you instead, "What?! Of course it's not a bad thing. I'm just surprised because you're one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen in all the realms."

"What?"

"What 'what'?" he asks back.

"What realms? Why do you talk like you're thousands of years old?" you question.

"Oh, um... it's just a habit," he says, voice unsure.

"I'm not sure I believe you... You're always talking like you jumped out of a history book or a Jane Eyre novel or something." You say with eyebrows furrowed.

He stares into your eyes for so long you feel unnerved, his gorgeous brown eyes digging deep into your soul as if searching for the very essence of what makes you, you. You still can't look away though. You let him pull from you what he needs, hoping that it's enough for him to be honest with you.

You've noticed that Taehyung isn't very much like others his age, he came from seemingly nowhere and goes home every evening to someplace you don't know. You realise that there's not a lot you know about him, everything he's told you about himself has always been vague with little details.

"If I told you, you'd think I was crazy." He whispers.

"I'm already crazy about you," you reply with surprising honesty. You didn't think you'd reveal the exact intensity of your feelings towards him so soon but something about Taehyung makes you lose all sense of societal conviction.

"You might ship me off to a mental institution, honey," he chuckles lightly.

"I won't!" you reply, getting increasingly impatient.

He stares at you for a long minute, a small knowing smile tainting his lips as he looks down and back up at you.

"Even if I tell you I'm the millennia old god, Poseidon?"

taglist: @a-kookie-with-my-tae @btsxdoll @taffyteffy @marsclouds @happyhrsme @yoongifiess @gia-the-mermaid

a/n: i know i've been gone too long but im back !!! this chapter is longer than the ones i've written before so i hope you guys enjoy it!! things are finally getting interesting huh? ;)

#ficswithluv #bts smut #taehyung smut #bangtanarmynet #btswritingcafe #taehyung fic #taehyung x reader #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #kim taehyung #bts v #taehyung #bts fic #bts angst #bts fluff #poseidon #greek gods au #se0kie

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skellebonez · 3 years

Text

Smoke, Flasks, And Unfinished Tasks: Chapter 3

AO3 Link!

Chapter 1 Link!

Chapter 2 Link!

Summary: MK starts to realize things are a bit too familiar right now, an unspoken event is revealed, and someone else realizes other things. There is a lot to unpack.

Warnings: Mild violence and smoking at the tail end.

Chapter 3: Big Words Traveler, But Can You Back Them Up

Something felt... off. That's the only way MK could describe it. Off.

It reminded him of the Calabash when he thought about it, but was it even possible? When Jin and Yin had trapped him in that weird mechanical gourd thing they had tried to make everything perfect, barring those odd earthquakes and the glitches that his mind made excuses for ignoring at the time. Really, they were actually pretty bad at their scheme and he should have picked up on it a lot sooner. This time nothing felt perfect, however, everything felt... mostly normal.

The Monkey King kicked his butt in scheduled training and then lost matches in Monkey Mech and refused to stop until he had best out of 15. Mei and Red Son seemed to be acting like normal. No earthquakes. No glitches.

But his time in the Calabash had made him more observant of his surroundings and his mistake with Macaque had made him less trusting. The fact the weather station called for rain and it had not rained? That was just odd enough to catch his attention when the weather station hadn't messed up a forecast without someone attacking it or really messing something up, something that always got local news alerts sent to their phones and would have had Mei making fun of the poor sap who messed up by now, in the entire time he had a phone.

Something didn’t just feel off. Something was off. And just in case he was right he needed to play his cards carefully. Do something that wouldn’t raise suspicion.

“Hey, Monkey King?” He smiled, knowing that his expression was just fake enough that if the other were real he would call it in an instant. He would raise his eyebrow or ask him what was up or ask him what the look was for. “We have any snacks?”

“Yeah, bud, coming right up!” He just... smiled. Stood. Walked into the kitchen.

This was not The Great Sage Equal To Heaven.

This was not his mentor.

Well... Shit.

----------

“Wait, back up,” Mei turned from where she sat at the boat wheel. “What does that even mean?”

MK had gotten her to stop before they were nearly back to the City, feeling bad they stopped in such a poor spot for Red Son but determined to talk when they were seemingly alone. He’d played along and only grown more certain in his deduction that the person they were with was not the Monkey King. The more he paid attention the more certain he was that they weren’t on Flower Fruit Mountain either.

The mountain always smelled of four things. Flowers, peaches, dirt, and the slightest undertone of molten rock and ash from close by the Flaming Mountains. The more he tried to pick up the normal scents that would hit him they just seemed... muted, somehow. Like smelling them through a mask or like they were artificial. The rock and ash was nowhere to be found at all.

And there was more. He tried so hard to remember how he got to the mountain. Logically he knew they took a boat, they had to do that. There was a boat on the shore. But that was the first thing he remembered seeing. He could not remember the boat ride over, could not remember the walk to where they docked the boat at all, could barely remember anything past leaving Pigsy’s Noodles at all. Gaps in his memory were not an every day occurrence for him (despite Pigsy teasing him about forgetting to do his job, that was not the same thing).

The only things he knew for certain were real were Mei and Red Son. He’d almost let his anxiety get the better of him, memories of summoning monster trees with his stress being the thing that made him focus long enough to test the waters.

He knew that burying his face in their hair and smelling them was weird as hell, even given their close relationship that was pushing it way too far in comfort, but given scent was the most telling sense giving him pause he had to try once Monkey King was distracted. If it had been any other situation Mei and Red Son’s disturbed and confused faces (and the muffled “what the fuck dude” from Mei) would have been hilarious, but when he could clearly smell Mei’s tea tree shampoo mixed in with the ever present scent her bike’s motor oil he was certain she was real. He was almost certain when Red tensed up and flushed when he repeated the action, but the scent of slight burning and his overly expensive coconut oil and jasmine shampoo cemented the fact he was real as well.

He’d make up for making them uncomfortable after all this was over.

“Exactly what I said, that wasn’t Monkey King,” MK repeated, looking over the horizon at the city-scape. Still no rain. No clouds. It was half an hour until sundown. “I don’t... this is going to sound crazy... but I don’t think this is real.”

His companions looked at each other in clear concern and MK knew he would finally have to come clean. “MK, wh-”

“There’s something I never told any of you. Not even Monkey King. Just... promise you’ll listen to me?”

----------

When he finished recounting the long ago misadventure he had in Jin and Yin’s Calabash he couldn’t look Mei and Red Son in their eyes. Despite knowing he probably shouldn’t he felt guilty for keeping something that important a secret.

“Oh MK... That’s why you were so preoccupied with us not being perfect,” Mei said softly, standing to envelop her friend in a sudden hug that barely shook the boat. “I’m sorry for losing my cool with you back then.I should have known something was weird when you said that.”

A shaky breathe MK didn’t know he was holding escaped, grateful that they seemed to believe him immediately.

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry,” MK pulled away, giving Mei an awkward smile. Red Son had moved closer, and he shot him a smile as well when he placed a hand on his shoulder. “I should have told everyone when it happened, I just... I felt..” He trailed off, looking at the rainless city again. “We can unpack that later, right now we need to see if we’re really in another Calabash or if it’s something similar. If it is Jin and Yin again they’ve really stepped up their game.”

“I don’t think so...” Red Son said thoughtfully. He bit the end of his thumb nail, pacing the boat slowly in thought. “They seemed more preoccupied with just... having fun almost, last time. They didn’t seem to have an endgame past ‘capture the Monkie Kid’. What’s the end game? Why capture all three of us?”

“Yeah...” MK sighed, looking around carefully. “I dunno.. come to think of it, it all just feels different. This time it’s a lot closer and that is really scary if I’m being honest,” MK shuddered, not comfortable with how much better it was if he was really correct. “But it isn’t 100% accurate. Everything smells dull and Monkey King wasn’t picking up on things he normally would have.”

“Is that why you smelled o-”

“Unpacking later!”

“Why don’t we do what you did to get out last time?” Red Son interrupted, looking hopeful that he had solved the problem already. “We just have to find your staff.”

“Yeah that... that’s another problem...” MK bit his lip and held his hand up to his ear. The glow that lit from it illuminated the dawning horror on his friend’s faces as the staff materialized in his hand. They both seemed to regret not watching MK train that day when they realized what this meant. “That... may not work this time.”

----------

“You’re bleedin’ delusional!” The demon couldn’t help but groan out, pacing wildly in growing frustration. Before them both was a set of screens, watching the display of the trio’s conversation. The entire room looked like something right out of one of those American spy thrillers they’d seen, computers and monitors hooked up and showing a multitude of views. “I told you, you can’t just throw that many people in at once! It doesn’t matter how improved it is, it messes up, confuses the simulation! And-and you let ‘im keep the bloody staff! He’s-”

“Not getting out any time soon,” the other demon, seated comfortably in the only chair in the room, soothed. Their words were like poisoned honey and the first demon grimaced. How they let themselves be taken in by these words... they would never forgive themselves now, not after all of this. Not after what happened to- “Patience is what you and your brother lacked the first time. They don’t need to believe it, they just need to stay in it. Come now, you need to... relax.”

The first demon, the smaller demon, backed a step away as the seated one sat up straighter. They weren’t fast enough to get away from the clawed hand that gripped their throat, cutting off their air supply and pulling them far too close to the other’s face. No fight was given, they knew what would happen if they tried, and watched anxiously as the seated demon raised their forearm long smoking pipe to their lips to take a long drag on whatever foul concoction they had in it.

“Just rest Yin.” Their open mouth revealed colored smoke, sickeningly sweet and fruity smelling, swirling around inside before they loosened the grip on his throat to blow it directly into his face as he took a hasty breath of oxygen. "Perhaps you'll be more patient after a nice long nap."

The blue demon coughed when the other finally let him go, breathing deeply in the hopes he didn’t inhale as much smoke as he feared he did. As he tipped backward onto the ground he knew that was a fruitless thought. Now he laid on the ground with his head fuzzy and gaze filled with the equally unconscious visage of his elder brother.

The Gold and Silver demons... had really messed up...

#some of you guessed the where #can you guess the who now?#well the other who anyway #smoking is bad kids don't do it #mk #Qi Xiaotian #mei #long xiaojiao #red son #mystery character #monkie kid #lego monkie kid #jin and yin #fanfic #fanfiction #smoke flasks and unfinished tasks #sfaut #side note: mei 100% should not be driving that boat

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boethiahsboytoy · 3 years

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fuck it vyrthaal fic ch 1 its just a rough draft bc i dont have the attention span 2 edit yet so this means critique is not only welcomed but appreciated ! under the cut bc i dont want 2 fuck ur dashes (this isn’t vyrthaal-verse im gonna try n write out the whole dawnguard questline n post that First sorry if ur lookin forward 2 that)

In ages past and long forgotten, a mighty city conjured from ice sat safely in the mountains of a young Skyrim; glittering towers reached elegantly towards the sky as crystal-lined paths wound through the mighty buildings. Protecting the city was a noble family of snow elves. They were a reclusive sort, rarely meeting with their neighbors unless it was for business, and tending silently to the upkeep of their home. Among this family was an only child by the name of Vyrthaal, with eyes bright as the sun and skin as blue as the sky. He was an energetic lad, frequently seen running through the halls of his family’s home as he played, but shy, rarely speaking to anyone even in his family. Their nobility intimidated him, and somehow he knew in his heart that he did not fully belong with them, even at such a young age. But he didn’t mind. That much.

He got along well enough with his family anyways; he stayed out of his way and they gave him cold affection. Perhaps their disciplinary tactics were a bit too harsh for a young thirteen year old, but Vyrthaal knew not to complain. There was a great divide between him and his parents, this much he knew, but all in all he would have been content to live with them for a great many more years. But, whether fortunately or unfortunately, this would not be possible. Even one so heavily sheltered such as Vyrthaal would find it impossible to hide from the fact that his homeland was in grave trouble. Almost every day a new courier came bearing bad news of another far-reaching snow elven outpost. Colonizers coming in from the sea were overtaking their land, ousting snow elves from homes that had belonged to them for generations and slaughtering those who resisted. Fear did not show in Vyrthaal’s eyes at this news, but it was felt deep within his heart. And at night he curled up in bed, fearing he would not wake up again to see Auri-El’s light.

- - - - - - - -

“We can rely on the Deep Folk,” his father said one evening, and his mother scoffed. Her long fingers were in Vyrthaal’s hair, intricately braiding it. It was late, and he would have to undo the braids before bed, but it soothed both his and his mother’s nerves.

“Since when have the Dwemer cared for others? They are cruel, and snobbish. Besides,” and now her voice dropped, as if Vyrthaal’s sharp ears wouldn’t pick up her words, “You have heard what they do to our people. Lock them up deep underground, poison them, force them to work in their awful caverns. It is better that we refuse their aid!”

Vyrthaal felt a bolt of fear shoot through him, eyes widening as his ears twitched nervously. But his father shook his head. “That is only rumors,” he said, but doubt sat heavily in his voice. “They wouldn’t do that to us.”

No one in the room believed that. But what other options did they have? While their city was strong they didn’t truly have an army; just a few guards to patrol the area and keep crime to a minimum, or fend off the occasional wild beast that strayed too close. The prospect of making the journey to the Chantry of Auri-El was there, but was it wise? It was a long and difficult road, much too harsh for a child such as Vyrthaal, and who was to say they wouldn’t be attacked by the very Atmorans they were trying to flee? There was little else to be said, but at the end of the night when Vyrthaal retired to his room he still heard his parents discussing what to do.

Anxiety prevented him from sleeping well. It had only been about three hours into a restless sleep when suddenly Vyrthaal was awoken by a chilled touch shaking him. He sat upright quickly, meeting his mother’s eyes, and as consciousness rushed to him he heard the sounds of fighting. On reflex he turned to look out his window but was stopped by his mother’s hand on his cheek.

“Do not look, my son,” she whispered. And all at once he was pulled from his bed, led by the hand down the long flight of stairs to the main living area. But his mother made a sharp turn, tugging the young elf into a small hallway normally used by servants, and brought him to a blank space in the wall. There they met his father, who rested a hand on Vyrthaal’s shoulder and squeezed gently, before turning to the wall and muttering a strange incantation. Where once there was nothing now stood a door, shimmering behind a protective shield of magic. But Vyrthaal’s father opened it and he was rushed in by his parents.

“What is going on?” he begged to know as the sounds of fighting was muffled. They were now heading down a long flight of stairs, Vyrthaal lifting his robes so as not to trip. His mother responded.

“The Atmorans have found us.”

While fear nearly paralyzed him Vyrthaal pressed on with his parents, tears pricking at his eyes. “Where are we going?” His voice was shrill with fear and his mother’s reassuring squeeze to his hands did nothing to calm him. “What will we do!?”

“Hush, Vyrthaal. You will be safe.”

Vyrthaal was more than familiar with his father’s short answers that told him very little, but now it frustrated him. He was about to demand more answers when at last the stairs ended and a slightly breathless Vyrthaal was lead into an odd chamber. He could sense magic here. It was old and deep, and more powerful than he could imagine. It saturated the air and he shivered at the feeling. But it was calming. He looked up between his parents, who now seemed reluctant to continue. But at last, Vyrthaal’s mother slid her hand from his grip.

“You will be safe here.”

There were tears in her eyes as she knelt, hands on Vyrthaal’s shoulders. A kiss was pressed to his brow and he reached up to grasp her forearm.

“Mother-” he tried, but his father cut him off.

“There is no time for questions, my son. The Atmorans are here, and it is too late to flee. This room...it was built ages ago by our ancestors. It is stronger than any of our magic combined, and you will not be found here.” He led Vyrthaal to a heavy looking door carved from an unknown substance, but when they came close he could sense it was made of pure magickal energy. Being so near it seemed to make Vyrthaal’s very soul shrink back from the amount of power it contained. And as he approached it opened for him. He looked questioningly at his parents as it revealed a small, dim room—more of a storage closet in terms of size. “You will be safe here. It will only be for a little while, until we can muster our forces and drive the Atmorans away. Go, Vyrthaal. You will be alright.”

He didn’t want to. But Vyrthaal stepped into the room, turning to look at his parents. “What about you?” He finally asked, and Vyrthaal’s mother smiled.

“We will be safe. There are similar rooms for us.”

It was a lie. Vyrthaal knew it was. But he didn’t argue. Something in him knew that this was their only option. But it also knew that this would work. And when his parents stepped back to seal the door into place he didn’t protest. Only allowed the strange magic of the room work on him, making him grow tired. His eyelids grew heavy, but he kept his gaze on his parents for as long as he could until a strange, enchanted sleep took him. Vyrthaal slept now, undisturbed by noise and disarray, his mind giving him hopeful dreams of a bright future safe from invading Atmorans or scheming Dwemer. Vyrthaal slept as a battle raged on overhead, devouring buildings and people he knew all his life. Vyrthaal slept as Knight-Paladins gave their lives in a vain attempt to protect their race and innocents were slaughtered at the hands of men. And when the last Snow Prince was cut down, and the Atmorans brutally claimed Skyrim as their own, and what little remained of his people retreated to rot in the grasp of the Dwemer, Vyrthaal slept.

#my writing #OC Vyrthaal #once i get an ao3 account and i post it there ill post a link to the final ver on my oc blog #I'm Miraak and you're watching Disney Channel

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missdawnandherdusk · 4 years

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Taking A Break

Hey guys, so on my last post I said that I had just gotten out of a four year relationship and well, as you can imagine it’s a bit jarring for me. Please, no worries, I’m not having a mental breakdown nor am I in any danger of doing something stupid. And I mean it. Truthfully. But, I’d like to talk a bit about it if you don’t mind and give some wisdom, or at least a story to tell.

When I was fifteen, a tenth grader, my older brother (who is a year older than me) was very abusive. It was verbal and emotional and left me in a dark place. As a kid with anxiety and depression, who was excepted to sill be the pinnacle of perfect, you can imagine how difficult it was for me and how much I craved companionship, and to belong somewhere. And well, that’s when I met my s/o. We were both in a dark place and together through the years, we helped and relied on each other. It was a war that we fought side by side. I relied and loved him and he, me. It was a long distance relationship. He lived across the country and we could only see each other a few times a year, which made things unique for us.

But we grew older. And made a lot of fond and fun memories along the way. And I don’t regret a moment of it. He helped me become the person I am today and I will always love him for it. I’m no longer scared of the world, and I no longer let myself get walked on. My depression and anxiety, I have a real handle on. I’m not suicidal anymore and my panic attacks are few or managable or at least recognizable. My brother grew up too. He’s no longer angry and abusive, but rather a pretty cool brother. Don’t get me wrong, it took a lot for us to mend our relationship, but we did and now we have a mutual respect for each other. My parents and I are on better terms after I moved out and went to college for a year and now I’m not so alone and dependent. In fact, I’m thrilled about life! I never thought I’d ever make it to eighteen and now I’m in college, and I have a huge horizon of possibilities in front of me! I was in college, and engaged to be married to my prince charming who saved me. Well...

Let’s talk about my relationship. Where and when I was growing, he stayed the same. Though I tried again and again to give him advice and help him and even get him to help himself, he just didn’t. And that’s extremely frustrating. But, as someone who believes in the best of everyone even in the worst of people, I persisted. I could see the potential, especially since I was growing and seeing the potential I had myself. But he still refused to listen. All he wanted to do was complain about where he was and for me to console him. And whenever I pointed it out, he’d promise to do better and that he was sorry, and I believed him. And it would get better for a while.

Now don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always like this, nor was it as often as you’d think but since January, it began to really drain everything from me. All of our conversations would be about what was wrong in his life and I began to distance myself. I still loved him though and believed in him. It was hard to really take a step back, because as far back as I could remember he was there, just a constant. And until college I didn’t really know how to be independent or if I could even make it on my own because of how I was raised. But college showed me that there is so much more to the world and to me. And I desperately wanted to share that with him, but he was still stuck in the same place that we met.

Then the little things started to occur to me that maybe this wasn’t healthy for me at all. I’m very passionate about what I love (if you haven’t noticed thus far) and he’d say things that would sap all of the happiness out of those things. My music, my fandoms, my art... He’d constantly rip on my favorite characters or my favorite artists or say that the way I did things wasn’t the best way. And as someone who took a long time to become confident in herself, it was jarring, because I loved him and I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about anything else that I loved. Our interests shifted and what we wanted out of life changed.

Then I came out to him. Which was very new to both of us and had me freaking out to tell him because how in the world was I supposed to tell him that I was asexual? But I thought, well, he’ll love me still. It was a nice thought. He crushed me when I told him. He didn’t tell me he was proud, or that he still loved me. He just went quiet. And when I asked him what he was thinking, well he said that he was concerned that his future wife didn’t want to have sex with him and maybe that there were some barriers that would fade with time and maybe after we were married I’d want to again.

Yeahp.

You can imagine how back into a corner I felt then. After a while he apologized and came to terms with it, but the damage was done and it still hurts, even now. But then I realized something.

When I came out to my best friend, she was so excited and proud of me. And everyone else I told (even you guys) were proud of me and accepted me and I realized that I wasn’t alone. And I’m not alone. Not in the slightest. I have parents who love me and who I can now talk to about how I feel. I don’t have to be perfect for anyone anymore because I already am, just the way I am. I have amazing mentors and friends from college who love me and are there for me and I have close friends who I can fall back on if I need to. Most importantly, I love who’s in the mirror and she’s got my back too.

But I was afraid, because, well it’s hard to end a long term relationship, even though I wanted out. I was afraid of what other people would say, of telling them, of breaking off an engagement when everyone was so happy for me and it took me probably longer than it should have, but the choice I made was the right one and I’m certain of it. Even if it’s just goodbye for now, it still had to be goodbye.

He wanted me to be the person that I was four years ago, and I’m not her anymore. She is so far gone, even though I still love her and that part of my life, I won’t forfeit who I am not for the sake of ‘true love’

So, why am I telling you this? Well, one I wanted to let you know what’s going on in my life, but two, I wanted to let you guys know that “true love” doesn’t come from one person for the rest of your life. I believe in true love, and in agape, but it’s not from one source all the time. Fairytales are amazing and I adore them but my happily ever after is going to be on my terms. It’s not something I’m going to compromise on because it’s my life and I’ve fought hard for it. And the girl I was four years ago deserves everything I can give her.

And the same goes for you. You’ve fought hard for who you are today, and if you don’t like who that is, well keep working on it! Keep fighting for it because it’s beautiful and amazing and something to chase. And to those of you who have been suicidal and who either still deal with it or have, don’t give in! From someone who’s been there myself, please believe me when I tell you there is so much more to life than you can ever imagine.

And, this is a huge change for me. I’ve never been ‘single’ before and though I don’t plan on dating any time soon, it’s a lot for me to adjust to and settle into. I really am happy and proud of myself because it’s something I did for myself and the best thing I could have done for myself and now I feel free to chase after the sun without having to worry about pulling him up with me. I’m free to be me.

That being said, I’m going to take a break on writing my Hufflepuff and Gryffindor series for right now. And I really hate to disappoint you guys because I know you love reading them and I love seeing you guys’ reactions, but right now, I can’t bring myself to write those scenarios until I’ve settled into who I am a bit and can do so without a bleak outlook, if you can imagine. I want to give you happily ever afters with Draco. I really do, but right now I can’t do that with these stories, not yet. So forgive me as I take a break with them.

It’s not to say I won’t be writing! I will still write I promise!! I don’t know what or when, but I will write for Draco and I will show you my heart and emotions as I always do. You guys mean so much to me, you have no idea and I love writing for you guys as much as I do myself so I promise I won’t stop. But please, keep in mind that I’m going through some things on the ‘outernet’ and that requires a bit more of my emotional quota than the internet.

I love all of you.

Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @memalfoy-spidey @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @darcypotter-blog @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread @okaydraco @the-queen-of-hell-things @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing @sunflowerxsadnessw @fattycooter @angelotakunerd08 @thisisahugemistake @fanficsigottaread @gweaslvy @strawberriesonsummer @gaysludge @cleopatera @ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl @peters-legos @quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo @wollymalfoy @lilpieceoftoast @paper-cats @floweryjh @sdicapriox @slothgirl22 @peachesandpinks @monimillion @hufflautia @livize75 @annie-mcl @riathearora @live-like-luna @justathoughtfulangel @coconutdawn @skteaiy @wannabeskinny-thinspo @naughtygranger @queenofmankind @dragonsandbread @abundantxadorations @moony-artnstuff @myforeveryoungblog @and-then-a-girl-with-luv @1-800-luvsick @pandas-rice-field @strawberriesonsummer @jjustsomerandomgirl @mrvlfangirl3190 @in-slytherin-we-trust @emmaa-t @introvertedrae @infinity1o1 @stoleurmomsvan @echpr @sunkissed-hufflepuff @dekulover @marshmallowtraver @cereuselle

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ayatosmlktea · 4 years

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Oh! Thank god you're ok with im requesting an imagine. Um if its not much to ask, can i have uh angst turns happy modern au levi x s/o imagine. Levi's s/o suffers from anxiety and mild depression so she gets really anxious and scared when she heard rumours that levi is cheating (which he is not) thank you!!

𝑹𝒖𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔

Y/N knew that she hadn’t been the best company the last few weeks. She knew that her depression was getting the best of her, coupled with her anxiety Y/N found herself more often than not retreating into herself. Levi constantly told her that he was there for her and that she could always come to him but Y/N knew that he was busy, now so more than ever. She put up a fake smile long enough to have him believing that she was fine but behind the facade she just wanted to lie in bed and disappear.

Unfortunately, being a responsible adult with bills to pay meant that she had no choice but to drag her ass out of bed and go to work. Everyday was the same, spending eight hours a day sitting at her desk, filing paperwork, making phone calls and forcing herself to sit through conversations at lunch she didn’t want to be a part of. Y/N was taking a much needed bathroom break, the day was dragging on and she had woken up with a migraine that no amount of caffeine could tame.

She needed five minutes to herself where people weren’t screaming at her over the phone over issues that were out of her control. It wasn’t their fault their director had decided to completely bypass their advice and do the exact thing they had told their client NOT to do. Y/N massaged her temples, willing her migraine to leave, she still had a few hours of work left and knew that it was going to be a long day. If Levi hadn’t been swamped with work negotiating new trade deals she would have gone to see him for a quick head massage. His fingers could work miracles. Just as she was about to open the stall door she heard hushed voices entering the bathroom.

“Are you serious?”

“I saw it with my own two eyes dude! They were kissing!” Y/N rolled her eyes, the office was always buzzing with gossip and she didn’t ever care for it. Especially not when all she wanted to do was hide under her blankets at home.

“Why would Levi be kissing Petra?”

Y/N’s hand froze over the latch of the stall door, the air was suddenly kicked out of her lungs.

“Have you seen the way she looks at him? You can practically feel the sexual frustration radiating off of her”

A ball of nerves settled in her stomach, her eyes were wide at hearing Levi, her Levi, being seen kissing someone else. A million thoughts were racing through her mind as she tried and failed not to picture the two of them together. Petra was nice, she knew they were together. She wouldn’t do something like that to her...would she.

“Oh my God do you think Y/N knows?” Y/N could hear the blood rushing in her ears, her whole body felt uncomfortably hot.

“I don’t think so. They came in together this morning and I saw him kissing Petra last night.”

“That’s so embarrassing! I kind of feel bad for her”

The voices gradually grew fainter as the girl’s left the bathroom. Y/N felt like a knife twist was being twisted in her gut, why hadn’t Levi told her? He had mentioned that he was going to be working late and had told her not to wait up for him, was this why? Y/N felt like throwing up, finding out that her boyfriend was cheating on her, from work gossip no less, didn’t help the growing feeling of despair.

Rubbing her eyes to wipe away any tears that she refused to let fall she finally stepped out of the stall. Grabbing a paper towel she tried to dry her eyes as best as she could, there was only so long she could stay in the bathroom without drawing suspicion towards herself. Her eyes were bloodshot but there was nothing she could do about that, at least she could blame it on her migraine.

As luck would have, Y/N bumped into Petra on the way out of the bathroom. The orange haired girl smiled brightly at her like she always did and while Y/N usually returned it, she couldn’t bear to look at her. The fact that Petra was acting like she hadn’t been kissing her boyfriend behind her back was enough to make Y/N want to punch her in the face. Heat spread across the back of her neck and she stared straight ahead, completely ignoring Petra.

Sitting back at her desk she tried to focus on getting her work done but her thoughts kept torturing her with images of Levi doing things with Petra that he’d done to her. It was masochistic but she couldn’t stop them. A sinking feeling settled over her and the longer she thought about it the more she realized that it was probably her fault that Levi had felt the need to seek comfort from someone else. She knew that she could be unpleasant to be around, she had a tendency to push people away when she was going through a depressive episode.

Guilt and self-loathing made themselves at home weighing on her heart heavily, maybe it was for the best that they broke up.

Petra was Levi’s equal in their field and Y/N was, well, unimpressive. Nothing about her really stood out, she wasn’t funny or outgoing or as friendly as Petra was. Y/N bit her lip hard enough to keep herself from crying in front of all her coworkers. The final hours of her shift dragged on but she had somehow managed to survive until the end. Grabbing her bag she hastily threw on her jacket hoping to avoid running into Levi or Petra on her way out.

It seemed that the universe and everything else was against her, before she could even make it to the elevator she had been pulled into Levi’s office. The familiar smell of his cologne made her want to sink into his embrace but after having spent the entire afternoon stewing in her own self-destructive thoughts it made her feel sick.

The kiss he pressed against her temple left an acidic feeling in her throat.

“I missed you, what do you say we order in tonight? All these shitty contracts are giving me a headache” It had taken a while for Levi to completely warm up to her, while he wasn’t one for pda especially at the office she had taken pride in getting him to at least kiss her in the privacy of his own office. Now it felt like all that time they had spent getting to know each other was for nothing.

“Actually, I think I’m going to stay at my place tonight.” Y/N refused to meet his gaze, keeping her eyes glued to the floor.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I’m just not feeling well, I don’t want my bad mood to rub off on you” She mumbled, pulling herself away from his embrace but Levi’s grip on her biceps tightened.

“I know when you’re lying to me, brat. Now tell me what’s wrong” Against her will hot tears threatened to spill over.

“Do you still love me?” Levi’s eyebrow raised, his eyes bore into hers wondering why she was asking him such a pointless question.

“You know I do” Her eyebrows knit together, turning her face away from him. She wanted to believe him but her anxiety was getting the best of her. He was probably only saying that because he didn’t want her to find out about him and Petra. He couldn’t really love her, not when she was such a mess. She could barely get out of bed in the morning, why would he want to be with someone like her?

“Hey,” Levi’s voice is soft, the tone he uses for when they’re alone. The pads of his thumbs brush away the tears that were falling down her face.

“Are you in love with Petra?” Gunmetal eyes narrow as his fingers stop moving along her damp skin.

“Where the hell did you get that ridiculous idea?” Y/N felt herself shrink under his gaze, no matter how many times she had seen it this was the first time she had ever been the subject of it.

“I uh, I heard some of the girls in the bathroom talking about how they saw you kissing Petra last night.” Levi sighed, his hands cupped Y/N’s face.

“I didn’t kiss her Y/N, I would never betray your trust like that!”

“Then why are people saying they saw you kissing her?” Y/N really wanted to believe Levi but if there were witnesses then maybe he was just really good at lying to her. She didn’t want to be caught off gaurd and end up looking stupid for not seeing the signs of a cheating boyfriend right in front of her.

“Baby, listen to me. I would never cheat on you! I love you so much and I wouldn’t do anything to ruin us. Petra wasn’t even with me last night. Please trust me” Levi’s eyes never lied, but she was too far gone in her doubts to shake them off.

“Why me?” Once again trying to pull away from Levi’s grasp she felt a wave of disgust course through her. She wasn’t special! There were so many other people who were better than her! She wasn’t pretty like Petra, she was just ordinary! Easily overlooked, there was nothing about her that Levi could possibly love. Who would want to be with something that was always depressed? It would be better if she just disappeared, he’d be better off without her.

Levi looked heartbroken, he couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth.

“Is that really how you feel about yourself?” Y/N felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment as she realized she had exposed the thoughts that were in her head had come out without even knowing it.

Tilting her chip up with two fingers Levi’s lips brushed against hers in a soft slow kiss.

“You are beautiful” he mumbled between kisses. There was no room to escape, Levi’s dominant presence always managed to make her feel cornered more so now that her back was literally against the wall.

“You are an amazing woman, I don’t care who you think is better than you because everyone else pales in comparison to you.” Y/N’s eyes began to water again, she hated crying in front of Levi but fuck if he didn’t know just what to say. Burying her face in the crook of his neck her hands gripped the material of his suit jacket like he was her anchor, the only thing keeping her from slipping into the dark recesses of her mind.

“I’m sorry” her words almost completely muffled but Levi caught them. It made his heart heavy to know that stupid rumors had caused Y/N to spiral into a mess of self-doubt and hatred. The fact that she had even considered the possibility of him cheating on her meant that he wasn’t doing his job of loving her properly.

“Come on, let’s go home. I think we could both use a shower and some pizza” Kissing the top of her head Levi stepped back, the sight of her bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks pulling at his heartstrings painfully.

“I love you, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to those stupid rumors.” Y/N tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, an anxious habit Levi had picked up on before they had started dating. Grabbing her hands in his he held them over his chest.

“I want you to be able to come to me when you’re feeling down. I don’t care how busy I am, your feelings are important to me! You are no less beautiful or strong to me, even when you’re struggling” Y/N’s face lit up in a way that he hadn’t seen in weeks. He missed her smile and would do anything to make sure she always felt loved. Before the night was over Levi was going to make sure Y/N knew exactly how special she was to him.

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vampyrly · 3 years

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: / i need any help and/or validation for a situation im dealing with

ok heads up this is going to be potentially very long to read and get through, like possibly 10 minutes at most but it is detailed and information heavy, i dont want to leave anything out

if anyone knows me/knows me on twitter and has seen my tweets where i've detailed the bullshit my roommate has done in the past you'll know i dont particularly like their presence based on their immature and gross antics. well ladies and gentlemen just when i thought they couldn't possibly sink any lower as a person, they pulled through the shit olympics and won gold.

my roommate has a cat, they had it prior to moving in and on their account the cat has been by their side 24/7. it is very attached and has most definitely developed a form of separation anxiety because of this. there hasnt been an issue with how often they stay with their cat up until recently... their girlfriend got her own apartment and over the past few months my rm has been staying with her 24/7. as in, is practically never in the apartment. they only come back to refill their cats food/water and is immediately out the door again. occasionally they will sleep overnight but after that they are back out the door.

as anyone who understands cats or animals in general would realize, this is essentially neglecting a cat, one you have gone from being with every day, to essentially never seeing. and this was not gradual, it was a damn near sudden change. you can probably imagine this is putting a lot of confusion and stress on the cat. over time, the cat has reacted more physically. they have become prone to crying by the door, biting the gf's toes, glaring at her (i guess), and such.

now, about a week ago, the cat had bitten my roommate incredibly hard to the point of drawing a lot of blood. apparently this was so traumatic to the rm that they now refuse to even be in the same room with the cat (there have only been a handful of times where they've slipped into the room to grab an essential and shimmy back out) so much so that they brought an air mattress, set it up in the living room, and is now temporarily sleeping there. no, im not joking.

now im not going to go into detail about why this buildup from the cat occurred, i think it should be pretty obvious already why, but to my rm, they fully believe this behavior is aggressive and unusual. as in, this cat had malicious, negative intent to do harm on its owner. its owner which, up until months ago, they were so attached to and clearly loved. as a friend has pointed out, this isnt signaling aggression. this is signaling a need to get attention in any way possible. their own cat had scratched them up so bad to the point they almost had to go to the ER, but it wasnt because the cat was aggressive, it just thought it was playtime! the case is different here yes, because unlike my rm the friend actually takes care and gives attention to their cat, so this was a very rare occurrence. simply put, this cat is lacking so much stimulation, attention, and basic interaction that this, to me, felt like a last resort. because clearly, the constant cries of sadness wasnt doing anything for them. they're currently in the process of rehoming the cat and will permanently ditch it on the 28th. thats still another 5 fucking days of this cat being in these neglected conditions, and thats not counting when this started, which was 17th, 18th if were being generous on account of me misremembering the date of events because who can blame me so much has already happened its becoming difficult to keep track.

a cat that they up until this point loved and gave attention to as apparent by them claiming she is for emotional support, is being thrown out of their life without remorse over one instance of """aggression""" (dont make me explain why it wasnt again.)

my roommate knows full and well that they have every ability and every second on their hands to bring the cat with them to the gf's apartment but guess what? they simply choose not to do so! i guess those toes getting bitten was so traumatic because oh yeah may i add, the girlfriend is a massive enabler of the roommate and sees absolutely no issue to the actions they are taking in response. i doubt they even tried to properly warm the cat up to a person who is a newcomer to the relationship. im sure they both think in their heads that this is the most responsible thing they can do as pet owners and that they're such good people for rehoming a cat they cant take care of anymore. yes, nothing more responsible than neglecting an animal that needs social interaction as much as that one in particular is in dire need of. responsible pet owners would have never let it escalate to such a point, i'll have you know.

my roommate has done a lot of bullshit that has made me want to pull my hair out, but at the very least, it didnt involve a living creature. this however draws a line as i refuse to stand for animal neglect simply because im an outsider and have no direct say in the situation. i've taken as much action as i possibly can, phoning and texting and emailing as many people as i possibly can. i hesitate to say this is straight up animal abuse because as firm as i can be i try to give people the benefit of the doubt BUT. i will say that every single person i have relayed all of this info to thus far has told me that this is grounds for animal abuse.

yesterday i ran into my rm and they told me "heyyy sorry about her crying constantly, its just not possible for me to be in there whatsoever!" and when i asked if they have someone refilling the bowls and litter on their behalf they said "nope just me" ????????? simultaneously on the same day i said fuck it, i am going to break out the secret key i have to their room to check on the cat. yes i have a key to their room, i have never used it until now and if you want to ignore everything thus far to give me some shit about trust or whatever consider: i dont fucking care. as it turns out the food and water bowls are the type that automatically refill. so, hmmm. theres that part out of the way, but of course, you cannot put in a machine to automatically interact with a cat on the level of a human. as for the litter, i couldnt see since i didnt step more than a foot into the room as to not impede boundaries on the cat and i didnt want my roommate to suddenly come home to me knees deep in their shithole. it was probably in the closet but then how is that being cleaned? those automatic cleaning cat litter boxes dont come cheap and i know damn well they cannot afford one. and may i just add as a tidbit, the room has a sitting scent of pee. though seeing as how gross my roommate can get im betting its just them and not the cat. also that room was cold as fuck. were at 60-70s right now in terms of weather right now it does not need to be that cold......

here is a video i was able to capture. i mounted my phone on a monopod in order to get a scope of the room without stepping in too far.

i decided that the least i can do at the moment is to head out to dollar tree and get a toy or two so i can at least provide some amount of stimulation. before i left, i checked on her again.

she was just laying there, keeping her distance, and didnt lurch at me whatsoever. i came back with a feather wand and played with her for a couple of minutes. she responded a little to it, but for the most part she was peering out the door wondering where the hell her so called responsible owner was. i took my sweater off and let the cat sniff it. i have zero relationship with this cat, infact its the first time i've ever properly seen it as it is locked in the bedroom 24/7.

now you may be asking yourself, why is this cat locked away in a room 24/7 like rapunzel locked in her tower and not roaming freely in the open apartment? i too would like an answer to this! i rarely spend any time in the living room but even if i did i have NO issue with it chilling in there.

someone i phoned did bring up a good point that for AS to consider a legitimate case of abuse or even do anything, there'd need to be no food or water. so essentially, unless you're straight up physically harming an animal outside of their headquarters they dont fucking care. want to be proven further on that? my rm actually did speak with AS at the start of bite-saga. surprisingly they werent 100% truthful, and, get a load of this, they told them that the cat potentially has a virus, and that they need to be quarantined the entire 2 week period. thats some lying bullshit if i've ever heard some!!! not only that, just a few hours ago i peeped the girlfriend had the vet get back to them about lending a muzzle!

SO. heres the current situation as of today and what will occur to tomorrow: i finally phoned someone who is going to drop by the apartment tomorrow, potentially with another person (these are not random people, im simply keeping their status as anonymous as possible to maintain their privacy) to check on the cats conditions. they'll also call AS again and nudge the rm in a way where it seems AS needs them to expedite the surrendering process sooner than later. i cant imagine another 5 days of this going on, but theres only so much that can be done that doesnt involve me straight up catknapping the poor thing and rehoming her myself. this is the condition of the cat as of a few hours ago:

if i were someone uninvolved and saw this, i would have assumed she were a stray that broke into the room........

i try not to be petty and villainous, but a line has been crossed and the disgusting mistreatment of an innocent creature is a crime i refuse to allow be sweeped under the rug. if theres any benefit to living in a relatively small town, its that everyone knows or at least recognizes everyone. far too many people already get away with animal abuse, at the very least i can make as many people here as aware of their antics as i can. is that wrong to do? should i not air all that i can out about them? im so tired and exhausted. i've lost so much sleep over this and im probably going to lose a lot more. thanks for reading.

#cw animal abuse #animal cruelty #pet health

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