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zensations35 · 3 months

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Off-Air (Alas/tor)

Stuck in bed for days, watched this show twice. Wrote a quickie drabble of my super bae (spoiler, I usually pick the ace character to mess with bc relate) so, here's our resident asshole Radio Demon being a little shit with some snz--anywayhereyougoenjoy!

Alastor was taking a stroll. Just a stroll. Leisurely. Perfectly natural. It just happened to route him to VoxTek. Coincidence, of course. Of course.

He grins up at the jutting, gaudy building--nothing like the unobtrusive yet classier radio tower he himself owns--and enters.

The demon workers attempt to stop him. Or, he supposes, they would, were they not so taken with such scandal--all gaping mouths and stretched jaws. Tactless.

He cruises on, not breaking stride, even as his curling smile fuzzes the monitors as he passes.

As expected, Vox cannot restrain himself enough to wait patiently for his arrival. Vox storms onto the second floor, grainy white noise snowing his screen. The attempt to surprise Alastor fails, as the much less cranky of the two reclines on one of the dime-a-dozen roller ball chairs, his lips forming a perfect V in a way only a demon’s lips can.

“What the electric fuck are you doing here?” Vox spits, his decibels rising feverishly.

Alastor sprouts from the chair and languidly flows around the room as if inspecting it. He hums, the amplitude of his voice slightly distorted. “You could do with better maintenance, my good fellow.”

Vox's left antennae twitches in annoyance. He pulses a reverb of angry signals. “Always. With. The Damn. Insults.”

Alastor ignores him. “I had an idea that might interest you,” the radio demon trills.

“If you’re here to make a deal, fucking forget it. Get the fuck out of my office,” Vox jabs an electric blue thumb over his shoulder.

Alastor glides along the edge of a desk, tutting disappointedly, his sleek clawed fingers skating across the cool surface before rubbing them together with a staticky cluck of his tongue.

“Such filth,” he rolls his fingers as if coaxing a spark to life.

“What’s it to you? I didn’t invite you, and it’s my--”

“You know,” Alastor shorts out his sentence mutely, “I was once quite riddled with a fierce dust allergy.” He turns a bemused expression, finally meeting the screen’s gaze. “It was rather…” he taps his daggerlike teeth with a red-tipped pinky, “capricious.”

Vox scoffs, but he visibly stiffens, fists curling, “You wouldn’t. You’re not even…”

Alastor snakes a sharp finger under his nose, head tilting to the side impishly, “One never truly knows when…hhh--!” his pitch jumps, throat buzzing as it leaps into the speakers on the desks, the walls. A whine sings from the hallway, piercing a dozen ears.

“HZZT-!” Another deep hitch stretches the limits of the bandwidth before the decibels crank higher. “H’pT٨ـZz٨ـzZT٨ـﮩ!”

A violent pop and two of the speakers in the room begin emitting smoke. All the screens flare blue, code running in a tizzy. Vox spins his head in a 360, eyes flashing red with rage.

“You mother--!!”

“My deepest apologies,” Alastor clutches his cane to his chest, giving his nose a coy knuckle rub and a staticky sniffle. “Such a shame,” he tsks.

Before Vox can demand it, Alastor picks up his heels, spinning the cane and strolling toward the door. “Perhaps I should return when you have upgraded to more…ah…durable equipment.”

He saunters toward the elevator, lazily waving the back of his hand. “Ta~”

Vox’s eye glitches, his teeth all fangs. “I. Fucking. Hate him.”

There is no venom quite like lies.

And no art like deceit.

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the-priestess-of-dawn · 5 months

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Grima and Final Blows

The other day I mentioned that I had an essay about Grima to write that I'd been putting off, and between that and all the great essays my fellow Grimleal scholars have been putting out recently, I decided to sit down and finally get it done.

So here you go. An analysis of Grima's difficulties with directly killing people.

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time, because one of my favorite things to explore when it comes to Grima is the gap between their villain act, which they actively play up in front of others in both Awakening and FEH, and their true feelings, which are hinted at in Awakening (particularly through the Future Past DLC) and made even clearer in FEH— their own evil actions are repulsive to them, and they wish they could live normally among humans, but they don’t believe they have any choice but to be the monster that “the fell dragon, Grima” is supposed to be. They are committed to this “fell dragon” character, to putting on a show for everyone, and they are so good at it that it’s easy to overlook that they… uh… aren’t very good at killing anyone important. Not directly, anyway.

Sure, Grima is responsible for numerous deaths. But what is their actual kill count? Well, in Awakening’s main game… zero. (Unless you count Chrom, but, as we witness, that was not a voluntary act on their part; Validar took control of their body. You could also make the argument that Grima “claiming the sacrifice” at the Dragon’s Table counts, but the problem with that is, although it’s obvious that Grima accepts the life force of the Grimleal members as a sacrifice, it’s not at all clear whether or not Grima personally kills them. Although it’s possible that they did off screen, it’s also possible that Validar killed them, or that they were ordered to take their own lives; there’s no reason Grima would have had to lay a hand on them.) In the Future Past, it’s… one, maybe one and half (Naga’s spirit, and Tiki, but only in body. More on this later.)

And it’s not as though Fire Emblem shies away from showing villains directly murdering people, Even in Awakening itself, the intro to Chapter 9 shows Aversa killing a Plegian soldier for delivering an unsatisfactory report, so it wouldn’t have been out of place to let Grima stab a few NPCs as a show of brutality. Especially seeing as Grima is the evil dragon final boss. As early as Mystery of the Emblem, we can see Medeus killing his cleric hostages to restore his own health if you fail to rescue them before trying to defeat him, and as recently as Engage, we get a whole cutscene of Sombron eating Hyacinth. Fantasy violence my beloved <3

Anyway, the point is, Grima could have been written to be much more violent and I don’t think anyone would have complained. Instead, though, Grima repeatedly— and consistently across the series— tries to avoid engaging in direct combat.

Let’s start with what Grima does in the main game of Awakening. We know that Risen pursue Lucina into the past, because we see them fall out of the portal with her in Chapter 1. We also know that those Risen, as well as the others that are appearing throughout the land, are not being directly controlled by Grima, because later in Chapter 13, as the Shepherds are leaving Plegia after meeting with Validar, Aversa, and the Hierophant, they are pursued by more skilled Risen, and Frederick notes that “Either they are learning our ways, or someone is commanding them…” So… It seems that sending the Risen—with or without specific orders—to attack while Grima is not themself present is a favored tactic.

But what about when Grima is present? Take a look at the Endgame: Grima chapter. Yes, you eventually get to engage Grima in direct combat. But not immediately. What Grima does first is…

Grima attacks the Shepherds with dark spikes from a distance, reducing everyone’s hp to 1. Now, here’s what happens next: Grima attempts to possess their past self, Robin hears the voices of their friends and breaks free, Naga heals everyone back to full health, and then the fight against Grima begins… Except actually, the Shepherds have to get to Grima first, because they’re at the top of the map and they’re not budging. Naga warns them that “Grima’s servants will beset [them] to no end.” and she’s not kidding. Grimleal reinforcements will spawn infinitely, and they can hit pretty hard. Even with everyone starting at full health, it’s possible to lose units to these Grimleal soldiers if Grima isn’t defeated quickly. Can you imagine what would happen if Naga hadn’t healed the Shepherds first?

Well, I’d guess that they’d probably all die to the Grimleal without Grima having to face them up close. Which was probably what Grima was going for.

This isn’t the only time Grima tries the dark spikes trick, either. Grima attempts this exact same move in the Future Past 3 when they face Lucina, Severa, Laurent, and Gerome.

Grima announces “With the next blow, I will kill you.” and then demands that they hand over the Fire Emblem as well as the gemstone they hold. The threat is very real. But…

Given that at 1hp, a gust of wind could take the kids out, would it not have been easier and faster to kill them and just loot their bodies immediately? And yet Grima lets the kids have an extended discussion about sacrifice, and even suggests that Lucina would indeed buy a little more time by running… Again, I cannot stress enough that Grima should be able to finish them off in one hit at this point.

So the plan was almost certainly to back off and let the Risen do the actual killing, even though that would be a lot less efficient under the circumstances. And when Chrom and the Shepherds arrive, Grima immediately turns their attention to them, saying “If it’s a reunion you seek, my soldiers shall welcome you on my behalf.” Then they once again pick a spot at the back of the map and refuse to move from it, forcing the Shepherds to fight through the Risen in order to engage Grima in combat at all.

And sure, Grima has some excuses. “I was hoping not to have to flex any muscle,” they say right before the dark spikes attack, as if to justify why they didn’t do it sooner. And of course they taunt Lucina over having to choose to whether to run as her friends sacrifice themselves for her or to stay and fight and die with them. “I must say I shall enjoy this either way!” Yes, Grima, we get it, you’ve made it very clear that you’re an arrogant asshole.

But is arrogance really all there is to it? If we look at what Tiki tells Grima in the good ending of the Future Past, it looks as though Grima’s arrogance has brought their own downfall. “If you had left Mount Prism alone, Grima, you might have stood a chance. Instead, you have brought the Awakening right to your feet.” However, when you think about it… Is Tiki’s continued existence not in itself a result of Grima’s repeated pattern of not really wanting to land a finishing blow? The game states that Grima did in fact kill Tiki… but only in body, not in spirit. This is, according to Tiki, because Robin intervened.

Now, the question I have is… Is it really possible that Robin could have intervened both against Grima’s will and without them having any idea? Honestly, it’s hard to tell exactly how aware Grima is of Robin’s resistance, because they lie about it a lot, e.g. stating that Robin’s spirit perished in sending Chrom back to his own world, even though just moments later, Robin is once again overpowering them. So, keeping in mind that Grima is a liar, was Grima really arrogant to leave Tiki’s body in Ylisstol, and to not make sure that her spirit was fully destroyed? Or was Robin simply able to capitalize on Grima’s propensity towards backing off?

Because surely the only way Grima could be unaware that Robin had acted against them is if Robin hadn’t actually acted against them. I don’t think I believe that Grima really wanted Tiki gone. Naga, sure—longtime nemesis and all. But if Grima had truly cared about seeing Tiki’s existence destroyed… Well, I doubt Robin could have interfered that much.

But maybe it could still be a matter of arrogance. Maybe Grima just didn’t think Tiki’s spirit could do anything with Naga’s spirit gone, and thus didn't care to pay attention to her anymore once she seemed dead enough.

If that’s true, it doesn’t explain why Shadows of Valentia Grima exhibits the exact same habits when fighting Alm and Celica, despite never having been outside of the Thabes Labyrinth at this point in their life. As opposed to the various Terrors throughout the rest of the Labyrinth, which chase Alm (or Celica) down in the overworld to force a fight, Grima is immobile in their room, and will wait patiently there indefinitely until the player chooses to engage. You can even evacuate from the dungeon.

But if you do choose to fight Grima, it proceeds much like the battles against them in Awakening go. The main difference is that they actually will move from their starting position this time, if you position someone in their range. That still requires a fight against (proto-)Risen who are spawning in from the sides to stop your party’s advance.

So… Now it’s starting to look like Grima actively prefers this one particular trick… And it’s a fundamentally defensive maneuver, which makes perfect sense from SoV Grima’s standpoint (they were attacked out of nowhere, after all), but is not really an obvious standout strategy for Awakening Grima, whose taunts and threats suggest an aggression that would be better supported with a more offensive strategy… Consider, too, that Awakening Grima is in fact being even more defensive than their SoV iteration, since they don’t move towards you at all.

With all that in mind, it really, really looks like Grima doesn’t want to fight, especially in Awakening. Not that they don’t intend for the Shepherds to die—on the contrary, they’ve set everything up so that the Shepherds will eventually be overwhelmed—but that they don’t want to land the killing blow.

(And gee, I wonder what might be fueling their reluctance? Being controlled and made to kill your best friend by your own hand wouldn't be totally traumatic or anything, right?)

And then... Funny thing here, I’ve been procrastinating writing this essay for a long time. I originally started thinking about it shortly before the Depths of Despair banner was released in FEH, so imagine my surprise when I saw this characterization hold up in the writing of Fell Exalt Chrom’s Forging Bonds as well… The Grima there says that Chrom was the one to kill the rest of the Shepherds. Now, it’s pretty clear that it was through Grima controlling him, but that’s not the point. The point is that once again, Grima didn't have to do any direct killing.

Look, if it had only ever happened once, I could buy that maybe Grima was just underestimating their opponents, that maybe they thought they could get away without having to put very much work in. But for Grima to operate this way so many times, so consistently, and to their own detriment? No...

Grima doesn’t like direct combat. Grima has trouble even when it’s a fight they asked for.

And when you think about it, that makes their reaction to Robin choosing to land the final blow themself in the sacrifice ending all the more understandable.

“…YOU WOULD… NOT DARE!”

Because Grima would not dare. Grima has always preferred to let someone else land the final blow.

#grima #fire emblem awakening #fe13 #grima studies #honestly realizing that main game grima doesn't kill anyone kind of shook me #future past grima only has naga and tiki... neither of which we get to see on screen so tbh grima might have weaseled out of them too #expiration has 5 range after all. naga could have just taken some dragon breath to the face from afar. we truly have no idea what grima did #to my knowledge the only time we see grima actually try to KILL kill (not dark spikes 1hp em) is... rearmed grima in the forging bonds stor #not her specific forging bonds but the general overarching one for that banner #which i have major problems with for other reasons anyway #and which might be retconned by feh itself bc thrasir said arcane weapons should be avoided at all costs yet... so many rearmed heroes now #so i don't feel too bad ignoring that one #but yeah like... writing this essay made me feel for grima even more #um... you know that one quote that the robin who's part of the day of devotion duo with chrom has...#“Having someone to express your love to is an amazing thing. There IS more to life than constant battle!”#yeah. i think about that quote and i think about grima's defensive fighting style and i. feel things.#to exist always on the defensive...#such an exhausting life they lead

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mariemariemaria · 4 months

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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

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a-walking-fandom-reference · 9 months

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micro-dosing on doll collecting by looking at dolls online and research binging about the characters

#if you can’t buy all the dolls having an encyclopedia of knowledge of them is fine #i feel like everh month/couple weeks i get invested in a new doll line #it’s like one of those special interests that i don’t talk about as much but like i have so much stored knowledge of american girl barbie #(like ag historical line/goty and for barbie generation girl/so in style/my scene/rockers sensations/tmwos/dance club)#and now i’m getting into rainbow high i don’t even know why like it just happened #not to mention mh and eah are always on the back burner waiting but they are more popular so it’s like more content so that’s overwhelming #even tho that’s a good thing #and like there are a million more doll lines #atm most of my dolls i have are disney or of other media chs but feel like i’m on the verge of breaking that and just collecting dolls #especially 80s/90s barbie’s i love them but also there are some super cool newer barbie’s i would be into owning #like the extra and fashion dolls are so cool #okay i think i’ve rambles enough #anyways always down to talk about dolls because my family rarely lets me infodump about them #rey actually speaks

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contractbound · 2 months

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On Hearing People's Wishes...

Last summer, @wayward-aeon asked me to give my perspective on people praying to the Adep/ti (more specifically the Yak/shas), as well as elaborate on this in-game line:

Whether yours or Li/yue's, I hear all cries for help, all prayers for peace, and all the wishes carried by the lanterns.

Below the cut is my answer to that, taken from informal private messages and edited into more of a personal essay.

August 2023 ; 711 words

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What I said to Aether while making my promise to come when he called is true — I do hear everyone's wishes and calls for help. As far back in my canon as I can remember, I'd always been sensitive/attuned to the desires and needs of the people of Li/yue. I remember making a silent oath to answer what I could.

Regarding which calls I answer, I mostly pay attention to the wishes that actually fell under my jurisdiction, like providing protection. It was very easy to do that when Li/yue was still young, and the people back then were primarily concerned with survival. They usually didn't ask for pointless things like wealth and status. Really...what am I supposed to do about requests like that?

I suppose Aether could be considered a special exception to an extent. While he doesn't permanently reside in Li/yue, I personally made a promise to him to come when called, and I respond to his wishes even when they have nothing to do with my actual purpose/job. In my noemata, when he'd call my name, I'd hear it come through in my head — like a telepathic connection, but not purely. It also partially feels like I just have unnaturally good ears.

It feels the same with others who pray to the Adep/ti. I'm particularly sensitive to it during Lan/tern Rite. I think if I held someones Xi/ao Lantern in my hands, I could tell you the individual wish attached to it (but I wouldn't tell a soul, because that's bad luck). While I can't personally fulfill every person in Li/yue's every desire (especially because so many of them nowadays are outside of my jurisdiction and skill set), I still hold them close to my heart.

As for what is within my jurisdiction...there have been many occasions out in the wild where someone would scream for help after running into monsters, and I'd come to their rescue. No matter how far away I was.

On the topic of people praying to the Yak/shas in specific, I was aware of it. Spiritual practices dedicated to us such as prayer and leaving offerings were much more widespread in ancient times. We were much more revered and known back then because our abilities were a lot more needed (and of course, because we were much more numerous). In the "current-day" Tey/vat, barely anyone prays to the Yak/shas at all, and many others don't even know about us. However, that's a tangent for another time.

My connection to Aether and to the people of Li/yue that allows me to hear their wishes is of unknown origin at this point in time. I wonder if there was something innate in me that allowed me to feel this way, or if it was purely a skill picked up and developed over time after establishing my contract with Mo/rax. My current hunch is that it's a mix of both.

Before the contract, I'd have little to no reason to listen to people's desires, but I also feel like its just part of my nature to be attuned to others, even if I behave otherwise. This impression comes from memories I have of when I was still young. Before I entered any god's servitude, and I was just left to my own devices, I would spend my days entering and exploring people's dreams. Someone's dreams, especially on Tey/vat, are their memories, their love, their essence, their desire.

At that time in my life, my most prominent trait other than naive was curious. I wanted to understand people, and entering their dreams was like looking into their souls. It was a very effective way for me to sate this curiosity. Over the centuries, I got more and more intimately familiar with dreams and their nature. Even as I was devouring them, my understanding grew.

I wouldn't be surprised if being so tuned in to the desires of the people I swore to protect was largely a result of my "upbringing", for lack of a better term. I know firsthand how potent yet fragile dreams are, and that knowledge motivates me to protect them.

...If I could give back what I've stolen, and make a few come true, that would be all the better.

#laments #kinposting #fictionkin #you'll have to pardon any inconsistent tense #sometimes writing about my canon in present tense feels best #and sometimes i prefer past tense. i flip flop between the two #going back and reading my paragraph about the yak/shas after 2024 lant/ern rite was something #once esoteric knowledge apart from glamorized literature‚ now mi/nu has his own lantern...#someday i'd like to get into my memories about yak/sha worship over the centuries‚ and what i thought about it #i'd also like to come back to this with updated thoughts in general #in light of the yak/shas slowly entering the public eye again

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chibishortdeath · 7 days

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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).

I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.

So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.

#text post #incoherent rambling #project update #game project #I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too #It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult #either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about #which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague #truly a balancing act writing is #kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members #which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary #the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film #funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg #but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it #still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason #I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning #ugh writing is HARD #but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles #I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo #and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring #I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums #the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age #anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this #hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀

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fivepebsi · 4 months

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the music in ddlc rlly is soooo crazy good. like the way the Creepy music in act 2 is mostly just fucked up versions of the regular tracks. like slightly sped up or the drums missing. or the main melody blown out. and even in the regular tracks theres some dissonance in the melodies to give u that slighttt uneasy feeling. so crazy cool

#ddlc #in general ddlc is soooo good at that slight uncanny feeling that gets me SO BAD #the way the characters are drawn is justttt on that line of anime/realism that makes it super freaky when like. their eyes move. etc #and stuff like posters changing and text jumbling and stuff just …. ohhh so good #its such a specific type of scary catered specifically to me to make me tear up wvery time i think abt it #SCARYYYY!!!!!!!#its hard to explain if u dont find it creepy 😭#its not like Ooohhh theyre evillll now ! theyre evil now and they swear and bloooodd!!!#its the knowledge that theyre being changed beyond their control. the way theyre sentient but Not Quite. the constant rewriting of events #the use of poetry in it is soooo good too. how it shows all their personalities and how they warp over time #love this gameeee. so cool

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sysig · 6 months

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Only the cutest prettiest sparkliest aliens (Patreon)

Bonus comparison | 2023 | 2021

Oh no he’s been yasssified

#Doodles #SCII #Arilou #ZEX #YIK #Leftover SCII doodles! Remember how I left off on SCII at the end of September? That feels so long ago!#I had a few ancillary doodles left over ♪ A bit of Pirate Fic a bit of just general silliness :) Fun!#Outfit designing for the guest Arilou at the Captain's defense-planning table :D Cute!#I went looking for references of maritime naval uniforms for them as well but nothing in particular stood out to me :P A shame #So I mostly went with something comfortable and easy to move in :D And cute of course! The Arilou's shoes in their actual outfits are ♪ cute #They also give me Knifecat vibes lol - I guess I'll have to see how that holds up once I meet one for real #Looking forward to it for sure!#A couple of ZEXes - thinking around flintlock pistols! Again while I was rewatching Muppet Treasure Island lol #Gosh that feels like years ago now haha - but the scene where Silver leaves in the boat with the stolen treasure #I just like ZEX with weapons ♪ Doesn't intend to use them just puffing up to appear more deadly than he wants to have to act on #Always always paired with the knowledge of his history and where he stands with other humans - the blood on his hands! (Arms? Tentacles?)#But he wouldn't really want to hurt him <3 Would he even be able to? I guess it's mostly a matter of aim and fire #One arm around the barrel - ouch - and one squeezing the trigger #These weapons are not made with VUX in mind!#A Very pretty ZEX - there was an animation meme going around and my brain was Fighting me for who it would better suit #Between Scriabin and ZEX actually lol - normally it'd be an easy choice (which way??) but I was So in on SCII at that moment #It was the GOD meme - first of all so many gorgeous entries hhhh <3 <3 But they are honestly both kinda perfect for it??#ZEX wins this time ♪ Good for him #And rounding off with a YIK <3 <3 <3 #I don't remember if there was any inspiration for drawing her in a veil other than just - she pretty ♥ No thought just YIK 💖#She did end up super pretty :) I think veils would work well for VUX! Especially like jewel or gold embroidered ♪ All the decoration!#Oh and technically sort of one more - I had forgotten I'd made a similarly-posed doodle of ZEX a bit back lol #Interesting style evolution and Totally Nothing Else lol

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toaster-trash · 11 months

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Sometimes I remember that my sanity is actually dependant on a few fictional characters from 200 years ago, like not a silly haha joke but that I genuinely don’t have any other support system or healthy coping mechanism other than reading about and engaging in fan content for these fictional Victorians, and then I am like “uh oh. Goodness me. I may be in a bit of a sticky situation. A pickle, if you will.”

Anyway ahahahah something something humorous tumblr post as a coping mechanism ahaha something something

#am I genuinely mildly scared? mayhaps but I will not be admitting that properly #on a more genuine note though I have been feeling very unstable and very panic induced recently #the depressive issues just get considerably worse by the knowledge that I genuinely don’t have anyone in real life to help me #if things get even slightly worse than they’ve already shown they can get #I don’t get on with my parents very well despite the whole #‘haha my family member said this thing about gothic literature’#is there much point to posting this? probably not #but between severe nightmares very often as well as slowly physically deteriorating more and more #and my general mental health getting progressively worse and worse #there isn’t much ELSE I can do and making a shitty tumblr post about it won’t make it any worse #and if nothing else if I end up doing something stupid at least people know what it’s a product of #I am scared to be honest #depressive episodes and dysphoria I can deal with but there’s nothing I hate more than geniune instability #if anyone genuinely has any advice or MINDS talking I would really appreciate it #it’s not like it can do any more harm #and like I said I don’t exactly have any good friends or family members #or teachers or anyone else #I’ll stop with the hashtags now sorry #just throwing my thoughts into the void #gothic lit #classic literature #gothic literature #classic lit #frankenstein #dracula

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hanzajesthanza · 1 year

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reading other short stories and novels and essays and interviews from sapkowski is so satisfying because not only are these fun to read in of themselves but when my mind returns to the witcher i am like

#i just read maladie :) ive had the translation on hand for a while but only now got around to reading it #so. give it up for: doomed lovers. subverting the legend. love as illness. deathbeds. avalon and the rudderless boat.#i feel like i understand a little sacrifice way more now for some reason. NOT just the love as illness BUT #iseult of the white hands telling tristan that iseult of the golden hair was indeed on the ship in this retelling by sapkowski when #in the general way it goes (as what i gleaned from wikipedia) she lied in jealousy and told him the sails were black #maladie joins the group of 'i thought this would be really difficult to understand without the background knowledge...'#'... but it only took two to three wikipedia pages to make sure i understood what's going on'#and again no i probably didn't catch every reference or even understand perfectly. it's a first read after all #but did i have fun? was i emotionally moved? YES!#after reading tandaradei! i am like 90% more understanding of what he meant by the whole 'eyes of ugly girls' thing from the last wish #me beginning the story and it's going on about how she's not pretty: 'jeez i dont see how that's really relevant man'#me ending the story and it ends like *that*: 'I SEE.... I SEEEEEE i got it OK'#LITERALLY i feel validated though because that was how I INTERPRETED IT... it's about society. her psychology. not her looks.#it's about the CRUELTY OF OTHERS which THEN BECOMES the CRUELTY OF THE GIRL!!!#the 'girl is mistreated. girl goes WILD' recurring story. art should disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed #come on... it's like carrie x the vvitch x midsommar

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youremyonlyhope · 23 hours

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Who gave Sondheim the right to write a song as bittersweetly perfect as Sorry-Grateful?

#company #company musical #stephen sondheim #please please let me have the chance to work on that show someday #even if only so I can sit and hear that song from backstage #it’s one of my favorite musicals but if I’m choosing to listen to it it means I’m very confused or stressed in my (lack of) romantic life #in this case I’ve gone on two dates with a really really great guy but am unsure how to move forward #and it’s like deciding to date him opened my eyes to other possibilities and I’m like Hope what is happening #including a new guy who I’ve only JUST met like barely 2 weeks ago but in a few ways he’s like perfect on paper #including the fact he works in the same field as my dad and has actually emailed him in the past #and at the bar we and a bunch of other people were at he took the time to rave about my dad to everyone at our table #and explain how much he admires him from the few email interactions and his general knowledge of what my dad does #and I’m like ok ok major green flags #and yesterday was a hard day for him and I was witnessing it throughout our performance #and I was just finding myself feeling really really concerned and wanting to make him better #and now I’m listening to company and I’m like Hope. what. is. happening.

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galacticlamps · 11 days

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actually ascension needs its own post since that's the one with the most details to speculate over and im starved for soho talk so i will talk to myself if need be

First the cover again, because I kinda can't get over it:

my only thing is that I had been hoping we might get Lizbeth on a cover again since she's never been on one of the boxsets before, despite being the 2nd person credited on all 4 of them (even if that's just alphabetical, still, she's the only one of the four main characters who never makes the cover)

But letting that go...

I know we already kinda knew the brief for this one but damn I didn't expect it to go quite this hard. Maybe that's just because the Parasite & Ashenden covers were (comparatively) similarish to each other and I was so pleased with Unbegotten's, and then got so used to it as the placeholder for Ascension while they kept postponing it, I wasn't expecting anything this colorful or detailed or with what I can't help but register as Fun New Outfits even though these are still like, pretty damn basic as far as costumes go. Still, it's a different vibe from everyone in suits and trenchcoats on every cover, technically. (Oh the woes of being an audio fan such that two characters owning sweaters actually does qualify as new information)

On top of just being visually delightful though, I know we knew religion was gonna be a fairly big part of this one, but I didn't actually expect to get quite this much of it - though I'm glad of it for a number of reasons. The BF twitter already made the ineffable joke so I don't have to, but also yeah I did very much spend all of season 2 episode 4 of good omens half convinced Samuel Barnett & Dervla Kirwan were about to pop up around any given corner (if you will go around being gay supernatural and horrible at your messy bureaucratic jobs in midcentury soho then I'm sorry, this is where my brain's gonna go) - so, fuel to that fire. But in terms of actual important things, at least one of my Soho wishes looks to be being granted because we have a Rev Edward Folgate on the cast list, which must mean we're finally meeting Norton's father, even if his mother & brother don't appear (which they could, technically, I've definitely seen BF not list all the doublings on their cast tabs before). Religion, domesticity, and the nuclear family are all things that absolutely fascinate me when it comes to Norton's character, so getting any amount of story involving his father & his church is something I've been actively hoping for for a long time now.

(I will say I'm a tiny bit bummed Saffron Coomber isn't on the cast list to play Mia again, but I kinda figured she wasn't going to be since Greg Austin's Armitage, who's making his first recurring appearance after originating in Unbegotten, was listed ever since the boxset was announced - presumably if she was also returning, that would've been handled in the same way. But since Unbegotten ended with Lizbeth and Mia going on a date, I still held out hope. Who knows though, maybe things did go well for them and Lizbeth just has a better work/life balance than Norton so she can date someone without them getting dragged into every scifi plot. I know that's not a very common accomplishment for any Torchwood agent, but a gal can hope)

At this point I know I'm completely in the realm of speculation & even wishful thinking, but I'm really really hoping we get some more clues as to Norton's overall timeline in this one, and I have a feeling that even if there's nothing as direct as dates given, the events of a plot like this one are going to heavily influence my personal interpretation of it.

To say that life & death are major themes for the soho crew feels wildly reductive, but even by Torchwood's standards and taking into account its origins as a piece of media with Jack Harkness & his newfound immortality at the heart of it, the living/dead status of this bunch has always been fantastically up in the air to me. Obviously Ghost Mission introduced Norton as kind of a ghost before revealing more obvious ghostly characters later on to which the title might have been referring, but his being from the past did beg the question of his survival into Torchwood's present era all the same, which Outbreak later alludes to much more directly, and his habit of showing up via hologram in multiple stories only further obfuscates any certainty we might have about where & when he definitely can be said to be alive and well. Then you've got Lizbeth and Gideon both being effectively 'brought back to life' via paradoxes that prevented them ever having died in the first place. Again, they are very very far from being the only Torcwhood characters this happens to (for a sprawling EU, it's really rather impressive how often & in how many different ways Torchwood as a whole manages to circle back to being about like. chaotic undead queers at the end of every day. though I suppose that consistency is part of why I keep falling in love with its different iterations again and again). That's without even getting into the question of Norton's dubious fate in God Among Us - and I say dubious because I know some people take that to be his ultimate death, but I personally think that reading something as vague as that as having any kind of finality rather goes against the spirit of this whole world/series, not just because I want him to live. (There are obviously other ways to make him survive/reappear, but I don't see this as a River Song scenario where we can safely assume one of his earlier-released adventures had to happen at the end of his personal timeline). But wherever God Among Us falls for him, he does very much meet God in it - or at least, a god, since the sentinel in Unbegotten is also described as a god of sorts, and even if he doesn't ultimately have the status of the god Jacqueline King is playing there, Unbegotten is still full to bursting with ghosts/undead/came back wrong/echo characters to continue underscoring that life/afterlife theme.

So all things considered, even allowing for the fact that we know Norton's twin hobbies are lying about himself and abusing time travel to suit his own ends/ever-shifting alliances, I find it difficult to believe we could get through a whole 6-part boxset about religion & death without something providing some kind of compelling evidence about where this adventure fits in among his other run-ins with apocalypses and gods and ghosts and dead-but-still-here characters/creatures, so I'm very much looking forward to any further exploration on that front.

And lastly, and least intellectually, I really want to know what the hell 20th-century Torchwood's obsession with Reginalds is. Reading through the cast list, I had to do two separate doubletakes over the character 'Sir Reginald Peebles' - firstly, because I had Reginald Rigsby on the brain, this being Soho (and the other Troughton brother being so active on BF's releases for this same month) - and secondly, because reading this in conjunction with the announcement for the July monthly adventure in which the new main Torchwood guy of the 20s is apparently called Sir Reginald Dellafield, there was a brief moment where I took that monthly release to be a tie-in with Ascension. I don't expect it to be, but damn. was it really so popular a name?

anyways, catch me thinking about those stained glass windows for the next couple months I guess (and knowing Torchwood Soho, for a long long time after it comes out as well lol)

#torchwood soho: ascension #let's start with the most obvious shall we? behind norton - hellfire or divine radiance? whadda we think?#i know one's much more likely for him but also consider: he's been a fairly good boy by norton standards anyway lately #well i say 'lately' like i know when this takes place #idk why but i kinda feel like this starts very soon after unbegotten #comedy is probably why honestly. since that ends with them being like hey! something went right!#i think ever since i first heard that i was like ok cool so the next installment's gonna be something earth shatteringly bad #& it's gonna kick off dramatically literally one second after this scene ends right?#not that it wouldnt be nice to have some (clearly-defined) timeskip there #tbh i feel like that's the one thing that's missing with soho sometimes - those little medium-sized gaps in continuity #where either speculation or even a missing scenes style fic would go #between parasite & ashenden lizbeth was dead and andy wasnt in the right era for soho shenanigans #and norton and gideon went through SO much offscreen (offmic?)#rebuilding torchwood and starting a relationship and breaking up and getting possessed by space eels and destroying torchwood again #that's like... Too Much to analyze/meaningfully discuss without a few more details from canon #and between Ashenden & Unbegotten it's very unclear how much time has passed #norton certainly seems affected when he sees gideon again for the first time but we also know he went there for him so how long was it?#that and we have literally zero explanation for what andy's doing in the 50s in that one to begin with. has he been there continuously?#or did he leave and come back? if so did norton even have to try justifying it to him?#or does andy just accept at this point that he'll be summoned for anything norton feels is noteworthy? honestly either's plausible w him #but also we have so little confirmed about what torchwood looks like at this point in time!#maybe andy gets summoned for all missions bc he norton and lizbeth are virtually the only agents left after gideon quits #there's just a few too many things unexplained/alluded to for me to go total total fandom mode on this #speculating & theorizing about everything that happens off-audio #doubtless this is mainly bc of norton's general untrustworthiness #like im sure a different main character would've left the audience with fewer uncertainties after this many hours of storytelling #but with soho im still left needing just a tiiiiiny bit more before i feel im knowledgeable enough about the situation to expand upon it #in the traditional fandomy 'transformative' way #right now most of my fanning over it is just speculation about what precisely we can be confident in from the dialogue we do have #but i'd like to go further than that truly. these characters captivate me. obviously.

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straycalamities · 1 year

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stares into the night....... i started entre’s mainverse blog over 11 years ago...

#txt #i know in general covid has warped a lot of ppls general relationship with time passage #mine too but it's mostly from all the Harrowing Events that have taken place since then so i feel like i'm 5 years behind AT LEAST #if you asked me in a void how long ago i started entres blog id be like #oh like 6 years ago i think!#and even thats like woah thats a long time #it doesnt feel real #when i saw that i made the truffula flu server blog and zombino slayer all in 2019 and that was FOUR!! YEARS AGO!!!#i flipped out man #there's noooo fkn way #aint NO way #depression comas eat all my time and other than that...i dont even know how to explain it #i just do not vibe w this knowledge #straight up disagree #PEOPLE ARE IN THEIR MID 20s AND OLDER THAT WERE HIGHSCHOOLERS BACK THEN #LIKE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!#like in the thick of the height of it all everything moved so fast but that was normal! and time felt real #but after i divorced myself from it the first time it just got weirder and weirder to fully understand how much time has been passing by #since #and now im in this weird bubble where i like KNOW theres gaps in my interactions with the internet (that isnt discord dms) but #the real time gaps just dont feel real what do u MEAN i disappeared for two years before joining weehawken #wait...#it was three.#three years #between 2019 and 2022 #i hate this #what did i even do in that time i dont remember #i know there was a lot of vrchat

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biteapple · 2 months

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realized why i associate myself so strongly with lemons even though i dont really like lemon-flavored things is because when we werent feeling really good and wanted a little midnight treat, our tired dad got up and made my sister and i what he called lemon candy, which was just a lil spoonful of sugar with fresh lemon juice squeezed on top.

#i feel like its something thats like. inside of me. lol #like if you took the milk of my soul out .. wet lemon sugar would come spilling thus #i feel like stringing parts of my being out would be like. being pulled out of me like a clown pulling hankerchiefs #and a lot of its fish and saltwater and a lot of its rainwater and a lot of its grey bird feathers. but there's also the lemon sugars #even now although i prefer the taste of fresh fruit by itself .. if im feeling down i'll sprinkle a little grainy sugar on them ..#cause the grits of the sugar mixed with the juice of the fruit reminds me that way ..#<- (he has just enjoyed a bowl of strawberries done up this fashion)#i should keep lemons on hand for this reason. i dont generally but i should. theyre pretty cheap at the store #and i like lemonade .. lol. i should make some lemonade soon in my jug #and save an emergency lemon from the bag for a rainy day #also bonus knowledge for the tag's readers but one of my first neopets was a yellow ixi named lemoncandy #so whenever i think of lemon candy .. i also think of ixi .. lol #now i wanna make a pose of ixi thats a yellow grainy candy. kinda how they did blumaroo and zafara

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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I was actually having a pretty good day until just now :/

#i reread and made notes for two solid hours! 15k of words!#i went for a walk and got ransom a toy and stocked up on chocolate (my excuse is that sometimes when i'm feeling awful eating a bit of #chocolate helps lol and this stuff was 50% off) and generally had a good walk!#and i had a bath. first bath of the season! and i read like hafl of out of hte silent planet while i was bathing and it was wonderful!#mum made the BEST ginger pudding today!#so like. i've had a great day today!#so many blessings!#and now i just feel awful because i ate something and i wanna throw up and i mustn't #been struggling more with dealin w eating lately too at times and in the last week have been deviating from what the dietitian's been #encouraging me (variety) bc i couldn't deal with it #but today was a good day! a great day! and now i feel terrible for no apparent reason #yay me :/#puddleglum hours #personal #incidentally am SO grateful for the job that requires me to wear short sleeves bc i know that by now i would've harmed deep enough to scar #on my arms as well if i hadn't had the knowledge that the next day id have to be at work w that. the reason this is coming up rn is #bc SURPRISE i rlly wanna harm #and i CAN'T my mother found my knife. honestly even having it htere whether or not i used it felt like it gave me an option even if i #didn't take it. it was a comfort. and now it feels awful not having it esp as idk when i'll get it back and also even worse my parents #litcherally gave me that knife for my last birthday. i don't know how mum feels about that #but yeah i just. i want to do smth drastic so bad #and i CAN'T #tw sh #i don't even know why #ugh

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hagfishviperfish · 3 months

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posting all about college on here, but i keep having thoughts..

i just feel like i'm missing something in these classes this semester. maybe it's because i'm so exhausted, or putting off a lot of my work, just putting things off. but it really feels like the learning is so surface level? i do all of the readings, i do notes, i even do a few extra things sometimes out of my own interest, and it's only when i do those extra things that i feel like i'm really learning something valuable and past the surface.

which is great and all, but i didn't really give these people my money to be the one educating myself. i could have done this kind of research when i'm bored on a saturday afternoon without splurging 10k on tuition fees.

it's mostly my american literature class giving me grief. it moves quickly. we read and talk about 1-2 authors a day, then move on after that hour is over. why are we learning about these people? what is their significance in american literature? what did they really achieve? what did their writing mean to people? how did it impact americans? why am i writing a response paper about w.e.b. du bois and booker t. washington if we never will come back to them and only learned about them for one day in a very surface level, digestible, quick manner?

overanalysis is one thing, but at least it paints a bigger picture in an american literature class.

i realize you put your own significance to these things, but what's unclear to me is, is this an english class or a history class? it's so formulaic. it feels like talking about literature to people who don't know anything about literature, or about history to people who just want to get the history down for an exam. it feels like a generalized class for high school students. i see the attempts to make it not so but the class is just organized poorly. not really digging it

i don't know, i just expected more. i feel like there should be more. i feel like there should be focus, instead of a wandering general theme. i guess it's because it's a 200 level course at a small college.

#like 10k on classes that feel like filler? really?#maybe college shouldn't have been so normalized. people now attend because they have to - because it's the most reliable path #to a successful career. and so that often means the classes are just an in-between #i'm an english major; i'm not exactly studying something with physical knowledge you must apply like engineering or vet work #but it's really such a waste. why have specific english programs if you're still going to teach them like a generalized education program?#i hope if i go for my bachelors the courses are better..

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