#i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :')

[perexcri]

happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3

now, because i'm curious:

#to hell and back again #i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :') #anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags: #1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now- #mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol #2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much #(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME) #3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down #i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up #but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor #and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own #and then had to go to work right after that #so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad' #so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags #idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts #anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike #byler

[tonyspank]

PROLOGUE | RECKLESS

Tara Carpenter x G!P Reader x Female OC

Warnings: mentions of zombies, angst i guess, and that's it i think

A/N: Iris’s faceclaim is Olivia!!

series masterlist | main masterlist | next chapter

"Happy Birthday!" You shout with a huge smile on your face as you hold out a beautifully wrapped gift. Iris's face lights up, her mouth opening in shock.

She quickly takes the gift from your hands and thanks you with genuine excitement. Her eyes sparkle with joy as she eagerly begins to unwrap the present, unable to contain her curiosity and anticipation.

Heather, your girlfriend's sister, records the two of you, capturing the genuine happiness in Iris's eyes and the love between the two of you. Heather's smile mirrors Iris's excitement as she records this special birthday memory, ensuring it will be cherished for years to come.

"Oh my god. You're lying!" Iris exclaims, her voice filled with disbelief and overwhelming happiness. She looks at you, searching for confirmation, her heart pounding with excitement.

"From our first date..." She says, her voice barely above a whisper. She lifts the neckless, which holds a crystal in its pendent.

The crystal catches the light, shimmering with a brilliance that matches the sparkle in Iris's eyes. It is a symbol of your journey together, a reminder of the love and connection you have shared since that very first date.

As Iris holds it in her hands, she can't help but feel overwhelmed by the depth of emotion and meaning behind this heartfelt gift.

Iris brings you into a warm embrace, holding you tightly as tears of joy stream down her face. She whispers, "Thank you so much." You rub her back gently, goosebumps appearing on your skin at her touch.

During this moment, you realize that this gift has not only brought happiness to Iris but has also strengthened the bond between the two of you, solidifying your love for each other even more.

As you both stand there, wrapped in each other's arms, time seems to stand still. The weight of the moment fills the room, and you can't help but be grateful for this deep connection you share with Iris.

"You guys are too cute!" Iris's mom speaks up, admiring the scene before her. Her words break the spell, causing both of you to chuckle and blush. You pull apart from your girlfriend, exchanging smiles, both feeling happier than ever.

"Come, come, it's time to blow out the candles." Iris's mom gestures towards the birthday cake on the table, adorned with flickering candles. You both walk over, still basking in the warmth of the moment, and join the rest of the family in celebrating Iris's special day.

Iris sends you the world's biggest smile as she blows out the candles, her eyes sparkling with joy.

Little did you know, that smile would become a distant memory.

But when you were in that moment, surrounded by loved ones and with Iris's infectious happiness, you couldn't help but believe that together, you could conquer anything.

"I hate you!" Iris yells, her once joyful eyes now filled with anger and frustration. That special day feels like a distant dream now. You shake your head, lifting out a hand to calm your girlfriend down. "You don't mean that. C'mon, babe." You reply, your voice quivering with every word.

Iris's lips tremble as tears start to stream down her face. The weight of her words hangs heavy in the air, leaving a painful silence between you. It's in moments like these that you realize how fragile love can be and how much work it takes to mend a broken heart.

"How could you?" She whispers. "Why didn't you tell me about it, Y/N?" You feel a lump form in your throat as guilt washes over you. "I didn't want to hurt you," you say, your voice barely audible.

"I was scared of losing you, but I realize now that keeping it from you was even worse." She just shakes her head at your words.

"What was going to happen in the next couple of months, huh? You we're just going to leave without telling me?" Tears well up in her eyes as she continues, "I thought we were supposed to be a team, Y/N. How could you not trust me enough to share your plans with me?"

You're silent. You reach out to hold her trembling hands, desperately hoping to convey the depth of your regret and the realization of the damage caused by your lack of communication.

"I didn't know how you were going to take it! Fuck, Iris! I love you, and being here with you has been the happiest moments of my life, but you can't expect me to want to sit around all day. I want to be something... I wanna go to college; venture out into the world!" You agrue back, your voice filled with a mix of frustration and determination.

"So, you were just going to leave the country? Leave me behind?" Iris says, her voice lower and softer than before. You take a deep breath, throwing your head back. "I was going to tell you."

"At the last second?" She asks, her strong gaze never breaking from yours. "Iris, I didn't mean to keep it from you. I was scared of how you would react," you admit, your voice tinged with regret. "But I want you to understand that this is something I need to do for myself. It's not about leaving you behind, it's about pursuing my dreams and finding my own path in life."

"Y/N..." she whispers, stepping closer to you. "I never loved anyone as much as I love you." Her hands find yours, causing you to relax. "You could've told me. I don't wanna lose you."

You pull her into a gentle embrace, "I'm sorry," you say softly. "I don't want to lose you either."

Those few months passed faster than you expected. During that time, you made sure to cherish every moment with her, knowing that soon you would have to embark on your own journey. As the days flew by, you couldn't help but feel a mix of excitement and sadness for what lies ahead.

Of course you'd miss her. She was truly the love of your life. But you also knew that this journey was something you needed to do for yourself—to grow and explore the world outside of your comfort zone. And deep down, you hoped that distance wouldn't weaken the bond you shared with her.

As you sit in the back of an Uber with your bags in the truck, making your way to the airport, you can't help but reflect on the memories you have created together. From the late-night conversations to the spontaneous adventures, every moment with her shaped who you are today.

You remember the laughter and tears you shared, the support she provided during your toughest times, and the way she always believed in your dreams. Even the one you were creating now.

Sweet / I Thought You Wanted To Dance, which plays on the Uber's radio, is interrupted by a loud alarm. Confused, you look up from your phone and notice the flashing lights and a different siren alarm passing by your Uber, indicating an emergency situation. Your heart races as you wonder what could be happening, hoping that it's nothing too serious.

Your eyes snap back towards the radio, "Attention, citizens! This is an emergency broadcast issued by local authorities. We are facing an unprecedented threat to our community. Reports indicate a widespread outbreak of a virus that is reanimating the deceased and turning them into flesh-hungry creatures. These are extremely dangerous and pose a significant risk to human life. --"

"-- Please remain indoors and lock all doors and windows. Do not attempt to confront or engage with any infected individuals. Emergency services are currently overwhelmed, and it is crucial that you stay calm and await further instructions. Stay tuned to this broadcast for updates on evacuation procedures and safe zones."

Iris. That's all that went through your mind in that moment. Was she safe? Was she going to be okay? You sit up in your seat, "Turn around!" You shout at the Uber driver, desperate to get back to your apartment as quickly as possible.

"I don't think—" You interject, gripping the passenger seat in front of you tighter. "Turn around!"

The Uber driver hesitates for a moment, but seeing the dread in your eyes, he quickly makes a U-turn and heads back towards your apartment.

Thoughts of Iris's safety consume your mind as you anxiously pray for her well-being. Time feels like it's moving in slow motion as you desperately hope to reach her before anymore danger unfolds.

When you arrived at your apartment building, it felt like a dead zone. No sign of life anywhere. The eerie silence amplifies your fear, and you can't help but wonder what could have happened to Iris. As you rush out of the car, your heart pounding in your chest, you frantically scan the surroundings for any clue or trace of her presence.

You run to your apartment door, your heart dropping as it's wide open. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." You mutter to yourself, searching room to room for your girlfriend. Every step you take echoes through the empty hallways, adding to the haunting atmosphere.

The sound of your own breath fills the air, intensifying the feeling of dread that grips you. Your mind races with possibilities, each one more terrifying than the last. As you reach the last room, a chilling realization washes over you, there is no sign of Iris anywhere.

You sprint as fast as you can. Running through the open front door and scan the desolate street, desperately hoping to catch a glimpse of her familiar figure. Panic sets in as you realize she is nowhere in sight, leaving you with a sinking feeling of helplessness.

Again. You find yourself sprinting, but everything's different now. You've adjusted to a world where the dead walk, and you're not sprinting in search of your missing girlfriend, but in the safety of your life as a large herd of walkers follow behind you.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you navigate through the abandoned streets, constantly on edge. The once bustling city now lies in ruins, with crumbling buildings and streets littered with debris.

The silence is only broken by the shuffling footsteps of the undead behind you, a constant reminder of the world's grim reality.

You break through an alley, which leads to a forest. The dense foliage offers a temporary respite from the chaos and decay of the city. As you enter the forest, the air becomes crisp and filled with the scent of earth and pine.

The sunlight filters through the canopy, casting dappled shadows on the forest floor, providing a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness that surrounds you.

Yet you keep sprinting. Run. Run. Run. The sound of your pounding footsteps echoes through the trees, pushing you to keep going and outrun the horrors that lurk behind. Your heart races in your chest, fueled by adrenaline and the desperate need to find safety.

You try to stop in your tracks as you realize you're being cut off by another herd of walkers that slowly but surely make their way towards you.

Panic sets in as you frantically search for an escape route, your mind racing to find a solution. The sound of their moans grows louder, urging you to make a split-second decision that could mean life or death.

Shit! You feel something grab onto you, sending a jolt of fear through your body. You turn around to see a walker reaching out, its decaying fingers inches away from your face. Instinctively, you fight back, desperately pushing it away and breaking free from its grasp.

Suddenly, a shot rings through the air, and the walker falls down. You spin around, searching for the source of the shot but finding no one. A branch breaks north-west of you, causing you to tense up.

You realize that you're not alone and that there may be more danger lurking nearby. Your heart races as you weigh your options, unsure of whether to investigate or quickly make your escape.

But it's revealed to be a dark-haired girl, "Hurry! This way, now." You hesitate for a moment, unsure if you can trust her. However, her urgency and the fact that she might have just saved your life convinces you to follow her lead.

Without wasting any more time, you sprint towards her, grateful for the unexpected help in this dangerous situation.

#reader insert #wattpad #tonyspank #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x reader #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter x fem reader #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter x y/n #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #tara carpenter x gn!reader #tara carpenter x g!p reader #olivia rodrigo #olivia rodrigo x reader

[guardian-instincts-bad]

okay none of this is new information but as usual i am thinking about gorrik and arenanet just. really never considered the timeline of his life and the implications of that at all, huh

like, okay, for eod you needed him to have a relationship to ankka and you needed ankka to have connections to the aetherblades, so you threw them both in thaumanova, fine

except. thaumanova. which blew up in 1324.

and no, we don't have a canon age for gorrik. but we know taimi's age, that she was friends with blish, and that blish is older than gorrik

now. taimi didn't know that the brothers had joined the inquest. which means either they'd kept it a secret from her, or more likely, it happened after they lost touch

taimi was born in 1313, meaning that the absolute oldest she could have been when she last saw them, is ten

now sure, taimi skipped a couple years, she's a prodigy even among asura - but age really matters when you're in single digits. for blish to be a friend, rather than a mentor, he can't be much older than maybe four years above her? i'd put that as the reasonable upper limit, they could be closer

(i'd also honestly guess that gorrik is a bit younger than taimi, given a) how much he looks up to blish, and b) that taimi prior to s4 only thought of him as blish's weird little brother, they weren't friends. and again, at that young, age matters - if you're 7, your friend is 10, and his little brother is 8 or 9, your first connection to him is probably not "oh, the little brother", because he's not little to you)

but assuming im wrong on all of that, just going back to our facts, that puts gorrik at the most about 2-3 years older than taimi

which means that the age we're looking at, for joining the inquest, thaumanova, all the stuff with ankka... he was somewhere between 9 and 13. could be even younger but im giving him the benefit of the doubt

gorrik says he never thought about ankka romantically and i believe him, but if there was ever anything there from her side, it was definitely a kiddie's first crush kinda thing, like oh we are a boy and a girl who are best friends clearly this is what romance means

because both of them were so fucking young

god knows spending her teenage years in the aetherblades was not great for ankka's everything, and by the time we find gorrik and blish in bug in the system, they've been working for the inquest for at least 8 years

that's almost half his life, at that point. working for an organisation that the thaumanova fractal and rata primus make incredibly clear does not value the lives of its workers in any way at all - they'll feed you to their latest experiment just for standing there, and gorrik wasn't just keeping his head down and going along with it, gorrik was actively sabotaging their research when he morally disagreed with it

(and this isn't even getting into why they joined the inquest in the first place, which i will bet anything i own on being because of blish's illness and needing the technology to save him)

and to their credit, i do think this comes across in bug in the system! because if you go back to early gorrik, first half of s4, having played through the rest of the story? the difference is shocking, like he is so distrusting and snide and defensive as hell of his brother, he talks like he expects you to attack him or blish at any moment

but then they never do anything with that ever again, and like, i love all the new gorrik content, genuinely i do, but arenanet there are layers to this character that you have entirely forgotten about, and god i wish we had a story that actually explored that

#my friends have heard me give this rant so many times already but tumblr hasn't! #so i need to post it bc it is driving me insane again #asura trio forever in my heart #also i've joked a lot about how funny it is that rama is literally the only npc in the gyala story who's not an engineer #rama also the only person in this mine (bar the commander) who isn't jade brotherhood former jade brotherhood or former inquest #even funnier when my commander is a former aetherblade #like hi rama sorry you are the only person here who can take the moral high ground ever #this is the demon mine of We've All Done Some Shit Okay Get Over It XD #gw2 #gorrik #ankka #taimi #blish

[oatflatwhite]

HI LIZ plz may I trouble you to share any thoughts at all about mota 🎤

OF COURSE

ok so we're only a couple eps in but i am already <333 about so many of the characters. bucky and crosby especially my beloveds. i really love all the comparisons being drawn between bucky/nix buck/winters and crosby/webster but i also love how the mota boys are distinctly their own characters. i don't want to say they're cocky and full of themselves because like... some of the easy boys are too lmao. but it's a very different dynamic between the characters than i'm used to seeing in the other hbo war shows and i am living for it

on that note i was a bit wary about most of our main charas being officers but after 2 eps i don't mind a bit! honestly sometimes it's hard to tell rank with all their goddamn fleece lmao but i love how despite being a literal honest to god major bucky is still so chaotic. bless him. the singing scene took me out, and the bike race when they crashed and he and buck were like pulling at each other's clothes to try and get in the lead before the air raid siren went off..... cinema.

can't believe they called out the heavy petting <3 the raf boys are just like me fr <3

crosby is such a silly goose thank you for the silly goose representation. he really works as the narrator and i love him bc he is genuinely so relatable, my overthinking bestie. also him still being starry eyed over his wife signing her name mrs jean crosby oh my word.......... it's giving harry dragging his reserve chute halfway around europe for kitty's wedding dress <333

i also really love the variety of characters/roles in the war they're showing! there's obviously more scope to do that than in bob but also it's a different television landscape and i am so excited to see ncuti on my screen <3 i hope we get a lot more of lemmons too! i can't remember who made the post but someone compared him to doc roe and i was like OH that's why i liked him so much uh huh uh huh. so true. also NINETEEN YEARS OLD?

i had a hard time adjusting to austin butler in ep 1 but he really pulled through in ep 2 for me and i'm very keen to see where he takes the character! and i have LOVED callum turner since channel 4's glue (which i watched a fucking decade ago but still think about bc of how powerful it was and he was in it) and he is absolutely killing bucky. it's giving nix without impulse control. honestly all the cast are amazing, the only one i really struggle with still is isabel may as buck's gf......... i literally cannot see her as anyone but katie from alexa and katie, so in my mind she's literally still a 15 year old girl. but who knows, she could win me over in the future

the score and title sequence are so good too!!! the pacific still has my absolute fav opening titles and band is second but even though the score is obviously new it still feels a bit... nostalgic, i guess? similar vibes to the other shows and i am HERE for the way it makes me feel <3

there's like so much more but that's all i can put into words rn. cannot WAIT for the rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#answered #staud #masters of the air #mota #hbo war #(i know it isn't fucking hbo but i'm keeping that tag til i'm cold in the ground)

[creativeafterdark]

Chapter 8

So unfortunately this week I have no sketches for the chapter due to slight burn out and work related reasons (also I had completely forgotten we get introduced to the pilgrims minus Sanzang in this chapter and their designs are anything but ready). As a result, I'm just going to write my thoughts.

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

First things first: Guanyin. I love Guanyin. They're just so calm about being attacked by two monsters and letting Hui'an handle combat. It also shows the sheer difference in strength between the four disciples, after seeing the trouble that he went through fighting Sun Wukong. Guanyin is a true being of mercy, not really making a big fuss out of being attacked and I commend them for it, I would be chewing Zhu and Sha's heads off. Though the "Perhaps in Two or Three Years" answer they gave the great Immortal, I'll need to pay attention to how much time passes to see if that's accurate (but I recall the full journey takes 14 years? Correct me if I'm wrong).

Next up: Sha Wujing. So after I'd previously read the Abridged Version, I was utterly confused as to why the Jade Emperor was petty enough to punish this poor man for BREAKING A CUP. Then I found a comic by antidotefortheawkward that explained how breaking a cup could be seen as a signal to attack. And I was like "...ah. That makes more sense now." Still a little petty, not hearing him out, but it made sense that it would be his first thought. Especially if he was cast out AFTER Sun Wukong's Havoc. I don't think we got a clear answer on that timeline (again feel free to correct me!). Even if he did eat people, I still love this pilgrim and can't wait for his chapter.

Next: Zhu Wuneng, aka Zhu Bajie. Quick to lower his weapon for a woman, lol. Jokes aside, it seems as though he's very unlucky with women (and vice versa). There is his flirting with the Moon Goddess (which is still unclear if it was consensual or unwelcomed, that would change my opinion of how this all went down), him killing his new form's mother and siblings (I've heard people say human flesh tastes like pork, so I guess that's where he got the taste for it, huh?), and the death of Second Elder Sister Egg (and him getting all her stuff). Unlike Sha Wujing, it does feel like Zhu Wuneng was begging a lot more for mercy. But Guanyin chose to believe his intent as being genuine, so he will be the next disciple.

Next: OUR DRAGON BOY. I'm gonna call him Bai Longma, as that's the name most know him by. I feel out of all of these, his punishment was the most unfair, and the fact that his father went to the Jade Emperor and seemed to be just fine with a DEATH SENTENCE honestly kills me. Like, I feel as though everyone was so on edge after Sun Wukong that punishments just amped up. I am glad Guanyin immediately jumped to his defense, and as a result got Sanzang a much better mount than any old horse.

And finally: Sun Wukong. Our old monkey. And the start of my favorite relationship in the story (the friendship between Guanyin and Wukong). Sun Wukong is still very bitter of Tathagata's trick but appears willing to do what he must to get free, though knowing what I do, I'm already thinking "Uh huh. Sure. Whatever you say, Great Sage" in a sarcastic tone. But that's for another chapter.

And with that, Guanyin continues their own journey to Chang'an to find our Tang Sanzang.

All in all, a very short but important chapter, setting the stage for journey and meeting the key players.

I probably will be doing more writing than drawing for the next few chapters (minus the intro to Sanzang), to both get off this burn out and because I don't recall any characters that show up more in the story aside from these chapters, so I don't see a point in making a design for them.

#journey to the west #jttw sun wukong #jttw guanyin #jttw zhu bajie #jttw sha wujing #journeythroughjourneytothewest #jttw bai longma #jttw book club

[theomnicode]

I'm once again reading some reddit comments and...

Saitama is "imagining his inner universe" when he can't even imagine a two-hit combo against King ---- Exactly... Saitama is untalented. Him learning a martial arts technique is straight up stupid.

Excuse me, since when has Saitama become untalented? Instead of just unmotivated because he became so strong he felt his talents and whatever he learned no longer mattered?

Is this why people are mad and unhappy with the manga? That Saitama the chad is not the self-insert they thought he was? That he's not actually a complete loser or something (like they pictured themselves in him and are now dissapointed and mad when he displays actual talent and are projecting)?

This talentless loser who does this with chopsticks alone?

And the chopsticks somehow don't even break apart, despite him flinging all this body weight around. Not the only time he uses chopsticks either and they don't break while somehow lifting full body weight of average male adult.

The same guy who pictures himself doing insane acrobatics and gymnastics inside his dreams because that's how he pictures himself ideally fighting if he got actually challenged? How he desires to fight? How he probably fought before he could just start tanking and oneshotting everything?

Same guy who jumped 8 fucking feet and snagged crablante's eye with a frikken tie when he had ZERO ACTUAL TRAINING? Olympic level jump btw.

Same guy who has worked multiple odd jobs like construction and theme park/festival, is great with budgeting, cooks, cleans, can do other household chores, is a handyman, improvises food sources, can prolly mend his clothes and willed himself to break the limitations of his own body?

Then obviously improvises in battles with high battle IQ and good judgement calls (Like when he immediately took out Evil Ocean Water but allowed CE to defeat Phoenixman on his own but was ready to step in if needed), has learned boxing from scratch like how he did a perfect right hook/cross against Garou.

He also performed a karate chop to the Vagus nerve to knock Garou unconscious when he thought Garou tried to mug him. Such an attack has a high risk of damaging the body instead of just knocking the person unconscious even for seasoned veterans and Saitama does it in one strike, flawlessly, without harming Garou otherwise.

Even if he copied what Garou tried to do to him then just before that, it still foreshadows his true abilities that he was able to immediately apply said knowledge properly. It's either that or pure raw acquired talent.

And this is just scratching the surface and not even mentioning his immense talents with his powers, like the sheer control that he trained 3 years to achieve.

"Untalented", btw.

Strongest man in the universe people thought had limitless potential or was infinite but he's just untalented. Physically untalented too.

Does this even make any logical sense?

Feels like we're not even reading the same manga at times.

Idk I guess if you can't be a pro gamer who wins tournaments and beat them in games, you're just a loser huh? Is that how it is?

Feels like there's a lot of cognitive dissonance going on at times.

Saitama is not Garou. It's true that Saitama is not a genious level at Martial Arts, but it hardly means he's untalented in what he sets his mind to. He also genuinely believes that humans are strong because they can change. He's an ordinary person with no special genes like espers, but what he has plenty is acquired talent when he is motivated to work to get it.

We were supposed to agree that Saitama is limitless. That's what we've been explictly told. Breaking limiter doesn't only mean that you get 999999 AP and nothing else.

Guess people forgot that premise of One Punch Man.

(pst he also folds clothes faster than most people, faster than Cyborgs at least)

All I can say to some reddit folks is:

Stop malding and self-inserting and start actually reading with your eyes open. Or stop reading, thats an option too, if OPM makes people so mad and disappointed.

#opm #one punch man #saitama #talent #fandom discourse #opm manga panels #garou #saitama is neither dumb nor talentless

[zalrb]

the summer i turned pretty 2x06 review -- no, i swear, tho, conrad was just sad...

Episode 6, the episode anons have wanted me to watch.

"I don't know I'm kind of happy here" after one day. THE MAGIC OF COUSINS.

"I know things are not great right now but it's always darkest before the dawn, right?" Why make him speak in cliches?

Cam Cameron WHY. ARE YOU HERE?

I like how Belly could've just said "We should throw a party" but because we're supposed to understand the closeness of these families through dialogue alone she has to say it in a roundabout way so she can talk about a memory of her mom and Susannah that Conrad and Jeremiah should already know if it's like they all grew up together 3 months out of the year.

This zen conversation with Steven and Conrad is legit like the first real conversation I've witnessed on this show.

This volleyball conversation is so forced.

"Your subconscious brain takes you there" You can just say subconscious, Jere. Who wrote this.

Oh look, ANOTHER taylor swift song. jesus christ.

I think I got a few requests to do a vid to this song and I remember just not getting over "is it chill that you're in my head?" because I thought it sounded like when you go to the thesaurus and look up synonyms for "cool".

They're both trickling their hands in the water, are their fingers going to touch and it's going to be ELECTRICITY?

Yes.

But this is her I FEEL THE ELECTRICITY face

You know, we can't even consistently stay here

at marginal almost kind of chemistry

"I'll come too!" Taylor's "Uh huh" is the only time I've marginally liked her.

You can't scoff at him calling her his muse with your cliched valedictorian speech, Steven.

LOOK AT MY FAKE I.D. k.

"Wooooooow, your I.D. didn't work Mr. Herbertson??" "Fuck off, at least I have one" oh my god, a moment between them that ACTUALLY sounded genuine. I am amazed. It will most likely die of loneliness.

And Jumper laughing then pointing at the sign is legitimately the only funny moment I've seen throughout this entire season.

BELLY WILL SAVE THE DAY. SHE WILL GET THE BOOZE. BECAUSE SHE IS BELLY. AND IT IS THE SUMMER SHE TURNED PRETTY.

She doesn't even sound sincere.

i am laughing so hard, this is the first time i've read rap on this show and it's because SHE'S SO GANGSTER SHE GOT THE BOOZE BECAUSE SHE'S BELLY.

Conrad asserting his dominance after Belly got Jeremiah a drink but not him one by drinking from Belly's straw is actually pretty funny though. It would be better if Belly wasn't so ... herself.

I love that Skye and Cam Cameron are the ship I care about the most (and I'm using the word 'care' SO loosely).

"The sacred emergency Amex??" It went back to being phony.

I can't deal with more Taylor and Steven.

And she'll put the boa around him because this show loves cliches.

And Jeremiah will see because this show loves cliches.

"Belly, you don't have to apologize for that" she kind of does though. She was kind of completely terrible.

Girl, you can shrug and shake your head all you want, it doesn't compensate for a lack of emotion in your face or voice.

And he's blinking trying to find his well of emotion and that shit is dry, my friend.

It's not like he was kissing Aubrey, it's not even like they were hugging, he had his head in her lap and you can say "teenager" all you want but this is ridiculous.

This is also the closest they've come to executing what they want with these two and it's still not done well but when he says "Aubrey was just the one who found me I wish it was you" I can at least say I believe that.

There we go.

So I'm guessing she's supposed to have this cosmic, soulful, reach into each other's soul connection with Conrad and a fun, chemistry-filled familiarity with Jeremiah. I've just seen both things done properly so this is just very big shrug.

I was going to say something about the 'how to kiss' conversation but then I was like, lol there are too many youths on my blog. So, moving on.

"I always hated when Mom made us take these pictures but it's like she knew we'd want them later" yes, Jeremiah, that's the purpose of a picture. He would annoy me less if they stopped giving him asinine lines.

"Looking at you mooning over Conrad" "That was a LONG time ago" how long ago was this break up, Belly?

she's saying the same thing twice. That's just called moving on. What it should be is "mourning your past and moving on in the present" or "remembering your past and moving on in the present" or "celebrating your past and moving on in the present" or "appreciating your past and moving on in the present". WHO. WROTE. THIS.

So Jere is Dean and Conrad is Jess, which anon essentially told me. Except Conrad is nowhere near as bad as Jess. He is just a boy who's been sad. LMAO.

she needs to be stopped.

"I don't want to talk about Conrad, he really hurt you" BY BEING SAD?

"You don't need to hurt yourself to get my attention" that was almost hot but he lacks the conviction necessary for me to be like ... sir ... and they don't actually have the i-need-to-jump-your-bones tension they need to have

"Just don't fucking break her heart again." He was quiet at prom. I...

OK so I'm really on neither side here because I don't care but there is a bit of a difference between Conrad telling Jere to suck it up and let him be with Belly, which was insensitive, and Jeremiah about to make out with his brother's ex girlfriend in public.

"When things aren't perfect instead of trying to fix it, he decides to throw it away" but we literally never see him do that?? Like he leaves Brown to go to the house to stop the sale, he's like Liam or whoever, he got a judge to let him access the trust, let's do that. Jeremiah did you think of anything you could do to help save this house except bring flowers to Julia, which failed, or did you just go let's not give up every time reality hit? Because even the "let's get Syke on our side" plan was Belly's? Idk dude, you're talking a big game for a character who I've seen be effectively useless??

"When shit got tough, he couldn't handle it and he dropped you", he literally said he couldn't go to back to the prom and Belly was like LET'S BREAK UP THEN and then he tried to be like wait that's not what I mean and Belly refused to listen?

I ... WHAT?

See, this isn't a blowup. This is a very contained, very quiet fight and this is when it's supposed to be a dirty OH SHIT fight. We should get a version of this, GET IN HIS FACE JERE

rail up on him

be specific

don't be afraid to have a fight! Not to mention I can't believe this fight because like 98% of the things he's accusing Conrad of, I don't think Conrad actually did, that would make him too much an active character. He is literally just a guy who's been sad.

And I know they hinted that Jeremiah has to deal with stuff because he was putting together Susannah's receipts or whatever but this is when juxtaposition would work where we see him see her wither away, we see him give her ice chips, we see him take care of her and Conrad is with Belly or at school.

Belly, why are YOU drunk? omg, at least Marissa's drama was FUN.

"I'm not leaving you, Belly." "But you already did!" I mean DID HE? And he also explained WHAT happened with Aubrey?

Someone said Conrad is like a ticking time bomb but what happens when he explodes because I haven't seen it. I've just seen him be sad.

And ALSO THIS SHOULD HAVE THIS KIND OF ENERGY

Belly, you are actually a ridiculous person

If they really wanted me to believe that Conrad was slipping away little by little throughout their relationship then they can't just leave that up to prom and a voiceover. I needed to see him actively shut her out, I needed to see her actively try to talk to him and him refusing to let her in. I needed to see him be Jess. Otherwise, this is RIDICULOUS.

Oh good, you know what I needed now? Another Taylor Swift song.

And then Belly turns around and kisses/chooses Jeremiah after this? BRO. WHY DO EITHER OF YOU LIKE HER?

#review

[literaila]

Addressing your tags first and foremost because thank goodness. I was beginning to wonder if I was showing up a little too much in your notifs. I'd be embarrassed if I had any shame but I'm a proud lover of your works, what can I say? Catch me reading an update in my bed and hour before work at like 6am. Liked. Reblogged to my sideblog. Framed. Next.

7 years, my goodness. I'll perhaps have to reconsider, gojo is not worth it 😪 I wish I had an appetite for angst like I used to but alas, I can no longer tolerate the feeling of someone reaching inside me to coil my stomach around their calloused hands and rip it out of me. It's just now how I like to spend any random Tuesday, you know? I prefer the cushioning of fluff. But I guess that's personal preferences for you. You do angst well. Just try not to go for my stomach next time~

Old men and philosophy. Put us in a room and we'll be pulling revelations from the sky.

If its already on its way, I shall prepare the shrine. Visits on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Paid entry.

Your puppy sounds like the grudge she holds against gojo is personal. Can't fault her for that tbh, he's definitely done something wrong and she knows it.

This is why people around him are violent. Bless yuuji, still blinded with his admiration (who can blame him)

no i’m almost tempted to plead you for more. tell me about your headaches, tell me if you find a typo in something i’ve typed, tell me if you happen upon a choso hoodie like i do every couple of days, tell me if your flowers die and you have to throw them out. i will take the blandest of crumbs, the smallest of facts. whatever you want, really.

catch me straining at six in the morning to read your asks (not right now, but usually). i genuinely do wake up every hour during the night and check my inbox for messages. and respond half asleep, obviously. it’s an issue, but i have no plans for resolution.

don’t reconsider. i have considered it enough for the both of us, and i will gladly take any pain gojo wants to push on me (with a heavily winded rant, of course. some light scolding).

ah, yes. i personally prefer fake angst in which the characters could not have an issue if they would fess up. real angst? death? pain? no thanks, i’ll take the burden of fluff. believe me, i used to write a lot more angst (someone said to me ‘verity, sometimes people just don’t want to read angst’ and um. yeah true, so i evolved into more fluff ((and overall better writing)) i’ll send your stomach an apology letter, fret not.

put me and any old man in a room and i will find a way to start a fight. it’s simply in my nature.

i just said that money sucks and now i have to pay for entrance fee to my own heart??? fine, i guess, i suppose. i’ve gifted it to you and no takebacksies and all that

i think you mean the grudge she holds against me. literally last time i wrote with her around she immediately came to sit in my lap and typed some outrageous things with her entire body weight. franklin doesn’t understand common courtesy or art (side eyeing me as we speak)

(gojo is always doing something wrong though. we all know it)

real real real. i was thinking about reader and satoru in a room, much too close to each other, and i thought ‘huh, that’s kind of a weird thing to do. even for two grossly pining characters. how realistic is that, chat?’ but then i remembered who i was writing about. (gojo cannot be stopped)

#literally the highlight of my day today #and i actually did see someone wearing a choso hoodie #had to admire from afar cause i’m a wimp #oh well #also got called a ‘yapper’ by my mortal enemy (my brother) when he saw me typing one of these #which is another highlight of course

[todayisafridaynight]

Y'know yeah Jo really doesn't ever smile... this is the one time he's smiled without malicious intent, and it wasn't 100% sincere, since he was trying to comfort Ikumi despite his own worries. Kind of crazy to think hardly anyone's seen him smile like that in the 40 years since then...

Especially because RGGJo smiles pretty freely, to the point I find it weirder to draw him not smiling. He's evil, and there are several layers of insincerity to it, but it does overall feel like he has more to be happy about than Y7Jo.

Like he's WEIRD AS HELL for describing Arakawa's success as an "intensely pleasurable" thing to see for him, but I believe him I Guess, and he's (on some level) happy to see Ichiban and hear him call him Captain again and even to "lose" to him. He's also more responsive to praise than I can picture Y7Jo being.

That makes slice-of-life stuff so much sweeter though For Real I would inject your comics and fics into my veins if I could 😭😭😭

Also I spliced the neutral eyes/eyebrows with the smile and no joke my eyes started to water I'm So Normal About Him I Promise KJSDGJKDSHSDG

that's what i'm SAYING like Oh The Self-Inflicted Horrors Are REAL With This One..... can't even act like harboring perpetual guilt is out of line i can't even be surprised he finds it hard to find reasons to Genuinely smile （；´д｀）guess that's where my grimy hands have to do the work LMAO I Will Keep Putting Him In Situations My Friend o(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)ブ <- overly-domestic situations he would absolutely believe he doesn't deserve

on that note though, it's the fact Y7Jo is so much more serious and somber feeling that made RGGJo's personality and demeanor jump out so much to me since i experienced Y7Jo first. just reaaally played a hand in pointing out how different they were (i guess without Self-Inflicted Horrors, a guy has more room to be more playful and cheery huh). ergo, it exemplifies just how badly Y7Jo must be drowning in his guilt and shame, and general bleak view on life if i want to think about it. the fact that, compared to his initial iteration, he can't even really muster quips or small smiles that aren't a precedent to. Heinous Shit..

WITH THAT, I THINK WE CAN BE 'NORMAL' ABOUT HIM TOGETHER YK.... whats one little smiling jo for the soul huh.... Yes The Horrors Exist but cmon...... it wouldnt hurt.... (●ˇxˇ●)

#snap chats #in typing this i also remembered the other time jo smiled and that was before his first fight with ichi where he was lowkey bullying him ☠️ #in that you can argue nothing bad happened. not immediately. weirdly picking up from RGGJo being happy to see ichi again #if i want to stretch it anyway. if i want to squint. #but we already talked about Familiarity X weeks ago huh #ANYWAY I GOTTA BOUNCE IM HEADIN OUT FR A BIT SORRY IF THIS SEEMS A TAD RUSHED OR. LAME LARKJVLAJ

[imbonewary]

Shifting Sans Chapter 3 "Questions"

~

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 4

~

Now it was their turn to be confused.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Papyrus was almost defensive now, not even bothering to hide his suspicion.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Everything is so weird right now! You're weird, the house is weird, the food is weird-" the floodgates had opened and I couldn't stop it. "My brother loves cooking spaghetti but he was never very good at it like you are, but he'd still hype himself up like you just did, and the house is the same except there's a bathroom here now, and Alphys is still Alphys but she's younger and doesn't have glasses, and neither of you know who I am when I've known you for years, and everything is the same but it's tweaked out of place just enough that I'm just really, really confused-"

My spiral was cut off by a knock at the door. Papyrus got up wordlessly to open it. 

"Hello," he greeted. "You're just in time, come in."

Magic concentrated around him as he shifted his boot towards the door. I couldn't see what he was doing but it probably had something to do with the wheelchair that entered the house as he moved away from the entry. 

"Thank you, darling," said the monster in the wheelchair, who looked suspiciously like Mettaton, in a magenta tank top and black pants. "Stairs are always a bit difficult to navigate."

Pushing the wheelchair was a goat-like monster, in a lavender apron and purple dress, that looked about as tall as me. She seemed oddly familiar, though...

"These are Mettané and Doc Toriel," Papyrus introduced, as first the Mettaton look-alike waved, then "Toriel" bowed slightly with a pleasant smile. That was Toriel? And she was a doctor?! The others I could understand as still being themselves but now I'm even more confused... "And I don't believe we ever caught your name before."

Mettaton Mettané wheeled himself next to the chair Papyrus had vacated, which Toriel now claimed as Papyrus went to stand by the stairs, leaning against the banister. 

"I-I..." I swallowed, trying to calm my racing soul. "I'm Sans, Sans the Skeleton. And I'm even more confused than I was a few minutes ago..."

"Sans?" Papyrus startled and everyone else seemed to have varying degrees of surprise at this revelation too. "I thought you looked similar but..."

"M-Maybe Sans is j-just a really c-common name?" Alphys suggested with a shrug. 

"We're jumping to conclusions," Toriel cut in, holding up a hand. "Sans, I'm relieved you look well; Papyrus said you were nearly frozen to death when they found you and called us over shortly after you woke up. What do you remember before waking up here?"

"Uh..." That's a surprisingly difficult question to answer. Do I tell them about the resets? Nothing good ever came of it before. And what if they don't believe me? Or turn on me? I'm not even sure I remember what was going on before the resets started...

"Sans," Toriel caught my attention again. "I understand that this is hard for you, but please believe me, we are here to help you. Whatever you have gone through to get here, we will be understanding and patient, I promise, and nothing will leave this room without your consent. However, we can only help you as much as you let us, and that begins with telling us the truth."

I felt warmth and care radiating from her, saw the sincerity in her eyes. She genuinely believed her own words.

The truth, huh.

I never did like the truth. Secrets and lies have always kept me safe. And lying was always so much easier than facing reality. But I can't come up with a convincing lie if I don't know what they expect. Toriel looks so different from the Boss Monster I knew from the Ruins, the same goes for all of the others, and it sounded like they already know someone named "Sans" who isn't me but I guess looks similar? Just like how all of these people are similar to people I know but aren't quite "them"... There's an implication there but I don't think I'm ready to say for sure. 

I need more information. 

"Ok," I finally relented. God, I hope I don't regret this. "But I expect the same from you in return."

"Of course, Sans," Toriel replied with a relieved smile. "We can take turns asking and answering questions; you can start if you'd like."

"I guess we should start with a baseline," I said with a nod. "We're in the Underground, right?"

"Yes." Toriel replied.

"And we're in Snowdin right now." I stated, forgoing the back and forth since I was technically giving them information too; letting them know how much I knew.

"We are," She nodded, apparently accepting the compromise.

"And there's Waterfall, Hotland, New Home, and the Ruins, right?"

"You forgot Greenyard," Papyrus responded. "And The Deep."

"Plus, n-nobody calls it "N-New Home" really, it's j-just the Capitol," Alphys interjected. 

"Huh," I nodded, brow thoroughly furrowed. So there's more to the Underground now? When did that happen?

"If I may, where are you from, Sans?" Toriel asked. She seemed to like using my name a lot. Probably trying to be affirming or something. 

"Uh..." I hesitated, glancing at Papyrus. "Snowdin," I finally answered. "I live in Snowdin but I grew up in New Home. Or, the Capitol, I guess."

I felt a general influx of surprise from everyone at that but I decided to ignore it.

"Who's Sans?" I asked. "The one you know."

"Sans is a skeleton who lives in the Ruins," Papyrus responded, not looking at me. "He was an advisor to King Asriel, but quit politics when Asriel died."

"King Asriel?" Did he somehow live past absorbing the human's soul?

"Ah ah ah, our turn~" Metta sang, wagging his finger. "What was your childhood like in the Capitol?"

"Good enough," I replied and I could feel myself retreating slightly. They all looked at me expectantly and I sighed. "I had a mom and dad and a younger brother. We were all pretty happy."

"Until?" Metta coaxed and I narrowed my eyes at him. 

"My turn~," I sang back at him. "Who's leading the Underground?"

"Queen Undyne, what-" Metta was cut off by Toriel's hand on his knee. 

"Undyne took over after Asriel's death, leading monster kind along with the Council of Elders," she continued instead. "You said you live in Snowdin, Sans, is your home nearby?"

"Closer than you might think..." I trailed off awkwardly. How do I tell them I'm supposed to live in this house? "Papyrus, are you related to the other Sans at all?"

He gave me an odd, searching look. "No, there is no relation. Are you related to Sans?"

"Not as far as I'm aware," I replied with a shrug. Though I'm starting to have my suspicions... "You said Alphys was your sister, how'd that happen?"

Papyrus bristled before standing ramrod straight, trying to hide his discomfort. "Adopted siblings," he said tersely. "We grew up together. You said you were happy with your family, what happened?"

I stiffened. He didn't like being questioned any more than I did, huh. So, do I tell the easy lie or delve into the truth?

"There was an accident..." I trailed off, compromising by omission. They waited but I refused to go into it further, not yet. Not unless I have to. 

"I'm sorry to hear that, Sans," Toriel finally responded.

"Who leads the Royal Guard?"

"Captain Asgore," Papyrus answered, as Toriel had suddenly become a blushing mess. Awe, too sweet; the scientist and the captain. A lot of implications there, though. "He's usually stuck in the Capitol so Doggo leads in Snowdin, brothers Heats and Smokey Flamesman co-lead in Hotland, Amelia leads in Greenyard, and Nyad leads in Waterfall. Technically no one is in charge of the Ruins or the Deep, but Sans has taken both areas under his wing... uh, so to speak." 

He looked away, blushing slightly.

"Heh, nice one."

"A-anyways," Toriel was regaining her composure. "Um, what kind of marketable skills do you have, Sans?"

"I'm a sentry but I sell hotdogs and hot cats from my posts," I replied. I felt a cold spike of suspicion from Papyrus that made me stiffen again.  

"I make a point to know all of the Sentries and Guards in the Underground," he said darkly. Sweat began to bead on my skull. "And I don't remember seeing you anywhere. Not to mention their aren't many skeleton monsters left."

He let the implication hang in the air and I couldn't help but bristle. 

"I said I'd tell the truth, didn't I?" I snapped. "I may not answer but I'm not going to tell any lies here."

"Then how do you explain-"

"I don't know, ok?!" I cried, suddenly on my feet, wings flared behind me. "So much of what you guys say is inconsistent with what I know but I'm not over here accusing you of lying now am I?!"

"P-Pap, please, th-that's n-not helping!" Alphys stuttered.

"Then please, enlighten us," Papyrus continued, ignoring Alphys. "What do you know?"

"I know that where I'm from you're not this much of a jerk!"

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"It means that there's some kind of parallel dimension, alternate universe, divergent timeline shenanigans going on!"

#undertale #jumbletale #alternate universe #oc #serif #shifting sans #lucky papyrus #amber alphys #doc toriel #mettané

[scriptmaster101]

Chapter 1: Reborn

Ryan thoroughly splashed water on his face. He still could not believe it. He had been reborn just like one of those novel protagonists, from a young adult with a heart problem into a handsome 13-year-old boy.

It all happened so suddenly. One moment he was sleeping on his bed, and next, he found himself in this school's washroom. Then as if he had a hangover, his head started hurting badly.

As it turned out, it wasn't a hangover. Instead, he acquired the memories of a 13-year-old boy also named Ryan. Then when he looked at the mirror in the washroom, he found himself occupying the kid's body.

Which led to the scene of him splashing water and pinching himself in hopes that he genuinely wasn't dreaming. After finding positive results that all of this was real, he couldn't help but thank god for giving him another shot at life.

"Are you done yet ?"

Hearing this, Ryan panicked and turned around to search for the voice. He found himself alone in the washroom and couldn't find the source of the voice, which led him to think he was hallucinating.

"No, I am very authentic, but it's just I am inside your head."

Ryan asked, "What are you?"

"I am a system sent to accompany you on your endeavors."

Ryan spoke quickly, "Oh, then what do you do? give me money every minute I breathe like a Shenhao system or give me news from the future so I can get rich through stocks?".

"No, I can't give you money directly, except for a minimum wage, depending on your net worth. My main function is to provide you with television and movie scripts which you could produce to make money."

Ryan spoke, "Oh, a script writing system that's not bad plus, I guess at least I won't starve with the minimum wage but come to think of it. I come from a wealthy family, so it is tasteless."

The system replied, "It provided for you to become independent and to ensure that if the host ever ends up on the streets, he can at least have some help from the system."

Ryan answered, "I guess having some money of my own doesn't sound bad, and I am assuming that this is tax-free?".

The system replied, "Correct, all the money system provides is tax-free, and no one will find anything wrong with it."

Ryan asked, "Alright, how do I access these movie and tv scripts? I know how to produce them as my father in this life has connections in Hollywood. Also, does this world not have the works from my last life? Or is it like only future works will work?."

System answered, "Those are some good questions, so I will answer them one by one. First, to access the system scripts, you have to buy them with points. Second, all the works do not exist in this world."

Ryan spoke, "Cool, then I can produce all the classics from my world here and be a legend. Now that I know the basic setting, can you tell me how I earn these points required to buy scripts?."

System asked, "Have you heard of the modern family?"

Ryan spoke, "Of course, one of my favorite shows, but how does that answer my question?"

The system replied, "Well, you are currently in the show's universe. Except for time-space issues, all the works here differ from on earth."

Ryan said, "What, so I am in a modern family, but I still don't understand how this relates to your points."

The system, "You get points by appearing in the shows' plots and interacting with the show's family members."

Ryan asked, "Huh, why is the setting like that? I am not saying I would mind interacting with them, but I want to know how it gives me points. Like, what is the principle for this?"

The system replied, " As they are the universe's main characters, by you being around them and impacting their lives, I can harvest space-time energy."

Ryan said, "Okay, got it, a lot of space energy equals many points, which I can use to get scripts."

The system responded, "Yup, that's correct."

Ryan asked, "Then the next problem is how do I end up interacting with the cast, like how do I locate them."

The system, "I cannot answer that, but you can open the newbie package. Maybe it has your answers."

Ryan asked, "Why?"

The system replied, "To begin with, after the basic system introduction, it costs points to ask me for advice. So open the newbie package instead of constantly questioning everything. The readers would be unhappy if all the 1st chapter was just a Q and A."

Ryan spoke, "I didn't quite catch the last sentence."

The system answered, "Do you want to open the newbie pack or not?"

Ryan spoke, "Fine open the newbie pack."

[Newbie pack being open]

[1 hint for any doubts received.]

[Script for the movie "Friday the 13th" (1980) received]

[Custom Script for the TV show "Southland" (2009-2013) received]

Ryan saw the reward and smiled as receiving the newbie reward gave him famous works such as Friday the 13th and Southland.

Ryan spoke, "By the way, why do I feel something wrong with Southland? If I am correct, all the episode in my head is a combination of season 1 and 2."

The system replied, "Yes, that's correct. All the custom tv scripts have a quality control system which selects all episodes eight or above in IMDB rating if it does not hurt the show's continuity."

Ryan responded, "I see, so as Southland is episodic and each episode is independent, you gave me the best eight episodes of seasons 1 and 2."

The system replied, "Yup, that's correct. For example, if you buy a non-episodic series such as stranger things, where continuity is key, even if it is below 8, it will not be changed for the host. So as the flow is not disturbed."

Ryan asked, "Wait, does stranger things even have a below 8 episode?"

The system responded, "Yes, the starting two episodes of season 3."

Ryan spoke, "That makes sense. What about this Hint?"

The system answered, "Ah yes, you can now ask me a question and use this hint."

Ryan spoke, "Alright, how do I come into contact with modern family members?"

[Hint being used to solve the dilemma.]

[Solution: You are currently in the same class as Alex and the same school as the other kids from Dunphy's family. The pilot is yet to take place, so it is advised to hurry up.]

Ryan saw the Hint and found that the system had tricked him into wasting a hint for almost useless info he would have gotten by just going back to his class.

[stillachildatheart]

Thirty and Thriving

An update for the blog.

Hey there. It's been literally years since I came back to this blog again. My life has grown and veered off in so many different directions, it somehow made reading through all my previous posts feel like I was a vapid, air-headed teenager that didn't know enough about life. Haha.. I guess at some point, we all look back at our teen years and cringe. I am thirty this year. Can you believe it? I can't! I have so many white hairs on my head now, I've almost given up trying to color it back. My joints ache on and off. I'm taking supplements to help maintain some vitality (or at least give me the placebo effect that I'm doing something about my vitality). 18 year old me would have been horrified to see how she had grown up. =P

But you know what? I am proud of where I am. I struggled through depression and plenty of mental abuse from my parents to be where I am today. They still do abuse me every now and then but somehow, being 30 gave me the freedom to ignore it and move on with my life. Not to say that the things they say doesn't bug me, but I think I've gained the capacity to move past it and not let it bother me for too long. That fuck it attitude may rub others the wrong way... but fuck it. I worked too hard to gain it, if you don't like it then it's not my problem. As always, paiya was and has been a constant rock and an inspiration for me. Yes, we're still together. We've been married for over a year now, in fact. LDR success story, huh? <3 Over 12 years of being in a relationship (and a long-distance one at that) and just over 6 months of living with each other.. even I cannot fathom where all that time went. After reading through some of my earliest posts about him yesterday, I told him one thing when we were in bed last night. After all these years, I'm living the way I dreamed of. Taking care of our home together, cooking and eating together, exploring the world together.. these were things that the 17 year old me would have been wildly hoping for but would have not believed would eventually happen.

I am happy. For someone who went through clinical depression ever since I set foot into medical school, this statement is like feeling the sun on your face for the first time after a long and hard winter. I am genuinely happy. Of course we have our issues and disagreements. We end up hurting each other at times and also irritating each other. But the love is always there, and we always work our way back to it together. The love we have feels like it has grown and matured into something beautiful and solid. It fills my heart with so much of strength and courage to face the world, as long as he is by my side. It's awesome.. that feeling.

If only my relationship with my parents was that easy. Being in a healthy relationship with my husband made me realize how toxic my own family was to me. I knew they were the main reason I ended up depressed, but I'm still identifying all the trauma responses in me due to the way I was treated when I was young. Trying to unlearn my defense mechanisms and relearn healthier ones has been a major challenge for me since I started living together with paiya. Because my defense mechanisms protect my emotions but are in turn toxic and hurtful to him. I ended up unintentionally straining our relationship a few times all because I didn't know how to regulate my emotions safely. And yes, I blame my upbringing for that. Don't get me wrong. They did their responsibility as parents well. They go above and beyond, in fact. But that comes with a massive pile of expectations that is masked as love and wanting the best for me. If I choose not to conform to those expectations, I am a disappointment and failed them as their daughter. For a long time, the emotional burden of trying to fulfil their expectations drained the life and soul out of me. I worked hard to shed that, but I'm still a work in progress.

To them, the fact that I decided not to specialize is the biggest disappointment. They feel that I'm squandering my education and I'm being very complacent in my position. They hate the fact that I'm not working in a hospital anymore, because apparently doctor's working in a Klinik Kesihatan are not doctors. -_- I survived through housemanship, I survived working as an MO in medical for a year and ETD for almost 2 years. I've never felt at home as much as working in a KK has felt. Not only am I using my medical knowledge more, there is the unbeatable fact that I am working office hours now. I have weekends... after 5 years of working, I am finally experiencing weekends like everyone else. So they can say all they want, but I've come to a point where my sole focus is to keep myself happy.

If I'm not happy, there's no way I can keep anyone else around me happy. So that is my main priority. I struggled to do a degree I didn't like for their sakes. I'm not about to repeat the same thing again for a master's degree, just because they want to see me become a specialist. If I choose to do it, it will be because I genuinely want to put in the effort for it. Not because they want it.

So yeah... as you can guess, a lot has happened in the last 10 years. At the end of the day, I am content with where I am right now and I guess that's all that matters. :)

[apparitionsxanonymous]

Confessions [Part Two]

Apparition Anonymous is a collection of fictional stories told from the POV of the Grim Reaper as they guide newly departed souls to the Afterlife. Enjoy, and thank you for reading.

“I didn’t serve time for the second murder. That would have been worse because it would have been voluntary manslaughter.”

I remained silent. Bored. He couldn’t do any harm in the Spirit World, but I didn’t want to hear about his supposed triumphs in the Living World.

“They never found the body. As far as the police are concerned, it’s still a missing persons case. They must know the dude is dead by now… it was two years ago. But, without a body… not that it matters anyway, I’m dead. They can't touch me here even if they figure out it was me.” He laughed again before frowning at me. “I died from a drunk driver. That’s how I killed the first guy. I guess that’s what you’d call karma, huh?”

I nodded, although I thought karma was too kind to him. I glanced at the clock, and it was still green. Some sessions seemed to last so much longer than others. This guy didn’t need help finding peace. Some spirits simply needed to talk or relive old memories, which was fine. I was there for them. But I had to admit, there were some stories of the living that I didn’t care to hear about.

Then he sighed, the smile wiped from his face. “My wife recently found out about my affair, too, so I’m sure she’s happy I’m dead. My mistress was the one who told her, so I’m sure she won’t come to my funeral either.” He looked out into the void through the framed window. “If I get a funeral, that is. I never took my mother’s advice and got my will or affairs in order. You know, unless I was hiding things from my wife and mistress.”

“I gathered,” I replied, deadpan.

“I committed fraud at my work, too. Blamed the new guy. He got fired immediately. As far as I know, it took him a few years to find another job with that on his record.” He turned his head back around to look at me. “I wasn’t a good guy, was I?”

“That’s not for me to say,” I responded. It was the truth. Even though I didn’t agree with the things he told me, that didn’t necessarily give me the authority to judge who he was when he was alive.

After all, people aren’t born that way. In many cases, the good deeds outweighed the bad ones. Everyone made mistakes and got on the wrong path at some point in their life. What mattered was that you found your way back to the right one.

He chuckled. “I know I was a good guy. Sure, I did questionable things. But I only did what I had to at the moment. I needed to protect myself, and that’s what I did. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

I didn’t know what circumstance there was for him to commit homicide in order to do what he had to at the moment, but I let him talk himself through his thoughts.

“It’s not my fault the other people dealt with the consequences of my actions. They should have protected themselves better.”

“Maybe they didn’t have the resources to protect themselves against your actions,” I stated. “Not everyone has friends, family, or the will to back themselves up.”

He stared at me, quizzically. I didn’t give him the chance to speak up again.

“That’s one of the reasons there are multiple living beings at once. You push each other down, but you pick one another up again. You make mistakes together and learn from them together. You discover love and experiences and feel emotions, making memories. Not all of them are good and happy, but you do it together. You’re never alone.”

He hesitated but then smiled. It was genuine. “I won’t argue with you, of course. You’re not wrong. But I am alone. I was alone then, and I am now. I did the things I did to protect myself because no one else would.”

“Maybe it was because you didn’t let them.”

He raised a brow.

“Do you really believe your wife wouldn’t have been there for you? Instead, you chose to hide behind a mistress.”

He sighed, bowing his head. “Alright, so you got me on that one. Trust isn’t an easy thing to come by.”

“It’s one of the many discoveries.”

“But you can’t discover everything in one lifetime.”

I nodded. “No, I suppose not.”

The clock turned red. I hadn’t noticed we were running out of time. When I dismissed him, he asked if he could come back. Apparently, he had more things he wanted to get off his chest.

There was only so much I could help with, but I’d do my best. If spirits needed to recount their memories or learn something new from their life they can now apply in death, vent, or process their situation, I’d be here. I’d be here even for the spirits who seemed to have a black cloud hanging over their heads when they were alive.

Everyone was born with innocence. Everyone had good in them. Sometimes, they needed help finding it again.

© Rachel Poli, All Rights Reserved

Thanks for reading. Apparitions Anonymous is updated every Monday and Friday. If you enjoy my work and would like to stay updated with my writing journey, please consider visiting my Ko-fi page.

#creative writing #paranormal fiction #short story #writeblr #writers on tumblr

[sdnimer]

Journal Log #01

I have been making my own private journal, but I also would like to share a little bit from it over here. I felt like, if somebody ever found this, this is the part of me that I want them to read.

AND, I can't believe this journal log has been self-harm for years! I'm happy to say I've grown out of it. So here's some refreshment on how I've been writing my private journal logs. (hence the new number) I might share more if I ever felt like I want them to read too.

1:01 AM - Monday, December 11th 2023

It has been a rollercoaster ride of information, huh? Things are moving so fast that you didn’t had enough time to process and this cause a little delay in your business.

Let’s rewind and unwind. We can’t sleep anyhow since we keep thinking about it and although writing about it out on our previous journal is so worth it, I can’t find it. So, typing on our old method again.

I liked her so much. I cared for her too much that I slowly lost track of myself a little bit. I wanted to impress her with my card skills and my only way of saying “I love you” or “I wanna keep in touch with you” is through card, and I couldn’t express them outside of my craft. This is a new territory because the new environment was because they reciprocate our feelings back, and even though in my heart that we aren’t together officially or even mentioned on the same page, I knew there will be a moment that she will find somebody else that fits better for her relationship needs.

People meet new people all the time, especially in an industry that are build through communities. You have to stand out and be in the crowd. So, it’s really not your fault that you couldn’t make it into fruition or towards what you think it should be. You did your best in telling them how you felt, because that is the most genuine thing that comes from you.

Deja vu isn’t it? With "Z" and now "S". The only problem is that they are everywhere and it is a small world. You’ve made promise that even if this doesn’t work out, way before you pursuit her, you will still support her in the smallest way you possible could in your own capacity. Let’s be honest here, you wanted to impress her on what you can do as a person. Yes and she’s totally out of your league.

Looking back, maybe you push your luck too much or you were too late. There're gaps in-between and you were too afraid to pursue since you haven’t gotten that point for yourself. Honestly, this was our very first love that we thought we could work it out. Giving her space to grow and guess she found somebody. We are gonna feel sad and we are gonna celebrate for her.

Whether it’s an actual thing that we heard, or we’ve heard it wrongly, maybe "O" was right. The closure is to not have any of it. You still have to move on. You got better things to worried about then a girl who doesn’t share their days with you, even after you’ve mentioned your interest. They say that your vibe attracts your tribe. And that Bug Hunter said, “So many lives to still impact, some still have yet to cross path.” so maybe with us stepping into our business-hood, we’ll find someone who appreciate us and our crafts. Our personalities, our intentions, and our care. Which we have, platonic-ally, and isn’t that better?

To Sop, I don’t know if I heard was what I think it was, but I had wish you would just be honest and tell me about it. Tell me gently and lead me into it. It is totally understandable that I would be crying about it, it’s a heartbreak after all. All heartbreak will go through sadness and tears. With open-minded conversation, it wouldn’t even be tears, just relief. Right now, I have no idea what I heard was right or not. And if so, you don’t have to hide, you can just tell me. I would rather have it confrontational by you then anyone else.

Anyhow, I’ve said my piece in my recent card to you, and I don’t need to repeat it ever again. I don’t need to be try hard making you liking me or getting your attention. And "J" can finally stop pestering me about rizzing you up.

Tough industry, huh? You want the best but balance is needed, silence is needed, proper structure is needed, but it is what it is. It’s a corporate industry world. You have to let it go and let them settle it themselves. Be there when they needed you. You’re a listener, only a doer when it is within your spectrum.

Although this anger can’t be translated anywhere else, we suffered a stiff migraine that was ultimately result in our 4th attack this year, I think it’s a sign to let go of the industry as a whole. Go back to where it made us feel having fun wasn’t a chore and being alive forgetting the horrors of reality for a moment. Like what we’ve said, fun and alive is what I want to be remembered.

Let’s also disclaimed that why we’re having so much anger was because of how we were in a company with their 5 core values. We are passionate in what we do, we have integrity, we hate stagnancy, we do something about it, and we give value to each other. What was missing in these cases was integrity. That’s why we’re so angry and adamant to call out since that was what we’ve been practicing for almost 3 years, and that’s what kept us strong for 6 years.

Without saying it out loud, it’s like we’re fighting against our morale integrity. At the same time, everyone deserves a second chance, and I would like to believe that he is genuinely sorry and would make amends. The only way I could forgive someone when it comes to integrity is that they’ve genuinely show results. Wow, a company really taught us about performances in another level, huh?

You can take myself out of the company, but you can’t take the values of the company from me.

#journal #log

[lifewiththelulus]

A storm brews quietly in the distance

He's an insecure lil fuck who can't stand she'd be happy without him and that she's already over him, and the cherry on top is the songs she wrote He knows it's about him and he doesn't like it one bit how passionately Aurora sang about him being an asshole

He waits for Willow to go to class and swoops in. He knows who Zilan is but pretends like he doesn't

In Zil’s head: two friends in one year?! Oh boy! 😁

Oh sweet poor child

He plays it cool for a while Avoiding him when Willow is around but always shows up when she leaves

All would seem like it's good But one day… He sticks around when Willow shows up.

At first she's smiling and walking with a little bounce - her and Zilan were gonna go hang out that day

That is until she saw. Andi… Talking to zil? She froze, watching them laugh and that's when Andi looked over at her with a smirk. "Oh hey Willow! I gotta go Zilan - you two have fun." He smiles deviously at Willow as he walks away. She's speechless, and looks at Zilan.

"You.. you're friends with him?" She feels like she's gonna be sick

Zilan: oh do you know him? Yeah we just started talking, he’s a funny guy. How do you know him?

She shakes her head slowly. Was he playing mind tricks on her? Why won't he just leave her alone??

"I… I don't think it's a good idea to hang out today." She holds herself and quickly gets her bag from her locker "I don't feel well. Bye Zilan." She marches off, trying to hide how she was about to burst into tears

Zilan: oh um… ok, see you tomorrow. (Is she feeling sick? If she doesn’t show up the next day I should go over to her place and bring some of my dads soup ^^)

Of course she stays home She asks Kindlin if she can stay home because she doesn't feel good Kin saw her after she had been crying the night before and it was believable she might be sick.

The next day, for the first time, he’s less enthusiastic about gym now that he doesn’t have her for a partner. Once school is over he’s about to pick up the soup, when Andi comes up to him

Andi is feeling smug, seeing that Willow missed class. It must've meant his meddling was working

"Hey Zilan! Oh hey what's up? Why the long face?" He tilts his head with a concerned expression "Everything ok?"

Zilan: Oh yeah, I good, no worries. It’s just that Willow didn’t show up, guess I’ve gotten kinda used to being around her most of the time, ya know?

Andi nods but then sighs exaggeratedly "I know how that feels.. hey can I be honest with you about something?"

Andi felt giddy but hid that well with his sad face. He hoped this would be all he needed to do to get rid of this guy. "Willow and I were actually a thing for a while .. I think she might still have feelings for me, and… I have feelings for her too. I was hoping you could maybe.. put in a good word for me? Nothing extreme, just mention me?"

Zilan was surprised, he would have never have guessed. And couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of pain in his heart, but took in a breath and said

Zilan: oh! Of course dude. …Huh… You and Willow… you said you WE’RE a thing right? if you don’t mind me asking, what torn you two apart?

He made a panicked expression for a split second then responded "Oh well- I promised I wouldn't say. It would embarrass her.. " He patted himself on the back for the quick thinking "Wasn't anything serious. I think it'd be nice to try again.. but I want to let her make the first move." He tried his best to sound genuine

Zilan: aw, that’s really cool of you dude. Don’t worry I’ll make sure she knows how much she means to you. … she’ll be lucky to have you back in her life.

He looked down and his eyes looked misty.

Andi smiled and waved at him "Thanks man! I'll see ya later!" He has a wicked smile on his face as he leaves

#flower child 🍬 #meat brian 💪 #bgc

[tankman]

I have some unresolved feelings and I know SOMEONE is an annoying fucking stalker and could easily see this so why not.

Hi I'm Harvey, and 80% of the 10 people total who will see this probably have no idea what I'm talking about here.

But this isn't for them. This is for me.

You're the worst most insidious goddamn manipulator we've ever known. We felt insane so often felt like we couldn't trust ourselves for shit.

The worst part is, if we still believed that you actually loved us, we would've kept falling for all of your fucking tricks for god knows how long.

Your fatal mistake: You couldn't keep your goddamn mouth shut.

You claimed we were being told lies but you know what's so incredibly telling? That whole time I was packing up our shit, you couldn't stop begging me to know WHO told us that you didn't love us.

How many people did you complain to, huh? That you couldn't even BEGIN to guess who might've finally said it.

Who finally told us that you admitted to them in clear words that you were using us as a getaway plan and that you weren't fond of us anymore and found us annoying and rude.

If that truly doesn't narrow it down for you then I don't know what to fucking say. That's two years of our life wasted on a guy who apparently didn't fucking care.

You created a culture in our friend group(s) of distrust and dishonesty. It was exhausting. We participated in the lies and the talking behind peoples backs, I'm not going to pretend we didn't willfully add to it. We regret it and have distributed several well deserved apologies. But did you know, setting boundaries with you just doesn't fucking work? Because you make people feel intensely guilty and afraid for daring to have them. We told you we were uncomfortable with the lengths you were going to a few times, and you always made it about you.

You immediately (albeit loosely) tried to turn one of our best friends on us for that. Luckily she's a kind and understanding person. "Good luck being his friend" well. I have the same thing to say to your bestie, man. Truly good luck, I literally genuinely hope he doesn't fucking do the same things to you he did to us.

That's general grievances. Not even my personal ones yet, Lol.

"I ALWAYS wanted to be Harvey's friend" you goddamn disgusting liar. You told me outright MULTIPLE times that you were uncomfortable with me as an alter and wished I would age up you said you wished I would age up to my FACE and still thought that I would believe you that you "always" wanted to be my friend.

You only wanted to be my "friend" when it became clear we were missing our old friend, y'know. The one that actually treated me like a human fucking being with feelings. The one you felt so intimidated by that you had us cut them out of our life.

No other littles felt safe enough to show up because of you. You're probably relieved you never had to meet them and pretend to tolerate them. You on your fucking high horse of being so much better than us and everybody else.

We're doing a lot better now. Even Rob was feeling relieved before he decided that he couldn't handle life anymore.

I could keep going forever, I think. But just getting my thoughts on paper like this helped. It also helps to know that if we were having a real conversation you'd have soooo many arguments and ways to spin this on it's head and make it look like we're at fault like you did with every single argument we ever had but you won't get that chance. You're not allowed to manipulate us anymore. You can talk to whoever you want about how awful of a person we apparently are, but you can't twist us. Never again.

We have amazing friends who actually love and care about us and aren't afraid to say it, who make it obvious every single day and none of us feel like we have to say awful things about each other, it's great. So. Bye. I'm not sorry.