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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 years

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Witness : 8

Been Here Before

moodboard created by @chuuulip

Character (s): dark!Bucky, later dark!Steve, too

Warnings: this is a dark!fic, it contains non/dubious-consent elements. Some violence as well at the beginning. It goes without (and with) that this is 18+.

Summary: The reader finds herself back in a familiar setting.

Notes: I am reposting this fic here. It was originally on ao3 but now it’s on tumblr too! If you read, I love feedback and would love any comments you have. And if you can, please share! Anyhow, enjoy :)

Bucky left you alone for the rest of the week. You couldn't decide whether it was a rare spurt of pity, which you knew he had little of if any, or he was busy. Likely it was the latter. He was after all a mercenary. He was out there committing crimes far more sinister than those committed in your apartment. The thought sent a shudder through you. He murdered people. He could have murdered you. When faced with the prospect of his company, it seemed a tempting request but you had always been rather fatalistic.

It was Sunday night and you still hadn't received your assignment for the next week. It was unusual but it happened before. Sometimes there weren't enough placements to go around and you weren't needed until midweek. This was awful timing. You needed the work to distract yourself. You sat on the couch, laptop open, waiting for the little blip which would save you from your untethered thoughts. As you readied to shut the lid, the chime went off and you eagerly opened up the email. Fuck. It had to be a coincidence. Had to be.

Stark Tower again but this time it was further up. Three month assignment. This was a prime placement, the type temps would kill over. And you wanted nothing to do with it. It smelled of more than chance. It had to be him. It would be so much easier for him to keep you under his thumb. But it was good money; $24 an hour this time. You couldn't have said no if you wanted, and you really wanted to. Accept, you hit the button and quickly shut the laptop. Your life had already been bartered away, what was one more thing?

It was a stifling development. It was the last straw. You were wrong when you thought that all had been lost before. How much had changed in less than a month; how much had you lost? You would deal with it tomorrow. You were tired and your lack of sleep was starting to overpower your obstinate paranoia. You laid back on the couch, still unable to rest in your own bed. It wasn't yours anymore, it was his. Your whole life was his.

You recalled the process. Temporary parking pass, identity check, fingerprints, photo. You took your lanyard and directions to your new post. All the way to the top floor. Oh, you didn't think it would be so far up. You took the elevator, your bag clutched by its strap tightly. You quaked as the doors dinged open and you stepped out into the lobby. A desk greeted you, chair vacant, computer lifeless. You could assume that was meant for you.

“You the temp?” You turned as a woman with copper hair approached, her face steely and unkind. “Pepper Potts” She introduced herself without shaking your hand, too busy for a mere secretary. “Over there.” She waved towards the desk and brought her phone up, turning back from where she came.

“Gee, great to meet you too,” You grumbled as you watched her disappear around the corner. “I'm Y/N. So happy to work here.” You crossed to the desk and sat behind the half circle, booted up the thin monitor and tucked your bag underneath.

A man appeared from the elevator, his long leather duster flapping behind his legs. You greeted him but your words died in the air. He waved you off, his one eye looking past you as he walked off down the same hall as Pepper. You shook your head and cursed. This was by far worse. These people didn't have the time for courtesy. You may as well not even be here.

“Don't worry about Fury,” The voice caught you off-guard. You recognized it on the first note. “He's more of a codger than I am.” The super soldier formerly known as Captain America smiled down at you. He wasn't supposed to be friendly, he was a murderer. His smile was more a snarl to you, the gleam in his eyes sinister; calculating. He was taking the measure of you.

“Uh, yeah,” You swivelled so that you weren't directly facing him. You could feel him watching you. “I've dealt with worse,” You assured him bluntly.

“You're new here,” He commented, “I'm surprised they replaced Gill so quickly.”

“I'm just a temp,” You said, “Only here for a couple months.”

“I'm not bothering you, am I?” He asked, leaning on the desk as he stared down at you, or rather stared you down.

“No, no,” You lied. It wasn’t professional to be rude, even if this man was a killer. He hurt others as easily as he stood there talking to you. “Sorry, just trying to get organized here.”

“Of course,” He smiled. Why was he talking to you? Did he know? Was this a game he was in on? “Maybe I'll see you later when you're not so busy.” He pushed himself away from the desk. “Steve Rogers,” He held out his hand. Slowly you reached to shake it. He took it firmly, his strength plain enough by his grip. “Y/N.” You replied meekly and he reluctantly released your hand. His eyes followed the movement as you rescinded your arm and grabbed a pen out of nervousness, trying to still yourself.

He slowly back off and headed down the hallway, leaving you to ponder his motives. You didn't think long on it as you turned back to the computer. A roster of names for the day. You were the first point of contact; “take a seat and you'll be called soon.” You were by no means a peer to Miss Potts.

That first day was busier than most of your jobs. You saw Steve again when he left but he was talking to a short blonde you recognized as Natasha Romanoff; Black Widow. She was as deadly, if not more than her counterparts. It dawned on you that you were surrounded by dangerous characters in this tower. A defenseless hare caught in a trap.

Bucky found you by the end of the day. You weren’t surprised but neither were you prepared. You weren’t at your desk when he approached, you were outside in the shade on a concrete bench, eating a sandwich you had bought from a kiosk. Your half an hour was all yours, free from the desk and stony patrons of Stark Tower. Well, the first ten minutes had been.

A single bite was missing from your sandwich as you stared across the street, losing yourself in melancholy. The shadow sat beside you, shaking you from your daze. You looked over, dropping the sandwich onto the wrapper on your lap, barely saving it from sliding onto the ground. You folded the paper over the bread and looked nervously at the passersbys, though none seemed to notice the infamous mercenary perched beside you.

“How’s your first day going?” He asked. His hand was just beside your leg, gripping the lip of the bench.

You blinked at him and glanced around once more. It felt so surreal sitting with him in public. All interaction had to that point been concealed behind closed doors. Such an overt setting had sirens ringing in your head. You felt as if everyone knew. Everyone knew and was laughing at you. You stilled the tremor in your hands and crossed your legs, trying to face him stoically.

“So, you did have something to do with it,” You said evenly.

“You should be thanking me. A dozen others would sit in that chair for less,” He smirked, “The last girl, Gill, she was sweet on me. It never turned into anything but I did entertain the fantasy. Now I can live it out.”

“You’re disgusting,” You turned your focus back to your sandwich, peeling back the paper, “I’m on my break. Leave me alone.”

“Break?” His hand settled on your knee and he squeezed, enough that your kneecap felt as if it would shatter with a flick of his fingers. “That’s where you’re wrong.” He leaned in, keeping his voice low. “You don’t get a break from me. Ever. Your life is mine now.” You gritted your teeth against the pain of his grip, “Until I grow bored of your existence...and trust me, you don’t want that day to come.”

He released you. A woman with a stroller passed and he smiled at the baby, waving to it with the hand which had formerly been threatening to crack your kneecap. You stayed silent as the trolley rolled by. Bucky stood, turning back to you as he adjusted his belt to hide his sudden excitement. He cleared his throat and stretched his legs as if he had been sitting for too long.

“I’ll leave you to your lunch, Y/N,” He announced as he shoved his hands in his pockets, a cocky display and he shifted from one leg to the other. “And I’ll be seeing you for dinner.” He sniffed as he began to turn away, pausing to remark over his shoulder, “I like steak. Rare.”

He carried on before you could reply. Truly, it took a minute to process what he had said. You looked down at your sandwich and crumpled the paper over it, standing to toss it in the bin just across the breadth of sidewalk. You clapped the crumbs from your hands and checked your watch. Bucky was right; there was no escape from him.

#dark!bucky #dark!bucky barnes #dark bucky #dark bucky barnes #dark!fic #fic #darkverse #au #marvel #mcu #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #series #witness

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calvin-af-crone · 4 years

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Is Calvin’s Love Regenerator IG Private for you? It shows private for me😢 I don’t feel he would block me because I love his new music and have posted nothing but my pleasure for it and for his decision to go this direction. The only other thing that maybe could of happened is somehow I unfollowed and now it’s private for me so I can’t see his posts.

I can’t remember when MACB told me about there being a Love Regenerator acct on IG but it was private. I went, clicked Follow anyway, & then hit the Request button, thinking, “WTF, it’s phony or it’s not. I can always block a scam.” On Saturday, when it suddenly went live on my IG scroll, I asked her if it had gone public & she said yes.

But, ya’know, I’ve been wondering about that BECAUSE of the ridiculously low number of Followers. By the end of Saturday, there were only 1,891 out of the 10.2 MILLION followers Calvin has. That can’t be real. Here it is Monday night & there are still only 2,206. So, I’ve been speculating that my Request might have been accepted. Gee-whiz like I got into The Club. Oh my!

l am NOT someone special. There might be a process of checking out the persons who request access then making a decision about them. I dunno. Right now it feels fucking wonderful, like being on the ground floor of a new fandom.

The only thing I can suggest is hitting Follow then Request again. I’ll pray that works for you. But, wait! Are you saying you can’t see his posts even when I link them in Tumblr? Holy shit! Is that how Private works on IG? I don’t know. Someone please tell me. Is anyone else having the same problem? And, is the Love Regenerator account private or public?

ETA: Chatted w/ my Anon Buddy & fook! The account is Private & therefore I cannot link on Tumblr to any of the LR posts. Sorry.

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go-our-own-ways · 5 years

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Gundam NT - Experience and Initial Thoughts

Hello tumblr...it’s only been 94857589746575 years, eh?

Well. So it finally happened. Gundam NT finally got an official run in America, and I finally got to see it. I’ve finally seen the dang mecha movie that I’ve been dying to see since last November.

Finally!!!

But, not without some dramatic mishaps at first (lol).

I was lucky enough to have my local theater showing the movie, but it took them 20 minutes to get the movie running (it was just a dead screen up until then)...only for us to realize it was for Bohemian Rhapsody, and not, in fact, for Gundam NT. Some jokes were made from the other movie-goers (”Gee, Macross sure looks funny!” “Hey Hawthorn you okay there?”) but soon the chatter turned into serious consternation and concern. Eventually, theater staff told us the movie couldn’t be shown because the projector didn’t have it, so we all filed out of the theater to head to Guest Services. While we waited in line to get vouchers (in lieu of a refund), we were also told that staff was working to fix the issue, so we were welcome to go back to the theater to wait it out.

And boy am I glad I decided to go back up, because soon enough, they had it up and running. THANK GOD.

Unfortunately, they skipped over most of the bonus footage featuring the interview and introduction from the producer and director in the interest of time... I’m actually really sad and salty about that, but it’s better than not seeing the movie at all, at least.

And so, after like 30-40 (or maybe more?!) minutes delay...we finally began the movie proper. LMAO.

Before diving into things, a bit of a head’s up:

Frankly, I’m new to Gundam, and I’m by no means well-versed in Gundam lore. Additionally, I’m also not someone who is usually nitpicky about details in animation or story-telling. So, my POV is basically of a casual bystander who happened to check out the franchise, and decided to stick around because it seems fun and interesting. If you’re someone who is more or less opposite to me...then this “review” of sorts is definitely not for you.

Actual movie thoughts under the cut! Not spoiler free!!!

I’m not gonna lie...honestly my memory of the movie is really cluttered and foggy. However, despite this, I still very much enjoyed watching the movie!

So...pacing. I’m no expert, but I seriously feel like this movie could have benefited from getting like maybe 2 hours of screen time rather than an hour and thirty minutes. It felt like the production team was trying to cram SO MUCH into TOO LITTLE time that the whole movie felt really fast. Despite this, the tension build-up was definitely there, especially as we got closer and closer to the end. About halfway into the movie I began to clutch my coat and scarf (it was quite chilly out today) really tightly just out of the continued anticipation of what will happen next...needless to say, my hands are now very sore, lol.

I do wish the plot wasn’t revealed in such a non-linear way. Of course, flashbacks and the like are sure to be used in storytelling, but much of NT’s story-telling felt more like oddly-placed snippets that went back in time, rather than a series of flashbacks. For the most part, I’d say each of the trips back into the past were important and revealed important information...but it made the movie feel cluttered and kind of all over the place. And honestly, the non-linear way NT’s narrative was told made it difficult to keep up with what was going on and how everything tied into it all until the very, very end. That’s probably my one gripe about this movie, I think.

Now, despite the pacing and the scrambled nature of the plotline, NT was still a lot of fun for me to watch, and I think I can credit the fight scenes, the characters, and the acting for that. The fight scenes were thrilling to see on a BIG ASS SCREEN, for one. And then just generally anxiously waiting at the edge of my seat to see how the battle would pan out is of course always a thrilling part of (my so far very short) Gundam experience. Animation-wise I really don’t know if I can say anything, since I didn’t notice anything especially jarring or bad. But, I’m also terrible at noticing small details when it comes to animation, so it could have also missed it.

The characters were a pleasure to watch, in my opinion. Rita honestly seemed like a cooky mystic Newytpe for most of the movie, and it really grated on my nerves. I kept thinking, “Surely there’s more to her than wondering about heaven and wanting to be reincarnated as a bird.” But the very end of the movie finally revealed the more human side of her, and that definitely made me feel better about her as a character. I do wish they could have shown more of Rita’s human-ness, but I suppose in the interest of time, they couldn’t.

Michelle seemed really cool, up until she started to look like a nasty manipulative player with huge stakes on the line. But as more and more of her story unfolded, I began to see the layers of the onion, so to speak. I was glad that she wasn’t just a vengeful person greedy for power, and at the same time I was also glad she wasn’t just another corner in a love triangle. Her humanity was evident, but I wished that we could have seen more of it through showing rather than telling. Ultimately, it was Brick who made the final reveal on Michelle’s true character in his last message to Jona, and I just wish that we could’ve seen more of it through Michelle’s own actions instead. We did get glimpses of it, of course, and I suppose maybe choosing to not show it much was to reflect that side of Michelle’s character--someone who guards her personal emotions closely and puts on a show, a facade for the public to see. But even then, I still wish we could’ve had more glimpses into Michelle’s humanity through her own actions.

Jona, Jona, Jona... Where do I even begin. Ultimately, I resonated with his humanity the most, I think. Seeing how much he still thought about those years with the lab even after all this time, how angry he was with Michelle, how distraught he was over Rita being taken away...it all felt very raw and very human. I guess it was just all very relatable, seeing how emotional Jona could be. I’m a pretty emotional person myself in the sense that I feel emotions very intensely, and it seemed like Jona’s personality was like that, too.

He says a line towards the end of the movie where he’s wondering out loud what is the point of continuing to live. He pretty much wonders, after the only people you cared about have left, after you’ve witnessed such horrendous things, after you’ve had to LIVE through such awful events...what even is the point anymore? I really felt for him in that moment. It made me remember how much I’ve wanted to give up before when everything seemed to be terrible and miserable in life. When nothing seems to go well, what point is there to continue going on, right?

Then there’s the returning characters from Unicorn. I was happy to see all the characters who returned, of course, but MAN...I was SO happy to see Banagher finally, at the very end of the movie. And the words of encouragement he says to Jona...the classic “Even so...” MAN. MAN OH MAN did I cry...! Like I mentioned before, I was already really resonating with Jona in like the prior scene, so the emotion from seeing Banagher again combined with the emotions from HEARING those words of hope...that really did a number on my heart, and in a good way.

The dub cast did a fantastic job, I thought. Normally, I feel like I’m suffering every time I have to watch a dub, but the cast made it work for this movie. I think the only bone I have to pick would be Rita’s dub actress, and that may just be personal preference. I figure the actress was told to sound kind of mystic and airy (since that’s basically Rita’s personality for about 99% of the movie, so that’s a fair direction to take with the acting), but it sounded a smidge too...fake? plastic? for me to really buy into. But again, this is probably just me being picky, lol. I LOVED the acting for the other 3 main characters though (Jona, Michelle, and Zoltan). I have to commend Jona’s dub actor (Griffin Puatu) because he really pulled off a similar tone and feel to Enoki Junya’s acting, I thought. (At least, based on the long preview; I’ve yet to watch the first 23 minutes of the JP version of the movie.) I have other thoughts for the other actors but I think I’ll leave them for another day... Also, I’m merely a fan when it comes to voice acting, so these are purely just the feelings and thoughts the performances gave me as a viewer, and nothing more.

So, after having seen Unicorn AND Narrative, I really get the sense that the story of Newtypes, and I guess Gundam on the whole, is about humanity. At its very core, Gundam is seeking to tell a story about the differences that could tear us apart, but also the humanity that holds us together. It feels like watching a story that tries to remind us that at the end of the day, no matter our differences, we’re all human, and we ought to remember that if we ever hope to survive as a species.

Furthermore, I really feel like Gundam is trying to show the importance of both communication and emotion. Both UC and NT showed how Newtypes can communicate on a higher level, but that communication typically ultimately conveyed the person’s feelings and will. Sure, we got thoughts and important backstory too, but I think the main thing we tend to get from their communications is emotion--what is that person feeling, and how is that emotion then translating into the actions they’re taking. Not only that, but we also then see the subsequent actions taken in response to being revealed someone’s deepest, innermost feelings. Of course, there were times when the person was mercilessly murdered, be it by accident/misunderstanding or out of “necessity,” but there were also moments where the action taken ended up being to withdraw an attack, or to let go of the captured person.

Maybe this is just me going off on a limb, but I think that’s a really important message to take in. Communication is important, but what’s even more important is communicating our emotions to others, and respecting others’ emotions in turn. That’s probably the big message I take away from seeing the Newtypes’ stories in Unicorn and Narrative.

Well, needless to say, I’m now very curious to see how the UC plotline continues on. We’re already slated for another movie this upcoming winter, so I guess I’ll have to wait until then. In the meantime...I suppose I’ll finally get around to finishing Origin (lol). Even if the next movie doesn’t show much of the previous characters, or even if the JP voice cast doesn’t feature anyone I know, I think I know too much of the plot now to be able to abandon the series.

All in all, NT was a fun movie to watch. I definitely don’t recommend watching it if you haven’t watched Unicorn yet, but once you get through Unicorn, NT is a nice way to wrap up the story from that point of the UC timeline.

Now to eagerly await the BD release for those sweet, sweet bonus materials! :3c

#this ended up way longer than I originally intended oops #oh well!!! LOL #gundam NT

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dontcallmecarrie · 6 years

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Natasha's judgment is so off for a spy. Could we get insight as to how they're thinking? I know you wrote a chapter but maybe some backstory or such to explain why she dislikes Tony on principle? Why she's so quick to insult Maria and choose Steve? Is she caught up in the goodness and honestly Steve seems to project? Does her judgment on his decisions become biased bc she's used to reading ppl who mean harm not ppl who unintentionally/subconsciously harm? Does Steve make her feel like she's good

I’ll see what I can do to clarify this in-story, because odds are you’re not the only one who’s seeing it. Hopefully, though, at least some of my reasoning showed through.

Under the cut, because cue meta and you guys know how much I ramble when I get going:

There’s several factors to it all:

First and foremost, there’s the unreliable narrator thing to consider.

JARVIS, for instance, hasn’t trusted her since before she stabbed Tony in the neck, back in IM2.

Add to that how he died trying to protect Tony [and at least managed to give a bit of a warning, when the Penthouse Incident happened], coming back online [with all the trauma that entails, even if he doesn’t quite show it], to see Natasha doing absolutely nothing while Tony was a flick of the wrist from a snapped neck, and you get a budding Skynet who harbors absolutely no goodwill towards Natasha Romanov [and it shows through in his POV, even if it’s hopefully subtle].

Tony’s slightly more chill, but he’s known that Natasha doesn’t like him, and after the disaster that was his sole attempt to reach out towards Bruce, well…once bitten, twice shy.

Then, during the Penthouse Incident, he’s 50% on the defensive while the other 50% is in shock because JARVIS died and only Maria Hill even cared. [That he was being attacked was secondary, at that point.] So when someone’s attacking the only one who gives a damn about JARVIS, Tony’s not exactly feeling very charitable towards the woman who introduced herself as Natalie Rushman.

…also, anyone notice the codependence going on between Tony and JARVIS? There’s a reason I’ve been warning for it.

As for my take on Natasha’s perspective: I did my best, and hopefully my dislike didn’t show [much].

Thing is, TWiFFON is a spitefic at heart.

I started it in reaction to the turn the fandom took when it comes to Tony Stark especially after Civil War, so I’m not going to be exactly very friendly towards Natasha [or anyone on Team Cap for that matter, if you guys haven’t already noticed].

And that leads me to the next point.

Fun fact: I actually like Natasha, for the most part. Her characterization throughout the entirety of the MCU’s been through the wringer, fluctuating from movie to movie, though, and I took advantage of that when I outlined this fic.

See, Phase1-and-pre-AoU!Natasha’s got a good head on her shoulders. Her, I like: she’s badass and loyal to people rather than institutions and ruthless enough to do what’s necessary to keep her people safe [gee doesn’t that sound familiar]. She’s outwitted Loki [even if he was under the influence of the Scepter at the time], and survived the Red Room, for crying out loud! [If you’ve read my fic idea Welcome to the Family, you know that’s the one I had in mind at the time of writing.]

…however, that’s not the Natasha we’ve seen recently.

Phase2-especially-post-AoU!Natasha didn’t think to call the genius who’s company she infiltrated during a time they could’ve really used his expertise, didn’t see the problem in letting the fugitives she’d been helping chase go, and didn’t think twice about attacking the Crown Prince of a monarchy that just lost its King. I know it’s probably just bad writing in general [where the hell did the Bruce/Natasha thing even come from? Or the wanting a kid thing?! Canon or not, that’s just…nope], but still.

She unironically tried to go “I’m not the one who should watch my back”, in Civil War, despite having painted a target on anyone she ever worked with [yes I’m still salty about it], so it really should be no surprise that this is the Natasha I have in mind when writing TWiFFON. [Not very nice, but like I said, spitefic.]

So, that’s a good chunk on my approach to Natasha, right there. The rest involves her backstory.

I’ve yet to read a comic, but via tumblr and Phase 1, I got the feeling that the Red Room isn’t exactly very kind. [No comment on Phase 2′s interpretation bc I hate AoU with a passion rivaled only by Civil War.] As such, I can extrapolate from there that Natasha’s had some hardcore training, and to be fair, she’s very good at what she does, and her confidence in her skills is mostly justified.

However, she’s been born and raised as a living weapon, a child soldier and spy: that skillset is not exactly conductive towards being an analyst, or tactician.

Infiltrate consulates and take out hit squads singlehandedly? Sure. Reading people for the short term so she can use that to her advantage? Absolutely. But what she gets up to later on in the MCU is nowhere in her job description [coughcough*analysisinIM2*cough]. She can make a decent facsimile of it, sure, but she just isn’t qualified to diagnose people [though I have a headcanon for that scenario that explains why, but that’s something for another post].

But she can read people very well, and since it’s worked thus far, Natasha doesn’t think twice about it. Due to the life she’s had, she doesn’t look back, which I completely understand because if she had she might’ve drowned in regret because I get the feeling the Red Room’s upbringing was nothing less than cutthroat. Those two things get a special mention because of how she’s introduced to Tony.

Now, let me backtrack a little: I’ve done some meta before on how good Tony is at masks, enough so that he’s fooling everyone even as he’s dying. He grew up in front of the cameras, and learned how to work them from a master of the art [his mom, in my AUs].

So, when a spy rocks up expecting a show, Tony puts it on, and Natasha buys it. I don’t doubt she twisted some things to suit the analysis at the end, of course, but between his public image and his masks, Natasha ends up falling in the same trap everyone else does.

Anyone who gets close to him knows it’s bull, but since Tony in TWiFFON is more guarded than ever before, and he’s not about to let Natasha in now.

As for Steve Rogers…Tony’s image is a general “everyone knows” thing; it’s subtle and low-key “oh what’s he done now? Another Fashion Week Fiasco?” Kardashian-style sort of thing, which is part of why Natasha fell for it. Steve’s image, on the other hand, was blatant propaganda since the start and only became more so over time […I wonder what the Second Red Scare would’ve looked like, in the MCU now, ngl], so for Natasha, with her Red Room upbringing, it’s pretty damn easy for her to tell.

From when she first meets Steve, and later on down the road, it’s a no-brainer to look past the propaganda and notice the lonely man who’s adrift in a world that’s moved on without him. And from there, it’s very [almost scarily, for someone who’s very guarded when it comes to personal stuff] easy to make friends.

Steve sees Natasha where others see the Black Widow, which isn’t something many people do [Phil and Clint’re the exception, not the norm], though, so it makes sense that she warms up to him so quickly. Plus he’s a good man, and given the life she’s had, Natasha can fully appreciate just how few of them there are in the world.

And since we’ve already established that Natasha’s fiercely protective of the few people she likes, it makes sense she’s just as fierce to attack if the situation ever arises.

During the Penthouse Incident, Natasha’s immediate take-away of the situation was: Tony’d fucked up somehow and needed to own up to it, meanwhile Maria Hill was on his payroll, defending him when he was in the wrong, and had a gun pointed in the general direction of the people she liked more than the people she didn’t. Of course Natasha was going to yell at her for it!

And it wasn’t like Thor was going to hurt Tony or anything, his hand was obviously positioned in a way that was meant to be nonlethal and if he’d really wanted to kill Tony his grip would’ve been different.

After the fact, once Ultron’s made clear just what he is, she’s mildly apologetic about it. But since she didn’t really like Tony anyway and Maria Hill seemed to have forgotten about it, well, it wasn’t like it was anything major anyway, right?

...meanwhile, Maria’s very good at hiding her grudge and venting whenever she’s at one of the SWORD meet-ups while the others are patting her on the back while continuing to plan Phase 3 and checking out rich protocols, but that’s a story for another day.

Also: bear in mind that Natasha, in my AUs, has the Red Room’s version of the serum, so she forgets that not everyone’s as durable as she is. [that’s the only explanation for why I see her being so chill during That One Scene because the alternative’s incoherent internal screaming]

#behind the scenes #meta #if you're going to be evil might as well do it right meta #now the time is here for iron man to spread fear #if you're going to be evil might as well do it right #The War is Far From Over Now #Natasha Romanov #Headcanon #kinda #canon went screwy years back here's my attempt to fix it

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sapphicbookclub · 6 years

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Author Spotlight - Erin Jones

Today I’m excited to spotlight Erin Jones, the author of Truth Weekend. Check out her post for some great writing tips which I’m sure you’ll find useful!

Guest Post by Erin Jones: How To Write The Gayest Story In Your Heart

Though I would not recommend 2016 to my worst enemy (okay maybe one) it’s the year I hunkered down on my writing regime and in January 2017 I published my first novella, or novelette according to the ol’ Google, Truth Weekend! With equal parts sass, gay, and angst, Truth Weekend is a novelette told in vignettes about two rival women who escape for a weekend to make a college short film under the condition of sharing every secret, insecurity, and dark thought they’ve ever had. In a tale of sexuality, destruction, and truth, Skye and Rosemary discover what happens when you expose the darkest parts of yourself.

So to usher in 2018, The Year of The Queer, I wanted to break down how to write the gayest story possible in just three easy steps. Let’s go!

STEP 1: Throw out the idea that your story has to be groundbreaking, to warrant being written

So often, marginalized groups and communities are told that the only stories of ours worth telling are of the ones that paved the way. The rule breakers, the heroes, the ones that risked their lives. I appreciate those stories and they should be treated with the utmost respect and importance, but we need more. You don’t have to tell the story of the best gay that ever lived. The weight of the entire lgbt community is not solely on you.

Think about little lesbian Linda with green hair who makes pottery in her basement and is not very good at wizarding. Her story is significant if you want it to be. Bring Linda over here with her crusty clay hands and her horrendous form when slinging that wand around. She cute.

In a nutshell, dare to be horrible. Your first draft is going to be cringey, but that is what rewriting and editing is for. Sit down today, even if it’s only for thirty minutes, and write what’s true and ugly and everything that you’ve always wanted to say. Everything you’ve been scared to think. Everything you wish you could read. Its starts here.

STEP 2: Relish in queer intimacy

Oh no, this hotel room only has one bed! Gee I guess we should share it. And cuddle. AND confess our undying love.

In this gay and age, I for one am sick of subtext and our love being portrayed as merely pornographic or something that we’ll grow out of. I know, writing is a daunting task in and of itself with built in pressures and stigmas, so adding gay characters or themes may seem like even more of an anxiety parade, but I promise you there is someone who needs to get lost in your story and grand escapism is a marvelous coping mechanism.

Here’s another writing exercise: What is gay culture? Can you describe it? Give me a few examples or moments.

Last week I was riding in the car with my friend who is also bisexual and it was so nice to just cut to the chase about our feelings as two bi women. We expressed things that we may have moderated with our friends or people who aren’t bi so we don’t enforce a stereotype, because we’re constantly afraid we’re giving people the “wrong idea” about bisexuality. Then race came up and boy howdy did I have a lot to say about being black and bisexual.

See, it’s little scenes like this that I want to see in the world. You don’t have to hit your audience over the head with it. Or you can if you want to and your whole novel could take place in Pridelandia. It’s your book, dude.

Fear is going to creep in about seven times a day during the writing process and it can’t be stopped. You just have to unabashedly write the story you have in your heart no matter how vanilla or kinky. Normalization is a powerful thing.

Wax poetic about the adorable guy at the library with wire frame glasses and obscene hands. Write about how your character can’t tell if her crush is a lesbian or just a hipster. Have an entire internal monologue or external soliloquy at a public pool about how you can’t tell if this person is flirting with you or it’s just in your head. What about a group of gay friends that have no desire to date each other? What about collecting an lgbt rainbow in the group? Or the mysterious case of someone in the friend group coming out every six months, because without even realizing it, we all seem to clump together. Just check my friend circle. It happens!

STEP 3: Be the gay you want to see in the world

If you’ve always wanted to read a story about XYZ, then write it! When you get the courage to tell people about your awesome story, there’s going to be that ass-basket that smiles and goes “Oh so it’s basically [insert popular book or movie here].” Ignore them. It’s not like that story because no one can tell your story like you. Everything on the page goes through your filter and is colored by your life experiences.

You’re not naïve if you want to write cute fluffy stories or an ideal. Not all lgbt lit has to be gritty or sad to be “realistic” or well written. It’s beyond okay if you write characters that just happen to be gay and have conflicts and successes that have nothing to do with their sexual orientation. Write about old gays, deaf gays, gays in wonderland, gays who stick their ankles in cabinets for science.

Here’s my favorite writing exercise for getting ideas in the page: Take the time to compile a list of all the things (gay and otherwise) that you love in a story visually, emotionally, and character wise.

If someone said “hey this book has xyz,” what are the things you would throw down good money to see in one place? This list could also be themes you would like to explore like: obsession, the loss of innocence, grief, preservation of youth, loneliness, the desire to escape, self-sabotage, ect. Whatever you’re interested in delving into and ripping apart.

I’ve always had a guilty pleasure for those wild teen movies where all the girls have kool-aid dyed hair and are out of their minds: stealing their weight in booze, self-piercing their everythings, burning money, and mixing Viagra with cocaine that they’ll snort at prom. But I’ve always wondered what happened to that girl and what happened to the artistic popular chick that was always at her neck with insults that’ll stick with you for the rest of your life. Thus, Truth Weekend (the novella and now the screenplay!) became the deconstruction and exploration of these strong personalities and all the complexities of your early 20s when there’s this societal push to be wise beyond our years, but also to be the ingénue. Through this I got to delve into the paranoia driven notion that you have to achieve everything right now or else you’re an unproductive failure and if you accomplish all that you’ve worked for at a later age it’s no longer as special.

To sum it up, just go balls to the wall. Throw your metaphorical word balls to the nearest wall. Or the farthest wall. And slowly work this list into your story. If you want to see it on the shelf or on the screen you have to sit down today and write.

Those are all my tips! I hope this helped or at least made you laugh. You can check out Truth Weekend here and follow my progress in writing the screenplay adaptation on my YouTube channel where I also post sketches and other writing videos. My writing tumblr is @erinthewriter and my regular tumblr is @feelsandmermaids.

Happy Holidays, now go write!

#author spotlight #guest post

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vashti-lives · 6 years

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i will say that that rpf fic in particular (with joe johnson punching carl) isn't the kind of thing that people would get upset about. like, there wasn't any shipping of any kind and it was less than 600 words, basically just describing the scene in the comic and then carl gets punched in the face. like, i get that sending people rpf is generally bad manners, but this fic in particular was really not that bad

Okay so I understand that this particular fic was probably not a huge deal, and he seemed fine with it BUT even so I think sending it to him was still breaking a really important part of fandom etiquette.

(Also, important note: I’m not mad or anything, I just notice that Check Please fans tend to skew young and I think when you’re young it’s easy to not think about some of the stuff I’m going to mention down below or even just not know. Which is the main reason I’m answering this ask at all.)

A Fandom Old’s perspective on Fanfic Manners behind the cut.

Reasons to never ever send RPS fic to the real people in question:

1. Twitter is a public place and even if Joe Johnson was uncomfortable with it there isn’t a great way to say so without seeming like a jerk. This guy obviously enjoys twitter and has a good time with it but it’s pretty likely that to some degree it’s also a PR tool. My understanding of niche sports like ice dancing is that while they get money if they win competitions and they might get a stipend if they’re on a national team a pretty significant part of their income comes from stuff like corporate sponsorship. This requires having a good rep among fans and good PR.

I really, really doubt this particular incident caused any problems but it’s always good to remember in situations like these that to some degree or another on twitter he is probably functionally “at work” and may not be able to fully articulate boundaries.

Plus I mean you and I might be able to see the difference between a short little fic that’s more meta than story and some weird NC-17 thing but I can guarantee that somebody out there might see that first interaction and think oh gee he’s cool with fanfic about himself i’m gonna show him this one where Joe Johnson and Johnson the goalie are brothers who are also fucking. Because seriously every fandom has that person and for that reason alone it’s best to have an absolute “Don’t show RPS to the real people in question” rule.

2. On the other side of this is the question is the author. I do not know if the person who showed this fic to Joe Johnson had the author’s permission, maybe they did. I hope they did because sending that fic WITHOUT the author’s permission is just… absolutely not okay. I mean I think I should repeat here that I don’t think anyone in this situation had bad intentions and I don’t really think anything bad happened I’m just putting it out there. DON’T send RPF fic to the real person in question and DON’T send links to fanfic to the outside world without the author’s permission. So even if you found cute Check Please fic about Jack and Bitty as ice dancers and thought Joe Johnson would like it make sure you ask the author before @-ing him on twitter with the link.

And by outside world I don’t mean your tumblr but I do mean linking it to say, a twitter account with a large following of non-fannish people. Or like, a putting a link to fic in a newspaper article.

I will admit it’s probably this last point that really shows my fandom roots. I’m not actually literally old (I say with increasing desperation as I approach 30…) but I started in fandom in roughly 1999/2000 when I would have been 11 or 12 and thus have been in fandom longer than some of you have been alive. Definitely longer than a bunch of you have been literate. When I started in fandom people being sued over fanfic was still a recent event and getting take down notices for fic and art was still a thing that happened. Correspondingly people were still pretty fucking quiet about their fannish activities and to this day I’m pretty leery of corporations sniffing around what we’re doing for free with their property.

Of course these days the problem isn’t getting sued, it’s corporations trying to monetize us, but I honestly think that’s just as bad, in its own way. So yeah, there’s my bias right there but I think my points still stand:

1. Don’t send RPS to the real people it’s about (even if it’s harmless) and

2. always ask permission before sending fic to a wider audience.

#old lady yells at clouds #check please #fandom manners #i seriously doubt any harm was caused #but you guys should still think about this #Anonymous #confession i had to google who joe johnson is #i'm not cool

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