#i hated all the lying tho

[beviate]

My friend and I ended up in a couple of photos of a sapphic event that was posted online and I remember how scared that would've made me before and I'm really grateful that I'm in a safe space now to not worry about being outed.

#i remember purposely avoiding cameras at pride #i had to sneak off into the city to go to any queer events #and my means of getting there weren't always the safest so im glad nothing bad happened #and bless the friends who helped me get to those things #i hated all the lying tho #i hate lying #even if its just regular things #it reminds me of when i had to hide #and i still have difficulties talking about queer events or dates #bc it still feels like something i should hide sometimes

[somewhereincairparavel]

I'm not obsessed with Jason Grace. I'm merely giving him the love he didn't get all these years. 💅

#Yeah no i totally am not obsessed. look at me. lying behind the screen #I love brick boi sm #He deserves more love #But I'm glad I'm seeing more love for him on Tumblr tho. Instagram reels are SO harsh on him like is it a trend to hate him there or smth? #I saw Goodread discussions from wayyy back in 2013 and literally all comments were trash talking him sm #I felt like such an outsider looking at those comments tbh bc ppl give me weird looks when I say I like Jason #pjo #pjo fandom #pjo hoo #percy jackson #jason grace #pjo hoo toa #pjo series #annabeth chase #piper mclean #leo valdez #frank zhang #hazel levesque

[rainbowpufflez]

Giovanni homophobia arc™️

#they’re all fucking with Gio which is why Rose still asks about them all dating #the real reason Team RR fell apart /j #they aren’t called Team Rainbow Rocket for nothing 😏 #all ur ships can be real if you’re brave enough #someone get Cyrus’s aro/ace outta there tho #that poor man just wants to leave #Archie and Maxie makeout session #Ghetsis is homophobic cause I say so /hj #sorry for the jumpscare in page two (lying) #Gus and Lys wouldn’t actually be dating at this point in the timeline but they are here for the joke #I tried on the French can’t promise it’s right 😭 #my friend checked it tho so hopefully we slay (shoutout to my friend tho fr!!) #All u need to know is Lys has murderous intentions as per usual #Archie is trans because I love him #Lys is Archie and Maxie’s designated fight stopper cause I hate him #team rainbow rocket #giovanni pokemon #lysandre pokemon #cyrus pokemon #lusamine pokemon #chairman rose #archie pokemon #maxie pokemon #ghetsis pokemon #perfectworldshipping #hardenshipping #<- u can tag it as other ships those are just the two ones I definitely implied #go crazy go stupid #make em a big polycule why not /hj #rainbowpufflez art tag

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

Gonna be honest pep is my favorite version of fake peppino I've ever seen and I'm seeing him as the canon version from now on /lh

( but srsly I love pep :D )

(As far as I'm aware, Pep is canon and I created him!!! (silly/joking!)

But really, I am glad you like him!!!)

#ooc post #there are many fake peps out there and it makes me very happy that you guys like my special little guy!!! #I do love all the Peps tho! #I'd name all the Peps I know but oough so many #and I'd hate to leave anyone out!!! #anyways last ooc post for today I swear!!! (might be lying!!!)

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[starbuck]

Sure is nice having a real-life war hero around here. You must miss it though. One thing about fighting, you sure get to know the stuff you’re made of.

Ravenous (1999) [Deleted Scenes]

#ravenous 1999 #ngl i giffed this part 100% for the pistol twirl #i NEEDED y'all to see it #like. i am Once Again Asking: WHAT. #but asdgsjkgdhjkhkj no SERIOUSLY tho #Boyd being complicit in the military's covering up what really happened to glorify itself and Reich recognizing that and being pissed about #it is something that can actually be so personal #because he's right! Boyd is (unhappily) lying to protect himself! and that IS fucked up! #but it's also like. they're both at Fort Spencer for the same reason... they both represent ugly truths that the US military is trying to #sweep under the rug #but Boyd was shamed into silence while being publicly rewarded while Reich was shamed by the overexposure of his punishment #(court martial... demotion... all that) #so on one hand Reich has a right to be angry that Boyd was rewarded and his 'wrongdoings' covered up #but on the other hand - by fixating his anger on Boyd (an easy and available target) and not the system - he's playing right into #the system's hand #that's what it wants... it WANTS to shame its victims into hating themselves and each other to keep them from seeing the truth #which is that the US is fucking up its soldier's brains and doesn't give a shit if they live or die #and realizing that they have a common interest against it #you see it in the deleted scene where Reich is telling his story too... Boyd is so deep in his own self-hatred that he isn't #really HEARING him #not to quote Dave BWG Mall.oy but #WE ARE ALL IN THE BELLY OF THE WHALE #HIDING IN THE DARK FROM THE SINS THAT TELL OUR TALES #AND THE DARKNESS WILL TAKE US DOWN #LEST WE SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER #ONLY THEN WILL WE BE FREE #that's what this is all about to me #and why Boyd can only prevail in the end once he's set shame aside #and - in being honest about himself - is finally able to expose the ugly truths about others as well #(tune in next time for my Boyd-as-Jonah meta that i will someday lay out in great detail but is just insane ramblings in my notes atm)

[whisperofthewaves]

peeta will lie with the straightest face on the national tv about his unrequited love's pregnancy not consulting it with a single person in his PR, damage management team, and the love interest beforehand, and I love him for that. this is the ideal I want to aspire to.

#nothing important #catching fire #a straight As student lying through their teeth constantly is another beloved type of mine #though I keep forgetting they exist #I hate the ending of that book tho #hate the hostage/captivity situations in books #though I love that Katniss was like Yes they all want to save peeta bc of his leadership potential #while everybody was scrambling to keep him alive so that she wouldn't bite their heads off instead of cooperating in the future #sidenote I did feel I was too old for that level of blindness as to what's been going on around her with the rebellion plot in this book #which left me mildly frustrated with her but it was still enjoyable

[terroristiraqi]

oh i wish feelings would go away

#p #need to unregister from the class we signed up for together lol #unless i need it in that case he can leave #i do care about him but he was just exhausting me constantly #just being immature and not to my standards. which like fine i have high standards for ppl whatever #but just not being realistic at all. then has the gall to call me immature and call this 'tv ahh shi' #genuinely burst out laughing at that one #he loves me sure. #i realized i kept dreading calls or trying to ignore his texts and avoid him essentially #didn't see him for a month and we kissed day after eid and there was nothing honestly #none of the spark or the feeling that was there before #alhamdullilah. i came to my senses even tho 3 weeks late #he says he doesn't hate me. 'you're the only one who can break my heart'. direct words #he's upset no doubt. blocked him on everything #i think he thinks i'll come back i mean i came back twice #but khalas. sneaking around and lying and the excuses i keep giving to my family. it's exhausting #on top of me being already iffy about him. i'm 18 man i have so long to find someone #he was a lousy boyfriend a lot of the time. didn't make up for the things he said he'd make up for #he did get better but im not entirely sure since we didn't see each other for a month #all i need to do is look at the bright side of it all. i have so much freetime now. i can do what i want. i don't have to apologize for #every little thing. i feel more relaxed. i don't have to check my phone as often. i don't need to make excuses for someone else #alhamdullilah alhamdullilah alhamdullilah

[tamagotchikgs]

been trying to figure out just how i am going to explain how wildly my brain has been altered since the last time i saw my therapist && it make me realize all of this has happened in 1 month,,,,,,,,,,, it feels like . eons. eternity . in the best way possible

#normally everything feels so short #my anxiety just speeds me through it before i can even take a second to enjoy or even experience anything. everything is a dusty blur #but ive been ok #i've actually had good times ive mayb even started 2 feel close to a person for the first time in my life #feel safe w them #anxiety cant get me when im in their shield bubble #listening 2 em talk n even just Exist like woag ur the best thing in this whole world #just bbzbzbzbzbbzz #of course there r also the Horrors that do come w it just due 2 my avpd but . it still feels so different #and i like to ignore those because they make me feel like a monster i am not jealous noo i am so normal i am very normal #i am beating my jealousy side with a stick and i Will win #i have never and Will never act on it #if i ignore it they cant b real #also i do know it's illogical whihc helps #honestly though im used 2 it because ill get jealous if like . a stranger is nice to me and then is nice to some1 else. like oh. oh it was #all a rouse u want me dead u hate me #and it's like. homie. pal. that is normal. they're not abandoning u theyre not trying to set u up for humiliation #theyre just living their life #it's kinda weird tho because i will get feelings like that simultaneously with knowing i am Nothing i am a Horrid beast no one deserves to #even have to see #and knwoing i am not allowed to care about people and there is no shot in hell they will be even nice to me #so it;s just . a lot of things swirling constant;ly #painful emotions all around there is no joy #(except for rn. with them. i can b free from my brain)

[yourknightinshiningplastic]

okay this sucks.

#i have to 'remain in position' for at least 30 minutes #im great at lying down like this i do it for funsies #this isn't funsies #honestly it shouldn't be that bad #probably #feels bad tho #i wish i was medicated this time again #i believe i had morphine then #but i don't remember because that was 7 years ago. #also its really cold and unpleasant #i used to get these all the time as a baby #i will be fine #i have to convince myself that im fine #also it's a steroid just learned. #i hate steroids #prednisone my beloathed #also that steroid is oral. so. #idk #winona has something to say

[girlwithfish]

if i dont look cute tomorrow i will kill myself

#just not been a fan of my face i look tired and unwell #being under 90lb cuz my relationship had my constantly stressed all year slay #i have literally no energy #ok im not sad anymore cuz at least i dont got a stupid mf in my ear telling me the meannest shit everr #always telling me im embarrassing whenever id be having a bpd episode or when i went outside to call my therapist #when he didnt let me leave for therapy and i didnt feel safe inside w him and i called my therapist sobbing and having a panic attack #u woukd think ur man would care abt his partner having a panic attack clearly in distress trying to talk to her therapist #but he was so pissed i was calling her ig? every time i was tryig to talk to her during that #hed interrupt me just talking in my ear bc i was walking around outside my apt and he was just following me putting me down #saying im lying or some shit and putting me down even tho i was literally having a panic attack nd super upset and not ok idk #like if he had any care for me he wld have stopped no matter what we were arguing abt and wanted to help me or at least disengage if all he #can be is a dick and horrible to m #me #litrally following me around just spewing hate at me and preventing me from talking to my therapist cuz i couldnt hear her bc iwas crying #and outside and the phone qual was bad and he was yelling at me LOL #and telling me how embarrassing i am and im a liar etc #lol #ok nvm i hate him again

[rohirric-hunter]

"Okay, Google, how to fire rent-lowering gunshots?"

#there is. SO MUCH. garbage in the parking lot #given the state of this place im really not sure i should be paying as much as i am for it #and yet people tell me rent is raised every year #well. im sure theres something to be done about that #it occurs to me that the garbage might be some other peoples rent lowering gunshots #but like recently they instituted this program where all dogs on the property have to be registered and dna samples taken #so that if they find dog poop on the property they can find out who left it there and fine them #im torn because on the one hand loser behavior #anything that requires you to have a dna profile of a dog when youre not like a gene scientist is loser behavior #but on the other hand i hate it when people leave their dog poop lying around and i think they should be fined #leaning more towards the first option tho because like. its not a gated community #the dog poop could be coming from anywhere #i think this is loser behavior and they need to get over it #(but people should really pick up their dog poop its so easy there are stations for it everywhere)

[astral-catastrophe]

Every once in a while I just ignore the trauma and laugh about all the shit the ex bestie pulled

#The trauma tho lmao #She’s the reason I no longer can wear a headband #I despise most musicals #I hated the thought of romance for years #Anything sparkly would make me hesitate. Along with this specific shade of light blue #Anyone touching my hair or shoulders would yank me back in time and the panic would set in. Her touch. I’m uncomfortable EUGH NO DAMN IT #That split second where you can tell someone is picturing something awful happening to you #That moment of heart crushing silence after being told stuff that’s made up about you #That moment when you can only hysterically laugh because she’s been spreading rumors about you. But those rumors never succeeded #Bc I was too nice for my own dammed good. So she walked all over me #So now when she talks shit #People pause and go. “No. She’s too nice. You’re lying” and. Damn. I really think that’s part of the reason all her relationships fell appa #Bc she couldn’t cope in a healthy way and. Why do I feel bad. She did this to herself #I shouldn’t feel bad #And I shouldn’t miss someone who was shit to me #jays being dumb again

[todayisafridaynight]

saori the biggest kin/id of my life because why would my roommate make a bunch of cookies when now i have to fight for my life not to eat every single last one of them

#snap chats #HEEEEEEELP #i love lying to myself and saying i dont like sweets so i trick myself into Not eating every piece of sugar i see #ITS SO BAD. THESE COOKIES ARENT THO THEYRE SO GOOD.... #she was baking with her boyfriend all day yesterday and dawg they were taunting me... i wanted to eat them so bad.. #AND THEN I WAKE UP AND SHE TEXTS US AL LIKE 'you guys can have the cookies i left out if you want <3' LIKE #YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOUVE DONE. i will force myself only to have a few... i promise not to be greedy... #so funny tho her boyf and her went out to eat after cooking and so they didnt have time to clean #and because Its Custom in my house to clean after who cooks (aka this rule only applies to my mom because she hates cleaning) #i just started cleaning. plus i really dont like mess but i had fun cleaning anyway #AND YEAH THIS MORNING IM HAVING A COOKIE AND SHES LIKE 'tysm again for cleaning like that was a lot im sorry <:)' #and im like 'no its ok i had fun :)' and the look she gave me. LOL LIKE /FUN/ 👁️👁️?????? #i dont think im a strange person but since living at a dorm with. Active Roommates For Once im sure feelng like a strange person #not in a bad way tho. its kinda funny realizing how odd i am. Apparently. or at least how different we all are from each other #ok bye i need to study spanish

[zeynatura]

#can i get playable Lucifer as well? #please Cygames I AM BEGGING YOU #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #make Lucifer playable and you'll have all my money i somt even care #in versus pr in the gacha. preferably both. i beg #i want my Lucifer back #now that i know you'll keep employing Sakurai Takahiro #which imo is not a bad thing #unfaithful lying bastards also need to eat #i may hate the guy personally but he does need a job #and i selfishly am grateful Lucifer'a voice will remain the same #i would have accepted a change in VA but ia not the first time Cygames embraces the cheaters #does that mean they endorse cheating? idk and i hope not #Cygames is still a company after all even tho i love and adore them and their games #so they're not safe of my criticism (not that they care cause most of their revenue is from Japan #this is just for my own peace of mind) #zey rants #Granblue Fantasy #Granblue Fantasy Versus #gbf #gbfvr #gbfvsr

[lilgynt]

birthdays haven’t been too bad the last few years but with picking my dad up from rehab last year i’ve been getting antsy about it again and my work is gonna leave balloons and a note on my desk and i do work that day and i thought i had the saving grace of my brother doing a thing with me the DAY after but due to work things were now doin it on the day and it’s just looming closer and closer 😰

#personal #you have like 5 bad birthdays in a row and suddenly have an actual fear of ur bday #again it didn’t happen for a few years so i was fine but dad thing now is scared again 🙄 #anyway i would have said no to the work thing but i wanted to be normal and encourage good will between my coworkers #i mean on my 45 day review perfect notes but my supervisor had to specify leadership when talking about communication bc i DONT be #talking to my coworkers #which totally fine doesn’t effect my work at all but. #idk i didn’t want to be like no when i already don’t talk to people #but did start a convo today!!! #i’m not bad at talking with people or even strangers i’m not even super shy i’m just bad at being a person #anyway so said yes even tho it does make me antsy thinking about #and i hate working on my birthday bc it feels like. #any event on my bday freaks me out or at least used to and does again #like ideal birthday stay home in bed and survive just don’t want to encourage chance or take any risks #i just want to stay still until it’s over and everyone’s okay #but now i’m working and people are gonna say happy birthday and there will be balloons and a note #and my brothers taking me out which yay love him love solo time gonna ask for sushi #but i’m also scared like what if something happens to him? #but it’s silly to live in fear and he’s only here for like a day #and even if my dad came home i also got my first birthday surprise with my friends lying #and saying they needed art supplies and gave me a cake and hannibal stuff and it was so sweet i cried :)))