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fuckyeahdindjarin · 1 year

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A Palomino Christmas

Jack Daniels x f!reader

|| Palomino universe oneshot, out of chronological order as I haven't finished the series yet. Can be read as a stand-alone. ||

{ Fuck Yeah Holidays | Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist }

Rating: E

Summary: You spend Christmas at the ranch with Jack. You thought the present you got him was inspired until you see him wearing it - the cowboy way.

Inspired by snowsuit anon and this adorable post (and a super cute nickname for a pony) sent to me by @aynsleywalker.

Warnings: !Ski suit action!, drinking, mention of food, gratuitous descriptions of the male bulge body, dirty talk, safe unprotected sex, feelings so fluffy. These holiday fics are for fun, so not as *rigorously edited* as my regular stories, please forgive any mistakes or plot holes!

Word count: 4.5k

Dedicated to @guiltypleasure-girl who I'm so grateful to have made friends with this year and who, imho, draws the best Jack in all the lands. If you don't already, follow her art page @guiltypleasure-art for the most gorgeous fanart ❤️

It’s always busy in the Stateman’s main kitchen on Christmas morning. The smokey burn of firewood warms the cozy space as the radio blares holiday tunes. Poppy presides over the operations at the head of the table - everything is planned down to the T and everyone has a role.

On any other Christmas day, Jack would be her sous-chef, the one she relies on to keep everyone on schedule and in their place.

But alas, today is not any other Christmas day.

The normally put together cowboy ambles around the place like a headless chicken, leaving a trail of half-completed tasks in his wake. Tequila, in uncharacteristic discretion, follows two steps behind.

He turns off the tap that Jack’s left pouring into the already full kettle, draining the excess water and putting it on the boil.

There’s one slice of bread in the toaster, while another lies forgotten on the table, which Teak slides into the free slot and pushes down the lever.

Jack pulls a jar of pickles from the fridge unseeingly, putting it on the table and walking away in search of a mug under three sets of watching, worried eyes. Teak replaces it with his friend’s favourite strawberry jam without a word.

While the oblivious cowboy’s back is turned, Teak motions his hand and forth across his neck in a slicing motion, mouthing nope emphatically at the occupants of the kitchen table.

On his cue, Poppy clears her throat and speaks up, ‘Jack, sweetie, why don’t you go check on the horses after your toast? The stable boys want to leave work early today after doing their morning rounds.’

‘Yeah, sure,’ he answers absent-mindedly, staring down into the empty mug in his grasp as if he’s lost his train of thought.

At that very moment, the toaster pops and Jack practically jumps out of his skin, stepping on Jameson’s paw where he’s lying on his rug in front of the fire, prompting an indignant yelp from the border collie and winces from around the table.

‘Sorry boy,’ he apologises and picks up his toast - burning his fingers - and stumbling over his feet to set his plate down. ‘Mornin’,’ he nods to the others without really registering who’s there.

Jack proceeds to butter his toast with such singular focus that he doesn’t notice when Tequila fills his still empty cup with coffee, only to knock it over immediately when a phone buzzes and his hand flies out to grab his. Ginger and Poppy trade concerned looks as he jumps onto his feet with another apology, snatching a tea towel to clean up the mess.

Eggsy, on potato peeling duty on the other side of the table, isn’t so diplomatic. ‘You’re jumpier than Bambi this morning, cowboy.’

Jack grunts noncommittally and chews on his toast, not rising to the bait.

‘Don’t be so nervous mate, we promise we’ll be on our best behaviour.’

Teak snorts from the kitchen counter where he’s making his PBJ. ‘I don’t know about England, but around these parts, lying on Christmas day is frowned upon.’

Eggsy replies high-handedly, ‘Can’t speak for you, Tequila, but I’ll be on my best behaviour.’

Ginger chuckles as Teak sits down at the table with his sandwich. ‘Ha! I’ll believe it when I see it.’

Jack points a forceful finger at the boys, one after the other. ‘I swear to the baby Jesus Christ, if you two don’t behave yourselves, there will be hell to pay.’

Eggsy snickers. ‘Never thought I’d see the day. Ol’ cowboy Jack falls heads over heels for a bird -’ he screeches when the coffee-soaked rag hits him in the face, which sends Teak into hysterical laughter. ‘Oi! What the fuck, man!’

Ignoring the ruckus, Jack dusts the crumbs from his hands and shrugs on his jacket, grabbing a thermos and filling it up with fresh coffee. With a hurried later, he strides out of the warmth of the kitchen and into the frigid morning air.

Thermos tucked under his arm, Jack rubs his palms together, warming his fingertips with his breath as snow crunches beneath his well-worn boots. The ranch is blanketed in thick snow, a picture-perfect postcard landscape as it is every Christmas. The morning mist has yet to burn off, but he can tell by the peek of blue through the clouds that it will be a fine day.

If your flight is on time, you should be on your way by now. He’d wanted to pick you up from the airport, but you insisted that there’s no point in him driving all the way there when you already know the way. Depending on the conditions, it shouldn’t be long until you arrive.

His list of chores isn’t long this morning - the stable boys will be on duty until lunchtime - but still, he wants to tick all the boxes before you get here. Striding into the heated stables, he says howdy to the grooms and whistles, smiling as dozens of faces appear at the doors, ears pointed forwards in attention, snickering and whinnying at him.

This never gets old.

‘Mornin’ ladies and gentlemen,’ he calls out, wandering down the stalls, rubbing a velvety nose here and pulling on a furry ear there. ‘Who’s ready to stretch their legs this fine mornin’, huh?’

Starting at the end of the stables, he unlatches Bourbon’s door and ushers him out of the stall, then crosses the aisle to let out Tanqueray, Champ’s elderly but still supremely poised Friesian, who clops leisurely towards the exit. Zig-zagging back and forth, Jack whistles, jostles and chats to the horses, all smartly dressed in warm rugs, as they file out down the corridor and into the courtyard for a bit of morning exercise while the stable boys mucked out their stalls.

‘No loitering, ma’am,’ says Jack sternly when Poppy’s mare, Pie, idles in the middle of the building. He gives her a firm pat on the rump to get her moving and whistles at one of the cheeky Shetland ponies who’s snuck into someone else’s stall. ‘Half-Pint! What did I say about stealing your friends’ treats? Shoo, now!’

The stables empty, the echoes of hooves on the concrete ground fading, with Scotch being one of the last to exit. Looping back to make sure there are no dilly-dalliers, Jack’s surprised to find the palomino, who would normally be leading the charge towards the grazing fields, still lingering at the barn doors.

‘Whatcha doin’, boy?’ he calls out.

Scotch tosses his head and steps to the side -

And you appear.

With the biggest grin, you run towards him and fly into his arms.

Your cheeks are wet, the spray of snow powder melting when it hits your skin. It drifts all around you as Scotch eats up the white ground, the thundering hooves muted by the soft cushion of the untouched, overnight snow. The mountain air is sweet and pure and stingingly cold, you can barely feel your face anymore - but it might just be from how hard you’ve been smiling.

You feel like you’re in the middle of a Christmas movie. The lush, green landscape you remember so well from your trip months ago is now all coated in wintry glory, but you still recognise the contours of the land and the mountains. It’s your first time in the saddle since - the whistle of the winds in your ear is a song you remember all the words to, the burn in your out-of-practice muscles all over a familiar old friend.

And you’re happy.

Slowing Scotch to an easy trot as you approach the end of the trail, your breath mists in front of your face as you look down over the ranch, a scene straight out of a classic snow globe, thin wisps of smoke drifting from the chimneys of the wooden lodges dotted across the property.

Gently manoeuvring the palomino to a halt and giving him a pat on the neck, you turn to smile at Jack as he walks up beside you on Whiskey. ‘I’ve missed this so much.’

‘Me too,’ he answers, warm eyes on you.

You give him a sidelong glance. ‘You’ve been here the whole time, cowboy.’

‘I know. I’ve missed you being here.’ He reaches over and pulls your gloved hand towards him, presses a kiss to the back. You want to shuck off the leather and cup his whiskered jawline in your palm, push the well-worn hat off and twine your fingers into his hair -

Later. There will be time for all that later, preferably in front of a roaring fireplace.

You break the moment with an eyebrow arched in a challenge. ‘Race you to the stables?’

Jack grins. ‘You’re on, darlin’.’

Christmas dinner is in the main lodge, which you didn’t use during your trip in the summer. The intimate space is exuberantly decorated in red and gold, a huge, freshly cut pine tree stands proudly by the antique fireplace, a merry fire burning. The table is beautifully laid, silverware immaculately polished and fine china sit alongside holidays-themed napkins. A magnificent feast lines the length of the mahogany dining table comfortably seating eight.

But any kind of decorum stops there.

As the hours tick by and bottles of wine and sherry are emptied, the meal has descended into what Jack warned you in advance as ‘typical Kingsman chaos’. According to the cowboy, the whole Kingsman team comes to the ranch every summer for their annual company retreat, but only Merlin, Eggsy and Harry fly over for Christmas. And while their contingent is small, havoc is an inevitable conclusion where any number of the Kingsman are involved.

Desserts are still being passed around the table - sticky toffee pudding, pecan pie and Yule log - when Teak and Eggsy start to raise their voices and slap the table about British and American Christmas songs. They’re currently yelling - not singing - carols at each other, with Jameson barking excitedly in the background.

Tequila throws his hands up in frustration at Eggsy’s rendition of Twelve Days of Christmas. ‘Why is there a partridge in a pear tree? What the fuck is a partridge?’

Champ and Merlin are having a more civilised but no less intense debate about pies - specifically mince pies versus pumpkin pie as a holiday dessert.

‘Next year, old chap,’ declares Merlin. ‘I’ll bring mince pies with me and you’ll be eating your words, just you wait.’

Jack whispers in your ear. ‘He says that every year, but never does.’

You chuckle and turn your attention to Harry, who’s now insisting that they should put Love Actually up on the big projector screen after dinner, whereas Ginger and Poppy are lobbying for Elf.

‘Why not The Holiday? It’s literally the perfect American-British movie,' you pitch in, which launches another furious tirade of debate at your end of the table.

Jack mumbles under his breath. ‘Because they’re idiots and pointless, festive arguing is a winter sport around here.’

His arm is warm around your shoulders as you giggle into your mulled wine. ‘Is it like this every year?’

‘Yup,’ he answers, really popping the P. With a mild touch of embarrassment, he holds your amused gaze and asks, ‘Too much?’

Tipping your face upwards, you press a chaste kiss to his lips.

‘Just enough,’ you assure him as the corners of his eyes crinkle in the warmest smile.

You didn’t have time to drop off your suitcase at Jack’s cottage, which is a short drive from the ranch, when you arrived in the morning. Instead, with Champ’s blessing, you commandeered one of the guest cabins, all empty in the off-season - which is just as well. By the time midnight rolls around, it’s clear that no one is in any state to make their way back to their respective off-site houses.

Harry and the ladies retired to their borrowed rooms a little while ago, leaving you and Jack to round up the stragglers. You check on Teak, lying face down on the sofa, bundled up in his winter quilts in an aborted attempt to leave. A few steps over, you drape a blanket on Champ and another one on Merlin, who are passed out on armchairs which look comfortable enough to sleep in, socked feet up on matching ottomans. Eggsy is cuddling with Jameson in front of the fire, and Jack feeds the logs to make sure it burns till morning.

It’s bleak outside. Jack shields you from the worst of the winds, tucking you into his side as you trudge across the snow, the early start you’ve had catching up on you. Thankfully, the heating is already on in the cabin when you get there, and he starts a fire as well while you get ready for bed.

When you pad into the bedroom in your pyjamas, teeth brushed and makeup washed off, Jack looks up to see you holding a neatly-wrapped present, a shy smile on your lips.

Standing up from the fireplace, he dusts his hands and reaches for you, palms settling on the small of your back, leaning down to graze his still cold nose against yours. ‘Is that for me, darlin’?’

‘Maybe,’ you reply coyly. ‘Do you want to do presents now or tomorrow morning?’

‘Let’s do it now, I have to feed the horses early tomorrow,’ answers Jack, pecking you on the cheek. ‘Give me five minutes.’

The bed is cold, and you have to steel yourself to burrow into the icy cocoon of the thick covers, missing Jack’s warmth. He doesn’t make you wait long, re-appearing in just boxers, and a big box in hand, switching off all but the bedside lights.

Sliding under the duvet, he yelps when your icy feet tangle into his longer legs, making you laugh. His bare skin heats you up instantly as he wraps one arm around you and pulls you into his broad chest. You feel him hum when he asks, ‘You want to go first, darlin’?’

Blinking up at him, you answer nervously, ‘No - you first.’

He pushes the box your way and you sit up, pretending to shake the package to gauge what’s inside. Jack chuckles, his strong forearms dark against the beige quilt wrapped around his middle. Only his fingers give away his nerves, picking at loose threads in the fabric as you carefully unravel the wrapping paper.

Lifting the lid of the box, your lips part and you stare wordlessly at what’s inside.

‘Jack,’ you breathe. ‘It’s beautiful.’

Gently, you pull out the cowboy hat in tan suede, the smell of fresh leather comforting as you turn it over in your grasp, marvelling at the craftsmanship in the dips and swells of the construction.

‘Try it on, darlin’,’ he says, his shoulders relaxing in relief at your reaction.

You do, and of course, it fits perfectly. Shuffling onto your knees, you crawl closer to kiss him fully on the lips, tilting your head to the side so that his face fits under the brim of your hat. ‘Thank you, I love it.’

Jack arches an eyebrow. ‘You might want to check the box again, darlin’.’

Sitting back on your haunches, you send him an almost accusatory look. ‘You can’t give me two presents, cowboy.’

He shrugs with an insolent grin. ‘I’m a grown man, I’ll do what I like. ‘

Your eyes alight on the black velvet case at the bottom of the box, and you draw it out with careful fingers as if it will break. With one last glance at Jack, you gingerly lift the lid, feeling the hinges creak.

Jack watches you closely, his own breathing suspended as you stare down into your hands, thoughts whirring in his head. Is it too much, too soon? Is he comin’ on too strong? Would you even like it?

After the longest ten seconds of his life, you look up at him with soft eyes and brows drawn, a crack in your voice. ‘Jack.’

He gives you a lopsided smile and reaches for the box. ‘I went back to the same silversmith who made my belt buckle and asked him to make this.’

The chain is delicate in his big, weathered hands. It takes him a couple of tries, but he eventually manages to pry open the hinge of the clasp and holds out the necklace towards you in a question. ‘May I, darlin’?’

Turning around, the bed dips behind you as Jack shifts closer, cool silver kissing your décolletage as he fastens the clasp behind your neck. Your gaze drops downwards, the tip of your index finger testing the weight of the solid sterling pendant in the shape of a flask, Statesman emblazoned in delicate lettering -

A much smaller but exact copy of his belt buckle.

His words draw you out of your thoughts. ‘You like it?’

‘I love it,’ you correct him, twisting around to tackle him into the mattress, your knees around his waist as you loom over him, knocking off your hat so you can kiss him properly. ‘It’s perfect. Thank you.’

The pendant dangles from your neck, tickling him on the chin as he winds one big hand into your hair, his eyes following as it sways. ‘It looks good on you, darlin’.’

The warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest starts to recede as your eyes land on the present you got for him on the bed. The giddiness you felt when you found it is a distant dream, instead, anxiety threatens to take root deep in your head. If you got something from Amazon tonight, is there any chance that they could deliver tomorrow -

‘Darlin’. You’re thinking too loudly,’ says Jack soothingly, chucking you gently under your chin. ‘What’s wrong?’

You shake your head. ‘I got you a really stupid present. Let’s forget about it - I’ll get you something else.’

His brows draw together in concern as he grabs your wrists and pulls you flush against his chest so that there’s nowhere else to look but at him. ‘Don’t say that, there’s no such thing as a stupid present. Whatever you got me, I’m sure I’ll love it.’

You inhale deeply, chewing your bottom lip. ‘You mentioned a few weeks ago that your leather jacket and fleeces are too bulky and it’s hard to move around in all the layers when it's cold.’

He nods encouragingly. ‘That I did.’

Propping yourself up on your elbows, you reach out and drag the package towards him. ‘Well, I saw this at my local shop, and thought it might help.’

Jack gives you a reassuring smile and leans back into the pillows, grabbing the present excitedly. He pulls you against his side, as if he’s trying to squeeze all the self-doubt out of you, the gift draped across your laps as he starts to unwrap it.

You’re a bundle of jitters when he rips off the wrapping paper with impatient fingers, and the lightweight and puffy blue fabric comes into view.

Jack shakes out the neatly folded one-piece. ‘Is it - a ski suit?’

You nod and point out the black contrasting detailing on the front of the suit. ‘It's light and it's warm. Look at the western design with the single point pockets - I couldn’t not get it for you.’

Jack chuckles, the sound warming you as his arm tightens around your shoulders. ‘Well, I’ll be damned. So simple, yet so clever.’

‘You like it?’ you ask in the smallest voice.

‘I love it,’ he grins, drawing you in for another kiss. ‘Thank you, darlin’.’

Finally assuaged, you sag against him, a yawn creeping up on you as the tension in your body recedes. ‘You want to try it on now?’

Tucking you in, he says, ‘I’ll try it tomorrow, it’s been a long day for you, darlin’.

Putting your hat and his ski suit on the bedside table, Jack turns off the light, his body immediately seeking out yours under the sheets, claiming every inch of you with a leg between your thighs, front plastered to your back, palms under your ratty pyjamas top, splayed across your naked skin.

It’s been too long.

Nose tucked behind your ear, his arms full of you - finally here after months of feeling your phantom weight in his embrace - the night slips away as the snow falls outside.

It’s too warm under the covers when you wake up, even though Jack’s side of the bed is empty. You stretch lazily, the clock reads 8am but the fire is still going strong, he must have stoked it when he got up.

You decide to make some coffee and wait for him to come back before venturing to the communal kitchen for breakfast. While the water boils, you smile as you fiddle with the necklace sitting on your chest, warm and reassuring against your skin.

The smell of caffeine fills the cabin as you sip from your mug, and before long, you hear Jack stomping up the stairs, humming a country tune in his raspy baritone as he approaches the door.

Pouring him a steaming cup, you say, ‘Hey, I made you some coffee -’

You trail off when you turn around.

Your morning brain can’t quite grasp the picture in front of you. Jack’s still wearing his cowboy hat, his nose red from the cold. Vaguely, you realise he’s wearing the present you gifted him - and you congratulate yourself on the fact that it fits him like a damn glove.

The ski suit accentuates his broad shoulders and tapers in at his waist in a flattering cut, the zipper drawn all the way up to the hollow of his throat. He’s replaced the detachable belt that came with the ski suit with his own, the flask bottle buckle popping against the blue.

But the bottom half - that you have trouble comprehending. It takes you a beat longer to realise why.

He’s wearing full-length cowboy chaps over it.

Chaps are essentially leather trousers with the seat cut out, and Jack's wearing them with his belt looped through the straps. You know he only uses them when it’s muddy, to keep his jeans clean. He didn’t wear them at all on your pack trip, but you’ve seen a peek on Facetime in the rainy months in between. And now that you're seeing them in person, you decide that like them - a lot.

Your gaze, slow as molasses despite being completely unburdened by shame, slides all the way down to the triangle of blue framed by the negative space in the brown chaps where - for the lack of a better expression - his prominent endowment hangs heavy at the apex of his strong thighs. Not that you’re trying to look, but you can see the very heft of him through the fabric.

Jesus H. Christ. It’s too fucking early to be sinning.

When Jack realises that you’re staring, he says somewhat apologetically, clearly oblivious to the merry tangent your mind has gone off on. ‘Sorry, I know I’m not meant to wear it this way, but I didn’t want to get it dirty -’

You shake your head hastily. ‘No, it’s not that. It’s - perfect.’

Something breathless in your tone catches his ear, and he tilts his head to the side, one large hand coming to rest on his hip, thick fingers spread obnoxiously wide over the side of the chaps. The beginning of a cocky smile lifts the corner of his mouth. ‘Yeah, darlin’? You like it?’

Leaving your mug on the counter top, you bite your lip and give him your best teasing grin. ‘Why don’t you turn around so I can take a better look, cowboy?’

He arches an eyebrow at your boldness, but decides to indulge you. Voice dropping an octave, he rasps, ‘Better take a seat for this, darlin’.’

You grin and do as you’re told, turning the kitchen chair around so that you’re facing him, running your eyes up and down his frame as he steps into your space, narrow hips swaying to a beat you can’t hear. Hooking his thumbs into his belt, he suddenly turns with a dramatic flourish and arches his back, granting you an unrivalled view of his behind framed by the chaps cut off at the top of his thighs, the ski suit tight against his pert bottom.

‘Enjoy the view, darlin’?’ he asks, grinning over his shoulder at you.

You swat him on one cheek playfully, and when he swoops suddenly into your lap in a classic burlesque move, you squeal, ‘Jack!’

Bending his knees, he grinds into your thighs as you laugh, the ski suit soft on your skin while the leather chaps scrape against your bare shins. Turning around, he reaches up to tug the suit’s zipper downwards in a slow, deliberate course, and he purrs, ‘What say you if ol’ cowboy Jack gives you a proper show, hmm?’

You inhale sharply as the white wife beater underneath comes into view, and you reach up to help him push one side of the ski suit off his shoulder, revealing the firm line of his left arm.

‘Thought that was more of Teak’s thing,’ you quip, licking your lips as your eyes skim down his front to settle on the weighty bulge now straining against the front of the suit, your eager fingers pulling him closer by his belt buckle.

Gripping the edge of the table, he traps you into your seat, his stare dropping to the matching pendant resting on your now heaving bosom, taking in your blown pupils as he grins. ‘Anythin’ for you, darlin’.’

‘Aren’t I the luckiest girl,’ you muse, taking off his hat and flinging it onto the table, his hungry stare alone pinning you in place when you drag him down to you by his lapels.

Warm lips part yours and he delves into your mouth, kissing you deeply. The promise of more leaves you chasing him as he draws back with a drawl. ‘You’re about to get a whole lot luckier, darlin’.’

The thick material of the ski suit is almost pillowy as your fingers dig into his shoulders to steady yourself. It rubs gently on your nipples as you rock against Jack, arms wound around his neck while his desperate hands cup and knead the plump swell of your ass, dragging you up and down his hard cock.

‘That’s it, you’re ridin' me beautifully, darlin’,’ he growls into your ear, exhaling hot and heavy as he nips your collar bone. ‘Missed you so much.’

His chaps are slippery under your bare thighs from your slick, and you clench at the sensation of being completely naked on top of him when he’s still fully clothed, only his belt and zipper undone so that he can fuck up into you, the rickety kitchen chair groaning under the weight of the two of you.

‘Missed you too,’ you whisper against his lips, crying out when he hits a particularly deep spot inside you. ‘Yes, yes, harder, Jack.’

Leaning forward, he takes one breast into his hot mouth, one eye on your necklace that’s sticking to your sweaty skin before licking you between your tits and over the silver pendant, the salt sharp on his tongue. He hums, ‘You wear it so well.’

‘I won’t take it off, ever,’ you swear, throwing your head back when he scrapes his teeth against the column of your neck, so full of him that your knees quake.

‘Good,’ growls Jack, thrusting harder into you, making your breath stutter. ‘Keep me with you, darlin’ - always.’

You smile, fingers curled into his hair, stealing a tender moment as your noses bump and eyes meet with the easiest promise you will ever keep. ‘Always.’

Notes: Am I allowed to pick favourites? I'm not? I'm doing it anyway -- this is my favourite out of all the holiday fics, no question! I'm so soft for cowboy Jack and his darlin' 🥹 We've been spending time with just the two of them so far in the series, so it was really fun to explore the group situations, especially with the Kingsman involved!

I hope you enjoyed this fluffy interlude. Wishing you all a very merry Christmas and thank you so much for reading ❤️

#jack daniels x you #jack daniels fanfic #jack daniels x reader #jack whiskey daniels #jack daniels #jack daniels x fem!reader #jack daniels x f!reader #kingsman golden circle #fuckyeahholidays #‘tis palomino season

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bosskie · 16 days

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Molluck Pixel Thing 2

Man, drawing this was yet another ride... I just felt like that I really gotta learn to draw in a more realistic way (= photorealism) in order to make my art look better. So, I wanted to try out drawing a realistic pixel portrait about Molluck. I had to adjust and edit this so many times that it almost triggered a mental breakdown... Just started to feel like I should quit art, hating myself for loving Molluck, just felt like hating my own creations, that I shouldn't even be a part of this community... That feeling made me cry, just felt so awful... Once, my mind made me unable to think about Molluck for a day, made him leave my mind... I just don't wish my mind to take him away from me, it would make me feel so empty...

I feel unsure about this but this has less flaws than the previous pixel Molluck thing, so I guess that it's time to change avatar too, even I feel like this doesn't look good as an avatar... I just keep feeling like there is always something wrong in my art but I'm not skilled enough to fix those flaws... Man, why must Molluck be so hard to draw... Been drawing for almost 3 years only this Gluk and still feel like I don't know how to draw him... Frankly, it depresses me but I'm trying not to give up even it comes to my mind almost every day. It felt like the only thing that made me stop me hating myself for loving Molluck was how much I do love him and how it would make him feel bad... Sometimes, I just think that why he would even love me or more like how he would start loving me since love needs no reasons... I haven't said this clearly but yes, I self-ship myself with Molluck and I wanna keep that stuff to myself, just like my NSFW Molluck stuff. I do have my own story for my self-ship, though I'm not totally sure about it, mostly just because I'm not sure how Molluck would have started to love me... It's just so difficult to see myself as someone to love, just anything lovable in me... But despite of this, thru him I'm able to have some self-love, tell myself that all the awful things I think about myself ain't true, that I shouldn't end this all...

I know that I should say that I'm sorry for having severe mental health issues but I still feel sorry... I just don't wanna pretend and Molluck just relates so closely to my mental health... It feels like I don't really feel like doing anything with my life but creating all this Molluck stuff is a pleasant way to waste/spend my time. I don't want any pity, just hope that my existence here doesn't ruin things, that I'm open about this long ass hell I'm going thru inside my head every single day... I'm just so tired... Feel like caring about things less and less...

I don't know how to end this post... This Gluk is just so important to me... It's interesting that our brains don't seem to care about if the one we love is 'real' or fictional. It's just not easy to find words for my thoughts but it just feels like my life would lost the last sense it makes to me if my mind took Molluck away from me... Also, sometimes, I just feel like everyone could draw Molluck better than me, just every single person in this world... I know, my ill mind can make me feel like irrational things are the truth, even I know that it's not the truth, but those lies still feel so real... But this feeling is just one of those reasons why I feel like quiting doing art, feeling like I could be easily replaced, nothing I draw is special, there is just no reasons to continue doing bad 'art' since I cannot draw in reality... I don't even really feel like calling myself an artist but a creator... But despite of these feelings, I still continue creating stuff since I just wanna create stuff, no matter how bad my stuff looks. I also just need more Molluck content... Frankly, I can admit that I'm kinda addicted to some of my Molluck content... Um, I guess that I can admit that all animations I have done about Molluck, both in 2D and in 3D (minus my Molluck game sprites), are NSFW content... I have been thinking about doing animations that I can also show but well, at least I have learned to get better in 3D animations, like I just found out camera stuff in Blender! I recently also felt like hating myself for spending so much effort on those animations... I just cannot help myself that all I want is that Gluk, my ill mind must just accept it.

I know that this can be odd but I cannot help this... This is my situation, this is what I love.

#molluck #oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #oddworld #art like a bosskie

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busymagpie · 1 year

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Hello! Hope you're having a good day :D

I hope this question isn’t rude or anything but since you posted a few sketches lately I just wanted to ask if you maybe have some Turgon sketches laying around that you would like to share? Just because I love him a lot and there is not very much art with him, sadly. The two (at least I have found only two) of your pieces with him in it are s o good and I would love to see more of him in your style! Feel free to ignore this ask though, if you don't have/don't want to share anything, I hope this isn't a weird question.

Anyway, while I'm at it let me just say that you're great and your art is amazing (I especially love how you draw so many different faces so distinctively and expressive. Also hair. So many different, pretty hairstyles!!) and I really like spending time on your blog!

Have a nice day <3

Heyo :) It's been pretty good, thanks! It's not rude at all! But I'm afraid I have to disappoint since I only recently started to keep my digital sketches instead of trashing them right away and I haven't drawn him all that much lately. The only thing I have is a wip I'm set on finishing some day. It's shippy though, and also a year old as of now so there are already so many things I want to change about it. Since I'm going to finish it eventually, I don't want to spoil it completely, but here ya go!

Also thank you! :') 💕 So many nice compliments, you're making me tear up! (well actually I'm wiggling in my seat, but it's pretty much the same really) Have a great day as well! ❤

#asks #turgon #finrod #turgoldo #I swear I'm gonna finish this

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goldicthehedgefox · 1 year

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I told myself I'd turn this into a tradition, so here I am throwing all my art in one place again.

All the art featured here is what I had on my art flash drive since that's mainly how I keep track of when I drew what.

Explanations for all the boxes under the cut:

January: Ok, so, turns out I didn't draw shit in January except a fun little doodle of Goldic (the character) fighting one of my friend's ocs. Not gonna throw it down here because it was for a friend. (I also never finished that one thing I was eluding to in the last progression post, big sadge; it would've been so funny if I finished that, or at least enough of it so I could put the other half at the start of this one)

February: Ah yes, playing Uno with Silent Magician and Silent Swordsman. The best way to spend Valentine's Day, tbh. Oh yeah, the GoldicSoulless emote also came into existence.

March: Oops, didn't draw anything. And if I did, I doubt any of it was Tumblr-worthy.

April: Oops, I did it again. I just didn't feel like drawing around that time. It was a nice art break, I guess.

May: Back to drawing and I... didn't draw much, but I did draw a redesign for Moon! ...That I never shared until now:

I also designed regional variants of Riolu and Lucario for fun (and for my fake region, Avnou, that you don't get to hear any infodumps about yet, I'll share that when it's more "complete"; Riolu is Ghost type while Lucario is Ghost/Ground):

and here's the shinies, hehehe (click to see the sparkles better):

June: PRIDE MONTH, WOOOOOOOO- *ahem*, I drew a lot of shit in Pride Month, like: - Me holding my giant af flag made of multiple flags - Note and Symph being cute and gay - Mew and Mewtwo designs for the comic I didn't make yet - A bunch of Pikachu sketches for no reason in particular - and this as a little treat for myself since Sonic's Game Anniversary and my b-day are so close together (literally two days apart):

July: My current profile pic was drawn here, as well as a new (and currently unfinished) ref sheet for Goldic! Here's what is done right now:

though, I'm tempted to just redo it again with all the improvements I've made to my art since drawing this...

August: I just drew a bunch of doodles around this time, tbh. I even colored a couple of them. Also drew Angora again:

Beyond that? Nothing of note.

September: Cyno. Just Cyno. Definitely my best attempt at soft shading in recent memory. Also, you're not tripping, I did design an Ash (and Goh) for that Mewtwo comic I didn't make yet (Ash's design is a mix of his Unova and Journeys designs with some creative freedom mixed in; Goh's ref isn't done yet, but he does have a doodle here!):

Friendly Reminder that Ash has Aura Powers™ and Lucario, the Aura Pokémon, can read people's thoughts (just in case someone wonders why Ash seems to read Goh's thoughts in the above image):

October: I... didn't draw shit in October, but I did draw some all-digital doodles with my mouse! (because no art tablet, lol); I can't share most of it because Angst and NSFW™, but I can share what I haven't shared already:

November: I also didn't draw shit in November, but when I did, I made two whole characters: a catboy (Kitari) and a duelist, yu-gi-oh style, that I didn't share yet (Yune). Fun Fact: Yune is the first Yu-Gi-Oh oc I've ever made, despite loving the series for years, and all I have to show him off is a colored headshot and some messy sketches:

Outfit design isn't final yet, but hey. He exists. Yes, the scarf (and hair) will stay.

December: S Q U A R E - The Puyo Puyo Brainrot returned and so did me drawing Squares. I also drew a bunch of emotes for Kitari (of which only half are done) and another little something that I'll share later~

Overall: - Very productive year in terms of art improvement (mainly anatomy and color choice; character design quality has also improved a lot) - More brainrot fanart than in previous years - Less art overall, but more got shown off - 10/10 quality (compared to older art), hell yeah

#goldic's drawings #2022 art progress #thrakkymor #long post #goldic rambles #enjoy all the doodles hehehehehehe #new year's resolution: draw more art. post more content in general. maybe finally infodump about Thrakkymor so much it'll flood the blog #try my hand at animation a bit. maybe make a comic series that I'd actually want to finish #finally slap some sense into myself so I can post those things #cuz let's be real here: the main thing holding me back right now is myself

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nakunakunomi · 8 months

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Hi Hazel! It sounds like your ankles have been through a lot ;-; I hope they're feeling better.

Ooh looks like there's a lot of cards waiting for you. Sending you luck on getting all of them very early so you don't have to spend much on them!

Your year ahead seems very busy and hectic :O. Remember to take care of yourself and it's okay to say no to tasks sometimes! You're already doing very well and they can always find someone else to do things for them.

I shall patiently await the day you post your drawings 👀 no pressure though haha

I can't believe it's still so hot out, definitely waiting for sweater weather to hit. Suddenly thinking about sweater weather and Leona, has that been done before? I feel like it has 🤔

Wishing you a smooth year ahead! Drinks lots of water and take care! -berry anon

Hiya Berry,

Sorry that the reply is a little later again today, the first days of the school year are super duper hectic, and especially this year, I've had a lot of trouble already. It's slowly stabilizing though, so I hope to be able to be more active here very very soon. My ankles are suffering a little now that I am back to standing on my feet for most of the day, but if anything, it's a great way to get them stronger again.

I finally got to playing chapter 6 of twst -still not entirely done- and now i really really want to get the Idia dorm card, my love for him has grown loads, almost on par with our favorite Lion. Skipping birthdays and saving pulls, I am at 140 pulls now so the Halloween cards better be nice.

Still working up the courage on the art, haven't been drawing much lately, but had some OC thoughts and wanted to draw them, so maybe soon ish? I really don't know, can't promise anything. Hahah. Speaking off, do you have any Twisted wonderland OC's/yuusonas? Would love to hear about them UwU.

Sweater weather Leona, ohhhh that seems like something cozy. I love the idea of cozyness with him, adding it to the neverending list of blurbs and ideas lmao. Although with Leona i always imagine Savanaclaw and Sunset Savannah, with not a lot of cold days hehe.

It is FINALLY cooling down and I am so happy. I am very good with cold weather so I can still wear my dresses and tshirts, but without actively dying 10/10 recommend. I can almost get back underneath my weighted blanket at night, which will make me less tired and more productive hopefully.

Sending you loads of love!

#hazel speaks #hazel and frenz #berry anon

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royalnightshadeart · 1 year

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Royal Nightshade's Influence Map (Part 1)

Hi again! This is Volt and we're back with another blog post! This time we want to chat a little about the artists and themes that inspire us; what makes "Royal Nightshade"? KingRhapsody and I want to share what we love. This is part 1 of 2!

Volt's Influence Map

I'll admit, my influence map is a little all over the place, and there's a lot that I actually don't have on here- I wanted to really work my brain for the themes and artists that recur or that I constantly refer back to, so that meant not just reaching for a bunch of Disney or anime from my childhood and calling it done (Not that there is anything wrong with that).

More below the cut!

Artists

JC Leyendecker: (Top left) One my my current inspirations and has been for quite some years now. I learned about him and the way that he made art. He led quite the fascinating life. Some of my favorites of his are on that map, I love his finished advertisements and works for the Saturday Evening Post just as much as the quick studies he did. There is something timeless about his art that I love that I find to be the opposite of Rockwell's, which tends to lean very 'Americana' and 'Of That Time'.

A lot of the visual cues I try to implement from him are the sculptural brush strokes, as well as the very confident air about the characters he draws. There is something very statuesque about his work, and yet it isn't stiff or lifeless. He has a unique design sensibility that I really like. A lot of his work is quite like Art Deco, which I love in architecture.

John William Waterhouse: (Top Middle) I absolutely love his color mixing and his theming of powerful women and scenes from mythology. His work is looser and more ethereal than Leyendecker's. I find the running theme to be strong silhouettes and good contrasting and saturated colors. There isn't much else I actually have to say about him, except that I like to do master studies of his work every so often.

Frederic Leighton: (Lower Left) If you hadn't noticed, I love painters who create within the themes of classical art or mythology (more on that later). But Frederic here is actually one of my favorites specifically because of that. his colors and light are masterful, and I'd love to create powerful scenes like the one on the map of Hermes returning Persephone to Demeter.

Modern Media

I don't want to spend too much time here, because there's more modern media than I have room to cover. Needless to say, I grew up with toonami and Super Nintendo. So I chose some games and an anime that best suited what I feel represents a good deal of my influence from those things. Notable mentions are

Yu Yu Hakusho, a shounen anime you should watch if you haven't already, and definitely an influence on the way I approach characterization. If I had to tell you an example of what my favorite style is for 90s anime, I'd point you here, or to Cowboy Bebop.

Chrono Trigger is definitely a part of my formative years as a baby gamer. I took pretty well to fighting games, and I could sit here all day and talk to you about how much I love King of Fighters, but Chrono Trigger sums up what the vibes are when it comes to non-linear narrative, which is definitely what my comic is shooting for, but not in a time travel way directly. This game makes you think about the consequences of actions you can and cannot control in the flow of history.

And the music slaps.

Seiken Densetsu 3- Oh, I'm Sorry, Trials of Mana, was a game I played many times on an SNES emulator, fan translated. The characters and the various adventures you went on really inspired me! The colors in this game are so rich and I liked all the different locations and monsters. It makes me want to expand on the lore of the world in which Royal Nightshade exists. King has played this one too and he thoroughly enjoyed it!

My favorite characters are Kevin, (but then again I love werewolves) and Angela (because she shares my name and has cool magic, sort of a brat though). Please play it! The remake is not bad, but the original is great. Music also slaps, but not as hard as Chrono Trigger to be Honest.

Themes

And finally, I'm sure you've noticed peppered throughout the map is Hermes, who is honestly The Best. God of commerce, travel, boundaries and communication. I love him so much. Here at Royal Nightshade we stan a busy god.

In general, you'll see themes of mythology (Greek in particular although I love all sorts), as well as liminal spaces, fantasy and alchemy; the latter one is a big influence to me, given that the main character of my comic is an alchemist. I don't know. I love the symbolism, the theories, the philosophy, it's so easy and fun to make up themes within the umbrella of alchemy because it was so based in belief and what many early practitioners thought was the way to back up their theories.

I love mixing fantasy into reality in those ways and playing at the boundaries of science and magic. King tells me I'm really into 'science fantasy' themes, and I guess it hadn't occurred to me until he mentioned it.

This was a great exercise in exploring what I'll be bringing to the table here at Royal Nightshade! You can expect a little bit of everything from those inspirations.

#VoltBlog #influence map #Royal Nightshade Art #Archive2022

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juniiperx · 1 year

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If you haven't heard, (original tweet was deleted, thread still remains)

DeviantArt created an AI generator using the database of all the art in the platform where everyone was originally opted-in by default and to opt-out you had to fill in a form that may take days to be revised and could get rejected, allowing DeviantArt essentially steal all of your artwork.

They listened to the people and made it so every art is opted-out by default in this other tweet.

Although they "fixed" it but as of now have yet to apologize to all the artists the platform has offensively dared to steal from... in my eyes, DeviantArt is dead.

I also consider twitter dead in my eyes but that's another story and irrelevant to what I wish to discuss.

Because of the horrible executive actions DeviantArt, I have removed my past presence from the platform and I want to talk about my finds.

DeviantArt, in the past, was a very influential platform for little ol' me so going back to remove my old art was a trip down memory lane.

There was a total of four accounts. I always struggled with identity online and because you needed to pay to change username, i simply made a new account instead. It was... nice. I saw four stages of my art growth that made me nostalgic.

The first account I went to was my latest account, 2019-2020.

It had my most recent artwork with little to no description. It was no cause of nostalgia because it was my latest and still had art that I consider okay. It was my most urgent to remove from the platform trying to steal it.

The second account I visited was of 2016-2019. Apparently by 2018-2019 was when I started spending most of my time on Amino since there's a couple of posts drawing OCs of people from Amino. Despite mainly spending my time on another platform, I still posted occasionally to DeviantArt.

But let's talk about the past first, 2016-2017, my second most active year on DeviantArt. I posted drawings of my OCs and characters I simply designed for the sake of it with a brief description.

This was my first drawing posted on that account:

"Vladik" nov 29, 2016

This is a fellow character of mine named Vladik (whatarelastnames) who's from a story that I may write. I'm also gonna write a better description than this later but for now satisfy with a one sentence explanation.

He's that typical shy guy at first that the more you get to know, the more annoying and flirty he'll get as well as his edgy, dark past and- oh the pain! (making fun of my own characters ftw) but even with that he keeps that little smile as his past events haunts his mind... becuz he secretly edgy

Yeah, I was young and had recently figured out how to use a drawing tablet. My biggest art inspiration that contributed to my current style was the youtuber "LeslieLu Marie" (great artist, check her out).

Looking back at it, oh how I wish I had explained more... This character, back then, was one of my main OCs I'd think about a lot and even used for roleplays with my friend. I had a very detailed and tragic backstory for him that I no longer remember since it was such a long time ago.

The vague memory I have, he was a soldier (?) and had a group of friends but one friend went against him so he had to kill his friend. Years after, his dead friend came back for revenge (?). He truly doesn't fit the design but looking back, how fun heh. It's fun to look back at what younger me was creating, elaborate plots and relationships, all the things that shape my current story.

All the other characters were in similar fashion, either being a mere design or being a very detailed OC with complex backstories. Unfortunately, it's all stories lost to time because I never wrote detailed descriptions. I can never know the stories I had planned because I was very secretive, I kept it secret from my own friend because I wanted to be mysterious and only reveal it once I have an established comic/novel. The sad reality is that, that day never came... and those stories became secret to my own self as I read back only to find nothing.

The OC story I remember the most is of Vladik and I already wrote what I remembered, it's not a lot... the fact that I may never remember what these characters were was slightly upsetting for me.

This was my last drawing posted to that account and also my first and only traditional drawing:

"Snek boi" Jan 13, 2019

Oh wow traditional art o^o

...I vaguely remember that he had a name and story but I recall no details of it. Again, his story is a mystery to myself.

The other account was 2015, the creepypasta phase.

Let's briefly talk of the backstory and mentality of 13 yr old me:

I was introduced to DeviantArt and Wattpad before that age and now I was old enough to actually use the internet and those platforms without lying about it online.

I thought "Jeff the Killer" was hot and that his story was sad and therefore excused the murders. I wanted and eventually did make my own creepypasta (lost to time) and I remember I had two creepypasta OCs, my Jeff the Killer rip-off named "Crooked Smile" and my Liu rip-off named "Cody"... obsessed with Jeff the Killer is an understatement.

I believed the only valid way for me to post art was digital art and that traditional art wasn't good enough to be post and if I did post it, it was of no use because my camera was crappy and it'd look bad either way. Therefore, I drew my creepypasta OCs but I never posted them because they were all traditional.

I pirated Paint Tool Sai... as I'm sure most artists did back then, right?

I was now involving myself more with the horror community because of creepypasta and I still interact with media involving horror movies (Mista GG) and stories involving murder and other (MrBallen).

(No, I do not and will never consider myself part of True Crime Community.)

And then I moved from being obsessed with Jeff the Killer to being obsessed with Ben Drowned and that's when I started posting on that DeviantArt account on 2015.

Backstory over, let's go over to my first drawing posted on that account:

"*Warning*" Jan 1, 2015

As it says there I'm a creepypasta-fan, soooooooooooo... I draw creepy stuff

(I draw horrible T-T)

well at least I finished the drawing and OMFG! it took me ALOT of time to draw it

first: I drew the boy in paint XP (or something like that) but I couldn't leave it like that with no background

second: sooooooo... I went to paint tool sai to do the background, but people wont understand WHY did I drew it soooooo...

third: I went to paint to put a text and FINALLY I finished and I'm so happy

I don't know who the f**k is he... maybe Ben idk do you think that he could be my OC because only the eyes are similar to Ben but nothing else right?

okay maybe its Ben in casual eating some kidneys with Jack? (nah... we all know that E.J. wont ever share his kidneys and Ben will never eat that right?Sweating a little...)

well whatever hope you enjoy it and leave a comment always helps me (please no critiques)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: hahhahahaha no (2017)

Oh my creepypasta phase... even though it's as one calls "cringe", I look back at those memories fondly. It was a weird but fun era for me, making those drawings of my "Ben Drowned" rip-off.

Myles Thorme, creepypasta name being "The Missing Thought", catchphrase: "Are you lost? Because I think you're missing." He was my most developed OC in public. He even had a comic and a completed journal with his backstory which is frankly... a hilarious read.

The best of this character is not the poorly drawn blood on his mouth or his hilarious choice of style but the fact that he was the one to help me connect to a community for the first time ever browsing the internet. You see, after making him, I looked up DeviantArt groups to join, something roleplay focuses because me and my friend would roleplay but since they moved, we haven't been able to do so. Because of that and because of my obsession with creepypasta, I found "Proxy High", a creepypasta fan group where slenderman was the director and was housing a bunch of creepypasta fan OCs that were his proxies.

This was my input to the group, and the first time I fully moved from MS paint to Paint Tool Sai:

"The Missing Thought/ Proxy High" Jan 3, 2015

For Proxy High

I only have one OC sooooooo. . . yeah nothing else[Green Link Sweat]

is the uniform okay? cause idk

and know I'm officially ready for rp I am a dummy!

(I forgot to say that in the school he's ANTI-social, but I HOPE he can finally find a friend)

Name: Myles Thorme

Proxy name: The Missing Thought

Nickname: Missing

Gender: Male

Age: 13

Class: Green

OC: yukkim.deviantart.com/art/

Back Story (how he became a proxy):

He went though the city, getting a new victim like always. He covered his face with his hoodie. When he finished his daily walk in the city he went into the woods. Lucky he found a young teenager wondering through the woods. Trying to forget what happened last he went to say hi.

"Hello", said Missing.

"Ah! you scared me, what's your name", said the girl.

"Are you lost?, Cause I think you're missing", said Missing.

"I am lost but not missing!", she said.

Immediately Missing stab her in the stomach, he kept stabbing her again and again. When she was unconscious on the floor, he got matchstick and burned her body. He ran away before the fire catch him. While he was running, he noticed that his knife was missing. He went back so there where no clue of his existents. He saw that the knife was on the girl that was now on fire. He grabbed his knife as quick as possible and went running. But then, he notice that the fire surround him. "Its the end, I'm dead", he said sitting there waiting for the fire to catch him. When the fire was inches of him, he heard a static from the distance. "Open your eyes Myles", said a mysterious voice. Missing was shocked. Nobody new his real name. "Well that doesn't makes sense", said Missing. He blinked and the fire was gone. Missing was surprised. He saw a tall man in suit but no face. "Ummmm. . . hi! thanks for saving me", he said waving his hand. He heard the static again it eventually got louder and louder, hurting Missing's ears. He fell unconscious on the floor by the static. He heard the faceless man. "You will work for a proxy", said the man.

---------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: this be were I met my friends Llama Emoji-50 (Whistling) [V3]

Well isn't that a hilarious read? I posted this to the group which they surprisingly accepted me in and for the first time I had received an influx of comments starting roleplays. It was lots of fun roleplaying with so many people even if my OC was definitely one of the hilariously bad OCs the group had.

After gaining some... notoriety, I began making a comic about Myles life in the school. It didn't last long but oh I sure had fun making it.

I'm glad I wrote as much as I did about this character, even though it's such a bad character. I know him really well, know his story which was so dramatic and funny, and his relationships with others. He (and I) had a good friend which was a rip-off of "Ticci-Toby" but essentially the only difference was that she was a girl. We'd roleplay a lot until... well I started to grow out of the creepypasta phase and sadly, I left her behind. Where ever she or they are, I hope they're okay and remember this phase as fondly as I do.

I left that account on 2016 when I got a drawing tablet and began learning how to use it which afterwards, I made the DeviantArt account I spoke of above. I did however, briefly came back to it on 2017, reading messages of old friends that had moved on from the creepypasta community. It was a bittersweet feeling to see messages but having abandoned them but in a way... it was a nice closure.

This, wasn't my last drawing posted there but I think it's the drawing that matters the most to move on from this chapter:

"Draw This Again" Apr 7, 2017

cuz y not make it a meme [Llama Emoji-66 (Orly) [V3]

The last account I visited was my first ever DeviantArt account and it was made on 2014 when I was 12 yrs old. Yes, I lied online about my age to join DeviantArt.

I was drawn in by my friend who recommended me to read a comic they found about, at the time, favorite movie "Rise of the Guardians". The was a fan comic which involved an OC called "Mori the shifter". I loved that comic and it was the first comic I read and finished.

During that time, despite reading a comic with humanoid creatures, I was more into drawing feral and anthropomorphic animals. Essentially I was (and still consider myself to be) a furry.

In the old account, I'd draw furries and most of them had no story whatsoever. I had a fursona which I named "Happy" (because it was before I was diagnosed with persistent depression... cough).

There wasn't much on that account but I did revisited on 2016 for a redraw:

"Draw this again- Happy" Dec 9, 2016

2014 vs. 2016

Sooooo I found my old account in deviantart and damn... wtf iz dis shet I've seen some things - [Emoticon ... Nino Wants To Die] I then decided to re-draw it because.. why not?

Her name is supposed to be Happy because she's an optimistic lil sh!t

I don't care what she was in the past or what you all say but she gay...HA! GAAAAAY! (Emoticon) LOLOLOLOLOL

ALL DA HOMO :rainbowfrog:

But there's something I have yet to mention about this account. I apparently had a story about a group of wolf friends? I wrote nothing related to them because I, again like my recent self, wanted to keep it a secret until I made a comic I never started. All I remember was a black wolf named Shadow who was the villain of the story.

I sadly don't remember any other details of the story...

Before all this, before my slow transition to the online media on 2013 and before that... my childhood was spent drawing traditionally a comic about wolves and their adventures in the world which I have unfortunately lost the 4-6 completed notebooks (Yes, all the pages filled) of.

And before that? 2012 I believe I was roleplaying with "Littlest Pet Shop", having complicated stories inspired by the novelas my mother and I would watch before bed.

And before, before that? I was roleplaying irl with my friend about wolves, inspired by (and yes bare with me) "Alpha and Omega", the movie about wolves and "forbidden romance".

Before, before, before all that? I was just me being a kid. I still am me but as an adult I guess. It's alright, I'm having fun roleplaying with my current boyfriend. I'm thinking about elaborate stories and plots to do with him.

I had fun then and I'm still having fun and I hope my future self also has fun whatever they're doing.

Why did I write all this?

Be cause if I could go back and change one thing about the past I'd do one thing... I'd write more. I'd tell my younger self to write down the silly little stories they have planned. Tell them that it doesn't matter if they have an audience or not because your own self is the best audience you will ever have.

You have no idea how much I wish I could know what was my younger thinking when I drew that purple wolf in 2014 or that snake character in 2019. How much I wish I could connect to my younger self like I can easily do with my 2015 creepypasta self.

So the real answer is, all this is for my future self. Hi, future self, enjoying the nostalgia trip? It's nice to look where you came from and compare to who you are now, no?

Whoever you are, whether it's myself or some random person online, wherever you are and however you are, please... look into your past fondly because your past is what shaped you into being you!

With that said, have a nice day/night :].

#deviantart #oc #nostalgia #creepypasta #to my future self #from my past self #hi :)#juniiblogs

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henriethsmile · 2 years

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I posted 205 times in 2021

173 posts created (84%)

32 posts reblogged (16%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.2 posts.

I added 1 350 tags in 2021

#artist - 168 posts

#art - 167 posts

#drawing - 167 posts

#my art - 164 posts

#digital drawing - 152 posts

#batman - 132 posts

#bruce wayne - 130 posts

#superman - 91 posts

#clark kent - 90 posts

#superbat - 89 posts

Longest Tag: 90 characters

#i had to draw myself hugging him because he looks like sad cute puppy that just need a hug

My Top Posts in 2021

Superwonderbat Fantasy AU fanart

Not gonna lie drawing this for @causeimanartist as a Thank you drawing was emotional for me but in a good way. I am not good at this speeches and putting out emotions so that is why I alway when I want to say thank you I drew something for the person. This art is for @causeimanartist why? When I came back to DC comics I was looking for fanarts of Batman Superman etc. and I came across her. In that time I didn´t even wanted to pick up pencil I was in horrible place but as soon as I sa her art her unique artstyle something in me broke and I was instantly motivated to draw. I could spend hours looking at her art. There is something about her art that alway no matter how bad I feel make me pick up and pencil and draw. Only thanks to her my art improve from month to month only thanks to her I step out of my comfort zone and start trying new stuff and so much more but I don´t want to speend all night writting how much I own this girl. When I am writing this is almost 1 am but I don´t mind. I needed to put it out. So by this I want to thank you so so much for creating such an amazing art that bring me back to drawing

213 notes • Posted 2021-03-04 23:50:27 GMT

Magical Girls Bruce & Clark

With premission from @causeimanartist to use her Bruce this Magical duo had to be done :3 I had soooooooo much fun drawing this and I am loving this AU it´s just adorible

228 notes • Posted 2021-03-22 00:13:16 GMT

Bruce: has been sitting at the Batcomputer for 5 hours skipping his day job

Clark: gently lands behind him and softly touches his neck

Bruce: stiffens a little and tries to sound cranky but is really tired I'm fine Clark. Go back to your city.

Clark: smiling but clearly worried.l I know you're fine, but you have been here so long and haven't even eaten. Take a break. Gently rubs Bruce's neck I'll help

Bruce: tries to resist and loosing the fight as his body relaxes under Clark's massage. Waits a minute then pushes back from the computer Fine. But I'm not hungry

Clark: takes Bruce's hand and pulls him gently to the meditation room Ok. Let's lay down for a bit then.

Two hours later

Damian, freshly home from school, goes to the cave to help Bruce. Sees his chair empty. Goes back upstairs and steals the quilt Alfred gave him from his bed. Quietly walks to the meditation room, peeks into see Clark sleeping with Bruce tight against his chest, face buries in it. Walks over and gently climbs over Bruce who wakes up a little, just enough to move to give Damian room to lay between them. Damian cuddles between them, quilt wrapped around him and face buried in Bruce's neck. Alfred the cat, who followed him, curling up on Clark's feet.

Short story created by Slicey over @causeimanartist discord (Which is the best place to be)

275 notes • Posted 2021-08-15 12:58:18 GMT

What if Bruce had hairstyle like this?

We had discusion on @causeimanartist about Bruce having Man bun and undercut and I just had to because let's be honest he would look hot as fuck ❤️ Also slide to see clark's and diana's reaction ❤️

334 notes • Posted 2021-05-22 15:54:01 GMT

Now let the fanart begin in full ratio since we get look at Diana Bruce and Clark from both side full body 😍

603 notes • Posted 2021-10-26 09:05:01 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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petalharbor · 2 years

Note

One time an anon asked me to answer every single question on an ask game that was like 60 questions and I haven't stopped thinking of it since, so in honor of that legendary anon, every question

DHSKSKCJCJDJSSJXJFJRJS OK

Do you prefer traditional drawing, or digital?

I like both, but I like digital sliightly better, and that’s because 1) I’m a leftie and pencils get my hands messy, and 2) no undo button

How long have you been drawing?

Ever since I could pick up a pencil, so about 14 years. If we’re talking digitally, then about 7 or 8 years

How many classes have you taken?

I’ve taken art electives in high school and that’s about it. I did learn a lot from my teachers, though.

Do you have a DeviantArt, personal website, or art blog?

Yeah I’m on DeviantArt (it’s kinda dead though djdjsndndjfkf)

What’s your favorite thing to draw?

Sonic characters by a long shot. If I start doodling absentmindedly there’s a 99% chance it’ll end up being Sonic.

What’s your least favorite thing to draw?

BACKGROUNDS. And anything overly detailed. My brain can only handle so much

How often do you use references?

Whenever I’m working with something unfamiliar, which is fairly often

Do you draw professionally, or just for fun?

A little bit of both, I think. Art is definitely something I enjoy, but I do want to make a career out of it even if I doubt myself sometimes

How much time do you spend drawing on an average day?

Whenever I can, which varies from day to day. If it was up to me, it would be for hours lol

Are you confident about your art?

Yes and no? I can look at a piece I made and be like “yes this objectively good because of x thing I did” and then there’s some days where I’m like “EVERYTHING I DRAW IS AWFULL”

How many art-related blogs do you follow?

As many as I can find! I love seeing other people’s art!

Is it okay for people to ask you about your process?

Heck yeah go for it! Man I haven’t posted a speed paint in forever I should do that

Do you prefer to keep your art personal, or do you like drawing things for other people?

Both! There are times where I draw things that I don’t even post! But I also love surprising my friends with art of their characters!

Do you ever collaborate with others?

Sure! I’ve hosted an art collab once before.

How long does an average piece take you to complete?

Depends. If it’s something I’m familiar with (like a sonic character), a finished piece can take a few hours. But if it’s something I struggle with it could take waay longer.

Do you draw more today than you did in the past, or do you draw less?

Hmm, I’d say I draw more, but my output speed is slower. I still draw every day, but I don’t post every day because I don’t always finish what I’m working on. Way back when I first started this blog my art took less time to complete but it…didn’t look too great (if you remember my missunsmiley days I’m so sorry)

Do you think you’re justified in giving other people art advice?

I guess? I feel like I can help with some things, but I wouldn’t give advice on something like realism

What are you currently trying to improve on?

Backgrounds. I’ve mostly focused on character art for most of my life and it’s biting me in the ass now. I want to be able to draw comics by myself so it’s a priority.

What is the most difficult thing for you to draw?

Anything with straight lines. It usually doesn’t end up pretty.

What is the easiest thing for you to draw?

Sonic himself, I suppose. I can draw him in my sleep

Do you like to challenge yourself?

Definitely! Lately I’ve been going all out with shading and not just using airbrush and calling it a day

Are you confident that you’re improving steadily?

Haha no. But I’m gonna keep drawing anyway

Do you draw more fanart, or more original art?

Depends. Where do sonic ocs fall on that spectrum

Do you feel jealous when you see other people’s art, or inspired? (Be honest!)

INSPIRED! Whenever I see something that looks cool my brain goes “❤️💖💙💛✨ OOO SO COOL”

Do you like to draw in silence, or with music?

Oh I need noise of some kind, whether it be a video or loud Sonic music at 2 am.

For digital artists: what program(s) do you use?

Clip Studio Paint is my best friend. Firealpaca’s good too, I’ll use it sometimes.

For digital artists: how many layers does a typical piece require?

Hoo, boy. Depends on how lazy I am that day. I try to put all my colors on a separate layer, but that usually turns into just two. So yeah my layer count varies a lot.

For traditional artists: what medium do you like most? (Pencil, charcoals, etc)

I like pencils because forgiveness

For traditional artists: How do you usually start on a big piece? (Light sketch, colored lead, sketchpaper, etc)

I don’t care what it is I need a sketch first. Never going in blind, no siree

What inspires you to not just make art, but to be a better artist?

If I’m being honest? Making enough money to move out HDISOXJCJGKFKDKSKDFJCNSKFX I just…really need my own space.

Phew, that was a lot! Thanks for the ask!

#ask #art stuff

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pbandjesse · 5 years

Text

Today was a prerty excellent day off. It started off fairly. Sad. I slept okay but getting up was really hard. James was half waking me up when he was getting ready and watering the plants. He didn't have to be at work until 10 though so when I got up at 830 I was. Very surprised that he wasnt here.

He had told me a few days ago that he had to go help his sister this morning and I had forgotten. So I was slightly unsettled. And I felt weird. It wasnt James's fault, it was just my insides were unsettled.

I had to get out of here.

So I headed out. I had to mail some stuff so at 10 I went to the post office. It's just down the street but its a bit of a tough area. I wouldn't want to be there at night, but it was fine during the day.

It was a quick drop off and I went home. I had used to much coconut oil in my hair last night so I took a bath to wash it out. It was a nice relaxing bath though and made me feel a little better.

I got dressed again and decided I was going out. I dried my hair and got my backpack and left.

A nice side effect of my little pikachu toy is that its a step tracker. And it makes me want to walk more. And for a silly make beleive thing, I feel like a real trainer with a pokeball on my waist band when i clip him on. I know its silly but it makes me happy.

I went to the subway and took it to a plaza, shopping area i have been to last year. And I had a lot of fun. Listening to my podcast. Going in stores. The Marshall's there is moving so they had great deals and I got a dress. I mostly just window shopped and enjoyed the weather.

I went to taco bell for lunch which made me very excited because theres no taco bell in the city. It was cheap as hell and really good.

Because I walked so much i got to give lots of gifts to Digital Charlie. I got to see him do new things which was awesome. He even wrote me a little letter.

As I was walking I found $15 on the ground. Thank you universe. I went up to the goodwill and enjoyed looking around but didn't buy anything. Did find some funny things and just had a good time.

I started the walk back towards the subway, which is a little less then 2 miles. But I made some more stops. Checked out some more stores on the way. Stopped at the Big lots to fill my water bottle. And eventually went to the inside part of the mall (which was mostly empty stores) and got Ritas. I haven't had that at all this year so that was nice. I chilled and had my ritas and people watched. It was nice.

I went back to the five below and got candy and socks and I found another small rug for the studio!! I'm very pleased.

I missed the subway so i had to wait but my headphones were charged and I didnt mind.

Once the subway finally came I got a seat by the window. After the next stop an older man sat down next to me and someone was selling candy on the train and he tried to give me some of this candy. I wasn't going to take it. It was a really nice then we ended up talking the entire ride. He is about my parents age and it was just really nice talkin to him. He was really really sweet. He was so nice we ended up walking back to my apartment. And it turned out we had met before. He had sat outside on the stoop once and I said good morning to him. He just lives in the neighborhood. He's a really nice guy.

And when I was getting back to the apartment mr. Will was coming out. So we went back inside together. And me and Mister will sat in the foyer for like 45 minutes talking. Just about everything. The city and people and being kind. The apartment itself. How he's doing. And it was just really nice. It was a really good way to end my adventure. I needed some of that human interaction that I haven't been getting being alone in the apartment.

I was very tired though. I got back up here and sat down for a while. Unpacked the stuff I had gotten. Put the new carpet out. And then I took a shower. Felt a lot better after that. I ate and fed sweepy. I ran the dishwasher.

I had ordered a glass straw in the mail the other day and it came. But I misread the listing that I had to email them the animal I want it. So they just chose Panda. And the panda broke off almost immediately. What I wanted was a frog. And in this house we make our own destiny and our own frogs! So I cleaned off the straw and where the Panda had had broken off I made a small clay frog out of Sculpey. And I was able to make that and I think it came out really great I'm very proud of it.

James is working at the theater till 10 so I am alone still. He had a very long very busy day and I didn't get to spend any time with him at all. But he'll be home in the next couple hours and he doesn't have work until 11 tomorrow so we at least get most of the morning. And I'm hoping I can just like you some art tomorrow. And then we're going to get Ramen for dinner have a nice day and then one of his friends is going to come over to play music. And then on Monday I finally go back to work. I'm so excited. I'm not excited about having to take the bus to access art because that's always annoying but I'm still really excited to get back to see everybody and it's going to be nice. I hope that they tell us who were teaching with. That's very frustrating not knowing. But I have a whole list of things I want to do this year and ideas for my classroom since we have to be an art card again and I'm just really looking forward to figuring all of it out.

I hope you guys all have a really nice night. I'm going to go drawing my studio for a while and watch videos on YouTube. Hope you all take care of each other out there. Be safe. Good night

#ootd #day off #pokemon #thrift store #happy #saturday

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afimi-mi · 5 years

Text

Hello~

Today's post I wanted to devote to our children with Idate..(„ಡωಡ„)

Warn immediately, this will be quite a looong post! A lot of text and information! Sorry.. (´-ω-`)

So..Idate thought about the children more than once. Sometimes in the evenings, before going to bed, he would put his arm around my waist and whisper in my ear that we would have beautiful children, as sweet as I am, and as strong as he is. I also began to think about the children, but a little afraid of the heavy responsibility that they carry..σ(￣、￣〃)

But sometimes, walking with Idate in the Park, I noticed joyful young mothers with children and a certain joy for them covered me..

In general, soon I also wanted children, and Idate was very happy! We imagined in advance what they would be like and thought about names...(≧▽≦)

✨In general, now we have two children-Alice and Felix! ✨

I'm.. I'm having a little trouble figuring out how old they are. Idate and other such creatures live much longer than humans (as far as I understand, Idate certainly more than 100 years), so it's quite a difficult question..(•ิ_•ิ)

But will send to hell the laws of biology! I decided to paint them as teenagers ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

It's Alice! 🔥

* The first image is my drawing and the following are made in doll maker

Age: 16

Height: 166

Weight: 50

Eye color: blue (as I have) Hair Color: dark (as Idate)

Distinctive features: she has quite beautiful and expressive eyelashes..

From her father she got pale, almost white skin, white spots on the bangs, sharp teeth and a fin.

She can create the impression of cunning and frivolous person, sometimes even cruel, but actually she is very kind and fair girl who can take care of loved ones and friends.(*´▽`*)

She has a boyish character and does not like dresses and cosmetics, and so on, but sometimes she likes to wear some beautiful elegant dress for a party. She does not see the point of makeup and fashionable dress every day, but only for some meetings (◕‿◕)

It's Felix!📚

Age: 17

Height: 175

Weight: 70

Eye color: dark (as father have) Hair Color: brown (as I have)

Distinctive features: wears glasses

From his father he has a tail, but the skin color it went in me. His teeth are sharp, but not as sharp as Alice's and IDate's.

!Alice and Felix have pointed ears, like Idate!

He is a very erudite and well-read guy, but sometimes he is very pessimistic and thoughtful. Felix does not know how to show emotion and care, considering it a sign of weakness, but very grateful to us for all the parental love that we gave him (´･ᴗ･ ` )

Between him and Alice there is a certain tension of rivalry, which happens between brothers and sisters.

She often calls him a nerd and teases, to which he skeptically calls her a fool and an empty-headed. Felix tries to show that he does not care deeply about his sister, but in fact he is very worried about her. And Alice, although she likes to make fun of him, still loves her older brother and considers him the coolest on the planet.(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Relationship with us:

Alice sometimes likes to hang out with me and respects like a mother, but more often spends time with Idate. They are similar in nature and they are easy to find a common language. With me, she often chats about all sorts of women's secrets and asks for advice in serious cases.(b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b

Felix, as I said earlier, is not very good at showing affection and attention, and from the outside it seems as if he is not attached to me or Idate, but in fact he appreciates our care and love. Despite his silence, sometimes he likes to sit with me in the kitchen and chat over a Cup of tea..(o´▽`o)

Relations with others:

Alice has a few friends with whom she likes to walk and have fun o(≧▽≦)o

It's Emalf, Met, and Ver (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)

Alice is quite a sociable person and easy to start a conversation. Also, Ver and Met are in love with her, but she doesn't know yet which one she wants to be with, leaning more towards Ver (ง ื▿ ื)ว

Felix is not very sociable, but has got a couple of friends - Kurokawa, Glasses and Licorice, his lover...(„• ֊ •„)

They are both quite unsociable and intelligent, so they quickly got along, and soon friendship turned into love.. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Felix tries to be more gentle and show feelings for Licorice, and he strongly supports him in this. Sometimes Felix ask me for advice about relationships, and I also support and help him a lot! He's always so excited when he talks about Licorice..(ง ื▿ ื)ว

I think that's all for now. I have some ideas for art and comics, so I'll draw it all soon!o(≧▽≦)o

What about you? I haven't seen many people with kids from their f/o..Would you like to have children? Or maybe your f/o wants to? 👀

Have a good morning/day/evening/night!

#self ship community #selfship blog #my art #art #artists on tumblr #f/o #platonic faves #platonic f/o #f/o art #my f/os #selfship community #selfinsert community #long post #self ship #self shipping #selfship #self insert #selfshipping

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vxnevermorevx · 5 years

Text

Welcome to my mind

For the last three years, my mind has been... Well, shit. Not that it hadn't been on a steady decline for years prior.

Recently, someone named her Denise. My other me. "Because that's what she is..when something is the opposite of something it's de-. She's not nice, she's De-Nice..."

Denise.

The name give to the me that's not me but spends more time pretending to be me than I do.

*Character Bio*

When I'm not Denise, I'm Ginny and she was the most wonderful person. I miss her dearly.

I had a great childhood. Very few psychological events, in my opinion. We never had much money, but my mom made sure I never knew it. My father worked hard at both his job and destroying his marriage; which is probably one of the marks on my childhood. More to come on that, I'm sure.

I didn't have trouble in school, per se. Bullied only a handful of times in all my school years. My mom is a designer, so I wore things you couldn't find on stores throughout my whole school life. I was *always* ahead of the trend and some kids couldn't handle it. We're talking 1991-2003. So, jumpers, corsets, mesh dusters, pants with fur on the bottom, dressing like anime characters... I was the first of everyone around me to be dressing that way. And I loved it!

But I had my revenge, as my hecklers could be seen wearing the same things they made fun of me for, after it became trendy. I guess you didn't have to be dead to be caught wearing that after all...

I struggled in math and excelled in art and writing. I had mostly good teachers, I think only one hated me.

I met all my best friends there. Can't say I've made all that many more in the years since. But, in my defense I'm surrounded by people who are nothing like me. You see, I grew up in Florida. All my vital youthful years were spent there. And now I live near Portland, Oregon. God, why? I even lost one of my dearest friends to the city. She completely changed from a fun, artistic girl who liked to draw, read, and cook...to...one of them. She's now a guilt vegan ( let's you know how disgusting you are for eating meat ) and is obsessed with shows that need to be cancelled. I had known this girl since first grade, she said she would follow the first friend who loved out of state. That was me, so she came out here too. Our friendship immediately began deteriorating as she would not allow me in my own room during the day, because she was talking to some loser friend of hers online. This person left her in a Walgreen's 20 miles from her home, on the wrong side of town, when we were all barely old enough to drive, because she was taking too long looking at eyeliner. But, she sounds like a solid individual to begin emulating. Are you serious? I watched my fully replacement take effect. 20 years of friendship completely gone in a matter of months. Have you ever watched someone stop carrying about you? Think about it. No, don't think about it. It's awful. She even physically ended our friendship. The first I had ever experienced. It was wrenching. But, I'm too far ahead now. I need to tell you how I got to Oregon.

Somewhere around me being 16, my dad stopped coming home. His mother had recently died and he knew some pretty shitty people willing to help him take the pain away. How does a poor, dyslexic, hoodlum, with a history of abuse cure the blues? Crack, of course. My mom did all she knew how to do, but she was pretty done with it all. They got divorced and some rich old lady "saved" him and whisked him off to Maryland where he would suffer many years of depression for what he had done to his family.

Now, it was just my mother and me. I immediately got a job and gave her my entire paycheck to help keep us in our lovely house. But as fate would have it, the city claimed eminent domain on our house with plans to build a water treatment facility. So, they lowballed us on what our house was worth and gave us 6 months to move. Now, here's some important side information: my mom is an army brat who grew up with mountains her whole life, until moving to Florida for my dad, which was apparently one of the last places she ever wanted to be. And my chummy from another tummy, was born in Oregon and had recently left me to go to OSU. This girl is my sister by all counts but blood. So, with a few other helping factors the logical answer was to start anew. How completely different my life would have been if I stayed. Can't say it would be better, just 100% different from what it is now.

But, in 2005 we moved to Oregon on the promise that we would do all the things we wanted to do and be living in Seattle in a few years.

None of that worked out. I can still remember the first night we spent in our apartment. I hated it. I let everyone know too. I think I cried for a week. I just wanted to go home. My Sisi was too far away to see her more often than the weekends and slowly her grades began to falter. This led to her dropping out and moving back to Florida just five months after I moved out here for her. I fell apart. I had only my mom and I love her, but sometimes you need your friends... You know? We did what we could and took jobs we hated and tried to get used to our new surroundings. I'm apparently a spoiled brat so I'm sure I made things painful for my mom who was finally back in her element and here I was stomping around telling everyone how much I hated it. Hate it. Present tense. I know the whole world is a cess pool of hipster, millennial idiots who all think that they know how to run the world, but the concentration of their free-for-all holier-than-thou ways is as dense here as the trees. It's exhausting listening to people who haven't showered in a week tell you how special they are because they have this heightened awareness that they learned from some Joe Blow and happens to not be fact at all. I have had a 24 year old Hispanic girl tell me that only white people can be racist, everyone else is prejudice. I told her that that in itself was a racist statement. And she said "no it's not. My teacher told me, and she has a PhD." I don't think I need to explain the definition of racism, but I do think Manson could have thrived in this town.

Fast forward quite a few years and we are both still in Oregon working jobs we hate not getting any of the things done we said we would. Are we lazy? Are we depressed? I'm sure it's both.

But, a small miracle comes my way, as I'm getting dressed to go down to the office to sign the next years lease I get a call from a woman who used to work with me. She asks if we are still looking for a new place to live and I tell her yes! We end up renting her townhouse from her because she's getting married. She proves to be a terrible landlord, probably because she's not all that good at being a person. She's really great at other things, but not that. Somme people are like that. But, I also haven't learned how to speak Oregonian in the 14 years I have been here.

A few more years and we end up buying the house and I have changed jobs for my health and things are looking up. I lose some of the weight I had acquired in my sorrows. I even find a guy that I can tolerate. Mostly bc he's 4000 miles away in another country. But, I struggle to find my way in our incredibly mismatched relationship. And he's so smart. So, successful... Here it comes... "what's he doing with a loser like me?"

My friends.... They all have something to show for their lives: degrees, children (Im not interested in these things,) husbands, jobs they don't hate....

I have a mortgage and a ridiculously high HOA, two payed off cars, 50 extra pounds on my ass, a job I'm not particularly built for, and a guy whom I love differently than he loves me.

I'm killing it.... Or myself. One way or the other. "I still haven't figured that shit out yet " -Eddie Murphy

I think this a pretty good place to stop for now. You should have a good amount of reference points for the following posts which will entirely be me, describing my chronic severe depression hoping that someone somewhere might read it and know they are not alone. I feel such a sense of validation when I read something from someone who feels the same as I do. This blog isn't for attention or critiquing, as most will likely be written when things like grammar and story structure aren't focused on. It's purely to get the chaos out so, I can organize it.

I don't know who you are but if you're reading this far, please stay tuned if you want to say "Wow, that's exactly how I feel."

Do good.

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