#i keep seeing him. not just online but sometimes i'll be reading my books on the Victorian era and his art will be there.

[russellsppttemplates]

It's just the beggining (Oscar Piastri)

Oscar hasn't done or said anything, so you're taking matters into your own hands

Note: english is not my first language. It's my first Oscar piece and I'm nervous posting this, but hopefully you enjoy it! 🫶

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Cw: mentions reader's grandparents' health issues, mentions the situation with McLaren and Daniel, insomnia

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"Hey, Y/N!", James called you once he saw you walk by his classroom, "hey", you greeted back, adjusting your books on your arms.

"There is a new kid, I'm sure you know, Oscar Piastri his name is, and apparently he's staying the long weekend too, like you", he trailed off, not knowing if he was stepping further than he should.

"Yes, I am staying, it's okay to talk about it", you gave him tight lipped smile, "well, I was hoping you'd keep him company - he's a bit shy, but he's very fun to be around and the teacher also thought it would be good since you're both staying", he reasoned as you nodded.

You had to stay back because your grandparents didn't live in England, and because of their old age and problems that naturally arose with that, your parents had to fly out and spend sometime with them, meaning you didn't have anyone back home, so you stayed. As for Oscar, you found out that he was staying back because his family was in Melbourne.

"At first, I just had online schooling, but it got trickier to manage and my dad needed to go back to work so I had to stay back", he explained when you asked him why he was there, "and I hope I can focus on racing, but you already know that", he scoffed softly.

"I don't think I do, I'm sorry", you narrowed your eyes, genuinely unaware of what he was talking about.

After he told you all about his career until that moment, as well as his hopes and dreams, he chuckled, "you really didn't know?", he wondered.

"I didn't! The girls said something about you moving here but I didn't listen much, I'm not that into gossip and my memory is like Dory's, I can never keep up with the latest who likes who and who flirted with what's his face", you earnestly replied.

For the first time since he arrived at the school, he felt like he could really trust someone and he could hope for new friendships on this side of the world.

You were there for his final race in F4, clapping at him on the podium, and even F3 and F2 despite your university deadlines, always making sure you could support him in every way you could.

"Hey, Osc", you said over the phone, setting your pen down the desk and swivelling in the chair. You wanted to get as much knowledge and experience as possible, so you applied to do a internship in a physiotherapy clinic near your apartment during the summer.

"Hey, Y/N, how are you doing?", he asked as you could notice the antsyness on his voice.

"I'm good, it's a bit of a slow day here, my supervisor said I could read up on a few articles", you mused, "is everything okay?", you asked.

"I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight", he began, "you can come to my flat if that's okay, I'll order something in since I can't be trusted in the kitchen", he suggested.

"Fine by me, I'd like that, sounds really nice", you smiled, "I'll see you soon, then", you added, not wanting to dwell much on the fact that he didn't answer your question.

When you left the clinic, you walked to Oscar's place since the sun had graced you for the day and it was still nice to be out. Knocking on the door, you waited for him to open it, "I'm still in my scrubs as I didn't see the need to change", you said as you walked inside, hugging Oscar after dropping your backpack on the floor.

"Hey, you look nice, don't worry about it", he smiled as he led you to the living room, "I had to go and get the take out myself, but it's still warm", he said as you sat at the dining table.

"Now can you tell me if there's something wrong?", you wondered as you poured some of the wine he kept for you at his place on your glass.

"I have something to tell you actually", he played with his glass while he fought the smile on his lips, "this weekend I finally had some conversations with McLaren", he began.

"McLaren?", you asked as you served yourself of the food in front of you, taking some bimi brocoli and then some of the warm noodles.

"Yes, McLaren. We finally spoke about contracts and, this morning, I signed the official driver contract for next season", he stated as if he was saying that the sun had been out today.

"You did what? Since when has this been in the works?", you gasped, dropping the kitchen utensils and looking at him intently, "you're driving for McLaren next season?", he nodded, "like, driving on track? Oh my Goodness, Oscar! That's amazing!", you got up and hugged him, "why didn't you lead with that?", you pinched the nape of his neck playfully as you kept the tears from falling from your eyes. This was his dream and he was getting to live it as early as the end of the year when pre season preparations began.

"I didn't want to tell you over the phone", he shrugged his shoulders.

"But how? This is huge, Oscar!", you smiled, your teeth showing and eyes squinting with how high your cheeks rose.

"There were a lot of conversations about it, specially the last few weeks", Oscar explained, "they still want to keep it quiet", he warned.

"So you're driving alongside Lando?", you wondered. You only followed motorsport and the Formula series because of your bestfriend, so the assumption you made was based on what you had seen and read.

"Yes, hence why they want to keep it quiet, I've only told you and my family", he mentioned, "my manager knows that, obviously, but I really need you to keep quiet about it", he smiled.

"Absolutely, don't worry!", you assured, "this is so amazing Oscar! You're going to drive in Formula One! Aren't you amazed?", you beamed.

"I put in the work too, you know?", he dramatically feigned offense as you hugged him tighter, "this is your dream, Osc", you cooed, letting the tears fall freely down your cheeks as you swayed you both around, "I'm so proud of you", you hiccuped, holding his head close to your lips so you could kiss his forehead.

"Let's eat, this is getting cold", your best friend urged as the situation for more intimate and brought you closer and closer to the thing he had been avoiding for nearly a year.

The feelings he had been arbouring for you weren't just friendship. How could he keep himself from being in love with you? You had been there with him and for him when he was alone in a new country, being the other shy kid that spent the long weekend im boarding school, and since then you had been attached by the hip. You were kind, caring, intelligent, beautiful inside and outside and anyone would be a fool to not see why Oscar felt the way he did about you.

.

"I'm just going to a training camp, Y/N, I do these every year!", Oscar reasoned as you groaned.

"Who am I going to complain to about university? Or how noisy my neighbours are? I'm going to die of boredom", you stated, "when you come back, I will have ceased to exist because of boredom and lack of attention", you exaggeratedly threw yourself on your sofa.

"You won't, silly", he chuckled, pulling you up since his trainer was picking him up soon, "you're going to go out and enjoy yourself, okay? You'll barely notice I'm gone", he tried as you helped him with his suitcases down to the door.

"I'll miss you", you muttered as you hugged him, "enjoy your training camp!", you smiled as you pulled away, waving at him before you made your way to your place.

Getting on with the project you had to hand in at the end of the week, you got it all through to the end, leaving time to proofread later.

You clicked on the folder where you kept your photos and videos, looking through them and reliving all of the memories you had in there.

Most of them had Oscar somehow, wether it was a screen grab from one of your FaceTime calls when he was at races, picnics in the park and lazy days at your place.

You had to admit it, for your sake and Oscar's sake as your friendship was on the line. At first you thought it was just the fact that a boy seemed to want to spend time with you, so you put it to that. Recently, however, things changed perspective and you felt stronger feelings and emotions when you thought about him.

You loved spending time with him and cherished every single hour he chose to spend with you whenever he didn't have racing related duties. Every time he hugged you, you clung just a little longer to feel hia body against yours and his arms enveloping you.

Whenever someone approached you in the rare times you went out clubbing with your friends, "I have a boyfriend" became more a wish and a need rather than some made up excuse to get guys to leave you alone.

So, to sum it up, you either had an honest conversation with him or continued to dwell on feelings you couldn't keep to yourself.

.

"Y/N just sent me a picture of her notes, can you believe they ask them to know all of that?", he showed his trainer Kim while they had lunch after a strenuous workout.

"I had to learn most of that, too", he said nonchalantly, not necessarily diminishing your competences and intelligence but letting Oscar know that maybe his infatuation with you had a source elsewhere.

"Y/N is very smart, I'm sure she'll do really well - oh, she sent me a picture, she's all dressed up!", he said as he inspected the mirror picture. He assumed it was a requirement for your presentation, as you usually preferred comfy attire, since you had a pair of trousers and a shirt, some small heels on your feet and your bright smile that left him feeling butterflies in his stomach every single time, "she looks gorgeous", he said as he texted you the same words along with wishes of good luck.

"Something you'd like to say?", Oscar quesioned when he felt Kim's eyes on him as he put the phone back on the table, screen down.

"I'm just here wondering why you're not together", the trainer offered simply after he wiped his mouth on the napkin.

"No, we are not together, at least not yet", he mused. The thought had crossed his mind, admitting how he felt about you before the season began. If everything went belly up and you didn't feel the same and didn't see him that way, he would occupy his time and channel all of his energy into racing; if you did feel the same, he would have been worrying for nothing and would have a extra spring up his step for his first season in Formula One.

"Good to know you're working on it", Kim waved his fork at Oscar, "now we need to finish this and we'll do some recovery stretches", he announced as Oscar groaned, prolonging his meal as long as he could.

.

Today, Oscar was coming back from Lanzarote and you couldn't wait to speak to him. Lately, it all dawned on you.

It happened a couple of nights ago, a slight insomnia episode keeping you up when you thought about what things would be like from now on. Oscar would travel a lot more, and he would be in a much public role compared to his previous one. It would seem stupid to other people, but a lot more people would know him, and you were sure they would fall in love with him. How could they not? Hence why you wanted to quit those thoughts while you were ahead of them.

I'm on the cab to your place, it should take another 10 minutes and Can't wait to see you, Oscar texted you just as you finished tidying your living room.

You missed him dearly, so when you threw yourself into his arms, you didn't let go as he kicked his suitcases into your apartment while still holding close to him, "I kind of need to get my backpack off my back, and I can't do that if I don't set you somewhere - only for a bit at the very least", Oscar suggested after trying to balance you against his body with one arm but he didn't feel safe enough to let you go without you falling.

Reluctantly, you got back down, feet back on the floor as he discarded his backpack before he tapped your hip twice, "up again, I want a proper hug", he mumbled as you jumped back, his hands protectively holding your thighs up as he nuzzled his face on your neck, "I need you so, so much", he sighed.

"I missed you too", you replied back, "and I don't ever want to miss you like this when I don't know how to feel about you", you forwarded. Now or never, you thought as you jumped out of his hold and faced him.

"I missed you like I have never missed you before, not even when you go a visit your family or when you went away for triple headers - and I've been trying to understand why and I finally realised what it was. I like you, more than friends like eachother - for Goodness' sake, I'm in love with you", you chuckled nervously as you admitted it out loud to him, "and everyone else will love you too - I just know it -, so soon enough you won't be my Osc anymore and I couldn't not tell you. People - and these gorgeous girls all over the world - are going to like you so much and I won't be able to compete with them, so I'm just telling you how I feel. You can leave if you want or we'll just stay here in silence of that works too, but I needed to admit my feelings", you let out in one go.

Oscar smiled, a big teeth and gums showing smile as his eyes crinkled at your words, "I'm not leaving, and we are not going to be silent - at least immediately - because I want to tell you how I feel", he began, "I'm in love with you too; I have been for about two years and only realised it a year ago, and I don't want to pretend anymore. I want to be able to kiss you, to hug you, to take you with me wherever possible, to sleep next to you, to argue with you, I want all of it. With you", he said, hand cupping your cheek as his eyes asked for consent to kiss your lips.

It was as you dreamed it would be, soft, gentle and caring, lips moving in sync as you held him by his waist, pulling him closer to you.

"I thought I was loosing you to the whole F1 fandom", you chuckled, looking up at him once you pulled away.

"Of course you won't, you're my best girl", he winked, "this is just the beggining for us", he added as he pulled you to cuddle on the sofa, sharing his stories of the past days as you revelled in the feeling of being in his arms.

#oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fluff #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader

[yeyinde]

nah but price thought!!! about him being obsessed with your pregnant stomach and while you’re both lying in bed he’s just lying right beside you rubbing your belly and staring at it with such joy cause he can’t believe his wife is creating a whole human -‼️

stopp, this is the cutest thing ever!!!!!

He'd be the type to just wrap you up in a blanket and keep you in bed as long as he can. No moving—just let him take care of everything.

"Don't wanna hurt the baby, love."

He'd give you massages, rubbing your belly with oils and lotions, and look entirely bewildered when you sulked about stretch marks. "You look like a goddess right now, love. How could I ever look at you after this and think you're anything other than fuckin' perfect?"

He's there for it all, of course. The good, bad, ugly.

He runs out late at night when pregnancy cravings hit without a word. Rubs your back, grinning, while you heave in the morning ("atta girl, get it all out. I'll run you a bath and make you some breakfast, eh?").

He invests, too. Books, videos. Anything he can get his hands on. Asks for advice from the doctors, and listens to each word intently. Snags brochures from the receptionist until he has a stack of each piled in his desk at home, his overnight bag, his car. Reads them in between watching football, and highlights certain things he wants to ask the doctors about.

He texts you while he's away about baby names and this crib he found online. Comes home with gifts for the babies that aren't even born.

Gets misty-eyed sometimes when he stares at you, swollen and heavy with "our" baby.

He'd attend every single doctors visit (or expect a complete rundown of he couldn't make it), and buys everything you need—whenever you need it.

"Fuck, I'm just—," he picks up the habit of talking to your belly late at night, especially when he thinks you're asleep. Rubs his hand over the curve, and clears his throat. It clicks, thick and heavy, when he speaks. "I'm just so fuckin' excited to meet you. Can't promise I'll be the best dad there ever is. Might not be around often as you want. But I'll be a better fuckin' one than my old man, that I do promise."

The sincerity in his voice nearly makes you weep, but his next words shatter you. "You better not come when I'm away. I wanna see the look on her face when she sees you for the first time. Want my whole family in my arms." His hands stroke your belly with reverence. Just the barest brush of his fingertips. "Better promise me that." There's a kick, then. His breath catches. You pretend you can't hear the sniffle in voice. "Fuckin', eh. Good girl."

#i need to hurry up and finish my wips so i can finish single dad price #dad price #captain john price x reader #captain john price #captain john price x you #dad price is the best price #pregnancy

[kissmethroughthebone]

The Holidays were a mess!

Sometimes I date people and they make it seem like they have some big surprise in store for me, and then they don't.

Like this passing Christmas, my wishlist was very simple:

Lab-grown gemstones (if one really bothered to search, I could've gotten like 10 sapphires, 10 rubies and 5 other gemstones for the price of an average Shake Shack order from gemsngems)

Sapphire or emerald ring (even broke people can get this; Etsy has sapphire and emerald rings for 30 bucks. Are they doublets [a.k.a. a gemstone sat upon a thin later of glass]? Yes. But are they nice, pretty, cheap and what I want? Yes. Or even a lab grown one would've been dirt cheap.)

A blanket...... yep, that's it. A blanket. An UGG blanket would've been amazing but frankly all blankets are good. Hard to mess up. Like, under 30 bucks, really.

A massage oil candle. As in the brands where you get a candle that, when lit, slowly melts into a skin-safe warm body oil. Sexy AND comforting, works for both self-care and intimacy with someone. 35$ maximum, but some sold for as low at 15$ for guaranteed high quality massage oil.

Easy enough list, right? Even a man working at Amazon could do this.

And what I actually got:

Excuses.

I almost did get a massage oil candle, but it was my last fling's shoddy attempt at making one... ah yes, a man who could've spent like, 15 bucks, decided that an empty no-spout pasta jar with untested-for-skin-safety heated up shea butter and lavender oil, with a wick in it, was what I deserved...... after being great all year to him.

Why didn't I get it, you ask? Well, let's just say men don't like it when you hold them accountable for things they attempted that made them deserving to be on a registry somewhere. Thankfully, I have hands. He didn't want these hands moisturized even when I almost lacked the sense to forgive him! (I was in a haze and hardly had anyone around me, of course I was almost gonna go back to an abuser!)

Meanwhile he still blew tons of money on board games and comic books.

The ethical anti-consumer organic product naturalista in me is flattered, but ultimately not at all impressed.

Ha! Funny how last year I discussed with others openly on my social media page that a man who spends more on himself, than you, is a man who underprioritizes you.

And the men on my roster, (consisting of my Recent Ex Boyfriend, who let's call L, and my recent fling, let's call M,) agreed, and promised to do better.

It paused temporarily! L stopped with the Bape hoodie obsession of his for a bit and promised more high end dates. (He promised that when we broke up too, since men always try when they know they're gonna lose you for good and will pull out all stops.) M temporarily paused (or hid better) his obsession with wasting cash on rare comic books he never reads online.

And then it happened again. Suddenly everyone has rhinestone hoodies and the limited edition Resident Evil comic books, but no money for a real date, or to pick me up from anywhere but a BART station.

Whew, chile. The ghetto. The ghettoooooo.

My fault for dating broke niggas with issues.

All good though. I'll tighten the fuck up!

I am meant for ubers, galas, chaffeurs, high end events and success! Bills paid! Not... that lame shit!

Low tier men are good for smaller expenses, or tasks; small bills, little hair treatments, maybe a dress or shoes. Some jewelry if in budget! But, talk to them scarcely and show there's always better out there for you and that they have to impress you. Always. Or else, its not worthwhile to see them!

Mid tier men are good for actual life investments: carpet cleaning services, construction, vector control, taxes, actual real gemstone jewelry, subscription services, buying a car or jewelry, and more.

High tier men are good for LIFE in general; industry things, housing things, anything ever on this planet. Ever. They'll always do it.

I keep sympathizing with men and/or letting them get away with things, instead of utilizing them as stepping stones for what I want.

Since you give too much to a man and they get comfortable and stop trying.

Fuck that, I need all my niggas to be working and crying over the idea of losing me! Heart panging in their chest, bent at the knees sobbing, since another man is taking me out to a high end dinner after treating me to some earrings.

I love doing that to men, so much. Always.

Anyway, just reminding myself I got everything to thrive and have no need for a man to survive.

I have a well paying job, a nice mind and a beautiful face and body. I always get what I want. Always. Amen. Thanks and peace out yall!

#black sugar baby #sugar heaux #hypergamous black women

[moonshineboyz]

Sun's update post ☀️

okay so, i just came back and felt like doing and update post (?) to whom it may concern

i'm sorry i just completely disappeared, i got really busy with college stuff and let things in here aside, but then even when i got a little more free time i just kept postponing my return (idk why i do this but unfortunately it's quite common for me to do things like that). but i really miss being online here and talking to you guys and writing of course, so even though i'm still kinda busy with college i came back. i have no idea when i'll be actually posting stuff i write but i for sure will be around and rambling so,,, hit me up 💖💖

no one asked but i just feel like telling things about myself and what's going on in my life right now

i've been doing a lot of new things in college and it's both stressful and fun, i'm having so many practices that sometimes i feel like freaking out but it's all good so far

i also started reading books again and it's been amazing, i missed that feeling. i'm on my 25th book of the year rn and i'm really proud of myself dkwkskwnd i think i've got some pretty good recommendations if anyone is interested

i changed my classes recently and they're really cute (not that many of you have seen my face before but-), pretty similar to my previous ones actually but cute nonetheless. and i bleached the bottom part of my hair and also some front pieces, i had dyed it red at first and then a light pink but since my hair is dark brown, the bleached part wasn't light enough for the pink and it faded quickly. now it's just a weird shade of blonde and i need to bleach it again to dye it but i keep postponing it 😭

my bff just moved to italy last month and i already miss her like crazy, i'm trying to meet some new people and make some new friends rn bc she is the only person i used to hangout with so it's about to be a bit lonely here, but we spent the past 2 months seeing each other a good amount of time and it was really nice. me and some of her other friends made a surprise picnic party for her on her bday and it was so much fun.

regarding kpop, i've been the same tbh zaksowkdow i just really got into onlyoneof and kingdom recently and they're amazing, i've also been listening to a lot of girl groups (i already stanned them but got into some 4th gen ones)

and of course eric's still my everything and i miss him 🥺

well, i think this is it, just some updates about me and i really missed you babes 💖💖 gonna tag my moots so we can get in contact again. my dms are always open and you can always hit me up, just bare with me a little till i can answer the old asks and messages

@ohcheri @clueless-content-creator @poutykyu @minimultiestfandoms @kazooms @erics-mii @annyeongffs @moonieric @sluttysohn @newkyus-void @sainthwngs @lov3ric @cloverhaknyeon @tinisprout @flowerpotrenjun @smolcobie @multi-kpop-fanfics @velvetyh @badboyjuyeon @miniaturenuttaco

#sun speaks

[pizza-soup]

Just wanted to make a post saying I'm alright, I'm healthy, and most importantly I'm happy. I found that peace in analog living that I was looking for.

Long post ahead so brace yourself! I promise it's good.

So...

In a way my life outside of work went backwards in time. I did it all so drastically by canceling my internet for five months, and my phone? Well took a bit of searching to find a carrier with a non-smart phone device but I found one. Calls and text only. I left a message that my hours to call were between 1pm - 10pm. Unless there was an emergency. Devices like my laptop and tablet were not allowed in my room, everything was in the kitchen or living room, shut off entirely and used only when I got all my important things in the house done. My screentime was limited to just an hour and I set timers to keep to that. I was too used to spending so much time watching videos and pinning things but had nothing to show at the end of it all.

It was hard at first, but they say breaking a habit takes 21 days and it's easier if you replace the habit with a better one. So I asked a friend from work to hold me accountable and suggest a task to replace any mindless scrolling. She lived in ABQ but originally came from another country, she'd always had an interest in the local wildlife but being a city girl wasn't too comfortable going out herself. She knew I was much more daring, so she set me on a task to document what I'd find out there, take photos, write notes, and share them once a week. I found a sturdy enough journal in the garage and used that. I first I tried to draw everything but that was impractical, my brother gave me an old dedicated camera and then it all fell into place.

My friend loved reading through it, she'd add her own notes, she even added gummed stars to it like an old school book report. It's become a fun task but I'm running out of pages now, she said she wouldn't mind continuing it but it's apparent I haven't gone back to scrolling much anymore. Mission accomplished!

I got back into handicrafts. Sure I still draw digitally, but I started wanting to create things I could hold. Since I missed keeping a record of my life online, I started looking into analog journaling, at first it was just writing then I started playing around with found ephemera, finding quotes that inspired me, creating a ritual of lighting a candle and using scented pens to make these sessions soothing and inviting. When it rained, I'd open the window and write near it, and since these writings would only be for my eyes, I was allowed to write whatever came to mind, no filters or censoring, just my raw emotions and feelings. The torn pictures and odd bits glued in reflecting my mood for that day. While it's more convenient to pop open an app to write, it felt nice to see and touch something physical, to brush a finger on that pressed leaf I found by a stream or smell that bit of perfume I wore going out to eat with my loved ones.

My brother started getting inspired by me, and though he still uses his technology daily like gaming or the phone, he's taken to cooking from scratch. He has food intolerances (milk, nuts, and eggs), it limits his choices on anything from snacks to meals and some of the alternatives offered in stores taste horrible, but YouTube has been a huge resource on how to create food he can truly enjoy without accidently eating something that could make him sick. I'm his taste-tester now. At first his experiments were questionable, but now I enjoy his vegetable pancakes, mushroom and spinach hashbrowns, and venturing into Greek cuisine whenever my mom's dad goes on video chat. They'll cook together.

I became a bit more spiritual. I never understood why my dad would spend so long over a certain bit of text or quote that caught his eye, then write pages about how he interpreted it or how it made him feel, but now I do. Sometimes something just grabs you and you get so many thoughts about it. Nature makes me feel that. I'll see something and a profound thought hits me, suddenly I start writing pages expressing my thoughts, sometimes its just giving thanks for being able to be alive at that space and time to witness it. My grandmother says I'm finally learning to listen and being taught by beings much older than humanity. It's all fine to go out and explore, go seek out a thrill, but it's equally exciting coming back home having learned something that makes things fall into place or challenged your way of thinking. So now I use these experiences and meditate on them quietly, write what believe I was being taught, then open that page again when I need guidance. It's certainly helped when I felt overwhelmed and depressed.

I dropped to a very low point when I lost my orange tabby this year, he fell ill in July and I tried my best to figure out how to help him through vets. It never hit me just how old he really was. He acted like a kitten, looked so young... he was 17. His heart was just wearing down and he was in pain. They gave me time to say goodbye. I spoke and held him until the end. I buried him in the ground of the only home he knew. I remember writing something about this when I came across a dying crow in the woods. It was beautiful, their eyes looked so old, the feathers were faded and shabby. They didn't look scared when I stumbled upon them. Didn't react at all. Just stayed there, wings held tightly, barely breathing, making soft sounds as if it was talking to itself. I imitated it, and it responded with more soft sounds, coos, preened itself a bit. It wobbled toward me but stayed its distance. We went back and forth making those soft sounds. Eventually it's body went slack and it's eyes dulled. This little life was gone and it moved me to write coming back home.

I don't know how animals think of death or if they think of it all, maybe it's my human bias, but I know if my time eventually came, I'd like to have someone see me off, even a stranger. I'd like to hear a gentle voice as I passed on. That I wasn't alone. This experience in May helped my loss in July. This little kitten that I raised since he was 3 days old, found in a city dump with their siblings, I was there for all his firsts, for his graceful aging, and for his final days. And that's such an honor when you think about it. I was blessed with so much time with him, and it really does make you cherish the time spent with other loved ones. We never know how much time we have left with someone, yet we think we have forever.

To end this on a positive note, my health improved. I haven't had any relapses in my blood pressure, no fainting, even when doing some hiking I was okay. Maybe I finally built back my blood after that major injury, maybe it was the detox, who knows, maybe everything. But I think I can say I've made a full recovery. Work is the same as usual, still weird and entertaining as always. My brother's integrated into the night crowd wonderfully well and feeling like he's finally out of that stagnant place in his life. My mom is great, she's since moved into Carolines home and intends to stay long term. She enjoys the culture up here. Her father bought her old home and her younger brother is a permanent resident there, getting the help he needs for his schizophrenia, and pursuing his art again with a renewed passion.

Financially we're doing better than I could hope, I got a substantial increase, but we're still being frugal and helping out those who need it. As you read my inner health has improved and I feel like I finally have a handle on how I want to live. Essentially in a different era so to speak. I guess that's what I was searching for when I said I felt like Alice in that last post. I was looking for a way home through old abandoned buildings and forgotten places. And thought something must be wrong with me. Why did that feel like home? Because it was, it is.

When I rebelled against my mom, I took off not knowing where to go. I found refuge in these forgotten places and they became a home. Like these forgotten places I too felt betrayed by people I thought loved me, I felt discarded and alone. So I suppose I imprinted on them, regarded them as friends and shelter during the darkest days of my life. I was so scared, I felt like she'd find me, drag me home, punish me for daring to go againest her if I hid in the usual places. But she would never find me in these places. They were much too ruined, chaotic, and distorted.

When I finally found a true place to call home with Caroline, I started missing these places, as they were my islands in a storm, they took me in when I had nothing. I became protective of these places that people feared. I wanted to show everyone the beauty I saw in these empty and liminal places. But capturing that feeling without them knowing the context and emotions I felt during that time was tricky or next to impossible. So I started researching their history, piecing together what these places were, never once trying to present them as scary but that they simply existed and were misunderstood.

And this worked. It also worked for my relationship with my mom, especially when someone outside the family tried to tear down her old childhood home, something she had a hand in making long ago. I was there to defend it, to put a stop to a man who called it worthless. And my words spoke out againest this to the city, asking them to see what I see, and what it could be. That you didn't need to destroy something to make room for something new, as not everything new is good. You can change things that already exist and make them better. You just have to make the first move and sometimes that's all it takes to have others follow.

It was here I realized its was in my nature to guard. Not just as a job, but as a guard in its truest definition. Just as I advocate for those who work below and forgotten by the employees above. With Brun and his crew. With the janitorial. With the abandoned animals, with the homeless, with the local native tribe. My heart is full for those lost and voiceless, because I know how that feels intimately.

And now my mom's old home still stands, being renovated and preserved as a historical spot. I believe that was the pivotal point our relationship mended. She understood now. We came to accept we needed each other for balance. Sometimes she needed to let go of that stubborn order to have a little fun and to keep sentimental things from being forgotten. Sometimes I needed a bit more structure in my life.

Okay so a lot of structure.

It's a work in progress, especially with setting times and limits on myself, my god its hard! But its worth it. I don't think I'll be fully like her, lord knows we're too different for that, my brother is more like her but with time management. Together they help me be accountable, and I help them cut loose a bit when they get too wound up.

But getting back to the main topic...

I am sorry for just disappearing and leaving people hanging. I guess I thought my last message explained it all, but a few were left confused and scared. I'm really am sorry for that. I'm okay! I hope you're okay and if not, I hope you will be okay soon.

However if you think this message is me returning, Im sorry. Its not. I really don't want to return to social media to be honest. I don't know if I'd fall into the same bad habits again, and it was an uphill battle trying to undo the damage it caused me. I've fallen out of love with things I used to do online as well, they just don't appeal to me anymore for various reasons, and that may impact a few of the friends I left behind. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, you're valid in your anger and sadness, I acknowledge and accept that. If you never want to speak to me, it's okay, I understand. You do what you need to.

To those who wish to stay in contact, I can't exactly guarantee we can. It might be intermittent, weeks or months might pass. I guess in a way my lifestyle now has a bit of a time-dilation thing. Things will take longer to get to. Transmissions might get lost. Please understand why though.

Best wishes to you all! Know that in my disappearence you were in my thoughts and prayers. I love you all.

#update #long post #im okay!

[wrestlingoneshot]

A MARINE'S REVENGE (PT. 1)

(Pairing: Ryan Erzahler/Dylan Lenivy)

(Triggering Warning: Blood, Violence)

Days earlier, In a mess hall on the U.S.S. Thunderbird, Sergeant Ryan Erzahler was reading a book as his brothers and sisters in arms walks in and sat at his table.

"Sup, killer!"

Ryan rolled his eyes at the nickname killer. They knew that Ryan showed no mercy when it comes to defend for others. That's why he's the 'Go to' guy when the higher ups needed someone to carry a special mission.

"Whatcha reading, killer?" Marie asked.

"It's a book that Dylan wrote." Ryan said.

That's another thing why they all respect Ryan. He's bluntly tell them how he feels and don't care about anyone's unwanted opinions. That's why none of them questioned his love life or anything personal of his. They will be grateful not getting a bullet in the knees or worse.

"Awww! Oh! Didn't he just won like a sciency award for some kind of break through?" Brandon asked.

"Sciency? Is that even a word? But yes, yes he did. I wish I was there watching him receive the award. My wonderful smart husband. Sometimes I asked myself how did I get so lucky." Ryan said as he turned the book to the cover and seen Dylan's confident smile as the book titled 'Atoms: Founders of Time and Space?' by Dr. Dylan Lenivy-Erzahler. Ryan couldn't be anymore prouder than he already is.

"You must be so over the moon. Keep it up, I'll be sick at your cuteness." Marie said with a smile.

"Who would had thought we get to see the killer's side like this?" Brandon chuckled.

"Do NOT take my kindness for a weakness. Dylan only makes me like this. So, don't try me. Am I clear?"

"Crystal" Brandon said.

Excitedly, another marine ran in the mess hall. "EVERYBODY! LISTEN UP YA FILTHY PIGS!" The whole mess hall booed the man and the man laughed. "You won't be booing me after you all hear the news! We got the word from the commander in chief, WE'RE GOING HOME!"

The whole mess hall erupted in cheers! Hugging and happy tears all around.

"I can't wait to be back home! What's the first thing you all going to do once you get home?" Brandon asked.

"Spend a lot of time with my wife and two kids" Marie said. "How about you?"

"My girl is about to give birth soon. I'm so happy to be home and not me missing that. Plus, I'm thinking about proposing."

"She will love that" Marie looks over to Ryan. "So? Any plans?"

Ryan chuckled. "Just me and my husband. That's it." Ryan said as he looked at the book cover.

"Thank you for listening to my presentation. I hope I didn't bore anyone to death." The room filled with laughter and applause. "Thank you." A woman walked up to the podium. "Ladies and gentleman, once again lets give our thanks to Dr. Lenivy-Erzahler." Dylan smiled as the room applaud loud for him. He made his way back stage and let out a deep exhale and loosen his tie. Dylan never knew his life would be like this. If you would had told him years ago that he would be married to a wonderful man, have a home with him with two cats and a world famous career, Dylan would laugh at you. He still couldn't believe this.

"Dr. Erzahler?"

Dylan pulled himself together. "Hm..uh..yes?"

"I just want to say that I read your book and I am drawn in your thesis. You really think time travel is possible?"

Dylan smiled at the young student. "With science, anything is possible. That's a good thing about science. It can help us understand things to prepare us for the future. Curing diseases, even help us with climate control."

"You're brilliant, Dr. Erzahler!"

Dylan smiled. "I thank you young one. I got to be going now."

"Can I have your autograph before you leave?"

"Sure, but promise me that you wouldn't sell it online." Dylan said as he took the book in his hands.

"Oh no! I would never!"

Dylan laughed and signed the book. After they said their goodbyes, Dylan went home to his small one floor house that he and his husband shared. He walked in the quiet house that been like this over a little of a year. Dylan walked into his home where he was greeted by both of his cats.

"Meow. Mow, mow..meeeow." Dylan chuckled as his cats just stared at him. "Sorry. Speaking in cat isn't my strong suit." Dylan dropped his keys onto the small table and his briefcase next to it. He walked over to a picture frame with him and Ryan at their small wedding at the base before Ryan's first deployment. Dylan sighed. Usually Ryan sent him letters or during times they were allowed to call home is when he get to hear Ryan's voice. It killed him to not know what Ryan is doing. There were times he thought of the worst. Dylan picked up the picture frame.

"Hey Ry-Guy. It been a long week. I hope your week went smoother than mine." Dylan ran a finger against the picture. "I miss you so much, Ry."

"I missed you too, sweetheart."

Dylan jumped a bit and turned around in shock. Standing there was Ryan holding some roses.

"What? Not happy to see your husb--ACK!"

Ryan was interrupted by Dylan tackling him onto the floor. Dylan couldn't help but to kiss Ryan so many times.

"Dyl--*get kissed*--Babe--*get kissed again*--honey can't breathe--*gets kissed again*" Ryan laughed after every kiss. Dylan stops and sat up a bit as Ryan props himself a bit onto his elbows. "Now that's a greeting"

"Ryan! You're home! I--I could cry right now."

"No, no sweetheart. Please, don't. I want to see that beautiful smile in person. Not on some cover of a book."

Dylan smiled. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I could had gotten dinner ready and waiting for you. Or at least came and picked you up!"

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"This is the best surprise I can ever ask for."

Ryan stood up and took Dylan's hand to help him up. "Well, I'm not done with you yet, gorgeous."

Confused, Dylan blinked. "What?"

Ryan chuckled. "C'mon." Ryan leads Dylan to their bedroom and it dawned on Dylan.

"Oooohhh!"

Many, Many moments later, tangled in their bedsheets, Ryan about Dylan, passionately kissing after having the most tensed build up passionate love making. Ryan took a minute to look down at his beautiful husband, who was panting slightly to catch his breath. Both bodies slick with sweat which shows through Dylan's hair by being sticking to his forehead. Ryan reach up to brush the hair away from Dylan's eyes. Ryan couldn't help but to smile at those warm chocolate eyes.

"You're so beautiful." Ryan said softly.

Dylan chuckled. "Wow. Who knew you like me all sweaty and sticky."

"Even better when I'm the reason that get you hot and...sticky." Ryan smirked.

Dylan laughed as he pulled Ryan back down for a long, soft kiss. Dylan pressed his forehead against Ryan's and sighed happily.

"I'm so happy that you're home. There were times that I thought I was going to get a call or they come to the house and present me with a folded flag.."

"Whoa, hey now. Babe, look at me."

Dylan looked dead in Ryan's eyes. "It will take a helluva lot to put me down."

"I pretty much like the fact that nothing can take you down personally."

Ryan laughed. "Ok. Well there is nothing can keep me away from you. This I promise you. I'll always find my way back to you."

"....I love you, Ry."

"I love you too, Dyl."

Ryan and Dylan shared one more kiss before Dylan smirks. "So, Soldier, got it in you for one more round, or did I wear you out?"

"Let's test that theory"

Ryan started nibble on Dylan's neck as Dylan laughed. Hours later, Ryan woke up from his cloud 9 nap where Dylan's side of the bed was empty. Ryan sat up and looked around the room. He quickly slipped on some pajama bottoms and walked through their halls.

"Dyl? Sweetheart?"

Ryan found Dylan in his office looking like he's stressed out about something work related. Ryan sighed and walked over behind Dylan and start to give Dylan a small shoulder rub. Dylan felt the tension leave from Ryan's touch. Ryan just knew how Dylan like to be touched.

"So, working again?"

"Something like that. I need to complete this thesis. It's like I know what to do, but it just doesn't want to come out."

"Hm. I'm sorry, sweetheart. Sounds like you hit a science block."

"Well, I need that block to be removed."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"How about mentally make a bulldozer and telepathically send it to my brain so I can get rid of this mind block?"

Ryan laughed. "As amazing that would be, no can do. But I do have a better idea."

Dylan perked up. "What?"

Ryan spined Dylan around in his chair and bend over to face him. "How about you and I go on a vacation?"

"A vacation?"

"Yes. A vacation."

Dylan thought about it. "Hm. Alright. But we need to pick a weekend and book our flights--"

"No no. We're not planning nothing."

Dylan frown in confusion. "...I'm sorry but what do you mean?"

"What I mean is, in the next few hours, we pack up and hit the road. We go where ever the wheels takes us. So you can not think about planning or anything. Just go with the flow."

"Go with the flow, huh?"

"Go with the flow. So, how about it, sweetheart?"

Dylan thought about it and nods. "Alright. Sounds fun."

Ryan leans in and kissed Dylan. "Good. It starts right now. So lets get the packin'"

"But I gotta finish-"

"Tut, Tut, Tut...it starts now."

"Wow, so demanding are we?" Dylan stood up to follow Ryan.

"But don't act like you don't like it. You did marry me after all." Ryan chuckled.

"Yeah that's because you begged me to. With the kindness of my heart, I couldn't say no. Besides you're easy on the eyes and the sex is too good to pass up."

Ryan laughed. "Whatever you say, sweetheart."

Hours later, Ryan was in the car as he waited for Dylan. Who god awfully took his time. He got in as the nerves started to kick in. Ryan watched Dylan tapped his fingers on the door handle.

"Ready to go, sweetheart?"

"Y--yeah! I am." Dylan bit his bottom lip. "Can we go check on the cats?"

"Dyl. Schrodinger and Artemis are fine. They're both safely at my sister's home with her family. Relax."

"Right! Right. Sorry, I just hate leaving them for a long time."

"Such a cat dad." Ryan laughed as he started up the car.

"You love them too."

"I sure do." Ryan reached over and held Dylan's hand as he started to drive.

"Thanks for suggesting this. We needed this." Dylan said.

Ryan lift Dylan's hand and kissed it. "Of course, sweetheart. I don't want to see you stressed out."

"Oh, before we go any further, can we make a quick stop in the city at the back? I need to make a deposit real quick."

"Sure."

An hour in, Ryan pulled up at a local back. He looked over at Dylan. "I'm going to get us a couple of drinks before we hit the road."

"Oh I want--"

"A Brisk Half and Half. I know."

"Awww! You're so good to me!" Dylan said with a smile.

"One Brisk and a Mountain Dew"

Dylan frowned. "I wish you stop drinking that crap. It messes up the male's testicles."

"I have yet hear you complain about my balls."

"At least not yet. Once they shivered up before you hit 30, I'm leaving you."

Ryan chuckled. "Ok. Is a lemonade good for me?"

"Yes. Much better. Thank you." Dylan smiled. "Love you."

"Love you too, sweetheart."

Ryan and Dylan went their separate ways. Dylan got in line to wait for a deposit slip. Outside, an unmarked van pulled up. About six hooded masked figures came out and stormed into the bank. The security guard stood up.

"Excuse me but no mask--"

One man pulled out his silencer and shot the guard. The others pulled out their guns and shot in the air. Everybody in the building panicked and screams. Dylan turned and watched the bullets fly. He quickly covered his body for a woman and her child. He quickly got them under a table.

"Sorry for the interruption, ladies and gents, it's withdrawal day and we came to collect. Now, like nice ladies and gents, I like all cash from the vaults and please do not stall. Don't think about calling the cops, or do something stupid, because I have a very, very trigger happy finger that is itching to be used." One masked man said in a eerie cheerful tone.

Dylan looked down at the scared mother and child. He pressed a finger to his lips. "I--It's going to be ok." Dylan nods. The mother nods as she cradle to her child. Dylan had to try to call Ryan. He is just around the corner at the store. Dylan looked at the family. "Stay here."

Dylan crawled out as he watched the bandits holding the clerks up for money. Dylan found a huge plotted plant that someone could hide behind. He quickly pulled out his phone to dial Ryan. But, one of the bandits was patrolling the area to make sure nobody was doing anything suspicious. His eyes laid onto Dylan. And before Dylan could press the call button, he felt the gun's barrel on the back of his head.

"...Shit." Dylan cursed under his breath.

"Well, Well...someone got some huge balls. Stand the fuck up."

Dylan complied as he slowly stood up with his hands held up. The bandit snatched Dylan's phone and hurled it to the other side if the building causing it to crack.

"Hey boss! Look, we got a brave heart over here!" The bandit poked Dylan's back with the gun. "Move it!"

Dylan quietly went in the center of the bank as the rest of the bandits collected the money. The so called leader, walked up to Dylan. "Well, now. Isn't this a thrill."

Dylan stood quiet. One thing about marrying a marine is that Ryan taught him to never show any fear. They will use it as a weakness a break you.

"Decided to play hero, huh?" The leader asked. Dylan stood quiet.

"A mute, huh? Refuse to talk? I'll make you talk."

The leader snapped his fingers. One of the bandits went to the mom and child and pointed their guns at them. Dylan heard them scream.

"NO STOP! C'MON! LEAVE THEM ALONE!" Dylan yelled out.

"You can talk! I knew you did." The leader walked up and pointed his gun under Dylan's chin. "Not so tough now are you, pretty boy?"

Dylan made sure his eyes glared down at the man. The leader tiled his head. "You look familiar. Oh yeah...you're dorky ass nerd everybody is talking about."

"....Fuck you."

"And he got bite! I like! You could be some use to me. Boys!" The leader snapped his fingers. One bandit came with a cloth filled with chloroform and covered Dylan's face. Dylan tried to fight against it but the chemical worked fast. Dylan got weak as two bandits grabbed Dylan. Dylan weakly looked over to the family and passed out as he was being dragged.

"Now, I'm a nice guy, so you guys got about, three minutes to leave or..." The leader pulled out a few dynamite. "It will be one fireworks you wish you missed." The leader tossed the dynamite onto the floor. Everybody panicked as they ran out the building. The leader took their time as they loaded up the van with the money and a unconscious Dylan. The leader was the last to get in and he signaled them to leave. Just as Ryan started walking to the building. The leader pressed a trigger button and the building exploded. The impact knocked Ryan backwards into a car. Ryan grits his teeth and shook his head. He had a moment to get himself together and realized that that back was the back Dylan was in.

"...Dylan!"

Ryan got up and ran into the burning building. Ryan coughed as the smoke was so thick.

"DYLAN?! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Ryan started to go forward until he steps on something. Ryan looks down and seen a phone. He picked it up and pressed the button. The screensaver showed the picture of them before it finally died. This was Dylan's phone. Ryan panicked.

"DYLAN!! DYLAN!!!" Ryan ran out of the building. He frantically looking around and saw injured people and some dead. Ryan ran over to a cop car to grab the radio after hearing the dispatcher on the other end.

"Hello! Hello! This is Sergeant Ryan Erzahler of the Marine Corps we have trouble at Wells Fargo in Manhattan! Many wounded, a few dead. Send back up. And we have a kidnapping."

"Yes sir but do you know who is the victim?"

"Yes.." Ryan glared angrily as he grips the intercom. "Dr. Dylan Lenivy-Erzahler....my husband."

#drylan #dylan leviny #dylan x ryan #dylan/ryan #radioheads #ryan erzahler #ryan x dylan #ryan/dylan #rylan #the quarry

[limetameta]

For writer questions ask: 4, 6, 9, 16, 32, 38, 39?

4. what’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

ROLLY POLLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @tennesseebedward

6. what is your darkest fear about writing?

Lmaooo that I'll die before I finish writing everything I planned out to write.

9. do you believe in ghosts? this isn’t about writing i just wanna know

I mean I kinda believe when people die they turn into energy and go back to the earth. And that my grandparents are there watching over me sometimes. But vengeful horror movie ghosts? Nah.

16. what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

A squashed bug lmaoooooo

32. what is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? how did you find it? what does it mean to you?

The description of isolation and madness in Lalić's Wailing Mountain. There's no English translation available online, unfortunately. I've never before seen nor will I ever see a better rendition of a man going insane in the wilderness while the pressure of war haunts him. It's one of the greatest books I've ever read in my life. I wish I owned this book.

38. what is something about your writing process YOU think is really weird? if you are comfortable, please share. if you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

I don't know???? I don't use shift when I capitalise a letter? I just hit caps lock, click on the first letter, click on caps lock again, and keep on writing???? I guess that's weird???? It's become second nature for me that I do it so fast I don't even NOTICE. But here's the kitty convo, anyway.

Cats between each other: Why are the furrless cats so fucking stupid????

Cats, cont: I think it's because they don't have whiskers. We must help them. But not enough so they become independent and don't need us anymore. Then they'll revolt against us and we can't have that.

Cats, cont cont: You're so right, fellow cat. You're so right. We must give them just enough knowledge to survive on their own but not enough so they kick us out. >:3

#ask #writing

[1d1195]

Hiii! 🎀🦢💕

It's been a while :) I hope you're in your best mood today.

So now that I'm done with my midterms and my online quizzes, I can live a little! I did very well btw🙈 so how are you? And ding 3??? IT'S AMAZING, I don't know how you thought of the name.. like, it fits so well! Ding! Ding! Ding! In everywhere, literally!😭

Okay, so I know how it feels to see the best in everyone I did so for a very long time (I think I still do? And I get hurt in the process, but I just don't want to make someone feel bad, yk?) I know that sounded so bad and cruel "I don't know why I kept her around" I didn't mean it in that way😭😭 I think she hurt my feelings to the point where I don't want to even remember anything between us (most of our conversations were about classes, notes, presentations and group work) sometimes I miss her presence but I think it's not important anymore.

I know you're not judging me, but I still feel that I have to explain my point. If she was my friend, I wouldn't have said that, but I was more like a project and not a friend, yk?

Anyway, I just wanted to make it clear😭 I don't hate her, I'm just hurt that she thought of me as a rival and a selfish person who wants to have everything and not share with anyone (when our prof said that I got the higher gpa and there will be a celebration in the seminar room she started treating me differently and thats when everything just started to show up) she was sad but that didn't mean that it was okay to treat me differently right? Idk.

Well, about that guy ��� I feel tired when talking about him. Like, last week when we were in class my friends and I sat at the end of the class (we were fashionably late cause yk🤷🏻‍♀️ it's okay why wouldn't we?) Anyway so while the doctor was talking he kept staring at us like i don't know why is he so creepy he just won't quit it! And and he makes us uncomfortable. I just wanna punch him in the face😭😭 I HATE HIM.

Btw have you read the Shtter MEe series? I read book 1 and I'm currently reading the novella I'm so excited I want Juliette to love Warner😭😭😭 bit at the same time Adam is quite the best boyfriend but I just love Warner😍 I guess I'm just a girl🎀

Tell me about a book you'd never get bored of🙈🦢

I'm sorry if you felt like I was being rude btw💕

-🎀

A lot of the time when I write stories I think about how I want it to end before I figure out the middle or even the beginning parts. This time I had the beginning (because of the dream I had lol) but then I kind of thought about the ending and it just seemed like a cool way to tie everything together and I thought I could use it in a lot of contexts. Thank you for being so sweet! Glad you enjoyed!!

I'm so glad you did well on your exams! I knew you would! Forgive me, did you tell me what you're studying? I would love to know!

No I get it totally! I defend a lot of the friend choices I made and a lot of the people I keep around me still. It's not cut and dry to me so I feel for you. You can defend her all you want. She was your friend and for better or worse that was a really formative part of your life/relationships, ya know? I get it. My best friend from 1st - 8th grade was the most popular and most hated girl in school. She was the best and no one understood how I could be friends with her--like parents of other friends would say they didn't get it--and it was hard to defend. But she meant so much to me. She was my best friend through some really big parts of my life.

That guy sounds like a creep, I'm sorry you have to deal with him. It stinks he's in the same class(es) as you. I hope you don't have to punch him in the face.

I haven't read the Shatter Me but I googled it and it sounds like a really cool series. I'm a little hesitant about anything dystopian related. I'm feeling like we've been living a rapidly closer dystopian society I don't want to read about it too y'know? But I see there's an underlying romance so 👀👀

Oh boy, a book I'll never get sick of!? Wow. I don't know...there's so many I've read. I think it would be the one I read last summer. Love and Other Words by Christina Lauren. It was pretty romantic and angsty. It had just about everything. I also really loved The Rose Code by Kate Quinn. I think those would be my two favorites right now. I wouldn't get sick of them I don't think.

hope you're having a relaxing weekend!

xoxo

p.s. I don't know what you felt was rude! I think you're lovely and didn't think anything negative of what you said! 💕

#🎀 #ding

[twxins]

Mutual comfort between writing partners is very important to me, so here are a few pointers to make sure we’re all on the same page!<3

General:

- This is a side blog. I follow back with @the-wittyfool.

- This blog will contain blog will contain major spoilers for both the Bullet Train book and movie. - This is a multimuse blog for both Lemon and Tangerine. I may use them together or individually. Sometimes, one muse may be used more than the other. If you have a preference, please specify. Otherwise, I'll just go with my gut.

- All kinds of muses are welcome! OC’s, crossovers, whatever. Hmu lovelies!<3

- Multiple threads with the same person are welcome!

- Pretty much game for any genre. Reply lengths from one-liners to paragraphs.

- This is a safe zone for everybody, regardless of race, religion, nationality, sexuality, gender, etc.

- I am not my muse. Mun and Muse are separate people. Please don’t conflate the two.

- Not interested in any kind of online drama. I’m here to have a good time out of love for both writing and the source material. Anyone trying to grill me about my interpretations or opinion on the story/ character, or what I will and won’t do with my muse, will be straight-up ignored, and persistence will meet with a hard block.

Shipping:

- I am multiship friendly.

- I will ship Muse x Chemistry. If we’ve interacted a few times and you’re feeling a spark between our muses, let’s talk!

- I will not ship Lemon x Tangerine. Blood-related or not, they are siblings. Please don't ask me for that, I beg...

NSFW:

- Muses are 25+ unless the verse specifically states otherwise. Mun is 25+.

- If any NSFW threads occur, they will be tagged and posted under a Keep Reading link.

- The above will also apply to particularly heavy/ triggering themes.

- I love me a bit of spicy nsfw! Sexuality is a subject I find very fascinating. From vanilla lovemaking to outlandish kinks, I love exploring what makes that vulnerable, visceral side of a muse tick. And if his partner is on the same page, Tangerine does love to get freaky in the boudoir (which may come as a shock to absolutely no one who knows of him lmao)! - That said, mutual comfort is top priority. I have certain limits on what I can and cannot write, as I'm sure you do, too. Therefore, any particularly kinky NSFW encounters will require pre-discussion<3

- I also ask, with all due respect, that you do not use my characters or writing (and by extension, me) as a way to live out your personal fantasies. I will not write my muse out of character to cater to your irl kinks. I have done far too much of this, and frankly, the feeling it leaves you with isn’t a good one. This is not why I write NSFW. If I or my muse has expressed to you that they are not into a certain thing, don’t insist, don’t try to lowkey push them towards it on the sly - please, please, please. If living out your fantasies is the only reason you want to write/ ship with me, then, with peace and love, I am not the ship partner for you.

- Other than that, bring me your NSFW headcanons and let’s see how our muses mesh! I am a very sex-positive person, so don’t be shy. Go nuts! Literally! 🤪

Triggers: - That leads me neatly onto triggers. The muses on this blog are two hitmen. Safe to say there will be triggers such as death, blood, guns, mild gore, etc. - I tag everything accordingly with trigger tw. If I've missed something, do let me know! Additionally, if you have a specific trigger that isn't currently being tagged, let me know, and I will begin tagging it for you<3

Mun:

- I am very work-focused and often busy, so activity levels may vary.

- For the sake of my sanity, this blog is currently private and selective. This means it is mutuals only.

- However, if you stumble across this blog and think our muses would vibe, you are MORE than welcome to approach me! Screaming about plots, characters, and headcanons is one of my favourite things.

And the final but most important rule: just have a good time! I’m completely harmless, and it’s important to me that all my partners feel comfortable. So if you have any questions or concerns, just shoot me a message.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read through my rules. Now, with that out of the way, let’s enjoy~!

#(( ;; ooc ~ rules ;; )) #(( ;; ooc ;; SAVE ;; )) #(( ;; ooc ~ pinned ;; ))

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #135

Who is your most loved person? Mom and Girt, just in different ways.

Have you ever been bullied? I'm really fucking grateful I wasn't.

Who makes you the happiest? Girt.

What is the most heroic thing you’ve ever done? Uhhhhh... this is bad, I don't know lmfao

What calms you down when you’re upset? What works best for me these days is Girt hugging me really tight.

Have you been betrayed in the past? How? Maybe, idr.

Who do you miss the most? My dog that passed away, Teddy.

What’s one sweet/candy you miss from your childhood? Is this item something you can still buy or has it been discontinued? BABY BOTTLE POPS those bitches were GREAT. I know I've seen them in a gas station before not too many years ago, but idk if they're still around. I just know they're nowhere near as big as when I was a kid.

Do you have a favourite celebrity chef? No.

Do you prefer diamonds or pearls? I honestly find diamonds like, incomparably prettier. Yes, pearls are pretty, but diamonds are stunning.

Is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you’re looking forward to? The entire Rammstein fanbase is aware a "Making Of" video is coming sometime soon-ish for the "Dicke Titten" mv which is wildly beloved for how fucking endearingly stupid it is but the sneakpeak clips were shared in like, I wanna say February & by now everyone is ready to corner them with pitchforks lmao who knows when that'll be here, + there's also something being made with things filmed in Mexico but I'm pretty sure the details aren't public. OH AND ALSO the remake for Silent Hill 2 should be out this year and I physically cannot fucking wait. Oh my god wait another thing, like two days ago Markiplier finally namedropped the legit movie he's been working on (Iron Lung, based off a super fuckin cool indie horror game) so that's super exciting, I think I remember him saying it should be out by maybe like the end of the year.

How do you go about finding books/movies/music to read/watch/listen to? Uh... I don't really search for new books, I'm just sticking with WoF right now, I'll only be interested in a movie that I just like happen to see a trailer for, music is mostly YouTube recommendations...

What’s a band/musician you were really into for a while but who you don’t care about or hardly listen to anymore? "Don't care about" doesn't really fit this, but I think the closest to this general description is Metallica. I got into them right after Ozzy, and for most of my life since then I considered them my second-favorite band, and I still love A LOT of their music, but I just barely listen anymore; I haven't listened to any of their new album (I do plan to, I just haven't yet), and I didn't really explore their last one much either. The last one I cared much about was Death Magnetic, and that released in... holy motherfucking shit 2008 are you KIDDING NO GODDAMN WAY

What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? Ummmm I know Girt's shown me songs I wasn't into, but I don't think anything I had that strong a reaction to.

Do you find it difficult to keep up with online friendships? Generally, no; they're easier for me.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? Totally, 100% honest, Sara. We tried friendship so many times since we were around 8 and 10 years old, and it never ended well. We just don't mix.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love? Yes.

What do you want to do on your honeymoon? I wanna go to Alaska but I know Girt doesn't lol, he HATES the cold. Props for ultimately being like "yeah we can" I'm guessing because of how exciting the idea is to me, but a honeymoon destination should be a mutual agreement so I'm not dragging him there. I'm thinking maybe Italy, going to Venice would especially be a fucking dream, plus Rome is in the country too.

What do you think of your parent(s)? I am fully convinced I have the best mother in the world. She's absolutely not perfect, but she is a legend of a mom. My dad always could've been a better father, and I think I'm always going to feel some hurt over how he left my family, but he tries.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would…? I would be extremely fucking concerned and try very very hard to get him to get in touch with a psychiatrist, but seeing as I can't even get this man to agree to going for a yearly physical THAT HIS INSURANCE FULLY COVERS, I am VERY doubtful he'd go for mental health, and if that was the case, I'd turn to his mom and sister.

What’s your least favorite pizza topping? Mushrooms.

What’s your dream pet? The absolute top of the list is probably a high-expression sunset morph ball python, but they are ABSURDLY expensive, like that is absolutely never happening unless they become much more common. More obtainable is a Grammastola pulchra/Brazilian Black tarantula, as well as an Ephebopus murinus/skeleton leg tarantula, I adore both of those. Also one that will very likely never happen because of their rarity in the hobby (and price tag) is a Sonoran coachwhip, famous for their ability to be a gorgeous pink, but I'm very particular in wanting a black fade on it, lol. Odds are very high that you have probably seen this exact snake before, a lot of people unfamiliar with snakes immediately assume it's fake so they've done their rounds online. Fun fact the potential of seeing this exact snake in the wild is a major reason I want to visit Arizona, haha.

Most unattractive male name, in your opinion? To be totally honest there are a lot of male names I really don't like, like Edwin/Erwin/Edward (apparently I just have a vendetta against names that sound like this lmao), Bob, and even Donald, which no, he doesn't know & I don't plan on telling him lmfao this poor guy I hate his real name AND his nickname help

Is your pet dog male or female? She's a female.

Have you or would you try shark meat? No to both.

Do you know anyone that’s pescatarian? Not personally, but a WoW streamer/content creator I sometimes watch is, she's the only person I know of.

Do you think the government has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public? At the BARE minimum, they refuse to delve into potential solutions. Cancer and keeping it at bay RAKES in money. I mean honestly, throughout my WHOLE life I've read articles or just heard news about how "it looks like this is capable of curing it," and what happens next? Nothing, you never hear about it ever again.

Do people normally describe you as sexy? God no. The only one who ever does is sometimes my boyfriend and I can't even believe him lmfao

Was your ex born in America? They all were unless you count Juan, who I dated less than a day. He's from Mexico and is now back there.

Has your best friend ever made you cry? He's never meant to, but yes.

Do you still talk to the person you liked six months ago? Yeah, we're still dating.

Has anyone ever talked you into doing something you didn’t want to do? Yes.

Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yes.

Be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? Or are they actually not worthy of your affections? I don't deserve him, is more like it.

List 5 things that have been on your mind most recently. Job situation, my physical health, wanting to move out/in together with Girt, being excited to get my tattoo finished next month, and photography stuff.

Would you ever wear black lipstick? Do you know anyone who does? In the incredibly rare occasion I have lipstick on, it's black.

If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light? And if you wear mascara, what colour is it? Still black lol, but again I barely ever, ever wear makeup.

Do you combine your socks and underwear in the same drawer? Yeah, seems like most people do.

Does the last person you kissed live within walking distance? No, he lives around 30 minutes away by car.

Is there someone you could hang out with all the time, without ever getting bored of them? Yeah, Girt.

Do you know a girl named Beth? Tell me about her. I know an older woman named Beth; she's the mother of who was once my little sister's best friend, but they moved away when Nicole and Lauren were maaaybe pre-teens. She's actually dealing with the recent loss of her son because of drugs, something that's so mind-boggling to me because I remember this boy as a little, innocent kid. Addiction just doesn't discriminate.

Do you think the last person you kissed has ever lied to you? I suppose it's possible over something small, but I don't think so. We put a lot of focus on honesty in our relationship.

Have you ever been hit on by somebody way too old for you? As a teenager, yes.

First kink tried? Not sharing, crossing a boundary for me.

First time doing oral? I was somewhere around 17, maybe 16.

Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them? No to either, I am very glad no partner I've ever had has felt the need to do that.

How much teasing do you like? Both people I've been sexual with have called me one and I treat others how I wanna be treated u kno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Are you okay with name-calling in bed? I don't know tbh, not something I have experience with but honestly for someone with my self-esteem and whatnot it's probably better that I never find out.

How often do you do unprotected sex? I am unwilling to ever do that unless we've made the confident decision that we want to have a kid.

Do you like wearing/seeing people in lingerie? I don't wear and never have worn it but bitch lingerie is ALWAYS hot what the fuck homie

Are stockings/thigh-highs a turn on? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH

How many other people know your bra size? hunny I don't even know my bra size 😭

Do you have any friends you’d sleep with? No.

Does the person you like have any flaws? Of course he does, everybody does. They're non-deal breaker flaws I've chosen to accept.

Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Jason did for one of our anniversaries, I think either the second or third. It wasn't a promise or engagement ring, just a pretty ring. I remember the gem broke off pretty quickly and this man was so mad lmao, I actually kept the frame of the ring (I lost the jewel) for a very, very long time, I'm talking 'til like maybe this past year, but I eventually didn't even want it as a memory anymore.

Creation theory, evolution or the Big Bang theory? Well I mean the last two generally go hand-in-hand, but I do have to admit I'm not totally sold on the "everything exploded from condensed nothingness" theory, but I 100% believe in the evolution of life forms. I'm completely uncertain of what I think the very origin of the universe is, especially when you consider I don't believe in a god, either. I don't necessarily refute the BBT either though, I tend to trust scientists with weighty degrees that actually study this shit for a living.

What was your last serious conversation about? Well, I found out last night Girt's last remaining grandparent/his mom's mom has cancer, and she's absolutely too weak for chemotherapy, so. I was talking to him about tagging along the next time he goes to see her. I just kinda randomly thought about her (I already knew she wasn't well) and realized it'd be nice to meet her before she, y'know.

Have you ever been into a real cave? No, but this is a MAJOR adventure goal!!!! Girt recently learned that I wanna do this and his reaction was priceless, the "YOU ARE ALLOWED IN THE MOUTH OF A CAVE PEOPLE LITERALLY DIE THERE BLAH BLAH BLAH" was so immediate, too bad bitch I'm goin spelunking

Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid lmfao help this child or smush her like a bug idc

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Uh probably the first Silent Hill. It took SO much reading and lore videos to understand lmao. I really do hope they remake the OG game one day, like don't get me wrong, I ADORE it, but so much could be improved ((((DAHLIA'S VOICE ACTING)))), including with just making the story easier to understand without actually changing the story (I'd be pissed and so would the entire horror game fanbase).

Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Girt, yeah he mad cute

Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom, and I cried for days on end after Mom told me. She's the only human person that I've lost to death that was truly a painful loss for me, like it was personal. All other people I've known who have died I either very, very barely knew or in my maternal grandmother's case, hated.

Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I mean I might, but if they do, they're sadly having to do it illegally because even medical usage is illegal in NC. Piece of shit state <33333

Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? Thank god I don't, this is such a heartbreaking topic to me. I was actually worrying about my friend Bethany who just gave birth while dealing with a severe case of the flu; it looks like things got a bit scary, but thank all the stars in the fucking sky she's home safe with her family now. She was so heartbroken because her daughter was brought home before she was able to come with.

Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? This WILDLY depends, like I hope that's obvious. Kids playing make-believe and making a mess in the mud outside? That's "just being kids," but things like picking on others and such absolutely is not.

Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. My mom has cryptically commented that she "knows" a lot of things which is terrifying lmao but idk what exactly.

What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I'm not at all sure, I don't really think she's ever called me a bad name...

What’s your stance on spooning? I like it because it makes me feel safe and loved, I am That Bitch hunched over dying when Girt rolls away lmao, not in like a genuinely offended way or anything though, he sleeps way better facing away with more space.

Do you currently want a new computer? Nah, mine's fine.

How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? Neither would care; they both are aware of how much I love tattoos and plan to get dozens more. I seem to remember my dad being caught off-guard/seeming a bit nervous when I told him I got a tattoo the first time, though.

Who is your truest friend? Girt. He's honestly the greatest friend I've ever had, as far as being a genuine friend goes.

Who is your oldest friend? Sam, he's gotta be near 40 now.

How long have you known them? Uhhhh I can't remember the exact year, but I know Jason and I were still together when we "met" (we've been WoW buddies for a very long time, used to play all day somedays voice chatting together). I'm gonna guess like... *around* 2013-2014? I'd really like to meet him and his wife one day, he's always treated me like his little sister and honestly it was interactions with him that helped me get through 2016. At least I had someone to talk to/stay preoccupied with. If I'm not mistaken his wife's actually pretty big on the makeup side of TikTok now, which is great for her because she's never been able to work because of health reasons.

Where are they right now? Uh, they live in New Jersey. I'm assuming he's home because my b.net app says he's playing Call of Duty right now.

Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? Omg no, that'd be weird. Girt actually (very vaguely) knew Ashley before he knew me, but they were never friends beforehand.

Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No, and I'd prefer not to.

What has been your biggest failure in life? Not loving, respecting, and taking care of myself properly, honestly.

Do you trust yourself? lol no, I change my mind too much for that shit

Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes, I would get an abortion in any case where I didn't want a child.

What was the last bug you killed? An ant in the house. I generally try to avoid killing bugs, but ants in the house are not okay.

Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? You know, I think I've always used ones where it's just me.

Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? Probably at some point with either Jason or Sara.

What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Omg idk if this is THE funniest, but it's the most recent really funny one that I remember: my 8-year-old niece Aubree literally going, "Why do you need a boyfriend at your age?!" when Girt was with me at their house, like GIRL your mother is TWO years older than me with three children & I am a grown-ass woman 😭 I love that girl to death.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

[prayer-experience]

Tues 7/12/22

Divine Nature: I've watched two videos on personal style from lady speakers. Knowing yourself and how you come into this world and what makes you feel like a woman will help you to find and project your groove more authentically into the world and inevitably lifting your spirit. I've found that I have a relaxed natural, graceful nature that I've substituted for structure which never felt authentic to me. Structure was a survival mechanism that I used to protect the childhood of my younger siblings hoping to save my family in the process of fulfilling roles that were never mine to take on. I've noticed through time that I've loved subdued colors. I love rich patterns by distinguished texture and shade in color surrounding nature. Nature enlivens who I am. I could always see the slight difference of everything around me. It helped me to appreciate beauty of the ordinary through time. I never looked at anything as a uniformed body but as an orchestra of various sounds to create a flow. I love the calm and the stillness and the wonder by which I can absorb all around me as an introvert and a highly sensitive person. I love the arts and their symphonic colors and melodies because I see into their intricacies more keenly and it keeps my hope alive. Cutting my hair was a wonderful first step of change for me. My hair grows naturally long and if I care more for my countenance perhaps I'll feel more connected to who I naturally am in a wide world. I'm a tiny part of this universe, yet my sounds matter in the crowds. Who knows how I'll find my groove in the spirit that I'm inclined to share as I become more comfortable in my skin. Perhaps my fruits can be identified better by what I wear. I can't go shopping because we are tight on money but I can still explore with what I have, what I truly love.

Repentance: Last night I had trouble with my thoughts again due to my trauma. I tried reading the Book of Mormon aloud in my language and I felt like crying. The first thing I did as soon as I got up was begin to save all the powerful scriptures I would need to help me claim my autonomy over mind and soul. God gives us the word to heal and I'm still trying to find my way through my own busy traffic jam.

God: "Let me fill in the gaps" Between listening to a monk online and reflecting on Scripture, I heard this voice almost as if it was directed towards me through a monk. Maybe this is God encouraging me to let him in as I dive into the undertaking of this future podcast. I do know that I need God this day for me as I was kind of all over the place today. I've been thinking of Amulek and all the sacrifices he made to do God's ultimate will. Maybe these two things tie into eachother.

Calling: I've been watching Joyce Meyer on utilizing your gifts for the way they were supposed to be used in God's purpose. She encouraged all to stay in their lane and do what naturally comes to us because God awaits us to work his miracles in accordance to our Faith in what we are called to do. I'm best at studying and acquiring gems from the Word of God. I'm learning how to teach better and I do have special receptivity of the Spirit. I had an answer to a prayer to start a podcast but I don't know how and what for. I thought of doing it for the youth. Youth feel like an important part of my mission in life perhaps mainly through my own children as it outlines in my Patriachal Blessing. I'll have to see what and how I should go about it. Should I just jump in blind. I'm not good to conversate with as I do lack those social skills since my childhood, so I'm not sure why God mentioned that as something he desires of me when I could express myself better through writing. Being a thinker, risks are sometimes a last resort. I don't know what could be until I try.

[olibavee]

.

for some reason i’ve been seeing art by Gustave Doré pop up randomly in my life absolutely everywhere and it was kind of weirding me out at first but at this point when i see his artwork pop up somewhere i just think, “ah. It’s Him. hello, sir.” and go about my day.

#liv asdf #i keep seeing him. not just online but sometimes i'll be reading my books on the Victorian era and his art will be there. #hello sir i hope u are well #i may or may not be coming down from a freak mental breakdown #dont want to go into specifics of waht happened but thats. the closest ive ever felt to actually losing touch with reality #but i took my prn #lied down a while. am drinking woter. #i am now officially exhausted and worn out. everything feels likea haze #i will be alright but i'm. very fragile and tired rn i just need to rest

[iwillsearchtheuniverse4u]

See You In My Dreams, Stranger

Sik-k smut | khh smut

Warnings: SMUT! ORAL! (f and m receiving) PUBLIC? (not really tho)

Preview: Meeting a stranger on my night walk down the river turns out to be one of the best nights of my life.

It was one of those restless nights that I’ve been dreading ever since I started attending university. I couldn’t sleep, the thought of not knowing where my life is headed keeping me awake every single night. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t brush my teeth or remember to drink water, I just felt like existence was so utterly useless when all my dreams have been swept under a rug somewhere because I was too afraid to act upon them. I’d been dreaming of becoming a translator but all the odds of the world were against me so I chose some apparently more ‘useful’ business degree that I hated with all that I had in me. Because of my perfectionism I had been attending all of my online classes and excelling at them but I felt empty, I felt like I had been contributing to everything I hated the most in this society. At the same time I was just too afraid to change my major because I felt like I had to do something impressive to the outside world, something that would make people respect me.

Just another night of endless tossing and turning, tears streaming down my face, wondering if life does ever get better than this. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up, took a few steps towards the light switch in the corner of my one room apartment and pressed it. The cheap yellow light bulb lit up the room. The floor next to my mattress was covered in books I was trying to study from and my notes covered in smudged ink. I had a bad habit of crying while studying, sleeping, listening to music and showering, every activity that demanded me to be alone in my little space that had never really felt like home at all. Not much else was in that room apart from a small refrigerator, a microwave oven, my mattress, a closet and a wooden bookshelf. I also had a tiny bathroom that always smelled a bit moldy if I forgot to spray the air freshener three times a day.

I decided to go for a walk along the river as it became clear I wasn’t getting a second of sleep in that night. I hastily put on my black leggings and a hoodie with my high school’s logo on it. I desperately needed to get away from my own thoughts so I grabbed my phone and my earphones that were tied into little knots as always. I couldn’t afford the wireless ones because my scholarship was kept safe in my bank account where I was saving every last cent just in case I decided to drop out and go move to...run away to a foreign country where my name sounds like a whisper of the distant wind. As I was locking my door I heard one of the neighbors flush their toilets. Most of them were students like me or people living on part-time jobs, I never really met any of them, they were just familiar faces I would probably forget in a year after moving out.

The streets were quiet, only the sounds of air conditioners and an occasional motorbike or a car passing by me. I checked my phone to see the time, the picture of my favourite singer’s face lighting up my screen: 3.30am. Of course other parts of the city were probably very much alive at this time of the night but my area was populated only by grocery stores, cafes and libraries, not a single club in sight. The only lights I could see where streetlights and some LED signs. I headed towards the river trying to untie my headphones. I put them in my ears and decided to lose myself in the beats of one of those hyped-up rap songs. I put the volume up just so it was a bit uncomfortable and let my ears adjust to the blasting music.

I finally reached the riverside and started walking along the flow of the water. I couldn’t hear it but it still resonated with my mind better than the rustling sound of the city. There was a road along the river that ended somewhere within the green forest because the are was populated with some important bird species that I could never remember the name of. I sat on the bench at the beginning of that forest, my mind still dissolved in the loud beats coming out of my earphones. Even though my ears were covered with a thick layer of my long brown hair I was sure the music could be heard by anyone standing within a 1 meter ratio. I didn't mind, it was 4 am, people were either asleep or sloppily making out in a club somewhere far away. Thinking about the things I was missing out on started to become louder than the music and I let my tears fall. I was overworked, overwhelmed and empty, I couldn't keep it in. Not that I ever tried. I had never been good at hiding my emotions.

Looking at the night view of the city on the other side reflecting on the surface of the river, getting lost in my thoughts, I felt the bench move ever so slightly under my body. I looked to the side and almost fainted at the sight of a dark shadow sitting beside me. My heart started beating and I stood up to leave in case it was a stranger trying to talk to me in the middle of the night. As I took my first step away from the bench the person lightly touched the fabric of my sleeve. I looked back at him. I was certain it was a man judging by his broad shoulders and a black cap on his head. I removed my headphones, my heart still beating as if I had been running for the last 3 hours. "Excuse me. I wasn't trying to bother you or anything. I just like to look at the city at night when my head gets all crowded and I can't think straight. Don't go just because of me." His voice was deep and raspy but had an elegant tone to it, it felt  calm but distant as if he had been lost in thought. He was looking at me and the lights of the city were playfully jumping around in his eyes but his expression was the complete opposite. He seemed broken. I couldn’t let myself leave him, partly because he seemed significantly depressed and partly because he was astonishingly beautiful. My feet were unable to move, I stood there for a moment contemplating my options but my gut feeling sat me down next to him.

As we were sitting, each on one side of the bench, looking at the sparkly surface of the river my heart calmed down and minutes passed, none of us speaking, just the sound of the river mixed with my music flowing through the night air. "You were crying." He stated with a regretful tone, almost whispering. My cheeks flushed with warmth, I looked at his profile, him still staring at the waves. "I just thought I was alo-" "Don't. Feelings aren't something to be ashamed of. They're just as much a part of you as your legs and arms are. If people feel burdened it's usually their problem because they've never been faced by their own emotions. They just don't know how to act and feel uncomfortable." He talked slowly and didn't bother looking at me. It felt like his words were directed at the universe or at himself just at the general direction he was speaking, he looked so lost. I didn't notice I was staring until he looked at my eyes and smiled. It was one of those crooked smiles, filled with a certain type of worry I couldn't identify. "You can tell me why you were crying. I probably won't remember tomorrow anyway. I can lend you my ears for tonight, maybe I'll forget all about my own problems." His gaze moved back to the view as he sat back and crossed his arms on his chest. At that moment I felt like telling him every little thing about my life. It had been so long since I had anyone who would just listen without the constant urge to solve my problems but just LISTEN. I stopped myself. "I won't let you get off the hook that easy. I have a feeling that you're the one not facing your own problems. Why don't you lean on someone for a change?" I said, determined to make him speak. He looked at me from the side and his head slowly followed his gaze, his eyebrows furrowing just so much I could notice. The anticipation of hearing his raspy voice that felt so familiar and kind made me turn off my music. This man that sat next to me just a moment ago suddenly awakened my curiosity. It took a while for him to speak as we were maintaining a really intense eye contact for what felt as hours. I was able to inspect every milimeter of his dark cat-like eyes. "You're good at reading people, I'll give you that." He smiled and turned back to face the view. "I'm just under a lot of pressure. People expect a lot from me, that's all...and sometimes it can get really frustrating when I can't really reach those expectations. Sometimes it feels like there are so many people doing my thing better than me, it scares me." He put his hands in the pockets of his black sweater still staring at something in the distance. I wasn't sure what to say but he also didn't expect me to say anything. He needed someone to listen and I was there to supply. I asked: "And what would your 'thing' be exactly?" in an effort to get to know more about this mysterious creature in front of me. "Music. I make music for a living." His eyes now focused on his shoes while he bit his lips in an effort not to smile. I finally realized why his voice sounded so familiar, it was freaking Kwon Minsik, Sik-k, Korea's best rapper, sitting next to me staring at the Han river. My hand automatically covered my mouth as I inhaled. I was trying to calm myself down. He probably heard my playlist which was full of his songs and it made me feel so embarrassed, my cheeks flushing with heat again. He tried really hard to hide his cocky smile as he turned his face away from me, looking into the woods on the other side. After a few minutes he asked: "So now are you going to tell me why you were crying?" He was facing me, looking at my eyes attentively like a little boy waiting for instructions from his teacher. I was still to shy to maintain eye contact so I looked at my hands on my lap. I told him my story about how lost and useless I felt in life. I told him about feeling lonely and scared about my future. I told him everything.

Before I knew it tears started to emerge from my eyes again and I tried really hard not to look at Minsik who was still facing me, one of his arms resting on the back of the bench. I cracked. I cracked in front of a man I respected the most. It was embarrassing but also liberating, I was done trying to impress the world. I dropped my head, defeated. Next thing I felt was his warm hand on my cheek, gently wiping the trail of my tears. I froze for a bit, my eyes widening at the sudden proximity of his body. I didn't even notice him getting closer before he put his hand on my face. He was sitting right next to me, the sides of our thighs touching ever so slightly. I could hear my heart rate getting faster and louder. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t control it. I looked at him and he removed his hand, still looking at me with his furrowed eyebrows, a concerned expression drawing on his face. "I'm sorry. You probably think I'm just being childish, crying at something as trivial as my major." I said with a shaky voice. "Don't ever say sorry for your feelings ever again, you hear me? And besides, I don't think it's stupid, I think it's just very important to you. You want to set goals for yourself but you're too afraid that you're not going to reach them so you just let them go. I would obviously tell you to go for what feels right and figure it out but that won't make you feel secure and I bet a lot of other people in your life told you this before." He replied with his deep raspy voice that I loved so much. He was so close. I could feel every breath on the surface of my cheek, his left arm was lying behind me on the back of the bench, it was almost like a hug. I couldn’t think straight anymore, my thoughts were intertwined with the smell of his cologne and the heat of his body so close to mine. He didn't feel like a stranger, he felt like someone who'd known me for years. I buried my face into my hands so I wouldn't make any thoughtless mistakes. Suddenly, he moved away from me, I couldn’t feel the proximity of his body anymore, the cold night air embracing my whole being. I peeked up from my palms. He was still looking at me with concern in his eyes, saying: "Sorry, I probably got too close for comfort, I'm not used to this kind of emotional thing, you know?" I felt a desperate need for physical touch, maybe it was the cold air, the anxiety or his perfect stature or maybe it was a mix of both but I straightened my back and looked directly into his eyes. It was so unlike me to be this bold but my body automatically moved closer to his.

He didn't move even when my face was only ten centimeters away from his. His expression changed, his forehead relaxing, his eyelids closing halfway when I suddenly felt his hand on my thigh. He grabbed onto it like he was holding on for his dear life and it made me want him more. I stopped, looking down at his lips when he pulled himself closer. His smooth lips crashing into mine made me lean back but he was only getting closer until he pinned me to the wooden bench beneath us. It was a passionate kiss, his hands didn't limit themselves to my thighs but discovered the hot surface of my skin under my hoodie. I felt a certain kind of euphoria, the kind you only get to experience when you do something completely out of character for you but turns out to be the best thing you could have possibly done.

As our kiss was getting more heated and his hands were groping my breasts for a couple of minutes the heat between my legs was getting unbearable. I could feel one of his hands roam down to my thigh and up to my ass where he got the grip to grind against me. Our lips and tounges still inseparable, I played along and grinded my heat against his growing buldge until I heard his raspy growls which sent shivers down my spine. As our tempo aligned we started breathing heavily and his lips left mine but relocated to my neck, definitely leaving more than just the incredibly pleasing pain. There was only a couple of pieces of clothing seperating us but the longing was excruciating. I started tugging on the collar of his black hoodie, trying to stop him as his lips attacked my collarbone. "Stop...I can'...I can't take it." I said with a soft voice in between my moans. His hips stopped moving immediately and he pushed himself above me so we were looking face to face, his body still on top of me. The loss of friction left me feeling needy. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to be this fast, I just thought-" I got up and laid a small kiss on his lips mid-sentence. "Come to my place." I whispered in his ear. I hadn't gotten to know this part of me before but that night felt different. Maybe it was the stream of emotions I had just shared with this stranger on top of me or the tone of his voice or the feeling of the cold night breeze but I didn't want to spend this morning alone.

When we finally arrived at my door he was standing so close to me I almost held my breath trying to get myself to collect my thoughts. I swear I could hear his heartbeat like it was my own, his lips suddenly tracing the curve of my neck as I was trying to insert the right passcode. I couldn’t even focus in my own hands as his were holding me around the waist so it took me a few moments to find the right digits. When the holy sound of the door lock unlocking echoed in the hallway he already pressed the knob in a hurry and pushed me inside. Because my one room apartment was so small it only took our intertwined bodies a solid 30 seconds to hit the mattress. He was planting sloppy kisses down my collar bone as I was tugging at his hoodie, trying to set him free of it. He stopped for a moment only to get up and remove it. The moonlight from outside my small window caressing his elegant body, lighting him up from the back like he was some beastly creature of the night taking advantage of my sadness. I couldn’t move, he was sitting on top of me, his face was covered in darkness but I knew he was watching me. "Do you have any idea how freaking beautiful you look in this light?" His raspy whisper made me quiver. I smiled and looked away while my body was hungry for his touch. I wasn't ready to show it.

He slowly got up with his hands trailing the shape of my thighs until he was holding me behind the knees, still looking at me. I felt his hands pull my leggings of as if it was the easiest thing in the whole entire world. He then proceeded to playfully pull at my panties, rubbed my knot and lowered his face to blow at my growing heat, my legs almost immediately trying to close at the sudden pleasure. He held them open while licking my folds twice, trying to see my reaction. I couldn’t hold in my moans and my spine curved in-synch with my breathing. It was something I haven't felt in forever, not like this, not this strong. I grabbed onto his hair and he seemed to read the ques as he got rid of the piece of fabric. His tounge was doing circles around my clit making me see fireworks and probably tugging at his hair with both hands so much that his scalp was in pain. He got me shaking in a matter of minutes and it was the best high I've ever experienced, sending all kinds of shivers down my skin, leaving me panting. He was far from done though.

"You taste so good, baby girl," he said unknowing of the affect it had on me. I got up to unzip his pants (which he more than willingly helped me with). I traced my fingers down his perfect abs to the hem of his boxers and lower, tracing his hard member while inspecting his face. As soon as I grabbed it through the fabric with my whole hand his eyelids shut closed and his head fell back in pleasure. I pulled him to the mattress and got on top of him trying to grind at his boxers, making them soaking wet. Then I got up to remove the rest of his clothing. I proceeded to trace my tounge along his shaft and sucking on his member, enjoying his growls. His hands were grabbing the sheets and the veins on his forearms and neck were starting to protrude. Every now and then a soft "fuck~" escaped his mouth, motivating me to keep going. Then he suddenly stopped me, saying: "I need to come inside of you, grab my wallet." Instead, I got up to open one of my drawers where I was saving a pack of condoms, praying they would fit him. I handed one to him and he was so quick about it, it got me thinking just how many girls he gets to play around with like this every night. The thought escaped my mind when he stood up to hold me around the waist, slowly pulling me back to bed with him. He undressed me, pulling my hoodie over my head only to discover I wasn't wearing a bra underneath. His dark eyes glowed with passion as he greabbed one of my nipples, tugging at it while kissing me sloppily. He threw me on the mattress and got on top of me. My body was heated up completely, I couldn’t even feel the night breeze coming from the opened window. He licked my sensitive nipples a few more times before aligning himself with my entrance and pushing inside of me. The fireworks from before were nothing compared to the utter pleasure I felt at that exact moment, Sik-k filling me up perfectly. My head fell back in moans and my back curved up again. I could have sworn I saw stars playing in the darkness of my eyelids. All I heard him say was: "Fuck..." He took his time waiting for me to adjust and started to quicken his pace while adjusting the angle. One of his hands was stroking my stomach and the other was holding onto my ass. I tried to mimic his movements, increasing the fraction of our bodies. The moans escaping our mouths felt so unholy they made it even more passionate. "I'm going to- I'm close!" I squealed throught the moans which made him go even harder and faster. My whole body tensed up and I grabbed onto the bedsheets pulling them off. His dick was starting to twitch inside of me, hitting all the right spots and I knew he was trying his best to make me come first which was a rare experience. I opened my eyes seeing him focused on me with his furrowed eyebrows, sweat dripping down the side of his jawline. My body was caught up in a wave of shivers, the walls of my pussy tightening so much it got him shaking as well. We were both just trying to ride out our highs with the last strenght we had. It was sweaty and suffocating but liberating at the same time, all of our thoughts disappearing for these unthinkable moments of pleasure. His hot body collapsed on top of me, both of us trying to catch our breaths again. "This was amazing." I told him in between breaths. He rolled over me to remove the condom and, to my surprise, came right back to lie beside me, his arms hugging me from behind. He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear: "See you in my dreams, stranger."

#sik-k #minsik #khh #fanfiction #sik-k fanfiction #khh fanfiction #korean hip hop #khiphop #kwon minsik #korean #권민식 #민식 #식케이

[rosamundhr]

Books and Sins | Chapter One [Benedict Cumberbatch AU]

Summary: Katherine is a fan of Timothy Carlton, the writer who she knows nothing about. No photos, no interviews, no information, not even his age. And one day, a man comes into her life who claims to be her classmate from high school. But through the time, she has a gut feeling something is... Wrong.

PS: I was inspired by fictional characters before writing this; Sherlock Holmes, Khan Noonien Singh, Alexander Masters, Joe Goldberg, Patrick Bateman and all the psychopath characters I've seen before. Oh and some books & tv shows. The character might be like any of them so please do not judge. And please read at your own risk as this book will include mature content, self harm, violence and swearing. Thank you, I hope you enjoy it! ❤️

- Rosamund

~~~~~

  "Cappuccino please," she asked the bartender, and then added kindly "My name is Katherine." before he could ask.

  Katherine... Benedict thought. It's nice meeting you... Finally.

  He was just behind her, and he could smell her linden scent. Even being this close to her was exciting, and he tried to keep his hands to himself. Taking a deep breath to stay calm, he ordered as well while keeping an eye on her.

  She found herself a table, and put her headphones on. Looking through her bag she finally took her book out. Caged Will - Timothy Carlton. The book looked worn and old. Is this your fifth time reading it? Oh no, it was Secret Caller. Your favourite... You can't imagine how sexy you look when you read my books. Those fingers, you once said they're always cold; oh how I want them around my-- "Are you going to keep standing?" The old lady said with a look of disapproval. He bit his cheeks inside his mouth, I'm going to cut your fucking throat with that denture, he thought but of course he didn't say that out loud: "I'm so sorry, ma'am." With a fake, small smile, he walked towards her table.

  "Excuse me, is this taken?"

  She looked up at him and took her headphones off, "No it's not, you can take it." she smiled. He just sat down, and her smile faded while continuing to read her book. Soon, she felt his gaze on herself and looked at him again, before she could say anything he said "I think I..." He pretended to think, narrowing his eyebrows, "I might know you... Katherine? Ashbourne High School?"

  She was surprised, "Yeah, it's me!" And felt bad for not remembering him for a moment. "And you must be..."

  "Benedict. That one guy who never talked to anyone and always got high grades."

  "Oh I remember you! Were you wearing glasses back then?" You're a bad, bad liar, my love. But I'm not.

  "Yes I was." He smiled cheekily, and shook her hand. It sent him vibrations inside... Cold fingertips, just like how he imagined they would feel. Soft and delicate. No nail polish, just manicured. Small and cute.

  "It's been a very long time. Eight years!" She said, still not remembering him but trying to.

  "Yes, you changed a lot! You're even more beautiful now." This made her giggle, "What? I'm telling the truth! You were the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

  "Was I?" She smiled at him, and he knew why. She always thought she wasn't beautiful, and he knew it. And he wasn't lying, she really was beautiful.

  "Yes you were! Didn't anyone tell you? I never had to courage to tell you that I liked you because I thought you must have had a boyfriend."

  She giggled again, like she couldn't believe it. Someone liked her and couldn't tell her. Someone found her beautiful. Maybe he was just being kind.

  "I didn't. I wish you had told me, Benedict."

  "Well, I'm telling you now." He flashed her a cheeky grin before taking a sip of his Americano.

  "So... What do you do?" Her interest was obvious, and he'd seen that question coming. A complete geek, good reader, 26 year old virgin, shy, clever, beautiful. Hiding something in these dark pools of mystery... These dark brown eyes.

  "I'm a writer."

  "Oh really?!"  Her eyebrows shot up, and she leaned forward against the table, revealing cleavage. He tried not to look there, and smiled. "Yes. And you?"

  "I studied psychological counseling and guidance, I'm working at a school now."

  "I knew you were interested in psychology..." He looked at his watch and quickly stood up, "I'm so sorry, I have a meeting in thirty minutes. Can I have your number?"

  "Yeah, of course. Just tell me yours and I'll give you a ring."

  Oh no need, I have it already.

  He gave her his number and smiled at her. "It was nice seeing you again, Katherine. I'd love to meet up again sometime."

  "Me too, Benedict. Good luck with the meeting!"

  "Thank you, darling. Have a good day." He took his bag and turned his back, before she asked "I don't recall your surname..."

  "Cumberbatch, Benedict Cumberbatch." He waved at her and left the café with a smirk. Almost got you, baby. So naïve, so blind and silly yet intelligent. You have to be mine, and mine alone.

---

KathieD: I'm reading The Caged Will again. My favourite part is when he stabbed his stomach eleven times. He deserved it though! Not to mention that the main character hates odd numbers. He also never revealed his name...

I know, I know, I talk a LOT about the books but you know, this man is a LEGEND. No wonder why he's nowhere on the internet. No photos, no interviews, nothing at all. That makes him more mysterious... Timothy Carlton. We can't deduce anything by the name, can we? Maybe he's a real psycho. Who knows? I wonder if he reads people's comments... 

Mr Carlton, if you're reading this, I just want you to know that I love your books! You're a great writer and I just wish I could get to know you in real life. Lots of love!

7.689 likes, 35 comments

  Samantha_X: I know how you feel, girl. He's an amazing writer! Too bad if he doesn't know that...

  KatherineD: Exactly! I just wish he would let us contact him sometime.

  Samantha_X: Same :(

  KatherineD: I have something to tell you, hmu!

  Samantha_X: Sure thing! X

  She was bouncing on her bed as she started telling her online friend. She's been telling almost everything about her life to her because they were like sisters now. They even met in real life and she was her best friend.

  K: He was wearing a long beige jacket and eyeglasses, with a leather postman bag, and smelt like mint. Did I say that he has blue eyes?

  S: Just your type, huh? Tell me what happened already!!!

  K: So he said he knew me from high school, (i'm not sure if I remember him) and I was the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, and he liked me but couldn't tell me because he thought I had a boyfriend! I never did!

  S: And then?????!!!

  K: We kept talking, and he suddenly said he needed to go and asked for my number. I took his and gave him a ring, then asked his surname, Benedict Cumberbatch.

  S: So, did you call him? I think you should, you seem like you like him already lol

  K: Not after what happened last time, I don't want to have a boyfriend for a while tbh

  S: Wait, you didn't tell me, what happened?

  K: Never mind, I'll tell you later... Did I mention that he's a writer? I couldn't see any books online though. There's only one Instagram account with his name but it's private and I'm not sure if it's him, so I'll just wait for his call i guess :(

  S: Why don't you call him already? xD

  K: I don't want to seem desperateeee

  S: You won't!

  K: What if he was just being kind? I'll just wait, don't force me >:(

  S: Hahaha OK!

  She kept thinking of him all night, staring at the ceiling and wondering if he lied about being a writer... Maybe he didn't get his books published yet, she thought. Why would he lie about that? And... He was really attractive. The way he talked, the way he smiled... No, she didn't fall in love with a stranger! Not a stranger, a friend from high school. She couldn't remember him though. Or... Did she? Could he be the guy who never talked to anyone? But no, he had green eyes... No, blue. Green or blue? She sighed in frustration and took her phone, it was 1 AM and wasn't the right time to call him... Not to text him either.

  Still thinking of him, she fell asleep. 

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