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#i love knowing that I'm worthless
kittyandco · 2 months
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does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do
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uncanny-tranny · 7 months
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Begging people to learn that fetishization is a specific form of dehumanization that sees the target primarily as a (often sexual) tool for somebody to achieve their own goal. A person who fetishizes somebody will often not recognize somebody's humanity because they are primarily focused on their own desires.
Fetishization is not when somebody likes a person (especially a marginalized group). Fetishization is not when a person in an out group sees a marginalized person as an equal and appreciates them as an equal. It is not dehumanization for somebody to treat a marginalized person like an autonomous person who can make their own decisions.
It leaves a very bad taste in my mouth when people assume that the only reason you can be "into" a marginalized person is that you want to dehumanize or ultimately abuse them. It sends the message that our marginalization is preventing us from "truly" being seen as a person from anybody. You aren't placing the blame on systems of power, you are punishing marginalized people for their marginalization.
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musical-chick-13 · 2 years
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I think people who pick one character from AsoIaF/GoT to be The Protagonist are missing the point, because pretty much all of the characters think THEY are The Protagonist™ and that’s ultimately what screws them over.
(I also want to preface this by saying that that’s the reason I find these characters so interesting, and that this is not meant to insult any of them. I LOVE this story, and this is one of the many reasons why.)
Cersei thinks she’s the Villain Protagonist™ of a gritty drama. Even if it doesn’t make sense for things to work out for her, she assumes they will, seeing everyone around her as faceless idiots serving her narrative. Anyone and everyone will betray her because that’s what always happens in stories like this, so she won’t give them a chance to ever get there. People will move the way she assumes they will; everyone is predictable and stupid and shallow and cowardly. And as such, no one possesses the necessary skills to take her down. If she’s more ruthless and ambitious and paranoid than everyone else, she’ll get what she wants. But that’s not how life actually works, so all she does is alienate those around her, even necessary allies. People aren’t always predictable, not all of them are compliant or subservient or easily-frightened or incompetent. And if you prioritize ruthlessness and distrust, the people who aren’t those things aren’t going to see any reason to keep you around or give you aid.
Jaime thinks he’s a Cynical Misunderstood Antihero. He doesn’t need to work on bettering himself or de-internalizing his violent impulses, because he’s not the problem, it’s society, it’s people’s incorrect assessment of him. Look, he made a friend in Brienne, that must mean he’s not all bad, right? He thinks this story ends in a Public Image Rehabilitation, but he still conflates love with violence, and he still has a fucked up relationship with consent, he’s arrogant to a fault, he still insults Brienne (and just about everyone else) when the opportunity presents itself, and he never bothers trying to change that. And it’s all of this that prevents him from every truly becoming a good person. He’s so mired in this idea of being misunderstood that he doesn’t make a concerted effort to prove that he actually is. People think he’s an oath-breaker, that he has too big of an ego, that he doesn’t care about the people he swore to protect, and he thinks that simply going, “Yeah, but they don’t have the whole picture” is enough in and of itself to prove them wrong because, in a lot of stories, it is. But all his behavior does is cement his reputation as these things.
Dany thinks she’s The Chosen One, which means whatever she does is automatically the right decision. People will accept her rule because it’s hers, she deserves it, it’s morally right. All of her enemies are blanketedly wrong on all accounts in all cases. Her goals supersede anyone else’s because those goals are the way to a Happy Ending, and she doesn’t consider that other people might not see it that way. Many people’s gripes with her stem from gross places like misogyny or wanting to continue keeping slaves, but she forgets to acknowledge that some people’s issues with her might actually be valid. And that The Chosen One is actually a terrifying idea to people outside that person’s immediate personal context. She has three sentient WMDs, essentially. And if she thinks that using them is always morally correct, that the fallout from doing so can’t possibly be a problem because she’s using them and it’s for a noble cause, you end up with what happened in Astapor; and you end up with Drogon killing a child in Mereen and, eventually, her demise at the end of the show.
Sansa starts out thinking she’s an Optimistic Child Hero in a fairytale. This leads to her being held captive at court (she trusted that the authority figures were benevolent), writing a letter to her family that almost comes back to bite her to a deadly degree once her sister finds out in the show (she thought she could solve everything herself via a peaceful resolution), and to her trusting a complete monster of a boy until it’s too late (she thought he was Prince Charming). She thinks that being the Soft, Beautiful Heroine means people will love her and everything will end nicely and neatly, but sometimes instead of “love”, people just take advantage of you. And sometimes their reaction to your beauty isn’t innocent appreciation-sometimes you end up with Littlefinger. (Or Tyrion or The Hound who...let’s just leave it at “they have their own issues,” especially book-wise.) This morphs into assuming that a fairytale-esque betrayal will befall her with every new person she meets. It’s why she defends Petyr after his murder of Lysa, and it’s why she doesn’t leave with Brienne; if she’s going to be betrayed anyway, she might as well at least stick with a villain she understands.
Ned thinks he’s the Noble Hero in a typical fantasy series. He doesn’t consider everyone else’s capacity for cruelty or the idea that honor alone might not be enough. Sometimes there are no perfect choices, sometimes mercy does not give you the end goal you envisioned, and sometimes you can try your best and that can all be undone by one impulsive, unforeseeable action. You can’t honor your way out of ruthless political conflict.
Robb thinks he’s a Romantic War Hero, and thus everything will magically work out for him. His ideals and his marriage will conquer everything. But he broke a marriage promise to a powerful family, and that has consequences. The world won’t bend to his will, not even if he is doing the right thing or has noble goals, not even if he’s had war success, not even if the people at home love him, not even if he’s in love (show) or doing the most honorable thing he can (books). He thinks that being the hero means he can make it through Westeros without having to play the game, and he gets murdered for it.
Theon thinks he’s an Underdog Outcast Hero. He’ll come up from behind with an unsuspecting War Victory, and that will earn him respect, the love of his family, and a legacy he can look back on with pride. And that mindset leads him to murder two children, to drive away any allies and good grace he had at Winterfell, and the reason that the War Victory he imagined was so unexpected is because it’s completely untenable. He gets more and more desperate and it’s increasingly harder and harder to hold onto the control he’s managed to obtain. He has reasons for wanting this that make sense, and he’s been dealt a pretty bad hand in life, and he thinks that’s and his determination to overcome his personal identity struggles is enough to not only justify his actions, but ensure that those actions will be successful. And then his plan blows up in his face, he assumes he’s been miraculously saved (probably still having something to do with seeing himself as The Unexpected Hero), and ends up at Ramsay’s mercy.
Arya thinks she’s a Badass Heroine in the making, a skilled swordslady and Rebellious Princess who’s destined for more than this stuffy life of politics and dresses and formalities. But rebelling isn’t always enough. It doesn’t help with the Mycah situation, and she still needs to rely on others’ help in getting out of the city after Ned is executed. When she does try to embrace the “fully self-sufficient sword lady” idea while with the Faceless Men in Braavos, she is told to functionally discard her identity completely. She does an unauthorized kill because she, not her assassin-persona-in-training, wants to (though the victim’s identity differs in books and show), which leads to her being temporarily blinded and prevented from going on assassination missions, and outright forced to beg for food in the show. In the show, after being reinstated as an apprentice, she is tasked with killing an innocent person, refuses (rebels), and realizes that this life is one she can’t handle. She goes home, and her heading straight for her sword is one of the things that almost completely ruins her relationship with Sansa. In the upcoming Winds of Winter release, her chapter excerpt has her prioritizing revenge over her apprentice duties, and she remarks that her new identity is ruined with this rebellious action. When you rebel, there are consequences-this doesn’t change just because your intentions are good or because you are or think you are important.
Jon thinks, similarly to Ned, that he’s The Good Guy, that doing the right thing, that following The Code is paramount. He thinks that, because he’s The Good Guy, that doing the right thing with the maximum amount of good for everyone will always be a workable option, and that the heroic option will always yield the best result. This is why he thinks proclaiming his love to Ygritte in the show will end well (because love is good and conquers everything) and is, instead, shot by her several times. It’s why he doesn’t foresee a mutiny in either medium, which leads to his (temporary) death. (Let’s be real, he’s getting resurrected in the books, too, this is the one thing I’m sure of.) Because yes, everything is tense and he’s on bad terms with the Watch, but surely they wouldn’t go that far. It’s rough going, and he has to juggle the needs of several widely different groups of people, but he’s doing the right thing and that will win out; his conviction will protect him, at least for the time being while he tries to manage the bigger threat of the White Walkers. The real fight is with them, the mysterious overarching enemy, not within his own ranks. This is a story where everyone puts aside their differences to fight a greater threat-except for the times when it isn’t.
Even Catelyn isn’t immune, as she assumes that Petyr, since he’s her childhood friend, is invested in solving the mystery of what happened to Bran when he tells her the dagger used in the attack was Tyrion’s. Lysa is her sister, she can’t possibly be suspicious. She thinks the Lannisters are evil, her instincts tell her that they were behind everything, she’s the Protective Mother Heroine, so she must be right. But although she is to a certain extent correct, that’s not the complete picture. And this slightly-misplaced confidence leads her to arrest Tyrion, the retaliation of which is Tywin siccing his forces on her homeland, one of the major first steps in the upcoming political war. Then, her continued focus on saving her children-something that must take precedence because they are her children, and this is her story-leads her to taking Walder Frey’s supposed offer of a fix-it solution for Robb breaking his marital pledge at face value, despite House Frey’s reputation, and despite this neat resolution seeming far too good to be true. She’s so focused on the Lannisters-the Obvious Endgame Enemy-that she doesn’t consider the possibility of betrayal from the Freys. She thinks that the world is giving her a break-because she is so desperately looking for one, because she deserves one, because her family deserves one, and those are reasons enough for her to have one-that she doesn’t even bother to re-evaluate the situation until it’s too late.
Melisandre thinks she’s a Religious Hero, but she ends up burning a child alive and alienating one of her few remaining allies in the process (and Davos was barely an ally to begin with). She thinks she’s Doing What Needs To Be Done to serve her savior, but it hurts Stannis more than it helps him, and he just ends up being murdered by Brienne. This is obviously in the show only (at least at this point), and I don’t know if Stannis is going to burn Shireen in the books or not. Stannis thinks he’s the Lawful Hero, and thus, because according to law he’s the Rightful Ruler, anything he does is automatically excusable; he’s just righting a wrong. And in the process, he imprisons his closest friend, has a hand in murdering his brother (when kinslaying is one of the most universally hated breaches of conduct in this fictional universe), allies with a dangerous woman that much of his own court despises, and, in the show, murders his only child and drives away most of the rest of his remaining team.
They all think that, since they are the main characters of their own stories, that they’re the main character of the larger, overarching narrative. That having understandable reasons or sympathetic qualities or even just having a clear goal that they desperately want, that’s enough to cement their importance. And they think that means that they’re justified in everything they do, that everything will work out for them, that the consequences will be lesser for them than for others, because that’s what it’s like to be the main character. The whole point is that there is not A Protagonist™ and that maybe we should examine why a story needs A Protagonist™ in the first place and what that narrative tradition tells us. When GRRM said he turned down adaptation offers because they only wanted to focus on Jon and Dany, this is why.
#asoiaf#got#asoiaf meta#got meta#most of this is directly related to everyone deconstructing the archetypes they would represent in other stories#so I'm not sure how much of this is just 'deconstructing tropes' and how much of it is 'Main Character Perception Syndrome'#also obviously this isn't every character I ran out of room and honestly some of them like davos and brienne and maybe even loras#probably don't think they're The Main Character which there's a whole other essay in there about how they're The Good People#I personally think Bran never gave off 'I think I'm the main character' energy but I know haters will disagree with me on that#like...Idk his sense of self-worth kind of went away and he spent a bunch of time trying to get it back and figure out how to get by#in a society that now thought he was worthless. and how to get enjoyment out of life when his goals were no longer reachable#it read less as 'I think I'm more Important™' and more 'I'm just trying to survive man' but also I love bran I might be a little biased lmao#cersei lannister#jaime lannister#dark!dany#sansa stark#arya stark#theon greyjoy#jon snow#catelyn stark#robb stark#ned stark#melisandre#stannis baratheon#I take my life into my own hands by putting actual names in the tags but I talk about these characters and I don't know how else to tag#this to ensure people who don't want to see it won't have to see it#also for anyone wondering where tyrion is on this list: I was too tired to delve into this phenomenon regarding him because it is ESPECIALLY#prominent regarding him. and this post was already so long and talking about tyrion in this context probably would've made it TWICE as long#there genuinely isn't enough space in here to include him but know that I'm counting him too. most definitely#behold! a creation!
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isfjmel-phleg · 2 months
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🌋
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vse-kar-vem · 26 days
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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charlotterenaissance · 6 months
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having an almost comically bad couple days so i'm microdosing on all my fixations by alternating episodes of kids in the hall, night court, h2o just add water, and conan o'brien remotes. just having a normal one
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running-in-the-dark · 2 months
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so not only is Dan's real name Reinhold. he also plays the accordion??? god damn it
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peniscat · 1 year
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:)
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sovaghoul · 6 months
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.
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frecklystars · 6 months
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[starts sniffling and crying when seeing pictures of ryan gosling from the fall guy movie] oh ok it's that kind of night
#the ache in my chest... i dont know why it makes me teary#i should be looking forward to seeing a new ryan movie? to getting a new F/O?#so why am i crying huh why am i so sad that it's making me shed actual tears#is it because i'm worried it'll be just another F/O who i'm gonna afraid of? another F/O im conditioned to fear?#is it just gonna be another F/O that i've prematurely lost to my trauma? that i wouldnt be worthy of his love? or smth stupid like that#huh!!! what is it!!! i should be happy but its like a knife to the chest#vent#sorry i just needed to put this out into the void#i used to be so excited to get new F/Os but now it's like... it just hurts#I used to think 'oh! new bf/gf! kissed and thrown into the pile!'#now it's like 'oh. new person who would look at me and see someone so worthless'#i never used to be like this until i was abused and now its all i can do#i NEVER looked down on myself like this. i NEVER believed my F/Os would cast me aside#i never ever ever doubted that I'd be so wholeheartedly loved#but now it's all i know how to do#i don't even know his character's name and i'm already thinking he wouldn't love me back#that all of my pining isn't requited that all of my drawings and stories and animatics are so worthless#that all of my self ships are a joke. that all of my drawings and fics and animatics are a joke#that everything i've done to feel loved by these characters is hilariously incorrect#like who can possibly fathom that i am inherently lovable when im just used as. some. some punching bag#as my abuser put it. she's right. that's all im good for#my F/Os wouldnt see me as anything more
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transsweet · 1 year
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every time someone says scc are worthless characters in deltarune i feel my soul wither away more and more
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bylertruther · 2 years
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just had a thought. the religious panic is ramping up going into season five and so is the gay shit which means that mike and will are inevitably going to enter their take me to church by hozier era:
knows everybody's disapproval i should've worshiped her sooner if the heavens ever did speak, she's the last true mouthpiece every sunday's getting more bleak, a fresh poison each week we were "born sick", you heard them say it my church offers no absolutes she tells me "worship in the bedroom" the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you i was born sick, but i love it [..] there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin in the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene only then i am human only then i am clean
#was in the middle of my sorry attempt to be a Human Being In The World when this song came on#and ofc my brain immediately went to my blorbitos </3#that last part makes me especially insane btw .#they're already half-way there tbh. mike makes will feel better for being different and will's confession made mike feel like he's worthy#and that he IS loved for who he truly is. that he DOES matter. that he IS needed and important. that he's not worthless.#as soon as mike realizes it's will and it's always been will it's a WRAP!#the upside down/vecna feeds on shame and pain. their love for each other washes away the shame and pain that they feel.#what they feel for each other will literally make them invincible! it's their shield against the darkness!#asking will to be his friend was the best thing mike's ever done. mike's friendship and love makes will feel like he's not a mistake and#it gives him the strength to fight on. it's literally canon.#mike pulled will out of vecna's hold with just his voice and presence. mike's best memory is befriending will.#mike's home isn't a home without will. his life is weird without will. when he's gone or in trouble he goes to the ends of the world to#rescue him and stays by his side the entire time. when he's states away he calls him even if will never answers or calls back.#he NEVER gives up on will. he CAN live without him but he doesn't WANT to. because it's always been will for him. always.#like. they've been giving us the puzzle pieces this entire time.#'that's bullshit media propaganda' + eddie mentioning sodomy in his lunchroom rant#mike will literally not give a single fuck about any of these mouthbreathers calling him a satanist. once he finds out tht will loves him#back? it's ONNNNNNNNNNNNN LIKE ITS OVER HENRY GO HOME!!!!!!!#(i'm exaggerating a little bit bt. u know wht i mean.)#like i jsut . *explodes thinking abt how it's always been abt byler how it started with byler and will end with byler and how s5#is will's coming of age story which means that he's done hiding from those that he loves he wants to come clean#he wants to tell his truth he destroyed castle byers and outgrew it it isn't enough to live in the world as a lie#he wants to be will byers and as scary as it is to accept that and live that it's . it's what he wants!!!#and he's working towards that he is because he's brave and now that he's going to be surrounded by people who have fought against#impossible odds to save his life time and time again it's liek . it's all going to come together. u kno?#literally how can i think abt all of that and NOT fucking explode . wht th efuck#mine#byler thoughts#writing a gat damn epic poem in this bitch jesus . ok back 2 my cave i go now
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It's funny because sometimes I'll get very angry and frustrated about something IRL, and my brain will just take all that anger and frustration and dump it into some old or new fandom thing I hate.
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beldaroot · 1 year
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now why did my company gift us all an $80 wool blanket when they could have just given us that money directly?
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arcadequeerz · 1 year
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love hearing m mom talk about how useless I am like I can't hear her.
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doppelnatur · 2 years
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Can you believe I'm gonna enroll in some random stuff to save money?
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