#i move this week. hold my hand

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

joining the war against the midwest on the side of the midwest

#op #i move this week. hold my hand #i feel like i’m actually going to be the biggest hater 😭 i’m a new england girl through and through #you can pry the word rotary from my cold dead hands #also i am not friendly enough people over there smile too much /lh #if we come back to new england when taylor finishes school i think i’ll be acting the way patrick does over chicago #🎶take me hooooooooooome🎶

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Good Morning, World.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #'Good Morning World' because to wwx the jiang household is what grounds him. It is his burrow and blanket. #The familiar soup and banter is his home. The familiar arguments and tension are also his home. #Notice how quickly he throws LWJ to the side once he has JC back in reach! 'He was so boring; I wish *you* were there!' #WWX is very quick to constantly remind himself that he fits within a very specific power structure and role. #He pushes boundaries but almost always only the boundaries that he knows he can push against. #Sitting here now and realizing that if WWX did take life more seriously and act more diligent he would totally usurp JC. #Because the contrast with Them (tm) is wwx is the one that gets in trouble and JC is the one that sticks to the rules. #That responsible appearance especially in contrast is the thin line that holds JC's self-esteem together. #And lets be fully honest. From JC's perspective the last week was also extremely intense and stressful. #It truly was a feat to travel so far so fast despite also being exhausted. Never knowing if it is all in vain. #JC said with his actions 'I would move mountains for you and dig through stone with my bare hands if it meant reaching you.' #and WWX said '[read]' #It's about wwx chronically asking 'why would someone care for me? I'm always tool to be used' than accepting that people love him.

[ebysse]

snape celebration 2023 week 3 - “the spy”

occlumency, before meeting the dark lord.

#*slaps roof of snape* this bad boy can hold so much trauma in him! #the way i approach comics is kinda like frames of an animation..for better or for worse #ahhhh i do wish i could animate..all the snape scenes in my head #this thing took 2 weeks of redraws…..forcing myself to post it and move on TT.TT #if only i could will art into existence purely from thought! #i do love drawing hands though… #mine #severus snape #hp fanart #snape #snapecelebration2023 #occlumency

[icewindandboringhorror]

sneepy cozy....

#cats #(medical stuff mention for tags) #poasting confortable image of boye for peace and serenity and such forthe #I have little weird episodes sometimes where I get shaky (but like violently like 'would spill a drink if you were holding it beacuse #your hands are moving so much' type shaky) and weird and sick feeling but usually it passes in an hour or less. but last night I just #literally couldnt sleep I was shaking so much and my heartrate was up a ton and wouldn't go down even after like 6 hours plus super nausea #so I went to the hospital and now shall wear a heart monitor for a week. which hopefully it's just some weird drastic low blood sugar #event or something and there's nothing actually going on. ekg + ct scan for blod clots + virus panel + almost all of the blood work seems #normal so... aa....... #Though me being so privacy focused hrggh... I basically have a constantly bluetooth connected device around me #since the monitor comes with a cell phone that is constantly transmitting data to the place. which they said they'll call you #if they see anything weird which is also scary. random phone calls... but definitely better than letting an issue go unadressed lol #the phone is also not meant to be more than 10 feet away from the monitor at any time so I put on this old tactical fishing #vest thing thats like navy green with 100 pockets and im just using one of the giant pocketson the side as a phone holder #my enormous silly vest just to keep one little phone #ANYWAY... because I got up early the morning before and didn't sleep at all and spent nearly all day in waiting rooms and such #I have been awake for like 32 hours striaght. which I'm sure also does not help with an elevated heartrate lol #feeling shrimp emotions or whatever people talk about unlocking at a certain level of stress and sleep deprivation #and also no food or water. after a while they brought me like 3 saltines and some ice water but I basically also haven't eaten since 3am #last night and it's 2pm now.. #thus............ bapy............. baby boye....... he will help ease all ailments with his baby powers... #And no I dont drink energy drinks or anything with caffiene really I'm afraid of all substances on the planet essentially #My body just likes to become shaky and weird randomly even when I'm not conciously anxious about anything/have had no caffiene/etc #and I guess I'm always more nervous about getting anything heart related checked out because of my arm/shoulder/chest area injury stuff #... i literally have constant chest pain all the time. it moves around but i nearly always have some sort of pain or pressure in my chest #so when people are like 'oh well a little weird heartrate is fine but watch out if you have pain!' it's like... i always do lol.. how am I #supposed to tell the Bad Pain apart from the Always Pain when the descriptions of Bad Pain are very very similar #AAAANYway.... hrghh... i wanted to be very productive and finally post drafts and wrok on things today. but alas.. #I can at least post small image of soft boye.. though he recently got into stuff in the bathroom whilst left #alone and knocked things into the toilet.. So perhaps not an innocent and NICE boy.. but still.. a soft one .. beautfile....

[probablygayattorneys]

What if…

I was a plushie…

And you were my dad… and we held hands…

Haha…

Unless…?

#professor Layton #Hershel Layton #Katrielle Layton #I’m so surprised at how quickly they got here! #I ordered them barely a week ago from Japan and here they are! #I’m gonna have to move over Herbert and Florence sooner than I thought! #also the hold hands haha unless thing is like a joke in my family #we do it to our cats #when I first got Florence I did it with her and Herbert #but Obvs Kat just needs help crossing the street #queue takumi defense squad #professor cody

[slippery-minghus]

i want to paint, but autism is hungry and needs to be fed 8hrs of skyrim a day

#i'm trying to set up to paint bc i want to!! but every bone in my body says no #i'm gonna feel sad and disappointed in myself if i don't paint because i want to actually *do* something #and not spend this whole weekend having barely even scraped the surface of what i truly genuinely wanted to do #and instead just burn away the time looking at skyrim #i'm not even really having all that much fun playing it!!! but i can't break away from it #which isn't always a bad thing especially on week days but? on a long weekend where i want to enjoy myself?? #and i can't because my brain won't let me??? not fun!!! #painting is so boring and understimulating and my brain is way too foggy right now to think about mixing colors and layering #(secretly i don't even want to paint i just want to feel satisfied at creating a thing!!) (my brain is too fried to hold a thought long #enough to do the physical action of painting! it sounds wayyyy too daunting and taxing right now!!) #but if i spend this whole weekend having sat on my ass doing nothing will i feel rested? no!!! #but if i spend all my energy doing A Hobby will i feel rested? also no!!! but then i'll at least have something to show for it #i'm riling myself up and i feel like i ALMOST could make myself paint right now #but as soon as i think of what it will feel like to sit here and focus and move my hands to do the painting my brain screams NO #and sure i can argue i'll feel better if i do it i'll be glad if i do it and it'll be easier once i start #but this isn't the walk i took yesterday (that i was glad i took but still felt like garbage after) #i WANTED to take a walk. i was just struggling with the level of exertion i could manage (walk my neighborhood or drive 30min to the park?) #my brain is latching on to 8hrs a day of skyrim bc that's all i have the energy for #work has been killing me #and it's so painfully bright in my apartment but i can't close the curtains bc i need all the sunlight i can get #i WANT to have the energy to paint and enjoy it but i just don't.... (but i feel like if i Give In to the exhaustion then i'm #no better than my mom who just sits around all day refusing to live her life bc she refuses to take care of herself. #and calls sitting perfectly still—instead of actuvely managing her condition—'not letting her disability win') #(so i don't want to be that. i don't want to waste away like my mom bemoaning how i Just Can't when i totally can!!! #i could push through this exhaustion and hype myself up but the only thing i'm going to be thinking about is Am I Done Yet? Can I Rest Now?) #and i can't convince myself that 'just paint for 30min' is worth it bc mixing paint and setting up is Just So Much #enough that 'just 30min' is a lie and not a legitimate out if i need it to be #i need to commit or not do it. and i just can't......... my eyes hurt and i'm tured and i just wanna play my game #and all this indecision and feeling like i'm wasting time is just making me want to cry. im gonna close the curtains and boot up the xbox;( #personal

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan? #to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

[starfrou]

I need to find a better “favorite” artist to obsess over bc the last one quickly became my least favorite due to this mail issue 😭

#dude they made me wait a month and a half to even give the post office my order #LIKE ITS NOT THAT THEY WERENT DONE PACKING IT #THEY MADE THE LABEL AND EVERYTHING AND I WAITED A MOMTH AND NO UPDATES #i emailed them and they didn’t answer so after a week I dmed their insta specifically #and told them I changed my address bc I moved #they didn’t listen and made a new label with my OLD ADDRESS #so I tried to hold my mail. didn’t work. tried to forward my mail. didn’t work either #so now it’s out for delivery and I gotta sit here and wait for the mail carrier to ask them if they can hand me my package directly #😀😀😀 this is the most stress I’ve ever been in and I don’t even know if I’m gonna think it’s worth it #IM SO MAD AND UPSET BC ITS HOL HORSE MERCH 😭😭😭

[nataliewaitegf]

lamenting the state of things in the tags </3

#it makes me so sad that i have to measure things i love against the cost of how much they will hurt my body now #i can hardly draw or paint anymore because holding a pen or brush is too hard on my hands after a few minutes #long walks used to be my favorite and now i only do it for the dogs because it’s just unnecessary pain otherwise #and ice skating + climbing which are two of my favorite things in the world #equal a day of barely being able to move from the pain for an hour or two of fun physical activity #it’s just . so frustrating and sad #i think im gonna be mourning this for a long time but idk . planning to go skating next week #& having to make sure i don’t work the next day because i physically wouldn’t be able to #and not even knowing if I’ll be able to on the day of because I might be in too much pain anyway #im just sad i guess #it’s getting so bad so fast and i don’t even know what ‘it’ is and I’m so tired . I just want to be able to do what i used to be able to do

[coloursofaparadox]

i ✨️cannot sleep✨️ and vaguing about shit on the internet feels more cathartic than writing it out somewhere else. suffer.

#im having. thoughts. on one hand. VERY badly want woods and chicken farm. #on the other hand. i do actually like friends? #and the likelihood of making friends as a queer person in a small town is uh. yknow. not as good. #but idk if its important enough to me to put my life on hold indefinitely to create more ties to an area that ill eventually have to leave #if i ever want a chance at supporting myself financially or buying a tiny lil starter house? #ideal situation is i start a gay commune with like minded friends. but uh. people have not been good to me #on the whole 'trust em with your plans' front #sigh. idk. id love to be able to afford a place thats still in the general area but that is never going to happen #unless i can spontaneously manifest /literally/ a million dollars #i am done with romantic relationships i think. if one happens at some point? cool. but i am not basing my life plans around it. #and will not sacrifice my own peace and wellbeing just for the sake of one #god. looking for queer friends who want to live on a farm with me platnically and we all have our own space but #also raise animals together and hang out sometimes. and dogs are a requirement. #i just! want! queer commune! where i can go back to my own little bubble and have my own space too! #aaaaahhhhh!!!! albertas real estate is starting to look real good right about now! #ugh. u g h. i fluctuate wildly between 'im very VERY content not speaking to a human for a week at a time' and 'platonic life partner. pls. #maybe i just....take a page out of 18 yr old me's ballsy ass handbook. and uproot my entire life to move somewhere completely new #where i know no one have no connections and in a completely different climate 😎 it worked out last time #i could so just fuck off somewhere. oh my god it is so tempting.

[axolotluv]

I HOOOMMEE!! Can't wait to bawl my eyes out while thinking about my friends and partner

#ax speaks #going to get whiplash from a whole week of constant hugging and hand holding back to no touchy family T-T #i miss their hugs #and neons kisses :( and headbutting :( and leaning :( aJIUUQUSUWUOAOAUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUEUUEUE #going to force this sadness to inspire me to get a job and move out #my mom seems on board with getting me out of this house which is awesome #things will be a lot easier with help :D #i think she trust that im capable now

[s0urte3th]

mom is bitching at me how i need to wear short sleeves TOMORROW, and just get over it

#‘you NEED to wear them tomorrow’ or what. #youre gonna take my phone away? im just AnXioUs and need to get the fuck over it? #woman youre lucky i dont fucking take my car and leave. youre lucky i don’t disappear without a trace. #‘we love you and dont care and dont judge!’ i understand that. i do. #but sometimes that just doesnt matter. you can say that to me all you want and ill always have a voice saying otherwise! #i cant just get over this hump. i dont know how to explain it to you but i just cant. its not that simple. #i cant just.. get up and get moving like you want me to. i dont know how to tell you that im absolutely fucking exhausted. #‘youve been taking a break for 6 weeks now’ and? i worked my ASS OFF. FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT. I DESERVE A BREAK! #IVE EARNED A GODDAMN BREAK. IVE EARNED A FUCKING SUMMER OFF. THIS IS MY FIRST SUMMER OFF IN 5 GODDAMN YEARS WOMAN #i dont care if you think im being lazy. im sorry i dont work the same fucking way you do! but thats a you issue! #‘you need to get your life together’ WELL I DONT WANT TO! I DONT WANT TO RIGHT NOW! I WANNA BE A STUPID COUCH BUM! #i basically just learned that EVERYTHING. I WORKED FOR! IS USELESS! i pushed myself to the edge a constant amount of times over the past 5- #years for NOTHING. because i am incapable of doing anything without someone telling me to or holding my hand. #how do you expect me to know what to do with my fucking life when the life i thought i always had was just shattered? #ive trailed off my planned path! i didnt plan for this! i never thought it could happen! i thought id be PERFECT! #imagine being told your entire life how smart and capable you are only to fail right as someone isnt holding your hand anymore. #just #whatever man. if i dont wanna wear short sleeves i wont. if i dont wanna go outside i wont. #i didnt want to interact with the world anyways. especially after finding out that i dont fit in whatsoever.

[thegeminisage]

wait sorry i do have one more gaming video and there’s a really good story here. you see, i bought puyo puyo tetris for switch, even though it’s an extra $20, because i wanted to be able to play it without having to turn on my pc or television. which is good and fine but gripping the joycon and using the d-pad on it uhhhh. how can i put this. puyo puyo was fine. and the fusion of puyo puyo and tetris was fine. but JUST playing tetris...i played......too fast..........and maybe............

gave myself a repetitive stress injury??

#personal #gaming clips tag #solo gaming clips tag #liz plays tetris #a week later my left hand is still killing me lol #even though i havent touched it since #the controller gripper thingy helps a little i tested it #but it feels weird to hold joycons like that #anyway i obviously didnt play THIS fast the replay is sped up #but look at that comeback!! i was really moving #my icon is shadow bc hes the only one i know. i dont know all these puyo puyo people love and light #ok now im leaving sorry for the spam goodbye

[silenthillbunni]

so basically all i did was try to be normal and walk past my crush in the corridor but as soon as his eyes met mine i got all nervous & stressed so my phone just flew from my hand to the ground. and now i feel humiliated and embarrassed :$

#i was on my way to the exit after my workout so i was all sweaty :(( and overheated #then i saw him walking towards me with his patient #so i was just gonna be NORMAL and pass him and maybe smile to him #but he did a double take right in front of me and as he recognized me he was gonna say hi #and in that EXACT moment my phone just flew right out of my hand and smacked into the floor #so he didnt say hi and i couldnt either lmao that was so awkward #and it's not only that i feel stupid for not even being able to hold my phone just bc he looked at me #it's that im prob not gonna see him anymore during these 3 weeks before his last day.. #so i got an opportunity to say hi to him but instead i HUMILIATED myself #and i have to say this... i KNOW im like actually a loser. THIS is my life?!?! i have a crush on my FORMER physical therapist... #and that's all i think abt. and i cant even act normal around him bc i am so incredibly anxious and become so weird #if i was normal i'd just be like oh damn i dropped my phone. oh well. and then i'd move on with my day #i hate my brain 😔😔 #but i need to rant for 15mins bc i just feel so embarrassed and i've been thinking abt it nonstop

[monochromatic-ahhhh]

marking a day 🍽☔

#wow this was a quite okay week :0 #we got caught in the rain while walking back and my guardian LIKE A BOSS saw us from the motorcycle they're riding #and went down to hand us an umbrella THERE WAS NO DIALOGUE EXCHANGED AND THEY WERE WEARING A HELMET SO I WAS A BIT CONFUSED BUT #I STILL KINDA FELT THAT IT WAS THEM idk that was a very hero move of them i want to draw it hold on #delete later

[cicada-dyke]

YALL THEY PICKED THE HATS FOR OUR GRAND FINALLY AND PLS LOOK AT THEM

#we’re living this shit hole once and forever #with pink cowboy hats #straight to slaughter #we get holiday 2 weeks before the other classes to prepare for the exam #oh it’s gonna be great #also the photo album is done #and not to brag or anything #but my friends and i have the best group picture by far #the second i’m getting my hands on the thing #i’m chopping it out and sticking it on my wall #it’s basically two of my friends in a dramatic tango dip #another one of my friends holding this dude bridal style #and me laying on the bench #pretending to be shot by another one #even funnier is that we though the entire thing through but when the time came #we had 4 seconds #so we’re all half on the move #i hate pictures of myself but that one is just >>> #everyone is there posing on the bench #sitting and hugging #and then there’s us #shut up uno