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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 3 years

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Maybe it is a bit silly or I am a victorian puritan or whatever but I am kind of angry about society's dismissive actitude towards "kids playing doctor", or even the fact there needs to be a difference (Where?!??!) between cocsa and "healthy childhood sexual exploration" YIKES (Whatever the hell that means). Like sure, some kids that are the same age probably do so and is "consensual uhu" (As much as it can be when it is literal children who don't even know what they are doing) are not traumatized by it because they were just curious, but also, so what? Some people also drive without seatbelts and never get into accidents. How the fuck do people know it is not going to be harmful to some children later?

When I was like 7 o 8 I was convinced by another girl my age to kiss, literally just kiss, it was not sexual, but not a simple peck either, it was actual, minutes long, open mouth kissing. Now, at the moment I liked it, one could say, but I was a literal kid, I don't even remember whether I KNEW what kissing like that meant in society at large. Later on, during my childhood and teens I was haunted for years, discusted, trying to erase it from my memory as something I didn't do but was a dream, I MOURNED the fact I hadn't CHOSEN when to give my first kiss because I was a kid who didn't know what a kiss meant.

I don't think I am traumatized, but I am angry, not even at the other girl, she was a child like me, the same age, she was an innocent, but I am mad at society that deems that type of shit "harmless" just because many kids do it and some adults that "played doctor" as children claim it didn't harm them (Well damn, good for them). I am even (irrationally) mad that some even claim society's negative attitude towards it or being scolded for playing doctor harms children more, even though rationally I respect everyone's experiences (But also, what about mine or that of people with similar experiences who WERE harmed not by the scolding of adults but by the memory of the "doctor playing" itself??)

I couldn't even tell my parents because I knew they would either a) mock me, tease me and call me a lesbian (they are slightly homophobic) or b) tease me for being so upset about "nothing" or "something kids just do"

It is as if monitoring kids' behaviour or protecting them from stuff they know little about and are not ready for WITHOUT making them feel ashamed is too hard, complicated and easy to get wrong so how about not doing anything at all to protect children!! let's just write in psychology and parenting articles: " "Let kids do whatever as long as they are the same age!! I guess... hell! let us just say it is healthy even and save ourselves a lot of trouble parenting while looking very smart and open minded ~uhu~!"

So yeah, it is no secret that my experience has made me distrust so called "experts" on child psychology.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get that off my chest, I had never told anyone.

Same anon who was ranting about society's attitude towards playing doctor:

Just to clarify, I called the girl who kissed me innocent because we were the same age and I wasn't exactly coerced, not because I don't think children can't be abusers. I take cocsa and csa seriously and I can't imagine what it must be like for people who during their childhood or teens were coerced or made to do actually sexual things by older children or adults.

I just don't think what happened to me (Or to us) was fine or "harmless" as society and many experts view it, I think it has had consequences in my life, although obviously not nearly as bad as genuine sexual abuse.

(same anon ranting about society) Sorry, I was impulsive and didn´t notice the pinned post, I was looking for validation I think

How you feel is real and valid, and you deserve compassion and support for the difficult and painful emotions you're dealing with, and the difficult and painful experiences you've had. You're allowed to be angry that you weren't protected from something like that by the people who were supposed to be responsible for protecting you.

That said, there are also people who were traumatized by having adults stop them from exploring their own bodies sexually (alone or with other peers). That can also be traumatic and have lifelong negative consequences and make people feel like their bodies are dirty, shameful, or inappropriate.

It's an incredibly fine line to walk in deciding what's normal behaviour and what's gone too far. Nobody has the right answer, as people have very different emotional experiences from the same thing.

No matter what is or what should be acceptable on a societal level, the reality is that you felt hurt by your experiences and even if people were trying to avoid causing harm by not intervening, your feelings are real and valid and you deserve support for them.

- Mod Allison

#trauma talks #tw SA #tw csa #mod allison

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theniftycat · 3 years

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Some queer media recs that you likely haven’t seen and that will make you feel warm and nice for a change.

1. A Taste of Honey (1961). It was my favourite film when I was 17. It’s about a girl who has a pretty bad mother and more problems than she could handle. She gets pregnant and then abandoned by her mum. Then she meets a gay young man and he becomes her best friend.

It’s not a gay-centered film, but it’s very relatable for teens who have troubled relationships with their parents and who don’t know what to do with themselves. It has no depicted homophobia. It’s basically a story of two friends and how they make each other’s lifes better. The ending is pretty sad, but it still will leave you with a sweet aftertaste.

2. The Crying Game (1994). My favourite film when I was 18 (I didn’t even come out to myself till 19). I won’t spoil this movie, it’s interesting enough to watch it for the first time without knowing what it’s about.

It has depictions of transphobia though, but the trans character is the least problematic character and gets a happy ending. This is quite a gritty realistic movie, so, it was a great thing to see.

3. Maurice (1987). Look, I even doubt it belongs in this list because you probably have seen it. If you haven’t, what are you doing with your life?

It has everything: dark academia, young Hugh Grant, reading of Plato, gay relationships to kill you and resurrect you, cottagecore gays and a happy ending.

4. Tipping the Velvet (2004). A very beautiful and fun story of a young woman who looks for her way in life in Victorian England. That way appears to be a number of romances with other women that ultimately leads her to finding her happiness with someone right.

There’s not that much lesbian media, so, this show was truly a gift. I remember watching it in my early 20s and absolutely loving it. It’s very light hearted, but deals with serious stuff well. Plus, Anna Chancellor as a dark dominatrix??? Sign me up.

5. My Beautiful Laundrette (1985). It’s a sweet story of two lovers who manage a laundrette. The main character is Omar who has to keep his face before his family who expect him tio have a model life.

I love British movies of the 80s, they had this style that wasn’t as filled with despair as what we had in the USSR back then (especially the late 80s), but still relatable. Not as glossy and escapist as American films of the era, but on the contrary very realistic and human. Easy to connect to. This film is very much of that kind. Oh, and a happy ending is there too.

6. Touch of Pink (2004). Now, this movie hit very close to my heart, as a story of a fellow Asian queer who loves old movies. See, Alim talks to the ghost of Cary Grant who supports him through all kinds of hijinks. Alim lives in London with his boyfriend when his mother comes to finally find him a wife. This film might be seen as a successor to My Beautiful Laundrette, but the mood and the humour are quite different, and for me personally it was like a breathe of fresh air, I’ve never seen a film like this.

It is a pretty basic romantic comedy, but sometimes that’s just what one needs. Plus, seeing Kyle MacLaghlan do a Cary Grant impression is pretty funny on itself.

7. Oh My General (2016). I spent this entire summer obsessed with this show, but I wasn’t active online back then after the rona hit me. It’s about a female general who, as a punishment for not disclosing that she was a woman, has to marry a good-for-nothing playboy. However as they go from enemies to lovers, the show becomes a tense political drama (and I love that shit) in which my then already favourite het couple of all time, become pawns who later become queens. The queer part is not only the subversion of gender roles (that stays there the entire show without disappearing as soon as the general gets married) that can be read as the general being trans, but also the fact that she has a female cousin who’s in love with her. And that cousin’s story is alas, tragic, but her tragedy is worthy of Shakespeare.

I genuinely loved the main couple so much by the time they finally got together, I’m emotional even as I’m typing this. They had so much character growth because of each other and then started supporting each other no matter what. But even so, the show still reads very queer. The general can very well appreciate beauty of women and it’s even shown that she thought of herself as a boy since childhood (I’m calling her a ‘she’ because that’s what she’s called in the show). There are also touches on many unpleasant sides of femininity and it’s refreshing to see them addressed. The show has its bad moments, but they are so rare that they are negligable in my opinion.

I wanted to mention some other things, but got too tired writing all this down. I’ll also mention Mr. Wakefield’s Crusade (1993) (don’t spoil yourself, but it begins with his wife leaving him for a woman), Breakfast on Pluto (2005) (might be seen as problematic, but it’s an old film and it’s filled with joy) and Fantaghiro (1991) (a tomboy princess dresses as a man and wins in a duel with a prince who falls in love with her. I was obsessed with it as a child. haven’t rewatched it tho).

#film recs #queer media

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its-all-ineffable · 3 years

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To all my followers...how are you? x

To my wonderful followers out there - how are you all? I know that there are a lot of horrible things going on out there in the world, not even including the global pandemic, and I just want to check on you all.

So, to all of you - the ones I speak with regularly, the ones that I’ve never talked to, the ones I’ve not seen in a while - just know that if you want to send me asks about anything or DM me about anything, you are welcome and you are wanted. A rant/emotional unloading, a fandom based question, or just for a general chat, whatever you like. I am here for you and will support you in any way I am able.

I love you. I’m here for you. Talk to me if you need/want to. That is all. xx

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cassandraclare · 6 years

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Malecparty, Red Scrolls, and women writing for money.

havisha1212 said: Hi, I just want to say that i've been seeing a lot of discourse online. [There are those] trying to boycott RSOM because apparently they know that your intentions with the book are to get money, even though you were offered more money to write Clace. I just want to say that you have thousands, if not in the millions of people who understand that you write what you want to write. WE LOVE YOU and we appreciate you.

I appreciate the love, truly. Of course I’m also distressed to hear about a boycott of The Eldest Curses, since it will be a book with a main interracial gay couple and a secondary interracial lesbian love story. A vendetta specifically targeting a book like that won’t be seen by the outside world of publishing as an act of support for something else. It would be seen as exactly what they expect — a lackluster interest in books about LGBT+ characters.

I guess there are a few things to talk about here: one is the realistic situation of LGBT+ kids’ publishing and one is about women’s writing. In terms of the first, it’s very strange to suggest I wrote these books for money when I did, as you say, take a pay cut to write them. I was paid a third of what I was paid for the Dark Artifices to write them though they are the same number of books. I was paid less than what I was paid for my adult Sword Catcher series which features a world and characters no one has any familiarity with at all — a completely unknown brand. Many of my international publishers still won’t publish TEC. One bought it and has as of now cancelled the deal, though they have bought different books from me since. There are a thousand things I could have written or done that would have made me more money. That’s the stark reality of the “cash cow” the boycotters are discussing.

Someone in Hollywood once described Alec’s being gay to me as “a strike against the character’s likeability.” So far in publishing I have experienced publishing TEC as “a strike against its marketability.” As you all know, it was pushed back: that was because my publisher wanted Queen of Air and Darkness to come out first and set a record of strong sales — while they support the books completely, they want to be as pro-active as possible about getting diverse books front of as many people as possible.

I’m in a lucky position; I’m a bestselling author and if these books don’t sell at all, my career can take the hit. That’s partly why I’m writing them now, when I finally can: I think it’s important to make sure books like this are placed front and center in bookstores as expected bestsellers, but if these books blow up on me, I’ll survive it. Other writers who are writing books with LGBT+ content wouldn’t be so lucky, and the message of boycotting a “big” book with a gay main couple isn’t “We don’t like this author” (because my other books are doing just fine) — it’s “We don’t like this subject matter.” (It is also a strange punishment for Wes Chu, my cowriter, often forgotten in these debates — a man of color writing about another man of color.)

I am of course not saying anyone who doesn’t want to read these books should buy them. We should consume the entertainment we think should entertain us; that’s what it’s for. But the idea of punishing female writers for their moral failings is an old and unfortunate one. It’s always been acceptable for men to write for money, or for attention; “she wanted attention” is one of the worst things you can say about a woman, but an inoffensive thing to say about a man. Similarly I’ve often been told online that I don’t deserve to be paid for what I write, or that my creative work should be taken away from me and given to men. It has always been expected since the Victorian era that writing about complex people and complex stories is a man’s job, and women should write simple moralistic tales in which the good are rewarded and the bad are punished. When a good character in a man’s book does something wrong, he is congratulated for his complexity; I get told at great length how morally terrible I am personally, since female writers are not generally assumed to have the emotional distance from their characters that with men, is a given.

The roots of taking away women’s ability to profit from their work goes back centuries into the idea that it’s evil for women to own intellectual property at all. One of my favorite writers, Colette, died in poverty because her husband owned the copyright to her bestselling books. There is a deep discomfort with the idea of a woman being paid what she’s worth at all. Writers are entertainers and they don’t work for free any more than singers or actors or TV showrunners. I am the sole breadwinner of my family and I support my parents and others with the income I derive from working on the intellectual property I create. A man would be congratulated on his success. I am called a money-grubbing bitch. A man would be credited for his work. I get people spitting at me that Red Scrolls is “fanfic”, as if these were not characters I created myself, so intense is the need to shame women for the act of creation and the desire to take it away from them.

One of the reasons we self-published Ghosts of the Shadow Market was because I wanted to write a novella about a genderqueer lesbian and I wanted it to get the same attention as the other stories in small invisible ways sometimes readers don’t even notice — the same time spent on the cover, the same hiring of a great audio reader, the same time being edited, the same advertising. When EET came out we all sat around wringing our hands and hoping it would at least sell half as much as the others: it sold just as well, and we were thrilled. We can hang onto those numbers. We can prove important points in future to the publishing world about the viability of non-binary LGBT+ characters. Sales do matter. The Red Scrolls of Magic is a book, and sales expectations are higher for books than short stories, so I know I will be in the same state of fear and hope when it comes out.

But the fact Every Exquisite Thing did well means something else, too: I believed there was an audience for it, and every person who bought it proved me right. The outpouring of love during the contest for an early Red Scrolls of Magic copy was amazing, and I scrolled through the #malec and #malecparty tags (thank you so much you guys! Winners will be notified!) with tears in my eyes, overwhelmed by readers’ stories of coming out and having their eyes opened to new ideas, and most of all by their love. Before I ever had attention or money, I had the joy of creation. One of the most amazing feelings when writing is to make up people, and to have real people invest in your inventions. I created Magnus and Alec, building them into characters I could love block by block, and yesterday I got to see other people love them too. I have been awed by and grateful for the support of every reader who has embraced the diverse world I have tried to create, and the increasing diversity I try for as I keep on writing and am allowed to have more freedom in what I write than when I first began and was turned down by publishers because I wouldn’t remove Alec from my books. I am hoping to help change attitudes and create, along with many writers and readers who believe that diverse media makes a difference, a world in which a book with a main LGBTQ pairing will be judged purely on its literary merits. We’re not there yet! I wish we were. But the increasing call for and support for diverse literature makes me hope we are getting there. I trust in my readers. I have to believe that anybody calling for a boycott of The Red Scrolls of Magic is in a small hateful minority who has lost sight of how their actions would be perceived by the world, and the effect their actions would have on the world. I have to believe that there are far more people who are open to loving and supporting diverse stories.

Money and attention are great. But in the end, I write because I do believe words have the power to change people, and change the world. Ultimately, I have to do what I think is the right thing, and trust that other people will too. My readers haven’t let me down yet.

[I decided to remove the part about the television show from the original ask. Unfortunately the asker has been forced to delete their tumblr because of responses to this post, and so I cannot ask them for clarification. I hope they are all right.

This answer is in response to this ask and others like it — it was not the only one — about people having decided to boycott Red Scrolls because they believed it was “an attempt to make money”. Their alliances aren’t important and I’m getting the sense this may have been an attempt to drag me into a fight I’m not interested in having and which I have deliberately avoided knowing or saying anything about since the show was cancelled. I’m interested in talking about keeping diverse lit front and center, and I’m interested in talking about how female creators are treated, online and off. I am irritated — and partially with myself — for having been dragged into internecine warfare between fans of different things. It’s not my place to opine on those things or on the fighting itself. I also removed the word “stan” from the original ask as I think it’s an insult. Fans are fans, whatever they like.]

#malec #red scrolls of magic #rsom #tec #wes chu #cassandra clare

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pfenniged · 5 years

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♠ ACE REPRESENTATION MASTERLIST ♠

Sherlock Holmes.

Jughead Jones [in the reboot solo comics -coughcoughthanksriverdale-]

Let’s face it. Mostly everyone’s favourite literary characters are asexuals, but when faced with most asexuals in real life, people tend to get...

Weird.

‘Why don’t you like to go out?’

‘You just haven’t met the right guy.’

#WHYISITANYOFYOURBUSINESS

To be blunt, we lack the representation that other orientations have. For example,I’m twenty-six, and I didn’t have half of the resources/ representation growing up that is available today. Which is why this year, in my twenty-sixth year of life, I am proud to have experienced more asexual media/representation than I ever have before.

Which ALSO is why I knew I needed to make a list for my own health and myself to show that there IS positive representation out there, and show those aces younger than me (and maybe even older than me, if you’ve been struggling with your sexuality or lack thereof as long as I have) that we exist, and we are not simply ‘freaks’ to be judged and chided.

Which is why.

I am proud to present.

THE GIGANTIC HUGE UBER LIST OF ACE RESOURCES [trumpets]

This includes a list of historical asexual/demisexuals, young adult literature/ resource books, cute merchandise, asexual books currently being released in 2019, and additional resources. ♥

( P.S: I also labeled these if they feature any sort of intersectionality, such as POC protagonists, bisexuality/lesbianism, or any intersectional aspects to try to give people the biggest and broadest representation within the asexual field we can.

I also tried to include the literature that had the most positive representations and dispelled as much of the ‘myths’ about being asexual as possible, and presenting us as regular people in a strong powerful light, who just happen to be asexual. Some of these include dispelling myths around ‘YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY IT,’ ‘YOU’RE NOT REALLY QUEER,’ ‘THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU,’ ‘YOU MUST HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE,’ ETC. Anything dealing with dispelling absolutes. For example, I was sexually abused when I was a child, but I now know that even though I could have issues with sexuality due to trauma, my asexuality/ demisexuality is completely separate from my past, and I am proud to come to that conclusion. I hope I can help others to come to that conclusion, too.)

Lastly, I also put my own comments in brackets besides copied book descriptions/ biographies if I had anything else to contribute; hopefully someone besides myself might find this helpful! ♥

Historical Asexuals/ Demisexuals:

Emily Brontë: Emily Brontë was a very private person and as such it’s impossible to be entirely certain of her sexual orientation. Some Brontë scholars believe she died a virgin, never having had physical relationships with men or women. However, most Brontë scholars think that the content of her novels would suggest she may have been asexual, but she was not aromantic.

J.M. Barrie: The man who wrote Peter Pan into existence, was reportedly asexual. His marriage was never consummated and ended in divorce when his wife cheated on him. Because of his relationship with his neighbor children, and the subject matter of his books, some speculated Barrie was prone to pedophilia. Those who knew him closely vehemently deny Barrie ever exhibited such behavior. Instead his lack of sexual relationships was more likely due to his asexuality.

George Bernard Shaw: Renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw was a man far more interested in intellect than sex. He never consummated his marriage (also at the request of his wife, Charlotte Frances Payne-Townshend) and was a virgin until 29. Shaw told friends he appreciated the ability of sex to produce "a celestial flood of emotion and exaltation" but only as it compared to the "conscious intellectual activity" he strove for with his work.

Isaac Newton: Isaac Newton's supposed asexuality is based on his recorded behavior and lifestyle. He had strict religious views, never married, was obsessive in his scientific careers, and supposedly died a virgin. Whether he truly lacked sexual attraction or was simply too immersed in making massive scientific discoveries to have a sex life is unsure.

T.E. Lawrence: Tragically, T.E. Lawrence – a man immortalized in the film Lawrence of Arabia – was sexually assaulted while held prisoner during The Great War. His lack of sexual and romantic relationships in life were mostly attributed to this trauma but some scholars argue he may have been asexual. He had no documented relationships with men or women. Most notably, since it was the turn of the 20th century, Lawrence was known to be non-judgmental of homosexuals. His personal orientation may have motivated his tolerance.

Florence Nightingale: Interestingly, though "the Florence Nightingale effect" is a situation where a caregiver develops an attraction to the patient they are caring for, the effect's namesake, Florence Nightingale, was likely asexual. The famous nurse never married and instead chose to devote her life entirely to her work. She even refused a marriage proposal from a suitor who had been pursuing her for years. Nightingale rarely discussed her personal life and the term “asexual” was not widely used at the time, but asexual activists and scholars strongly suspect she lacked sexual interest.

Nikola Tesla: Nikola Tesla, the revolutionary engineer who was instrumental in the invention of electricity, also lived a life of celibacy typical of asexuals. He showed very little interest in sexual relationships throughout his life, preferring to focus on science. Many asexuals describe their lack of attraction as a blessing allowing them sharp focus. Once again, we have a person who could have been too busy (and brilliant) to focus on relationships, but who's asexuality likely allowed him to be busy (and brilliant). [Fun fact: I am actually related to ol’Nikola. Sometimes it’s nice to even think about someone in my family being asexual, because it makes me feel like we’d both be able to get along together when we get fixed in our little studies, research, and schemes ♥]

Frederic Chopin: Famed composer and pianist Frederic Chopin is supposed to also have been asexual. While he lived with writer George Sand, she noted in her biography that their connection was affectionate without being sexual. She described their affair as “eight years of maternal devotion," also noting, “He seemed to despise the courser side of human nature and...to fear to soil our love by further ecstasy.”Whether Chopin was uninterested in sex, or had reservations about consummating the relationship for other reasons, is unclear. Many scholars believe the famed pianist lacked sexual desire altogether.

John Ruskin: Victorian art critic John Ruskin was known to be particularly uninterested in sex. Though Ruskin was once married, he reportedly showed no interest in getting physical with his wife. Typical of other asexuals on this list, his marriage ended having never been consummated.

Cute Pins/ T-shirts/ Merch Representation:

Ace and Anxious Mug

Asexual Hearts Mug

Ace and Anxious Sweatshirt

Netflix and Actually Chilling Sweatshirt

World’s Okayest Grey Sexual Baseball Shirt

Ace Illuminati Pin

Asexual Flag Pin

Asexual Pride Flag Pin

Asexuality ‘Nope’ T-Shirt

‘Space Ace’ Astronaut Pin

Asexual ‘I Am Valid’ Heart Sticker

LGBTA+ GameBoy Sticker

‘I Put the A in the LGBTA’ Shirt

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality:

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice's last girlfriend, Margo, ended things when Alice confessed she's asexual. Now Alice is sure she's done with dating... and then she meets Takumi. She can't stop thinking about him or the rom-com-grade romance feelings she did not ask for. When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library-employee badge, Alice has to decide if she's willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated-- or understood. [A bisexual POC protagonist; adorable fluffy, easy and sweet read].

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love, and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. [This features several different types of queer stories, from transexual freedom fighters, but also a very sweet asexual love story set in a seventies roller rink with a POC protagonist].

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Lanford: Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike. [Although this is a little rudimentary, I found it a great resource even in my twenties for someone coming out, or to slowly but carefully come out to those who may be uncomfortable or not understand asexuality, or not see it as a valid sexuality or lack thereof].

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katie Ormsbee: Natasha 'Tash' Zelenka has found herself and her amateur web series plucked from obscurity and thrust in the limelight. And who wouldn't want fame and fortune? But along with the 40,000 new subscribers, the gushing tweets, and flashing Tumblr gifs, comes the pressure to deliver the best web series ever. As Tash struggles to combat the critics and her own doubts, she finds herself butting heads with her family and friends - the ones that helped make her show, Unhappy Families (a modern adaption of Anna Karenina, written by Tash's eternal love Leo Tolstoy), what it is today. And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a prestigious award, Tash's confusing cyber-flirtation with an Internet celeb suddenly has the potential to become something IRL if she can figure out how to tell him that she's a romantic asexual. But her new relationship creates tension with her friend Paul since he thought Tash wasn't interested in relationships ever. All Tash wants to think about is the upcoming award ceremony in Orlando, even though she'll have to face all the friends she steamrolled to get there. But isn't that just the price you pay for success?

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: The story is set in a boarding school for teenagers who have passed through "doorways" into fantasy worlds only to be evicted back into the real world. It serves as something of a recovery center for boarders who find they no longer fit in, either in the "real" world or their own uncomprehending families. For a fortunate few it is just a way station until they can find their ways back to the worlds they do fit into; for others, it's the least bleak choice in what may be a life-long exile. This unhappy ending for the students takes a terrifying turn when some of their number start turning up dead. A small group joins together in an attempt to expose the person committing these murders before it is too late to save the school, or even themselves.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker: What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones [A good beginning place to start if you’re considering your asexuality. Also provides reassurances about the most common stereotypes concerning asexuality].

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality Coming Out in 2019:

Switchback by Danika Stone: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters.Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it's going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Not Your Backup (Sidekick Squad #3) by C.B. Lee: Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, and she isn't always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that's done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front. [This is a third in a series, but the main character has recently come out as asexual at the end of the last book].

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann: Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to her favorite place—Misty Haven and her granny’s diner, Goldeen’s. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall.…until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen.Newly crowned, Winnie is forced to take center stage at a never-ending list of community royal engagements. Almost immediately, she discovers that she’s deathly afraid of it all: the spotlight, the obligations, and the way her Summer King wears his heart, humor, and honesty on his sleeve.To salvage her summer Winnie must conquer her fears, defy expectations, and be the best Winnie she knows she can be—regardless of what anyone else thinks of her. [Another POC protagonist and promises to be a cute summer read in the vein of Gilmore Girls. Claire Kann’s first book was the adorable ‘Lets Talk About Love’ which reads as an asexual rom-com. This also promises to be absolutely precious.].

Immoral Code by Lillian Clark: Ocean's 8 meets The Breakfast Club in this fast-paced, multi-perspective story about five teens determined to hack into one billionaire absentee father's company to steal tuition money.For Nari, aka Narioka Diane, aka hacker digital alter ego "d0l0s," it's college and then a career at "one of the big ones," like Google or Apple. Keagan, her sweet, sensitive boyfriend, is happy to follow her wherever she may lead. Reese is an ace/aro visual artist with plans to travel the world. Santiago is off to Stanford on a diving scholarship, with very real Olympic hopes. And Bellamy? Physics genius Bellamy is admitted to MIT--but the student loan she'd been counting on is denied when it turns out her estranged father--one Robert Foster--is loaded. Nari isn't about to let her friend's dreams be squashed by a deadbeat billionaire, so she hatches a plan to steal just enough from Foster to allow Bellamy to achieve her goals.

The Last Eight by Laura Pohl: Extinction was just the beginning in this thrilling, post-apocalyptic debut, perfect for fans of The 5th Wave series. Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the reason she isn't among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.Clover is convinced she's the only one left until she hears a voice on the radio urging her to go to the former Area 51. When she arrives, she's greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.Only they aren't the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The seven strangers seem more interested in pretending the world didn't end than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But when she finds a hidden spaceship within the walls of the compound, she doesn't know what to believe...or who to trust. [I’ve read there is also aromantic representation in this book too, so helpful for the Aros out there as well ♥]

LGBTA+ Comics with Possible Asexual Representation/ Influence:

Lumberjanes: At Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together…and they’re not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! [I LOVE THESE COMICS SO MUCH I SWEAR THEY’RE SO DAMN CUTE ♥]

The Backstagers: When Jory transfers to the private, all-boys school St. Genesius, he figures joining the stage crew would involve a lot of just fetching props and getting splinters. To his pleasant surprise, he discovers there’s a door backstage that leads to different worlds, and all of the stagehands know about it!All the world’s a stage…but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic!

Check, Please!: Check, Please! is written and drawn by Ngozi Ukazu. Eric Bittle—former Georgia junior figure skating champion, vlogger extraordinaire, and amateur pâtissier—is starting his freshman year playing hockey at the prestigious Samwell University in Samwell, Massachusetts. And it’s basically nothing like co-ed club hockey back in the South. For one? There’s checking.It’s a story about hockey and friendship and bros and trying to find yourself during the best 4 years of your life. [You can also read the cartoons online; it’s actually started by Tumblrite/ Yale Grad who is positively adorbs and I follow her on Instagram and I’m sort of obsessed with her/ it’s about hockey. CANADAAAAAAAA [x]]

And Lastly, Extra Online Resources For Asexuality:

UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center: Asexuality

The Trevor Project on Asexuality

Campus Pride: Asexuality

The Canadian Centre for Gender Diversity and Awareness

Asexuality needs to be a recognized as its own, unique sexual orientation, Canadian experts say

Asexuality.org

Hopefully this helps! ♥♥♥

#resources #lgbta #lgbt+ community #asexuality #demisexuality #representation #reading #literature #merchandise #masterpost #my resources

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hardoncaulfield · 7 years

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Why you should see wonder woman

FULL OF SPOILERS !!!!!! (and swears)

I did not at first realise what an emotional experience this film would be, but FUCK ME on watching the first few scenes I felt the tears spring forth like fucking fountains of glory.

It was seeing all those strong women on screen, those incredible women, unsexualised and with agency of their own, that completely undid me and I didn’t stop weeping until the film was over.

So here is a list of 15 reasons why Wonder Woman was the best damn film of this year:

The Amazons will have you wanting to take on the patriarchy with a bow and arrow in 10 seconds flat. A society of women, who love and support one another. A mother-daughter relationship unspoilt by ‘female jealousy’. LESBIAN ISLAND (also I am gay for every single Amazon ever.)

The soundtrack will take you from 0 to I-wanna-punch-a-nazi really quickly.

I’m not really one for heterosexual white guys in films, but Steve Trevor is a good and brave soul and never, not once, does he treat Diana as his inferior. From the moment she rescues him from the sea he treats her as an equal and respects her and supports her. AND THIS IS WHY SHE LOVES HIM.

Diana listens to no man. Not even the man she is romantically involved with. When he tells her not to get involved, out of his fear she will be hurt, she fucking gets involved anyway. In fact, the whole film can be boiled down to Steve going; ‘Stay here.’ and Diana going; ‘Fuck that.’

Wonder Woman is canonically bisexual.

It might be because I’m a slut for history but Diana calling out WWI generals on their old world Victorian values made my Fucking Day. ‘A real general fights alongside their soldiers.’ Queen of my heart.

Diana asking why women would want to hold their tummies in. We don’t Diana thank you for asking, bc tummies are beautiful.

Everyone telling Diana she can’t save everyone, to which she responds, ‘Watch me.’

Steve saying, ‘It’s no man’s land, no man can cross it.’ and Diana, the fucking icon that is, going ‘I am no man.’ (it’s in subtext) And the costume!?? Fuck me. No seriously, fuck me.

There is a Moroccan and a Native American character, the Moroccan character highlights racial issues that stop him reaching his dreams and the Native American character calls out white Americans on their genocide of his people. (having diversity in a film set in 1918 just sticks a big ol’ middle finger up to any film who has said ‘diversity isn’t historically accurate’)

There is also a character with an invisible disability; Charlie has, one presumes, PTSD and not only does this highlight and give representation to people with mental illness, but the other male characters genuinely care for his emotional wellbeing. Men emotionally supporting other men! Men showing their emotions!! Men caring for one another tenderly!!!!

None of these characters die. Only the het white guy dies, in a nice twist on the ‘female love interest dies to give het white male lead Angst’ trope.

Humans aren’t good, we don’t deserve Diana (damn right we don’t) but we have goodness in us and it’s a choice!!

‘I believe in Love.’

War is a white old guy, and Diana destroys him. The overwhelming message of this movie is peace and love and in this shitshow we call the modern world, we need more movies with this message.

OH WAIT I FORGOT ONE!!! ‘Men are unnecessary for pleasure.’ !!!!!!!

#wonder woman #wonderwoman #gal gadot #diana prince #light of my life #not witchy #i haven't cried such pure tears in years my friends #I BELIEVE IN LOVE

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iwishyoupeace-blog · 7 years

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Reading Response #1- Theoretical Perspectives

Steven Seidman’s chapter titled “Theoretical Perspectives” encompasses a variety of theories that define and discuss sexology. Seidman states, “Individuals and groups give meaning to bodily sensations and feelings, make erotic acts into sexual identities, and create norms distinguishing between acceptable and unacceptable sexualities” (2016, Loc. 619). Whether society realizes it or not, there is a certain stigma on how each gender are supposed to act and behave. Although society has come a long way from expanding gender roles, there is still a lot that has to be done in order to achieve equality among different genders. Seidman goes on to explain that sexuality is believed to be natural because there is a science that studies it, sexology. Seidman explains that there are three key ideas of sexology. Seidman states that “First, sexology claims that humans are born with a sexual nature, and that sexuality is part of the biological makeup of all individuals” (2016, Loc. 626). I agree with this statement because it is known that people that are assigned a gender as soon as they are born, and then follow the norms of it until they grow out of it (ie: pink and blue standards for baby boys and girls). Seidman also states, “Second, sexology views sexuality as being at the core of what it means to be human: our sexual drive is no less basic than our need to eat or sleep. Sexuality is said to be basic to who we are” (2016, Loc. 626). With this statement, sexuality encompasses all of life. Even going beyond gender roles and gender identity, sexuality is brought up everywhere. Whether it be television ads, songs, or just listening to inappropriate comments being made out in public, sexuality and promiscuity is everywhere and cannot be avoided. Seidman states that the third key idea is that “sexuality is viewed as a powerful and driving force in our behavior” (2016, Loc. 626). As mentioned in the chapter, there is believed to be a natural attraction between men and women, as sexologists believe the purpose of sexuality is to procreate (2016, Loc. 626). Sexology is a scientific approach to understanding sexuality, and although it may be well studied it may not be the best bet to define sexuality. Because it uses the scientific method to study sexuality, the data collected is pretty solid by using case studies, interviews, and observations (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 637). Because of sexology’s ideas that a heterosexual relationship that includes a sexual relationship encompasses a healthy marriage, sexology can be useful in helping to study heterosexual marriages. I believe that to use sexology to study sexuality overall is not feasible because the beliefs of it are so concrete.

Seidman goes on to talk about Freud and his sexual theory. Freud believes that sexuality is the basis for our feelings and actions (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 648). Seidman states that unlike the sexologists, Freud believed that sexuality was not for reproductive reasons but rather for pleasure (2016, Loc. 658). Freud’s theory is very pleasure-driven in describing the sexual nature of humans and how sexual pleasure drives everyone. Seidman states that Freud has a much deeper social understanding of sexologists and states that “the family is the formative social environment shaping our psyches and sexualities” (2016, Loc. 669). Though I agree that Freud may have studied the social aspect of sexuality more, I do not necessarily agree with his theory as I believe that it is way too focused on sexuality for pleasure rather than the meaning of sexuality itself, which I do not think is solely based off of sexual pleasure.

Seidman then discusses Marxism and how he believes that the economy shapes sexuality (2016, Loc. 680). Seidman states, “Individuals must adapt to the rhythms of a system of mass production that progressively strips work of individual imagination and skill” (2016, Loc. 680). Marx’s theory basically states that in order to become successful, people must not allow feeling and emotions to overlap with their own work. This is why Marx’s theory believes that people must be “economically and socially disciplined” (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 691). Marx’s theory is similar to sexology in that it believes sex should be heterosexual with the purpose of procreation, in order to avoid distractions with overindulging in sex. The theorists were brought challenges amongst themselves as products have become more promiscuous, as well as advertisements. Although originally stating that sex should be separated from capitalism, now that sex is being used in marketing and advertising the Marxist views have changed (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 712). The one thing that interested me the most was that Seidman states, “There can be no real sexual freedom until there is real individual freedom, which is impossible under capitalism” (2016, Loc. 712). Even though Marxism is now welcoming sexuality into the economic and marketing environment, they still do not believe in sexual freedom.

From Marxism comes Feminism, which believes that “gender is a social identity and a set of norms that guide behavior” (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 712). Among this theory is Nancy Chodorow’s “The Reproduction of Mothering,” which basically states that when mothers do the parenting females tend to stay closer to their mothers while males break away to learn about their own gender and sexual identity (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 723). Because of this, women learn from their mothers to view intimacy as a means of caring while men may see it as more “performance-and-body-oriented” (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 723). This theory is importance because it shows how the parent can influence the gender identities and sexual differences of people. Seidman also discusses Catherine MacKinnon’s theory which describes male dominance shaping women’s sexuality (2016, Loc. 734). There were a lot of interesting theorists in this category but the one I found most interesting was from Gayle Rubin. Rubin talks about social stigmas and how one gender can get away with something that another gender cannot.

From a sociological perspective, Jon Gagnon and William Simon created a “script” theory of sexuality (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 767). This theory states that there are appropriate “scripts” for sexual behavior we learn as we grow up. The “scripts” are based on race, gender, and class and are a product of social labeling (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 777). Seidman explains, “People learn this in the course of interacting with both the straight and gay world” (2016, Loc. 777). People learn that their thoughts and feelings about a certain sex, whether it be from the same one they identify as or a different, help them to discover their sexual identities. Depending on how society labels the sexual identity a person defines his/herself as determines how accepting he/she will be of his/herself. I think this is one of the most accurate theories I have read in the chapter because I feel like a lot of people learn who they are by being a functioning member of society. It takes a lot for people to be able to define themselves and be fully confident, even if they know that society may not approve of them.

Modern gay and lesbian studies state that homosexual behavior differs from homosexual identity (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 787). Many of the theorists in this category believe that women in the Victorian era adopted intimacy amongst one another in sharing bonds and friendship. The theorists state that beginning in the twentieth century as women started working, the romantic relationships that once brought women together were diminished. This is when women were stigmatized as lesbians (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 787). These theories are very interesting to me because it is something I have never studied before: understanding the difference between homosexual behavior and homosexual identity. From gay and lesbian studies, the term “queer studies” was created. According to Seidman, the two ideas associated with queer studies are that “the idea of a natural human sexuality is a belief or cultural notion, not a biological truth” and “this idea divides sexual behaviors and identities into those that are normal and healthy, and those that are abnormal and sick” (Seidman, 2016, Loc. 819). Thinking of this quote, I feel sad to know that there are people willing to identify certain sexual identities as abnormal or sick. Though I want to believe that everyone is accepting of one another, especially as someone that is going to encompass a variety of races, cultures, and sexual identities in my future career as a nurse, I am not ignorant to the fact that there are people that try to make others feel horrible for how they identify themselves.

Overall I found this chapter really interesting and helpful. As I have not really studied gender before, learning about the different theorists was helpful in understanding where some people back up their viewpoints. I found some theories to be more strongly supported than others, and that some should definitely consider being updated.

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victimsofyaoipoll · 2 months

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Round 2

Propaganda under the cut

Erina Pendleton

Erina is SO MUCH MORE than just a "Generic Love Interest" that was brought in the story to continue the bloodline after everything that happens (and it's made abundantly clear time and time and TIME AGAIN that she means everything to Jonathan, to a point that she was his exact reason to standing up against Dio for the first time) but without fail she's only ever allowed to be the supportive best friend. Or a wingman for Jonathan and whoever he's being shipped with. Or simply supposed to sit there and allow her husband to have a male lover (the amount of posts I've seen of ppl using the excuse that 'it was very common back in the Victorian Era for men to keep male lovers that their wives were aware of and quietly accepted so it isn't a stretch to say that Erina and Jonathan wouldn't be the same--especially given how progressive she's written". Or of course my favorite when they completely erase her from the narrative and pretends she doesn't exist Jonathan's got their son for some reason, but nope she ain't there!

a lot of times ppl who ship her CANON HUSBAND jonathan joestar with speedwagon will put her on the back burner of HER OWN CANON RELATIONSHIP in favor of propping up jonawagon, to the point where 90% of the archive for jonawagon/jonawagon(eri) is either erina giving jonathan and speedwagon consent to be happy together while she acts like a #LoveIsLove wingman OR they'll have the audacity to write fics where erina comforts speedwagon at HER HUSBAND'S FUNERAL

Our hero’s hot wife who was the first (and arguably) only person to give him the emotional support he needed. She’s the only person who never expects him to fulfill some mythical role, she just loves him for who he is. She’s been his best friend and the love of his life since he was 12 years old. When it comes to hero/sidekick ship, she’s forced to be a wing woman for her own husband, either nobly letting him go or peacefully agreeing to an open relationship but only for him!!! She gets nothing out of it, she’s just a good Victorian wife who is “ahead of her time”. Usually, just so she can provide a womb so that the hero/sidekick can be dads and she can conveniently be offscreen. OR she’s written as a lesbian in order to completely and “justifiably” take her out of the equation but there’s a.) no other woman in her vicinity to even ship her with b.) there’s vaguely some faceless, nameless woman we’re meant to assume she’s pursuing, not even a real OC for her.

Alana Bloom

she kissed will graham in s1 and dated hannibal in s2 so you can imagine how bad the fandom is to her. fun fact she's in a canon lesbian relationship now tho <3

The show literally does the yaoi treatment of victimisation for the benefit of the male leads to her. And then the fandom mistreats her

I'm not sure if this even counts but...Literally a victim of Yaoi along with several other characters in-series, but she got it almost the worst. The entire show is just people dying because the two male leads are OBSESSED with each other and can't be normal about anything. Alana Bloom, actual PhD of psychology and consultant to the FBI, got kissed by one guy, fucked and fed people-meant by the other, and pushed out a window by the murder husbands' forced-surrogate daughter. Like. Actual victim of several crimes caused by yaoi. She's probably one of the few examples of a Yaoi Victim overcoming and evolving past her yaoi-related trauma into a stronger person/character, though: She gets an entire character overhaul and a hot, millionairess for a wife. She kills a man with an eel. She becomes head of the BSHCI, effectively putting her in complete power over her jackass cannibal ex-bf. She does quite well. Unfortunately, the rest of her screen time is spent trying not to get killed in the ongoing fallout of Hannibal and Will's fucked up courtship, but hey. Can't have everything. I don't even know if I'm saying anything valid here: the fandom loves her, but I supposed her position outside of the Hannigram relationship relegates her to a non-subject in a lot of Hannigram-focused fanwork. She's an 'obstacle' to their relationship only in the sense that Will had a crush on her once that went nowhere and Hannibal started an actual relationship with her SPECIFICALLY to piss off Will. I guess she's also a more literal obstacle as Hannibal's jailer and Will's friend who's constantly pointing out to him that Morals exist and he should try having some of those, maybe.

#round 2 #poll #erina pendleton #jjba #jjba part 1 #jojo's bizarre adventure #alana bloom #hannibal #nbc hannibal

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