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im-no-jedi · 10 months

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I’ve been pondering why writing has gotten so difficult for me over the past few months, and I think I can break it down into several factors at this point

the first (and potentially biggest reason) is definitely burnout. or I guess betrayal. idk what term to use. but TBB season 2 literally stomped out the drive and passion I previously had while writing MLWTBB. not only did I become consumed with new ideas from all the new content, but Plan 99 straight up crushed me to the point where it’s been hard to return to the series in general. I used to rewatch an episode of the show at least once or twice a week. I rewatched the first season at least 7-8 times. the show was my entire life, literally. and now… I can honestly say, I haven’t rewatched most of season 2. outside of the first five episodes, “Retrieval”, and “Pabu”, I haven’t rewatched any other episodes. I’ve rewatched certain scenes for gif purposes, but that’s it. quite sad, really. I’m disappointed in myself 😞

another reason is loss of a proofreader for my stories. not gonna get into it, but there's currently only (1) person in the entire world who I trust to proofread my work, and they basically wanted a break from the position. and that hurt me more than I thought it would. I had someone regularly reading my stories and giving me feedback, which I needed. not because I had a ton of errors (although sometimes that's true LOL), but because I had a regular reader. someone who was frequently commenting and discussing my stories with me. and I sorely need that. as far as I know, I don't have any regular readers. I've discussed elements of my stories with other friends but... it's not the same. it's like infodumping about a TV show to someone who's never seen it. sure, I'm getting the info out, but when the other person has seen the content too, it's a much more satisfying feeling. I very much desire both validation and interaction in regard to my stories. I've gotten a few nice comments on some of my work before, but... nothing regular. I don't have any "fans" or anything like that. and... it genuinely sucks 💔

which leads me into my next point. which is something I used to tell myself, and I need to start telling myself again. at the end of the day, nobody will ever be as big of a fan of my stories as myself. I originally wrote MLWTBB for me and me exclusively. I literally only started sharing it publicly because Skylar asked LOL. it's easily become one of the highest achievements of my life, and it's nowhere near finished yet. I realized I started becoming more self-conscious about how I write since posting the series publicly, and I can see it in how I currently write compared to back then. that needs to stop. I'm never gonna get anything finished with that mentality. so I seriously need to adjust my mentality about it. I need to go back to August 2021 when I first started writing it and tell myself "idc if anyone else in the world sees this, I'm writing this story for me". so while I strongly desire (and in some cases, need) the engagement and validation from others... nobody else's opinion matters more than my own. and I too often forget that...

so how do I fix all this? well, the last point is pretty self-explanatory. the solution for that is simply to just write. doesn't matter if the quality is "good enough", I just need to get these dadgum stories out of my head and into concrete words. I think that'll help with the first point as well. writing out more of my interpretations of the characters I hold so dear should help deter from any negative thoughts about the current state of the canon (and hold me off until season 3 comes LOL). as for the middle point, I don't think there's much I can do about that, at least when it comes to MLWTBB. however, I've been planning on opening writing requests for literally weeks now, and I think now might be the time to actually do it. that way, I can at least get that feeling of validation for my writing that I so desperately desire.

one other point I think I need to address is entirely on my part, and it's in relation to the engagement factor. I fully acknowledge that more often than not, engagement on fiction is a two-way street. several of my friends and followers are writers themselves, and I see all the content they put out. but to be perfectly honest, I'm more of a writer than a reader. I'm extremely picky about all the content I consume, which means I don't often have the capacity to engage with fanfiction, no matter who's written it. heck, Ham's had a story I've been meaning to read for months now, and I just haven't ever been able to bring myself to doing it. it's nothing personal!! whoever the author is has literally nothing to do with whether or not I engage with something!! I just honestly, really and truly, am not much of a reader. I enjoy rereading my own stuff... and that's about it. although, I've been gifted stories before, and OMG I treasure those so much. but I think that's because those stories were written for me, as a gift, and all gifts are precious to me. so I guess I need to accept the fact that I probably won't get much engagement on my work simply because I don't engage with others. and that's ok. I'm not hurting anyone by doing this (although if this is a problem for you, please let me know, I don't wanna unintentionally insult or hurt anyone 🥺). and maybe someday, I'll actually get the bug up my butt to finally read the things I promised to read haha

so! all this to say, an attempt will be made to relight the writing spark within me so I can continue my beloved MLWTBB and potentially write some fun stuff for the people who request something from me. I've actually already written a thing for a friend as a test for my upcoming requests, and I can't wait to share that one 😁

writers block be damned!! I'm going to write and continue to write until my brain stops functioning. deal with it, Palpatine 😤

#this is probably so incoherent sdmfjgkfdjs #but this place has been my diary for years and I ain't gonna stop using it now #anyway writing requests coming soon!! for real!!!#might even make the post later tonight!!#yay!!!#\o/#MLWTBB chatter

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radiant-reid · 2 years

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One lie, two truths

Summary: Spencer's concern when his girlfriend appears to be flirting with someone else in the bar is resolved when she assures him, twice over, that he's the only one for her.

Hey! I have a request. Remember the scene in a bar with Brad a real FBI agent? What if reader flirted with him instead of Emily and Spencer (they're in relationship already) saw that and is like 😞🥺 He starts feeling insecure but just for a second. Then reader turns off Brad and Spencer realises he has nothing to worry about. Just some fluff at the end 🤭

A/n: I wrote this as if the scene took place at the end of the episode just so they didn't get called in for the case, and reshuffled the lines. Also, I love this scene, it was such a girl boss moment.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader ( fluff )

Content Warning: based on the scene in 2x21 | tiny mention of murder

Word Count: 1.7k

Masterlist

Spencer knew why he was getting dragged out to a bar on girls' night.

He didn't mind being the sober driver. It gave him hilarious stories of the drunken antics to use as leverage. Most of all, it gave him extra time with his girlfriend, not leaving him pouting in his apartment.

The couples honeymoon phase was why Garcia, JJ, and Prentiss didn't mind Spencer interrupting their sacred girls' nights. Seeing the young couple grow during the early days of their relationship before they'd gotten together. It had never been a will-they-won't-they situation. It was a how-long-until-they-admit-it.

Ever since they'd recognized their clear, reciprocated feelings, they'd slowly fallen more and more into love. It was a beautiful thing to see, especially for people as deserving as Y/n and Spencer. Each glance they shared was filled with adoration. It didn't take any profiling experience to see that Spencer looked at her like she was the only person in the world. Y/n did the exact same thing, immediately looking for him in any room she walked into.

"Where's Y/n?" Spencer asked, sitting down next to JJ once he'd come back from the bathroom. The disgusting, sticky-floored, germ-infested bathroom.

JJ nodded towards Y/n, standing at the bar, holding beer, talking to... someone Spencer didn't recognize. He looked older than all of them, but it didn't stop Y/n from leaning into him. He bit his bottom lip, unsure of what was about to happen when Y/n nodded to their table.

With the few steps it took for them to reach the table, Spencer's nerves amplified. He was gripping the seat beneath him, despite the unbelievable number of pathogens he could guess were on it.

He'd never been jealous because he never had anything to be protective over, but he desperately wanted Y/n's head on his shoulder again. And whoever she was with to leave.

"Ladies and Spencer," Y/n announced, offering her boyfriend a soft smile. She could see there was something he was thinking deeply about. Just from the way, his tongue darted out between his lips. "This is Brad! A real FBI agent!" She exclaimed, a smirk playing on her lips.

It was an expression Spencer didn't understand. His brain worked at a million miles an hour as he tried to figure out how he'd never seen his guy before. Not even in the elevator or parking lot or lobby.

He couldn't believe how enamored Y/n appeared to be with him. He knew what her body language was saying, leaning into him, all smiles. She was just short of flirting with him.

Surely, she wasn't about to slip through his fingers after he'd only gotten to have her for a few months. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her, even worse, Y/n dating someone else at the FBI. Someone older, someone Spencer figured she was more attracted to.

"Really?" Garcia asked. Spencer couldn't read her tone, but it didn't sound genuine. She didn't enunciate the word the same as when Spencer told her he'd finally asked Y/n out.

"Really." Y/n nodded, now barely looking at Brad when she saw Spencer's wide puppy dog eyes. She could tell what was going on as his lips slightly pouted, frowning at her.

JJ spoke next, unaware of the look Y/n and Spencer were sharing. "No way!"

"That's exciting. What's it like at Quan-ti-co?" Prentiss asked, slightly mispronouncing the word.

That's when Spencer realized they were messing with him. He checked the expression on their faces, noticing the shared smirks they were trying to cover up with shocked expressions.

"It's, uh, quite impressive," Brad answered conceitedly, not capable of reading the shared look the girls had. Spencer could tell he felt as though they were impressed with them.

Prentiss continued with her line of questioning. "What department are you in?"

"That's classified." Brad quickly thought up an answer. If he was going to lie to girls in bars, he should at least have his story straight.

"Oh," Prentiss said like she understood. Garcia had to take a sip of her drink through her straw to avoid giggling.

JJ jumped in, trying to dismantle his lie. "It must be really tough keeping all those secrets." She sympathized.

Brad still looked cocky, like he was getting away with the lie. "It's a skill like anything else. Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. FBI is good at keeping secrets and kicking criminal ass!" That's precisely what they did, along with witnessing gruesome photos of murder, catching some of the worst people known to mankind, and the heartbreaking loss of lives. Yeah, Brad knew all about being an FBI agent.

Y/n could tell Spencer was on the same page as the rest of them, able to read the sarcasm and meaning behind their words. "Well, somebody has to do it! Oh, do you have to carry your gun and badge with you everywhere you go?"

Brad gave her a nod, looking at her like there was a good chance he'd be taking her home. It made Spencer furious, the way his eyes roamed her body in a way it was making Y/n uncomfortable. "Affirmative."

"Can we see it?" She asked, baiting the trap.

His body language stiffened, but he tried to keep a composed facade. "See what?"

"Your badge." Y/n restated. She quickly glanced at the rest of them, making sure they all understood her plan. Ever in sync, they did.

"Please," Garcia begged, clearly having too much fun with it.

"I'm sorry, that's..."

The girls cut Brad off. "Classified, of course." They shared nods like they understood. And, for a brief second, Brad looked like he'd been saved.

Y/n reached for something in her back pocket, and Spencer smirked up at her, able to see the badge before she showed it to Brad. "Tell me, Brad, does it look anything like this?" She wondered, finished with his ogling.

"Or, uh, this?" Prentiss asked, getting out her own badge to show Brad. He had fully stiffened by then, eyes watching their badges and emotionless facial expressions.

"Something like this?" Garcia suggested, showing Brad her own badge with a smirk.

JJ took out her own. "Or maybe this?"

"Even this?" Spencer joined in, speaking for the first time as he showed Brad his badge. He looked stunned and quickly scurried away, probably to try his pickup strategy on another girl.

They were all reduced to laughs as Y/n sat next to Spencer, finding the situation hilarious.

JJ, Garcia, and Prentiss were quickly discussing how rude and presumptuous he was. Y/n shuffled over to Spencer, wrapping her arms around his neck as she leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek. He could faintly smell whatever alcohol she'd been drinking.

"I'm sorry I had to sort of flirt with him." She apologized, resting her head on his shoulder.

Spencer turned so he could look at her, their faces only inches apart. "It's okay. I understood what you were doing." He assured her. "Plus, it was hilarious."

Y/n shook her head with a giggle. Spencer could physically feel the warmth radiating off her. It was something that touched the deepest, darkest parts of him. "It was. When he told me he was an FBI agent, I just knew I had to." She stated. "But I hate it when you look sad." She pouted, reaching out to run a finger over his lips.

"I'm okay now," Spencer assured her, bending down to lightly place a kiss on her lips.

Y/n nodded, going to say something else before JJ interrupted. "You know you two don't have to wait until we're done, right?" She asked.

Spencer took his glance off Y/n to look at her. "I'm your sober driver." He reminded them.

JJ nodded, silently thankful for his protective nature. "We'll be fine, Reid. We'll take a taxi."

"Are you sure?" Y/n asked, considering sneaking out early with Spencer.

Prentiss rolled her eyes. "Seriously, no alcohol could make me vomit as much as watching the two of you being lovey-dovey."

Garcia smacked her lightly on the arm, disagreeing. "Shh, they're being cute."

"Thank you, Penelope," Y/n said, throwing a playful glare at Prentiss. She turned back to Spencer, holding his face as she kissed him where they could all see. The sight made Prentiss fake-gag and forced Garcia to cover her eyes.

Spencer blushed bright red when she pulled back, still not used to the public displays of affection he adored.

"Go, go, go." JJ shoved Spencer's shoulder, trying to push the couple out of the booth. Usually, he wouldn't have, but they hadn't had much to drink.

Y/n didn't need any more convincing than that, standing up and offering a hand out to Spencer. He took it, waving goodbye to the rest of them before following Y/n out of the bar. She only stopped holding his hand when she reached the car, quickly reattaching them once Spencer was driving. It made it a little more difficult for him to turn the wheel, but he didn't mind.

She was drunk enough that she was singing to all the songs on the radio, something that amused Spencer to no end. It wasn't until her voice grew quieter that he squeezed her hand. "Where did your brain just go?" He asked, noticing how she was staring out into the distance.

"You're the only person I love, Spencer," Y/n replied, the confession flowing out of her without any hesitation, thanks to the alcohol. It was spurred on by the replaying of Spencer's expression when he saw her with someone else.

Spencer's eyes widened, taking a deep breath in as he stole a glance of her. He couldn't help the smile his lips twisted into. "You've, uh, you've nev-never said that before." He reminded her, still a little bit stunned. He was trying to give her the chance to take it back, just in case, it wasn't true.

"I know." Y/n agreed. "But it's true." She wasn't holding much hope in him saying it back, but something about the alcohol made her spit out the truth. "You really don't have to say it back if you-"

Spencer cut her off, shaking his head. There was a moment of silence, his confession lingering in the air. "Y/n, I love you." He wasn't sure how he managed to get the words out properly, but he was thankful he did.

She grinned like never before, brightening the dark DC night more than any star ever could. "I am never going to get sick of hearing that."

"And I'm never going to get sick of saying it."

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kickdrumheart68 · 2 years

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Hello everyone who takes time to read this.... 😊 Hope everyone is well and enjoying the day/night. Since my last personal post a LOT has happened.....

My mom had to be taken to the ER due to shortness of breath and racing heartbeat last month. It was that she had gone into A Fib. Not a fun week at all!!! My oldest sister and I took her but only one of us could go in with her. Then they demanded my sister leave her... under much protest due to our mother's age, blindness, and confused state. They insisted my sister had to leave and said someone would watch over our 88 year old mother. After about half an hour my sister returned to the ER and a different, more compassionate nurse allowed her to stay. She kept me update via texts as I sat in the vehicle for the next 5 hours. It was a very long night ending with our mother being admitted to the hospital. 😞

She stayed in the heart tower for just shy of a week. They changed her blood pressure meds, put her on a blood thinner and still ended up having to shock her heart back into rhythm. It was NOT a good week. She ended up sleeping for 3 days. LITERALLY 3 whole days..... and only one of us could visit per day; we couldn't trade off. We were frustrated, concerned, and disheartened. Once she came home from the hospital, after 8 days, she slept 2 more days! She was confused when she was awake and that made her irritable. She had to be fed because her coordination was off. After a meal she would apologize to me for being a bother. I cried daily. This lasted only a few days then she returned, mostly, to her usual self. She still needs assistance with certain things but she's more like herself; and can get around without assistance. She sleeps more but at her age I don't think this is very uncommon.

Aside from that ordeal, one of my best friends had to be rushed to the hospital after passing out. Come to find out she had/has orthostatic hypotension. That has been a nightmare. She's been in and out of the hospital three times since January 1st and numerous tests and doctor visits since. She lost all the blood from her body and they had a time replacing it. Her husband said she flatlined twice.... Once she finally came home, longer than a week, she's been much better and now almost back to her usual activities. She's a runner and extremely healthy; I would have never expected anything like this to happen to her!! You truly never know.

As for myself.... my weight has gone up and down, I stay overly emotional and stressed.

Found out my ex boyfriend, who never wanted to get married, is now married.... THAT was a hard pill to swallow at first. Not that I wanted him back, just hurts knowing that it wasn't that he didn't want to marry; he just didn't want to marry ME.... And didn't bother to tell me for FOUR YEARS!!!! I'm glad he has someone and I'm also glad he is happy. He is a good person and deserves happiness. Doubt I'll ever hear from him again and, as much as that hurts, I'm learning to deal with it. 🤷‍♀️

I recently advanced at work! Still working for the pharmacy but have gone from Data Entry Technician to Assistant Inventory Manager. It's more physical and lots more work but I love my supervisor and I am away from most of the drama of the pharmacy! It's a nice change!! Right now the hours are wonky and I never know what time I will take lunch or leave for the day but I really enjoy the job.

I'm still attending game and movie nights with friends and cheer on friends and family involved in the local theatre when time allows. Still the caregiver for my mom so everything kind of revolves around that responsibility. I miss my solitude but I also am grateful to have this time with my mom.

2022 hasn't gone as I had hoped but in trying to hold onto the positives and learn to push through and let go of the negatives. Hope you are well and happy! Thanks for reading.

#personal #update #family #friendship #caregiver #caregiving #my life #kickdrumheart68 #compassion #ups and downs #oversharing

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skippyv20 · 5 years

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💜💜PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON 💜💜

💜💜🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻💜💜 Difficulty level off the charts. I feel like nothing here that l have done is even close to correct. I am so so sorry everyone, l just cannot figure out most of this properly. I am embarrassed to submit it 😞☹️ l submit this with a heavy heart due to the extreme difficulty of this riddle for me. Whatever you do PLEASE don’t laugh at me, l have always tried my best and today is no different.💜🙏🏻😊👋

MM ANON … under-Cover flight … she played a Dummy… the accounting doesn’t ADD up!!…… a questionable salary …… this engagement Rings of petulance … a net-flick opportunity …… “ she can’t act’ and she can’t f@#ing spell”. …… “but it’s him in the bloody photo”!!…… an old grey friend …… “ fix this for the family Ian”…… an Atlantic backhander …… “ once smitten, twice sly”… “don’t fret, I’ve buried it!

Under-Cover flight Might mm fly to the U.S. very quietly, ie under-cover for the U.S. Open? Who else is Under-Cover watching her and all she does. Will she make the cover of newspapers by her appearance there? Oh wouldn’t she just love that.

She played a Dummy A Dummy can be something fake meant to look real ie Archieficial. She has been using that fake baby for months. She doesn’t have to really play a Dummy as she isn’t that intelligent just look at her grammar etc.

The accounting doesn’t ADD up Is this the Sussex Foundation? The cost of her clothes? All sorts of marching going on.

A questionable salary Salary for SL and Natalie Campbell resigned from the Sussex Foundation. Also mm taking her percentage of items on their Instagram.

this engagement Rings of petulance Petulance is childishness, sulkiness. Will she appear at Balmoral in this manner? She also changes her engagement rings with her mood , on a whim. Nothing precious or to be cherished, it’s all fake.

a net-flick opportunity Videos of various people,l read code names as isle, combover and liar along with a certain female, l read today being shopped around for paid viewers. This allegedly took place in the souther U.S. but who knows?

“she can’t act and she can’t f@#ing spell ThisLittlePetal, Twitter is exactly this, We know she couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag. But her grammar, spelling and attempts to use English colloquiums as she calls them, colloquialisms is the correct spelling and has totally different meaning that the other word. This is PP, l can hear his voice!

but it’s him in the bloody photo!! This too is PP. riled up about the photo of PA, VRG and GM that is years old but once again is all over the media. Questions have now arisen questioning its authenticity.

an old grey friend LG , continues to be close at hand, assisting in all aspects of this that he is able.

“fix this for the family Ian” HMTQ asking for assistance to sort things out for her family. Is she asking intelligence, MI5, MI6(SIS)to fix this, bring in the cleaners?

Ian Fleming Ian Lancaster Fleming (28 May 1908 – 12 August 1964) was an English author, journalist and naval intelligence officer who is best known for his James Bondseries of spy novels. Fleming came from a wealthy family connected to the merchant bank Robert Fleming & Co., and his father was the Member of Parliament for Henley from 1910 until his death on the Western Front in 1917. Educated at Eton, Sandhurst and, briefly, the universities of Munich and Geneva, Fleming moved through several jobs before he started writing.

While working for Britain’s Naval Intelligence Division during the Second World War, Fleming was involved in planning Operation Goldeneye and in the planning and oversight of two intelligence units, 30 Assault Unit and T-Force. His wartime service and his career as a journalist provided much of the background, detail and depth of the James Bond novels.

an Atlantic backhander US Open, might she attend? Might that be a poor choice considering there are legal issues pending? Might she be compelled to remain there?

“once smitten, twice sly” Once bitten twice shy, basically one learns after an experience that is bad not too do it again. However our Harry is sly and onto her, he has been all this time working on behalf on HMTQ,

“don’t fret, I’ve buried it” PP? has hidden something very incriminating where it’s unreachable . The possible evidence of guilt or threats has been buried deep , unreachable by anyone except the one who hid it, l believe is PP.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Dear PG! No one would laugh at you...and just people know....we only laugh with people here..not at them..(except Mm and gang). We appreciate you doing this riddle, although you found it difficult.....you still did a fantastic job! We thank you😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

#Ask Skippy #submission

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